#and it kinda fizzled out at the end. but that usually happens so thats nothing new

[lohstandfound]

Brooke + i couldn't let you go if i tried

"Why do you even put up with me?"

Brooke's fingers paused in Chloe's hair, the braid laid half-finished down her back- even in a state of unfinished or imperfect Brooke thought Chloe was beautiful, not that words could really describe it; something about the flaws showing that Chloe was indeed still human underneath everything, not a portrait to frame on the wall.

The question wasn't anything she hadn't heard before, people had asked her all the time why she put up with all of Chloe's shitty behaviour as if she wasn't aware of how she was treated. Brooke knew, she always knew that the way Chloe bossed her around wasn't good, it wasn't healthy, and she deserved much better- but god, Brooke just could not let her go, not when she knew for certain that Chloe hadn't always been this way, that Chloe wasn't always like that; she knew how gentle Chloe could be when she wanted to, (and Chloe's attention was almost addicting).

"Because," Brooke started, her hands picking up the rhythm of the braid again, "I can't imagine not having you with me."

She had thought about it, many times, of what it would be like to leave Chloe behind, leave everything behind and find something or someone better; but she couldn't even if she tried.

[shakespearerants]

Why Modern Y/A Literature Is Shit - Five Lists, A Rant, And A Conclusion

Let’s start with the lists, shall we? First, we have the typical overused y/a protagonists. There are:

1) the incompetent-but-pretty female protagonist. I’m talking about that “oh I’m not like other girls I hate makeup and I’m sooooo clumsy and also a nerd because I don’t like to party” girl, the one that always says she’s ugly but is described as stereotypically attractive. Usually white. Always gets the insanely attractive guy in the end. Relatable ™.

2) the mysterious bad boy that every girl wants a slice of. Usually either rich, a supernatural being, or involved in some sketchy shit. Has a Tragic Backstory™ that is unlocked by the female protagonist after little-to-none probing, maybe some bambi eyes, when the story is at the point where he would look like a real douche if his shitty behavior was left unexplained.

3) the female Leader of the Revolution. Usually white. Fights for Freedom and What Is Good, would actually be pretty ok in my books, if there weren’t…

4) the male love interest of the female Leader of the Revolution. Usually very flat character. We know exactly two thing about him: a) He’s Sexy b) He’s In Love. Sometimes there’s a small bonus and we also know that he has a Tragic Backstory™, usually involving something that is supposed to show that he and the female Leader of the Revolution are Soulmates or at least that they have History Together. And then there’s…

5) the Love Triangle. Im counting this as “one” main character because, lets be honest, most (read: all that I know) love triangles don’t have enough depth to justify analyzing all three parts separately. It goes like this: girl was Normal and had Best Male Friend who was In Love With Her since Forever, but Never Said Anything. Then Something Happens and Guy Two (the mysterious bad boy) shows up, usually quite out of the blue. He is Mysterious and Experienced and Interested In The Girl, who is suddenly Very Important for a Higher Cause. Then Best Male Friend Gets Jealous and Confesses His Feelings when confronted by the Girl. Then all there of them go on an Epic Quest together. A common variation of this is Girl meets two boys. One is Nice™ and one is Sexy™. HOW WILL SHE DECIDE???!11?? (also epic quest in the backround)

And then we have the supporting characters. Who are usually either…

1) the gay OR the racially diverse Best Friend of the Protagonist. Especially if it’s a male protagonist. BUT CAREFUL!!!!!111! He has to be a) male b) EITHER gay OR racially diverse, and c) ok with casually used homophobic/racist stereotypes

2) the Nerd Friend of the (usually male) protagonist. Wears glasses. Doesn’t know anything about sports. Easily hurt. Thankful™ for their Cool Protagonist Friend. Usually bullied. Knows stuff about: a) Star Wars b) Comics c) Lord of the Rings. If the author is really adventurous he also cosplays, usually as a LOTR character

3) the Best Girl Friend of the incompetent-but-pretty female protagonist. Usually very flat character. Comes out of nowhere to Give Advice and disappears back into the void. 

