#and keep in mind I haven't seen every single thing about freddie

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

After (rightfully) dragging and being skeptical of Rudi’s book, I thought I’d talk about major books which I consider to be the most reliable about Freddie.

Books:

Mercury and Me by Jim

Phoebe’s first books

Don’t Stop Us Now by Thor Arnold and Lee Nolan

I’ve had my disagreements with Phoebe, but that’s more about his assessment of things, not the actual events he presented. I think he’s a pretty good source for information pre-2010-ish (some of his stories took a weird 180 after that to the point where he contradicts himself and other reliable sources). Just keep in mind he presents his own opinion on Freddie’s emotions as fact sometimes even in those books, which, isn’t great. Jim was seen as a good, honest man by those who knew him and the only “agenda” he had for writing his book was grieving and to let the world know Freddie didn’t die alone, and Thor and Lee only wrote their book because they felt like Freddie was different and nicer than how he was portrayed in the film. I see no ulterior motives from Jim or Thor and Lee, especially when nothing they said contradicts other reliable sources in a notable way.

Other books need to be taken with a lot of salt, even if they’re worth checking out. Even David Minns got basic information about Queen like, blatantly wrong (I think the user rushingheadlong talked about this), and it’s difficult to trust him on intimate information about Freddie as a result. Obviously, he was really in a relationship with Freddie lol, it’s just that I don’t consider him to be very factually reliable, and many have noted his intense bitterness, which creates a bias larger than in many other resources (also...he hit Freddie first, so. A hell of a lot of bias comes from someone like that). Rosemary Pearson’s book seems accurate from what I can tell, but since she wrote about an era in Freddie’s life no one else really has, her stories can’t be corroborated by other sources, so keep that in mind.

The fandom has largely discussed how notoriously unreliable Lesley Ann Jones is, even with celebrities other than Freddie (Brian said she barely knew Freddie btw), and that the Brett biography is also too sketchy to really be taken seriously. I’ve already talked about how Rudi’s grifting and history of sensationalist stories, exaggerations, and outright lies make him an unreliable source and his book difficult to believe, so I won’t repeat myself here. Side note: I don’t think it’s a coincidence that a documentary which has some of the most Mary and her egotistical narrative (The Untold Story) was directed by Rudi, either, but this post is about books. I can talk about docs another time.

Tl:dr If only Freddie were here and people were normal instead of straightwashing him and selling sketchy, sensationalist stories that ~just so happen~ to align with the WILD stories tabloids have been pushing for decades; then, we wouldn’t have to act like freaking historians sifting through different narratives and determining which are solid out of the pile of shit (and if only people had an ounce of critical thinking skills and didn’t believe everything they read).

[queennai714]

What do you wanna talk about?

I love tmnt and rottmnt with my whole heart but I feel like I'm not doing any of my other interests justice since that and Ninjago are basically ALL I post about, so I decided i would just make one huge posts with all of my interests just so you guys know what I like (and could maybe send me asks about so I can add more to my hcs series? Maybe? Please?)

So, here it is. A compiled list of most of the things I'm into in no particular order (Just a heads up, its A LOT):

Music (every genre istg I love music so much)

God of War (just got into it so I don't know too much rn)

Lolirock

TMNT ( I haven't seen every iteration but I'm down to talk about any of them)

Bendy And The Ink Machine

Spider-man

Anime (I can specify which ones in a seperate post if anyone asks)

Cuphead

Five Nights at Freddy's

Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel

Ninjago❤❤❤(My fave in all of fiction)

Monster High

Puss in Boots (God I love this cat so much)

Sonic

Vocaloid

Steven Universe

DDLC

Minecraft

Science in general but mainly physics

Coraline (I fr have the whole script memorized I ADORE this movie with a burning passion)

Disney/Pixar Movies

The Amazing World of Gumball

Analysis of any kind (it doesn't matter if I've never even heard of whatever you're analysing, I ALWAYS LOVE IT)

Elmo (Just the character. I've never seen a single episode of Sesame Street in full but I love the little red guy so much)

Avatar: The Last Airbender

The Mummy movies (the og trilogy)

Danganronpa

Escape The Night

Remember, you can ask for specification on anything I've listed!

