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20qs20somethings · 8 years ago

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Gabe, 26

1. Can you use three to five words to describe our generation? Dissatisfied, Driven, Creative

2. Talk about a person or an experience that has helped shape you into the person you are today? I think for me it was commencement in college. I went to Brown University and my parents showed up. Previously I had kept my life evenly divided. My social friends from school would exist in one realm and my family life existed in another realm. In that way, I could create these divides like latino culture and family life existed in one sphere and friendship and academic endeavors existed in another.

For me, my identity as a gay man was always more open with friends and academics, I was very open with people in school, about who I am and I was less so with my family. When my parents showed up to commencement it was weird because it was the first time since my parents brought me to school. So we’re sitting down and the president was flagged by two things that were draped by the windows in the building behind her. One was the Brown University flag and the other was the LGBTQ pride flag and I remember my mom turning to me and saying, “Oh that’s a weird thing to choose to hang behind the President to welcome new students.” In my head, I was like, “that’s exactly why I’m here.”

It was weird to feel that tension and to be in a moment where I sort of have to own it because these things are coming to a head. I can’t keep aspects of my personality separated and I think that moment was a weird catalyst for me where I was like, I have to invite my parents into this world and explain what it means to me instead of keeping a divide. I think that was a weird small first step in a lot of steps I later took as I became more comfortable with myself talking to them very honestly about things I wanted to do and my own identity.

3. What’s you’re relationship with social media like? I love and hate it. I used to think Twitter was only good if you’re a celebrity or news outlet. Why would you want to read what people are doing throughout the day? But I’m realizing that social media is about how you use it. Yeah, there’s bullying, shitty language, and anonymous trolls, but it’s also a platform to reach people and engage people in terms of activism and in a message you’re trying to share. I think it exists in this intersection of entertainment media and journalism in a weird way.

I think before, if you wanted to reach an audience it was through TV, movies, or news. Now you can build something from the ground up and it feels a little more democratic that if people like it, they’ll come to you and return to it. So i think there are pros and cons but ultimately, I think I’m embracing its advantages as a platform.

4. Selfies: Thoughts? I don’t take a lot of them. I have more lately which is interesting. I know a lot of my friends are really into owning the selfishness of their selfies because it’s a form of self care and encouraging them to be themselves and appreciate their own body and I think there’s something empowering about that. So I think selfies are fine, they’re silly and they’re good. It just depends how you frame things and how you view it. I think if you don’t put too much stock into how people on the internet receive you and you’re not obsessed with taking selfies to try to project some perfect image of yourself, then it’s fine. Embrace your face.

5. Who or what is your biggest motivator in life? My mom. My mom got an associate degree and had me at twenty. I can’t imagine putting aside my social life and being a frivolous young person to take care of a child at twenty, so infinite respect to my mom for those sacrifices. I think just seeing her drive in making it work within her means has always inspired me to push more and do more.

So if I were a twenty year old with an associate degree, a crappy job, and I had a child, I don’t think I would’ve been able to push through those conditions the same way she did. So if this woman can do that, I can succeed when she’s laid out a red carpet in front of me to have those opportunities. I’ve seen what my mother's gone through and the sacrifices she’s made so that I can have better opportunities and a better life and I don’t want to take that for granted.

6. Do you believe in love? I believe in love, I don’t necessarily believe in the way we’ve packaged ideas of love or the way we define love. I always want to push people to think of love beyond a romantic sense. I can love people that I’m not having sex with or want to marry. I love my friends, and sometimes I love my friends more intensely than I love people I’m in relationships with. I believe in love but I also believe in expanding the definition of love or the ways we can love. I think American culture is really eager to box in ideas of love or appropriate expressions of love. So yeah, I do believe in it, but I don’t think it’s like the stuff of Hollywood romcoms, I think it’s supporting your friends everyday and being there when someone is having a hard time, that's love, and I believe in the human capability to love.

7.Fill in the blank: “Happiness is _______” What you make it. Making your own home, your own family, your own goals, and holding yourself to your own standards.

8. What are your thoughts on race? Racial difference is still a thing that exists in this country and as much as I love a world where we don’t have to talk about racial difference, we exist in a world where people are treated differently because of race. So yes, I think it’s something we have to keep talking about and it’s something we have to learn to talk about in honest ways because I don’t think we can move forward on the burden that comes with focusing on racial difference until we’ve owned our history and can truly create a world where people are not judged based on race.

9. Do you think you’re represented in things you consume in media? Yes and no, I think I’m seeing it more and more. I think it’s constantly changing so I think I’ve seen more latinx representation in the news certainly. Pointing to Maria Hinojosa, Soledad O’Brien, Maria Teresa Kumar, these are latinas who have really carved out a place for us to speak about our issues, queer activists like Jose Antonio Vargas, these are people I’ve seen as role models in the world of activism and not just engaging them but as people who were showing up in news and media. I think it’s so cool that people are turning to these activists as resources and voices to paint the full picture. So connecting with them through my work has been great, but I see people like that are changing it. So I want to support people who are changing the conversation and providing visibility in the right ways.

