#and it wasn't me talking shit but the diva behavior

[itoshikinozomu]

I mean the reasons she popped up in the swamp were like, aight, understandable but the way they portrayed your effort as a performative statement against the private sector when it was probably just very few hours life or death situation. I mean uea it seems like the unconventional way to go, but nah, just different materials. I mean throw that shit in the fire next time it looks fun for 0.5 seconds sldlfflcl

[squishyfruitloop]

Buckle up, bitches. Because I'm about to tell you a story.

I've known I was queer since high school, but due to some DEEPLY INGRAINED homophobic opinions (🖕you, traditional Christianity) I refused to admit it until YEARS later. Like after uni later. The way it kind of came out to my mum and sister (the only ones in the family to know) wasn't the best way to tell them (bundled up in an argument and some revelations about some traumatic ass shit that happened--s****l a*****t). I had my first real girlfriend after that. Younger than me, but not by too much. Her mum and I worked at the video store together, and we'd hang out as a group and watch new films (mum was way older). Almost a year later, we broke up. Oh well...

As an adult, I've embraced who I am. I'm not out to my family because of the whole BURN IN HELL YOU SINNER bullshit that they practice (not you know "love your neighbor" and Jesus said "STAY IN YOUR FUCKING LANE"). My students take one look at me and go, yep. QUEER SCHOOL MUM! They know they're safe to talk to me. About 3.5 years ago... maybe a little longer... I started to realize I was also poly. Now, I'd met and become engaged to my husband at that point (three year anniversary yesterday, boy buddy--got married on the 13th). But that's how I felt. It took a while for me to tell him.

Since then, I've had a couple relationships. My now wife--yeah, my wife--is my other best friend. We met because of Tumblr. Because of one of my Young Bucks fan fics on my writing blog ("I sat bolt upright in bed and realized THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE A KID NAMED RJ"). We bonded over our love of wrestling and Fozzy and classic rock. We wrote a whole thing over Tumblr message that is basically the reason we're together (Jericho really IS the cupid of rock). She is EVERYTHING I could ever have asked for and more. Yeah, she's hot and sexy and fine AF. Yeah, she's funny and makes me laugh and reminds me that being my unique self is amazing. Yeah, she is an amazing mum in her own right and loves and cares for everyone around her. Yeah, she's like me and a little slutty (a lot slutty) for Daddy Jericho. But the best thing about being with my wife? The absolutely best thing?

Every single day, she makes me be a better version of myself. She shows me kindness and grace and respect and sacrifice. She sees me, hears me, tells me hard truths when I need to hear them. She allows me to be vulnerable and trusts me to be supportive of her vulnerability. She holds up a mirror that reflects who I WANT to be.

And that means being honest. It means facing my doubts and my jealousy and being able to recognize that yes, I have a mental health disorder that makes my emotions hard to regulate in personal relationships. But no, that isn't an excuse for not taking ownership of how my emotions affect my behaviors and then affect others.

She gives me courage. Courage to fly 3,000 miles to a country where I knew no one but her where I stayed for a week. She makes sacrifices for me and our relationship just as I do, too. She fights for us. WE fight for US. Our Family.

In short, my wife is my person. She is the place I feel safest letting down my walls and showing who I am. (Husband too, of course, but this ain't about you,boy buddy, so stop being so diva). @spaghetti-hoop, I love you with all my heart. Forever and ever. Amen.

P.S. Also, who gives a fuck if baldy saw the end of Schitt's Creek? He doesn't get to wear gorgeous headbands like Alexis and definitely wouldn't know how to respond to...

[jcs-study]

FWIW, I always felt this way myself, and it's something I want to discuss in the book (see here for context on that, since I'm not sure if you follow my blog or not), so here's a little preview of that:

Every production of JCS I've ever seen separates Judas from everyone in some way. He's either rebelling against the status quo among Jesus and the disciples or always a step behind, too late to get the point. For their part, the ensemble is one of two things: a) shocked that Judas is harshing on their cool, or b) acting like "This is all that douchebag ever does, why doesn't he just leave."

