#and it's extremely accurate for what would happen if an american teenage boy got a death note

[kenneduck]

HAPPY V-DAY!!!

To my fellow single bitches, I declare myself your Valentine!!! (Platonically I’m Aro/Ace). But I will hold your hand and we can be single bitches together. Now get over here, so I can cuddle you and explain the many reasons I love the live action Netflix Death Note movie.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I may or may not have be waiting for this moment my whole life (and yeah that is a hiberbole) but I finally got the oportunity to talk about two of my favorite subjects: Brazil and Julie e os Fantasmas, not Julie and the Phanthoms, the original brasiliam version of the show. 

So, my jorney started when I was talking online with my cousin and we got on the discussion about the differences of the two series what ended with us looking through american articles about the show and talking/discuting and ocasionaly laughting at them.  There wasn’t many articles, but there was enough to make the conversation flow and them my catalisys happened - kindda of - I found an Screen Rant article about the diferences between them.

It was a short article and most of it was pretty basic stuff, I didn’t agree wth everything and honestly found the way they made some comparissons unecessary - they didn’t need to drag the brazilian version down to put the american up! both are already great shows - but like whathever. Them... them it came a sentence that annoyed me a lot : the figurine talk.

Now I don’t think it was on purpose or anything like that but it had some misinformation. It started pretty solid with the article stating that since the bands (Apolo 81 and Sunset Curve) were from diferent timelines (the first from the 80′s and the former from the 90′s) they dressed diferentely. What yeah. It’s a good point. 

Even the picture about the cd and the disco show it perfectly. They are not the same band. They are not from the same era nor from the same country and as so they are not so similar in most ways. It is a extremely good point on a comparison.

So why it bothered me so much?

Well, cause what came after it. 

After conquering my respect with a really good point the article managed to lose it and make me angry on the next sentence. For absolutely no reason the Screen Rant people decided that it was important to coment that the figurine in Julie e os Fantasmas was “strange” and a mere “ early 00′s view on the 80′s without real proximity”. None coment was made about Julie and the Phantoms figurine at all.  And of course it was wrong in three points.

 The exclusion of Julie and the Phantons in the text. Don’t get me wrong while nostalgia and the fact that I identify myself more in the original for cultural reasons make me preffer the brazilian version, I like the american one and find it really weel made. But the phatoms don’t dress 100% like the 90′s. And no. This is not a mistake. Doesn’t matter how acurate it tries to be any portrait of a diferent era will still have touches of the vision that our era has of it and that is just how it is. Yeah, the brazilian figures have some inspirational on the emo culture and bands like MCR and Green Day (alongside with some brazilian bands who were popular in the 00′’s) but it’s natural that it happens just like it’s natural that Julie and the Phatons have some inspiration on 20′s culture.

The relation of the figurines with the plot. In the brazilian show the way the phatons died it’s super diferent. They had they first important contract and would make a debut album soon. The four (yeap four) members of the band decided to take the photografy to the album cover by themselfs and to made it be just like the Abbey Road cover, as they get ready the newest member of the band decided to go take his shoes (so he could look like Paul McCartney) and while he did that a truck lost control (probably trying to stop after seeing the boys on the road) and kill the three of them.  Why is it important for the figurine discussion? As you probably know the clothes you die on will be your only clothes as a gosth. That means that the Apolo 81 died dressed up for an album cover and not in “casual day to day 80′s clothes”. 

The cultural diferences. And here is the most important point. The 80′s in U.S and latin america - especially Brazil - were very diferent times. Now it’s time for a brief history lesson: the 80′s on Brazil was a very important era marked by a huge economic crise, the end of a 30 years ditatorial regime and a cultural clash. While it only ended oficially in 1985 the brazilian militar regime started to decay a little early with new laws being aproved to garantee forgiviness to the political prisioners, the people who were forced to get out of the country, the rebels and the dictators (yeah, a bunch of torturers, rapists and murderes were forgiven too). Also was in the 80′s that the censorship started to disapear and as consequence a lot of movies, music and litature (beside other cultural and entertament forms) from the 60′s and 70′s was only now getting in the country.

On the other hand the end of the regime showed a sad reality: the economic “miracle” that the country was living was a facade based on a bunch of loans with foreing countries in a tentative of promove the ditatorship and as consequence Brazil was full of debt and pretty broke (we only finish paying the debt in the 00′’). This crise made the young members of the middle class - who were already a strong force against the ditartoship cause of the abuses they suffered on ditactors hands for dooing teenage things - even angrier. They were sinking. And so the punk rock came to Brazil. Well more less, brazilian punk rock has influence of other genres like pop, classic rock, some brazilian moviments like tropicalia and bossa nova and even jazz, so not so punk, but still pretty punk. After all Brazil was finally reciving the news. 

Thanks to this whole background the brazilian bands were pretty unique - they still are - and so had they own dress style with a lot of foreing influences and honestly a lot of diferent options (also the queer liberation and the AIDS crises came almost the same time to Brazil giving the bands, most made by queer (some closeted) people even more reason to be angsty and mad about).  So the style, the personality and the figurines of Apolo 81 members are actually mostly accurate, having similar references.  

Yeah, the references. In the show besides the obvius influence brazilian pop rock band NX0  had on Julie’s band, the influences of the Apolo 81 boys are more implicit (though the lider Daniel is a clear fan of Beatles and The Doors and the other members also talk about the Stones and The Who) but it’s preaty easy to see the similaritys with some brazilian big rock bands of the time. I will show some pictures of them and for last the fictional band of the phatoms.

Titans (1981- now)

Kid Abelha (1981-2016)

Barão Vermelho ( original  members1981-1985)

Zero (1983 - now  )

Biquini Cavadão (1983- now)

Apolo 81  (fictional band, colorized [cause as you can see for their album cover up there and most of this band photos black on whithe in album covers were the THING back them])

And with it I end my rant/history lesson. Uwu. It was kindda fun... hope someone enjoy it as weell

[purplesurveys]

972

survey by karla-babyy

Do you know any Asians with American names? In my nationality’s case, nearly all of them. It’s a more common trend than this question makes it out to be. Spanish and Italian names are also common. Filipino names died out for a very long time with only much-older people having them, but it’s slowly seeing another surge over the last few years. Still mostly rare to find, though. Have you ever cut your own hair? I’ve trimmed my bangs with my mom’s help, but not my whole hair. What is something you're avoiding right now? Trying to cry. It was either getting distracted by this survey or staying in bed breaking into tears, so if this survey ends up getting posted it means I made the right choice for myself. What was the reason for your last detention? We don’t have that. I never got in trouble except in Grade 4 when I was caught snickering loudly at the back of the classroom with a friend. Do you eat your vegetables? Yeah, I’m not 5.

