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ushisrever · 3 years ago

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If I Love you Now pt. 3

Pair: Terushima Yuuji x Chubby fm!reader (ft. Kuroo Tetsuro)

Genre: hurt/comfort

Content: very suggestive, arranged marriage

Word Count: 2.5k

Summary: You can’t seem to find the happiness that your husband from an arranged marriage is willing to give you. You just find yourself obligated to accept what your husband is willing to give. However, what happens when someone from the past gives you a happiness that you have never ever felt before?

A/n: Okay. I am going crazy with this series hahahaahah. It’s like every happy ending, I’m just...making it more...hurt hahaha. Any thoughts? Feel free to send me an ask lol. Also, this is unedited. Literally just wrote this last night.

Taglist: @sunarent @sunarinnie @apricitobio @moontxz @crystal-lilac @kenmakozumeswifey @amarinthe

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 2.5 - PART 3 - PART 4

Yuuji did not manage to meet with you after that night. Though, he did see you during the breakfast buffet and the last dinner night at the resort. However, you never glanced at him. After you ate, you simply left the place. Though, he could see that there is something different between you and Kuroo. It’s as if something changed. He’s not sure what it is, but he knows there’s nothing he can do. All he could do was look away.

And so, the beach vacation ended. You’re not there anymore. So, Yuuji thought he was just given that time to see you once more and stops himself from hoping that you two could fulfill the pact.

So…he lets six months pass by. Six months of just drowning himself from his usual art exhibitions and projects. Only six months.

Well, out of some sort of coincidence, he meets you in a bar. It’s not that he approached you or anything. He just decided to settle by the bar and he finds you sitting beside him as well.

“Y/n?” he said. Though, when you turn to him, you lose your balance for a bit. He immediately grabs you by the arm.

“Oh, hey, Yu-uji!” You said with a cheeky smile.

Yuuji frowns at you. “Y/n, are you drunk?” He looks around the bar looking for anyone who might be looking for you. “Are you with someone?” he asked with worry.

“Bartender! Can I get another whiskey?” you said in a happy-like voice.

“That is your seventh glass, miss,” The bartender said. Yuuji turns to the bartender and shakes his head telling him not to serve it.

“I think that’s enough alcohol now, Y/n. Is Kuroo here or is he coming here to pick you up?” Yuuji helps you settle down on a seat.

He’s not sure what you are doing in a club alone, but he sure is uneasy leaving you alone.

“Ha! Why would my ex-husband come here? In fact…he should already leave me the fuck alone!” you shout making some of the people in the bar turn to you.

Ex-husband. He sure did not know that at all. He has no idea what just happened between you and Kuroo for the last six months. However, he sure hates himself for having that bud of hope suddenly appear deep inside him. Though, he knows it’s wrong of him to be all happy about that idea. Therefore, he pushes it at the back of his head and looks back at you.

“Do you want to sober up somewhere? I think there’s a convenience store nearby,” he said looking at his softness.

You then look up at him. Even from your drowsy state, you recognize the man in front of you. There are so many people who say that they are there for you. Though, you always find yourself being only a sideline for them to take care of. Then…there's this man in front of you, who made you feel like your own self is important as well.

Will you love me now?

Will it make us happy?

It is such an annoying memory to replay, you thought. It’s annoying how stupid you were to be so hesitant to let this man go. It’s annoying how here you are now regretting everything you did when all this man did is be there for you.

Though, here you are nodding to his question.

“Alright, let’s go,” he said and helped you walk out of the bar.

After a while, he takes you to the nearest convenience store. The two of you sit on a bench near the convenience store. Yuuji buys you a bottle of gatorade and hands it to you. You’re much quieter now than a few minutes ago when you kept shouting and blabbering things about your divorce.

“Thanks,” you said as you took the bottle and drank.

You take your time to settle down and just drink the gatorade, letting the alcohol wash away.

“Ugh…never been that drunk before,” you chuckled nervously. You still have a little throbbing headache, but you try to ignore it. Yuuji doesn’t answer at all. You turn to him and find him simply looking at the ground.

“Sorry for that," you said.

He looks up at you and gives you a small smile.

"Anything wrong? I mean...if you don't mind me asking," Yuuji asked.

"Well...I'm officially divorced...for good. It wasn't a good six months of my life," you then take a drink again. "I'm happy of course...that I finally did something for myself, but Kuroo sure as heck is making it difficult for me to be happy with my decision,"

"So, you called the divorce?" Yuuji asked.

"Yup," You take another drink.

The last six months were the most stressful months of your life to the point that you regretted agreeing to staying with Kuroo until the divorce is final. So many things happened and it all felt too out of your hands. Let's just say that Kuroo does anything in his power to win you back.

"The divorce is final….then...what's with the drinking?"

"Just tired as shit," you said. "Let's just say Kuroo did some weird surprise back at our former shared apartment, and I just lost it,"

You then remember going back to your shared apartment to fix your things. Though, as you arrive you find a dinner prepared by Kuroo.

"Just one last dinner with you, ex-wife," Kuroo smiles.

Then in the middle of dinner, you just find Kuroo leaning forward and trying to kiss you.

"Kuroo, you've got to stop! We are done. Divorced," Then you just leave.

"I hate how he can make me feel like I was doing something wrong. This is the only time in my life where I actually chose for myself. I didn't get to choose my course. My career. Then, who I get to marry. Can't they let me choose to end a marriage?" You sighed. Supposedly, you cry about letting someone hear this, but you feel too drained to even let a single tear.

"What matters is that you've gone through it," Yuuji managed to reply.

"Yeah. At least, I managed to get through it, but-"

"But what?"

"But I have no idea where to go from here," you laughed.

Silence sinks in, but stops when Yuuji stands up and stands in front of you.

"Well, we can always start with just having fun," Yuuji offers a hand to you. You look up at him and sure know he can give you the kind of fun that'll make you smile, but-

"I would love to but...I'm having a bit of a headache," you smiled.

"Oh...yeah. Sorry about that. Totally forgot that," Yuuji pulls his hand away. He looks away.

"Oh wait! I think I have an idea," He smiles back at you.

Without much thought, you trust him to take you to wherever he plans to take you too. Though, it doesn't take minutes before he's taking you to his art studio. An art studio just below his apartment. Several big or small canvases here and there. There are also different art pieces on one corner of the place. It all feels like Yuuji has really built a life for himself surrounded by these art pieces that reflect a part of him.

"Welcome to mi casa," Yuuji turns to you.

"Oh wow. I always knew you'd be a big star," you said as you looked around.

Yuuji laughs. "Big star. Not even close!" He looks at you and turns to the plain canvas placed on one corner. He takes a canvas and places it on a painting stand. Then he grabs a small table full of the baskets of brushes and paints.

"Oh come on. Look at these works! They're beautiful. If anything, I'll buy all of your works," you said as you stood in front of a painting of a city view.

"I would give them all for free for you," Yuuji doesn't turn as he grabs more paint from the open cabinets.

You turn to him with a chuckle. "What are you doing anyway?" You asked.

"Setting up the fun," he turns to you.

"By...painting?"

He smiles and goes to the door behind him. "I'll be right back," he said before walking through the door.

You then wait. You look at the art pieces around. Though, it doesn't take long before you hear the door opening again. You turn and immediately your eyes fall on the cute furry brown shih tzu puppy Yuuji is carrying. You immediately melt at those cute puppy eyes.

"OH MY GOODNESS. Who is this little furbaby?" You immediately walk to them, and can't stop yourself from looking away from the puppy.

"This...is paddington," Yuuji grabs its little paw and makes a little wave.

Your heart is completely melted and that headache seems to have just thrown itself out the window.

"Hello, paddington," you lightly pat the puppy on the head. The puppy wags its tail.

"Want to hold him?" He asked.

You immediately nod your head. Yuuji chuckles and he hands Paddington to you. With the very light weight, you are still careful carrying the puppy.

"He's so soft and...light. How many months is he?" You look up at Yuuji.

"Oh, he's three months old. I only got him last week," he said.

"Oh okay. That explains the weight," you said as you looked down at the puppy. You can't help but just smile at the small puppy you're holding. Yuuji can't help but also be content with how you look so much better than when you two were talking by the convenience store.

"So...um...I was wondering if you and Paddington could be my model for an art work," Yuuji walks over to the couch where the painting stand settles a few steps in front of it.

"A model? In your artwork?" You asked.

"Yeah," Yuuji puts a few toys on the couch and a few pillows.

"But why me? I don't think I'm a good model for a painting, Yuuji," you smiled. "But this furbaby is," you added.

"What makes you think you won't be a good model for my painting? With a beautiful smile like that, it sure will be the most beautiful painting I'll ever make," he comes closer to you. You then see a gaze in his eyes that's so familiar. A familiar gaze from an unforgettable memory.

Will you love me now?

Will it make us happy?

You turn to look at the couch behind him. "Cheesy, but fine. As long as I have this cute baby with me, I'll do it. You better make that good," you said and walked to the couch.

You sit down and settle Paddington on your lap. You grab one of the toys and have him chew on it. "So...what are we supposed to do?" You asked.

"Just find a pose you're comfortable with," he stands in front of the plain canvas.

"Oh um...okay," you think for a while, before you cross your legs into an Indian seat and let the puppy settle on your lap still. "Is this good?" You look up at Yuuji.

"Yup. That's fine. Just play with Paddington. The painting won't take long," he said as he grabs a paint brush and dips it into a mug of water. He looks at you and then he starts.

You don't seem self-conscious at all with Yuuji painting you because of the puppy. You can't help but just smile at this adorable puppy. You pat it. You scratch the back of its ear. You let it play. You are just a puddle for the puppy.

Yuuji on the other hand does his best to paint a beautiful image of you and Paddington. With some fast painting, he gets the work done. It took about thirty minutes or so before Yuuji finished the canvas.

"There you go. All done," Yuuji wipes his hands before he turns the stand and shows you the painting.

Your eyes widened. It's not a realistic painting but more of a cute cartoon like the painting of you and Paddington sitting on the couch. It's a mixture palette of pastel colours that gives a relaxing feel to it.

"I love it," you smiled at Yuuji.

Yuuji then settles beside you to rest. "Thank you. You can take it home if you want," Yuuji said.

"Really?" You beam a cheery look at him.

Yuuji nods. You then smile at him. "Thank you, but you know I should pay you back somehow. You've been nothing but supportive even back in high school,"

You put the puppy between the two of you. "Is there something you want?" You look at him in anticipation.

"Something I want?"

"Yeahh. I feel bad not repaying you after all these," you said with a smile.

"I didn't do any of these so that you repay me back. Well, if we were back in high school, I would probably be asking if you can finally answer that question," Yuuji said with a chuckle, trying his best to make that memory a light memory to remember. Though, it seems it can never be just a passing memory to remember the moment he finds your smile fading away.

"Oh...I...I didn't mean to-"

"No. No. It's fine," you said.

Silence slips in between the two of you. Though, to think of it. You seem to have a proper answer to that question that drifted you two apart back then.

Will you love me now?

Will it make us happy?

You are nothing but happy when you're with him. Even if he's just beside you and listening, you can't help feel at ease and warm. Being with him felt like you could do anything to your heart's content. Being with him...felt like you'll reciprocate all the love you have...willingly.

"But then...if you do ask me that now, maybe...maybe I do have an answer for it?" You said with a gulp.

"Wh-what?" Yuuji's eyes widened. His heart practically skips a beat.

When the words you said down on you, you immediately feel your cheeks blush in embarrassment. You stand up.

"How stupid of me," you said with a nervous laugh. "Why did I assume you still like me? After all these years? Yeah. Right. That's been so long. It's not like you're waiting or anything," you try to glance at him, but you couldn't. You try to look anywhere else.

You hear him stand up. "What if I am still waiting for you?" He said standing beside you.

You muster up the courage to turn and look at his soft gaze.

"Why would you wait for me?" You chuckled awkwardly.

He doesn't let a single laugh at all.

"Because even until now...I am still hoping for an answer from you," He cups your cheek with his hand. His eyes wandering to your face he so long missed.

"Can I ask that question then?" His gaze practically cages you. You nod as a reply.

"Will you love me now?" He asked.

You stay silent for a moment, studying his face. Though, before anything else, you lean forward and crash your lips into his.

A kiss that tells a million words.

A kiss that brings them to a night of wonder and delight.

But then...the more he feels you lips against his...the more he feels its wrong.

It’s wrong. It’s really wrong.

Therefore...without even thinking this through, he stops and pulls away.

“Wait...I...I think this is wrong,”

NIA’S MASTERLIST

#haikyuu #tahonet #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x chubby reader #haikyuu x plus size reader #terushima x yn #terushima yuuji #terushima x reader #terushima x you #hurt #comfort

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cathygeha · 4 years ago

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REVIEW

The Hate Project by Kris Ripper

The Love Study #2

Adored this Carina Adores romance! It had me smiling, caring, chuckling, and hoping for the best for two rather prickly characters. I will say that the story grew on me and I was not enamored at all by the end of the first chapter BUT by the end of the second chapter I was invested and wanted to know what would happen.

What I liked:

* The slow build of the relationship

* That the two men were not “easy” to love from the first moment you met them

* The group of friends that go by a name that would be censored if I typed it in her…they are there for one another no matter what.

* Being able to read and understand this book without having read book one in the series first

* Stepping into a world that is not my own

* Oscar: anxiety plagued, quirky, caring, organized, interesting, a person that as explained helped me understand better someone I know.

* Jack: bright, cautious, caring, loves his grandmother, a person with potential that is tapped in this story.

* That both characters became more and more real as I read, I was invested in them and their HEA was something I truly wanted them to achieve.

* Evelyn: Jack’s grandmother is a character and oh so lovable!

* The way the hoarding aspect of the story was handled

* Finding out what “The Secret” was

* All of it really except…

What I didn’t like:

* Having to say goodbye to the characters when the book ended…

Thank you to NetGalley and Harlequin-Carina Adores for the ARC – This is my honest review.

5 Stars

The Hate Project by Kris Ripper is available in eBook, trade paperback and audiobook formats on April 27th!

BOOK DESCRIPTION

This arrangement is either exactly what they need--or a total disaster

Oscar is a grouch.

That’s a well-established fact among his tight-knit friend group, and they love him anyway.

Jack is an ass.

Jack, who’s always ready with a sly insult, who can’t have a conversation without arguing, and who Oscar may or may not have hooked up with on a strict no-commitment, one-time-only basis. Even if it was extremely hot.

Together, they’re a bickering, combative mess.

When Oscar is fired (answering phones is not for the anxiety-ridden), he somehow ends up working for Jack. Maybe while cleaning out Jack’s grandmother’s house they can stop fighting long enough to turn a one-night stand into a frenemies-with-benefits situation.

The house is an archaeological dig of love and dysfunction, and while Oscar thought he was prepared, he wasn’t. It’s impossible to delve so deeply into someone’s past without coming to understand them at least a little, but Oscar has boundaries for a reason—even if sometimes Jack makes him want to break them all down.

After all, hating Jack is less of a risk than loving him…

The Love Study

Book 1: The Love Study (available now!)

Book 2: The Hate Project (available April 27)

Book 3: The Life Revamp (coming November 30)

Add The Hate Project to your Goodreads!

EXCERPT

I’d never had friends until college. And even then, I wouldn’t have had friends except that Ronnie and I were freshman year roommates (before she transitioned, obviously), and she was friends with Dec and Mase and Mia, and they came around a lot and just sort of looped me in. It happened slowly over that first year and suddenly I had…friends.

What’s that thing with snake poison, where you take it in small doses every day to grow your immunity to it? That’s what happened with the Motherfuckers. Eventually I built up a tolerance to their, like, happiness and friendliness and optimism. Now my brain just recognizes them as a part of me. The same thing probably happened to them: eventually they built up a tolerance to my moods and freak-outs.

The most important thing you need to know about my friends is that they’re all way better people than I am. You can tell because they threw me a pity party. There’s the aforementioned Declan and Sidney, who got together during the commission of a video series called The Love Study on Sidney’s YouTube channel. Then there’s Mia and Ronnie, disgustingly married to each other. And the last of the official Motherfuckers is Mason, who once tried to get married (to Dec) and was left at the altar (by Dec). Which was awkward for a while, but now it’s fine. Though of all of us Mase is the one who wants a white picket fence and 2.5 kids.

Sounds fucking awful to me, but to each his own, I don’t judge, whatever floats your life raft, et cetera.

Since I didn’t want to get my impotent rage-slash-panic germs on anyone, I took up a seat in the corner and didn’t leave it except to use the bathroom and acquire victuals. By which I mean vegan, gluten-free, cauliflower-based pizza that turned out to be delicious. It used to be that my friends had an informal rotation for who’d sit with me, trading off for the duration of the social event, but that was before Jack. Jack was new to the group. Dec had collected him from work, and for reasons I didn’t understand (I would have suspected sexual favors if I didn’t know better), he kept mostly showing up to drinks with the Motherfuckers. And was now also on the invite list for ad hoc gatherings to celebrate catastrophic job loss.

Jack and I had no other setting with each other than arguing. Since neither of us was all that nice (and everyone else in the Motherfuckers was very nice), it worked out. He thinks he knows everything, I definitely know everything, and even though for the most part we would arrive at the same point from different angles, we spent most of our fights poking at each other’s angles to prove they were incorrect.

I probably shouldn’t have been surprised when it turned out bickering was actually foreplay.

Since the party was in my honor I was obligated to stay through dinner, and I did. In my corner. Weathering the well-intended reassurances of my friends was hard enough, but when Dec brought out one of those quirky adult card games where kittens exploded I had to get the hell out of there. Too much goodness on a bad day.

Jack apparently had a similar thought. It wasn’t the first time we’d made our escape at the same moment. This time, instead of parting ways on the sidewalk with a lukewarm we know each other through friends wave, both of us stopped.

He stopped a second before I did, which I immediately decided made him more desperate. It wasn’t charitable, but I believe in keeping track of who has the advantage in any encounter. Even a one-off.

“I live ten minutes away,” he said.

“Good for you.”

His lips twisted a little, from not-smile to not-impressed. “This is a pity fuck, Oscar. Take it or leave it.” With that he turned and made for a black two-door something-something on the other side of the street.

I hesitated. For about five seconds. But following up a pity party with a pity fuck sounded about right. “Just to clarify,” I called as I caught up with him, “I don’t do relationships.”

He hit a button that unlocked his car. “Just to clarify, I’m not offering one.”

Carina Adores is home to highly romantic contemporary love stories featuring beloved romance tropes, where LGBTQ+ characters find their happily-ever-afters.

A new Carina Adores title is available each month in trade paperback, ebook and audiobook formats.

● The Hideaway Inn by Philip William Stover (available now!)

● The Girl Next Door by Chelsea M. Cameron (available now!)

● Just Like That by Cole McCade (available now!)

● Hairpin Curves by Elia Winters (available now!)

● The Love Study by Kris Ripper (available now!)

● The Secret Ingredient by KD Fisher (available now!)

● Just Like This by Cole McCade (available now!)

● Teddy Spenser Isn’t Looking for Love by Kim Fielding (available now!)

