Our Little Secret Part 14/Finale (Merlin & Child!Reader, Mordred X Reader)
Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13
Summary: (Y/N) and Merlin have to come to terms with their little secret being revealed. Everyone else has to adjust to the fact that they’ve been lied to for years by the two people they trusted most.
Key: (Y/N) - your name
Warnings: eMoTiONs, mentions of injuries, mentions of near death, recovery, magic-phobia?, u can’t prove that it’s an author insert fuck u
Word Count: 4,236
Note: is it,,,is it over yet? am i free,,,? extra long final (except the epilogue) part bc i love u
“This is harder than I thought it would be,” (Y/N) muttered, legs hanging over the edge of the mountain.
“Really?” Beside her, Merlin snorted. “This isn’t even the worst it could be.”
She looked over at him with wide eyes. “What’s the worst it could be?”
“Uther could still be alive.”
“Touché.”
The pair rested in silence, watching the sun slowly crawl up the sky. Dawn had come a while ago, but they had yet to leave Camlann. Arthur wanted to scour the battlefield for their men, dead and wounded. They gathered all the dead and were giving them proper funerals or packing up their bodies to take back to family, if they had any. The wounded were taken care of by Gaius, but many of them didn’t survive.
(Y/N) had not entered the medic tent again, instead spending her time with Merlin and giving Arthur a few hours time before she dared show her face. It killed her to stay away from Mordred, but she felt it was best.
“I’m sorry for everything,” (Y/N) said suddenly, breaking the silence. “For not talking to you, for not listening to you, either.”
“No, you were right not to,” Merlin admitted, not looking away from the view in front of them. “I was being ridiculous. I was so worried about Mordred being the druid to kill Arthur that I didn’t consider that my decisions might push him to that.”
(Y/N)’s eyes widened. “It wasn’t your fault, Merlin. Morgana controlled him.”
“The only reason he didn’t choose it on his own was because of you,” Merlin said, finally turning to her. “If Arthur had made a decision against magic or someone doing magic, Mordred might have turned. You being here stopped him and I should’ve seen that.”
“So…” She grinned. “Are you sorry for being a clotpole?”
Merlin sighed and put an arm around her, drawing her into a hug. “I’m sorry for being a clotpole.”
It took (Y/N) a while to get the courage to go into the medic tent again. When she did, she saw Leon lingering by Mordred’s cot. Gwen and Arthur were nowhere in sight, nor was Gaius, but he was rather busy as it was.
She wandered over to the cot, pulling up a chair and sitting on the opposite side that Leon did. She didn’t meet his gaze at first, just taking Mordred’s hand and remaining silent.
“(Y/N)?” Leon started.
It took everything in her to ignore him, to look down at her hands and refuse to make eye contact. Though he couldn’t get her complete attention, she was still listening and he knew it.
“I don’t hate you.”
(Y/N)’s head shot up against her own intuition. She didn’t speak, eyebrows lowered and searching his face to see if he was lying.
“I don’t hate you,” he said again, a little louder. “I could never.”
He’d heard what she said to Gaius about being worried that everyone would hate her. What (Y/N) didn’t understand was how he didn’t hate her.
“I’ve been lying to you since I’ve known you,” she said. “How are you not upset?”
Leon sighed. “I’m...upset you didn’t feel like you could trust me with your little secret, but nothing else.”
“You--” (Y/N) tilted her head. “You don’t think magic is evil?”
“Druids saved my life, remember?” He smiled fondly. “Since then, I’ve known magic isn’t innately evil. And neither are you. You’re my friend, my sister. The most evil thing you’ve done to me is have Spot wake me up in the morning.”
(Y/N) laughed shakily, remembering it fondly. She did it a little too often, more than Leon would like, but it was entertaining.
“The others don’t hate you, either,” Leon said.
She shook her head. “You don’t know that.”
“I’m sure of it. If they really love and care about you, then this won’t change anything,” he told her. “It hasn’t for me.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, moving her hand from Mordred’s to his, making him smile.
There was a pause before he squeezed her hand and stood, letting go. “I’ll check on the others. Take care of him.”
“I will,” (Y/N) muttered as he left.
For a good while, (Y/N) was left alone. She dozed off a few times, trying to get much needed rest. Gaius dropped by and checked on her wounds, which were luckily minor. She never left Mordred’s side, constantly making sure he was alright. It took him a few hours, just as Merlin predicted, before he began to stir.
