#and it does seem like he at some point realised (before the song was released) that it's not what people were expecting of him

[theflyingfeeling]

Robin was interviewed in the morning television earlier today and oh god I want to hug him 🥺

and not only because his (porko-like) leopard print jacket looked so cosy and soft

[amberjazmyn]

f1 drivers as christmas songs🫶

pairing : m.verstappen, l.norris, c.sainz, o.piastri, c.leclerc, d.ricciardo

summary : mostly innaccurate but, a christmas song that i think matches these above formula drivers.

warnings : absolutely none lol

a/n : don't @ me but i'm really wanting to release a decent-ish amount of fic-mas fics before christmas ends let alone begins so forgive me if these are crap lol

max verstappen

silent night

i have no idea why silent night came to mind for max but, it just did.

i just feel like max loves christmases that are just relaxed, not too much effort

and i feel like he doesn't like it when he has to go to multiple different christmas get togethers

all because he just wants to be at home with his cats and with his immediate family

he loves a calm but bright christmas

whilst he may not be religious, christmas can feel holy at the same time for him

does he sleep in heavenly peace like the song suggests?

i definitely think he does because he doesn't have to worry about the race season until the new year

which means i think he also doesn't care what he eats or how much he eats

and it's because he knows he won't have to really worry about not losing it because he'll still make sure to occasionally train at the gym every once in a while

the main thing about christmas he enjoyed wasn't all the presents he got but the love he got to be surrounded by

lando norris

last christmas

the only real reason why last christmas came to mind was because of lando's ex-girlfriend luisa

i truly think lando really loved luisa more than he loved any other of his ex girlfriend's

hence why i think the lyrics 'i gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away' really screams lando to me as a christmas song

do i think lando has tried to save himself from tears and giving his heart to someone special?

no, i truly think lando's someone special was luisa

but, lando has definitely given away his heart to people that don't deserve it

and i'm not just talking female relationships either for lando

i'm also taking about people in lando's life that have been shown his heart and then taken it for granted

i may also be referring to lando himself

lando is someone who loves to self-sabotage and think awfully of himself

so when someone tells him that he's amazing and that they don't understand why he's so hard on himself, he'll just blindly accept it

and he'll wrongly stay close to them thinking that all they want for him is happiness

when really they don't want him to succeed

they just want him because of his name and his popularity

however, at some point lando realises and he becomes more guarded

but, he also becomes more confident in who he is and becomes more trusting of himself

carlos sainz jr

feliz navidad

and no, i didn't just do this because carlos is spanish

i did it because i fully believe that carlos absolutely loves christmas cause he gets to spend the entire time with his family and loved ones

and it really seems as though carlos is a real family man and loves to be able to have the freedom to spend all the time in the world with them

no more races for the year taking him away from seeing anyone he loves

no more stress about whether or not the race strategy would either work in his favour or absolutely betray him

the only thing he had to stress about was whether or not he'd be able to hug and speak to as many people as possible

and this was because there were always so many people at the sainz christmas dinner that carlos couldn't really remember who he had spoken to and those he hadn't

i also think that when this song starts playing, carlos is singing it from the tops of his lungs

he loves being spanish so i really think he'd absolutely yell the lyrics of this song with absolutely no shame at all

i think he'd also make his famous fluffy pancake recipe the morning of christmas day for sure

i also think that carlos would be the best and most thoughtful gift-giver

like, whilst we all know that physical touch is definitely one of carlos' love languages, i also think gift-giving is another one of his love languages

especially with so many in his extended family, i do really think carlos gives the best gifts to his parents and his sisters as well as the children of his sisters

like, i bet everyone loves uncle carlos during christmas time more than they already love him

oscar piastri

where are you christmas?

okay, i know this sounds depressing but, it does make sense and gets better

because i mean in the way of the fact that if oscar wants to be home for christmas, he can't just drive five,ten, fifteen, twenty etc. minutes away to his parents house for christmas

he has to take a whole ass 20+ hour flight all the way back to melbourne

meaning he has to pack up a whole suitcase and possibly carry-on bag and plan flights to melbourne as well as return flights to england

and he also has to bring with him all of the christmas presents that he has bought for his family with him which adds so much more weight to his probably already heavy suitcase and carry-on

and then on top of all of that, he'll most likely either pick the earliest flight possible or the latest flight possible but he'll still be exhausted from the long flight and the jetlag

that when he finally arrives home in melbourne, he doesn't feel as christmassy as he used to when he didn't have to do this huge round-the-world trip just to be home with his loved ones for christmas

because he's exhausted from that long haul flight that seeing all of or lack thereof christmas decorations, christmas feels like a regular day except presents are shared with one another and there is a shit ton of food

as well as the fact that it's most likely going to be a total fire ban day and that it's going to be the literal hottest day of the entire year

meaning the day is going to be horrible because the heat is going to overwhelm everyone

oscar especially since he had gotten so used to the extreme chill of england that returning home for christmas, he forgot just how bloody hot australia gets in comparison to the heat that england experiences on the rare occasion it isn't doom and gloom over there

however, it's not all negative because i'm sure when oscar finally settles back into the rhythm of being back home in melbourne, he feels like he can finally relax

and that he can finally enjoy not having to always be on the go every single day

and that he doesn't have to really monitor how much or how little he has to eat to make sure he stays in prime shape to fit in the f1 car

he can just relax, be with his family and loved ones and eat as much food as he wants

by the end of his time in australia, christmas does manage to find oscar and he is relieved that he found it as well because he really does love the magic and simplicity of spending christmas with his family

charles leclerc

it's the most wonderful time of the year

charles leclerc is a christmas lover

he loves the magic of it

he loves the gift-giving to those he loves

especially his little niece, chiara

he loves being together with his mum pascale and his two brothers lorenzo and arthur

he just loves christmas

he really thinks that it's the most wonderful time of the year

hearing the carolers sing carols throughout monaco's main street

he just finds it absolutely beautiful at how magical christmas in monaco gets

he also loves the christmas music that gets played throughout the shops as he and everyone else frantically try to buy everything they need for christmas

he loves the christmas rush

whilst he dislikes at how late he shops for christmas presents, he turns it into a game

a game to see how much quicker than the person next to him can he find what he needs to get his two brothers for christmas

charles already getting all the presents for his mum, niece chiara and girlfriend but leaving arthur and lorenzo's present until the last possible moment because he just got so busy buying everyone else's christmas presents

however, charles does manage to get presents for his two brothers and in record time to with less than days before christmas day arrives

when it comes to the day of christmas and spending it with his family and his loved ones, the little children are immediately drawn to him

not because uncle and cousin charles is an f1 driver but because he tells the best ghost and christmas stories of the past

he tells them stories in french, italian and english of different stories of how christmas used to be celebrated in the earlier centuries

the kids listening in excitement and on the edge of their seats as charles really gets into the fantasy side of it all

he loves seeing the little kids in his family also love the magic and joy of christmas

hence why he loved to spread that same magic and joy that he had for christmas

even though he was way beyond the years of really believing in santa, who said christmas wasn't magical for the adults as well as the kids?

daniel ricciardo

aussie jingle bells

alright, i may look like i'm totally taking the piss here but, this is genuinely the song i think of when i think of daniel ricciardo + christmas

i did think about giving this song to oscar but it didn't feel right and daniel was the only other aussie f1 driver that i could totally see actually screaming out this song from the top of his lungs

daniel is a lot more hardcore aussie than oscar and jack doohan are to the point i could literally imagine him being in charge of the aux for christmas and just playing this one song by colin buchanan and greg champion on repeat

until someone tells him to cut it out or put on another christmas song

in all seriousness though, every single aussie knows this aussie twist on the classic jingle bells and it is genuinely the most honest representation of an australian christmas

it is always (majority of the time - except for that one christmas last year it was fucking freezing and raining!) a scorching hot summer's day the week leading up to and on the day of christmas

to the point that, like the song literally states, you end up in your singlet shorts and thongs (flip-flops)

but, the most false thing that is in this aussie jingle bells is the majority of us australians do not live in the bush/outback

the majority of us actually live on the coastline but, that doesn't change the fact that it's still hot as balls in australia during christmas time because in the southern hemispehre for the months of january, febuary and march, it is summertime which in the northern hemispehre it's wintertime

going back to daniel, i genuinely think that he's the one cooking up all the food on the barbecue as well as the one who hands out the drinks from the esky

i also think daniel will also be a great and thoughful gift-giver

whilst he'd definitely put a few joke gifts in there like a cheeky box of cards against humanity or a game of beer pong, i think he'd also be very thoughtful

especially in regards to his parents, i think he'd be really thoughtful and get them presents that would be very meaningful

but, going back to the beer pong game, he'd also definitely be the one that starts that game

i also feel like daniel would pull out a cheeky christmas shoey just because it was his time off from racing and he is a man of tradition

and i say doing a christmas shoey is pretty australian of him

fin

ok, this definitely came out more as a crack-fic than what it was originally meant to but i'm just glad i have another christmas fic up and done! daniel's was most definitely the one that made it into a crack fic but, i don't hate it. i think daniel represents the majority of the true blue aussies whilst oscar is the complete opposite of true blue aussie. and honestly, it's relatable because not many australians have the stereotypical bogan accent that a lot of foreigners think that we do. well, speaking for myself, i only become aware of my australian accent when i say very particular words like 'australia' and 'water' as the two that come to mind. but, anyway, i hope guys enjoyed whatever the fuck this was and merry christmas & happy holidays my lovelies <3

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[kimbappykidding]

What Exo do when they've got a crush on you

Xiumin - Shows off

Xiumin was naturally very sweet and kind and that's how he was most of the time. However, the second you appeared he got competitive and wanted you to be his. So that went out of the window and a new Xiumin was born.

Sehun was throwing a leaving party for Kai's enlistment as a thinly veiled hint he wanted the same when he left. Xiumin's eyes were on you as soon as you entered and he knew you'd probably head into the kitchen at some point for a drink so this was his time. He took off his jumper leaving him in his small tightly fitted tank top and started carrying crates of alcohol in from the garage. On the 5th one you entered and Xiumin pretended not to see you until he was right in front of you "hey Y/n, you look nice". You smiled "thanks so do you...do you need any help? That looks heavy". "Not for me" he smiled and saw you look down at his bicep. Xiumin put the crate down and made a show of stretching in his skin-tight top "so how're things?".  

You talked for a while and Xiumin got you a drink, effortlessly popping the cork and acted like it was nothing even though he noticed the impressed look on your face. He then took you around the room impressing you whenever he cound. He climbed up the DJ booth to tell him your request and effortlessly jumped back down before asking you to dance with him when your song played.

Xiumin knew your favourite song so he'd already thought about how he'd dance to it. He acted as if he hadn't choreographed a dance he knew looked good on him and went with the music. "Wow you're such a good freestyler" you commented and Xiumin smiled "true but every dancer needs a partner, care to be mine tonight?" he asked holding his hands out to you. You blushed but nodded and Xiumin placed your hands around his neck "good" he told you.

Safe to say his plan was a huge hit.

Suho - Does stuff and then instantly regrets it

Suho is what we call a spontaneous romantic. He would do things that in the moment seem like a good idea and then cringe at what he'd just done. Suho figured the best way to win you over was to be nice to you so he tried to show you his support but it always went wrong.

At an award show, he was being interviewed along with Exo when he misheard the presenter. He thought she asked him to sing his new favourite song so he sang the solo song you'd recently released and got odd looks. The presenter had actually asked him what his favourite food was so Suho looked a little odd. Another time he'd accidentally kidnapped a dog for you. There was a doggy daycare at your company building and Suho knew your dog. So one day when he saw you leaving but spotted your dog still in daycare he panicked. He flew into the daycare, explained/yelled to the staff what he was doing and ran out after you. Turns out it wasn't actually your dog at all and he's stolen someone else's.

These had both happened within the same week and Suho didn't think he could cope with any more mishaps, but fate was not on his side because you were MCing at an award show that night.  Before the start, Suho promised himself he wouldn't do anything embarrassing. He broke that 20 seconds in.

You walked out on stage and started addressing the crowd. You were talking quite quietly and Suho hoped you were okay when to his horror he realised you greeted the room and none of the idols replied. A silence stretched out and Suho couldn't get why nobody was reacting. Never wanting to see you upset he stood up and loudly cheered. You paused and Suho spotted some people looking at him but you carried on asking if they were ready for a good night. "Yeah! Go Persephone!" he screamed your group name and several more idols looked at him before Chanyeol yanked him down. "What are you doing she's just doing a mic check. We're not live!". Suho realised with horror Chanyeol was right and he'd been screaming like an idiot.  He was mortified.

At the afterparty Suho wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. All through the award show he'd been staring at the floor replaying how bad it had been. He was only at this party to show his face, he figured 20 minutes and he could flee then you entered. Suho tried to hide. He could only imagine what you thought of him and was going to leave right now when you made a beeline for him. "Hey, how are you?" you asked and Suho smiled pretending he wasn't dying inside. "I'm good, you were amazing tonight". You blushed "thank you...I really appreciated your support. It was really sweet". Now Suho blushed "I'm so sorry I never realised you weren't live". "No don't apologise, you didn't do anything wrong. It was funny and nice. I like people who do what they think is right and aren't afraid to go against the norm. It's really impressive". "Impressive?" Suho asked and you nodded "you do it a lot and it's really attractive when men don't take themselves too seriously". Suho blanked as you called him attractive and you smiled "want to get a drink with me". Suho nodded "yes very much but let me buy it". "How about you get the first round and I get the second?" you offered and Suho nodded.

Any thoughts of leaving were now long gone.

Lay - The sweetest

Lay was kind to everyone but the guys could tell he was interested in you because he went overboard. You worked in the same building and Lay would go out of his way to make your day. He'd buy an extra coffee on his way in for you. He wouldn't let you carry anything bigger than your phone up the stairs without insisting he took it for you. He even cleaned his car weekly because you carpooled and commented on his nice his car smelt. It was cute but the guys didn't think you'd realised Lay was in love with by how clean his car mats were. So they encouraged him to flirt with you a little more. Lay wasn't sure but they told him this would work and so he decided to give it a go.

Lay saw you at an award show and hung back from the guys to come over to you. He could only spare a few seconds because they were going to perform but he managed to appear next to you. "Hey" he said and you smiled "Hi Lay" How are you?". "I'm good, I have to go perform but I wanted to let you know, you look really pretty tonight". You paused blushing "I do?" and Lay nodded "then again I think you always do. See you later Y/n" and he rushed away.

Later on after the show Lay saw you waiting at a bar and appeared next to you. He asked you how your night was and you chatted before Lay insisted on paying. "I want to treat you" he replied when you asked why and you blushed again. "Are you sure?" you asked and Lay nodded "I like seeing you smile" and he passed you your drink. You thanked him and rushed away a little flustered.

You kept noticing Lay watching you and his behaviour towards you had been so hot! You were however anxious at a guy like Lay expressing interest in you and so drank a little more than you should. Hours later your members were helping you to the car but you were the tallest member and were difficult to escort. Lay noticed you stumbling and came over "Y/n would you like any help?" he asked and you nodded. Lay took your arm and put another around your waist as he led you to the car. He flagged down a taxi for you and your members and placed you in, fastening you in securely. "Drink lots of water and rest" he told you. "Why are you so kind to me?" you asked and Lay blushed "because I like you" and you nodded "I like you too" and kissed him. Lay was taken aback because you were his crush and your members rushed to apologise. Lay told them it was fine and watched the car drive away.

His members were thrilled when he told them he'd gotten a kiss but then he confessed you were drunk and probably wouldn't remember a thing. So Lay went to sleep very dishearted, figuring you'd never be his when he woke up to a text. "Fancy getting dinner with me next weekend? I can't remember much of last night but if you meant what you said then I'd love to go out with you". Lay let out a happy squeal before texting you back. You replied back soon after and your response almost floored Lay.

"Great, hopefully our second kiss will be better than our first".

Lay would make sure of that.

Baekhyun - Will not stop flirting

Baekhyun flirts with everything and anything. Chanyeol once said he'd flirt with his reflection if it'd talk back and Baekhyun admitted he would but with you it was different. Baekhyun literally couldn't turn it off and was blatantly obvious he wanted you. What really drove him crazy is you could give it back.

Baekhyun had a sixth sense and that sense was you. His head turned before the door even opened and you walked down the corridor. Baekhyun smiled because he'd been eying you all through the show and now you were finally here. "I've got a bone to pick with you" he cried and you smiled "I'm sure you have". "Why would you wear that outfit? You did it just to test my attention didn't you?". "Why? Were you struggling to watch the show?" you asked. Baekhyun shook his head "no there was no competition, my eyes haven't left you all night so if articles come out about us it's all your fault". You laughed "you'd love if an article appeared like that". "Of course I would, I want you" Baekhyun replied seriously and you smiled at him toying with his tie. "We all want a lot of things" you replied and walked away. Baekhyun loved how you could make him speechless and hurried after you.

You managed to evade him and he didn't see you until afterwards at a club. Baekhyun saw you talking to some Seventeen members and stepped forwards. "Sorry boys but if you're asking Y/n out I bagsied it". Seungkwan, Dk and Hoshi laughed. "Oh are you two together?" DK asked and you smiled "he wishes". "I do" Baekhyun nodded "and Y/n won't admit it but she wants me too". You rolled your eyes but were smiling. "You can deny it all you want but we're destined Y/n and one of these days it will happen" he said gazing down at you "but for now enjoy your night" and with a kiss to your hand he disappeared.

