#and it makes sense for him to choose the greater good over mc’s safety and mental well being at the time

[4belphie]

not to be dramatic but the idea that diavolo sending mc back in time around lesson 16 was okay bc diavolo knew that mc wouldn’t die/would be brought back is…..questionable and actually makes diavolo look worse in a way?

like….i think because the game doesn’t go into the trauma of lesson 16 at all, ppl think that mc is brought back and everything is fine and dandy, but, realistically, it wouldn’t be. at all. mc still DIED. in a violent, bloody way. they were choked out. they could likely feel the life being literally choked out of them. they probably fought against belphie and struggled against him as much as they could, but it was useless.

do u genuinely think that something like that wouldn’t cause trauma? nightmares, terror, ptsd? not just for mc either. the brothers would be left reeling from all of that. how tf would u trust your brother again or be able to look him in the eye while knowing exactly what he did to someone who couldn’t defend themself, someone you’ve grown to care abt quite a lot?

diavolo knowing that mc would die in such a brutal way and not caring makes him look worse than he does in a scenario where he simply did not know that would happen.

you can choose which scenario you see as canon, but you cannot pretend like diavolo knowing everything makes him innocent of failing to protect mc.

(and, like, diavolo doesn’t HAVE to be innocent. he is a grown demon. he, at this point in canon, doesn’t have a strong bond with mc. he cares abt their wellbeing bc of what they do for him and their role in his plan, not bc he truly cares for them. he can be morally ambiguous.)

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Season 2 Summary (Volume 2: Ch 2 - 5)

🍒 Warning: Detailed spoilers from S2 🍒

Along with the update on 3 June 2021, the CN server released a “Plot Review” which contains bullet-point summaries of S2 :>

Volume 1 Summary: here

Your company is suspected of distributing prohibited “Small Syringes”. While being questioned by reporters, Gavin handcuffs you, and you cooperate

“I’ll escort her myself.”

In the STF interrogation room, you don’t flinch despite repeated questioning, because you’re very clear about what you have to do. When Gavin comes to the interrogation room, he is very straightforward and asks what you wish to talk to him about

[Extra tidbit from Cheri] The person who interrogates MC at first is Tang Chao, whose Evol enables him to detect lies. Afterwards, he gets scolded by Gavin because he wasn’t supposed to be there LOL

It turns out that he already guessed that you were the one who lodged the report. This way, you could talk to Gavin in an absolutely safe location, and also lure the actual middleman involved in the distribution of the drugs

He never doubted your innocence

Gavin plans to use this opportunity to purge the STF of traitors. Through the surveillance cameras of STF, you watch as Gavin organises all sorts of work in a systematic manner. In his spare time, he pays close attention to you

After investigating them one by one, Gavin finally lock onto one particular STF agent

While an STF agent is sending you out, you feel that the situation is odd. Just as you formulate your conclusion, you hear Gavin’s urgent voice

“Get away from that person!”

Gavin fires a shot, and the bullet whizzes towards you

“That person is F-45!”

F-45, the traitor, has an ability to swap objects. He has a companion. Not only did he swap positions with his companion, but he also swapped positions with a STF badge. He has been lying low, waiting for an opportunity to take action. Now, he swaps positions with you, leaving you to die

At imminent peril, Gavin expedites his Evol to stop that bullet, then uses this chance to strike down F-45, who attempts a sneak attack. The identity of the other traitor is also confirmed - he’s a member bearing the serial number U-2. His ability is using sound to create explosions

U-2 uses his Evol to create a series of explosions. You and Gavin are left deep in the scene of the fire

Knowing full well that fire has a significant meaning to Gavin, you can’t help but feel very worried. But Gavin is far stronger than you think. Because of himself, and because of you, Gavin doesn’t retreat in the large fire, and finally subdues U-2, handcuffing him. Unexpectedly, U-2 uses his own body to create an even greater explosion!

You and Gavin eventually obtain a narrow victory, while the two traitors die in the sea of fire

From F-45′s final memories, you discover that they chose to serve an anti-Evol criminal organisation called Gray Rhino. It seems that there are more complexities and darkness hidden behind this incident

Gavin is sent to the hospital, and your company is formally cleared of all suspicion regarding the distribution of prohibited drugs. More importantly, you and Gavin have reunited again

In your heart, you're certain that even though the both of you are in different camps, you have mutual trust in each other, walking shoulder to shoulder on an even more rugged path, heading towards a future which won’t be destroyed

Your subordinate from Black Swan tells you that the STF has found the production factory for the “Small Syringes”. They seize the opportunity to shift ten boxes away in secret, and you tell them to analyse it as soon as possible

At the same time, you decide to produce a show related to Evol after a series of discussions in the community spring up after what happened with the company before. This way, more people can pay close attention to and ponder over Evol

Lucien accepts an interview on the show

Just as you recall how he had once said similar words, you sense that there’s something strange about a mother berating her son along the roadside. Under the mother’s continuous provocation, the boy’s Evol is stimulated and goes completely out of control. The gravity in the surroundings changes

You notice that this child was once given a dose of the “Small Syringes” by his mother

Being rolled into the area where gravity is in chaos, Lucien protects you with a white protective screen. With your assistance, Lucien replicates the boy’s gravity Evol, averting a disaster

Worried about this mother-son duo, you inquire about what will happen to them in the future. Lucien doesn’t give you a direct answer. Instead, he asks you a question - would you choose to pursue this matter or stay far away?

“In that case, continue searching. I look forward to your answer.”

You can see a glint of admiration in Lucien’s eyes

Afterwards, in order to make it easier for you to rest, he takes you to a desolate train station. Perhaps you didn’t realise it, but the two of you have already entered a strange space

The two of you board the train. While conversing with Lucien, you verify the importance of CORE, and also make clear that whether or not there is Evol, the world will continue to advance, and will continue to progress

You fall asleep on the train. When you wake up, what meets your vision is a wheat field with heavy snowfall

You once again hear the conversation you shared with Lucien when you were a child, but you hear an overlapping echo. Lucien explains that the dreamworld seems to be a suppressed memory

The two of you open a door. You see that the world is divided and upside down

Lucien says that this world hasn’t been divided, but “folded” - things that appeared to be going backwards are perhaps undergoing another form of advancement

In the dreamworld, the way you’ve pushed yourself over the years and the negative emotions surge forth. Fortunately, Lucien creates a tiny safety zone for you

“You can walk slowly. Knowing that you’re always walking is enough.”

