#and it's ok because he's human and still very inexperienced at many things

[meimi-haneoka]

"With hindsight" Part 2 - a Yuna D. Kaito retrospective/analysis

Welcome to the second part of my retrospective on Yuna D. Kaito!

I remind you this is just a collection of scenes about Kaito from the whole story that I will be revisiting with the hindsight that Chapter 70 finally gave us. I'll try to give what I think is the right interpretation, but of course these are just my thoughts on the matter.

Continuing from Part 1, here we get into the heart of the story, while we find out more and more hints for Kaito's plan...but also hints for what's really in his heart.

My main goal with these posts is showing that the recent development didn't come out of the left field but there were actually subtle (or less subtle, but misunderstood due to prejudice) hints for it all along.

In this particular post, at some point, there'll be talk about heavy subjects related to life and death. The paragraph will have a warning beforehand, just to be sure, and you can skip to the next section if you want.

"The greatest magic artifact...Akiho-san herself" - Volume 6

After the huge event of the first time-rewind happening just merely a couple of chapters earlier, the end of volume 6 brings another earth-shaking revelation, along with many more important info.

First of all, since he completely dropped his "mask", we're shown for the first time how Kaito is immediately aware when Sakura creates a new Card. But that also confirms that he didn't meddle with those events, not in the beginning at least.

As I said previously, Kaito is someone who tends to act and intervene only at the last minute, when he cannot really avoid it anymore.

Even though the Card created by Sakura was so pivotal to the success of his plan, he really didn't intend to make her produce it by force. He still had time, so he hoped she would create it on her own without needing to resort to harsh methods. Another indication that he really wasn't keen on hurting Sakura at any moment of this plan. He was just standing there, going "oh!" when he could sense a vibration in the magic that suggested that Sakura's powers went out of control again, and soon another Card would be born. He just had to wait for the right one. A game of patience. Definitely a challenge for someone like him, used to obtain everything immediately, thanks to his magic.

We also get the first mentions about his plan: we acknowledge that he indeed needs a Card created by Sakura in particular, but that any of those new created ones will still be very useful to his goal (almost all the Cards in fact acted as "characters" for the story he prepared in Clockland).

We're informed that Momo is the guardian of the Book Akiho holds so dear, and that Kaito is trying to make that Book work to activate a forbidden spell.

Indeed, as we well know from chapter 70, everything went exactly as he wished for: they went inside the Book, he created the Clockland story using his memories and those of Akiho + Sakura in order to turn them sisters later on, the transparent Card he wanted was produced at the very last moment and he "piggybacked" Sakura's wish to exchange roles with Akiho to make an exchange himself.

But the biggest revelation (and one of the biggest misunderstandings) is that Kaito mentions "that's why I never returned it....the greatest artifact created by the Magic Association and that Clan...Akiho-san herself".

After this page, all the red flags and sirens probably went off in everyone's head, "omg he abducted her", "he wants to use her", "he's deceiving her"...but....to be honest, seeing the chapter with the first part of Akiho's past, and seeing how unhappy she was, we should've wondered immediately if that wasn't for the best.

Because it was.

He literally saved her life by never returning her to her clan.

Still, the sense of distrust in Kaito after this scene here (powered by that seemingly manic smile) persisted for long, long time in the fandom. And that was exactly what CLAMP planned us to feel like. Or rather, they wanted to see if we'd be able to get rid of this feeling the more the story went on.

Time magic at the behest of the Association - vol. 7

Just want to point out this small detail here - it tends to be forgotten, but Kaito didn't learn time magic when he decided to escort Akiho around the world, nor was given that ability by Momo.

He already knew how to work it, and has been using that dangerous type of magic ever since he was a kid, at the orders of the Association. Eriol obtained that information during his research.

This connects to chapter 70 because it made sense for them to impose a spell like the Seal of D on Kaito.

They knew he could use time magic, they knew he had no qualms in using it, and therefore that made him all the more dangerous to escort such a precious magic artifact in their eyes.

But most of all, this scene here confirms how Kaito himself was used and abused by the Association, in a similar way to what happened to Akiho. Scared of the terrible side effects, they ordered an emotionally stunted boy to use that magic on their behalf, well aware that it would've shaved off his life span. He didn't know any better, had a bleak existence because of how he grew up, he didn't have desires, so he couldn't really muster a will to refuse the orders.

"The boy didn't understand what was fun in that" - Volume 7

When talking about Kaito's past, CLAMP keep telling us "he didn't care for anyone, he didn't know what was fun in doing something with someone...spending time with them".

It's something they keep hammering because it's very indicative of how Kaito changed profoundly thanks to Akiho.

Now he experienced what's good in doing something for someone (not only all the things he did for her as her attendant, but also the very plan he set into motion, the sense of accomplishment we see in his final smile in chapter 70 comes directly from that), he experienced how good it can feel to spend time with someone (there's no doubt he loved spending time with Akiho, otherwise when given the chance - the time rewind at the date later on - he would've avoided it).

The only problem is.....he hasn't understood why yet. What really makes the difference here. Or rather, he stubbornly refused to acknowledge it till the end. And that stubborn ignorance led him to go on with his plan, thinking he was doing something good, oblivious to the effect this will have on Akiho later on when she'll find out what happened. That's why Momo cried "blockhead!!" in rage before he disappeared in chapter 70.

"Happy ending for whom?" - Vol. 7

And here we get HUGE, huge hints for what was coming up in the future.

Kaito was exhausted (Momo checks on him with a worried face) and fell asleep on a sofa, dreaming of his past and the moment that changed his life forever. The moment when the Association decided to tell him that they had just executed a magic ritual on the girl that he had certified as "magicless, like a blank book" long time before, in order to turn her into a magic artifact. Not "any girl", but the daughter of the only person who treated him with humanity for the little time they interacted with eachother.

If he was still dreaming of it now, years later, it meant that the event scarred his heart in a way that he didn't even fully understand himself. And we'll get confirmation of this only in chapter 60, 29 chapters after this one.

Kaito mentions that his dream looked "like a picture book", and Momo poses a clever question: "Does it look like this book will have a happy ending?".

We all took this question as figurative back then. But to imagine she actually was meaning it in a literal way, that we would really witness the characters becoming protagonists of a story set up by him! Again another hint under our noses.

Kaito confidently replies "It will (I'll make sure of it)", but that's when Momo (oh, I love her so much) comes with another sharper question that hits the bull's eye fully: "And that...will be a happy ending for whom, exactly?". My gosh. I don't know how Kaito didn't start second guessing after a question like that.

Because it's true, even though this might be the happy ending he imagined for Akiho (at his own expense, but he didn't care), it didn't even occur to him that this might not have been what she wanted at all. It didn't occur to him because of the complex feelings that his sense of disgust for himself and his guilt for what he had done to her were stirring in him. But we'll find out more about that later.

"She's really loved...by all the people involved with her" - vol. 7

Man, you can really feel we're halfway through the story, because in volume 7 are starting to surface a series of hints that become more and more specific to the revelation of Kaito's plan.

Kaito and Momo had just sensed that Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun came to Japan on behalf of Eriol, and Kaito knows very well that Eriol is venturing in scheming that far for his dear Sakura's sake.

And then....Kaito becomes sad? melancholic? for one moment...with a quite painful expression.

"She's really loved...by all the people involved with her"

This expression here kept me (and I'm sure not only me) wondering for long, long time. Years. It's apparent he's feeling a pang of sadness because Sakura's blessing with people who love and care for her wasn't granted on Akiho as well. But was he only feeling sad for Akiho? And what exactly that expression represented, was there envy for it? Longing?

Did he resent Sakura for the blessing of a loving entourage?

Now we know he really didn't. Of course the idea that CLAMP wanted to instill in our heads was that Kaito wanted to exchange the girls and felt envy/resentment towards Sakura, for the countless, shameless luck and privileges she was blessed with. I had fallen for that interpretation too for some time, because it kinda made sense. Seeing his past, his background, his upbringing...and the fact that Sakura was basically a stranger to him.

And Momo's further comment that Akiho loved Sakura too, with the subsequent silence from Kaito, was really staged by CLAMP in a way that could suggest Kaito was having second thoughts about his plan, because if he hurted Sakura, Akiho would've been sad.

But now it doesn't really seem like that was the case anymore. We know he never intended to hurt Sakura, nor exchanging them, from the very beginning.

I think here his storming feelings are originating not only from Akiho's situation, but also from his own need to be loved. A need that was naturally born in him along the years, but could not find its way to be acknowledged and expressed properly. And Momo mentioning that Akiho loved Sakura as a friend only contributed to make him feel even more alone, outside that "circle" of people loving eachother. He's excluded from this, because in his head he won't ever have someone who loves him. He's a bad person with a locking seal imposed on him that will swallow him whole at the end of this journey. Which is why...

"Because it's about you, Akiho-san" - Vol. 7

...when Kaito nonchalantly blurts out "Because it's about you, Akiho-san" in response to Akiho's question on how does he know perfectly everytime she's coming home to let her find her afternoon snacks ready, Momo becomes livid. So much that she wants to send him flying with a kick.

Because Akiho of course cannot help but running away, red in the face like the reddest tomato, in front of such sweet declaration of affection from him. It's like he's saying "you're important to me, so of course I always know everything about you, I have a sixth sense for you" and that would be perfectly fine, if it weren't for his otrageous obliviousness. His "?" face in front of a raging Momo is further proof of that. Remember when she said, in the Drama CD 2, "it's true they say people know the least about themselves"?

He's uttering it himself and yet he doesn't understand the full meaning of the words that are spilling out of his mouth. Nor he understands the effect they have on Akiho (because he's oblivious to her feelings as well).

Kaito never ever admitted that he's doing all of this for Akiho's sake, never spelled out that he cares about her and loves her in his own way. Even though it's apparent to everyone by now. And this obliviousness, or this refusal? to see the truth is precisely the reason why the success of his plan will only bring misery to Akiho in the long run. Despite he wanted (deep down in his heart) nothing more than making her happy.

"I will read more books" - vol. 7

If we exclude the scene where Kaito gets closer to Akiho during stopped time at the end of Vol. 5, this is the first time we clearly see Kaito hurting for something. The first time he clearly lets slip a sort of weakness in front of Akiho. And you can guess it, it's got always something to do with her.

This is the very first, timid proof that what little Kaito said on that fateful day of some years earlier had wrecked him in every possible way and had pushed him to give all of him to make things right.

Akiho says something really innocent, "I will read more and more books! I will memorize so many more things...!" because poor her, she just couldn't bear to keep embarrassing herself in front of her most important person with her clumsy, ignorant takes.

Little did she know, she had just pierced his heart with a knife at that very moment.

Because "reading more books" is not just an innocent, healthy activity, but in her case can also actually mean to push herself one step closer to death. And since it all started with something Kaito unintentionally said, the mere thought wrecks him more than 100 spells attacking him.

Kaito defends his 'family' - vol. 7

Allow me to comment on this scene, because I really need to point out something that will be more subtly connected to what happened in chapter 70 (we get into dark thematics related to death, so beware and skip to the next paragraph if you're sensitive on the matter).

The Magic Association tried to attack the Shinomoto mansion, likely to take Akiho back. Of course Kaito sensed it and counterattacked, using time magic.

Here he commented "As long as they continue to not include time magic (in their spells), due to their weakness and fear of its devastating effects on their bodies, it's going to have the same result every time".

The thing that immediately becomes apparent for people reading this for the first time is that Kaito not only betrayed the confraternity of people he was once part of, but he also despises them, thinks very little of them and probably has done so for quite some time (with all the reasons of this world).

Then, it's also very apparent how he indirectly poses himself in contrast to their actions: "they're weak and cowards, that's why they don't use time magic. While I have no qualms in using it. I am not afraid of what will happen. No one is gonna stop me".

Then....if we dig deeper...we also find something more personally concerning Kaito, in his sentence.

He's indirectly showing he acknowledged that they kept using him when he was a child to perform tasks that required time magic, because they were too coward to use it themselves. He acknowledges they used him, and lord only knows when that realization came about, probably after starting his journey with Akiho and staying away from that toxic environment for some time.

And that realization came with his greatest act of rebellion.

"I hate myself, I'll always be alone and am not interested in continuing living this life, but at the very least I won't ruin myself at your behest anymore. I WILL BE THE ONE to decide how and what to exhaust my life on". It is of course a terrible, horrible way to see the worth of his own life, but at the same time a desperate scream for self-determination that personally I can't ignore. For how horrible it is, this is Kaito calling the shots for what concerns him. He's not existing for the use and abuse of other people anymore. And this is also part of why he shows that self-satisfied smile at the end of ch. 70, although mixed with other emotions.

Of course, he made such decision with a mindset of someone who got nothing to lose. Nothing, or no one. And this is where he was terribly wrong.

Rewind & the silencing spell - vol. 7

Sakura produced the Rewind Card, and for the first time ever, we get a comment from Kaito indicating that, although it's not exactly the one he was looking for, it went quite close.

Now that we know that the Card he was looking for is Exchange, we can infer in which ways Rewind went close to it, but wasn't exactly what he was looking for.

I think Rewind was simply incomplete for the full plan Kaito had.

Rewind showed to be capable to change the appearance of someone to make look them like they were in a previous state. In Syaoran's case, it made him look like when he was very little, because that was what Sakura was thinking about when she created the Card. Even if Kaito wished, thanks to Rewind, to restore Akiho's situation back to when she wasn't turned into a magic artifact yet, that would've been only a superficial change. Rewind doesn't seem to have (for now) the full potential of the time-rewindings operated by Kaito. Sakura didn't actually travel in time to bring a little Syaoran back from those times, as Syaoran still had his own teenager conscience. The "change" doesn't operate at deep level, basically, and so it was insufficient for Kaito's plan.

Furthermore, in this same scene, we see him activating the silencing spell on Syaoran. Again, a move made at the very last moment, when Sakura had already found out that she was the one giving birth to those Cards. To be honest I still don't feel like this was malicious at all. He could've thought up so, so many harsher ways to stop them from interfering with his plans if he meant any harm to them. Messed with their minds, made them forget (Eriol did so with Yue!!), I don't know.

Instead, he chose this way, exposing himself even further, because why only mentions of Akiho and Kaito would get "blocked"? Of course that made so apparent that the spell came from him, and he somehow wanted Syaoran to know it did. Probably as a way to suggest "it's me, please don't interfere more than this". Of course, as I said before, Kaito is not here to f*ck around, so he found himself forced to use this silencing spell, or cutting off Eriol from communication, or to use all the time-rewinds he used.

The first decision I've ever made for myself - vol. 7 and vol. 8

I look at the first picture of this paragraph and I laugh, because I remember when this chapter came out people were making fun of Kaito, calling him "creep" for spying on a middle school (a swimming class, at that 😅). But looking at that smile now, with the hindsight of what we know...it's such a sweet smile. He seems genuinely happy to see Akiho enjoying her time with all her classmates. He loves to see all the bonds she created.

But that heartwarming feeling lasts very little, as his "half-assed" (as I always call it, what was that 'wave' for?) attempt to make Sakura create a new Card triggers Akiho's book, and for the first time ever we see it in action, making her lose her conscience completely.

The proof is that "Akiho" doesn't talk with her usual voice, but with the voices of the Association and the Clan. As you can see, at her feet, we see the same "book pages" that will engulf Kaito at the end of chapter 70 too (therefore almost confirming that's where he is right now, inside the damned book).

As both Momo and Kaito confirm, the spell that will eventually crush her soul is still very much active on her and not too far from its final goal. We get a glimpse of a very sorrowful expression from Kaito while he says with his own words that probably those people are hoping that the spell will crush Akiho's soul. This expression alone shoul've already been enough to confirm what Kaito's intentions were. But also how much he felt responsible for that atrocity.

Kaito doesn't have a choice, he will use *more* time magic to put some sort of "seal" on the book inside Akiho (freezing its time), full aware that this is just a patch and won't solve any problem definitively. But at least it should keep everyone (Sakura & Syaoran included, since it activated mostly in their presence) safe while he tried to bring his plan to completion.

Also...I can't help but point out how he softly caresses her face again before starting his spell, such a sweet gesture that almost seems as if saying "sorry" for performing a magic on her without the girl being aware.

Once again, he allows himself to be this sweet with her only when she's not aware of it. Knowing what we know now, it's no wonder why.

And here it is...probably the most important scene beside the one where he made a choice and said "I'll go".

His first conversation with Akiho.

For him, this wasn't really the first 'meeting'. Indeed, later on he will talk again about this moment and he will specifically use the japanese word for "conversation". Because although from afar, the very first time he met her was through the magic sphere.

Of course she was way too little to remember. So while for her this might have been effectively her first meeting with him, for him it wasn't, and his kind, sweet smile is proof of that.

He went there already knowing who she was, her background, who she was the daughter of, what happened to her, and prepared so that he could make her feel at ease from the very start. Of course someone must have taught him this, because before this scene he used to have such a dead stare. He looked like he never smiled once in his whole life.

My idea is that, after making his contract with Momo, she "trained him". For his smiles and everything else. Taught him how to interact properly with other people, since he was so averse to it beforehand.

This theory I have comes from the fact she's the one who told him, in one of the Drama CDs, "please laugh more properly! even it's a fake laugh!".

Anyway, this scene is so powerful because it's not only drawn in such a "fateful meeting" way, but also because this fountain and rose garden will appear later on in Clockland too, summoned by the magic of Momo's book browsing through Kaito's memories.

While other people might argue that this is also the place where he met Lilie once, I'd daresay first meetings and talks are more likely to leave such a big impression on someone. When he met Lilie there, it was one of their regular meetings (and clearly not the first one), while with Akiho it was the meeting that would start their journey together, and start the process of how his whole life would change thanks to her.

It's definitely not by chance that he's remembering this important moment while he discloses to the readers for the first time that "I made a decision that day. The first decision I've ever made for myself".

Stopping the time of the book inside Akiho proves to be very arduous.

So arduous that Kaito is sweating and panting at the end of it.

Not only that, but the book itself activates some sort of "defense" (that black matter that comes out of Akiho, the same black matter that comes out when she loses consciousness) and literally attacks Kaito. You can see it hitting him in several spots.

He looks stubborn and unstoppable, though. Even with the magic of the book hurting him, he still pushes through with his spell for the sake of Akiho.

Momo is taken aback because she didn't know *anything* of this idea of his, and she's really mad when he's done.

Always for the same reason.

Because while he can realize her change of mood without any problem ("You look even angrier now" "Ah, you can understand *that* just fine, hm? And yet you don't understand what's really important"), he hasn't understood Akiho's feelings nor his own, yet. And he keeps insisting in disregarding his life like it's nobody's business. The very core of the problem that will persist till chapter 70 lies all there.

Small detail I like to point out: Kaito's time magic isn't infinite. After he exerted himself on stopping Akiho's book, the magic he used to stop time for everyone literally starts to crumble apart, signifying that its effect will vanish very soon. This will happen again later on, in a *very* different situation.

Whenever Kaito's magic focus falls short, whether it's due to physical or emotional matters, his magic is affected and falls apart.

And with this scene of the beginning of volume 8 I will conclude this second part of my analysis! 💜

I have to be honest, when I started this "project", it was totally propelled by the strong feelings that chapter 70 gave me, but I thought I would finish this in 1, 2 posts maximum....but along the way, I found myself wanting to talk about so many scenes 😂that I'm not even sure I'll be able to finish this within the 3rd post 😂😂😂especially cause later on there'll be more and more hints scattered around...god help me 😅

At this point I can say for sure that part 3 will come after the release of chapter 71, so see you later for my monthly translation + commentary post!! 😉

[henceforthidothyap]

The Uncanny Counter: Episode 2

This episode starts right where the other one left off, with So Mun blocking the rich kid's punch, which was super cool until the rich kid's crony kicked him away. So Mun's down for the count, totally passed out (someone please check him for a concussion), when the noodle crew shows up and evens things out. I'll hand it to the noodle crew, they had a lottttt more patience than I ever would've had with the bullies. Inevitably, when the noodle crew and the bullies go head-to-head, Mo-Tak takes them all down with one punch each. The visual that they used here of the X-ray vision into the injuries being given to each bully was super cool and I really hope that they use that again. Unfortunately, Mae-Ok heals them while she wipes their memories. I would've just left them in the gym with no memory and busted arms, but I suppose that's why I'm not a Counter (which I've learned is the right term, not Grim Reaper).