"Wow" Seungkwan said "he didn't even say that to me but I'm swooning". The others nodded and you laughed "he's always like that". "And it doesn't affect you?" Hoshi asked. You watched Baekhyun across the room and shook your head "I wouldn't say that...more I'm biding my time".

You knew Baekhyun was right and one day you'd admit everything to him but for now, you were having too much fun flirting with him.

Chanyeol - Gets competitive

Chanyeol liked to win and do well at things which was why he hadn't asked you out. He wanted it to be perfect and to do it right. He'd liked you for a while now and was just waiting for the right chance when he realised he had competition.

He saw you chatting to Got7's Jackson at a table and could tell it was quite flirty and he shot the boy daggers. He remembered a few weeks ago when the two of you had been at a restaurant and you'd bumped into Jackson. He had eyes only for you and Chanyeol knew he was into you. So seeing the two of you together shot a sense of urgency into him. There was no way he was letting someone else slip in before him. A guy he couldn't trust to treat you as well as he would? Not happening.

So Chanyeol came over to you with a drink. "Here you go" he said passing it to you and you smiled "you remembered?". "Of course I remembered your drink, who do you take me for?" he asked putting an arm around your shoulders before turning to Jackson. "Oh hey I didn't see you there" he said. Jackson smiled "hey, I like your shirt". "Thanks" Chanyeol said and you looked between them. "Jackson and I were just discussing what it's like to be a foreign idol" you explained and Chanyeol nodded because you were from Japan. "Yeah I still remember when you arrived, you thought it was so cold" Chanyeol said laughing "you were shivering so much I gave you my coat". You chuckled remembering that moment "yeah I forgot about that. You were so welcoming and kind". He shrugged "I just wanted to make you feel at home. Then we were attached at the hip from then on" he said and you smiled at him.

"I think I'll go back m to my table" Jackson said and Chanyeol feigned sadness "aww no really?". "Yeah I'll see you both later" and he walked away. Chanyeol smiled seeing him go and you chuckled "why don't you like him?". "Who says I don't?" he asked. "Just the way you were looking at him, it was as if you hated him". Chanyeol shook his head "I didn't hate him I just didn't want him to beat me to something". "And what's that?" you asked and Chanyeol smiled. This was as good a time as ever so he told you everything.

You said yes of course.

D.O. - Tries to impress you

D.O. was the type who never wanted anyone to know he had a crush. He preferred to pretend he wasn't interested at all and guarded his heart tightly...but he was very aware of you and determined to make you notice him. He wanted you to come to him and tried to do that by playing the dark and mysterious stereotype. You were Chanyeol's sister and so were over a lot and D.O. made sure to be around when you were there but also a little inaccessible. He'd show up but always leave early because he "had something else on" to make himself seem interesting. Then when he was around he'd quietly watch the group and choose his words carefully. This seemed to work as whenever he made a joke you noticed and laughed. D.O. caught you watching him a few times and he loved it. He made sure to wear clothes he looked good in and didn't let the company anywhere near his hair because he like the current style. Then finally one night it all paid off because you approached him. It was Chanyeol's birthday party and the house was full because he had lots of friends. You arrived and D.O. only allowed himself 3 seconds to admire you before disappearing across the room. An hour later you found him in the kitchen and came up beside him. "Hey" you smiled getting a drink and D.O. nodded to you "hey, having a nice time?". You nodded "I am! Are all these people really friends with my brother?". You were trying to open a bottle but were having trouble. D.O. shrugged "yeah, he claims he’s social and has good genes...which I'm more inclined to believe after meeting you" and he reached across and opened your bottle for you. You blinked at his compliment and the movement "thanks" you said blushing "I still find it odd how many people know what he's like and like him". D.O. smiled "if it makes you feel any better I can't believe it either" and you laughed. "Didn't you ever want to be an idol?" D.O. asked "you've totally got the style for it". You blushed again "I would've loved to but I can't sing". "You could be a dancer?" he shrugged and you smiled "I can't dance either". "Well visual then, you can't tell me you don't have that because I can see you". You blushed going bright pink and smiled "thanks...would you like to get a drink with me? I mean I know we both have drinks but would you maybe want to go sit together and hang out?". D.O. nodded playing it cool but on the inside he was squealing. "Sure that'd be fun" he replied ignoring his internal monologue and led you to a chair outside. You stayed together all night and by the end of the night D.O. had your number. The strong mysterious type never fails.

Kai - Compliments you 24/7

Kai met you through Hwasa. You were in her group Mamamoo and were picking her up after the Olive Young campaign but got here early. You texted Hwasa who brought you inside to wait and Kai was hooked from the first glance. Hwasa could tell from the look on Kai's face that he was into you so she decided to be a good friend and lied telling you her car was in the garage all week so you'd come and pick her up. She thought one day or two tops Kai would work his magic and you'd be going out on a date but Kai wasn't as sexy in real life as he seemed on stage. He was oddly sweet. Hwasa walked in with you one morning and Kai actually gasped "wow Y/n I love your shoes!". You looked down at them as did Hwasa and both paused. You were wearing Converse which you thought looked a little old but smiled "Thanks Kai...I like your shoes too". "They're nowhere near as nice as yours" he said and you chuckled "okay" while Hwasa facepalmed. Every day was like that. Kai would find the weirdest thing to compliment you on, your forearms or your black jeans. Every day you thanked him and returned the favour. At the after-party to celebrate the shoot close Kai was at it again and he complimented you on your forehead, socks and gums all in one conversation. "Is Kai okay?" you asked Hwasa and she sighed. She figured if she didn't intervene nothing would happen "he likes you, that's what the excessive complimenting is". You paused "really? But how is he so bad at this? He's Kai!". Hwasa laughed "and? You're Y/n, I guess he's met his match". You blushed but smiled watching him across the room "you're sure he likes me?". "Yes so go get him!" Hwasa said pushing you towards him. She watched as you made your way over to him and began to explain. Kai went bright pink before a huge smile spread across his face and he nodded vigorously at what Hwasa presumed was you asking him out. You stayed together for the rest of the evening and as Hwasa passed you both later in the evening she called "you're welcome"  making you both blush.

Sehun - Tries to seduce you...but fails

Sehun had a curse. He could be sexy doing the most mundane thing, he'd literally had compliments about how he took his wallet out of his pocket and things like that. However, when he wanted to act sexy, like when he was talking to the pretty stylist at work, he just couldn't. Sehun had his eye on you from your first day when he gasped when he saw you and asked Suho what group you were in. His hyung explained you weren't an idol but a member of staff and Sehun was sure you were in the wrong profession but your talent with clothes was undeniable. Career decision aside, Sehun decided he wanted to date you so he started trying to flirt. Sehun thought this would be easy considering you were his stylist and he looked good in clothes but he was wrong. The first time you worked together Sehun wasn't very well but tried to make a good impression. It was going well, you were smiling at him and joking around and then he let out the loudest more powerful sneeze of his life. It got messy and Sehun had to run for tissues while trying to hide his face from you. The next time Sehun heard you were going to be measuring him for a skin-tight concept so he made sure to exercise in the gym the day before as he'd have to be shirtless. Everything was going well until he overslept and had to race to get to the building. When he arrived he started taking his clothes off before realising the underwear he'd chosen this morning...was his oldest pair which had Spongebob Squarepants on as a joke from Kai. He debated climbing out the window so you wouldn't have to see them but too late you knocked on the door and entered. Sehun saw the smirk on your face when you noticed them and he could've died right then and there. The guys all thought it was hilarious but Sehun didn't agree. He felt as if time was running out for him to make a good impression with you and so when he heard you'd be working at their concert he decided this was his time. He arrived at the venue and there you were. "Good Afternoon" he called to you and you smiled "Hi Sehun, we've got some good looks for you today". "Cool, thanks Y/n" he said and came over to where you were standing. "You can't always tell you're a stylist because of the way you dress" he said and you paused. Sehun saw the frown on your face and realised what he'd said "I mean you can! You CAN tell you're a stylist...because you dress like all the magazines...I mean not like all the magazines, you're unique but you're also not..." he said cringeing. You nodded "right...shall we try your first one on?". "So how did round 3 go with Y/n?" Lay asked as they were going on stage. Sehun frowned "I insulted her". "On purpose?" Baekhyun asked and Sehun shook his head "no but it still happened". The guys went to comment but had no words and Sehun told them not to bother. Sehun enjoyed performing because it made him feel good and helped him think. He realised he'd been playing this all wrong. The slow game never worked well for him. He was best at confidence and committing to what he wanted so he decided to go for it. So in the interval when you came to assess his clothes he took a breath "Y/n I'm sorry for what I said earlier". "It's okay I'm sure you were just nervous" you said smiling and Sehun nodded "I was but not about performing...I like you Y/n and want to ask you out". You blinked a him "oh..." and Sehun nodded "I think you're super pretty and cool so would you like to get a drink with me after the show?". You blushed going red and nodded "yeah I'd like that" and Sehun grinned "great...so I'll see you afterwards" and he raced back on stage and gave the performance of his life.  

[cannibalovers]

since some ppl did say yes, buckle up for a VERY long analysis because this song and "want" + a few others are some of my ultimate hannibal songs.

Hannibal song of the day: song no.1

a bit about the song:

"Missing Piece" (released in 1997) is a song by Recoil, a music project by Alan Wilder (former member of Depeche Mode, a group which I absolutely love and have a lot of their songs in my playlist). The song was written and sang as a duo by Alan Wilder and Siobhan Lynch. It's a moody and dark electronica song with jazzy elements and even a violin solo In short, the song is about self discovery and enlightement that a relationship has brought to the narrator, who has felt alone and misunderstood their whole life until they met the person who was their "missing piece". It explores the complex emotions and realisations that arose from the relationship(whether the relationship ended or not isn't really implied, at least in my eyes, although for my view on the song when it comes to hannibal, i think it might have).

now, i think from that it's already clear enough that I'm thinking about hannigram for this. I mean c'mon, a narrator that felt misunderstood and has been afraid to fully opening up to anybody, because of it's risks, even though they have so much love to give. That's literally Hannibal.

Although I feel like the narrator can also be Will but with how open and desparate the narrator seems, I keep thinking of Hannibal.

------------------------------

Verse 1

"I wanna write myself

On the walls of your heart

Because the knot that holds us

Altogether throws us all apart

I'm gonna stop myself

Before I say something true

Because the answers

That roll from my tongue

Are nothing to do with you"

Hannibal loves to impact people (literally manipulates them), even though it doesn't last (usually).

Through the show, we can see just how many people he actually changed, changing their mindsets, convincing them to murder etc. that's more leaving an impact on their brain, but with Will, he's different. He indeed does change his mindset but he also really tries to get a place in Will's heart and get his attention because, as he confessed to Bedelia, Will intrigues him. I think the lyrics of the narrator wanting to write themselves on the walls of somebody's heart and leave an impact on them is just so incredibly hannibal.

But again, those people don't last usually, they usually end up dead, be it as Hannibal's dinner or something else. He knows this danger, and he knows this complicated knot of manipulation and lies he tied himself and Will with will most likely break off at some point, which he slowly comes to realise he doesn't want it to happen. (and then fucking mizumono happens)

In the song, the narrator hides the truth, most likely because of the fear of rejection, fearing the person doesn't feel the same, or because of the fear of losing the person. In season 2, his decision was to continue lying, not confessing the truth of his plan to Will, in my eyes to try and secure him in his hold, get his trust and love, see if Will would truly understand him and accept him for who he is - so, he stops himself from telling Will the truth, pretending his plan, his answers have nothing to do with his love for Will, but instead pretend that his plan is to destroy Will's life, leaving out the part where he's hoping Will would want to try and rebuild his life with Hannibal.

------------------------------

Chorus

"(And) I hold a piece up to the light

Hold a piece up to my eye

Found a missing piece from my set

Found a person I'd not met (x2)

Sometimes is a lonely place (x5)"

self explanatory. There's so little to say, because the lyrics describe it so well, yet at the same time there's SO much to say.

The chorus is sung as a duo, both the narrator and the narrator's person. They both feel like they're the same and are each other's missing pieces, harmonising together.

I truly thing the best way to describe hannigram's relationship is by saying that they're each other's missing pieces. Hannibal seems to be a well-organized set of his pieces that make up him as well as a set of other people that he manipulated kind of as a list (maybe some as trophies). He's so composed, he's sure of his values and knows who he is, he's fully in control yet still felt incomplete, so he has spent his whole life finding that last missing piece (perhaps another meaning for missing, maybe he already had one and lost it, the missing piece being his sister........ ouch, although can't give much thought to this cuz haven't seen season 3 yet), a person who will be just like him and will complete him, not judge him, see him, accept him and be with him. That piece is Will.

He holds him up to the light, analyses him, studies him, gets to know him to determine if he is indeed the missing piece (in the show, he does his usual tactic of manipulating with the intention of making him his dinner but the more he got to know him, the more intrigued he got and saw a possibility of Will understanding him), and he indeed is his missing piece.

The fact that the narrator's person only sings during the chorus makes me think of how Hannibal made Will realise that he is Hannibal's missing piece and that although Will didn't really want it to be true, Hannibal helped him realise that Hannibal is Will's missing piece too - That's why I see the narrator as Hannibal and narrator's person as Will. He seems to be the second to realise this and accept this.

"Sometimes is a lonely place" is straightforward, I think. The two literally admit and show that they feel alone without each other, they have never felt so true to themselves as they feel when they're together, a room or a moment in life without one another is empty, a period without each other is a period they feel the most lonely.

------------------------------

Verse 2

"So tow me over to the light

The sound, the sound it is in sight

Found my heart was contained within a cell

Found my heart in this tuck-a-way-me world"

ngl, verse 2 and chorus are quite similar in meaning to me. Maybe it's more so Hannibal letting Will study him as well and get to know him, letting Will tow him over to the light (let Will inside his mind). I feel like the lyrics about the narrator's heart being contained in a cell is maybe Hannibal becoming more and more aware of how restrictive he was with his emotions, how his human suit made him lock away his real heart and after many tries of trying to find the right key, Will finally found it and unlocked Hannibal's true self to the world. Overall, I feel like Hannibal feels the world is very restrictive for his type of people but he has found a way to live with it and accept it, although the desire to find a person like him never disappeared

------------------------------

Coda

"Sometimes I held the missing piece

I held the missing piece

I held sometimes

I held the missing piece

I held..."

the end seems very lamentful to me. Sorry but it reminds me of mizumono

the end is overall so beautiful, I love how dark, slow yet jazzy and classy the song sounds, the coda just sounds like absolute heaven to me and its instrumental reminds me of the show overall so so much

but anyhow, the lyrics getting repeated, the moody, whiny tone the narrator sings it in combined with the reverb and minor key just immediately makes me think that the narrator lost their missing piece, reminiscing the times they had with them. Because of that, I immediately think of Mizumono and how distraught Hannibal was when he realised that Will betrayed him, letting Will see him just for Will to try and get him killed, even though he had a plan of giving back Will everything that he lost and everything that was precious to him. The whole song sounding quite blurry makes me think of how much emptiness Hannibal probably felt after the events in mizumono, how much of a blur everything was to him.

in conclusion, the song is literally so hannibal lecter coded to me

------------------------------

additional notes: i already mentioned this song on my previous blog actually, together with "want" cuz together theyre AMAZING, i see want more from Wills perspective, i'll do that one tmr

could be lacking a little bit cuz i havent seen season 3 yet, maybe after it ill have some more thoughts but wont add them, i leave it at that

------------------------------

my playlist

to anybody who read this, thank you and hope you enjoyed my rant<3

[louisupdates]

What I learned about Louis Tomlinson from making his documentary

Director Charlie Lightening on capturing the former One Direction star in 'All Of Those Voices'

By NME | 30th March 2023

Louis Tomlinson shot to fame with One Direction, the era-defining boy band who conquered the world after being formed on ‘The X Factor’ in 2010. Since the group parted ways in 2016, Tomlinson has forged a solo career that has seen him swap the band’s peppy pop-rock for Oasis-inspired indie bangers. He followed his 2020 solo debut, ‘Walls’, with last year’s chart-topping ‘Faith In The Future’.

For his new documentary, ‘Louis Tomlinson: All Of Those Voices’, the singer has teamed up with Charlie Lightening, the acclaimed filmmaker behind Liam Gallagher’s big-screen doc ‘As It Was’. Here, exclusively for NME, Lightening shares what he learned about Tomlinson from shadowing him during a pivotal and emotional period in his career.

Charlie Lightening, director: “I first met Louis at the premiere of the Liam [Gallagher] film. Well, I say met – I saw him across the way, but we didn’t actually talk. But then he got in touch to ask if I’d make some music videos with him, so we met up properly. I really liked him and found he had a real depth to him. He seemed a lot older than his years and had so much more to say.

When we got talking about his plans to release a solo album [Tomlinson’s 2020 debut ‘Walls’], the idea to make a film came together quite organically. But at that point, I didn’t realise that I would end up shooting him for the next four years. The idea was to follow him on his first solo tour, but he only got two shows in before COVID happened. I think having it all taken away like that made Louis think and really appreciate what he does.

