#and it’s INSANE that i’m actually still here and able to form semi-coherent thoughts

[carefulfears]

i'm your biggest fan !!! even when you're a mulder apologist for something that frustrates me endlessly.

but really, i think you're very thoughtful and eloquent. you have wonderful insight and articulate so many of my own thoughts/feelings/beliefs beautifully!!

STAWPPP 🥺🥺🥺 this means a lot to me. a lot.

thank you so much for taking the time to say this, and for reading so much as one word i’ve ever said. it’s wild to me that i say things and people read them and think about them.

and lol sorry (not sorry) for mulder apologia coming before anything else <3 i don’t think he’s ever done anything wrong

[negasonicimagines]

Teacher’s Pet

Hey dweebs it’s me! So, my gf gave me this request, though I modified it a bit and added an idea I’ve been playing around with in my head, though the original idea was smutty as FUCK ! (so if you want a part two it will be fucking in a classroom hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa) anyway! I did modify it a lil bit sorry babe I’m not that good 

Think about this(because I'm looking for some self indulgence) the reader is insanely smart, like super high IQ smart, and as such is super socially awkward and is into Ellie, but of course Ellie doesn't know that. But Wade does because for whatever reason the reader is more relaxed around wade and is actually able to talk to him. And wade of course tells Colossus because Ellie's obvious pining for the reader is obvious and of course Colossus knows.  And Colossus and wade talk about it and they try to get the two together but they're both so fucking awkward, like what even are social skills??  And so Colossus pairs them up for everything he can manage to pull the strings to arrange and eventually while working on a project one of the students is like "oh would you two just fuck already," and Ellie is fucking shook and the reader is like "Oh I don't think she'd be interested" and then Ellie is shook×2 because what the fuck is this cutie talking about, she would jump at the chance and she accidentally says something along those lines and jaws drop, faces turn red and Ellie is stuttering and blushing and being very cute(you know how she do) and the reader just smiles and links their pinkies and kisses ellie's cheek and then you can either stop there or continue it but I also have more ideas too

You were thrilled that Xavier was allowing you to return to the school to get your credits as a teacher’s assistant. You’d graduated extremely early, and decided that because you had more time to do college than most, you were going to take the plunge and become a teacher. English had always been your favorite subject, so, of course, that was the genre of teaching you chose.

It was your first day, and you were excited to see the friends you’d left behind. Wade was beside you. You’d done your studying in New York, and as a favor to the X-Men, he’d kept an eye on you, checking up on you from time-to-time to make sure you were taking care of yourself. You were a bit of an eccentric genius, often forgetting to eat, change clothes, et cetera when you were doing something else that you considered more important, like a research paper for class, or organizing your notes so you could study more effectively in the future. He’d accompanied you back home, helping you with your bags.

You’d be doing your college online in the afternoons and evenings, and helping Ms. Frost in her class during the day, teaching entire lessons by yourself every Friday.

“Y/N!” A chorus of voices, a crowd of people your age, some who you barely recognized, rushes at you.

There was a face you were looking for, but you should’ve known she would’ve hung back, waited to say hello. She wasn’t a fan of crowds.

You accept the hugs, even the kisses on your cheeks and forehead, with a grateful, albeit awkward, smile.

Wade looks amused when the large herd finally dissipates. He lifts his mask slightly, licking his thumb and swiping Jubilee’s magenta lipstick off of your forehead.

“Really, just the stuff that’s on my forehead?” you ask with a slight laugh.

“Well, your forehead’s just overkill. But if a certain someone sees lipstick stains on you..”

“She’ll laugh?” You already know where Wade is going with this.

“She’ll be jealous. She was so pissed when she found out I was getting to visit you and she wasn’t.”

“You’re so full of shit, but even if it’s true, that doesn’t mean she likes me like that!” you argue.

“Who likes you like what?” the girl in question asks, and Wade nudges you.

“No one, Ellie. No one likes me.” Smooth recovery, Y/N.

