#and it’s two evil scientists and Tom’s pulling Will to madness while Will’s trying to pull Tom to goodness

[somewherefornow]

T.O. MORROW & WILL MAGNUS in 52 (2006)

[whisker-biscuit]

In the Name of Science: Chapter 2

Fandom: Sonic Movie (2020)

Rating: T for unethical experimentation, implied violence and gore, and implied torture

Summary: Tom and Maddie didn’t make it in time to rescue Sonic from Robotnik. Hopefully it’s not too late to save him now.  Unfortunately, hope is hard to come by in the labs of the mad doctor himself.

Note: things are going to start getting really unpleasant from here on out. This chapter is still pretty tame, but proceed with caution.

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Dr. Ivo Robotnik, M.D. Log 2

Subject regained consciousness at 10:12 MST during initial quill examination, and was verbally hostile upon contact with lead scientist (Dr. Ivo Robotnik, M.D., PhDx5). Subject placed in temporary holding enclosure for injury recovery as well as spoken interview, which was conducted at 10:30 MST. Transcript attached below.

…….

Sonic is brought into a much larger room than the one he’d woken up in. From his position between the two floating egg-robots, he can see that this one is set up with a lot of strange machines and tables and equipment that he couldn’t possibly hope to recognize, much less name. It almost looks like a secret evil lab from one of Tom and Maddie’s movies.

This association is what really makes the reality of the situation sink in.

“Hey, uh, what’s that?” He stares at a giant tube-looking thing in the corner, trying to distract himself from darker thoughts.

Robotnik ignores him, fiddling with his recording equipment, but Agent Stone follows his gaze.

“That’s an MRI machine.”

“Oh. What’s that do?”

“It’s a –”

“I know you’re having a splendid time fraternizing with the alien lifeform, Stone, but the most important homo sapiens in your life would very much enjoy your full attention.”

“Of course Doctor, sorry!” The assistant practically prances to his boss’ side, a goofy smile on his face. Sonic doesn’t understand any of it.

Turns out it doesn’t matter either way, because the hedgehog is suddenly carried above a large metal container with an open top. With another flick of the scientist’s wrist, the robots drop Sonic and he hits the inside of the pen, hissing as all his bruises are aggravated. The ceiling door closes automatically with a whoosh.

The teen makes a few pained noises while he tries to reorient himself. He’s always healed pretty quickly but this hasn’t been nearly enough time since the fight, and his entire body is revolting. He picks himself up into a sitting position as best he can to get a better look at his situation.

He’s in a cage large enough for him to lay down and stretch in any angle, but it’s not much bigger than that. Most of the walls barring one are thick mesh with thick metal reinforcing them from behind, and half the floor is the same. The other half is covered in something that looks suspiciously like a dog bed. The ceiling is just solid metal with no mesh, and it’s roughly the same proportion as the length and width.

Sonic scoots to the front of the cage so he can watch his human captors through the single “open” wall, if bars he can only stick one finger between counts as open. His restraints are weird – they sort of resemble his rings, circled around each individual wrist and ankle and keeping them together in a way he hasn’t quite figured out yet. He tries to pull them apart without much luck.

Robotnik seems to notice the attempt, because he waves a hand in the air without turning towards the hedgehog.

“Don’t bother! Those are highly magnetic and in tune only with each other.”

“….What’s ‘magnetic’?”

“Ugh, never mind.” The scientist does a little whirl to face the cage, holding a microphone connected to the machine behind him. He taps the mic and nods in satisfaction when it echoes. “Agent Stone, start the recording procedure please.”

The assistant gives affirmation as he flips a switch. Mechanical humming fills the air. Robotnik clears his throat.

“Log date: May 14th, 2020, 10:30 am MST. First official verbal interview with extraterrestrial subject, serial designation 06231991. It is unknown whether subject will be verbally hostile, so any redacted statements during this recording will be result of vulgarity and/or dialogue irrelevant to scientific development.”

He steps up to the cage, which sits just below his eyelevel, and observes Sonic a moment. The teen stares warily back.

“Subject, do you have a title you refer to yourself as?”

“Um…”

The man heaves a giant, put-upon sigh. “A name?”

“Oh. S-Sonic. I’m Sonic.” He kicks himself for tripping over his own name. This is just talking, why is it making him nervous?

“Sonic.” Robotnik says the word like he’s about to rip it to shreds. “So, Sonic, what would you say you are?”

“A hedgehog.”

“Did you base that name on the Earth creature sharing similar features?”

“No? I’ve always been a hedgehog.” Sonic lets himself relax a little bit. It really is just talking; he can do that just fine. “S’not my fault you guys named something after me.”

“I see. How long have you been on Earth?”

“Ten years.”

“How old are you?”

“Thirteen, I think.”

The scientist pauses at that, tilting his head down a little bit in a way that’s hard to read. “Really? You’ve been on Earth for most of your life?”

“Yeah…”

“Remarkable. Living here all this time right under our noses.” He strokes his mustache with a glint in his eye. “If only I’d discovered your presence sooner, everything would have been so much cleaner.”

Sonic’s fingers curl together.

“Oh well, no need to dwell on what could’ve been, until I finally unravel the science behind time travel at least.” Robotnik lets out an arrogant laugh. Stone mirrors him from behind. “So my elusive little subject, what’s the maturation rate of your kind?”

“What?”

“Hmm. You really don’t know much of anything, do you?”

It’s said with such a belittling sneer that the teen averts his eyes for a moment, feeling his face flush.

“Least I don’t dress like a bad guy from the Matrix,” he can’t help but mumble. His captor’s eyebrow twitches.

“My aesthetic is downright prodigious, thank you very much. But we’re getting off-topic! I asked about your maturation rate, you’re not smart enough to figure out what that means from the context clues, and frankly I’m getting bored by all this hands-off interaction for the sake of formal procedure. Would you say you’re closer in relative age to a child, adolescent, or adult?”

“I don’t – I don’t know, maybe teenager? Maybe?” Sonic hates that he doesn’t know, that he has no reference for knowing. He doesn’t even have the confidence to pretend that he does.

“Oh, really. That’s very interesting.”

The hedgehog feels every quill stand up on end at Robotnik’s suddenly subdued voice. He watches as the man’s expression morphs into manic contemplation. Agent Stone seems to sense the change, because he turns off the machine that’s recording their conversation.

“You’re an adolescent then. Thirteen years old, hiding here on this planet for whatever reason, honestly I don’t really care what sort of sob story you’re peddling but I have no doubt it exists. It’s no wonder you’re so ignorant.”

“I’m not ignorant!” He raises his voice like that will help prove his point.

“Oh, but you are. An obtuse, uneducated little creature that exists in a place it does not belong. Tell me, how many humans have you made direct contact with? Let someone see the real you, had a two-way conversation on equal footing…given physical contact.”

Robotnik lifts his hand and presses one finger against the bars, as if pretending he’s petting Sonic’s head again. The teen inches away towards the back of the cage, practically baring his teeth.

“Stop it.”

“Answer the question, hedgehog.”

“No! It’s none of your beeswax anyway, so back off!”

The scientist throws back his head and cackles. He comes down from his mirth fairly quickly and wipes a tear from his eye. “Everything about you is my ‘beeswax’, my pokey little fellow. I own you. I own your powers, your thoughts, your feelings, all of it. I’m astounded it hasn’t sunk in yet.”

“Cause it’s not true, Eggman! I’m me, and that’s it!”

The air around Sonic starts crackling. Robotnik places a hand in his pocket.

“Is that what your flatfoot nursemaid told you? Thank god I got you away from such fictitious foolishness, who knows what other absurdities he was filling your spiky little head with.”

“I told you not to talk about him like that!”

Full of angry energy, Sonic launches off of his heel and rams into the front bars in the same moment Robotnik pulls out a remote and presses a single button. Electricity that doesn’t belong to the hedgehog lights up the entire cage, leaving Sonic to experience the full brunt of it with his whole body pressed against metal. He stiffens up with a wordless cry and loses both his momentum and the power coursing through him.

It discharges outward and short-circuits whatever was generating the voltage running through the pen, saving the convulsing teen from further pain. He’s twitching so much that he doesn’t even notice the ceiling door open up again, nor the floating robot that drops inside to pull away several more quills. They’re still pulsing with energy.

Robotnik closes the door behind the robot as it leaves, then turns to regard his subject who’s making little mewling noises as his muscles seize against his will. He rolls his eyes at the display because really, the voltage was not that high. It didn’t even last more than a few seconds because of the creature’s rude outburst creating that blackout in his beautiful container.

He signals to Agent Stone, who is quick to turn on the recorder again.

“Note: next question involved reasons for subject’s existence on Earth and opinion on humans, at which time subject became hostile and attempted assault. No harm came to present researchers due to precautionary measures, and subject has been successfully and safely contained. Verbal interview will be postponed for later date until subject recovers and is more willing to discuss reasons for coming here without becoming violent.”

The man shuts off his mic and passes it to his assistant, yawning with a hand pressed to his mouth.

“Walk with me, Stone. I do believe it’s a fine time for sleep, now that all the immediate excitement is over.”

“Yes, sir!”

They leave the quivering hedgehog alone with the hum of a million machines and state-of-the-art security. Halfway down the hallway, Robotnik stops.

“Oh, just a moment.” He taps his gloves a few times and something whirrs to life back in the room. “There we go!”