To begin with, Louis’ plan was to do smaller live shows to get a feel for the audience and find out what it’s like to tour as a solo artist. But because of the pandemic, he announced a live-streamed show instead and sold 160,000 tickets without even doing any promo. I think that made him realise: ‘Oh my god, there really is demand for me out there’. So when it was time to get out on the road again, he was ready to bring it.

He started off doing smaller theatre shows in the US, then arena shows in Europe, and by the end he was doing numerous arena shows in South America. So as a filmmaker, I’ve captured a trajectory that would normally take an artist two or three separate tours to achieve. And because of COVID, the fans had two years to live with the [‘Walls’] album, so it much more meaning for them by the time Louis was finally able to play it live.

I think what I find most striking about Louis is how resilient he is. He has been knocked down quite a few times in his life and he keeps getting back up again. He lost his mum [Johanna] in 2016 and sister [Félicité] in 2019 but he never let this define him, so when he says ‘life always throws shit at you’ in the film, he knows what he’s talking about. But he’s still a very positive person and calls himself the product of his mum’s upbringing. Growing up in Doncaster really moulded him; I think that’s why he has such perseverance and self-belief.

At the start of the film, he talks about not really feeling like part of One Direction to begin with. He felt like he had to find his role in the band, as he was excluded from lead vocal lines on the first few singles. This made him more determined and so he started to be involved with writing songs for the band. By the time the band ended, he was the member with the most songwriting credits, which is something that really means a lot to him. He’s proud of that.

I do think that he definitely still misses the band. In a way, you could compare him to Liam Gallagher, who also never wanted Oasis to end and become a solo artist. But I think that’s why Louis’ touring band means so much to him. Louis has done everything already with One Direction – he’s played the world’s biggest venues – so to relive it through their eyes on this tour was a very special thing for him.

Louis is a very private person but I think people will be surprised by just how much he opens up in this film. You see him being a dad and being vulnerable with his family. But what I’ll take away most from the experience is just how much Louis has grown as an artist. At one point, it felt like it was Harry [Styles] and Niall [Horan] who were getting all the headlines and Louis was being slightly underrated, as he hadn’t released anything at this point. I do think that some people who watch this film will be surprised by the level he’s already got to as a solo artist, but this is just the beginning. He knows where he wants to go creatively and he’s in control of his headspace, so the next album will be another massive step forward.”

‘Louis Tomlinson: All Of Those Voices’ is in cinemas now

As told to Nick Levine

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I’ve been thinking about what Harry’s next release will look like as well. I’ve noticed several comments on recent pictures of him about him looking “straight” or that he’s no longer queerbaiting or pointing out the difference between his streetwear and performance wear, and it got me wondering about what his best next options are. Can he carry on similarly to before and continue to dodge questions about his sexuality and claims of queerbaiting? Can he continue to find success without lore? What would be an interesting move for him aesthetics wise? I’m very interested to see!

I think it's an interesting time to speculate

I sort of dismiss out of hand any comments about him looking 'straight'. There is nothing about the way he has been dressing this year that is different from the way he has been dressing for years. Baggy trousers and a patterned woolen vest is a combo Harry has worn a lot. Why pay any attention to people who think it's a new look?

Part of the reason that I find that so frustrating is that the fact that Harry's engaging with men's wear is not news. Harry has always principally engaged with men's wear - and as I've been saying for ages - it is a bit frustrating that everyone seems to ignore that. But my slightly grudge is probably not the most interesting question here.

To me the most interesting question is where does Harry stand now - and what are the challenges he faces? (there is another question of how him and his team might see things vs how they might look from the outside - but that's for another day).

@statementlou just reblooged a post I wrote about breadth of fandom vs depth of fandom. And I think as trends of accelerated it can be put even more simply. There are two basic axes that impact a career of an artist - one is the number of people who will spend money (tour tickets, merch, and particularly albums as merch) and the other is people who will give you attention (streams and therefore singles charts, social media attention, and ultimately the feeling of being important).

Harry's career is at the moment defined by having had both at a very high level, but also the second half of 2023 showed that having a lot of attention can be a challenge to navigate and can create risks. It also doesn't seem inevitable to me that he will be seen as culturally relevant in the same way when he releases his latest album.

I don't think there's been much change or much risk when it comes to people who spend money on Harry Styles. He'll easily sell enough albums for his album to be seen as a success. I was wondering about tour - but then I watched this video - and I was like - oh yeah people love this and want this. Harry will have a very successful tour next Northern hemisphere summer - with everything that means in terms of both people go and people experiencing it on social media.

The risk then is in the attention part of being in music - and I think here there are two risks - one is that he's not seen as relevant and that's some sort of failure. And the other is that he does get a lot of attention and its negative in a way that's damaging.

One thing I realised while thinking about this - is that quite core to Harry's mainstream attention (as opposed to the buying things fandom) is that each of his albums has had a song that spoke very widely to either how people felt (SoTT and As It Was) or how they wanted to feel (Watermelon Sugar). And those songs allowed Harry to connect to the attention audience, without revealing too much about himself. Although I think it's important to note that Harry has always had lore - he's never had success without lore.

Ultimately I think there are two questions - one is does Harry have a song that speaks to the moment his album is going to be released and what is he going to say or not say.

I think it's useful to put any discussions about queerbaiting in that context in order to not overly inflate it. Basically I think if he avoids any uncontrolled interviews where people press to ask about his sexuality while pretending they're not - then it won't really be an issue. Those are the real flash points. If he doesn't do a profile, or if the only profile he does is in a safe (Rob Sheffield) pair of hands - then I think it's unlikely to be that big a deal. There are other approaches - he could say something new and specific that draws attention or he could come out - but both would be a pretty major departure for him. I think it's wiser to assume that Harry will keep doing Harry, while understanding that people first change

Finally, it's possible that his new album might be more on track with Fine Line before the pandemic than Harry's House. It's easy to forget now that Fine Line was a modest success initially. It was number 3 on the UK charts, selling 10,000 copies less than HS1 (the numbers in the US aren't really comparable, because of the various ways that Billboard gets jacked with merch, tickets and so on). It did have legs - but it was the Watermelon Sugar video that really moved both Harry and the album up in terms of attention. If it hadn't been for the pandemic things would have gone very differently. But Harry would still have had a solid career. Reaching the heights of the attention economy is a mixed blessing - and it's not usually the attention economy that creates the financial base for an artist's career.

[rosieuv]

The new Miraculous film is actually alright

I didn't have high standards for this film originally. I put the release date on my calendar, but forgot about it as I didn't care all that much. However, today I was too tired to do much so I decided to give it a watch.

First thing is the animation. It's better than the show's, but there was a missed opportunity to redesign the characters to look less like they were just concept art for a final character. Chloe's hair looks like it was dunked in olive oil and was never washed out. Another thing I noticed is that Marinette always seems to be wearing some sort of earrings, which confused me as her disguised miraculous looks exactly the same as the earrings she wears at the start of the film and when she takes them off halfway. I hope they did what Jimmy Neutron did and reuse the film assets for the next season of the show. The camouflaged state of the butterfly miraculous looks so tacky! The creepy basement has been redesigned to replace the lift with stairs and the capsule with generic flowers. The school's been redesigned to look less modern and for some reason, both Marinette and Adrien now have analogue watches. Also Adrien has a phone with 1 camera and uses wired earphones. I imagine it's trying to do what the show did, by keeping all the technology from 2015 as that's when season 1 came out (the only contradicting point being the English news reporter from the season 5 finale said "God save the King", which implies this takes place in 2023 or later). It would be weird if Adrien didn't have the latest tech considering he's supposed to be rich and all. However, Alya's phone looks more like a modern phone due to the fact there's no buttons on the screen side and no bevels. Is she a time traveller?

The voice acting's fine. Something I didn't realise at first, is that this film is a musical. The songs are so damn cheesy and whenever they would play, I would open up discord and look through my unread messages while tuning out the generic songs about not being worthy, love, being a villain, etc. Marinette's singing voice is different than her regular voice and it's really noticeable. Nooroo's voice changed and I really don't like it. I like the scared and high-pitched voice that they had in the show as it gave the impression that Nooroo was terrified of being used for evil (possibly because a similar thing happened to them before), but had no choice and just had to obey. Fortunately Nooroo's a minor character in the film so I don't have to hear that out of place mystical mature voice much.

The music is just generic Disney style cinematic piano stuff. Careless Whisper (or as I call it: the sexy saxophone song) plays twice in the film. Why. Why would you unironically put a meme song in a film?

Now the writing. Oh the writing.

Spoilers here (I go over the ending and important plot points):

First off: this takes place in this alternate world where Marinette is unpopular and weird and Adrien has been at this school for a while now. I like this take as it's similar to season 1, but does a better job at Marinette's character arc. How they meet in this universe is by the library. Also Marinette's not a creepy stalker in this universe, and can actually talk to Adrien enough to ask him to go to the prom thing. Again I like this take as instead of her following him around for 4 seasons before he eventually confesses his feelings, she gets to know him better and they become friends via the help of Alya and Nino. Also when Alya saves Marinette from being publicly humiliated by Chloe, that was a better transition into them becoming friends then how it was originally with them meeting by just sitting together in the same class.

It was annoying how we never got to see Adrien's reaction to finding the miraculous. He finds this cat, didn't question how it got through his window when his room's on the 1st floor, cat turns to ring, then it just cuts and the next time we see him he's cat noir. Meanwhile Marinette freaks out over realising she's the chosen one. She never calls herself Ladybug in her introduction, but people start calling her that as they're all really unoriginal when it comes to name. Cat noir fights the enemy like he (somewhat) knows what he's doing, but Ladybug has absolutely no idea and is acting very clumsy. Something that annoyed me about the original origin story, was that Master Fu just met them 2 and decided that because Marinette gave him a macaron, then she would be a good Ladybug. In this version, Marinette saves his life by pushing him out of traffic, and the kwamis decide who their holders are by destiny or something. There's a couple missing features from the show:

Her magic ladybirds don't activate by her throwing the lucky charm. She figures out how to activate them in the end of the film by moving her arms around.

They don't de-transform after 5 minutes after using their power.

There isn't a manual in the stick and yo-yo (that would be a bit overpowered though).

They don't seem to break the akumatised object, the akuma seems to fly out of it after.

The suits can be damaged by attacks but they can't in the show. Towards the end, Cat noir and Hawk moth have a battle and he rips half of Cat noir's mask off. They also don't seemed to be affected by the magic plot device introduced in United Heroes that makes humans not question why the superheroes look so similar to Marinette and Adrien; Hawk moth realises that Cat noir is Adrien and oh my god that scene was written like it was a fan-fiction I would upload here. Personally I would make the backstory scene a lot darker (although something to note is that in the show, Emilie's death was a lot more recent than in the film) and have Cat noir actually manage to cataclysm Hawk moth (like in season 5 episode 3) instead of the Eiffel Tower (even though that was really cool too) just because I'm so curious how that conversation would go if he knew he essentially killed his own father. I was laughing in that entire scene so loudly that my brother messaged me on discord from the room next door asking if I was having a stroke. I was laughing so hard that I could barely hear what they were saying, and I was more focused on why Gabriel's eyebrows are shaded so tackily.

There's no akuma alert on their phone, they detect danger by their miraculous glowing. Better concept imo.

Ladybug doesn't use her lucky charm in the entire film. Cat noir uses his cataclysm so why doesn't Ladybug use her power? This doesn't make sense to me.

Anyway, Marinette finds out that Adrien likes someone else when she asks him to go to the prom (that isn't described as a prom, but essentially that's what it is) and he rejects her saying that he likes someone else. Well, Hawk moth figured out much sooner in the film that he can akumatise himself and become really OP with a crap ton of butterflies. That version of him reminds me of Dr Robotnik when he gets the Master Emerald in the second Sonic film as he controls his power in a similar way. He drags the earrings out of Ladybug's ears and doesn't put them on? Instead the miraculous of the ladybird goes directly into the butterfly miraculous and it fuses that way. No different form though. So anyway, Marinette is on an island because from what I remember the place was flooded, but her island was separated from the one with Hawk moth and Cat noir. She finds out that Cat noir is Adrien, but the others are too busy having a mental breakdown that they don't notice her 4 metres away. At the end she tells Adrien that she's Ladybug in the cheesiest way. This was at the prom, Adrien's sad that he's never going to see Ladybug again because Hawk moth's been defeated and he knows that Ladybug isn't interested in becoming a couple; so he's next to a tree outside the venue. Marinette finds him and then this really cheesy scene plays that I can't really explain but it would have been better if she just asked why he was sad and then Adrien would be vague, but mention something about never being able to see his crush ever again. Marinette would mention that it's because he likes Ladybug, and because he's Cat noir, the only time they meet is when they're saving the day from akumatisations. He would act startled but that's when Marinette would mention that she's Ladybug, and that he doesn't need to worry. Marinette in the original scene is too vague.

Plagg deserved more screen time: he only appeared in 3 scenes, 2 of which involved him eating cheese. It's such a shame as Plagg's my favourite character from the show. The charm from his original character's been watered down and because he barely features, he never gets to make up for it.

Yeah essentially that's my thoughts. I prefer this universe over the universe of the show as this one makes more sense writing wise. It's not perfect, but it's not too bad. I quite enjoyed it but I feel like it could do with a bit of polishing to make it really shine. I'm not sure what direction the show's going with Lila being the new villain, but this film was definitely a better version of the Hawk moth arc due to it's smaller scale.

You can watch it on Netflix (I think) or some random piracy website that I used called miraculous.to. Use chrome though as the video buffers like mad on firefox.

I spent more than an hour typing this out.

[donutloverxo]

His queen

Please note that my stories are not to be stolen or reposted on any other site. Reblogs are welcome. This blog and this story is 18+. Do not read, follow or interact if you are not 18+.

Note - An anon asked for an au sequel to first night with no stucky but this can be read as a one shot. Thanks to lizzygal(link to ao3) for her advice on this! This is written for @sweetlyscared's 1k angst challenge! Congrats boo! I used the prompt 'Do you love her?' Although this is hardly angsty but it's as angsty as someone as soft as me can get🥺 Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Summary - Married life with Steve was amazing (although with a few bumps in the way) until you discovered a heartbreaking secret.

Warnings - explicit sexual content, painful sex, innocent naive insecure reader, dub con/noncon, soft dark Steve, jealous Steve, ooc villain Sharon, like a little breeding kink, some angst.

Pairing - soft dark king!Steve x reader

Word count - 5.3k

Steve jolted when your palm hit him across his face, his hand circled around your wrist, ready to fight whatever it was that slapped him off, his grip loosening when he realised it was just you. You wiggled your hand away from his grip, mumbling incoherently before turning away from him, so that he could only see the silhouette of your nude back in the dim light.

Although he had been with a handful of women, he never had to share a bed with one. He didn’t think he’d ever have to, he was born in royalty, raised to be a king. While he liked having your soft warm body in his arms, he maybe could live without your hands slapping him, or both your legs over his thighs and hips.

It was customary for wives to have their own chambers after the honeymoon period was over. And with a heavy heart he had sent you to your own chambers, he made sure you were treated to the best luxuries possible.

But he found himself missing your presence soon enough. Your legs over his, you annoying him for attention whenever he was working, the way you hummed a song in your head, how you often clumsily bumped into things, your sweet beautiful voice, your scent, everything about you.

So he went to your room, told you that you were to live with him in his chambers from then on. You were hesitant at first, but didn’t say no to him.

You could never deny him anything. He loved that about you. How subservient you were despite being so fiery.

He was grateful to have made you move in, in times like these, when his cock was hard and achingly pressed against your thigh, he had you right where he wanted you.

He softly called out your name, he’d rather have you awake for this. He loved listening to the sweet sounds he could pull out of you. When you didn’t so much as stir he decided he would just have to wake you up another way.

Pushing your legs off his, spreading them apart to make room for him as he hovered over you, pressing soft kisses, rubbing his beard against your skin, he made his way down to his destination, he was parched for your nectar.

He kissed your petal, your cunt already oozing with need, your body would always want him even if you weren’t awake. He frowned when you didn’t move at all. He had been a bit too rough with you that night, exhausting you, making you pass out as soon as he was done, but he was growing more and more impatient.

Scraping his teeth over your clit, he bit it ever so lightly as you yelped awake.

“Oh!” you gasped when you looked down to find the king between your legs.

Swallowing a lump, because this was still so very strange to you. Your mother had told you how a man and woman make love before your wedding, but she never mentioned anything like this.

From your knowledge the king putting his mouth there wouldn’t result in you getting pregnant. But it did bring you great pleasure, to the point where it was maddening.

Sometimes it was the only thing on your mind.

It was as if you were addicted to it.

“My king...” you squirmed when you felt him push his fingers inside you, “I’m so tired... I have court tomorrow...” How he managed to do all his duties and still have you at least thrice everyday was beyond you.

“You don’t have to go. You’re the queen, the future mother of my children, you deserve a day off. Besides I do work you a bit too hard, don’t I?” he asked before plunging his tongue into your heat.

“Huh? No... I’m glad to be serving you...” And you had yet to give him any heirs.

It wasn’t long before you released all over his mouth, your cheeks heating up when you saw his beard coated with your slick as he wiped it off with the back of his hand.

“You can stay in bed all day tomorrow. That way you’ll be strong and ready by the time I’m back.” He told you before capturing your lips in a bruising kiss, as you tasted yourself on his mouth.

