#and it definitely feels like i shouldn't be shaking quite as much from emotional stuff as i do

[funforahermit]

sometimes i hate my third adrenal gland

[luveline]

hi jade! would you be open to doing a hurt/comfort Eddie fix where the readers dealing with some personal stuff at home and starts distancing herself from him, they fight about it but makeup after a couple of days or something and it's a fluffy happy ending? love your writing and hope your doing well xx

hey!!! tysm for ur request tw unspecified family drama ♡♡♡ fem!reader

You've thought about nothing besides your fight with Eddie for days now.

Arguments can feel so transient. One second you're golden, the next you've argued, and ten minutes later you can't remember half of what you said or what Eddie said, and you're listening to him drive away with shaky hands.

The shaking comes and goes. It's a fucking gnawing anxiety. As if things weren't bad enough, now your boyfriend's mad at you (for good reason) and it's the only thing you can think about.

"Why won't you talk to me?" he'd asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't do that. Don't pretend there's nothing wrong."

Eddie's good at that, slicing down to the core of the problem without dawdling. You are pretending nothing is wrong, because you don't want to think about everything that's wrong, or even admit to it, not with Eddie. It's all messy and stupid and you shouldn't feel so much shame about the things you can't control, but you do.

The phone on your nightstand starts to ring. You lift your teary face off of a damp pillow and squint at it.

"Listen," Eddie says as soon as you pick up, no time for greetings, "I just wanna see you, okay? No more fighting, I promise."

You blink in surprise. The already high emotion, the snap of relief. Tears well in your eyes and you sound full of them as you say, "Okay."

"Aw, baby," he says under his breath. "Can I come over?"

You tilt your head and listens for the noise downstairs. "Can I come to you?" you ask.

"Of course you can... Uh-" There's a lot of sound from the other line. "Don't cry, sweetheart, okay? I'll come and pick you up, how's that? Please don't cry."

His sweetness and his not wanting you to cry is exactly what makes it unmanageable. You stifle a gasp with the back of your hand and close your eyes, feeling silly for reacting so strongly. You've really missed him. Really needed him.

"Are you- I'm gonna come and get you," he repeats, sounding not quite frantic but definitely worried.

"Sorry."

"Don't be. We'll talk about it."

You hang up and get dressed into something that doesn't look like it's been cried in for two days straight. You wait until you see his headlights from the bedroom window and slink out of the house on pins, heart spinning like a top as you approach his van.

It's dark. Your breath forms a cloud in front of you, and you hesitate with your fingers curled around the door handle.

Don't cry, you think.

You bite your tongue and pull open the door. Eddie's already looking at you with a careful smile.

"Hey," he says, offering his hand to help you up the short step as he always does. You take it not because you've ever needed it, but because you really want to hold his hand, and you don't let go once the doors closed. Eddie makes no effort to take it back.

You look down at his hand in yours. You know it well. The thickness and length of each finger, the single ring on his middle finger, the teeny tiny mole on his marriage finger.

"Can I give you a kiss?" His voice is rougher than usual, low.

You nod but still can't look at him — if you look at him you'll definitely cry. Your chest races in wait for him to lean across the gap and kiss you. It's a relief when he does, his lips warm and insistent. One kiss, a second.

"I'm keeping this," he says, pulling your hand toward his thigh.

You laugh quietly. He squeezes your hand in response and starts back on the road.

"I'm sorry for..." He cringes. "For getting so angry with you."

"It's okay."

"Is it? I've been thinking about it for hours and it just doesn't feel like you to stop talking to me. And I got so angry I pushed you back into a corner, and it didn't fix anything and it just made me miss you."

"You didn't push me into a corner," you say.

He turns the wheel in one hand, the other tight but never, ever cruel where it stays squeezing your own.

"I was quick to jump at you. I hate that. I don't want to be like that."

"Everybody fights," you murmur, trying to rub at the back of his hand. He has such a secure grip that's its difficult, but you try.

"I feel like an asshole, okay? Let me apologise, please." The first sentence said with self-deprecating bravado, the second with genuine remorse.

"You were right, though. I haven't been talking to you. It's just- there's just stuff, Eddie, that's all, and I didn't want you to know. It's," — a lazy tear runs down your cheek and you bring your shoulder up to wipe it — "my stupid- stupid family." You stop abruptly, embarrassed by how much you've said and the upset way you've said it.

"I want to know, though."

There's a really long gap. You and Eddie are good at this, at communicating, at knowing when there's as much need for love as there is for conversation. But you're also both flawed. Eddie's insecure, and he doesn't like feeling vulnerable. It makes sense that he'd assume your pulling away was something to do with him. In a way, it was. And you're embarrassed and quick to hide how you feel, so afraid of leaning on him for support that you end up looking as though you don't trust him.

And obviously there's the lingering anger of a fight, of wanting to be right. You wish there wasn't. How much easier would it feel on your heart to decide Eddie was entirely to blame, that he'd misread the signs and made a big deal out of nothing?

It would be easy. But. It wouldn't be fair, and it wouldn't be love.

"Love you," you murmur, worried he won't say it back.

He pulls your hand up quick to his lips and kisses your knuckles. "I love you."

Which, despite everything, is what heals the rift. There's obviously more talking to be done. You need to tell Eddie about what's going on, and you will.

"Wanna table it?" he asks.

"Yes," you say tearfully, your relief palpable.

"Only for tonight."

"Yeah. Please."

His headlights splash across tarmac and up the brick side of Benny's diner. He's quiet as he puts the van in park, loosening his grip on your hand to push down the handbrake.

"Here," he says, pulling a sleeve over his palm, "gotta wipe those cute cheeks," — you laugh because it's awful — "or all the guys'll think I'm treating you wrong." He wipes your cheeks tenderly, lip pulled between his teeth for a short second. "Guess maybe I have been."

"No, you haven't," you say softly.

Your eyes close as he cleans up under your lashline with his thumbnail. You can't bear to open them as he takes your newly cleaned face into both hands, warm palms and the thick of his rings against your cool cheeks.

He kisses the tip of your nose.

"Dork," you say.

There's no way to describe it other than fondness in his hands, his fingers as they move slowly downward. He cradles your face from the jawline, thumbs pushing quarter circles.

"Open your eyes," he demands in a funny voice.

You open your eyes. Bloodshot, achey. Glad to see him. He's really pretty, handsome, everything. Brown eyes big and wide in the dark, pupils and irises merged into one.

"Let me get some food into you." He frowns some more, then takes on a light, almost blasé expression. "Heard Benny's got a new milkshake machine. Won't let me get you one, will you?"

"Do I really have a choice?" you ask. As soon as you smile Eddie pins it in place, beaming beaming beaming. He's like the sun.

"Sure you do. You can choose the flavour."

You lean heavily into one of his hands. Whether you can stomach it or not, if Eddie wants to buy you a milkshake, how can you deny him?

[kiridarling]

"𝐒𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐀𝐘𝐒."

izuku midoriya | friends older brother!izuku + college student!reader + f!reader + squirting + size kink + more! minors dni! does this count? as dark content?

— 2.4k words

"It's simple: I'll stuff you full with two fingers, but they only do what simon says. Understand?"