10. Is college overrated? I don’t think an education or knowledge is overrated, I think college is overpriced. I think college is important to keep pushing yourself beyond what you thought possible or were normal. I really didn’t push the way I thought about the world until I got to college, I didn’t know the rich history of activism and struggle in Puerto Rico until I got to college and started pushing myself.

So I think furthering your education whether that is at a traditional college, through a community college, through taking classes that are tailor made to what you need, whatever you want to do, I think it’s imperative to push your education beyond high school and it’s imperative to keep pushing the limits of your knowledge and experience. I don’t think the only place you can achieve that is at a college where you’re paying 50k-60k a year, but it was the best place for the things I wanted to do and I think I’m better for it.

I also think it offered me an opportunity that taught me the ways I’m privileged and how I have to own and use that for the better. Because I didn’t really understand the privilege it was to go to a university and be able to get scholarships for that until I met people from other backgrounds, people I wouldn’t have met in high school or in my hometown and I understood the sacrifices they went through to get there. Oftentimes those sacrifices were more than what I had sacrificed so it put my life and my story into perspective.

11. Would you rather have security or fulfillment in your work? Fulfillment. I’ve been let go a couple times from jobs, I’ve seen other friends let go. I’ve felt very dissatisfied in some work that i’ve done and when that’s the case and even when I feel like I could get fired or even when I have been laid off, I’ve been able to build something I’m happy with. To me, work is about gaining valuable experience and building friendships and connections, and you can do that anywhere. And you can only do that if you’re satisfied and surrounded by people that are doing work that satisfies you.

Fuck job security, if you can’t find job security in the company someone else has made, make your own thing. Go out and find a place that wants you. I think job security is overrated, if you haven’t pushed to get unionized in the workplace, you should always treat your job like you could be let go, and you’ll be owed nothing. So always have something that you own and that’s yours to fall back on or in your pocket. If you’re dissatisfied, then make it happen and be satisfied.

12. What do you want out of this life? I just want to be happy and comfortable, honestly.

13. What would you say is your biggest character flaw? Not taking enough risks. I think I get really comfortable in certain routines and I really have to build up to make those bold choices or take that leap. What I wish I could do more is own that choice and that impulse earlier. A lot of times I think it’s easy to get stuck in a daily, weekly routine. I’ll go through periods where I go straight home after work and write a few jokes, but I stay home. Part of that is a social anxiety because it’s comfortable, I’m in my home, it’s something I can control. So I want to give up control and take leaps so I think that’s something I want to do more of in the next few years.

14. What’s something that makes you angry? Bullying. If you’re making fun of someone because they’re different than you, like come on, it just speaks so much to your insecurities and it truly is helping no one.

15. Do you think our generation is too focused on being politically correct? I think there’s a difference between political correctness and civil discourse or kindness. I don’t think it’s wrong to push for kindness, I don’t think it’s wrong to treat every human being as if they are deserving of the same rights as everyone else. To me, political correctness is a word that means putting a spotlight on one issue at the disservice of everyone else.

But to me, movements that focus on trans rights or black lives aren’t doing it at the disservice of everyone else. They’re saying “hey, most people or groups are offered this comfort in life and we would like the same thing. We would like you to be aware of the history of these words or ways of treating people.” To me, these movements aren't about policing language, people can say whatever they want, there’s nothing we can do to change that. When protesters, activists, teachers, students, kids ask you to call them a certain thing or speak to them in a certain way or encourage you to ask them how they’d like to be referred to, I don’t understand how that is a threat or risk or ruining our culture.

It’s just opening up our world and vocabulary to be more inclusive of things. Saying we’re too politically correct is just an easy out to not hold people responsible for the impact their words can have particularly as politicians. Because while your speech shouldn’t be policed, you should be aware of the fact that as your speech as a public figure, as a politician, has impact. So in those instances you do have to push back. But to me, ultimately what people are calling for political correctness is just a push for kindness and open mindedness.

16. How do you want to be remembered? I would love for people to say that I taught them something and I made them laugh.

17. What are qualities that you value? Honesty, a sense of humor, compassion, generosity, a sense of responsibility, self awareness, open mindedness.

18. What do you hope 30 will look like? I want to be able to build something from the ground up, specifically something that can help give a playful or comedic platform to people like me. I know that I want to stay working in satire and politics. I know I want to keep giving a voice to the voiceless and I know I want to keep making people think about things that they otherwise wouldn’t have to think about or that they otherwise wouldn’t have been taught.

19. What’s the hardest lesson you’ve had to learn? That your job doesn’t define you. I think while I was getting a degree and looking for work I was like, “I have to find something that’s perfect for me, speaks for exactly who I am, and lets me be true to myself.” and no job is going to give you that opportunity so long as you are working for someone else and collecting a paycheck, you will always have to temper something about yourself.

I think it’s important to draw that line and realize that the sacrifices you make for a job don’t define you. If it feels like it’s getting to the point where it’s getting to you and the sacrifices you make for the job are making you less happy as a person, you’ve gotta let it go. I define myself as a writer, comedian, activist, but those things don’t define me. I think those are all aspects of my areas of interest and personality that contribute to a broader picture.