“Sir?”

“Almost forgot to set up a sustenance bot for the little thing. I’m so used to wonderful, unfeeling robots with no need for constant nourishment, it’s easy to forgot that these fragile organic bodies require food and water, ha!”

“Uh…but Doctor, you’re also –”

“Don’t remind me of things I don’t like being reminded of, Stone!” The scientist snaps. He runs a careful hand through his hair and straightens his jacket rather prissily. “Anyway, you said something earlier about dinner being Argentina-inspired?”

Stone beams and his shoulders lift with pride. “Yep! Milanesa a la napolitana with a sprinkling of oregano and curry powder. Should be done within an hour.”

“God, that sounds lovely. In the mean time I’ll be setting up some analysis programs for the blood and quill samples and making another written log report. Do not disturb me unless I either call you directly or dinner’s done.”

“Of course, sir.” Stone hustles down the hall and makes a right turn. Robotnik turns left.

“Now then,” he says gleefully to himself, rubbing his hands together as he plops down in his Important Analysis Chair. “Let’s get this spiky ball rolling!”

…….

Additional quill samples taken after verbal interview to compare dormant and active power input of subject. It is predicted that while the active quills contain infinitely higher levels of energy, dormant quills are still capable of significant power.

After full physical recovery is reached, more thorough examinations of anatomy will be administered as well as analysis of speed, endurance, and power production. In the interim, behavioral training will begin in earnest. Subject has demonstrated capability to defer to proper authority with enough prompting.

Goal by end of week is to not need prompting. 

End log

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A/N: Sorry for the wait, I’ve been SUPER busy this week. Hope the longer chapter made up for it though! As stated above, things are going to get a lot worse before they get better, so just make sure you’re aware of that going in.

Also, originally I was going to have a side-by-side of Tom and Maddie working to find Sonic, but then I realized I have no idea how to make that work. If anyone has suggestions feel free to let me know, otherwise it’s going to be solely Sonic and Robotnik focus until (if) he’s rescued.

Thanks for reading, and have a good one!

Chapter 1

Chapter 3

[burritodetodo]

Fare You Well Adventure Time - Final Review

On Monday September 3rd 2018 at 19:00 (EST) the 2010s Animation Renaissance era was over after Adventure Time ended. It was the foundation stone of eight years in which a generation that grew up watching cartoons could meet them again thanks to a great story. One of the tales from the mythical Enchiridion that became a worldwide cultural phenomenon.

Pendelton Ward’s creation was born on 2007 as a short on Nickelodeon, but that network didn’t think it was material for a full series. In a very clever move, Cartoon Network, where Pen was working on Flapjack (the mothergum of 2010′s animated series) on those years, did think it was a good series and gave Adventure Time green light.

In eight years Adventure Time went from the adventures of a 12 year old boy, Finn Mertens, and his magical shapeshifting dog, Jay T Dawgzone Jake, on a post apocalyptic world to a coming of age story that has nothing to envy of John Hughes movies.

The first three seasons the Finn wants to be a hero no matter what the consequences. On fouth and fifth seasons, our little dude falls into love games of infatuation, teen love and broken hearts. Family and existential dramas are shown on its sixth season, in which the tone is darker and deeper. The final three seasons show Finn discovering who he is, why he has a heroic behaviour, learns to cope with depresion and anxiety with his other part, Fern, and, different to his younger self, learns that not everything has to be solved with violence.

Alongside Finn we have a cast that grew up with him and were key to the main story:

Bonnibel Bubblegum: an 827 year old princess that looks like a 19 year old one that learned not to be manipulative all the time and has to lean on her friends to solve her problems and chill out.

Marceline Abadeer: a +1000 year old vampire queen (that also looks 19) who survived a nuclear war and heir to the Hell throne that realises she can’t escape from her troubles all the time and need her friends beside her. Especially her loved one, PB.

Simon Petrikov/Ice King: he used to be an archaeologist cursed by a magic crown with antediluvian magic that turned him into mental insanity and looks for his fiancée/princess to say one last goodbye.

BMO: they have the purpose of entertain a young boy, the possible son of their creator that didn’t have because he also didn’t have time to make one, who have some journeys where they found out where they come from and learns about life and death.

Jake: a magical dog who efusively lives under the YOLO rules and skips way too much some important moments like his children breed. Through seasons he learns he needs contention and tries to be a better dad by supporting his pups.

The fight between good and evil can’t be absent from this epic tale. A bunch of major enemies appear such as The Lich as the personification of Evil on Earth, a Grass Curse that brings lots of problems in later seasons, the Vampire King that awakens after a thousand years, a wacky scientist who did hideous experiments on animals and humans and a primordial god that seeks destruction. There’re also other enemies who were defeated in one or two episodes.

Love is a fundamental element of the series. Finn went through infatuations and teen love, satisfy himself through a fantasy that pulls a break up with Flame Princess (his first girlfriend), his unloving dad and loving virtual mom and the spiritual conection with Huntress Wizard towards the end of the show. That feeling can also drive someone mad, like Betty trying to save Simon and almost destroying the world twice.

But the most notorious demonstration of love of the series was the one between Marceline and Bonnibel. Shown distant from the begining because of a mutual distance, they were getting closer and closer as long as the series was reaching the end and the climax was with a long awaited kiss during the end of the world after Marcy went bersek when she saw Bonnie almost dead after a GOLB monster attacked her. That LGBTQ kiss was very important for inclusive representation in animation, a taboo that is luckily disappearing little by little.

We can’t leave behind the crew who made Adventure Time possible. Pen Ward was in charge for four seasons until he stepped down. Adam Muto replaced him with profit the creator’s project. Storyboarders and writers staff that were in the series left to create big hits:

Patrick McHale: part of the core of what was Adventure Time on its first seasons, he did in parallel the extraordinaire Over The Garden Wall. A 10 part miniseries themed in Halloween that was an instant hit and every October is revisited by fans.

Rebecca Sugar: the best alumni for many fans. They left on Season 5.1 to create Steven Universe, CN’s powerhosrse nowadays.

Ian Jones-Quartley: he went with their girlfriend, Sugar, to Steven Universe. His short, Lakewood Plaza Turbo, was greenlit and it was renamed to OK KO. An awesome cartoon with 90s spirit on its own.

Julia Pott: she created a short that was premiered in Sundance festival called Summer Camp Island. It got an award and the network gave it green light for a full series. With her, many members of Adventure Time crew went there and has a tone that’s familiar with AT’s first season.

Voice actors were also a key role in their interpretation of characters. Big names such as John DiMaggio or Tom Kenny mixed with the aging Jeremy Shada that grew up alongside Finn so the production didn’t have to change his voice actor as it happens in many shows. And, as I did in previous reviews, Olivia Olson was amazing playing Marceling but also by singing: from mourning about the last fries on Earth to doing a terrific Mitski cover back on Season 7.

Of course, a big hit series can have big guest actors voicing characters. Names such as Ron Perlman, Neil Patrick Harris, Maria Bamford, Mark Hamill and many more also gave life to Ooo’s big characters.

We say fare thee well to an epic story. Nine seasons, or chapters, that explored with creativity real life situations ambiented in a post-apocalyptic world. A story that gave us back faith on animation, despite network’s mistreatment in the final seasons. A show that wasn’t only child’s game, because animation is for everybody. Listening to the Music Hole sing sweet songs, she rock our souls while we ask what time is it.

If you liked this post, not only like it. Hit reblog.

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[imyobe]

HOW TO Creating Characters for Fictional Stories BY imyobe

INTRODUCTION:

It requires skill, practice, and staying power to expand realistic characters. It is similarly hard or almost not possible to craft a story without a dwelling being, even if or not it's a personified animal, as takes place in Richard Bach's "Jonathan Livingston Seagull."

DEFINITION:

"Stories often arise out of a deep consideration of how person is shaped and how it's miles pulled apart," consistent with Mark Baechtel in "Shaping the Story: A Step-via-Step Guide to Writing Short Fiction" (Pearson Education, 2004, p. 79). Characterization arises from the features of someone's psyche and personality, both of which make him what he's and therefore motivate him to do what he does within the tale or novel, whether or not or not it's exact or bad. It is not merely what the individual seems like. Instead, this portrayal is maximum efficiently achieved via demonstration or the proverbial "show, don't tell" philosophy of literature.

PERSONALITY:

From a psychological perspective, personality implies a consistency or continuity of actions, ways, thoughts, and feelings inside someone. Whatever he does, feels, or thinks originates from inside him. It becomes a reliable technique of predicting conduct. "The first-class predictor of destiny conduct is beyond conduct." Personality also implies that a few normally exhibited traits serve as the precis of what someone is like.

"Describing someone's personality is making an attempt to seize the man or woman's essence," in line with "Perspectives on Personality" ((Allyn and Bacon, 1992, p. 3). "It includes crystallizing something from various bits of knowledge you have got approximately the individual. Describing someone's personality nearly continually method taking a incredible many behavioral traits and decreasing them to a more limited set of characteristics or attributes. Evidence approximately personality comes partly from what human beings do and say at various times, but it's also partially a depend of how people do what they do-the fashion that brings a unique and private contact to their actions."

"Personality has been a topic for theologians, philosophers, artists, poets, novelists, and songwriters, and lots of those humans have had essential insights about personality," the textbook continues (p. 9).