When So-Mun wakes up (seriously, he was out for a long time someone Please do a CT scan on him) his leg is now healed by Mae-Ok. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little disappointed that they healed his leg, as I was looking forward to how he'd be a Counter with his disability. I'm not someone whose voice should be heard on this matter though, so I do wonder how the disabled community felt about that. It felt like a bit of a cop-out to me, but I digress. Bro immediately runs for ages despite Mae-Ok telling him to take it easy, which is very much teenage boy activities.

When they're back in the shop and the noodle crew is discussing their backstories, Mo-Tak mentions that he fell from a building and was a police officer. I'm thinking that this is definitely the dude from the first episode that So-Mun's parents were on the phone with and that's why Mo-Tak was trying to figure out why So-Mun looked familiar. Interested to see how that plays out, especially if Mo-Tak gets his memories back.

Ha-Na and Mae-Ok head out to capture a level one spirit, which is where we get a lesson on some of the Counter Jargon. I'm also including info from later in the episode just to keep my list neat because my memory sucks. We've got:

Level 1 evil spirits: these spirits are just chilling in the human and haven't killed anyone yet, so the ideal stage for capture

Level 2: now they've killed someone and are basically just a serial killer at this point. Later on in the episode they talk about how everything's case-by-case in how many kills escalates someone from a level 2 to a level 3

Level 3: now they've got supernatural powers beyond the whole enhanced strength gig and they're running amok

Level 4: never seen before, but this is when a human and evil spirit perfectly mesh together and become insanely powerful

I'm guessing that this excursion of taking So-Mun (who is super inexperienced, what the hell were y'all thinking) to go see this level 1 that Ha-Na detected. What better way to convince the dude to become a Counter than to show him the difference he can make? So-Mun saves a kid's life, and I could tell right away that he's hooked. He's got a good heart and I'm dreading when it'll inevitably break because he can't save someone.

Mo-Tak cuts down the amount of time he's got to decide about his future as a Counter to however many hours it was until the next morning, which is about how much patience I have too. He visits Wi-Gen again to decide and she tells him about the rules, which I thought were weird. One of them is don't meddle in human affairs, which, uh, has totally already been broken (like the bullies' arms), sooooo what's up with that? Anyway, he of course showed up the next morning with his matching tracksuit (I still find the noodle crew's matching outfits adorable).

The thing about the next scene that I found weird, which was So-Mun beating the shit out of the bullies, was that nobody (including his friends!) questioned how the boy who previously needed his crutch to get around was using both legs to fight them off. I found his little speech kinda funny and not really realistic at all, but then again, it's a high school boy who draws comics and is feeling like a hero because of the Counter thing, so I could see that influencing the speech.

Of course, So-Mun also had to have his badass training montage. I will admit, the part where he was doing push-ups while holding his legs up off the ground made me laugh because it looked so much like his legs were just being supported by wires. The same with the one-handed pullups. I could totally be wrong, but that's how I saw it and it made me snicker. He also got his ass handed to him by Ha-Na, which was funny because he was so confident about his skills before that. He also literally broke open a punching bag, so his power is definitely super strength and maybe parkour, since he managed to jump all the way up a building with his blue handprint (again, the clear use of wires made me snicker). So-Mun's little celebration when he finally got the spinny kick right was also adorable. But also, he spent so much time training in this montage and he's literally a high school student? When are you getting your homework done???

So-Mun's reaction to the noodle crew's truly awful 'police sketches' had me laughing too. They all looked so offended; it was hilarious. Thank the gods they've got So-Mun now who can actually draw a person and have it look like a person, not a wonky cartoon character.

Right before the episode ends, we've got the noodle crew (now including So-Mun!) in their trusty Mystery Machine to go capture the evil spirit in some guy talking to a little girl. (I cannot tell if this child has never gotten a stranger danger lesson or if she knows him).

Zero scenes of the policewoman or the mayor, maybe that plotline picks up again later?

Predictions:

I still think the rich boy will be a host for an evil spirit, especially now that he's wanting to kill So-Mun after being humiliated in front of everyone at school

Mo-Tak is the guy So-Mun's parents were talking to on the phone, and he knows why they died (if he gets his memory back)

Ha-Na REALLY doesn't want her memories read; she's got some trauma or wasn't a great person before being a Counter

So-Mun has something in him that enhances his powers and maybe that's why Wi-Gen picked him, even if it was an accident

Episode Rating: 10/10. I'm still hooked on this show, and it's doing a great job of introducing information gradually so that everything comes together. The noodle crew is already super protective of So-Mun, which I love, since they feel like a weird family. So far, I like the balance of humor and supernatural drama.

[dreamlandcreations]

Day 4 - Experiment #86

Nathan Bateman x Reader (asexual!reader)

Kinktober prompt - Day 4 - Spanking

All prompts are taken from @the-purity-pen​‘s Kinktober List!

I didn’t want to write a foreword or whatever this is, BUT about the asexual stuff... I feel like this could be a sensitive topic for some, especially in this context, so what you need to know is that I find labelling people pretty annoying, it’s absurd that society wants to put everyone in a certain box and if they do not fit into it perfectly they are bullied and criticised at best. On the other hand, I understand that it could bring some sense of belonging and help with identity crisis even to identify as this and that... This is only my opinion here and my perspective on the subject. I respect everyone else's opinion so I only ask for the same. And if you don't like it, don't read it :P

Warnings: swearing - like a lot, my lack of knowledge on programming and coding, hinted inexperienced reader, age gap, PiV, rough sex, unprotected sex

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You’ve always been a little bit of an oddball, doing things your own way and not really caring what others thought about it. Perhaps that's why you get on so well with Nathan. He might seem like a dick sometimes but you find his honesty and attitude of not-giving-a-single-fuck so refreshing after the so many polite, shallow and way too nice conversations you’ve had recently, you can't help but be intrigued by him. Even if he barged into your office uninvited and not taking no for an answer when you already informed him of your answer in your email.

-

Ok, so he can be a real asshole, but he doesn’t do it just for the sake of it, well most of the time he doesn’t do it just for the sake of it. The thing is, you don’t care. You can be just as much of a mean jerk as him and when he is not hitting a particularly sensitive topic, you even find that side of him fun too. 

And you find out later on in your relationship that if he does walk into a sensitive topic with less than zero care for his words, all you need to do is to tell him to back off and he immediately does. He never apologises for any of it, not in words at least. What he does is more important anyway, you know he struggles with expressing his feelings, especially if he’s done something wrong. He accepted you as you are and you did the same, so you never argue over petty little things like apologies. 

-

You just clicked from the beginning when he asked for your help, as your company specialised in developing teaching methods for online lessons based on the individual differences in learning and he needed someone who studied the way of thinking with developing minds this thoroughly, and you refused to sign the NDA and demanded he made your system ‘Nathan-proof’ in exchange because of something he said that made you realise that he accessed your phone when you didn’t answer him as he expected.

-

When you started to work together and get to know each other he slowly realised that you have spent most of your life with your studies and building your carrier. You are younger than him, you were lucky to become successful at a young age, just like him. The difference is, that he also had a life experience before he had enough of humanity as a whole and moved as far away from people as possible. 

He sees the walls you have built around yourself and he methodically breaks them down one by one, often pushing you out of your safe zone but not your comfort zone. He is challenging you to live a little and that also makes him want to live and not just exist. 

-

He finds himself catching feelings for you very quickly and because he is Nathan, he makes you into a project. The problem is, you confuse him. He understands you more than anyone but you still surprise him again and again. You two are very similar in some aspects but couldn’t be more different in other ways. He calls you a living contradiction and that is most likely the best, and if anyone asks you the only, label that fits you.

So he approaches every step carefully, making a list of ‘experiments’ to be done and drawing conclusions from your reactions. You are comfortable with him, so he decides to move the scenery to his place where he can dedicate more time for his new favourite project. 

After a lot of arguments, unreasonable requests and ‘then, fuck you’-s, you give in and say you’ll move in for a month to work more efficiently on that particular stage of the development. Nathan has a timeframe now and he doesn’t waste a single second. By the time the month is over he makes you forget you ever wanted to leave.

-

You are together for a while when something fundamentally changes your relationship. You find the list. You are not mad and you do not tell him for a few months. It is actually flattering in a little wierd, Nathan-way. He has an extremely analytical mind, he sees everything in flows of data, he cannot help it but to stick to his ways to deal with something. 

This is why he feels at home with programming, which he tried to teach you but you quickly gave up on it. It was at the end of your first week at his secluded home. He argued that coding is just an other language and languages come easy to you so this shouldn’t be so difficult. He was mostly just frustrated that his plan with you was not progressing as he thought it would and he is running out of time. 

Then, you explained to him if you are quick to understand languages that is because they are both order and chaos, your mind doesn’t work like his, you need the chaos, you see it through and you find the order within. Code languages are algorithms, based on linear mathematics, there is only order. He realised then that he approached you the wrong way, he saw you as his equal therefore he came to the wrong conclusions because he made assumptions on the similarities in your personality.

-

He started asking you more personal questions, as casually and as slyly as he could, without stepping over the line. His approach changed and he quickly got positive results. But being intimate with you was a tricky thing. 

His conclusions:

You found him objectively handsome beautiful?  - Yes. 

Did you like him as a person? - Definite yes.

Did you feel any attraction towards him? - Not really.

Were you interested in a sexual relationship? - Not really.

Were you interested in a romantic relationship? - No.

Would you be willing to try for him? - Maybe...

As it turns out you are interested in the idea of having sex but not in the actual act. Although your hormones made you crave it lately more than ever but you just couldn’t imagine actually going through with it.

So Nathan started in little and getting to build up to kisses and more. 

You like it. Not in a ‘normal’ way, but in your own way. His touch makes you feel. You are pretty much detached from your body most of the time. He noticed that you tend to wander in your thoughts and asked how it feels like for you as he understood having a non-stop busy mind but you have proved to be a surprise on more than one occasion so he is interested of your perspective, which you gave him:

“It’s like I live in my mind, everything else is two steps in front of me. It feels like I have to step into my body to be here and have to make an other step to get to an outer me that’s interacting with people and the world. Keeping my focus is exhausting so I usually just let my mind wonder.”

He listens to you with all his focus and he understands, he truly does. He raises his hand to your cheek and brushes your hair back a little. You nuzzle into his hand and say something that’s the closest thing to an I love you that you have said so far.

“When you touch me, I’m here. All of me is here for you. You make me feel things I never thought I would be capable of feeling and I’m grateful for your stubborn, unwavering determination of not giving up on me.”

-

He keeps updating the list, even after you found it. One day you see a new point with just a line of a letter and a lot of dots like he was hesitating to write it down. You think you know what it is. 

He’s been fixated on your ass for a few days now. Always pulling you into a hug by grabbing your bottom or hugging you from behind and making you roll it into him by guiding your hips. Sometimes he outright slaps it.

-

You decide it’s time for A talk and you take the notebook and go the kitchen where he is making dinner. He’s listening to some of your songs and dancing a little. You admire him for a minute from the other side of the kitchen, with a soft smile on your face. 

“Hey, what you’re up to?” - he asks, seeing your expression that turned into a little mischievous smirk.

“I want to know if experiment number 86 is spanking or anal? Because if it is the later then don’t even bother writing it down. That’s a hard no for me”

He is frozen for a long minute, dinner forgotten, then turns to you but for the first time since you met him, he cannot find his words.

“I...”

“You... What?” - you ask him after an other minute of silent starring.

“I can explain...” - he starts, but you interrupt.

“Explain what? The list? The experiments? Or that you turned me into a project?” - you ask the dreaded questions but there is no anger in your voice, nor do you seem coldly fuming. It’s almost like you are amused...

“So which one did you have in mind?” - you ask, getting closer to him and sliding you hand down from his neck all the way to his hips.

“I already crossed out #44. I knew you are not comfortable with the idea of anal sex.”

“Hmm”

“Can I...?” - he asks, searching your face.

“I don’t think this will be my thing either, but it doesn't sound that terrible so I can give it a try.”

He holds your chin firmly while he is pressing a rough kiss on your lips and pulls you closer with his other hand on your ass. He quickly stops and turns you around so you are leaning onto the counter, while he is pressing you down with a hand on your upper back he takes hold of your hips and rolls his into yours in lazy circles. Since you are only wearing one of his long shirts and your panties, he has easy access to you. 

“You’ve been a bad girl, reading my personal notes.” - he lands a big hit on your ass after he leaned back a little to get rid of your underwear. - “I think you deserve a punishment.”

“You left it open on your desk. How is that my fault?”

“I was going to go easy on you with 5 more hits, but for that comeback, I’ll make it at least 10.” and Nathan hits you again, on the other cheek. He goes back to grinding his erection into you in an angle where he can still deliver blows to your now red and aching ass. 

He makes you count the blows and adds two more quick little hits with his other hand to your pussy each time you are too slow with the counting. You feel raw and uncomfortable so you beg him with a trembling voice to stop hitting and just start fucking you already.

He knows you, know you can handle a little pain and he trusts you to tell him to stop if it’s too much. Just like you trust him to stop if you need him to.

So when he frees his hard length and pushes the head into you, but stops as you take a sharp breath and asks if you are ok, you know you are safe with him. It’s always a lot for the first time, he is big and stretches you to your limit. You say you are ok and Nathan pushes in until he is balls deep within you and pressing against your abused, sensitive ass, making you whimper again.

“Ah, fuck, that’s my good girl. Always so fucking good for me. Still so tight... so sensitive... so responsive.”

The pain and the quick, hard trusts he delivers makes you go kind go numb from the waist down but he know you and makes you cum anyway until you are so tight around him that he can barely move. He makes a strangled noise and you feel something hot fill your insides until being so full starts to hurts too.

-

When you turn around Nathan is looking at you like he is waiting for something from you.

“What?”

“I can ask now... I want your feedback. Did you like it at least a little or should I cross it off of the list?”

You laugh a little. So typically Nathan to unashamedly get to the point. You turn a little and pull him down to you by his beard to kiss him.

“I am not really into it, I’m sorry. I don’t think I want to do it again, but if you do...”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“But..”

“I can think of plenty other things to try and I don’t have to be sneaky about it anymore. So don’t worry about this.”

“Ok, sooo... what’s experiment #87″?

[michibikionmain]

This isn’t THE tommyinnit villain essay but it sure is one of them

Ok ok so 4 those of u who aren't on discord with me: i have two main essays that have been in the works for MONTHS, these being my Complete Dream character analysis essay going in-depth for nearly all of his canon interactions and finding his character traits and motivations through the story, and my Tommyinnit (and Wilbur Soot) were Always The Villains on the server essay talking about how the only reason so many people view them as the good guys or heroes is because we see the story from their perspective mainly. This essay? Is not either of those. BUT, it does go through a lot of my thoughts on Tommy and Dream’s characters so I figured I’d post it. maybe itll help me organize my thoughts 4 my Mega Projects lol

@ranboocore bc u helped me pop off on this so hard LMAO

Warning, it’s VERY Tommy Critical, what a suprise. I do not like Tommy as a character lol. idk what triggers yall might need me to tag but if u need one in particular pls lmn!

My biggest issue with tommy's character is that he SAYS hes learned but he never does he is exactly the same person he was at the start of the server just More Sad and with Trauma, when out of all the characters he's had the most push to change. c!Tommy is a very tell-don't-show character which can make it hard for some people to connect to him, especially those who don’t directly share his trauma or see themselves in his character. Of course, there is still a MASSIVE amount of people who relate to his struggles and thus love him regardless of his writing, but those who can't relate to him will always feel some kind of barrier until the things they've talked about are actually shown to the viewer instead of being spoon-fed to them.

It is a very beginner writing thing, and I'm hoping that Tommy is figuring out how to fix this, maybe with support from the many other writers on the server. There's the 3 you mentioned, plus fundy, niki, and maybe tubbo who also play dnd, plus Dream who said he would've been an English major and does a lot of personal writing for fun.  I think the biggest issue in the writing lies in the individual ccs being inexperienced in the medium, particularly with planning out their own character growth. 

Another glaring issue I have with c!Tommy is how he's framed to be sympathetic and he goes through all these horrible things without acknowledging his role in any of them. The things that have happened to him are a direct result of his actions, but the thing is HE won't acknowledge and so it falls flat. This isn’t to say that being abused is his fault, because it’s NEVER the vicitm’s fault, but being exiled? His multiple fights with c!Dream? His friendships falling apart? Losing the disks in the first place? They’re the direct consequences of HIS OWN actions, but he never acknowledges this and constantly just... brushes off any accountability by either saying that it’s Dream fault or simply SAYING he feels bad without properly showing it through redemption and GROWTH.

Denial is useful in storytelling sometimes, but Tommy's character has been in denial since the very beginning of the server and at this point it's just exhausting. He only ever switches between denial and depression, not really going through all 5 stages of grief properly. His violent/upset reactions would be more powerful if they were any different from how tommy usually acts, but this is always how he is. When he “lashes out” because he’s reached the end of his patience, it doesn’t SEEM like the snap it is because that’s just... it’s seriously just his standard reaction to everything. It hold no WEIGHT to see c!Tommy yell at someone violently or threaten to fight them because he does that anyways!

Static characters can be a good thing, and can be interesting if done correctly, but not every character SHOULD or CAN be static in a story.

Static characters need to have their position or behavior challenged and question, where they look into if the way they see and interact with the world is really the 'correct' one or just evaluated to see if they truly believe in them. This questioning period is CRUCIAL! and NEEDS to be well done in a way that ACTIVELY SHOWS the conflict between the two ideals. If they decide to hold onto their beliefs/continue their behavior then, it feels deserved, because rather than just being a flat "they do thing its who they are" they have defined WHY. WHY is a very important question to think of when telling the difference between dynamic and static characters. The why of a character is ESSENTIAL to developing them as a relatable, sympathetic person rather than a flat story telling device. It makes them a human rather than a puppet. When a character's motives aren't well defined or discussed, they're doomed to fall flat in everything else, because the WHY is the foundation of what makes them who they are.

c!Tommy has an underdeveloped "why", his motivations are weak, rarely properly discussed and when they are it doesn't particularly stick with him. His motivations change without showing us the internal struggle that should come from literally shifting your driving principles. There are some good MOMENTS of him reevaluating the importance of certain things, but they're so spread out and contradictory and immediately spat one that they're hard to piece together. He TELLS us what his motivations are as well, which is another big flaw when it comes to all that but we don't have time to unpack all THAT Anyways, the key to static story telling is reaffirmation. The character goes through a complete journey and ends with the same beliefs because they've looked into why they have them and determined that they still matter to them. A great example of static writing in my eyes is c!Techno, who since the beginning has believed that governments are bad. c!Techno enters the server to destroy a government, and still ends up doing that because he sees and we see him experience that the reasons he didn't like government before still hold true and he has no reason to support them any more than before, and so his anarchist beliefs are REAFFIRMED, proving to him that they way he handles things is the right one for him.

c!Tommy’s attachments are all just... they're all so weird.  like he LITERALLY SACRIFICES HIS LIFE MULTIPLE TIMES for L'manburg. By action of sacrifice it seems like it should be the most important thing to him, but then he throws it away for some disks that mattered less to him just a minute ago.  But then it's all about how c!Tubbo is worth more than Anything and maybe he's found something more important! but then he shoves THAT out the window for the discs again ig!!! but then it's about l’manburg again? Make it make sense.... pls....

