#and just cuz u delete something doesn't mean it's not still out there

[kalloway]

kinda wish I'd been recording the process of this because it'd make it VERY obvious I don't work smartly at all, and that's why all my rough 'shading' layers are so messed up because I made alterations as I went lol

anyway, another WIP - this time of my OC, Beck (who I have not posted about in ages lmao) from the Android AU Been having Thoughts(tm) about this bastard character of mine and how I could make him even worse than he already is 8) hehe

[v-anrouge]

UGIGIUGI APOLOGY POST (that doesn't actually apologize for shit lmfao)

this is hopefully the last post ill be making about this because finally she decided to do something other than ignore everything so i thought this is a good way to end the situation officially

so yeah fandom drama down below just scroll if u don't enjoy seeing things like this

i apologize for any english mistakes or any errors in this post my tumblr and keyboard are very silly goofers

let's start this off by saying that ugigiugi already started this shit wrong because she posted that apology while all sorts of contact anyone could have with her was cut down which means she doesn't actually care if she's forgiven or not she just wants to get away with her shit

now onto the screenshots

the apology post already starts off wrong cuz how the fuck do you apologize and then say the things you're apologizing for are only accusations like bro?? make this make sense and not only that but IMMEDIATELY after posting the apology she already started throwing excuses the

"I've seen worse" excuse DOES NOTHING, it doesn't fucking matter if you've seen worse that doesn't make it okay it never did its seriously hilarious to me how a person that is almost 30 really thought that this was an good thing to post on a post that was supposed to be apologizing for her MULTIPLE disgusting actions. also i don't fucking care if japanese "culture" is full of hentai girl you're Italian not japanese and this is happening in the fucking english fandom😭😭 and don't act like people don't criticize the multiple fucked up things about japan porn industry EVERYONE does, once again your attempt to excuse yourself makes absolutely no sense. stop fucking acting like this whole situation isn't people asking your ALMOST 30 ass to take accountability and fucking delete the art u made with the tweels because your oc is fucking 26 and the tweels are 17. if your art was in an aged up au things would've been very different but instead for some reason you thought it would be a good idea to age yourself down a few years, still keep it illegal, and make pedophilic porn between a 26 year old and 2/3 17 year olds, you're acting as if ppl calling u out were a little grouo that randomly decided to start attacking and harassing you for no reason when the reality is people just wanted for you to apologize for your mistakes but instead you kept avoiding the situation which made the whole thing get worse, the size of this mess is entirely YOUR fault because if you had apologized and moved on with your life people would've stayed quiet instead u decided to act like a oppressed victim being cyber bullied

once again you hit us with the failed attempts to excuse yourself, idk what goes on with people but the minute yall enter the internet u guys expect to get away with everything u do and the moment someone calls you out yall immediately start acting like you're getting harassed attacked hunted down being chased down the streets like bro no💀 idk if this is an america thing or what but i feel like some of you just completely forget the concept of "owning up to your mistakes and accepting getting called out because that is the way you learn and grow as person"

the second argument is also a fail because 1- that doesn't excuse shit 2- you could've aged them up.

the transphobia thingy i wont be commenting because me personally i gave never seen the screenshots of you being transphobic but what the fuck does yaoi have to do with it 💀

i also don't understand that politics part idk why it's being brought up idk what the fuck that anon is on but it's really fucking weird

the last part genuinely made me laugh because of how pathetic it is 😭😭 you're acting like you're being attacked unfairly by a bunch of 12 year olds for idk stealing a crayon when in reality you called poor people annoying and said that working to survive is embarassing and people that do so have no self respect, compared poor people TO SLAVES. copied MULTIPLE artists never gave credit WHATSOEVER and made pedophilic porn. second of all you DID NOT apologize 💀💀💀 this whole post is you trying to have a "gotcha" moment trying (and failing miserably) to come up with excuses to try an seem like a better person and you think you apologized cuz u started this joke of a post with "i apologized"

i don't think i need to repeat myself on how you're acting like the victims but it really shows the type of person you are when you actively ignore your mistakes try to delete evidence cut of all sorts of interaction with the ppl except those who are foolish enough to defend you and act like all of your actions weren't bad at all and you shouldn't be held accountable, you know what's childish ugigiugi? turning off asks, comments and reblogs so that you can finally escape the very valid claims with proof everyone has of you because you can't accept the fact that you are in fact a bad person, that's embarassing, you call us childish and say that ppl attacking you aren't mature yet you're almost 30 and running away from your mistakes crying and sobbing acting like the victim of the situation