Your first job out of college isn't going to be perfect and I really wanted it to be perfect. Make a few sacrifices but never let those sacrifices change who you are at the end of the day and don’t let your work swallow you whole. Every job is an exchange. Sometimes when people are celebrating a job, they might not have it a year later and they might be in a tough time or six months down the line they might realize it's not for them and transfer somewhere else.

20. What is the best piece of advice you want to leave the world with? Learn to laugh more. I don’t think laughter is always frivolous, I don’t think that laughing at something means you don’t care about it or you think it’s dumb or silly. I think laughter happens in many ways. We laugh when we learn something surprising, we laugh when someone looks ridiculous, we laugh when we’re really happy and I think owning and leaving room for laughter and joy will do so much work for making people happier.

#20qs20somethings #millennials #interview #love #advice #college #LGBT #latinx #social media #selfies

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crimsonvalet · 7 years ago

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hi katie i just started college & was hoping you could give me some advice on how you met ppl like your friends/girlfriend and how you were able to interact w your roommates / if you one, etc !! i hope you're doing good and ps i really love your curly hair

awww omg hey! congrats and good luck btw!

well the best part about starting in the fall is that so is literally more than a quarter of the school is also starting fresh, so a lot of people are looking for friends. just keep your dorm room open, say hi to people, offer to help people if they look like the need it (moving in day can be hectic) and dont hesitate to chat to people in your classes. honestly it’ll come naturally because so many people will also be in the same boat wanting to make connections. just really try to remain open and warm and friendly :)

i met my first girlfriend at the first meeting of the lgbtqia club mixer, which a lotttttt of people went to. even if you dont want to become a regular member of the club, try going to the first few meetings just to see if you click with anyone! i know a lot of people just go to make some fellow queer friends and check out the dating scene.

also that being said look out for events, my school had a tonnnn and even the silly events can be fun if u go in thinking youll have a good time (i loved going to bingo a lot haha) . tbh the earlier in the year you go to clubs/activities the easier itll be to meet people because those earlier meetings are where a lot of people havent really made a ton of friends/friend groups yet themselves.

having a roommate is a grab bag…. i’ve had two random ones and one was super sweet and one of them it didnt go great. my advice is almost try to keep your relationship kinda professional? the one i had a better relationship with was someone who i was friendly with but not “bffs” with, we both respected each others space and were nice but kept a friendly distance. the one i had issues with was when we tried to become super close immediately but when it didnt work out it was super awkward because we were still living with each other but had some passive-aggressive vibes. tbh it was both of us it was just a bad vibe to have. currently i live with a good friend of mine as a roommate, the same one i did last fall (spring i was in tokyo in a suit but with my own room)

i think the key to roommates is just be honest. don’t pretend to be ok with things your not, be clear, and communication is key. just be straight-forward and friendly :D also dont spend all your time in your room, it’ll cut you off socially and annoy your roomie if they dont have any time to themselves either. also be sure to set expectations for guest/sleepovers early.

also you’re gonna meet a lot of new people, dont do shit you’re not 100% comfortable with. its corny but like peer pressure is stupid and freshman year i did some dumb shit because the people i was friends with at first were a different crowd than i was used to. just be smart haha

also this is a fresh start so if you’ve ever wanted to go by a different nickname, pick up a new style etc now is that time! who you introduce yourself as is who these people will know, it was weird for me not to be surrounded with classmates ive known since i was 5, so in an odd way you have a lot more control over your self image. if there were ever any changes you were debating now is a really good time to maybe try that out :)

also dont skip class too much haha. do ur homework, take time to study and just try to get involved in as many things as possible your first few weeks. you can always drop it! but ive found its soooo much easier to get involved if you start early, the more you try to more likely you are to make friends u really click with and have a good time

also (im totally guilty of this) if you get a new bf/gf/partner at the start of the school year dont let the honeymoon phase kinda take up so much of your time, because you only start college once and friends are really critical. after we broke up i realized i kinda missed that golden window because i was so involved in my relationship in the start. dating is lovely!! but it college make sure u also join a lot of ur own clubs, make your own friends, and do separate things at the start :)

try shit you don’t think is up your alley, literally now is the time for experimentation in every way. also personally, i suggest taking a new language class as early as possible, learn that while its free as part of your tuition haha. it’ll really come in handy later in life. the earlier u start the more advanced you’ll be by the time u graduate! it looks great on a resume and its awesome for travel. plus if your school has exchange students or conversation tables its sooooo fun.

i hope you have so so much fun this year! good luck, feel free to message if u have any more questions. ik i wrote so much haha hope u dont mind

#also ty for the hair compliment!#Anonymous

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momdefrazzler · 4 years ago

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2centsofsilver · 6 years ago

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Losing My V Card

Telling Brendon All About It! ~ SUNDAY, DEC 23, 2018, 11:50 PM ~

Alright, I’m here!