CHARACTER CATEGORIES:

There are several individual categories, as follows.

1). Protagonist: The protagonist is the story's principal or principal individual. It is the one round which the plot revolves and to whom all of the action and adversity is directed. It is the person who faces the limitations and conflicts he ought to conquer to attain his goal.

Ideally, a story should have a unmarried protagonist. He won't usually be admirable-for instance, he may be an anti-hero; nevertheless, he should command involvement on the a part of the reader, or higher yet, his empathy. He is the individual inside the story or ebook with whom the reader sympathizes or for whom he roots. Protagonists should be complicated and flawed. They do not, with the aid of definition, need to be likeable, however they need to be relatable and believable. The reader have to recognize their choices.

2). Antagonist: The antagonist serves because the protagonist's opponent and can regularly be taken into consideration the "terrible guy" within the tale, whose action arises from the struggle among the . This is aptly illustrated in "The Wizard of Oz "wherein the conflict between Dorothy and the Wicked Witch of the West performs out till she triumphs over her together with her loss of life and brings her broom to the wizard.

The antagonist does not have to be someone at all, but may be an animal, an inanimate object, or even nature itself. For instance, the antagonist of Tom Godwin's story, "The Cold Equations," is outer space.

An antagonist must also be a "round man or woman." Simply making him evil isn't always as interesting as making her or him conflicted. Pure evil is difficult to believe in fiction, since human beings are multi-faceted and stimulated by means of their personal situations and back testimonies. Therefore, placing time into describing your antagonist and showing his or her personal struggles will create a richer and greater complicated narrative. Just as a protagonist need to now not only be good, an antagonist ought to now not most effective be awful.

3). Round individual: A round person is one who is complex and possibly even contradictory. "The check of a round man or woman is whether or not he's capable of unexpected in a convincing manner," in step with E. M. Forster. If a flat person can be summed up in a sentence or two, a round individual might in all likelihood take an essay.

4). Static man or woman: A static man or woman is one that does now not develop. Most characters in a story should be static, in order that the reader isn't always distracted from the great adjustments the author desires to illustrate and demonstrate in relation to his most important or central individual. Static implies constant, without trade. It does not indicate boring.

5). Stock individual: A inventory character is both a stereotypical one and a distinct kind of flat individual who is right away recognizable to most readers, as inside the Brave Starship Captain or the Troubled Teen or the Ruthless Businessperson. In the palms of a clumsy author, the inventory person never rises above the card stereotype, that is unfortunate. Even as clichés encapsulate a kernel of fact, so do stock characters replicate aspects of actual human beings. Courage, for instance, is needed of army personnel, while people in business act ruthlessly at times so one can survive in that Darwinian world.

6). Cardboard man or woman: A cardboard character may be considered a stereotype, mannequin, drone, or an otherwise uninteresting illustration of a actual man or woman.

7). Developing character: A person can be considered "developing" if he changes over the route of the tale, the prime example of that is the protagonist, who have to always be subjected to this novel-lengthy metamorphosis.

8). Flat person: A flat man or woman is one who's portrayed as having only one or developments. He can, in essence, be summed up in a single sentence. Do no longer be put off via this definition, however, since every tale needs a number of these to guide the plot and the protagonist. Many successful ones, together with Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, have nothing however flat ones.

9). Sympathetic character: A sympathetic person is one whose motivations readers can understand and whose feelings they can conveniently proportion. This is the kind of individual of whom naive readers will say "I could pick out with her." The protagonist is often, however now not usually, sympathetic. Note that a sympathetic person does no longer always should be a top individual. Despite the reality that Winston Smith betrays Julia and his very own values via embracing Big Brother in George Orwell's 1984, for instance, he stays a sympathetic man or woman.

10). Unsympathetic person: An unsympathetic individual is one whose motivations are suspect and whose emotions make the reader uncomfortable. The boundary between sympathetic and unsympathetic characterization isn't always necessarily truely defined, however.

CHARACTER REVELATION:

"In fiction writing, individual emerges thru the writer's skillful presentation of the emotional meaning present in what the individual does, says, and sees or responds to conditions, events, and other characters within the story,," in line with Beachtel (p. 92).

CHARACTER TYPES:

Although characters, like the real human beings they ought to suggest to the reader, must be precise individuals, there are various stereotypical characters, which rob the tale of its integrity and realism. They encompass the nosy neighbor, the drunken Irishman, the dumb blonde, the absent-minded professor, and the mad scientist, among others. Avoid the usage of them at all costs.

TYPE VERSUS CHARACTER:

No man or woman is about in stone and may be taken into consideration a black-or-white, all-or-nothing-at-all human being. If you create someone including this, you handiest mould a type to your paper. The very term "human being" implies that he's a aggregate of all things, emotions, and emotions, right or horrific.

A "bad" man or woman who abuses others, for instance, may also express "goodness" by constantly on foot elderly ladies across the street. You should reconcile this dichotomy at the stop of your story by using revealing that his act results from his subconscious try to connect to the mom who used to abuse him and this is his very last effort to advantage the approval of those he equates together with her later in lifestyles.

As in life itself, all characters are and need to be complex below the floor and your readers, like you, have to ultimately come to a few sort of know-how of what motivates them, whether it be a effective or negative thing or, more ideally, an intricate mixture of both.

If you turn out to be skilled at crafting characters, they'll tackle a lifestyles in their own. Carly Phillips as soon as wrote, "A writer begins through breathing existence into his characters. But in case you are very lucky, they breathe life into you."

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:

The degree of character development is a feature of the role each plays in the story. The one-time point out of the bank teller with a five o'clock shadow who accepts a deposit slip need be evolved no in addition than this.

"Some (characters) will stroll onto the story's stage, speak a line or , transact the quick business the tale assigns to them, then exit," in step with Beachtel (p. 94).

SLOW, PROGRESSIVE REVEAL:

Think of your exceptional friend. Did you realize all about him the moment you met him or did you "click" as time discovered your commonplace views, developments, beliefs, interests, emotions, and experiences? Similarly, story man or woman foundation need to be laid as quickly as possible and next scenes will allow his character tendencies to be discovered and supported.

CHARACTERS AND SCENES:

Tantamount to the portrayal of a individual is the tale's scenes, wherein he can act out and reveal the trends that make him uniquely who he's. He have to, however, have numerous other elements.

1). The individual need to be appropriate to the scene and the tale.

2). He ought to be believable, convincing the reader that he's or can be a actual individual inside the actual world.

3). He have to be constant in his actions, attitudes, and behaviors from scene to scene during the story. An 80-year-old grandmother who attends church every Sunday and contributes to charity would now not possibly embezzle money at different times, unless you reveal what lies under her surface and occurred in her beyond to motive any such dichotomous character.

4). There have to be battle. Nothing reveals a person's man or woman extra than the conflicts which either take a look at him or tear him apart.

KINDRED SPIRIT:

One of the many motives that readers immerse themselves in tales and books is to view factors of life they can become aware of with and possibly catch a glimpse of themselves in one or extra in their characters in an identity which has them silently conclude, "That's me." This is mainly illustrated by using Wallace Stegner in his tale, The Traveler.

"Along a road he had never driven, he went swiftly towards an unknown form and an unknown town, to distribute in keeping with some wise law, a part of the load of the boy's emergency and his very own; however he bore in his mind, shiny as moonlight over snow, a bright wonder, almost in awe. Far from the most chronic and incurable ills, identity, he had regarded outward and for one unmistakable instant diagnosed himself."

This passage echoes humanity's shared burden-or those elements which we unknowingly percentage with one another-by permitting the character to view himself out of doors of himself for the primary time and glean insight into a perspective only others have of him.

CHARACTER COMPLEXITY:

Characters aren't and have to now not be stick figures. They have to be portrayed as complex, multi-dimensional humans, whether or not they're fictionalized or actual, so that the reader can agree with that they exist. Their physical appearance can be a beginning to that man or woman, but also the least important part. What motivates them, what lurks in their pasts and psyches, what makes them tick and grow to be who they're, can be the maximum important.

"The characters in our stories, songs, poems, and essays encompass our writing," consistent with Rebecca McClanahan in her book, "Word Painting: A Guide to Write More Descriptively" (Writer's Digest Books, 1999, p. 114). "They are phrases made flesh. Sometimes they even speak for us, sporting a good deal of the load of plot, theme, mood, idea, and emotion."

CHARACTER MOLDING:

Consider a lump of clay. As you work it together with your fingers and tools, you start to mould it in order that it slowly takes form. You do the identical with characters thru physical descriptions, feelings, attitudes, and gestures. Here, above all, show, do not inform! Do not country, for instance, that Billy was indecisive. Demonstrate, through scenes, his problem in making selections through consulting with numerous buddies, doubting his selections, and sooner or later identifying to do one factor best to reverse his selection an hour later. This demonstration would have a reader conclude, He can not seem to make up his mind.

If you defined your exceptional pal to someone, might you say, "He's six-foot-tall and has sandy hair" or "he is funny, witty, loves to philosophize, is aware things underneath the floor. We're sort of a match. He's like a kindred spirit." Would his peak now without a doubt count number? The more intensity illustrates the character behind the physical shell.

CHARACTER DISCUSSION:

"We establish characters through direct bodily description, with the aid of choice of sensory and extensive information about the person and his surroundings, and thru description of a character's moves and speech," in keeping with Rebecca McClanahan in her ebook, "Word Painting: A Guide to Write More Descriptively" (Writer's Digest Books, 1999, pp. 115-116).