1/10 apology - didn't actually apologize for shit brought up stupid arguments to try and excuse herself, gets a point simply because it was funny how bad this is

[just-my-type-x]

Wait you guys might be on to something. You think he knows and while he doesnt like the way fans take over the narrative and make it something else, he secretly enjoys all the attention while the women in this case Stas carry on this obsession? Because this would so explain the whole Shea thing too. For years she bullied and fought the idea of another girl around him, obsessed over the idea of more with him and them being compatible in the same way Stas is currently doing. Did these weird photoshoots and videos with him. He then ignored the shipping but still did enough to push it forward by again posting photos and videos about her. He’s done it with both. Shea the patty cake video when so many had mixed feelings about the Always tired shoot, the photo dumps, and with Stas; the video of her and him at edc holding hands and sliding down the slides, and little comments on how she made him like festivals or came over to dye his hair, aggressively kissing the cross necklace she gave him in the react channel when so many made a big deal about that plastic thing. The only one he doesnt do that to is Amber and i think its because she’s publicly said there’s nothing going on. Sometimes even the comments he favorites are girls expressing how they’re in love with him and more.

Plus both girls tend to write this very depressing and moody poetry and loose themselves in the process by mimicking his style. Its all very strange but also interesting to analyze because yes do they do it on their own, or is the reason they take it so far because they know he supports it? Is he happy being single and controlling his own narrative but also enjoys the attention these girls give him 🤔?

Ngl my head went like this 🤯 reading this because i tried connecting the dots while remembering all the stuff u mentioned haha. I think he doesn't afford putting Amber in all this because tbh she's the only one who has her head on her shoulders and doesn't let her life rulled by a man, she puts herself first and doesn't need colby to be relevant. While she doesn't need relevance from Colby, stas needs it cuz otherwise she doesn't have a job. To be honest, i don't think the girls would continue to be in this position if they had nothing to gain from him. I mean he does delete comments where he's shipped with her, yet she doesn't like being called out by fans who say he's not into her. To me it's like a tom and jerry type of thing, because colby pushes this away, while stas attracts everything to shove it in Colby's face? idk, to me it looks like she takes every comment and she's like "look, look, they're shipping us why can't u just accept this". I know it sounds rude but i had no way into proving what i actually think this whole merry-go-round of their is. It also sucks that shea is just brought up randomly whenever people tend to talk too much about Colby being interested in the other one so he just throws people off by doing stuff like this with someone else just to erase suspicion. I think he really enjoys being single and whenever there's something too serious, he finds a way to let people know he didn't change his mind. he backs away when things are misunderstood, moment when the girls take action and go above and beyond to prove otherwise. It sucks to be in their shoes, because i wouldn't bark at this tree for such a long time, being aware that i gain nothing for my feelings, i get disappointed and not necessarily used, but they're so far up stuck in his ass that they do whatever fits the gossip

I've seen a lot of fans say colby should make up his mind and stop playing games cuz it's tiring and boring, but the girls are also doing this willingly for the hell of it or they actually believe there's actually something more going on

And as of the kissing of the necklace, i doubt he was doing that thinking where he got it from and i really don't understand how people can go above and beyond worshipping this kind of gesture between, as far as what we know, friends, when knowing Colby's very religious as he is

[saddarkentruths]

I haven't talked to my friend about it yet, but I did put her on "archive" on messenger which basically means u can't see her, but nothing is deleted. And she's on mute, so she can write to me, but it won't pop up on my inbox.

However, if I write to her, she will come back into inbox, but remind muted.

This is something I've done to people when I feel it's too much to see them or the temptation to talk to them, when I have to hold back and not say something in anger or frustration, just out of sight out of mind.

I saw she had sent a message saying she'll press on her bf for when he would meet me, I replied with 👍 then archived her again.

After a while I took a pic of the tea she gave me and told her it was good, then archived again.

She hardly talks to me to begin with, so it's nothing new.

Not much on insta, snap or messenger.

So maybe

Maybe I wouldn't notice her gone?

Would she, or does she think about what will happen if I'm gone?

Maybe her bf is enough..

But if I do meet him I have to stay on track.