Here's smth that really irks me about Tommy's character, and is kind of weird but give me a second to explain: Tommy has never actually permanently lost much of anything on the server. Every punishment he's ever received he's tried to find some way around. And like... I'm not expecting him to be HAPPY to face the consequences of his actions but seeing him constantly have his cake and eat it too is very irritating, especially when there are characters who DO have to deal with actual permanent sacrifices. The whole thing with the disks. where he WILLINGLY OFFERED THEM UP AND GAVE THEM AWAY THEN SPENT FOREVER TRYING TO STEAL THEM BACK WHILE CLAIMING DREAM STOLE THEM FROM HIM, is the biggest example of this, but it's generally his characters way of dealing with things. He's very backhanded and conniving, constantly calling himself "big man" except for when he wants things from people and he plays up the "iM a MiNoR" card to try and get them to give him things or feel bad. He's not just some sweet innocent kid like people paint him, he knows damn well he's messed up and while he SAYS he feels bad about it, he has never once really shown, with his ACTIONS, regret for what he's done except for the stuff with c!Sapnap, which could it could be argued he did because he thought it would help get c!Sapnap on his side to fight Dream and he knew c!Sapnap was a skilled warrior and could possibly be persuaded to fight with dream.

c!Tommy is in NO way some sweet innocent child, he knows what he's doing. He KNEW l'manburg was a drug empire, and wanted to turn his hotel into the same He was FULLY prepared to just murder c!Schlatt for legally winning an election that he KNEW was rigged AND INTENDED TO HELP RIG HE LITERALLY TEAMED UP WITH c!TECHNOBLADE KNOWING THAT HE INTENDED TO BLOW UP L'MANBURG AND ONLY LEFT WHEN HE REALIZED IT WASN'T GOING TO ACTUALLY HELP HIM--

The line of c!Wilbur saying "Tommy, are we the bad guys?" wasn't him mentally going batshit it was him realizing that the entire time they've been doing terrible things. c!Wilbur was literally ALWAYS Vilbur but the time people CALL Vilbur is when c!Will himself realized he was a villain.

[letfatewritethewords]

I process things with art. I process with written words in the hopes that one day it can be spoken without my voice shaking. This week has been one for the books.. and I decided to share. This is long, but I want to remember what I’m learning.. how I’m processing.. if you decide to read, thank you. If not, this will still be here as a reminder of my progress every year.

I always tell people that there was no reason for my name, but it’s a lie. I’m named after Samantha on BeWitched. My grandfather loved that show and suggested it when my mother couldn’t decide. I was born in early September and that makes me a Virgo. Astrology is one of my favorite things. There’s something extraordinary about the idea that we’re connected to the universe by the positioning of the stars. Sometimes it’s so vague.. but other times, it’s right on the nose and my horoscopes will make me cry. Speaking of that, I’m an empath and a 2. When I’m unhealthy, I’m a 4 and If you know what any of that means, I’d love to talk to you more about it. Winter is my favorite season. Fall is a close second. I love the snow and how muted everything is. I like the quiet, the beauty. Sometimes, the light from the sun will shimmer off a fresh coat of snow on the ground. It is absolutely blinding, but I’d still stare, and when the snow fell at night, I’d watch it under the street light across from my house and it felt like time stood still. When I was little, I would lay in the yard full of snow, alone, in my puffy suite, until my fingers and toes would go numb from the cold, listening to the silence, but the best part of those days was going back into my grandparents house and warming up with hot coco made on the stove, wrapping myself in a soft blanket and watching old movies with my grandfather. To me, the Winter is magical. My love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. I’m an introvert but I love people. I like to observe, I like to really understand how the mind works and Im eager to help. I thrive in controlled chaos. I like puzzles, I love music, I like crafts, I like to fix things because grandpa always taught me that nothing is to broken to fix. Nothing. No one.

This is the light. This is the part of me that I give willingly to anyone I meet. I wear it on my sleeve. It’s only the light. Until the last 2 years.. this was all I could give of myself because I’ve always been scared of the dark.

The darkest part of me lasted 8 years, my rock bottom lasted 4.5, but as a whole it’s taken up almost 12 years of my life. Sometimes I worry that all I'm ever going to be is this thing that happened to me. That this will define me for the rest of my life and I need to remind myself that I’m a person that can live separate from an event.

I went to the police station this week, I filled out more forms. I’ve filled out so many forms over the last 2 years. For an emergency restraining order this time. For Florida this time. I knew it would eventually follow me here but typhus felt too soon. The clerk called me brave. I smile and thank them every time but I never know how to respond to that. She has no idea how weak it feels and I mean.. how could she. This is the right choice, the obvious choice, the smart choice. In a different situation, it’s one of the many steps I’d be urging someone else to take. In all the chaos, all the hurt, in all the anger and sadness.. it always circles back to “I loved him”. I did. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to see him grow and heal and if I loved him hard enough for the both of us, it would’ve evened out eventually… right?

I failed.

He was always who he was, but I was young and naive and ready to fix the whole world. When I was 18 and we were free, I would’ve told you he saved me. Now that I’m in my 30’s… and he’s in prison and I’m in limbo.. I don’t know what I’d tell you. He didn’t save me, but he didn’t destroy me either. I had every opportunity to tap out and give up.. but I grew into a person I might not have been if I never met him.

Am I angry? All of the time.

Am I scared? Yes.

I see things more clearly now though. People talk about how you never know someone’s story, and that’s because we are experts at playing pretend like we have it all figured out until we’re alone and have to face truest selves. The facade is the hardest thing to give up. Some people saw through mine and there are others, who have built their own, that never will. I share posts about what I’ve learned, how I see people, how I’ve try to treat people with grace and teach children with love and patience in hopes that a little of that sinks into whoever it reaches, but I very rarely show the journey. Partly because I know the details are gruesome and that’s not for everyone, but mostly because I’m scared.

How will you see me?

What will you think?

I’m learning that I’m not this big awful thing that happened to me. I was never anyone’s property and I’m not chained to it anymore. I was very much lied to and manipulated and hurt long enough that it flipped onto me and I carried it without missing a step. I wanted to love him so much that I would heal him. Instead, he “loved” me so much it almost killed me, and he did call it love. Enough times that he re-defined it and I didn’t use that word for a very long time in any meaningful situation. He, for better or for worse, drastically changed the trajectory of my life.

But it’s ok.

I’m wounded but I’m healing. I’m lonely, but I’m learning how to slowly welcome more people in and step out of my comfort zone. If I’m being honest, I’m relearning a lot of things, including how to exist in a world where I have room to make mistakes and fail. I can say or do the wrong thing and be gently corrected for it by my people and move on … sans violence. There are no words for amount of relief I feel because of that truth.

Is it over? No.

He was sentenced to 7 years last year and every year around mid July early August there is an opportunity to apply for an appeal based on his behavior, which will always be immaculate because he is not as tough as he thinks he is. This means that if he applies and it goes to trial, I’m also notified and have to reappear, show any new evidence, and reexplain why he needs to stay there for the safety of others and myself. Telling my story once a year on a whim to a room full of strangers, always men, so they can decide my fate, as well as the fate of this “upstanding young man with a good head on his shoulders” (actual words used during my initial rape/domestic abuse trial against him), was never what I imagined finally turning him in would look like. I really never thought that after everything, his sentence wouldn’t even be as long as our relationship. The original sentence was 5 years. After he got out on a Governor Cuomo Covid related prison loophole and broke his parole almost immediately, he was sentenced to another 2 on top of that. He has 6 left. We talk about how flawed our system is, but really seeing it is a different kind of punch. Women aren’t believed. There’s a reason so many of these crimes go unreported, and why so many women die at the hands of angry men. The hoops you have to jump through are miles high and on fire, and when you and the advocate show up armed only with your truth, your tears and a little evidence from one night at a bar when he got to drunk and forgot he was in public, it’s very easy for a judge to rule on the softer side. Because, as you all know, we’d never want to ruin a wealthy mans life unless there’s cold, hard, reason to.

Seeing his face when they read out his sentence, after years of terror, was satisfying to say the least and if I hadn’t been so numb to get through the hearing, I would’ve enjoyed it more. I will never forget going to a trusted friends house after that hearing and being completely overwhelmed with all of the emotions. Relief, guilt, sadness, anger, happiness, fear.. so many I couldn’t express.. all at once because the novocain wears off and numb isn’t forever and I fell asleep with their dog after a lot of crying. I’d be lying though if I said that 18 year old in me didn’t feel a loss. I grew up with incredible grandparents that did amazing things in teaching me how to love people and be a good human, but no one can protect us from everything. I also grew up with a mother who fights demons of her own and never had the capacity to love two kids. In a situation like that, someone becomes the punching bag. I became the punching bag and desperately looked for ways out, an opportunity to run.. and I ran right into him, who accepted me with open arms for the first time in my young, very inexperienced life.. and I followed him blindly and he was my whole world. Until I was 27, I didn’t have a guide. By the grace of God I landed into a community in Florida that slowly helped me realize my worth.

So.. what now.

How do we fix what our parents and past broke?

How do you reparent yourself?

The mental health journey is proving to be my biggest struggle yet. There’s no more outside factors, it’s just me and the lies that have fed me for years and altered how I think and feel and understand the world. I can feel myself frustrating people I’ve let close to me. I feel myself getting nervous and pushing people away. Sometimes I can catch it and regroup, other times that nasty little voice is too loud and I’m exhausted. My goodness though, how cool is it to learn so much about yourself? I know I have the capacity to love that broken part of me eventually, but it’s still hard to face. Getting to learn and understand the reason behind your actions is terrifyingly amazing. I am proud of this journey. Even when I don’t always come up on top. It’s hard to see the progress while you’re in it, but laying it all out like this.. I can safely say I’m never going to be that 18 year old girl ever again. Some days this journey looks different, some days the darkness wins, because healing isn’t linear. Sometimes it’s one step forward, 2 steps back… but nothing is too broken to fix.. and I will never call that darkness home again.

[the-overgrowth]

Please don't read this ask as combative, I'm just genuinely curious. How do you justify the age difference between Sidra and Val? I know you said Val is technically a teenager/young adult in fae years but isn't that the same justification a lot of immortal/mortal pairings use? (Like Twilight with Edward being "frozen" at 17.) The fact is that Val's lived literally 200+ years more than her and that has to color the experience divide, right? Is there a way authors CAN make these age gaps work?

No worries! I think it’s a good question and gives me an opportunity to clarify some stuff! I should preface this by saying that it’s totally ok if people aren’t comfy with the “young woman paired with ancient magical dude” trope that’s common in fantasy nowadays. It’s not for everyone and that’s fine. I’ve tried to make my take on it more morally palatable, but if it doesn’t work you, then it doesn’t work for you.

Putting this under a cut because it got long, oops.

Val isn’t “frozen,” he literally ages 10 times slower than Sidra, including mentally and emotionally. 50-year-old fae are the equivalent of 5-year-old children. Val being 223 is basically him being in his early twenties, barely mature enough by fae standards to be considered an adult. So while Val has been an adult longer than Sidra has been alive, from her perspective, Val has also been an official “adult” for like, 2-3 years, from his perspective. He also doesn’t see Sidra as being 2 years old, he sees her as being similar to himself in age, as a young adult. In fact, it fucks him up a little that she’s a fully grown person when she’s the same technical “age” as a toddler. The same way it fucks Sidra up that he’s still alive. He can’t wrap his head around how “quick” humans are. To him, growing a mind and a body and a personality takes centuries and she did it in two decades? Weird. Gross.

I should also mention that while yes, technically the sheer amount of stuff he’s seen is more than what Sidra has, the fae also perceive time differently than humans as a result of their immortality. So he doesn’t necessarily retain all of the stuff he’s lived through, or it doesn’t affect him the same way it might affect a young developing human.

However, this is all details compared to what I think is the most important thing in cases like these: framing.

In the case of Twilight, the framing emphasizes how Edward is mature and has been through high school and college multiple times, how he knows and understands more than Bella. His age is written as adding to his power, his allure. He doesn’t consider himself a teenager, and neither do his vampire peers. In every way but physical, he’s an ancient adult. It’s supposed to be intriguing that an older, intelligent and beautiful man would find a plain teenager attractive, and his age is used to reinforce his power and dominance.

If Edward perpetually had the mind of an actual 17-year-old instead of being “physically” 17 and mentally 109 or however old he is, I think Twilight would have the opposite problem of Bella eventually dating a teenager as she grows older unless she turns into a vampire. That’s sort of touched on in the books but it doesn’t go much further beyond “I will be a wrinkly old woman and you’ll be hot forever!” because, again, Edward already had Bella beat in the “life experience” department, and would still have that over her even as she grew older.

In the case of ACOTAR, it’s a similar thing. I don’t recall if it’s ever explained how the fae mature, but I do know that Rhys has been “waiting” for Feyre before she was even born? Like, the mating bond paired him up with a human infant at some point? And he has to wait for her to become an adult before they can boink? Same with Jacob and Renesmee. That’s just straight up magical grooming, fam. These men are adults for an extremely long time while they wait for their younger partner to catch up and become legal, often not even letting her live a life independently before they marry and have babies. These men become their partners’ lives.

In my case, Val’s age is framed against a backdrop of much older fae who patronize, belittle and insult him because he’s a young man poking his fingers into things that he’s too naïve to understand, according to them. This on its own doesn’t automatically solve the age difference, but he’s not framed as having power over Sidra, he’s not considered one of the oldest and most powerful fae, he’s not held up by the narrative as an older man who somehow, against his better judgment, is lusting over someone much younger than him because she’s just so mature and full of life and special. His age isn’t held up as a mark of experience and maturity and power. It’s just a thing that marks him as different from Sidra, on a magical worldbuilding level.

The younger party is also important. Are they inexperienced and naïve? Are they a young sheltered teenager, only now entering their first ever romantic/sexual relationship? Are they entering this relationship without any prior knowledge of who they are and what they want from life and a relationship with this person? Is this adult their first and only entry point to adult life in general? (Not saying you need to have multiple partners before you can find “The One” or anything, but having a frame of reference and knowing what you want out of life and the relationship is important IMO.)

Sidra doesn’t see Val as superior to her, she doesn’t think he’s above her and that she doesn’t “deserve him” or that he’s too good and cool for her, that she’s somehow not enough because she’s younger. She sees him as an equal, which makes any attempt at pulling the age/experience card pretty meaningless, because she doesn’t believe he knows what’s best in any given situation just because of his age. She doesn’t see him as an authority on most things and doesn’t consider herself below him in most things, either. She has already built a solid understanding of who she is and what she wants (or doesn’t want, at least). One of the first things that happens in the book is her rejecting a man because she realizes that she doesn’t want for herself what he wants for her.

And while yes, Val does eventually become a large part of her life and helps her figure out what she wants and needs and what she wants to become, she does the same thing for him. He isn’t a jaded old man taken with a pretty young thing who brings light back into his life or some other cishet-white-man nonsense, he’s young and stupid too and she helps him realize what he wants and who he wants to be. And they don’t do this on purpose to each other, it just happens through their interactions. Even if it were one-sided Val simply doesn’t have the maturity and experience to essentially “groom” Sidra into anything. Plus, they don’t get married and have children at the end (spoilers, I guess). They’re not bound to each other the same way many YA fantasy books often “bind” their young protags to their much older love interests (mating bonds, marriage, kids etc). Sidra still has the choice and ability to leave him whenever she likes and she’s fully aware of it.

That being said, my solution isn’t perfect and tbh I don’t think there is one? But this is fantasy, mortal-immortal pairings will always have weird dynamics because they’re not real and everyone makes up their own reference for how they should or shouldn’t work. Things like these will be subjective, and as long as the characters involved are adults, are making informed decisions and don’t have significant power imbalances because of their age difference, I think it can work! 

(The target demographic is also very important I think. Impressionable teens shouldn’t read things that make adult men attractive or desirable. My target demographic is a bit older than that and I hope most of my future readers will have enough sense and independent thinking to know not to imitate fiction. Plus, again, I’m not playing on or emphasizing the typical age gap power dynamic.)

Hope this answered your question!

[fourangers]

Fate and Choices (ch.03)

Summary: When Naruto discovered who was going to be his soulmate, he jumped straight at this opportunity, looking forward to spending the rest of his life with his better half. Sasuke well…he was less eager in this regard though. NaruSasu. Soulmates tattoos. M-rated.

Content: AU!Office, Romance, Comedy, Drama, it’ll get a little too philosophical in some parts talking about free will Vs fate, basically Sasuke is a cynic ass and Naruto is an idealistic moron (great amirite), Anal Sex, tattoos soulmates

Chapter 02 here

AO3 link

--.--

Itachi knocked on Sasuke’s door to catch his attention, muttering. “We have the first polyamorous client that succeeded finding her soulmates using Shinrei. Maybe we should post it on our Instagram.” 

“Oh? How many?”

“Four.”

Sasuke blinked. “Four? That’s quite unusual. What’s the biggest number recorded in history?”

“Seven, if I’m not mistaken. But you’re right, at least in recent history the biggest demographic is monogamous relationships first, and then polygamy with three people.”

“I guess it is pretty complicated having to deal with that many people in your plate that even the soulmate system limits its number.” Sasuke wondered out loud.

“Maybe you’re right, but I also have a couple of friends happily married with their soulmates where they both enjoy an open relationship. Another proof that the system that you claim to despise so much, knows how to match people with similar interests together.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I’m not going to waste my time to convince you otherwise.”

“Talking about soulmates…contact Naruto-kun so he can schedule this post ok. We’ve been gaining new potential clients every day so I don’t want to lose the momentum.”

Sighing, Sasuke obeyed his older brother, also ignoring how his heart skipped a beat when Naruto answered his call.

“Aren’t you too early for a booty call, Sasuke-chan?”

“Moron, it’s nothing like that. It’s about work.”

“Mmm.” There was a long pause then Naruto’s voice was a little rough from yawning. “Lemme get some coffee first. Can I call you in the next five minutes?”

“Five minutes, nothing more.”

“Yeah yeah.” 

Seven minutes and thirty seconds later, Naruto returned his call, his voice chirpier. “Alright, now I’m ready for the booty call.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Usuratonkachi…”

“Oh hey, it’s been years since you used this nickname!” Naruto’s boisterous laugh made his mood lighter, and Sasuke did not notice a smile curling on his own lips. “Are we going back to pet names? What should I call you then, darling? Honey? My smooching buddy?”

“I’m hanging up.”

“No, no! I’ll behave, I prooomise.” Naruto singsonged on the other side of his phone. “So, what do you want to talk about?”

Sipping his coffee, Sasuke said. “One of our clients managed to find her partners using Shinrei and we’re going to post about our first successful polyamorous example.”

“Really? Congrats to them! Imagine, being able to have more than one option while I’m here stuck with an uptight, inconsiderate bastard.”

“Your observation while accurate is wholly unnecessary.”

Naruto chuckled. “At least you admitted that you’re a bastard.”

“No point denying it.” Grunting, Sasuke considered asking the next set of questions but shook his head. “Anyways, I need this post as soon as you can. Do you need any help with it?”

“Yeah, for now we’re going to post about this milestone but in the future maybe it’s better to ask if they want to talk about this experience and all…you know, to keep feeding the account. You have a contract for them to sign about allowing us to publish their story?”

“We do, but your company is more experienced, I’d prefer if you can handle it.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to Neji ‘bout it. I’ll send you the layout and the script and if everything goes well we’ll be able to post it in the next three days.”

“You can’t for tonight?” Sasuke enquired, slightly annoyed.

“Hah. Ah, that’s the biggest issue about clients, they really think that we take care of only you, and no one else. I have five other accounts aside yours, bastard, my team is crammed with other stuff to do and you just asked out of the blue, we’re gonna reorganize to fit with this request.”

“Hn.”

“And I’m not giving you special treatment just ‘cuz you’re my soulmate.”

Sasuke snorted. “Good, because I don’t want any. I’ll talk with my older brother about it, but I’d appreciate it if you guys can manage to deliver sooner. By the way…” He scrolled down his calendar and muttered. “Are you available tomorrow afternoon for a meeting? I’m going to talk with a potential investor but he’s an older generation that won’t understand much about social media, so if you could help out…”

“Tomorrow afternoon? Hm, sure, I think I can help you out. I’ll just talk to Neji ‘bout it first and I’ll give the confirmation later.” There was a noise of flapping of pages, then Naruto paused and exclaimed. “Hey, maybe we can have lunch together before we go to this meeting! How about that? Remember all the good ol’ times, catching up and so on.”