● Best Laid Plans by Roan Parrish (available now!)

● Hard Sell by Hudson Lin (coming May 25)

● For the Love of April French by Penny Aimes (coming August 31)

● Sailor Proof by Annabeth Albert (coming September 28)

● Meet Me in Madrid by Verity Lowell (coming October 26)

● The Life Revamp by Kris Ripper (coming November 30)

Buy The Hate Project by Kris Ripper Links

Harlequin.com: https://www.harlequin.com/shop/books/9781335509178_the-hate-project.html

IndieBound: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781335509178

Walmart: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Love-Study-The-Hate-Project-2-Reissue-Edition-Paperback-9781335509178/964923621

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Hate-Project-Love-Study-Book-ebook/dp/B08FBCCK63

Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-hate-project-kris-ripper/1138917233

Apple Books: https://books.apple.com/us/book/the-hate-project/id1526452840

Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Kris_Ripper_The_Hate_Project?id=qpv1DwAAQBAJ

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/the-hate-project

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kris Ripper lives in the great state of California and zir pronouns are ze/zir. Kris shares a converted garage with a kid, can do two pull-ups in a row, and can write backwards. (No, really.) Ze has been writing fiction since ze learned how to write, and boring zir stuffed animals with stories long before that.

Connect with the Author

Website: https://krisripper.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/405062456366636/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Kris_Ripper

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/krisripper/

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8053438.Kris_Ripper

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Kris-Ripper

#Kris Ripper #The Love Study 2 #NetGalley #Harlequin #Carina Adores #romance #RomCom #Anxiety #Frienemies #M/M romance #LGBTQIA

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ellana-ravenwood · 7 years ago

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The Break-Up (Part 1/4)- Bruce Wayne x Reader

Summary : That time the League, helped/lead by Smol Dickiebird, fixed Bruce and Batmom’s relationship.

Can you spot all the easter eggs (from my main Batmom stories) I scattered in this story ? ...You know what ? Let’s make it a game. Whoever guesses them all, I’ll write a story just for them. I referenced tons of other work with Batmom in this story, more than usual so...Yup :-). Anyway hope you’ll like it, and as usual, feedbacks are very VERY welcomed ! :

FINISHED SERIES : PART 2, PART 2.5, PART 3, PART 4

my master list blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

Every time Richard Grayson came to visit his parents, siblings or “grandfather” (he came to call Alfred “gramps”, just to annoy him), nostalgia pinched his heart.

Whenever he climbed those steps to the main entrance, opened the big doors to come in the foyer, walked down corridors, rooms etc etc...memories of his childhood and teen years in the manor surged him, and filled him with a kind of sadness that wasn’t too terrible to endure.

A kind of sadness he always greeted as an old friend.

Nostalgia.

Heart tightening, and a stupid fond smile plastered on his face.

Every time.

You’d think after four years, it wouldn’t happen anymore, right ? But no.

Dick Grayson was a sentimental, and even though he moved out of his home years ago, and found a nice apartment in Blüdhaven, built his own home...It always made him feel weird to come back to the Manor.

Even more since he married his teenage sweetheart, Barbara Gordon, and got his first child (the most wonderful little girl in the universe ! Position she shared with his little sister Cass’ of course, who was so cute when she was still a kid ! Damian, aka “most protective uncle ever”, agreed).

Because now, with his job as a police officer and his nightly activities in Blüdhaven...He rarely had time to come “home”.

Well, that wasn’t really true.

He still came over at least four times a week and, on most week-ends, his family would come to his apartment to have lunch. And he often caught up with one of his siblings, or parents, or Alfred but...it wasn’t the same anymore.

He still didn’t see you as often as he used to. As often as he wanted to.

It was actually a tough change for him, to not be able to get out of his room and find one of you somewhere in his house.

He actually thought about asking his dad to buy an entire building, and then you guys could all live on one floor and you’d be all together always and...he quickly realized it was unreasonable and ridiculous.

It was just so strange that he couldn’t see any of you whenever he wanted. He was a “responsible” adult now (who bought legos for his daughter just so he could play with them too).

He grew up...and his siblings too. Hell, Damian was going to be seventeen !!

He had to accept that things were changing. Evolving.

It was awful.

...Though he found reassurance in the fact that some things actually never changed.

Like how much his parents were in love.

Dick had let himself in the manor and was looking for any members of his family, roaming the gigantic house.

He found Alfred asleep on his father’s office chair, a duster in one hand (the poor butler wasn’t getting any younger, and got tired easily nowadays).

Dick put a blanket over him and left the office silently, continuing his search.

He found you and Bruce in the main living room, asleep as well, on the couch, in each others’ arms.

You weren’t getting any younger either...and though his mom, you, was quite younger than Bruce, it seemed like you were the one who was getting tired the fastest lately...

You weren’t even fifty yet ! But in the past few months, you always seemed so exhausted and such...Dick made a mental note to remind you to rest more, and to stop taking care of them so much like that, it would kill you one day !

There was a note on the living room table. Dick recognized his youngest brother’s handwriting (elegant and classy). The note stated :

“Parents,

We went to Jason’s place to see his new motorcycle and to kick his ass butt ass (sorry Mom, for trying to watch my profanities :p (this stupid smiley was added by Tim Drake)) at Tekken,

Love you (Cassandra forced me to write that),

Damian, Cass and Tim.”

Dick smiled at the thought of his younger siblings playing Tekken.

That game always ended in “bloodshed” and fights, at the Wayne household (competitive kids)...until you would come along and win every game and settle their quarrel easily.

You were the best at Tekken, period.

Well, there was the sempiternel fight about who was the second best but you know...

Yes, his siblings’ antics always made Dick smile uncontrollably.

Another thing that always made him smile : you and Bruce, forever in love.

And as he was looking fondly over you two, at your embraced form on the couch, he couldn’t help but smile like an idiot and think : “relationship goal, right there”.

It was everything he aspired to have with Barbara. Your perfect relationship.

Haha.

Perfect ? Well, not always.

You were both too stubborn for your own good, and had quite a temper. A strong personality too, which meant that sometimes, fights happened.

Small ones about petty things, and big one over important matters...but it always ended up the same, wether it was about something small or big : with you two apologizing profusely, regardless of who was wrong, and then...going to...do...gross things in your bedroom (or whatever place somewhat private was available to you).

Dick shivered.

He was almost thirty and did some...uncatholic things with Barbara too but he could never not be be grossed out by his parents doing...ew.

Whatever, the important thing there, wasn’t that, but it was that no matter what, you’d always pull through. You always had each other’s back. You always made up, and your “perfect” relationship would only grow stronger each time.

You guys were made for each others, and it wasn’t a silly fight that would separate you two (Hell, every healthy couple fought from time to time).

Though...it almost did once.

Here’s a memory Dick didn’t particularly cherish.

That time he almost never had a second (amazing and perfect) mom.

That time you two almost made a decision that would have make the both of you forever miserable and bitter.

That time you almost ruined your life (Dick loved to be over-dramatic...though in this instance, he genuinely believed you almost ruined each others life).

************

Nearly twenty years earlier :

-Oh my God Bruce, get over yourself !

-I’m the one that’s suppose to get over myself ?! Please (Y/N), grow up !

This was terrible.

Dick had to do all the efforts in the World not to cry.

He had been living with you and Bruce Wayne for the past six months now (you moved in with Bruce after about a year of relationship...Eight months hidden from paparazzis and danger, four months officially together. It was Bruce’s idea. He loved you, you were almost always at the Manor anyway, you had an entire chest of drawers full of your stuffs...you might as well live with him !).

And though the pain of losing his parents was still vivid, his little eight years old heart felt he had another chance at life. Felt like he could still be happy.

Sometimes, he felt awful that, only six months after his parents’ death, he was already feeling better...but he couldn’t help it.

You, Bruce and Alfred made him feel like he was home instantly, as soon as he set foot in Wayne Manor.

Especially you, if he was honest. Bruce was busy, and Alfred’s English phlegm didn't go through Dick yet, just like Dick’s need for hugs and reassurance wasn’t clear enough for the butler yet. But you...

You were but (almost) twenty two years old and yet took full responsibility (well, almost too, Bruce was there too) of that lost (and adorable) kid.

Though you were barely an adult yourself, you didn’t hesitate one second about what you’d do when Bruce said he was taking Dick as his ward.

You just took care of him as if he was yours, without questions.

When he had nightmares, shivering in his bed, you were there before he opened his eyes and screamed. And you always convinced Bruce easily to let him sleep in your bed, between the two of you, when he was still too scared to fall back asleep.

You always asked him if he was alright, you listened to him, and to put it in a simpler way : you just loved him. You made sure he knew you loved him. Made sure he knew he still had a family.

In fact, you and Bruce were making him feel so at home that he almost called you “mom” and “dad” a few times.

...He wanted to call you like that.

But he was to afraid that it would mean betraying his own parents, betraying their memory ! Oh man, it was a lot to take for an eight year old boy, life wasn’t suppose to be that difficult at that age !

...It seemed though, like part of his dilemma would be no more soon, as he keeps listening to you and Bruce arguing in the living room, hiding on top of the stairs:

-I guess this is what I get for dating a goddamn child !

Bruce says angrily, and your face says it all. It looses all colors, and it seems to Dick as if you were deeply wounded by Bruce’s words...but too stubborn to actually show it, as you say :

-Oh. Child. Of course. It didn’t seem to bother you last night uh ?

-Completely unrelated to the subject.

-Oh really ?

-Yes really, and you know it (Y/N). You’re being unresonable. You know you’re wrong, and lack arguments, hence you start to talk about things that has nothing to do with the subject.

-Like you just did by stating that you’re dating a “goddamn child” ?

Dick couldn’t really understand everything you were saying (he was so curious about what you did last night though...a pillow fight maybe ? if the situation wasn’t so desperate, and made him feel so miserable, then he would have been vexed that you didn’t invite him to said pillow fight !), but his heart tightened at your every words.

He couldn’t stand seeing you two fight.

He wasn’t used to see you two fight...In six months with you guys, he only saw you argue about very petty things a few times, and immediately apologize.

But this time ? It seemed serious.

It was about Bruce’s night activities (Dick knew now that he was the Batman), and how he put himself in useless danger sometimes. How he needed to be more careful.

It was about Bruce not wanting you to meddle with this part of his life at all, even if he knew you were right.

It was about Bruce still being somewhat reluctant about letting you fully in his life.

It was about Bruce being an insensitive prick.

It was about you being too stubborn to let it go.

It was about you wanting to meddle with his night activities, because you cared about what happened to him, but also because you were vexed he was treating you like a weak child, trying to shield you from all of it.

It was about you not being experienced enough with his “dark side” yet to realize when to stay silent, or to know how exactly to tell him things.

There was a way to talk to Bruce. And you didn’t master it quite yet...it would take you a few more years for that really. Your boyfriend (soon to be husband) was a damn complicated man.

-Don’t tell me what to do (Y/N). I was upfront with you. You know this...is...my life work, and it comes first.

You stay in front of him for a few moments, in silence, taking his words in.

Bruce looks at you back, his face unreadable.

He knows perfectly well this is not the truth, that you and Dick are more important than anything else now...but he’s too stubborn to admit it, he’s still too used to his old lonely ways (even though he had you by his side for more than a year now...it had just been six months since you were here 24/7).

And he’s not sure he wants to let it go...Wouldn’t that mean betraying his parents ?

Finally, you say those awful words, that makes Dick want to cry even more :

-Fine, I think we’re done here then.

-Fine.

You glare at Bruce, and he gives you one of his infuriating arrogant look in return. It does indeed, infuriate you.

When you said : “I think we’re done here”, you didn’t mean “done” forever. You meant that there was nothing more to say. That this fight was over, and would stay unresolved. You meant...but it doesn’t matter what you meant, because he misunderstands and, struggling to hide how truly heartbroken he is, he says coldly :

-You know where the door is.

It’s a tone he never used with you before. It lacks love, awe, fondness, joy...it’s empty (just like he’s feeling now), and it hurts you more than anything else.

And from there...Things escalate quickly.

You both say things you do not actually mean. You both enter “self-defense” mode and starts to be genuinely awful to each others.

You both go too far.

Neither of you actually say the word “break-up”, but as you storm off the manor without even saying “bye” to Alfred or Dick, what is happening is pretty clear.

Sat on the floor in the corridors upstairs, Dick hears you leave in a fury, saying profanities he would never dare to say out loud.

He hears Bruce yell : “And don’t come back !”.

And all he can do, is stay there, “hidden”, crying softly. When Alfred finds him, a few hours later, for the first time since he came in the Manor, he takes him in his arms, and they stay like that for a bit.

Bruce sees them, as he climbs the stairs...but he ignores them. Silently, he goes and locks himself in his bedroom, trying to erase from his head the face of that poor little boy who’s crying in his butler’s arms.

For the second time in his life, Dick Grayson’s family is “dead”.

************

Dick doesn’t see you for almost an entire week.

The day after your departure, one of your friend came to get your stuffs.

Bruce wasn’t there...since you left he buried himself in his work, both by day and by night.

Bruce Wayne never attended that many meetings at Wayne Inc, and Batman never arrested that many criminals in the streets in such a short time span.

The poor man was exhausted, both physically and mentally...Dick understood. When he first arrived at Wayne Manor, right after his parents’ death, he never forgot the look his adopted father gave you, when he said : “I know things are difficult for you right now...but I promise it will get better. I know my words might sound hollow for you but...one day, you’ll see. One day, you’ll realize that the World is still spinning, and that you’re still able to love and be loved. I hope I will help, just like others have helped me”, emphasizing the fact that Bruce knew most of his happiness came from you being by his side.

But he was too stubborn to admit it, and therefor, worked even more.

Maybe he was trying to stay distracted, to keep going so he would never have time to actually think about what happened ?

Maybe.

Dick doesn’t hear anything about you for an entire week, when you finally call. It seems you knew Bruce wasn’t there, as you called on the Manor’s landline.

Alfred answers of course, and you two talk for a few minutes. It sounds to Dick as if the butler went through different feelings while talking to you, from despair to anger, finishing on a beaten note.

He comes to him, and gives him the phone, saying a flat and emotionless :

-It is Miss (Y/L/N).

Excitedly, Dick takes the machine in his small hand and says, voice full of hope :

-(Y/N) ?

It’s such a relief, to hear you say :

-Hey buddy, how’s it going ?

-Ok. When are you coming back ?

There’s an awkward silence, and he can feel by your tone that you’re choosing your words very carefully :

-I...I’m not sure I’m coming back kiddo.

HAHA ! “Not sure”. You didn’t outright say : “I’m not coming back”. You just said..”not sure”. This was something, right ? You continue :

-Listen buddy, what about I take you to the fair tomorrow ? And we can talk. Would you like that ?

-Yes ! Yes I would love that !

On the other side of the line, you can’t help but smile. Damn you missed that kid. But your smile soon turn sad and you say :

-I have to go right now, but we’ll talk more tomorrow ok ? Can you give the phone back to Alfred please ?

-Yes. See you tomorrow right ?

-Right.

-Promise ?

-Promise.

-Good. You can’t break a promise. Bye bye, I love you.

The words come out of his mouth faster than he can think and...he’s a bit embarrassed, but not too much. After all, it’s true. He loves you.

Your voice breaks a bit as you answer :

-Love you too buddy, love you too. See you tomorrow.

He gives the phone back to Alfred, and act as if he’s going back to his business, though he clearly tries to listen in on what the butler says.

Alfred though, knows better, and walks further away, and Dick end up only understanding a few cryptic words : “...ask him yourself...” “...miserable...” “...back...” “...his everything...”.

Soon enough though, being just a child, he forgets about it, and focus all heartedly on the perspective of seeing you again tomorrow. And at the fair at that ! He couldn’t wait.

He missed you so much, during that week of silence...

************

You end the call with Alfred and your heart is filled with nothing but sadness and pain.

You want to call Bruce, to beg him to take you back, to apologize, to...whatever really. You just want to hear his voice.

But you don’t. Because you’re too stubborn. Because he doesn’t call you either.

And man, why did you have to feel so bad about not talking to Dick in a week ? You weren’t his mom after all !!

Just thinking those words make your heart bleed. It makes you realize that things are truly over, and that you’ll...never...be...his mom. For the hundredth time that week, you go to bed early and weep all night...

************

Bruce is greeted by a very excited Dick who jumps in his arms and goes on and on about what he’ll do the next day. Automatically, Bruce catches him and lifts him up in the air, holding him against his chest.

It takes the Batman a few minutes to finally understand why, for the first time in a week, his boy seems so lively.

It’s you.

Of course, it’s you.

It’s the prospect of seeing you again.

For a split second, Bruce’s heart beats faster, and it almost feels as if he’s going to be the one seeing you tomorrow.

But the dark reality slaps him in the face fast enough. He won’t see you. Not ever. Not after all the things he dared to tell you...

And oh he regrets every single words, oh he wishes he was brave enough to call you and beg for your forgiveness...He would do anything to get you back, he would do anything you wanted. He would even stop being Batman, if that’s what it took and...But it wouldn’t happen.

He was too cowardly, too proud and stubborn, to actually call you and apologize. To actually give himself another shot at “being happy”.

It couldn’t happen anymore. He had his chance, and he blew it. It was destiny bringing him back down on Earth. You’d be better off without him. That was sure. It’s as if life was telling him : “you’ve been a selfish bastard, you knew your relationship with her wouldn’t actually go anywhere, and you played with her...this is your punishment. Karma’s a bitch”.

And as Dick was going on and on about all the things he’d do with you at the fair, it dawned on him that...vacations were over.

You left, forever.

He had to...

-DO YOU THINK THERE’S ROLLERCOASTERS AT THE FAIR ?! DO YOU THINK I’M TALL ENOUGH TO RIDE THEM !!?? DO YOU THINK (Y/N) WILL BUY ME COTTON CANDY ?!

Just talking about you made him want to end it all. That’s how much he loved and missed you. He’ve had enough of this life of pain and misery. When you came in, you eclipsed (almost) the darkness...if he didn’t make a promise to his parents, that he would spend his life avenging them, he’s not sure he would still be alive.

He listens, keeping silent, to Dick’s ramblings about you, and about what you guys are going to do. Alfred fills him in on what you said on the phone, how you asked to see Dick and take him out for the day.

Bruce doesn’t say anything. He couldn’t bear the fact that the boy would be able to see and touch you, while he himself would never be allowed to do that ever again. But what could he do ? Stop Dick from ever seeing you again ?

You’d never allow that, loving that kid too much. And besides...it wasn’t this poor little eight year’s old fault, your relationship didn’t last.

Why should he be punished for something he had no control over ? Bruce shook his head and chased away his selfish thoughts.

Of course he’d let Dick see you.

But...Was it really fair to do so, knowing you wouldn’t be there for him as much as you used to ? Was it fair to let him have hope of you ever coming back when Bruce knew it would never happen ? He didn’t want the boy to be hurt...

Maybe he shouldn’t let him see you.

No. This was ridiculous. You...

-Do you think I’ll be able to convince her to come back, eh, Bruce ?