Even though it’s a dreamworld, Lucien also tells you that the future you want will definitely exist

As Lucien leaves the dreamworld, he once again confirms the sense of misalignment that he had sensed

He vaguely senses that he has tossed aside a very long past, and decides to begin research on this world

At this moment, he notices an invitation card in his drawer

“You’ve worked hard.”

Away from the shoal, in the depths of a boundless ocean, Lucien continually sinks, gradually closing his eyes

You send a report containing the components of “Small Syringes” to Victor. However, he doesn’t check his e-mail as quickly as he usually does

While you’re feeling puzzled, you receive shocking news -

The CEO of LFG has met with a car accident

You immediately rush to his ward. Fortunately, he isn’t in a serious condition

For his safety, you arrange for a bodyguard to protect him in the hospital, but Victor flatly rejects this

“Since you’re this worried, stay behind personally.”

As such, you stay in the ward next door, keeping watch on Victor

In the ward, you hand over the results of your investigation to Victor. The analysis shows that there are extremely small traces of CORE in the “Small Syringes”. Gray Rhino, which allowed the drugs to be distributed, has always been against Evol. Perhaps they intend to use the drugs to harm people who wish to obtain Evol. You can’t help but wonder how that person with inky ash eyes is related to everything

Late at night, you spot Victor along the corridor as he observes the city lights. He tells you that he’s looking for someone. Meeting his meaningful gaze, you recall the promise you once made to “find the him from the past”. During this conversation, he also tells you that joining BS was meant for a greater benefit, and to see how far one can go with an Evol ability

You receive news that the driver who caused the accident has regained consciousness, and you plunge into his memories. You discover that because he became bankrupt after a lawsuit with LFG, he participated in the Hunter Game

While attempting to escape the game, he witnessed his camaraderies getting killed in the process. Just as you wonder if he attacked Victor because he had no other choice, a shadow slips into his ward, and he doesn’t have good intentions

You give Victor an urgent signal while attempting to flee

At this dangerous moment, you receive a message from the “past” -

“Why are you in a daze? Run!”

You take action, following Victor’s commands in your mind as you dodge

The person is stalled in the lift, and you fall into Victor’s arms. He pulls you to hide in a nearby room, and you manage to escape

When you had sent the warning earlier, Victor also received a message from the “past”, which enabled him find you

After Victor is discharged, the two of you conjecture that the Hunter Game could have been designed to target Evolvers. The reason why people were silenced after trying to escape could perhaps be due to the mastermind wanting to hide something

After you leave, Victor receives a corgi plush that you sent. He senses that when it comes to things related to you, he will inexplicably become a little more amiable

There are many problems to resolve, and all these conflicts point towards one source: the Black Swan CORE. He decides to personally take part in the Hunter Game as an individual participating in matched betting

On a certain day, the helicopter lands on the roof of LFG. Like always, Victor clarifies information pertaining to work with his employees

“The remaining approvals for today are to be left with Goldman for now. I’ll make time to have a look.”

At a certian location, a sniper rifle takes aim at him. In the next second, the trigger is pulled

You receive an invitation to the Hunter Game. At this moment, Kiro gives you a call to ask if you’ve seen anything strange. You mention the Hunter Game

Kiro’s voice turns disjointed. A man with inky ash eyes suddenly appears. Your mind grows hazy. Just before you completely lose consciousness, you see the symbol of a stone tablet, which has thistles and thorns on it

When you reawaken, you discover that you’ve been roped into the Hunter Game

You do your best to defeat a player who is attacking you. Unfortunately, you meet another person who is better skilled than you. Just as you’re suppressed and losing all hope, you hear a familiar voice. The person in front of you is Kiro

After dealing with the player, he pastes a microchip on the metal necklace you’re wearing. This way, your movements won’t be tracked. He also guides you to a hole of a tree which is concealed very well

In this insane game, you can finally rest for a while

“In this game, the only way to accumulate points is to attack others.”

You look at him, telling him resolutely that the two of you must leave this place safely

Just as you wonder how Kiro managed to enter the arena, the metal necklace gives out a reminder: it’s time for tools to be circulated

The two of you witness as a player is killed while fighting for tools. From this, you discover that players can temporarily strengthen their own Evol by injecting themselves with drugs provided by the game

Through an analysis, the two of you conjecture that the mastermind is also searching for CORE

At this moment, the game announces a mission - you have turned into the target of every single player

Fortunately, due to the tacit understanding you share with Kiro, your coordination enables the both of you to shake off numerous players. Afterwards, the two of you accidentally discover a strange building. Closely compacted infrared rays surround the building, which might result in gunfire. Withstanding the stress, Kiro opens his mini laptop and resolves the crisis before him

“This is the magic of a superhero!”

After saying this, he pulls you into a run towards the forest. The sudden explosions leave you two falling next to a precipice

Kiro grips your wrist tightly. Noticing that he’s straining himself, you think of asking him to let go. Seeming to see through your intentions, he tells you not to give up, and that he has already made arrangements

You choose to believe him

Just as what Kiro says, someone pulls the two of you up the cliff just before Kiro completely exhausts his energy

Kiro finds a way to remove the metal necklace. He looks at you with a gentle gaze, but you feel that something’s wrong-

“Now, have a good sleep. When you wake up, don’t mention this game to anyone. Then... forgive me.”