By describing a person thru his very own eyes, the writer allows the reader to go into his unique world.

"Characters screen their internal lives-their preoccupations, values, lifestyles, likes and dislikes, fears and aspirations-by way of the objects that fill their palms, houses, offices, cars, suitcases, grocery carts, and dreams," in line with Rebecca McClanahan in her ebook, "Word Painting: A Guide to Write More Descriptively" (Writer's Digest Books, 1999, p. 126).

GIVING BIRTH TO A CHARACTER:

1). Choose the ideal name, designation, and/or title.

2). Provide enough of a physical description so that the reader can visualize the individual's distinguishing traits, however now not sufficient to color a portrait. They need to now not all be delivered at once, however one distinguishing function can serve as the character's hallmark, consisting of an arrow-formed scar on his forehead or a slight lisp or a repeated expression, like "or what now not" at the stop of the whole thing he says. Other examples might also include, "That he reeked of grease indicated that he labored in an automotive repair shop" or "His persistent cough cautioned that he turned into a heavy smoker."

3). Be cognizant of the electricity of a character's surroundings has to demonstrate or shed light on him. Settings can frequently say a terrific deal. For example, "I don't assume his kitchen ground ever have become buddies with a mop." What does Laura's glass collection say about her in Tennessee Williams' The Glass Menagerie?

CHARACTER FUNCTIONS:

Characters have to carry out the subsequent functions:

1). They permit the reader to live vicariously thru them.

2). They supply the reader a sense of time accurately invested within the tale or e-book.

3). They give the reader someone with whom to connect, leaving him to experience as if he walked away from someone or buddy with whom he had been in detail familiar.

4). They allow the reader to comply with his adventure, illustrating how they deal with, extricate themselves from, and in the end triumph over, the boundaries encountered at some stage in the work.

5). They allow the reader both to become aware of with, but at the identical time explore, trends, approaches, and solutions with which he does no longer become aware of in his own existence, imparting an "alternate angle" approach.

CHARACTER ANALYSIS:

By web page 50 or so of a longer story or book, the writer need to be able to breathe sufficient lifestyles into his essential character. One-dimensional or paper characters offer no surprises to the reader, permitting him to recognize his profile with out even watching for his next motion or speak. They can be taken into consideration "stick figures."

The fundamental man or woman must be inside the throes of change and need to be quite complicated. He may not necessarily even recognise how he will take care of pending situations. Theoretically, there need to best be one primary individual.

A well-crafted novel must start whilst and where the principle person unearths himself within the midst of monumental life modifications, consisting of happens with the loss of a spouse, dying, or even prevailing the lottery. Even in life, people seldom research or develop except they're challenged and confronted with adversity. They frequently endure large developing pains, stumble, and find themselves in a nation of flux.

Any novel or short tale will provide a single most important person or protagonist and several aspect characters, which serve as the forged and provide guide, interaction, and input. They turn out to be the riders of the plot's ebbs and flows.

By the end of the work, the primary individual need to go through a alternate or modifications, even as the facet characters seldom want to. The reader need to ideally root for the main individual.

Stories have two forms of conflicts: the internal struggle, which involves morals, rights-versus-wrongs, demons, and insecurities; and the outer war, which deals with human beings, parents, process situations, money, and social issues.

Character facades can either replicate the truth or conceal it. Take, for instance, Colombo, who outwardly appeared bumbling and clueless, but who cleverly controlled to put all the portions together with a view to determine who had committed the particular crime. He similarly portrayed a diploma of unpredictability.

Every character ought to conceal some thing, as most humans in actual existence do.

REAL LIFE CHARACTERS:

Real existence characters can and should be used for inspiration, however should most effective function the jumping off point from which the author can create a person who's bigger than existence. Their excessive developments may be tragic, memorable, and/or funny. They facilitate the following.

1). They offer the writer with a wealth of trends, making it clean to write approximately them.

2). They can equally restrict, because they should not be used as verbatim, textbook cases: the writer must have the freedom and flexibility to create someone who extends past the actual existence individual's traits.

CHARACTERISTICS:

There are several traits the writer have to do not forget before he names his characters, however.

1). Their age.

2). Their heritage or nationality/religion.

3). Their region of birth (geographic location).

4). Their own family traditions, including Harrington III.

MINOR CHARACTERS:

Method actor Stanislavsky once said, "There aren't any small parts, most effective small actors" and he become correct. The identical philosophy ought to practice to the writer's story or novel. The richness and credibility of the tale will depend upon the supporting solid of characters. They can bring comic relief, add to the tension and drama, flow the motion, add intrigue and complications, or carry out all of these purposes. In essence, minor characters must play major roles.

However, minor characters can frequently be reduced to clichés, in that the reader already forms a pre-judged opinion approximately them due to their stereotypical nature. Examples of those sorts of characters encompass the dumb blonde, the unbearable boss, the inconsiderate neighbor, the human doormat, the troublemaker, the soapbox, the complainer, and Weird Al.

In order to deviate from this cliché-trap, the author should remember the following tips:

1). Identify the characters' defining moments-that is, the experiences that modified them so they too are three-d and now not stick figures.

2). Establish early on the purpose they may be inside the tale. Are they there to help or rescue the hero, throw issues in his path, confuse him, be the comic foil that screws up his plans, or arrive abruptly to add mystery.

3). Set up the connection between them: is it personal, professional, familial, neighbor-related, a schoolmate, romantic, or adversary? Consider uncommon approaches for them to have met, or to preserve meeting.

4). Describe their differences, together with bodily developments, age, sex, cultural background, political, spiritual background, education, interests, and desires.

THE SUPPORTING CAST:

Describe as a minimum five fundamental characters so that it will play an crucial part of the story. If you've got extra than five, honestly broaden them. State their names, relationships to the principle person, why you realize about them, how they'll engage with the primary person, and in the long run the motive(s) they may be in the story.

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR PROTAGONIST:

In order for a writer to realize wherein his most important man or woman is going, he first ought to recognise wherein he has been: The instances and attitudes that shaped his destiny earlier than he was confronted with a life changing, inciting incident. And the exceptional manner to capture his history is through in-depth interviews that ask probing questions. Start with the ones under and then upload your personal. You will now not only be surprised by way of the responses, however you may meet the supporting forged as well.

1). What changed into your childhood like? Small family or large? Was it a happy domestic life?

2). Did you grow up in an urban place of a small town? Where was it located?

3). What religion(s) had been your parents? Was the own family tied to a house of worship?

4). Who was the disciplinarian? Mom or dad? Neither? Both?

5). Where had been you inside the beginning order? Only child? Eldest? The baby? The middle?

6). What is your astrological sign? Do you accept as true with in astrology?

7). What are your greatest hobbies, passions, and abilities?

8). Are you currently married? Single? Divorced? Widowed? Kids? Step kids?

9). Do you see your self as e-book-smart or street-clever?

10). What become your highest stage of education?

11). Describe your high faculty experience. Were you a loner? Popular? Wildly popular?

12). Describe your bodily tendencies. Attractive or homely? Short or tall? Thin or fat?

13). Can you inform a joke? Can you take a joke?

14). Describe the only thing you want in existence that has eluded you up until now and describe the barriers in your way.

15). What is your largest secret-that is, what is the component that no one, or almost no one, knows about you?

CREATING THE PERFECT VILLAIN:

After the hero (protagonist), the villain (antagonist) is the next maximum vital individual. No one is all excellent or all evil. To make a villain believable, readers must recognize his motives. (Consider Dr. Smith in Lost in Space, for instance).

It is once in a while easier to create a villain than a hero, due to the fact the villain can have a couple of flaws. While the hero must watch his manners and be cautious that he does no longer say or do things that could alienate the reader, the villain can pretty much do or say something he wants. In truth, the extra objectionable he's, the extra powerful he's.

In many approaches, the villain is a reversal of the hero. While the hero desires a flaw or to make him seem actual, the villain can gain by a suitable great or to make him appear human. To cite a well-known example, in Star Wars, Luke Skywalker has flaws, but his desire to do the right element makes him a hero. Darth Vader commenced out with the same hazard and background, however have become evil due to temptation, leading him to willingly make incorrect choices.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR VILLAIN:

Not even villains are all terrible. It allows to get into the individual's psyche and find out what made him the way he's. When creating a villain, a little sympathy for the satan is in order. Did he have a horrific childhood? Did some trauma or loss cause him to travel down the incorrect path? Would he be a nice guy if he have been now not being eaten up by way of jealousy, anger, or a need for revenge? In part, Darth Vader is understandable because the lack of a loved one is one component that prompted him to end up bitter and include the dark side. Most villains, regardless of how wrong they're, suppose that they are right. In truth, they consider themselves the best true heroes within the tale.

GIVING THE VILLAIN HUMAN TOUCHES:

The villain need to no longer be all evil. There have been many serial killers, both in fiction and in actual life, who have been committed to their other halves or mothers or who took gentle care of a beloved pet. Somehow, it makes it even greater horrifying while a man or woman has the functionality of showing mercy and sympathy, but due to some quirk in his nature, chooses no longer to in certain conditions.