Lost in his thoughts, it seemed as if the Batman lost track of the conversation, and didn’t hear a big chunk of Dick’s ramblings. He couldn’t remember how the kid came to talk about you coming back...Oh this wasn’t good.

He gives a desperate look to Alfred, but the butler isn’t looking back. In fact, he’s turned away from his “master”, in an obvious “You got yourself in this mess, handle things yourself” way, and slowly leaves the room.

Bruce turns to Dick’s painfully hopeful face, and say :

-I...I don’t think she...wants to...wouldn’t want to...

He stumbles on his words, and it seems to encourage the little boy. Yes. This was his time. He had a week to rehearse his speech, but didn’t dare to say anything...but now ? Now it was the time :

-Bruce, we don’t know that ! You didn’t even call her. You guys didn’t speak calmed down yet. You know when people are angry, they say stupid things. Which is what happened. There’s still a chance, and if you want her to come bac...

-No.

Bruce understood where the boy wanted to go. And he had to rip any hope from him, now. Otherwise, it would become dangerous.

Bruce understood that Dick was about to try and convince him to make a move, to try and get you back. He guessed easily that the kid was about to tell him that he’ll talk to you tomorrow, to plead his case. That he’d help in any way shape or form.

Bruce knew that Dick was about to go on a rant about how they should try again, about how there was still...hope.

But Bruce knew better. He was convinced he would never get you back, he knew he went too far, pushed you away one too many time...He knew you thought his Batman activities were more important to him than you or worst, than Dick, and he knew you couldn’t forgive him (at the time, it seems he didn’t fully understand you yet...but you two were still in the “early stage” of the relationship of course).

And he had to destroy all hope. He had to be blunt, though dishonest.

-...No ?

Dick said in a small voice, not understanding. Closing his eyes, Bruce got on his knees and put his hands on the boy’s shoulders. After a deep sigh, he said :

-I...don’t want (Y/N) back. And I meant what I told her.

-No Bruce, you love her.

Dick’s innocent look, and the way his voice sounded so sure of his statement...almost make Bruce cracks. The man almost breaks down and tells all of his feelings to his kid but...he’s just a kid. A tiny eight years old. He couldn’t burden that boy with his pain like that...And so he shakes his head and says :

-No Dickie. No. I...Loved her. But those feelings are...gone...now. We’re...we’re not together anymore. We broke up. That’s how life is. Sometimes...you...just have to move on from good things and...or...good things turn into bad...I don’t want her back. And she doesn’t want to come back. You heard her, we’re done. It’s over.

Every single stumbling words that came out of his mouth was a struggle. But he thought that his cold tone was pretty convincing. He thought that Dick and his young age would buy his lies easily (clearly underestimating him). He gets back on his feet and ruffle his boy’s hair, taking the direction of the Batcave (he needed to think about something else than you right now).

Dick looks at him leave, tears welled up in his eyes...and more determined than ever.

************

Of course, his failure today could have had convinced him to abandon all hope.

But...no, never. He knew he was right.

That morning, you came to pick Dick up. You thought you saw Bruce looking at your car from behind his bedroom’s curtains but...It was probably all in your head. Wishful thinking. You wanting him to miss you...but for what ?

You wouldn’t get back together.

The vision of that little eight year old boy excitedly going down the Manor’s stairs, a backpack in his hand, and rushing in your car lifted your heart.

For the first time in a week, you didn’t feel too terrible. Hell, you even caught yourself smiling widely at Dick !

You feel a bit bad for not going out to say “hi” to Alfred...No, that was an understatement. You grew so close from the man, while you were dating Bruce...it physically hurt your soul to not go out to hug him and catch up...but what if Bruce was there ?

You couldn’t risk it. And so you just kinda nod at the butler from your car, and drive away, not noticing his pained expression.

The morning flies by so fast, you don’t even realize it’s already noon, only Dick’s belly grumbling gives you a hint.

And it’s there, while you eat lunch, that he attacks.

He talks about Bruce, observing your reaction. But just like your boy...ex-boyfriend, you cut his sentences short.

There is no “(Y/N) and Bruce” anymore, you’re not getting back together.

Dick can tell you even less words than he told Bruce...And yet.

Yet it doesn’t discouraged him.

It should have had. But it doesn’t.

A few months ago, Dick started his training with Bruce. One day, he too would be a night vigilante ! And one of his first lesson was this : “Always observe the situation, always know your ennemies”.

He would have never thought but today...his ennemies were the people he loved most in the World.

You and Bruce.

He triggered emotions in you by talking about getting back together, and he was now convinced that you both loved each other but were too dumb (later he’d know that “dumb” wasn’t the right word...”stubborn” was...well, stubbornness was dumb) to apologize and fix things yourselves !

Or maybe too scared ? Not brave enough ? No. Impossible. Not you two. It wasn’t that. You were really just...too dumb.

By telling you guys he would try to get you back together, he made sure that you were still in love. And obviously, you were.

You both thought you were way better liers than you really were.

Dick could see through you two. When you said “we’re not going back together, I don’t want too, and he/she wouldn’t either anyway”, all he could hear was the “anyway” signifying that there was still a kind of wish to be back together, that you were just afraid it was a one-way thing...

Yes. Months of training actually taught him a lot.

Dick was slowly becoming a detective. And theory had no secrets for him...The “know your enemies part” was over. Now came the part he...didn’t know so well.

The action.

He was still too inexperienced in that. He wasn’t sure how to act...after all, he was just an eight year old boy.

And he couldn’t ask Bruce for help, as he would usually when he was in a delicate situation, because Bruce was part of the problem...

It took Dick a few days to come up with a solution.

What did Bruce always said ?

-If you’re in deep and big trouble, and I’m not here to help...Call this number. Ask for Superman and tell him everything. He will help. He will fix things.

This definitely counted as “deep and big trouble”. And Bruce couldn’t help. And he needed someone to help him fix things...

Dick waited for Bruce to leave for his nightly activities, and for Alfred to look away (Dick wasn’t sure yet if Alfred would agree with him and his plan and...he couldn’t risk the butler to stop him. Of course, he would never do such a thing, because he wanted as much as Dick for you two to get back together, and he actually “looked away” on purpose but...well, he couldn’t blame the kid for being unsure, after all, Alfred didn’t talk much about what he thought of the situation, things being too hurtful for him to...).

He dialed the “red number” Bruce gave him.

A voice he didn’t recognize fused from the computer :

-Member N°2. Batman. You’ve reached the League headquarters, how can I be of service ?

With an hesitant and small voice, Dick says :

-Hum...Can I...talk to...Superman ?

-Member n°2. Batman. You asked to talk to Superman. Getting you through...now.

There were a few agonizing minutes where Dick thought Superman wouldn’t pick up but...Finally, his face appeared on the computer. He seemed a bit panicky, and when he noticed Dick in front of him, seemed to get even more panicked :

-Dick ? What is happening ? Are you ok ? Is Batman ok ? What is the danger ?!

Dick took a big breath to give himself courage and said, more determined than ever :

-No, I am not ok. And Batman definitely isn’t either. And the danger...it’s his dumb self being too dumb to realize he’s taking a dumb decision !

To be continue...

__________________________________________

I wrote this in a surge of inspiration. It’s very late, I’m tired, and it’s pretty bad.

I didn’t write anything in almost three weeks (it’s easy to guess, I’m a bit rusty and this story is...b.a.d, especially the end of this part), so of course when I get back at it it’s an awfully long story...Anyway, this is why I cut that story in half. I know writing long ass one shots is my style, but that one really was too long :-).

See y’all soon for part two, hoped you liked it and that it didn't disappoint you after my “long” absence.

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billehrman · 6 years ago

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Investing in a VUCA World

We were clearly surprised by Trump’s tweet last Sunday informing us that he was raising tariffs to 25% from 10% on the initial $250 billion of Chinese imports as well as implement tariffs on the remaining $300+ billion. However, we had an action plan ready to go if trade talks broke down and it helped us last week. We have continued to outperform the market averages.

We have long commented that we live in a VUCA world. This a climate characterized by volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity. Therefore, you must always be prepared for the unexpected. Trump’s optimism that a trade deal was in reach shifted a week ago Friday after he heard from lead trade negotiator Robert Lighthizer that the Chinese had backpedaled on key portions of previously agreed to trade deal. Clearly, he was annoyed and who could blame him as he was made to look foolish having just announced that a deal was in sight.

Negotiations began again Thursday in DC but ended without a deal being reached, so the hike in tariffs went into effect Friday morning. In addition, the Chinese were given an ultimatum to reach a deal over the next month or else the tariffs on the additional $300+ billions of goods will go into effect, too. The Chinese responded with its price to conclude a trade deal yesterday. The simple truth is that we do not know what will happen, so we must plan for the worst and hope for the best.

We agree with Trump that we should all compete on a level playing field without tariffs, government subsidies, unfair regulations and currency manipulations. Protecting IP and having equal access is of paramount importance, too. The U.S. has run massive trade deficits for years with our major trading partners running huge trade surpluses. It is time to level the playing field while protecting our IP. Fortunately, we have a strong domestic economy more than just offsetting our trade deficit. The U.S. trade deficit is approximately $600 billion reducing our GNP by approximately 3% (exports are 10% of GNP reduced by massive imports). And, we have become an exporter of energy after years of huge importing from the Middle East.

Our trade deficit with China, alone, was over $420 billion in 2018: imports of $539 billion offset by export of $120 billion. There is an enormous imbalance that needs to be addressed. And that does not even deal with the greatest problem which is stolen IP over the years. Companies, if they wanted access to China, had to agree to share IP or else. And many companies, nonetheless, have not been granted access to China. Clearly the playing field has not been unfair.

While you may not agree with Trump’s tactics, it is a necessity for the U.S. to finally address unfair trade practices wherever they may exist including with our closest allies. Can you imagine the positive impact to our GNP if our trade deficit was reduced over time due to fair trade policies and a level playing field? And what is the downside dealing with trade imbalances/huge deficits now when our domestic economy is so strong? While prices may go up slightly near term due to the impact of tariffs, it is hard to imagine our trade deficit pressuring reported GNP. Will demand be hit by higher prices? Probably a little but most likely not as much as expected as the exporter as well as the importer absorb a slice of the tariffs while the supply chain is being moved. Herein lies a HUGE RISK to China. Already many companies have shifted production from China and that will grow exponentially over time without a trade deal. Just look at Under Armour as one example here. The company has lowered its production in China from 35% 6 months ago to less than 15% today and going down further fast. The key to our future success globally is for the U.S. to remain at the forefront of technological advancement which gives you some idea why our IP must be protected at all costs.

As you can imagine from our comments, we feel that China and our other key trading partners are at far more risk than the U.S. when/if trade conflicts escalate. What is our downside when we are already running huge trade deficits? Also, we really doubt whether there will be a surge in prices as global competition is more likely to escalate to maintain production and market share in home markets. The Chinese are keenly aware that production is moving offshore as supply chains are being shifted at an accelerating rate. China is also losing its cost advantage much like Japan did over 25 years ago. So, what will China do to hold onto market share? Cut prices in the face of tariffs sacrificing profits. China loses and prices don’t go up as many anticipate due to tariffs.

So why does Trump feel that this is the time to go to the mat on unfair trade policies? He sees domestic strength and foreign weakness. Is he right? Let’s look at the most recent data points:

The U.S. is in an enviable position compared to the rest of the world. Our economy just came off a surprisingly strong first quarter and it now appears that the second quarter is shaping up well to despite really bad weather in many parts of the country. We were particularly impressed that March wholesale sales rose 2.3 percent while actual inventories fell 0.1 percent therefore the inventory/sales ratio fell to 1.32 which should lead to higher production down the road as demand increases seasonally. We were equally pleased that both the CPI and PPI came in lower than projected and beneath the Fed projections testing the Fed’s view that low inflation is transitory. It was also reported that the trade deficit came in at $50 billion in March with the trade gap with China declining to a three year low of $28.3 billion. China still is nearly 60% of our trade deficit. Our trade deficit will be penalized for a while by the absence of Boeing Max 737 sales. Finally, job openings continued to grow and now stands at an amazing 7.49 million unfilled jobs. Opening increased in transportation, construction and real estate. While we still believe that our economy will chug along for the rest of the year into 2020, we remain concerned about the impact on consumer/business psychology if trade conflicts escalate. We must acknowledge that our Fed, unlike other monetary bodies, has ample room to lower rates need be to offset any domestic weakness or fear in the system. It is equally important to recognize how financially strong our banks are especially compared to overseas banks. And never forget that 2020 is an election year. Trump will do whatever he can to stimulate the economy and have a good stock market going into elections.

We clearly are more concerned about China’s growth prospects without a trade deal with the U.S.. There is little question that the Chinese government/monetary authorities have done as much as they could do to stimulate the economy in 2019: taxes have been lowered; domestic spending hiked; reserve requirements reduced and money has been flooded into the system. The government went so far as to buy stocks on Friday to boost their market to try and show the world that the new tariffs would not hurt. FALSE! While we won’t predict the magnitude of the impact of higher tariffs on China, it is clear that growth will be hit for a host of reasons as discussed earlier. And if the government lets the yuan fall to offset the impact of tariffs, it will eventually boomerang and hurt China’s financial system and economy. China is clearly between a rock and a hard place. While we can appreciate their desire to stand up to Trump, it is time to face reality by opening up its economy and ending huge subsidies while protecting everyone’s IP. By the way, China’s exports fell 2.7% in April while imports rose 3%. No matter what China says, its economy is at risk without a trade deal.

We remain pessimistic about the growth prospects of Europe without major fiscal, monetary, regulatory and trade reforms. And we see no way for any of that to occur with such differences between the members. The EU cut its economic forecasts for 2019 and 2020 to 1.2% and 1.5% respectively which we feel is still too optimistic. There really is not much more the ECB can do to stimulate growth in the Eurozone. That says it all!

Japan’s future prospects rest sorely on trade deals being reached with the U.S. and with the U.S. and China. What more can the BOJ do too at this point? It appears that first quarter GNP actually fell by 0.2% as firms postponed capital spending and consumer demand fell as well. We don’t believe that Japan reaching a deal with the U.S. is enough to really stimulate Japan’s economy.

So, what are we doing now?

We quickly adjusted our portfolios last week considering that the probability of a trade deal being reached near term had diminished substantially which would lower our outlook for accelerating global growth into 2020. Could it still occur? Of course, but we learned a long time ago that it was better to be risk averse in unsettled times so that we have the liquidity to take advantage of market weakness. We sold stocks Monday that would be penalized by an escalating trade conflict with China raising cash above 17% of our assets. In fact, we did some buying Friday morning as some stocks hit our buy points.

We agree with Lee Cooperman’s comments Friday on CNBC that the markets are fine longer term as the Fed is friendly, valuations are reasonable, and the chances of a recession are very low. We believe that the environment for risk assets is still favorable with an accommodative Fed; an expanding economy without inflationary pressures; a pro-business administration going into a national election next year; 10-year treasury yields hovering around 2.5%, bank liquidity and capital ratios at new highs; a strong dollar and rising earnings/cash flow. We do believe that long-term inflation will stay surprisingly low therefore the stock market multiple should be higher than 17 times earnings making the market still undervalued by 10% today. But we recognize that corrections can occur at any time especially in a VUCA environment.

We have adjusted our portfolios ever so slightly reducing our exposure to China while raising some cash. The overriding theme in our portfolios is owning companies with excellent managements; winning long-term business strategies in a globally competitive environment; rising volume, margins, earnings, cash flow/free cash flow and above market dividend yields.

Finally, we feel that each company sells well beneath its long-term intrinsic value.

Our holdings include pharmaceuticals with major new products; global industrial and capital goods companies; technology that enhances productivity and security; cable with content; housing related; U.S. based global financials selling beneath book; domestic steel; and many special situations. We remain flat the dollar and own no bonds as yields are just too low relative to even inflation at 1.5%.

Remember to review all the facts; pause, reflect and consider mindset shifts; look at your asset mix with risk controls; do independent research and…

Invest Accordingly!

Bill Ehrman

Paix et Prospérité LLC

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cleverbroadwayurl · 6 years ago

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You Matter to Me (Jeremy Heere x Reader Pt 5)

Song: You Matter to Me from Waitress

Need to Catch Up? PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4

Want More? PART 6 PART 7 PART 8 PART 9 PART 10 PART 11 PART 12 PART 13 PART 14 PART 15 PART 16 PART 17 PART 18 PART 19

Word Count: 3858

A/N: Alright I promised some content; I’ve got content! I really didn’t want to split this up, but this night is a fic all on its own, so I decided that it should be split. Part 6 might be a little longer than this, but I’m hoping to get this one event out in 2 parts. If not, 2.5.

Taglist: @retrogarden

Trigger Warnings: abuse, shaky Jeremy, panic, mentions of bruises, mentions of slap marks, implied choking, Jeremy being a good friend and wholesome bean

In reality, Jeremy thought he got out of asking you out because he said he would do it in person. He was sure that he’d never see you again. Yeah, you two had the same circle of friends, but, again, it was rare to see you alone. And he couldn’t ask you out if you were standing right next to your boyfriend. And why were Rich and Jake so set on him asking you out? He knows for a fact that they’re both against the idea of cheating, so why in the world would they push him to ask you out? Maybe they meant as a friend thing. Yeah, they meant you two should be friends first and then if something happens, he could make his move, right?

Jeremy unpaused from Bioshock, his mind refocusing on the Big Daddies in the room. He had to get through this level. Michael had been bothering him about it for weeks, and now that Michael was away with his family for some reunion, it was the perfect time to do it. After about an hour of little to no progress, Jeremy decided to grab something to drink. He glanced at the clock to make sure that he wasn’t staying up too late like he did with Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess that one time. The clock read 1:06, yeah, he was fine. He walked into his kitchen and grabbed a glass, his eyes getting used to the minimal light in the room. He jumped when he heard a knock at the door.

Oh fuck. Jeremy had seen people play Duck Season and Welcome to the Game enough times to know that it was a serial killer, no doubt about that. He ran into his garage and grabbed a bat from when his dad thought that maybe Jeremy would want to play sports. He never did, but thank god Mr. Heere bought it. He raised it before opening the door, his hands shaking. Jeremy prepped to swing, painfully regretting not paying attention during the baseball portion of PE in middle school. How the hell was he supposed to swing this baseball bat hard if he had never learned to swing it properly in the first place?

But opening the door was priority. He didn’t care if it was some kidnapper or some weirdo in a dog suit, he had to open the door at some point. His hand turned the door knob quickly and he wound up. The door flung open and what Jeremy saw was more than surprising.

“(Y/N)?”

“Hey Jeremy. I—uh—I’m really sorry about this but could I maybe—uhm,” you took a break to look behind you frantically, ��come in? For like an hour? That’s all I need, really. It would be a really big help to me and—”

Jeremy opened the door wider, his bat swinging downward. He set the metal weapon beside the door frame as you stepped inside of his house. His mind was running wild, oh fuck he was going to have to ask you out because he promised Rich that he would—

“Thank you oh my god Jeremy, thank you so much dude I can’t even tell you how grateful I am, seriously you’re a lifesaver, thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem”, Jeremy responded, quickly remembering that his dad was definitely asleep. “Let’s go down into my basement so my dad won’t interrupt us.”