Turns out a day off was everything that you had needed. You were born a princess, albeit of a kingdom standing on its last legs, you were the youngest of six sisters, your prospects weren’t all that great.

Your mother told you that you’d be lucky to get a rich lord, let alone a Duke or a prince. A King was out of the question. She taught you how to handle a household, she never could’ve prepared you for court or to be a queen. You always dreamt of marrying for love. Of running away after falling for a stable boy and living far away and being free.

But you married the King of the most prestigious kingdom in the whole world. While you had grown to love Steven, you didn’t love all the responsibilities that were thrusted upon you so suddenly, you didn’t like how you were always under scrutiny. Every move you made was watched and judged by others. You still couldn’t believe your life sometimes.

So it was nice to have a day to yourself. You had slept in till late in the morning, having your breakfast in bed before taking a leisurely bath and then decided to go for a walk in the garden just before the sunset before you’d have to go back up and have dinner with your husband before having to perform your wifely duties.

“Your grace,” you smiled upon hearing the familiar voice, turning around to see Lady Sharon approaching you.

You hadn’t seen her in over a month. She had been so kind to assist you and help you get acclimated to your duties, you’d always be grateful to her.

“I thought you were under the weather,” she frowned. It was the excuse you had given to skip court with your ladies that day. Which wasn’t a complete lie. You were a little sore between your legs. But a warm bath had fixed that.

“I’m feeling quite better,” you said, standing upright, a dignified smile on your face--formal and curt.

Always be formal and curt with everyone. Your instinct was to hug her when you saw her after her month long trip, like you would to any of your sisters or friends, but you must always act like a queen since you were one.

“How was your trip?” you asked her as she hooked her arm in yours so you could both resume walking.

“It went alright. Mama wants to marry me off to the Duke Stark, the trip was some sort of matchmaking ploy,” she snorted.

“What’s wrong with Stark? He seems so charming.” You remember meeting him at your coronation ceremony. Where he had got you beautiful pearls from an exotic country.

“He maybe charming, but at the end of the day - he’s manwhore.”

You gasped incredulously, your hand over your mouth as you looked around to make sure your maids didn’t hear you, “Lady Sharon,” you chastised her, “We can’t use that sort of language.”

“Forgive me, your grace,” she apologized, “I often forget how naive you are.”

“What? Naive?” you huffed. “Not using such filthy language hardly makes me naive.”

“Live a little, all royals are debauched in one way or another. I’m surprised to see just how much of a square you are.”

“Is... is being a square a bad thing?” You wanted to know. You never thought of yourself as a conformist, in fact your mother used to tell you you’ll die an old maid if you didn’t start acting more like a lady and less like a spoilt brat.

“Sometimes it is...” she pondered. “Well, for instance, being a square in bed might be boring for some men.”

“What?” you gasped again. Tightening your grip on her arm and walking at a faster pace to put some distance between you and your maids, “Give us a minute,” you told them.

“Lady Sharon,” you looked into her blue eyes, much like your husbands but a little darker, “Have you ever been with a man?”

“I have,” she shrugged. “Just the one. He was my true love.”

“Bu – but you aren’t married.” You frowned.

“So?”

“So, how can you make love to anyone if you aren’t married...” Your mother had told you that making love only ever happened between a man and his wife.

“I... you do know what making love entails right? This is what I meant when I said you were too much of a square,” she chuckled.

“Don’t... don’t make fun of me...” you pouted.

“I’m sorry, your grace, it’s just,” she put a hand over her mouth as she cleared her throat, “Really funny. Two people, who aren’t married, can make love. Being married is good but not a requirement.”

“I suppose that makes sense, me and his majesty could do it even if we weren’t married...”

“Is he happy with you?” she wanted to know.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just, you don’t know much about physical relations, and there needs to be a certain level of knowledge and experience for it to be good at it.”

“Do you think he is unsatisfied with me?”

“I wouldn’t know,” she shrugged. “Does he seem unsatisfied?”

He was always asking for it. Which you preferred, because you’d die of embarrassment if you ever had to initiate it. You couldn’t go for too long without it either. He had went on a hunting trip for just a couple of days and you wanted to jump on him and keep him in your bed as soon as you saw him.

Why would he ask for it again and again if he was satisfied?

“I’m not sure... since you know so much about it would you give me some advice?”

“My, I would’ve thought you’d call me a harlot or a whore instead you’re asking for advice...” she smirked.

“Oh, I would never. That is what my mother would say, probably, but you’re my friend. Besides, I would want to make love to Steve even if we weren’t married, and if he was a stable boy.”

“A stable boy?” she quirked a blonde brow.

“Yes! And I would be me, a princess. It’s just a silly dream I used to have,” you shrugged. “What happened to your love? The one you lost?”

“He got married to someone else,” she stated. And although she was firm and sophisticated as always, you could hear his voice wavering and how much pain she was in.

“Oh my... I am so sorry, Sharon,” you said, engulfing her in a hug to comfort her, now that you do actually love someone, now that you know what loving someone deeply means, how overwhelming it can be, you couldn’t even imagine what losing that love would feel like. “You’ll find someone better.”

“There is no one better, your grace. But I’ll give you some advice,” she pulled away from you, putting some distance between you both, “You have to pay special attention to his balls. Many ladies tend to forget them.”

“Ball...? Like toys? I don’t believe he has any.”

“Your grace,” she rolled her eyes as she snickered, “He does have them. That is where your children will come from.”

“Um... what? Wouldn’t they come from...” you looked down, to the place between your legs. That’s where kids come from. That’s what you had been told.

“Well, yes, that is where they will pop out of. But the balls... the ones right behind his manhood, that’s where his seed comes from.”

“Oh...” you nodded as you realised what she was talking about. “So... what about the... balls?”

“Just pay special attention to them. He would like that. Suck on them, tug on them... but gently!” she chuckled as she realised she would have to talk down to you since you were so inexperienced.

“Oh... alright... anything else I can do?”

“Try to be more... active... instead of just sitting there and taking it you know?”

“Alright. I think I get the gist of it.”

“You ready for me, petal?” Steven asked as he looked down at you, naked and vulnerable, so beautiful and all his. He nudged his cock against your intimate lips, prodding at your entrance as he awaited your answer. He knew he could be too much for you sometimes, he was trying to do better. So he could make you love him at least half of as much as he loves you.

“Mm-hm... but um...” you trailed off. Not exactly knowing how you would go about asking to suck his balls.

“What?”

“I was just wondering if... I could... do that...” you fluttered your lashes, that usually got you whatever you wanted from him.

“And what is ‘that’?”

“You know... when you make me put my mouth on you...”

He didn’t usually make you use your mouth.

Most of the times Steven had a strict unofficial schedule he followed when it came to lovemaking. He wasn’t someone who liked or embraced change, he was always strategic, as a king and as your husband.

He’d kiss you till you were out of breath, then your neck, and then your breasts, he’d spend a long amount of time there, maybe because you liked that the most probably. And then he’d use his fingers to work you up, tasting you, eating you out and drinking your nectar.

That drove you mad, till you were on the brink of insanity.

You loved it as much as you hated it. You had never felt so out of control in your entire life. Not even when your parents told you they were going to marry you off to a kingdom far away, to a man you had never even met before.

Steven would complain that you thrashed and moved around too much, although he would encourage you to make all the noise that you wished. He pinned you down by your hips. Sometimes he’d make you make once, twice, thrice, it depended on how desperate he was to get his own release.

And then he’d have you on your back. Whispering the filthiest things to you as he fucked you, filled you up with his seed.

He’d hold you close to him, kissing your hair, kissing your cheeks and touching your ever so intimately. That was when you were the most clingy, you’d hold on so tightly to him. You were more vulnerable than usual. You would tell him about how, even though you love being the queen and his wife, it was so new and overwhelming, how you miss your family and your old life. How things had changed and so drastically. He’d always tell you that it would all be okay. That he would take care of you and never let anything bad ever happen to you.

Then he’d have you on your hands and knees. He told you he liked looking at your behind and spanking it.

After that you’d both fall asleep. Sometimes he’d wake up in the middle of the night and nudge you awake to love you some more. But he rarely ever made you suck him off.

“You wanna suck my cock?” he smirked as you meekly nodded. ��Go right ahead then, petal. It’s all yours now, you don’t have to ask,” he told you as he sat up on his knees.

You looked at his cock. Hard and standing tall and proud up against his stomach. You now knew that being aroused made him hard and much much bigger. Maybe that’s why it’s often such a tasking job to take him--often leaving your cunt so sore.

Soft dark golden hair, much like that of his beard, and then you noticed them. His twin balls.

You took a deep breath as you took him in your mouth, suckling on his head, following your instincts and what he had taught you.

Your hand coming up and cupping his balls, massaging them gently in your hand. You stopped when you felt him go stiff.

Pulling his cock out of your mouth you looked up at him. “Did I do something wrong?” as you wiped your spittle and his preejaculate off your mouth.

“No,” he shook his head. It wasn’t often that he was stunned. Not ever really. But you, taking that kind of initiative, to touch him without him asking for you to, did shock him just a little.

He held onto the back of your head, bringing his balls just next to your mouth, against your soft lips, “Suck on them,” he told you.

You suckled at one, working the other one with your hand as he pulled at the roots of your head.

“Fuck! Stop!” he heaved, pulling you away, “I have to save it for your beautiful cunt, my queen,” he told you as he presses a soft kiss to your forehead before he pushed you back down on the mattress.

Swiftly entering you, you were still as tight as the night of your wedding, which meant he had to be patient while fucking you, and he tried. He really did. But he was not a patient man. Especially not when you had just put your mouth on him and worked your magic in mere seconds.

He put most of his weight on you as he slowly pushed in and out of you, your face scrunched up in pleasure as you dug your nails into his shoulders.

With your pussy hugging him so well, almost as if it was made for him, as if you were made by the gods just for him.

“What have you done to me?” he rasped, touching his damp forehead to yours. You had weaved some sort of magic on him, making him crazy for you. Now it was hard to tell where he ended and you began.

You pressed a hand against your mouth to stop from giggling or making any sort of noise. Resting your back against the cool surface of the throne. You chose the back of the throne in the court as your place of hiding. Maybe it wasn’t the most strategic ploy but you were playing against a six year old.

Lila Barton had asked to play hide and seek with you. Only to receive a scolding from her nanny--to not bother the queen with such trivial matters.

It was as if you were reliving your childhood. You always felt you were made to grow up and be a lady too fast. With your mother and sisters telling you how important it was to act mature and be a lady, or you wouldn’t be able to marry well. Or marry at all.

So you jumped at the first opportunity to play with the kid. Making her count to twenty before looking for a place to hide. You had to go get your lessons for sewing so you didn’t have a lot of time, you hoped she would find you soon.

“But you’re not even considering it!”

You perked up when you heard the familiar voice, it was Lady Sharon! You had to thank her for all her advice, things had been going great with Steven ever since you listened to her. He had been opening up to you as well, although he was still as voracious in his love making. If anything... he wanted you even more now. Which you didn’t think could even be possible.

But some part of you absolutely loved it. And you knew you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You peaked out to see her, to maybe call her to join you on the floor, hiding behind the large throne. You frowned when you saw that she was holding onto Steven’s arm, looking up at him with a certain desperation in her eyes.

“There is nothing to consider. I’m a married man. It would be adultery – a crime,” he stated.

“Bu – but you promised, you told me you didn’t love her. You said you didn’t have any other choice. I’m not asking you to leave her for me, I know that’s not possible. I’m not a fucking idiot like her.”

You slapped a hand over your mouth again to keep your sobs in, tears streaming down your face as you watched your husband, and his lover, have a lovers quarrel.

You couldn’t hear any more of it. Couldn’t bear it breaking your heart anymore than it already had. You quickly got up, fleeing out of the room by the back entrance - which the servants often used.

“You watch your mouth when you speak of the queen,” he yanked his arm free of her, putting some distance between himself and her, “I didn’t make any promises like that. I told you I intended to be faithful to her even if I didn’t love her.”

He knew it was a mistake to ever get involved with Sharon. He never wanted to be a womanizer. But he had his needs. He didn’t think she would become so obsessed with him. He had broken off their short fling as soon as he became betrothed to you.

He felt responsible for all the rumours about him and her and her ruined reputation. So he had arranged for her to marry his good friend Stark but she had her mind set on him.

“I like the queen. She’s a good friend of mine. I don’t intend to replace her,” she explained. She had no interest in being a queen and having such tedious and boring responsibilities anyway—the power and the status that came along with it just wasn’t worth the hassle. She pitied you and how you just weren’t made for the job.

“But she can’t satisfy you, she can’t give you what you need-- What I can give you,” Being the Kings mistress would probably be better than being a Duchess and marrying some boring old man.

“Won’t you even think about it?”

“No I won’t. And you are to never speak of this again,” he warned her.

“Your grace...” Lydia was completely confused. Standing there with your dress in her hands as you frantically stuffed your clothes in a chest.

She had never seen two people as in love as you and the king. When she first met you, it didn’t seem as if you and Steven would make a good couple. She assumed your marriage would be like any other she had seen. Cold and distant.

Steve had never been smitten with a woman, she always felt there maybe something wrong with him. But he had grown so fond of you in such a short time. Even going as far as asking you to live with him in his chambers. Having the king around often made her duties to you challenging. But she was happy for you.

“I don’t understand. What wrong? Why do you want to leave so suddenly.” Does the king approve of your sudden departure? If not would she get in trouble for it?

“He lied to me,” you sobbed. “I thought--” you let out a hiccup.

“Calm down,” she said as she rubbed your forearms. She wasn’t afraid to touch you in such friendly ways, you weren’t as stuck up as most royals.

You took a deep breath as you tried to explain to your handmaiden why you both had to leave as soon as possible. Before Steven gets back. You’ll move all your things to the room you were supposed to live in and just lock him out of your chambers.

“I would’ve been fine living on my own. Just being a wife and a queen. But he made me believe... that we could be more. That he loved me. It’s not true,” you shook your head. “He lied. He has another lover.”

“Oh,” she let out. She was disappointed on your behalf but not surprised. It would be strange if the king didn’t have any other lovers. “I’m sorry, your grace.”

“I’ll be fine,” you sniffled. “This'll be a good lesson for me. My mother always told me I have my head in the clouds and should live in reality. That’ll teach me to dream.”

It was almost funny for her to watch you babble nonsense, stable boys, princesses and backstabbing friends, take a break to cry your heart out and then resume packing and trying to order all the other servants.

“What’s going on here?”

Everyone stopped moving as soon as they heard the kings voice. He of course looked at the Lydia for an explanation.

“The queen wants us to...”

“I’m moving back to my old chambers,” you briskly walked to him, standing right in front of him, looking him in the eye. He was much taller than you, making you crane your neck to actually get a good look at him, but you still tried to look intimidating and confrontational.

“Why?” he frowned. “Put everything back just as it was,” he ordered everyone.

“No!” you stomped your foot, looking very much like an indignant child who had his toy taken away, than a queen, “Don’t! We’re moving!” But of course nobody would listen to you over Steven. Not just because he was their king, but also because he was much more intimidating than you.

“Stop it!” he reprimanded you. “Whatever troubles you may have, we can sort them out together, but you are not moving back. And that’s the end of that.”

“No! I’m leaving! I’d like to see you try to stop me!” You hmphed. Pushing past him and making way for the door. You didn’t need to take your things with you now, you could just send for them later.

You screamed bloody murder when you felt Stevens arm around your stomach, as he threw you over his shoulder in the blink of an eye, “HELP!!” You yelled at the guards and your maids, who didn’t want to get involved, quickly scurrying out of the room.

“Ring the bell if you need anything, your grace,” Lydia said on her way out to you before she closed the door. It didn’t seem as if the king intended to do any real harm to you so she wasn’t that worried about you.

You kept on hitting his back, thrashing around his hold to break free, “Put me down!”

He threw you on your marital bed, his fingers making quick work of ridding him of his clothes so he could show you how he was just never going to let you go.

“Why do you even care? If I leave or not? You can just call for your lover!”

“My lover?” he frowned as he tried to push your skirts up your legs, which was proving to be a difficult task. Maybe he should’ve asked the maids to undress you before making them leave.

“Do you love her?” you asked, looking up at him and stopping your futile resistance for a few moments, your lips wobbly as you felt your vision blue with tears. You were born a princess, living a relatively sheltered life, never knowing pain so unbearable. As if you would never recover from this, you would never be the same.

You would never believe in love again.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about, petal,” he said, getting frustrated with all the buttons and ties on your dress and ripping your skirt apart. Which he regretted, just a little because you started crying again.

“No! I like this dress.”

“I’ll buy you another one. I’ll buy you a hundred more.” He said as he hovered over you, diving in to kiss your beautiful lips and make you stop saying such preposterous things.

You sniffled as you tried to push him away, making him gather your wrists in one hand and pinning them above your head.

“Stop it,” he told you. “When will you understand that you belong to me now? If I say you have to live with me, here, then that’s what you’ll do.”

“I’m not your slave,” you retorted as you tried to wiggle your hands out of his grip.

“Stop listening to rumors! There are plenty going around. I do not have a lover.”

“No. I saw it with my own eyes. You and Lady Sharon. Just this afternoon.”

“What did you see?”

“I... she said she was your lover...?” You tried to think of what exactly had been said between them. But you couldn’t remember. You were blinded by your fury and your sorrow.

