#and it made me think about Mashton

[mashtonlemon]

I need a Mashton teacher x teacher fic pls

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Short Smutty Fics Masterlist

Beg (ao3) - FayeHunter michael/luke E, 3k

Summary: The first thing Michael hears when he opens the hotel door is a broken off desperate moan.

Or Michael and his boyfriend have a little fun

Daddy’s little slut (ao3) - Sara_Hood calum/ashton N/R, 2k

Summary: Calum has been a bad boy that needs punishment

Eager to Please (ao3) - howtotrainyourpup ot4, luke/ashton E, 5k

Summary: Ashton is Luke’s baby. His cupcake, his little lion. There is nothing in the world that Luke wouldn’t do for Ashton, he prided himself on being the best Daddy he could be when he was needed, and the best boyfriend he could be the rest of the time. Their relationship, while unconventional, is happy and safe and full of trust both spoken and unspoken. Calum and Michael understand, they’ve made a safe zone for the boys that could never be recreated and is worth more than gold.

or, Ashton slips and helps out all his boys instead of only Luke just this once? i don’t know

Fucking You Like I Should (ao3) - ComplexityIsTheOnlyWayToHaveSimplicity michael/calum, luke/ashton E, 3k

Summary: Calum’s feeling a little naughty but with Michael stuck in a meeting what’s the poor baby to do? If he has a little fun Michael can’t be mad at that. Calum won’t complain when Michael join’s the fun either.

good girls (ao3) - no_clue_who michael/calum, michael/calum, luke E, 8k

Summary: Calum is failing her classes, Michael is her girlfriend and they wanna fuck Luke.

Heart Attack (ao3) - no_clue_who luke/ashton M, 2k

Summary: Luke was a mess. He was a mess who was trying to do something nice for Ashton. Ashton had been planning incredible dates since they had started dating, taking him out and making him feel so loved and he wanted to do the same.

So that's why he impulsively bought the corset and lace shirt a week ago. And the matching lingerie. And the stockings.

Ok so maybe he went a bit overboard with the outfit, but he wants to look good for Ashton.

or how to seduce your boyfriend

How did we end up here (ao3) - BrokenTailLights luke/ashton E, 4k

Summary: Where Luke hates guests, but maybe he can tolerate them if 'guests' include curly-haired, muscular teenage boys with cute giggles

i eat boys like you for breakfast (ao3) - tutorgirl luke/ashton E, 4k

Summary: Luke wasn’t thinking about breakfast so much anymore, except for Ashton eating her out.

i’ll do anything you say if you say it with your hands (ao3) - merlypops luke/ashton E, 4k

Summary: Luke never thought coming out was worth the risk until he met Ashton.

I’m Sweating Bullets Like a Modern Romeo (ao3) - shitmichael michael/calum E, 6k

Summary: “You’re getting punished tonight,” was all he said in a casual voice before leading them out of the hotel lobby.

In The Heat Where You Lay (ao3) - merlypops michael/ashton E, 2k

Summary: It’s Mashton’s anniversary, Michael is sleepy, and Ashton just wants to give him his present.

it’s obvious i just can’t get enough of you (ao3) - nationalnobody calum/ashton E, 4k

Summary: It’s 6PM and Calum is angry. Calum isn’t an angry guy but there is only so much Michael Clifford Bullshit ™ that one human being can physically take. Being the super cool-headed and level guy he is, he heads to the gym to wind down and relax. Everything is going peachy until a fucking sex deity with curly hair has to bend over across the room and destroy any shred of cool in his body.

Knee Socks, Sweaters, & Kitten Boys (ao3) - KiribakuBabe michael/luke E, 5k

Summary: The one where Luke loves wearing stockings whenever Michael isn’t home and then he gets caught wearing them..

lay your hands on me (ao3) - cliffakitten luke/ashton E, 3k

Summary: Luke always liked them because they made him feel pretty, like he had always wanted to be but now he feels something else. Something he never thought he would ever get to feel until right now, right now when Ashton snaps the elastic of the panties against his skin. Luke feels slutty.

And he loves it.

Mikey’s kink (ao3) - Directioner_Jcats_5sosfam michael/luke E, 4k

Summary: Basically, Michaels want’s to try a few kinks, and Luke want to help.

Pup (ao3) - orphan_account calum/ashton, michael/luke N/R, 4k

Summary: Calum and Luke are cuddled up together on the couch, while Ashton watches from the side. He's pissed. Whether its at Luke or Calum, he doesn't know, but he just wants it to end. Mikey manages to keep him calm until Luke is stupid enough to say the word. When the word slips from Luke's lips, Ashton's anger slides out of control.

Rollercoaster Ride (ao3) - im_just_a_sucker_for_bromance ot4 E, 3k

Summary: Michael came up with the craziest idea to end their tour; an idea, which he knew Luke would love. Calum had already agreed but there was one problem, Ashton was still reluctant. All he had to do was to convince the stubborn drummer, something he knew he would manage to do easily, and they would end up having the greatest end-of-tour party.

sucker for the way that you move, babe (ao3) - merlypops luke/ashton E, 2k

Summary: Luke looks after Ashton better than anyone ever has and they can't get enough of each other.

We Couldn't Freeze This Moment (ao3) - antisocialhood luke/ashton N/R, 3k

Summary: Ashton's relationship with Luke was a simplistic amount of domestic fluff and vanilla sex.

White Noise (ao3) - merlypops luke/ashton E, 7k

Summary: Luke and Ashton have massive crushes on each other, Ashton throws a party, and all of Luke’s dreams come true. (Maybe they’re a tiny bit in love too. Maybe.)

[ghost-of-you]

One of the things that’s great about Mashton is that even though they probably had to put more work into a friendship (note: I still think they clicked pretty damn quickly, but Cashton and Lashton were almost immediate so Mashton took a bit longer), they’re still really close. Maybe they would’ve have been friends without the band, but I don’t think it’s possible to separate them now

I am feeling the need to say that when I say that I think mashton had to put more work into the friendship and that I don't think that necessarily they would still be friends without the band, is not because I think they would absolutely hate each other if they weren't in the band but because when compared to cashton or lashton, that gives off some sort of "I loved you before I met you" dramatic energy (specifically when compared to cashton and the way it highkey looks like they took one look at each other and were childhood friends, I've known you my whole life, no acclimation period), mashton gives of "I had to get to know you to love you" and that does lead to a different dynamic. But there's nothing wrong with making the choice to love someone. And the 4 of them have been through a lot, I don't think you can separate any of them now. I think even without the band all 6 of the pairings would get along fine, but like, malum or cashton, you look at them and you know they would be best friends no matter what they did, but mashton is kinda up in the air if they would find the middle ground they worked for with the band, without the band. And it is a nice thought, yk? Like, "we're here not because something aligned and led me to you but because we made the choice to be here". Fated soulmates are fun and all but I'm a sucker for someone making the choice to get this close, to stay.

[allsassnoclass]

2022 Writing Evaluation

I was tagged by the wonderful Bella @clumsyclifford (thank you for digging this up and tagging me first because i 100% was going to do it anyway lol)

also my pseudonyms are combined on ao3 so although this is my 5sos blog you will be hearing about my other fandom writing as well

1. number of stories posted on ao3: 17!

2. word count posted for this year: 124,269 on ao3, 23,433 for ask box prompts, so a grand total of 147,702!

3. fandoms i wrote for: 5sos, 1d, It (2017 and 2019 movies), Stranger Things, HSMTMTS, Cobra Kai

4. pairings: on ao3 we have some nice crisp muke, lashton, mashton, mashton (friendship version), cashton, cake, malum, narry, lilo (and then also kiaz and caswen (friendship(?) version) and reddie and hellcheer).  adding in the ask box prompts and we also have 5sos ot4, roylum, and lashton (friendship version)

5. story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: for all of those it’s technically my hellcheer fic, but for the 5sos ones hits and kudos are The Catch, comment threads is pas de deux! 

6. work i’m most proud of (and why): pas de deux hands down no question.  it’s my longest fic by over 20k!  i wrote it almost constantly from november to december and had a goal to post each chapter on christmas and the four sundays leading up to it and i actually accomplished that goal!!!! i’ve never successfully focused on one particular fic for that long, and it actually worked!!! plus, for such a long fic, i think i did a relatively good job of keeping characterizations consistent and sensical throughout, as well as finding little themes to carry through the entire fic (which i got lucky with tbh, some things that became running pieces of the fic were not planned out before, i just caught them as they were happening).  i haven’t read the fic back since completing it so it’s possible it’s not as cohesive or as good as i think it is, but i’m extremely proud of myself for it nonetheless.

7. work i’m least proud of (and why): right now, it’s probably when i watch the world burn.  i struggled with that one and in the end i don’t think it quite got to where i wanted it to, but i was on a time crunch.  it’s a lot different from what i usually write, but i don’t know if i made that transition to a different story style and topic as smoothly as i would have liked.

8. share or describe a favorite review you received: someone left a very long and gratifying comment on both Puzzle Pieces and its sequel Bedroom Activities back in February.  grey114 if you see this i love you.  it was really gratifying to get a comment on a piece that i love so much that was over a year old at that point, especially since they said it was a reread and they just touched on a lot of things in a really sweet way and that made me feel very happy to have written those fics.

also i know this doesn’t technically count because it got it today but amanda read when i watch the world burn (again, not my proudest work) and said that although this “isn’t her kind of fic” she said that that particular fic is the “biggest proof that it’s the writer more than the content or pairing” because she enjoyed it, which was really nice to hear especially when i’m not feeling the best about it.  it’s also just an insane compliment because i absolutely love amanda’s writing, and every time a writer i love also confirms that they really like my stuff it makes me feel good lol

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: the entire first 3/4 of the year, tbh!  i was in a big writing slump earlier in the year and it seemed to keep going forever, then I was super busy in the summer and simply didn’t have time.  i don’t think i hit my writing stride again until i let myself impulse-write for other fandoms.  i think that’s what i really started to realize exactly what it means to write what you love uninhibited, rather than writing what you think you should.  like. i have 10k of an angsty caswen at college fic in my drive that may never see the light of day because it’d be super long, but letting myself go to town on that with no expectations of necessarily posting it or even completing it was really healthy for me and extremely enjoyable, and it loosened all the writing mechanisms in my brain to get me back in a writing groove.