“(Y/N)?” He croaked out, opening his eyes slowly.
She snapped to attention and smiled, holding his hand. When he started to sit up, she stopped him. “Careful, careful. Merlin said you’d be sore.”
“Ow,” he muttered, but froze. He smiled slightly. “The spell worked.”
In his moment of awe, (Y/N) leaned forward and took him in her arms. She held him tightly and felt his arms wrap around her lovingly.
“I was terrified,” she whispered. “I thought I’d lost you.”
Mordred let her go for just a second, drawing closer to her face and caressing her cheek. “It was you that brought me back,” he muttered. “Seeing you broke the spell.”
“I love you, too,” she said, echoing some of his dying words. She kissed him softly, hand buried in his messy curls.
After that, they spoke in hushed tones. (Y/N) updated Mordred on what had happened. They held a brief moment of silence for Morgana, remembering the woman she had once been. She told him about what Leon said to her and he celebrated with her, but then the conversation was drawn to the topic of their magic.
“They all know about my little secret now, too,” Mordred muttered. “The rumours can’t have passed by them.”
(Y/N) took his hand. “We’ll be okay.”
“You really believe that?”
“We’ve been through so much worse, Mordred,” she said firmly.
He laughed a little. “Fair enough. I have almost died twice-- and that’s not counting my childhood.”
They shared a laugh that was interrupted by a dog’s yip. Spot raced in from out of nowhere, trying to jump on Mordred’s bed and smother him. (Y/N) reprimanded him and he soon calmed down, but neither of them knew where he came from.
Unbeknownst to them, Gwen and Gaius had kept him in the medic tent the whole time, keeping the loyal dog from harm.
There were many bridges to cross on the way home, but at least they had each other.
Back in Camelot, rumours flew left and right. The majority of the population was aware of Mordred’s presence in the city and were furious, confused as to why Arthur would harbour an enemy. He planned to speak on his behalf, but he wanted answers from Merlin and (Y/N) first.
Meanwhile, the animosity, or at least tension, between (Y/N) and the other knights did not go unnoticed. Merlin’s temporary absence from his master’s side was noticed, too, as was Mordred’s stay in the court physician’s quarters rather than his own in the knights’ quarters. The entire tightly knit group of Arthur’s closest friends seemed to be falling apart, for reasons unknown to everyone.
One day, (Y/N) was summoned to the throne room, though Mordred, Merlin, and Gaius were told to remain behind.
When she arrived there, after nonstop reassurances from the Merlin to the young knight, she found that it was not the council gathered, but instead her friends. Gwen and Arthur sat on their thrones, while the knights stood dutifully about the room. (Y/N) had a distinct feeling that this was not a purely social audience.
Arthur began to question her, as if she was a suspect in a crime. Leon shot her uncomfortable glances, wishing he could make it stop.
“How long has Merlin been teaching you?”
Merlin had already had a long discussion with Arthur, giving him practically his whole life story, from his father, to his mother, to his powers, to the dragon he freed from under Camelot. Arthur knew almost everything about him. Now, it was (Y/N)’s turn.
“Since a few years after I met you, my lord,” she said.
His expression showed no change. “Who knew about your...little secret?”
“Merlin, Gaius, Mordred-- ever since we were little.” She began to list them off, remembering each fondly. She paused, saying the next name too quietly for him to hear.
“Speak up.”
(Y/N) sighed. “Lancelot.”
Leon shot her a sympathetic glance and Gwen looked absolutely decimated by this fact. A few sombered, but the expressions were gone as quickly as they had appeared.
“Morgana knew, too,” (Y/N) muttered.
Arthur lowered his eyebrows. “You told her?”
“No, sire,” she stammered. “She, uh, had me followed and I didn’t realize. It was a while before Ismere-- just after we buried Lancelot.”
Suddenly, Arthur asked a question that left her dumbfounded.
“Have you ever used magic against someone? Or to get what you wanted?” He asked stiffly.
Her jaw dropped as she looked up at him, appalled that he could even ask her such a question. She glanced around at the others, as if asking whether they believed she could be capable of that, but most of them didn’t make eye contact. Elyan just looked away, perhaps ashamed at the question. Gwaine stared right through her, which was arguably more chilling. Percival was the only one to meet her eye. She couldn’t read him, though. (Y/N) didn’t know what he meant, looking at her like that.