Have you ever taken Flintstone's Gummy Vitamins? I’m not sure we have those here, so I doubt I’ve tried that in particular. But I’ve taken plenty of gummy vitamins throughout my childhood and teenage years. Do you get side-tracked easily? Personal shit can sometimes affect my pace and my focus while at work, but I’m always able to shake it off in the end and choose to be more professional. But it does happen, and it can get really hard to like, fix a spreadsheet or do a Powerpoint or write up a cheery email while thinking about my trauma and continually swallowing lumps in my throat lol. When was the last time someone laughed at you, and for what? Cooper was being feisty in my arms last night and my dad laughed at how silly we looked. Do you know anyone who can play the violin? Yes, Ate Alyanna and JM’s sister. JM has also been taking up lessons, but I don’t know of his progress anymore. I haven’t talked to him in months. What's a word you do NOT like, one bit? Faggot/fag sounds so dirty to me. Are you taking or did you take any foreign language classes in high school? I didn’t. I think they offer them now but during my time they didn’t, so it wasn’t like I had the option to take them. As for college, foreign language electives also weren’t required for journalism students so I never took any. When was the last time you took a nap? Last Saturday. Does it piss you off when your parents treat you like a baby? They can be pretty overbearing, like the time they forced me to wear an extremely, painfully corporate look for an interview with a PR agency whose dress code was anything but. That grinded my gears quite a bit. But otherwise, I really do prefer them looking after me. Have you ever swallowed something you shouldn't have, like a quarter, etc? Some weird oil leaking from a battery. Do you know any Russian people? I don’t think so. What was the worst comeback you have ever received? I don’t know. It’s hard to be put on the spot and answer superlatives like this. Do you like Ed Hardy clothes? I don’t know how they look, but I’m guessing that I don’t. What shampoo did you use the last time you washed your hair? Dove. What was the last story you told someone? Dealing with a clumsy co-intern at work. I got tasked to transcribe a 30-minute audio file - which would’ve been no problem to do on my own, since taking up journalism made me transcribe a shit-ton of interviews - but I was doing other tasks for other superiors as well which meant that I had to use a lifeline and tap a co-intern for help. I split the file up and told her I would transcribe the first 20 minutes, while she can take care of the last 10 minutes. I breezed through mine and finished in 45 minutes while multi-tasking, while I never got updates on her end. I kept waiting, and after an hour I asked for her progress and she said she was only 4 minutes in. At that point I was pretty annoyed at myself for giving away a task I thought I was too busy to finish on my own. A little later she messaged me and said she couldn’t understand what was said at the “7:25 minute mark” I was aghast. I was like, “Do you mean 27:25? I said I was going to take care of the first 20 minutes,” and it turns out she never even read my message of me splitting up our parts. I was pissssed as fuck, because she took so fucking long transcribing and it wasn’t even the right part I assigned her to, and because she committed my pet peeve of people not reading directions. Knowing full well how slow she is with transcribing at that point, I just offered to do the rest of the file. Do you like surprises? And no, I dont mean presents. Just surprises. Pleasant ones, yeah. I don’t like surprises meant to scare me. Do you use mascara on your bottom eyelashes? Nope. I can’t remember the last time I used mascara. Do you pick at your fingernails when you're bored? Sure, if they’ve gotten kind of long. When was the last time you played a board game? Sometime last year would be a safe guess. I’m pretty sure I haven’t this year. Do you know anyone named Paul? Yeah, an alumnus from my org who comes around every once in a while. Who was the last person you touched? Not sure, I haven’t had any physical contact with another person in a while... maybe my sister, idk. Name someone who is younger than you. Laurice, Jo, Kate, and Blanch are all younger by a year. Who was the last person you kissed? Gabie. Does your best friend have her/his ears pierced? Yes. When was the last time you received something in the mail other than bills? A few weeks ago when one of my dad’s orders got delivered, and we had to receive it for him. Listen. What do you hear? There’s a new house being constructed in front of ours so there’s a lot of construction noises that we have to hear every day. The workers are nice though and they like seeing my dog and they haven’t cat-called me, so there’s little to whine about. Do you enjoy prank-calling? No. Who was the last person to annoy you? Gabie. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? Nope. I had it memorized at one point, but I guess my brain didn’t find it significant enough to want to remember. Do you own more than 10 pairs of earrings? No. I do want lots of earrings, though. I’d love to buy a few pairs once I’ve gotten my allowance, heh. Is the room you are currently in messy? No, it’s very organized now after my mom and I cleaned it up and redesigned it a bit during the weekend. Do you like correcting people when they say something wrong? If they’re being an asshole about their argument that turns out to have some errors, yes. Otherwise I don’t correct people every single time. Who was the last person to kiss your cheek? Not sure. A good guess would be Gabie though. Do you call people "babygirl"? I’ll use this to refer to my close friends sometimes. What was the last yucky thing you smelled? Cooper’s business. Is the time on your computer clock wrong? No. It has always been accurate from the time I started setting my laptop up when it was new. What should you be doing right now? I’m not required to start working until 9, so I’m good taking this survey for now.   Does it bother you when girls talk about tampons in front of boys? It will only bother me if said boys start to feel genuinely uncomfortable for some reason. But if they’re just boys that are being childishly whiny about periods, then those girls can talk their ears off about tampons as much as they want. Is in front one word, or two? Two. How many syllables are in the word "Koala"? Three.

[backofthebookshelf]

Book Recs for Magnus Archives Fans

I was just rambling in tags the other day about how my avatarsona was "the Archivist, but a public librarian: Oh, you like dirt?? Let me tell you all the dirt stories I have!!!!" so, uh, here I am I guess.

I'm gonna spare you all the M.R. James and Algernon Blackwood and House of Leaves and Blindsight; you know all that already. These are my horror backlist recs.

The Bone Key by Sarah Monette Y'all. Y'ALL. Kyle Murchison Booth was absolutely the Archivist before Gertrude. He was poached from the Parrington by the Usher Foundation and the Eye glommed onto him at once, because the Eye loves disaster queers who can't people right (and also Gertrude). This I believe to be true, and so will you.

Kyle Murchison Booth is an archivist at the Parrington Museum, which is somewhere in New England, sometime in the early twentieth century. He also has a lifelong entanglement with the supernatural which is almost entirely not his fault, and he would very much like it to stop, but he also feels responsible and he can't just let evil mirrors and cursed necklaces and possessed dressing gowns randomly eat people who have no idea what's happening. Even if it means he's going to suffer for it.

(This collection doesn't contain all of the Booth stories, so here I am going to link to "White Charles", which happens to be my very favorite Booth story.)

For you if your favorite part is: honestly everything about MAG, from the modern sensibilities about early twentieth-century-horror, truly eerie ghost stories, to suffering eldritch librarians (thanks to whoever tagged my most recent fic with that you're so valid), monsterfucking and soft gay pining. No happy endings here, sorry.

Bedfellow by Jeremy C. Shipp You may or may not have heard that Macmillan-Tor is launching a horror imprint, and I don't know how long it's been since a major publishing house has had a horror imprint, but I am EXCITE. This book is part of the trend that's the reason why: Tor.com has been publishing these kickass novellas for a couple years now, and their horror books are top notch.

One night a stranger knocks on a family's living room window and asks to be invited in. They ask him to stay the night. He's an old friend, after all, he needs a place to stay. You can't kick out your twin brother when he's just gotten divorced, no matter how much Gatorade he spills on your two-year-old hardwood floors.

For you if your favorite part is: the Stranger, this is all Stranger, it's terrifying and good.

Through the Woods by Emily Carroll A graphic novel, some of these were originally posted as webcomics (have you seen His Face All Red, and if not, why not???) and the only disadvantage to having them in book form is they can't blink at you. Probably. Very folktale-ish, with all the death and violence that implies, and also the slightly eerie feeling that you know this story already, and then it turns around and slaps you.

For you if your favorite part is: looking over your shoulder when the foley gets good; Once Upon a Time in Space (I know that's not technically part of the Magnus Archives but shush)

Universal Harvester by John Darnielle I am not usually a fan of artists who jump media. Just because you can write songs doesn't mean you can write novels. Apparently writing good songs doesn't mean you can't write good novels, though, because John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats (pretty sure that's his full name at this point) wrote Universal Harvester and I love him for it.

Jeremy works at a video rental place in Nevada, Iowa (it's pronounced Nah-vey-da, and yes it’s real, I've been there, and yes, it's probably haunted). It's the 1990s, and someone's been returning their VHS tapes with something on them that isn't just the movie. Footage that includes a barn that he recognizes, just outside of town.

Fair warning: this is not the kind of mystery that gets tied up in a nice bow at the end.

For you if your favorite part is: Jon losing it with paranoia in S2, The People's Church of the Divine Host, the Lonely

The Good House by Tananarive Due If this author's name is unfamiliar to you, RUN, do not walk, to your nearest internet bookseller and purchase every single one of her books immediately, you will not regret it. She also just came out with a documentary on black horror, Horror Noire, on the Shudder streaming service. They've got a free month if you aren't a horror movie person, it'd be worth your while. This book summary sounds like it's full of tropes. It is, but Due has the cred to write them well.

Angela Toussaint hopes to salvage her suffering marriage and her troubled relationship with her teenage son with a trip to her grandmother's house, a home so beloved the locals in small-town Washington state call it "The Good House," but tragedy strikes instead. Two years later she returns and finds that the tragedy isn't over, and it's not going to stop on its own.

For you if your favorite part is: the very practical statement-givers who know what's happening to them and Will Not Put Up With This Shit, the Desolation, the Hill Top Road statements

The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins Is this horror disguised as fantasy? Found family disguised as horror? Grown-up Neil Gaiman? Less grimdark George R.R. Martin? Honestly I have no fucking idea, but it's amazing. Fair warning, unlike Magnus Archives, this deserves all kinds of trigger warnings, including but not necessarily limited to: sexual assault, torture, mental manipulation, dysfunctional families, incest(?)

Father is missing, and his twelve children (though extremely talented in their own ways, and not strictly speaking children any more) are at a loss without him. But also, without him, things are starting to seem different. He might be God? They might not be human? (They were probably human once.) He might not be God but maybe one of them might be next? If any of them survive.

For you if your favorite part is: slowly turning into a monster, the relationships between entities and avatars, monsters hot (not kidding about the trigger warnings)

The Loney by Andrew Michael Hurley I have to keep reminding myself that Magnus Archives isn't really folk horror, there are two separate (if related) strains of British horror here and folk horror is not the one we're on, but at the same time I really want a good creepy rural pagan cult to show up in the series, you know? Anyway.