(Also, keep in mind there is NO WAY I'm gonna be able to remember them all rn so this post is probably going to update occasionally)

The whole reason I came to tumblr was just to have another platform to freak out about the things I love so feel free to rant to/with me if anything you like is on this list

(I was gonna add what YouTubers I watch but felt that they were kinda separate, but I can definitely list those too in a seperate post if anybody asks)

[bohemiansweede]

HOT SPACE

HOT SPACE

Fanfic

Pairing Brian May Reader

Warnings Smut 🔞

A/N Please like and reblog or if you want leave a comment

Thank You

✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️

- No.. I really like the "HOT SPACE" album Bri.. No matter what you or the critics might think..

- It's fuckin disco Y/N...

- Maybe it will take time for it to sink in for some people.. And it is just because you don't dance.. You'll never know.. maybe you like it later on..

Brian shrugged his shoulders and took down the last of his beer before he hinted to the bartender to give him another one

He looked around and saw John, clearly drunk dancing on around the tables, Freddie was happy, he chatted and mingled with everyone, Roger was cheerful and snuggled in his girlfriends neck

- Damn it.. This party sucks aswell.. maybe I begin tog get to old for this shit

The release party was a huge success for everyone.. well.. Everyone else but Brian

- Bri C'mon.. Cheer up a little, a new tour is coming, you enjoy to be on the road right?

- Yeah.. It's not that love.. Ehhmm, I have been thinking a lot lately and... I am well over 30 and.. Damnit.. I don’t have my own family.. Even Roger.. Can you believe Roger got a kid before ME!!

- Brian, you are drunk.., you have never mentioned this before..

You could clearly see the panic form in his eyes and even if he had been drinking, you knew he was right

You sipped on your drink and twirled the tiny umbrella between your fingers

- I am serious Y/N.. I have been so deep into writing and music that I have just literally missed everything else around me and.. I know that don't have a biological clock like you girls but... still... And you? You are still falling for wrong guys or am missing something?

You knew that he was right

All idiots were drawn to you like magnets, and you were closing in on 30..shit

- Sooo... What are you plan then, you are not exactly meeting your wife while sitting in your studio.. Or.. Hey.. You can go to one of thoose clinics and wank off in a mug... Giggle

- No fuckin way.. Are you fuckin mad??? I am kinda famous.. Have you forgot that?

You kept giggling, you could see him in front of you, sneak in there with a big coat and hat..

- Sry Bri... Just thought... Well... If not that and adoption is a deal for you.. I have a suggestion...

He stopped in motion and you could see his eyes widened like he already knew what you were about to say, you had been friends for a few years now and always joked about stuff but..

- Brian.. You want a a kid, a family... so do I, Ehhh.. Sooo ... why not help eachother?

Brian spat out his beer over the bar and almost dropped the glass and if his eye wasn't already fully wide..

His mouth fell open and he started to stutter and you were not quite sure if he was laughing or not

- Ohh.. Omg.. Y/N.. Ehh.. You said I was drunk but.. Omg.. You mean... Shit... Seriously?

He stopped laughing and looked and your serious face

- Omg.. You're really serious

- Hey guys!!! Cheer up!!!

Freddie came bouncing and slammed his palm in Brians back

- The party is over there!!, He pointed with his thumb towards the back of the room

- You go ahead Bri, I think it's time for me to go home..

- You sure sweetie? He wrapped you into a big hug that only he could, are we still having dinner next Friday?

- Yes.. I'll be over at 7 as usual.. You gaved a soft kiss on his cheek and saw him leaving with Freddie

You tried to not think of the embarrassing incidence during the week.

But had you really made a fool of yourself and said theese things? .. If so, you could only hope he would not remember any of it from that night

For as long as you could recall, you tried to hold on to the ritual to see eachother every Friday, from the beginning it was four of you from a science class, now it was only you and Brian

Of course it was a strouggle during the tour, but then he always called instead, from Asia, USA.. Sometimes boyfriends or girlfriends had joined and a few occasions you had been little waisted so you had shared a kiss or two, but.. never more...

You smiled for yourself while you jumped out from the taxi, Brian the hopeless romantic and gentleman

You really wished the best for him, a really sweet girl someone who..

- Y/N!!! HI!!!!!

- Hi Bri... Am I early?

- No.. God you look beautiful .., the food is in the owen, come in

He placed a soft kiss on your forehead and you breathed in his aftershave, he always smelled so good

- I brought wine, shall I open it?

