#and it can be fixed with surgery. but hes old and we dont have the money to put him through all those tests and operations

[kath-artic]

i think i might have to put my dog down today. i was crying and holding him this morning but i dont feel as sad as i should especially given how sudden it all is. i love him so much and i cant imagine him not being around, but also i feel like it's just washing over me.

[intotheelliwoods]

Ouughhh the best way I can put those 10 years is really just, little moments. Thats really all it was, 10 years of just peace and everyone could actually relax..? Shredder was gone, aside from maybe fixing/cleaning the city the Krang were gone. The foot outside New York have not bothered regrouping just yet. There was no one to fight, just moments to live

Memories included in those 10 years off the top of my head:

-The time Medium Leo tried to put on one of his socks/leg wraps really fast only for it to rip

-Big and Medium going to the hidden city and shopping around for Medium Leos new look

-At some point or another Medium Leo had to undergo another port surgery due to his growth, and the old port no longer being his size, but he didnt mind much

-Donnie got to build a new arm, Medium Leos current arm is definitely one of his favorite creations

-Casey got to go to the zoo with Cassandra :) Those two sooo spent lots of time getting to know eachother, not really as mother son, but still as family

-Medium Leo being strong enough to pick up Big Leo! Ha that was a day

-Mikey learned to float! With help of Big Leo ofc

Some of this I would love to draw but mannn, my plate of things I need to draw is getting scarily big haha

---

Yeah.. :( With BIg Leo we knew, sorta nothing about him, just a vague idea that was never really plot important so it was not brought up often. We all knew him as just, the strong guy with good advice yeah? Someone you could depend on and who would always be there.

With Medium Leo, you know what happened. Each time he gives solid line of advice, or any line in general, you know exactly where its coming from and you can figure out exactly what happened in his past that made him say that you know? (I know hes had like, no lines after the whole time travel ordeal but give me some time to work on later updates haha!)

This was definitely a big risk for me ough! I didnt even think I would get this far a while back! I am sooo happy theres people still invested in the story after all this! :) Thanks for sticking around waa!

@alltheyearsblog

---

Oh you are so not alone, autodesk was kinda a trip for me too after I swapped computers a while back! I have a weird story with autodesk-

Listen, I got autodesk for free, years ago, and to this day I have no clue how I even managed that! On top of that I have some special imported brushes that I dont even think you can find online anymore????

Because when I switched computers, 1. I could no longer find a free version of autodesk, so I had to just transfer the program file from my old to my new computer, and 2. I could no longer find the free online brush packs! I had to transfer those files too!

But yeah hello! Autodesk be wack but thats why I love it <3

---

Not paying for your therapy bills o7 @justletmereadmycomics

[threepoint14art]

HEY about your fhs au...... i hope you don't mind me asking nd also uhh i don't know if you would've prefered this ask on your other account but too late it's already here. is there a reason owynn's eyes are different sizes? is it something animal related or maybe incident related or does he just look like that because it looks cool as fuck?

Hello :D!!!!!!! Asks are fine on this blog dont worry! I also get its confusing that i have 2 accounts dw :,3 for the record i don't mind asks anywhere! Everyone is welcome to ask me anything anywhere, wether you are guaranteed a comprehensible response is another can of worms lol

To answer your question: the answer is a bit animal related, a bit of a rule of cool as fuck and a dash of the good old projection!!!

I have a LOT of eye issues that have required a ton of surgeries and dumb stuff and overall i just have a very shitty vision by my eyes being weird and unfixable, and then i also need glasses in the normal people astigmatism way so its a double hit! I wanted to give that to Owynn too in some capacity, and we played around a lil with how to do it.

First of all I'd like to present you with this, arthropods in our au all have really very noticeable eyes, we made it sort of an unspoken social rule for them to have to cover them since they look sorta freaky, which ties back to both cami and Loon having hair over their eyes!

Here I humbly present three of my creatures (vincent cami and loon) ((vincent is owynns brother)) who are not owynn just to set a reference to what arthropod eyes are normally like; as you can see they either got the full complete eye of a solid color (any eye color that you can normally get or just straight up black/white) and cami who is an interesting outlier I will explain in a bit! In general a lot of insects have this fun thing called "compound eyes", scorpions, which arent insects but arachnids, have "simple eyes" which insects also have but as extra help instead of their straight up eye. Since i don't want to doom every single scorpion person in this world to have the worlds worst sight I opted to also gave them the principle of compound eyes, and we represent the simple eyes other insects have with little spots on the skin, thats what the thing on camis forehead is :3 (i promise this is kinda important)