“No, sir,” she said firmly, teeth clenched. “The worst I’ve done is defend myself.”
“And the second part?” He questioned further.
She paused. “One thing.” They all looked terrified, but she smiled. “I used my magic to help a little druid boy escape the castle, a long time ago. Morgana, Merlin, and my lady were there. You were, too.”
She spoke bravely and Arthur went silent after that, his eyes darkened with reminiscence. They had saved Mordred long ago, even though he was a druid. (Y/N) was trying to remind her king of this.
“I asked Merlin to take me as an apprentice the day I met him,” she said, taking her turn to give a speech. She was young, but she had so much to say. “I started a few years later and I-- I didn’t realise what I was getting myself into. I didn’t understand the secret I had to keep, the people I had to keep it from. I didn’t understand the consequences. But I did later. And I could’ve easily given up then, but I didn’t. My magic is part of who I am, it has been for a long time. Just because you know about it now doesn’t change me. But I am sorry, deeply sorry, that I’ve hurt you-- all of you.”
As (Y/N) was leaving the throne room, she did not see Leon go to follow her.
“Leon--” Elyan started, grabbing his arm to stop him.
The senior knight turned to him with a frown. He looked at all of them gathered, who were staring at him, waiting for his move. He scoffed a little and pulled away from Elyan’s grip, shaking his head at them.
“I can’t believe you,” he said to them as a friend, rather than a knight. “It’s (Y/N).”
With that said, he was met with silence. He shook his head again and rushed out of the throne room, catching up to (Y/N). He took her arm and they started toward god knows where.
As soon as he left, Percival took a second to think before following him. No one dared stop the giant, nor did they dare even try. He caught up to Leon and (Y/N). They didn’t make him say a thing, simply letting him join them. That was enough of an apology-- and a reassurance.
Later, when (Y/N) returned to check on Mordred, she was accompanied by Percival. Leon had to abandon them earlier for work purposes.
Entering Gaius’ chambers, they found Mordred asleep in his bed, but he was not alone. Sitting in a chair pulled up beside him was Queen Guinevere, who looked up as they walked in. (Y/N) froze up and turned to Percival, but wasn’t sure what to say.
“(Y/N),” Gwen said. “Can we talk?”
“Of course, my lady--” She began.
Gwen interrupted her with a shake of her head. “Just as friends,” she smiled.
Percival cleared his throat and nodded at both of them. “I’ll just--” he started, backing away from the room. “Goodnight.”
(Y/N) closed the door behind him as he left. When she and the queen were left alone, there was silence. The young knight crossed the room to Mordred’s bed, checking on him as he snored lightly. She couldn’t help smiling to herself at his peaceful slumber, but let the smile fall when she noticed Gwen staring.
Trying to avoid conversation, (Y/N) lifted her hand and began a spell, gesturing to the pitcher of water on the table. She stopped instantly when she saw Gwen’s eyes widen, the yellow glow in her own eyes fading.
She started to walk toward the pitcher, but Gwen spoke, stopping her.
“You shouldn’t have to hide it,” she said.
(Y/N) reeled. “What?”
“You don’t have to hide it now,” Gwen repeated. “Why avoid using it if there’s no consequence anymore?”
“I--” (Y/N) sighed. “I don’t know if Arthur would like that.”
The queen smiled. “Well, he’s not here now, is he?”
She was shaken by the queen’s easy going reply. Unsure, she lifted her hand again. She finished the enchantment this time and the pitcher went flying into her hand, spilling just a little bit of water. Two cups flew over from the table at her command as well and soon she was pouring the liquid into them. (Y/N) passed one to Gwen and kept one for herself, pulling up another chair beside her.
“Did you know?” (Y/N) asked her suddenly.
“About your little secret?” Gwen laughed. “No, of course not.”
The younger one tilted her head. “Then how are you so...unbothered by this?”
“I just think it explains a lot,” she admitted. “Besides, I’ve suspected Merlin for a long time.”
“You’re kidding,” (Y/N) gaped.
“He’s not exactly conspicuous,” Gwen laughed.