“And here I thought I was the gloomy one,” she says, and you find yourself laughing at an extremely high, nervous speed and pitch.

“So, who left the uh, lipstick?” she gestures at your face, and you think she looks a little more sullen than usual, but it could possibly be maturation.

“Oh, uh..”

“Everyone,” Wade informs her. “Seems like lots of lipstick wearers missed our little jelly bean.” Wade says, ruffling your hair. You narrow your eyes at him, and from the corner of your eye you think you see her do the same. “Well, uh, Y/N, let’s get your bags up to your room, huh?” Wade offers you an out, as the conversation was drying up.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s a good idea.” You nod rapidly, and he begins up the stairs. You scramble behind the unnaturally tall man.

“Later, then…” Ellie says, sounding a bit miffed, not that you pick up on it in your nervous state.

“Yeah, uh, later!” you call back to her from further up the stairs. Once you and Wade make it into your room, he bursts out in laughter.

“You’re a human disaster,” he comments.

“No, I’m not,” you pitifully attempt to argue.

“Then, what the hell was that?” he asks.

“I’m a human disaster,” you admit, burying your face into a pillow.

“C’mon, kid, it’s not that hard. She likes you back!”

“No, she doesn’t...And even if she does, like it’d last.”

“Shut up, Y/N! You’ve never even been in a relationship before, how do you know that they’re all bad!?”

“I never should have told you that,” you grumble.

“I won’t die happy if you don’t at least try,” Wade tries to convince you to try.

“You mean you’ll die if I do this? Shit, maybe it’s worth it,” you snark.

“Oh my god, it’s like you’re the same person. Get married. Have her babies. Let her have your babies. I want grandchildren, Y/N!”

“Grandchildren?” you ask, perplexed.

“You’re the closest thing I have to a legacy at this point, you absolute dork!”

“Wow, thanks. I’m so honored,” you scoff, not lifting your face from the pillow you’d buried it into. Wade slides off your shoes for you.

“Listen, I gotta head back to NYC and to my Tootsie Pop Angel Darling Honey Bunny, but I’ll check up on you still, because you’re precious. See you around, kiddo.”

“You got it, Grandpa.”

The door closes, and then you hear a knock.

“Who is it?”

“It’s, uh, me.”

“Come in, ‘Me.’” You reply, face still buried in your pillow.

“You okay?” Ellie asks, and you attempt to sit up too fast, resulting in you flopping around like a dying fish because of the way you’d been lying down. You manage to sit in a normal way, though, but not without getting a rather bug-eyed look from the girl you would rather not get a bug-eyed look from.

“Ellie, hi, yeah, I’m okay, are you okay?” You ask, deflecting as quickly as possible.

“Yeah, I’m fine.. Just making sure you were, y’know, adjusting okay or whatever… Ms. Frost wants to see you and Piotr asked me to make sure you knew where Ms. Frost’s room was… Even though you’ve gone to school here before… It’s dumb, I know.”

“No, it’s fine. That’s really nice of you guys.”

“You’ve still got that lipstick on your face,” Ellie comments.

“Oh, I do, don’t I? Shit!” You scrub at your face with the inside of your blazer sleeve.

She looks bug-eyed again.

“What?” you ask, genuinely confused for once.

“Uh, sorry, I just don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear before,” Ellie explains, appearing actually rather amused.

“Oh, yeah, I guess I kinda picked up the habit. Y’know. College. New York. Wade.”

“So, you guys are like, friends?” She seems conflicted about the idea. Maybe there was some truth to what Wade said before, that she’d wanted to be the one to help make sure you were safe.

“He made sure I didn’t die of sleep deprivation, so, yeah, we’re like, friends,” you reply, chuckling a little.

“Huh. A few of us wanted to visit, but they said you had to focus on your studies.” By a few, she means herself, but you don’t know that.

“Lame,” you scoff. When you weren’t thinking about your big fat crush on her, you could actually form semi-coherent sentences in her presence.