Katherine

Ok! I’m here

So yesterday Natasha stayed the night and we made out and she gave me some great tips, etc.

We went to Cafe Zola and the Kerrytown shops today and got some gifts for our families

Katherine

She left at like 5:30 back to Ohio. My anxiety today was through the roof. We slept in the same bed last night and I was so anxious about today that I couldn’t sleep. So I took more melatonin than usual not realizing the mg was higher than normal so I took like 3x my normal amount and then got scared I was gonna die so Natasha held my hand all night??? But what ultimately happened was, I was so anxious and then resisting against this intense sleep dose. And ended up not sleeping at all.

Katherine

So today I was a miserable zombie in a horrible mood with Natasha and felt really bad about it and worried about tonight because I wasn’t in a good place to calm the fuck down

And I just secretly wanted Natasha to leave so that I could go home and calm down so I told her I wanted to go back to my place early and she left like an hour earlier than planned and I was able to calm down in bed and stuff

Katherine

Then I go out to my car to do my makeup at like 6. All the makeup that is usually in my car for whatever reason wasn’t there so I had to search my car to find it for 15 min and couldn’t find my main foundation. So I told Ruth I was running late. I was sooooo fucking mad at myself for being unprepared and late and shit per usual. So I floored it to Walgreens, bought makeup at 6:30, put it on, Floored it to Kerrytown and got there exactly at postponed time of 6:45 on the dot somehow.

Katherine

So it was just this absolute shit show right before, as usual, is the point I’m trying to make.

With me? Lol

Yup!

Katherine

I was just really fucking mad and hated myself because this happens all the time

So I text her when I’m walking in, she tells me where she’s sitting and what she’s wearing, I walk in and don’t see her. So I’m thinking I’m at the wrong Sweetwaters. But then I saw her sitting by the window at a high top table. And she. Was. GORGEOUS

Have I shown you a pic??

I believe so!

Katherine

She looked just like that, wearing this maroon pretty sweater and had her thick dark hair up in a messy bun on the top of her head. HER EYES were stunning. As beautiful or more beautiful than Rachel.

She’s super pretty!

Katherine

Yeah!

So I walk in v flustered because I’m late and shit and walk over, say hi and apologize for being late. She was super cool about it. She said I should go get some coffee. I come back and we just talk for about an hour and a half

Katherine

We talked about how I prefer cold drinks over hot, our families, our brothers, how we celebrate Christmas, her time living in northern Michigan and how much she hated it due to scarce civilization and zero queer community. We talked about Euchre and she did this thing where she asked if she could show me what her brother does during euchre by taking my hands and making them “milk a cow” over her hot tea lol

Katherine

And then she drank the tea.

Oh interesting lol

Katherine

Yeah lmao

And then at some point in the middle of a non-related conversation, she mentioned “lack of experience” and having “only done casual a few times” so I used that as an opportunity into the next segment of our convo

I asked her what she meant by that

And she basically told me that she’s relatively new to casual dating & encounters and has been “dancing with people” for about 3 months

Wasn’t sure what she meant but she said it’s a euphemism she likes to use

So imagine how a therapist has a full case load of clients

She explained she also has an active running list of regulars outside of work that she regularly hooks up with. And she calls it “dancing with people” as in, the dance of casually having sex with many people

Haha ok

Katherine

I joked saying I was glad she didn’t mean she wanted to go out dancing

Katherine

So she explained that something she does is talk to others about the others. Like all the people she’s sleeping with, she talks about the others to the others. I was just like ok whatever. I think she just meant she was gonna reference scenarios with her other people to talk to me about like examples of the kinds of stuff she does. Idk if that makes sense

Katherine

Maybe saying that it’s okay she’s talking about the others to me, like letting me know they’re aware of it. Idk.

So she started talking about some of the other people she’s been sleeping with and for how long, what those situations are like, very generally

Hang on give me a second

Alright

Katherine

Went blank for a sec

I think she went into all that because I asked her what casual dating/encounters looks like for her, and what she’s imagining/picturing for us

And she said something like “everyone is different but there has been a general/typical theme in how it tends to go”

Which is just, meet up, hang out, do something. Then go back to someone’s place

She said every encounter varies person to person

I asked her to elaborate on her lack of experience

That’s when she mentioned number of partners, and starting out nervous. She said every single person she’s “had a sex interview with” has been very nervous and expressed a good amount of anxiety

And described it as a common theme

So at that point I felt comfortable mentioning my anxiety

Katherine

I basically said, “Yeah I also share lack of experience. I have very very minimal experience. It’s been quite some time since I’ve seen anybody. This past year I have become more sure of myself and what I want, become more accepting of myself and self confident, whereas in the past my anxiety took the wheel. I feel ready for this and am very excited, but do have a small amount of anxiety”

Katherine

Something like that

Katherine

And I was very grateful because that led her into a conversation about how anxiety is normal, all humans have it. How she and every person she sleeps with has it. And how every single “interview” (she used that word jokingly) she’s had recently has involved the same exact expression of fears/anxiety/hesitancy.