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: hmmmmm let’s see.  honestly i was most surprised to write anything for hsmtmts or cobra kai, let alone something from johnny’s pov, but for 5sos stuff i was surprised to write so much feldy.  he became a pretty big player in pas de deux and when initially planning that fic i don’t think i realized how much screen time he would have.  ashton’s characterization in when i watch the world burn was also surprising.  i didn’t know when i started writing that he would be like that.

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing:  here’s a little bit of the ending of undeniable you

When Ashton fully wakes up, he can hear spring rain pattering against the roof.  The room is still blanketed in gray, but Michael is still glowing, even if Ashton only has a view of his bedhead from the way they’re cuddled together.  He shifts right before Ashton musters up the willpower to leave the comforting warmth of their bedroom and begin breakfast, as if he can sense that Ashton would rather spend the morning talking with him in appropriately hushed tones than leaving the cozy atmosphere that surrounds them.  His eyes are fuzzy and sleepy when he blinks up at him, but he smiles like he’s never been more sure of his place here.

12. how did you grow as a writer this year? i finally truly understood what it means to write for myself!!!! to write for the enjoyment of writing!!!! to stop holding myself to arbitrary standards of what fics i should be working on and how often!!!!!! this year i really let myself work on what i want when i want, and it really did wonders for me.  also, i discovered that for the most part outlining does genuinely help me

13. how do you hope to grow next year? mostly i want to continue to write what i want to write.  i want to maintain this peace and enjoyment of writing that i’ve found and continue to treat myself with kindness when it comes to this hobby and not let it become unpleasant.  that being said, i do also want to focus on individual projects more.  i think the key to ensuring these two things aren’t mutually exclusive is to find projects that i genuinely love and to add little bits in there for me to enjoy, like all of the minnesota references (and the csi miami reference) in pas de deux.

EDIT: I also want to start replying to comments this year! i might not reply to new comments on old fics just because i’d feel weird not replying to the comments before (and i have fics form 2016, so i feel like it’d be weird if i went back and replied to those) but i’ll at least reply to comments put on pas de deux onwards.

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? okay i’m going to list four (4!!!) different people.  bella @clumsyclifford and annie @carouselstars have both been extremely supportive, especially while i’ve been complaining in the club nearly every day for the past two months.  they’re always encouraging me.  i also need to give a big shout out to megs @igarbagecannoteven and gregory @doomeddiabetic for being great sounding boards! pas de deux would not have been completed without megs helping me sort things out in the very beginning, and gregory is willing to talk shop about fandoms they’re not even part of.

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year? little things here and there!  it’s most prevalent in pas de deux, where i highkey projected onto both characters and forced them to exist in minneapolis.  i have been to mia and love all of the art pieces i mentioned in chapter 3. my favorite ballet is dances at a gathering.  i, like calum, must always remind people of famous minnesotans.  shayla is my favorite newscaster.  i watch csi miami and ncis when i need something mindless on in the background.  i namedropped my old tech director and ballet teacher in that one.  pas de deux is full of little hazel pieces lol

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers? find what pleases you!  find what you enjoy, and don’t turn writing into a chore that you have to do, but rather a special treat to enjoy!  this doesn’t mean that it’s going to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, of course.  maybe you’re the type of writer who gets immense satisfaction from finishing a difficult piece, and that far outweighs the frustration and struggles to write it!  everyone is going to be different with figuring out what constitutes enjoyment, but that’s what helped me, at least.

17. any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? i’m trying not to put too much pressure on myself but i really hope to finish three particular 5sos fics.  i think they could become my new favorites.  i also have a cobra kai fic that i’d love to write!  also, i really want to post at least one chapter of unmute, given that i didn’t do that this year

18. tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:  @igarbagecannoteven, @carouselstars, @lifewasradical, @jbhmalumm, @lukemichaelcalumashton, @babush-cat if you’d like!

[igarbagecannoteven]

2022 Writing Evaluation

thanks so much @clumsyclifford , @allsassnoclass , & @jbhmalumm for tagging me in this! i'm gonna talk about my fics in all fandoms even tho this is my music blog bc i don't have anything separated into pseuds (i strive for chaos on my ao3 account) putting it under the cut bc i'm sure it's gonna be long lol

number of stories posted on ao3: 25! 18 in 5sos, 4 in hp, and 3 miscellaneous fandoms

word count posted for this year: 40,705

fandoms i wrote for: 5sos, hp, discworld, doctor who, & dungeons and daddies

pairings: lashton (4), cashton (3), muke (2.5) (bc they're background in one), malum (2), cake (2), mashton (1), penelope/percy (1)

story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: burnt eggs & broken promises has the most kudos, do you wanna touch (yeah) and permanent jet lag are tied for most bookmarks, and fear the fever has the most comments

work i’m most proud of and why: i'm proud of almost all of the work i put out this year, and there are a couple ones that immediately spring to mind, but i'm going to really come out of left field here and say Being Hannah Abbott! "but megs," you might say, "why on earth would you pick the only fic that has zero kudos? it's definitely not your best written work of the year." to which i say, true! however, i have been trying to get this fic right since 10th grade! i'm now a senior in college! "but megs it's significantly less than 1k how did it take you that long" listen! listen. sometimes. you have to wait until you're good enough to finish a fic. this has more than 5 docs of different drafts saved to my laptop. also you're forgetting the fact that i'm insane

work i’m least proud of and why: okay listen. i know it's my most kudos'd work. i know that. however i am not happy with burnt eggs and broken promises. bella left me a lovely long comment on it recently that made me rethink my feelings towards it but i still think it isn't as good as it could have been so sorry folks

share or describe a favorite review you’ve received: i love it when people tell me i made them cry it's my favorite thing in the whole world best compliment to receive imo

a time when writing was really, really hard: you're assuming i remember what i was experiencing earlier in 2022 which is where you've made your mistake slkdjflskdjf ummmm i remember have a really hard time this fall semester, especially in september/october, i just couldn't get any motivation whatsoever (which tends to be my biggest problem tbh)

a scene or character you wrote who surprised you: goood question,,, you know, i really wasn't expecting to ever write a mcu au and yet pining is a strange sort of mcu au. i originally was going to write it so one half of the pairing got lost at sea and their bf was waiting on shore not sure if they were dead or alive, but the characters did not want to be like that at all which is how i ended up with poor post-snap calum (who may be getting a happy sequel someday shhh)

a favorite excerpt of your writing: i love the transformation scene in fear the fever. i just love writing body horror for some reason and i've always had strong opinions about what i think vampires & their transformations are like physically and it was a blast to get to explore that in this fic :))

how did you grow as a writer this year? i think a lot of my growth happens slowly over time and therefore is hard to pinpoint, but i took a creative writing class in the spring on opening a novel and that helped me rethink the way i start fics now. also i learned to think more about what i want out of my fic! thinking about why i write and why i post fic really helped me realize what fic writing advice to take and what to ignore (if you're like me and the goal of a fic is to write the concept the best you can, than posts talking about how it's okay to post random, unedited snippets are not actually helpful and can actually be counter-intuitive)

how do you hope to grow next year? i really want to write more often and be more disciplined about writing. as always i want to learn how to be better in the craft aspect in general (which is a goal i expect to always have, since i'll never be perfect at it) and i'd also like to be better with subtext & symbolism & ~themes~ bc i always forget to those last two and my subtext is, in my opinion, rather lacking at the moment

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? bella is the best live-in cheerleader/rubber duck a writer could ask for, and i would be royally screwed without her 💙 hazel is always an incredible virtual cheerleader/ideas bouncer and i am dearly in her debt, and meghna is wonderful for fueling my wacky ideas-mobile; i am incredibly lucky that they're just a discord dm away 🥰 also she's 100% not going to see this but my mom finished her mfa program this year and has been working on finishing her novel, and writing with her and talking shop together has been very helpful in keeping me at the keyboard and with more thematically technical details (little does she know it's for my rfp fanfic lol)

anything from real life show up in your writing this year? yep! lots! keep you safe (safe as i can), an hp fic, reflects some of my worries about my little bro growing up; Questions Involving Vampires & Skirts, while not reflective of my own gender, does reflect some of my weird gender-y fuckery; just dance (gonna be okay)'s michael shares my feelings regarding dancing in empty elevators; do you wanna touch (yeah) is inspired by me visiting a craft store with my fam and touching basically everything in the store; permanent jet lag is based off of flying international with my baby bro who is Very Tall; & glasses is based off of my truly awful eyesight and how i still feel like if i have my glasses off people can't perceive me lol (yes you heard it here first folks, megs has the object permanence of a toddler)

any new wisdom you can share with other writers? write! have fun with it! go to irl critique groups if possible! don't expect things to be perfect on the first draft, because most people's first drafts are shit and that's okay! challenge yourself! don't be afraid to embrace the cringe! it's okay to settle unless it's gonna make you miserable! eat your writing frogs! don't be afraid to ask for help! get a rubber duck!

any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? i really want to finish tis the damn fic. i'd love for it to be ready to post by december. i'm kneeling at my prefrontal cortex begging it to get its shit together enough to finish it. i'd also love to finally finish my another place songfic bc that will mean my writing's reached the level where i can actually figure out how to write the dang thing which is the dream

tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: idk who all's done it/been tagged so if you've already done it just ignore me! and if you don't want to do it you can also ignore me lol but i'll tag @werewolfashton , @reveriesofawriter , @userbadomens , @calumthoodshands , @pixiegrl , @valiantnerdtm , & anyone else who wants to! (if you've been mainly writing for another fandom you can talk about that one as well/instead, all up to you!)

[lukemichaelcalumashton]

2022 WRITING EVALUATION

i started answering these questions because hazel @allsassnoclass tagged me, but i took forever so now i’ve also been tagged by amanda @lifewasradical and taylor @jbhmalumm too lmaoo thank you guys <3

i’m gonna do as you suggested, hazel, and include my non 5sos fics here too instead of doing this again in my 911 blog @buckleyseddie it’s easier this way!

1. number of stories posted on ao3: 13 (9 5sos fics, 1 stranger things fic, 3 911 fics)

2. word count posted for this year: 73,269 for 5sos, 36,154 for 911 and 9,223 for stranger things, so a total of 118,646!

