#and it is now 6pm the next day and i'm still ranting about it

[messrsrarchives]

we are incredibly blesseddddd in the harry potter fandom. no matter what era you are reading, there is such a wide array of fics for you to enjoy - such a multitudeeee of long-fics, aus, ships, tropes etc etc. we are so blessed to have this much to engage with.

but with that comes a lot of entitlement i feel. because there's more to "compare", there's more to call "the big fics" or "the best fics" and suddenly we're no longer blessed, because people don't appreciate fandom for what it is - a bunch of losers (affectionate) sitting in their rooms, writing fanfiction about wizards in their spare time, and sharing it with strangers online. rather it starts becoming competitive.

and 99.99% of the time, it's not the people writing these fics that start the comparisons and the competitions, it's those reading it. they'll publicly question why a fic has so many hits, they'll assume that fandom etiquette no longer applies just because a fic is popular, and they'll forget that these are people writing them, not just ao3 pseudonyms. they'll critique writing styles, get hung up on typos or grammatical errors etc etc. they'll start saying which piece of creative writing done by a person in their free time as a hobby is "worth it" and which ones aren't. and it's wild because they're the ones that have put these fics at the top. they're the ones that have decided these fics are the most worthy,,, and then they critique them?

and most of this is because of the hierarchy, absolutely. there's been a mass separation of readers-writers because people refuse to engage, and they start viewing themselves as "customers" receiving a "product" and they complain when it doesn't fit their standards. some of it is also the changing face of fandom spaces as they get big on more traction-based platforms like tiktok. all of it comes down to entitlement.

they start enforcing standards for fanfictions to live up to and start dictating what "good" writing is, as if that doesn't go against the very nature of a fandom space. a space where everybody's voice is heard and everybody has the same opportunity to create things (side tangent: this is not the time to be dictating what voices/experiences/talents deserve to be heard. free and open sources of literature are incredibly important right now. we often talk about the fact we hold fanfiction to the same standard as publit, which yes we do and that is not what we should be doing. but now we're starting to police it the same way publit is, and now is not the time. there is never a time tbh, but now when book bans are running rampant across the world? you want to decide which fics deserve to be read and which ones don't? hm).

and the worst thing is that not only are people critiquing the works we already have, but they demand more.

they'll say there's no more long-fics getting written, and then they won't go and engage with WIPs and encourage authors to continue, they won't start a fic until it's complete and then complain that nothing is complete. they'll say there's not enough fics for a certain ship, and instead of engaging with those producing them or encouraging love and engagement for them with others, they'll go into comment sections and hate on another ship. they'll say there's not enough of a certain trope and then they'll read one and go "hm. not like that" or not enough of a certain character and then go "actually i don't see them like this so this is written awfully".

most of all, they'll say that certain fics or ships have a ruined a fandom, and then they'll post things that go sooooo against what a fandom is, and just add to what is actually ruining wider fandom spaces - entitlement.

you are not entitled to long-fics, these are being written by people in their free time, and you refuse to engage with them as they're being written. you are not entitled to perfect grammar and presentation, fanfiction is for everybody and it is not a profession, it's a hobby. you are not entitled to the characterisations that you deem to be best, everything is malleable and you engage with what you like (better yet, write it yourself if you're so open to shitting on others. you do it then). you are not entitled to regular and consistent updates, you do not get a monopoly over this person's time. and you're going to see a lot less works over time if this is the way you treat them.

you are not entitled to any content in a fandom space, and no one is required to provide it for you. and most of all, your opinions and your characterisations and things you enjoy are not more worthy than anyone elses' - reading is subjective, we learnt this in primary school.

fandom is for self-exploration and it is self-curated. it's so self-curated and if you are having such a negative time in fandom because you can't find anything "good" or "worth it"? maybe there's some self-reflection to do as well. maybe you should sit and wonder why you feel entitled to things and why you feel the need to pit authors against each other or critique free works publicly, instead of wondering why other people are reading them.