When he was a child, our narrator used to go with his family on an Easter pilgrimage to shrine on a bleak stretch of Lancaster coastline locals called The Loney. His Catholic mother was searching for a cure for his older brother, and she was convinced if they kept going long enough she would be granted her wish. The locals, however, are not huge fans of her annual visits, and even less so when the boys become involved with the goings-on of a pair of glamorous tourists.

For you if your favorite part is: the Lukases, I didn't realize until I was writing this up that I'm picturing Moreland House in the exact place described by this book

Eutopia by David Nickle One thing I love about the historical statements in Magnus Archives is just how truly historical they are. There's almost nothing in "The Piper" that isn't historically accurate - yes, Wilfrid Owen spent several days in a trench underneath the shredded bodies of his fellow soldiers. Like. You can't make up horror worse than that. But then you add monsters and it gets good. And I'm a sucker for early-twentieth-century history, it's such a bonkers time.

It's 1911 and the new Eugenics Record Office is sending agents out to catalog the disabled, infirm, and otherwise undesirable members of society so they can figure out what to do about them. In the utopian town of Eliada, Idaho, Dr. Andrew Waggoner runs from the racism of American society and straight into the influence of Mister Juke, the most troubling patient in his new practice. (Trigger warnings for, obviously, a whole lot of ableism. Treated like the monstrousness it is, but there's a lot of it.)

For you if your favorite part is: learning history through horror, the Flesh

A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay I hate male writers writing about teenage girls, so you are going to have to trust me when I say that I had to check, several times while reading this book, to make sure that Paul Tremblay is actually a dude. He's very good. This book was kind of his breakout, so if you follow horror you've read it already, but if you don't necessarily then please do not miss it. His newer ones, Disappearance at Devil's Rock (Stranger, Spiral) and The Cabin at the End of the World (Slaughter, Extinction), are also good but not as good as this, I think.

Fourteen-year-old Marjorie is having a rough time - outbursts, hallucinations, paranoia. Treatment is difficult (and expensive) and her family ambivalent; they turn to a local Catholic priest, who recommends an exorcism and, to help manage those medical bills, a production company who's interested in filming a reality TV show about the process. Fifteen years later, Marjorie's sister deconstructs the now-famous show and wrestles with her own memories of childhood. Trigger warnings for ableism on the part of many of the characters, but not the narrative.

For you if your favorite part is: the Spiral, metafictional analysis of horror tropes

[thebeethathums]

Observers - 57

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Reader

It took a considerable amount of will power for you not to touch anything and everything when the three of you arrived at the crime scene: the backstage of a West End theater. There were costumes, props, and sets everywhere and you were quick to fall into your curious observation mode, slowing your pace considerably to take it all in. You were just about to wander off towards a very interesting looking dress covered with sequins on a rack across the way when Sherlock sharply stated, “Hand.” 

You froze and blinked at him in confusion, “What?” “Give me your hand,” he demanded impatiently and you pursed your lips at him, “Why should I?” He rolled his eyes and grabbed your hand before you could pull away, John looking on in interested amusement, “Because I can’t have you wandering off like I know you were just about to. Now come on.” Dragging your feet so that he had to tug you the rest of the way to your destination, you whined, “I’m not a child, Sherlock. I would have caught up.” Sherlock ignored you and you pouted at John, who just shook his head and chuckled, following after the two of you, “It’s for your own good, Squeak. Remember what happened last time you wandered off at a crime scene?” 

You pulled a face but picked up your feet as you grumbled, “Fine,” and took the opportunity to lace your fingers with Sherlock’s, an action that turned John’s expression to a scowl. The two of you stepped into the dressing room where the body was, Lestrade raising an eyebrow at your connected state before you used your free hand to tug on Sherlock’s sleeve, looking up at him, “Can I look around now? I highly doubt there’s some thug lurking with all of Lestrade’s team about and I promise I’ll stay in this room.”  

Giving you a look that said you’d better or there would be consequences, he set your hand free and you skirted around the body to examine something that had caught your eye on the other side of the room, leaving Sherlock his space to look at the body. Lestrade stepped over next to John, nodding in your direction, “Any idea what’s going on there?” “Yes and no,” John sighed, “There’s some sort of relationship between them but I don’t think even they know what it is.” “And you’re okay with-“ “John,” Sherlock interjected in a demanding tone and John shrugged at Lestrade before going to see what he wanted. He soon saw why Sherlock had called him, crouching down next to the body to get a better look at the few areas of skin that had been removed, “This was done postmortem… there’s not enough blood otherwise and I don’t think the body has been moved. Why would somebody take his skin?” “Is it possible we’ve got a Hannibal?” you wondered aloud and John gave you a quizzical look, “A what?” “Hannibal Lecter? You know... Hannibal the Cannibal. Skin is a delicacy in some cultures.” Your brother looked a bit perturbed, glancing back at the body with a new sense of disgust, and Sherlock shook his head, “A cannibal wouldn’t leave the rest of the body… It’s more likely that it was for some sort of experiment. I sometimes use skin in my work.” You shrugged, “The locations of the wounds are where the skin is likely to be most tender and not toughened by the elements… who’s to say cannibals can’t be picky eaters? It was just a thought.” Sherlock considered this as you turned to Lestrade who was standing with his mouth a little agape at the conversation he’d just witnessed, “Did your team remove anything from this room before we got here?” Lestrade shook his head, “No. We left everything as is.” Sherlock stood, fixing his usual demanding gaze on you, “What do you see?” You pursed your lips, “It might be nothing…” “It’s never nothing, (F/n).” John assured, joining the three of you, and you continued, “He seems like a proud man, a little narcissistic but what actor isn’t, and extremely organized, likely a mental tick or mild OCD, yet there is a piece of his costume missing- the hat. I don’t think it was simply misplaced- he wouldn’t have allowed that- but there’s a chance that it needed repair or alteration and is being kept elsewhere in the theater. I didn’t see it in the immediate area when we walked in but I also didn’t get a chance to explore further.” “The killer could have taken it as a souvenir,” John offered and Sherlock flatly demanded, “Make sure it isn’t here, Lestrade. I need to speak with his castmates,” and strode out. You and John followed him out to find the other main cast members- a tall ranting man, a weeping woman with long auburn locks, and a short distraught looking teenage boy. Sherlock paused, formulating a plan as you let out a soft groan, “I hate actors. So hard to get an accurate read.” You stepped up beside him, letting your eyes take in all that you could see from the three before giving a smirk and shaking your head, “Sherlock-” “I see it. You take him, I’ll take her,” he hummed, stalking off towards them and leaving you to explain to John as you nodded toward the kid, “Just be sympathetic.” Sherlock ‘accidentally’ knocked over a rack of costumes into a table with props right next to the ranting man, the sound of shattering ceramic resounding in the air as a number of props clattered to the floor. The result was instantaneous with the actor ceasing his rant to screech at Sherlock about respect for the theater and his profession and so on. You were quick to sweep in between the two of them grabbing Sherlock’s ear and yanking him down to you as growled, “Didn’t I tell you to keep your clumsy feet away from anything that could be broken? These people work for hours on end to create magic night after night. I expect you to respect them and their tools… Apologize.” “Save it. The damage is already done,” the tall actor hissed, storming off in tiff to yell at someone to fix it, and Sherlock gave you a discreet smirk before you turned to follow him, playing the understanding fan as you called apologies after him. John approached Sherlock, who was rubbing his ear with a dejected look on his face, “She can get a little passionate about things like this- the artistic side you know… Are you alright?” The weeping woman interrupted before Sherlock could answer, revealing an American accent, “I’m sorry that jerk got you in trouble with her… He takes everything too seriously. It’s not like the show can go on without our departed castmate anyways.” “It’s quite alright,” Sherlock hurried, playing up his British accent as he rummaged through his pockets with very convincing mock nervousness to find a tissue to offer her, “That’s a terrible shame. I’m sure you would have stolen the stage, Miss…” “Grommer. Natalie Grommer,” she supplied in a purr, taking it from him as her demeanor changed, the fake tears immediately disappearing. “The stage lights would have loved those cheekbones of yours,” she hummed as she extended a hand to him, which he took, leaning to press a kiss to her knuckles as she giggled, “And a gentleman to boot.” A slightly astounded John watched as Sherlock escorted her to a quieter corner and the stunned look on his face drew the attention of the teen just like you’d planned, “I sorry about them… they’re really good at their jobs but they don’t really care about the murder. They’re just peeved that the show is off now that we’re a cast member short.” “And you?” John asked, giving the boy a sympathetic smile, finally understanding what you’d meant, “Do you care?” The boy’s lip trembled as he nodded, “He was my friend…” The three of you talked to your respective actors for a moment until you returned to rescue Sherlock from the very handsy Natalie with a snapped, “Holmes!” that gave John an excuse to leave his conversation with the teen. They fell into step next to you as you stalked out and John asked, “Where are we going exactly?” “Home,” you and Sherlock said in sync and you rubbed your temple with a soft sigh as you expanded, “It wasn’t any of them, though that was fairly obvious from the start. We just had to be sure… actors can be emotionally tricky.” Sherlock snorted, “They claim to be masters of deception yet they so easily believed us. Idiots,” and then launched into his deductions, “It was someone he knew from the lack of struggle. Killer has a knowledge of and access to some sort of fast-acting poison, likely administered with a needle, as well as skill with a scalpel. With the missing hat, it is likely that they are either a practiced methodical killer or have some sort of emotional connection to the victim. Not family. He has no living family. Possibly a partner. He’s gay. Closet case…” He continued but dropped to a mumble as the three of you slid into a cab and you leaned against John with a soft yawn as he huffed, “How do you do that?” “Do what, Johnny?” “Know what he’s thinking.” You chuckled, “I have no idea what he’s thinking, John. I just assume he sees what I see and then read his face. If anything he knows what I’m thinking or maybe we just think similarly in certain situations… I don’t know. Does it matter?” “I suppose not,” he murmured, winding an arm around your shoulder and pressing a kiss against your temple as you snuggled into his side sleepily. Seeing the two of you in action and finally noticing your ability to communicate by just looking at each other, got John wondering about your relationship. He thought about it for a moment, considering that maybe the two of you were more suited for each other than he’d originally determined, before resting his cheek on your head as he fought off a headache.