His Evol puts you into a deep sleep

He removes your silver necklace, puts it on his own neck, then leaves by himself

When you wake up, you find yourself in an underground passage. Just as you think of finding the exit as quickly as possible, you hear Shaw’s voice from the other side of the wall

You attempt to call out to him, but receive no response. Thinking it was just a misperception, you accelerate your footsteps, continuing to search for the exit

On the other side, Shaw has been trying to call you. Because your phone is turned off, and his phone is out of battery, he’s unable to contact you

[Extra tidbit from Cheri] He also attempts to charge his phone with his Evol but fails LOL

He pinches a photograph of a stone tablet. A symbol “8″ is engraved on the stone tablet which is surrounded by thistles and thorns

At this point, you, who were innocently roped into the Hunter Game, arrive at the exit and meet Shaw

“I didn’t expect you to be the one here.”

Shaw sits on the railway tracks as he looks at you, an icy smile on his lips

You pause where you are, testing the waters and asking him what he’s doing here

His tone brims with disdain and alienation. Even though you don't understand what he’s saying, you can sense a certain danger, and there seems to be a misunderstanding between the two of you

In the next moment, accompanied by the roar of a train’s whistle, the sound of thunder completely fills the horizon

Volume 3 (Ch 6 - 9): here

More S2 content: here

A detailed translation of Gavin’s part is available here!

[marshmallowprotection]

Iris

Pairing: Choi Saeran/Reader, 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character

Description: Was there faith in a false paradise with a savior that spilled honey sweet lies to make you agree? There is no life to be found amongst those in a rotting flowerbed, only those clinging to the roots as the world awaits your demise. Why is he still here when others had long been plucked from the dying earth? And better yet, why are you still here after everything, clinging to his roots as if he’ll bring you life? Or is he the one clinging to you?

SE Saeran x Former Believer Reader

Word Count: 8717

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[Read On AO3]

Chapter Nine

Things suddenly changed after that hard night with Unknown. He wouldn’t address what he had said or what happened and he wouldn’t talk about it aloud, but one thing did occur that started a chain of events that strayed from the path that you had gotten used to. He started telling you more than he did before.

He started talking more about the RFA and what they were, who they were, all of the reasons why they were meant to be saved. 

Even though you couldn’t see the faces of the two that he hated the most, you could see the people that remained in the RFA apart from them. Those were the ones that the Savior wanted to be saved as soon as possible and brought into Magenta. He said that the leader of the group was using those people as a guise to hurt others; All while hiding behind the logo of a fundraising organization that meant to save others. 

It sounded ridiculous at first, to think that someone would use a charity to destroy others, but the more you spoke about it with him, the more it started to make sense. You have seen the powerful and wealthy throw around money to look good now and again, but they would only do it to boost their status and image with the rest of the world. A one-time donation… that would do nothing to save anyone. 

It was laughable. 

Rich people patting themselves on the back for doing good for others once at a party. You wanted to laugh. There was a time in your life where you needed help and groups like that… well, you knew that they would’ve used you for pity points. Anything to make themselves look better, to get the money that they wanted and the power that they wanted. 

Those kinds of people were detached from the rest of the world. 

They would never understand a single thing of what you went through, of what people suffered in this world, and when Unknown explained to you that the RFA members were people that had been tricked into thinking that they would be doing good, but in reality, they were just helping a horrible man do wrong in the shadows without anyone to stop him. 

The Savior wanted to stop him… Unknown wanted to stop him. The police couldn’t stop a rich man from doing what he wanted to do, not when he had such a solid public image to cover him from anything wrong. That’s why they had taken matters into their own hands. It had to be done and there was no other choice. When presented to you like that, you understood how much it had to be done. 

If nobody stopped them, people would continue to needlessly suffer when they didn’t have to do that. They could’ve been welcomed and sheltered with the walls of Magenta, just as you had, just as Unknown had, and even as the Savior herself had. They didn’t know any better… so they had to be taught how to know better from the start… and those that denied the will of safety, would be going down with the leader. 

It was what was going to happen regardless of anything that occurred. You understood that, and it’s why you rested a hand against Unknown’s shoulder and nodded. You would help him now that you understood everything and you wouldn’t hesitate anymore. You committed yourself to every path that had been laid in front of you and you knew that it was meant for something greater than you. 

Paradise was going to be free soon enough. 

The pains and woes would all be over once the RFA had been taken under the Savior’s wing. Unknown could relax his workload and start to live the way that everyone else did, and he would no longer find himself sick in bed after drinking too much elixir. He never explained why he did what did, but you didn’t try to ask him why, either. Salvation was upon you in a matter of months and if he wanted to find peace, who were you to judge? 

Although, lifting one of the bottles of his elixir before had sent you reeling simply from the scent alone. His batch felt so much stronger than anything that you had ever tasted. It was so sweet and yet bitter at the same time. Somehow, it smelled like sugar but the scent that lingered in the air was like burnt caramel. It was rotten but it provided shelter at the same time. Was this more to make him stronger? 

You didn’t know the answer to that question… but for some reason, whenever you thought of him drinking that elixir, you couldn’t help but feel strained against the code that you were given to stay on here at Mint Eye. Why was he held to a different standard? Why was he doing things alone in the darkness when there were plenty of people that could’ve helped him and got the project done much faster? Was it trust? Was it mistrust? What was it? 

If he could stomach this stronger elixir, no wonder whenever you took him to the weekly ceremony at the end of the week, he could drink the group dosage before you even realized he’d done it on his own. That didn’t make any sense. But, you pushed it aside. The Savior made people do things that they needed. It was because they had to have it. You weren’t in any position to question that. You’d just swallowed it down. 

Unknown had also… become more openly affectionate. 

Well, as affectionate as someone like he could be. Maybe it was per the fact that you had held him for an entire night as he spiraled in and out of sickness, or maybe because he knew that you weren’t stupid enough to call him weak for the act of being caught in the lowest moment anyone could be in paradise. There would be a very mysterious way that you would look at yourself. 

You didn't know how to read into it but it left you feeling a little uncertain.

There was like a strange sense of electricity that kept running down your spine whenever he looked at you or whenever his hand brushed against yours. 

Maybe it was just the fact that you would finally had somebody that way you talk and speak your mind without a filter… someone that would agree with every bitter word that you said and you wouldn't have to worry about feeling ashamed of yourself. Someone that understood what it felt like to be sick and angry. Someone that would validate your very existence.