we are so incredibly blessed to be in a fandom as diverse as this one with such an array of interpretations and such a wide spread of fics to choose from, but let's return to our roots and remember that - despite how many there are - everything is written by a Human Being. in their Free Time. For Fun.

and it's not fun to watch videos calling works bad get thousands of views and likes. you are not owed anything. and it is not okay to say these things just because "they'll never see it" - it says a lotttt about you as a person that there has to be some kind of impact for you to be kind.

it's like,,, would you go to a free bake sale and go "god i fucking hate red velvet!!!" and tell them they're doing a bad job, or would you pick up the chocolate cupcake you like instead and move on with your day whilst acknowledging that someone, not you but someone elseee, might like red velvet??? ykkkk??? you get me????

[elizabethplaid]

Saturday's notes, part 2 - May 4, 2024

Part one here

Things got better as the day went on, after the alarm debacle in the morning. LL-K shared cookies with me from our fav local bakery, the one with the huge cookies.

When I went to pick up my take-out order, they didn't have it. Turns out, dad never hit the confirmation thing to finish making the order on their website. I almost asked to make the order right then, but I just wanted to go home. I texted my dad before leaving, then tried calling him, but his battery had died. So yeah, just go home; didn't want to wait another 20 minutes.

(Plus my Lego friend was starting her stream soon, and I wanted to chat with her as much as I could. Still ended up being like half an hour late, but she was still just getting started.)

THEN, on the drive back, I re-encountered the same lawn ornament I'd forgotten about from my drive out that morning. Remember the shadow-silhouette cut-outs that were popular in the late 90s? (Well, at least they were popular in NC, back then.) Some motherfucker had a human-sized one, like it was walking out from behind the power pole. Freaked me the fuck out, thinking someone was walking into the road.

Then I'm like, "Wait, those arms look familiar." IT WAS FUCKING SASQUATCH! And then it got me again, as I drove home! It wasn't even obscured by the pole on this side, and it got me even worse. Like, of all the shit that happened, that's the one that pisses me off the most. It's the only one that I can't let roll off my back.

Ok, so I got home, confirmed with dad that he forgot to finish the order. He was pretty apologetic about it. I put it on-par with how I fucked up the alarm that morning, so eh *shrug emoji*. He made some frozen stir fry meal for us instead. Certainly not the best, because it's a frozen thing and not made by responsible chefs, but it hit the spot. Plus dad did the work, as I ranted about Sasquatch. Very sweet of him.

Got to my friend's stream and chatted with her. Looked up some Lego stuff, shared links, etc. After finishing my food, I told her about my day. She encountered the same Sasquatch cut-out in her area, too. Big laugh with that.

She started her stream at 6pm, and she was on bag 10 of 22 by the time I bailed. (She intends to start at bag 12 for the next stream, I think.) It was after 1am, and I admitted that I'd been up since 5:30pm the previous evening. She's like, "Go to bed, girl." I texted her a pic of me in bed, with my Monty Python rabbit biting my face, to confirm I obeyed her order, haha. Still felt antsy (a "toddler tantrum" of resistance) and played on the phone for a bit. Finally put down the phone at 2am.

Woke sometime after 8am, to my daily "good morning" message. Text-chatted with phone friend, kind of explained how frustrated I was feeling. Both over- and under-stimulated, body-fatigued and brain-wired. Writing out my thoughts helped me vent the feelings, thankfully. Vocal-speech talking is tough on me, trying to find and form the words. But texting is easier, so I was able to form a lot of thoughts, and it got easier as I kept writing.