“Hm…if you manage to send me the polyamorous post today, I’ll consider it.”

“Whoa, you can’t dangle the possibility of a date right on my face just so you can bribe me to do your things!” Naruto said incredulously, even if he laughed afterwards.

“I’ll strongly consider it.”

Naruto was still laughing, Sasuke could picture him shaking his head too. “Nah, I really can’t. I’m not the only one involved ya know, so I can’t force my colleagues to drop everything just so I can have some special lunch with you. Anyways, Neji’s here, gotta talk to him. See you soon!”

“Hn.” Turning the phone off, Sasuke felt someone appearing close to him, so he raised his head, narrowing his eyes from Itachi’s knowing smile. “What?” He barked.

“Nothing, nothing at all…you look pretty happy, otouto-kun.” Itachi’s beam widened despite his younger brother’s growing suspicion. “You talked with Naruto-kun?”

“Yes, he said that he’ll only be able to send that post you talked about in the next three days.”

“Oh. While I appreciate you informing me, that wasn’t exactly the answer I was looking for.”

“I know what you are expecting but I’m not going to give you the satisfaction, so beat it, nii-san.” Sasuke growled, focusing back on his laptop.

Itachi chuckled, before sobering up. “Tomorrow you’re going to talk with Takashi-sama right? She’s the chairman of Essity’s branch in Japan, so I really hope she’ll invest in us. It’ll bring us closer to our first goal.”

“I know. Don’t worry about it. Leave it to me.”

⏤.⏤ 

The opulent decoration in the rich marbled walls intimidated him at first, but it didn’t deter him from fulfilling this mission. Steeling his nerves, Sasuke took a deep inhale and glanced to the side, Naruto was rechecking the speech he’d give alongside the presentation. The comforting knowledge that he had Naruto by his side calmed him somehow. 

The blond man was also a very pleasant addition during the trip, with his playful banter peppered in between adjustments and touch ups. It’s been so long since Sasuke had felt so relaxed around anyone, almost as if all the years without Naruto never happened in the first place. And even if he’s adjusting to seeing the teenager Naruto to now a professional adult one, at least their interaction didn’t change one bit. 

Takashi was a middle-aged businesswoman that accumulated many exploits due to shrewd decisions and flexible strategies using Western offensive attacks, mixed with Japanese well-rounded management. She must have heard many starry eyed, inexperienced men trying to sell their product in the past, so in her point of view, Sasuke must be just the umpteenth one. It was rattling the look of apathy she gave while he summarized.

“Based on our clan’s background, my brother and I decided to create a new technology to help people find their respective soulmates, and we named this technology Shinrei. We first catalogued all the types of tattoos, if it’s written words, or animals, or symbols, all based with the long list of most tattoos that existed in history. Then, once we identify the type of tattoo the client has, the database will search using all social media that match with the tattoo, and then we’ll personally select and filter till we find his or her soulmate, or soulmates. Actually, we recently found a case with four people being their soulmates using Shinrei.”

“Your competitors all claim that they have similar technology, how is yours any different?” Takashi countered in a bored tone.

“We choose quality over quantity, limiting the numbers of clients we’ll help so we’ll ensure 100% successful cases. Also…” Sasuke thinned his lips, taking a deep breath. “Our clan has a long history in being able to find soulmates using our unique abilities.”

“What? Are you talking about mystical powers? This doesn’t look good on paper, how are you going to convince people to trust your technology if you don’t have scientific proof that your method works?”

Blue eyes peered Sasuke’s distressed expression, so Naruto stepped in. “Well…the soulmate system by itself is also shrouded in mystery right? All that we know is part of humanity’s nature, if it’s due to some higher power or anything else, it just exists. Scientists can’t explain how it works, only that they have successful rates in improving people’s lives. So I think that using some inexplicable abilities makes Shinrei unique.”

The old woman contemplated for a while, crossing her arms.

“Also, the Uchiha clan must have a long list of successful examples, even before the advance of technology, we can show for you Takashi-sama as proof to trust Shinrei’s technology. I’m sure that Sasuke can look for some documents stored in their headquarters, right?”

“Of course, I’ll make sure I’ll inspect thoroughly if necessary if it pleases you Takashi-sama.” Sasuke agreed.

Takashi stared and focused her eyes on the blond man. “You called Uchiha-san by his name, are you two close friends or…?” 

Before Sasuke could react, Naruto grabbed his left hand to show their palms, broadening his grin.

“We’re soulmates!”

This piqued her attention, she even tilted her body closer to study their matching tattoos. “Oh, congratulations! You used Shinrei’s technology to track your soulmate?”

Sasuke opened his mouth but Naruto intervened. “Oh no, back then we were just 18. But Sasuke used Uchiha’s clairvoyant abilities to find me, so here I am.”

“Well, at least then I have a successful example right before my eyes.” She nodded, picked her name card and scribbled some numbers on it. “Here’s my personal cellphone number, I look forward to your older brother to contact me so we can continue our conversation. Send me all the statistics as soon as you can, and also send me this presentation you just gave so I can properly study later.” She stood up, and shook hands with both of them. “We’ll talk soon, I hope.”

They both bowed respectfully, thanking for her time as they exited the building, breathing a sigh of relief at the same time.

“Thanks for the save.” Sasuke muttered, Naruto grinned back. “I’m not entirely comfortable that you lied about how we realized we’re soulmates though.” He added.

The blond man rolled his eyes, shrugging. “The only people that know about our history are our close friends, there’s no harm lying a little. Plus, we were fooling around for so long that anyone would also consider that you might be the one who knew that we’re soulmates too.”

“Right…”

It felt weird that they talked about their entanglement in the past tense, like Naruto was some sort of ex that was trying to get back to him. Except that Naruto was his soulmate, so it complicated this situation even further. 

Sasuke cleared his throat. “Anyways, since we’re already in the same city of the Uchiha’s shrine and I’m going to take a quick detour so I can get the documents Takashi-sama asked. You can go back to Tokyo if you’d like.”

“Huh? Oh, I don’t mind waiting a little, the trip back to Tokyo is 1 hour and a half long, man. It’s really boring going by myself so if you’re around at least you can provide some entertainment and let me tease you all the way through.”

“Do I look like I’m some kind of toy to you?” When Naruto curled a mischievous grin, Sasuke harrumphed unimpressed. “Whatever, I’m not going to rush for you, usuratonkachi. I might take the whole afternoon, so if you wait for too long it’s going to be your loss.”

⏤.⏤ 

No matter how many times he went, being in the Uchiha shrine always made him uneasy. He could practically feel the millenia age weighing down on his shoulders. While he was using his own hand to fan his face, Naruto excused himself for a second to buy some beverage in a nearby kiosk.

“Sasuke, hey Sasuke!”

Raising an eyebrow, Sasuke obeyed this call and approached the ditsy blond. Naruto gesticulated in excitement, next to two elderly women that appeared to be the owners of the shop. 

“Those two nice ladies, Yachi-san and Kiyoko-san are married for over 50 years! Can you imagine⏤being in such a happy relationship with your soulmate for so long⏤”

Sasuke huffed, but responded politely. “Congratulations to you both for such a long and happy matrimony. Well Naruto, unfortunately the Uchiha shrine doesn’t allow strangers, even though I talked to my mother to try authorizing your entrance.”

Naruto waved his hand, untroubled. “Eh, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. I can use this opportunity to have a nice chat with those two young and jovial ladies.” He beamed and the women giggled in return. “Is that ok for you though?”

“…sure, why not?”

“Uh, it’s just that, I don’t know. You looked kinda uncomfortable somehow.” He rubbed the back of his blond head.

At this admission, Sasuke could feel his shoulders relax somehow. “I’m fine, don’t worry about it. But thanks for getting worried over me.”

Naruto snorted, and puffed his chest. “Well, of course! After all, I’m your soulm⏤”

“See you later.” Sasuke turned around and ignored the squawk of indignation. 

As expected, the Uchiha clan contained a long array of documents and ancient scrolls neatly put in the huge archive. There was no point collecting all information since day one, so Sasuke concentrated getting most information from the latest decade, and photographed some old scrolls in case he needed it to impress future sponsors. He took for about half an hour or more, patting the dust away from his clothes as he went to retrieve Naruto.

However, as he was approaching the blond man, he noticed the frantic and desperate look while he chattered with the old ladies. Naruto noticed him, giving a quick bow to them and sprinted towards him.

Quirking an eyebrow, Sasuke mumbled. “You look pale. Is everything alright?”

“Uh, yeah! Sure! Everythin’ ‘s alright, they were just telling me some sad story. But we gotta go right?” 

Sasuke observed in silence, but didn’t ask anything further. On the way back to Tokyo, Naruto managed to find his usual lively mood, though sometimes he still appeared to be rattled with whatever news the ladies had delivered. 

⏤.⏤ 

Several weeks have passed without a hitch, as Sasuke and Itachi managed to accumulate more capital for further investment in developing Shinrei. So far with Naruto’s strategies, they have been the talk between youtube influencers, Itachi even gave some interviews to further explain their product.

Sasuke figured it was time for him to look for some international sponsors, at least those in the neighboring countries. After contacting and rescheduling, he called Naruto.

“Naruto, I’ll not be able to attend our meeting tomorrow. Can we change to Friday?”

“Yeah sure, no problem. Why? Is everything going alright for you?”

“Hm, it’s nothing out of the ordinary. I have to go to Beijing to show to some potential sponsors.”

“Oh? You know how to speak Chinese?” Naruto perked up, curious.

“No, we’re going to talk in English.”

“Hey, if it’s English I can help you out! You want me to go with you on this trip?” Naruto exclaimed.

Pausing in mild surprise, Sasuke said. “You can? It’s not too much trouble for you?”

“Nah. I think. Neji said that you guys are now giving a percentage of your profit to our company right? So he’s pretty onboard with anything that will help Shinrei. I think I can get some plane tickets for a good discount, we can meet at the airport.”

It was becoming increasingly disconcerting how he was getting used to having Naruto by his side, giving presentations, sharing meetings, to the point that he was looking forward to seeing the familiar grin and brilliant pair of blue eyes. Sasuke sighed.

Stop. This is nothing. Those emotions are fabricated, some lingering primitive vestiges that he’s forced to face from time to time. 

And yet, he appreciated knowing that Naruto would aid him, swift response to defend their position whenever they were in a dispute with a potential sponsor. After four meetings or so, they finished their meal and took a cab to their hotel, laying tiredly on the seat.

Sasuke was first to give his name to the hotel receptionist, mirroring Naruto’s yawn as the blond man slugged over the reception desk.

“Excuse me, Mr. Sasuke Uchiha? I think there must be some kind of mistake, but we’re not finding your name in our reservation system.”

Sasuke tsked, and grumbled. “Maybe my older brother booked with his own name. Try to find Itachi Uchiha.”

There were efficient typing noises, and the receptionist mumbled embarrassed. “We’re very sorry, but we’re not finding your older brother’s name either.”

Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Yes? What’s the matter Sasuke?” Itachi answered his call.

“For some reason, the hotel you booked is not finding my name.”

“What hotel?”

“Hotel? In Beijing? I’m spending the night here nii-san.”

“Oh.” There was a pause and then. “I forgot.”

Sasuke blinked. “You forgot.”

“Yes, how foolish of me. So sorry my dearest otouto-kun.” Itachi’s amused tone raised red flags in his mind.

“Don’t bullshit me Itachi. Are you telling me that you, that can practically remember how you exited mom’s womb, forgot to book one room for me??”

“I guess I was so busy programming and talking with clients and everything…I’m just human otouto-kun.” 

Sasuke wasn’t having any of this. “You’re not human, you’re an evil demon. I’m going to kill you when I get back to Japan.”

He heard Itachi’s amused chuckle in response. “Sure sure. Say hi to Naruto-kun for me ok? I got to go.” 

Sasuke groaned loudly, picking Naruto’s attention while the blond man was signing the papers. “Jesus, what happened?”

Sasuke glared at the receptionist, causing him to yip in terror. Sasuke rubbed his eyebrows, and enquired in a calmer voice. “Alright, give me a single room, I’ll pay with my credit card now.”

“I’m…very sorry Mr. Sasuke, but we don’t have any vacant single room.”

“Oh?” Naruto’s face was now 90% wide grin. “Did I just hear that Uchiha Sasuke-sama doesn’t have any place to stay? What tragedy!”

This is karma, this had to be. There was no way Sasuke would be so ill-fated to be surrounded by utter sadists. 

“Hey, lucky for you I booked a double bed room!”

“You and Itachi didn’t plan this stupid idea together once again, did you?”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Obviously we didn’t, have you forgotten the fact that I offered on the last minute to go to Beijing with you, while you booked this flight last week right? Ugh, you’re so skeptical over everything.”

Sasuke wrinkled his nose, and muttered back to the receptionist. “What kind room do you have available then?”

“Well…VIP, Deluxe and presidential rooms.”

“They all sound very expensive. You sure you don’t want to share the room with lil ol’ me?” Naruto offered, impish beam stamped on his face.

Fuck this. Picking up his suitcase, Sasuke turned around towards the exit.

“Whoa, where are you going?”

“Any other hotel, so I can avoid whatever trap you’re laying on me.” Sasuke glared.

Naruto didn’t even bat an eye, cooing in a fake, shrill girlish voice. “I mean, maybe you’re right, maybe you need to go to another hotel. Poor wibble, delicate Sasuke-chan can’t defend himself against my evil clutches because I’m a very bad, bad boy.”

⏤.⏤ 

One day, one day, he’ll stop falling for whatever goading Naruto would do to rile him up. The blond man was practically skipping on the way to their room, doing an exceptional extra flair with his hand as he allowed Sasuke to enter first.

Graphite eyes scanned everywhere, unfortunately the room wasn’t big enough for one adult man to sleep on the floor.

“Hey Sasuke⏤”

“Just to be clear, we’re not going to have any sex.”

Naruto gawked, tilting his head to one side. “I just wanted to ask if you mind if I put my luggage over there geez. We’re just going to share a bed, not prepare for some fucking sex marathon.”

Sasuke’s eyes were still narrowed, sharp and cautious.

“I mean, unless you were thinking ‘bout it⏤” Naruto curled a sly smirk.

“Absolutely not.”

“Well, so what’s the fuss is all about. ‘M going to take a bath first, I stink.” Naruto picked up a set of clean clothes and went to the bathroom.

Naruto’s complete lackadaisical attitude, however, just increased his suspicion even further. He used his laptop with a guarded stance, steering clear from the blond man, especially after he exited fresh from the bath, all golden locks dewy, tanned skin glowing good GOD he’s not falling for this. Sasuke grabbed his pyjamas and shut the door with a loud click.

The warm droplets coming from the shower managed to calm him, savoring how it massaged his tense shoulders. Sighing contentedly, Sasuke was ready to call it a day and jump on the bed when he saw Naruto sprawled all over it, patting on the empty spot in front of him.

Sasuke growled. “You’re not spooning me.” Besides, if they really need to spoon, he’d be the bigger spoon.

“You’re always such a ray of sunshine. Just lie down here ok? It’s not like we've never done this before.”

Pursing his lips, Sasuke sat on the edge of the bed, gradually lying down his body stiff. Naruto turned off his lights, his back turned to Sasuke.

After several minutes, the brunet was getting sleepy and adjusted the covers, shutting his eyes. He felt arms enveloping around his waist. “Naruto…” He growled.

Naruto’s voice was sluggish and tired, already ready to slumber. “Mm, ‘s just som’ thing, you’re so grouchy, I swear to God…” he continued muttering until he quieted down at last.

Sasuke sighed, revelling the warm body breathing close to him. Just this once, he’d indulge himself. Next time would be different.

(little did he knew, he slept with a pleased smile)

Chapter 04

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AN: Aw, I noticed how much I missed writing Naruto and Sasuke bantering. It was really entertaining.

[skvaderarts]

Apocrypha Chapter Twenty Six: Formidable

Masterlist can be found Here! Thanks!

Chapter Twenty Six: Formidable

Notes: Hahaha.. Haha.. *Cries*. It’s bad. It’s really bad. And my job is reopening soon! That doesn’t cause me massive amounts of anxiety at all! Like, working in a tiny store that tons of kids touch everything in when schools are open and never cleaned correctly in the first place totally won’t end badly for me. We didn’t even get a pandemic raise…

I’m scared guys. Help.

(-~-)

The train station had been a bust. 

From the very second that they had stepped into the building, things had descended into chaos. It seemed that one of the few consistent traits that the cult possessed was their total lack of interest in concealing their presence in a public space, because the second that they had made eye contact in the terminal, they hooded summoners had descended upon them. Bystanders ran every which way, screaming and dropping their bags in a desperate attempt to find cover and safety as demons plunged through the glass roof of the station and landed on the tracks and walkways.

The only saving grace was the fact that the train was still in the station.

“Ok so is it a fair guess to assume that these guys are tougher than the ones Dante told us about?” Lady said as she emptied another round of hot lead from her machine guns into a nearby Riot, jumping backwards to avoid it’s vicious swipes and gnashing teeth.“ Because these aren’t some garden variety demons, and they don’t seem to be struggling to keep them under control!”

Trish sighed and nodded, finishing off another demon near her. The Pyrobat fell to the ground and exploded, taking a nearby vending machine with it. Melted cans rained down from the sky and pelted terrified onlookers as they wisely stopped watching and ran for their lives. A Chaos blasted through the wall, cutting a swath through the ground as it tore through benches and a structural pillar in an attempt to hit the blond devil. She cartwheeled out of the way, stealthily hitting it with a powerful blast of lighting via her twin pistols.

“You're probably not wrong. They don’t seem as inexperienced. There are only two of them, and they are holding their own pretty well.” Trish dodged another riot as Lady fired off a volley of rounds from Kalina Ann, shattering the spikes on the back spiraling demon and sending it skidding to a stop on the ground. A second riot made the mistake of trying to take advantage of the situation, earning it an electrically charged blast shot from Trish, ending it once and for all. Lady then used the bayonet on the end of her trusty missile launcher to impale the Chaos, sending it to the floor in a messy pile of melting demon meat. As soon as it slumped over, they both took a moment to breathe, keeping an eye on the summoners and they attempted to flank them. It was going to take them a moment to recover from the loss of their summons, but the girls couldn’t help but notice something about them.

Unlike the summoners that Dante and Vergil had helped to dispatch, these ones had two summons each. From what they understood, only the summoner that V had battled at Fortuna Castle had possessed two. These had to be higher ranking members of the cult, and the fact that they were coordinated enough to have a hierarchy based on skill made them slightly apprehensive as to their ability to actually be dispatched easily. For all they knew, this might not actually be all of them, but they could only hope that wasn’t the case. Because if the people they were currently going up against were the actual ground soldiers and the others before had just been trainees, things had just become a fair bit more hazardous.

“Nico, when we get back, I need a new gun.” Trish said as she kicked the dissolving corpse of the first riot, putting another round it to make sure that it wasn’t just playing dead. It then wailed and flopped back down, dissolving. Nico nodded, watching their backs as they considered their next plan of action.

“You're gonna have to fill me in on the details later, Trish. We need to get outa here!” Nico said as she gestured towards the train. She had a feeling that it wasn’t going to stay in the station much longer. The only reason that it was probably still there was that the conductor probably didn’t feel very confident pulling out a possible terrorist attack going on. Or whatever they thought this was. The cult was widely known about where they’d come from, but none of them knew how in the know the town they were in was.

Lady nodded in agreement, sharing a glance between the group, the blond devil, and the train.” She’s not wrong. So, what’s the plan? I don’t have one besides killing these stupid cultists. But we should probably get the rest of them out of here first.”