But the most annoying thing is that literally almost every y/a novel or series that you pick up in literally any bookstore/library can be assigned one of these general storylines:

1) the Your Are Different storyline. Girl is Normal™. Maybe has a Tragic Backstory™, but nothing too bad. Then Something Happens and she learns that she is Not Normal, by which I mean that she either has some sort of supernatural powers or that she is The Long Lost Princess or at very least The Chosen One. Then some love triangle comes to spiel, she has to Leave Her Old Life Behind and Save The World. Book ends with some sort of sappy love confession or her deciding which part of the love triangle she chooses. Sometimes seen with a male protagonist, but without the love triangle. 

2) the Love Triangle storyline. Well. I think it’s self-explanatory.

3) the Supernatural Shit Going On storyline. Someone (usually a guy) is the Chosen One. Chosen One has to fight in order to save some recently discovered world/their own world. Meets some friends who are usually two or more dudes and one super badass girl who is only there because Equality™ and is either the one who gets Possessed By The Evil or is the only one who has to be saved at one point in the story. If we have a female protagonist then she and the girl Hate Each Other For Literally No Reason until the protagonist Saves The Girl in some very dramatic way and they realize that the other is Actually Not That Bad. Female protagonist usually teaches girl about Feelings and maybe sets her up with That One Guy In The Group that she’s had a crush on for Literal Years but never made a move because Feelings Are For Babys or she was Scared And Didn’t Know What To Say To Him. 

4) the This Book Isn’t Like Other Books storyline. Some shit that doesn’t have anything to do with interpersonal relationships or at the most bullying is going on. Usually features a Controversial Protagonist™ (read: the one who started the deeply illegal or at least sketchy shit that’s going on and is also the muggle version of Voldemort, character wise). The (usually male) protagonist, who is also a social outcast, now has to work to Stop The Sketchy Shit that he started, but he Can’t Do It Alone. A group of three people (two boys, one pretty girl), who are also a part of the Popular Group At School, are somehow pulled into the shit and help the Controversial Protagonist™ Fix His Mistakes and Become A Better Person. Sometimes they become friends in the end. 

AND, because I can, have some shitty shitty plot devices.

1) the Love Triangle. It’s shitty and unnecessary in every way because it always features at least 3 of these things: bad writing. Heteronormativity. Exclusively white people. Disregard of the feelings of the female lead by at least one of the guys. Use of past traumatic experiences of one of the male leads to justify predatory and/or dangerous/possessive behavior. Related to that: use of mental illness/trauma solely to gain sympathy of the audience. Characters’ (specially the guys’) lives and decisions revolve around romantic/sexual relationships. Related to that: romanticization of unhealthy relationships. Enforcement of gender stereotypes. Objectification of the characters (especially the male characters). 

2) Miscommunication. I don’t even have to say anything, do I.

3) The One Friend In The Group That Betrays Them All And The Subsequent Fallout. WHY. WHY do authors feel the need to have one person in a close-knit group of friends betray everyone. I mean, it would even be THAT bad if most authors didn’t use it as a cheep method to create suspense for the final showdown, or kill off a character, or to distract from the fact that most villains in modern y/a literature are really flat characters with no real motives for their plans for world takeover or whatever it is they’re trying to accomplish by giving them a radicalized follower. 

4) the Love Confession When The Guy Either Thinks She’s Chosen Someone Else Or Is Being Separated From The Girl. Like. NO. Just no. Thats like THE cheapest way to create emotional conflict. Or to subtly manipulate your readers. Because that is essentially what the author is doing: guilt-tripping you into supporting a relationship, because unless that guy was a real douchbag, and if he WAS, 99% of the people who read that stuff will be like “OH MY POOR BBY JUST GOT HIS HEART BROKEN” and BAM, no one’s gonna argue that his feelings aren’t genuine, or say that he doesn’t deserve her, bc bitch did you read this he confessed to her when he thought he was never gonna see her again  

5) the Love Confession From Her Jealous Best Friend. Again, a cheep way to create emotional tension and gain sympathy from the reader. 