Cami does have compound eyes like all arthropods, but you might say "dawg i see her pupils right there" and thats where you are wrong! Mantis have this cool thing where they always look like their "pupils" are following you but its just an illussion. So she's kind of a nightmare without her hair covering her eyes because woups it just looks like shes permanently looking at you. Forever. thats awesome. Social rule of covering ur eyes with hair makes a little more sense now

So where does owynn fit on all of this, well, when i asked myself "how do i give someone with a billion of eyes an inherent eye problem that isn't fixable solely with glasses" i came up with: His eyes are shrinking

He still has heterochromia in the normal way, and his eyes shrinking is due to light sensitivity, the blue side is way more pigmented than the green one like its shown in that little grayscale thing, and because of that the green eye is MUCH more light sensitive and therefore way smaller, his glasses help him a lil with the whole light issue, but as a kid he just didn't wear them at all, which is why it got worse and worse and worse to where he is now, most people also assume he has ONE weird eye instead of two, because like I mentioned, arthropod eyes can be normal eye colors, OR straight up black/white. So since his green eye is so bright it blends a lot with the white part of his eye and people just think his eye is a flat white color and that the blue one is the weird part, once you get close to him you can actually realize how he has a way bigger issue on his green eye ^^

So he has normal eye problems that can be fixed with a prescription, and inherent eye problems that glasses can't fix! that being his green eye having seeing almost nothing, and losing a bit of range of sight on his blue one. the problem is mostly the green one ngl

[reenajohn]

have been so long so much have happen

so have been busy with all my doctors appointments in hospital and what not

just wanna say im sooo grateful we met and bringing miie here and there for all my appointments

so he noticed my weight loss without any reason nor any intention to lose weight and also my fainting episode that keep getting worse tbh i get my smart watch not cos i workout but cos i know have those episodes happening now and then but not as close i just wanna know how my heart beats going like is it cos blood not pumping right or something that’s why i get it. any way he saw the weight loss and figured it out something was wrong i was 1st being send to government hospital cos of my fainting but well they just put miie at the side walk give miie IV bag took my blood for test and told miie nothing wrong my bf told miie to take the report back to him he will find his friends (doctor) to read it no way u r ok when the fainting happen two time just within hrs apart as i asked for the blood test report they told miie i can get it in health app the next day i was like ok i when home in the middle of the night they dont even keep miie till next day even tho i told them im alone no one there to pick miie up great … the next day download my blood test results and send to bf and he send to his friends and straight up his friends call back tell him that red blood cell count is very low and is kinda low nutrition and he scold miie for not eating right as i only eat bread most of the time and so he keep asking miie to eat better and everytime we meet he will get miie real food like chicken meat and what not but well fainting episode still happen and his find his insurance friend to get miie a full body check up in private hospital, all the blood test and also put camera in miie to see if any inside problems turn out blood test shows i have hyperthyroidism and his doctor friend suggest us to get test from government health care as this way the bill will be much more cheaper then private health care so of i go to government health care he took miie there and 6 trip there to get miie to a government hospital health care system and now finally getting it monitored and also get miie to eye specialist as i was complaining eye pain pretty frequently and this illness will affect my eyes too so eye specialist have to check and monitor on my eye. turn up my ex bf who poked miie in the eye like 8 years ago is caseing my eye pain as it scar my eye and have not healed up since then doctor told miie to keep it moist so it will not hurt cos when ever its dry the scar kinda open up like how ur skin get cut and is opening up as and when u rubbing against finger and it don heal well when that happen so keeping it moist helps to keep it close hope it will heal soon so i have appointment with eye doctor 3 month after and some how my grown a bump on my eye lip and i ask to get it fixed before my birthday since i have an appointment right before my birthday and on the same day the doctor remove it with a small surgery as miie to rest for a day so now the bump is fix when for a review today and found that my the other eye is growing one too and she helps miie to get it out straight away not letting it turn into a bump and she told miie all good now will see miie in like 6months time so great now my next appointment is my hyperthyroid doctor appointment this most likey will be on going for longer as my thyroid still not stable yet as my dose of medication when down like 1 months ago how my next blood test appointment will not go crazy if not im sooo going back to my old dose yup will updated again if i have time any way my weight is back so i guess im doing well i think. 🤔