Trish spared a glance at the rest of the group. The children were scared out of their minds, probably totally confused as to what was going on and why. Kyrie wasn’t much better off, but at least she was calmer than they were and she wasn’t screaming or anything. Nico and Patty honestly just seemed mildly inconvenienced and annoyed. They’d both been around the block too many times to have a mental breakdown over this, though to say that they were not concerned about this turn of events would be a massive lie. They were just more accustomed to it, although it had been a while since Patty had been directly involved in any of this. Dante had made sure of that himself when he’d asked her to go with her mother after Abigail’s attack all those years ago. But she’d seen her fair share of trouble since then during friendly visits to scold Dante for his sloppiness and just to check and make sure he was still around. After all, he was no good at answering the phone,

With a self confirming nod, Trish gestured towards the train. She’d had enough of this cult for one lifetime, but they couldn’t just board it and leave with them around. That fact aside, keeping the rest of them there was a recipe for disaster. The train station could collapse at any moment from the damage that had been done to it by the attack. Aside from the glass that continued to fall in large sections from the roof, the entire building was making an unpleasant metal creaking sound. The demons weren’t getting past them, but they couldn’t stop the building from collapsing and cruising them.

“You go with them. Keep an eye out for trouble on the train. I’ll take care of these troublemakers. I think Dante’s going to need some help after all.”

Lady looked at Trish for a moment as if she’d lost her mind, the idea of leaving her behind unfathomable to her. She didn’t doubt that she could handle them by herself. She’d been through far worse by herself on many occasions. But the idea of leaving without her just felt so wrong. Lady knew that the plan made sense and that she didn’t really have time to argue with her, but that didn’t change the fact that she wanted to with every fiber of her being. “... Look, if you don’t come back in one piece, I’m gonna kill you. You know that right?”

Trish laughed to herself slightly, charging another blast of energy and feeding it into her guns in preparation for her next move. She had a feeling they weren’t going to like this one.“ I’m sure you will. No go! I’ll cover you. Keep them safe, you hear me?”

Lady nodded begrudgingly as she hoisted her heavy missile launcher onto her back, shaking her head in disbelief as she gestured towards the train. Kyrie and Patty grabbed the two smaller children and their bags and bolted towards the boarding platform. They could take a hint. Nico stopped for a moment to nod in appreciation before joining them, Lady following closely behind her. “Do you even need to ask?”

Trish gave her a final sarcastic waive as she turned her back to them and aimed her guns at the two pillars that the cultists were hiding behind before squeezing the triggers and letting loose powerful blasts of golden electricity. They pierced the pillars and sent them crumbling to pieces from the bottom up, the roof above them buckling with a loud metal scream as glass, stone, and pieces of jagged steel rained down from above and crushed them. They had time to let out one final startled cry before being buried below the rubble, a steel beam impaling one and hitting the other in the head with an amount of impact force that would be enough to crush a car.

With a sigh, she put her guns back in their rightful place and glanced over at the train. They’d made it onboard and it was pulling out without a second to spare. The entire building was probably going to come down. Good thing they’d left when they had. All that shooting was probably going to draw some unwanted attention. Just great.

Forget the new gun. She needed a new sword.

(-~-)

“Ok, so do you know what that shit in the middle of the water over there is? Is that even water?” Asked quietly as they reached the bottom of the staircase.” I know you said this area was a conduit. Is that it over there?”

Vergil nodded once, his mid still on the task at hand. They were growing closer to the light, and would need to be very quiet soon if they hoped to keep the element of surprise. “Conduits form around tears between the human world and other plains of reality. This one is clearly a thin spot between our reality and the Demon World. The water around them normally only turns that color when…”

“When what, Vergil?” Dante asked, seemingly clueing into the darker undertones of that statement. The youngest Son of Sparda got the impression that none of them were going to like that idea, and that it just might have to do with V.

The devil slayer in blue suddenly stopped for a moment, seemingly noticing something. He glanced around for a moment as if searching for something. Just then, the entire cavern suddenly began to shake, rattling the very foundations of the open structure as water poured in from the stone above them. To say that whatever had just caused that was capable of caving in the entire cavern was a pretty fair assessment.

A moment later, the conduit began to glow brightly, pulsating as it shuttered, the waves of energy that cascaded off of it and into the thick black water below vibrating the ground as they went. It suddenly gained momentum before seemingly building up energy and then it let out an ear splitting screech. A sonic boom erupted from it, bending back the trees and cutting through the stalagmites that littered the ground between them, dislodging several of large stalactites that hung precariously from the ceiling and sending them crashing to the ground below. Cries of what had to be terror at the realization that they had more than likely just sealed their own fate erupted from ahead of them as a group of about fifteen hapless cultists took off running towards the exit. They stopped dead in their tracks as they ran afoul of Dante, Vergil, and Nero, the trio looking less than accommodating. Although it was impossible to see their faces, the three of them were somewhat sure that the cultists were scared shitless, their body language doing all the talking for them.

“Please, you have to let us pass. This place is collapse-”

“I care very little for the dangers any of you currently face. You brought them on yourselves.” Vergil said as he reached around and slowly began to withdraw Yamato from it’s sheath. He hadn’t been playing games before, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to start doing so now. “You're going to tell me where he is now, and then I’m going to kill all of you. But I’ll consider doing it quickly if you don’t waste my time.”

Dante spared his brother a glance, somewhat astounded by his ruthless efficiency.

But he didn’t exactly disagree with it.

When he’d agreed to be more honest about what he was thinking, Dante hand thought that this was what he’d meant. Still, he couldn’t say he objected to it. Unlike the people they’d battled outside of the cave, everyone here seemed complicit in their action and fully aware of what was going on. And for that reason alone, Dante felt much less conflicted about what he knew his older twin brother was going to do next. He didn’t doubt a single word of what he’d said. He’d been in much the same mood the day that Patty had been kidnapped as a child and the day he’d stood between his brother to stop him from killing Nero in Redgrave City. The youngest Son of Sparda couldn’t imagine what Vergil was thinking, especially considering the fact that he had a relatively good idea that whatever was going on at the moment had something to do with V. He knew that Vergil was going to do whatever he considered necessary to rescue him.

But what if they had already…

The cultists seemed to hesitate for a moment, clearly displeased with the options they’d been presented. Their intention had been to escape, not die in the bottomless abyss that they currently found themselves in. They glanced between one another, disregarding the fact that they were wearing masks as if to assess if the clearly unhinged man in the blue coat with a goddamned Katana was somehow shooting the shit. But despite this, one of them stepped forward, sighing in resignation. It seemed that there was no running from what they’d done after all. Maybe he hoped Vergil would spare him, or perhaps he wasn’t willing to die for the cause? 

“... I guess that’s fair. He’s you son, isn’t he? I see the family resemblance between the four of you. He’s over there with Master Agreus, but I don’t think you’ll make it in time. The Darkness itself approaches. Your opposition is futile.”

Nero groaned in irritation, just about ready to shoot them all himself.” What the fuck is all this bullshit you people keep spewing about that shit, and what does it have to do with V?! You bastards keep showing up like we asked to a part of whatever the fuck your doing, and I’m pretty sick of it!”

Dante glanced over at Nero before gesturing towards the cultists. Nero made a good point. What did this dark lord or whatever want with V? What kind of crazy crap was going on? Clearly this involved a demon, but he couldn’t think of anyone that could want V specifically. Last time he’d checked, most of the underworld had no idea that he or Nero existed, and he liked it that way. It was what allowed them to have some semblance of normality in their lives. But after all of this was over, he had the feeling that V was going to have to reevaluate that aspect of his day to day life. 

“Well, you heard him. Start talking, or you're going to find an extra blade in you.” Dante said passively as he manifested his own blade, the accompanying summoned blades twirling around him, eager to find a place inside of his opponents to embed themselves.” Well, besides the one that he’s gonna put there. I have nothing to do with that. Gave up talking him down from this kind of thing sometime last week when he threatened to kill me over the lack of dishes in my house!”

Vergil’s glare could’ve melted diamonds.

Somehow he was even more pissed off now than he had been just a moment before. How dare Dante remind him of that atrocity of a dish situation. And at a time like this? When this was over, he was absolutely going to stab him for that.

The cultist they’d been speaking to went silent for a moment, more than likely questioning what choices in life he’d made to get him into such a situation. Everything about this situation was as insane as it was frightening to him, and he didn’t see a way out of it anywhere in sight. “Our Master Agreus serves a higher being. A mighty demon far beyond the likes of the ones we summon. We are simply tools at this disposal, happy to do his bidding. Though I must admit that this situation is a bit… extreme.”

Dante exchanged a glance with Nero, Vergil till only seconds from ending them all in a flurry of enraged blade slashes. To say that his older twin looked like he might trigger and stab them all to death in that very instant from his bloodlust alone wasn’t an understatement of any kind. Nero wasn’t too far off, and neither was Dante for that matter. He couldn’t pretend that he and V were very close. They barely talked to one another, and he’d never really had the opportunity to get to know him as well as he would have liked, but he was absolutely ready and willing to stab a cave full of deranged cultists to death if they’d so much as messed up his hair. At the end of the day, they were still family. And as much as he hated to admit it, V had grown on him. Sure he was a little odd at times, ever by their family’s very low standards, but Dante had a soft spot for his nephews, and had no plans to let some cult kill one of them.

“Yea, sure. And does this demon of your have a name?” Dante said dryly, not at all amused by any of this reverse “holier than thou” bullcrap. Yea, he was absolutely going to stab another cultist today. Screw these guys. He’d met his fair share of good demons and awful humans in his lifetime, but they all paled in comparison to this cult as far as personal damage went. At this point, he was honestly worried about what had happened to V.

The cultist looked up at the rapidly caving in roof and shook his head, seemingly sure that nothing about this situation was going to end well. “He is Belial, one of the Dark Princes of the Underworld. We serve his will through our lord Agreus. And he will have his Absolution.”

Vergil’s posture visibly drooped as a look of genuine surprise crossed his face. In that instant, the Darkslayer was relatively sure his skin had just lost all color as his blood ceased to circulate. With a flurry of movement too rapid for any of the cultists to follow, the entire area around them suddenly seemed to slow as blue slices surrounded them and seemed to cover everything around them within a certain perimeter. Vergil then returned to the precise spot he’d previously been standing in and placed Yamato back into its scabbard with a deliberate click, felling the entire group in a single movement.

Nero and Dante stared at him in silence, feeling somewhat taken aback by the abrupt and extreme way he’d gone about doing that. Something was very VERY wrong here, and they could easily see that. Everything about the way Vergil was in that moment spoke volumes and they were honestly worried about what that could mean.

“... Vergil?” Dante asked hesitantly. A part of him genuinely didn’t want to know.

Nero watched quietly as Vergil closed his eyes for a moment, clearly trying to find a way to articulate what he wanted to say. After a moment, he reopened them and made a bewildered expression akin to that of a person who was asking themselves and the universe simultaneously what they had ever done to deserve such a fate.

“... Oh. I see. Well then that... changes everything.”

(-~-)

And just like that, they’re all fucked. I mean, they were before, but still. Tune in on Friday of the next edition of “holy fuck, what did Vergil do while he was down there” that I like to call “how did things go so wrong?! We were just having a nice time at the beach yesterday!” the abridged edition. Stay safe out there! See you in hell the comments!

[nyndelion]

共感 - empathy -

MP100; Serizawa & Reigen centric fanfic

SFW, general audiences, no pairings, AU

Wordcount: 2058

AO3 link

“Reigen-san… Why don’t you relax and take a break for a bit?”

The blonde looked up from his laptop to the man sitting across the room, feeling his facial muscles stiff and tired, especially around his eyes. “You don’t know how much I literally can Not do that right now without my business to collapse before my very eyes, Serizawa” Even as exhausted as he looked – and sounded -, he still conveyed his words dramatically, punctuating every other expression with his usual wild gestures, achieving to make Serizawa’s mouth corners lift slightly. “This is serious business, after that quite problematic case we had this week, I really got to work my ass off so we don’t get sued, and also I am late with taxes, which is the last thing we need after all that” He returned his eyes to his laptop screen. “Doing taxes correctly could be the sole difference between a running, successful business and a sinking one”.

Serizawa stayed silent, but kept looking at his boss. Reigen’s face was being illuminated by the computer screen, adding a creepier and sick looking glow to it, intensifying by the minute as the sun started to set outside, darkening the already closed Spirits & Such office, where the two men kept working on different kinds of paperwork. He looked down to his hands, fidgeting absentmindedly; Serizawa knew he couldn’t really help his boss with what troubled him right now, given he was extremely inexperienced in all this ‘serious intimidating adult stuff’, as he prefers calling it, and suggested Reigen to take a break in the first place as it was the only thing that he came up with after at least 20 minutes of being the only witness to the greatly unpleasant vibes he was letting swarm all around the office.

The truth no one else knew yet is, after his first encounter with Shigeo Kageyama at the stairs of that building in the center of Seasoning City two and a half months ago, Serizawa got a new power off of Shigeo’s display of empathy towards him when he returned the ball of energy that was tossed at him by accident, resulting in Serizawa to be able to sense other people’s most intense emotions, even if they weren’t ESPers themselves. He was able to sense, and even sometimes clearly see how that intense emotional energy spread in the ambient, and how it interacted with the energy of animals, plants, minerals, and other people.

He had to admit that a couple of weeks after gaining this new ability, and after getting used to it and recognizing the similarities in the more usual emotions and the way different people used to release the analogous energy, it was very useful in everyday life. He could prevent himself from interacting with angry strangers that might lash out on him simply because he wanted to know where the soup aisle was in the convenience store, or be more mindful and kind if interacting with someone that was trying really hard not to let out an especially dreadful sad energy. So yeah, for someone that struggled reading new circumstances and that tends to overanalyze everyday social situations to the verge of anxious breakdowns, it was a very useful tool at trying to be more independent and navigate casual human relationships more confidently.

However, these new ‘empathy powers’ could be perplexing in other circumstances, such as interacting with someone every day. And even more perplexing if that someone was, well… Reigen.

Serizawa wasn’t complaining, not at all, but he also couldn’t really lie to himself about this. If social relationships and being able to ‘read the mood’ successfully were a mystery to him back then in grade school, and even more after being a hikikomori for so long, existing around Reigen and being able to sense his many fluctuating, often contradictory and usually intense emotions without enough verbal correlation that served as an explanation or context for such sudden changes made their time together at the office – that is, while not doing any exorcism job- a hell of a ride for him, as a certified anxious overanalyzer he was.

So, even is this has been a rather calm day at the office and he could finally get some school assignments done before going home, at some point of the evening the dreadful energy emanating from the self-proclaimed Greatest Psychic of the 21st Century started to distract him from his task, and also to slightly upset him. He could sense stress, fear, a little bit of anger, and something else there he couldn’t really place, that he didn’t sense before he tried to talk Reigen into taking a break. It was something bittersweet that seemed almost out of place in the mix, but that was surely filtering all the energy and spreading in every direction, circulating viciously as if made out of thick smoke, hovering the plants that Reigen kept there and tried to take care of, slowly infecting their faint pale green auras.

Serizawa decided he needed to do something, even if it was a small gesture. Now Reigen had started to stamp his feet rhythmically, adding more frustration to the emotional soup, in pumps that mixed extremely well with the prevailing anger, enhancing it. He thought he better change his strategy; he had already tried talking to convince Reigen he needed a break, and he had been around long enough to realize insistence didn’t work well with him, given he could easily turn the tables around in any kind of debate. So he stood up and went to the kitchen.

He started by boiling some water, and reaching out to the assorted tea box from the counter cabinet. He then saw the dark brown box that was hidden behind the other, more colorful one, and remembered the time Reigen told him to keep it a secret from the teenagers that used to frequent the office a couple of days every week, since it was his preferred dark chocolate he kept for special occasions, such as when he had an unusual sweet tooth day. Serizawa connected the dots and realized that the ‘sweet tooth days’ were those when Reigen released more of what seemed sad energy all of a sudden, which perplexed Serizawa because he didn’t have almost anything to work out the reasons that could have triggered those sad emotions waves. He could only guess it seemed to be something unpleasant he saw on his computer.

Suddenly, he thought… maybe that out of place emotion he sensed that beamed from Reigen after he told him to go take a break was sadness? No, it was clearly something else, but it was quite similar. Maybe it was a complex emotion that had sadness into its mix.

By now, the water he put in the electric kettle had finished boiling, so he took the box that was hiding at the end of the counter and proceeded to make some chamomile and honey tea for his boss. He realized the chocolate box was halfway eaten already, and doubted if it was ok to bring it to him all of a sudden, without him asking to… But then he sensed another frustrated / anxious / angry / bittersweet unplaced emotion wave reaching him and he knew it was the right thing to do right now. Didn’t Reigen tell him more than once to trust his inner voice more and make decisions by himself in order to learn how to be a fully functional, contributing member to society? Maybe this was a good way to practice.

After taking the tea mug and the chocolate box in his hands, Serizawa stood in the kitchen for some seconds before going out to the main office room, breathing deeply through his nose a couple of times to relax and think about the exact words he was going to say. This was another technique his boss taught him, originally to be used before talking to customers, and he has been using it to any other occasion that seemed to get him nervous, since now that he didn’t have his umbrella he realized he needed all the help he could get to get a hang of how unpredictable and chaotic adult life could be.

Finally, he could gather himself enough to come out of the kitchen and approach Reigen’s desk determinately. He didn’t seem to realize he was heading to his desk until he was handing him the mug and the chocolate box. New –and old- emotions were now pumping from him, adding to the soup… Surprise, confusion, that bittersweet emotion again. No anger though; good to go, then.

“Hey, Reigen-san, I thought I should bring you something to help you, and given I couldn’t really help directly with the task you were working on, I figured that maybe I could help with the relaxing part a bit… I hope that’s ok” He turned his eyes away from Reigen’s, not being able to maintain eye contact for much longer as he realized the other man’s gaze was getting more intense. He sensed the surprise to give itself way further into the atmosphere, tuning down the more intense stressful emotions, but also giving more space to the bittersweet emotion to intensify. It was a little different than before, though…

“Ah, Serizawa! Did you suddenly become a telepath?” Reigen’s tone of voice and teasing attitude was very off tune with what his emotional energy gave off, as usual. Serizawa got stiff after the last part. “Hey, that was a joke! Everyone knows telepathy is a bunch of bullcrap, remember you don’t have to take everything so seriously” Reigen finally took the mug and chocolate box from his employee’s hands, letting out more of that weird bittersweet emotion as he put the chocolate box in his desk and proceeded to open it. Now that Serizawa was getting more familiarized with this emotion, he could sense it was morphing to something… warmer? “Y’know, I guess it’s time for a well-deserved break… Hmm?” He screened rapidly at Serizawa, “You didn’t make some tea for yourself? Aren’t you taking a break too? It won’t contribute to a good break atmosphere if you just keep stressing over your homework” he stated, matter-of-factly.

“Yes, sir!” Serizawa went back to the kitchen and prepared himself some green tea with mint. When he stepped back in the office he could sense how the energy changed drastically, now everything was tinted with a warm kind of drowsiness, an energy that surely was fainter than the last stress emotion soup they were being affected by, but that was effective enough to almost wipe it out completely, only a vague sense of nervousness and that bittersweet morphed feeling fluttering around. Also now there was a calming classical music video Reigen was playing on his computer, while sitting on one of the armchairs, across the coffee table Serizawa was using as a desk. He was sitting with his legs crossed, fully supporting his back in the armchair, while taking one chocolate square from the open chocolate box that now was placed in the middle of the coffee table. It seemed he was taking this break very seriously.

Serizawa sat across Reigen in the other armchair. The later coughed a couple of times before talking in a nonchalant way, as if sharing a random thought “I just remembered, I read the other day a quote from this very successful businesswoman on FriendBook, that it’s important to remember any time you apparently are getting stuck into a problem that seemed unsolvable to not let it fool you, no problem in life is unsolvable. You just need to take a break, do something that helps you clear your mind, and look at it in another perspective. Y’know Serizawa, that could really help you in your studies if you find yourself in a seemingly dead end. Remember this advice next time you feel like you need to take a break, and let me now, ok? I’ll try to do the same”.

“Yes, that seems very reasonable” Serizawa held his mug with both hands, staring down at his tea with a soft smile in his mouth, feeling the much calmer atmosphere that surrounded his boss, and realizing the new warm feeling that emanated from him could be placed as gratitude. His new Reigen-convincing technique was officially a hit.