This is understandable, given he's written as the odd man out, pointing out the proverbial cracks in the plaster, but I also feel it's a misstep from a plot standpoint to separate him so thoroughly. For all his disagreeing with the group about what their focus has become, he "remember[s] when this whole thing began," he's "been [Jesus'] right-hand man all along." For Judas to be an outsider and for those around him to view and treat him as such would be incongruous. He's not really at odds with anyone, just disillusioned by the way things are being handled and showing legitimate concern.

Moreover, he's not the only one. For example, when one turns to the source material, all four of the Gospels include some variation of Jesus' anointing as depicted in "Everything's Alright." Of the three accounts that most directly resemble it, only John puts the words of complaint in Judas' mouth; Matthew and Mark say several of the disciples complained about the extravagant waste of the expensive perfume. Knowing that context, I don't feel that we should see the apostles ostracizing Judas for his behavior. Some of them might even agree with his point, if not necessarily with how he expresses it.

I've thought of a few areas where he could join in with the group:

I'd have him sing the chorus of "What's the Buzz" along with the other apostles, at least in the first refrain, as he has just established in "Heaven on Their Minds" that he has as much reason to be concerned as anybody else about what will happen when they get to Jerusalem.

+1 on his at least being part of "How can you say that?" in "Strange Thing, Mystifying." Unlike how the concept album's libretto puts it, I don't think Judas should be excluded from the crowd. I feel like if I were Judas when he hears Jesus pitching a fit about how no one cares about him (which would read to anyone not inside Jesus' frustrated brain as a diva fit), my gut reaction would be something like "Listen, pal, I wouldn't spend several minutes explaining the bad optics of you hanging out with a sex worker if I didn't give a shit." (The Nineties Ted Neeley/Carl Anderson reunion tour played with this, having him join on the very last "How can you say that?")

I'd like to see Judas excited by the gathering and show of support in "Hosanna," mindful of some of the drawbacks but impressed by the huge gathering. He may disagree with Jesus about presentation and about unquestioning fandom being a good thing, but he's allowed to enjoy what is truly an impressive achievement (before it turns hairy with "...die for me...") instead of being shuffled along at the back of the crowd, petulant and bored, as in the 2000 film.

In terms of general background action, I'd include moments where apostles, individually or in small groups, seek Judas out or are talking to him without any rancor or "throwing hands." We see a lot of arguments in the show, especially between Jesus and Judas, but there's no way that was the atmosphere 24/7, or no one would stick around. Jesus' mind wasn't -- couldn't have been -- constantly on his mission, which is what Judas argues with him about the most. I'd like to see action that could be interpreted as pleasant small talk, maybe even a moment where he and Jesus are having a conversation and are interrupted. Something more than a barrage of aggression in either direction, be it implied or explicit.

Might elaborate later but there are times I think Judas should join the chorus in Jesus Christ Superstar.

[deepintheblueocean]

IN ANOTHER LIFE

William Choi x Jeong Tae-Ra. Mature Content.

———

Jeong Tae Ra stepped out of her white van for her appointment for the day. She was supporting a medical campaign for the COVID crisis. She walked into the hospital knowing exactly who owned it. As soon as she thought about that one-night moment 4 years ago, he appeared: William Choi.

It made no sense why he got on her last nerves. She was huffing and puffing on having to interact with him, as she saw him walking towards her with that godforsaken smirk, as he threw things at his assistant.

He looks different. More mature. Less accessorized. Gone is the fur coat and the silver chains. She knew he still had his attitude with the way he acted like the ground was his runway. The way he swayed his arms and flipped his hair. The way he still wore his thumb rings. He can be so unbearably vapid, and unbearably hot. She didn't understand why he had such an effect on her.

William Choi spotted her from a mile away. There she was, Jeong Tae Ra, the only woman that had any sort of effect on him. Four years ago, he met her for the first time. A one-night moment that left him speechless and afraid of the way his heartfelt looking at her.

"Jeong Tae Ra!!! Still being a diva at every set? Are you here for charity work? Your assistants look extremely tired, stop harassing their lives!" He says flipping his bangs and adjusting his sunglasses above his head, very stylishly.

"Ya! William Choi, mind your own business! Stop harassing your assistant. How many have you changed through already? Clearly you're unbelievably unbearably!"