Don't show any upset, use the usual silly personality I got going (which is me but I'll obviously be calm when I'm upset), smile and befriend him, maybe?

That will help

I don't think it will

I've already seen the two roads this will go.

It all depends how I will act when I meet him, and then all on his take of me.

If he doesn't like me? Don't want to meet me again?

That's it.

Ultimatum taken.

I'll quickly and quietly be less and less for her, she deserves someone good.

I'm petty, I wouldnt leave her, not for the world. I'm selfish and I know it.

But after all the shit she's been through, despite all, if I have to go for her to be happy?

Then I'll go.

It will hurt, it does hurt, so fucking much.

But at least I'll know I'm not the one who gave the ultimatum

Or am I?

I don't think lying down when realising how much she cares about him goes under this, but maybe I just don't understand it.

Yes I could try and stand up and explain exactly what I see is gonna happen, that ik what's gonna happen, and she knows it does cuz I see it.

And that sounds so stupid now that I'm reading it back.

There's two roads, you're in the middle, do and say this, here's two more roads, and this keeps going until you either realise you went the wrong way or all worked out.

And I already know her, and her emotions, how she's gonna react, and from what I've heard of him, I can see where he's gonna come in, be possessive and steer her away, even tho she says it's fine or he got nothing on her, but it's gonna work, and I see it.

If they do break up and she comes back to me, she can't know I'm cheering inside, but I'll then know its gonna happen again, that maybe I also have to step back and realise we weren't as meant to be as we said.

She's gonna go looking for that "high" again, and maybe that's the time I'll lose her.

I couldn't compete with this, she needs romantic stuff, intimacy and I can't give her any of it.

I just thought she were the same as me when it came to this, but clearly she didn't even know herself

Unless it's all been a lie

Maybe she didn't even know.

What I do know is that if I speak about this, what I feel, I've taken the wrong path, that path doesn't have many other crossroads, and it's not a game u can reload.

So I'll take the quiet road, I'll try to befriend him, it won't work, I already know.

But maybe, I hope, there's still a small chance it will be OK...

Doubt it tho.

[rrxnjun]

tbh word counts suck so much imo😭 it must be annoying having to delete parts and even just figuring out what to delete must suck ☹️ (although sometimes i wish i had this problem cuz i never reach the limit🥲) writing essays for philosophy doesn't sound like fun thats for sure!🫡

i don't think u sound like a nerd!! it just shows that u enjoy what u are learning rn, which is a very good thing imo!!!!🥳🥳

this school term is the last one where i officially have to learn german but i will still need to get a language exam from it to be able to finish my university studies one day😭(but i have a couple of years until then so hopefully i will be able to actually learn it properly by then🫡) reading a book in german sounds interesting but u definitely have much will power (?idk if this is the right word to use for it?) that u looked up words!! i don't think i could get myself to do that🥲definitely hoping that we will get better at it!! i agree it certainly is a pretty language!!! although i feel like sometimes it just feels silly in a way(??)😭 idk how to explain it but some words just do not feel like they should mean what they mean (like i just learned the word ernst and it means serious but it just doesn't sound serious enough for it to mean that, i really hope this makes sense and i don't sound crazy🤣😵‍💫)

send your essays over to me i'll do them for you AHAH /j. philosophy definitely isnt fun (at least not for me) BECAUSE IT MAKES 0 SENSE???!? and i picked a topic ive never heard before,, and then all the sources were in english so i had to mentally translate everything into my first language and try to understand it and yeah it was such a struggle 💀💀 and thanks for saying i dont sound like a nerd 😭😭 im definitely grateful and happy that i can study something i enjoy, considering that nobody really believed in me getting into this major lol

oof good luck w the german then!!! im sure you'll get there some day💕 abt the german book,,, i used an ebook reader that has the translator built in so it didnt take that much effort 💀💀 if i had to manually google each word i just wouldnt do it. GERMAN HAS FUN WORDS sometimes they make complete sense and sometimes they just dont. i enjoy words that make perfect sense,, the long ones that perfectly describe what they mean like gloves being Handschuhe and hospital being Krankenhause makes sO MUCH SENSE i love it. but you are right,, ernst doesnt sound serious enough😶

[lexosaurus]

Beep boop remind me never to enter political internet again lol ok lemme just clear up my point because I think my typical tone didn’t quite pull through on this one.

