#and just.. above all; i don’t think there’s a sock knitting method i’m happy with

[fingertipsmp3]

They need to invent a knitting socks that doesn’t make me want to stab myself in the eye

[knittedkneil]

Production Paralysis and WIPs

Something that’s been on my mind quite a bit is something I like to call “Production Paralysis” (PP), my own acronym. Now, this is similar to procrastination, but in fact the reason I’m making this specification is because I find it to be the regularly occurring procrastination of specific tasks when otherwise completely available.

What does this look like?

For me, it’s like this. I get up in the morning on a saturday, world is calm, and I’m feeling alright. I’ve planned several tasks, and these are all projects I’d like to do. the first task, is something I’ve been planning to do for a little while- but whenever it’s time to do it. I freeze. I don’t get out of bed because I’m thinking about it, I’m psyching myself up for it- but for some reason it doesn’t happen.

Another example, I have a bag of knitting projects. I get through and finish some objects, a shawl, a hat- but something like a pair of socks. I see it. I pivot. I can’t put myself in the mindset to. Just. Do it. Comparatively it’s an easy task, but it’s like there’s a block.

This frustrates me, because I like to get things done. I feel go doing these tasks, but for some reason it’s not coming. Can it be related to other things? A manifestation of stress? Perhaps- but there are other tasks that are similar that I can accomplish.

There’s aren’t any particular deadlines, which do activate me but stress me the hell out.

So, I think about it. Even though it’s still something I struggle with, here are some things I meditate on:

This is about my emotions

Like procrastination, I need to draw the focus away from the idea that this is all a productivity problem. It’s not about being lazy. It’s not about an unwillingness to get things done.

It’s an emotional response.

Things that hit me in those moments are feelings, like being overwhelmed, or not feeling good enough, or that the process is going to be uncomfortable.

So I’m going break that down.

I feel overwhelmed when I think about this task. (In this case my poor orphaned projects)

Above are a couple longstanding projects. You’ll noticed that the pattern motifs are similar but I’ll get into that later. More importantly. I look at them, and I imagine all of the sheer work that needs to get done and I’m not sure if I can do it. So I avoid them. I keep them in my project bag- and when I’ve finished everything else it’s just one glance, then NEXT!

I’m overwhelmed because I feel Ike this stakes are so high. The duffle bag, I want it to be the center point of a book I’m trying to write. I want this to be proof that what I’m thinking about *works* well. That’s a lot for one little project to hold. The dark scarf, it’s a really big lace motif, it’s gotten easier to do as I’ve become comfortable but it’s harder to feel the progress on this, because I’m always in the thick of it and never really finishing the repeat (it’s 40 row repeat XD)

So how do I approach this? I’m going try and break it down.

For the lace motif, rather than thinking in large 40 row, I noticed the smallest scallops are only about 11 rows long. SO. I try my best to work in that unit. It’s less than 4 varying repeats of one his repeat. I give myself those little goal posts. Then, when you are working at it, there’s this really cool technique called the Pomodoro Method. That means you just break the task up into 25 minute increments with small increasing breaks in between. You get whatever you can get done in 25 minutes then you let it go no matter where you are in the process. Then you do it again for another 25 minutes until the task is done. Because the idea of 40 rows are still daunting to me, I do that for a couple of my little goal posts and my plan is to do that regularly each day until I finish!

Now the duffle, stakes are high. How do I get around that? This is harder for me because it’s a question of my worth, the value of my ideas, and a reflection of my skill. Which brings us to the next point.

I don’t (or the project doesn’t) feel good enough.

This is two pronged. My duffle bag requires of me much more skill than I currently have. I had to learn how to attach a zipper to a project for first time. I need to learn how to attach hardware, need to figure out a good pattern for straps- and on top of that I don’t even know if that duffle bag, the centerpiece of my book, is going to look good enough. Even as, I write this, I can feel those thoughts tighten my chest.