Texting with phone-friend and Lego-friend have really helped me. I don't know why they're different from other people I've talked with in the past. Maybe it's because they're both in Maine, or that they've met each other in person and I've met phone-friend in person. They're more tangible than other internet friends, even though we're still apart most of the time. =======

I'm still jittery, now that I'm more awake. Just a bouncing leg. My mind has calmed to the point where I could probably doze off if I laid down again. Briefly considered going to Ellsworth with my dad, at least to pick up fast food. Nah, I think I want to nap; it's probably wiser in the long-run.

As usual, I have library on Tuesday. Thursday is a dental appointment in the morning (fillings on back molars), followed by meeting up with my phone-friend. They've convinced me to try boba tea for the first time, so that's my plan for Friday, before heading back home.

It'll be a lot of chilling again, snacking in the room instead of going to a restaurant. After dental stuff, I want to take it easy anyway.

Just need to make sure I have my gifts for phone-friend's family wrapped, and I'm all set. I'm glad I went with an alternate plan. The embroidered drawstring bag will wait til Christmas, thankfully. =======

So yeah, I had a fucking day, my god. I'm in a better mood now, though more venting will be necessary. Still feeling like an over-stimulated toddler, somewhat. Struggling with the weight of fabrics on my skin versus feeling chilly. Had to close my window after I woke up.

Will probably go back to bed soon, though I might read webcomics or that Jane Eyre thing. (They just had the scene where the ~mystery person~ set fire to the dude's bedroom, hahaha.)

[thewirewitch]

One of those days where I'm just kinda done with my family owning a dog. She makes me tired in an emotional way and I know she doesn't mean to, it's just kinda frustrating...

(rant under the cut. Tw for animal death)

I've had a fear of dogs since I was really young, probably around 4-5 years old, since I went to a relative's house and her dog (who was fully grown, but she said he was a "puppy") jumped up on me and scratched my face (my mom said I was also knocked over, but I don't remember the moment of impact, just him running at me and the aftermath). I used to love dogs before that.

Years later, when I was around 9, my mom decided to get a dog. A miniature shar-pei, to be specific. Neither she nor my dad did any research on them before they bought one (current dog, her name's Winks). They didn't know they are usually aggressive and protective.

I tried to get over my fear of dogs when we got her. At first I was scared, but later on I tried petting her multiple times, but she'd always nip at me.

Then as she got older, and the years went on, she would still try to bite me for certain things. If I handed something to a parent, or they handed something to me, she'd always try to bite my arm. So I stopped directly handing things to my parents, or receiving things from them unless I knew she couldn't get to me.

One ordinary day I had gone downstairs and she went over to me and bit my foot. I locked myself in the bathroom, which was right next to the stairs. She had drawn some blood. I stayed in there for a while.

Another time, it was late at night and my mom was on the couch. I went over to sit beside her, but Winks jumped up on the couch before I could sit down and she bit my thigh. It hurt and bled for several days after that. Not a lot of blood, though. She also used to get kind of alert when I'd go over to my parents before that. I don't stand very close to them when they're seated anymore, even if they want to show me something on a computer.

A few years ago Winks began to follow me really close and growl/squeak if I went upstairs later in the day. I found out she wouldn't do that much if I was carrying something (like a large cup of water, a plate/bowl of food, laundry basket, etc.) so whenever I go downstairs, I always bring something up with me.

More recently I had started to wear shorts. One night when I was going to head upstairs, Winks silently went over to me, even when I wasn't close to either parents, and bit my ankle. Thankfully she didn't bite very hard, but my mom yelled at her when she did, so, she might have bit harder if my mom didn't notice. I don't wear shorts after 6pm downstairs anymore. I always put on a pair of long pants if I "need" too.

Despite all this, despite her singling me out to be super vigilant about, she also paces around downstairs some nights and squeaks because she wants me to go downstairs. Despite the fact my brother had gone on multiple day-long trips away from home, the one time I went on a 4-day school trip to DC she didn't eat anything, and now usually only eats at night when I'm around (which is why she squeaks). I don't get it. If I leave to go with a friend, she squeaks like she would if one of my parents left, but she doesn't react at all if my brother leaves the house.