Both their assistants knew it was going to be a long night. The sexual tension was so thick, even a knife would have trouble cutting through it.

They both go through the campaign event on their best behavior. Shaking hands, fingers lingering a little too long while handing over the mic. Their relationship was unnecessarily complicated.

As the event ends, they both say goodbye to the people present and involved in making the event happen. She plays nicely as she shakes William's hand to thank him for helping set the event up. While she shoots daggers at him with her eyes, he winks back.

"Manger-nim, I think it'll go to that basement bar tonight. Don't worry about me, you go home. I'll call the driver or hail a taxi." Tae-Ra says.

"Are you sure? I remember what happened four years ago. Please be careful, don't get caught. Be safe"

"Excuse me, you're talking like I'm going to go see him. No thank you. He's such a waste of time. I just want a drink. I'll be fine." She replies to her manager.

Her manager drives her home, where she changes into more comfortable clothes. Clothes she wouldn't be caught dead in, knowing the diva that she is. She grabs the key to her Porsche and heads to the basement bar.

**flashback, four years ago**

Tae-ra had just gotten out of a shoot when she received a million messages from her best friend Yoo In-na, begging her to come on this double date with her. She really wasn't up for it. Men are so annoying and fake around her. It can be really frustrating to watch. However, she could use a drink and she'd do anything for her best friend. Little did she know, she was going to meet the one person that would keep her on her toes.

She asked her manager to drive her to the restaurant they were meeting at. She was wearing a tight outfit, one that accentuated her curves in all the right places. It wasn't scandalous, just a turtle neck body con. Her hair was left open. A hair tie on her left hand. She wore a bare face. While she was known as a diva, makeup wasn't really her favorite accessory. Luckily she had great skin, and a lip balm does wonders for her lips. When she got the place, she was led to a private room. Yo In-na was already waiting for her with her date. He's not here yet? That's kind of rude. Who keeps a woman waiting? This is going to be an interesting night for him. In her mind, she had made up that she was going to make this man feel awful for keeping her waiting.

"Yoo In-na you didn't tell me who was going to be my date."

"Uhhh yeah about that if I told you earlier you would have bailed so I'm sorry for what's about to happen."

"Who is it?"

"It's William Choi."

"Excuse me? William Choi? The playboy William Choi? The one that goes around acting like he owns everything and people worship the ground he walks on? That William Choi? Fuck. In-na you owe me big time for this one."

"I know! I know. I'm so sorry, and you're the best Tae-ra. I'm so sorry."

Just as she finished that sentence, she heard it. It was unmistakably his voice.

"Where is the room, I hope its the biggest room you've got here." He entered, in his fur coat, long silver chains, sunglasses, and finger rings.

Who the fuck wears sunglasses at night. I hate him already. She scoffs.

"Hello everyone, I hope I haven't kept you waiting for too long. But then the party never starts without me." With a pretentious laugh, he sits down takes his sunglasses off, and throws his gum in tissue and tosses it in the trash.

"I guess this is my date," he says as he winks at Tae-ra while sitting down.

Lee Dong Wook, Yoo In-na's date, whispers "William please behave yourself. I really like this girl, don't ruin it for me."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be on my best behavior" he whispers back with a smirk.

Tae-ra, in an extremely agitated mood, decided to drink her weight in alcohol. She was just annoyed by his aura. She would be lying if she didn't think he was super attractive and extremely hot. Something about him really drew her in. But he was known to be an asshole, and she really doesn't need that kind of drama in her life. She just scoffed at him.

She looks drunk he thought. Very cutely drunk. He wanted to take her home, take care of her, and cuddle her in bed kind of cute. Hold up, what was that thought. He's never thought this about any woman. Usually, it's one night stands; a game of seduction. It's never anything more than that. He even has a separate apartment for his escapades, but he's imagining her in his own bed.

They haven't said many words to each other, they just shared a bottle of wine. She's looking at him like she's about to bite his head off. She's so cute. He needs to snap out of these thoughts. He's the William Choi, after all. He only breaks hearts. 