3. fandoms i wrote for: 5sos, stranger things, 911

4. pairings: i have malum (2), mashton (1) lashton (1), cashton (2), muke (1), ot4 (1) and my favorite luke/suffering (1) lmao, steve/eddie from stranger things (1) and buddie (3)

5. story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: overall it's the first buddie fic I posted, but for the 5sos fics bookmarks and kudos is Off-stage, comment threads is fueling the fire until we combust

6. work i’m most proud of (and why): i think it’s if i could say the things i want to say (i’d find a way to make you stay), my muke fic for the 5sos fic exchange at the beginning of the year, it was my first long fic and i was very happy about how it came out, there were many times when i didn’t think i would be able to finish it, also it was my first muke fic and i was nervous about getting the dynamic right and there was a deadline so. lots of pressure!! being able to finish it (and getting very nice comments and feedback on it) was very important for me

7. work i’m least proud of (and why): i think i’m actually proud of all of them because this year writing was a Struggle so being able to post every single one of these fics feels like something to be proud of! 

8. share or describe a favorite review you received: i can’t think of one in particular right now but anyone who has ever complimented my characterization or said that i got a ship/friendship dynamic right please know that i love you! this year i wrote quite a few fics for ships i’ve never done before and it made me very nervous whether or not i did it right so any comments like those made my day for sure

also i think the comments on mating call might be some of my favorite comments ever because, let’s face it, that fic is ridiculous svdfdf and people still read it and they left the nicest comments calling it funny and calling me funny and it was very nice to see people enjoying it, especially considering it was the most fun i had while writing a fic i think EVER 

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: can i say the entire year??? there were maybe 2 or 3 fics that i posted this year that didn’t give me a hard time, but the rest of the year i was Struggling either because i had no time or no motivation or writing simply wasn't happening. i’m actually impressed that i posted 13 fics because at times it felt like i wasn’t getting any writing done this year 

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: well i definitely didn’t expect to end up writing for 911 or stranger things, so that was a surprise! i also didn’t expect to write lashton again! and i didn’t expect to write a luke/suffering fic! all of them were fun surprises though 

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing: i thought about this for a while and then i had to skim through my fics because i couldn’t remember what i wrote oops but i really like this excerpt from i wanna hold your hand while we’re growing up so let’s go with this one

Michael focuses on their hands.

The contrast between their skin, Calum’s chipped black nail polish, Michael’s finger tattoos, the difference in their size.

It wasn’t always like this. Calum’s hand used to be smaller, Michael’s fingers used to be less calloused, but it’s still familiar, after years of doing this.

And maybe it’s the fact that Calum looks tiny like this, hurt and scared, but his hand feels smaller in Michael’s hold, like it did the first time he held it. Back then, Calum also needed reassurance and a friend, and Michael was there for him, the same way he is now. Just like he didn’t let go of Calum’s hand then, during the entire field trip, he doesn’t let go of it now; holding tight to it while he talks to his mother, while they wait for the doctor, while she explains to Calum that it’s going to be a long road towards recovery and he’s going to need his friends.

Michael squeezes his hand to make sure Calum knows he’s here. Michael will always be here.

12. how did you grow as a writer this year? well apparently i wrote 45k more than i did in 2021? which feels so fake because like i said i felt like i didn't post as much and i felt like i struggled a lot. also i wrote 4 fics over 9k which was my highest word count for a fic in 2021

more importantly i also learned (or at least i’m still trying to learn) that sometimes you just can’t force writing. i have to admit i’ve missed writing 5sos lately but i’ve stopped trying to force myself to do it because it takes away all the fun and i don’t want that. i’m hoping that the motivation to write for this fandom will come back, but i’m trying to write what i want to write and right now that’s not 5sos and that’s okay

13. how do you hope to grow next year? i just really want to enjoy writing again and like, let go of the pressure because it doesn’t make the process enjoyable at all. even if i’m proud of what i accomplished this year i spent so much time stressing!! and life is already stressful, i want writing to be fun!!

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? oh there’s quite a few! i think i owe most of the fics i posted this year to my friends??? like, maya @calumsash was so supportive while writing my muke fic, she gave me great ideas, listened to me complain and hyped me up so much when i would send her snippets (which she always does <3), her and jess @daydadahlias never fail to hype up my cashton fics or ideas!! talking with amanda was what made me write a lashton fic again!! and she gave me ideas/feedback on one of my malum fics too!! then there’s taylor of course who’s always down to talk about ideas that may or may not turn into fics and i’m not only lucky to be able to talk about 5sos fics with them but they also encouraged me to write my stranger things fic and had very nice things to say about it and then i managed to get them into 911 (maya too!) and now i get to talk to them about fic ideas for buddie too

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year? hm i don’t think so? all i can think about is the fact that calum loves chocolate milkshakes in one of my fics and michael doesn’t get why (which is based on me and taylor having that same argument once lmao) 

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers? write what you want but also accept that sometimes a fic idea doesn’t have to become a fic, sometimes it’s just fun to talk about it or daydream about it or make a moodboard for it! it’s not exactly writing wisdom but it makes having fun a little easier!! less pressure!!

17. any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? i have two long cashton fics that i really want to finish but like i said the motivation to write for the boys hasn’t been there, but hopefully at some point. i have quite a lot written for both so maybe i can make it happen. one is a fake relationship au and i’ve always wanted to write that trope so i really really want to finish that one!! and the other one is the one that me and maya affectionately refer to as the storm au, i’ve sent her so many snippets and there’s so much that i love about what i have written and that i really want to share!! also i have a few ideas for buddie that i think have a higher chance of happening in the near future because i’m so obsessed with them right now lol there’s one that i want to post before they come back from hiatus so i’m hoping to focus on that one for now!! we’ll see!!

18. tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: pretty sure everyone has been tagged already, but if you haven’t and you want to do it, then i’m tagging you <3

[5sosxqueen]

Luke's Surgery

< Part 1 , < Part 2 , ~Part 3~

Part 4 > , Part 5 >

I know... late again, but you guys get three parts. Like I said in the last part, there is Mashton in this fic.

Warnings: A interband romance relations between Michael and Ashton, concussion, injury, acohol/alcohol consumption, hospital, vomiting/emeto

Written in 2018

Published (Wattpad) - Feb 19, 2018

Word Count: 2359

Updates are every Tuesday and Thursday

Also Available on Wattpad and AO3!!!!

Part 3:

Ashton's POV:

       After leaving the hospital I immediately went to our house. Unfortunately, I discovered the vomit at the base of the stairs, along with the blood on the landing. I rolled my eyes and cleaned both spots before heading to our bar, needing some good ol' liquid courage.

        I mixed up a beautiful cocktail of Scotch and Brandy. "Just one shot is all I need. Then Michael will know everything..." I said to the empty room before tossing back to mixture, burning as it slid down my esophagus and greatly warming my body. I took out my phone and turned it in my hand, contemplating the idea of telling him. One wrong thing said, one wrong thing done, it's over, my life ends there.

        Before I gave myself the chance to back out, I pulled up his contact and pressed call. It rang twice before I heard him answer.

____________________________________

A- Ashton, M- Michael

M- "One sec, Ash." He whispered as he walked out of Luke's room. "What's up?"

A- "I need you to come back to the hou-" I heard the front door open and froze in place. "On second thought, meet you at Joe's house."

M- "Ash, I'm visiting Luke right now. I made a promise to him that I would be here when he woke. I can't leave now."

A- "I don't give a shit about some promise Michael. Get your ass over there... I told you I'd tell you when I was ready to talk and I'm ready now. I'm not taking no for answer. I'll meet you there, bye!" I hung up the phone instantly regretting what I had just done.

____________________________________

Michael's POV:

       I could not believe Ashton just, flat out demanded me to meet up with him, even after I told him I was committed to a promise. 'Ya, you will get what you want Ash, but it won't be how you like it.' I thought as I rapidly grabbed my jacket and left the hospital.

Luke's POV:

       I opened my eyes, almost immediately rolling to the side of the bed and projectile vomiting onto the polished floor. 'Fucking concussion!' I thought as I grabbed my pulsating head. "Michael, can you help me please..." I waited for a response, but was met with silence. "Michael?" I turned my head a bit and saw that I was, once again alone in the room. "Ehhh..." I whined and spit the residual bile from my mouth and begrudgingly wiped my lips against my wrist. I had to temporarily shove my anger from being left alone aside. I pushed the call button on my bed and a few seconds later, both my nurse and doctor came in.

       "What can we do for you Mr. Hemmings?" My doctor asked.

       "I um-" I started, my voice muffled by my forearm. "I got sick on the floor. I'm sorry." I felt my face heat up as I pointed in the general direction of the puddle.

       "Its fine, it happens. We will have someone to come clean it. I was just discussing with your nurse about taking you to get that ankle of yours checked out. You think you can handle a small ride over to the physical therapy room? I just need to have you do a bit of walking for me, but with you having a concussion I don't want to risk you falling, especially on the hard floor."

       "As long as I have a barf bag on me... I should be fine. I still feel kind of pukey." The doctor chuckled lightly at my terminology.

       "Of course, Mr. Hemmings." He said.

       "Please, call me Luke." I corrected and he obliged. My doctor left the room for a second and came back with a wheelchair.

       "You know, if you are still feeling embaressed or awkward about getting sick on the floor, I have a funny story to tell you..." He told me as I got in the chair. He handed me the bag.

       "Oh really? What is it?" I asked as my interest peaked some. He stared pushing me to the elevators as we talked.

       "Well you see, my first day on the job here, I had to watch several videos of surgeries, child birth, and of course, what do when certain cases came in. Afterwards, I was told to go around and watch a few doctors to get a feel on what they do. I evidently ended up getting a bit of a sour tummy after watching those videos, but I complied. I couldn't say no to the people who were paying me could I?"

       "No, definitely wouldn't have been wise. Bye, bye job." My hand cutting through the air in a wave as I spoke.