You went into the kitchen where he had prepared vegetarian food, he were an amazing chef, your stomach almost screamed of hunger

He stod silent behind you.. watching

- Y/N.. The other day

- Bri.. I..

- No... S'alright.. been thinking tho... What did you mean when you said we should help eachother

Shit.. There was no turning back from this, he remembered.. every single word

Sometimes you really wish you were an ostrich

- You ok hunnie? He caressed your upper arm and an electrical stream went through your spine

- Brian.. Thing is.. You swallowed hard.. I was kinda hoping you forgot..

- I do not forget things like that Y/N..

You started to fiddle with the corkscrew..

- Have you changed your mind

- No.. No.. But.. I.. We didn't finish talk about it and.. It is not just to buy a loaf of bread you know..

It became silent again, you started to sip on your wine, no matter what were about to happen it was best to get shitfaced, in the corner of your eye you saw Brian pour a glass for himself aswell and never taken it down so fast

- Don't missjudge me, you are very attractive and it is not that... I wa.. I don’t... Damn it... But our friendship.. I am afraid that we are losing what we have..

- Me to Bri..me too, but I want a kid aswell .. And if this is the only way for us.. We might have both friendship and a baby..

- But... He put down his glass.. If it doesn't work.. I mean.. Do we ke..

- Keep trying? Yes.. I want it to work.., you closed the gap between the two of you

- B.. But.. This means that we are going to have sex right.. Shit.. I can't just.. you know.. without touching.. And..

He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip

You placed your head on his chest and trailed your hands up and down his back

- It's ok Bri.. It is just me...

- That's the thing... It's you.. You.. My friend.. My everything..

- Brian... Look at me

It was almost like he forbid himself to look at you, he shok his head and a tiny tear fell from his eye

- I want you... I want th..this.. s.. so bad.. He stuttered.. pl please.. let me kiss you

Finally your lips met, you let out a tiny whimper and your fingers tangled in his dark curls

You pushed your body against his and his hands fumbled with your blouse

- Oh.. No.. Brian.. Shit.. I want this to be so perfect.. Our first time.. Shall we.. shall we.. you phanted in his mouth

- It.. It is perfect love... It is with you..

He turned off the stove, the food were less important now, took your hand and led you down the hall to his bedroom

Never before had your own heart beaten so fast, it felt like your first time all over again, in one way it was but now it was with a man you were so sure of, that you had known so long

His head fell back and his eyes closed again.. you kissed him softly on his exposed neck and he started to breathe faster, his strong arms pulled you closer and you felt every muscle, every fibre in his body wanting you

- L.. Let me touch you..

His voice almost cracked

You helped him by taking his hand up to your breast and already hard nipple, he cupped it gently and started touching it while moaning in your ear

- Please Bri... I...

- Sssscchh... I know... I know.. Let's not rush it ok.. I have wanted to touch you for so long..

Your hips bucked against his crotch, you whole body was in flames

You tried desperately to unbuttoned his shirt and you both giggled a little

He cupped your face with his big hands and looked deep into your eyes

- You do know that I love you so much Y/N..

He kissed you with such passion and intensity, his tounge left a trail along your neck like a lava stream

- Omg Bri.. I.. I love I love you too...

- Mmmmm... There is soo much I want.. Mmm I want to do with you... I have thought about this so long..

He laid you down on the bed as you were a treasure, and hooked his long finger in your jeans

- Lift up hunnie

He smirked up at you and you tried to help him wiggle down your tight jeans, in same motion came your underwear and he gasped after air

- Brian... You have seen this before haven't you..

- N.. Not yours... Shit I.. Want to make you feel so good but I am afraid I might explode

- Bri.. We have time..

He took his long fingers and drawed patterns on your inner thighs while looking at your glistening core, with one finger he followed the slit between your folds up towards your nub and stopped

He looked at you while circling your clit fast with his thumb, his other hand held a tight grip around his member

He removed his thumb and replaced it with his mouth, he flicked his tongue in fast motion, he whined and whimpered against your core and you could tell he was struggling to hold back

- Ahhh Brian ohhh God, feels so good.. Ahhh yes....

Your walls were soon contracting in an orgasm and you took a firm grip in his hair and pulled him closer

- Bri... Ohh Bri... Please... I am ready.. Make me pregnant...

He looked up and smiled at you and once again you saw the tears were building up in his eyes..

Also you felt it...

This could be it..