In Ruth Rendell's novel, The Lake of Darkness, the hit man Finn is an even greater formidable person because he is dedicated to his mom and hides newspaper clippings of his severa murders so she will not see them in the papers and end up upset. The fact that he is capable of this little act of conscience offers him an uneasy connection to the relaxation of us-who has not hid his misdeeds from his mom-and makes him even greater frightening whilst he chooses to do evil.

SIDE CHARACTERS AND MINOR CHARACTERS:

Although the hero and the villain play the most crucial roles, stories and novels also want well-advanced aspect and minor characters, which play many critical assisting roles with the aid of complementing the plot's hero and villain. They are frequently essential to impart useful data to or approximately the primary characters. Minor players inside the tale also assist reveal the genuine nature of the hero or the villain. There are numerous sorts of aspect characters.

THE BEST FRIEND OR SIDEKICK:

Sherlock Holmes had his Watson to soar thoughts off of, and except your hero is a loner, it could advantage him to have the sort of buddy or accomplice with whom to speak about his thoughts, dreams, and theories. Such a person makes the protagonist appear actual and can help move the story along through putting long passages of the main individual's thoughts into active communicate. The villain may additionally have this type of sidekick off of whom he can soar his evil schemes.

RIVALS:

Aside from pals, many people have competitors or what can be considered "friendly competitors" in their lives-that is, the individual they try to equal, if no longer exceed, in many endeavors, which include in jobs, promotions, wealth, and fabric possessions. This idea is expressed by means of the "retaining up with the Joneses" cliché. Perhaps there's someone who always tries to conquer him to the merchandising or to the first-rate deals. The villain, needless to say, may be the primary challenge, however a minor rival for the hero at home or inside the place of job also can make a tale extra thrilling.

RELATIVES:

Few humans live in vacuums: they have parents, aunts, and kids. Creating a circle of relatives for your man or woman can make him seem real. Readers can identify with the fun and trials that come from having a meddling aunt, a trouble brother or sister, or an aging figure who needs care.

It is wise to limit the dimensions of an extended own family unless this element is fundamental to the tale line.

Choosing one "problem relative" can be sufficient. One or two essential family individuals can constitute the others. The more names the reader has to remember, the greater frustrated he will grow to be, specifically if the facet characters do now not pass the story along.

CHARACTER DO'S AND DON'TS:

Characters can once in a while be taken into consideration your children. You assume you very own them due to the fact you created them, you matured them, you believed in them, and you taught them the whole lot you already know. But, like children, at some point they expand their very own mind and beliefs. They can not be reined in or directed. And, trust it or no longer, that may be a accurate issue for a author. You want your characters to be unpredictable and to chart their own courses. This method which you have performed a terrific task of breathing life into them and now their journey could be a thriller to both of you. If, for example, there aren't any surprises for the author, then there aren't any surprises for the reader.

In order to develop strong, memorable, compelling, and empathetic characters, right here are numerous recommendations.

DO'S:

1). Make the heroine larger than existence. Exaggerate his/her tendencies, eccentricities, and functions.

2). Share secrets, information, and desires.

3). Make certain that your hero has the maximum at stake and has to take the best risks.

4). Give your hero the exceptional lines.

5). Fall in love along with your hero in order that the reader will as well.

Don'ts:

1). Use actual people. Be inspired with the aid of them, but do now not scouse borrow from one source. Make a composite.

2). Make your protagonist a wimp-there's a cause he's referred to as a "hero."

3). Forget whose tale you're telling.

4). Keep your hero out of hassle for very lengthy.

5). Let your individual be a windbag or monopolize the conversation.

6). When it comes to sharing your knowledge, use it. Don't abuse it.

FROM CHARACTER TO OUTLINE:

After creating an fascinating important individual, it is time to take him on his adventure. Here is a way to develop an outline or story board that connects that person and his helping forged with an equally intriguing plot. After mapping out the key info in every scene, it is time to start writing. But earlier than you do, keep in mind the following points.

1). What is the inciting incident or turning factor?

2). What is revealed about the character(s) and/or their conflicts?

3). Where does dialogue serve the best top? Narrative precis? Description? Flashback?

4). How does the story circulate forward?

[dethdealer12345-blog]

Children of Men (2006) Review

Alfonso Cuaron's 2006 sci-dystopian action thriller is a movie that should have been good.

Starring Clive Owen, Michael Caine, and Chiwetel Ejiofor, with action scenes done in one take, set in a futuristic, almost Mad-Max type world. Unfortunately the film is bogged down by terrible dialogue, an over the top preachy political message, terrible action, a comically bad ending, and Juliane Moore.

Hailed as a masterpiece by many for reasons I cannot understand.

In short the movie was a boring mess.

To explain why, however, will require basically spoiling the entire movie.

Thus I will give my final score now before continuing on with everything I found wrong.

2/5

Spoiler Filled Review

I must give praise to the one take action scenes even if they are terribly directed, boring, or just plain silly, I at least applaud the film for attempting such a thing.

Spoiler filled review

The film opens with a quick run down of the plot as Clive Owen buys coffee from some shop.

And no joke, the movie's premise sounds like a joke.

"In a world, were no children have been born in 18 years. Only one man can save us."

That man is Clive Owen, some guy who lost his own child when every woman became sterile.

Grabbing his coffee, he glances over to the TV were the news reports that the youngest person alive has just died. An 18 year old young man, who the world treated as a celebrity. Clive Owen pays it no mind while those around him start to break down and cry.

Stepping out of the building, he starts to walk down the sidewalk when the building explodes behind him. Thus we get our first action scene, as well as see what will quickly become the problem with most of them.

The camera is focused on Clive Owen who is walking, and basically doing nothing while action, explosions, and other violence happen behind him, or around him, or beside him, or in front of him. Which is fine and all, if the actor the camera focuses on is doing something, instead he just kind of walks or jogs along. Even Tom Cruise, in the terrible War of the World remake, ran at least. Not Clive Owen, anything that would require effort is clearly too much work.

Thus while the film's action scenes are all one take, not one is memorable or good, and so instead of seeing Tony Jaa fighting his way up a hotel, or Chow Yun Fat and Company shoot their way through a hospital, we get Clive Owen, just kind of there, while stuff happens in the background.

The movie than moves on to its political message as Clive Owen passes by signs, billboards,

commercials, and even straight up cages. All of which are full of immigrants, or are telling the populace that immigrants should not be in the country. Yes, everyone, in a world were everything is falling apart. Where the clock is literally counting down to the end of humanity. Where there are commercials selling suicide. Where wars, terrorism, fanatics, and the like have destroyed every other nation aside from England, because England is just that great. How the US, Russia, China, Germany, Australia, Japan, and the like have fallen apart but not England is never mentioned but it is assumed to be because the world is going to hell.

Which is fine. Which can work. However what the movie than cannot do is try to make me care about the immigrants. England is only standing because it has closed off its borders, like how Japan rebuilt itself after the Sengoku Era. It has legitimate historical context, which is ruined because its clear the film is taking a stance against such policies, not just in the movie but in reality itself.

And reality notwithstanding as I do not care what position you take politically, in the movie itself the premise that we should care for the immigrants is ludicrous. The movie tells us the world is going to ruin Mad Max style, it than tells us that England is the only country still running, it than tells us that England is the only country to seal its borders, therefore as far as the movie has explained the only reason England is not a shit hole is because it has closed its borders. And the movie expects you to believe that is a bad thing.

Its silly to say the least, terrible if you think about it, and preachy if being honest. But preachy in a way that you cant help but disagree.

Still, that is the message and the movie will try its damnedest to get you to agree with it. Though that is not the only message, as the film again and again enforces the image that the government is bad.

That borders should not exist. And that the police are evil.

It sounds like something an extreme anarchist would write.

Down with the government. Let the people do whatever they want.

And again despite your political leanings, in the setting of the film, it makes no sense.

The movie has barely been on ten minutes at this point but already the plot is hemorrhaging. The film is in desperate need of help, and thus in steps Michael Caine, with a fart joke.

And again I am not making this up, he actually makes a fart joke. He turns to Clive Owens and says pull my finger.

Pull My Finger.

Do I even need to say anything else.

Michael Caine explains about a secret organization called the Human Project, which is a group of scientists trying to save the world. Clive Owens believes them to be a myth, but it is heavily implied that they are real. Clive Owens then leaves.

Only to be kidnapped by his ex-wife Julianne Moore. And while others might see her as good, I cannot. The woman cannot act. She is almost as bad as Kevin Costner and oddly enough her best role has been in the second Kingsmen film were she hams it up and is essentially playing a joke character. And even there she is the worst part of the film.

Playing herself, she tells Clive Owens that she is hiring him to create transit papers for some young immigrant woman. Clive agrees because he needs the money and goes to a friend of his. A friend who is incredibly rich, incredibly powerful and can get Clive whatever he needs. That man is played by Danny Huston, for some reason. Not that he is bad or anything, just that he is severely underused and basically makes an extended cameo.

He has also rescued the statue of David, as well as many other works of art, because again, the world is in ruin. And again we are supposed to see him as a bad guy, as he looks out a window over a factory that looks like a certain Pink Floyd album while a large balloon of a pig floats in the air. Yes the movie is that on the nose with its symbolism.

This man is a pig. A greedy business man who you should not like. Or at least that is what the visuals and movie want you to think.

In reality he is a man who has saved priceless works of art and is singlehandly doing and getting everything our hero needs.

How is this man a bad guy again?

We are never told as he never returns.