“[Y/N?]”

“Uh, hey Izuku!” You smile, grip tightening around the strap to your bag. Izuku fills the doorway, broad shoulders kissing both sides of the frame, and you can’t help but feel minuscule in comparison. “Kota around?”

Izuku shakes his head, peering over his shoulder for a second before returning his attention to you with a click of his tongue. "Uh, no I think he's out with Eri. They should be back soon though...it's been a few hours."

"Shit," you curse under your breath. Your friend's older brother smiles in apology, biceps straining under his white tee.

"You need something?"

"Yeah," you nod, forcing your eyes back onto his, instead of the broad chest presented at eye-level. "Just my precalc book."

Izuku waits a second, thinking, before his palm claps against the doorframe and he's walking deeper into the house. "Come on in, then! I'm sure he won't mind."

You step into the house after him, and it's...weird. Weird being with your Kota's older brother without Kota there, because despite the thousands of times you've been in your best friend's house and as well as you know the greenette, you and Izuku have never been alone.

"Find it?"

You've been rummaging through Kota's room for a solid ten minutes and somehow still empty-handed, moving slowly in fear you'll see something you can't unsee. And hey, with Kota and Eri dating, anything's possible.

"No," you sigh, ready to give up rather than find a strap-on. "It's fine. I can just come to get it tomorrow or something."

"How soon do you need it?" The greenette asks, his forearms leaning against his younger brother's dresser. You take a seat on Kota's comforter instead, silently hoping you'll find your book by accidentally breaking your tailbone against the damn thing; you're a little disappointed when all your ass comes in contact with is a plush mattress.

"Like, tonight," you grieve, knowing that tomorrow morning, your math grade will suffer severely. "'S fine though. There's always another test."

Izuku snorts at that, crossing the room to take a seat next to you. The bed whines under his weight but doesn't collapse, and you feel a little bad to say you're surprised. Voice full of reminiscence, he sighs, "Ah, the college days."

You giggle, "You act like they're lightyears behind you."

"They might as well be," the greenette shrugs, before reaching behind your waist to steal a pillow. "Couldn't tell you a thing I learned."

You shrug trying to remember the last time you’ve felt prepared for a test, “Neither can I.”

Izuku chuckles and nods, though you’re convinced it’s because he has nothing to say. An awkward silence takes possession of the room by the neck, and you shift awkwardly, unsure of what to say that could give you an excuse to leave, or at least redirect his strange yet heavy gaze. As Izuku licks his lips, you notice how close you two actually are, as he's big to the point where your shoulders almost brush, but not quite.

"How um, hows your boyfriend?"

You scoff at that, but you suppose it's been a while since you and the greenette have talked one on one—and the last time you had, you weren't single.

"Oh uh, he's fine, I guess," you brush it off with a shrug and a wave, cringing at the thought of how that ended. "I don't know. We broke up a while ago, so."

"Oh sorry!" Izuku flushes and throws a hand over his mouth, and you giggle.

"You're fine. He was an asshole anyway," you chuck a laugh, but it's not really that funny. Frankly, he's left too many emotional scars to count, along with the ones healing from past exes. "I...don't have a good reputation when it comes to picking boyfriends."

“So, I’ve heard—no offense,” he says sheepishly, though you don't blame him. You've definitely had a few surprise visits caused by a nasty break-up or two, knowing this is the place you'll probably find both of your best friends hiding out. When Izuku speaks again, it’s borderline awkward as his eyes dart around the room, cheeks puffed and lips pursed in apprehension. “Found...anyone new?”

You frown, “Anyone new.”

“Yeah!” Izuku exclaims, and it’s almost encouraging. “Like a new boyfriend.”

“Oh,” you laugh, shaking your head. “Um, no. Like I said, I don’t have much luck with that type of stuff.”

Izuku snorts, rolling his eyes before he’s adjusting himself to lay on the pillow, half of his body upright. “I bet you do. You might not realize it, but you do.”

Now it’s your turn to snort and roll your eyes, leaning back on your hands with a huff. "You're just being nice, Izuku."

"No, seriously!" He props himself higher so you can see he really is serious, evergreen eyes locked and deadset, "Like—okay, and this might be a TMI or something, but how do they, y'know, and then be dicks, y'know?"

"They don't."

"They don't...what?"

"They don't...make me cum," you heave with great depression, despite the seemingly surface-level complaint. With wrists tightening around your ankles, you hate uncomfortably in the silence, and watch Izuku's mouth open and close, before it opens and closes again.

"Like...never?"

"No." You give him a weird look.

"But what about your last boyfriend? I thought he—"

"I don't know what you're looking for, Izuku," you chuckle, shaking your head. The greenette seems more pained than he is shocked, eyes wide with a big fat pout in place of a neutral face. "It's not like I haven't had an orgasm before. Just...not with someone else."

"That's not the same!" Izuku defends, slowly becoming more animated than you've ever seen him. "It's like...more passionate with another person, you know? And that makes everything a whole lot hotter."

"Thanks," you huff, mood souring more than it already has. Izuku's mouth stills once he realizes what he's essentially bragging, guilt clouding his face. As you exhale out of your nose, you can't escape feeling bad for snapping. "Look. I'm perfectly fine with being the only person to be able to make myself cum. It's not that deep."

"You sound like you expect no one to be able to," Izuku snorts with a raised eyebrow, shoulders bumping against yours. "You've just...had bad boyfriend luck. That doesn't mean no one's capable of doing it."

"Well," you click your tongue bitterly, because you've heard all of this before, and you're utterly tired of hearing it. "They've been able to make all their exes orgasm. And it's not like it even matters, relationships aren't abou—"

"I could do it."

"I—" you blink, shaking your head at the pure audacity of his request? Suggestion? Comment? Whatever the fuck. "Excuse me?"

"I—wait, listen," Izuku rushes like you're getting ready to book it the fuck out of there, sitting upright so his body is turned to yours. "You're...it's...I've been told I'm good with my fingers, right?"

And what a way to start a story.

"Izuku, in the nicest way, every guy is like this," you scoff, "He thinks he's all that just because a chick or two said you made her feel really good. I don't need to fake another orgasm."

"You won't have to," Izuku purrs cockily, leaning forwards on his hands and making you wonder where all of this is coming from. "Let's play a game of simon says, yeah?"

"Simon—" your chest collapses with a giggle of pure disbelief, "I'm not that much younger than you, you know."

"I wouldn't be offering if you were," the greenette reasons, eyes growing dark slowly, if any. "Yes or no?"

"What's the catch?" You bargain and Izuku huffs a laugh. You can feel it on your face.

"No catch, Pretty," he hums, and you can feel the vibrations in your fingers. "It's simple: I'll stuff you full with two fingers, but they only do what simon says. Understand?"

You gulp as Izuku lifts a hand—and a very large one, at that—and it's jagged and rough with scars and bulky knuckles. His free hand makes you grab his wrist and you're fingertips barely touch, but you’re pulling his hand south by your own volition.

“Gotta take your pants off first,” he chuckles, and you flush red. That would be helpful, yes.