“We used to be lovers, before you and I ever met, but not anymore. I could never think of another, I could never love anyone else,” he said softly as he touched your cheek with his other hand, “You want to know why?”

“Why?” you pouted, feeling a little stupid now.

“Because you’ve ruined me, my queen. You’ve made me a lovesick fool. I could never love anyone else the way I love you. Do you want to know how much I love you?” he asked as you meekly nodded.

Pulling his cock out of breaches, he pushed your skirts up, exposing your thighs to him, he rubbed his cock along the slick of your pussy.

“Did fighting with me make you wet, my queen?” he asked, making you avert your gaze.

“I...” it was the way he had simply thrown you around, how he just wouldn’t let you leave, “Maybe...”

“Hm, don’t start picking fights with me for no reason though. My poor heart won’t be able to bear it,” he cooed as he kissed your cheeks, wet from your tears. “You look beautiful when you cry, love, but I only want you crying when I’m fucking you, you understand?”

“Yes...”

He pushed inside you, you were tighter than usual, it was difficult to even properly enter you. The pain of it of course made you cry again. You sobbed into the crook of his neck as he shushed you.

“You feel my love, darling,” he asked as he was buried to the hilt inside you, “I’ll give you a child soon enough. Then you’ll have a living breathing proof of it,” he whispered in your ear as he started steadily moving, making sure that he won’t hurt you.

“I wish... I was your one and only... like you are mine,” you sniffled as you held on to him, soon it is wasn’t hurting as much, it was a little uncomfortable but you could bear through it.

“You are my one and only. You’re the only woman I have ever loved. Do you love me, petal?”

He looked down at you, wanting you to say it. He needed you to love him, for you to say it to him, he needed to know you weren’t here just because you were scared of him.

“I love you, Steve,” you sniffled, rubbing your runny nose with the back of your hand.

He smiled at you, his hand trailing down both your bodies as he twisted your pearl between his fingers.

“It’s okay... it’s okay...” He kept telling you as you screamed at the top of your lungs, your climax making your mind and your vision fuzzy.

“I’m going to fill you up, petal,” he told you as he finished inside you, staying inside you for a long while after he was done just to make sure you knew how he belonged to you just as much as you belonged to him.

[astvs-p1ece]

do you do requests for p1harmony imagines if you do could you do one about how they would act around there idol crush!

A/N: of course! This is my very first ask and I was excited to wrote that. Sorry you had to wait ! I hope you will like it 💙💙 All of the scenarios are short this time, but I wanted to keep them like that :))

T/w: nothing! It's just a fluff, boys being a little bit shy you know the jezz

P1harmony scenrio:

You are his idol crush!

Keeho

He laughed akwardly seeing the comments on Vlive. Few hours before, the boys had a stage for a MusicBank and your group shered it with them.

He had hope his red ears and face would not be notticed my anyone, but it was all that p1ces were talking about right now. He recalled the memory of your dialog that was scripted. After the rehearsal he thought he could handle your eye contact, but feiled miserably after you had to do aegyo.

It wasn't his foult you were so freaking cute and that your laugh made him giggle a little too much!

"It wasn't that deep, guys!" He say to the camera. "There was just so hot and this just influenced my temperature!!"

But even the emberresment he felt for hours and now again, wasn't a big price for your number you gave him after the show. His akwardness made him seem funny in your eyes and after the encouragement from your group members you shoot your shot.

He blushed again at this memory.

Theo

He realised he was looking at you for a little too long at the award show. But how could he not? Your outfit was really making you look like a fairy and your smile while you were giving a winning speech was someting he could watch all along.

Don't be weird, he thought to himself and took his eyes off of you to look at his fans and wave a little to them. He then remembered his menager's restrictions about not interacting with any idol too much to not couse any rumors.

Keeping that in mind he looked at you once again and then at the table the boys were sitting by. Playing with water's bootles, he was listening as you were continuing your heartwarming thanks.

After that part was over, the crowd applause you again and Theo felt his heands burning because of his harsh smacks.

"So pretty" He mumblle to himself and then the rest of boys started to laugh, pointing to him that his flushed face was on the big screen now. He get his grip together now that he was given more attention to, but he couldn't make the red cllour on his ears go away.

Jiung

Yes, the script sometimes made him cringe, but wasn't it worth it when he could litearlly see you few times a week? It definitly was.

He felt really lucky when he heard that you will be his MC partner for Inkigayo. It was a great oppurtunity to get to know you. Yeah, the emberresment was definitly worth it. He kept telling this to himself before your first show.

God, the things he did to become friends with you...

"You don't have to be this nervouse, Jiung. This is a part of being an MC and this is so normalise nobody will really pay atention to the shit we're saying" You smiled at him and tried to cheer him up a little.

Jiung was a really geuine person and in your eyes he was good friend, so you didn't like seeing him like this. You hoped your words would helped him even tho you knew you didn't said very much.

And it did helped him. He felt a storm of butterflys in his stomach when you smiled at him like and when he realise you grew close togheter althought you didn't knew each other for a long time.

Intak

Intak smiled at the screen of his phone.

Recently your group released a new content. The episodes weren't too long and it main purpose was to keep your fans entertained. So Intak, as your fanboy no.1, was very entertained seeing how much screen time you got.

All of your members were wearing the headbands with animal's ears and you looked particulary cute with fox ears, all excited trying so hard to win and get snacks.

After he finished watching the video, he cought himself smiling a little too much and he was honestly suprised he got this happy from just a video. He already knew he had a soft spot for you and for him you kept getting more and more atractive each time he saw you, but his feelings weren't deep and he wasn't crushing on you, right?

Later when you two met at the company building, he accidenly said he thinks foxes suied you. It made you blushed, you didn't thought he was watching all of your content. And it also made him blush, panicked that he just made his crush for you so oblivious.

In the week you weren't seeing each other, Intak was getting thru mini breakdown over your latelest interaction. But it gave you a confidence to akwardly flirt with him next time you saw him and ask for his number, so at the end of the week, Intak turn from an emberessment bean to a happy bean full of love and energy.

Soul

"Have you seen new Y/N's vlive?" Jongseob read the comment on their live. Shota made it very clear before that he was your fanboy and talked to p1ces about some of your songs.

"No, something happend on it? I think I had classes on that time."

After that, the comment section blew up with the explenetions. Apparently, you were doing solo mugkbang and when you asked about songs recomendations your fans sugested P1Harmony. After listening to some of their songs, you then stared watching MV videos and dance practices.

He honestly didn't know what to say, so he only told fans that he will watch this vlive later. Althought he seemed pretty calm on the outside, he felt like the excitment was almost too much to hendle. Thought about you, his long time celebrity crush, acknowledging him was someting he didn't expected all of sudden.

After few hours, when he finally had time, he watched that and you really said you love his dance break, huh? This gave Shota a confidence bost. He hopeed that someday he will be able to thank you in person for this compliment.

Jongseob

Your groups were on a show where after recognising a song, you had to dance to it.

Before shooting your groups had time to say hello. Your members were goofing around with the boys and you were a little too shy to join, so you stand closer to the quiter members of P1Harmony.

You were talking with Jongseob and Shota when you realised that you were looking a little too much at the yunger boy. They both were really inteligent and funny, but Jongseob atracted you with his cute smile and witty remarks. Because of that you blushed so much and said you had to ask stylist to fix your makeup.

You stayed in the other room with your eldest member to the time the shooting was about to start.

The game was fun and since you really loved kpop dances you stayed on the middle of the dance floor almost all the time. Laughing, you listened hosts as they were commenting on your dance skills.

"Really, you stayed there so much you didn't even caught Jongseob looking all the time at you with doe eyes." This took you off guard. Your blush came back to your face and left you speechless.

When you were hiding behind your leader's back not knowing what to say. Jongseob thought he was going to die. He felt like a kid when his crush was being exposed, and to be honest this is exactly what was happening.

He looked at the other members and luckily they didn't fail to rescue him.

"Yeah, when Y/N dances it's hard to not look at her. I think it's normal when someone is this talented" your member add.

Shooting was over and you calm down a little. You waited for the opurtinity and told Jongseob you also coudn't stop looking at him. This day you came back to dorms with big smile, his kakaotalk ID and your members constant teasing.

[archived-kin]

words upon the wind

note from kin: i don’t really know how to feel about this one, to be honest - it feels kind of half-baked and messy, but oh well, what can you do?

the basic premise is that, instead of dvalin, it’s you, a dear companion from long ago, that venti finds rampaging through mondstadt after waking up from a long, long sleep

i’m pretty sure adepti are exclusive to liyue, so i guess reader is just the mondstadt equivalent? basically you’re in that grey area between vision-holder and archon - you’re not powerful enough to have received a gnosis and ascend into godhood, but you’re powerful enough to have attained a level of immortality and be able to control the wind to a certain extent!

enjoy!! (or don’t enjoy, it is meant to be angst after all)

fandom: genshin impact

character(s): gn!reader, venti

pairing(s): venti/reader

warning(s): memory loss, general manipulation of one’s actions, brief mention of death, sad venti

genre: oh it is angst time baby (i think so anyway, please let me know if this managed to get you In Your Feels or not)

Where am I?

Your eyes burn, the air whipping around you in harsh gales that tear at your clothes and dig into your skin like blades. Your hands move of their own accord in a pattern that you don’t recognise, and the wind seems to move with them, swirling around you in a vortex that obscures the world from view, until all you can see are blurred lights, blurred lines, blurred green.

Green. There is a boy dressed in green, far below, arms braced above his head, staring at you. His mouth opens and shuts, but you cannot hear anything - only the whistle of the wind.

Who is he? Who are you? Why does the air bend to your will? What is this strange land below you, spreading out in grassy fields to the south and a bustling city to the west?

The boy is shouting now, straining so hard that the force of his own yells almost knocks him over. Something lies abandoned in the grass by his feet - a lyre with broken strings. There is something familiar about the sight, something familiar about him - something that you can’t quite place. His face is twisted, as if in pain. Are you hurting him? You don’t want to hurt him.

“I’ll be back before you know it. Wait for me, promise?”

You don’t know this feeling - you don’t know this anger, this sorrow, this anguish that digs its claws deep into you and threatens to rip you apart. Tears sting at your eyes, but why? For who do you so desperately want to cry for?

The boy stands his ground, even as the wind around you swells in rippling masses and threatens to crush him under its sheer power. You want to shout, to scream, to tell him to run, run far away so that I can’t hurt you, but the only thing that comes out of your mouth is a guttural, inhuman howl of anger as the storm around you swells.

He fumbles with something on his back - a bow, a bow that trembles in his hands as he raises it and prepares to aim. How can he expect to fight the power of a thousand winds with an arrow? He’ll be killed before his arrow reaches its target, thrown back and forth by the very air around him until his limbs grow limp and his eyes lose their light. He knows this, he must know this - so why does he continue to refuse to relent?

He pulls back the string. You look back, expecting to be staring down the shaft of an arrow, but he isn’t aiming at your head. His face is scrunched in concentration, feet firmly anchored to the ground - and he is deliberately and determinedly pointing his arrow down at your hip. You don’t understand y our wind can easily snap any arrow of his in half, so why waste them on trying to slow you down? Why not go straight for the kill?

You don’t know why, but something tells you that he doesn’t want to kill you. He isn’t aiming an arrow in hopes of eradicating a target. You don’t how you know this, but somehow, against all odds, you’re willing to believe that this boy you do not know would never seek to harm you.

Perhaps that is why you do not intervene when he looses his arrow. Perhaps that is why you do not interrupt its path even as it sails forward, sharp and true. Perhaps that is why, even as the arrow strikes its target and the sound of something shattering rings in your ears, you do not lift even a finger to fight back.

You look down. Something purple and alien is crumbling from your hip, dissolving in the wind as it falls away. Quite suddenly, the wind calms, and you drop to the ground.

The boy stands in shocked silence for a moment, as if he can’t quite believe that his plan actually worked. Then he moves again, running to you, leaving both his bow and the broken lyre behind.

“Stay right there!” You warn as he reaches out a hand, jumping back into a defensive stance. “Don’t touch me!”

He pulls back, and an strange expression of hurt flashes briefly across his face. “But... it’s me. Surely I haven’t slept so long that you’ve forgotten me?”

You ignore the sharp tug in your chest at the sound of his voice, instead narrowing your eyes and glaring at him. The wind continues to swirl around the two of you, tossing the ends of his braided hair about in an almost playful way.

“I don’t know who you are or what you’re talking about,” You growl in reply. “What are you doing here?”

He’s silent for a long while before he replies. “I’m here... to free you.”

“Free me?” You scoff. “What on earth would you be freeing me from? I control the very wind! How much freer can I be?”

His eyes are sad - so sad that you can barely stand to look at them. “You haven’t been free in a long time, [Name]. Please… all I want is to help you.”

The silence would be suffocating if not for the breeze rustling the leaves of the nearby trees. You refuse to meet the boy’s gaze. You speak again, but your voice is softer… weaker. “What is there to help?”

Against all best decisions, he chooses to move closer, reaching forward and grasping your right hand. For some reason that you can’t quite fathom, you let him.

“This destruction, this rage… none of this is you. You’re no Stormterror, you never have been. You... you were always just my Starseeker.”

“Who are you to tell me who I am?” You shoot back in reply. You want to pull your hand from his, to push him away and scorn him, but somehow you can’t quite bring yourself to. “I don’t know who this Starseeker you speak of is, but they aren’t me, and I most certainly am not yours.”

“Then who are you?” He asks, and you find yourself at a loss for an answer. “Who are you, if not Starseeker? Why are you attacking this land, if not because of the Abyss Order’s control?”

“I am controlled by no one,” You snap, but there is no real bite in your tone. You raise a hand to your temple, gritting your teeth.

“How many gaps are there in your memory?” He presses further, his voice increasing in intensity and desperation with every word. His grip around your hand is so tight that it almost bursts. “Do you remember how you got here? Do you remember why you’re doing this? Do you remember how your abilities came to be, how you were even created?”

“I…” You pull back, and he releases your hand, gazing at you imploringly as you turn away. “I don’t…”

“They must have manipulated your memories, stolen them even,” His voice breaks slightly, and he rubs furiously at his eyes with one sleeve as he continues, “Anything to keep you under their control, to rip away the person that you were to leave only a weapon for them to use… but please… you have to try to remember!”

“What is there to remember?!” You finally turn to look at him, and your eyes blaze so brightly that he freezes in place. “This is all I’ve known, and as far as I’m concerned, it is all that I want to know. I will let you live, but I don’t want to see your face again.”

“No—!” He reaches for your hand again, but you push him away with ease, and he lands roughly in the grass. “Please, wait!”

You only shake your head in response and turn to leave, the air around you beginning to stir in preparation to lift you. But then the boy cries out once more, and you pause for just long enough for him to leap to his feet and throw himself at you once more - and in one final, reckless movement, he rips the flower from his hat and presses it into your hands.

“The Cecilias, [Name],” he says desperately, closing your fingers around the flower’s delicate petals. “Don’t you remember the Cecilias?”

“The… Cecilias…” You stare at the innocent flower sitting in your palm for a long moment. Something suddenly tugs hard at your chest, and you inhale sharply, almost crushing the flower in your fist. The boy catches you as you stumble forward, and two of you sink to the ground in tandem.

“I brought you to Starsnatch Cliff,” He begins to speak so quickly that the words seem to blur together. It feels as if he wants to say so much more than what he can. “We went to Starsnatch Cliff together, and we sat and watched the sunset, and we talked all night, until the sun came up again. You remember the stars, don’t you?”

“Stars...?” You repeat. The boy gazes at you hopefully, nodding, and, before you realise it, you’re lifting a hand to cup his cheek.

He reaches up and softly places his own hand over yours. He’s trembling, but he smiles nevertheless - he smiles for you, even though you don’t know him, can’t know him. How many memories have you lost? And what is his place in them?

“You were still so young back then,” He murmurs, eyes distant as if reminiscing something that has long since passed. “You didn’t know what stars were. That night, when we sat together beneath the night sky, I sang you a song. Do you remember how it went?”

“Star…” Your words come of their own accord, unfocused and dreamy. “Fly me to the stars in the sky…”

Something deep inside you seems to stir at the way that his eyes soften. There is something so achingly familiar about their colour, somewhere between blue and green, like the ripples out on the open sea where there is no land to disturb its waves, like the vast emptiness of the sky that goes on for longer than you can remember and longer than you will live to see, like the quiet rustle of the trees in a peaceful evening breeze.

“It was our song,” He murmurs, and his eyes slowly fall shut. “I never sang it for anyone else, and I never will.”

You stiffen.

“Did you like it?” The boy asks, his eyes bright against the dark sky behind him as the final notes of his song fade into the night.

“I… think I did,” You reply, unsure. You press your hand to your chest, and your heart thumps loudly against it.

“Come on, no need to sound so unenthusiastic!” He sets down his lyre, leaning forward, so close to you that you can see every flyaway lock of hair scattered messily about his face. “I wrote this song just for you. It’s all yours.”

You ponder over his words for a while. “...but it’s your song.”

“No, no, I’m just the one who sang it,” He shakes his head. He pauses and thinks for a moment, then continues, “And wrote it. And composed it. And named it.”

He pauses again, his face scrunching up slightly. Finally, he decides, “You know what, we’ll share it! It’ll be our song. Ours only. I won’t sing it for anyone else, and I never will. How does that sound?”