With papers in hand, Clive Owen returns to Julianne Moore and tells her that he himself has to be with the woman or the papers wont work. He then tells her he needs to be paid more or he wont go.

Julian agrees and Clive heads out.

Thus we end up with Clive, Julianne, Girl, some middle aged woman, and Chiwetel in a car heading towards the coast were a boat awaits the girl. Along the way Clive Owen and Julianne Moore play with balls in their mouths in a moment that is supposed to be cute or enduring and is instead annoying. Luckily a one shot action scene begins, as a gang of bikers attack the car, shooting Julianne Moore in the throat and shooting at the car. The group gets away as the cops arrive to scare off the gang. Only for a cop car to pull over the remaining group. Chiwetel kills the two cops and the group dump them in the woods along with Julianne, who is now dead.

With the worst actress out of the film, the girl steps up to take her role.

Who is this girl, why is she important.

Why she is nobody, but she is an immigrant, and most important of all, she is pregnant.

How do we know she is pregnant, easy she shows us in the most pretentious way possible.

Clive Owens finds her in a barn with some cows where he tells her is done, and that she can find another way out of the country, as she is not special. She tells him she is as she starts to undress, at which point Clive Owens and myself are confused as it looks like she is trying to seduce him. Instead she takes off her dress to show her baby bump, using an arm to cover her breasts as she poses for the camera. And once again you are immediately taken out of the film.

Why did she take her clothes off?

Why is she standing near cows?

Why is she in a barn?

Why if she wants to take her clothes off, is she then covering herself up. Does she not know how to just lift her dress, or step to the side and let him see the large bump that is her pregnant belly?

No, that would be sensible, that would be what a normal human would do. But that is not what the director wants. Want the director wants in an image of her standing naked, surrounded by livestock, holding her pregnant belly and exposed breasts because its artsy. Because that is the image he wanted, logic, common sense, and basic human interaction be damned. He wants his shot and he is going to get it, no matter how stupid everyone has to be for it to happen.

Clive than goes to the others and tells them he knows she is pregnant and that she needs to be taken to a hospital. They of course refuse because government is bad. And again you are supposed to agree with them. And again it makes no sense.

In the context of the world. Her feeling. The groups feeling. Even the babies life. None of it matters. If she is the only person in the entire world to become pregnant. If she is the only hope humanity has to still be around in the next one hundred years, than she needs to go to the government. Even if they chop her and her baby up, turn them into paste and use them for any experiment required, I would be fine with that. Because as Spock is famed for saying. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."

And if the girl and her baby having a terrible or even no life is what is required to save all of humanity. Than someone give me the gun because I will shoot her and her baby in the face myself.

Because again. I cannot stress this enough.

HUMANS AS A SPECIES ARE GOING EXTINCT!

Clive leaves, and soon overhears that Chiwetel and the others were the ones to kill Julianne Moore so that they could take over and keep the baby for themselves so as to start a revolution. And despite learning of that, Clive Owens still does not wish to tell the world of the pregnant woman. Instead he decides to run her through a literal war zone. But we will get to that.

In the meantime, Clive gets girl and middle aged woman and rushes them to a car so as to escape. The only problem is that the car will not start. Thus another one take action scene begins, wherein Clive Owens must push start the car by shoving it down a hill, while the bad guys rush to stop him.

And the scene is somehow stupider than it sounds.

As not only do the bad guys not stop them, but one also catches up to them gun in hand, threatening to shoot, only to call back and ask what to do before being taken out. Meanwhile the bad guys get in their own cars and give chase, since their car is working they easily catch up, just as Clive and gang get theres started. The bad guys than stop their car and climb out to continue the chase on foot. Yes I said that correctly. The bad guys, who were in a working car. Give chase to the heroes who are now in a working car. On foot.

Yeah, that's what I call a great action scene right there. It was even done in one take. Therefore it is good. Right?

Of course not.

The scene plays out like something from a comedy.

Driving off, Clive takes the group to Michael Caine, who tells them they are safe and that he has a cop friend who can help them. The bad guys arrive soon afterwards, and Michael Caine tells Clive and the others to leave while he buys them time.

The group reluctantly agrees, leaving out the back and making their way to a small hill overlooking Caine and Chiwetel.

Chiwetel has Caine at gun point and demands to know where Clive and the others are.

So what does Caine do?

Does he make up a lie.

Does he crumble and sell out his friends.

Or Does he say nothing and die with dignity.

The answer is of course none of the above. As instead Michael Caine tells Chiwetel to pull his finger.

Chiwetel rightfully shoots him in the shoulder. To which Caine tells Chiwetel to pull his finger.

Chiwetel then shoots and kills Caine.

Thus Michael Caine dies, his final words an attempt at a fart joke.

Why do people like this movie again?

The movie continues after that, with Clive Owens calling Caine's cop friend over. The cop friend pretend arrests them, and drives them through a checkpoint full of caged immigrants. Again the film is not subtle about its message. And again I wholeheartedly disagree with it. Especially when the, mostly Muslim immigrants start marching through the streets shouting 'Allah Akbar' while armed with whatever guns they have. But again that is for later.

For now, Clive and girl ride a bus where they lose middle aged woman, who pretends to be insane so as to stop the cops from searching the pregnant woman. How that works is beyond me as surely the cops will search the woman anyway. And they almost do, until Clive Owens points out that she has pissed herself. The cop, not wanting to touch her because she is now icky, leaves and the problem resolves itself. The middle aged  woman is still taken away however, and at that point you have to ask why even though the answer should be obvious.

It is so Clive and the girl are stuck by themselves.

Cop then takes the two to a building to wait while he goes to do some things to help her on her way, and during the night the girl gives birth. Clive helps her, and at that point I was expecting the baby to die. Leaving Clive Owen to take the only baby in the world to safety. Instead the film does not have the balls to kill the poor defenseless, Immigrant woman, and she survives. And it is at that point that the movie stops trying to be a serious, dark, depressing drama and starts to spiral into comedy.

The cop arrives with some girl, a replacement for middle aged woman, and demands to know what the girl is holding. Seeing her baby, he pulls out his gun and forces everyone down the building so he can take them to the government and get a reward. And again. We are supposed to see this as a bad thing. Because government bad.

New girl soon attacks the cop, and together with Clive Owen they three escape. The cop chases after them, somehow unable to hit any of them and another one take action scene begins. Clive actually does something in this one, as he shuts a door, grabs a heavy thing, and hits the cop on the head with it. And it looks as clunky as it sounds.

Clive then runs through some streets as shooting between the immigrants and the military starts up. When suddenly, the bad guys led by Chiwetel appear.

Chiwetel's group take the girl and the baby, before shooting someone who is with Clive Owens, but who is not Clive Owens and is also not new girl. Why the bad guys do not just shoot Clive Owens is again obvious as the film needs him alive still. Thus person three is killed.

The military and immigrants than arrive, and a shootout occurs.

A shootout in the background, and off in the distance. Clive his barely in any danger, and just kind of stays low and lightly jogs away.

Chasing after Chiwetel, he comes to a building under assault by the military. A group of immigrants run out with flags up only to be mowed down, because again, government bad.

Clive makes his way into the building as the military continues to shoot. Tanks, machine guns, and bazookas are fired at the building, but luckily only the first few stories so that when Clive makes his way to the higher ones, he will not be shot at.

Clive quickly finds the girl, only for Chiwetel to be near, machine gun in hand. He says some pointless things about how he was trying to do good, while bullets are shot around him. Clive takes the girl with him, as Chiwetel shoots at them, only for one of the tanks to finally shoot at him. Not until he is off screen and back in the distance of course.

Making his way down the building, Clive, girl, and baby are mobbed by all in the building as the baby cries. The army then arrives, and upon hearing the baby cry, stop shooting, lower their weapons, and let Clive, the girl, and her baby through.

That is right.

Everyone learns of the baby. Of the only baby in the entire world. They learn of the one thing that literally everyone has been trying to get.

And they just let it go.

They let them all go.

Yes, because that is how you resolve a dangerous situation.

You have everyone just stop caring and let your heroes walk out with no problems.

Tension, a sense of danger, thrills, all gone in an instant.

Even funnier is how everyone just starts shooting at each other again as soon as the three are clear.

Why would any of that happen.

Why.

Easy, the heroes were in a situation and the writer could not think of way to get them out, so he just lets them leave. Its even worse then Deus Ex Machina, at least in that something stupid happens. In this movie they just leave.

They just leave.

Clive then takes the girl and her baby to a boat, the other girl who has been with them the whole time stays behind, as her job is done. Whatever job that was. I of course did not mention her being around because she does nothing.

Once in the boat, the girl tells Clive what she is going to name her child as she notices a bunch of blood on the boat. And once again in the distance their is action. But again only in the distance and this time hidden by thick fog. As for the blood, Clive tells her that it is his, and that he had been shot sometime during the last thirty or so minutes of film.

How he is still alive despite the pool of blood he has leaked in the boat, and the supposed pools he has lost along the way are never brought up. Instead Clive just dies, tilting his head gently to the side as he attempts to hold his breathe.

Seconds later, a boat breaks through the fog, the word Tomorrow on its side.

The movie ends with the sound of children laughing and playing as the title flashes across the screen in the most pompous and stuck up way possible.

Where do I even begin?

What do I even say?

The movie is a terrible mess of bad jokes, bad writing, bad action, idiotic moral messages, and boring drawn out scenes of nothing.