“Yeah, okay,” you spoke softly and nodded. Jeremy lead the way down into the basement, he flinched at the difference in lighting, the Bioshock pause screen displaying the same thing it did when he first started to try and get past this level just a few hours ago. Jeremy turned around and saw you somewhat flinch at the brightness of the light in his basement, so he moved swiftly to dim the lights.

“Thank you,” you repeated, keeping your eyes staring towards the floor.

“It’s okay, seriously,” Jeremy smiled slightly. He had no idea what the heck you were doing in his house at 1 AM, but even now you were trying your best to be polite. You looked up at him finally. Jeremy could see the tear tracks that ran down your face, red blotches were apparent even in the newly dimmed light from the floor lamp in the corner. His heart shattered at your crying state and at his own actions. How did he not notice before? How did he not take note of the wavering in your voice or even the tears that could be seen in your smile? Was he really so caught up in thinking that you were some serial killer that he didn’t take into account how you were doing or why you had shown up at his house at such a strange hour?

He quickly grabbed the box of tissues that rested on the TV stand from when Christine and Michael came over to watch Les Miserables. He thanked himself over and over for leaving it there just in case they had a similar situation again. Jeremy offered you a tissue, his hand gripping the box so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. To say he was tense was an understatement. He wanted to help, god he did, but he had no idea how to help. He didn’t even know what was wrong. Had someone attacked you while you were walking home? He knew you had his address from that group project that seemed like an era ago. Jeremy pulled himself out of his thoughts and looked at you, seeing if you needed another tissue.

As he watched you carefully, he noticed the shape of one of the blotches on your face. It was oblong, a shape he’d recognized before. It was larger than the rest and it seemed to have formed a welt on your skin. He stepped closer, to make sure he was seeing what he thought he was. He took another step, mind racing. As he did, you flinched and covered your face. When Jeremy saw your eyes again, they were filled with fear.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jeremy rushed out, his hand quickly pulling down the sleeves of his grey sweatshirt. “Let me grab an ice pack for you, okay?”

You nodded softly and Jeremy bolted up the stairs. He ran for the freezer, hoping that he had put an ice pack in there. He fumbled with his phone in his pocket, trying to call literally anyone to help him deal with this situation. He hit “recent” and then quickly tapped someone’s name as he grabbed an ice pack. Someone had slapped you for fuck’s sake! He needed help. God, who could have done this? Where had you been? Hopefully not at home, god Jeremy hoped not at home. An image popped into his head. Snapchat. Your boyfriend had posted on Snapchat. You two had been together for the night. He didn’t normally check your boyfriend’s Snapchat but Jeremy recalled getting it from the bonfire a month ago.

You’d been at his house.

You’d been playing video games together.

You’d been slapped.

The pieces came together in Jeremy’s mind, but he didn’t have time to be mad now, he just needed to help you. His mind snapped out of its state as he heard a voice yell from his phone. Shit he forgot he was calling someone for a second.

Michael’s voicemail rang out, and Jeremy cursed him for going away for days when Jeremy absolutely needed him here. He quickly fumbled with his phone again, careful not to call Michael a second time. He didn’t care who it was, he just needed to get someone on the phone. A different voice yelled into his ear.

“Heere! What’s up dude? Need some help getting laid?” Rich? Really?! He’d called Rich?! But it was something, it was someone. He needed to talk to someone, and if Rich was willing to answer his call, so be it.

“Rich, listen to me. (Y/N) just came to my house and asked if they could stay for an hour, I said yes because they’re sweet and amazing, and I looked at their face in my basement and it’s clear they’ve been crying and I looked closer and one of the blotches on their skin looked like it wasn’t a blotch but like a welt and god I stepped closer and they stepped back and dude Rich someone hit them someone definitely hit them and I think they were at their boyfriend’s house and I can only assume that he—god, fuck, what do I do?”

“Hey, Jeremy, slow down. That’s number one, okay? They’re probably really freaked out as it is. Did you leave them alone?”

“Yes, because I’m grabbing an ice pack.”

“Did you tell them you were doing that?”

“Of course and now I’m standing in my kitchen—”

“Good, you’re doing great, alright? Now, grab them some water and get back to them as soon as you can. If someone knocks on your door, do not answer it or leave them alone. It could be their boyfriend coming around to give them an even worse beating. Don’t let them do anything stupid, including drinking alcohol or smoking pot. Is Michael there?”

“No, he’s visiting family.”

“Alright perfect. More people might freak them out. Put a movie on or something to distract them. And no matter what they say, don’t let them drive anywhere until they’re completely stable. Speak softly, try not to yell or scream. That will only make it worse. If they want to talk about it, let them. If not, don’t push it. They’re going to apologize and thank you a lot, but always accept the apology and say things like ‘it’s no problem’ or ‘I’m happy to have you here’ because the chances are that they’ve been enduring emotional manipulation and verbal abuse for months before this.”

“Anything else?”

“Ask often if they’re okay, and if you have to touch them, tell them what you’re doing.”

“Thank you so much, Rich.”

“No problem. I thought that this might be happening, and I’m glad they’re safe with you. That makes me really happy, dude. You didn’t have to let them in, and yet you did. Text me if you need any more help.”

“Thank you, Rich. I will.”

With that, Jeremy grabbed the ice pack and cup of water. He walked into his basement, taking slow steps to make sure that he wouldn’t startle you. His mind raced with the rules that Rich gave him. They all seemed easy enough to follow: keep you alone with him, don’t make any loud noises, shouting was a no, and essentially ask for consent before doing absolutely anything around you. While all of these things seemed like common sense, Jeremy couldn’t help but ask himself how many times had these rules been broken around you?

The minute Jeremy saw you, his heart sped up. He had never seen you so open, so genuine, so bare. Your lip was between your teeth and tears were still swimming in your eyes. You were texting on your phone, fingers moving fast, but not as fast as he’d seen in the past. Your phone vibrated, and you jumped a little as more tears streamed down your face. Jeremy was reminded of what Rich said before and hoped that you weren’t texting your boyfriend again. That was the very last thing that you needed in this moment.

“Hey,” Jeremy started, making sure his voice was soft, “I brought you an ice pack and some water.” All you could muster in return was a nod as he took slow steps towards you, your back against the old loveseat that used to sit in his living room. You sat on the floor, only near the beanbags rather than on them. It was almost as if you would offend the furniture if you sat on it.

As he got closer to you, he sank further and further down to your level. He set the water beside you, careful not to tower over your small figure. You were already scared and intimidated enough as it was. Your head whipped around and you began to watch his every move. He got slower and started to sit down next to you, your eyes never leaving him. Jeremy switched the hand that the ice pack was in, and he finally met your gaze. “Do you mind if I ice your face to…uhh…help prevent swelling?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” you whimpered out.

Jeremy’s heart shattered for the second time that night. You had always seemed so brave and so composed. Seeing the opposite; a breakdown, was almost too much for him. But he had to continue. He had gotten your consent, he just needed to tell you what he was going to do. “Alright, I’m gonna brush your hair out of the way, and then put the pack on your face. That’s all. I promise.”

You nodded and whispered, “I believe you.” Jeremy took a breath and began to move slowly. At first, you started to move away from his hand and flinching slightly. His fingers started at your forehead and began to move your hair to the side as best as he could. As his hands worked, he noticed you getting calmer around his presence. You relaxed even more as the ice pack was placed on your face. Jeremy exhaled, finally relaxing himself as relief washed over him. Thank goodness you’d made it to his house before things got any worse.

Instead of watching him, your eyes remained looking straight forward. He understood parts of why you wouldn’t look at him, but couldn’t wrap his head around what you were feeling. He replayed Rich’s words once more. The chances are that they’ve been enduring emotional manipulation and verbal abuse for months before this. As much as Jeremy wanted to say and do the right things, he had no idea what those things are. He had no clue how to help you. Hell, he didn’t even know what to do when you showed up at his house. He had to call someone. How lame is that?

Jeremy came back from his thoughts and moved the ice pack slightly to cover a little bit more of the welt that covered one side of your face. His mind began to wander a little bit and as it did, he realized that there could be more cuts and bruises that he couldn’t see. Shit, he should probably tend to them before they get infected or something. He eyed your hoodie for a second before deciding that he should ask before he tried to nurse any wounds. It was your privacy and the last thing he wanted to do was invade it, but something told him to ask and take a look. He didn’t want to be kicking himself later for not being a good friend and helping out as best as he could.

He took another breath before stuttering out “A-Are there any more…Are there any more…uhh…like…injuries?”

Tears appeared in your eyes again and one fell down your face. You remained stoic, the tear falling ever so slowly down your face. You inhaled before squeezing your eyes shut and allowed more tears to escape. Nothing was said between the two of you as you rolled up your sleeves and flattened your hood. Jeremy sat for a second. He had totally missed the fact that your hood was more like a scarf than anything else, almost as if you were trying to cover hickeys. He was extremely worried for what he would find.

You put any long hair you had up as Jeremy once again snapped out of his thoughts. He scanned your arms and noticed a red mark that was steadily turning blue around your elbow. There was an extremely similar one on your wrist as well, both bruising marks resembling a hand that grabbed you with no mercy. Jeremy decided to scan the rest of your body; that had to be the worst, right?

His eyes stopped scanning at your neck. There were clear bruises around it, fingertips that had clearly grabbed the side of it. There was really only one explanation for those marks: your boyfriend had choked you, and he assumed that it wasn’t the kinky kind. How stupid he’d been just minutes ago, assuming that those marks on your arms were the worst you’d been through.

Jeremy could feel anger bubbling up inside of him. He could feel himself starting to grip the ice pack. How dare your boyfriend mistreat you like this? How dare he instill fear into you? Jeremy swore in that moment to make sure that your boyfriend went through the same pain you did, and then some. It wouldn’t be hard, he could easily recruit Rich and Jake, hell maybe even Michael. He could ruin his reputation via Jenna, Chloe, and Brooke, no questions asked.

While Jeremy was plotting your boyfriend’s demise, you recognized his anger. You started to pull away and pull your sleeves down. Jeremy’s eyes immediately met yours. He didn’t mean to scare you, no no no, he wanted to keep you safe. He wanted to hold you in only the warmest embraces, and make you smile incredibly wide all the time. That was also when he noticed that he had removed the ice pack from your face. He had probably done it with sharp movements and of course without telling you first. Dear god, he had broken almost all of Rich’s rules in 30 seconds. Jeremy could feel the fear radiating off of your body.

“I promise, I’m not going to hurt you, okay? It’s just me. I’m sorry I got so angry. I’m just going to move the ice pack to your neck where it’s starting to bruise, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Alright,” he replied before shakily before following through with the actions he’d promised he’d make. His touch was slow and gentle, even though his hands were rather rough. He looked at you with concerned eyes as he practically shook with nervousness and contained anger. And though he was definitely doing to evoke some pain on your boyfriend, the last thing he wanted to do was scare you again. It was quiet, but the silence was a comfort, not awkward. It was two people enjoying one another’s presence. The dim light of the floor lamp in to corner actually was calming after a while. It almost resembled candle light, the room being lit with only the most gentle and warm toned light. It was almost as if nothing harsh could happen in that moment.

“Thank you.”

“W-Wha?”

You spoke without hesitation, eyes still staring at the wall. “I said ‘thank you’. I really appreciate you being here for me.”

“It’s no problem,” Jeremy decided to be more conscious of Rich’s instructions, but still say the words he wanted to. “I’m happy—”

“No, Jeremy,” you looked at him now with wide eyes. “Thank you. Seriously, I have no idea how to repay you.”

“You don’t owe me anything. I’m just looking after a friend,” he gave a soft smile and tried to lighten the mood a little bit.

You two shared a warm moment for just the slightest of seconds before your phone started vibrating. Jeremy watched as you went from somewhat calmed to a state of panic again. It was in that moment that he realized that panic at times like the senior cruise were a luxury. You didn’t often build up to that, it just happened. And Jeremy knew that was exhausting. 0 to 60 in terms of panicking was similar to being on a really intense roller coaster. One that shoots you instead of giving you the suspenseful build up. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to only function like that. No wonder you looked so tired all the time.

The cold fear remained in your eyes as you checked the caller ID. “Shit, that’s my mom. She’s wondering where I am.”

Jeremy’s mind started racing, trying to come up with some excuse as to why you’d be at his house at this hour. You could tell your mom what happened, but something told him that he was one of few that knew what was actually going on between you and your boyfriend. The best thing that Jeremy could come up with was working on a project. But he knew that that wouldn’t work as a lie; school had been over for weeks. It didn’t take long for another idea to make an appearance. “Tell her you had to drop something off. Like, I don’t know something from the bonfire that you borrowed.”

While you were answering the phone, Jeremy went over the excuse again in his head. With this excuse, you didn’t need to drive right away, which is exactly what he wanted. There was no way you could drive while panicking. Hell, he knows from personal experience that breathing is hard when you’re panicking. Driving would be like jumping off of a cliff and expecting to fly. Or the SQUIP working with Mountain Dew Red instead of plain Mountain Dew. You couldn’t do it. You driving wouldn’t be safe, and Jeremy had kind of made a promise to himself to keep you safe. He listened into your side of the conversation, hoping the excuse worked.

“Hi mom…uh huh…I just had to run to Jeremy’s house…no mom…Jeremy Heere…I worked on a group project with him in government…yeah he was at the bonfire…at Rich’s house…I had to return something to him…Well, he lent me his sweater because I was cold…No, he didn’t have one…I had to wash it first…That’s the polite thing to do, mom…Yes I will be home soon…uh huh…okay…bye mom…see you soon.”

Your hands shook as you hung up, but you managed to keep your breathing normal. Jeremy had to act fast, faster than he did at the senior cruise, that’s for sure. But then again, he did have to ask for consent and tell you exactly what he was going to do. Plus, he couldn’t have any sharp movements. This was definitely going to be harder than that level in Bioshock that he was trying to beat before you came over. Without thinking, Jeremy blurted out: “Hey, can I take your hands? You seem overwhelmed, I just want to help.”

Relief washed over Jeremy as you nodded your head. He quickly joined his hands with yours and began to say things that he knew helped other people. Jeremy had the most experience with Michael, so he resorted to the things that help Michael calm down. He said sweet things like “I’m here for you,” and “I’m not going anywhere,” he added in a few “You’re safe,” and “It’s okay,” for you and the situation. Within minutes, you had calmed down and had moved into his chest, hot tears staining his t-shirt. He didn’t mind, though. The shirt could be washed. He calmly rubbed your back, his hand moving with only the lightest touch. Even though you were calmed, Jeremy continued to say calming things to you, keeping his voice as light as his touch. He even began to list the things he liked about you, from the way you flip the hair out of your face to the way you loop your L’s when you write.

You two stayed like that for a few minutes. When the hot tears stopped and the world was still, Jeremy could feel you pulling away a little. He loosened his grip, allowing you the freedom that you wanted. You moved only slightly away, your faces inches apart from one another’s. “Hey Jer?” you asked, voice slightly stronger than before.

“Yeah?” he responded. Your eyes shifted downwards from his eyes to his lips before meeting his eyes again.

“Can I kiss you?”

#Jeremy Heere x reader #jeremy heere imagine #bmc imagine #bmc x reader #be more chill imagine #be more chill x reader

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drlaurynlax · 6 years ago

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7 Most Important Lab Tests I Highly Recommend for You

Lab tests are significant to have informed decisions to provide the most appropriate treatment for a patient. Learn what are the most essential lab tests for you!

Everyone is into tracking nowadays!

In fact, there are approximately 10-million active FitBit users alone—and that’s not counting those of you who own Apple Watches, My Fitness Pal apps, heart rate monitors, and other logs and metrics that help you keep up with your own health and fitness.

A common question I get from both clients and other practitioners is what general lab tests I recommend for assessing a baseline for health—particularly if there are no serious health conditions to monitor.

Is it even worth it to run lab tests?

Lab testing can get expensive and not something insurance always covers. In addition, most docs don’t run them unless some imbalance is suspected.

However, having a baseline of health can be a powerful tool in your own tool-belt for “hacking your own health” and monitoring the effects (both positive and negative) of any lifestyle change or nutrition change you make.

Here are my top 7 lab tests I most often recommend to clients who come to me wanting to feel better, improve their digestion, balance their hormones or “boost their metabolism.”

I’ve also included a little explanation as to why these can be impactful, under what circumstances I recommend running them and healthy (functional*) lab ranges markers to look for on the test.

*Functional lab ranges are a more accurate, up-to-date healthy lab range that are used to assess risk for disease before the disease develops, compared to the standard lab ranges, many of which have not changed since the 1960’s and are used to diagnose disease once it is already a disease. In layman’s terms:

Standard reference range

The range most lab reports tell you is “normal” (but may actually indicate imbalance and early disease)

Functional reference range

The ideal range you want; an accurate lab reference range before disease, imbalances or risk factors develop.

Top 7 Lab Tests:

Comprehensive Wellness Panel, including: Vitamin D, Total Cholesterol, Complete Blood Count, Vitamin B12 & Folate

Fasting Glucose & Blood Sugar Profile

Comprehensive Thyroid Panel (TSH, T3, Reverse T3, T4)

SIBO Breath Test

Food Intolerance Test (Cyrex)

Comprehensive Stool Test

DUTCH Complete Hormone Testing

Note: Not all of these may be warranted, based on your personal symptoms and needs. However, these are the most common ones I recommend.

Lab Testing 101

1. Comprehensive Wellness Panel

This includes: Vitamin D, Total Cholesterol, Complete Blood Count, Vitamin B12 & Folate

A general blood panel is a great place to start for assessing if you have any nutritional deficiencies that we can support via nutrition, supplements and potentially gut support. If levels are off or imbalanced, it indicates to me you’re missing something in your diet, as well as potentially not absorbing your nutrients (warranting a further investigation into your gut health). Here are some of the lab ranges I am looking for:

Cholesterol

Standard reference range: Male and female: 100–199 mg/dL Functional reference ranges: Male: 150–220 mg/dL Female: 150–230 mg/dL

Folate

Standard reference range: > 3 μg/L Functional range: > 8 μg/L

Vitamin B12

Recommended: 500 pmol/L+

Vitamin D

Recommended: 50-70 ng/ml

2. Fasting Glucose & Blood Sugar Profile

This test is for the client who has blood sugar imbalances, as well as an indicator of a need for more or less carbohydrates.

And get this: you don’t have to eat Skittles or donuts to have “blood sugar imbalances.” Common signs of blood sugar imbalances include: Headaches, afternoon crashes, caffeine or sugar cravings, PMS, hormonal imbalances, mood swings, “hanger” if you don’t eat every 2-3 hours, constant thirst, fatigue most often relieved by food, and feeling wired and tired at night. If you want to know if your blood sugar levels are normal, here’s what to look for:

Glucose

Your blood sugar levels in your body (fasted). If these are elevated or suppressed, indicates you have blood sugar imbalances, and/or you are not eating the right nutrients for your body (undereating, not enough healthy fats, potential digestive issues if not absorbing nutrients properly).