TAGS <3:

@team-free-sherlock @multifandom-ramblings @madshelily @severusminerva @yes-but-theyre-my-dorks @smitemewiththysherlock @not-fandom-addicted @unknownwonder @deducingdevil @aviien @mrsfrankensteinsworld @lolamurphy @bakerstreethound @musical-doll-x @protectteamfreewill @delightful-pirate @lilcutekittykat @broke-and-overwhelmed @adri1ii @turtle-at-the-disco @fanfictionsilove @chasedbyhowlingwolves @thorkyrie-rights

[girlonfilmmovies]

The Top 25 Films of 2019

25: Shadow (dir. Zhang Yimou)

"Without the real, there can be no shadow. A principle no one's understood."

After a string of terrible films trying to play to Hollywood audiences, Zhang Yimou manages to successfully return to the goldmine he stuck in the early 2000s and craft another absolutely gorgeous wuxia. Here he swaps out the poetic, colorful beauty in favor of monochromatic, surprisingly violent tone poem about deceit. It ultimately works against it, as by the seventh or eighth double cross you kind of just give up trying to figure out who's on what side, but the main action setpiece is so wonderful it deserves a spot for that alone. Hopefully a good sign for Yimou's future, as long as we don't have another nationalist war epic that somehow inexplicably also has a white savior narrative too.

24: Climax (dir. Gaspar Noé)

"...something's kicking in..."

Noe takes us for another plunge into the dark, twisted, vomit-inducing, neon-lit hellscape that is his mind and at least has the common courtesy to put the pleasant parts upfront this time. While it will eventually devolve into the same type of chaos that we all love/hate from him, the first act is kind of a wonderful departure from him. He basically accidently makes a musical for a while, with wonderful and deeply intricate dance choreography as well as a fantastic extended sequence where every character jumps in and out of frame and gets a chance to strut their stuff. That movie would have been a strong top five contender, but alas, the man has his particular quirks that he must abide by. But at least he also strung together probably the best soundtrack and sound design of the year, with the fantastic EDM bangers rumbling through the walls throughout the entirety of the film.

23: Long Shot (dir. Jonathon Levine)

"Oohhh boooy!"

Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen doing a political comedy that manages to be both smart and extremely funny seems like a long shot indeed, but Johnathon Levine finally strikes gold again after a number of disappointing duds. He manages to make a pretty good story about how navigating the political minefield destroys what little hope and dreams high level politicians still manage to have, but then he also happens to make it all absolutely hilarious too. Theron demonstrates a surprisingly strong comic game too, easily matching all the other talent and cracking jokes along with them. It ends up being a charming romance where the woman takes charge in a very pleasant change of pace. And if nothing else, the way Seth Rogen yells "oh boy" in that video is always going to make me laugh no matter what.

22: 6 Underground (dir. Michael Bay)

"Ghosts have one power above all others: to haunt the living. Haunt them... for what they've done."

Theoretical question: what say Netflix gave Michael Bay a blank check and no restrictions, and he turned in the most overblown, dialed to eleven, nonsensical spectacle that he ever crafted and was allowed to put it into almost every American home for free? Now what if I told you that it was actually kind of awesome? Sure, it's basically a child playing with his $150 million dollar GI Joe set, smashing his toys together and making pew-pew sounds, but it's also probably the best testament to the power of conventional effects work over the increasing insistence on CGI for big setpieces. Let's face it: explosions are pretty cool, every one likes exotic locales and bright sports cars, and there's at least someone here to appeal to you (least surprisingly for me, it was Melanie Laurent with bangs wearing a suit). It almost reaches a late Michael Mann kind of abstraction, as both are respectively breaking apart the action movie into stranger combinations. Bay gives plot only because he contractually has to, and even then doesn't seem as committed to characterization as he is showcasing surprisingly brutal ways for the gang to dispatch their enemies. It's nonsense, but the damn best nonsense of the year.

21: Ip Man 4: The Finale (dir. Wilson Yip)

"Is that it?! Is this your Chinese Kung Fu?!"

The finale in the decade-long quadrilogy of supremely silly and borderline racist worship of China finally attempts to tackle America to delightfully amusing results. Scott Adkins doing his best evil R. Lee Ermey impression while slipping in modern neo-con punchlines, neverending Bruce Lee worship, and more nationalism and bad fake American accents than you could ever believe. Yet also a more bizarrely honest portrayal of racism in 1960s America than most movies would ever have the courage to acknowledge. It’s almost fascinating considering how a lot of the non-Asian racism basically serves as set dressing, but they still put more effort there than pretty much every Hollywood movie set in the 60s that isn’t directly about civil rights. But ultimately they're selling you a bill of goods saying "watch Ip Man beat the crap out of racist meatheads" and you better believe they're going to give you what you want.

20: Let It Snow (dir. Luke Snellin)

"Have you ever been with someone, and you stay up until like 4AM just talking about everything, and you're just like, I can't believe I get to exist at the same time as you?"

Okay, so let me explain myself on this one:

So yeah, it certainly is a generic teen romcom where everyone plays into basic teenage stereotypes, half the cast is clearly nowhere near eighteen, and all of the romance is oddly chaste. But there truly is something to be said about representation in a romcom, and after a thousand boring cis, straight, hetero couples falling in love for decades, this movie actually managed to hit a lot of notes that are at best rarely explored in the genre and also manages to probably sneak in some genuine firsts. While both the "tomboy/softboy" and "Latina struggling with her family" storylines have been done before, these are some nice, cute little iterations on those befitting a teen-friendly movie. But the Dorrie/Kerry story is not only legitimately groundbreaking, but also an absolutely perfect encapsulation of the types of problems that queer teenagers struggle with during that time of their lives. It's a queer romance, played by two actually not-straight people, with one of them being a nonbinary actor too. And it's not cordoned off into some bargain bin DIY indie that fell out the back of the truck on the way to an indie film festival; no, this is in a major holiday release, with well-known actors, and as one of the central storylines! Plus, it perfectly captures the woes of modern teen coming out, knowing that everything will probably still be cool, but the fear haunting you as all you can do is look jealously at someone who is out and proud. And it does it without being real shitty and horribly traumatic too. Eat your fucking heart out, Love, Simon!

19. John Wick: Chapter 3 -- Parabellum (dir. Chad Stahelski)

"Si vis pacem, para bellum!"

Another year, another John Wick movie. There's more plot; you don't care, and let's be honest, neither do I. Stahelski is here to serve up more badass characters and incredible action, and no one in Hollywood does it quite like him. It's got familiar action favorites demonstrating why they still remain supreme, with Yayan Ruhian, Cecep Arif Rahman, Tiger Chen, and the ever underrated Mark Dascascos. It's got surprising action showcases for Halle Berry, Lance Reddick, and somehow Boban Marjanović. It's got great character actors doing their thing, from the returning McShane and Fishburne to newcomers Saïd Taghmaoui and Anjelica Huston. It's got Asia Kate Dillon as an awesome nonbinary shadow organization asshole. It has a bewildering Jason Mantzoukas cameo. And above all else, it has Keanu Reeves, still demonstrating not only his incredible physical skill, but also how to perfectly utilize his particular acting style to create an iconic character.