The movie was terrible.

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1168

Monday, June 26, 2017

 It's the last week of June, so Canada Day is soon. With the country celebrating its 150th anniversary, this year is a big deal. I was 10-years-old when we had our centennial in 1967 and I was part of a children's choir that sang at city hall as part of the year-long celebration back then. We're getting together with friends for Canada Day come Saturday and I wish you all a great week and weekend.

 Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #1 - Chip Zdarsky (writer) Adam Kubert (art) Jordie Bellaire (colours). Get ready to be assaulted by an explosion of Spider-Man stuff as we near the theatrical release of the movie "Spider-Man Homecoming" on July 7. I still remember picking up Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #1 off the spinner rack in 1976, happy that there was another comic book starring my favourite super hero. I wasn't sure I wanted to read this new incarnation because I am not a big fan of Chip's writing. I was not impressed with his work on the new Howard the Duck and Jughead books. My problem is that he comes across as too frenetic and eager to please by writing way too much. The double page spread with Peter and Johnny Storm having lunch together is a great example. Look at all them word balloons. The rest of the book is no better. Almost every panel is jammed full of word balloons. And what's with Peter leaving his mask on during lunch? Johnny knows his secret identity already. Wouldn't it have been more comfortable to take his mask off? I know I'm being picky but it's these little details that annoy me. The other thing that annoyed me was that I had to Google two acronyms to get what was being said. I'm an old fogey so I didn't know what NBD and NPC meant. Maybe it was to balance out all the other words used that "no big deal" and "non player character" were shortened. My quibbles are not enough to keep me from reading the next issue however because Chip pulls something out of the asphalt at the end that makes me want to find out more about the surprise person that Johnny meets. Well played Chip Zdarsky, well played.

 Batwoman #4 - Marguerite Bennett & James Tynion IV (writers) Steve Epting (art) Jeromy Cox (colours) Deron Bennett (letters). The first story arc ends with Kate and company saving the day. I was satisfied with how the story ended and there is enough mystery to keep me wanting to read more. What is Plan B and who is the shadowy figure in the last panel? I want to find out.

 Shirtless Bear-Fighter #1 - Jody Leheup & Sebastian Girner (writers) Nil Vendrell (art) Mike Spicer (colours) Dave Lanphear (letters). This takes place in a land where Yogi Bear would fit right in. The well endowed Shirtless Bear-Fighter's origin story is part Mowgli from Jungle Book and part Superman and part Punisher. This issue was mildly humorous but I didn't chuckle or laugh out loud. Maybe I'm too old. Is this the next Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #1? Or The Walking Dead #1? Do bears poop in the woods? Buy it, read it and you be the judge. I only read it because Ottawa's own Tom Fowler did one of the variant covers.

 W.M.D. Weapons of Mutant Destruction #1 - Greg Pak (writer) Mahmud Asrar (art) Nolan Woodard (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). I hope you've been reading the new Weapon X comic book with Old Man Logan, Sabretooth, et alia because this is a direct tie-in to what went on there. No worries if you haven't because Greg spells everything out very clearly. The good guys are fighting an evil anti-mutant organization that is creating mutant killers. The Totally Awesome Hulk is one of the good guys so look for part 2, 4 and 6 of the story in that book. Parts 3 and 5 are in Weapon X. I'm reading them all.

 Aquaman #25 - Dan Abnett (writer) Stjepan Sejic (art & colours) Steve Wands (letters). This title has gone "Game of Thrones" but that's not why I took this extra-sized anniversary issue off the racks to read. It was the cover and interior art by Stjepan Sejic that made me want to give this book another try. I sure am glad I did. The story of a new power mad King of Atlantis and the return of the usurped King isn’t anything new but the beautiful art makes it more exciting to me. Stjepan knows how to draw hot women and Mera and Dolphin gives him plenty of opportunity to show that off. Aquaman is going back on my "must read" list.

 Crosswind #5 - Gail Simone (writer) Cat Staggs (illustrator) Simon Bowland (letters). It's nice to see Gail back on the racks again. Here she does a grown up version of Freaky Friday where a housewife and a mob enforcer switch bodies. Juniper and Cason are introduced pre switcheroo, which happens at the end of this issue. I can't wait to see what happens next. Cat's art is nice and that made it easy to put this new book on my "must read" list.

 Plastic #3 - Doug Wagner (writer) Daniel Hillyard (art) Laura Martin (colours) Ed Dukeshire (letters). The "hero" of this story is a psychotic killer but I like him a lot. A damsel in distress who may suffer a fate worst than death (haven't heard that cliché in a while eh?) plays a big role in this issue. Punisher fans will like this series.

 Royal City #4 - Jeff Lemire (writer & illustrator) Steve Wands (letters). This is a really cool ghost story. Patrick's thoughts about aging hit close to home.

 Archie #21 - Mark Waid (writer) Pete Woods (art & colours) Jack Morelli (letters). OMG (I know what that means) they killed…! You have to read this issue to find out who.

 The Mighty Thor #20 - Jason Aaron (writer) Russell Dauterman & Valerio Schiti (art) Matthew Wilson & Veronica Gandini (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). Loved the Walt Simonson tribute cover by Patrick Brown. Speculator alert: it's the first appearance of a new Thor. You won't believe who it is. What motivates this guy to pick up the hammer is heart wrenching and the bad guys are going to get it. I can't wait to see him in action. There's a scene between Jane Foster and the Odinson that puts into question the fate of the Mighty Thor. I really hope she sticks around.

 Batman #25 - Tom King (writer) Mikel Janin (art) June Chung (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). What made last issue worth reading was the kaboom on the last page. This whole issue is worth it for the build up to "The War of Jokes and Riddles". It's Batman versus the Joker and the Riddler and it's super intense. Mikel's art is the cherry on top and it's yummy. Batman is getting really good again.

 Wildstorm #5 - Warren Ellis (writer) Jon Davis-Hunt (art) Steve Buccellato (colours) Simon Bowland (letters). You should read this. It's all coming together beautifully.

 Luke Cage #2 - David F. Walker (writer) Nelson Blake II (art) Marcio Menyz (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). This is an uh-oh issue as Luke investigates what the scientist that gave him his super powers was up to. Kind of reminded me of Orphan Black.

 Superman #25 - Patrick Gleason & Peter J. Tomasi (writers) Doug Mahnke & Patrick Gleason (pencils) Jaime Mendoza, Mick Gray, Joe Prado, Ray McCarthy, Scott Hanna & Matt Santorelli (inks) Wil Quintana & John Kalisz (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). The conclusion to "Fade to Black" has guest stars galore and highlights the core of this title as the good guys prevail. I've enjoyed this book more because of the family values that Clark, Lois and Jonathan embody and the art is spectacular.

 Star Wars: Darth Vader #2 - Charles Soule (writer) Giuseppe Camuncoli (pencils) Cam Smith (inks) David Curiel (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). By the way Vader is mowing down storm troopers he must be really pissed at his boss. We find out who he's going to get his light sabre from in this issue. From the looks of the next issue teaser, it's going to be a scorcher.

 Nick Fury #3 - James Robinson (writer) Aco (pencils) Hugo Petrus (inks) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) Travis Lanham (letters). This is freaking awesome. All you fans out there not reading this are missing out on some excellent writing and art. This reminds me of how I felt when I first saw Jim Steranko's art on Nick Fury Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. in the sixties as a teenager. Aco and Hugo's art with Rachelle's colours is so pretty and pops off the page. Buy this book.

 Super Sons #5 - Peter J. Tomasi (writer) Alisson Borges (art) Hi-Fi (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). Few writers know how to make young adults sound genuine but Peter is one of them. This issue establishes Jon and Damian as the young dynamic duo. I can't wait to see what they get up to next.

 Invincible Iron Man #8 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Stefano Caselli (art) Marte Gracia (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). This sets up next issue's fight with Lady Von Bardas. We'll see how bardas she really is.

[viralhottopics]

How Potentially Great Movies Got Derailed By Offscreen BS

Hollywood has proved that it’s willing to turn literally anything into a movie, from children’s toys, to Reddit posts, to E.L. James novels. So, if you ever notice a film-worthy property that has remained conspicuously un-adapted, you can bet your ass that it’s not for lack of trying. In fact, some of the stories behind these non-adaptations would make pretty good movies of their own (mostly comedies, with some hints of psychological horror).

5

Gore Verbinski’s R-Rated BioShock Movie Is Dead Due To Watchmen

Video game adaptations tend to be utter garbage for one simple reason: It’s hard to turn a plot like “portly Italian steps on hundreds of turtles” into a coherent screenplay. If there’s one game that could break the curse, though, it’s BioShock. Why? Because it already has a more cogent story than most movies.

2K Games Not to mention, way more diving suit-wearing mutants with giant drills on one hand.

The game’s critically acclaimed storyline (centered on a utopic underwater city created by a combination of Walt Disney and Ayn Rand) is ripe for the taking — and there’s one director willing to do it. Gore Verbinski of Pirates Of The Caribbean fame is a big fan of BioShock‘s “cinematic potential” and “strong narrative,” and we’ve already talked about why he would actually be perfect for this adaptation (assuming he doesn’t succumb to the Burton Syndrome and casts Johnny Depp for every part).