What got me to type all this is because today she ended up finding a nest of baby bunnies under our back porch. Even though my dad put a fence up around the gaps under the porch, she still went under there and ate as many of them as she could. And it upsets me.

But I can't be mad at her for it. Because that's just her nature. I can't be mad at her about anything she did to me or to anyone or anything else because that's just what her nature is. I haven't even brought up a lot of the stuff she's done that has made me feel some negative way, just the major ones I remember right now.

But I am mad. I'm not mad at her. I'm mad at my parents.

I could say it was my fault she got those bunnies because I didn't put the bamboo stake in the right place when I looked at the fence. I could say it's my dad's fault for not putting the fence up in an effective way to begin with. I could say it's Winks's fault, but it's just her nature.

Or I could say...it's both my parents' fault for even getting a dog to begin with. Their kid, their little girl, me, who was, and still is, terrified of dogs, pleading with them not to get one. I told them not to do it. They knew I was scared of dogs. But they didn't listen. And neither of them did research on shar-pei temperament. And now look what we're strapped with.

I used to wear shoes all the time since I didn't want Winks to hurt my feet in some way. I don't hug my parents as much as I used to because I'm scared Winks will come after me if I did. My family can't go on day-long trips because Winks stresses out when we're not home. We once came home to our front doorframe all chewed-up on one side. We can't visit family members without bringing her with us. She's chewed up the doorframe of one of my uncles' guest room door because she was left in there alone. My uncles don't want us bringing her over because she's not socialized. So we don't visit out extended family much anymore unless one of us stays behind (usually me and my brother). One of our neighbors has to make sure their kids don't get close to our fence or else Winks would bark at them and scare them. My mom had to put a tarp around our fence so Winks can't bite any hands that may slip between the boards. My parents and brother have had to throw multiple dead animals out of our backyard because Winks would hunt them. My dad once had to beat a small racoon with a wooden board because Winks had picked a fight with it. We can't leave our trashcans on the floor or leave me and my brother's bathroom door open without something in front of it because she's eat out of the trashcans and she'd lick things in the bathroom she really shouldn't. I've had an argument with my brother over this.

I'm just tired, man. And I know whenever Winks passes, I'll be sad. Despite EVEREYTHING, I'm going to be sad. Whether it be because my parents will be sad, or guilt that I didn't try harder to bond with her, I know I'm going to cry. There have been a few times where I thought she was dead and it made me feel dread. Despite it all I still have some semblance of care for her. So even when she does pass, there won't be a sense of relief. I won't be able to go "it's over" and just move on.

I still talk to her. I still give her ice cubes and let her outside if she wants to go out. I still care about her, and sometimes I wish I didn't, and sometimes I wish I cared more.

And all this just makes me feel emotionally exhausted.

If I could go back in time at points throughout my life and change things, one of the things I would do is make sure my parents didn't get her. I'd tell them all the trouble we'd go through, and that they should get any other kind of dog than a shar-pei. Tell my mom that the cuteness isn't worth it, and to find another kind of dog she thinks is cute, and that's actually sociable. Maybe we could have gone on more trips. Maybe our family could be a little closer. Maybe my anxiety towards animals wouldn't be so bad.

But that's not what happened. And now my parents learned from their mistake, and brought the rest of us with them.

[diyasindhwal]

Hello, hello! We've got admission here at university of Delhi... woohoo!

it feels insane bro! just to be here, honestly this is so surreal. You know 'munchkins I worked my dash off just to be here and now that I'm here all the hopes and struggles of months, years , everything feels almost like a dream... a rollercoaster ride for sure!

from that day to till now I keep ranting only one sentence "yes I worked hard and earned that thank you" I feel very silly about it but I will be living on this high for a few days.