Everything is coming back now, bursting the banks and submerging you in its endless flow. You remember nights spent beneath an inky sky filled with stars, you remember the ring of laughter around a forest clearing, you remember hours spent riding a breeze above a city of flickering lights. You remember the rush of excitement as you plummeted from the sky to a rippling lake below, only for a pair of hands to dip down and catch you before you could break the surface. You remember arms wrapped around your shoulders in an warm embrace, spinning the two of you through the air until sky and land became one, until you couldn’t tell where you ended and they began. And the boy in front of you—

You know the curve of his smile and the dip of his frown. You know the way that his hair falls around his face in messy waves. You know the way that he laughs, head thrown back as if expressing his mirth to the very heavens above. You know the quiet melody of his voice, soothing you to sleep when the sea is too deep and the storms too strong. You know this boy!

“Barbatos...?” You whisper.

His eyes fly open. For a single, frozen second, the two of you stare at each other, one in disbelieving wonder and one in quiet realisation.

Then, before you know it, you’re toppling backwards. The boy throws his arms around your neck and hugs you tight, burying his face into the nape of your neck as he sobs, and the only thing you can distinguish among his muffled whimpers is your name, repeated like a mantra or a spell, as if you might disappear at any moment and leave him all alone once more.

Venti holds you close and cries. He cries for the memories that you were forced to forget, for the destruction that you were forced to wreak, for the people that you were forced to forsake. He cries because the centuries that the two of you have lost can never truly be recovered, because even though you are here with him, you are still so lost and the years have been so long and he doesn’t know i how to go on from here. You slowly shift and return his embrace, and he can’t help but sink into your touch, like a stone disappearing under the surface of a river.

It will take time to heal. Wounds as old as yours and his do not stop hurting easily, after all. But, as Venti burrows closer to you still, selfishly revelling in the feeling of your arms around him, he listens to the quiet hum of the breeze around him, and he allows himself to be hopeful.

He won’t be afraid of the storms on the horizon anymore. After all, it was those very winds that brought you back to him.

[malfoysstilinski]

girl in the mirror pt2 | DRACO MALFOY

MASTERLIST

PAIRING: Draco Malfoy x Muggle!Reader

SUMMARY: part two of girl in the mirror. draco meets his soulmate for the first time. she’s pretty cool for a muggle, but reveals something that has him heading back to hogwarts a little less than happy. 

WARNINGS: none i think?  

A/N: i dont think americans have houses and i assume most of my readers are american,, so in case its confusing obviously theyre like harry potter houses, but jk rowling made it ten times more dramatic and a main part of her story. we dont really care about houses irl. 

Explaining to you that Draco was a wizard was one of the most frustrating and hardest things the blond boy had ever had to do. Only hours later were you starting to reluctantly believe that he was telling the truth. He’d been reluctant to tell you, but since you were his soulmate, you were allowed to know. You had the right. 

The pair of you hadn’t even realised how much time had gone by, sat on your bed as you stare at him unsurely. 

“You look as though you still don’t believe me,” Draco says. “I’ve shown you my wand.”

“Yes, but you’ve not shown me any real magic, have you?” You raise an eyebrow, folding your arms across your chest. 

“I told you, I have to wait a few months ‘till I’m seventeen,” Draco reminds you with a roll of the eyes. “Then I’ll show you something.”

You sigh, not wanting to believe him but having a funny feeling that he was telling the truth. I mean, how else could you explain the fact that he had literally fallen through your mirror? 

“So... We’re soulmates,” you repeat from earlier, before the two of you had fought over whether or not Draco was really a wizard. 

“Yeah,” Draco whispers with a nod. “You know what that is, right?”

“I guess,” you mumble, hugging your arms closer to yourself. “But why is your soulmate not... magic as well?”

Draco shrugs. “Happens sometimes,” he says. “Never ever to a Malfoy...” He looks a little paler as he says so. “But I suppose there’s a first for everything.”

You wonder why it’s a big deal for a member of his family to be put with ‘a Muggle’ as he had called you before. 

“Enough about me,” Draco claps his hands together when he sees the clogs in your brain turning. “Let me find out about you. Please. I’ve been wondering about you since the day I turned thirteen.”

“There’s not much to say,” you sigh. “I guess I just go to school... come home... homework... maybe hang out with friends sometimes.” 

Draco seems interested despite your negative mood, sitting up straighter with an eager look behind his silver eyes and an encouraging small smile on his face.

 He looks odd sat on your bed. He truly does look like some sort of magical being with his pale features and icy hair, and the black suit and turtleneck and polished shoes make him look like he belongs truly where he says he’s from-- a castle or something. Not your bedroom that screams twenty-first century teenage girl.  

“Well, tell me about school,” Draco suggests, glancing you over. “Your tie is red. Is that your house?”

You glance down with a frown, pulling at your tie. “Hm? Oh, no. I’m in Austen. The yellow house.”

Draco frowns. “Is that good or bad?”

You frown back, raising a brow at him. “I mean... we won the most house points last year? Not really a big deal. Oh, and we won house games, like, two years in a row.”

“Not a big deal?” Draco scoffs. “Well done, Y/N! That is a great deal.”

You stare at him like he’s grown two heads. “Thanks? I’m assuming houses are a big deal at your school?”

“Well, of course,” he says rather arrogantly. “I’m a Slytherin. How were you sorted into your house? Do you take personality quizzes in the Muggle world?”

“No,” you giggle slightly and Draco’s heart skips a beat at the sound. “You just get put into whatever house depending on what tutor group you’re in. I switched from green to yellow half way through secondary school because our tutor group got full.”

Draco had never looked so confused. He wonders how Muggles are even motivated to do well when their house points don’t even really mean anything to them. 

He knows a few things about Muggles-- he knows they definitely do not play Qudditch on flying brooms and would much rather play football. He guesses their house games are like that. 

“My tie’s red because I’m a prefect,” you say and reach into your bedside drawer, producing a red badge with ‘prefect’ written in gold on it. 

Draco’s grin brightens, taking it from you as he scans it over. “Oh, they look just like ours!”

You laugh at his eagerness. “That’s good.”

There’s a moment of silence and Draco peers at all of the records placed on your wall. He stands and moved to look at some of the vinyl covers, pointing at your The Neighbourhood one, releasing a huff of air past his nose and glancing over his shoulder back at you. 

“You listen to this one all the time,” Draco states. “I like the one about jumper weather or something.”

You laugh and nod. “Sweater Weather. It’s a good song...” You trail off. “You know, I don’t really understand your music. You only seem to listen to classical.” 

“That’s me,” Draco says, scratching the back of his neck. “Playing the piano. I don’t- I don’t really listen to music much. I never really have to when you listen to it 24/7 anyway.”

You look away with a small blush on your face, bashful. “Sorry.”

“No, no, no,” Draco moves to sit beside you on your bed. “I love it, actually. It makes assemblies less boring and sleeping in a dorm far more bearable.” 

“I’m glad,” you say. “Do you want to listen to something now?”

Draco’s breath hitches because it’s all he’s ever wanted. He nods slowly, scared that you would laugh in his face and take your suggestion back. You grab your phone off of your bedside table and press shuffle on a playlist. Draco can’t believe how weird it is to hear your music playing but not have it muffled in his ears as if he was underwater. 

He watches with parted lips as you slide down so you’re laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling. Draco looks at you like you put the stars and the moon in the sky. You might be just a Muggle, but you’re magic to him. The true definition of it. 

Slowly, unsure if he’s crossing a line or not, Draco slides down so he’s lying beside you on your bed, on his back like you. You both stare at your ceiling and he notices that you have constellations painted on it. He nearly melts when he sees ‘Draco’, one of the biggest ones. 

He slides his hand down the small gap in between you and hesitantly holds your hand before guiding it up above your heads. It’s not like real stargazing, but Draco likes it. Maybe one day he would be able to sneak you to the Astronomy Tower and show you the same sky he stares at most nights. 

“That’s Draco,” he says. 

You smile as you turn to face him and Draco shuffles to face you too, the only sounds being your small breaths and an Arctic Monkeys song playing behind you. 

“Maybe I always knew?” You suggest. 

“Maybe,” Draco chuckles back and turns to look up at the ceiling. 

You spend a few seconds admiring his side profile; his sharp jaw and the strength of his nose. It’s hard to be scared of the stranger when he’s so beautiful and feels so familiar. Like a puzzle piece you’d been looking for. 

“You’ve only been playing sad songs recently,” Draco says quietly after a little bit. “Is everything okay with you? I was worried... so I asked my friend to teach me how to do the mirror trick.”

You frown a little at the reminder and immediately grow embarrassed. You’re not sure if you should make up a lie or try to change the subject, but Draco seems really concerned and you’d feel awful lying. 

“My... Well, um, my boyfriend broke up with me,” you say awkwardly. 

You feel Draco stiffen beside you. He sits up after a few seconds. He knows it’s not really your fault but he can’t help feeling jealous and angry. He swallows as he stares at a spot on your carpet, unsure how to feel knowing that his soulmate had been with another person. 

He needed a moment to think. He didn’t want to scare you with his harsh words or looks.

“I should get back,” Draco mutters, trying to make his voice sound strong as he stands.

“Draco, I--”

“It’s nearly what? Four in the morning? I should of been going ages ago anyway,” he forces you a grim smile as he heads towards the mirror. “I’ll try and talk to you tomorrow, Y/N.”

You watch with a saddened expression as Draco slips his hand through the glass or your mirror and is suddenly gone. You push yourself up from the mattress and rush over, your fingertips brushing it but coming to a dead end. You blink back tears, wondering if you had just imagined the entire thing. 

You stare into the mirror, unaware that Draco is sadly staring back. 

...

i know it’s a lil dramatic but that’s draco for you and teen love in general tbh 

[doctorbunny]

MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.

[gxccistyless]

the untitled song

The one where he royally fucks up. Y/n is friends with Harry and has been for a long time, but he hurts her in the worst way possible. TRIGGER WARNINGS: mention of attempted suicide.

When Harry first wrote the song he had never intended for it to see the light of day and he had most certainly never intended to hurt you. Sometimes he finds himself writing songs as a form of therapy and sometimes as a gentle reminder of memories he never wants to let go of, this song was a creation born for both of those reasons. You had been his lifelong friend and had seen each other through all different seasons of life, he had been your friend first and then somewhere along the line he had begun to feel something more toward you, but he had a complicated life and he didn’t want to throw you into the circus of it all, he liked that when he went home he was just Harry to you and not Harry Styles the celebrity. Truthfully somewhere along the way, your feelings toward him had also began to be something more but you were unaware of the way he had felt about you and so you never acted on it

A week after his stepfathers funeral and almost a year to the day since your own mothers’ death you found yourselves in his backyard slightly intoxicated. Harry had a rough time figuring out his emotions and would often turn to writing, it gave him a way to put everything into words. You on the other hand did everything in your power to hide yours. Six drinks in however, you had both been able to open up, Harry sharing his struggles, his fears and his worries and for the first time ever you were sharing yours too.

You had known him before he was anyone to be known, and although his life had become quite the circus, the two of you still remained close.  When you heard the news about his stepfather, he asked if you would come and you were quick to oblige dropping everything to head to be with him for the week. It was your last night there after what had been a long week and Harry had decided they should have a few drinks and just relax and let off some steam. He told you about how in awe of you  he was, how you’d handled your mums death so gracefully and had remained so well put together afterwards, he hoped he’d be able to do the same and be as strong as you had been. Harry’s words eat at you, he grows concerned that his comments had upset you when your head falls toward the ground, you can feel the tears welling in your eyes.

He’s a bit taken back, he was only trying to compliment you, show you how much you inspire him. You wipes the tears that have now begun pooling on your cheeks and then sharw with him something you hadn’t dared talk about to anyone since it happened  I tried to kill myself, Harry. It all went down shortly after your mothers death when everyone who was significant in your life had dispersed out of their small town after the funeral and back to their jobs. Your brother had found you and managed revive you. Between a short stay in the ICU, ten days in a ward and then a stay in the psych ward you had been in the hospital for weeks afterward. Harry shakes his head at your revelation, this couldn’t be true, he would have known. It’s true Harry, I didn’t expect you to know though. You had barely enough time to be here for the funeral I didn’t even see you that day that’s his quick you came and went, and then you were on tour... it’s okay that you didn’t know, I didn’t want anyone to see me like that. Harry didn’t know what to say or how to feel, he just brings you a little closer to him and grips you a little tighter, thankful that you’re still here. Harry was sure that if anything had happened to you that Anne would have told him. At this point you are really intoxicated and Harry is starting to feel the effects of the alcohol heading closer to the point of recklessness. The two of you call it a night.  

You left town the next day to head back to London, you had recently taken a job in the city and were able to afford rent there which finally got you out of this small town and kept you busy, the two of you returned to normal life and never talked about it any further. But still the conversation played on his mind, how you has been in your darkest moment and he hadn’t been there. How he had barely had enough time to be there for his closest friend when her mother had just passed, how he had failed to check up on you in the weeks that followed, how you could have actually died. 

When he finally got back to writing, his conversation with you was one of the first things he wrote about. It was one of the first pieces that he wrote beginning to end, he never intended for it to get further than him and a guitar and a recording on his phone, something he might play to you someday, but then one night whilst he was high he accidentally showed it to his engineer who immediately fell in love with it. His engineer convinced him to just see the song through, told him it wouldn’t have to be in the final cut for the album but that it deserved to be finished properly, so Harry obliged and he finished the song in its entirety.

The album was close to being finished, his label telling him they just needed one or two more songs that were slower in tempo and had more emotion you know like  a tear jerker were Jeff’s exact words. Harry you should show him that untitled one we had been working on at the beginning Harry silently curses his engineer in his mind, he’s reluctant to play the song to Jeff but he does it anyway. Jeff loves the song says that it should be the second single, the public will eat it right up. Once again Harry reluctantly agrees.

He knows that one way or the other you are going to hear this song and you are going to know that it is about you, and specifically about that night when you had shared your darkest secret with him. Harry wanted to be the one to play the song for you, he thought it would be best coming from him in a controlled environment and he most certainly didn’t want you to hear it for the first time at his launch party or on the radio. The week that he intended to drive home to show you, your father suddenly passed, it didn’t seem like a good time and he didn’t want to cause you any more grief than you were already going through. He tried again two weeks later but you had been in such good spirits, he didn’t want to ruin your time together by making you upset. 

The original plan was that he would drive back to his mum’s the day after his listening party and play it for you before it would be released to the public. The listening party was only going to be intimate and was due to be held two days before the release of the album, and since you had to work and wouldn’t be there he didn’t see anything wrong with the plan. Except this is Harry and almost nothing goes to plan. Gemma and Anne who are unaware of the song arranged for you to have a ticket, to surprise Harry on one of his biggest nights. He doesn’t see you till he comes out into the room and it’s already too late they’re already about to press play on the album, he thought he felt nervously sick before but now seeing you here in the room he feels even worse.

Everything was going smoothly and everyone seemed to be enjoying the songs as they continued to go through each of them, Harry introducing them and talking a bit about them before hand, when he gets to track 5 his throat dries up and he feels as if he can’t talk. He doesn’t give this song an introduction just pressing play. The song is halfway through the first verse when you begin to realise this song that you are listening to in a room full of people who don’t know you (minus Anne and Gemma and Harry of course) is about you, is about that night by the fire where things got a little too deep and dark and emotional. You stare at him waiting for him to make eye contact with you, but he never does, he’s too scared to lift his head and have your eyes meet. He knows he will look up to undoubtedly find you crying and that he has let you down and right now he can’t think about it too much, he needs to push through the last eight tracks. You excuse yourself quietly, telling Gemma you aren’t feeling well before the chorus even hits and slip out the back exit.

Harry knows that he has royally fucked up. He tries calling you when he excuses himself to go to the bathroom, it goes straight to voicemail a few times and then after that your number doesn’t even dial at all. He has disappointed you, he’s disappointed himself. When he gets back out and spots his mother and sister the anger and disappointment is all over their faces too. The car ride back to his house is silent, Anne taking in deep breaths so that she won’t scream in front of the lovely driver Harry’s management had hired to get them home. When they finally make it through the door and they are by themselves she absolutely lets him have a piece of her mind. You should have asked her permission before putting out something like that. Harry tries to reason with Anne, explaining he had no choice when he knows deep down that he did, explaining that he tried to show you the song but he couldn’t catch you at the right time. It’s Gemma’s turn to chime in now  There was no right time Harry, should have never been on the album in the first place. Gemma was right, but it was done now the only thing he could do would be to try and salvage things with you as best he could. But you wouldn’t take his calls, didn’t respond to his texts and truthfully he had no idea where to start looking for you.  The following morning when Anne had calmed down some, she had found Harry sleeping on the sofa still in the clothes from last night gripping his phone on his chest, she knows he must have fallen asleep there as he desperately tried all night to get in touch with you. When he woke up he told her everything from beginning to end, he knew that song shouldn’t have been on the album and she knew that there was nothing he could do now to change the fact that it was. 