Verbinski was all set to shoot a BioShock movie in 2009, and fittingly for someone named “Gore,” he wasn’t planning to shy away from the game’s violence and general fucked-up-ness. In his own words, he “just really, really wanted to make it a movie where, four days later, you’re still shivering and going, ‘Jesus Christ!'” The movie’s concept art confirms that, at the very least, this thing would have been visually amazing:

2K Games

2K Games

But then, only eight weeks before shooting started, Universal Studios pulled the plug. What happened? Apparently, Watchmen did.

Verbinski wanted between $160 and $200 million to properly recreate the underwater city of Rapture, but after Zack Snyder’s dour superhero slo-mo-fest underperformed, Universal got nervous about financing such an expensive R-rated film. Verbinski wouldn’t budge on the rating or the budget, so that was it. The studio tried to keep going with another director, but the same problems came up again. Eventually, BioShock‘s creators decided they didn’t need a stinking movie anyways.

We’d love to end this entry telling you that the recent string of R-rated genre hits proved those cowardly producers wrong, but it’s not that simple: Deadpool cost only $58 million, Logan reportedly $97 million, and Mad Max: Fury Road didn’t exactly make it rain (by Hollywood standards). Shooting an underwater city probably won’t be affordable until we’re actually living in one, so cross your fingers for more climate change, gaming fans!

4

We’ll Never See Guillermo Del Toro’s At The Mountains Of Madness Because Of Freaking Prometheus

Like his creation Cthulhu, horror author H.P. Lovecraft has managed to indirectly wedge his face-tentacles into everything you love. He’s inspired such disparate works as Dungeons And Dragons, Evil Dead, and even Conan The Barbarian — and yet, very few of his works have been directly adapted into movies. For instance, there’s never been a film adaptation of his classic novella At The Mountains Of Madness, the lovely story of a bunch of scientists who stumble upon forgotten horrors during an Antarctic expedition, and end up getting slaughtered or losing their minds.

Guillermo Del Toro, no stranger to giant monsters from other dimensions, has been trying to adapt Mountains for decades, but the project has been cursed by the unthinkable evils that rule the universe: Hollywood executives. Del Toro had a script ready as early as 1998, and at various points the project managed to attract serious interest from Warner Bros., Universal, and Steven Spielberg’s DreamWorks Pictures. In 2010, Del Toro even convinced James Cameron to join as producer and had Tom Cruise in advanced talks to star (yes, we might have finally found out what Cruise looks like as an insane person).

The studios always ended up wussing out over the budget and dark tone, but Del Toro kept plugging away, convinced that this was something audiences had never seen before. That is, until he heard about a little movie called Prometheus. You know, the one about a bunch of scientists who stumble upon forgotten horrors during a galactic expedition, and end up getting slaughtered or crushed by slow-moving space donuts.

The similarities don’t end there: Both Prometheus and Mountains involve the scientists discovering an ancient alien race responsible for creating humanity, as well some ugly-ass monsters hell-bent on destroying said humanity. Del Toro didn’t want to cover the same ground as that film, so he announced that his project was on hold or dead. In 2013, he said he would give it one more try … and that’s the last anyone’s heard of it. Oh, well, at least there’s always the new Hellbo– Whoops.

3

Hamilton Won’t Be A Movie For Decades Because The Creator Just Said So

Chances are that you’ve never seen Hamilton yourself (tickets go from $175 to $2000 and are still constantly sold out), but you sure as hell have heard about it. It’s a freaking cultural phenomenon. The Founding Father-themed hip-hop musical won 11 of its record-breaking 16 Tony Awards nominations, largely for its ability to achieve the impossible: making people pay “could have bought fairly high-quality cocaine” money to see something pertaining to Alexander “National Debt Ain’t Nothing But A Thing” Hamilton.

Since Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda is all about making American history more accessible to the masses, a movie adaptation would make perfect sense, right? So thinks everyone, except Lin-Manuel Miranda. In a recent Rolling Stone interview, Miranda stated that if a film adaptation happens, it probably wouldn’t be for at least 20 years. Partially, he wants to make sure people come see it in theaters now (even though 99 percent of us will never have the chance) … but he also claims that the only good play-to-film adaptations are “all 20 years after the fact,” giving examples like Cabaret or Chicago.

The thing is, Cabaret was only made eight years after the play. West Side Story, The Sound Of Music, Oliver!, The Music Man, My Fair Lady, Guys And Dolls, Hairspray — all had acclaimed movies within five to eight years of the musical. The Grease movie was released only seven years later, and people love that retroactively creepy crap. Does Miranda think it was actually made in the ’50s because of the wardrobes?

At most, those suffering from Hamilust will have to settle for watching a filmed performance of the play, but there are two problems with that: 1) Miranda says he hasn’t decided what to do with the only recording of the original cast, joking (we think?) that he’d throw it in a vault, and 2) no one in the history of humanity has enjoyed a fixed-camera movie of a play. You might as well sneak into one of the inevitable rip-off productions that high school drama clubs will be putting on for years to come.

2

Steve Carell’s Real-Life Comedy About North Korea, Pyongyang, Was Shelved Because Of The Interview

North Korea has been responsible for a lot of terrible things over the years, but there was one time when they actually tried to save us from a lurking danger we ourselves didn’t fully understand: Seth Rogen’s The Interview. In what we naively thought would be the most bonkers international incident of this decade, Kim Jong-un’s regime took offense at something in the movie (presumably the part about Rogen and James Franco assassinating him, but maybe they’re just tired of stoner jokes) and allegedly hacked Sony Pictures in retaliation.

As a result, most screenings of the movie were cancelled and the film was banished to the wasteland of home video.

However, this Chinese food-fart of a movie wasn’t the most tragic casualty of the Sony hack clusterfuck: that would be Steve Carell’s Pyongyang, which was a story that actually deserved to be told.

Based on a 2004 autobiographical comic book, Pyongyang details author Guy Delisle’s experiences in the North Korean capital, where he worked as the liaison between a French animation company and a local studio. That studio’s signature creation, by the way, is an adorable propaganda series starring a squirrel and a hedgehog, imaginatively titled Squirrel And Hedgehog.

Because of his particular role, Delisle was given unprecedented access to parts of the country usually hidden from outsiders. His book is a retelling of all the bizarre things he saw and experienced in that crazy-ass regime — a concept that apparently made Gore Verbinski’s ears perk up when he heard about it. In 2013, New Regency announced Verbinski would direct a “dark comedy” based on the Delisle’s experiences, and eventually added Steve Carell as the lead. It would have been an intriguing combination of awkward situations …

… and the obligatory “creative liberties” Hollywood would have taken to make the story more like a spy thriller. Either way, expect a lot of Carell screaming in panic.

Unfortunately, thanks to Rogen shoving his dick jokes into the nuclear hornet’s nest, the movie was dead before it could really take off. New Regency didn’t think they could risk a controversial movie of their own, while Verbinski welcomed the possibility of World War III, stating, “I find it ironic that fear is eliminating the possibility to tell stories that depict our ability to overcome fear.” To which the studio probably responded: “Yeah, but nukes and shit. Right?”

1

The Catcher In The Rye Will Never Get A Movie Because Of A Terrible Version Of Another J.D. Salinger Story

J.D. Salinger’s Catcher In The Rye has long been considered by hipsters (and assassins) to be the greatest book against phonies ever written. Holden Caulfield’s story of self-discovery mirrors that of many a pissed-off, surly, uniquely rebellious teenager — so, all of them, basically. That probably explains why entire generations of actors, from Marlon Brando to Leonardo DiCaprio, have tried to get the movie done with themselves in the lead.

The problem is that, like his boy Caulfield, Salinger was on a bit of a crusade against the phonies of the world — and to him, no one was phonier than Hollywood (not sure how he got that impression).

Salinger didn’t always feel that way. Early in his career, he sold the rights to his short story Uncle Wiggily In Connecticut, a commentary on materialism in the post-WWII era. According to his assistant, Salinger “thought they would make a good movie,” which wasn’t an unreasonable assumption considering that the script would be written by the screenwriters of Casablanca, Julius and Philip Epstein.

So what did the Epsteins do? They changed the name to My Foolish Heart, ditched all the social commentary, and turned the story into a sappy romantic tale.

Even though the film was a commercial hit, Salinger hated it so much that he refused to allow any more adaptations of his work. Including Catcher In The Rye. Of course, there might be another reason why he turned down all those offers from famous actors: According to his one-time girlfriend, Salinger thought only he himself could play Caulfield. It’s probably a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B.

Anyway, if you excitedly thought that Salinger’s death might finally bring about a Catcher adaptation, then you’re 1) a shitty person, and 2) wrong. The people who manage his trust were fully aware of his aversion to licensing out any of his works, and will continue his crusade for generations to come. On the upside, think of all the murders from illiterate would-be killers we’re avoiding this way.

Jordan Breeding is a part-time writer, a full-time lover, and an all the time guitarist. Check out his band at Skywardband.com or on Spotify here.

Behind every awful movie is the idea for a good one. Old man Indiana Jones discovers aliens: Good in theory, bad in practice. Batman fights Superman: So simple, but so bad. Are there good versions of these movies hidden within the stinking turds that saw the light of day? Jack O’Brien hosts Soren Bowie, Daniel O’Brien, and Katie Willert of After Hours on our next live podcast to find an answer, as they discuss their ideal versions of flops, reboots, and remakes. Tickets are $7 and can be purchased here!

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