6) the Vaguely Sexual Encounter. Usually something comparatively innocent, like a heated kiss or make-out session, usually used to intensify emotional dilemma, either because of a love triangle (I really can’t stand love triangles) or because she shouldn’t be kissing the guy or something. And the thing is, it wouldn’t even be a bad thing if it weren’t completely misplaced (like, a day away from the final battle misplaced) in most cases, or worse: slutshaming. Or, worse still: the cringey sex discussion that ends in either slutshaming or kinda just fizzles out.   

7) the We’re Gonna Die But It’s Okay Because I Love You talk, usually delivered by the male lead to the female lead before all goes to shit. And honestly I have never read a book where this shit happened where they knew each other for more than four weeks. And lemme tell you there is nothing more unrealistic than a teenage dude giving a two-page talk about why he loves a girl that he’s known for a maximum of four weeks. I once read a book where this happened and they knew each other for three days and made out once and he literally gave that speech twice (no, I’m not taking about Romeo and Juliet). Like, do you authors understand the people you are writing books for? Do you have any idea how teenage relationships work? 

8) Bulling That’s Used As A Plot Device But Ultimately Stays Unresolved or, even worse, The People Who Bully Me Are (A Part Of) The Group I Have to Join To Save The World And Suddenly We’re Best Friends. THIS. THIS is almost worse than the fucking love triangle shit. Because lemme tell you something: If bullying isn’t stopped, if the bullies don’t face consequences for their actions, then guess what? IT’S NOT GONNA FUCKING STOP, THATS WHAT. It’ll continue on and on and on until someone won’t take that shit anymore. Yeah, sure, it might seem like it stopped, especially if you’re seeing everything from the view of a character who was suddenly not bullied anymore, but let me tell you: that is an illusion. They just shift to the next victim. And it’s so so toxic to write it like everything is suddenly ok, oh my gosh. Because it’s not, it doesn’t stop, it just shifts to somewhere else, and thousands of bullied kids that read these books are gonna think that it does. And they’re gonna go and look at their bullies and start feeling sympathy for them because they read a hundred and one books where the bullies are actually good guys, so their bullies can’t be that bad, can they? And voila, thats the first step to excusing toxic behavior. The first step to make sure that these kids never speak up against oppressors. 

Some things that I am really sick of in general but even more when seen in y/a literature: 

1) bad and/or lazy writing, especially when it comes to character development

2) casual sexism

3) underrepresentation and/or stereotypization of LGBTQIA characters

4) underrepresentation and/or stereotypization of non-white characters

5) lack of female supporting characters

6) little to no character development seen in male characters, especially love interests/supporting characters

7) reinforcement of stereotypically masculine/feminine character traits

8) little to no explanation offered concerning culture and other specifics of fantasy worlds (also known as WHY WRITE FANTASY IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA INCLUDE SOME ACTUAL FANTASY)

9) romanticization of toxic relationships

10) hypersexualization of teenagers, because no matter how good looking he is, you shouldn’t describe a sixteen year old boy the same way you would a twenty five year old porn star

