#and ive been more clumsy and gotten hurt more frequently

[bookclubforghosts]

Saw a tarot spread on how to know if you’ve been hexed jinxed or cursed and my family always jokes about being cursed so I said haha I’ll try it.

The spread involved pulling out the magician, then shuffling thrice and pulling 4 cards.

Then you mix in the magician with those 4 and shuffle the 5 together

The first three cards tell you if you’re cursed/hexed/jinxed; if you pull the magician in those three, then someone has placed some kinda energy on you to work against you.

Well.

My dumbass just pulled the magician, in reverse, in those three alongside the *tower card*

Reversed magician means “someone is deceiving you/breaking your trust” and the tower, amongst other fun and scary interpretations, means danger! Crisis! Destruction! And the failure of a relationship/bond!!!!

Card number three was the five of rods. Its meaning? Conflict! Tension! Disagreements!!!

The other two cards are:

Seven of rods —> card of the under dog, despite overwhelming odds victory is assured

Seven of cups—> opportunities, choices, wishful thinking, illusion

The way I’m interpreting this is, yes I’m cursed and yes it’s impacting my relationships, as well as other parts of my life, BUT there’s hope.

Thoughts? Any more experienced witches wanna way in?

[heyamandahey]

Chemotherapy

Monday, July 8, 2019

Okay, so I have had two rounds of chemotherapy so far on the R-EPOCH regimen. This is apparently newer than the R-CHOP one I had previously read about on-line.

I have currently been scheduled for four cycles of chemo but will likely require the full six rounds. Before I started treatment, it felt difficult to get an answer as to what is even a cycle in this context?

What is a Cycle? For me, each cycle or round of treatment is three weeks long. I have to carry an IV bag with me the first four days, and I have to fetch a new bag each day, so I can have a 24-hour continuous infusion. On the fifth day, I receive a one-hour infusion of cytoxan plus an electronic patch of Neulasta. This patch is intended to boost my white blood cell numbers. The remaining days of the three-week cycle I do not have to take any medication aside from allopurinol, which I discontinued a couple weeks ago after my right palm felt itchy.

I am very fortunate to have the IV and pump combo. Although I have to carry them both in a small black bag, I can still meet up with friends. Dine at a restaurant. Go to a live show. Go to work. Live my life as normally as I can.

Sure, it’s a bit annoying when changing clothes, showering, and sometimes sleeping next to, but it’s a small inconvenience next to being at the hospital for five days straight.

Day 5: receiving a one-hour infusion of cytoxan ___

Side Effects Thankfully I have not been overcome with nausea. That was my chief concern. I have felt mildly queasy in the mornings, enough to not feel quite normal, but not enough to stop me from eating breakfast. This is particularly necessary as Prednisone is required to be taken after food.

Because the chemo kills off fast-growing cells, the inside of my mouth has gotten sore. My finger tips feel mildly half-asleep all the time. My toes feel normal. 

I probably slept more during the first round of chemotherapy than the second. The first day of each cycle gives me the most sleepiness because of the liquid Benadryl injection that accompanies the Day One rituxan; I am told this is mostly pre-cautionary because this drug was derived from a mouse! Such interesting biotherapies afoot. 

Chemo-brain is apparently a thing. I have felt like I’ve been losing my train of thought more frequently, and I’ve been making accidental portmanteaus. My tongue feels clumsy. 

Birth Control This is something I’ve never taken before, not even in high school or college. My oncologist said it would protect my ovaries though I’m not sure how, and I tried to Google it but came up empty. Even if I don’t plan on becoming a mother within the next year or two, it never hurts to protect your options, right?

My gynecologist warned me it would feel like three straight months of PMS. Apparently it takes the body that long to calibrate to the new level of hormones. I have been taking Lutera once a day, and I set an alarm on my phone, so I will not forget. I informed my boyfriend ahead of time that I may become more irritable if it’s going to feel like premenstrual syndrome for ninety days. That’s a long time. Let’s hope he remembers!

Relevant Case One visiting doctor fellow recounted a patient at a nearby public hospital; this young man had the same mediastinal lymphoma condition as me. While mine measured in around nine centimeters at the start, this guy did not exhibit symptoms until his was nearly SEVENTEEN centimeters! Insane. I wish I had more details about how it affected the rest of his organs.

I start my third cycle this Wednesday.