[strangeexperiments]

i went on a walk and got angry again because its my own fault im in this situation, at least partially. i was the one who didnt assert myself and let my sibling take the lead in choosing a house. i allowed this to happen. and now im miserable, my entire savings account is gone, and we're behind on the mortgage. but at the same time its not even entirely my fault. my sibling gets sick super early on into having the house and loses their job. they decide to play video games for like ten months instead of trying to do a wfh or something manageable. not my fault. their situation doesn't improve but they magically manage to be capable of handling a job right when things start to get severe. what do you know. my youngest sibling never does a fucking thing ever and the one time they swing a job they quit three days later over a manager being rude to them when we need the money. not my fault. same shit as my dad, who lost his job and never once has tried to get a different one and now has basically no money, but does nothing to fix that beyond the short term. i come back and get my shit together and im super responsible and manage my whole life. but then i let them put me on the hook for things and they absolutely fuck everything for me. its just me n max holding this fucking place together and im barely seeing any of the money my sibling makes because they've only sent me 500 since april started. 250 bucks a month basically. and they blew all of their savings on medical bills because they felt guilty. and ive had to blow my entire top surgery fund keeping this shit up. i had to call into the bank to try and get the mortgage deferred. they didnt call me back today and quite frankly i hope it all goes wrong. i want out of here. i want everything to be ruined so i have a chance to escape. im sick and tired of taking care of total fucking children. im tired of playing father to my siblings, im tired of taking care of people that refuse to make the effort to care for themselves. they dont even say thank you. my dad said thank you *once*, around my birthday. and my middle sibling figured out that i want to leave because they're paranoid about being abandoned. and they talk and it makes me feel guilty! because i do want to leave. i want to go take care of *myself* and be with people who actually value the work i do and care about me as much as i care about them. people who take care of me *back*. but i feel like i have to clean up everything and make sure everything is nice and secure and that they can take care of themselves before i leave. so im trapped! and i keep having dreams about being stuck in my childhood home again. i dreamt that i was being SAed in my kitchen by this massive, flabby old man and i didnt want it. but he claimed that i did because i said hi to him once out in public and i treated him politely. and i keep dreaming that my siblings are tormenting me or fighting with Max or whatever else.

[actualbird]

Vyn's childhood one is very endearing to me because I have sewn up plush animals before. Hole that needs to be mended? I'll get the needle and thread. One time my younger sibling filmed a dramatic video of me fixing a mouse plushie's tail. Anyway I hope Vyn also knows how to sew HAHA --galena

irt an embarrassing childhood story for each nxx boy

HELLO, GALENA :DDD

oh gosh ur right. i cannot believe i made vyn have an animal plushie clinic without even thinking of ACTUAL PLUSHIE SURGERY!!!! this would be very adorable yes and while i dont know if vyn knows how to sew, i do know that vyn has......some depressing hangups on when something is "broken"

i think this is in SR Mended Heart (which i havent played yet but my friend has told me about the story) where his expensive teapot gets broken during shipping and hes like ah well it's broken it should be THROWN AWAY NOW and mc, bless her heart, is like hold up, i know a pottery place, we can Have It Fixed.

idk how the rest of that card goes but like, to immediately react to "object is broken" with "object has to be dispatched now" is kinda sad to me!! especially bc im sentimental!!! and i know kids are sentimental too, especially with toys.

so it makes me cry a little bit to imagine little kid vyn and one of his plushies gets a hole torn into them. and hes tiny, he doesnt know how to sew yet, so he goes and finds an adult and asks for help. and that adult, not realizing that this object Matters to vyn, just tells vyn "oh, it's fine, we can just get you a new one. one thats not broken." and then he Never Asks For Help From Adults Concerning His Plushies Ever Again.

vyn doesnt throw away the broken toy. maybe it even becomes his favorite one, one he takes with him when he leaves home, when he gets settled in stellis. one thats still in his room on a shelf next to his books.

maybe he learns how to sew eventually (THRU THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!!! mc already taught him pottery, so maybe mr. malewife artem wing can teach him basic sewing and mending) and he uses that skill to fix up that toy!!! his stitchwork on the old plushie isnt the best. it's all wonky and crooked and the stitch length is uneven. in a sense, it's still very much broken but like...

to try and fix something is an act of love.

and keeping "broken" things anyway is an act of love as well.

[evil-genius-things]

like. Can we just address this?

Three years is a long time. It is a LONG time for an eleven year-old child to be carrying around that kind of soul crushing guilt and terror. It was so bad that he couldn’t even bring myself to ask. The worst fear of Edward Elric, youngest State Alchemist in Amestrian history, survivor of human transmutation and the Truth, is BEING HATED BY THE ONLY FAMILY HE HAS LEFT.

HE HONESTLY BELIEVED THAT. FOR THREE YEARS.

I mean, can you even imagine??? Every single failure, setback, and dead end - and there must have been countless of those - the self-hatred would have only gotten worse. All he could do was throw himself into finding the next lead, because even if Al hated him, he couldn’t just leave things as they were. He has to fix things. And if Al hates him… well, he deserves it, right?

