#and les8ians had an actual community whereas nlw+nln was 96% shallow posi posts and 4% intracommunity discourse | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cornflowercanine · 4 years ago

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i dont f33l safe iding as a les8ian anymore (8cs a good half of all les8ians i s33 do not want me here 8c im akoiro) 8ut for me to not 8e a les8ian i’d have to reside just in the nlw/nln “communities” and uh. ah. well. -gestures at the fact that looking up the tags on TUM8LR garners little to no results made 8y other nlw/nln people, and flat out doesnt exist anywhere else On Fucking Line- well. um. so im kinda just in this awkward lim8o of 8eing a les8ian 8ut knowing im not welcome or wanted or wholly cele8r8ed here 8c i dont force myself into unhealthy ro8otic rel8ionships anymore like :terezismiling: hi . everyone .

#clove rambles #dont r8 #communities in quotes cause No8odys Fucking Here Scoo8s #anyway thinks a8t how im only a les8ian 8c i Happened to fit the 8ill and ppl called me one anyway #and les8ians had an actual community whereas nlw+nln was 96% shallow posi posts and 4% intracommunity discourse #with other communities that didnt know we fucking existed and therefore didnt fucking care #so i was like. ok sure lol #im not MAD at the ppl who called me a les8ian 8efore i id'd as one lol cause i think the sentiment there was #''you dont like men''; which was a HUUUUUUUGE huge huge thing that was just starting to 8e a thing in my life #so that was sw33t #8ut yeah its just so. T_T #my options here are k33p 8eing a les8ian and 8e 8lamed for countless other les8ians' personal pro8lems cuz i dont d8 #and spend all my time fighting to make others 8elieve my attraction is healthy and good and shld 8e cele8r8ed #or i id as just nlw/nln instead and spend all my time fighting to make others 8elieve that i and my sexuality fucking exists #or i pack it up completely and try to get a 8rand new social environment and then fight overwhelming anxiety+8ad circumstances #to try and make friends #OR i change nothing and spend all my time fighting to 8e 8elieved and understood when half the ppl around me already do #and the other half are literal strangers who do or would care 8ut are doing their own thing; its just that ocd wont let me live #its just soooooooooo. im in a very frustr8ing and unfulfilling part of my life rn and im drudging through it cuz idk whatll happen next #and may8e i really WILL make a 8unch of new friends in an actually liva8le environment who are just. nice.#and i dont wanna throw away that opportunity!!! im just very. very very very very tired rn.#negative #OH 8TW the reason im not trying to get new friends rn ISNT for self sa8otaging reasons dw its just 8c #i str8 up cannot fucking find anyone. i wanna go 8ack to furry fandom cause god i cannot overst8 how nice and good furries are #if youre in the right place; 8ut ive 833n gone for 3 or so years and coming 8ack uh. surface level furry stuff is very.. inaccessable #socially; cause ur like oh cool time to follow all these furries -the furries in question already have friend groups;#are nota8ly older than me; have hundreds of thousands of followers; have no overlapping interests with me other than 'furry'-#so its '_' and all furry friends IVE made and didnt just Find Me; i would find a random 8eginner furry artist that looked cool #and then comment on every other drawing theyd make that it was good and just 8e Nice and that worked stupidly well #8UT <3 OCD <3 WILL NOT LET ME LIVE <333333333333 so every time i Try to comment on art/etc on line

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