The two of you make your way to Ms. Frost’s room in rather awkward silence.

“So, uh, here is the place you already knew the way to.”

“Ms. L/N!” Ms. Frost sounds rather enthusiastic for, well, her.

“You don’t really have to call me that, Ms. Frost,” you reply, but it’s kind of nice being referred to like a teacher, a peer.

“I should, though! You’re practicing for the real thing! I’ve always thought you should be a teacher,” she says, her last phrase sounding rather somber, like she was remembering something she didn’t want to. Her typical serene expression returns. “It’s good to see you again.”

“You too, Ms. Frost.”

“Well, see you around, Y/N,” Ellie says, having done the required task.

“That’s Ms. L/N to you, young lady,” Ms. Frost half-jokes as the girl with buzzed hair leaves.

“So, I wanted to go over the standards and such with you, so that we could coordinate a proper lesson plan. You’ll be sitting in every day but Wednesday, and then every other Friday you’ll be teaching, correct?”

You nod. “Yeah, I mean, uh, if that works for you.”

“It does, perfectly so. I think doing something different on Fridays will help the students stay more focused. They’re usually so excited for the weekend that they don’t even pay attention,” Ms. Frost explains.

“I remember those days…” You say. “I mean, I always paid attention, of course.” You scramble to clarify, but she just chuckles.  

“So, this first week, we’re…”

The two of you continue to discuss the lesson plan, even during dinner. You don’t notice Ellie’s  disappointed glances. She’d hoped to sit and talk with you, maybe even set up a hangout of some sort. Oh, well. She should’ve expected you’d be too busy for her. Ellie should’ve shot her shot when she had the chance.

When Ellie walks into her AP ELA class, she forgets she was expecting you. You sit at a desk similar to Ms. Frost’s, but in the back.

Ellie’s spooked, having flashbacks to being in this class together. Copying your answers on worksheets she’d forgotten to do as homework, stealing glances at you at every available opportunity.

She almost misses it, but seeing you all dressed up...That delicious F/C blazer with that crisp button-up that she just knew was hugging your body in a way she could only dream of… It made her not miss it at all.

The seats near your desk are taken, so Ellie settles for the one in the opposite back corner.

Ms. Frost clears her throat, and the pre-class chatter immediately silences.

“Most of you know her already, but if you’re new, or didn’t get the opportunity to meet her when she went to school here, we have the lovely Ms. L/N sitting in with us today.” Ms. Frost gestures to you.

Ellie, happy at the excuse to look at you but not showing it on her lips, turns to you immediately. You’re blushing an adorable shade, and you give a shy wave to the class, who waves back enthusiastically, excited to have someone both old and new around.

Once Ms. Frost begins talking again, the class settles down and begins to listen as they go over the syllabus. Ellie doesn’t stare anymore, but her mind is on you. Surely you weren’t into her the way she was into you, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t at least think about what it would be like if you did.. Well, maybe class isn’t the best time to think about that, she decides, her face a bit warm.

After class is over, Ellie leaves, but not before looking at you one last time. You catch her eye, and give an awkward smile, blushing. Oh, no, did you know? You were pretty damn smart, you probably knew. How awkward! Ellie wants to shrivel up and die as she makes her way to math class.

You watch today’s lecture online that evening, going over your notes from each of Ms. Frost’s classes you attended and condensing them. Someone knocks on your doorframe, and you jolt.

“Oh, hey, sorry,” Ellie greets you.

It’s Ellie. You’re a little bit scared, but overall happy.

“Hi, it’s fine, sorry, you startled me. What’s up?”

“Uh, nothing, I was just, y’know.. Uh, walking by, so I thought I’d, I don’t know. Say hi? Uh, forget it,” she explains, leaving. You don’t stop her, but worry about the reason why she was acting so irrationally. Oh, god, she knows. She knows and she hates you. Fuck! You wanna shrivel up and die as you continue to go over your notes.