[fuckblizzardbearlover]

Ok so reasons why i Love Warcraft the Beginning, and why its perfect and i hope for more. Might be a little incorherant cus i'm just doing my thoughts as they come. i  dont have the time to spend hours writing articles i'm not being payed for.

Yes Warcraft is a great, i say Perfect movie. "But it has flaws". Everything does. That perfect movie you love so much? someone found it boring, someone found it pretentious , someone found it stupid. Perfect pizza? someone doesnt like your toppings, someone thought there wasnt enough for it. A movie, a show, a book, art in general cannot be judged by an arbitrary list of items it must meet to sufficient quality. "no plotholes, great acting, good effects" are not good qualifiers. Most ppl dont know the meaning of plotholes, different tons of story require different acting (Casablanca is seen as a masterpiece but i dislike movies of that era because the acting is over the top, stiff, and campy. however that does not make them bad, it just means i dont like it). Really the only way a piece of art can be judged is by judging it based on what it TRIED to do. If your character is suppose to show they are angry in this scene and they just seem constipated then you did fail and that was bad acting. But if your character is suppose to be angry and some of the audience thinks they should have acted a different way, then thats just a difference of opinion between author and audience.

So what did Warcraft the Beginning TRY to do? Pay homage to the original franchise, tell a heartfelt complex story, give a larger than life epic, and reinterpret the story into something thats better than it was and can be accepted by a general audience

-So i love how much the art, style and themes embraced the franchise. The intro was PERFECT. The little cameos and everything were well done. For some weird reason a few thought that was cringe but part of good cameos is world building. They arent putting "this way to the stoutelager inn" so fans can go "i get that refrence" they are doing it to create  a scene that involves a sign to an inn and might as well be a real one from the story, right? The franchise STARTED as Err orcs bad humans good but it has since evolved past that, and you saw that with the  theme of the H and A heroes banding together against guldan. The armor and costumes were perfect, using the major flair of warcraft without being overly done. Llane's and Lothar's armor is perfect example.

some people have a problem with what i'd say was the "family friendly epic fantasy adventure" aspect of the movie. yes pacing was quick but when you go into a weird story you just suspend disbelief and take things as you go. They never explain how the Flashy Thingies in men in black work, they just do. you accept it and move. And there was some slightly heavy handed themes and moments. but thats what we call Camp. Its a fantasy adventure, you have snark, a few cheesy lines, hope vs darkness and all that good stuff. I remember when Wonder Woman came out an interviewer asked about the....hammy? ending. i think they used  a different word. but the idea was that it seemed...bad? that the ending revolved around Wonder woman's faith in humanity, faith in goodness and trying to do good, was naieve. And Patty Jenkens said that she thinks the world needs more hope like that, not everything is doom and gloom and the point of a hero is to be hopeful.

A GOOD movie, a PERFECT movie doesnt need to be high art. Ppl talk about inception cus it was so intense but IMO if half the audience doesnt know whats happening then its not so good is it? and like i said So many "great perfect movies' in history are boring, or weird or unlikable to many people. And i think its a great detriment to the world that people got to act like only high art movies that win awards are any good.

And then there is the story and charactes. I loved Lothar and Llane, very relatable and good example of heroic men. The mirror between the father Lothar and Durotan was great. I loved how well they did the orcs, just everything about them. Like their meeting and having it so that you could only understand the side you were listening from, if you listen when its focused on the orcs and Garona is translating you can hear Llane speaking something that is NOT english. But like even with the kinder orcs they kept the furiosity. Durotan makes it clear that their world is dead and they cannot simply go back, and thats very realisitc. even were it not for guldan if he was fighting to save his people he'd willingly fight the humans if they tried to stop them. It was great seeing them touch on the idea of the fel infused orcs with Medivh's ability to create spells that specifically target them. Oh and geeze his whole arch. the actor and directing i think did a great job of showing him struggling to do as much as he could to help the alliance against the orcs. He seemed addled, like he was losing it or on drugs but you find out it is really because the fel is taking hold of him. thats what was great about the last guardian is the whole Inner monster storyline. Betrayal of one's self and all that. And it showed the variety in the orcs, yes you had dark ones who embraced the pillage too, and its a shame that the campfire scene "but you're...Green" scene didnt make it. Kadgar, did a good job with the whole "he's smart enough to notice when his 'betters' are wrong but he's young and inexperienced and doesnt know how to assert himself" was great.  Its funny cus some didnt like he didnt age, but far as i can tell nothing in warcraft even addressed that. Like he mentions once or twice in the book and in click dialogue that it sucks losing his childhood but there is no angst about it. you wouldnt know he's only in his 40s now. Even his little cinematic before legion focused on him taking up the mantle of the guardian.

And then there are the improvements it made. Rise of the Horde was good but they didnt have time to have the 'non fel orcs being around fel turn slightly green', so it was a good choice to have that dynamic visual change. Lothar's son arc i think gave him more of a personal reason to be invested in this other than "defense of our nation". And it kinda sucks in the original narrative that stormwind just kinda got its butt kicked. I'm sure it will still fall but it will be nice to see more effort put into it. And goodness we actually got to see varian's mother? and she was an important part of the story? she was an interesting character and had influence and was crucial to getting garona on their side. Speaking of , Garona by herself is the best change and alone makes this movie better than the original. She is a product of love, the first human/orc couple, presumably when Medivh was first exploring Draenor. And not a tool created by rape? Its so great that this shitty aspect of the story generated from the naive creator's idea of womens place in stories, was rewritten. Oh i'd be the first to say it wasnt malicious. but between Kerrigan and Sylvannas and Garona, heck this attitude exists today. That a man's humanity comes from his family, that he is violent emotionless and a killer but a wife brings out his peace and children his humanity . so the worst thing that can happen to him is his family is killed, thus bringing the beast back. And that for a Woman she is defined by her love of the man, does she reject him or accept him, does she play hard to get or support him? how freely does she give herself to him. And thus the worst thing that can happen to a woman is to have her body violated, and what many guys who grew up in the 70s-90s fantasy era that was the go to story. Woman is violated (in body) and gets her revenge and feels empowered by killing her rapist. while the man is violated by those he LOVES being killed, and empowered by avenging them and finding a new family (or a way to honor the dead ones)

So yea its REALLy awesome that this story rejected that whole farse and said "no, the key behind saving both peoples is a young woman who exists because 2 people from different planets loved each other"

[spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia]

SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Sitcom!: Lab Rats (1.1): “Crush, Chop and Burn”

I was... Very mixed about this one.

Lab Rats is a pseudo superhero sitcome, one of 3 from Disney (surprising, i know!), and it’s... Something?

The show is centered on Adam, Bree and Chase, three bionic super humans with extraordinary abilities: Adam has super strength, Bree has Super Speed, and Chase has super senses and a super brain. This trio meet Leo, a vanilla white protagonist who becomes their best friend thanks to being the new step-son of their creator, who is a douchbag (that’s just a fact).

I came into this with dread, and came out... Confused. Let’s check it out!

SUMMERY: In the fictional town of Mission Creek, Leo and his mother, Tasha, move in with billionaire inventor Donald Davenport, Leo's step-father. In a secret underground lab in Davenport's high-tech home, Leo discovers three bionic superhuman teenagers named Chase, Adam, and Bree, known as the Lab Rats. Leo learns they have lived their whole lives in the lab, where they have been training their bionic abilities for future classified missions. Leo secretly takes them to his school, Mission Creek High, where their lack of experience with the outside world causes chaos, in part because their bionics can be inadvertently activated through their emotions. When Davenport finds out, he bans Chase, Adam, and Bree from having contact with the outside world. However, Leo, in appreciation for making him more popular at school, throws a party for Chase, Adam, and Bree in Davenport's house, only to get caught when Davenport and Tasha return home during the festivities.After disobeying his orders, Davenport decides it is best to send Chase, Adam, and Bree to his top secret facility in the Arctic to finish their bionic training. Davenport creates robot versions of them to hang out with Leo, but the real Lab Rats switch places with their replacements. However, Tasha decides that she does not want Leo to hang out with robots and tells Davenport to recycle them, not knowing they were the real children. Once at the recycling plant, Chase, Adam, and Bree use their bionics to avoid various hazards, but must backtrack when Leo arrives to rescue them. Davenport and Tasha learn of the mix-up and arrive at the plant. After seeing the children risk their lives for each other, Davenport decides to let them stay at home to complete their training. He also agrees to let them attend school, as long as they maintain their bionic secret and control their emotions to prevent further glitches.

COMEDY: 1 Out of 5

This one misses a LOT in comedy. We’re talking so many stock sitcom jokes I felt like I was watching a parody of Disney Channel Sitcoms. So many of the jokes are the ones you’ve seen a million times: Stupid character be stupid, horrible parenting is apparently funny, everyone is an asshole (ok, not exactly true, but still) and a bunch of other old tropes. There’s not much to say, it’s just not funny. So many jokes made me groan in a bad way, and for a while, those jokes made the characters unlikable, ESPECIALLY Eddie the house AI and Davenport the father-inventor, who I’ll get to soon.

CHARACTERS: 1 Out of 5

I honestly struggled to come up with a ranking list for these characters, which explains a lot. It’s not that their all the same character, even if they all sort of behave the same. It’s that each one barely gets to be more than a trope: Adam is the idiot. Bree is the girl. Chase is the fun ruining nerd (see Cody from Zack and Cody). Leo is the vanilla protagonist. Tasha is the mom. Davenport is a dick. Like, yes, it’s a sitcom, and yes, disney sitcoms tend to do this, but even some of the bad ones have more personality. The only point I can give is that, to be totally honest, most of these characters (especially Adam, Bree and Chase) improve in the second half, which I will explain in the next section. But again, truth be told, they weren’t the worst (definitely NOT Pair of Kings), and they did grow on me A LITTLE by the end. So yeah, that’s a point.

STORY AND HEART: 1 Out of 5

Again, this is basic stuff. Kid finds out secret thing, secret things goes out to the real world, chaos ensues, overprotective dad does his thing, blah blah blah they can all be friends now.

What disappoints me is that this show could be so much more: They touch on the aspects of the fact that these teens are isolated in every way and socially inexperienced, very lightly however, and it sucks because with the power set this could be like, a Power Rangers teen sitcom. There is potential in this premise, and it’s wasted for the easiest jokes in the book.

HOWEVER! I did like the second half of the episode a little, and I WOULD watch another episode, so that earns a point. But really, despite a solid second half and not the worst cast (mostly), this show is too mixed and mediocre for now to get a real good score. But... Surprisingly... I am not saying it can’t.

It won’t.

But it might!

FINAL SCORE: 3 Out of 15

 This one might be a smidge harsh, but yeah, a below average crappy episode of a teen sitcom, even with slight improvments, is still crap. It has potential, granted, but rather it will live up to it remains to be seen.

Next is Dog With a Blog. I do not wish to live on this planet anymore.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/100qHOP9aQ1AmKbrYuc--CQAP3LQnHfsS/edit#heading=h.nh4udkykrnki

[not-a-red-rose]

Bit of a long read.

Warning: Topics are somehow sensitive, but please read, for this is also a way of education (or maybe you’ll just find out I’m a bad person, that depends lol.) But if you’ve got time, if you can make time, please read this. I accept constructive criticisms, some arguments that do not involve ad hominem, and additions if ever you are willing to say there is.

So, it's been approximately 5 years since I strayed away from being masungit and maldita (mean and snobby), because my Mom and Dad got a lot of trouble because of it (I did get a lot of trouble, too, only I didn't mind, because I really didn't care) and now I love being compassionate and kind

I really do, because I can't also stand an environment where most of the people are mean-spirited and always angry. I wanted to build a soft and light environment, so I tried to be soft and light, too.

Because change starts within, don’t you think?

So I did, and I became very good at it.

It feels great to see and watch people grow comfortable with their own skin around you because you don't judge them. It feels great to see and watch people love themselves more because they can see that you love them for who they are. It feels great to make people feel great and give them the love they deserve, because we are all human, and we don't deserve to always be shut down by people who suffer inside of themselves. So we create bonds, we love people for who they are, we eat with them, we cry with them, we laugh with them, we pat their backs when they are defeated and helpless, we shout “I’m proud of you!” to their faces when we feel proud of them, and we begin being kind.

But now that I have been terribly woken up by realizations, shaped by my experiences, and taught with other's advices, I am also beginning to see the predators in our forest.

I will sometimes think that maybe we aren't always aware that we are being predators, sometimes we are as clueless as the preys and we don't know any better. Sometimes we can be the toxic ones, too, so there is no point in stopping our self-development and realizations. Everyone starts as clueless and inexperienced— oftentimes, a monster isn’t a monster because he is evil, it is because he refuses to change so, even when he knows he is.

Bad people only become truly bad when they don’t care about being better.

I am not perfect, I am not all-knowing, I became a predator, too, for far too many times than I can count, and I am still trying and learning how not to be. But here are some of the things I realized:

• The awful mindset of our society is that if someone's kind, they are supposed to tolerate everything you do. (even and especially gaslighting, guilt-tripping, backstabbing then denying it later, always saying "yes," and being soft even when hurt and angry.)

No. People who are kind do not deserve such abuse and manipulation (we don’t deserve abuse and manipulations,) so please, quit saying, “mabait naman ‘yan si ano e, okay lang ‘yan sa kan’ya!” (Don’t stress about it too much, she’s kind, so that’ll be okay for her!)

And what, you’re going to victim-blame again? You’ll say, “you’re too kind, you’re teaching people to step all over you.” Dude, I’m not teaching them anything like that, really, they are teaching that to themselves because they want to abuse and take advantage of the kindness. If there is no kindness because kind people took your advice to not be kind so people won’t step all over them, then what would become of our world? Common sense, sweetheart.

• Normalize saying no. If you mean no, say no. If you mean maybe, say maybe. If you mean I’ll try, say I’ll try. If you mean yes, say yes. Normalize saying and receiving no, not everyone has to agree and do what you suggest them to do.

Normalize saying no, if no is what you want to say. I don't care if they hail you as a saint and they label you as someone who tolerates everything. Say no if you mean no. Say it firmly. Don't waver. Your voice may shake but say no if what you mean is no.

(“Normalize saying no” doesn't just tackle suitors and people who want to be your lover. This also tackles people you don't want to spend time with, things you don't want to do, places you don't want to go to, words you don't want to say, and etc.)

say no. say it loudly. say it firmly.

• Unfortunately, we are not educated about gaslighting and guilt-tripping, or any psychological/mental manipulations, enough to defend our own selves from manipulators, narcissists, and terrible behaviors of people.

We should be educated.

Please read verified and credible articles about it, listen to classes when it’s the topic, research about it, observe it. You may be doing it, too, so please learn about it.

• We should stay away from "friends" who hurt, invalidate, manipulate, abuse, and force you to do things you do not want to do. I don't care if it makes you alone-- alone is better than being with people who will just use and hurt you.

• Do not try to repaint red flags. Red flags are red flags, unless you are color blind, although please do not be figuratively color blind. If you cannot settle it through peaceful conversations and negotiations, it’s time to cut ties. CUT TIES. No one is important enough, for you to stay with them even when they exhaust and drain the hell outta you. Let them go. If they don’t wanna walk away, then you do the walking away. Don’t stay there. Life is too short to deal with people who take and take and take and take your peace and who obliges you to fix them.

• I do not have any idea how to say this properly— but you cannot expect your romantic partner/ lover to take the heavy weight of your mental messes and emotional baggage just because you cannot deal with it yourself. Stop dropping all the weight to someone and expecting them to fix you because you are broken.

I am not invalidating the love lives of lovers who stay through each other’s destructive jealousies and insecurities— I am only saying that we don’t have to. We aren’t obligated to fix an individual just because we love them. That’s what’s cruel there, when we find someone we can and will love and we would like them to be in our future, but they come across as toxic and draining and destructive, and they don’t want to adjust to be a better person, we gotta let go of them.

It is always your choice if you’re going to stay with them— if you can and you want to, then stay. If you can’t and you don’t want to, then don’t.

This may sound harsh and (even) evil, but normalize leaving people when you cannot deal with them any longer. Normalize leaving people. Normalize people leaving you. Those who can and who want to stay will stay, will always find reasons to come back, and will always stay. Remember that.

• Normalize rebuking and criticizing the ideas of the people who make rape, poverty, mental illness, and anything-that-shouldn’t-be-joked-about jokes. Normalize criticizing, standing up to it whether it came from your parents, a very dear friend, or a romantic partner. Sensitivity shall not be filtered. Respect shall not be filtered. Note that I said “ideas of the people” not “the people” because we should not hate people so easily, maybe they just need a little education, a little more push to leave that mindset and perspective.

Well, if they have been presented with enough and sufficient facts of why they shouldn’t think like that and shouldn’t joke about that, but they still haven’t changed their mind, let us go back to what I said earlier.

Bad people only become truly bad when they don’t care about being better. :>

• Say what you mean and mean what you say (this one is the hardest so far because man, we are reckless with words.) Like what I said earlier— about the saying no. If you say yes, darling, I do hope you mean yes. If you make a promise, do your best to meet it! Treat your words like they represent your dignity, because oftentimes, they do. You believe it or not, words are powerful. It can heal and mend, but it can also tarnish and destroy.

“The words you speak become the house you live in.” ― Hafiz

• We all need healing. We all have wounds we need to heal from. I do not know jack about your problems and you might not know about mine, but we cannot deny that we need healing. Because if we deny, and we think that we’re a-ok even when we are not, the wounds will remain wounds and we will bleed on people who did not cause it. We will punish others because we are experiencing anguish inside of us. Do not let that be you. Be soft on yourself enough to acknowledge that you are hurt and in need of healing— that way, you are soft and tender with others, too.

• What you feel isn’t always what I feel, and what I feel isn’t always what you feel. We have different capacities, different perspectives, different emotional wavelengths. What’s trouble for me can not be trouble for you, and vice versa. However, that does not give us any power to disregard what others feel. We need a lot of understanding in this life, and acceptance towards the diversity of every aspect in our lives. Respect is needed, always respect. Respect should be the default (that being a default, it can also be lost).

(But this^^ doesn’t always apply to all things such as being homophobic and racist, because that perspective and mindset drives one to disrespect existence, and even act out violently, set prejudices and be downright inhumane. That is not what I am talking about.)

This is not all, but if I type all I might accidentally write a book about it, so this stops, for now. Note that your understanding of the words I’ve said depends on how well you interpret it, whether you have prejudices or you do not, whether you will use it for good purposes or for bad.

[carat82]

To my readers I ask a question- “What is the most important aspect you look for in a historical era heroine?”

Her wit? “Why should I be embarrassed I was fully clothed?”

Tenacious spirit? “My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me.”

Intelligence? “It is not what we think or feel that makes us who we are. It is what we do...or fail to do.”

Her ability to stand up for herself? “I have as much soul as you-and full as much heart!”

Hair?

Clothes?

“Wait what?!”

“I though we were discussing aspects of the heroines endearing qualities? Her hair? Isn’t that kinda superficial?” Yes,yes it is. Yet even in our day and age despite the need for us to see strong independent women portrayed on screen, some tend to nit pick the appearance of our heroine more then anything else. People have become experts about an era they never lived in or rely solely on what they have seen in portraits of that time period or perhaps read. Let’s face it we all have done this to a certain extent. But when such things as hair styles or perhaps even some costume choices in film or TV adaptations are different from what have been taught are indictative of that era, is this a valid enough reason to insist the story is no longer worthy to watch or to discourage or disparage others from entertaining themselves with that series or movie? To some the answer to that question is an unequivocal yes. To others the answer is a resounding no. The purpose of this latest blog is to broaden our horizons as to why certain choices are made in regards to the outward appearance of our heroines - at perhaps the expense of “historical accuracy”. For those who stand by their views of 💯 accurate, this is in no way meant to offend or upset you. Just a different perspective.

So without further adui let’s begin shall we?

