#and killing her innocence to keep her safe from the things that want to slorp the very flesh from her bones

[lolly-dolli]

That wasn't even the weirdest part of the book or the controversy surrounding it either and I'm mad I can't just. Reach into the aether and manifest them IRL to show it to people. I remember being legitimately mad in the dream because the setting was kinda neat but got ruined by the like. Actual plot

Okay so like

The author was this semi-infamous blogger shitlord dude (think like. "Mid-2000s forgotten Channel Awesome member who hopped on the commentary over videos of CRINGE CHILDREN bandwagon for a bit but is really only known for being smug and not that actually funny" energy). I think his only real claim to fame other than being Smug and Not That Funny was a picture of him in a pinstriped fedora holding an empty, still-dusty crystal goblet that he 100% bought from the nearest thrift shop along with the fedora as props for this specific photo and making an overexaggerated DreamWorks face while looking towards the viewer as if they were both privy to something they both considered to be embarrassing happening just offscreen? I VIVIDLY remember the image and that people constantly posted it when dunking on him though)

Anyway, one of the reasons he was semi-infamous was that he was known to have a weird fixation on some badass tomboy gundam-looking anime-type character, and he'd written this weird dark-and-gritty kind-of-fantasy post-apocalyptic novel where the world is all walking dead-y aesthetics wise but instead of zombies there's The Fae, and also part of the apocalypse is that there are "no more true virgins," but still a need for Virgin Sacrifices to The Fae in A Ritual that also involves soup (not like, people soup, the virgin just had to have a bowl of soup near them, I guess), so the meaning of virgin has changed, but somehow still includes not having sex????? Weirdly enough the dude was staunchly atheist, and the book had a bunch of platitudes relating to God being dead, because no loving god could ever have allowed this to happen, only for the main character to go on a Ready Player One-tier "Stop believing in fairytales and wake up," rant. This happens at least three times.

Anyway the thinly veiled self-insert MC and his thinly veiled waifu-insert love interest are both virgins being hunted down by the fae for some reason, except MC is a Big Strong Man Virgin so I guess that means he must protect the cool badass love interest lady even though she is Tough and Not Like Other Girls (keep in mind these are like 30 y/o characters) because she's a Girl Virgin and I guess also some kind of Special Real Virgin, so she's like. The Last True Virgin maybe and the fae want her for like. A Prophecy or something IDK, but also he Saved Himself For Her so that means he's More Worthy Of Her 30-Year-Old Virgin Coochie, I guess.

Anyway the book became a massive meme because you made a video on it and the Funny Thumbnail had a picture of some other Smug Internet Guy the author had beef, possibly over the anime girl, with Starscourge Radahn looming ominously above him as you look at the camera with a very "ő_ő" sort of face while wearing a pretty sick antler crown with Funny Text that said "NO MORE VIRGINS" right above smaller text that said "GOODBYE TROUT POPULATION," which among reviews of books featuring Egg Suns and Oxycodone Hats and Space Squids and Jake Thorn The Demon isn't all that odd, but it took off because of a viral clip someone cut out of you trying to explain, as calmly as one can through trying to hold back raucous laughter, how the love rival (clearly and proudly based off the aforementioned Guy He Had Beef With) got killed by the moon for not being a virgin when he tried to rescue the love interest.

As in, "the moon came down and hit him like a meteor, crushing and killing him instantly," and this is meant to be a 100% serious death in the book. I think the moon itself is implied to have been fae-connected and also somehow a sapient being capable of having decided to be judge, jury and executioner for this one random guy and then just...never be mentioned again, I guess.

The dream ended with me ranting to my friend over discord (after going down an hours-long rabbit hole researching this dude and going more and more batshit as I reported my findings) about how "the stupid 'no more virgins' setup could've maybe worked if they'd gone with the other definition of virgin as 'pure of heart' because the apocalypse happened and now it's like an Appalachian flannel axemurder survival horror nightmare world or something, I dunno, but he was cumbrained and horny for anime woman with a pixie cut who has definitely already canonically fucked so the premise and setting is wasted"

I wish I could recreate the thumbnail it was so so good

Anyway thank you for providing hours of free, weird book-based content both in my waking and unconscious hours, they bring me great joy

I just woke up from a dream where you reviewed a book where the moon is a sapient being that killed a guy for not being a virgin and a clip of you trying very hard to keep your composure while explaining this scene became a bigger meme than the weird dude who wrote it (who was quite odd in his own right)

I wish the moon was a slut shaming god