Friday comes far too soon. Well, at least Ellie was in first period ELA, so it’d be like ripping off a bandage.

“So, we’re going to uh, play a game! You might have played this before, if you’ve taken a keyboarding class, or, um, you may have even played it in another English class. Basically, you’ll each get into groups of five, and work together to write a story. First, uh, one person from every group will draw a slip from this bowl here,” You explain, gesturing to said bowl. “It will have a word or phrase to help inspire the story.” You can feel Ellie’s eyes on yours, and you make contact for a brief moment before looking away nervously, your lips twitching up at the attention, before you get nervous again.

You continue: “Th-then, um, each person in the group gets a turn to write, for exactly one minute. It doesn’t matter who goes first, or what order you go in, as, uh, as long as everyone gets a turn. The point of this is to write a story that flows well, but it can still be funny or weird, in fact, I encourage it, because at the end of the game, each group will read their story for the class. It doesn’t matter how you read it, if you want one person to read it or to let each person read their part, as long as it gets read. After that, the class gets to guess what your inspiration was,” you explain to the rather attentive group, fidgeting as you do so. “Um, you can divide yourselves, if that’s alright with Ms. Frost.” Emma nods. “Any questions?”

Everyone shakes their heads, and they become a herd, scrambling to reach friends and partners and those known for being better writers.

As the game progresses, you set timers and let the class know when they’re over.

“Okay, so, who wants to go first?” you ask.

Jubilation Lee raises her hand, much to her fellow group member, Ellie’s, chagrin.You smile, excited to hear what they wrote.

“Alright, Jub’s group, you first!”

The five shuffle to the front, and Jubilation excitedly reads the story. It’s pretty funny, but you especially laugh in the middle, where the lonely protagonist attended a speed dating convention. The protagonist meets an absolutely beautiful woman; however, the protagonist is only allowed to talk about anything relating to time on Wednesday. It’s Friday, and the woman is asking questions like, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” The protagonist manages to answer other questions, but when the woman asks if she has plans this Saturday, the protagonist can’t say.

After the story is over, and the group sits down, someone from the group who sits near Ellie appears to nudging and smiling at her. She actually looks a bit happy, and you wonder why.

That afternoon, there’s a knock on your doorframe again.

“Ellie?” you ask.

“Nope, just me,” Wade replies.

“Hey, that’s almost as good,” you tell him.

“Almost? It’s better!” he playfully brags, flopping onto your bed. You currently sit at your desk, re-organizing your notes once more. “How’s my precious Y/N been? It’s funny, the day after you left I swung by your old apartment to check on you.”

“Aw, Wade, really?” you ask, a bit surprised.

“Nope!” he cackles, and you laugh as well.  “Just kidding again, I did. It’s weird that you’re not in NY anymore.”

“Hey, Y/N- Oh,” Ellie had stopped at your door.

“W-what’s up, Ellie?” you ask.

“Uh, nothing. It can- Um, it can wait,” she decides, looking a bit fretful before leaving.

“Oh, she totally likes you. Totally. Why aren’t you two married, again?” Wade asks.

“Shut up, she does not in any way like me back, Wade. I’m so sure of it. I’m so far from her type.”

“And what’s her type?”

“Anyone but me,” you inform him.

Ellie, listening while against the wall beside your open door, is shocked. She’s, like, so obviously into you that it’s not even funny. You’re a genius and you can’t even tell how badly she wants your legs wrapped around her head! Which is really badly, by the way!

When her section of the story made you laugh earlier, she nearly cried blood, she was so ecstatic! She almost wants to say something, but doesn’t want you to think she doesn’t respect your privacy, or that she’s just some creepy stalker. She really does like you, a lot.

“Oh, well. What’s up, Wade?”

“Do I need a reason to visit my BFFAE?” he asks, and you laugh. Ellie loves your laugh, not that she’d ever tell you that.