It could be happening

He placed himself between your legs and kissed you soft on your lips and pushed a piece of your hair behind your ear

You felt him in your entrance slightly stretching you out bit by bit

You were trembling under him

You moved together in unison

His body were shaking and you knew that he could not hold back so much longer

- Omg Y/N... I.. Oh God ohhh.. I am so close...

He tried to slow down his pace but you stopped him by wrapping your legs around his back

- Ohh Yes Brian Fill me.. Fill me.. Please Ahh yes...

You could feel every vein on his throbbing cock was ready to push his seed inside your body

He snapped his hips a few more times until he came, you felt his warm wave of cum through your walls

Your final contractions emptied him on the last drops..

You wanted everything

All your limbs were tangled together, you laid like that for a long time before anyone said anything

- Do you think it worked Y/N?

- Mmmmm maybe?

- You know we cannot go back to the way we were even if it didn't work right away...

- I don't want to Brian...

- Me neither..

This had changed everything for you

And this first weekend actually did work... It planted a little seed inside of you

But neither of you knew that yet

That is another story

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Enjoy more reading in my masterlist

[disabled-queen-hc-blog]

I haven't seen an ED hc on here yet and I need to project a bit so here's this: at the begging all the queen boys were skinny as hell but as time went on the only one who remained that way was brian. and everyone assumed that it was all natural. what they didn't know was that brian consciously started eating less when he got to the age where people's metabolism usually slows down. he was well aware that his skinniness was part of his trademark look and decided he needed to keep it that way (1/3)

he started cutting down the amount and frequency of his meals but the others never noticed - brian had always been peculiar with food (not eating meat or unhealthy things etc.) so they assumed he ate at home whenever he refused the takeout they had in the studio. in the mid 80s they slowly start noticing that brian’s no longer just skinny, but also sickly looking but still don’t say anything, assuming he might have a stomach bug going on (touring can bring that on quite easily after all) (2/3)

then, a couple of months later, brian passes out in the studio and the boys finally connect the dots. they feel incredibly guilty for not noticing the signs and are determined to help brian recover. (3/3) //if you could please write something where the boys realise all this had been going on without them noticing and then try to figure out how to help brian out of this mess while he refuses to believe that he needs help at all (can be gen or you can add a ship if you’d like)

TW explicit mentions of Eating Disorders, Disordered Eating, Anorexia, Orthorexia, Hospitalization and excessive vulgar language. 

All your letters in the sand cannot heal me like your hand…

For my life still ahead, pity me…

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

Again.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

One more time. So you remember how you fucked up.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

24 ribs sticking out from grey ashen skin.

Brian’s bony finger traced over each one as he counted outloud, eyes focused on the full body mirror in front of him.

You remember how handsome you used to be? Remember when theyjutted out like a fucking Greek god? But you ruined it. You ate that chocolatecupcake like the pig you are and now you’re fat again. Fat and disgusting.

“One, two, three, four, five…”

It doesn’t matter if you cry about it. It won’t make you anyskinnier. Put on your running shoes, fat ass.

“Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two…”

RUN!

Brian wiped his face free of the tears, eye’s falling downto his bare feet. Skeletal but most people’s standards but bloated looking tohim. He had blisters on his heels from running a mile every morning, but itdidn’t matter. Pain was beauty, right?

♚

Of all the numbers, zero is the most beautiful. Brianthought that to himself as he ran around his neighborhood, the sun dipping inthe sky, crickets already chirping.

His knees hurt so bad, his chest was on fire and he was surehis blisters had reopened, but he had done this to himself. If he only atethings that were good, he wouldn’t have to run this second mile. If he juststopped inhaling anything that came into sight, he could be home right now,settling into a night’s rest.

But he was out here. In the cold English sunset, wearinglayers of jogging clothes to try and keep warm. He deserved this. Briandeserved this.

The day he hit his goal weight, he’d never have to do thisagain. He’d be doing zero laps.

♚

It was nearly midnight before he tempted to step on thescale.

The bathroom was so dark. Only trickles of moonlight pouredin from the window. He refused to turn on the lights since he weighed himselfnaked. Having to see his bare body was revolting. There was so much wrong withit. His legs were too chubby. His stomach so round. His cheeks akin to a hamster.It was better in the dark.

The cold metal of the scale sent a shiver up his body as hestepped onto it. He had to squint to see the number, but he was sure it hadgone up since this morning. That fucking cupcake.