Whilst you weren’t replying to Harry’s texts or answering his calls you had no intentions of doing the same to Anne. The first time Anne rings you, it goes to voicemail. Anne leaves you a lovely message, tells you she’d love to see you before she leaves London to head back home. Only when you know that it is her calling, you send her a quick text back to explain that you are okay and that you have escaped for the week back home to Holmes Chapel, but would love to see her regardless.  It had been too long since you had last seen Anne. You think it may have been at the funeral, or in the days after, but your weekends have been busy and you hardly make it home. Even when you do make it home, recently your weekends had been filled with looking after your sick father and your brother who even at 24 years old was unable to do anything for himself. Regardless of how long it had been since you last saw Anne, she held a special place in your heart. Her and your own mother had been close and Anne had been there for you in the months after losing her, she came every day that she was allowed to see you in the hospital, to make sure you knew you were loved. She promised to never tell Harry, you made her promise. You didn’t want to worry him and you didn’t want to distract or burden him, you somehow still worried for everyone else even though you were the one struggling. It’s almost noon when she arrived at your house in Holmes Chapel on Sunday. At this point Harry’s album had been out for 24 hours and had shot straight to the top of the charts. Even though you were angry at him, you were still proud.  Anne brings you in tight for a hug as soon as you open the door. You are relieved that she has come by herself, not having decided yet if you ever want to talk to or see Harry ever again. Once tea is drunk and scones have been had Anne flips out her phone. Y/n love, have you had a chance to listen to Harry’s album... in full? She knows it’s a tough ask, especially because of the song. I haven’t, no. I hear it’s doing wonderful though... he must be so happy. You secretly hope that this conversation is nearing its end, not wanting to talk about Harry anymore. He’s not doing the greatest love  Anne pauses for a moment. She knows she shouldn’t get involved, but she has loved you like a second daughter since you and Harry were young and has always secretly hoped the two of you would end up together. I know he shouldn’t have put the song on the album, but my wonderful numbskulled son really didn’t know you were going to be there at the party and apparently he had been trying for weeks to share it with you but between your dad and then you having really good days he didn’t want to mess it up... I know it might be hard for you, but if I’m being honest, it’s one of my favourite songs. Will you try to listen to it? Because she is like a second mother to you and because you don’t want to let her down or cause her any pain, you agree. She hugs you extra tight when she leaves and makes you promise to visit when you’re back in town again next. 

You fulfil your promise to Anne listening to the song two nights later after making your way back to London and having five too many wines. It was hard for you to listen to, but when you finish it the first time you instantly want to listen again and suddenly it’s on repeat and you instantly regret leaving before the chorus. In between sobs you manage to dial Harry’s number, the phone barely ringing before he answers. Y/n? Ello? You there? He hears your muffled sobs on the other end, where are you? Are you back in London? Please tell me where you are? You tell him your address and twenty minutes later there are some light taps on your apartment door. When he comes in you’re still sobbing and the song is still playing. He puts out his arms and wraps them around you and you sob, the two of you standing there whilst the song plays three times over. It’s a beautiful song you manage to somehow get words out between sobs and laboured breathing I mean it’s okay, it wasn’t supposed to make the album, but it’s there and there’s nothing I can do and I’m going to be sorry for the rest of our lives. Somehow the two of you make it to the couch. You share with him your anger and frustrations and thoughts about everything, how he’s broken your trust, how you’re scared to tell him anything anymore, how you’re angry that his team made YOU sign and NDA but he’s free to write songs about your disclosures and how that isn’t fair. He agrees that it isn’t fair, and he apologises again and again over and over until you can’t take it anymore. 

It takes you some time to trust Harry again after this. He has his lawyers draw up an NDA for him to sign, with a promise that you can sue him if he ever discloses anything private about you ever again. 

[poguesrforlife]

Longing for You | JJ Maybank

Okay guys, here goes! First fic for outer banks with none other than my future husband JJ Maybank. God, look at him what a cutie!!!! <3

Requested: Nope

Trigger warning: Little bit smutty (mentions), foreshadowing of abuse but other than that a whole lot of good vibes only

Word count: >2k (went a bit over the top with that one oops)

Everybody in the pogues seems to be bood up except for JJ and Y/N which have been crushing on each other for ages but are too afraid to take the next step. Maybe some healthy competition will do the trick...

Waves crashing on the shore, warm sand under your feet and the summer sun shining while you sipped on a can of beer. You decided life could definitely be worse. It was just another summer day for you and your friends on the outer banks.

Kiara had worked on a killer mixtape the past weeks and you were currently enjoying her musical genius while relaxing on the beach.

John B was dancing with Sarah, the newest addition to your group, to some song from the Neighbourhood and you had to admit they were disgustingly cute together. The others were quite skeptical at first towards the kook princess, mostly because of Kiaras attitude towards her. 

Back when Sarah and Kiara had broken things off you were the one to catch Kie and she introduced you to the other guys, which were quite happy to not only have Kiara back but also a new addition. Which honestly quite surprised you since you belonged partly to the kooks as well just like Kiara. 

But you had to admit it, Sarah was the sweetest girl you’ve ever met besides Kie. And all in all your squad was more in synch with her. John B had Sarah and Kie and Pope had that weird thing, nobody talked about, going on and then there was JJ.

You had a crush on JJ since the first time you laid eyes on him. How could you not with his gorgeous blue eyes, blonde surfer hair and that charming humour of his.

But things with JJ would never happen, you knew each other too well. A little flirting here and there was to be expected when all the friends in your group had the hots for each other.

You wondered whatever happened to the no pogue on pogue macking rule. 

“Who wants a hit?” JJ asked and pulled you out of your train of thoughts by offering his joint to the rest of the group.

Kie happily accepted and sighed with the first drag before handing it to you.

“I’m good thanks,” You declined and showed the beer can you were currently sipping on.

“Oh c’mon sweetheart a little blunt never hurt nobody,” JJ laughed and tried to encourage you. Pope just rolled his eyes at his remark.

“If I’m drinking it does though. Or need I remind you of last weekend when you were nearly passed out because you mixed it up and I had to drag your ass home?” You raised an eyebrow at JJ, recalling the events of the weekend before and watched him turn a deep red.

“Shots fired, bro!” John B. laughed as he took the joint from Kie’s hand and took a drag himself.

“Actually yes please do remind him because I don’t think he can remember a thing.” Pope grinned at his friend who got visibly more embarrassed.

And god you were glad JJ couldn’t remember a thing. Because the stuff he said to you that night weren’t things you wanted to get into. Sure, Kie had always sad that JJ had a thing for you but he never made a move. Only ever small flirtations or stupid things when he was drunk or high or both. And that wasn’t enough to risk your friendship.

“Oh it’s fine J Bae, happens to the best of us,” You winked at him and felt quite smug using your private nickname for him. 

His cheeks were still a bit rosy but you saw a smile sneak on his lips when he looked at you.

“But not to Y/N apparently,” Sarah commented and saluted you with her own beer as soon as she nestled in between John B’s legs.

“Well not everybody can hold their liquor like Y/N,” Kie agreed and gave you wink. She knew well enough of some evenings where the both of you were too drunk to even walk a straight line.

“Oh c’mon, I can definitely drink more than Y/N!” JJ argued and got up, clearly in a mood to prove himself. 

“You wanna bet?” You argued, biting you lower lip and leaned back in the sand while looking up at him through your lashes.

You saw JJ’s Adam’s apple pop as he swallowed hard looking down at you.

Sweet Jesus, he looked heavenly with the sun behind him surrounding him like a halo. More than anything you wished the two of you were alone so you could have your way with him.

“Guys if you drink all of our beer I’m gonna strangle you,” John B warned with his dad authority.

“Oh kinky, I like it,” JJ joked and gave JB a coy look.

You couldn’t help thinking if that would really be something JJ would be into but the thought quickly vanished when you remembered the bruises you had seen more than once all over his body when he came back from a few days home.

He never told you anything about it, just joked around but you were pretty sure there was something hidden below the surface.

“Who says they have to drink all the beer? Let them just chug one and see who’s faster.” For that argument from Pope he quickly got a slap on the arm from Kiara.

“Ouch, why?” He complained but Kiara just shook her head while you giggled at Pope’s obliviousness because she didn’t want to support JJ getting drunk once again.

“Fine by me.” JJ grinned at you and stretched out his hand to help you up. 

You took his offer but as he pulled you up abruptly you stumbled a bit and were soon pressed against his chest.

His arm grabbed around your waist to steady you and shivers went down your spine at his touch. You looked up into his baby blue eyes and watched them wander all over your face before they landed on your lips.

“Not so steady after all, are we Y/L/N?” He whispered and his breath fanned your face, that’s how close you were. You also realised that your hands where on his naked chest.

Being this close to JJ did things to your body you couldn’t understand and it drove you absolutely crazy. You realised you were staring at him and the others were staring at the both of you so you tried to quickly regain your composure.

You moved one of your hands slowly up his body and around his neck as you pulled his head down.

“Eat shit, Maybank,” You whispered in his ear, grazing it lightly with your lips, before releasing him. 

JJ’s smug smile from before was replaced with a slightly shocked and kind of aroused expression on his face. That gave you enough satisfaction for now, to know that you could have that kind of effect on him.

You thought you heard a little ‘fuck’ escape him when he turned around to get you two beers.

You looked over at the others who had all witnessed the little scene. Kie and Sarah gave you excited glances and thumbs up whereas the boys looked utterly confused and bewildered.

“Well let’s do this!” John B got up and clapped his hands together before standing in front of the both of you.

“I’ll count to 3 and then you start chugging and whoever finishes first has to put the empty can above their head to demonstrate it’s really empty.” He explained.

“Yeah, yeah we’ve got it, it’s not our first time,” JJ said impatiently and popped his beer open.

“You’re going down,” You warned the boy in front of you.

“On you? Anytime sweetheart,” He retorted with his usual charm and the thought alone threw you off a bit. 

Concentrate Y/N, you’ve got this. 

“1…2…3!” JB counted down and you began chugging while the others cheered. The carbonic acid made it hard for you to swallow fast but as JJ said this wasn’t your first time.

In 5 seconds you had downed your can and put it over your head where only a single drop fell onto your hair. You screamed with joy as you saw JJ finish just behind you.

“YES!” You shouted and did a little happy dance as JJ looked at you perplexed.

“You know, I’m not even mad that was seriously hot,” JJ admitted in defeat and bit his lower lip while he stared at you. Once again you wished the others would just leave right this second.

“Well I guess we know who’s more badass,” Kie commented and grinned at you.

“Hey just because Y/N can chug beer faster than any frat boy on spring break does not mean she’s more badass then me,” JJ pouted and tried to regain some of his lost pride. 

The way he looked right now was just undermining his statement at the moment though since you couldn’t believe how cute he was. 

“It does though,” You disagreed and patted his cheek lovingly. A smile quickly made its way onto his lips as he looked at you. More than anything you just wanted to kiss him.

Maybe it was the alcohol that made you think like that but you knew better than that. You had wanted JJ for ages now.

“I want a rematch,” JJ suddenly said and turned you around, his arm around your waist and his chest pressed against your back.

You had no idea where this confidence in touching you suddenly came from but you liked it.

His right arm sneaked across your shoulder and he pointed towards a cluster of rocks a few feet in the ocean.

“Whoever reaches the rocks first wins the grand badass competition between you and I,” He announced and giggled at his pompous accent. 

“I don’t know how that proves that I’m more badass than you but sure,” You agreed, never one to back down from a challenge.

You were also pretty sure that JJ in his intoxicated state forgot that you were captain of the swim team and were usually working as a life-guard during summer. It was really not fair but there was no way you could let him win, he would never shut up about it.

“You guys, I swear just fuck already,” You heard John B murmur as he positioned himself between the two of you to give the start sign. 

You chose to ignore his comment as you got ready but not before slipping out of your clothes and leaving you in the tiny swimsuit you were currently wearing.

You saw JJ stare out of the corner of your eye and heard Sarah whistle behind you which made you laugh.

“Wouldn’t want to ruin my clothes or slow me down,” You explained nonchalantly and watched as Kiara and Pope were getting out cash probably betting on the winner.

Once again John B counted down to three and you started sprinting into the water and swimming for your life. JJ was close you knew that, he was a fast runner and had an advantage the first feet. 

But you couldn’t let yourself get distracted so you pushed yourself onto your very limits until you felt the rock under your hand and climbed on top of it.

JJ didn’t even come out of the water as he watched you, out of breath, as you victoriously waved to the others on the shore. From afar you could see that Pope gave Kiara his money with a sour gaze.

“Who’s more badass now, J Bae?” You laughed and sat down on the rocks in front of him and watched him swim in-between your legs.

“You distracted me, that wasn’t fair!” He argued and let his eyes wander over your body. 

You felt hot all over as his gaze swept over you and at the view of his head between your legs.

“Distracted hm? Why would that be?” You giggled and leaned forward to jokingly grant him a better view. He inhaled sharply and realised he was staring at your boobs a little too late before his eyes drifted to yours.

“At least help me out of the water,” He pleaded and struck out his hands. But as you reached out for him and were about to hoist him up, he pulled you into the water with him.

You screamed because of the surprise and clung to JJ’s shoulders to hold onto something. 

You don’t think the others on the beach even noticed as they went back to their own business and were distracted.

“You are insufferable!” You complained and got the wet hair out of your face as you clung to JJ with one arm and he had you secured with an arm around your waist.

You were definitely both sobered up by now, thanks to the cold water and exercise.

“Well, at least we know who’s stronger,” JJ commented and his second hand grabbed your waist as well. 

You were practically naked, chest to chest and only the ocean between the both of you. The ocean and the fear of rejection as you looked between his lips and his eyes.

“I’m still more badass than you,” You giggled and your hands moved up his shoulders to his neck like the most natural thing in the world.

“Would you just shut up?” JJ grinned and pulled you even closer to him if that was possible.

“Make me!” Was the last thing you whispered before JJ’s lips crashed onto yours.

He wasn’t timid and didn’t hesitate but kissed you passionately like he had waited to do so for weeks and was finally allowed to. And you kissed him back just as feverishly as your hands tucked on his blond hair and your legs locked around his waist. 

He bit your lower lip softly and a moan escaped your mouth which only made him grab you harder, one of his hands now on your butt.

Kissing JJ was igniting a wildfire, like the most dangerous and reckless thing in the world. But it also felt completely right, like the stars all had aligned just for that moment.

After a long time the both of you caught your breath and simply stared at each other. 

“That was…” You began but couldn’t find the right words. How do you even describe the best kiss of your life?

“It was,” JJ agreed without you having to say anything, he understood. “So… I wouldn’t mind this becoming a regular thing.”

You looked at him shocked, not because you didn’t want it but because there were so many other things to think about.

“I wouldn’t either,” you agreed “but let this be our little secret for now. I don’t want to give the others the satisfaction of being right all along.” You could practically picture Kie’s little happy dance by mentioning this to her.

“Agreed!” JJ laughed and pecked you on the lips one last time before swimming back to shore.

You grinned the rest of the whole day and ever so often sneaked flirty little glances and touches with JJ that drove your heart crazy.

[fific7]

There May Be Trouble Ahead - Part 3

John Whittaker x Reader

A/N: This does not follow canon, it’s all lemon zest 🍋 because the world deserves more of the over-eager puppy that is the handsome Johnny Whittaker. And puppies need discipline.

The song excerpt is from ‘Let’s Face the Music and Dance’ which surely must be John’s life anthem? (It wasn’t released until 1936 but there’s that fiction writer’s licence again.)

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content including oral between consenting adults*. Some drinking.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(Not my GIF, credit to owner)

As John followed you out of his bedroom, you asked him if you might use the bathroom and he took your hand once more, guiding you along the corridor and pointing at a door. Once inside, you looked around at the huge roll-top bath and large porcelain sink. You smiled, once again it all seemed very Victorian to your (you liked to think) very modern eye.

Coming back downstairs a little later on, you heard a murmur of voices from below you and paused on the half-landing, tip-toeing to the edge and peeking cautiously over the banister rail.

John and Sarah were standing in the large lobby, and you noticed that John had his arms crossed over his chest in a very defensive stance.

You heard Sarah say in her quiet voice, “I just don’t want you to get hurt again, Johnny.” You grimaced as she said “Johnny” and the familiar way she used it. “I mean I hardly have to remind you what happened the last time you met someone and got carried away, do I? She ran off with your Father!” Your mouth rounded into an ‘O’ as you heard those explosive words. A scowl appeared on John’s face, and he snapped, “Well firstly, you did just remind me! And secondly, at least the old man’s not around this time to run off with my wife!”

“Wife!” exclaimed Sarah, “She’s an acquaintance at best! Hardly appropriate to speak of her as your wife. You met her, what - a week ago?” “Took me less time than that with Larita,” shot back John. Now it was Sarah’s turn to pull a face. “I’m just saying to take it more slowly this time, Johnny, that’s all!” John started striding away from her and you pulled back from the banister in case either of them looked up and spotted you. “Well, thank you for the advice, Sarah. You can rest assured that this time I shall be doing things with less haste and more consideration.”

Through the banister rails you watched Sarah remain standing there for a moment, crestfallen, before following after John.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John stalked into the sitting room, heading for a cigarette box on one of the low tables and opening it. Thankfully it wasn’t empty, so he took one out, tapped it a couple of times and lit it with the ornate table lighter next to the box. He drew on it before blowing out a long plume of smoke into the air. He heard heels making their way across the large rug behind him and hoped it was his guest, turning with a smile on his face.

Seeing that it was Sarah, his smile faded and he knew she’d noticed that. But why then did she have to keep on at him like some kind of mother hen? He sighed, “What other pearls of wisdom are you here to cast before me, Sarah?”