“I guess not, but I just figured you would have one now that I’m not one-hundred percent alone.”

“Well, I wanted to check on you. How are the classes going? Have you given anyone detention?! Ooh, that’s one way to get some time alone with her.”

“Wade, that’s creepy. She probably sees me as like, an old person now, anyway. I really need to get over this whole thing, stop allowing myself to feel this way for someone so unattainable, so far out of my league. Because there’s no way she likes me. No. Fucking. Way.” It sounds like you’ve flopped onto your bed.

“Don’t be so rough on yourself, kid. Crushes are normal at your age.”

“Nothing else about me is normal for my age, so that doesn’t really help,” your voice is muffled by your bed.

Well, at least Ellie now knows you like her, too. Now, to do something about it. Fuck, Ellie has no idea what to do. Does she tell you she likes you, too? Does she confess she was eavesdropping? Hell, what if Wade was just being weird, and referring to another girl without saying names, in case Ellie was still in earshot?! It didn’t make sense, but Ellie’s overthinking combined with Wade’s weirdness made for some pretty wacky conclusion trampolines to jump to.

She makes sure to get away before someone sees her peeping.

The following Tuesday, Ms. Frost requests that that the class pair up; however, there are twenty-five students. Every once in awhile, one or two of the mentors that only teach extracurriculars will assist a teacher. Piotr, Ellie’s mentor, was here today.

“Ellie can pair up with Y/N, no?” He suggests, and you look as uncomfortable as Ellie feels.

“That’s a perfect idea, Piotr. Don’t be giving her the answers, though,” Ms. Frost teases, giving Ellie’s crush (you) a wink.

Ms. Frost passes the worksheets down the rows, assigning everyone but Ellie a partner once they are passed along.

Ellie moves to sit with you, and she swears you blush.

“So…” you start, but trail off.

“So,” she replies.

“I guess we’re supposed to read this Greek myth and analyze it? Don’t tell on me, but sometimes when Emma starts talking about lesson plans I zone out,” you tell it to her like it’s a real secret, an adorable little smile on your lips that charms her into one of her own.

“Oh, won’t you two just bang already? The level of denial is obnoxious,” a nearby student groans, and you look like a deer in the headlights. A cute deer, Ellie thinks.

“I’m pretty sure that’d be pretty inappropriate, and even if it wasn’t, I’m sure I’m way below her standards, or anyone else’s, am I right?” You laugh it off, unsure of what you want her to say. A yes would be heartbreaking, but a no would leave you absolutely defenseless to the overwhelming feelings you’d been shielding yourself from for so very long.

Are you crazy? Anyone would be lucky to date you.

You go deep red, then dead-faced, then red. Oh god, Ellie had said that out loud.

“I- Uh- Well- Um…” She tried to remedy it, but no such luck, as she is cut off by Ms. Frost.

“Your relationship drama can wait until after class, Miss Phimister and Miss L/N,” Emma tells the two of you, furthering embarrassing you both.

“So, uh, Perseus. Andromeda. Greek… stuff,” you say, but your hand finds its way to hers, pinkies interwoven on the table as you read. She watches your soft lips move, observing your still-flushed cheeks. You’re wearing a similar shirt to the one you wore the first day, but in black. It looks good.

You feel her eyes on you, so you turn to her. She looks up and away, commenting something snarky about how dumb Andromeda’s parents were. You agree.

Class continues, the two of you filling out the worksheet together and awkwardly discussing how to answer each question.

Throughout the rest of the day, Ellie physically cannot stop thinking about you. If it was bad before, it was terrible now.

She’s on her way to her dorm when she’s stopped by a particularly annoying man in a red suit.

“Hey, you seen Y/N around?”

“How long have you known?” Ellie asks, and Wade seems to get it.

“Oh, about a month after meeting her. I commented on a guy’s really good looks, she said he wasn’t her type. I said, ‘What’s your type? Ugly people?!’ She said, ‘Girls.’ Then-“

“I mean, how long have you known that she likes me?”