In case my stance wasn’t clear, if you think the death penalty is wrong then like by all means advocate for banning the death penalty. I’m not gonna have a problem about that, and I don’t think anyone else should have a problem with it either.

I just think sometimes people can get wrapped up in the whole innocence/purity thing. I’ve seen a LOT of people try to twist this into Bernard being an innocent person, as someone who didn’t really know what he was doing, as if to justify their stance because only innocence and purity matter in a lot of online social media spaces. But let’s be clear, he’s not an innocent person, he participated in a really horrific event, and yeah his actions (among other people’s) ended with two lives lost.

But...he doesn’t HAVE to be innocent for you to think that him being killed is wrong. That’s all I’m tryna say. You can defend him without trying to spin this into something that it’s not. That’s totally legal in fact you are allowed to do that.

So yeah I promise I’m not some like sociopath who lacks empathy, I get the nuance here, I am just making a point specifically directed towards a column of people who are trying to spin/downplay this into something that it’s not.

[poutyniall]

Firstly i m sorry,to text u knowing u are already going through soo much

Hope u get recover soon

I just want to tell u about how alone i m in my irl ,like seriously,i m in my final year now

Being the children of strict parents who never allowed me to hang up with my friends or never permitted to go alone anywhere

For that reason i don't have any friends from my schools and now i m in whole girls university starting 2 yr corona ate it and last yr everyone, including me is focusing on final yr studies

Now i know i m gonna stay alone in my life without having experience of good friends. and yess i don't have even boyfriend nor I have any boy contact no. nor anyboy knows about my existence

And it's make me sad cuz Ppl says having some groups of (boy) friend is good because they won't judge u and are good listener

I concluded that i m never gonna be get a friend nor girl nor boy

My life is boring as hell, fvkn hell

I m too introvert too, and when I goes through depression and stress i sometimes yell at my brother or mom,not dad because he is strict

And they think i m misbehaving,yes i doo

But they never tried to know the reason behind my irritating behaviour

I know they provide me every comfort but what about my mental health

And i too don't like myself,cuz i hate my personality, my height is not that good just 5'2 or something whatever just leave this

I just feel like i should go and dive in an empty well that's all

I hate myself,i hate my life i hate everything

I even deleted every social media, except Tumblr, because i forgot the password of it lol

Sorry for ranting soo much

Alright, let's break it down point by point.

Uni: if I got it right, it's your last year, right? First, well done and keep going, you're almost at the finish! Just because you hadn't make friends til now it doesn't mean you can't still do it. If you want, alongside with studying for your finals, you could try to chat a bit with someone in the study room or in the library. Don't approach them already fantasizing about being best friend, that kind of bond takes years of mutual commitment to develop. Take tiny steps, slow and steady.

Guys: well, I always had more boy friends than girl friends and that's not true, it always depends on the person in front of you.

Relationships/experiences: I think we feel pressured 'cause we've always been told the teenage/twenty years are the best and we should fully live them. And I've struggled too with this a lot 'cause my life's also boring and haven't had the experiences society tells me I should already have had (first kiss, a romantic relationship, sex, dates, get drunk, go clubbing etc) but I have come to the conclusion that we decide which ones will be the best years of our life are, it could be our thirty or fifty or seventy, who knows? One thing's sure, these kind of experiences don't come with an expiration date, there's no time limit. You will find someone who will know you, your partner in crime.

Family: one thing all these years of therapy taught me is that you can't change others but you can work on changing the way you react to them. I don't know what type of relationship you have with your parents and your brother and I don't know if you already did it but you could try to talk to them, help them understand what you feel and how you feel it. Depression, anxiety, every mental disorder actually, is hard for both the one living it and the ones around them.

And we all have things we don't like about ourselves that we can't change (you can't change your height) so don't feel alone in this. I know how you feel but remember that you're not alone feeling like this, there's a lot of us. And don't apologize for ranting, if letting it out lighten a bit the weight you feel then it was a pleasure for me listening to your ranting.

[the-entity-with-determination]

2. Entry (30.10.2018, 2:30)

Dear Reader,

Today was a simple yet nice day.

School

Chris has finally returned to school today and made everyone's day a bit brighter. (he had some sort of a throat infection)

In the first period I had German. I gave the teacher my homework which I partly have worked on with Naomi (God bless u for helping me bro) and the rest of the lesson just consisted of analyzing a Text.