His animosity had decreased some, at least, towards you. It had to after that night that you spent together. There wasn't anything like bonding after you could hold someone's hair while they were sick in the bathroom, that's just pure trust. You still couldn't forget the fact that he had called you a name that wasn't yours, but that was a part of it.

When you were close, he’d take the time to yank you into his lap.

That seemed to be your new home when he worked. He claimed it was because he had to keep an eye on you… he didn’t want you telling anyone that he had been sick or even stopped working for a short time. But, you both knew that you wouldn’t tell anyone. You weren’t close to any of the believers like you were close to him. The rest of them didn’t matter anymore, and they never had in the first place. 

You always felt like you didn’t belong in this world but Unknown and Mint Eye had offered safety that nothing else ever had… you found that you could be yourself with him, as bitter and as sullen as you wanted. He never blinked or thought twice when you were angry, and you never said a word when he was. It just made sense at this point to be with someone that knew what it felt like to be this way. 

Of course, coming together like this had changed how the plan was unfolding. He had secured a list of targets that he wanted to use to sway the RFA. In this group were five different people that he could choose from, five different targets that had spoken to the recruiters before that were due to a chance at salvation. They would be there to convince the RFA members to join with Mint Eye by Unknown’s hand. 

You weren’t sure why the Savior thought an outside hand would be best for this, but you imagined that someone untouched by cleansing first… Unknown could whisper all the right things into their ears and they’d follow like a lamb to the slaughter. Someone who didn't have to worry about carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders would easily be able to do it. 

It would be more gentle that way. An easier pill to swallow. The hardest pill to swallow was always the best taken with some sugar, wasn't it?

People who needed to be saved sometimes needed… a firm hand to get there. You had needed one, once. Unknown had, too. But the fact of the matter was, that wasn't always the best way for someone to be saved. Sometimes you have to recalculate your perfect plan and coordinate properly.

It was killing two birds with one stone, though. Another innocent person could be saved, and the people that were meant to be safe from the start could get what they always deserved. After all, you had no ill feelings towards the people that you were trying to save. 

Everyone had a place in Paradise.

Much to your surprise, he let you review their backgrounds and their data, and asked you to tell him which one you would pick. He had already made up his mind and you knew it, but he still wanted to see what you would do. That had interested you, but you pointed to the one that you knew would work best… and a saccharine smirk grew on his face when you did. You both came to the same conclusion. 

MC was the right pick, plain as day to you and Unknown. They were the kind of person that had been hurt by the rest of the world but they somehow clung to shining optimism. They were the kind of person that made you want to believe in fairy tales. Just the right kind of true sweet to go down with the reality of salvation. It would be easy for them to open the line of possibility and frankly wouldn't take that long considering how easily they helped people. It was almost overwhelming.

Part of the reason why you said that you picked them was because they reminded you of the person that you used to be. Someone willing to go out of their way for others without thinking of their desires. It was a selfless way to live but it could burn someone out. Doing everything for everyone else all of the time could hurt you because denying yourself anything is a form of harm.

It was a part of the reason why you were so angry all of the time. You would always give yourself to everything and everyone, and for what? It was always for nothing. Nobody ever dared to acknowledge all the things that you did, they just selfishly took it underneath their wing and kept it. It made you not only hate everyone around you, but it made you hate yourself. What was wrong with you? That thought hung heavy on your mind before you were saved. You blamed yourself for a long time.

This place told you the truth, however. You weren't the one to blame here. Everyone that abused you was to blame. People that took advantage of you and took you for everything that you were worth. There had been a time in your life when you wanted to believe in goodness, but the more that you lived, the more that you realized the people just weren't like that.

Mint Eye was the only place in this world that said that you were justified in all of your feelings. This was the only place where you were allowed to be angry and upset about the pain. This was the place where you were truly allowed to be yourself. They acknowledged all of your feelings and that's why you felt like this was the place you were always meant to be. It just felt right. Nothing had ever felt right before. That's why this was your home and you wanted to stay here.

Even if you had to prove yourself every week that you had the right to exist here. A small price to pay, you thought.

Once you had a target picked out, that's when everything started moving much faster. All of the work that you had been doing with him and started to move at a swift pace. It felt like all of your days were starting to blur together. A lot of the memories of this time feel more like soup than they do anything else. You would spend hours looking at different material and trying to track things down, so your mind felt numb to everything except that.

The only standout moments that occurred during this time were when you and he shared conversations about anything and everything. Sometimes it wasn't about the work that you did, it would be about things that you would do after this was all over, or it would be about things that were going on in the world around you that you weren't supposed to think about. It was always interesting to hear the way that he thought. It took your mind off everything that you were doing. 

He would tell you of what he dreamed of and you would tell him what you imagined. It was a strange game. But it was even stranger to be together in the first place. So it's not like it mattered much. You kept each other focused on the task and that's all that mattered. Things had to turn out the way that they should, it would be disastrous if it didn't. All of this work has been going on for years, and for it to fail, would signify that the two of you weren't good enough. The Savior had placed a lot of faith in you. You had to prove that it was worth it.

You sighed as you slid between his legs and tipped your head back against his shoulder. He was lost in thought again and when he was like this, nothing was going to stop him from this work whatsoever. It had been a while since that night but the only thing you could think about was how he had known about the iris. It just proved that there was more to him than meets the eye.

It also proved that he knew that you weren't lying that night. He just let you think that he had made his assumptions. Now that you knew him much better, you understood why he did that. It didn't change the fact that it was kind of a dick move.

"How did you know about the iris?"

Not once did he even stop from what he was typing out. You doubted that he was going to give you an answer right now. Sometimes you like to keep you on your toes guessing what he was thinking of. It was a game that sometimes made you want to rip your hair out. Oh well, it wasn't good for him that you were the kind of person that was too stubborn to take no for an answer.

"You remind me of an iris," his voice told you in a gruff tone. "That's all." 

"No, I seem to recall that you knew very well that I was looking at the flowers. You can't go back on that," you raised a hand and carded your fingers through his hair without pause. "That is to say, I wonder if you think of me as an iris, or if that was just a convenient thing to say."