Katherine

She emphasized that multiple times thereafter; that our conversation was a very common theme in all of her most recent meet ups

That many many people show up, express lack of experience, uncertainty with their ability to meet expectations, and a relatively high level of anxiety. And that really was valuable for me. It greatly reduced my nerves and discomfort.

And all the talk from friends about not bringing up my anxiety.

I asked her whether what she’s looking for is entirely non-emotion focused. And she said no. She said that’s not possible. She said you have to be attached a little bit in order to trust someone and feel safe.

Katherine

So yeah it was honestly the most ideal conversation and setup. I increasingly felt more and more comfortable. She was very very easy to talk to. And I felt comfortable opening up and expressing anxiety, not feeling like I had to hide it. I even mentioned varying advice from friends about what to share/disclose about my anxiety and she very much reassured me, repeatedly, that having anxiety was not a turn off for her.

Katherine

That it was completely fine, okay, acceptable, normal, common, expected, etc.

I asked her what I can expect and she asked me what my “yes please” and “no not at all” lists were.

Katherine

I hesitated and she said “It’s okay if you don’t know.” So I asked her for examples. She told me that on her yes please list were things like: biting, slapping, and all the basics including oral. Her no list included things like bondage, cutting, drawing blood, anal. But that she’ll give anal. So I talked about some of the things I love and the things I didn’t want.

Katherine

And then I asked her what her preference around hair was and she was woke af as you said, in not expecting or asking me to physically remove the hair on my body. So I felt very relieved.

Katherine

I talked to her about my experiences with Katie who was manipulative/abusive, Jamie who wasn’t the right match, Mike who nearly raped me drunk, and Rachel whose partner vetoed me. She had a knowledge bad in polyamory and she apologized for what happened to me, saying it wasn’t gone about appropriately. I mentioned things like tightness and fear of pain, asked for open communication, check ins, gentle fingering, mentally freezing, and mentioned body image self consciousness. She said everyone has it and that it’s okay, not a thing to worry about. I said “obviously you can tell my body type through my clothes and if that were a dealbreaker for you, we prob wouldn’t be this far into this conversation,” and she said exactly.

Katherine

knowledge base*

She told me “It’s not supposed to hurt, we don’t have to make it hurt, it will be okay,” etc.

Katherine

I just felt all my anxiety fade away. I couldn’t stop smiling and felt so good and so happy/excited. I felt like I could trust her. She also talked a lot about trauma and filling the void, the idea isolation and physical touch. She’s very much a social worker and I’m grateful for that.

Katherine

Towards the end she said “We don’t have to do all of this in one night. There are no rules here, no shoulds, no have-tos. We can go back to your place right after this if you’re comfortable doing that, we could also call it a night and plan for another night, options are endless.” I thought for a moment and told her I’m feeling comfortable and would like to move forward with this at my place She asked if I was sure, that we didn’t have to, etc. I told her yes I’m ready. I went to the bathroom. Texted you, Natasha, and Rachel. I collected my mental and emotional bearings. Came back to the table and mentioned “being ready but scared.” She said “it’s gonna he okay,” and that set me over the edge. Got me off right there in my pants. Put our coats on and walked out

Katherine

She followed me back to my place in our cars. I felt good the whole time like “it’s finally happening”

Katherine

Came into my place, casually talked on the way to my room about why thI couch was covered in plastic and why my bed was covered in boards but has clean sheets (Lilah has been pissing everywhere). She said she literally does not care what my room looks like. But I thought it was interesting that Natasha and I just so happened to spend hours and hours at the laundromat last night washing my sheets and making my bed and cleaning my room, not even knowing this was set to happen.

Katherine

And my roommate JUST SO HAPPENED to be out of town. It was meant to happen

Phone dying give me a sec

Katherine

Tell you more tomorrow, dozing

DEC 24, 2018, 9:35 AM

Wow!!! I’m so ready to hear the rest!!

This sounds great!

Katherine

Yeah!

DEC 24, 2018, 3:10 PM

Katherine

Oh I meant to also tell you, that I mentioned having never had sex. Like I was straight up but hesitant about it. And she just sorta shrugged like no big deal, not at all a turnoff. She said she had recently met with another person who had also never had sex. She saw nothing deficient in it whatsoever. So amazing

Katherine

I’m out shopping but will tell you more when I get home!

Katherine

I told her I enjoy dominance but to be more equal our first time. But I told her she could be a little dominant and talk down to me and stuff. I told her I was ok with her basically taking the lead with me. And she said that was fine, that she felt it had already been applied. So that was great too. It was all so ideal!

Katherine

implied**

MON 7:25 PM

How was the actual sex??

Katherine

On my way Home from target, I’ll tell u all about it I promise lol

MON 10:37 PM

Katherine

Ok I can message now lol. Hope you’re having an amazing time with your family I’m gonna just tell ya part II and you can respond whenever you want

Okkkkk so!