She tried a tentative smile, “I don’t mean to nag, Johnny. You know I don’t. It’s as I said, I just don’t want you to get hurt again.” He moved over to the large windows, gazing out over the landscape, “I don’t intend to, believe me. And I don’t intend to hurt my new lady friend either,” he replied, still smoking his cigarette and speaking over his shoulder to her, “I’ve met someone I truly like and I’m not about to mess it up.”

He turned back to the window and therefore missed seeing Sarah’s lips tightening into an almost-snarl as she heard his words.

And unbeknownst to him, the ‘someone’ of whom he spoke was currently listening just outside the sitting room.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

A quiet voice behind you made you jump. “Are you lost, madam?” You swung round. Oh, it was the butler, Furber was it?

“Oh no, it’s fine thank you, Mr Furber. I’m just looking for John and I think I’ve found him now.” You pointed theatrically - and somewhat ridiculously - into the sitting room, before giving him an embarrassed smile and disappearing through the door.

You saw that Sarah was now the one adopting the defensive body language, and she and John were staring each other down in what looked like some kind of Mexican Standoff.

Okay, you thought, here I go with my ‘Absolutely Innocent of Eavesdropping’ act.

“Oh, John - there you are! I thought I’d lost you for a moment,” and you gave him a big smile. “Hello, Sarah!” you added, now looking at her and still smiling, but it was a very much smaller one than John had received from you.

John reacted as you’d hoped he would and came rushing over to you immediately, hand going to yours. “Do you want to go, darling? We can, you know.” “Perhaps we should,” you said, “we don’t want to take up the whole of everyone’s afternoon, do we?” He grinned at you, “No, we don’t, darling.”

You hid a smile, thinking that he was perhaps slightly overdoing it with the ‘darling’s’ but you’d take them all. Because you’d caught a look of absolute fury on Sarah’s face for a split-second when she’d heard the first ‘darling’ leave his lips.

That’s more like it, girl! you thought gleefully, let out all that broiling jealousy and sexual tension hiding inside that calm little head!

If she wasn’t going to be honest about her true feelings and instead mess around playing silly mind games, then that really wasn’t your problem. You’d just met John, you liked him (much to your amazement, you had to admit) and you wanted to see where things led.

It had annoyed you, quite frankly, when you’d heard her dripping words of doubt into John’s ear as if she was merely a concerned bystander, instead of being an interested party herself.

And if she was going to play dirty, then you just might have to as well.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John was feeling immensely relieved as he drove the two of them away from Flintham Hall. His darling (which was how he found himself thinking of her now) didn’t seem to have overheard that silly squabble of his with Sarah and they’d managed to take their leave fairly easily without too many entreaties from his Mother to stay longer.

Although she did seem a little quiet on the drive back to town. He shook off the thought, she was probably just a bit overwhelmed after meeting all of them in one fell swoop. It was quite a task, he acknowledged. He knew his family could be intimidating.

Arriving back and parking outside her flat, he was overjoyed when she asked him if he’d like to come in for either more tea or a small aperitif.

It seemed that he was still in her ‘good books’.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You poured a pale sherry for each of you and handed a glass to John. He was lounging - entirely at ease - on your large cherry-red sofa, and you sat opposite him on the matching armchair. He looked slightly disappointed at that but took a sip of his sherry, saying “Mmm, that’s a nice Fino.”

You’d spent the whole journey back pondering whether to confess that you’d eavesdropped. Firstly, you felt guilty for doing so. One of your mother’s favourite sayings was ‘eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves’ if she ever caught you and your little brother listening at doors. And secondly, you didn’t want there to be any lies or omissions between you and John.

“Yes, it’s not bad,” you agreed. “Look John, I need to tell you something.” He sat bolt upright, “Oh no - you’re dumping me! Already!” he wailed. You laughed, “No, I’m not! But I do need to discuss something with you.”

He sat back again, still looking anxious, “Tell me!” he demanded. You drew in a deep breath, “I overheard your conversation with Sarah. I’m sorry!” you said quickly, “I really didn’t mean to, I was just coming downstairs… and then you were in the sitting room.” You grinned, “Furber caught me standing outside!” He also grinned, “Yes, he’s got a habit of appearing without warning! I suppose it’s the whole butler thing.” His expression sobered, “So you did hear us squabbling! And also the final scandalous fact about my ill-fated marriage.” He took another sip of sherry. “Yes, the sad fact is, my Father ran off with her. They’re living in sin and penury down in the south of France.”

“I’m sorry, John,” you said sincerely, “that must’ve been hard to bear.” He smiled at you, “It wasn’t the best. And of course Mother went absolutely mad and said it was all my fault. Which it was, of course. By that time, I’d realised that I didn’t love her but yes, it still stung.” You leaned back and looked steadily at him, “I suppose it was for the best. In an awful way. But tell me, what’s with Sarah?” He gave you a puzzled look, “What do you mean, darling?”

“Your relationship with her. Tell me about it.” He sighed, “Mother always wanted me to marry her. She saw it as the joining of two dynasties, nothing romantic about it. I think I told you we had a brother-sister thing between us? We grew up together so that’s just how it was. Then mater started putting pressure on me to get engaged to her and her parents weren’t opposed to it, so it was kind of understood between the two families that that’s what would eventually happen. But then… Larita. As I said.” Another sip of sherry. “When she left, it was obvious that everyone expected me to just pick up with Sarah again from where we left off. But she didn’t seem all that keen - wounded pride, I suppose and I don’t blame her for that - and to be brutally honest, I really wasn’t keen either.”

His dark eyes gazed over at you, “I never felt that spark with her, you know? She’s just like another sister.” You almost felt sorry for Sarah. “So it was just kind of… left on the side and no-one’s mentioned it again.” You nodded, and decided to take the plunge, “You do realise that she’s in love with you? And probably always has been?”

His face was a picture. “Umm.. what?” You nodded again, “Yes, John, believe me. Her indifferent demeanour is all an act. She wants you for herself.” You met his eyes, watching him intensely, “Does that change anything? How you feel about her? Because if it does, then I’ll just take myself off somewhere else.” He shook his head vigorously, “No! It changes nothing. Absolutely nothing.” He put his sherry glass down on the small table next to the sofa and came over to crouch down beside your chair, grasping your arm, “I’m sorry about it if that’s the case, I truly am. But it’s you I want, not Sarah.” He leant in towards you and the two of you gazed into each other’s eyes, then John’s lips softly met yours and you shared a sedate kiss.

Breaking apart, he laughed nervously, “I hope you don’t mind that I kissed you?” Shaking your head and running a finger along his jaw, you were smiling as you replied, “I don’t mind in the slightest, John.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John was driving perhaps a little too fast along the country roads, on his way back home in the gathering dusk. He was a very happy man indeed, and he was singing at the top of his voice.

There may be trouble ahead

But while there's moonlight

And music and love and romance

Let's face the music and dance

Before the fiddlers have fled

Before they ask us to pay the bill

And while we still have the chance

Let's face the music and dance

He pulled the car to a grinding halt and leapt out of it, bounding up the steps and into the house. Furber, gliding along with a tray holding a decanter of sherry and four glasses, hid a smile and nodded at him, “Good evening, sir. Shall I bring an additional glass for you?” “Uh.. no, thanks Furber, I’m just going to my room. To.. uh.. lie down for a nap before dinner.”

Furber hid an even bigger smile. He knew the signs only too well. The Master was in love again.

John’s foot was on the first step of the staircase when Veronica’s voice cut through his pleasant thoughts. “John! Please join us!” His shoulders dropped… caught like a rat in a trap! Accepting defeat, he turned on his heel and trotted into the sitting room behind his Mother. The other three ladies were ranged around various sofas and armchairs and in the process of accepting glasses of sherry from Furber, who magically produced a fifth glass and now filled it for John. How does he do that? wondered John, does he keep supplies of spare glasses in his pockets? Hmm, maybe he does, I wouldn’t put it past him.

He took the glass and thanked Furber, settling into one of the squashy old armchairs and facing the four women who were all looking at him expectantly. He looked back at them, until eventually his Mother broke the stalemate, “Well, John? Where did you meet her? At the Art Gallery?” Marion sniggered bitchily, “As if! John’s never been inside an art gallery in his life, Mama!” Shooting her a poisonous look, John replied, “As it happens - no, Mother.” Marion snorted in triumph but John ignored her, continuing, “I nearly hit her in the head with a tennis ball.”

“Johhhhnnn!” wailed his mother, “That’s no way to impress a lady!” He sighed, “I do realise that, mater. I promise you I didn’t do it on purpose. But it was certainly very fortuitous.” He knew that he probably had a dreamy, faraway look in his eyes but he didn’t care. He noticed Sarah’s eyes on him, and he felt a sudden pang of guilt. But what can I do? he thought, the heart wants what the heart wants.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Monday was dragging by and felt very tedious. You’d begun work on a small canvas by a fairly famous local artist and as you meticulously and gently rubbed at the grime which covered it, your mind drifted to last Saturday evening.

After that first innocent kiss, John had pulled you up off the armchair and slid his arms right around you, holding you close and kissing you in an increasingly passionate fashion. So much so that you eventually had to gently shove him away, smiling and catching your breath.

Most of the (admittedly few) men you had stepped out with had been appalling kissers, all wet lips and slobbering over you in indecent haste.

John might act like an overgrown schoolboy (or puppy, take your pick) but in the kissing stakes, he was well out in front of the rest of the field. His lips had hovered at your ear and you felt little huffs of his breath against it. “Your lips, your mouth, your eyes… you’re driving me insane,” he whispered, and you’d almost fainted at the sensuality of it.

You suddenly heard your supervisor’s sharp voice, and you looked up quickly at the older woman. She was in fact a very good mentor, her bark being worse than her bite as they say. She smirked, “You’re in a world of your own today, dear! I called your name at least twice before now.” Looking more closely at you, she gave a delighted laugh, “Oh my! There’s a man involved, isn’t there?” You blushed furiously and she crowed, “I was right! I knew it. Now, tell me all about him!”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

After spending ten minutes telling your mentor all about John, you were slightly disappointed when she had a bit of a mixed reaction to the details you shared.

“My dear, he does sound very dashing,” she intoned, and you knew there was a ‘but’ coming, “but he also sounds a little bit… risqué.” You opened your mouth to jump to his defence, but she held up a hand, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you do need to guard against making any impulsive decisions regarding him. He sounds as if he likes impulsive gestures, judging by the sound of the circumstances surrounding his marriage. And then his father running off with his wife! I mean, my dear, that is positively…” “Scandalous,” you supplied, “yes, I do realise that. But I truly believe he’s learned his lesson.”

She looked sceptical, “So you say, but please do bear in mind that he’s still probably inclined towards the impulsive, despite what he says. I’m sure your parents would never forgive me if I didn’t at least try and sound a warning shot across your bows!” You dipped your head and accepted her thoughts, “I am listening to you, honestly,” you assured her.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John had taken to telephoning you every evening since the Saturday you’d spent together. “I just want to hear your voice,” he’d say say quietly into the phone. “It’s nice to hear yours, too,” you’d reply. When he phoned you on Tuesday evening, you could hear some excitement in his voice. “I’ve got us two stand tickets for the races on Saturday,” he said, his words tumbling over each other, “Oh say you’ll come! It’s not one of the big gold cup meetings but it’ll be so much fun!” You laughed, caught up in his excitement, “Yes, John, I’ll come.”

“Wonderful! Mater keeps telling me not to call you too much or pester you at work but I can’t help it!” “It’s fine, I don’t mind,” you said truthfully, thinking about how you now sat in your flat of an evening waiting for him to call. Not that you’d admit that to him, of course. Your feelings for John were definitely a bit like a runaway train at the moment, and you were trying to keep the brakes on but you were struggling to do so.

About half an hour after you’d hung up, your doorbell rang. Opening the door, you were less than charmed to see your neighbour Euphemia standing on your doorstep clutching a teacup. “Oh hullo,” she greeted you, “I wonder if I can borrow some sugar?” Mentally rolling your eyes, you said, “Of course, step in for a moment.” You took the cup from her and she trailed along your hall after you, following you to the kitchen. You knew exactly why she was here and as you poured out some sugar for her, she said, trying to sound casual, “So you have a new young man, then?”

Your back was to her so you smirked to yourself. “Yes, Euphemia, I do,” you said lightly. “Mmm,” she grunted, “What’s his name, then?” “John.” “John what?” Now she was beginning to annoy rather than amuse you, “John No-one-You’ll-Ever-Have-Heard-Of,” you said sarcastically, handing her the cup of sugar. “There you go, Euphemia! Now, so sorry, I’m right in the middle of something.” In other words, sling your hook. She had a very dissatisfied look on her face as she hadn’t been able to get all the information she wanted out of you. Just then, there was another knock at the door so you headed to it, Euphemia on your heels again. God, that woman!

Upon opening the door this time, you were delighted to see a much more welcome face. John was standing there, a very large bouquet of peonies in his hand. He gave you a big smile then immediately leaned in for a kiss, but pulled back suddenly mid-kiss when his eyes met Euphemia’s over your shoulder. “Oh!” he exclaimed, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise you had company.” You looked over your shoulder, saying, “Euphemia was just leaving, weren’t you Euphemia?” you said with a hint of menace in your voice. “Um… yes,” she nodded, “nicer to meet you, Mr… ?” You grabbed John’s arm and squeezed hard, “Bye, Euphemia!” She sulkily brushed past you and John and made her way down your steps.

You dragged John inside and quickly closed the door. “That woman!” you hissed, “She’s just been in here to ‘borrow a cup of sugar’ …in other words, trying to sniff out information about you!” John laughed, “Ah, now I understand! Here, darling… these are for you.” He handed you the bouquet, you exclaiming how pretty they were and beginning to look for a vase. “I remembered you said that peonies were your favourites,” he announced proudly. You were impressed! You two had passed a florists on the evening of your first date and you’d remarked how much you loved the big blowsy pink flowers.

“Anyhow, she’s not very pleased,” you said conversationally as you busied yourself arranging the flowers, “she didn’t get any information out of me at all apart from your first name.” You looked up at him, holding one of the blooms in your hand, “And as much as I’m pleased to see you and these beautiful flowers… what on earth are you doing here, John?”

You saw his face pink up, “I hope you won’t be annoyed but I couldn’t wait until Saturday to see you.” Your stomach filled with butterflies and you put down the peony, going over to where he stood and hugging him, before kissing his cheek. “You’re such a sweet boy,” you smiled at him. You felt his his shoulders relax. “Marion told me you’d get really fed up with me.”

You ghosted a kiss over his lips, “Oh, poor Marion… she’s not a happy bunny, is she?” John smiled a little sadly, “Disappointed in love. Her intended had no intention of marrying her and took off travelling.” “Oh, what a shame,” you sympathised. “It’s given her a slightly skewed view of life,” John shrugged, “she unfortunately tends to revel in other people’s embarrassing situations.”

He leant back from you, your arms still round him, “You’re not fed up with me, are you?” You smiled, “Not yet.” He landed a small kiss on your lips, “I’m pleased to hear that.” “Have you eaten?” “No… I had the sudden impulse to come haring over here to see you.” You stroked his cheek, “Then have a seat,” you waved towards your kitchen table, “and I’ll make you something.”

Your mentor’s words echoed in your head as you went to the pantry and took out some food items for John. “…he’s still probably inclined towards the impulsive…”

You felt a little soupçon of worry. It seems like she had possibly hit the nail right on the head.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@paracosmenthusiast

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

[manysmallhands]

#35: St Vincent - Cruel

Released - Aug 21 2011

Highest UK Chart Position - Did not chart

Spotify Streams To Date - 23,890,361

First Heard - Bought CD, Xmas 2012

St Vincent reminds me of a patch of illness where I remained extremely sick, but had made enough baby steps to manage a substantial amount of music every day: the difficulty then was knowing what to listen to. Daytime radio was barren at this point - 6 music was stacked with nonentities parading as the mainstream alt scene - and the internet was too complicated for me to focus on or manage. And then, just occasionally, I would notice something. I remember hearing St Vincent for the first time on an interview with Scott Walker, where he was playing songs by some of his favourite current artists. Cruel wasn’t that song, but they were both on the Strange Mercy album and I got someone to buy it for me that Christmas. It’s a record that reminds me of listening to music on cold, bleak mornings, an appropriate atmosphere for its strangely antiseptic sound - the sleeve features a mouth trapped behind a sheet of rubber and it’s hard to think of a more fitting image.

Cruel itself mixes the cerebral with the instinctive, not really in the same way as Flash Delirium (#33) does, but with an intelligence and pop spirit that would surely spark some mutual recognition. There are moments where I can’t help but get excited, like the electronic throb over the introduction which injects some dark mischief right at the beginning, or whenever that synthesised counterpoint melody dances across the wider arc of the song. It’s full of great hooks, most of them coming from Annie herself, as she hollers the title over and again or keeps grinding out that maddeningly catchy guitar break. There’s a battle throughout between the more subdued, colder elements of the vocal and the massive wail of the chorus, and the song responds in kind, stopping and starting, seeming to kick on at points but still holding something back, before manufacturing a kind of suppressed hysteria which lets go at full throttle in the end. Cruel is, I think, the first real St Vincent banger and it sounds like it ought to be pretty straightforward, but, like with a lot of her tunes, the more you listen, the more you realise that you’ve been played.