18. Doctor Sleep (dir. Mike Flanagan)

"Man takes a drink. A drink takes the drink. And then the drink takes a man."

While not the most accurate adaption, it might be the only Stephen King adaptation that comes to mind that actually successfully channels what makes him such an appealing author. King's stories have an inherent corniness to them and for as much as you unsuccessfully try to cover that up (look to this year's The Outsider for a good example), it's where the true charm of his work shines. It's what makes this so fun, because as much as an epic, eldritch terror is exciting, it still doesn't have the goofy fun of a bunch of vampiric bohemian drifters led by a Stevie Knicks knockoff in a top hat breathing up souls. Plus, the epic three hour runtime actually allows Flanagan to at least try to cover all the more subtle serious characterizations of Danny Torrance, from his recurring alcoholism to him seeking closure with regards to his parents. It manages to actually make the final act's nostalgia play kind of work, or at the very least get the terrible memory of the Ready Player One version out of my head.

17. Her Smell (dir. Alex Ross Perry)

"I thought you were better than this, but deep down I knew you weren't."

Perry must have had some extra pent-up nastiness in him after having to restrain himself while writing Christopher Robin (by the way, that happened), because he really created one of the nastiest characters in cinema here. Her Smell is the equivalent of being locked in a room with the shittiest person you'll ever meet, as she constant lashes out at everyone and everything with the kind of delirium that the truly demented are cursed with. And credit to Elizabeth Moss where it's due: she really perfectly embodies such a horrible human being and proceeds beat you damn near to death with it during a majority of the runtime. Eventually it slows down and all of the problems become apparent once they script isn't flying by at a thousand words a minute. But Moss literally did her job so well that people fucking hate this movie because of her character, and if that isn't a testament to her acting talent than I don't know what is.

16. High Life (dir. Claire Denis)

"At 99% the speed of light, the entire sky converged before our eyes. This sensation, moving backwards even though we're moving forwards, getting further from what's getting nearer. Sometimes I just can't stand it."

Denis finally makes her English debut with what she does best: nauseatingly uncomfortable sexuality oozing from terrible people doing horrible things. In this case, she takes an innovative detour into sci-fi, setting up a decades-long story of human experimentation, murder, the horrors of space travel, and whatever unholy things are going on inside of the "Fuck Box". It has an appropriately dingy production design too; the clean retro-futurist spaceship design soon dissolves into a torn apart den of depravity, caked in a mixture of filth and dry blood. Pattinson once again manages to be likeable while also being extremely standoff-ish; only playing with his baby daughter do we seem to see him actually enjoy interacting with a human being. Kind of gets lost in the sauce near the end, but at least manages to land some surprising emotional notes considering the kind of horrors that they've shown up until then.

15. The Farewell (dir. Lulu Wang)

"Chinese people have saying: when people get cancer they die. It's not cancer that kills them, it's the fear."

Lulu Wang's followup to Posthumous is such a massive step up in talent it's not even funny. She manages to make such a wonderfully soulful and loving movie about impending death by utilizing near perfect comic timing to defuse a situation that threatens to stray too dark. Not to mention her point of view on modern China from a non state-sponsored eye actually captures a much more accurate shot of the country itself. It's almost as if an Edward Yang movie had set itself more modest expectations -- it's pleasant, goes down well, teaches you a couple of things about Chinese culture, and manages to do it all in only a hundred minutes. And Awkwafina manages to hold her own against far more experienced actors, even if you can tell her Mandarin is still a little spotty.

14. Uncut Gems (dir. Josh and Benny Safdie)

"I think you are the most annoying person I have ever met. I hate being with you, I hate looking at you... And if I had my way I would never see you again."

Adam Sandler's magnum opus performance -- there will never be another character that fully embraces every grating aspect of his style of acting and manages to weaponize them for two anxiety-inducing hours of hell. Sandler's Howard Ratner is an absolute sewer rat scumbag, an untrustworthy coward, and a perennial fuck-up of epic proportions. But he's still so charismatic and powerful on screen that you root for him every time he drives you further up the wall. And the Safdie brothers know how to keep him moving too, never letting the audience catch a breath of air for this movie-length panic attack as the odds stack further against Howard each minute. Whenever you see Sandler phoning in his comedies for fat checks, just remember this performance and how pretty much every awards committee completely ignored this film. No wonder he doesn't bother trying anymore.

13. The Last Black Man In San Francisco (dir. Joe Talbot)

"You don't get to hate it unless you love it."

A wonderfully evocative love letter to a changing city that is so full of life in every way, from the vibrant movement of the camerawork to the bombastic and powerful soundtrack blasting throughout. But it actually plays more like a New Orleans' funeral march, a melancholic chronicle of the original denizens of San Francisco even as the city warps into the caricature that it's slowly becoming. There is a definite feeling that the aggressive gentrification is unavoidable and even the love of the original quirky denizens can only stave off the metaphorical steamroller that paves over the past. It makes for a wonderful counterpoint to the previous year's Blindspotting: both about young black men dealing with gentrification in the Bay Area, but Blindspotting starts as a very angry comic satire that eventually ends on a note of hope and a will to survive the changing tide, whereas this begins as a joyous celebration of the city and ends on a heartbreaking resignation in the face of everything. Both come from respectively very different sides of San Fran culture, but it's rather interesting seeing each have such different approaches to the same topic.

12. The Standoff at Sparrow Creek (dir. Henry Dunham)

"How do we know it's not you?"

A simple "pressure cooker" scenario done to perfection: one empty warehouse, a bunch of hardened standoff-ish militia men, a missing gun, a ticking clock, and a whole lot of suspicious side eyes and probing questions. It helps that the gruff suspects are a perfect who's who of roughened character actors, all previously well-versed in playing suspicious people, and all of them hiding the kind of unspoken rage that makes a man secretly join an armed militia. All of this told with a nerve-wracking minimalism and style as weirdly detached from reality as some of these men are. One hell of a debut for Henry Dunham and hopefully a sign of good things to come.

11. Booksmart (dir. Olivia Wilde)

"How about we play a *rousing* round of J'ACCUSE!"

Profoundly silly and yet also so disarmingly sweet, Olivia Wilde whips a wildly stylized portrait of Gen Z high-schoolers and the many ways that they vastly differ from their older peers. Certainly much more welcoming and accepting of the diversity of teenagers than pretty much any other teen movies from the past, although they still poke fun at some particular brands of modern "wokeness" too. Stuffed to the brim with wonderfully weird characters, between the lovable catty theatre duo of George and Alan, the cringe-inducing desperate rich kid Jared, the endearingly dumb thirstball Theo, the dorky and blissfully unaware queer-bait Ryan, the effortlessly cool and extremely "top energy" Hope, and the absolutely batshit wildness that is Gigi. But mainly it serves as a vehicle for Devers and Feldstein, with both bouncing perfectly back and forth off each other in moments of comedy and drama. Feldstein always pulls off huge laughs pretty much every line and Devers sells a perfect amount of baby-gay awkwardness in one of the sweetest (and heartbreaking) queer romance stories in film. But above all else, it's just so damn fun and aware of what teenagers are actually like than most movies ever have been.

10. Luce (dir. Julius Onah)

*chuckles* "You really think I believe that stuff?"

One of the most wildly uncomfortable experiences in recent cinema history, but not due to any horrifyingly explicit graphic content being shoved in our faces. No, Onah and Lee created something much more discomforting: a constant challenging of all our biases and stereotypes, of us wanting to give chances and have faith in those that we trust. Kelvin Harrison Jr. delivers one of the best acting performances in recent memory because he's able to literally do everything; his Luce somehow manages to perfectly walk the tightrope required for a performance like his. With him behind it, Luce is such a charming, loving, likeable character but there's always just something that seems off about him. And even if Spencer's Wilson has a fixation on him that crosses all sorts of legal and moral boundaries, wouldn't we be cheering her on under different circumstances? In a way, she herself is trying to communicate a lesson about perception too, one that also mires in deep, troubling waters. Even if the film still feels very stage-y due to it's source material, the cold clinical aesthetic only further helps it make us squirm in our seats.

9. Violet Evergarden: Eternity and the Auto Memory Doll (dir. Haruka Fujita)

"Nobody wants a letter that cannot be delivered."