"You're Iris," he said, simply. 

"I'm Iris?" 

"I've decided that's better to say than C404 or my assistant. That's all." 

"Oh, so I've earned the so-called coveted name status you've told me about, and of any name you could choose, you picked the one you're refusing to say started it all?" 

"Would you prefer I give you something disgusting or deplorable? I'd say that this is a blessing and that you should take it. Either I give you one, or the Savior gives you one at the end of the mission. Whatever she gives you may not please you. I take what I can from the strongest. At least, if I were you." 

You scoffed at his words. He was still playing this game and you knew that you weren't ever going to let him win at it. This is why you merely hummed and disregarded his words entirely. If this was his way of acknowledging that you were right, you were going to take it. He knew a lot more than he let on.

Which is all the more reason why you shivered when his lips brushed against your throat, "I'm sure you like it a lot, anyway. Your heart hasn't slowed down since I said it, my Iris." 

The most dangerous game of all was that he was right. You liked it.

—

If there was a one thing that frustrated him it was the fact that there was nothing for him to do this late at night when he felt this nauseous. Saeran had been struggling with this for a very long time now. 

The after-effects that lingered from ingesting the elixir for such a long time were something that he never considered until he was finally out of that place and he was no longer able to drink it when he needed it. It had been horrible when he was going through the feelings of withdrawal back then.

It was hard to explain the feeling of trembling and aching and screaming. It was like he didn't know where he was and he didn't know who he was. He floated between a state of consciousness and unconsciousness. His body would tremble and it just wouldn't stop. It would feel like he wasn't in his body at all. It felt like the world around him was fake. It would either be too saturated or it would be so dark that he would cry.

He had grown used to taking large amounts of it every other day. He was almost like a guinea pig and a test product because he was taking the Elixir more than anyone else was. He was the one that was constantly subjected to new trials. It was like he was useful to prove how far the human body could go to prove what salvation could really mean.

He was a lab rat. He had been a guinea pig. It was almost disgusting to think about in retrospect, and he had willingly done that to himself after a while. It was the only thing that could make the nightmares stopped and stop reality from hurting him. If he was screaming, if he was hurting, if he was only thinking about the pain, he wouldn't stop to think about the world around him and he wouldn't stop to think about how exhausted he was.

He was sick for a very long time. In fact, he thought that he was used to being sick because he spent his entire childhood cold and sick. He lived in the space where he was constantly coughing and begging for it to stop. He could remember what it felt like to have a fever and what it felt like to hold his breath for as long as he could to make the hiccups stop.

It was one thing to be sick in your childhood. He did not realize that you could be a special kind of sick after ingesting so much drugs against your will. He didn't know that the effects that he dealt with on a daily basis could be worse after he was removed from the very thing that was hurting him. If he had known that, the cynical part of him would have just kept drinking this stuff in the first place. To get off of it was to accept the reality and understand that your body was going to be broken beyond repair.

He did not realize how much it hurt him until it was well beyond the fact. It actually all started when he tried to start eating again. He was used to having a little but nothing. Even when you had come to his life and started making sure that he was eating properly, he could barely do that. His stomach was so small because he never really gave himself the time to eat much. Not just that, he struggled with the reality of what it meant to actually have food that he wanted. Food was never something that he got a chance to pick. It was always a luxury. He was lucky to get what he got. 

For the first time in his life, the one Freedom that he was given after coming into the situation that he never chose for himself, he thought that he could finally use food as something that would sustain him and make him a little bit happier. But, his reality was not a fairytale. The first time he tried to enjoy a meal was the last time he felt like he would ever try. That is to say, taking the Elixir as long as he did had hurt him in ways that he was still trying to heal from.

His stomach was lucky that it was not beyond repair. But, he would be dealing with acid reflux for the rest of his life because of it. He had to set limitations to everything that he ate. Even the smallest of things would make him upset. Sometimes it would be so bad that no amount of drinking milk would make it go away. It had been something that happened back at that place, but it had never been noticeable to him because he was so dull to his pain.

Now it was very clear to him.

He didn't even have the freedom to eat the things that he wanted to eat. And if it wasn't his stomach hating him for everything that he tried, there was something even worse than that. He would feel so sick to his stomach most of the time that he could barely even manage the effort to eat in general. He did a good job of hiding it, but most of the time he was only able to drink to sustain himself.

He guessed that he was thankful for meals in a bottle. It wasn't ideal but at least it was keeping him alive. For what it was worth. Part that upset him the most was that even with all of these factors that he couldn't do anything about, there was even more things that hurt him. They said he was lucky he had his health in good health all things considered, but his tongue was... beyond fixing. He finally understood why he had such a fixation on a very intense flavors. It was because he had burned a hole in everything. There was nothing left of his taste buds.

It seems like nothing that he did was going to make it better. He would get frustrated whenever it was time to eat. He didn't like when people would look at him for long periods of time because he had to add so much extra. It was Bland otherwise. It felt like he was biting into the bread that you eat as a child. That texture and taste alone made him feel sick.

To make matters worse, all of the psychological aspects that came along with that. It was why he tried to eat by himself if he could. It was just easier and better that way. It kept him from overthinking and it kept him from getting upset. It was just another reason why life kept laughing in his face. It was like he was never meant to get a break. Nothing he did would ever make it better and his life was just a joke. A sick and twisted joke that was surrounded by pain. He was supposed to be free but he found nothing but misery in this.

The only thing that he could do is eat more ice cream at 3 in the morning. It was the one thing that brought him comfort and kept him afloat.

“Saeran?” 

“Saeyoung.” 

His twin sat across from him at the table. It was late into the evening again. MC wasn’t awake at the moment… they were curled up in bed with the robot cat as far as he knew. Saeyoung would’ve come out of their embrace at this only for a handful of reasons, and if he wasn’t using it to work on his plans for his next job venture, that meant that he was out here to talk to his brother. 

Saeran was not a fan of that idea. 