Standard reference range: 65–99 mg/dL Functional (ideal) reference range: 75–85 mg/dL

Hemoglobin A1c

A diagnostic for diabetes. An elevated hemoglobin A1c reflects higher-than-normal circulating glucose levels for the preceding three months.

Standard reference range: 4.8–5.6% Functional (ideal) reference range*: 4.6–5.3%

3. Comprehensive Thyroid Panel (TSH, T3, Reverse T3, T4)

“Thyroid” is a buzz term in health sphere, but what does it encompass? The thyroid gland is an endocrine gland located in the front of your neck that stores and produces hormones impacting the function of virtually every organ in your body.

Thyroid hormone (T3) governs your metabolism and is associated with changes in body weight, energy levels, hormone imbalances and appetite/digestion imbalances. If your thyroid is off, you can bet your bottom dollar you’re health is off. I typically suggest lab tests like this as a baseline, but particularly find it necessary for those who come to me complaining of unexplained weight gain or weight loss/difficulty maintaining weight, fatigue and hormone imbalances.

T3 Free

Standard reference range: 2.0–4.4 pg/mL Functional reference range: 2.5–4.0 pg/mL

Reverse T3

Healthy reference range: 9.2–24.1 ng/dL

T4 Free

Standard reference range: 0.82–1.77 ng/dL Functional reference range: 1.0–1.5 ng/dL

TSH

TSH stimulates the thyroid gland to produce thyroid hormone. Critical for every function of the thyroid. Standard reference range: 0.45–4.5 µIU/mL Functional reference range: 0.5–2.0 µIU/mL

Thyroid Antibodies (If Hashimoto’s—low thyroid—is a concern)

TPO: Reference range: 0–34 IU/mL Tg: Reference range: 0–0.9 IU/mL

4. SIBO Breath Test

Small intestinal bacterial overgrowth is an underlying pathogen associated with many gut issues that don’t “seem to heal”—no matter how clean you eat or probiotics you take. As the name suggests, this is a bacterial imbalance in your gut, triggered from an overgrowth of bacteria in your colon to your upper GI.

While we all have bacteria in our guts—good and bad—this fermenting bacteria triggers a host of digestive and health imbalances including: IBS, IBD, bloating and gas, skin breakouts, allergies, low immunity, hormonal imbalances, thyroid imbalances and malabsorption. Often times we cite “leaky gut” as being the cause for digestive complications, but SIBO is a common silent culprit that often flies under the radar.

*Take Note

(Note on SIBO Testing for Clinicians: There are two types of SIBO testing: Lactulose and Glucose breath testing, but both monitor the methane and hydrogen levels of the gut. Hydrogen based SIBO triggers more bloating and gas after meals. Methane-based is frequently associated with more loose stools and IBS like symptoms down the line. Many people take this test and only look at the hydrogen levels or treat SIBO based solely on its presence in the upper GI (and bloating), and thus, miss out on the diagnosis of the disease. You want to look at both the hydrogen and methane results, and also recognize, due to the length of testing, there are often false negatives and false positives reported (since the test cannot assess the entire 12+ hour length of your digestive process for the full picture).

If digestive symptoms continue to persist, it is often recommended to begin an “anti-microbial” treatment (kills bad bacteria), coupled with a basic paleo diet (including some carbs and starches, like fruit and sweet potatoes/potatoes, jasmine rice) with the supplements).

What to look for:

A high spike in the hydrogen over 20 ppm at any point in the test, and/or a spike in methane levels over 12 parts per million (or even over 3 ppm according to some criteria).

5. Food Intolerance Test (Cyrex)

Food sensitivities indicate gut imbalances, as well as can be highly informative to explain certain health conditions you may have—based solely on foods you eat that don’t sit well with you.

There are multiple panels you can run and I prefer to use Cyrex, based solely on the research and science backed by this testing, as well as the fact that the test assesses tolerance to foods in their most-consumed forms (raw or cooked).

Most food intolerance tests only test foods in raw form—not accounting for the fact that cooking foods changes the chemical makeup (and our tolerance or intolerance) to foods. I will most often run the Gluten (Cyrex Array 3), Gluten-Cross Reactive (Cyrex Array 4) and Total Food Sensitivity Panel (Cyrex Array 10), depending on the client’s symptoms.

6. Comprehensive Stool Test

This guy picked lingering parasistes and gut flora imbalances. I run a three-time sample to get a clear picture of any missing links. All ya gotta do? Just go. Parasites, fungal species and absorption dysfunction can all be indicated with the results from this test. This gives me a better idea as to why your “clean eating” is not helping or health conditions persist.

7. DUTCH Hormone Panel.

A urine sample assessing your estrogen, progesterone, testosterone and cortisol levels. This test takes a total of 4 samples in a day to get a clear picture of hormonal balance and levels throughout the day (as opposed to a blood sample that is just one shot in time). In addition, I will sometimes run the DUTCH 28-Day Cycle Mapping test if hormone imbalances or irregular periods/missing periods are indicated to see what your cycle is doing throughout an entire month in order to best support your nutritional needs. Lab tests like this one is very helpful.

Get it? Got it? Good!

If your doc won’t run these lab tests for you, consider working with Dr. Lauryn, OTD, NTP in her Austin clinic. You can also visit her virtual clinic to take back your health. Start today and become the best version of you, from the inside out.

The post 7 Most Important Lab Tests I Highly Recommend for You appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.

Source/Repost=> https://drlauryn.com/wellness-knowledge/7-most-important-lab-tests/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/

#Holistic #Nutrition #Therapy #Recovery #Functional #Medicine #Dr. Lauryn Lax #Dr.Lauryn

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sisterbestill · 6 years ago

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I write this on my iPhone, sitting next to my dad, who is currently getting his 4th Chemo Therapy Treatment of Carboplatin and Taxol. The drugs are chemical bombs and each week the accumulative damage grows. They pre-treat him with histamine blocking meds so he doesn’t have reactions, but he has reactions during the infusion, like he can’t breath. The nurses are well aware and calmly manage the reactions with more meds. These meds cause him to become very drowsy, so the remainder of the day becomes about keeping him from falling.

I still am trying to process all that has occurred since early August 2018. I look back on these pictures of our last outing at Lake Jocassee and never would have guessed how things would change just a week later. I’ve often wondered how cancer strikes people so quickly, now I know. I am writing this so I will never forget each minute that will forever live with me. I am also using this as a way to cope and understand something that is unfamiliar and terrifying.

My parents have always taken care of themselves and one another. They have been very lucky to have good health and I have been lucky to have them as energetic as they are in their eighties. When they moved up here from Florida, I was delighted I was going to finally be able to spend more time with them - like daily and weekly vs. just twice a year. They moved 15 minutes away or a lovely 60 min bike ride through rolling countryside and mountains. I was giddy and felt the universe shift a bit. I felt pulled to them. They are in fact two of the coolest, funniest, and open-minded people I know.

Shortly after this kayak trip (photos above) they decided to make a pact to live to 100 and created a “bucket list”. They were thankful for their health and never took it for granted. Perhaps the bucket list idea was a way to for them to celebrate how young they felt or perhaps they recognized they were chronologically getting up there.

Paddling on Jocassee was relaxing, calm, and beautiful; Certainly an experience they would have loved to have recreated again and I am hopeful they will. It may look different in the future, but I suspect the beauty and calmness of the lake will bath their brains in peace.

A week after snapping these pics, I got a call from my mom, she was on her way to the ER with my Dad. I was working one floor up and met them in the ER. While we waited, I learned my Dad had been feeling fatigued for several months and had developed shortness of breath over last few weeks. It wasn’t evident on the kayak trip that he was struggling, but it was obvious in the ER. My mom said they had been to their primary care several times and their primary care doc reassured him it was natural aging, as tests did not reveal anything to be concerned about.

As we sat for 6 hours in the waiting area, I was certain it was nothing serious. Afterall, my dad had no other health issues other than a little hypertension. His meds consisted of an 81 mg baby aspirin and amlodipine 2.5 mg each day - what a lucky guy. I was thinking maybe he had pleurisy or walking pneumonia.

We finally were shown to a room and labs were drawn. We were relieved to finally get things moving. By this time my sister, Lori, and I were getting silly from the fatigue of waiting. We were thoroughly entertained by a belligerent drunk guy on a stretcher in the halllway who seemed to draw all the attention of the medical staff while we well-behaved folks waited for answers.

I noticed my dad’s HR would easily jump to a sinus tach in the 130s with just a little bit of movement. Something didn’t seem right, but I was not going to speculate or think the worst. I was just his daughter, at his side, keeping the mood light.

We were informed by the physician assistant caring for us that his left diaphragm was elevated and was probably the cause of his shortness of breath. I was a little taken back as this was an unusual finding that left me with a knot in my stomach. Not too long after this finding he was whisked away for a CT of his chest.

He returned to the room and we waited for results. The PA came in with a sticky note and said she read off it: “You have a very large anterior mediastinal mass...No one here will operate because of your age...We are discharging you and you will need to see an oncologist.”

Our mouths dropped. My stomach bottomed-out as she said “mass” and my face flushed. We all just blankly looked at one another. Go home?

I spoke to a good nurse friend in recovery and she called the thoracic resident. I spoke to the PA who delivered the news and said, “We can’t go home. He is short of breath. He and my mom live alone. His Heart rate is bouncing up to 130s. He is weak. Please admit him and consult thoracic surgery.” My dad chimes in, “I’m not a throw away!” Meaning he doesn’t want to be dismissed because of his chronological age. He was far healthier than most half his age and this deserved a second look. The radiologist who read the report never actually saw my dad, but he did see a birthdate.

The next day, the interventional radiologist who read his CT and gave us the crappy news also did a needle biopsy of this baseball size mass.

We went home on a Wednesday after 2 days and waited. We were waiting for results and waiting for an appointment with a thoracic surgeon. Waiting is tough and if you are sick you will learn the meaning of patience.

We made it to Sunday when I thought something wasn’t right with my dad. He continued to have episodes of shortness of breath, but something was still off. I knew he had anxiety, but this was different. He said he felt fine and I almost left it at that. As a nurse you learn to listen to your 6th sense.

My parents live in a remote part of the county where everything is 30 min away. I left there house and an hour later returned with a pulse oximeter that I purchased from a CVS drug store. His oxygenation was 95% not bad for a guy now breathing 40 times a minute with 1.25 lung capacity. However, his pulse read 155 and I was baffled. No way?! I palpated his radial artery and it was a match. Off we went to the ER...

ER visit number II was faster as we went to a smaller satellite hospital 30 min from their home. The rhythm was too fast on the monitor to establish what it was so the ER MD attempted to chemically cardiovert him with adenosine. Adenosine is pushed quickly through an IV. It stops and restarts the heart. I can not lie, I was nervous. It’s so diffferent when this is your own family member. My mom tearfully excused herself and I stayed by his bedside. The ER doc informed my dad it would suck, and we proceeded. It sucked. He felt his heart stop and I watched his eyes bulge and panic come across his face for 3 of the longest seconds of my life. We were able to see he had an underlying atrial flutter. We were started on a verapamil drip and were transported to the main hospital for management by a cardiologist. His heart converted back to a normal rhythm on the verapamil drip before we left the ER in transport to Main hospital at 1 am. We were under the impression it was stress related to the new shitty diagnosis and having to wait on results.

The next day he had an echocardiogram to look at the structure and function of his heart. He was started on a Metoprolol a drug that blocks adrenaline and keeps heart rate lower and it was doing its’ job.

He spent 2 nights in hospital and outside of naps, lacked solid hours of good sleep. We finally got word that his ECHO results were good. No one said a word about metastatic disease to his pericardium. We were told he had a small ring of fluid within the pericardial sack, but it wasn’t a lot and certainly not something they felt needed draining. The atrial flutter responded well to the metoprolol and we were discharged home to once again wait for our thoracic surgery appointment.

We finally made it to the thoracic surgeon to learn of what was growing in my dad’s mediastinum. I was hoping for a thymoma, but instead we drew the really short stick with a highly aggressive, highly invasive cancer called: Squamos Cell Thymic Carcinoma.

WTF? Come on! Can we not catch a break here?

I had never heard of this type of cancer and neither have many in the medical field cause in addition to being aggressive and invasive, it is also a rare tumor. A rare tumor that hasn’t impacted enough lives that researchers devote a lot of time, money and effort into understanding it. Not only that, but sadly, most people die before any data can be collected. Once you get short of breath, dry cough and fatigue it is usually advanced.

PET Scan had some questionable lymph nodes light up, but no other disease was noted distal to the mediastinal cavity.

We hoped it could be removed. Excising the tumor was first choice in the management of this cancer and had the best outcomes, but to do this the surgeon would need to get clean margins. The thoracic surgeon wanted a cardiac MRI to examine if this tumor had invaded any of his great vessels. CT scans had only shown that the tumor was abutting the ascending aorta, but we needed to be certain cause the surgery involved opening his sternum with a saw and recovery would be 5-6 weeks. The surgeon emphasized that he didn’t want to operate and create trauma without being able to get the entire tumor. He didn’t want to delay care in a time-is-of-the-essence scenario.

It was 6pm on a Monday evening just days out from last hospitalization, when I returned to their house to check on him. Earlier that morning, my mom and I took his mini Pomeranian back to the vet and learned it was dying. The vet apologized and said it was time. We put my dad’s 18 y/o Pom, Ben, to sleep at 10:30. My mom held him and he passed. We were a mess. We told my dad and his response seemed flat. Distant.Something else was on his mind.

I stayed close and felt something was amiss, something was unfolding, progressing. I was thinking is he getting an infection? His temp was 100.2, slightly more SOB, and his pulse was 95-110 at rest, on a beta blocker. Nowhere near his norm and I could not ignore this or excuse it. My dad is precious to me. I looked at my mom and dad, apologized as I informed them we needed to go back to the ER. They were agreeable. I think he was relieved I recognized something was wrong.

Shortly after arrival at the satellite ER labs were drawn and ultrasound of his heart was done by ER doc. He said there appeared to be a large fluid collection around my dad’s heart. We were again admitted to ICU for a condition called Cardiac Tamponade. Early the next morning he had the fluid drained 600 ml from around his heart. The fluid build up which is inside the pericardial sac squeezes the heart. The heart can be stunned and go into failure. The fluid that was drawn off was sent for cytology. It was suspicious. It was likely metastatic disease.

In fact after annoying the cardiologist with repeated questions in the hallway, he motioned me over to his computer screen. He showed me the ECHO and pointed out the thickening of the pericardium and showed me a mass dangling from his ventricle. I didn’t need to wait for cytology. This was confirmation for me that we were very far into a disease process. My face flushed, my heart sank, and my stomach dropped as I comprehended the situation. I thanked the MD and my mom asked what he was showing me. I told her. I saw the color leave her face.

The thoracic surgeon was still hoping to remove the mass as the CT didn’t show it had invaded the great vessels, but he did want a Cardiac MRI which was on the back burner. We were still in ICU cause the Cardiac Tamponade and procedure to drain the fluid triggered a lot of Atrial Flutter and Atrial Fibrillation. We waited for the Cardiac MRI for 3 days. There is only one machine and his was repeated twice before they got quality images. The thoracic surgeon finally met with us and after consulting his partners, radiologist, and oncologist, it was decided surgery was just too risky and he wasn’t certain he could get clear margins. He stressed how he didn’t want to create more problems or delay my dad in getting treatment if there were complications. We very much appreciated the thoughtfulness of his answer. We really didn’t have a minute to spare. The surgeon decided to cut a window in my dad’s heart so the cancer did not build up more fluid and compress this vital organ again. The cancer cells would drain into his belly instead of filling the pericardial sack.

We were discharged home in a questionable state: weak. At first we were told he would stay until he was walking well, but the hospital was full and we were off-loaded unexpectedly. Home is a place with stairs. Stairs to to get in and stairs to get out and the most movement he had done in a week was walking 25 ft with a walker and that was exhausting for him. I was concerned about falls. How were me and my mom going to get 170 lb man up 5 steps safely? He was too weak. He hadn’t eaten, he had not slept in 10 days. We were behind the eight ball and chemo had not even started.

Chemo is rough. To survive chemo, one needs some level of fitness, meaning able to perform ADLs independently and move often. We were overwhelmed. The next week was labor intensive and emotionally draining. Here we were home and we were struggling. He still wasn’t eating, still not sleeping, and my radar was on constant alert. I spent my days observing and looking for subtle changes. Oh and there were changes that needed immediate attention as he flipped in and out of rapid atrial fibrillation and got urinary tract infection.

I was scared and my dad was terrified. In times when we were alone, he would ask me: “How did this happen?” He would shake his head as if disappointed in his body. Disbelief. He was unable to comprehend it and he too was terrified.

To be continued...