She shrugged with a fond smile. “Well, he’s kept it hidden for this long.”
“Fair enough.”
“What made you think he had magic? When were you really sure he was hiding something?” (Y/N) asked out of pure curiosity.
Gwen sighed. “You were so angry with him after Mordred came back with that spear injury, the one that almost killed him. I didn’t understand until I considered that he might have magic. You were upset because he wouldn’t heal him, weren’t you?”
“He refused,” (Y/N) confirmed, nodding solemnly. “I stopped talking to him after that.”
“I don’t blame you. If someone did the same to Arthur…” She trailed off, not even wanting to think about it.
It was beginning to get dark, so (Y/N) lit a few candles, requiring just a simple spell. Gwen almost awed at it, which made the young knight flustered. No one had ever taken this much of an interest in her magic, not since Lancelot.
“It really doesn’t bother you?”
“Absolutely not,” Gwen reassured her. “It explains so much and-- and it sounds silly, but I feel like I know you better now.”
(Y/N) could not help hugging her friend, burying her head in her shoulder. “Thank you,” she whispered. “It means so much to me.”
A soft knocking came from the door and both women turned their attention to a short figure entering the room. It was Elyan, who seemed to have been there for a good while. He had heard at least the last part of their conversation, which (Y/N) felt red in the face about. Gwen looked rather pleased with herself, though.
The queen stood and crossed the room, taking her brother’s wrist and dragging him back over to (Y/N). The young knight stood from her chair to meet them, remaining silently confused by whatever was happening.
“Tell her,” Gwen said firmly to her brother.
Elyan took a deep breath. “(Y/N), I--” He glanced at Gwen, who nodded. “I’m sorry I’ve been treating you terribly. To be honest, I was...not happy when I found out about your little secret. Magic killed our father and since then--”
“I understand,” (Y/N) said quickly.
“No, wait,” Elyan stammered. “Just because one sorcerer killed my father doesn’t mean every sorcerer will be just as bad and you certainly won’t. I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry.”
Before she could say a word, he hugged her tightly, almost cutting off her airflow. She laughed, telling him it was okay and hugging him back. Gwen stared on proudly at her work, as it had taken hours to convince her brother to speak to (Y/N). Though she still could not convince Arthur to work out these things, at least she could get Elyan to do so.
“I love both of you so much,” (Y/N) said softly, dragging Gwen into the hug. “You’re like the siblings I never had.”
As Arthur had yet to speak about the rumours going around that (Y/N) and Merlin were sorcerers, the former was loathe to go outside. However, when she heard that Gwaine had left the castle and run off without any sign of where he went, she knew she had to do something. She had a feeling she knew where he was-- and a feeling that he was waiting for her.
She found him in the clearing outside the city, just where she thought he would be. It was here the old Lancelot had been put the rest, because it was such a perfect place for him. It was here Gwaine had trained (Y/N), because she thought Lancelot being there would help her. It was here Morgana had discovered her little secret.
“Gwaine?” (Y/N) asked quietly.
He was standing above the stone, holding the hilt of his sword so firmly that it looked as if it might shatter like glass. “I knew I could never replace him,” he said without turning around. “I knew I could never be as perfect as he was. I knew I couldn’t be him.”
“Gwaine--” She tried to say.
“But to not tell me about this?” His voice betrayed him as he turned, eyes wet with tears. “To know that I was nothing compared to Gaius, to Merlin, to Lancelot, to Mordred? To find out I was nothing in your heart? Why, (Y/N)?”
“I couldn’t tell you,” she sobbed. Her heart was already broken at his words. “I wanted to-- I planned to after Ismere, but-- but--”
She took a deep breath, trying to shove away the memories. She didn’t want to remember Ismere, much less what Morgana had done to her there. However, she needed to tell Gwaine what had kept her from telling him everything. He had to know that he was just as important to her as the others, that she meant so much to him that she would rather have died than have him hate her for this.
“Morgana found out about my magic, like I said. But she knew I had to be taught by someone. She used you-- you and Percival against me,” (Y/N) said, shuddering as she did. “To find out who taught me. She needed to know who Emrys was, the one destined to destroy her-- that was Merlin. I almost told her. I would have told her, given time. After we got out, I knew I couldn’t tell any of you. If you knew about Merlin, who he was to Morgana, then she could have tortured you, pulled it from you and I-- I would’ve been to blame.”