Katherine

She followed me back to my place. We talked on the way in. I went to the bathroom and got situated. My nerves were kicking in again but this time it was much more excitement and thrill and fun-type butterflies. I came out of the bathroom, mentioned I was gonna take Tylenol for a headache and then I glanced at her. She was laying in my bed on her side fully clothed, cute as hell, smiling at me.

Katherine

Took my breath away. I was so damn wet already My god. So I sorta blushed and went in my room, asked if we should have the lights on or off. She said hallway light was enough so we turned the lights off. I wasn’t sure what I should do so I asked her (that is basically how we went about the whole night step by step which I loved and deeply appreciated). I said, “Should I take off my clothes?” (I assumed the answer was no and that we’d get there but I was trying to figure out what to do immediately lol)

Katherine

So she said, “It’s ok, why don’t we just hang out like this here for a little?” She was so nice and could sense I was nervous so we took things real slow. She got close to me and sorta was sitting on the bed facing me, I was also sitting facing her. And then she sorta stretched out back onto her side smiling at me, so I did the same. So we were laying there on our sides fully clothed up close to each other. Whole time she’s saying, “Yeah, just like that, that ok? You doin okay?” etc.

Katherine

Felt very safe and comfortable

Katherine

So then she put her hand on my shoulder and kinda rested it there, kinda rubbing my shoulder and arms a little, asking if I’m doing ok, we got calm. I don’t remember what we were talking about but we were talking. And in a minute or so, I just sorta looked up and said “ok” and started nodding. And she’s like “yeah?” Maybe I said I was ready. Idk. It was all very natural. She was really really firm on getting solid yes’s from me before continuing because she knew I had been assaulted by a guy several years prior. So I’m like “yeah” and she asked if I wanted to go a step further and I nodded. She’s like “yes?” I’m like “yes” and then BOOM it was like a sex scene in grey’s anatomy LOL

Katherine

She pulled me in, dove right in, we started making out relatively hard. It was like, perfect timing perfect setup, and I was immediately good at it. Damn. She is a good kisser. I felt comfortable the whole time and used lots of tongue and all that. She was much better than Natasha lmao. I was just really loving every moment, felt like a learner soaking it all up. Like the tongue movements...we twirled tongues in circles over and over. Who knew that could be so exhilarating!

Katherine

She started kissing the side of my face, my forehead, all the way down my neck, my shoulder, she had her hand on the back of my neck. I was shocked by how IMMEDIATE the sensations were. Like what the fuck. I didn’t expect that stuff to feel SO GOOD

Katherine

I started kissing her face, down her neck, her shoulder, and put my hand on the back of her neck, and kinda gripping her hair. It smelled so good. Her hair is so THICK and luscious. Whole time she’s telling me it feels really good, saying “yeah” a lot and letting me know what she liked. I’m thinking “damn, this is either just how people communicate during lesbian sex or she actually thinks I’m really good” lol

Katherine

But she seemed to REALLY like what I was doing. Like at one point I put my hand on her back and she said “Yeah I like that. I like your hand on my back like that” so I liked being told what she liked

It was very affirming for me. Confidence boosting.

Katherine

Soon she says “I’d like to take this off you, if that’s okay.” I was wearing a red knit sweater. I was so excited for that moment for some reason. I wore it on purpose because of how smoothly it just falls right off my skin. So she slid it off me, and started kissing down my arms, etc.

Katherine

I said, “what about my shirt?” And she said “Would you like to take your shirt off?” And I said yes so she helped me with that too. And then I was just in my bra and pants. And she started kissing my chest

Katherine

I was kinda nervous to be exposed but she was like rubbing my stomach and stuff and didn’t seem repelled or anything and I was enjoying it so much so most those self conscious nerves were gone. By this point I’m completely outstretched. I asked her if she wanted me to take her shirt off and she said ok so we did. I kissed her all over, etc.

Katherine

Debating how detailed to go on this next part LMFAO

Breast play????? Is...... AMAZING. What the actual fuck. Who knew.

She started doing that to me with my bra still on and I was like already over the edge lmao.

We were still making out, kissing on the lips, etc, just a variety of all of it by now. And then she asks, “Do you want me to take this off?” pulling at my bra. And I said YES

AND THEN

Katherine

We took that off. And get this. By natural instinct I covered up. I literally covered my chest by kinda folding my arms in front of me, twisted over from back to side, and put my head downward. Like I didn’t even realize I did that. And she noticed. She was very good at noticing when I was less okay

Katherine

Because I’m REALLY REALLY embarrassed and ashamed of my breasts. Like really bad. Because when I got assaulted by Mike Johnson, the way he looked at them all confused when he realized they weren’t perky. The way he held them and sorta paused to think. The way he tried to get my nipples to come out even though I don’t have naturally erect nipples. I remember how badly I wanted to cry when he did all that. So I was really ashamed when my bra came off. I didn’t want her to see my chest. Isn’t that sad???