“I was getting to that. A few days later, I asked her if she knew you, ‘cause you guys go to the same school and are about the same age. She got all flustered, it was precious.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because that would be really shitty of me to do as Y/N’s BFFAE? Duh! Now, I have a Y/N to find.”

“No, I have a Y/N to find.”

Wade, despite wearing a mask, appears to narrow his eyes. “Wow, she was right. You do have good bone structure. Now go! I want grandbabies!”

You think she has good bone structure? That encourages her, and she checks Ms. Frost’s room. She’d checked yours before running into Wade.

“You just missed her. She’s on her way to your dorm, unless she chickened out after asking me where it was.”

Ellie goes to her dorm, but you’re not there. She looks around, unsure of what to do.

“I thought you were at Y/N’s dorm. That is what I told her when she discovered you were not here at your own,” Piotr informs Ellie, who groans, jogging to your dorm in hopes of catching you.

She does.

“Hey, I’ve been looking all over the place for you,” you greet her nervously.

“Well, uh..” Ellie blushes, having no clue what to say, but she knows what she wants to do, so she does it, and kisses you. It’s clumsy, because she’s never kissed anyone before, but she gets the feeling you haven’t either, so it’s okay. It’s good. It’s perfect.

The kiss ends after what feels like two seconds, but also forever, and Ellie didn’t know it was possible for either of you to blush deeper than you already had been, but it was.

“That was, um.. I liked it.”

“Me too,” she replies. “So.. Do you wanna, like, I don’t know.. date and eventually give Wade the grandchildren he’s so obsessed with having? Well, grand-kittens?”

You nod, a bit speechless at her offer.

“Great. Good work, team,” she begins rambling a bit to fill the awkward silence, and you kiss her cheek, looking at her with a proud smile and a beautiful look in your eyes.

[roseangelx]

Semi-Coherent Thoughts on The Lying Detective

I will start by saying that the most recent episode of Sherlock is one of my favourites - definitely in my Top 5, possibly even in my Top 3. I’ll also point out that I realised it had become one of my favourites about an hour into it, before everything that happened in the end happened. I liked The Six Thatchers, I think I mentioned, but this one was a huge step up and I was gripped from the start. 

Like last week, this is less of a review and more of a list of thoughts on the episode that are not particularly well-structured or coherent. It’s also stupidly long, but I have dot point summaries, so don’t worry!

Grief

I read a quote from an interview last week where one of the writers mentioned that they wanted to do grief properly in this episode, and I definitely think they succeeded. We didn’t really see John grieving after Sherlock’s death - more of it was focussed on the anger and hurt that came with Sherlock’s return. I was so glad that his emotional response to Mary’s death was not glossed over. The way he behaved and the way he spoke was entirely believable - which, yes, includes him beating Sherlock up, though it most certainly doesn’t justify it. That scene was heart-shattering as well because of Sherlock’s own grief, and his guilt. He blamed himself for Mary’s death, and so did John. He let John hurt him because he thought he deserved it. 

I loved that John was also talking to the Mary inside his head (hereafter referred to as Mental Mary). From a storytelling standpoint, I thought it was an exceptionally clever idea. John doesn’t like talking about his feelings, we know this. As he said in The Empty Hearse, that sort of conversation is something he finds difficult. That he could talk to Mental Mary was a brilliant way of getting around it, letting us see the kind of things that he was keeping bottled up, and also letting us see the moment at the end when he was able to start letting her go. He’s still grieving, he’s still got a lot way to go, but at the end, he was able to forgive Sherlock, to recognise that Sherlock was not to blame for Mary’s death, and in doing so, he’s finally opened the door, ready to slowly, slowly start moving on. 