Second period was English. I normally sit in the first row with one dude from the friend group, but I was too slow and my place got claimed. So I sat down next to the quiet girl from my class. Honestly I want to find out more about her. And maybe even befriend myself with her. I've always noticed that she's sitting alone in the class and never really speaks to anyone. And when some of the teachers tell her to read something, she speaks in a really quiet yet clear voice. And she also never really smiles. I feel like I just should start talking to her. Because it's also very important to have some kind of social life in school. Isn't it boring to just. Not talk to anyone? I think I'll try to interact with her tomorrow. Anyways, back to the period. We were doing some "used to and would" grammatical exercises and as always, it was kinda boring cuz I'm literally doing this thing the third time. My notebook didn't work so I looked at the text with the quiet girl's (let's call her Amanda) computer.

In third period I had IT. And in IT I'm in the first group, which means I always get to interact with Chris and Roxy. It's always very fun to talk with them. But today was even more fun cuz the teacher didn't upload any new exercises to moodle (a school plattform) and I've done all the exercises the night before lmao. Also, I've said before that my notebook doesn't work, and I've asked Chris if he could just delete everything on my computer and put it back to factory setting. (I hope that's what it's called) and he said he wouldn't mind. I just gotta go and search for the external dvd player after I finish writing this entry. Since it was basically a free period, all of us just fooled around and made meme references. I think that some meme was born out of it too lololol.

Then the big break started (which is 15 minutes long). I honestly didn't want to leave Roxy alone in class (Chris and all the other dudes normally go outside to smoke) so I decided to stay with her. We were mainly talking about music. I showed her a nice song, she showed me a nice song. Nice.

Then we had IT again. We've basically done the same thing as in the last period.

In the last two periods which were Biology and French nothing much happened.

After school

After school I tagged along with Roxy. Last time when I did we went to a nearby second hand shop and she found a framed Van Gogh picture (she's a huge Van Gogh fan) and she really wanted to buy it but didn't have enough money (cuz she bought a "rocky horror show" vinyl in the book store we also went to last time.) The bookstore was the weirdest yet coolest one I've ever seen. Like. There were books EVERYWHERE.

And today she finally got to buy the Van Gogh pic and was very satisfied. We also went to "Buttlers" (some sort of home decor store) and she bought some fairy lights that glow in a warm way.

After that we went to McDonald's to chat since she still had some spare time (her train would leave in an hour). We talked about school, friends, and also her smol crush on a dude from my class (he's a chill dude). I've found out recently that he's in a metal band. And she also seemed to know. Buttttt she didn't know that he's the Vocalist of the group. And when she listened to one of their songs she literally fangirled so much it was adorable.

Then we parted ways and I went home. Riding with the tram was rly uncomfortable since many people were inside. Sitting in the bus was less stressful und I also almost fell alseep (I didn't sleep on Sunday night). But once I got out of the bus it was very peaceful. The weather was slightly foggy, the yellow leaves were slowly falling down on the ground, and you could hear children laugh in the distance. I always feel very at peace when I walk in my small village I love it. I also took a lot of pretty pictures of trees, flowers and etc.

Home

I came home and was greeted by my parents and the amazing smell which I've known ever since I was a kid. The good ol' Russian beet soup called "Borscht". Man if only locals knew what they're missing. After I ate I went to my slightly messy room. I'll probably clean it after I come back from Roxy's sleepover. I watched some videos. Had some deep thoughts and fell asleep at 16 something. And then I woke up at 00:36. And watched some videos again. I didn't do any school stuff since I don't have to do any homework til tomorrow. So it's chill.

Now

Rn I'm laying in my bed, listen to a nice Lo-Fi mix called "everytime I see you, I fall in love all over again" and write this entry uwu.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I'll be hanging out with Naomi in her dorm. We'll study some stuff, talk about some fun stuff, have band practice and will return home a little late. But it's nice. Oh and my mother gave me a really nice jacket which also looks vintage-y. I luvvvv. So I'll also look like a snack tomorrow too yaaaas.

That's pretty much it. I hope you had a nice day too, reader! 🌸✨

(03:38)

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

[kalloway]

You ever get back into something after like, 3 years and u re-read ur own fic ideas u had at the time but now ur like 👀 👀 👀 about it????