#and it’s like for me - that’s so interesting! our paragon of motherhood is unable to see past her fear & recognize her actions are hurting

[atopvisenyashill]

@ladystoneboobs YES that’s also something i think is important when discussing Catelyn’s behavior. She’s hostile enough to Jon/about Jon that it adds to Arya’s feelings of not being enough for family.

She doesn’t mean to do it, and Catelyn would be horrified and so ashamed if she realized just how much The Jon Of It All has harmed Arya’s self esteem. I’m not saying she’s an abusive wicked stepmother! I’m just saying like, that Tully Temper really gets away from her when it comes to Jon, and it has a negative effect on all of the Starklings! It is understandable but that doesn’t mean it’s excusable.

How is Cat to blame for Jon's treatment? She never mistreated him, she just ignored him. People act like she was abusive when she wasn't.

i’ve definitely shied away from using the word “abusive” because i think it’s too harsh. but catelyn is objectively hostile to jon, and that in fact counts as mistreatment.

it’s also very heavy implied that catelyn has stepped over the line about jon at several points, in private to robb (jon’s teenage brother!!) if not always to jon’s face-

She does mistreat him. She does drive him out of a home he has an equal right to her to feel safe in. Is she the only person to blame? No - it’s very important to note that Ned lets her do this.

And my whole point to all of this is that being hostile in any way to a bastard has historically only done more harm than good. Daeron accepts Brynden into his family and Brynden becomes fanatically loyal, still dwelling on his grief for Daeron a hundred years later. I know George has defended Catelyn here, but I think he’s more defending her very legitimate fear that people overlook rather than the concept of like, viciously hating a child who has done nothing to you personally. Because look at Catelyn’s reaction to Mya Stone-

She’s uncomfortable because Mya is nothing more than a normal girl with normal wants and a good head on her shoulders. If she dwells on the idea that a bastard is just like any other person, maybe that means her treatment of Jon wasn’t justified. But there’s so much going on, and she never gets any closure from Ned re: his feelings towards Jon’s mother, so she can’t dwell on it.

I think the hostility towards allowing Catelyn this error, this sin in her behavior, comes not from any real understanding of the dynamic the three of them - Ned, Catelyn, and Jon - are in but rather a knee jerk rationalization that women are somehow more saintly than men in their suffering. Catelyn must be without fault, and Jon’s suffering doesn’t matter. But that is a) just benevolent sexism, it’s letting women off the hook for making the wrong decisions b) projecting some shit i am NOT saying onto my argument as if I am some rabid Catelyn anti who thinks she’s Satan Incarnate when I’ve written several metas in defense of her and gotten nasty ass messages from people who actually do hate her and c) is a refusal to engage with one of the core themes of the series, which is that the entire concept of legitimacy is an inherently abusive dynamic and a form of patriarchal control.

Again - Jon shouldn’t have had to have lived in abject poverty or kept leashed in the dungeons in order for the way he was treated to be unfair. He is a child and he is failed by every adult around him, and that includes Catelyn.