It doesn't take long before they're off though, flung towards a corner somewhere—and this is when you realize that maybe, you shouldn't do this on Kota's bed.

"Izuku maybe we shoul—"

But before you can say anything else, he's pushing your panties to the side and shoving both fingers into you at once, eyebrows folding as he groans under his breath from the sensation.

"So wet already? Clearly, someone likes this more than they let on."

"I—what the fuck happened to simon says!" You yelp, but his fingers don't move. Izuku just beams like the deceptive asshole he is.

"Game starts now," is all he says, and you're huffing, propping yourself up on your elbows. Izuku's fingers might as well have knocked the wind out of you, lungs struggling to find room to breathe as he curls his fingers to tap directly onto your g-spot with worrying precision.

"Simon says um, move please," you grunt out. Izuku's fingers stay still, and you frown, kicking him in the thigh. "Hey, I sai—"

"You gotta be more specific than that, Pretty,” he says with a grin. You snarl. "Tell me what you want me to do to you."

"I..." you start, but it's fucking embarrassing, and you know Izuku feels you twitch around him when you say: "Can you um, fuck me with your fingers."

He doesn't move.

"Simon says fuck me with your fingers, asshole," you grunt with narrowed eyes, though they widen when he starts to pump his fingers in and out, chuckling when you shiver from the dexterity.

Except, his fingers move painfully slow, and you find yourself gritting your teeth at the speed when he doesn't make an effort to go any faster. You click your tongue—he's really going to make you request everything, isn't he?

"Simon says faster," you growl with a challenge burning in your eyes, and Izuku meets them with equal fire, fingers finally forgetting their torturous pace for a much quicker one. Finally.

"Fuck! Simo—simon says right t-there," your legs spread wider and Izuku makes more room for himself in between. He hums with dark eyes as you whimper and whine his name, writhing in his younger brother's sheets like they belong to him—like you belong to him.

"I wanna touch you all the time, you know," Izuku grunts before cursing at the sight of your wetness around his fingers. "Make you feel good, make you mine. I don't think Kota would approve, though."

"We don—" you wheeze and he places a hand next to your head, towering over you. The angle only gets better, your hands digging into the sheets as Izuku's fingers curl just right. "We don't have to tell him."

Izuku chuckles at that, chest rumbling as he leans in closer to the point where your noses nearly touch. "You dirty fucking girl."

You moan at that, hips bucking into his hand. You're so close and yet you need more, something else to push you over the edge for good. With a whimper behind a bitten lip, you say, "S-Simon says rub my clit."

Izuku's thumb falls upon your clit and you squeal from the amount of initial pressure, thighs jolting from the white-hot waves that pump through your bloodstream as his thumb moves in small, ever-quickening circles that have you gripping for Kota's comforter for dear life.

"Iz—Izuku I'm gonna—g-gonna cum," you pant, and he's ripping his hands away before you can even reach a hint of the edge. You glare at him out of pure and utter betrayal, and he beams.

"Simon didn't say, did he?"

Your mouth flies open before your brain has time to process it all, "Simon says make me cum, p-please, I need to—fuck!"

Izuku's stuffing you full with his fingers in an instant and his thumb returns to its rightful place.

"Yeah? You gonna cum for me, Pretty?" His hands somehow find the energy to speed up to the point where the clap of his palm against your pussy fills the room, slowly being replaced by a lewd squelch as you tighten around him. He chuckles when all you can do is whimper, grappling for his big shoulders as he says, "Oh, yes she is. So fucking close I can feel it."

You let out a broken moan and in a blink you're squirting, body buzzing as you make a big wet mess of Kota's sheets. It doesn't even register how screwed you two are because you're too busy wading waist-deep in the sea of Izuku's eyes, chest heaving in time with his as he gives you a look of pure awe. Not at what you've done, per se, but at you, and that's when you understand it—the passion.

"We should uh, probably clean up," Izuku flushes as he chuckles, cheeks pressing into the crescents of his face, and you find yourself smiling along with him. With a final click, he pulls his fingers out, gesturing to a circular wet spot on his now see-through shirt. "You made quite a mess."

Fuck the passion.

You shove your fists into his chest and Izuku laughs, pushing your hands away with his one dry free hand, wiping the wet one on Kota's sheets.

"Izuku!" You gasp, looking at the new and improved addition to your mess. The greenette shrugs.

"What? We're going to have to clean it anyway," he shrugs before assuming the dry spot to your right and nestling his forearms in the pillow to peck you on the forehead. Then he freezes.

"I uh...am I allowed to do that?"

You roll your eyes, grabbing him by his squirt-soaked shirt to pull him into a kiss. Izuku hums at that, suppressing the urge to smile as his big hands find their way to your waist. He's an annoyingly good kisser

"No, you're not," you say with swollen lips once you pull away. Izuku grins, teeth digging into his bottom lip as his eyes flutter to yours for a moment, before they're staring into your soul again.

"I like you," he boldly states, albeit quietly, like he's talking to your eyes and nothing else. "Like, a lot."

"I—" You start, but you're interrupted by a click of a lock and the sound of the front door opening. Shit.

"Oi! We're home, Izuku!"

[starlit-serenade]

ONEUS When They Accidentally Say Something That Hurts Their S/O

Summary: How would ONEUS react when they realize they accidentally said something hurtful to their S/O?

Word Count: 1,800 words

Pairing: Reader x Members / Characters: GenderNeutral!Reader; Kim Youngjo (Ravn); Lee Seoho (Seoho); Kim Geonhak (Leedo); Lee Keonhee (Keonhee); Yeo Hwanwoong (Hwanwoong); Son Dongju (Xion);

Rated: E / Warnings: Very slight weight mention (Keonhee's) / Genre: Very slight angst; Fluff;

《 ONEUS Masterlist 》

Kim Youngjo (Ravn)

He would catch himself and apologize immediately. He would do everything in his power to keep you from leaving--he doesn't want you to be apart and leave an argument unresolved. And he'd beat himself up for hurting you.

You had entered the studio and spotted your boyfriend, Youngjo, hunched over the table with a headset over his ears, still hard at work. He was absolutely oblivious to the fact that it's almost midnight.

When you had asked him to come home with you, he had agreed. But you had mentioned that he hadn't been home all day, and said that he needed to take care of himself and that he's been neglecting himself, and he got upset.

"You wouldn't understand, you aren't an idol," he snaps. You freeze, and feel your shoulders sag and your heart drop.

Youngjo must see your face drop, because before you can turn back to the door to leave, he has his arms around you, hugging you, holding you tightly.

"I'm sorry, baby, I shouldn't have said that. That was unfair to say," he says. You don't respond, and he continues. "Please, don't go. That wasn't fair. I'm sorry, baby."

He pulls away and cups your face to look at you. "Baby, are you okay? Please say something."

You inhale. "That was mean," you say finally. He exhales, relieved that you've responded, and nods.

"Yes, it was. I'm a bad boyfriend," he says. "Let me apologize. I'll take a day off tomorrow, okay? Tomorrow, it's just me and you, okay?"

You sniff. "You don't have to. I just want you to take care of yourself."

"I want to," he says. "Let's go home, baby."