So, 1.11.2022 save the date besties! its official folks: I joined the damn college!

first day of new chapter!!!! it felt good to be outside of home after so many days woke up way too early c'mon it's the first day not sure if I'm insane to be doing 7 subjects in the first semester I'm going to be physically attending uni when I have like probably minimum 4 hours commute each day but anyway we'll figure that out <;3.

got ready and reached the campus way too before the actual time....HAHAHA. it was actually our orientation day.

so first few hours kept on walking in campus and explored every part of campus auditorium, canteen, library, rooms, playgrounds, gardens Damn everything here is just so prettyyyy (NGL .. I was flattered).

after that attended the orientation it was basically organised by the college to introduce us with the college staff, rules & regulations etc. but oh my god! so many rules and cry for attendence oh boi! was started from the first day itself!

Also ,munchkins! not to forget I did met...so many new faces from every part of country, culture, religion. I was amazed and happy to meet so many different personalities blending together....isn't it amazing right? and being a part of them now.

Although it's true your gurlll didn't felt any connection towards anybody on the very first day but anyway everything takes time and I do believe in it. Slow.. steady.. stable!

I feel good! I'm happy. We'll try to make it out with flying colors and good memories to celebrate:)

that's pretty much sums up my first day munchkins.

Ps:- although my sleep schedule is very (you know that I'm trying to say lol) deadass passed out at like 8AM and woke up at 6PM and still constantly juggling between sleep deprived phase and struggle to wake up early.

but anyway :)

so, munchkins are you all enjoying? how are you guys doing? See I'm trying to stay regular and I surely need my brownie points for that *crying* from you guys that's all!

So for now, babyee ...till the next post munchkins. Smile:)

with love, Diyaa!!

#first day of college#enjoyable#personal blog#blogging#my post#university of delhi

[cantstopwontstoptalking]

guys joined university of Delhi.....lol

Hello, hello! We've got admission here at university of Delhi... woohoo!

it feels insane bro! just to be here, honestly this is so surreal. You know 'munchkins I worked my dash off just to be here and now that I'm here all the hopes and struggles of months, years , everything feels almost like a dream... a rollercoaster ride for sure!

from that day to till now I keep ranting only one sentence "yes I worked hard and earned that thank you" I feel very silly about it but I will be living on this high for a few days.

So, 1.11.2022 save the date besties! its official folks: I joined the damn college!

first day of new chapter!!!! it felt good to be outside of home after so many days woke up way too early c'mon it's the first day not sure if I'm insane to be doing 7 subjects in the first semester I'm going to be physically attending uni when I have like probably minimum 4 hours commute each day but anyway we'll figure that out <;3.

got ready and reached the campus way too before the actual time....HAHAHA. it was actually our orientation day.

so first few hours kept on walking in campus and explored every part of campus auditorium, canteen, library, rooms, playgrounds, gardens Damn everything here is just so prettyyyy (NGL .. I was flattered).

after that attended the orientation it was basically organised by the college to introduce us with the college staff, rules & regulations etc. but oh my god! so many rules and cry for attendence oh boi! was started from the first day itself!

Also ,munchkins! not to forget I did met...so many new faces from every part of country, culture, religion. I was amazed and happy to meet so many different personalities blending together....isn't it amazing right? and being a part of them now.

Although it's true your gurlll didn't felt any connection towards anybody on the very first day but anyway everything takes time and I do believe in it. Slow.. steady.. stable!

I feel good! I'm happy. We'll try to make it out with flying colors and good memories to celebrate:)

that's pretty much sums up my first day munchkins.

Ps:- although my sleep schedule is very (you know that I'm trying to say lol) deadass passed out at like 8AM and woke up at 6PM and still constantly juggling between sleep deprived phase and struggle to wake up early.

but anyway :)

so, munchkins are you all enjoying? how are you guys doing? See I'm trying to stay regular and I surely need my brownie points for that *crying* from you guys that's all!

So for now, babyee ...till the next post munchkins. Smile:)

with love, Sakshi