       "Ya probably." He laughed. We pulled into the elevator and he pushed the button. The doors closed and the elevator began it's decent, making my stomach swirl. I opened the bag and waiting to see if my stomach would calm itself or if I would loose it. "Ya, sorry about that bud. You ok?" I shrugged, dreading the sudden jolt, I knew would come. I raised the bag to my mouth, knowing my stomach couldn't handle being jostled again. No sooner had I done that, the elevator jurked to a stop, sending my stomach rushing up my throat and into the bag. "So sorry Luke. Here, let me get you off the elevator and we will let your stomach rest." He explained as I wretch and gagged over the, half full bag.

      After a couple minutes, the dry heaving and gagging finally ceased. The doctor handed me some tissues he had in his pocket and took the bag from me and held it out for me to put the tissue into it. "T-Thanks." I wiped my mouth with the tissue and threw it away. "Sorry y-you had to see t-that. So what were you saying, before my stomach, so rudely, interrupted."

       "No need to apologize for being sick in front of me Luke. It is a part of my job, you know." He reminded me as he walked over to a bin and threw away the bag.

       "You happen to have any more of those on you?" I asked.

       "You still feeling 'pukey'?" He asked, stealing the word I used earlier. I would have laughed, if only I felt better.

       "Not at the moment, but I'm still nauseous as fuck..." He pulled one out of his, seeming bottomless pocket.

       "Ya, that's a concussion for you." He said, handing me the new bag.

        "Jeez, you a magician or something? I swear it's like you will pull a rabbit from that pocket of yours. Should I expect that?" He busted out laughing at my statement.

       "Wow, you'd be surprised at how much this coat can hold. You never know what I'd pull out from here next. I honestly just like to be prepared." I nodded.

       "Ha. Ok I'm ready to move again. You want to finish your story? It was getting my mind off of some things." I looked up at him to see him nod as he started pushing me towards the therapy room.

        "Well, let's just say my first day on job could have gone much better. Like I said my stomach started to hurt after watching those videos. They were graphic, really graphic. As I watch over these doctors shoulders I felt sicker and sicker. By the time my 'shift' was over, my stomach felt worse for wear. My supervisor decided to talk to me about how I did throughout the day-" my eyes grew wide, suddenly realizing where he was going with this.

       "You didn't..." I forced myself to turn slightly in the chair to look at him.

        "I did. I puked all down her front, and the floor... So when I tell you not to worry about getting sick on the floor, at least you know I can empathize with you." He said with a faint nod. "And at least you didn't vomit all over your boss... Alright we are here." He pushed me in toward the center of the room, where it was padded. "So all I need you to is stand for now. I'm going to put the wheelchair over there." I nodded and started to get up off the chair.

       "Ehhhhh.... Mmmmn, ah ow." Even moving my ankle hurt. I was terrified of walking on it, especially after falling downstairs because of it. As soon as I stood up and put pressure on it, I was on my knees in a fit of tears.

        "Luke! Whoa, hey, what happened?" My doctor rushed back over to me and wrapped an arm around me, to both, keep me stable and comfort me.

      "I-I-I c-can't put-t any pre-presure on my ankle... It h-hurts so fucking much!" I let out a shrill cry as my ankle seared with the worst pain imaginable.

      "I'm going to need to look at your ankle. I'm sorry this is going to hurt. I'm going to have to move it around to get a proper diagnosis." I nodded and bit down on my arm. I knew it was dumb to do, but I didn't know what else to do. I just wanted this pain to stop. He began by lifting my leg and looking at the back of my ankle.

       "Red and inflamed, hmmmm." He then rolled my foot around, causing me to partially fail at muffling a scream. After torturing me for a good few minutes, he finally put my leg down. "Ok Luke the worst is over. Im going to need you to tell me what type of pain this is."

       "I feel like a mussle is being ripped on half... Fuck, that hurt so much." I explained, letting a manly tear fall.

       "Well I'm afraid that might be exactly what's happening." I looked at the doctor bug eyed. I had not been expecting that.

       "What do we do for that?" I asked just wanting this to be over.

       "Well, first I need to get give you and ultrasound on it. Unfortunately, if this is the case, the only thing we can do at this point is surgery. After surgery, you will have a cast for a given number of weeks and you will have to use crutches." I sighed. I'm not currently trusting the rest of the band to help me at this point, not like they would anyways. 'Management is going to be so pissed...' I mentally signed.

       He helped me back into the wheelchair and back to the room, thankfully with no more incidents. He brought the ultrasound machine into my room. "Well, it looks like I was right, only it isn't ripping, it's already torn. Hence the reason you can't walk without excutiating pain. Well actually, let me rephrase that. That's why you can't walk at all." He looked at me. "I'll get you taken care of. I'll talk to a surgeon now and see about getting you in as quickly as possible, so you can get back to work sooner. And the good thing is, your head seems to be ok now. You will be feeling a bit sick for a few days, but that should ease up. The surgery is outpatient so you can go home afterwards." He said smiling and I internally groaned. I had no idea how I was getting home. The last thing I wanted to do was call any of the lads, with how they've been acting.

Calum's POV:

       To say I was confused, would have been an understatement. Just two minutes after I walked back into the house Ashton bolted out the door. I was happy upon seeing he had cleaned up the soiled floor though. I decided to go up to my room, vaguely wishing I didn't have to climb the stairs, my brain replaying the scene from earliers events. I just want to talk to my mom and cry. I miss my family so much. For the past several weeks I've been trying to hide the endless sadness and hurt, staying an ocean away from my family has caused. Tonights events have me so shaken and the guilt is eating me away.

Michael's POV:

       I arrived at Joe's house, where the latest party was being held, and saw Ashton standing on the grass. I stomped over to him. "What the he'll is your problem Ashton?" He put his hands up and took a defensive stance.

       "Please, let me explain before you yell at me or try to throw a punch." He begged.

      "Fine, but I am this close to doing both." Holding a pinched sign up. (AN: I hope that made sense. I felt like it didn't. Sorry XD)

      He began to get antsy and started to shake in anticipation. "Michael, I-I" He took a very shakey breath. "I like you! I have for several years... I might honestly even go so far as to say, I love you. I am sorry for acting like an ass-hat earlier, but it was from nerves. Michael, please don't hate me... I don't think I could live with myself if you do. I love you so much..." He crashed to his knees, clutching his shoulders and rocked back and forth. I was brought aback by what he had said. I was expecting him to say he was wanting to quit the band or something, the last thing I was expecting was a confession from my best friend.

       "You couldn't have at least picked a better time for this?" I chuckled, the anger I felt, slowly dissipating. He looked up at me with a tear stained face.

       "What...? You're not mad at me? You're not going to bite my head off? You don't hate me?" He pounded me with questions. I took his hand and got him onto his feet.

       "Oh I'm pissed as hell, but no, I wont kill you, nor do I hate you. I'm going to need some time to clear up my head. Well, while we are here, would you like to party?" He smiled and wiped away his tears and nodded. I brought him into a hug. We quickly went into the house and partied up until they cleared the house.

[ashtcnirwin]

Talk to me about 5sos ship dynamics please🥺

quick...uhhhh. disclaimer or something like that: these views are based on how each 5sos member appears to the public. it’s very possible that they’re very different people in their personal lives ofc but i wouldn’t know anything about that, so all my assumptions and statements here are based on how i perceive them based on their public personas

alright anon i love that you gave me a chance to talk about this in public cos i’ve talked abt it in the DMs plenty of times, so i have Thoughts Ready To Be Shared🧡

cake

they’re sweet. like, they’re just overall incredibly sweet. luke has an overall sweet demeanour, he’s very soft spoken and kind, very touchy-feely, very reliant on words of affirmation from his loved ones, a little naïve from time to time (thinking about the dream tweets-thing with the helicopter joke). calum on the other hand doesn’t necessarily give off typically sweet vibes to me on his own, he’s quite the temperamental, attitude-y bitch (affectionate) the way i see it, but he’s incredibly sweet and patient with luke in a very particular way that he isn’t with ashton or michael. they’re both very touchy feely as well, they enjoy casual touches and hugs a lot and seem to find comfort in it

cashton

if i had to summarise cashton with one word, it would be “balance”. lord knows i’ve made a lot of jokes about their whole soulmate-thing and what it actually references (hi maya), and while i’m too much of a cynic to believe in the idea of soulmates, i do like to think that if there was such a thing as soulmates, it would be based on balance between two individuals. ashton and calum aren’t opposites (that would be lashton) but their personalities compliment each other rather beautifully, and they seem to feed off each other in a way that benefits the both of them. they’ve been there for each other when things have gotten rough in their individual personal lives, and a part of me thinks that that’s due to balance; ashton’s extremely open persona complimenting calum’s more guarded one, ashton’s rather chaotic way of being complimenting calum’s very grounded energy, while i also think they’re extremely similar in a couple of other areas

lashton

they're classic in damn near every possible way; oldest and youngest, shortest and tallest, care giver vs care receiver, the typically loud and confident one vs the typically cautious and self-depracating one. so many jokes have been made over the years about ashton being the band dad, but in many ways he absolutely is, and i think it’s particularly apparent when it comes to how he interacts with luke. while ashton has always been very loud about how proud he is of luke, about how much he supports him, luke has been equally non-verbally loud about how much he admires and looks up to ashton in a very typical youngest brother vs oldest brother dynamic. the vibe is that if they were stuck in a zombie apocolyptic world, ashton would sacrifice himself for luke but luke wouldn’t let him

malum

i mean. childhood best friends. that’s the dynamic and it shows. they have so many things going for them at once; they look at each other with so much fondness, they appear to be the most comfortable with extended physical displays of affection (see the plane clip from the tmh europe tour diary), they’re so horribly kind to each other, but they also know each other so well it’s almost scary and they enjoy poking fun at each other when the chance presents itself. these two dudes have gone through life together, they’ve been friends since way before either of them had any inkling that they wanted to pursue a musical career, and now it’s been two decades and they’re still by each other’s sides

mashton

they’re an interesting one to me, because the way i see it, they’re very much a case of “had to learn how to love each other”. they’re not a natural fit, they’re two very opinionated, stubborn and strong-willed characters who had 5sos been a nature show would have engaged in a battle to murder each other at the first chance they got. i firmly believe it took them a while to understand each other, because i think they’re rather similar by nature in many ways but extremely different by nurture. and i think they’ve landed in a place of deeply rooted mutual respect now, i think they admire each other’s approach to music but also to life in general, in a vaguely mystified “i don’t and i never will understand you 100% but i love and respect you more than i could ever convey through words”-way 

muke

muke has such youngest sibling vs middle sibling vibes in the way that michael will bully the living shit out of luke at damn near every turn. it’s so incredibly easy to spot if you look at old footage but the thing is that it’s still there to this day, but in a more tempered and mature way. it’s that whole thing where michael has, since the very beginning, taken every chance to poke fun at luke in one way or another, but he’s simultaneously been his fiercest protector, while luke in turn remains incredibly gullible as far as michael’s antics go (like at the...i think it was the irvine-show, with the t-shirts and all that). they have that whole “will kill each other on the daily but will also arson anyone who even looks nastily at the other”-thing going on

[bandsanitizer]

i want your opinion on this theory i have that i can’t quite make out, so in the music video, there’s this shot of them splitting up, ashton and michael walk in one direction and luke and calum in the other. they then all wander in their own direction and we have all these shots of them in this dream-like world where they’re upside down and stuff. what i find interesting is that calum and luke, who walked out in the same direction initially, are the two helping ashton and michael, who split up in the other direction. i don’t know what to make of it, but it really feels like it has the be connected. what do you think?