Lee Seoho (Seoho)

Seoho would have to be really tired or upset to say something hurtful to you, as he's usually very careful with his words. But he knows that whatever he said was not justified. The moment he realizes what he said, he'd apologize.

"Seoho," you call out when you arrive home. You kick off your shoes and  head to the bedroom, where Seoho should be--his practice ends before your work. You two had planned to go out grocery shopping today.

"Seoho? Are you upstairs?" you ask as you climb up the stairs to the bedroom. There's no response, that came to my texts and didn't want me in my life I just wanted to be able and not just be you continue up. You note that the door is open, and peek into your bedroom to see Seoho on the bed, phone in hand. His eyes are trained on his phone, and he doesn't seem to even notice your presence. 

"There you are," you murmur. He still doesn't respond, and you realize he has his earbuds in. You walk over in front of him and wave at him until he sees you and removes one earbud.

"Oh, Y/N," he says, blinking up at you. "You're home."

You nod. "Yup. I was calling for you. We should go grocery shopping before the sun's down, so we can have time to make dinner."

Seoho sighs, and mutters to himself, "Annoying."

You stare at him. "What? Excuse me? I'm annoying?"

He frowns at you, looking confused for a second before his eyes widen. "Wait, no, I didn't mean it like that. Let me explain."

He takes your hand and pulls you to sit next to him on the bed. You frown at him, but wait for him to explain.

"I was just. Exhausted from work. I meant that going out and being busy was annoying. God, Y/N, I'm sorry, that came out wrong," he says.

"No no, it's alright," you say, ruffling his hair, and he smiles sweetly at you. "Maybe I can go shopping for us?"

He shakes his head. "Stay with me."

"Mmkay. We can just order takeout today instead? And get groceries tomorrow?"

He nods, and you smile, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Kim Geonhak (Leedo)

Right away, Geonhak would realize he went too far. He'd stop right away and apologize profusely. He'd know that he needs a bit of space or a short break to breathe, before apologizing and talking with you.

"Geonhak, you can't not respond to my texts or anything and expect me to have made dinner for two ready," you say. "You've been missing dinner for the past week and have been eating it at , and when I asked if you wanted me to make dinner for us both tonight

"You wouldn't get it," Geonhak says dismissively. "You aren't an idol, we have schedules and practice. I couldn't find the time. But of course you wouldn't get it. I just don't have the time."

You pause, absorbing his words. "You didn't have the time at all today to text me, is that it?" you ask, eyes tearing up. "Alright. Well, I'll make sure to make lunch again."

You can see Geonhak's face change. His eyes widen in shock, and he reaches out to grab your hands before you can turn away.

"Y/N, I didn't mean it like that," he says. "I just had a really stressful day. That was wrong of me to say, I'm so sorry Y/N. Let me just. Take a breath in the next room for a minute, okay? I'll be right back, I need a second."

You nod, and he exits the room. You're used to this. Not him accidentally saying something hurtful, but him often getting too worked up and having to take a breath. But after that, it always works out.

When he returns, he apologizes again for what he said. And then, he explains that he did lose track of time, due to a surprise interview and loads of practice. You two talk it over much calmer this time, and he apologizes again for what he said.

Lee Keonhee (Keonhee)

Keonhee would never say anything mean about you, but he might say something a little harsher than intended, or maybe with a bad tone. But the moment that he realizes what he said, he would instantly stop and apologize profusely. He'd beat himself up about hurting you like that.

You're curled up on your bed with your head on your boyfriend Keonhee's chest.

"Keonhee," you say, and he hums in acknowledgement. "Keonhee, I'm gonna go get some snacks, okay?"

He nods, and you push yourself up off of him, your hand pressed against his chest, and he lets out a loud groan.

"Ohhh gosh, you're heavy, Y/N," he says.

You feel a feeling of embarrassment wash over you and mumble a quick "Oh, sorry," as you remove your hands from his chest quickly.

"Ah, wait baby!" Keonhee grabs your hand quickly before you can go. He sits up and moves so he can sit in front of you. "I didn't mean your weight. You just, you pressed down on my chest really abruptly and it felt heavy."

You tilt your head, sort of understanding him. But not quite. Thankfully, he continues.

"I should have said 'ow, you pressed down on my chest really hard,'" he says, clutching at his chest to demonstrate what he should have done. You laugh a bit at his silliness, but resume your pouting. He takes your hands and presses a kiss to your knuckles. "I'm sorry, baby, I misspoke. Bad boyfriend, bad Keonhee. I'm so sorry, baby."

"It's okay, Keonhee," you say. "Only if you get snacks instead of me."

"Deal." He presses another kiss to your knuckles. "Love you baby."

Yeo Hwanwoong (Hwanwoong)

Hwanwoong doesn't always watch his words carefully, so feelings might get hurt on accident at times. But once he sees that something hurt you, he'd stop himself and apologize.

"Oh my gosh, there’s is a little harsher and I'm really looking for something that can help me get my own stuff done and then I can an audition for a small dance group!" you say, pausing your scrolling through your social media at the sight of an advertisement. You look at your boyfriend who sits on the other end of the couch. "Woong, should I audition."

"Oh no, Y/N," Hwayoung says, shaking his head. You pause, and nod slightly. You know he doesn't mean it in a hurtful way--you don't usually dance--but you've always been itnterested in it, even before you met him, and you'd hoped that joining a group would be a start.

"Yeah. Maybe you're right . . ." you say, and you see Hwanwoong look up in surprise.

"I didn't mean it like that, Y/N, I'm so sorry it came out like that. I just meant you don't have the practice yet," he says, standing up. He walks over and takes your hands, kneeling in front of you. "When's the audition? I can help you practice before then. How does that sound?"

You nod, looking at him kneeling with his face inches from yours, and you feel the corners your lips lift. "Sounds great, Woong."

"Perfect, when is it?" he asks. You look at the date.

"Two weeks."

"Oh, that's plenty of time! I'm sure you could be better than me by then!" He pokes your nose and you laugh a bit.

"Thank you, Woong."

Son Dongju (Xion)

Dongju doesn't usually say mean things. but if a disagreement gets really bad, or if he gets really mad,  he might get more easily caught up in his emotions or annoying and unintentionally raise his voice.

"Y/Nie," Dongju asks from the kitchen, and you look up from your spot on the couch.

"Yes DoongDoongie?" you ask.

"Did you see a bag of chips in the cupboard?"

"Oh yeah, I did," you say, worriedly. "Was that yours? I'm sorry," you say apologetically. "

He sighs. "Y/N," he grumbles to himself as he walks over and plops down on the other end of the couch from you. He pulls out his phone and starts scrolling, obviously fuming.

"Sorry, Dongju. Do you want me to go buy you some?"

"It's fine."

He shakes his head, "It's fine."

"Dongju--"

"Y/N, it's fine," he says. Not quite yelling, but his voice is definitely raised. You shrink into yourself.

"Alright," you say quietly.

"Y/N, sorry," he grabs your hand. "That was wrong. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

You nod, not meeting his eyes. "It's okay. It's my fault."

"No, no. I shouldn't have raised my voice." He squeezes your hand. "Y/N, can you look at me?"