(*note- when I use the term “many” this does not imply that there there are not those who completely diagree with my assessment. I know the examples I’m using have some or perhaps many who do not regard such as good adaptions and even have issues with the acting. Again just using these examples as a whole)

Many adaptations of the Regency era have been done on film and TV over the past 80 years. One of the first was Pride and Prejudice with Greer Garson and Laurence Olivier

This is regarded by many as a fine and worthy adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. But let’s face it anything with Sir Olivier is perfect in my book🥰. Both these actors do a fine job portraying these classic characters. But look closer....what is she wearing?? Wait is that dress from the 1830-1840’s. Yes it is. Isn’t this is supposed to be 1813? Yes, yes it is. So what happened? Well movie studios, back in the golden age, were known to reuse costumes in an attempt to save on the bottom line. Since MGM had produced several movies set in the middle to late 1800’s up to that point and had plenty of costumes to therefore reuse, we have Elizabeth Bennet wearing a full style dress that would come into fashion years from when the book was set. However, this in no way takes away from the performance of the actors and the movie as a whole. Even the most strict historical accurate fans still watch and enjoy this film for what it is. Yet, when other adaptations of novels come along and choices in costuming and hair are made that are more “modern” and deviate somewhat from that time period, those films and shows are chided for not following the rules. Why? How is what the studios did back in the in 40’s to Pride and Prejudice different from what is done now? Why the double standard? Let’s skip forward to the 80’s and 90’s. We saw costume dramas stick very closely to the correct rules of dress and grooming. Several adaptations were delivered to our TV and movie screens that are now considered the gold standard- Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensability, Emma,etc. Majority of us still enjoy and praise these adaptations 20-30 years later. But I must admit that when I rewatch these now, there is a dated feel about them. Now don’t get me wrong, they are still wonderful but it is quite obvious that they were produced 20-30 years ago. The musical score, if it had one, was fairly basic. Nothing that really stayed with you. The costumes were fine and the hair was... OK. Again most of these things stayed the same from one adaptation to the next . What stood out in these movies and series was the acting! Regardless of what they wore or how their hair was styled, we loved these adaptations because of how the actor embraced these roles and delivered to us the audience a memorable version of a beloved character.

So as we entered the 2000’s, filmmakers, who love these stories as much as we do, decided that it was time to “update” the look and feel of a period piece. They wanted to reach a younger more modern audience that perhaps had never watched a classic period piece before. And there was nothing wrong with that! These directors wanted others to enjoy the classics as much as they did. But they were wise and realized that a fresh take was needed to entice and draw a new audience in. This could not be a costume drama that their mothers and grandmothers watched. No, they needed to appeal to a younger audience. Which is what ALL filmmakers do, regardless of the genre. It’s how the big and small screen survive. So out went the hair and wigs with the historically accurate styles. The costumes had a few more modern cuts to them but all in all stayed relatively the same. Some of the dialog had a few updates so that an audience with not much experience in 1800’s literature ( which let’s face it is majority of us) could understand. Musical scores were updated so as to play on our emotions and draw us deeper in the story. And the result- some very fine and worthy adaptations- Joe Wright’s 2005 Pride and Prejudice. Andrew Davies 2008 Sense and Sensabilty. Jim Hanlon’s 2009 Emma. Let’s just focus on one of these adaptations- 2005’s Pride and Prejudice.

Kiera Knighly delivers to us the audience a fine portrayal of Elizabeth Bennett. But notice her hair. It’s down in some scenes.

We had not seen this before in other adaptations yet here we have Lizzy approaching Netherfield with long flowing hair. Why? We as the audience need to connect with Elizabeth. Again remember- new audience, younger demographic. This tells us that she really doesn’t care what the opinions are of a certain Mr. Darcy and the Bingleys. She is being herself-walking to the house alone and not caring about the state of her tresses. Does this detract from the story and Kiera’s acting? No. It gave me the audience a new fresh way to appreciate her character. Joe Wright wasn’t trying to mimic adaptations of years past. Why should he? His Pride and Prejudice was a much needed change from that we had seen before. And guess what? It paid off. A younger audience who had never seen Pride and Prejudice came to love this movie and 15 years later this is still their go to PP. After all isn’t that what we all want? For more people to experience Jane Austen’s stories? Who says that they have to be portrayed the same way each and every time. Isn’t that kinda... boring? Predictable?

Now let’s skip ahead to 2019. If you have read my other two blogs you know where this is going. So if you don’t want to hear about my defense of Sanditon I suggest you turn back now.

Andrew Davies introduces to us a character of Jane Austen that has never been portrayed on the screen before-Charlotte Heywood.

And as such we do not know who or what her character is like. We find out that at 22 she had never left home, having grown up on a farm with 12 siblings. That alone tells us that her appearance is going to be what some call “modern” and out of place but what I call practical and normal. Her father,while respectable and gentleman, is a farmer. She more and likely had chores like anyone else. Do you really think she had the time to care if her hair is pinned up. Uhh...nope. The first scene we see her in she is shooting rabbits! This tells us she is not Elizabeth Bennet or Marianne Dashwood or Anne Elliot. And Miss Austen wasn’t trying to write her as such. She is her own person. And as such will have things that set her apart from other Austen characters. As the series progresses we come to to learn she is practical, intelligent, sweet, but naive and inexperienced. Davies also decided to make a choice that would serve as her hallmark- her shoulder length hair that she wears down most of the time. Again, filmmakers have to appeal to their current audience. And again, like Joe Wright, he was hoping to get a younger more modern audience to tune in and enjoy a period piece or perhaps a Jane Austen adaptation for the first time. Frankly, this was a clever move on his part. He needed to show throughout the series that this adventure to Sanditon is truly unlike anything she has ever experienced. Charlotte is full of youthful exuberance with those doe-like eyes that are longing to experience life outside sleepy Willingdon. But remember, that while we love her, she has a lot to learn and is truly out of her depth at first around some of the situations and people she encounters. However, despite that she is true to herself- which is also a hallmark of all Jane Austen heroines. So as such there is no reason Charlotte needs to change her hairstyle when she comes to Sanditon. She is accepted as who she is by those around her. She is our Charlotte Heywood- using her ingenuity to help with the growth of Sanditon, trying to be a good friend, and exploring her new surroundings. Her hair is the least of anyone’s worries. And as an audience we find that Charlotte’s unpinned tresses make her approachable.Unpretentious. Human. More like us. Is there anything wrong with that? No. Being historically accurate is all and well, but when that is placed above all else in a series or movie it runs the risk of being just another adaptation. And that does not draw in a new, younger, more modern audience. Regardless of whether you agree with that statement or not, that is how the entertainment business is run today. So please if any readers are on the fence to watch this series because of some more modern uses in hair and grooming I ask that you to accept why the production crew made these choices and give it a try. As us fans wait on baited breath to see if another network will pick up our beloved Sanditon and continue with a second season-just remember you may get your heroine wearing her hair up. After all, Jane Austen characters usually go through a metamorphosis of some kind due to the need to adapt, grow, and perhaps even survive. Our Charlotte may find herself more grown up and guarded after a summer spent in Sanditon and this could well show in her appearance next time we see her... or not. I guess we will have to wait and see.

[duskglass]

Know any new good Jak and Daxter fanfiction? I'm getting back to it and it feels like I read all the good ones already

notes: all listed fics are Complete unless otherwise noted, and the two Ongoing ones are both recently & actively updating (ie, none of these are abandoned or hiatused). i've also included my own fics as well! i don't normally advertise my fanfic writings on this blog but i figured they're worth a mention too :D

Wayward Sons by Duskglass - Damas & Daxter team up to rescue Jak after he was captured by marauders! lots of action, family bonding, and just a bit of Dad Humour. (ongoing; 4 chapters planned; 2019)

Cascade by Duskglass - big AU where Jak gets stuck in darkmode & has to navigate the events of renegade while looking like a Horrible Demon Monster! featuring lots of exploration of canon themes/settings and a gradual divergence from the in-game plot. (ongoing; 26 chapters planned in pt1 + future sequels; cw for graphic wounds; 2019)

Salvage by Rhinozilla - inexperienced civillians in Haven try to use green eco after a metalhead attack and it goes Horribly Wrong; Keira & Samos & Jak have a lot of work on their hands trying to patch up the victims. (featuring some really cool eco hcs! cw for body horror & graphic wounds; 2018)

What Hides in the Depths by Rhinozilla - Jak and Dax encounter a familiar old enemy in the waters outside Haven City while on a mission at the pumping station. (2018)

Rebuild by Athena_Crikey - Torn works to keep the KG together after Praxis's death. (a new fic by the author of City Boys, which was the very first JnD fic i ever read & still one of my top Torn-centric recs!)

Approval of a Sandking by Meeko - Dadmas & Daxter, my favourite underutilised dynamic!!! set post-3 in a human!dax + dadmas lives au, Dax returns from a mission in the wasteland with some minor injuries & talks with Damas. (2017)

City of Light by Weiila - a Sig-centric story set post-X, where Rayn gets some dirt on him and blackmails him into working for her new criminal syndicate in Kras. (also au where Damas is alive & Dax is human again; 2017)

Exile by Duskglass - oneshot about how Damas and Sig first met, set roughly 20 years pre-canon! (originally posted earlier; new content added as of 2017)

Commander by Varethane - Torn leaves the KG; it doesn't go well. (cw for mob violence & graphic injury; 2015)

Give an Ottsel a Missile by Distantglory - Daxter & Jak & Torn friendship fic, set during the ‘Dax rides the missile’ mission in jak3. (2015)

Strain by Varethane - Jak overloads on dark eco and it's bad for everyone involved; set during renegade. (2015)

Introspective Hero by Weiila - jak3 AU where Dax becomes human again & slowburny jaxter ensues; I'd consider this more action/plot-centric than romance tho, with truly wonderful supporting OCs and an excellent dadmas arc!! my top fav Longfic in this fandom ♡ (ok i know this one was already around way back in the day, but the conclusion still falls into the recentish timeframe of this list)

______annnd I'm gonna toss in my older dadmas favs too, just in case they were missed!! because I honestly can't rec these ones enough:

A Warrior's Way Of Life by Bookwrm389 - Damas & Jak get abducted by aliens Dark Makers and have to fight their way off the spaceship before it departs!

Spartacus Now by Weiila - Jak & Dax hear a story about the time Damas got captured by marauders (alternates between flashbacks of the Action and the duo hearing about it in present-day from various storytellers)

Weathering the Storm by Bookwrm389 - super cute oneshot about Damas and Jak having a mudfight with some Spargan kids! Damas being a silly nerd is my favourite thing ;3;

______((also, usual disclaimer that this is just what i personally enjoy! i prefer gen overall & have a ton of notps in this specific fandom so.... keep that in mind i guess? tho i assume you sent me this ask because my JnD fanart appeals to you– i def look for many of those same themes in fic!))

[xiubaek-13]

Hold On - Part 1

Genre: First love & break ups.

Pairing: Reader x Hoseok, Reader x Yoongi

Warnings: Angst, Smut, Alcohol, Heartbreak, Drug use (only mentions of it), First love.

Word Count: 5,094

Summary: Hoseok was your first love and for two and a half years he was your everything. Yoongi was his best friend, they did almost everything together until Yoongi got a girlfriend who was his world for a few years. Yoongi was also your friend, having been to school with him. Hoseok broke your heart when he ended things with you but you hadn’t been able to let him go, reducing yourself to friends with benefits as you clung to the relationship that no longer existed, the love that was no longer there. Yoongi was there for you when his friend hurt you  and he tried to keep you away from gatherings that Hoseok would be at but there was no avoiding the two of you being at one of his own parties, a camping gathering on his mother’s property.

They say that all good things come to an end; but what they don’t prepare you for is when one party still feels like what they have is good and the other doesn’t. It’s one thing for a relationship to end when you both know there are problems, or when one of you fucks up, but when one of you is blissfully happy and the other isn’t - that’s hell on both sides. One way to work out just how many tears a human body can produce is to have your heart shattered by your first love. It’s a thing your parents try to protect you from as best they can, but at the end of the day you loved wholly, completely and honestly. To be told that the person you utterly adored no longer felt that same love for you broke you.

You’d put two and a half years into your relationship with Hobi. What had started as a schoolyard crush developed into a fun and teasing friendship. You often recalled the day you ran out of food tech and squished a muffin in his face because he’d mocked your cooking abilities. That might have been the first day he truly noticed you. He still didn’t act on anything, but you both started to chat more often.

You’d always gotten on better with the guys in the school than the girls. You preferred to read or sit and listen to music and apparently that was uncool by their standards. You didn’t interest them because you weren’t gossiping about boys or what party you were going to try and sneak out to that weekend. Your ideal weekend was, and still is, having comfort food and reading or watching a movie. You just didn’t have that girly gene. You never wanted to play dress up or learn how to apply makeup or style your hair and you were satisfied with how you looked. You honestly didn’t give a shit about what any of them thought about you. You never needed to put in any effort with how you looked when you hung out with your guy friends. They actually praised you on being able to be dressed and ready to go in under 15 minutes.

Yoongi transferred to the school midyear, he mostly kept to himself but the boy crazed girls in your year decided that he was an enigma; wrapped in a mystery because he was quiet and didn’t appear to chase after girls. It took you all of three days hanging out with Hobi and Jin to find out that Yoongi was a pretty cool guy who preferred to observe people than interact with them, and that he was definitely not lacking in suitors… he just preferred them older. That explained his lack of patience with the way some of the girls in your year threw themselves at him.

For the remainder of the year your friendships with the guys in your year grew and you found yourself invited to small gatherings they had - gaming nights, movie marathons and random trips into the forest at their houses. Yoongi became more relaxed around you once he figured out that you could appreciate silence and weren’t trying to jump his bones. In fact, he was the one who approached you when he needed help asking a girl out. He knew how to seduce older women but he had no clue when it came to someone his age. You’d been the perfect wingwoman and since you’d worked your magic he’d been virtually inseparable from her.

All too soon the year ended and you transferred to another school to complete your senior years. A handful of your classmates made the same move but your main group of friends remained, leaving you alone for the first time in years. The new school was structured to be more like university, with longer class hours and calling teachers by their first name. You really enjoyed the new atmosphere and thrived in the freedom you were allowed. School no longer felt like a prison and you were free to come and go as you pleased.

Moving schools must have made Hobi realise what he was losing because one day when you were out of town with your mother he texted you. You had to read the text repeatedly because you were sure of a few things. a) that someone had stolen his phone and texted you b) that this was a joke and c) there was no way it could be true. It was a simple text but, ever the overthinker, you dissected it like it was a coded message.

[9:45am] Hobi: Wanna know something? I miss seeing you at school. Did you know that I like you? A lot.

That’s all it said and yet you tried to find some deeper meaning or some hidden sign to prove that it was a joke. No one had ever told you they liked you. You’d always been the friend and nothing more. You’d helped countless times whenever one of your friends found a girl they were interested in, but you were never the object of anyone’s interest and you were fine with that. You had a lot that you wanted to accomplish in life, and you were young. The last thing you wanted was for a guy to waltz into your life and throw a spanner in the works.

You debated not answering but you didn’t want to be that girl. You’d seen enough times when a girl would ignore Jimin and how badly it messed with his head, you had no desire to do that to Hobi. It wouldn’t be a lie to say that you liked him too, but you had only ever thought of him as a friend. You had never entertained the idea of anything more with any of your guy friends. Yet here you were, sitting on the floor at your grandma’s house surrounded by family, feeling like the response you sent would determine the course of your relationship with Hobi from here out.

[9:48am] You: I miss having your dorky face around too. Define ‘like’ for me will you? Is this secret text speak to let me know that you’re being held hostage and need rescuing because if so, you are out of luck, I’m out of town with my family.

You hit send and waited. You replayed your entire friendship with Hobi in your head, searching for any hints that the boy liked you as more than a friend. For the life of you, you couldn’t think of anything.

Your phone buzzed, letting you know that he’d responded. You hesitated. Did you want to see the response? What would you do if he was kidding? What would you do if he was genuinely interested in you? Question after question flew through your mind at a rapid pace. You didn’t get time to mentally answer one before the next appeared. You shook your head to clear your thoughts and picked up your phone. All of the what if’s would drive you mad so you figured you might as well look at his response and deal with it from there.

[9:50am] Hobi: I’m not being held hostage you idiot. I’m hungover and finally decided to tell you that I have a crush on you ok?

Little did you know that your response would lead to the two of you having a very open discussion about what you liked about each other and then the teasing turned to flirting. The flirting turned to long phone conversations where you shared stories with each other and learned more about each other. During that time your feeling started to shift and you started to really care for him. You felt your feeling grow and soon enough Hobi was on your mind every day. All you wanted to do was spend time with him and hang out but your parents were pretty strict, never letting you hang out with boys on your own because apparently if that were to happen suddenly you’d be pregnant. Their knee jerk reaction frankly, offended you. They had such little faith in your ability to keep your legs shut that they decided to remove the option for you to spend time with friends - especially if they were guys.

It took a little bit of lying on your part for the two of you to finally spend time together outside of school. One of your friends was having a sleepover and movie night and your parents agreed to let you go since you told them it was just you and a few girls. You left out the part where there would be a few guys there as well because you really wanted to see him and you really didn’t see what the problem was. You weren’t about to lose your virginity to Hobi, hell the two of you hadn’t even kissed yet.

That night the two of you had your first kiss and decided that you both needed more practice because it was awkward as all hell. It was sloppy and inexperienced, and even though neither of you had any prior experience to draw from, you both knew it should have been better. So you kept trying until it was perfect. Then you kept kissing because it was addictive and you liked how his lips felt on yours; how he could make you breathless and make you feel desired.

It was 6 months in when he first told you he loved you. You’d been watching anime on a thin mattress on the floor. You weren’t sure if he had meant to say it so you kept quiet but as soon as you felt him tense you turned to see him staring down at you, his eyes full of vulnerability. He’d been worried that you didn’t feel the same but you soon eradicated that fear. “I love you too Hobi.” The smile that filled his face warmed your heart. You loved that you could bring him this much joy.

He was a good guy. He respected your weird wishes and didn’t pressure you to have sex, the two of you just continued to explore each other in every other way until that day, almost one year into your relationship, when you told him you wanted to try it. Almost one year in and your parents finally let you stay at his parent’s house with him. They didn’t realize just how well acquainted you were with his bed, or how his parents didn’t care what the two of you got up to. There had been times when you were driving home and you could still feel where his hands had been. Unlike the first kiss, sex for the first time was not awkward. You put it down to the 11 months of foreplay and learning each others bodies like the back of your hand, but it didn’t hurt. It made you feel even closer and opened up a whole new thing for you to both explore.

You trusted each other implicity and because of that the two of you not only learned what positions you liked the most but you also explored kinks and ideas that turned you on. You had no problems telling each other if something wasn’t working or instructing each other on how to do better. Sex was a learning experience and the two of you were more than willing to put the hours in to make it the best it could be for both of you.

The relationship wasn’t all sex though. Hobi would surprise you, and though neither of you could afford much, he’d take you on fun and thoughtful dates. There was one time where he saved up and took you to a fancy restaurant he knew you liked, and there was another time where he tricked you into getting into his jeep at 4am. He’d put a mattress in the back and a ton of pillows and blankets, as well as a basket with snacks and hot chocolate. He drove to one of the hills at the back of the property that overlooked the mountains and the two of you watched the sunrise in comfort. He made you laugh, he made you care, and most importantly, he always made you feel comfortable with being yourself. He loved that you weren’t afraid to disagree with him and could hold a proper debate with him. He loved that you always wanted to cuddle but didn’t crowd him. You never had a problem with him having time to himself or to hang out with friends, you knew how much he cared for you and you understood the need for time away from your significant other.

Fast forward another year and you’d both finished high school. You’d often talked about this day, knowing that you’d likely take different paths. He wanted to take a year to travel and work while you wanted to go straight to university, knowing that if you stopped studying you’d likely never return to it. The ultimate dream for your future was for the two of you to move to the south of France and live in a quaint little cottage with your two dogs and be independently wealthy. You’d have no worries or anything to stress you and you could just enjoy each other for the rest of your days. When you’re young, bright eyed and bushy tailed, that kind of dream future seemed so attainable to you… Not that you were old now, but you felt far less naive.