Katherine

And she kinda caught my eye contact when I looked down. And then I just laid on my side for a bit kissing her, etc. And we were facing each other side by side again. And she looks at me and she’s like, “You know. It’s helpful when I can see you.” I hadn’t even realized I’d done that, because I didn’t know what she meant. I’m like “Oh...haha, ok, wait, you mean like my face or the rest of my body?” And she said “Both.” She had paused. I don’t know how to explain it but it was like she saw a moment and caught it for me, and wasn’t gonna let me feel ashamed. It was like “let’s tackle this before we continue,” so we took a pause

Katherine

She’s like “It seemed like you were hiding a bit there,” and I just said yeah, and she was like “we are okay.” And I’m like ok. And she said ok? And I’m like ok. And then we moved on. I rolled back onto my back and let myself be exposed and closed my eyes. And she moved into my breasts and what happened after that was history lmao

Katherine

She starts feeling all around. I was blown away by how good it felt immediately. I remember that with Mike a little. Just felt really really good. I personally like hard rough play in this area and was planning to ask for that. And I pretty much did right away. She had told me she likes biting, both providing and receiving. I love receiving. So I basically just told her to do things and she did. It was all very exceptional. And then I really emphasized how badly I wanted her to hurt me. And she said “You also said you were scared about pain,” and I said “Yes but up here it’s ok.” So yeah I asked her to do the maximum. Pinch. Pull. Bite as hard as she can. Etc. Lots of pain lots of gain. I looooooved it. She asked me if I wanted her to SLAP me. I wasn’t sure about this. Thought about it. Said ok but not too hard. She did it once and i liked it so she did it maybe 2-3 more times. I know this is beyond detailed but I’m also gonna he copying and pasting all these messages into one consolidated blog entry on my private tumblr so yeah lol

Katherine

Gotta write it somewhere lol

Then she started rubbing a certain area and saying “you’re pretty dark here. You may bruise here,” and I said ok that was fine. But omfg. My boobs are SO SORE and bruised today. I’ve got hickies allllllllo over omgggg

I just bruise so easily in general, it’s insane

Katherine

So then I ask if she wants me to take her bra off. We do. She says, “Is this your first set of tits?” I’m like yeah. She goes “This is the first time you’ve ever played with a woman’s tits?” And I’m like yeah. And I’m pretty sure I said “I’m nervous” or “I’m scared” or something. And she said it was ok, “everything will be okay.” I said “what should I do?” And my voice was all fucking nervous and shit. And she said to just play with them. So I went for it the same way she did for me. And she again, affirmed everything I did just by her reaction/sounds but also by telling me.

Katherine

I was like terrified to even look at, touch, lick, or bite her nipples but I did and she loved it so it felt good knowing I was providing something to someone and she was enjoying it

Katherine

She said I was really good at it. Loved the biting. It went really well. At this point things took a turn (in a good way) because I asked her if I could straddle her other leg to get to the other side. And in doing so, my knee brushed against her down there, and the way my body was moving just from licking her up top was causing that to also happen down there so it was like a good segway into part II which i was so ready for. I think I asked her if we could take my pants off. So we did. She helped me. She brushed her hand up against me down there with my underwear still on and it almost sent me right over the edge. She’s like “Is this where you want me” and I couldn’t even talk. I nodded. But she wanted that yes. So I gave it to her. So she started feeling and everything and I told her I wanted her to take my underwear off. She asked if I was sure. Etc etc. and then she did. And moved right in. And I’m not gonna give you details but it was EXQUISITE. She started with her hands. Then moved into oral. Then used her hands again. It was just like. I had hit another planet.

Katherine

Like my mouth dropped open and I said “Holy moly” lmao

Katherine

The oral was just beyond imaginable. Idk if it’s like that for everyone but she knew exactly what she was doing it. Like, v skilled. And then I asked her to finger me. And that was the part during coffee where I expressed great fear and history of pain so she wasn’t sure and definitely asked me if I was sure. She said “you’ve talked about a lot of pain and tightness down here” and I said “yeah but I want you to try and just be gentle.” And she said “We are not required to do this. We don’t have to. We can do other things,” and I said “I know. But I want you to.” (I DID!!!) I told her it can be painful but a huge turn on for me when and if it’s not. So she said ok but said, “if anything hurts, I want you to tell me and I’ll stop.” And I said I will don’t worry

Katherine

So she worked on me a bit. Slow and gentle. I am not kidding when I tell you there wasn’t much pain. A little uncomfortable but she was able to get in there. I incrementally asked for 3 fingers. And she was able to go pretty deep without pain. There was SOME pain here and there. Some intolerable and I spoke up. But I wanted her to try it and we did. I liked it. Halfway through I was shaking from anxiety and cold and expressed that and she covered me up. It was super sweet. It almost felt even better all covered up in blankets and stuff

Katherine

We worked down there a damn ass long time

It was great

Lmfao @ holy moly!!!

Katherine

Then took her underwear off. I didn’t go down on her because she got very very tired lol. So I fingered her till she came. She fingered me more till I came. And then we kissed some more. And then we just laid there. It took over an hour till I came. And then it was really quick and fast and she was confused by how fast I’d orgasmed. I said “I can usually go again right after” and then literally masturbated in front of her and got off in like a minute. But it was still super fast and she was struck by that. Didn’t understand why my orgasm wasn’t longer. And honestly I’m not sure either. I told her after providing myself with millions of orgasms all my life, I sometimes wonder and feel as though I’ve lost my ability to have strong ones anymore. And she thought that was interesting. I mentioned “we’ll have to research it” lol and work on it.