But, it wasn’t like he could avoid Saeyoung forever given that he lived in his house. It was always going to be a matter of time until they spoke again or interacted. He wanted to avoid it but there was no way to get out of it. Saeran knew that. He knew that no matter how many times that he told his brother to wait until later—

Later was always going to come and avoiding him was just making the problem worse. That’s what his therapist said the last time he spoke to her about his brother. He knew that she was going to lay into him this week about it when he admitted what he’d been trying to do. While he was trying to avoid everything, he was only making himself feel as though he was on the brink of exploding. 

He didn’t want to be that way anymore, but there was no denying his anger was a part of who he was and it was always going to infect his thoughts. For the past two weeks, he had been trying to dodge his twin as much as he could. It wasn’t that they had another fight or that things were that way because of how Saeran felt.

There were just days when he didn’t have the energy to deal with Saeyoung. He knew that his twin meant well and that he just wanted Saeran to be happy, but he couldn’t be happy all the time. Even if he was free from Mint Eye, that didn’t mean that he was truly free from the burden. 

Saeyoung always knew that. They weren’t truly free from suffering. It was this unspoken thing that they both understood very well. 

No matter what Saeyoung did or said, as long as Saejoong Choi was out there and working in the government, they were going to have to change their names, change their papers, fake who they’d become, and hide behind lie after lie to be able to have the life that they were living now. Even if the agency wasn’t going to come after Saeyoung or Saeran now, there was still the danger of their father trying something. 

He wouldn’t stop, if ever, and as far as the boys knew, Saejoong was still hunting for them both. If he got what he wanted, they would both be laying dead somewhere at the bottom of a cesspool if it meant that Saejoong won. That man would stop at nothing and even if they hadn’t noticed him on his way to make a move recently, there was no denying that things could be dangerous in no time at all.

It was only a matter of time, and that’s one of the many reasons why Saeran was trying to back away from his brother as this unspoken air brewed in the darkness. It felt like Saeyoung knew that there was something wrong and he was trying to take care of it, and Saeran could understand why that was, but he didn’t want to get into it. 

It was bad enough when they talked about their shared history together without their parents, and if they involved their mother and father, it was just going to get worse and worse. That wasn’t to say that it was Saeyoung’s fault, Saeran’s feelings about their parents were something that had come to feel on his own and just the idea of them made him want to throw up.

Saeran knew it was bad enough thinking about Mint Eye. 

He was keeping a lock on his childhood for a damn reason. None of those feelings were good and his memory had been manipulated so much by Rika that he didn’t know what was real and what was fake anymore. If he stopped for just a minute and let those memories come in, he was going to hurt himself badly. 

He wished that Saeyoung understood that. It wasn’t like they talked about what happened back in that place very much. Saeyoung had a rough idea of what happened in that place but he never tried to learn more about it. That’s because the first few times he tried, Saeran had tried to strangle the life out of him for even bringing it up. 

Even if Saeran didn’t feel expressed hatred for his twin anymore, there was a reason why he was trying to take his time in therapy before he dealt with any of this. If Saeyoung wanted to be the one to play the hero in the meantime, that was fine, and Saeran would bite his tongue if the strongest hero complex in the world continued to persist for as long as Saeyoung needed it to.

Saeyoung was trying to protect them and make plans to ensure that all of their bases were covered no matter what, but just the idea of starting to hack again and work on safety plans made Saeran sick. They would have to work together to make these escape plans and routes in the chance that one of these days, something went wrong. 

It wasn’t like this bunker could stop everything. Plans needed to be made in case something went wrong and that made sense. They could rig the system to work as they needed, manipulate people into thinking this place didn’t exist, and more. There were plenty of things they could do without having to arm a bomb, which they both could silently agree was a horrible idea… even without having a talk.

There were things that Saeyoung could do without talking to Saeran… but at the very least, Saeran couldn’t be angry that Saeyoung tried to tell him what he was doing. He understood where he had gone wrong in the past. In trying to protect Saeran, he put him at risk. In trying to save his life back at the hospital before their father caught wind of him, he wound up taking away Saeran’s right to choose what he wanted. 

It was where a lot of conflicts strived between them. Saeyoung would do things and say things even if he knew that he was playing with fire. He thought that between losing his brother to his father and trying to help Saeran himself… well, Saeran could understand why his twin did what he did for his own reasons. It didn’t make him happy. It probably wouldn’t ever make him happy. 

Thanks to MC and the rest of the RFA, they were able to find a way to help the twins in a way that wouldn’t leave them trying to cope with their pain on their own. After they made a breakthrough, Jumin and Jaehee had helped Saeyoung with their fake documentation to get anything that they’d ever need through his company. 

It would all be locked under false names and code words that nobody would ever think was out of the ordinary. MC had been a driving force in ensuring that Saeyoung understood that he shouldn’t try to fix everything on his own, and for that, Saeran was grateful. His twin wasn’t a good therapist at the end of the day, but he did… mean well. 

Even if he fucked up along the way in trying to do the right thing.  

His twin’s paranoia was… something that he was working on in therapy, at least, that’s what he had said, but it burned him to his very core. Saeyoung was afraid and trying to carry these things, and it always showed in his eyes. Saeran didn’t want to be protected anymore, he wanted to live as he had always wanted, but he couldn’t. 

Saeyoung couldn’t, either. He couldn’t protect others all of the time by giving himself up since it wasn’t the right thing to do and would only destroy his own health. There was no more reason for him to destroy himself for the sake of others. MC wouldn't have if he did that, Saeran would never be happy if he did that, and Saeyoung wouldn’t be happy at the end of the day if he did it to himself again. 

It wasn’t fair but it was reality… and reality was never kind to the brothers. Real life was never going to be like the movies where everything worked out, everyone loved each other, and there happened to be no more pain because everyone started to understand each other. That was just something to accept as a fact of life.

It was bad enough that he and Saeyoung argued about the misunderstandings and lies that had been fed to them by V and Rika, both, but this fact was… something that they had no one else to talk to about. This was a burden they had to carry alone with one another no matter what. This was just another fact of life. 

When Saeyoung tried to press these things, it was like opening up a box that once opened, couldn’t be closed again. Saeran understood the point, he really did, but there was a line in the sand that he wanted to draw and he prayed that he could stay on his side purely to keep himself from drowning again.