And the thing is that this isn’t some kind of one time thing. I didn’t just finish a series that i really disliked or read a few bad books in a row. This rant is the product of literal year-long frustration because I literally cannot find anything in the y/a section of bookstores and libraries and publishing companies websites that doesn’t feature at least one of the above mentioned main characters, one of the above mentioned supporting characters, and some variation of the above mentioned storylines. And I am honestly so sick of it, and so are many many more young adults, because in the beginning you just read that shit, you know. And then it comes to the point where you get so sick of seeing the same stories repeated over and over and the same characters used over and over that you start really searching for books that are different. But these books are so rare, and so hard to find! And after some time you start feeling like you’re being bullshitted by authors and publishing companies. Because most of y/a literature is not only cliche and stereotypical and just plain boring after some time, its also often very badly written. And I’m not just talking language here, though that is a part of it. I’m talking major plot holes, complete lack of character development, period novels or novels that feature time travel being so cringe-worthily historically inaccurate that you actually start wonder if the author did it on purpose, a suspense arc that would, drawn, look like a squiggly line or, even worse but sadly even more common, just a downward sloping curve that maybe, if you’re really lucky, curves slightly upwards again in the last five chapters. There are so many y/a novels out there that I seriously can’t imagine ever having been edited or beta read. And lately it seem like most publishing companies out there just don’t care what they publish any more, you know? Its just one love triangle after the other. And honestly society is moving forward at an increasingly fast pace, the current generation of teenagers and young adults is becoming more tolerant and open minded by the second, and the literature that is written for us, marketed towards us is still dominated by heteronormativity, all-white characters, a lack of male protagonists in the romance and of female protagonists in the action/adventure genre, and sexism. Like, okay, if you think a love triangle is necessary for your story, why not write in a bit of representation for the LGBTQIA community and make it a polyamory in the end instead of having your heroine decide between two hot guys? Or just feature a bi protagonist instead of the cliche straight girl? If you wanna write that stereotypical high school romance why not feature a protagonist who is not white for a change? Also there is a huge difference between books written for boys and books written for girls that is honestly, in my opinion, incomprehensible. Especially if you factor that most boys between the ages of 12 and 20 just don’t read novels because they think reading in general is stupid or they can’t relate to the characters that are portrayed. And this is honestly so concerning because most boys are behind their female classmates when it comes to reading and language skills, which scientists say is a result of boys reading less for enjoyment in their free time, especially less fiction. (sources: (x) (x) (x)) And honestly I can see where thats coming from, there is a) very little literature written for boys, and lets be real, how many boys do you know that would voluntarily read something thats explicitly being marketed for girls and b) the literature actually written for boys is tremendously boring and even more stereotypical and redundant than literature written for girls, plus, you sometimes get the very paradox impression that sex is a kind of tabu theme in boys literature. Like in girls literature its ridiculed and treated in some sort of prepubescent giggly way even though most of literature written for girls revolves around sexual and romantic relationships, but it is addressed, even if its done in an immature way. But boys literature is all about action and danger and bros before hoes. Most books written for a male audience don’t even feature a love interest. And again, this is paradox and kind of weird or even ridiculous because boys are expected to be sexually active from a very young age and the teenage years are the years of (sexual) self-discovery, so in almost all media boys are portrayed as very experienced and sure in their sexuality, except for literature aimed towards them, where they are treated the same way little children are treated: you just don’t talk about sex. How can you expect boys to be sure of themselves when you just leave them in the dark about what they are supposed to be sure about? And don’t even get me started on hyper masculinity portrayed in almost every male character I’ve ever seen in a book (honestly, I won’t start on it because I think that a) my point is clear and b) no one would actually have the patience to read this till the end if I did).

So what’s my conclusion? Well, mainly that y/a literature is currently a lot of shit, and it needs to change to fit the needs and interests of the group that it’s trying to reach. The current development in literature aimed towards young women that features a growing hyper-sexualization of teenage boys and a shift to almost exclusively straight romance literature combined with a gradual decrease of writing quality is very concerning, as is the lack of development in literature aimed towards young men, which seems to be stuck in three genres: mystery/thriller, sports, and action/adventure.