You look up at him, and see he's pouting at you.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I really am. Forgive me?"

You nod, humming gently. "I forgive you. Do you want me to buy you more chips?"

He thinks for a second. "Let's go together, okay baby?"

You smile. "Alright."

[howtomommy]

Hi there.

Everyone always says "parenting isn't easy. It doesn't come with a manual." And while that is definitely true, it shouldn't have to be so damn hard either.

I feel like as new parents we come in COMPLETELY unprepared. Like, no one tells us what reeealllyyy to expect. You can want kids for 10 years, save up a bunch of money, have your own home and a good job, read every parenting book under the sun and still end up hiding in the bathroom eating icecream out of the tub with a spoon and a bottle of wine asking yourself what the heck you did to deserve the punishment that is the terrible twos. And that is entirely okay and completely normal. There is so much mom guilt out there these days. Parent shaming in general has been normalized to such a degree that it's sickening. Some times I just want to shake the stuck up moms who lecture other moms for silly reasons and say "what are you doing?! Who are you to judge?!"

I started out motherhood as a teen mom with absolutely no idea what I was doing, no help and a false sense of "I got this" attitude. My son put me through the ringer too. Between me being young, having undiagnosed mental health issues (PTSD, anxiety, depression and now possibly also ADHD) my son having ADHD, behavioral issues and me not having a proper support system through most of my time as a single mother, I had a rough start as a mother. I wasn't always what you'd consider a "good mom" either. I raised my voiced at my son too much, I spanked more than I should've needed too, I didn't know how to be creative with my discipline, I didn't use reward systems as much as I should've.. and my biggest regret? I didnt hug my son and tell him I loved him nearly enough when he was little.

I was so caught up in how hard things were I forgot to enjoy the great parts of being a mother. I didn't know how to ask for help. I did my absolute best at the time. I worked hard for my son, I lost jobs trying to help the schools control his unruly behavior. At one point I even took up odd house cleaning jobs and carried my cleaning supplies around in a cart on wheels because I don't drive just so I could set my own hours. I did that so I could sit in the school all day outside the office incase the teachers needed me to back them up if my son had a melt down. That boy was a lot of work a few years ago. Some days even now he can be a lot of work. But if you had told me that he would go from getting kicked out of daycare and schools because of his violent outbursts to being a wonderful young man who does chores, helps care for his little sister, loves and helps care for the pets in the house, works hard in school to get good grades and is one of the most polite kids I know.. nah, 4 years ago I never would have believed you.

I look back now and I am so proud. Not just of him and his amazing progress but myself as well. I grew up with him. He became responsible, aware of his emotions and how to control them, more honest and open and just more patient and kind in general. I became more patient and creative in how I parent and I learned how I should've been communicating with him in the first place. All this is stuff, I can go into in this blog. How it's okay to not be perfect, how to improve yourself so you can be better and stronger for your kids, how to work with your kids in ways they will better respond to and understand and best of all? Hopefully I can help you to not feel so alone. You're not alone. Even if it feels that way. I am not a professional. I am not a doctor or pediatrician. I haven't gone to school for child psychology and I'm not a sleep consultant or dietician. What I am though? Is experienced. I've lived this crap. I have made my mistakes so you don't have to. I won't judge you for the mistakes you've made and I am here for no other reason than to help those who feel the way I felt in the beginning. I don't want anyone to feel the way I felt. Scared, unsure, alone and quite frankly ashamed of myself for not being a good enough mom. I know now I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time but it took me years to figure that out. So, now you have an idea of why we are here, stay tuned. We're going to talk about how we can be the best parent versions of ourselves and surprise! It starts with you.

[bigscaryyanderewriter]

Liebling (Medic x Reader)

3k words

Tw: Medical stuff, dubcon, abuse, bondage, blackmailing, blood, yandere themes

This was commissioned!!! The first one I have gotten and I would love to thank the lovely person who paid for my writing. I definitely enjoyed writing this..please, gimme money aghaghaghagh ❤

-----------------------------

The rain poured as you shuddered, the bus stop where you were staying that night was lit up by the flickering street lights while you waited for the train. Dark clouds loomed in an ominous sort of way as the storm seemed to suffocate all light that wasn't from it. It only just occurred to you that the bus may not even be coming with the weather being as it is. Your phone glowed in your hand as you tried to browse away your worries that came from being here.

You needed to get out.

You needed out of this town and away from the hand that you had been dealt by the shitty folks of the city. Anywhere was better than here. You knew that, ignoring the frantic texts from your mother. She was begging you to come home, to think about and telling you how crazy you were being.

The funny part was, she was the one who let your father throw things at you. She didn't stop him from hitting you physically and using his sickeningly good way with words to jab at every fault you had. It was worse than anything when he wouldn't hurt you. He would just rip you apart as he told you about how you shouldn't have been born, you were definitely not his child and he could never, ever see you doing anything with your life.

He didn't care about you.

You still were nursing your arm as the shirt you wrapped around it was… Less than dry as blood soaked the already rain dampened fabric.

Wincing, you looked at your hand and then nearly jumped at the shaking of any umbrella. It was a man in a trenchcoat, a pair of glasses on his face and dark hair. He was rather handsome with a good jaw and strong features, but his eyes were on you… It was an intent gaze as he was seemingly to analyze what form of foreign creature you were.

A frown formed on your face as you saw how he kept staring, "Just what do you think you're looking at? Can't a girl catch the midnight train going anywhere?" Your voice cracked with slight emotion as you turned your head away. It wasn't until he moved closer that you went to look back.

911 wasn't going to be coming, you wouldn't call for help and you hurriedly went to stand with your bag of necessities as the man grabbed your hand.

"Please, please let go of my arm!"

"Frau, your arm will get infected with zhe way you've wrapped it und I don't think you want that."

You froze, realizing the amount of blood you had bled unto the bench and pavement beneath you as your hands shook. It was surreal as he slowly began addressing your wound and a hiss escaped you. Clearly he didn't care about your actual pain as he did his thing.

He asked minimal questions, but he did talk about the weather and such. You mainly "mhmm"ed and said yeah. It was actually soothing to hear him speak, because soon you were trying to stay awake. Helping you, he informed you that he was going to take you to a nearby place and get you something to eat. You needed to stay awake.

The night went on. You learned his name was Ludwig and he was from Stuttgart, Germany. You began to feel better. The way he seemed so generous was… It was lovely, he was genuine in how he treated you. You feel the way he isn't trying to pity you, while you just dump your issues onto the table as you both eat. His brows furrowed in, frowns come and he even offers to let you stay with him. You couldn't accept. He gave you his number to call if the wound gave you more trouble though and it was… You would take him up on that.

He was very persistent on you contacting him again though, just to continue talking. You were told how you were… less annoying than the average person and it was flattering, you supposed.

After he left, you slowly made your way to a motel. Scraping together the money from working was beneficial as you now sat in a room with warmth in it. Your sleep was dreamless that night, but it was better than nightmares.

You didn't even notice how a red umbrella followed you there that night and how a pair of intense, blue eyes kept on you when you had figured they were long gone.