8 stone.

Tears pricked his eyes. The number had gone down. Why was hestill so big?

So big.

Who could like someone so grotesque as him? With so muchskin? With so much fat?

Brian hugged himself, elbows tucking into his concavestomach.

He was disgusting.

♚

“You’re drinking your coffee black, Bri?” Roger asked, nosescrunched up as he peered into Brian’s coffee mug. Brian pulled the mug closerto him defensively but smiled and lolled his head as if nothing was wrong.

“You know I don’t drink milk, mate,” Brian said, taking asip of the acrid brew, forcing his brow to stay unfurrowed.

“Since when? Thought you were vegetarian, not one of thoseweird animal hippies,” Roger said eyes narrowed.

“Well, I’ve decided through research that the milk industryexploits cows. Did you know that mother cows and their c-“

“Yeah, yeah, alright. You could at least put a sugar or twoin there, you mad man,” Roger said with the wave of his hand, Brian’s plan atboring him with animal ethics having worked.

Brian smiled to himself, taking another sip. Roger was outof his mind if he thought he’d ever put sugar in anything he ate. Might as welleat straight fat. At least his little plan worked.

♚

“Brian, sweetheart, you look absolutely pale! Have you caughta cold?” Freddie said, a hand pressing against Brian’s clammy forehead. Brianducked away from the touch, laughing nonchalantly as he did.

“Perhaps? I feel, uh, fine. Maybe I’m just low in something,”he said as convincingly as possible. His fingers started to twiddle with the sleevesof his shirt that was far too big.

Freddie gave him a look he couldn’t decipher but he nodded.

“Well, you better rest up. Can’t have our main guydeveloping an ailment before our show tomorrow, huh?” Freddie said, a handstraying onto Brian’s bony shoulder. The touch made him erupt into goosebumps.

Did he know?

Does it matter?

♚

“Brian, we need to talk,” John said, his grey eyes big andstormy.

His gut dropped to the floor, heart pounding so hard itechoed in his ears. Was the gig up?

Brian wouldn’t go without a fight.

“What about?” he said casually, crossing one leg over theother, leaning back on the couch backstage.

John sat down next to him, uncomfortably close. Brian didn’tlike people touching him. It made it all the harder to hide.

John looked around to see if anyone was around before heleaned and whispered, “The crowds really big tonight. I, um, I’m kinda nervous,”

Oh sweet jesus. Thank god. Thank god.

The anxiety melted from Brian, a small smile growing on hisface.

“John, how old are you? You silly man,” He said jokinglybefore pulling John in for a hug.

The bassist grew rigid, not reciprocating. It’d only been a second,but the atmosphere grew bleak and heavy. John pulled away, face tightened infear. He looked over Brian for a second before he left in a hurry without somuch as a word.

Did he feel how skinny fat Brian was?

Who cares?

♚

Just because you finished a successful tour does not meanyou get to pig out. Look at all this food. It’s disgusting. Unhealthy. Do youwant to be fat? Don’t you want to be the skinny boy everyone knows and loves?

But I’m so hungry…

Hunger is good. Hunger means you’re strong. Hunger means you’rebeautiful. Hunger means you’re worth something.

I don’t feel good.

You won’t feel good if you get fat. If you stay fat.

I really don’t feel good.

Put that carrot down. Do you know how much sugar carrotshave? Do you want to poison your body with junk?

I think I’m gonna…

The after party for The Game fell silent. They’d all beendrinking, laughing, eating and a few other illegal activities when they heard athud. Hundred of eyes searched the room for the source of the noise untilsomeone spotted a collapsed Brian by the single veggie plate in the corner ofthe room.

Flurries of bodies and voices, yells and whispers erupted,some rushing to the phone, some running over to Brian.

Roger, Freddie and John surrounded their guitarist, panicfueling their every move.

“He’s bloody cold! Has someone called 999?” Roger shouted,rolling Brian over so he was on his back. It was a frighteningly easy task todo, the guy being light as a feather.

“Brian, sweetie, wake up please. Help is on the way, love.Stay with us, please,” Freddie pleaded, eyes misty as he held Brian’s handbetween his own, hoping to warm it up some.

John just stood next to the three, mouth and tongue seized,body trembling uncontrollably.

This is good. This is really good. Maybe soon you’ll benothing. Zero. A beautiful number. A beautiful state to be in.