Their date was coming to an end, surprisingly to William's dismay. Dong Wook said he'd take Yoo In-na home. While Yoo in-na protested a little, she caught glimpses of how William was looking at Tae-ra. She knew Tae-ra would be safe with him, so she allowed William to drop a drunk Te-ra back home.

"William behave yourself! And thank you for dropping her back home," Yoo In-na replied.

William told his driver to follow him while he drove her Porsche back to her house. He carried her from the car seat as she put her arms around him. Gone was the facade of the asshole.

In all honesty that was just a pretense for the world, he wasn't actually the asshole everyone makes him to be. It was just easier to not display vulnerability in a cutthroat world and society. That's something he learned from his father. You can't have people walk all over you.

As he picked her up out of her car, he could hear her slurred words "I am Tae-ra! Are you a part of Tae-ra-byte? You should be? How could you not be? I won a daesang you know. I'm a famous actress. You should be my fan. I'm the famous actress Tae-ra, you handsome man.

He giggled as he laid her down on her bed. He went out to grab a glass of water, and some aspirin to leave on her bedside. He took a look around and realized that this house did not look like one that belonged to a diva. It was quite humble and cozy actually.

He placed the water and medicine at her bedside. He sat next to her for a moment wanting to look at her face when she's not scoffing at him for the asshole he is. She was beautiful. Barefaced and perfect. He pushed back a strand of hair as she caught his hand and said, "I don't want to be alone tonight. Please stay. thud thud. He felt out of breath. thud thud. He wanted to stay.

So he did something he's never done before. He laid down next to her. she came closer and nestled her face next to his neck. thud thud, what is going on. He waited until she had fallen asleep. He found it hard to leave. He left a note next to her bed. He couldn't be soft, so he put his facade back up and walked out.

Looking at his driver he said "what?!" as he flipped his hair and tightened his fur jacket. Having been his driver for over a while, ever since he was a kid, he just smiled and shook his head as he let him into the car and drove them home in the wee hours of the morning.

She wakes up in the morning with the worst headache. As she gets up holding her head to look for water, she finds water and drugs right next to her bed with a note attached.

"I had fun last night ;) ."

Excuse me what?!

She quickly looks under the blankets to find that she was wearing the same clothes as yesterday and sighs in relief.

What does he mean by fun? What the hell happened? Then she remembers. TAE-RA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE omo shit what the hell Tae-ra noooooo dammit.

Well, at least she never has to see him again. Oh, she wants to bury herself because of embarrassment. She's never been like that with a guy. thud thud She can feel his fingertips on her face. She yells into her pillow.

*end flashback*

She's awakened out of her thoughts by a car honking behind her. In reality, she's thought about reaching out to him again. He is good looking after all and she has needs, but Tae-ra's ego is way too big for her to reach out to someone she was momentarily vulnerable with.

She parks her car - valet isn't conspicuous enough - and goes to take a seat at her usual spot, all the way at the end of the bar. When she gets there, she sees that it's already taken. Being the diva Tae-ra that she is, she's about to go off when she spots the silver thumb ring. He lifts his head up, and it's none other than William Choi. The person she wants to avoid, but also wants to be next to.

This time it's his turn to be drunk. "Tae-raaaaaaaaa oh my Tae-raaaaaa, I'm a tae-ra-byte for you! What are you doing here? Are you here to see me?"

"NO" she scoffs.

"Can you be a little nicer to me? I've missed you."

She was taken aback by the confession. The William Choi admitting something sp sincere.

Well, since she was already at the bar she decided to order herself a drink. Before she could get to it, he said "the lady will have a martini with an orange twist."

Excuse me how did he know my drink.

"It's been four years Tae-ra, and I haven't been able to get you out of my mind."

Her drink arrives and she chugs its contents in one go. She feels soft. William Choi isn't someone she expected to be attracted to. This is the same man that drank a sip of coffee, that he usually likes, and said "what is this disgusting shit" and threw it back at his assistant. This William Choi is making her soft?

"Another one please bartender." She downs that one too.

"Your cheeks are flushed. You look cute." He needs to stop, she thinks.

It's not like she hasn't thought about this once in a while. "I'm scared," she says.

"So am I," he says.

"You wanna get out of here?"

At this point, she's downed three martinis within 10 mins. She's tipsy but aware of her decisions.