The cut was healing alright, but it still hurt. You had actually been texting Ludwig, who helped you that night. Mainly for info on how to deal with your wound. He was more than helpful as you took care to follow his instructions.

Money was running low for you though, as you only had enough for another day in the motel. You would be on the streets and have to figure it out. It was not a comforting thought as you racked your brain.

It had been more than once when your dear medic had offered to house you, but you… You weren't sure. A man you didn't know and the potential of bad things happening. His words seemed to convince you otherwise though. He was a doctor, he was safe. Nothing would happen if you weren't interested and he just wanted to help you.

The "if you weren't interested" part made your face heat up as you had over thought the idea of Ludwig had formed some sort of… Affection for you, other than platonic. He did seem to have more regard for your life than he seemed to have for others. It was a bit alarming the first time he talked about his patients, but it was just the world you live in. You could accept it, especially when so many worse individuals dwelled in it.

It was a confusing situation considering how he hardly knew you. Though, men were men is what you could only mutter as you thought of how your father spoke of women. A disgusting, dehumanizing way of thinking about women.

The second day on the streets after realizing you couldn't live like this… You went to him. He welcomed you with open arms, even feeding you a warm meal. New clothes were provided, even an actual bed. You couldn't stop thanking him as you tried to not cry.

His way of calming you was interesting and you often find yourself with his strong, dexterous hands on your arms. Ludwig was a very hands on type of person, never handsy in a way you didn't like though. It was those touches that made butterflies sometimes erupt in you.

The way he just seemed to have a grip on every aspect of your life in such a short span of time was intimidating though. It was almost natural after a while though. The giving up the reigns on how you lived was… It was comforting, not having to worry about so much.

When days passed and you came up with a more stable plan, you told your host about it. You would work and go live in the motel while saving money. They did have a room for rent and it was relatively cheap. It was a good idea in your opinion and he seemed to like it, but then you fell down the stairs.

You didn't notice Ludwig coming down as you did and he lost his balance, accidentally sending you down. He said sorry, but you almost thought he was more upset about your new injury. You had a concussion and your knee hurt terribly when you were helped back upstairs by your friend as you wept, clinging to him as a support.

It wasn't brought to your attention how he quietly enjoyed those noises.

You had bruised yourself and it was soon better again, but you told him that you still planned on going through with your plan and he soured.

"You can't be on your feet yet, you should just stay here und let me help you. It will all be fine. You don't need to waste your time on such things." He would say as he continued to make various excuses. It was overbearing.

The way he would say suggestive things to you always made you blush and ignore it.

"With the way you get hurt, it is almost like you want to stay with me."

"You might as well live here und let me take care of everything."

"Oh… That wince was positively adorable."

It was brushed aside, until you realized just how trapped you were here… Just like home, in a way. Suffocating in this gilded cage, with Ludwig. You needed some time alone. Time to think. The hallway floor creaked as you went to leave, somehow feeling like you were doing something bad. Cream colored walls seemed to stand eerily while you slipped on the jacket Ludwig had gotten you. Opening the door, you heard his voice.

"Where are you heading off to so late? You know it is dangerous at night and it will most likely storm." He spoke casually, as if he is warning would stop you.

"Ludwig, I'm… I need to think about things alone. I have been relying on you for too long and it isn't because I want to leave. It is because I feel too guilty staying. You have a life to live and I'm just… Burdening you." You admitted some of what you thought as you went to look back at him when you feel the pinch in your neck.

"Sh sh sh… You'll be awake soon enough and we can continue our talk." His accented voice whispered in your ear as your world turned fuzzy and warm. It was the sense of panic that drained from you until you woke.

You woke up thrashing and in a cold sweat as you shouted out into the darkness. Your body was bound against the table as you tried to angle your head to look around. Your clothes were replaced with a gown of sort. A hospital one. No one was around. "Ludwig! LUDWIG!"

A chuckle resounded as a door creaked, showing the light from the hall and the light clicked on.. Ludwig stood in the bright fluorescent beams, a pair of, what seemed to be, scrubs on as he adjusted his glasses, looking down at you on the table as you feel your heart pounding within your chest.

You froze up as you look at the glare obscuring his eyes, a wide smile on his face. "Wunderbar! You know, you slept for quite a while and I didn't want to disturb you. Just with you looking so peaceful, but now that we are at this point… (Y/N), it is time for things to change in our relationship."

"Ludwig, uhm, change? We aren't even- We are not in any relationship." You were confused and you just wanted to leave.

"Hah… That doesn't matter. You continue to live with me, I will… Make sure you continue to live."

"Live?!" You say, becoming more and more scared.

"Ja, you know how things are here. I believe that we can be… Happy, I suppose." He said as he pulled on a pair of gloves.

"Uhm, what are those for?" The crack in your voice was embarrassing.

"Well, you see. I am going to apply local anesthetic to your arm und insert a small tracking device-"

"What?!" You look at him with wide, fearful eyes as you strain even more to escape.

"Oh, it will be only a little incision on your arm. Come yourself. It will be over before you know it."

His hands were going to grab a syringe beside you and he was seeming to begin the procedure.

"I will be injecting zhe anesthetic into zhe area where I will be working. You shouldn't feel anything, but if you do… Tell me immediately, ja? Ja. After making an incision once you are numb, I will insert this chip." He pulled a small chip off the table and showed it to you, "Afterwards, I will sew you back up and you'll be no worse for wear."

"Ludwig, I don't want you to do this, please! I-i'll do anything, I promise." You didn't know what else to do other than beg, because… If you didn't, then there was no stopping him.

"This is only a security measure. I know you don't love me und it is fine that you don't. All I need is for you to stay with me." He admitted as he held your arm still. Tears slowly ran down your face as you lay there, a choked noise escaping you.

It was the brush of lips against yours and the pinch of the needle in your arm that made you freeze, forgetting to cry out. The medic's lips moving and making you near melt for a second. It was blissful. Until he pulled away, leaving you panting and red faced.

"You drive me absolutely crazy, Liebling." He murmured before clearing his throat. "You may want to look away for a bit or look und watch. Watch what I'll do to you."

You quietly looked as he finished numbing the small area and grabbed a small scalpel-like device. Opening the skin as his hands gripped you where you could not feel. It was… Nauseating. You knew you shouldn't have watched. There was no reason you should do this to this to yourself and the way it looked was odd. It was like you had began disassociating. No pain made you relax as you watched with tiny, salty tears running down your cheeks.

Soon it was over though, you must have passed out when you saw the amount of blood flowing. You had never done this before. The numbness was still there in your arm, but two stitches now decorated it. There wasn't much you could do, aside from torturing yourself further by ripping open the stitches. You weren't sure about your willpower to do that though as you looked to see your captor sitting near you as he was reading something.

Your throat was dry as you looked at Ludwig, knowing he probably didn't know you were awake. He seemed zoned in on it as he leaned into his hand, which held his jaw.

"Ludwig?" You murmured with a bit of hesitation and those blue eyes were on you. The same intense eyes that always saw through you. Saw through everything, every facade, layer of skin and sinew, into your very soul it seemed. It was odd and disturbing.

"Oh, Liebling, you're awake. How are you feeling?" He moved closer as his hand touches your face. No longer gloved. It was warm and firm, real. This was real.