An absolutely magical experience that artistically excels over the original TV series it's based off of. The production is still as impressive as any other KyoAni work, but the composition and lighting in particular are outstanding, selling the social isolation of the first half and the childlike wonder of the second half. Beginning with a sublime Victorian romance in the first half, the story eventually morphs into a tribute to the workers of the world, the cogs in the machine. But in the context of the studio's recent history and the horrific arson attack that claimed 36 members of the studio, this instead comes off as a battlecry against the opposition against them. It's a story valuing those who are overlooked in the process of creation, a story about strong determined women, a story of a young girl defining her own future against society. KyoAni as a studio were most known for treating all their employees exceptionally as well as being a primarily female-led studio, both unfortunate exceptions in the industry as well as the target for a lot of unfair online hatred against them (and surely played some sort of role in why the arson attack happened to them specifically). To see the studio make their first post-attack work so proudly emblematic of what made them unique makes this so much more powerful than you would expect.

8. The Nightengale (dir. Jennifer Kent)

"You know what it's like to have a white fella take everything that you have, don't ya?"

The classic revenge fantasy narrative warped into a bleak, cynical portrait of racist cruelty in 1800s Tasmania. Jennifer Kent, improving leaps and bounds from the relatively straightforward Babadook, crafts a searing indictment of the foundations of colonialism and the misogynistic undercurrent of the barbarous society. It's a revenge movie where the vengeance is horrible and unsatisfying -- there's no crowd pleasing murderous money-shots, just brief moments of comeuppance in the face of everything in the world working against our two protagonists. Those who are squeamish should be aware that it is exceptionally graphic and grueling at times, although Kent does manage to keep up a very good pace for the two and a half hours of hell.

7. Transit (dir. Christian Petzold)

"They say that those who were left never forget. But it's not true. They have the sweet, sad songs. Pity is with them. Those who leave, no one is with them. They have no songs."

Hitchcock by way of Kafka -- a classic existential mystery told in a disorienting separate reality not quite like our own. It's a bold move to take a Holocaust set narrative and completely throw out the actual setting itself, but Petzold only enhances the weird themes of the story by taking it to a completely different but still very familiar time. This is a classic tale of becoming the person you say you are but really aren't -- then begging the question of what if you're not the only one also living a false identity. Buoyed by an excellent and very enigmatic lead performance from Franz Rogowski, who displays a tremendous skill for playing somebody so closed off but also very charismatic and watchable.

6. Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (dir. Quentin Tarantino)

"When you come to the end of the line, with a buddy who is more than a brother and a little less than a wife, getting blind drunk together is really the only way to say farewell."

Tarantino trades in his B-movie worship and penchant for comical bloodbaths (well, for the most part) to make something I certainly didn't expect from him: a relaxed hangout movie about getting old and falling out of fashion. Exceptional production design whisks us away to the height of Hollywood and three different people all looking at their future careers in very different lights. Leo gets to stretch his wings in all sorts of silly fun ways and Brad Pitt finally lets go of the young superstar image and easily slips into his more natural "hot single dad" swagger, playing the most effortlessly cool character of his career. Tarantino sets aside time to look back on his own flaws as well and playfully reflects on his own particular ...quirks. Easily his best since his 90s prime and the first time in a long time I've felt the maturity that he showcased in Jackie Brown.

5. The Lighthouse (dir. Robert Eggers)

"Damn ye! Let Neptune strike ye dead Winslow! HAAARK!"

Hyper-masculine mania as told through a wonderful blend of dark comedy and cosmic horror and with some of the most lush black-and-white cinematography maybe ever in a film. Eggers' now trademark devotion to absolute accurate period detail in both visual design and dialogue greatly helps this reach transcendent heights. But it's truly the two performances of Dafoe and Pattinson that help it weave a perfect spiral of insanity that also manages to be so oddly fun. Never could there be any other paring of actors that would perfectly showcase these two dirty sea-dogs going stark raving mad at each other so well.

4. Midsommar (dir. Ari Aster)

"As Hårga takes, so Hårga also gives."

(Director's Cut) Every generation deserves their own paranoia-fueled pagan horrorshow, but Aster strikes a much deeper vein in his epic take on the classic territory The Wicker Man had previously claimed. The brutal rituals of the Hårga are only set dressing most of the time, with much more focus poured into the vile toxicity plaguing the relationship between students Dani and Christian. Reynor's Christian is such a perfect portrayal of a terrible influence -- he's charming, fun, and likeable when he's on your side, but the second anybody goes against him his seedy manipulation begins to seep into everything he says. Pugh continues her winning streak too, delivering a broken person desperately trying to put a smile on while falling apart on the inside as she realizes she truly is all alone in the world. While some might be disappointed by the lack of actual "terror" for a good chunk of the movie, Aster has found something much more likely to scar us than these friendly Swedish cultists.

3. Sunset (dir. László Nemes)

"The horror of the world hides behind these infinitely pretty things."

After striking gold with Son of Saul, Laszlo Nemes takes a hard turn into a very different genre but manages to create a wonderfully unique spin on classic detective noir. His signature camerawork powers this yarn, successfully taking the claustrophobic eye of Saul and using it to give a truly immersive sense of place in the tumultuous world of 1913 Budapest, where danger is simmering under the surface and ready to boil over at any moment. After all, noir is always about the eye of the detective, so Nemes' style takes it to a literal degree where everything outside of Irisz' field of vision is incomprehensible. We catch the same shady sideways glances and hushed whispers at the same time she does too. The plotting, like all noir tales, gets a little too complex for its own good, although it's less because of double-crossing and deceit and more from the story slowly dropping its connection to reality to function on a far more allegorical level. But as far as immersive, experiential cinema goes, not even 1917 can stack up to this film's highs, as the enraged lower-class populace eventually comes for the heads of the bourgeoise and Irisz suddenly realizes she is in the very wrong place at the very wrong time.

2. Portrait of a Lady on Fire (dir. Céline Sciamma)

"Do all lovers feel they're inventing something?"

An absolutely breathtaking portrait (hehe) of yearning and love, so astonishingly romantic and actually aware of what will make a woman swoon. Every technical aspect is perfect, from the gorgeous locale to the lovely windswept dresses to the soft, classical cinematography. But the true magic comes from Merlant and Haenel perfectly delivering every line of Sciamma's wonderous script. Those two have a sexual tension strong enough to burn down the theater, as their shy glances turn into deep longing stares and both their steely professional reserves give way to poorly suppressed joy at just being able to be with the other. Even their initial terse dialogue melts into pure romantic splendor, as they lovingly catalog all the little gestures the other does when flustered. Their connection during filming was powerful enough to fuel rumors around the two in the press and is currently providing the desire for every thirsty lesbian who finishes this to immediately pull up videos from the press tour and hunt for those same things between the actors themselves. And trust me, they are there.

1. Parasite (dir. Bong Joon-ho)

"Not 'rich but still nice.' Nice because she's rich, you know? Hell, if I had all this money, I'd be nice too!"

Very rarely does a film come along that actually warrants to be described as "perfect", as in one that literally generates no critiques in any way even if I was forced to pick something at gunpoint to complain about. But Parasite truly does every single thing right. Even Bong's tonal whiplash style, which does grate on me at times, somehow fits perfectly here as the schemes become increasingly madcap and the increasing sense that this will all come crashing down horribly mounts ever higher. Until then, it's an absolute joy to watch in every way, as Bong stacks the card deck higher and all the characters dive further into the sewer for their own benefit. The midpoint pivot works wonderfully too, as it goes to show that literally every person is getting played in the world of Parasite. It's massive success is only surprising to those who haven't seen it: it's the perfect movie for the era it came out in and may as well be the watershed moment for a new age of cinema where Hollywood finally admits that it's not the king of the world anymore.

[ducky-tm]

So are you looking for HCs or wanting requests? Cuz I'd LOVE to know what you think about Chris and Viktor's evolution into friendship!

OOOOHHHHH BUDDY. I HOPE YOU’RE READY TO TAKE A SEAT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT CHRIS AND VICTOR. BUCKLE UP KIDS. GRAB THE POPCORN I’M GOING IN DRY 

so this accidentally turned into 1.2k of victophe/vichris?? whoops? enjoy!

Okay. So in canon we see the first interaction between the two of them at the Junior World Championship and I can’t recall their exact ages but it’s like early/mid teens, 16 and 14 I think. While Victor treats nearly every skater he meets/competes against with a lot of respect and a sense of equality, I love that when he meets Chris the first time he’s already sure they’ll compete at some point. 

And they do. It’s been said in canon that they’ve shared a podium many, many times and I’m sure that they’ve competed against each other for even longer. But beyond that we don’t really know a WHOLE ton about the two of them as friends just that Chris has seen Victor as motivation and almost a reason to compete at all (that’s a bit extreme to say but I feel like it’s lowkey a little accurate, anyway). 