"Yes."

She leaves her car parked and takes his vehicle.

His driver asks "the other apartment?" He replies "no, mine."

The entire drive he looks at her like she's the biggest mystery to him. She can't meet his eyes. As he leads her to his loft, he never lets go of her hand. He rarely stops staring at her. This isn't the William Choi she knows.

"My Tae-ra-byte" he suddenly says. Why does he keep saying 'my'?

They barely get into the loft when she holds his face and kisses him. She just needs to know what's going on.

thud thud.

Whose heartbeat was that?

thud thud

It's both of theirs. As she moves away from the kiss, he quickly cups her face and kisses her back with more intensity. Breaking away to say "I've wanted to do this for long. Why do you effect me like this?"

"Why do you affect me like this?" she replies.

She kisses him back with equal desire. As their mouths battle to find air, she opens her mouth further to let his tongue in. They momentarily break away gasping for air. In less than a moment, they were back into it.

Tongues battling. Fingers running through hair. Faces being cupped. Bodies heating up. She wanted this, she wanted to know what it felt like to be next to him. She was curious.

He was curious. Stepping back from the kiss, he caressed her cheek and rubbed his thumb against it. He stared into her eyes, eyes that couldn't meet his. He returns to the lips he's missed so much even though it's barely been a minute. Kissing her gentler this time, he feels her hands raise up to unbutton his shirt.

He holds her hands, "are you sure?"

The player William Choi is asking me if I'm sure. Did he hit his head? Tae-ra gets what Tae-ra wants.

She nods her head, and he dives back in with more fervor. She continues to unbutton his shirt as she feels his hands go under her hoodie. Caressing and pulling her closer like there was any space left between them to cover.

She ran her hands over his sculpted body which elicited a moan from her. He lifter her hoodie off and stared at her mesmerized. Tae-ra wasn't shy. She knew she was desired, but this time the desire was so pure, it made her.....shy?

He held her hand and led them to his bedroom. They stand at the foot of the bed. He takes her bra off. Kissing her neck. Rubbing her nipples. The thumb ring seems to add to the pleasure. As he bites and licks her neck, she moans. It's harder for him to control himself. Her hands reach his pants. She rubs his bulge over his clothing, causing him to breathe deeply at her neck. As she unbuttons his pants, his hands are already up her skirt.

She pushes his pants and boxer down leaving him naked. As he cups her ass, he takes a nipple into his mouth. Then the other. She arches her back wanting more. Unable to control. Needing more. He's rubbing circles in her inner thighs. Massaging but not touching.

"Please," she says as she watches his mouth turn into that sinful smirk.

He pulls her skirt down and pushes her on to the bed. Legs pushed apart. Underwear easily ripped off and pushed aside. She can feel his breath at her entrance. In the next moment, his tongue is swirling at her clit. Fingers inside her. Pushing and pulling in a pleasurable rhythmic pattern. Loud moans indicating her climax, he stops. Kisses the inside of her thighs.

He looks up at her, and there she is. The magnificent creature shooting daggers at him.

Fingers back inside. Thumbs rubbing circles. Soft wet kisses on her belly. Mark leaving bites inside her thighs. He feels her pulsating around his fingers. Back arched and breathless moans. He knew where she was, and he wasn't planning to stop.

Before he could restart. She was up. Their dark lustful eyes meeting. He knew he wasn't going to be able to command anything.

She stood up. Pushed him down the bed. Got on top of him. Led him inside her. Both groaning in pleasure, feeling the warmth inside.

Every movement from her hips was electrifying a thousand neurons in his mind. Up. Down. Up. Down. Whispers in his ear "there is so much you don't know about me."

Pleasured groans. He wanted to find out what else there was to know about her. He could feel her tightening around him. In one swoop motion, he was on top. Harder. Faster. Breathless. Perspiring.

Both their names yelled out at the same moment. Breathless.

"stay. please." This time it was him.

She morphs into his body.

---------

"Good morning my Tae-ra byte. Stay. I ordered breakfast." There he is with that godforsaken smirk.

"Excuse you. I am Jeong Tae-ra. You do not tell me what to do."

Suddenly, the same thought: I'm home.