#thymiccancer #cancer #chemo #raretumor #cancersucks #thymiccarcinoma #thisislife

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orbemnews · 4 years ago

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Big Tech Firms Seek Federal Funding for Chip Manufacturing: Live Updates Here’s what you need to know: President Biden has called for $50 billion to encourage domestic semiconductor production as part of his infrastructure plan.Credit…Doug Mills/The New York Times Semiconductor companies and big businesses that use chips have formed a new coalition to push for tens of billions of dollars in federal funding for semiconductor research and manufacturing in the United States. The new group, the Semiconductors in America Coalition, announced its formation on Tuesday amid a global semiconductor shortage that has caused disruptions throughout the economy. Its members include chip makers like Intel, Nvidia and Qualcomm and companies that rely on semiconductors, like Apple, Google, Amazon Web Services, Microsoft, Verizon and AT&T. The coalition is calling on Congress to provide $50 billion for semiconductor research and manufacturing, which President Biden has proposed as part of his $2.3 trillion infrastructure package. “Leaders from a broad range of critical sectors of the U.S. economy, as well as a large and bipartisan group of policymakers in Washington, recognize the essential role of semiconductors in America’s current and future strength,” said John Neuffer, the president and chief executive of the Semiconductor Industry Association, a trade group. In a letter to congressional leaders, the new coalition noted the shortage of semiconductors and said that in the long term, federal funding “would help America build the additional capacity necessary to have more resilient supply chains to ensure critical technologies will be there when we need them.” The shortage has been acutely felt in the auto industry, forcing carmakers to idle plants. Ford Motor expects the shortage to cause profit to be about $2.5 billion lower this year and to cut vehicle production by about 50 percent in the second quarter. The new coalition does not include any automakers, which have their own ideas for how the government should encourage domestic semiconductor manufacturing. In a letter to congressional leaders last week, groups representing automakers, automotive suppliers and autoworkers expressed support for Mr. Biden’s $50 billion proposal but emphasized the need to increase production capacity for automotive grade chips as part of the effort. The letter — from the American Automotive Policy Council, the Motor & Equipment Manufacturers Association and the United Automobile Workers union — suggested providing “specific funding for semiconductor facilities that commit to dedicating a portion of their capacity to motor vehicle-grade chip production.” In a letter to congressional leaders last month, technology trade groups argued against setting aside new production capacity for a specific industry, saying that such a move would amount to “unprecedented market interference.” Macy’s wants to build an office tower atop its Herald Square location.Credit…FXCollaborative Macy’s is proposing the construction of a commercial office tower on top of its flagship Herald Square store in New York as part of a broader redevelopment plan that would aim to improve the surrounding area and its subway stations. The retailer said in a statement on Monday that it would commit $235 million to help improve the Herald Square subway stations and to “transform Herald Square and Broadway Plaza into a modern, car-free pedestrian-friendly urban space for New Yorkers and visitors,” according to a website it created for the proposed project. Before Macy’s proposal can move ahead, the area needs to be rezoned to allow the new structure to be built atop the retailer’s iconic Herald Square store, which opened more than 100 years ago and would remain open during any new construction. The project would also need to go through an approval process with the city. Macy’s added that it was eager to begin a public review process on the project and that it would “work closely with local officials, Manhattan Community Board 5, the 34th Street Partnership and other community stakeholders on final designs.” Macy’s, which released renderings of the proposed building and pedestrian area, said that it supported the construction of the office space as part of an expected boom in new office jobs in New York this year. The beleaguered retailer added that the city was expecting a return to prepandemic office employment levels by the fourth quarter, and it estimated that its proposal would generate more than $250 million in new tax revenue for the city while supporting nearly 16,300 jobs. “Take care of yourself, and if you don’t already have a good support system, develop one,” Joni Ratts said.Credit…Jenna Schoenefeld for The New York Times For millions of retirement savers, the pandemic was a gut punch. There was the jarring stock market drop in March 2020, then millions lost their jobs, health insurance and ability to fund their savings. The pandemic stymied adults who hadn’t started saving for retirement, the number of workers taking withdrawals from their 401(k)s last year jumped, and some companies cut their 401(k) matching contributions. John F. Wasik, a writer for The New York Times, spoke with financial advisers about the seven steps people can take now to catch up on their retirement savings: Track your total spending. Spending has the biggest impact and is the input you have the most control over, said Clari Nolet, a certified financial planner and certified divorce financial analyst. Focus on health insurance. When many people lose their jobs, they lose health insurance coverage for themselves and family. Those laid off can often continue their insurance under a COBRA plan, said Lori Price, a certified financial planner — but it can be onerously expensive. Make catch-up contributions. If you’re 50 or older, the Internal Revenue Service gives you a little savings plum: You can save as much as an extra $6,500 annually in your defined contribution plans (which include 401(k)s, 403(b)s and 457s). Automate your savings. If you’re working and offered a 401(k) with automatic payroll withdrawals, you can simply increase your contribution. Want to save even more? Many plans allow you to increase your 401(k) savings when you get a raise. Adjust your portfolio. Just socking more money into a bank money-market account won’t help you catch up much at all. Yields on money markets are awful — the top rate nationally was 0.60 percent, according to Bankrate.com. Retire later. If you’re able, one simple strategy is to retire after the “normal” age for Social Security benefits, which is 66 for most Americans. That will give you more time to save. Social Security will even pay you more each month if you wait until 70 to collect benefits. Set up your own plan. Small-business owners or those who are self-employed can set up their own plans, from Simplified Employee Pension I.R.A.s to 401(k)s. Dogfish Head Craft Brewery is struggling to hire manufacturing workers for its beer factory and staff members for its restaurants.Credit…Alyssa Schukar for The New York Times As employers race to hire before an expected summertime economic boom, they are voicing a complaint that is echoing all the way to the White House: They cannot find enough workers to fill their open positions and meet the rising customer demand. Many managers are unwilling to raise wages and prices enough to keep up, as they worry that demand will ebb in a few months and leave them with permanently higher payroll costs. They are instead resorting to short-term fixes, like cutting hours, instituting sales quotas and offering signing bonuses to get people in the door, Jeanna Smialek and Jim Tankersley report for The New York Times. In and around Rehoboth Beach, Del., at least 10 people, managers and workers alike, cited expanded payments as a key driver of the labor shortage, though only two of them personally knew someone who was declining to work to claim the benefit. In Delaware, Wawa gas stations sport huge periwinkle blue signs advertising $500 signing bonuses, plus free “shorti” hoagies each shift for new associates. A local country club is offering referral bonuses and opening up jobs to members’ children and grandchildren. A regional home builder has instituted a cap on the number of houses it can sell each month as everything — open lots, available materials, building crews — comes up short. Scott Kammerer oversees a local hospitality company that includes a brewery and restaurants. He has been able to staff adequately by offering benefits and taking advantage of the fact that he retained some workers because his restaurants did not close fully or for very long during the pandemic. But he has also raised wages. The company’s starting non-tip pay rates have climbed to $12 from $9 two years ago. Mr. Kammerer has not been forced to raise prices to cover increasing costs, because business volume has picked up so much — up 40 percent this year compared with a typical winter — that profits remain solid. Source link Orbem News #Big #Chip #Federal #firms #funding #Live #manufacturing #Seek #Tech #Updates

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

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April Study Plan Updates

noticing myself falling into that rabbit hole of ‘studying too many languages, gonna neglect progress in all!’

or the similar ‘using too many resources, gonna neglect making progress in any!’

ToT

suddenly felt like refreshing my french (which future me, that study plan would be: french comprhensible input youtube videos and shadowing, reading Le Francais Par Le Method Nature and finishing it, then optionally finishing some french books). but realistically i do NOT have time right now. improving that would be a “do i need it” and then do all that for a few months straight.

---

Chinese is mostly on track but I’m really whittling down what I’m doing because it’s become sort of chaotic:

Chinese study plan:

1. Read anything (priority is ONLY hanshe on Pleco app, or Guardian print novel - I do not have time for anything else. My goal right now is to be at hanshe chapter 80 by the end of the month, and to get to the end of the Sundial arc in guardian because that’s how much I’ve read of the english translation so far) 2. Listen to Chinese Spoonfed Audio, shadowing when I can (I am over 1/3 through I CAN finish it, I’m putting Listening Reading off until later because that is so time intensive I need to finish at LEAST one thing I’m reading before I can carve out time. This is ultimately lower priority, but I do NOT want to see myself start from scratch again on this, and do not want to L-R method or listen to other audio until I’ve went through this).

Anything else is OPTIONAL rn I do not have time. The 2 optional activities I’m prioritizing:

a. Watching Two Souls in One, shadowing when desired (although any show would be fine but it would be nice to Not abandon a show lol) b. go through my hanzi characters book, SPECIFICALLY practice writing and make mnemonics to remember the TONES. saying the hanzi pronunciation out loud when i write. (While this is optional I would like to do it for several hundred freaking common hanzi because like... firstly, I’m studying japanese again and Definitively knowing the hanzi pronunciation and tone and comparing it would allow me to review/test that better as i see the japanese readings - and help me keep them firmly separate as HANZI WITH SOLIDLY AUDIBLE TONE versus japanese readings. Because right now a LOT of hanzi i ‘partly’ know i know the initial-final-meaning of and can recognize in reading and tend to just sub-vocalize when i read with no-tone or a tentative guess, and all those ‘partly known’ i really do not want to get mixed up with japanese. Thankfully it is pretty hard to confuse shou3 and te 手, or zu2 and ashi 足, because the japanese words sound pretty firmly japanese pronunciations and those hanzi are pretty hard imprinted in my head with their pronunciation in chinese already. But that may not always be the case! And my writing in chinese is like 0% skills and I think writing would help them them stick in my head when it comes to a lot of the ‘partly’ learned once I have more vague recognition of. Also again just... I know mnemonics have worked for me to remember tones but then I just stopped doing it when I went reading heavy. And knowing hanzi but not their tone is a huge weak spot, so sitting down and forcing myself to write it out will help it stick. I imagine this will be a longer term project of a few months, but it only takes like 5-10 free minutes in a day to do several so I should try when I feel like it.

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Japanese goals:

1. continue through nukemarine’s memrise courses. No excuses mejo if you feel you need to ‘prepare’ then just continue the vocab courses instead of the grammar. 2. continue reading Tae Kim’s grammar guide (when you can focus - I would ideally like to see myself finish the first 2 sections since I’m almost done with section 1).

Optional:

a. listen to some lets plays (I just looked up a bunch of persona lps -3-)/

*I really do not need to do optional anything rn. I want to read - I need more freaking vocabulary! (Parasite Eve, the Galaxy Train, those are down the road when reading is something less intensive). I already KNOW at the end of the month when Nier Replicant comes my ass will be playing that game in english and japanese. I already know right after that my psp’s coming and my ass will be playing crisis core. I will get some ‘immersion’/practice in soon. But I’d really like to just... grind through the nukemarine courses as MUCH as possible while I still have the very rare ability to do flashcards fast. (I go through periods where I can do 100-300 flashcards a day, and then suddenly it takes me 1 hour to do 5-10 cards and i give up again). Last time I studied japanese (for 2.5 years ;-;) I did NOT make it this far through the nukemarine courses. Poor past mejo really dove in fucking blind into japanese games with like 500 words maybe from genki and maybe 200 from nukemarine’s courses and just TRIED. Wild. I’m not doing anything that hard again lol. Present mejo would like to get at MINIMUM 1000 words in before I try that again this time around. I’m about 300 through the 1000 first words (and 300 through the grammar deck which has some extra words, and through 500 kanji but tbh kanji meanings are much less horrific now that i know some chinese to help me remember and associate). So I’ve got like... until the end of April to study 700 more! If I keep doing 40-200 a day that should be doable.

I just know myself and the instant this ability to flashcard focus leaves I will not go back to it for months, and also the instant I get back into playing video games a Lot in japanese I will abandon any other structured study... at least for a while. Last time I did it for like 4 months, it was pretty hard, and then I just kinda just stopped studying. Phenomenal. I’m hoping if i know a BIT more words I’ll be less likely to just abandon things. We’ll see.

LATER (end of month?)

b. play some games ovo)/

**Longer term, I’ve been desperately getting the urge to read through my Japanese Sentence Patterns book, my Japanese in 30 Hours book. Also to go through the Japanese Audio Lessons. HOWEVER. I think a few things need to happen first. First, I need to finish at least maybe 7-8 of nukemarine’s courses - I do not want to be doing them AND a textbook/another course, I would like to do them one at a time. Second, I need to finish reading Tae Kim’s Grammar Guide - that is why I want to get done all the nukemarine courses that coincide with it, and read through it that far, at least. I cannot read 2 textbooks at once, I WILL abandon one and probably finish neither. Third, I need to finish Chinese Spoonfed Audio - I know myself and I absolutely can’t focus on multiple audio prioritized activities in a study plan. I can’t listen to the DeFrancis audio and get Through it, I can’t do the Japanese Audio Lessons. In fact Japanese Audio Lessons I might ‘only’ do because it would slip in as a nice replacement activity when I finish Chinese Spoonfed Audio. An audio I can listen to while walking/working out/chilling.

---

KEY overall goals:

Chinese: I want to finish a novel (Guardian hi baby), which has been the goal since day 1.

After that: I want to work on audio comprehension (so Listening-Reading), shadowing (can do it in l-r or with any audio), and SOLIDLY knowing the hanzi I partially know (so probably continue through my hanzi books - I should consider using my Alan Hoenig book again tbh).

Japanese: I want to finish 7-8 nukemarine courses, and try playing video games again.

After that: playing video games, looking up words, having fun! (And MUCH later, when there’s time - read the textbooks I have. Then even Later... try diving into reading whenever I feel ready to do that...or whenever the mood randomly strikes).

**The bolded goals I plan to actually do this April-May (guardian I may only finish section 1 but hey its a solid portion). “After that” goals are my next concrete things I want to do.

just personal goal notes below

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Personal goals:

1. Workout everyday (actually 5-6 days a week cause I think breaks can be good, but I’m aiming for every so when I inevitably skip one that’s the break day lol). 50 crunches, 70 pushups, at least 15 minutes cardio. I’ve been sticking to it pretty well! Hardest part is just... I hate being sweaty a lot -.- Also I’m fairly sure eventually I am going to need to add more specific time for bodyweight workouts (probably 20 minutes minimum) if I want to get any results similar at all to back when I went to the gym (which was like 12 minutes HIIT then 8 minutes cool down cardio like walking, 10 minutes warm up with pushups/crunches and stretches, 30ish minutes just weight machines, some cooldown stretches and/or walking). I want to do a few specific muscle workouts but like god baby steps, i need to consistently just work out at the MINIMUM before i add stuff because i will absolutely quit if it gets complicated or time consuming. ‘any cardio’ is very flexible so i will actually do it. (also hopefully that means when i switch To a specific thing like ‘do this for a week or 2′ because i’m consistent with working out so i can move into consistent in ONE specific workout, i will be able to stick to it).

2. Eat low carb, low sodium (apparently -.- ). Try to get my bloating to stop getting so bad constantly, try to make my stomach stop hurting for a consistent amount of time. I would like to get it feeling good for a week or 2 straight before I eat something that hurts it again (and next time I hurt it I have got to do a one-off thing then be nice to it again :c ). I got too cocky last time. I know I hate how boring it all tastes i know but i need to just do it long enough for it to help.

#april #april progress #april study plan #study plan #basically while i WANT to use a lot of my resources. i really need to limit myself and keep to a strict plan #as usual i need to PROGRESS THROUGH AND FINISH A MATERIAL #BEFORE GOING TO THE NEXT #i can only jump around with shows/reading!#and tbh even my reading i specifically want to FINISH the books so no more skipping around ;-;#and even tho my french got !!! again #realistically i have no reason to work on it rn #a friend informed me... my ass should apply for CERN and UN when covid is over #and god it reminded me how ive DREAMED of that for years and YES i sure would need french for that #but even IF thats true im not gonna need to fix the issues w my french until like fall/winter #until at LEAST july.

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drybonesawaken · 4 years ago

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A group of people wanted to share a journal together. So this week, I've been journaling (almost) every day, and tomorrow I'm gonna be passing it onto the next person.

It was kinda fun. Bit scary to put my thoughts out there - but not that bad tbh. I figured since I am not gonna keep the journal I should transcribe my thoughts somewhere, so here they are.

Yes, the math bits were included in the journal when I wrote. Just something fun I did. You can try to figure out if it means anything if you want :)

Maple 3.27.21

I don't like journaling .-. mah handwriting sucks, and pen ink takes too long to dry. Apologies If any of this page is smudged as a result ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ And no, Maple does not use anything but pen. When mistakes are made, and trust they will definitely be made, you see a lot of bleh <- that. I also missed like three words in the previous sentence, but it's messy to try to go back and put them in :( this is the consequence of writing when brain is running at negative mph... This may be two paragraphs of nothing, but honestly that's how my day goes, usually. Right now I'm listening to this audiobook to fill up my brain and stop it from thinking. It's quite interesting. I read the book back in middle school, and it's taking me on a trip down memory lane. I was listening to this earlier while playing tetris, too. I'm joining a tetris tournament tomorrow, so I've been grinding this week. Hopefully it goes well! It's funny how I spend so much time playing this game which means so little - but somehow, I find fulfillment in the emptiness that it brings me. Breaking personal records is such a meaningless ordeal, but somehow it's something I strive so hard to do. These days, PBs come once every couple of months. It's not worth it.

Maple 3.28.21

Today felt like I did everything and nothing all at the same time. I found out I don't like tetris tournaments. I hung out with some friends. I ate a big dinner. I made some choices I highkey regretted, yet couldn't stop myself from making in the moment. I spent some time sulking over said mistakes by cuddling with roommate. Very thankful for him - I definitely make him so uncomfortable LOL but he puts up with it because he knows touch is my love language. I was debating for awhile today over what I should eat for dinner (or breakfast or lunch or whatever you want to call it :') ) and I realized what I wanted to eat most was my own cooking. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling like cooking, so I had to settle for something else, but this was kind of a wake up call: when's the last time I cooked for myself? hmmm... It's also at the same time pretty cool because less than a year ago, I was still at a place where I strongly disliked my cooking and only ate it because I had to. Crazy how things can change in just a year - my culinary skills must have improved a lot over last summer... I really need to get my car tires fixed tomorrow. I have time tomorrow. I had better go. If I don't, my car is gonna break.

How does one stop beating themselves up for their mistakes? I don't struggle with forgiveness, but oh how I struggle with forgiving myself...

1 + 2 = 4 = 2

Maple 3.30.21

Yesterday, we had to record something for Easter that took forever. It was not fun. I kept messing up. And my perfectionist self kept blabbering about wanting to redo certain things. Everyone was tired - it went so long - some people had exams; I can only imagine how annoying it must have been to hear me complaining about doing things again, and yet - and I hate myself for this - I couldn't help but keep bringing it up. Of course, being unsatisfied with the way I played, I volunteered to patch things up in post production. *sigh*, what a mistake that ended up being. Afterwards, I was tired and wanted to go home. Yet, because someone asked, and I guess I was a bit hungry, I decided to go get food with Junshik and Bryan. My ulterior motive was to talk to Bryan about buying cars, so I guess that worked out. But yikes, I only got 7 hours of sleep last night. - Today sucked. I'm realizing more and more that part of depression is the complete dependence on sleep. When I get not enough sleep, I'm not just fatigued: my life is just hell. I straight up no-showed to a meeting and apologized for it 8 hours after the fact (my excuse was that I feel asleep. Wow, something so embarrassing most people would find an excuse for it has now become my go to excuse. Rip). Went to a meetup because I didn't want to cancel - again - so that was fun (sorry if you're reading this. I lied when I said that I was ok :/). Life group was great I wanted to die but I was leading worship so I couldn't just leave. And oh yeah I just spent the last 4 hours after life group mixing that audio clip because stupid ol' me volunteered to do it asap yesterday. Tomorrow will be fun. I have 7 meetings/meetups from 9am to 8pm. I wonder how many I'll cancel last minute, or straight up skip...? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I hate ______.

Maple 3.31.21

9am to 8pm today was rough. It's kinda crazy - when I wake up, I knew it wasn't gonna be a good day...but I really needed it to be at least an okay day. And I think I somehow willed that into existence :O I need to try this again sometime. Didn't cancel or skip a single thing today! (Praise God!!!) After my meetings all ended, I had to tutor for another 3 hours until 11:30, too. That was draining. I also pranked a friend today - told her I was dating right after midnight. Oh I love April Fools. She's the only one I can consistently troll year after year. I also spent a considerable amount of time after midnight trying to figure out how to script Audacity in Python. Useless, sure, but it could save us sound people a couple of minutes every Sunday if I figure it out. This is what my degree is for :') Sleep is going to feel so good tonight.