But we all already knew this so let’s talk about those LITERAL 10 years of friendship. *cracks knuckles* 

I’m pretty sure I’ve posted somewhere or talked to someone about the fact that I personally think that Victor and Chris both have always been a little too much for the other skaters, their Extraness TM didn’t just appear one day they’ve always been this way. So once Chris was in the same bracket as Victor they were kind of drawn to each other. Not that they weren’t friendly with the other skaters just that they liked each other best. 

So they hang out after their programs and talk to each other in the locker rooms and practice together and teach each other things. Not just skating things but life things. Victor especially takes his role as a sort of older brother figure very seriously and shows Chris all of the important teenage things like how to drink coffee and classic movies that everyone has to see. And Chris drinks it all in and shares whatever he can with Victor like his music and pictures of his cat and those stupid early 2000′s youtube videos. You know the ones. 

And when the season ends they part ways as myspace friends and with email addresses exchanged. And they actually use them. They talk all the time and become closer and closer and they can’t wait for competition season because they want to show off the cool new things they’ve learned. 

That’s how it goes for like the first 2-3 years of their friendship. 

Then they’re both in the senior division. And while Victor has always been stunning to look at, Chris just…. filled out over the past off season. In ALL the right places. And his deep voice finally matches the body it’s coming out of. And, yeah, they’ve never had a problem sharing a bed, or hugging, or just being close in general…. it’s a little harder for Victor now (pun absolutely intended). 

But Chris picks up on it and it’s not like he’s been blind?? He’s also been looking at Victor, probably for longer and more than Victor’s been looking at Chris. So that year at one of the North American competitions they share a bit more than music and viral videos. That night in their hotel room (no idea’s whose it is doesn’t really matter they always share anyway…) they would share their first kiss (of many oh my god do these boys like making out WOW) ((also just first with each other not like FIRST first)) and Chris would give and receive his first blowjob. They cuddled after, close together like always. Victor wondered if he would fall in love with Chris. Chris wondered how he got so lucky. 

Things continue like that for a few more years, lots of fun together, both in bed and just in life. They take ski vacations in the Alps, rent kayaks together somewhere tropical, do Christmas in Moscow…. they become practically inseparable.  They take breaks from the sleeping together if one of them happens to be seeing someone at the time, but it never lasts. They miss each other too much. 

But they never put any kind of label on it. Just…. best friends, casual sex partners, occasional seekers of threesomes… It feels like love but…. different. It’s not the fireworks butterflies in your stomach watch them walk past in slow motion kind of love they’ve seen in too many movies. It’s the kind of love that keeps Chris up until 4 am because Victor just got dumped. It’s the kind of love that has Victor holding a sobbing mess of a Chris because some douche made the mistake of thinking Chris was just an easy fuck. It’s the kind of love that makes both of them text each other stupid, cheesy memes in the middle of the night because they know the other is still awake. It’s the kind of love that lets them always come back to each other, falling into the same routines in different hotel beds. 

Until That Banquet. (I’m pretty sure there’s a fic or a meta post about this that’s pretty similar to my hc and I can’t find it to link it but I promise I’m not stealing ideas I just also love this idea) We all know what happened DURING the banquet but after… after is interesting. Chris assumes that with the amount of alcohol consumed and the amount of , well, not exactly child appropriate dancing that happened Victor would be on him the second the door to their room closes. But he just walks to the bed and takes off his tie and he tells Chris he wants to talk to him. 

And that’s what they do. They talk about how beautiful EVERY aspect of their relationship is and how Victor thinks the WORLD of Chris and how Chris feels the same. But Victor also tells him that, as dramatic and Disney TM as it sounds, he might have fallen in love tonight. And at first Chris is hurt. Because he doesn’t understand that it’s a different kind of love. But Victor keeps talking and explaining and his hands are on Chris’ face, wiping away the tears. And Chris understands. Not right away, but over the course of the show’s events. He watches and learns and realizes that what Victor has with Yuuri isn’t what he and Victor had and that’s okay. They don’t sleep together anymore (well maybe sometimes, but literally just sleep, they both love sleeping next to each other) but they still send those silly middle of the night texts and Chris is still the first person Victor talks to when he doesn’t know what to do (especially about Yuuri). 

And Chris is Victor’s best man at their wedding. At this point he and Yuuri have also grown close Yuuri catches them dancing at the reception and he can’t help the warm feeling that fills his chest when he sees how HAPPY they both look. Because he knows that they love each other and he loves seeing his husband and his husband’s best friend happy. 

[mermaidsirennikita]

Book Roundup -- April 2017

I completed by challenge of reading 50 books in 2017.... today.  Admittedly this is usually a pretty low bar for me, but I don’t wanna go any higher than 50 just in case I suddenly get super fucking busy or my speed-reading powers deactivate.

Anyway.  Most of the books I read this month were honestly mediocre to poor, but I did discover two books towards the end of the month ( “Feast of Sorrow” and “Crazy Rich Asians”) that not only introduced me to new authors but pretty much thrilled me.

So, without further ado:

The Night Mark by Tiffany Reisz.  3/5.  Still mourning the death of her first husband, Faye ends up divorcing the man she married for convenience and heading to coastal South Carolina in an attempt to resume her former career as a photographer.  After learning the local legend of a lighthouse keeper’s ill-fated daughter in the 1920s, she accidentally ends up in the water--and wakes up in the body of Faith Morgan, said ill-fated 1920s girl.  This book is definitely a romance novel, and it’s a lot of fun.  As with any romance novel, there are some random choices that are kind of done, and the plot is somewhat convoluted, and the time travel aspects of the plot don’t always make sense....  But it was fluffy.  It made me happy.  It made me homesick, for that matter.  If you’re looking for a quick, somewhat mindless read with some nice sexual tension-filled scenes, go for it.  (If anything, I feel like this would have been improved with a few more sex scenes.  To be honest.)  It’s note quite peak trashy time travel romance novel a la Jude Deveraux’s Knight In Shining Armor, but it’s good.

Love for Sale: A World History of Prostitution by Nils Johan Ringdal.  4/5.  A non-fiction history of prostitution spanning from ancient myths to the present day.  The book does a good job of covering the East and West--though more attention is paid to Europe than anywhere else, Asia gets a good amount of attention.  At certain points, it does get a bit dry.  But it does the job, and is very interesting and informative.

Alex, Approximately by Jenn Bennett.  4/5.  In this YA contemporary, Bailey moves to California, not telling her Californian longtime online penpal, Alex, that she’s done so.  (She has confrontation problems.)  Upon beginning a museum job, she falls into a love-hate tension-filled relationship with security guard Porter, not realizing that he--of course--is Alex.  This is pitched as a modern-day You’ve Got Mail, so I don’t think that’s a spoiler.  Honestly, I was so pleasantly surprised by this book.  I was beginning to think that YA contemporaries just weren’t for me anymore, and something about the chemistry and characters in “Alex, Approximately” just got me.  Certain dramatic backstories were a bit much, but ultimately the chemistry between Bailey and Porter sold this book for me. They felt like actual teenagers who were actually into each other, and lately I feel like the YA I’ve been reading is too sugary to accurately portray that.  Overall, this is a definite summer/spring rec from me.

Marriage Most Scandalous by Johanna Lindsey.  2/5.  This was a pretty typical historical romance bodice ripper, about this dude who killed his best friend by accident in a duel years back?  And is now a sort of mercenary detective type?  So years after said accidental murder, his father’s ward comes a-knockin’, all grown up and such, and she thinks his dad is being targeted by someone evil.  Of course they have to pretend to be married to figure out what’s afoot, and you can take it from there.  I don’t think I like Regency bodice rippers as much as I do like... Viking romances, or Highlander stories.  I feel like bodice rippers should be set in “rougher” times so the extreme fuckery going on is easier to dismiss as part of the fantasy.  Plus, idk, some viking dude capturing the self-insert heroine and teaching her the ways of erotic love is just sexier to me than a dude named Sebastian having a secret identity as the Raven.  I never said I wasn’t problematic.

Literally by Lucy Keating.  1/5.  Annabelle is in the midst of upheaval in personal life when she meets the perfect boy, Will--and finds out that she’s actually the main character in a story by the author Lucy Keating.  K.  This could have been good, but it’s pretty much ruined as soon as Lucy Keating introduces herself.  She’s referred to as Lucy Keating for the whole book; Annabelle thinks about how beautiful she is and her cute clothes; she’s all ambiguous and strange and self-adoring.  This was one of the most uncomfortable, awkward books I’ve ever read.