♚

“…He was in fucking heart failure…”

“…electrolytes too low…”

“…emaciated…”

“…bone’s of a 60 year old…”

“And if he had died?”

“…you never said anything!”

“…was I supposed to know what this was?”

“He’s alive no thanks to any of you…”

♚

Brian’s eyes opened sluggishly, theonly thing he could seeing being an intense white light.

Was this it? Was he in heaven? Was allof this finally over? The pain and the cold and the empty stomachs and the migraines?Was that all gone now?

“He’s awake,” a mousy voice said.

Brian’s vision cleared, revealing awhite ceiling.

So he wasn’t dead.

He looked in the direction the voicecame, shivering when he saw it was John. His face was so swollen and so redfrom crying. It looked like he’d done a week’s worth. When their eyes met, Johnlet out a heart shattering sob, burying his face into Brian’s bed sheets. Theywere soaked.

Why was John crying so hard? He justpassed out was all. Nothing to be bent over.

His eyes scanned the room for other faces.

He found Roger’s. His eye bags wereunprecedented. His hair mused like he’d been trying to pull it out. Rogershrunk back into his chair, looking down at his shoes instead.

He didn’t have to look for Freddie.

Freddie walked up to Brian’s bed, hisface untelling. He looked at Brian’s IV, which he just now noticed he hadbefore he opened his mouth to speak. He faltered for a moment but spoke.

“Brian, I am so, so sorry,” he said,voice cracking, throat dry. He reached for Brian’s hand, but Brian pulled away,shaking his head.

“For what, Fred? I just passed out! It’sno one’s fault,” he said incredulously. They all looked like train wrecks for asimple blackout?

Freddie recoiled at Brian’s wordsbefore he softened again. His eyes parted from Brian’s, licking his lips. Whydidn’t anyone want to look at him?

“Brian…you didn’t pass out. You wentinto heart failure. You were in the ICU for 3 weeks in a coma. It…they had touse the electric paddles on you on two separate occasions,” his voice grewthick, obviously trying to push away the urge to cry and scream.

“They thought you weren’t going to makeit,” Freddie mouthed, his shoulders caving in as a few tears escaped down hischeeks.

Brian blinked before finally look downat himself.

Various bruises on his arm fromdifferent IV’s and blood draws Burn marks on his chest. And a line running downhis chest, all stitched and taped up.

A number 1, almost.

Not a zero.

He looked up to Freddie, jaw hanging.

“You needed a bypass, Bri,” Freddiesaid, a nervous hand rubbing his neck.

“W-Why?” Brian choked out, his mindhaving gone blank.

Roger snorted from across the room. “Youknow why,” he said bitterly.

And it was true. Brian knew why.

The room was quiet except for Deacy’smuffled sobs.

“I…I…the…I..can’t bloody think withyour crying, John!” Brian snapped. He didn’t mean it, he really didn’t.This..illness made him do horrible things. Nasty things.

John responded by growing smalleralthough his crying didn’t. Freddie wanted to bark back, but this wasn’t right.None of it was. Instead, he grabbed John and left the room. Roger was the onlyone who could talk to Brian about serious stuff anyways.

Brian gulped when the door slammedbehind the two. Now it was just him and R-

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Rogerasked, playing with the hem of his shirt. There was no malice in his voice.Just a simple question.

“I..didn’t think anything was wrong,”Brian said, which was the truth.

This, whatever it was, made the worldsplit in two. Reality and what went on his brain both felt real. He knew he wassick, but he wasn’t. He knew he was skinny but he wasn’t. He knew he was dyingbut he wasn’t. It was hard to know the truth sometimes. All the times. It washard to reach out when everything felt both okay and crumbling. Which was thetrue one?

Roger let out a puff of air from hisnose, eyes fluttering shut, desperate for sleep. In times of crisis, he seemedto be the only one capable of keeping their wits about, so he’d been on babysittingduty for nearly a month. He wanted his bed so bad.

He wanted his best friend too.

“That’s fair,” he said with a sigh.There was another silence between them before Roger got up and padded over toBrian’s bed side. He plopped himself onto the uncomfortably wet sheets but paidthem no mind, instead looking at the skeleton before him.