[grubhivemind]

RYAN: -it's been another long day at work, but the walk from the shuttle stop to her apartment feels even longer as the white noise of city life in the background offers little distraction from the worries buzzing around in her head. sometimes drowning it out with music helps, but tonight she isn't really feeling it and simply lets it all happen during her trek.-

JACK: -Ryan seems so out of it she might not even notice the hobo guy sitting at the top of a city mailbox like he's riding a horse. He's not homeless exactly, but he is wearing his trenchcoat and crocs combo. Jack looks like he's kind of... people watching? Impossible. This man is blind. No way to prove his lost whatsoever.-

RYAN: -yeah right, like there's any way she's going to miss THAT. she does have to do a double take as she passes, though.- ... 

RYAN: jack. :thinking: -doesn't really question his being there, just observes it. that's him alright.-

JACK: -was in the middle of guzzling a handful of trail mix.- Hm? -turns his head as if to listen closer.- 

JACK: God? Long time no hear from you, bud. You sound attractive. Love what you're doing with the voice.

RYAN: yep. its me. gorgeous and deserving of worship. :sparkles:

RYAN:  just popping in to ask... whats goin on lil dude? having a nice sit down on that mailbox there? think theres room for a little divine intervention so to speak?

JACK: In the wise words of lyrical poets come and past-- maybe. Just maybe. You'll gonna be the one that saves me. 

JACK: And after all. 

JACK: You're my Wonderwall. 

JACK: -scoots forward and invitingly pats the space behind him.-

RYAN: -snorts and shimmies over to take a seat on the mailbox, sitting back to back with him.- its always refreshing to hear a devout young man reciting hymns. 

RYAN: -kicks her legs as she dangles them off the side, looking all around at the city.- this is an interesting new vantage point.

JACK: Wouldn't know. But I think there's a perfume-slash-soap store upwind. 

JACK: Guess I am enjoying the sights in a way.

RYAN: -she thinks she peeps the soap store. confirmed.- you do look like you have your eye on something.

JACK: I'll try to reel that in a little. -munches some granola.- 

JACK: I'd ask what you're doing out here but... 

JACK: That seems a little inappropriate.

RYAN: uh yeah. -peers over her shoulder at him with a brow raised.- considering i live a few blocks away.

JACK: Hmmmm. 

JACK: I guess that explains a few things.

RYAN: ... jack. 

RYAN: are you lost?

RYAN: and if you answer that with some cryptic witticism im gonna shove you off this mailbox.

JACK: That's asking a lot. -Grunts. But he doesn't really feel like explaining himself so he leaves it that.-

RYAN: -sass is definitely MUCH WORSE so she just looks ahead again, irritated.- 

RYAN: i guess it doesnt matter either way.

JACK: You're probably right about that. You're so... -makes a point of picking through his words as carefully as possible.- 

JACK: Understanding.

RYAN: -feels her cheeks burning suddenly. maybe she's just tired after a long day, but she's feeling more defensive than usual.- are you being sarcastic?

JACK: No. You're not... 

JACK: Doing anything wrong. -brushes his hands of granola. It's free for the birds now.-

RYAN: -shoulders slump as her frustration fizzles out suddenly, but her head still feels hot and a little dizzy.- 

RYAN: ... its hard to tell sometimes.

JACK: It's not your fault. -he could swear under his breath.- But maybe that's the problem. 

JACK: God. 

JACK: I should elaborate. -rubs at his face with a deep sigh.- Neither of us know what the hell we're doing. And it doesn't help when... 

JACK: Neither of us know whether what the other is doing is bad until it's too late. 

JACK: I've just been taking note of that that familiar creeping feeling where... I've been absent. But I don't realize I'm doing it til I'm walking circles in the middle of fucking nowhere and the only reason we're talking right now, is because you came out here by chance. 

JACK: ... 

JACK: Why are you the one looking for me but it's never the other way around? And why... 

JACK: Why are you putting up with that.

RYAN: -the dizziness is making her stomach churn at this point and all she can think to do to settle it is draw in deep breaths. it takes her a second to think, to really think of what the answer might be.- 

RYAN: maybe cuz i think its some way of repenting? i dunno. 