5 + 4 - 7 = 2 + 1 11 + 1 + 1 - 1 = 6 4 + 2 = 3 5 = 2 + 2 - 3 5 = 4 - 1 - 2

Maple 4.2.21

I think my handwriting is getting better with this almost-daily practice =) This whole week has been busy-ness from when I wake up to when I go to bed. Hung out with people yesterday for the first time this week, and it was pretty tiring. I can't say I regret it though; I had a lot of fun and learned a lot about certain people. Recently, I've been noticing that people can tell when I'm tired a lot more obviously - someone on worship team who I only interact with on Sundays literally called me out for it. I'm finding that it just sort of slips onto my face, in such a way that I don't notice and can't even recognize it: I'm shocked every time it happens. Maybe it's because I've lost the will to live, so the lack of will to hide it came alongside as well. I accidentally let it slip that I've been brain empty to worship team today, and now there are even more people worried for me, some of whom I barely know. I'm such a burden :( Brain empty is honestly such a mood though. I have too many problems and not enough will to confront them. Better to just avoid. Yeah yeah yeah this is not healthy I know. I'll save doing things the healthy way for tomorrow :')

1 + 1 = 4 + 3 + 2 + 1 8 = 7 6 - 5 = 10 + 1 1 + 2 = 1 - 1

Maple 4.3.21

Today was supposed to be a more chill day, but it really wasn't... Forced myself to get out of bed for a meetup rather than cancel it. I think if I had cancelled it, everything else I had to do today would have followed suit shortly after.... It ended up being a 2-hour meetup, straight into 2.5 hours of tutoring. As much as they might have been pretty ok tbh, I can't say I enjoyed it. I was so dead afterwards. I wanted to cancel my dinner meetup so bad. But I had already gone shopping earlier today (during the first meetup) so that I could cook for him. And I knew if I cancelled it'd be another week before I'd have a chance. The food would have gone bad. So following 2 tilt-inducing matches of tetris which were supposed to be stress relieving (they were not), commenced 2 hours of cooking, followed by a 3.5 hr meetup. It was... haha... Did I enjoy it? Yup. Did I have a hella-thick mask on the whole time? Also yup. I'm so ready for a long hot shower and an early bedtime. Tomorrow is Easter. I'm not feeling very victorious...

1 + 2 = 4 - 1 1 + 1 - 1 + 1 = 1 1 + 2 + 3 - 4 = 4 - 1 - 2 + 1

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oh-mother-of-darkness · 7 years ago

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asks (40)

Anonymous said: Holy frick that is so encouraging and I needed that so much bc I literally visited my college to measure my dorm room and drove home in tears bc I panicked myself into a frenzy about whether or not everything leading me to this point has been a mistake and what if I fail and ruin my life before it even starts (I have since calmed down a little) so your encouragement was much needed & is much appreciated

I’m glad I could help <3 <3 <3 Good luck at school! I’m sure you’ll kick its ass

areverieofchaosdreams said: It's Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day. So thank you for all your amazing stories!!!

Oh goodness I’m all a blushin :’)

Anonymous said: *HAPPY WRITER APPRECIATION DAY* Send this to someone whose talent has blown you away, who you'd like to encourage to keep on writing always, and who you'd like to thank for working their butt off to provide fandom members with breathtaking stories to consume! THANK YOU :D

Aw thank you!

Anonymous said: Hi! I Hope you're well! Do you still take fic requests? Because I really miss Colin Wilkes and I'd love to a story of him with your writing!

Unfortunately I don’t often take requests these days, but I’ll definitely keep Colin in mind!

dirtycherrypie said: hey! applying for WE for the R&D department (may or may not be aware of producing bat gadgets)

dirtycherrypie said: SHit forgot my name - Bea, at your service!

[Bruce Wayne voice] hired

tigers-and-weeds said: Literally just fell down the rabbit hole on your tumblr for the last 12-24 hours. I am in love with with you headcannons and fics! The angst feeds my soul... So I figured I would request: anything angsty with Dick and Damian please please please

Okay again I don’t usually take fic requests BUT I like me some angst so the odds that this will eventually happen.... are extremely high. I’ll try to remember to dedicate the next one to you :) And thank you!

math--ew said: I went on a little birthday vacation to california and I've never been to the beach before. I was bending down to grab a pretty shell and this huge wave knocked me face first into the sand. Like, five people saw and laghed but I got the shell so I guess it's a win win.

Duuuude back at Lake Michigan last month the same thing happened to me. I was taking care of my little sister and her five year old friend, so I was so busy making sure they were okay that the wave plowed me halfway across the beach

babybatbrat said: when i was in ap physics i once spent an entire study period in my physics teacher's room working on one problem. as far as i could tell i was doing all of the work correctly and had all the initial values right so i was racking my brain trying to figure out why i wasn't getting the right answer. the third time i went up to my teacher and asked for help he told me to start at the beginning and walk him through my process bc he couldn't tell why i was getting it wrong either (1)

babybatbrat said: (2) so i start the problem and explain how i got through all the values - "okay so the rod is 5 inches long and half of 5 is 3 and a half -" and i stopped there bc it occurred to me that 3.5 is not half of 5. "it's what?" My teacher asks. i put my head in my hands and stood there for a minute before picking up my work and walking to the back of the classroom while he laughed, bc i had just spent 45 minutes convinced that half of 5 was 3.5 and not, in fact, 2.5, and that was the only thing wrong

Honestly??? Relatable

babybatbrat said: One time i woke up at six in the morning to hear the neighbor's dog barking and instantly realized that meant my dog had jumped the fence, so i went racing outside and sprinted down the street to catch her. when i did i picked her up and turned around to go home and then saw my neighbor standing on their front porch, realized i was in only an oversized spiderman tshirt and snowman pajama shorts, holding a twenty pound labrador and thats how i met my new neighbors

Incredible...... 10/10.....

thrakaboom said: Not a funny story,but two days ago at comic con I met Tom King and he showed me a picture of his kids while he was signing my books

Well hey that’s pretty cool

Anonymous said: I adore your Tumblr. It was a wonderful way to get into the Batfamily fanbase; prior, I thought that there was only one Batman and a single Robin, dearie me was I wrong. And those stories you write, just great. The Headcanons are just as enjoyable. As for Batman, that has come to be a sibling enjoyment. Thank you for your contributions and existence!

!!!!!! Welcome to the crew!

frnkensteingrrrlz said: hey!!! i just went through ur reasons to be happy tag and!! i'm so so happy bc of it (esp the damian hcs, they're spot on imo and he's my favourite) so i hope u have a good day!!!

Thanks! I am having a good day today! Although I’m sure it’s been a long time since you sent this :////

Anonymous said: HELLO I have just discovered and binge-read all of your fics with my homeboy Damian in them, and just wanted to pop by and say that I love you & you are my hero & you write my boy so well so thank u and I hope your life is blessed & you achieve your wildest hopes & dreams

My day is made :D

badfaith00 said: Best batman storyline you've ever read ?

Ooooooh hm I’m mighty attached to n52 Batman and Robin? Particularly the first storyline, but the second is also fantastic

Anonymous said: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHAMELESSLY REBLOGGING YOUR OWN WORK BC I HADNT SEEN IT BEFORE AND ITS HONESTLY SO PHENOMENAL ITS GOING ON MY LIST OF ALL TIME FAVORITES THANK U AND BLESS U

THANK YOU!!! THAT ONE IS MY FAVORITE AND I AM VERY PROUD OF IT

onwardmotley said: In today's Detective Comics someone finally told Bruce and co that Tim's alive. They didn't explain where he is, or how to get him back, but hey. It might've had more impact if anyone was seen actually mourning Tim and it wasn't just played as him being in cosmic time out, but at least it should end soon idk. Hopefully.

Tim Drake? It’s been years since I heard that name.....

Finally. Thank goodness.

Anonymous said: Idk if I prefer your soul crushing angst or your heartwarming fluff... actually I like to suffer so I'll stay with angst lol

Y’all seeing this? Anon gave me permission. Can’t yell at me next time because it won't be my fault (thanks babe :))

Anonymous said: for music, idk what kind of music u like so here is variety: St. Vincent - Paris is Burning, Sea Wolf - Dear Fellow Traveler (tbh everything by Sea Wolf is great), Dirt Poor Robins - Eleanor Rigby, Between Wind and Water- HAEL, Ellem - Kings and Queens and Vagabonds, The Rigs - Rise & Fall, Tally Hall - Light and Night, and Streetlight Manifesto - The Hands that Thieve.

Thank you! I’m excited to listen to these! I’ll start right now!

Anonymous said: 1) What are the good comics to read for Batfamily stuff (from any point in time) and 2) what are the best Jason Todd comics? Thanks!

Okay for Jason I would definitely start with the big ones, which are A Death In the Family and Under the Red Hood. After that you could try Red Hood: the Lost Days and Countdown to Final Crisis. I would avoid the n52 series until you have a good enough grasp of the character to recognize bad writing when you see it.

For the generalized batfam.... that’s pretty broad. My personal favorites are Red Robin, Batgirl (2009), and both B&R series. If you have more specific questions, you should IM me! I promise I’m better about answering those than asks

yellowwallsbluesky said: Have you heard Swooner by The Zolas? I've really been jamming to it lately

Listening to it right now! Sounds like a bop so far :)

Anonymous said: Hidden citizens paint it black 💜

Much obliged!

Anonymous said: Harry styles "sign of the times".

[adds to list] thank you!

neo669 said: I MISS CASA OLE!! Sorry just read that you lived in Bryan/College Station and I used to live there as well. It's kinda hard to find people that even know that it exists. But I'm sure you can kick law schools butt. You got this!

Yooooooo I miss cstat too :((((

palliddark said: Adalgiza, and I'll be a translator (English to Brazilian Portuguese)

[Bruce Wayne voice] also hired

maeofthedead said: I love your headcannons and now I sort of want to cry thank

Excellent that is the exact target response

Anonymous said: Love your rant in the tags about the pizza making I'm laughing so hard

Listen..... I have strong feelings

Anonymous said: Did you hear they're making an omnibus of Tomasi's entire run on Batman & Robin?? I just heard and now I kinda want to get this massive book in honor of my favorite batkid and the series that made me love him so much

Man I already have all the individual volumes but if I didn’t......

sonicboom00724601 said: Hi. :) Nice headcanon. :)

I’m not sure which one you’re talking about, but thank you! You're real sweet

Anonymous said: can you maybe write an interaction between Wonder Woman and Captain America? I absolutely adore your style and would love to see your take on it.

Hmmmm I don’t really have a good enough grasp of Captain America’s characterization to try that one :////

Anonymous said: i tried to kill on mosquito that was on my ceiling by slamming it with a book but mosquito was on the move so i bounced swiftly and jammed both my wrist and thumb and now my existence is Pain. also my thumbs swelling and looks purple, so that's nice

Oh shit anon you good???

daziy said: Do we know who Barbara's mother usually is?

Yeah! In her original version, Babs had a birth mom and an adopted mom. She was originally Jim’s niece, so her birth mom’s name was Thelma Gordon. After the adoption, her parents were Jim and Barbara Gordon, with her adopted mother being her namesake. So two Barbara Gordons.

I think for awhile the canon was that her mother died in a car crash, but the current version has her still alive. She left Jim when Babs was young, taking her son (Babs’s brother) with her. James Gordon (the son) turned out to be a serial killer.

Barbara Gordon Sr. and James Gordon Jr. both appeared in the n52 Batgirl series during the Death of the Family arc. There’s also a very good story about James from the Dickbats period. That one’s called The Black Mirror, if I’m not mistaken?

Anonymous said: Hi! What do you think of the upcoming metal event? Dick and Damian seem to have a big role in it ( I hope Jason is involved too but there's still no sign of it)

Hmmmm I don’t know that I have an opinion just yet, but as always, I hope to be pleasantly surprised

Anonymous said: bless you are your wonderful tagging system. know that i may have avoided death because of how easy it was to f ind the thing I wanted in your tags. bless

Oh goodness anon I hope you’re not serious about almost dying.... but thanks?

Anonymous said: hi amy! would u say that damians narrative is written as a child abuse one? like there are definitely many allusions to it but its also not as explicit as say, cassandra or rose. like how much of it would u chalk up to comic world dynamics and how much to actual abuse? also would u consider jason to also be a case of this?

Oh I have very strong opinions about the role of abuse in Damian’s narrative. It’s absolutely there, and the effects are staggeringly large. There is no doubt in my mind that the league was an abusive environment, and I can’t justify some of the things Bruce did either.

I think I would say the same thing for Jason, if not quite as strongly. I definitely think that some of the things that happened to Jason as a child shaped his story later on, but less of those were abuse than outside circumstances. The n52 takes a different track on that one, I think, but I don’t put much stock in that characterization.

Anonymous said: has jason forgiven bruce for not killing joker? if so, what made him?

Unlikely. They get along better these days, but I would argue that comes from poor characterization of Bruce, not an actual resolution process.

mellenabrave said: My mom accidentlly threw my Damian doll away (╥_╥)

Tossed in the garbage by yet another parent--

Anonymous said: Whoa where'd you get that bat and oracle shirt you're wearing in your necklace pic? It's so cool! (The necklace is also gorgeous!)

Shoot I think it was from Redbubble? But I can’t find it now

Anonymous said: Omg that necklace was so cool!!! Kudos to the maker of it!! Also I really like your top!!

Thank you <3

#......dont look at me #listen i JUST got wifi again #asks

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shmosnet2 · 5 years ago

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10 Offbeat Facts About The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade

Nothing says the beginning of the holiday season like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Not only does the event have all the delightful hallmarks of the American holiday season, it is one national tradition that can be trusted. But an event beginning in the 1920s doesn’t get this far without a bit of intrigue and a couple of secrets. Add some spicy conversation to your Thanksgiving morning this year by impressing your family with a few fun facts about this American holiday icon. See Also: 10 Unsolved Thanksgiving Mysteries 10 The balloons were introduced to make it less terrifying

When Macy’s first got the idea for the parade in 1924, employees participated along with animals from the famous Central Park Zoo. Originally donkeys, elephants, goats, and camels walked the route. Seems innocent enough, right? It might have been, except in 1925 and 1926, the organizers decided to up the ante, adding lions, tigers, and bears. You guessed it – oh my! Children along the route were so scared that Macy’s decided to trade in live animals for large rubber puppets, eventually evolving into large balloons. The move proved to be the right one, as the larger than life helium-filled animals are now recognized worldwide as a Macy’s trademark.[1] 9 The parade chased one American tradition into obscurity and birthed another

Ever heard of Ragamuffin Day? Started after Abraham Lincoln’s Presidential Declaration in 1863 making the last Thursday in November Thanksgiving Day, this adorable tradition involved children “dressing down” as hoodlums and begging for treats on the street. Eventually, the participants earned the name “Ragamuffins,” and the holiday became widely known. The occasion gained particular popularity in New York City and over time more costumes were added to the act of walking the streets asking “Anything for Thanksgiving?” The rise in popularity of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade along with the onset of the Great Depression brought Ragamuffin Day to a slow halt. By the early 1950s, however, the tradition had morphed into what we call Trick or Treating. Thanks, Macy’s![2] 8 Extreme balloon chasing, anyone?

The first decade of the parade included a tradition that turned the occasion into a weekend-long event as the animal balloons were released into the air to soar above the city and beyond. Expensive to produce, if found, the balloons could be returned to Macy’s for a cash prize. This incentive also led to the demise of the tradition, when aviator Annette Gipson ruined it for everyone in 1928 by flying her plane into one of the balloons to retrieve it. As the balloon got wrapped around its left wing, the plane began a tailspin, horrifying onlookers. Luckily, Gipson’s instructor took over, but not without the passenger door flying open and nearly forcing her out of the plane. Macy’s decided to put an end to the flying animal balloons from then on.[3] 7 The balloon animals might be cute, but they can also be dangerous

The famous larger-than-life balloons might seem harmless, but they have a dark side. Over the years they have been responsible for multiple injuries of spectators, including children. Most life-threatening was the Cat in the Hat that graced the 1997 route. Along the way it collided with a lamppost, the top of which struck an unsuspecting woman in the head, knocking her unconscious. A month-long coma followed, resulting in brain damage and permanent injury of the 34-year old mother. That’s not the end of the terror. Another incident involved Sonic the Hedgehog’s less-than auspicious debut to the parade in 1993 when he also crashed into a lamppost, leaving two spectators with semi-serious injuries. Oh, and 2005’s M&Ms balloon also failed to stay away from lampposts along the route, knocking into one of them and injuring two sisters. While Macy’s took responsibility for each incident, one has to wonder what the real threat is; the balloons, or the city’s lampposts.[4] 6The balloons are also at risk of violence While they have since tried to keep it under wraps, in the 1997 parade and at the height of his popularity, Barney the Dinosaur’s inflatable version was the victim of an attack. When unprecedented winds made things difficult for the balloon handlers, all were ordered to pause and allow the purple dinosaur to deflate. While waiting for this to occur, however, the Barney balloon hit a light pole and incurred a massive gash in his side, seeing him rapidly approaching the street. The New York City Police, however, didn’t think it was happening quickly enough and, scared for the safety of the balloon handlers, jumped on top of the rubber likeness of everyone’s favorite t-rex and started stabbing it (yes, you read that right). To prevent traumatizing children watching from home, NBC aired a recording of the Barney balloon from a previous parade on the televised broadcast. However, the scene made its way to YouTube in 2003, delighting some and disturbing others as it went viral. Barney sustained another gory injury in the 2005 parade when a tree tore his left leg before he even made it out the gate. The purple friend persevered, however, walking the route with the gash for the world to see. What a trooper. 5 The balloons helped defeat the Nazis

The only times that the parade has been canceled since its inception were the 1942, 1943, and 1944 parades, canceled due to America’s involvement in World War Two. It wasn’t that Macy’s thought it inappropriate to hold such a festive event while soldiers were overseas fighting a lengthy and gruesome war, it was because the military was experiencing severe rubber and helium shortages and regulations against overuse extended even to the famous parade. With no way around it, the event was canceled. Macy’s managed to stay in the spotlight, however, donating the balloons to the armed forces in a City Hall ceremony. We’re talking 650 pounds of rubber and who knows how much helium, not too shabby. Pictured is the 1937 Nazi parade in Long Island . . . yup: Long Island—that really happened.[5] 4 Speaking of helium, the parade keeps the industry afloat

While it may seem cute and cozy from the sidelines and TV screens, the parade is no small neighborhood holiday event. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade is currently second to only the United States government itself as the largest consumer of helium worldwide. For now, though, it looks like this consumption isn’t a concern and won’t lead to any shortages, even with the gas needed increasingly for technology.[6] 3Do you have a license for that balloon?