"I just, I want to go home." You whispered, teary eyed as he rubbed your cheek.

"You are home, darling." His lips were in yours again and locked into something more passionate than you had expected. The way he was now pressed up against you was suffocating and you were dragged directly into this kiss. It was… Sinfully delicious. You did like Ludwig, you did have something there twisting inside you. It was your battling mind that whispered how much better it could be if you were just… Malleable to his wishes, willing and wanting.

Dragging his hands through your hair as you were taken into a kiss of teeth, lips, spit and need before you bite him. His lip bleeding before he did the same, blood mixing with yours. It was messy and drove you to become a panting wreck.

You didn't want to be here. None of this was normal, but you weren't sure how you would be considered normal either. This was safety to you. Hate filled kissing, despising in silence. Your mother did it and who said you would wind up any different. There was no saving anyone here. Your legs were adjusted and spread.

Bodies pressed against one another as you panted, his hands pulling your hair and making noises babble out of your mouth. It was the air that passed slowly over your privates before Ludwig was in between your legs as you feel the growing excitement between the two of you.

His hand ripped away the gown as it exposed your naked body, hands moving to your chest as he carefully began to touch you. You were eager to respond to those touches as he moved his mouth away from yours. Your lips ached, probably bruised and bleeding as his own latched onto your nipple. The other was toyed with as you reeled. "Please, please, please, Ludwig."

You feel his finger dance between your thighs, rubbing them before sliding them against your lips. He groaned before slipping in a finger, thicker than yours and the sensation of it curling made you twitch. More, you needed more.

"Liebling, tell me. Do you feel just how much you want me or are you just trying to ignore it? Your body is honest, betraying you completely. How does it feel? Knowing you're squeezing and lubricating yourself up just for me?" He was rubbing your clit as he continued to add fingers. Three were in as you began to buck your hips and moan.

"Such a slut, if I had known how you wanted me. I would have done this long ago. Everyone has needs und I would have gladly taken care of yours. Go on, beg for it. You've been so good so far, I want to hear it."

Your face was flushed as the way his words struck more in you than you thought they would. It was not enough. "A-ah, Ludwig, please, I just, I want you. I don't care, I want you right now!" You gasped and writhed beneath him, whining when he pulled his hand out of you. Emptiness was so overwhelming as he wiped his hand on your thighs, spreading them wider.

You craned your neck to look down, but were shoved back. His hand gripping the side of your head to keep you down, his other rubbing the something blunt and firm against your labia. It was nudging your clit and making your whimpers come out again. "Ludwig, please."

He pushed in, making you groan along with him. Quiet grunts sounded above you as he spoke in low, harsh german. It was… You loved it. Adjustment was small, but he didn't seem to mind your slight discomfort as he only could feel bliss at the tight, hot grip your walls provided. Soon he was rutting into you and his hands held underneath your knees, pushing your thighs against your torso. You couldn't move yourself with him overwhelming you and the restraints still on your upper body. You wish you could wrap your legs around him though as your dragged your nails down his back. Draw blood and make him scream along with you.

Battering your walls, his teeth and lips met you shoulders and neck. Digging in and sucking hard. Covering you in marks of ownership, making you cry as he drove you insane. He was cursing and whispering in a low, nasty tone. You could find him slipping into English again though. "Mine, you're going to be mine forever, Liebling. Mmm.."

He was panting above you as he continued to do more shallow thrusts, just enough to drive you close to your edge as you cried out below him. "Cum on my cock, do it. I want to feel how you can't take it anymore. Go on, Liebling. Go ahead."

He hissed as you did cum, your own moans spilling out, "Ludwig, Ludwig, a-ah, oh my god. That, ah, you- Fucking hell! Pleasssee…" You panted and grunted as Ludwig's voice lowered into your ear.

"I'm so close, I'm going to make you my own. I won't ever let anyone take you away. My most valued possession, my sweet liebling. A-ah hng…" He let out little pants as he got closer, his face twisting as he pulled out and moved his hand along himself. His body tensing as hot ropes of cum painted your stomach as you panted and laid with satisfied exhaustion fading away. Horror filling you as Ludwig loomed over you, wiping your stomach off and undoing your restraints.

"(Y/N), I'll need to clean zhe bites on your neck und after a rest. We'll get you to a bathroom, but for now. If only you knew how beautiful you look. Oh, my sweet liebling."

[authorofdanger]

Reason Of Survival Part 1

Genre:Angst

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, violence, kidnapping, and death.

Stray Kids Mafia AU

My breathing was ragged as I took another blow to my chest. It was another losing fight for me this week but what was the point in winning? Another day having the shit beaten out of me? To possibly having a full meal once a day and two smaller ones to try to motivate me more? Some clean water? A fucking shower? I dont have a good reason to keep fighting so I kept taking all the hits from my opponent. It felt like hours before I was on the ground with a broken wrist, fractured nose, bloodied face, cracked ribs, and bruises littering my entire body. It's not the worst I have endured in a fight but it's not my best either.

I was tossed back into my cell like a piece of meat and I could barely let out a cry from the pain of the impact. My hair was pulled up harshly which forced me to look my boss in his eyes. "The fuck is wrong with you? You were my top fighter for years and now you cant even win a single fight! And for what? Some cell mate you had for only a few months? Pathetic." My cell mate, Libby, died last week after losing her tenth fight. Boss decided she was no longer useful and.... well you can guess from there. She was my only friend in this hell hole and the only person I wasn't forced to fight. We took care of eachother and became eachothers motivation to keep going and keep winning. At this rate I'm not too far from joining her.

"I'm warning you. Either start winning or I will find better use for you," he warned before releasing my sore scalp and slamming my cell door shut. I crawled over to my personal first aid kit and cleaned myself up the best I could without water or a mirror. My wrist was going to have to wait until my weekly body check from my cell section's nurse. Leaning against the cool concrete wall I listened to the fights continuing the floor above me so I could have an idea of which cells would need to be cleared tonight.

*****

"Let me fucking go," a voice boomed down the hall which ripped my attention away from the fight. I glanced over through the bars and saw a boy being dragged this way by two guards. He looked young, possibly still a teen, but he was well built and looked to be a perfect candidate in the ring. His red hair was messy on top of his head and his clothes were ripped and bloody. He had to be new though because if he wasn't I'm sure I would have fought him by now. I pulled my legs to my chest to make myself small as the three of them stopped in front of my cell and the boy was tossed inside with me and locked in. "I swear to God your going to regret that when my team gets here," he yelled but the guards only laughed before leaving the hall.

I kept silent as I watched him curiously. Nobody in their right mind speaks to the guards like that unless you are a top fighter. A boy like him could get killed here and the boss wouldn't even bat an eye. He ran his hand through his hair before turning around and jumping at the sight of me. I relaxed my legs a bit when I saw all of the violence in his eyes be replaced with concern. "Are you okay," he asked. I let out a small painful laugh. "You're kidding right?" His eyes scanned around my body and stopped when it hit my wrist. "Its not nice to stare you know," I scoffed before shutting my eyes and leaning my head back, "you a new fighter or something?"