I have an especial love for Mental Mary in her final scene, telling John to stay and talk to Sherlock - and in doing so, letting us know that he truthfully wanted to stay, but was struggling with it, because there was so much pent up emotion there and he knew that it would all come out if he stayed. And it did. He told Sherlock about the “affair” and fell apart, and then there was the hug, which was everything I wanted in the episode. It’s the one scene that has been screenshotted and gifed more than anything else at this point, and for good reason. They both needed that. 

I’m in constant awe of Martin Freeman’s acting, and this episode was no exception. Combine this with his reaction to Mary’s death in the last episode, and I definitely think he deserves an award. 

tl;dr:

I loved the portrayal of John’s grief

I adored Mental Mary as it allowed us to get inside John’s head and see the things he’d never say out loud

The hug. That is all. 

Martin Freeman deserves all the awards

Drug Use

I have quite a lot of thoughts regarding Sherlock’s drug use, and a lot of them aren’t quite fully-formed, so I apologise in advance if this particular section is incoherent.

I spent most of this week rewatching some of the Sherlock commentaries from the first couple of seasons, as a way of tiding myself over before today’s episode. During the A Study in Pink commentary, Moffat and Gatiss actually discuss Sherlock’s drug use, very briefly. In the ACD canon, Sherlock Holmes doesn’t use when on cases, or when emotionally distraught, but when he is bored. It’s a stimulant to stop his brain from rotting - he needs cases, and if he doesn’t have a case, he needs something else. Moffat and Gatiss mentioned that they disliked adaptations where Holmes goes and uses while on a case, because it was completely inconsistent with the canon. 

With this in mind, I was a little unsure about how they were going to approach this episode. I knew this episode would involve drug use, and given the commentary, that didn’t make sense. Having seen the episode now, I think it does make sense, because there was an explanation on top of the emotional distress caused by Mary’s death and the guilt. Sherlock using was part of a plan, a plan to save John Watson by making John Watson save him, and that makes his use a little more believable.

I’m not dismissing the emotional aspect of it - Sherlock was very, very distraught, and it seems likely to me that, while his original decision to use might have been motivated, in part, by Mary’s message, the fact that he spiralled so deeply out of control definitely wasn’t part of the plan. But, that’s the thing about drugs, isn’t it. You can’t plan. And Sherlock certainly has a road to recovery ahead of him that is not going to be easy by any means.

Moving past motives to the actual portrayal of a high Sherlock Holmes - I loved it. I loved that even high, Sherlock is still making deductions, but can’t quite catch up to his own head, knowing that something is important but not knowing why. I loved the entire sequence with Sherlock losing time, going from the middle of the road to Baker Street, walking on walls and taking “high as a kite” to an almost literal definition. I’m impressed by the portrayal of it. 

tl;dr

I liked that there was an explanation for the drug use beyond just the emotional distress (i.e. it was, in the beginning, all part of a plan), because otherwise it would seem inconsistent with the ACD canon

The emotional distress still played a part and my heart goes out to Sherlock 

The actual portrayal of Sherlock on drugs was very clever and very well done 

Relationships

First, let’s discuss the unexpected relationship that was Mycroft and Lady Smallwood. I recognise that a lot of people are dissatisfied, because Mycroft is most commonly shipped with Lestrade. I’m not personally a Mystrade shipper (I confess to shipping Molly and Lestrade, actually), but I have had Mycroft headcanoned as aromantic for the previous few series. Well, that’s a lie. I was torn between headcanoning him as aromantic or believing that he has had experiences that have given him reason to believe that “caring is not an advantage” - though typically my aromantic headcanon wins out. Still, I found Mycroft’s confusion in the scene incredibly endearing. I’m accepting of the pairing. 

The other relationship, or at least, idea of a relationship, that stands out to me in this episode is Sherlock and Irene. This is a pairing that I’m not quite so accepting on. I mean no offence to anyone who does ship them together, but - Irene is canonically gay, and I cannot accept the idea that Sherlock is straight, not with quotes such as “Girlfriend? No, not really my area” and “The fairer sex is your department, Watson”. I know it’s likely that this is all queerbaiting, but I’d rather hold onto the idea that the things Sherlock says are actually reflective of his character. 