I’m catastrophising: What that means is that I’m letting my mind run with every bad outcome that can possibly be. It’s not going look great. It won’t be functional. No one will like it. I won’t like it. I’ll have wasted all of my time for nothing. What I need to do is stop. And question it. Do I really know those things to be true? Will those things actually happen? Am I allowing space for the best outcomes as well? What I have to remind myself is that the best outcome is just as likely as the worst. It really can turn out amazing. I need to give myself that space.

I’m being resistant to growth: There is so much to figure out. That’s just it. Can I do it? Will I be good enough to do it? So, I have to tell myself to be kind. To tell myself that every step is a journey, much like my post on sweaters. At the same time this is a different project in a lot of ways. It’s stretching me. That’s okay.

I’m not being compassionate to myself: This is one I catch myself doing a lot. A lot of my personal culture growing up. The idea that I could do better, translates in an unkind way in my head by default so I always find myself needing to change the conversation I have with myself in my head. Something that’s helped me is to ask myself. Would I say that to my sister? She and I are really close, and we come to each other when we are struggling- if it’s something I wouldn’t tell her because it was unkind. Then I shouldn’t be telling myself that either. So finishing projects might take longer than I expected. It may not turn out exactly the way I want. That’s okay. My efforts aren’t wasted. I am good enough, and it is good enough. Everything is beautiful in it’s own way.

What if the project really isn’t good enough? There’s no reason why you shouldn’t frog it because you aren’t happy. (Above is a beanie I had ALMOST finished but. I just ended up not liking how the ribbing didn’t quite gel with the rest of the hat) IT’S. A LOT OF PROGRESS. You say. Yeah. You can still start over. Which segways into the next point.

The process is going to be uncomfortable.

When I’m in the thick of things, I play this game where I pretend that if I just keep my head down and keep going down this same path it will magically get fixed without any effort.

Yeah. That doesn’t always happen.

You can try and fix it. I feel like real skill is not just learning the complicated stitches and patterns. It’s how to recover after you make a mistake. I learned a lot about brioche when I forgot to do a whole two decreases in the west knits shawl pattern. So, I frogged in that section and learned how to rebuild that section without having to frog all the rows in their entirety. The stitches were tight/looser than they should be but... still gorgeous

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s yours. Something my aunt always tells me when she makes an error on her silk paintings or her water colors. “Now it’s artisan, because you can tell it was handmade” The mistake didn’t break the piece. It elevated it. This is your piece and if you wanted something that looked like every other thing you could have just bought it. You can riff it. If you didn’t do enough increases/decreases you can find ways to change it further to match the stitch counts you need. There’s always a way.

But, If you need to frog it. Do it. Yes, you’ll have to start all over again, yes you’ll need to do more work. But that effort was not wasted. You learned something important about this, and that’s exactly what it was there for.

I completely frogged the yoke on the top red sweater- which later became my Red Herring Sweater. The duffle bag and dark scarf— are still waiting for some love. The viney hat crown I finished (the only one out of this whole table) The blue faire isle scarf? Not wide enough. The cast on wasn’t thick enough. Frogged. That GORGEOUS Baby sweater? Took too long. The baby long outgrew my sizing- Frogged. But that’s all okay. I grew with each piece and I’ve been getting better and better.

What I’m trying to say is that growth doesn’t happen smoothly. It’ll get hard. I try to imagine the finished piece when it’s particularly in a hard spot, and I feel really discouraged. I remember why I started it in the first place. Maybe that could get me through. Find a way to get yourself in an emotional place that can work for you, may think about it differently OR don’t, maybe it’s not the thought but the process that counts. Remember in knitting everything is built one stitch at a time. You’re making fancy knots on string. Everything is just based on a knit, you know that, build from there.

Nothing is too hard. It just takes patience, time, and commitment.

Thanks for sitting with me, as I break this down. This post is a lot for me, as I find a way to pick up those needles and finish those resting projects. If you like my long form posts, there may be couple more on my blog— and a couple more on the way. Things kind of float in my head that need this kind of gestation to completely get it. I also have instagram! Same username! For all my links you can go to knittedkneil.com/links

This was the last project I finished :) I’m really REALLY proud of it, and I’ll try to remember this feeling for when things get hard.