"Prisoner. I was captured while on a mission with my team." Prisoner? We dont have prisoners. We have fighters, sex workers, and the guards but not prisoners. "So a fighter? You look too innocent to be a guard and the boss doesn't typically want a baby faced male sex worker." My eyes shot back open in fear as I felt a hand gently grab my wrist but I didnt pull away. "I can wrap this. It might help." Without an answer he had a hold of my first aid kit and made a good makeshift cast. The entire time I kept my eyes on his face which held a sense of focus and care that kept me calm most of the time of contact. "You know it's not nice to stare," he mocked while finishing up. I rolled my eyes but chose to ignore his comment.

"What's your name?" "Y/N. Yours," I asked as he put up the kit. "Jeongin. How long have you been here?" To be honest I'm not too sure. One day I just woke up in this cell with no recollection of my past and I've been here ever since. "Years," was the easiest answer I could give him. I could see his shoulders tense up a bit but his face remained calm and held little emotion. It's odd seeing a newbie so relaxed after being brought in. Normally they would be screaming, fighting, and finding any way to escape. Jeongin on the other hand seems to accept his fate or maybe he has a plan that is bound to fail, either way it's too hard for me to read him quite yet.

"How old are you? I'm seventeen," he asked. He was probably trying to relax any fears I have of him and truth be told it was working but seventeen? And he was talking about a team and he is holding himself together? Something isnt quite right about him but how can I judge in a place like this. "I dont really know anymore. The boss has a file on me somewhere but I had a serious head injury a while back and all I remember is my name and a few scattered memories here and there. It's all a bit of a blur. Hey you said something about a team right?" His eyes shined at the question. Whoever this team is he must hold a good amount of fondness to them. "They're like brothers to me. There are nine of us in total and we run a pretty well known mafia group if I do say so myself. It's a tough job but it gives us all the thrill we have craved since birth. I'm their hacker, I can crack any passcode and hack any electronic device in minutes. Been doing it since I was about fifteen." His hopeful look dimmed as he trailed into a deep thought.

"I wonder if they know where I am." Against my better judgement I reached my hand out for him and led him to sit beside me and laid his head on my shoulder. I dont quite understand what he is feeling right now but I have a good idea. "I wont let anything happen to you Jeongin. Your brothers are coming and they will get you out of here, until then I promise I will keep you alive." Now the question was how was I going to do that? How was I going to protect another person when I can barely protect myself?

*****

The next morning we were woken up by the sounds of sobs and screaming, the usual sounds the morning after fighting matches. Today is the day where cellmates discover that their best friends, lovers, and family members are gone. Today is also the day where if we have any weak links we either move them to the sex worker section or they get killed off. It's always hard to hear no matter how long you have been here and I feel that these sounds will haunt me until the day I die. "What's happening," Jeongin whispered as I watched people being ripped from their cells and new people being added. "They're cleaning out cells. Removing weak links, adding new people, and moving people around. Dont think to much about it." He only nodded his head before taking his body weight off of me and looked around. He mentioned before that he was in the mafia, shouldn't this not bother him at all? "There's kids here too?" Does he expect the boss to have morals? If they can be of any use he will keep them. "Some were born here and some were taken. Again dont think to much into this stuff. It only adds to the depression." He turned his head and looked at me with an unreadable glare. "I'm going to get you out of here," he said more to himself but I only gave him a small smile before fear rose in my chest. I quickly got up and pushed him behind me as the boss opened my cell and slightly chuckled at my protectiveness.

"Well looks who is finally up and moving again," he said darkly while pulling a remote out of his suit pants pocket. I prepared myself for the electric shocks that were about to hit me through my shock collar but refused to stand down, he is testing me I know it. "So I see you have gotten to know our new little addition. I figured he would bring something out in you." I ticked my eyebrow up at him and listened carefully at every single word he was saying and being prepared for any questions he may ask. "I was thinking of adding him to this unit but maybe he would be better as-" "You wont take him," I interrupted boldly, "you want me to win then fine but you cant have him." I know his games and he has done things similar before. He wants his best fighter to win him big bucks in the ring and this is a sick way of doing it. A grin found it's way on his lips as he pressed the button on the remote, nearly bringing me to my knees if Jeongin didnt grab me by the waist to hold me up.

"How about we make a little deal then pet," he laughed before turning off the collar, "as long as you keep winning in the ring he doesnt have to even lift a finger. You continue your little stunt and your losing streak then I trade you two out. Maybe he can do better then you." Jeongin's grip on me tightened and he whispered in my ear "I can handle this. Dont do it." Closing my eyes and shaking my head I felt like there wasn't much of a choice. If I can help it I dont want anyone else in that ring even if it means I have to work myself to death. "He wont be in the ring? Or a part of the sex group," I asked as bravely as I could. "No. You will take up any and all of his jobs I would have pinned him to do. His whole life will depend on your actions." Could I handle that? The extra fights, possibly be in the sex ring as well, any and everything he would have to go through plus my own schedule? "Deal."

*****

"You didnt have to do that," Jeongin sighed while cleaning the dried blood off my face and body since we got our cleaning bucket. "You dont want to be out there. I've been doing this long enough to know what to expect. You just have to trust me on this." I let in a sharp inhale as the soaked rag swiped over my nose which definitely was broken. He mumbled out a few apologies but continued on until most of the blood was off of me and in the bucket. "We should be getting showers tonight for the selections," I explained as he examined the bruises and other various injuries I had. "Selections?"

"Other bosses from other districts come and decide who they want to pin against their own fighters. They also discuss which prize they want if they win. Sometimes its money and sometimes it's the losing fighter. Most of the others here I had fought at one time or another and my boss claimed. I could be fighting about four fighters if I'm lucky in the next three days."

"You call that lucky?" "Lucky as in minimum. Usually on my own I get between two or three and now that I add on your count," I began but stopped myself. I dont need him feeling bad about something that isnt his fault. "You wont be fighting. Chan and the others will find us by then," he assured quietly after a guard passed our cell. I could only give him an assuring smile. How long will it be before he gives up hope? I've been here for years and after a few months I gave up on the thought of escape. Once you end up in a cell there is no leaving, you are no longer a human in a sense but like an animal. Nobody really cares about you as a person anymore and you might as well be erased from the outside world.

"I bet Seungmin has already tracked my location by now," he added "and Chan is probably calling either Sungjin or JB! Oh or Woojin could be calling Jungwoo! It would be a mess if all of NCT came you know," he continued. At some point I zoned out of what he was saying so I myself wouldn't get my hopes up. I thought back to Libby and how right now she would be playing with my hair or how she would be trying to learn fighting strategies from me. Maybe she would have punched Jeongin in the face by now because of his optimism levels, she never was one to see the glass half full.

"Are you even listening to me," he chuckled which pulled me back to the present. "Kinda. Hey Jeongin can we not talk about escaping right now? Maybe you can tell me more about your friends in general?" As if he understood what I was getting at he nodded his head and began to ramble on about all the adventures he has been on through the years. Though he may be a little too hopeful and cheerful he is the perfect amount of light for this dark situation, and in my mind I vow to never let anything happen to him.

Even if it kills me.