RYAN: you know when i left i... left this giant mess. everyone worrying about me. and burned by me. i just... 

RYAN: i guess i dont blame you for not wanting to be around me because nobody really does. 

RYAN: and i keep hoping i can make up for it if i try to reach out to people. and try to fix it. but you... 

RYAN: ... 

RYAN: if im really not at fault here like youre saying then that theory is gonna get me nowhere fast huh? suppose it already has.

JACK: I just have to ask you. 

JACK: Why it's worth compromising letting people treat you like hell. -fingers grip at the metal below.- 

JACK: I'm not... 

JACK: Helping you be a better person, Ryan. I'm not helping you at all.

JACK: I'm selfish, I'm mean, I'm--- 

JACK: Fucking crazy? And all you ever do is try and try your damndest to make me feel like a real person. 

JACK: When I don't. I really don't. 

JACK: So why do you end up with all the crap?

JACK: Don't you see how wrong it is??

RYAN: -a tight stinging throat adds to the plethora of unpleasant physical manifestations of her awful emotions. why does this have to keep happening this way? it really seems like she falls into the same habits over and over. and it always blows up in her face.- 

RYAN: i dont know??? 

RYAN: i mean is it???? yeah maybe i dont feel like i deserve it but at the same time i have all this evidence stacked against me that says actually ryan in some ways you kinda do deserve to go through hell to get even a sliver of heaven. 

RYAN: it just. it fucking sucks. -pushes at tears that she can't keep back any longer.- 

RYAN: because youre right. i dont know what im doing any more than you do. nothing i do makes any sense to me. nothing ever seems to work out. everyone around me ends up distant and more often than not im the one creating the distance. 

RYAN: the only thing that ever seemed to make any sense to me was how i felt when i was with you but thats-- thats not... 

RYAN: enough. is it?

JACK: N... -faulters a moment, unsure of his answer.- I don't think so. 

JACK: I just... 

JACK: Can't be someone who gets away with this crap. Who can't even pull his shit together enough to make you feel like-- 

JACK: You're supposed to feel when you're together with someone. Like all this struggle and strife is worth it because... 

JACK: At the end of the day, you're a better person when you're with them. But between us... Fuck. 

JACK: It's just not true. -he takes a deep shaking breath, hating himself with every minute.- Ryan... 

JACK: Why'd we get back into this. We really... were not ready for it.

RYAN: -she's trembling too, still slumped slightly against his back and savoring the touch knowing exactly how this going to end. she laughs, an awful aching, watery laugh, before she answers his question, rhetorical as it might be.- 

RYAN: we did it cuz were stupid. 

RYAN: we dont know whats good for us in any other aspect of our lives so-- fuck! -the nervous smiles crack into sobs. but it's still funny, because after everything she's gone through lately, this is the first time she's really let herself hurt, or let herself cry.-

JACK: -He's just... shitty. He feels it happening as they speak. He can't face her or do anything but let her lean against his back. Somewhere in all the heavy, Jack's hand reaches to find hers.-

RYAN: -she grasps back, entwining fingers and holding tight. it feels desperate, but she can't deny that it helps her calm down... after she lets herself cry a little bit longer, anyways. she tilts her head back against his shoulder to look up at the stars.- 

RYAN:  -it used to be that she'd stare at the sky and only want to flee far away from any kind of pain or confusion. but for once, she feels tethered to the earth, and maybe that seems she's finally grounded herself, if only a little. maybe that means progress. it's hard to tell with an aching heart, but with jack holding her hand despite everything, she feels like maybe healing is still possible for her.- 

RYAN: ... -sniffles.- you should go home.

JACK: I will. 

JACK: Just felt like the fresh air was doing me better than sitting in one place. -just keeps holding her hand-

RYAN: okay. cool.

RYAN: ... yeah. 

RYAN: i agree. -well... she's not letting go either.-