I’m entirely accepting of the idea that Irene would infrequently text Sherlock. I’m not surprised by this at all. I’m also not surprised that John would think that means something more than it does. But, I’m going to hold onto the idea that these texts are flirting that Irene does not expect or want to lead to any sort of actual romantic entanglement. 

I will say that I loved John’s speech on the matter, though, which sounded to me like he was telling Sherlock that he deserved to be loved and to be with someone and that he shouldn’t wait until it’s too late. 

Just while we’re on the subject of relationships, I’m very pleased to know that John’s “affair” was no more than texting. The John Watson we know would not let it go any further than that. The idea that John Watson would even accept the number of another woman is still a bit out of character, but I suppose we all do silly things - especially if your best friend and your wife live insane lives and you want some sort of normality. I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised that the pretty girl on the bus wasn’t normal, either. 

tl;dr

Mycroft not knowing how to respond to Lady Smallwood is adorable 

Sherlock and Irene definitely text (or, at least, Irene texts, Sherlock receives) but neither of them are romantically or sexually attracted to each other, because they don’t swing that way

I can forgive John for texting another woman more than I’d have been able to had he done more with her 

Eurus

Here was something I did not expect. I know we all expected the lady on the bus to be more than who she said she was, and I know many people worked out that she and the “Lady in Red” (who we now know to be Fake Faith) were the same person just from the trailers and promo pics, but I did not expect this turn of events. I’m actually very excited about the matter - I assume Eurus will be the villain of the final episode, and it’s about time we had a female villain, especially one as fascinating as her. 

It’s already clear that Eurus is incredibly clever. She’s a master of disguise, for one thing, but it’s more than that. Sherlock was able to predict, two weeks in advance, which therapist John would go to and which appointment he would take. Eurus was able to make the same deduction even earlier, and take the therapist’s place. She was able to fool Sherlock (and yes, she had the advantage of him being as high as a kite, but all the same), and maybe even Mycroft, if he doesn’t know what she’s been up to. 

People are making predictions, based on the line “people always stop after three”, that Eurus isn’t the only secret sibling, and maybe she’s not Sherrinford. I’m undecided as to what I think of this theory. It’s an interesting idea, and it makes sense, as far as the fact that we know Mycroft is supposedly keeping tabs on Sherrinford and said earlier “Sherrinford is secure”. However, it’s also making the explanation a lot more convoluted - Occam’s Razor says Eurus is Sherrinford. Or, alternatively, that Sherrinford isn’t a person at all - a friend of mine just suggested the possibility that Sherrinford might actually be a facility where Eurus was meant to be residing, hence it needing to be ‘secure’. Either explanation, I’m very, very excited to see what she’s like in this next episode. And by excited I mean terrified. 

tl;dr

Eurus might be the cleverest Holmes sibling we’ve met yet

It remains unclear whether Eurus is Sherrinford or if there are two missing siblings or if Sherrinford is not a person’s name but a place name - but either way, it’s exciting 

Other Thoughts

Mrs Hudson is easily my favourite part of the episode. I think we’re all in agreement of that. 

I loved that Sherlock made sure to take twisted, turning paths when he was walking with Fake Faith/Eurus with the sole purpose of writing a message to his brother, who he knew would be tracking him. He does love to be dramatic. 

The hug. Let’s just talk about the hug again. Thank you for that.

Who was taking care of Rosie? Given we know that at one point John was in therapy, Sherlock was in the boot of Mrs Hudson’s car, and Molly was en route in an ambulance, I’m going to say it was Lestrade

I really liked the way suicide was spoken about in the episode

Culverton Smith was a terrifying villain, though not in the same way as Magnussen, for which I’m very relieved, because I still cannot watch the scene in HLV where Magnussen flicks John’s face and I don’t know if I could have dealt with another Magnussen 

I loved this episode, full stop.