“We’re all really sorry, Brian. None ofus knew you were fighting a battle alone. We just thought…I don’t know what wewere thinking. But we thought you had a handle on whatever you were doing and thatwas wrong of us to just assume,”

“You needed us and we weren’t there.There’s only so much we can do about the past though, right? But we’re gonna behere for you from now on. When they send you to the psych w-“

“Psych ward?” Brian spat out, sittingup straighter in bed.

That’s where crazy people go. I’m notcrazy. I’m fine. I’m fine. I don’t belong there. They’ll make me eat. They’llmake me gain weight.

Roger just took in Brian’s anxiety, an uncharacteristicallygentle hand laying onto Brian’s bandaged chest.

With the sincerity and sweetness of amother, Roger said, “We almost lost you Brian. We almost had to bury you. We’renot going to let that happen again. You’re not going to leave us like that,”

Brian laid back against the bed, hisonly veiny and pale hand going over Roger’s.

Nothing felt real. Nothing made sense.Nothing was good. But he knew he could trust Roger. That infernal voice buzzingin his head might have been his constant companion, but Roger was his bestfriend. And best friends don’t lie.

Brian blinked away a few tears, hiswhole body tired, in pain and in a mental tug of war, but he said, “Okay,”Roger collapsed for the first time in weeks.

♚

John held onto Brian so tight, his faceburied into his neck. He would prefer to never let go, but he knew he had tosoon.

“Brian, I lo- you’re my best friend,okay? Get better?” he said before letting go. Brian smiled, patting his back.

Freddie came in for a hug next, meltinginto Brian’s embrace.

“I need my guitarist back. My soul brother,”Freddie said, kissing Brian’s cheek.

Lastly was Roger who just held out hishand for a shake. A firm one.

“See you soon, mate.”

Brian looked at all of them, taking intheir faces before he had to go. Wheeled out from the hospital and into the vanthat’d be taking him to the psychiatric ward.

The future ahead was scary and unknown,but he wanted to charge ahead. He wanted to live. For his friends, his family andmost importantly, himself. He wanted to play guitar and sing and eat and neverworry again.

All he wanted was to be four again.

Not zero.

Never zero.

Take heart my friend we love you

Though it seems like you’re alone

A million light’s above you

Smile down upon your home

[rogertayloriskindacool]

You’re a legend, Freddie X

I’M WAY TOO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THIS STORY HELP ME

previous chapter

Roger Taylor x Reader

description: The reader is suddenly in the 70's and she realizes that the only thing she must do in the past is meet Freddie Mercury.

word count: 1.3k

warnings: anxiety & bad, bad words

          "Are you coming?", Roger yells from the front door as I'm still trying to find a shirt to wear.

"Can't you wait a second? I can't go outside with no shirt. I wish I could but apparently it's not appropriate", I yell back at him and finally find a shirt that matches my jeans. 

"I wouldn't mind", he says as I'm walking towards him trying to tie my shoes at the same time.

"Well, that isn't a surprise, really", I fluff my hair a little bit trying to make it prettier. Some days I wish I'd have Roger's hair. It looks better than mine every single time. 

We're walking slowly to the recording studio. Roger has a cigarette between his lips and I try to walk so that the wind wouldn’t blow all the smoke into my face.

Roger insisted that I'd come today because he's been planning a big drum solo and apparently I have to be there to hear it. I'm pretty sure the song’s Keep Yourself Alive and I've heard too many times to count. I'm not gonna tell that to Roger, though. Wouldn't want to ruin his excitement. He's just so eager for me to hear it. It's cute.

           "Hey, John! Life been treating you good?", I hug him. We haven't seen each other in a while and I've missed talking to him quite a bit. 

"You know... just been writing your favourite songs", he hugs me back and smiles. I see Brian doing something with his guitar on the recording side of the room. I wave at him and he waves back. He still hasn’t really warmed up to me.

"So what are you recording today? Roger's only been talking about some incredible drum solo I must hear", I sit down on the sofa and Deaky sits next to me.

"But haven't you hea-", I shush him before he gets to continue the sentence. It really hasn't occurred to Roger that I have, in fact, heard his drum solo.

"WAIT, SHIT YOU'VE HEARD IT", Roger realizes after hearing Deaky. He looks so disappointed, it's sad. John starts laughing. He can't believe Roger didn't realize it earlier. 

"It's Keep Yourself Alive, isn't it?", I ask them biting my lip. Roger walks up to us and sits in the little space Deaky and I have between us. 