“I wouldn’t have told her,” Gwaine hissed. “Do you trust me so little?”
(Y/N) leapt at him and wrapped him in her embrace. “I know you wouldn’t have. I just didn’t want her to have any reason to torture you like she did with me. I didn’t want you to get hurt.” She kissed his cheek, still shaking. “You mean so much to me. You’re not New Lancelot-- you haven’t been for a long time. You’re Gwaine.”
Arthur was the last one left.
Everyone else had approached, apologised, and asked more about (Y/N) and Merlin’s magic. In fact, many of them were rather curious about the whole thing. They were amazed by the range of bullshit the two could get up to with the assistance of their magic alone.
Meanwhile, the king refused to talk to either of them. He had shut himself off from the world, from everyone, even Gwen. She was scared for him and begged (Y/N) to step in. Perhaps she could appear unthreatening to him, unlike Merlin. Perhaps she could get through to the man.
She caught him alone in the throne room one morning, a place where he was cornered. He sat upon his throne and watched her with curious eyes. Then, he stood, leaning over the back of the chair and sighing.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” He asked.
“I wanted to more than anything,” she said in almost a whisper. “But I was just a child. I was so scared. I was terrified of Uther, of Agravaine, of someone discovering me and-- and what you might do if you found out.”
She noticed his face flash in betrayal and sadness for a second, but it disappeared in an instant.
“I didn’t want you to have to decide between saving me or following the law. It wasn’t fair,” she muttered. “And I didn’t want--”
She stopped.
“Didn’t want what? To die?” He laughed coldly. “Can’t blame you there.”
“Every day of my life was a risk. I could’ve died any day, but I didn’t want to die at your hand.” She took a deep breath. “But more than anything, I-- Arthur, you have every reason to hate magic. You have every reason to hate it for what it’s done to you, for what people have done to you using it.”
It was true, every word that she spoke. Magic had killed Arthur’s family; corrupted them, tortured them. Arthur had every reason to despise magic and neither Merlin nor (Y/N) could deny that.
“I was terrified that hate would translate to me,” she admitted.
His eyes softened and he looked upon her with wonder. “You thought I would hate you? Why?”
“Because--” She scoffed. “Because I chose to practice something that had done such harm to you, to all of us. I just didn’t want you to hate me and-- and I still don’t.”
Suddenly, the king crossed the room. He paused, standing there in front of her. That little girl who had stood up to him about punishing Merlin unjustly was gone. She was a woman now, a powerful sorceress that Arthur owed for a great many things. Part of him was still upset, both at her and himself for the fact that she hadn’t told him, that she felt she couldn’t trust him enough to tell him about her magic. But the other part held nothing but love for her.
It was this part of him that took over when he hugged her, shocking her to the point where she froze.
“I don’t hate you,” he whispered. “I’m upset you didn’t tell me and I don’t know how long it will be before we can fully trust each other again, but I don’t-- and I will never-- hate you, (Y/N).”
The young knight sniffed heavily and hugged her king, who was more like her brother at this moment. She took in a deep breath and almost laughed out of relief.
“You’ll talk to Merlin, won’t you? Tell him the same thing?”
“I don’t know. I look at him and I want to punch his teeth out.”
“Call me crazy, Arthur, but that sounds about normal.”
Elsewhere…
A small hut in the woods was practically invisible to those who did not seek it out directly.
Inside this hut, a girl in a dark cloak pulled its hood over her face. She mixed herbs and vials together in a small bowl. It produced a blood red liquid, which she gathered in a tiny bottle, shaking it about. She turned to face a long wooden table that held a great weight on its ancient legs.
A dead man lied upon it, his dark hair and beard ratted. He was dressed in rugged peasants’ clothing, an outfit unfitting for a knight of his standing.
The witch-- ahem, sorceress-- took the bottle carefully and poured it into his mouth, forcing him to swallow it. After a moment of unresponsiveness, the dead man gasped into his lungs his second breath of first life. He looked around wildly, but was tied to the table as a precaution.
Meanwhile, the girl turned and smiled at him. “Alright, you handsome bastard. Up and at ‘em. I didn’t murder a man for nothing. Time to send you back to Camelot before my readers murder me.”
Merlin Tags: @pearlll09
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