The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli.  3/5.  This YA contemporary is about Molly, a girl whose insecurity about her weight--and inevitable comparisons to her beautiful twin, Cassie--has her constantly crushing on people that she finds unattainable.  After Cassie falls head over heels for Mina, Molly feels pressured to like Will, Mina’s cute and sweet friend.  But she also likes--perhaps more genuinely--Reid, who is, like Molly, overweight and maybe a bit uncool.  This is less a romance--or I was less interested in the romance--than a story about Molly and Cassie growing up and apart.  Molly’s insecurities are driven in part by her comparing herself to Cassie; at the same time, the main reason why she doesn’t want to like Reid is that she thinks he’ll pull her further from her twin.  That’s a super interesting, real conflict.  The romances I found less compelling.  The book includes a lot of diversity, but at a certain point it did feel a bit... checking the boxes-esque?  Like, Molly thought back to this boy she crushed on, and specified that he was a trans boy even though it added nothing to the story and really served more to set him apart, in his two paragraphs of page time, as “special” compared to the cis boys Molly had crushed on.  I get what the author was going for, but it came off as a bit awkward sometimes.  Overall however, this is a very earnest and sweet read.

Given to the Sea by Mindy McGinnis. 2/5.  Khosa is the latest in a long line of women “given” to the sea--she’s destined dance into the sea as a sacrifice to prevent it from swallowing up her homeland.  Before she does that, of course, she needs to give birth to a daughter who will follow in her footsteps.  Trouble is, Khosa is afraid of being touched.  Aaaaaand that’s pretty much what I got from this.  The story has an interesting mythology and I liked the sort of writing style McGinnis was going for, but that’s it.  I kind of debate even giving it a 2/5 for that.  There were too many narrators (Khosa, the prince type guy she met, and his adopted sister I got but there was one guy whose presence as a narrator I never understood) and the plot was very... vague.  I got that Khosa was doomed to be sacrificed and needed to get knocked up, but everything else was extremely hard to understand.  And I was trying.  I really tried.  It just never got there for me.

The Perfect Stranger by Megan Miranda.  2/5.  I really enjoyed Miranda’s previous thriller, “All The Missing Girls”, but this one just... numbed me.  It seemed like a much more standard “what happened to the missing/dead person” story than “ATMG” was, and it never clicked.  

My Sister Rosa by Justine Larbalestier.  4/5.  Che (yes, named after THAT Che because his parents are The Worst) is a teenager moving from Australia to New York.  Also, his little sister Rosa is fucking psychopath.  Rosa has been wrong since she was a baby, but Che is the only one in his family who acknowledges this--ironically, because his parents are always occupied with hippy-type projects that are meant to save the world.  Che knows exactly how dangerous the unfeeling Rosa is, and how easily she manipulates everyone around her.  And of course, she catapults the family into disaster.  This book was pretty chilling at times.  For that matter, it actually had explanations for things that bothered me--why Che’s parents were so shitty, for example.  Threads like those would have been dropped in another book, and I appreciate Larbalestier following up on them.  It’s a really effective thriller; perhaps the most convincing part of it is how much Che loves his sister, despite everything.  The book isn’t quite scary, but it is creepy--and quite sad at points.

The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi.  4/5.  From 1968, a serial killer terrorized the hills surrounding Florence.  The killer would spy on couples parked to have sex--a common practice in Italy, where people usually didn’t leave their parents’ homes until they married--shoot both of them, and often mutilate the women’s bodies in a sexually motivated manner.  There have been a number of suspects, some of which have been convicted then exonerated.  Italian journalist Mario Spezi had been following the case for decades when he met American thriller novelist Douglas Preston.  Forming a friendship, the two began researching the murders, leading to both of them tangling with the Italian authorities (including the prosecutor who botched Amanda Knox’s case; and if you didn’t think she was innocent before you read this book, you probably will after).  The book is divided into two parts--that detailing Mario Spezi’s investigation of the murders as they happened, and then what happened after Preston got involved. Preston describes Florence and the unique Florentine attitude well, but honestly I got frustrated with him a lot.  He seemed so ~shocked~ that the Italian authorities didn’t function in the same way that they do in America.  I figured that out pretty quickly after landing in Italy for my year abroad, and I was 20 at the time.  Also, like...  it wasn’t hard to keep my head down.  I get Preston’s motivations, but his story is less interesting than Spezi’s, which isn’t surprising.  Am I 100% sure that they found the true killer?  No, but their guy seems more likely than anyone else who’s been a suspect.  This is a very gripping, very interesting true crime story that I definitely recommend.

Feast of Sorrow by Crystal King.  4/5.  Thrasius, a young Roman slave, is bought by the patrician Apicius due to his exception skills in the kitchen.  Apicius wants to become the gastronomic adviser of Caesar Augustus, and he believes that Thrasius is his ticket to fave.  What follows is the decades long saga of Thrasius as he helps his often-capricious master and bonds with Apicius’s family, particular his master’s wife, Aelia, and his daughter, Apicata.  But Apicius’s ambition and hunger for renown knows no bounds, and he drags Thrasius and his family into the depths of Roman politics with him.  So this book was actually a really, really compelling read.  King has a talent for description, and as a recurring backdrop of the drama is cookbook(s) that Thrasius is helping Apicius put together... I got hungry fast.  King also has a talent for creating that sense of the Roman world, beyond the famous people.  She created an environment that felt real and everyday to me, while at the same time keying in the drama when she needed to.  I will definitely be picking up her next book, especially if it’s historical fiction.  I couldn’t put this down.  With that being said, there were a couple of things that kept this from being a 5/5 for me.  One was Thrasius’s romance with fellow slave Pallia--it felt very plot-device-y to me; I mean, you do need to give Thrasius a motivation to stay with his master even when he’s a dick (beyond his own life) and yes having him fall in love with a woman brings in the possibility of Babies as an added motivation, but also...  I kinda wish that Thrasius had fallen in love with a dude.  His chemistry and sex scenes with Pallia felt super forced, but his scenes with other men were more... interesting.  Towards the end of the book, the melodrama got dialed up a little too much--like I know it’s not Feast of Sunshine and Daisies but holy shit.  Some fact-checking proves, though, that King did her research and the goriest parts of the book did happen.  So overall, I’d highly recommend this to anyone who wants to read an entertaining novel of Ancient Rome.

The Last Neanderthal by Claire Cameron.  3/5.  This novel takes the perspective of Girl, a young female Neanderthal who, due to a sudden turn of events, ends up alone in the wilderness with Runt, a strange young  boy her family adopted.  At the same time, it tells the story of Rose, a pregnant archeologist who has discovered two unique skeletons and is racing against the clock to finish her project before her baby comes.  This is very much what you might call a feminist read--it’s about different aspects of women’s lives, how much has changed, how much... hasn’t.  What I found particularly interesting was the look at sexism--particularly towards women who choose to become mothers--in the academic world of archeology.  Unfortunately, I can’t say I super liked the book because Girl’s side was... well, kind of a downer.  It’s realistic, but strict realism doesn’t always make the best story; and at any rate, who knows how realistic it is? We’re talking about Neanderthals here.  Also, I feel like some people will really appreciate the degree to which Claire Cameron describes things, but like.  Dude.  Once we start talking in detail about the smell of a Neanderthal’s cervical fluids, I’m kinda out.  But I gave it three stars because it is well-written and it is an interesting angle to take, it’s just not for me.

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan.  5/5.  American Born Chinese (ABC) girl (but not really) Rachel Chu has been dating the charming Nick Young--her first Asian boyfriend--for about two years, and finally agrees to spend the summer with him in Asia as he stands as the best man in his friend’s wedding.  Nick is charming, kind, and handsome--also, he’s mega-rich, as Rachel only discovers upon arriving in Singapore and meeting his family, including his formidable mother Eleanor.  Nick hails from not one but two different elite clans in Singapore society, and not only is his mother plotting against no-name Rachel--so are all the women who want to get their claws into him and his bloodline.  There are several different, super-interesting subplots going on too, but that’s the main story.  And it’s great.  This book is the perfect blend of insightful social commentary--from someone who would actually know what’s he’s talking about, rather than an outsider white author--and catty drama.  Rachel is probably not the most interesting character here, but she’s supposed to be the good girl, and she’s not bland.  She’s smart and sticks up for herself, even if she’s a bit naive.  Nick is a decent guy, if not perfect--he’s ignorant to the complications of his own world because... it’s his world, and he’s a man and therefore not privy to many of the machinations the women perform.  The two most compelling characters are Astrid, Nick’s beautiful cousin who’s just beginning to recognize the cracks in her marriage, and Eleanor, his mother.  Eleanor is AMAZING, the perfect mom from Hell without being a caricature.  Her concerns go over the top, but they stem from a valid place, especially when you take cultural norms into consideration.  Also, she’s being played by Michelle Yeoh in the movie so... I’m hype.  Loved this.  It was one of my longer books of the month, but I sped through it in two days.