Hello!! Thank you for the ask!! This is so exciting!! Your brain!!

Okay so thing to note is that the groups that separate in direction are the groups maintained role-wise in the later scenes of the music video. We have mashton both stuck in one form or another and we have cake both alleviating that situation somehow. @ghost-of-you of-you made a wonderful analysis about the differences in the Cashton vs Muke scene in comparison of Ashton vs. Michael. @ashtonsunshine also made a great analysis of the music video!

Building on that, the split in pairs could be a metaphor for their differences in drive (at least appearance wise. like I wouldn’t say cake don’t want their dreams to come true but it’s different to mashton). This works with the idea that the “desert” works as a symbol for their careers/dreams/etc. The spilt calls to their differences in approach to journey. It’s then worth noting that they actually end up going in four different directions in the wider shots. They’re all wandering alone.

So why the pairings as they’re showcased? (below the break bc it got long)

My opinion is, maybe, some wink towards the beginnings of the band. Muke didn’t like each other at the start and yet they started the starting of the band with the youtube covers. Cashton likewise were the last to meet but as they’ve said, Calum was the one to “formally” ask Ashton to join the band. Additionally, Calum’s the one without any introduction to Ashton prior to the band (see Michael and the ad and knowing of his previous bands & Lashton’s meet cute story). Despite the idea of Mashton being opposites, they’re fairly similar. Muke and Cashton, imo, are the real opposites.

I would make the claim that Mashton are the just-do-ers while Cake are the overthinkers. While I’m sure they have their own moments of getting stuck in their heads, I think Mashton are more inclined to rush into things whether it is to get it over with or with the mindset that you have to at least try. Meanwhile I think Cake are inclined to thinking through what they will do and say (generalization) before going about it. With the video, it’s Mashton trying to continue on somewhere on their own which they end up struggling with. It’s Cake coming along to aide them. It’s the video then doing solo shots at night with Cake by themselves (luke singing, calum rolling in the sand) and the cut to group shots.

Which to provide more opposites—Mashton, to me, come across the people of “this is my select group of friends”. As celebs especially, I think they all have that small group they do trust with a lot and then the larger group, but I would argue towards Mashton being more inclined to the selectivity, thus needing the one-to-one pull out of the loneliness. Meanwhile, for Cake, it becomes a topic of the band. Michael is inclined to being by himself in an introvert sort of way, while Ashton seems inclined to the privacy and independence said “alone” might provide. With Cake? That’s probably a place for overthinking. Yes I think Calum an introvert and everyone needs time to themself, but I would say the “alone” might not be as productive for them as it might be for Mashton. (that’s all VERY speculative though. as we’ve seen: wfttwtaf came out of isolation and Calum is a writer at heart. solo-ness can allow for said thoughts to flow)

Basically this is just a long-winded way of me saying I think Cake and Mashton as pairs have similar approaches to the band, thus they take similar directions in their paths into the desert. However, each of the four are different from each other, thus they all end up splitting into four directions. And, yet, they don’t want to nor can do this (ie: the desert aka their career as a band/their music) on their own. The opposition of Cashton and Muke (along with the roots in those pairings to the band’s beginnings) signifies the ways that the band works with and off each other to be the band that they are (ie: successful and pretty well-functioning). It’s worth noting that Cake and Mashton exit the group shot at the beginning from the same sides of the frame that they enter the pair shots. This builds on the idea of the notion being how the band comes back to each other (even with their separate journeys).

And a sort of reach but there’s a LOT of WFTTWTAF nods within the song and music video. Even the whole idea of reflection between Luke’s solo work and the past ~8 months with 5sos. I think that connection builds upon the idea of how they do things individually and come back to each other. We could read the scene the separate as “turning away” and such the reunions are “facing the things we turn away from”. This adds to the idea of how they deal with some things on their own—that there are moments where they need to step back—but also the ways they bring each other out of the difficult moments and face things together.

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Protective!Ashton Masterlist

2am (ao3) - cthink calum/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: Calum can't sleep.

That is, unless he's with Ashton.

5 Seconds (ao3) - insideimasadrainbow michael/ashton, luke/calum T, 18k

Summary: "If your name is on their list, you're already dead." That's the warning message about 5 Seconds, a well known group of anonymous killers who make themselves known each year for the Purge. While the world fears these killers, David Hood remains focused on his security systems business that has celebrities such as Beyonce, Adele, and Ellen DeGeneres paying big bucks for it. Due to his lack of research and knowledge on 5 Seconds, David is oblivious to how the band of killers work off a list and has no idea that his name is has made it on there for the 4th annual Purge.

As Normal As Can Be (ao3) - Lemonwiththepuff luke/ashton M, 4k

Summary: Luke is part of the successful band 5 Seconds of Summer. While everything seems to be going just right for him, his world is slowly crashing down behind closed doors. Besides learning how to deal with his only recently diagnosed BPD, Luke is also on edge with his feelings for one of his best friends.

baby i'm gonna drink you in like oxygen (ao3) - booksteaandcake luke/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: bad boy ashton has taken young luke hemmings under his wing. it's kind of a surprise when they sleep together… but also not a surprise at all.

'“I’m not wrecking you.” Ashton scoffed, “I’m going to take care of you.”'

Can't Keep This Beating Heart at Bay (ao3) - ShortIsNotFun luke/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: Ashton's heart broke a little hearing the younger's voice absolutely wrecked from all his tears. "I'll come over, yeah? We can cuddle and eat lots of ice cream and talk. Does that sound good, sweetheart?"

or

Luke gets dumped and Ashton is always there to pick up the pieces of his broken heart

fake you out (ao3) - maiamaryse michael/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: daddirwin asked:

I BELIEVE IT'S YOUR DESTINY TO WRITE ME SOME FAKE DATING MASHTON PLS

I'm Begging You to Be My Safety (ao3) - kayehmwhy luke/ashton G, 1k

Summary: “I don’t really tell anyone unless I have to,” the younger said staring at the floor. “It’s not something i’m proud of.”

Or // Luke's emetophobic, Calum's airsick, Ashton's trying to help and Michael's asleep.

I'm Just Feeling Kinda Broken (ao3) - mlstyles257 ot4 N/R, 9k

Summary: “Is he okay?” Michael asks as he and Calum rush to where Ashton is cradling Luke on their dressing room sofa. Luke is definitely distraught, he’s hiding his face in Ashton’s tee, wailing and hiccuping on sobs. “I don’t know.” Ashton is trying to keep his voice calm, hushing and rocking Luke as the boy cries. “I didn’t even see him fall.” He presses a string of gentle kisses to Luke’s forehead, whispering reassurances as he goes. ... “Guys I don’t know what to do, he’s obviously in pain but I don’t think we can keep him up long enough to get checked out.”

aka Luke gets hurt during one of their shows and struggles with his little headspace.

I Want the World to Know (ao3) - SuperGirl13 michael/calum T, 5k

Summary: Looking back now, Michael knows that this has been a problem from the very start. He had had feelings for his best friend for as long as he could remember, and it was only a matter of time until the two got together. He and Calum were happy, teenagers in love, blissful. They didn't tell anyone, but they didn't want to, or need to. Their band was just getting leverage, and it seemed unnecessary at best. Sure their bandmates had an idea of what was going on, how could they not, they basically lived with them 24/7. It didn't matter though, Calum and Michael were happy keeping everything to themselves. Until they weren't.

or, Michael wants to come out but Calum is scared.

One Foot In The Gutter (ao3) - pommedhappy michael/ashton T, 2k

Summary: Ashton sighs, questioning his decision for a second before knocking on the door.

The thing is Michael is sad, has been for a few weeks, and Ashton can’t take it anymore. It’s not hard to understand that Michael is quite depressed right now and wants to be alone, but the way he keeps isolating himself from the rest of the band really starts to worry Ashton. That’s how he came up with a plan, in order to get Michael out of this dark place the younger boy keeps going.

It’s probably the worst decision he never took, but at this point he’s ready to try and do anything in his power to make his friend feel better.

Protector (ao3) - starstruk97 luke/ashton M, 4k

Summary: There are certain rules that come with being the eldest of your group of friends, the number one rule being: Always protect your younger friends.

" From then on, Luke joined the group, and I had someone to protect and look after. Someone to teach and guide. A baby ‘brother’. And it was my favourite thing in the world. Still is. I don’t care how many fist fights, detentions, suspensions and groundings I have received for standing up for him, I don’t and never will regret any of them because each one of them saved my little bro some kind of pain. "

taking a stand - @sup3rbloom​ (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) luke/ashton, michael/calum T, 1k

Summary: Luke encounters a rude alpha during a radio interview, and takes a stand for himself. The boys back him. The day ends with pack cuddle

the kids will be alright, eventually (ao3) - wafflelashton luke/ashton, ashton/ofc T, 45k

Summary: ashton falls in love with his best friend, luke, and is somehow the last to know.

the situation is like a mountain that's been weighing on my conscience - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) luke/ashton, michael/calum T, 2k

Summary: Luke is closeted and nobody outside of the band, and close family, knows that he has a secret husband. During promo for Youngblood, Luke suffers a panic attack when the interviewer asks a personal question. Cue, Ashton to the rescue and comfort.