Unsurprisingly the long distance thing didn’t work out. Initially he’d asked to take a break while the two of you were apart, saying it would be easier if you didn’t have to worry about each other for the six months he’d be gone. You’d cried a lot, thinking he was trying to be gentle and break up with you but he assured you that it was temporary and that he still loved you more than anything.  

The break lasted two weeks. He caved first, calling you from some backwater town to tell you how much he missed you.

“Hobi, are you crying?” You’d asked.

He sniffled before answering. “Maybe. Look, I was an idiot ok? My parents told me the whole break thing was the smart thing to do but all I’ve thought about for the past two weeks is you and how I want to call you my girlfriend and it kills me to think of you not being able to call me your boyfriend. Can we please end this break thing? I hate it so much.”

You sunk into your beanbag, feeling the weight and sadness that this whole break thing had brought you. “Of course, baby. You know I hated the idea in the first place.”

He exhaled. “Thank god. I don’t know what I would have done if you’d said no. I can’t lie, it’s going to be difficult, but I feel better if we’re together.”

The six months passed slowly and painfully for you. You were living at college and going to parties while he was away working. You were never tempted to cheat and you were thankful that no matter how drunk the people you lived with got, they always remembered that you were off limits. You visited home whenever you could, going to his parents house and taking photos to send him of his room and his dog. You hung out with the guys who were still in town, Yoongi and Jungkook.

Yoongi understood yours and Hobi’s situation perfectly since his girlfriend had moved away to study as well. He didn’t want to move, and so they were doing the long distance thing too. Jungkook was studying online so that he could stay living at home longer. Deep down you got the feeling that he just wasn’t ready to leave the comfort of his home town yet, but you knew that he’d eventually leave and once he did, he’d probably never return.

You passed a lot of time hanging out with Yoongi and playing video games. It made both of you feel less lonely and you understood each others mood swings and the reasons for them.

“Long distance fucking sucks.” he’d blurted one night.

“I’m not gonna disagree with that.” you’d replied.

“She’s always too busy to chat to me lately… w-what am I supposed to do with that?” He glanced at you, a small fire in his eyes. His girlfriend had been dodging his calls all week and you had been waiting for it to reach breaking point for him. Apparently tonight was that night. “I get that she has classes and assignments but she can’t give me 10 fucking minutes? I miss her, does she even miss me? I just want to hear her voice, to hear how she smiles when she talks to me… does that make me pathetic or something?” What started as a rant drifted off into self doubt and as he uttered those final words he averted his gaze, not wanting you to see how hurt he was by her actions.

“When was the last time she made time for you?” you asked gently.

“Honestly,” he scoffed. “I don’t remember.”

“Then Yoongi, you need to tell her what you just told me. You need to tell her that she isn’t making any time for you in her life and that it needs to change.”

His response was almost a whisper, as though he didn’t want to think of the answer. “And if she doesn’t make time?”

You took a deep breath. “Then as much as I hate to even say the words, it might mean the end. It’s not fair on you to be putting in all of the effort. Relationships are not a one way thing.”

“But I love her.”

“And if she still loves you as much as you love her then she’s listen to your concerns and make time for you in her life.”

They lasted one more month until she began pushing him out of her life again. He made a last stand for their relationship and travelled down to see her. You still don’t know what happened during that trip but when he returned he refused to talk to you. He only spoke to Hobi and Jungkook, and Hobi told you during one of your phone calls that Yoongi was now single. You felt for him because he really did love his girlfriend, but she apparently had started moving on long before he had even thought of letting her go.

From that moment on, Hobi was different. He was due to return in only a few weeks and he kept dodging making any plans to see you. He just wouldn’t let you pick a day to see him, saying he had to wait to see what his family and the guys were doing first then he could let you know. It should have been a warning sign, but you let yourself reason that he had valid excuses. More than that, you didn’t want to be the pushy girlfriend and you were scared that if you pushed to see him, he’d only grow more distant. The calls that had once lasted twenty minutes or more were now reduced to a maximum of five minutes, barely enough time to have any sort of conversation.

You didn’t see him for a whole week after he came home and it was tearing you apart. Every time you had a text notification you were afraid to look because you thought it would be him telling you he didn’t want to see you. Every time someone wanted to make plans with you, you hesitated in case he asked to see you then. You’d texted Yoongi, telling him your concerns but he’d told you not to worry, that Hobi was just adjusting to being home and he’d be back to normal soon.

When you finally saw him it was like nothing had changed. He’d engulfed you in a bone crushing hug and peppered kisses all over your face. He’d held you tight and told you how much he’d missed you and how sorry he was that he’d seemed strange and distant lately. You forgave him because you were just so happy to have your Hobi back. It was different this time. He needed more time to himself than he used to and he took to partying which concerned you. More than that, when you voiced your concerns he told you to lighten up.

You started to dislike the person he became when he drank or got high but you remained silent, telling yourself you were happy. He loved you and you loved him and that should be enough.

The tension only grew between the two of you, you were constantly upset that he didn’t seem to want to make time for you and he kept telling you that you were smothering him. You tried taking  a step back and told yourself you wouldn’t contact him unless it was an emergency, otherwise you’d wait for him to contact you. You wanted to give him his space and not feel like you were suffocating him but at the same time, deep down, you knew something was coming, and that you weren’t going to like it. You pushed that feeling deep down, not wanting to dwell on it.

It took four days for him to reach out and talk to you. He invited you over to hang out and you were so happy that you’d get to spend the day with him, just the two of you. He treated you wonderfully that day, snuggling on the couch while you watched a movie before the two of you gave in to baser needs and fucked on the couch. In all of this the sex had never become boring or passionless. It was one way you could still tell how much he cared for you.

But the parties continued and you could no longer pretend to be happy. You couldn’t handle the way he shifted between doting boyfriend and life of the party, stoned and wanting nothing to do with you unless it meant sex. You stormed out one night and started walking home, you didn’t care that it was on country roads with no lights or that it would take hours, you just needed to leave.

You’d gotten about 20 minutes down the road when Yoongi’s car found you.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I can’t stay there Yoongi.” You tried to swallow the tears that were threatening to fall. “I just can’t. Don’t pretend like you can’t see the way he’s changed.”

The look in his eyes told you that he understood. He didn’t speak straight away, rather he let you get control of yourself before he continued the conversation. “Then where are you going?”

“Home.”

His eyes widened in disbelief. “What?! Your home is nowhere near here. Walking would take all night.”

“I can’t be there right now. That’s all I know.” You pointed at Hobi’s place as you spoke.

Yoongi sighed. “Get in.” When you hesitated he added. “I promise, I’m not taking you back there. Let me drive you home if you are so adamant on leaving. I cannot in good conscience let you walk in the pitch fucking black for hours.”

He was true to his word, not turning the car around but instead driving you back towards town. You were so in your own head that you hadn’t even thought to ask why he had left his best friends party but it’s something you would ponder at length later in the night. You stared out the window as the countryside flew by. Yoongi didn’t try to disturb the silence that enveloped the vehicle rather he let it carry on, telling himself that the moment it started to feel awkward he’d speak.

The trees slowly became fewer and the buildings and urban landscape began to grow outside your window signifying that you had reached town. Yoongi hadn’t driven straight to your place, instead veering towards his own. You turned your head with a somewhat confused look upon your face. You figured he was going to drop you home then head to his place afterwards. It made no sense to you for him to go to it first.

“I uh, well I figured I’d offer you a choice.” He started.

“Yoon-”

“Let me finish.” He cuts you off before you can protest. “Option one - I drive you to your parents place and you stay there or option 2. I let you into the granny flat I sleep in at my dad’s place and you stay here. Either option, you’ll have a bed to yourself but I figured you might not want to go home since you smell like smoke and booze.”  

The confused look doesn’t leave your face. “Weren’t you going home? I’m not kicking you out of your bed Yoongi.”

He smiled. “Don’t worry. Jungkook told me you just up and left the party and I knew Hobi drove you to his place so I figured like the stubborn person you are, you took off with the intent to walk home. You owe me dinner or something to make up for it.” He chuckled.

“In that case, I’ll stay in your room.” He nodded and parked the car. Before he could get out you grabbed his hand, causing him to look back at you, a perplexed look upon his face. “Thank you for… just thank you.”

His gaze softened. “He’ll come around, you just have to let him get used to being home again. Also, I take pizza as payment.” He smirked as he finished speaking, trying to lift the mood so that you wouldn’t wallow for the remainder of the night. “Come on, I’ll let you in so you can shower and sleep. I will kill you if you get in my bed smelling like that.”

“…The fuck do you expect me to sleep in?” You asked. Surely he realised that the clothes you were wearing were the only clothes you had with you and you sure as hell weren’t sleeping naked in your boyfriend’s best friend’s bed.

“I honestly don’t care. Go through my drawers and find something then shower.” He paused as he unlocked the door to the granny flat. “I swear to god if my pillow smells like cheap whiskey and weed I’ll hunt you down and-”

“Relax. Stop worrying your pretty head, I’ll shower jeez.” you muttered as you pushed past him, ruffling his hair.

He chuckled and started to close the door. “Sleep well schnookums.” He caught the pillow that you flung at him, laughing harder when he saw the look on your face. He tossed it back and tried to compose himself. “Goodnight, sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”

“You are so fucking cheesy. My god.” You laughed reluctantly. “Goodnight Yoongi.”

You did what Yoongi suggested. You gave Hobi time to return to normal, to come back to you, and for a little while it worked. There were days when he’d turn up and it was as if he’d never left. He took you on cute dates, spent time with you, rekindled your sex life, talked about the future - the whole shebang. For a time, you were happy. But in the background you noticed habits that he picked up, smoking, drinking, partying… and you disliked them more and more every time you saw him doing any of those activities. Every time you confronted him about your concerns he somehow spun the conversation into a guilt trip, making you feel like the bad person.

Then that day arrived. The day you’d been dreading so much that you’d pushed all of the warning signs so far down in the hopes that if you pretended like everything was fine then it would be. You had a friend from college visiting and it was her final night staying with you. You’d spent the night laughing and watching trashy tv accompanied by equally as trashy snacks when he called. You knew immediately that something was wrong from the tone of his voice, he sounded so deflated and resigned and it honestly scared you. It twisted something in your gut and a weird feeling flooded your system. You excised yourself from your room and went to sit in your car, needing to be alone for whatever conversation you were about to have.

“I think we should stop seeing each other.”

Alone those words meant nothing but put into a sentence that came out of the mouth of the person you loved, those words were like a knife to the gut. Instantly you hated that sentence. You tried to reason with him and press him for an explanation, thinking nothing could be worse than that sentence. You were wrong, there was a far more painful sentence coming.

“I don’t think I love you anymore.”

You broke. The knife in your gut left only to ram back into your heart and twist. You’d never believed descriptions of heart break but in that moment you knew that no matter how a person described it - the real feeling was a hundred times worse. You sobbed as you tried to talk to him, to figure out what went so wrong, thinking that if you could pinpoint a specific reason then you could fix it. You both ended up in tears because even if he didn’t love you anymore, he still hated being the reason for your pain.

A/N Thanks for reading & please - comments are always welcome.

[soraegeeks]

Review: Fire in the Mountains

Fire in the Mountains by EllaBesmirched (El_Bell)  AU: Fantasy Main relationships: Bakugou Katsuki x Todoroki Shouto; Katsuki and his multiple spouses Status: Completed Rating: Explicit

Official summary:

“I’ll do it.”

Enji froze, fingers curling into a fist at his side, and didn’t turn around.

Shouto froze too, feeling his own eyes widen in shock at the words that had come out of his mouth, at the fact that he had actually stood up, followed his father out of the room, and dashed after him all just to say… he’d do it? He would do it? Him. Shouto Todoroki. He would--

Enji finally turned around and fixed Shouto with an expression so scathing, Shouto had to fight to keep his chin raised. “You’ll marry the Barbarian King.”

Shouto blinked. “Yes.”

I came across this story earlier in the year and almost didn’t give it a chance because it centered around TodoBaku. I am so glad that I did though. It is so well written and captivating.

The setting is a marriage for diplomatic ties. Shouto is a 20-year-old prince of the Endeavor kingdom and Katsuki is the 28-year-old King of the Outlands’ unified tribes. Shouto volunteers to go in his sister Fuyumi’s place as Katsuki’s spouse. He’s worried about what the “barbarian” would do to her in general and afraid that she couldn’t carry out their father’s spy mission. Because ya know why would Enji ever NOT be a conniving asshole?!

Shouto A recurring theme is that Shouto doesn’t understand why the Outlanders’ customs are so different from his. He was raised to live his life in such a regimented way that it confuses and stresses him out to lose the predictability.

He doesn’t like people in his space and doesn’t like to be touched. A defense mechanism from his childhood that is constantly tested because the Outlanders are a VERY touchy feely people. It’s hard for Shouto and the Outlanders to understand this difference and Shouto snaps a lot early in the story.

Something I love about this story, though, is that it is a story of Shouto’s personal growth. He learns to open up to people, that he’s worth more than his father ever allowed, that he’s worthy of love and friendships and that it’s ok to be FREE.

Shouto & Katsuki When Shouto first meets Kastuki he THINKS that Katsuki is just like his father, evil and cruel. Immediately, the barbarians threw him for a loop when Katsuki flew in on an effing DRAGON and then they all get excited when Shouto loses his shit and lashes out with his magic. Over time he realizes that Katsuki just pretends to be cruel but is a caring man. 

Shouto discovers that he is Katsuki’s FOURTH spouse and the others (Kirishima, Mina and Denki) he married for love and not political gain. Shouto struggles to figure out how to fit in when he feels no love for Katsuki and has to live in a shared room with everyone. Katsuki treats him with kind acts but Shouto is so convinced that he’s being conniving. He’s never known a kind act without a trick at the end and very few pure kind acts.

It’s interesting contrasting Shouto’s “civilized” world and the barbarians’. The way Katsuki twists Shouto’s thoughts on his head: 

The Outlanders celebrate loudly because life is hard and the only thing they have is to be grateful for live;

Their clothing is actually more convenient than the Flatlanders’;

Shouto was taught to not acknowledge servants and not thank them. Katsuki calls him and his people out, “you’ve got pretty formal clothes and your pretty, stupid fucking ceremony and you all use it to cover up how fucking rude and cold and condesending you are.” DAMN! Shouto had never heard it expressed that way.

Shouto and Katsuki spend a lot of time together early in the story antagonizing each other. They both expect the worst and then live up to it. Little by little, though, they start revealing their true selves:

Shouto’s welcoming celebration. Shouto challenges Katsuki to fight him. Shouto gets so enraged because he thinks he hates Katsuki and gets a chance to go all out with his magic like he’s never been able to before. He knows that Katsuki can take it and doesn’t hold back. Katsuki learns that Shouto isn’t some pretty pretty little princess and Katsuki leaves a great quote that describes Shouto, “thought you were spoiled but you were really just caged, huh?” Shouto earns Katsuki’s respect in the end and maybe Katsuki gets a little of Shouto’s;

The fight against Dabi and Tomura. Shouto is badly injured while still recovering from injuries from the previous fight and new injuries. He instinctively protects Kiri with his life. After the fight Katsuki antagonizes Shouto to keep him moving during their hour long trek to Katsuki’s home village for help;

Katsuki repeatedly tells Shouto that he doesn’t have to do anything that he doesn’t want to and never forces himself on Shouto;

The Winter Solstice celebration. Katsuki surprised Shouto with an Outlander version of a stuffed sweet potato treat that Shouto had mentioned in passing. And they danced. Oh did they dance and maybe Shouto became a little aroused. Oh;

The nickname “Princess”. Katsuki starts off calling Shouto “Princess” as an insult but it soon becomes an affectionate nickname.

And the two of them letting down their walls a bit when Katsuki asks Shouto to use his ice magic for fun by making an ice slide. “You want me to. Use my magic. To make you an enormous. Toy.”

Katsuki and Shouto hide their feelings for each other and finally admit everything when faced with Enji coming to take Shouto back home. Enji’s ass with his deceptions and manipulating plans. Shouto doesn’t want to leave and knows that he loves Katsuki. He’s angry with himself for waiting so long, for waiting until they may be separated and never see each other again. But Katsuki finds a way. He keeps Shouto in the kingdom, even conceding some in the new treaty to keep Shouto by his side.

Family & Relationships Running parallel is the fuckshit mess that is the Todoroki family. Touya (in this fic Dabi is the eldest Todoroki son) was executed for trying to kill their mother. He was brought back by a necromancer. Natsuo and Fuyumi were just trying to fulfill their roles as royal children and keep their mother safe. Queen Rei is locked up in a tower due to her mental illness and there are suspicions that it was unnaturally caused. And then we have Enji’s ass throwing his weight around everywhere as is he was the rightful ruler. How could Shouto NOT be emotionally stunted when Enji kept him locked up as a tool?! All he was was something “pretty” for the nobility to look at and try to take advantage of. Sigh.

Touya, as Dabi now, remembers some of his past and keeps hinting at a family secret involving their mother but Shouto can’t figure it out. It torments him to see his brother like this. His brother that he WITNESSED being burned alive 10 years prior. Again, how did Shouto make it to 20 with his sanity intact??!!!

And here’s where we get to the complicated part. Are you with me? Good. Like I mentioned before, Katsuki has four spouses. He fiercely loves and protects them. The first three sleep with Katsuki and sometimes play with each other and the others. Shouto absolutely loses his mind the moment he finds out. Shouto knows nothing about intimacy so he really thinks they’re all faking it and it takes him a while to realize that there’s really love there. And then he starts hearing sounds at night. He’s disgusted and a little turned on and he doesn’t understand why. His puritanical upbringing clouds his mind and makes him feel so guilty for his thoughts. He’s barely touched himself, let alone had fantasies. He’s so uncomfortable even talking about sex. Each of the spouses tries to help Shouto break out of his shell. They gave him thoughtful wedding gifts and tried to engage him in one-on-one conversation.

Kiri is such a loving and generous soul. Oh, did I forget to mention that he’s actually a dragon who can take human form?! Yeah. So anyway, he took Shouto on an outing to an old dragon’s nest where they talked, ate and kissed a little. They had a discussion about love and intimacy and it opened Shouto’s mind to the fact that there are many types/levels of “love.” Mina for her part can’t understand why Shouto isn’t interested in sex and not with Katsuki of all people. And Denki is just a FLIRT! Taking advantage of how “pretty” Shouto looked at the Winter Solstice celebration and giving Shouto his first kiss.

But there is a hole in the family. Everyone dances around it at the beginning of the story. After visiting Katsuki’s home village, though, we learn that the hole was left by Izuku. Katsuki and Izuku used to be together in the early days but something tore them apart. Katsuki has so much animosity towards him it’s scary. There’s so much bad blood but also longing. And Shouto has an interesting reaction. With Katsuki, he was wary and slowly realized that Katsuki’s savageness just did something to him deep in his core that Shouto wanted to pretend wasn't true. But with Izuku, his inherent gentleness made Shouto want to be near him and let him in. It’s a heartbreaking situation because Izuku misses Katsuki and he sees that Katsuki is falling for Shouto. At the same time Izuku feels something for Shouto but doesn’t want to make things worse with Katsuki. It all comes to a head after Shouto and Katsuki’s joining ceremony when they ALL admit to having feelings for each other and it’s off to the races, kids! Cause Izuku’s gentle giant persona QUICKLY fades in bed and Katsuki easily falls back into his submissive role that only Izuku had seen before. Inexperienced Shouto is in for the ride of his life. That second to the last chapter in the story was HOT!! All aboard the TodoBakuDeku train. LOL Shouto “needed them both. Izuku to ground him. Katsuki to make him bold.”

The storyline with the necromancer (hello League of Villains) is interesting. But of course we don’t know WHY and WHAT is the group’s motive. We end the story with a cliffhanger of the fall of the Endeavor kingdom but what’s the end goal??!!! And why did Tomura keep mentioning to Katsuki that it wasn’t time for him, yet? So many questions and so little answers!!!! I’m so glad that the story is continued in “Fire in the Blood” that delves more into the aftermath of the displacement of the Todoroki family and Shouto’s continued personal growth.