"Yes...", he answers. 

"Well, you'll be happy to hear it's one of my favourites!", I turn my head towards Roger and try to move his hair off his face. I like to see his eyes when I'm talking to him. 

"Of course it is! The drum solo's gonna be amazing!", he tells me and I laugh. We stare at each other for a little too long.

                 The boys have been recording for a few hours now. Freddie got here late but everything else has gone as planned. I mean I'm pretty sure Freddie always plans on being late so I guess that went according to the plans too. 

"Hey, I'll go get you guys some coffee, any special orders?", I ask and they all start talking at the same time. I try to understand what each of them wants and start walking to the elevator that’ll take me to the front lobby. 

I walk into the elevator and as I'm pushing the button I hear someone yell.

"Don't let the doors close", I'm pretty sure it's Brian. What is he doing here? I put my leg between the doors so they wouldn’t close until Brian gets here.

"So... what you doing here?" I ask the tall boy next to me.

"I just want a snack and you wouldn't know what to buy. I'm a vegetarian", he sounds kind of rude but I know he didn't mean it to come out that way. 

"You know, I'm a vegetarian too. Have been for years", I try not to laugh. Me and the boy who doesn't really care for me have something in common. That's exciting. 

Then the elevator stops but the doors don't open.

"What's going on?", I start to panic. 

"It just does this sometimes. We just have to wait for the repair guy. He'll be here in about 15 minutes", Brian tells me calmly but I'm getting more and more anxious every second.

I sit down on the ground trying to keep calm. Brian notices that and sits down next to me. 

"Sorry. I'm pretty good at panicking in every situation", I let out a little laugh. I'm tapping my fingers to the floor trying to concentrate on that.

            "Why don't you like me?", we had been quiet for a few minutes, but I have to ask him. He looks surprised by the question. 

"It's nothing personal. You're just impossible, you can't be what... who you claim to be", he says and smiles at me. I sigh and do my best not to take it personally.

"I get it. I wouldn't believe me either", I close my eyes and try to forget I'm stuck in a God damn elevator. 

"Do you have your phone with you", Brian asks me and I nod.

"Always", I say and take it out of my bra where I keep it literally all the time. It's the 1970's and I still can't go anywhere without my phone. Isn't that just sad?

"Show me some pictures, explain them to me. It'll take your mind off of this situation we have here", he says meaning the whole being stuck in a small elevator and panicking a lot because of it -situation. 

"Oh, yes, okay. I'll do that", I open the gallery on my phone. "Choose an album, just click the one you want", I tell Brian and he looks at my phone more closely. 

"WhatsApp images. What the hell does that mean?", he laughs and clicks it. 

"It's mostly images my friends or family have sent me. You're gonna wanna die when you see what dumb shit people take pictures off", I scroll to find a funny one.

"Oh my God, this is a picture of my little brother eating in the living room. I just had to send a picture of it to my mom, so she'd know what he was doing. There's absolutely no way I could've just like waited for 2 hours till she got home from work and tell her face to face", I laugh and feel so dumb. 

This is a thing I did everyday. I would send pointless pictures to my mom just so I could rat out my brother doing forbidden things. 

"I feel you judging me, I'm sorry", I laugh looking at Brian's face. He's clearly very worried about the future and fucking hell, he should be. I keep scrolling through the pictures and Brian follows closely.

"That one had the date in it", he points out and I feel my heart stop.

"Please, don't tell Freddie you know. I feel so bad for not telling him but I just don't want him to know”, I say, terrified of changing the history. 

“He probably knows he's not alive in the time I'm from and I just don't want to tell him when that is", I can't stop rambling but I'm just way too worried. I feel so bad.

"Fred's not alive in 2018?", Brian looks sad. I shake my head and say I'm sorry.

"Don't worry. I won't tell him. He shouldn’t know. It's kind of exciting to know where you're from, though. In a way, it explains a lot", he smiles at me and I realize I've forgotten all about being stuck in an elevator. The minute I do remember, the doors open. 

           "Oh my God, Y/N! Are you okay?", Roger's been waiting on the other side of the door and he goes straight in for a hug. 

"Yes. I started to panic a bit but Brian helped me", I hug Roger back and mouth thank you to Brian. He smiles back at me and I feel like he's finally accepting me. 

I feel like I'm starting to accept me. 

I’m in the 70′s and that’s alright. 

the next chapter

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