Too Little (ao3) - starstruk97 T, 2k

Summary: Luke hates being short. Always being told he's too little or too young. People always baby him, tell him to be careful just because he's tiny or the youngest. But what's worse? When your best friends belittle you.

Or Luke is young and short, Ashton is overprotective, Ice hockey is rough, Luke gets hurt, but everything is alright in the end!

You Saved Me (ao3) - CliffordAffliction luke/ashton M, 5k

Summary: After a boy from school causes harm to Luke Ashton's protective instincts kick in and all he wants to do is make sure Luke feels safe and loved

[pass-the-5sauce]

Yes omg! And to add to that, it makes me so soft just to think about how fondly they speak of each other. Like Ashton is so PROUD of Michael for how he stepped up to produce the album and he doesn't miss any opportunity to talk about it. And Michael cannot stand the thought of Ashton not feeling a part of the band, so he has to remind him at any chance he gets how important Ashton is to the band. Like, the band was only a band once Ashton joined! And Michael needs him to understand that. Michael was the one who chose Ashton, after all! He was the one who texted him at 3 am to ask if he wanted to play drums for them. That was Michael, because he KNEW Ashton was the right person even before they'd even met.

They had to put work into their friendship, but they love each other deeply and will support each other through anything. Like, Michael road-tested Ashton's candles with him on tour and then posted about them! And this birthday post Ashton made for Michael just makes me so soft, like... Like he needed Michael to know how much he's loved, especially after the year that was 2020. And the way Michael supported Superbloom (because of course he did), like just this little interaction between them is just so cute and pure 🥺 They never hesitate to tell each other how proud they are of each other and how much they love each other and they call each other brothers and it's just all so so beautiful. I fucking love Mashton.

Okay no but @pass-the-5sauce mashton poll has me in my feels (you can check the tags there) so I'm gonna ramble. Mashton is hands down the most underrated duo within the band and that drives me insane because they are fucking fascinating???? I don't think they would be friends without the band and I think they didn't have as natural as a connection as cashton or lashton but i think that the fact that they had to work on their relationship makes them so !!!!!!!! Because like, they are opposite ends of the same spectrum in some ways and it shouldn't work but they wanted it to work, so it does. Opposite ends of the battery at it's finest. And it's crazy cuz you watch stuff of them during the self titled era because they had full conversation without saying a single word, they tend to get a but chaotic but they have an understanding going between them that's insane??? Also talking self titled era they wrote 9 out of 34 songs we got during that. Including she looks so perfect. Like, hello????? And they have so many little moments happening that are just soft??? And not just stuff like the massage gun, or the msg hug, with like physical affection, but they way they talk about each other, the way they look at each other, the way they're both so quick to stop the other when they start talking down on themselves. The way Ashton can get Michael body slamming into a table over how hard he's laughing, the way they gravitate to each other when they need to *judging intensifies* but they can't say it out loud. Like they have a SOLID friendship that comes from wanting to be friends that has them settled into the level of mutual respect and love and fondness that's just !!!!!!!!!!! My tag for them is my comfort idiots are fond of each other for a reason.

[allsassnoclass]

hazel!! i hope you had a lovely beginning of christmas and that you don't get loaded with birds over the next 10 days lol. i'd like to ask you via emoji these questions: ✍🎵🤯💪-megs 💙

@igarbagecannoteven hi megs! the bird situation is getting dire, the french hens keep terrorizing the turtledoves. i hope your christmas is goin well!

✍ How many words have you posted this year? How many words did you write? okay so this total is going to chance on the 31 because i'll still post my song fic for the fest (and i'm still delusional hoping to get the three prompts left over from the follower celebration done by then as well) but on ao3 the current total for the year is 120,031. i posted 23,433 words for ask box prompts (more than i thought this year tbh!), so the grand total (so far) is 143,464! as for writing, there's no way to tell because i just add words to different wips willy nilly. i have no clue which ones i worked on this year or how much i added to each one, but i would say it's at least 20,000 written and unposted words.

🎵 What was the #1 song you had playing while writing? What fic was it for? yknow i'm going to guess "The Weather" by Lawrence. I listened to that song a lot at the beginning of the year, and I'm writing a fic for it, so it's probably that one. i don't listen to music all that much while writing anymore tbh. it's starting to get more distracting than focusing, and if the vibes of the music don't fit the fic then i have no chance of making substantial progress.

🤯 What’s the coolest thing you learned researching for a fic? okay i talked very briefly about ballet companies and peanuts gang statues to annie here but near the beginning of the year i did a lot of research into michael's wedding for a wip, which was kind of interesting! oh also! on december 20, 2013 same-sex marriage was legally recognized in Utah after Kitchen vs. Herbert ruled that barring same-sex marriage violates the US Constitution.

💪 What ship gave you the most brainrot this year? i mean. mashton has been giving a lot of brainrot since 2020. you kinda need to have brainrot from a ship to write a 50k fic for it. they're my main lads, i am a very dedicated sailor on that ship. but i will say! this year various ships between the cobra kai teens made me feel like i was going insane, specifically sam and tory. i don't even know what to say about them i started thinking about it again and got worked up.

Fic writer 2022 wrapped

[igarbagecannoteven]

2021 Writing Self-Evaluation

thank you hazel ( @allsassnoclass ) for tagging me for this!! 😊 putting the answers under a read more bc y’all know my answers will be not be consise lol

1. number of stories posted on ao3: 7 :))

2. word count posted for this year: 20,232

3. fandoms i wrote for: i’ve only posted 5sos fic, but i have worked on/fiddled with a couple of old hp wips this year!

4. pairings: i’ve only posted cake, malum, mashton, and lashton, but i did finish a fic for every pairing (not including ot3/ot4) this year!

5. story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: the answer to all three of those is by far don’t let me drown in my mind! i could delve into the reasons why i think it’s my most popular but the night is not-so-young and also that’s not the question lol.

6. work i’m most proud of (and why): oh goodness that’s a hard one! i’m proud of everything i’ve posted for various reasons (i wouldn’t have posted them if i wasn’t) but i think today i’m particularly proud of we gotta make a decision (leave tonight or live and die this way) for a lot of reasons. it’s set in an au that i have much bigger plans for and i love the characters so much, which in some ways made it a lot more difficult to write and stressful to post bc i wanted it to do well. while it’s set somewhere very similar to where i was born, it deals with a lot of things that i have zero experience in, and i think i pulled them all off semi-decently! also, this grew a *lot* from the first draft to the final one (mostly thanks to the fact that i turned in a het version for my prose class and used their critiques to shape the fic lol) and i’m very proud of the way i was able to take the notes i was given and make a much better work because of them. i think it’s leaning toward more of my “literary” style instead of my fic style which is my only quibble with it, but i think that works for the content of the fic.

7. work i’m least proud of (and why): most of the works i’m not proud of have not seen the light of day tbh. every work over 1k that I’ve posted is the result of weeks of stressing and editing and pulling my hair out because i really do my best to make sure i don’t post something i’m going to regret lol. that being said,,, i do wish that if i bleed you’ll be the last to know was just a touch more polished. like, it has a lot of stuff i’m proud of and i think overall it’s a decent fic, but i’m not confident that the pacing is up to scratch and the ending isn’t the best, although i always struggle with endings. but i do love it! and it’s really not bad! i’m just very picky lol. beyond posted work, i’m not proud of how many wips are less than a quarter done. i’ll be the first to admit i’m a slow writer and i do try to keep my expectations of myself realistic, but i do think i could have gotten more done.

8. share or describe a favorite review you received: i’ve recieved several reviews that i carry with me in a special box next to my heart so it’s really hard to choose! i will say that when i sent bella the doc for don’t let me drown in my mind asking her to beta read and her first reaction was something along the lines of “i’m so relieved you’re a good writer” was really affirming to me because i am a little insecure about my writing and that felt like a very honest comment bc idk about everyone else but i’ve def had the feeling of like, reading someone you know’s writing for the first time with your fingers crossed chanting under your breath “please be good” bc it’ll be so awkward if it’s not dsjflkdsjf so yeah it just gave me that moment of like “okay i’m not a shitty writer” lol. honorary mention to helen sending me a message about a specific line in what if i’m weak (and i need you tonight) bc when i received the notification i’m pretty sure i actually squealed kjsdflkjdslkdsjf

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: writing is tremendously hard for me about 90% of the time, and i mean miserable, pulling-my-teeth-out hard lol. (don’t ask me why it’s my main hobby because i still don’t know how to answer that lol) writing seeing things in a different light was especially stressful though because it was my first time writing for someone else and when that someone is as talented as adri that makes it extra scary lol. it was also my first time writing fic on a deadline, which mean it was the first time since middle school i was expected to have a final draft at a specific date (most creative writing classes only ask for your next draft, not necessarily your last). it was also my first foray into fluff, *and* my first time writing something that would only really work as a fanfic, so there were a lot of learning curves. but i’m pretty proud of the finished result, and adri left a lovely comment on it that i go back to whenever i need a pick me up, so it was definitely worth it!!

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: i know i legit just posted this but i did not expect to write a bee au. like, i know i love a hyper-specific au but that’s a bit much even for me ksjdfljdskfj also the fact that the bigger au for we gotta make a decision features a subplot revolving around the opioid crisis is insane. like what was i thinking when i made that decision. (i know what i was thinking but still. craziness.) 

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing: listen. on a craft level i find this to be one of the most heavy-handed things i’ve written, like i really stretched this in a way i maybe shouldn’t have. it is not something i’d ever include in a work for class. however. i am so in love with the dissected frog metaphor in if i bleed you’ll be the last to know it was just so fun to write and while i’d probably dislike it if someone else wrote it, it makes me smile just thinking about it. part of me says not to quote it here but as a treat for myself here it is:

Calum felt like a dissected frog, like his insides were all neatly lined up on the table on top of his English notes, each organ pinned with a little label. If it were anyone else seeing his guts laid out in the open, he was certain he would start desperately attempting to shove them all back in, not even caring if they went in the correct spot as long as they were safely hidden again, but since it was Michael, there was no surge of fear. He knew Michael would gently put everything back in its proper place, that he wouldn’t take pictures or type up a research article. Calum never would have thought it was possible to feel safe inside-out if he hadn’t met Michael.