Katherine

Lmaoooo glad you liked that

After I got off to myself she’s like “is that the first time you’ve ever got off in front of someone before?” And I said no, I orgasmed with Mike Johnson. Etc. But yeah

This is all so great so far, it sounds like you had a fabulous night!

Katherine

Then we just laid there and talked about my job lol. I showed her videos of my kids on the JCC tablet while we were still naked and panting which is probably wrong and messed up in numerous ways but WHATEVER lmao. I wanted her to see what I do for a living and she loved it. She said it seems I really love those kids and my job. Then she said she was tired and needed to sleep. I thanked her a ton and said I hope it was okay for her and she said I did a wonderful job. We both got dressed. I walked her to my door. We hugged. She kissed my forehead. And I pulled her in and kissed her hard on her lips. And then she left.

Katherine

She said when I get back in town to let her know and we’ll do it all again.

Basically I’m now on her “outside of work client list”

Because she has a list of people she regularly sleeps with and I’m basically in now. In the books. Lol

I’m so happy brendon

Haven’t stopped thinking about it all day. This morning I got off like 5 times in a row thinking about it and didn’t wanna leave my bed lol

Katherine

OH- there were 2 awkward moments. 1 was when I asked if she was comfortable fingering me anally and she said yes. She did okay but she said she had never done that before. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted and then I was mortified because I forgot that sometimes there’s a smell and so I didn’t say anything but I initiated we move onto something else. Like I was entirely clean back there but I completely forgot that sometimes that can happen. I didn’t utter a word about it but took the lead in moving back into something else lol

Katherine

And then the other awkward thing was an overwhelming need to pee as we moved closer to orgasm. She said that just meant I was close to orgasm. But I fucking know how an orgasm feels for me and this as very much a desperate need to pee so we stopped and I went to the bathroom and COULDNT PEE. She said it’s probably just anxiety and I think she was right. But then she said her hand got tired later and prob wouldn’t have been so tired had we just kept going rather than stopping and then starting over again lol

Katherine

But yeah that’s the end

As the JCC teachers sing at story time: “That’s the end of the story, that’s the end of the story, that’s the end of the store-eeeeeeeeee! It’s time to sing some songs!”

What song should we sing today brendon? If you’re happy and you know it? Ok! Here we go! If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!!

I diiiiiiid it brendon!!!!!!!! I DID IT! I DID THE THING!

You really did do it!!! I’m so happy for you and also proud of you!

It sounds amazing!

And like you’re gonna do it again soon

I’m glad she was so patient and comfortable and kind

Katherine

Exactly!! Yesss me too!! Thank you Brendon!

All day today, extra energy in my step. Fucking grinning everywhere I go

I TOLD SUSAN

You’re confident!

Katherine

I know!!!

Sounds like it was everything you wanted and needed

Especially in your first time

Katherine

Yes like a dream

Yes

Katherine

And no relationship needed. Like it was the perfect amount of everything just as is.

Which is great

Katherine

I don’t really want a relationship right now

Exactly

Oh also, 2 things I forgot to include. Both awkward

At the very beginning of her going down on me. She spread my legs and I cramped

Like leg cramps on both sides

Katherine

Embarrassing because ya know. I’m fat and I cramp up and she had spread my legs as wide as possible. So I voiced it and she acted like it was no big deal, completely normal, asked if I wanted to prop them up with pillows so we did and she adjusted them and no more cramping. It was like she knew exactly what to do or something

Katherine

And then the other thing was, halfway through the whole thing she said, “Are you familiar with sub/dom BSDM at all?” And I said yes (just from so much porn watching over the years). And she’s like “Well, one thing that tends to be common in BDSM, is the phrase, ‘You are being a very good girl.’ Is that something you’d like me to say to you?” And I wasn’t sure.

Katherine

Like the majority of me didn’t really like the ring it had because it feels fake, scripted, not real. I’d rather her talk down to me and TELL me to be good. But I didn’t like the “good girl” thing and should have told her. I said we could try it so we did and yeah. I didn’t hate it but it wasn’t something I’d wanna do again. I like being told I’m doing good, or to be good. But I don’t like that good girl part.

Katherine

Like that I’m a child and she’s a parent or something. Idk. Didn’t feel right

But then, the thing is, I have my own specifics that a lot of people would probably be uncomfortable with in their own sex life

So we are all different and I get that.

But I have kinks that I’d LOVE to explore with her that are def different and more uncommon. I’m assuming she won’t want to for at least one of them.

Which is fine and completely understandable

And then a third thing that happened was she asked me to slap her breast. Which I wasn’t uncomfortable with or anything. Just nervous and embarrassed to do??? I did it once. She said I did really well. Idk. What are your thoughts on these last few things?

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momdefrazzler · 4 years ago

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