It wasn’t like they had the luxury of living in ignorance forever but Saeran knew he didn’t have the capacity to let that invade his senses quite yet. It had to be taken care of but thanks to Jumin Han, they weren’t going to have to deal with it as quickly as they might have if they were not being taken care of by someone with absolute money and power to hide every move behind these coordinated walls. 

It was… a lot to consider and a lot to deal with. Saeran wasn’t trying to dodge it for the sake of getting out of anything… he just knew that once it started, it wasn’t going to stop. It was going to keep coming and coming and coming. There were just things that he couldn’t talk about and so many circumstances that had left him in a state of disrepair. For him to face the safety measures, he would have to face the dangers that came from it.

There were other things that he was trying to deal with at the moment. Things that were hidden on the phone that he had just stashed away in his pocket from his brother’s prying eyes. He had his secrets that he was trying to keep to himself for the time being. Saeran spent most of his time talking to you… if he could work up the energy to talk to you again, that was. 

Saeran was determined not to suffocate you or ruin whatever life you were leading now. He didn’t pry or ask questions, and if you told him something, he knew that you were doing it of your choice to do so. It wasn’t like the past where he had demanded answers out of you. He never wanted to do that to you again. He knew better and he knew that he could never go back to doing any of those things to you.

That much he could rationalize to himself… and it felt like this was the most that he could have in his hands when it came to you. He couldn’t hold you, not with the hands of a killer, but he could speak to you as long as there was a phone to stop him from getting too close again. That broken yet understanding look in your eyes had swept him away like a flood that carried away a little toy boat left outside by a child. 

There was no way that he could completely shut you out and away from his heart knowing that you still wanted to speak to him. He just wasn’t sure how to talk to you anymore since most of the words that you once shared had been so intertwined with death and destruction… but he wanted to focus on those moments in between since they had been what grounded him when he was too anxious to think twice. 

Even if he wasn’t hearing your voice… he was wearing and seeing your words for the first time. It was interesting to see the way you spoke in print. You liked to sprinkle in emojis and you avoided using periods in your sentences. It was almost…  cute. He didn’t speak like that. He always used ending marks on his sentences and kept his words brief. You said that you imagined how he wrote but you never expected him to write like a “grandpa.” 

You seemed amused that someone so deep in knowledge about hacking would ever type the way that he did. Well, it was just another reminder that his social skills were nothing compared to what you had. You knew how to interact with the world even if it had shut you out for years on end, but he didn’t have that feeling. 

He didn’t have anyone until you came around and showed him how to think twice; There was a lot about a person that you could find in their words. 

Your smile seemed to shine through even if he didn’t see it. You always waited for him to send the first message before you responded to him. You let him set the pace that he wanted, and for that, he was grateful to know that you were thinking of him. However, there was a part of him that wanted to hear how your day was going. If that was the most that he could have, he hoped that it would be the thing to help him believe again.

The thing that made him want to keep going. 

If he knew that you were trying to live a life that was worth living, he could have all the more reason to keep trying to have his own. He didn’t want to let you down. You truly imagined that after all that time, he had been living freely and happily. Saeran didn’t know what gave you that idea but… it spoke volumes to the faith that you had in him… perhaps not in him, but more so in the idea that he would be able to live freely. 

Saeran never told you about the truth. He never told you about his brother, he never told you about what happened in the past, and he never told you why he was hiding in the first place. You’d never learned his true name and you never knew that much about him and yet, you still wound up feeling drawn to him. It was strange and it didn’t make sense in the long run to him, but not many things did. 

You didn’t know everything about the person that he was, who he used to be, what he had done, who hated him, who wanted to use him, and more than that. You only knew Unknown as your boss who had goals and aspirations that you stood beside. You knew that the RFA had crossed the Mint Eye over and over again, and you simply believed it. 

You stood by him, helped him find out ways to win, and almost helped him beat fate.

If it hadn’t been for things out of his control at the time, Mint Eye might’ve won the game, you and he might’ve dismantled everything and quite possibly, even Rika once she revealed her true colors. The reality wasn’t lost on him. He knew what might’ve happened if he won that day and nothing stopped him from doing it.

Things in that life would’ve changed but he would’ve still been bitter and angry, finding no relief in his circumstance as he got hollow revenge that didn’t make him happy. He knew what no-win for Unknown would’ve ever pleased him… because in the truth of that, the goal would’ve been to torture and kill V and Saeyoung. He knew that murder wasn’t the cure to these feelings. 

Because his hands were stained in that very blood.

That blood didn’t bring him any pleasure. It brought him shame, guilt, anger, confusion, and all kinds of feelings that burned him to his very core. He didn’t know how to feel anymore, and that was why he didn’t want to think about V or Rika or any of that… but you were involved in that life and to be with you and think of you, he had to think of them, too. 

In his memories, there was a small pool of relief and that was you. In hell, there was a small pool of water that he could drink from and it was thanks to your hand that the water was created in the first place. It wasn’t elixir, it wasn’t hellfire, it wasn’t even the harshest of sunlight, it was cool water that brought him peace.

Speaking with you was bittersweet… but being with you had always been that way. It felt like it was only going to last for a second… the pleasure that he felt with you, the happiness that he shared with you, and those moments when he clung to you and tried to make sense of hell. 

Those were the only moments in his life where it felt like he was doing something that wasn’t forced onto his lap by the rest of the world. 

With you, it wasn’t about the pain, the revenge, and the agony of being a bastard. He had just been Unknown with you… and he never had to try to be anyone else. You just accepted him… speaking with you now felt like that, as if he had found an oasis in his barren desert again. You spoke about all kinds of things and nothing at the same time. 

Even if he wasn’t speaking to you, you would both send each other photos throughout the day. He enjoyed seeing the sky through your eyes. He liked seeing that you were living some kind of free life now. He could never guess where you were living from the photos, but you had a nice view of the sky and that’s all he cared about. You could have ice cream whenever you wanted… you could go to the park anytime. 

It was a quiet life, but it was the life you deserved after Mint Eye. 