12. how did you grow as a writer this year? i posted my first ever fanfic! i *finished* my first ever fanfic!! i’d never actually finished a work of fiction before this year, can you believe it? never reached that final draft. and now i have! multiple times!! wtf!!! i also think my decision in august to hold off on posting fic and instead squirrel them away until i get 24 complete fics was a big moment for me. like i said before, writing doesn’t actually bring me a lot of joy, so it’s important to me that i make sure the parts that *do* make me happy continue to do so, and my hope is that this challenge thingy will help me do that. i’m very proud that i was able to recognize the way posting fic was starting to turn sour and nipping it in the bud before it could do that.

13. how do you hope to grow next year? hopefully finish more fics! i think that writing is very much one of those skills where the only way to get better is to do so, and i’m hopeful that my writing will continue to improve as i go. i’d also like to stop comparing my writing process to other writers. it can be hard to be a slow writer in a fandom where so many great authors can churn out longer fics in a matter of weeks or even days and still have the work be amazing, and it’s also hard when you’re someone who takes multiple drafts to get a fic where it needs to be when there are people who can ace it on the first draft. i’d really like to shed that habit of thinking of my writing process in comparison of others but instead simply in comparison of my past self. also, on a less writer-y note, i’d like to get better at leaving comments on fics i enjoy! part of the reason i don’t comment very much is because it does take a certain amount of spoons to do so, but there are also other reasons that i’m going to try to get out of the way. january is apparently a month where some people try to comment on every fic they read so i may try to do that! 

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? i mean i can’t *not* mention the fantabulous @clumsyclifford because not only is she the reason that i started writing for this fandom, she’s also a wonderful beta and so so good about me randomly talking to her about my fic problems, even if it’s for a work that’s really not her thing. also hazel has been so encouraging and kind about my writing and is *also* a great beta as well as someone who shares my excitement for niche aus!

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year? yep! i really did cut a watermelon in half with an oyster shell for seeing things in a different light (sometimes research can be fun!) and i’ve also written two fics heavily inspired by my hometown (seeing things in a different light and we gotta make a decision) *and* there’s don’t let me drown in my mind whose first 1k is very heavily inspired by real events. like, i changed some of the things i was freaking out about but all of the descriptions and intrusive thought/executive dysfunction stuff was written from memory. 

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers? join an irl writers/critique group that isn’t mainly for fic. no, i’m not saying this for some elitist reason or just because i love critique groups (okay, maybe a little for that last reason), but because it’s just a very different experience than having beta readers or people in your doc. i’m of the firm belief that listening to other’s work being critique can help you with your own, and i also think that critique groups are more likely to tell you if something needs a more drastic change. beta-ing and having people in your docs has a lot of positives, many of which you won’t necessarily get in a critique group, but getting critiques irl can offer you lots of positives as well. it doesn’t have to be one or the other! and you don’t have to disclose that you write rpf; i definitely don’t! finally, i do think that writing and critiquing are two separate skills, and if you want to build up your critiquing muscles you’ve got to exercise them (not that you have to if you don’t want to! there are plenty of brilliant writers who are terrible at critiques and there are some mediocre writers that are great at critiques, you don’t need one to do the other.)

17. any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? so many it’s actually ridiculous. i would commit actual crimes to finish tis the damn fic this year, i started it in february and it is still no where near done and while i am absolutely in love with the characters and the world i just want it all to be on the page so i can share it with people already!! my new year’s resolution is actually to make some major headway on my fic challenge, and while i doubt i’m going to reach 24 i’d like to get semi-close. 15? 20? among those, i’m looking forward to several 5(ish)+1 fics i’ve got sizzling (faking the moonlanding au, mer!ashton au, another crackfic i won’t spoil), plus i’d love to finish up/start some more driving is for lovers fics because my brand is not going to make itself :)) 

18. tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: i’m not sure if other people have tagged new people (that makes zero sense but hopefully y’all know what i mean lol) so i’ll just tag a few peeps: @cringeycal , @pixiegrl , @werewolfashton , @valiantnerdtm , @burstingsunrise , @kaleidoscopeminds , @tirednotflirting , and anyone else who wants to! (and if i tagged you and you don’t want to that’s totally fine! it’s not obligatory!)

[lukemichaelcalumashton]

I'm feeling some type of way about how none of these are pre-2018... like an oof type of way. they can't have never hugged before that, did they just like. never do it in front of people???? did they use to hug so rarely that it never got caught on camera?? i don't even know what my thoughts about it are but i'm very 🙂🙂 -taylor

I think i said 2018. i meant 2016, but now that i think about it we only got the msg one in 2016 and then that was it. now it seems they hug left and right and aaaaa okay bye

@squishmichael hi hello why are you coming to me with mashton emo thoughts i didn't ask for this (though maybe i did by bringing back that post oops anyways ily <3)

i'm feeling some kind of way about this too because where are the pre-2016 mashton hugs?? the 2016-2018 mashton hugs?? they had to have hugged y'know. and i'm just thinking about how many hug footage there is of, say, malum hugging since the start and yeah, i know you can't compare the familiarity between malum and mashton but there are plenty of cake and muke hugs and touches over the years too! but this is ashton and we know ashton isn't (wasn't?) very touchy and cuddly. we still got touches, like mashton holding hands, the "it's brotherly" thing, michael nuzzling against ashton's neck which interestingly enough were all started by michael as opposed to their hugs which are initiated by ashton. and like many people have said this is probably a way for ashton to control the hug, when it starts and when it ends, how long it lasts for.... and that makes me think (and cry) about how all these hugs have happened because ashton wanted them.

the 5sos show hug is a perfect painful example. he waits patiently for malum to have their hug, waits for michael to be free to open his arms wide so michael and him can hug. he wanted his hug and he got it. and it's such??? a soft hug???? the way he leans his head on michael's shoulder and whispers something to him. the way michael keeps their feet a little apart so he doesn't step on ashton's foot??? okay. 🥺

there's not much to be said about the complete mess bts video because we don't get to see a lot of what happens before or after it but it's important because this is touchy ashton, this is 5sos5 ash and he's in his loving touchy era. he might have hugged all the boys here, he cradled calum against him while working on their scenes... just. Touchy.

and then the side hug from the dublin show that's not even a hug but deserved to be on that post because well. because it's my post and i said so fjskdjs all i can say about it is that they're both sweaty, they're both gross but that doesn't stop them. michael is stepping on ashton's foot but that doesn't matter, neither of them pulls back, they're happy! they're back! they're proud and excited to be sharing this with each other again! i cry

sigh i'm pretty sure i had a point and i lost it in this sea of mashton feelings fjskdjs but the bottom line is. we hadn't gotten a mashton hug since 2018 and now we got three in the span of four months??? probably will be getting more as tour continues??? and those are just the ones that we see because i wholeheartedly believe that ashton is hugging his friends behind the scenes too. this is a man who has grown comfortable with hugging and touching and now he can't stop. and i, for one, love that for him!!!! (and for us!)

[ashtcnirwin]

2021 Writing Self-Evaluation

thanks for the tags @lifewasradical, @burstingsunrise & @daydadahlias🧡

1. Number of stories posted to AO3

17

2. Word count posted for the year

436808

3. Fandoms I wrote for

5sos & all time low

4. Pairings

lashton, cashton, malum, muke, cake, mashton, ot4, jalex

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments

the answer to this one is quite dull cos it’s tidal wave for all three but tie that binds is catching up very quickly when it comes to kudos and bookmarks

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why)

is it weird if i say stage lights? it’s such a silly concept but i quite like the way it turned out. and stay as well, it’s short and it’s relatively pointless but it turned out more or less exactly the way i wanted it to, which doesn’t happen very often.

then there’s also the plot structure, pacing and character development in tidal wave. the writing itself, the word choices i made and the syntaxes and all that crap could do with a solid round of editing and when i read parts of it now, it’s clear that my writing has improved in the year or so that has passed since i completed it, but i am happy with the structure of the fic and the pacing and the way luke and ashton’s relationship developed

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why)

oof... i’m gonna have to go with i don’t ever wanna wait for this. it’s not that i think it’s bad, necessarily, but the structure and the pacing is very sloppy and i wish i’d given it some more love when i wrote it, it could have done with a couple of more k to round it out properly

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

i know i’ve gotten a solid handful of comments/asks/DMs that have left me in actual tears but at the top of my head, two specific ones come to mind:

1) someone on ao3 commented on a chapter of tidal wave that something about a scene had given them the courage to post a video of themself singing & playing guitar, and that was just...i didn’t even know what to say, because being told that something i wrote had a direct positive impact on someone’s life??? what do you even say to that????