Each of the parade’s inflated balloons has its own “pilot” — the person walking backward in front of the balloon and its group of carriers. The position isn’t just one that employees volunteer for if needed. Rather, anyone selected to perform the duty undergoes special training through Macy’s. Additionally, they must learn to walk backward for 2.5 miles. Training takes place twice a year involving both classroom curriculum and track instruction. And yes, it’s all for the prestige; the crew at the parade work on a volunteer basis, doing it for fun, or to cross off a bucket list item. Even though each of the 15-plus balloons requires 50-100 handlers, jobs are hard to come by. If you don’t work for Macy’s you must be sponsored by a Macy’s employee, which is harder than it sounds, as many volunteers hold onto their positions year after year, with the same gusto as they hold onto their inflatable friends. If you do end up finding a sponsor, you will only be granted a position if you pass the physical requirements for the job. With each balloon handler navigating the route with a 300-500 pound pull, handlers are required to be over 18, weigh at least 120 pounds, be free of heart issues, and bear strapping knees and backs.[7] 2 Felix the Cat gets burned

Does Felix the Cat being the first balloon animal to ride in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade sound familiar? That’s because the actual first cartoon characters licensed, The Katzenjammer Kids, aren’t exactly household names anymore (nor does “Katzenjammer Kids” roll off the tongue as easily). Felix did appear in the parade, but only as a rubber blow-up puppet of sorts. In truth, Felix joined the parade as a helium-filled balloon in 1932. The naughty cat was, however, the first cartoon character in the parade to get into mischief befitting of a feline. The famous cat apparently has a thing for electric lines and playing with fire. The first mishap took place in 1929 when the above-mentioned blow-up puppet got away from its small group of handlers and went straight for the closest electric line, catching fire and going up in flames (also leaving his kitten son, being pulled as a separate blow-up doll, fatherless). The feline showed its pyromaniac tendencies again in 1931 following the onset of the short-lived tradition of setting the balloons out into the wild at the end of the parade. This time, a solo pilot in the air, Clarence D. Chamberlin, tried to claim Felix for his own via lasso (yes, an actual lasso). Alas, the spunky cat broke free, and again headed straight for the electric lines, bursting into immediate flames. Macy’s wouldn’t give up, however, and the releasing of the balloons would last another three years before they decided it might have too many public safety risks associated with it (ya think?).[8] 1 They want you to believe in Santa

Santa Claus has brought the parade to a close for each year of its run, except for 1933, when organizers decided to mix it up by having him mark the beginning of the parade. Seems like a good gig for a Santa-method actor, right? Well maybe, if absolute secrecy about the role is something you can agree to. When the parade was first televised (interestingly, those enjoying the parade at home did so via radio for the first two decades of its existence) in 1948, Macy’s scored Charles Howard, founder of the Santa School (yes, you heard that right) in Albion, Michigan, to play the part. He donned the red suit in the parade until 1965, being hired by Macy’s to work as Santa in their New York City store as well. When Howard retired in 1965, however, the company decided to go back to the traditional stance on Santa — there’s just one, and there he is, on the float! Actors playing Jolly old St. Nick have been anonymous ever since. In a national event featuring only the most famous cartoon characters and celebrities, that’s one impressive feat.[9] About The Author: Janice is a freelance writer and proofreader living in Denver, Colorado. She is a history enthusiast who also loves books, travel, old stuff, and a good list. You can follow her adventures on Instagram and on Twitter.

https://ift.tt/2DQh4mD . Foreign Articles December 06, 2019 at 12:03PM

#. Foreign Articles 10 Offbeat Facts About The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade

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mitchellkuga · 8 years ago

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Writing My Love Story at the Strand, New York’s Most Iconic Bookstore

Published by Condé Nast Traveler

A place where fantastical stories have the potential to come true.

When people find out I got married at The Strand Book Store, the typical response is “You got married in a bookstore?!” But the real shock is that I got married at all. Growing up in Hawaii, I never thought about marriage. Like boat shoes and taking IPAs very seriously, marriage was a thing for straight dudes. Plus I was low-key Buddhist, so what does “forever” mean anyway?

But one sleepless night, after four years of dating, Adam turned to me in bed. “I think we deserve the rights and protections that married people are afforded,” he said, looking me in my eyes. “I want to bury you.”

It was a proposal I couldn’t refuse.

Suddenly, we were tasked with planning a wedding, a life event most people are programmed to envision since childhood, and one that neither of us had previously considered. We waded through an infinite sea of scenarios, from a late-night function at a Brooklyn nightclub to a gazebo overlooking a Hawaiian waterfall. We were sure we wanted to spend our lives together. Far less clear was how we wanted to celebrate that decision.

After arguing about our different ideas, we toured the Strand’s rare book room. Located on the third floor, the handsome space sells limited-edition books by day, before transforming into an event space for book launches and private parties at night. On first glance, it managed to feel sacred but not pious, sentimental without being hokey, and utterly New York (aside from the fact that it was somehow reasonably priced). This is where we would get married, we decided, amongst friends and family and an $800 first edition of Ulysses.

Though gigantic—2.5 million books, both used and new, organized neatly across four sprawling floors—the Strand is still an independent, family-owned bookshop. It was founded in 1927 by a 25-year-old Lithuanian immigrant named Ben Bass, who borrowed $300 for a lease on a stretch of Fourth Avenue formerly known as “Book Row.” During the depression, he slept on a cot in the store’s basement. In 1957, Ben’s son moved the Strand to its current location, two blocks south of Union Square on the corner of 12th Street and Broadway. Of the 48 bookstores originally on Book Row, the Strand is the only one left standing. In the age of Amazon, its status as a literary cultural institution in the heart of New York City feels like a feat of magic.

So does finding love in this city, or planning a wedding for that matter. It’s not like there’s a template for a gay wedding in a bookstore between a Japanese writer from Hawaii and a Jewish artist from Toronto, a vastness that left us daunted, but also granted us permission to play. We mostly wanted to throw a party, one that reflected the contours of our relationship. So on the night of our fifth anniversary, in a room full of rare books, a friend sang Puccini’s “O mio babbino caro,” from the opera Gianni Schicchi; another read an original poem that referenced Michelle Branch lyrics, Corinthians, and Yoko Ono’s tweets; and another lip-synched Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” in full-blown wedding drag, before DJing songs by The Pointer Sisters and TLC. We ditched a dress code, urging guests to come however they felt best, which meant I wore a second-hand Comme des Garçons jacket studded with black pom-poms and a white ginger lei. Dinner was a pile of pickled pineapple, spam musubi, dashi-soaked brisket, and a surprise 10:30 p.m. delivery from Williamsburg Pizza. Our friend Hector, a queer Buddhist with a Rubeus Hagrid-esque beard, officiated. Standing in front of an arch of balloons shaped like a chain, he started the ceremony by asking everyone to tie a red string around someone’s wrist, an imprint of a vow, both yours and ours. In other words, we all tied strands at the Strand. Everything feels fated, mutated into literary metaphor, if you think about it hard enough.

I first wandered into the Strand bookstore seven years before. I was 23, a recent transplant from Hawaii, aimless and alone. Like the glorious odor of a divey gay bar, I found the smell of the used books comforting. You know the one. Musky with notes of soil and discolored paper, fragrant with possibility.

After strolling, wide-eyed, from aisle to aisle—18 miles of books, as the slogan goes—I bought a copy of Michael Chabon’s The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. For the next month, I wrapped myself in the story of two Jewish cousins forging a creative life together in Boerum Hill, the small Brooklyn neighborhood where I happened to be crashing on a friend’s couch. I was thrilled to recognize the street names and guideposts that populated the book, a recognition that made this big new city feel a little bit smaller, and made forging my own creative life in Brooklyn feel a little more possible. As I struggled to piece together a life from that couch, I took the literary coincidence as a sign that I was exactly where I needed to be.

Throughout the years, the Strand became a rest stop, a meeting place, and a guiding light. It’s where I bought my grieving coworker The Year of Magical Thinking after her best friend died. Where I sourced Pema Chodron’s pocketbook during my Saturn return, cheered on friends at their book releases, and discovered queer writers like Jean Genet, James Baldwin, Eileen Myles, and Alexander Chee, who provided roadmaps in the dark. It’s where I purchased that emblem of New York bookishness, a Strand tote bag, which I see nearly every time I take the subway. There’s a reason those ubiquitous totes are such a popular souvenir for both locals and passersby—they are a comforting reminder that even the more improbable stories come true, even the ones about you.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Illustration by Tomi Um

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ronaldmrashid · 6 years ago

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Annualized Returns By Asset Class From 1999 – 2018

Before I show you the 20-year annualized returns by asset class between 1999 – 2018, I want you to guess the following four things:

1) Of the following asset classes, the S&P 500, a 60/40 stock/bond portfolio, Bonds, a 40/60 stock/bond portfolio, REITs, Gold, Oil, EAFE (Europe, Asia, Far East), national real estate, which performed best?

2) What was the annualized return for the best performing asset class +/-0.5%?

3) What was the annualized return for the worst performing asset class +/- 0.5%?

4) What was the annualized return for the average active investor +/- 0.2%?

If you can guess two out of the four correctly, I’ll give you a gold star and might even take your child’s SAT or ACT exam for you.

If you only get one out of four right, you need to go run five miles immediately. If you get zero right, then you need to run five miles, do 100 sit-ups, and 100 push-ups.

There’s no way any of you are getting four out of four right.

Now that we have a deal, let’s take a look at the results to see how reality compares with your biased beliefs.

Performance By Asset Class Between 1999 – 2018

Below are the results compiled by J.P. Morgan, one of the largest traditional asset managers in the world that charge clients 1.15% – 1.45% of assets under management, based on $1 – $10 million.

Asset managers like J.P. Morgan are the reason why digital wealth advisors like Wealthfront were created during the last financial crisis. People wanted to pay lower fees (0.25% by WF) and weren’t satisfied with active management results.

As you can see from the results, REITs is the #1 performer with a 9.9% annualized return. I bet less than 20% of you guessed this one right.

The S&P 500 only returned 5.6% a year between 1999 – 2018. I think most of you would have guessed a higher return. On a relative basis, Bonds, at 4.5%, doesn’t seem too shabby given the lower volatility and risk.

Gold is a real surprise at 7.7% since gold doesn’t produce any income and whenever gold is mentioned, it’s usually in a negative light unless you’re a gangster.

Meanwhile, Homes returned the worst at only 3.4%. The national home price index generally tracks close to inflation (2.2% in this time period). Therefore, a 1.2% outperformance is not bad.

What’s most interesting to me about this chart is how REITs have outperformed Homes by 6.5% for 20 years. This goes to show that professional real estate managers can add tremendous value.

The outperformance also partially explains why experienced individuals who know how to bargain, remodel, expand, and predict demographic changes often prefer real estate as well.

Finally, it’s no surprise to me that the average active investor has only returned 1.9% a year during this time period. Trading in and out of investments is a losing proposition long term due to timing errors and fees. Figuring out when to buy is hard enough. Having to figure out when to sell and then get back in consistently is impossible.

The inability to consistently outperform the market is the reason why the vast majority of us should stick to a proper asset allocation model based on our risk tolerance and our goals in life.

Our core tax-advantaged retirement portfolio(s) should be mostly left alone. I’m talking about our 401(k), IRA, Roth IRA, SEP-IRA, 403(b), and so forth.

For our after-tax investments, it’s worth adjusting our strategies based on a purpose e.g. getting more conservative if buying a house within the next 12 months. See: How To Invest Your Down Payment

Why I Chose 1999 As The Starting Point

In addition to the fact that J.P. Morgan had already crunched the numbers for me, 1999 as a starting point is significant for me because it coincides with my graduation from college and when I started to aggressively invest my savings.

I actually started investing money during my sophomore year in 1996, but I only had about a $2,500 portfolio at the time so it was insignificant. Hooray for making $4/hour at McDonald’s though to learn about work ethic!

Given my vintage year is 1999, my outlook on various asset classes is shaped by the performance of these asset classes during most of my working career.

From 1999-2000, we had a tremendous internet stock bubble followed by a 2.5-year decline. Then we had a nice 5-year run in the S&P 500 followed by another 2-year collapse.

Now we’ve had a nice 10-year run that has surpassed the previous peak by almost 100%. Therefore, readers have to forgive me for not overweighting stocks at this point in time.

Given my working career has only been limited to living in New York City and San Francisco, I have personally witnessed closer to a 6% annualized growth in property from 1999 – 2018.

6% is not much greater than the stock market’s 5.6% annualized return. However, once you add leverage, 6% becomes a significant amount. We’re talking 12% – 30% annualized returns on a 50% – 80% loan-to-value ratio.

When I calculate my compound annualized net worth growth rate since 1999, the number is between 12% – 14%, depending on how I value some of my assets. This is fine since my annual net worth growth target has always been at least 10%.

However, I would attribute more than 50% of my net worth growth to aggressive savings and building a business rather than to returns. In other words, what you do may matter more than you think.

Lower Your Return Expectations

One of my main goals of this article is for readers to keep your return expectations reasonable over the next 10-20 years. If you do so, your risk exposure will likely be more appropriate. You’ll also likely work harder to build your net worth through action.

The second goal of this article is to compare your overall net worth growth to your various investments of choice and see how they stack up. You should try to figure out how much of your net worth growth was due to savings versus returns.

Finally, I want everybody to recognize their biases. I’m biased towards real estate because real estate has performed best for me since 1999. Whereas some of you will be biased towards stocks or other asset classes because they have performed best for you since getting your first real job.

Past performance is no guarantee of future performance. It is likely we will experience some performance leadership changes in the future and will have to adapt accordingly.

For our tax-advantaged investments, including our son’s 529 plan, I plan on leaving them alone. We’ve still got between 16-20 years before we want to access the funds.

For our after-tax investments, I’m reducing exposure to stocks, increasing exposure to cash and short-term treasuries, diversifying our real estate exposure across non-coastal cities through speciality REITs and crowdfunding, and constantly looking for ocean view fixers in San Francisco.

I’m sure I’ll be kicking myself 10 years from now if I don’t buy at least one more ocean view fixer today. I just love the combo of identifying high growth potential investments and boosting returns through rehabbing.

Readers, did anybody get three or four questions right? What are some of your biases? What asset class do you think will perform best in the future? Where are you overweighting your net worth today?

The post Annualized Returns By Asset Class From 1999 – 2018 appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from https://www.financialsamurai.com/annualized-returns-by-asset-class-from-1999-2018/

#Financial Samurai

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rigelmejo · 5 years ago

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i mean im not making progress as fast as id like (cause that speed is always unrealistic)

but im still really baffled and blown away by how much faster chinese has been to pick up than japanese had been. i expected chinese to be harder than french for me to make progress in (and in some ways it is). but i didn’t expect it to only be only maybe a bit harder - at my current progress its probably taking me about twice as long to learn something in chinese. so, for what took me a month to learn in french, its taking me two months. for how far my reading level is, its taking about twice as long to get to that reading point. maybe 3 times as long depending on What i’m reading. But that’s still... pretty good. I can read some comics now, I can read through some entire scenes in dramas, and i can follow action oriented scenes and dialogue in novels. With a dictionary, I could slug through reading things at this point. It’s been 7 months. In japanese after 2.5 years I still could barely read comics - and only simple for 12 and under, with hiragana, slice of life comics. If I used a dictionary, maybe i could read a bit more - and i definitely couldn’t even try to tackle a novel. I still couldn’t tackle a novel in japanese...

I do think the old advice “study what you care about/are interested in” is true in a way. Although I am interested in japanese, I’m interested enough in chinese to be immersed A LOT - watching shows, trying to read all the time, scanning through chinese sites to find things. so I get a lot of exposure. I think all this constant interaction with chinese materials (especially the shows, and the fact chinese shows put chinese subs on their stuff often), has helped my listening tremendously from the initial start. I NEVER watched or listened to french regularly, especially not to the degree i listen to chinese, and it took a year and a college class to even have barely-decent pronunciation. I still struggle to listen to spoken french and comprehend words I KNOW. Whereas in chinese - if i know a word, then i recognize it when i hear it. It especially helps there’s subtitles to also give clues as to which words im hearing etc. I imagine my pronounciation is still pretty yikes - but at least listening wise, i can follow along much easier than french.

Reading wise - I think the advice “consume native content and a lot as soon as you can” is also pretty solid. I didn’t “hand hold” myself. My goal from the jump for chinese has been to be able to read. To read fiction. I’ve got a lot of novels I WANT to read, on my list to read, so its not like I don’t have a large amount of native content lined up that I plan to read through. Chinese has a real active fan community too right now in the things i’m into, so I’m also motivated to want to understand their posts, their amazing fan edit videos that are works of art in their own right, their fanfic, their discussions. Now that I’ve gotten more into dramas, some of the dramas i want to watch most AREN’T SUBBED YET. And.., through this all, its also motivated me to want to get a portion better until I could maybe one day help with some translation teams. Because some of these things I’d like to help translate so they could be translated, and more available to more people. So like... for chinese I’ve just been periodically forcing myself to try to read chinese. Just straight up read the novels I want to read. Every month, I try again. And in between, I try to practice with some intensive and extensive reading on other native materials I am less precisely picky about understanding, and on some graded readers. Each month, it is a SLOG. But it gets noticably easier each time.

The first time I tried to read guardian without a dictionary - i understood the calendar hanzi for the date. That was IT. After a month, I could read a few words. Another month - I could just barely manage to skim, and find a chunk I understood to line it up with an english translation, so that I could spot-check certain lines and words to put them into a translator and get alternative translations that might be better. Another month after that, I tried and could catch some simple dialogue and actions like ‘he said, he went to’ etc - but complicated grammar ruined me. Another month - I could catch some simple descriptions, grammar in long sentences got easier to parse through, along with the verbs/actions/dialogue. Bit by bit the reading gets noticably easier. Same thing has been happening with dramas with no subs - the first watch through my brain physically hurts. The next time, i can barely catch the gist, the next time I can start getting the main ideas. And this last time I tried watching a drama - i mostly followed it! (I imagine, cause reading drama subs is mostly dialogue and thats easier for me to read already).

I genuinely don’t think I’d be progressing as fast if I wasn’t forcing myself to just TRY to comprehend native content regularly, forcing my brain to pull together what it knows and test itself in a way it CARES about.

I think for the hanzi itself... learning has been a bit faster than japanese for a few reasons. 1. most hanzi have only one pronunciation, and often one of the parts of the hanzi hints at its pronunciation (so as you get more familiar with hanzi, you can sometimes guess certain character’s pronunciations or listen to dialogue with subtitles and line the right characters up to the right sounds). This pretty solid set up makes for at least learning patterns you can see and rely on somewhat pretty quickly. 2. for at least some chinese words, they’re made up of one or two hanzi that contribute to the meaning - so guessing meaning from context or ‘building blocks’ actually works sometimes, and thats the easiest way for me to learn vocabulary and remember it. It also means if you only know one of the two characters in a word, you have a decent chance of being able to guess its meaning and be close. 3. I think because the way chinese grammar works, it is just a word order thats easier to parse through at first glance for an english native speaker. Also the times pronunciation does change for grammar is much less than in japanese - for me, at least, all the grammar aspects in chinese are much easier for me to pick up on and read through. (It wasn’t perfect, it still took me 5 months AFTER reading a grammar guide to finally be able to look at a long sentence in a novel and start understanding it). But the lack of verb ending changes, and the way tenses work in chinese, are just much easier for me to follow more quickly. Although you have to learn maybe 2500 hanzi at LEAST before reading without a dictionary might be reasonable (?) compared to around 2000 kanji, the fact there’s mostly only one pronunciation and hints at that pronunciation for a large portion of hanzi make them much more memorable for me to pick up on faster.

#rant #just... im really happy about it #the hardest part has hands down been forcing myself to read the reference books #getting through the grammar guide was a month long slog but SO worth it for how its paying off now #getting through my hanzi books has been so HARD cause my brain HATES focusing that way #but its still easier than flash cards for me #and each time it has been making a noticable difference in my reading ability

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