He just never dared to say that because he feared you might say that he deserved one, too. He wasn’t ready to confront that quite yet. 

Saeran was drawn away from his thoughts the minute that Saeyoung spoke up again, golden eyes meeting his own, and the concern in them apparent as ever. His smile was a little worn and crooked but it was his all the same. “Do you have a minute to talk to me about something? If that’s okay, I mean, it’s important but it can wait until morning if you’re not ready.” 

He sat up in his chair and leaned back until he felt his back touching the wood. He had to check… that numb feeling was creeping up his spine and he wanted to feel that he was grounded. This was happening and he was real. He reminded himself. His world was real and these memories weren’t happening to him. 

His twin was here and they were sitting in the bunker together. Saeyoung wouldn’t have come to him if it wasn’t something that needed to be dealt with. He knew that much. It had life or death, especially if he was trying to avoid telling MC about it. So if he had something on his mind that was dangerous or upsetting and he had no choice but to talk to his twin about something? This was a big deal. 

He stashed his phone deeper into his pocket and nodded, “If you’re willing to bother me at 3AM about it, it must be a big deal. So, what’s wrong with you? Trouble in your so-called personal haven with MC?” 

Saeyoung seemed surprised by that quip. He chuckled but shook his head. “No, no, that’s not what the problem is. It’s a lot more serious than that. It has nothing to do with MC… and to be honest with you, it’s more about something that pertains to you. This isn’t me trying to pry or find out about your life, Saeran, but there’s something about Mint Eye that I need to talk to you about and I understand if you don’t want to talk.” 

The feeling in the room tensed when his brother said that. Of course, it was about the damned cult. Saeran didn’t want to talk about it. The last few times had ended in a fight, but if it was this bad, then he had a reason. He had to have a reason to open up this can of worms since he wasn’t stupid enough to do it without a reason. 

Saeran felt himself clenching his jaw. “...What of it?” 

“Rika’s trial is coming soon,” Saeyoung was just as tense as his twin was because there was no denying the weight of these words. The mention of her very name made him want to throw up all over again. “Jumin’s been trying to put a case together thanks to the help of some of the former believers that worked with you, as well.”

“What of it? Does he want to demand I talk about it, then? He should have more than enough to put her away forever with whatever he got his hands on,” Saeran could feel his blood starting to boil the more that he thought about it. He seethed with rage as the realizations started to hit him over and over again. “Don’t tell me, he’s determined to know every fucking detail of the person his so-called boyfriend was, down to the very fucking person he abandoned.” 

Saeyoung knew how dangerous it was to bring any of this up. He knew that. Why was he talking about any of this? He avoided looking for Rika in the news but he knew whenever he was out, he would hear the whispers of what would become of her soon enough. She was locked away, trying to pay for what she did, doing God knows what in there, probably trying to start another group or something, Saeran hissed.

Of course, in his faintest memory, he could remember her cradling Jihyun Kim in her arms as his blood seeped into her robes… the same way that it covered his hands. 

His hands that he couldn’t look at anymore. 

“I understand how you feel about her,” Saeyoung said. His voice was barely audible over the sounds of the static growing in his head. Oh, he had made it very clear that he had murderous intent for anyone that hurt Saeran. “Trust me, I understand. I want nothing to do with Rika and I don’t want to be anywhere near the shit-show that’s going to happen when it starts. But, that’s not why I’m telling you about this. Jumin asked for a favor and after all, he’s done, I can’t tell him, no, but you can.” 

Saeran found himself rising from his chair and slamming his hands against the table, “What the fuck does he even want, then?!” 

The silence between them lingered for a long moment before his twin finally said, “Jumin said that he’s been talking to your former assistant… they’re the heart of what’s going to put Rika in prison for a long time. They’re… they’ve been asking about seeing you and Jumin told them that he would try to ask what you thought about seeing them. This isn’t about you telling Jumin anything at all. This is about… your assistant.” 

You? 

This was about you? 

“I don’t know anything about them. I don’t know anything about what you went through in that damned place, but I do know that if this person still thinks of you in a good way, then you must be feeling the same way for them. I didn’t realize that you might’ve had anyone in that place with you, and I… I hate myself for not asking sooner. If I knew… there was something that—”

Saeyoung wasn’t supposed to know about you. 

Jumin wasn’t supposed to know about you. 

None of them were meant to know anything about you. It didn’t make any sense to him and the more that he was hearing, the angrier he felt. No wonder you looked so disheartened and wary of him from the start. Jumin Han had kept you reliving hell over and over again to placate his desire for his lost liar, huh?!

His breathing began to elevate, becoming disjointed and haphazard. You had no idea how he was or how he was living. Nobody told you… yet, they were using you. It seemed like his twin didn’t know anything about you until Jumin brought it up, but the fact remained that the idea of you being like a puppet disgusted him.

You already lived that once. 

How dare they make you live it again! Were you doing this willingly? Did they force this on you? He had so many questions and no answers to appease him. It sickened him. The idea that you’d deal with hell all over again just to put Rika away… God. You were the angel in the darkness for him, weren’t you? You were suffering for his sake, weren’t you? 

When he thought more and more about how you respected his space…It started to make sense to him. Did you think that he knew about you? Did you think that he was trying to avoid you? Who knew what the RFA did or didn’t tell you. He never wanted you close to any of them… and they’d found you regardless. How? How did they find you? 

He needed answers. 

And, he needed to know why you didn’t mention this to him… apart from the fact that you didn’t know who he truly was. You might’ve assumed that he wasn’t anywhere near the RFA anymore at all. That’s why… he could make a small guess for you because you didn’t think he would be near any of this anymore… but Jumin Han?

“What about them?” 

“Jumin wants to know if you want to see them again… and if you’d be willing to share something anonymously about the situation to be submitted with the rest of the witnesses. I said that you’d never go for that last bit because you suffered enough, but… if this person meant anything to you or still does, this is a chance to see them again and…” 

“When?” 

“Thursday, around noon, if you agree.” 

“Fine. I'll go." 

"...Saeran?" 

"This isn't over, Saeyoung." 

"I'm sorry."