2) taylor @squishmichael sent me an absolutely incredible message regarding tie that binds, it left me speechless and i will admit that i reread it on a semi-regular basis if i need a little confidence boost about my writing

on a more general basis, i have to give a shoutout to every single comment jess left on tidal wave. they were absolutely incredible and they were all so long and she left them on every goddamned chapter

9. A time when writing was really, really hard

the entire process of writing tie that binds. it damn near wiped me out, i got frustrated and exhausted and angry at myself so many times, and i left the docs for several weeks at the time cos the thought of opening them made me genuinely nauseous. there were a couple of times where i was uncertain about whether or not i’d be able to complete it at all, and the only reason i was able to do it was that i so desperately wanted to have it completed for jess’ birthday, it was literally my only motivation for a long time

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you

the only thing i can think of at the top of my head is a character in my exchange fic but i can’t really talk about that yet so....

or, ig cards are dealt-luke had me going “why are you like this?!!” a solid handful of times lmao

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing

this one was hard cos i don’t remember a whole lot of my own stuff at the top of my head but i quite like this passage from part 4 of cards are dealt:

Ashton gave Luke a taste of something real, only to toss the rest of the meal in the trash before Luke could catch as much as a second glimpse of it. Now the leftovers are far away, rotting, and Luke is starving.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year

i didn’t

lmao no uhmm... i find it really hard to point out something specific. like, i took a look at some of the stuff i posted early-ish in 2021 just now and i can see that my writing has improved since then, it flows a lot better, but i’m not sure exactly what it is that has improved

13. How do you hope to grow next year

i was just saying to amanda earlier that one of my fic-related resolutions for 2022 is that i wanna write more shorter works (like, <5k), i wanna write more t- and m-rated stuff and i wanna be more diverse with the pairings i write. so, i basically wanna diversify my fic catalogue! if we’re talking more specific writing things, i wanna work on my descriptions and i wanna try and be more intentional with each sentence i write, cos i feel like i often fall into the trap of being too wordy, which just isn’t good

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)

every single fic i’ve read & liked this year has had a positive influence on my own writing, sometimes through small things (like teaching me a new word), sometimes through inspiring me to get working on something i’ve been struggling with, and so on, so shoutout to all the incredible writers in the 5sos fandom🧡

on a more specific note, i gotta give shoutouts to @daydadahlias and @lifewasradical

jess has been an incredible influence simply by existing in my texts. getting to hear about her ideas and writing processes is always inspiring and fascinating and occasionally terrifying, and i just love getting to see her ideas go from concepts to actual fics on ao3. i remember getting the biggest kick out of seeing take notes in particular develop from concept to fic, it was f’ing insane and inspirational af. i also love chatting with jess about fic-related things on a more general scale too cos her thoughts are always so interesting and thought provoking, and they quite often give me ideas for stuff to include in fics. and she gets a little too hype about some of my fics which makes me yell but i also appreciate it a lot

amanda is such an amazing person to have around, and i can’t believe it’s been almost a full fucking year since we started talking and she offered to take a look at my tidal wave docs. having amanda in my docs, first for tidal wave and more recently for tie that binds, was incredible, it was such a motivation factor both times and in the case of tidal wave, her comments and enthusiasm was what enabled me to complete the fic in a timely manner. she’s always so damn supportive of my writing endeavours, even when said endeavours might be questionable. and i remember when she was writing home is wherever you are tonight cos...it went from concept to fic in such a short timespan??? i can’t remember how much time it was but it was not much, and it was just insane to get progress updates along the way, it was inspiring and terrifying

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year

definitely lmao, you’ll find bits inspired by or taken directly from real life in most of my fics

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers

allow yourself to fail without feeling bad about it. not everything you write is gonna be great right away and that’s totally fine, what matters is that you write

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year

yessss, i’m very excited to start writing this long-ish (it’s gonna be somewhere around 140k i think) fake dating ft actor ashton lashton fic that i’ve been planning since september! the planning doc is at over 10k at this point and it’s by far the longest i’ve gone with a fic idea in my head without actually writing anything, it’s just been marinating in my head for what feels like three decades and if i can pull it off the way i wanna, it’s gonna be my best fic yet

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read

is there anyone who hasn’t done this yet??? uhhh let’s try @clumsyclifford @squishmichael @igarbagecannoteven & @kaleidoscopeminds

[mashtonasfuck]

77 “Call me if you need anything.” with mashton? 🥺👉👈 love u!!

hi beth love u, hope u like it! 💙 as usual this ran away from me and is a 1500 word one shot 😌 send me a prompt from this list if you'd like to!

tw for panic attacks (Michael has one and Ashton talks him out of it)

Michael’s hands were shaking as he slowly dialed the phone number.

Call me if you need anything.

He tried to regulate his breathing as his finger hovered over the call button, weighing up the pros and cons in his mind.

–

The scrap of orange paper stuck on the fridge had been at the forefront of Michael's mind for days. Every morning when he rolled out of bed and into the kitchen it was just there. He hadn’t even needed to look at it to know what it said anymore.

Call me if you need anything.

The phone number was etched into Michael’s brain. He didn’t make a habit of memorising phone numbers, he only knew the important ones - his mum’s home number, Calum’s mobile number (all three of them), the pizza place three blocks away, and now this one. The one he wasn't sure he even wanted to remember.

–

He’d been in the grocery store when he’d felt the first wave of a panic attack washing over him. He’d tried to squash it down, get on with his shopping and get through the checkout before it got too bad, but by the time he’d pulled his wallet out to pay for his stuff his hands were shaking so badly that he’d dropped it twice.

“Sir, I’m sorry but I need to ask you to hurry up, I’ve got a line to get through.” The cashier was staring at him disapprovingly and Michael glanced up to see the line of people all staring at him.

“I.. uh.. forget about it.. m’sorry.” Michael grabbed his wallet and shoved it hastily into his pocket before he turned around and almost ran out of the store. He found a bench as far from the entrance as he could and collapsed onto it with his head in his hands. Michael tried to remember one of the breathing exercises Calum had taught him for moments like this, but all his brain could focus on was the people staring at him in the store. Panic bubbled up inside him and Michael let out a sob.

He couldn’t even buy groceries by himself.

“...you need to try...breathe for me okay...right here...you’re okay…”

Michael tore his head away from his hands and came face-to-face with a pair of hazel eyes looking at him worriedly. The man was crouched on the floor in front of him, grocery bags at his feet.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” The man’s voice was quiet as he spoke, “D’you think you can match your breathing to mine? Just wanna help you.”

Michael’s eyes widened as the man spoke and he instinctively pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands before nodding slightly. The man smiled gently at him before continuing.

“M’kay, what we’re gonna do is breathe in for three seconds, then we’re gonna hold it for three seconds, then breathe out for three seconds. Then we’re gonna keep repeating that til you calm down a bit, take as long as you need. Ready?”

Michael was still staring at the man wide eyed but nodded back at him.

“Okay, let's breathe in.. 2.. 3.. m’kay now hold.. 2.. 3.. Breathe out.. 2.. 3..”

Michael let the man’s voice wash over him with his eyes closed, focussing on following his instructions. Vaguely in the back of his mind he realised that this is what Calum usually got him to do. Michael wasn’t sure how long it was before he felt better, but eventually he opened his eyes and smiled weakly at the stranger.

“Thanks..” Michael’s voice was a barely whisper as he spoke, but the man smiled back at him brightly.

“Hi there… you’re welcome, how are you feeling now?” The stranger ran a hand through his hair as he spoke and lowered himself to sit on the floor cross legged.

“Feel better… how’d you…?” Michael’s voice faltered and he realised how dry his throat was.

“How’d I know how to help you?” Michael nodded at the man, “Had my fair share of panic attacks n’I know it’s not always easy to remember how to help yourself. D’you need some water?”

Michael slowly reached towards the bottle of the water the man was holding out to him, taking it carefully and unscrewing the lid.

“M’Ashton by the way.” The man - Ashton - flashed him a smile before continuing, “I, uh, I was behind you in the line..”

Michael paled at Ashton’s words, panic creeping back into his subconscious until he felt a strong hand on the top of his sneaker.

“Hey… it’s all good. I actually laid into that cashier after you’d left.. Fuckin’ unprofessional bastard.”

Michael glanced up at Ashton, sensing that the other man was telling him the truth.

“I, um, I also grabbed your groceries for you.. Figured you might need them. Was just gonna leave them here for you but then I saw you panicking and well… here we are.” Ashton spread his hands in front of him as he spoke, and Michael realised that the groceries in the bags were in fact his.

“Why.. why would you do that? You don’t even know me..” Good things didn’t just happen to Michael, there had to be a catch.

“Like I said, I’ve had panic attacks myself.” Ashton shrugged, “‘Sides, I like doing nice things for people, helps me feel a bit better about the world.”

Michael blinked at Ashton not quite believing what was happening. The man had paid for his groceries.

“I can pay you back, don’t have cash right now, but if you have paypal or venmo or something..” Michael’s words died in his throat as Ashton waved him away.

“Honestly don’t worry about it man. Just promise me something?” Ashton was rooting around in his jacket pocket as he spoke, pulling out a pen and a piece of paper. “If anything like this ever happens again, or anything at all, call me?”

Michael looked down at the piece of paper Ashton was holding out to him.

Call me if you need anything.

He wasn’t sure why, but he took the paper off the other man and slid it into the pocket of his hoodie, pulling out his car keys afterwards.

“Would, um, would you help me take these to my car?” Michael glanced at Ashton and then at the grocery bags on the floor, “It’s kinda far and m’not sure I can carry it all…”

Ashton stood up in one fluid movement, bending down to pick up some of the grocery bags.

“Sure thing man, lead the way.” He smiled at Michael gently, and Michael found himself smiling back.

–

Michael almost dropped the phone as the call connected and Ashton’s voice came through the speaker.

“Hi, this is Ashton.”

“Hi, um, this is…” Michael took a breath, “Um, Michael, from the uh, from the store… you said I could… call…”

“Oh! Hey man, what’s up?” Michael could hear Ashton rustling around on the other end of the line.

“I… know you said I could call if I needed anything, and m’having a bad day… only called… cuz I didn’t know what else… Calum's not answering...” Michael’s voice trailed off as he struggled to take a breath. “M’sorry, shouldn’t have bothered you….”

“Michael, it’s okay. Breathe. Where are you? Lemme come to you” Michael could hear the worry in Ashton’s voice as he spoke and he forced himself to breathe. He rattled his address off to Ashton, the other man laughing before he spoke.

“Dude, we live in the same apartment block.” Michael let out a quiet laugh, “Give me two minutes. Is your door unlocked?”

“S’a key under the doormat..”

“Y’know that’s really not very safe right? Should get one of those key safe things, I have one - you can just text people the code for it. Apartment 7, right?”

Michael hummed in agreement and heard Ashton unlocking the door before the call disconnected.

–

Ashton found Michael sitting on the kitchen floor, palms pressed to his eyes. Ashton crossed the space between them and sat on the floor beside him.

“D’you wanna talk about it?” Ashton made sure his voice was quiet as he spoke. Michael shook his head, “S’okay… d’you want anything?”

Michael glanced up at Ashton slowly before nodding.

“...hug… please?”

Ashton’s heart broke as the other man started sobbing as he pulled him into his arms.

“I’ve got you, Michael, it’s okay.”

His gaze wandered around the room, landing on a piece of orange paper stuck to the fridge. Ashton smiled softly and hugged Michael a little tighter.

Call me if you need anything.

He was really glad Michael listened to him. Ashton didn’t know what had happened to make Michael so upset, but he knew that whatever it was he’d do everything he could to make sure he looked after the man in his arms.

——————————————————————————