And the fact that he only admits this while in delirious pain from the automail surgery and his fever - even back then, the fear ran so deep that he had to be dragged THAT low to ever admit it. Maybe he doesn’t even feel like there’s a point to asking, because he already knows the answer (or at least he thinks) but if he hears it out loud, he wouldn’t have the strength to go on.

Reminder: this kid is eleven. The Elrics have barely been alive for a decade.

And I know this whole post is basically only restating what the manga is telling us, bUT I JUST FEEL LIKE WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT ENOUGH. THREE YEARS IS A LONG TIME GUYS. ITS A REALLY REALLY- is dragged offstage by security guards

[pdxplushhospital]

treatment of a lovely little bear

as with all of our patients, this bear was rescued from a local thrift store to be restored and ready for a new loving home, but its quite the transformation so i thought i would share the process with you all!

when he first arrived at the hospital, he was in quite rough condition. he seemed to have had a run in with a dog, or possibly a young child with grabby hands! he had also lost his grip on his heart cushion, and had a small tear in his foot as well. quite the shock, but we assured this little bear he would be safe and sound at the end of his visit

before any surgery could take place, he needed to be cleaned. plushes tend to dry a lot faster without any stuffing, which decreases the chance of nasty molds growing inside of them while theyre moist, so we snipped him open and took out all of his old stuffing (dont worry, its painless!)

after a gentle hand wash and dry, hes already looking so much better! along with a restuff, he also got a brand new bag of pellets to give him a little weight. now to fix up his poor face...

using white thread i carefully pulled the fabric of his snout back together, until it was the proper shape again. the original plush had a safety nose, but considering how fragile a repair like this can be, even with the most precautions, we went ahead with embroidery instead. this is harder for little hands to yank on!

finally, after his nose was restored, we fixed up the small tear in his foot and secured his heart back into his paws, and he’s ready to go to his new home!

...and that home could be your home! if youre interested in adopting this sweet little bear into your family, check out his listing on our etsy here!

[munamania]

just because im watching an emotional scene. im going to rant about my father now. apologies

he’s insane. sooo right we have mice. shocker. he’s kinda somewhat willing to take care of the traps thank god. but there is literal blood like mouse remains under our sink that he just. didnt wipe up. and i was like hey uh dad. were you gonna like. get that. (yk bc a normal person would probably like wipe it up naturally after taking care of it.) and he was like what do u and your mother have some kind of problem ive told her a million times that she cant take boxes out to the mudroom and she needs to just bring them to me and i was like ok. so what does this have to do with the literal mouse guts though.

and he was like well if she’s gonna be like that im not taking care of it and i was like ok word well thats not a productive way to think abt anything (barely holding back going insane bc this is how it’s been in this house for a billion years) and he said well im not gonna be productive if shes just gonna be counterproductive

he frequently blames us. mostly my mom but both of us. for this house being so shit. my mom has literally had three foot surgeries in the last few years like she was not mobile and he didnt give a fuck abt helping her out like she’s fallen and we had a new puppy right after the one surgery and he just didnt take care of it so that she wouldnt have to get up yk. he is RETIRED!!!!!!

and furthermore he only takes care of the outside of the house like the yard and whatever. my mom (and i) do the cleaning if it can ever get done. we’ve had a broken cupboard door for years. he frequently leaves pots on the stove until literal mold grows on them if we dont get them. we had a leaky pipe that made our kitchen cupboard disgusting for years and rendered half of the sink unusable and if we said anything about it he’d scream at us for using the sink lol. we cant leave our fucking toilet water running rn lest it like flood the basement and he refuses to get it fixed. so! we have to only turn it on if we can while using it or fill up a bucket to flush

this is not even digging into his health issues that have caused this house and our furniture to be. godawful shit constantly. and the amount of money it’s wasted. and the amount of money he keeps away from my mother.

meanwhile im supposed to just be like. what normal? toward him? try to have a normal relationship? a healthy one somehow? he has the emotional capacity of a three year old. and all of this is just. like. idk. i have to just not argue with anything otherwise he starts yelling and i get like sooooo anxious so. did i mention one time we didnt speak for a week. and one time i literally went to my uncles house bc he was talking to me like i was 5 years old over something stupid and wouldnt just let it go. and i just sobbed and tried to call my mom. typing this all out sounds insane anyway i remember i had this insane callout last year like that’s my bad truly but that was on a day where i was a total airhead bc i had a huge fight w my dad so misdirected um energy idk. whatever lolololol

it’s hard bc. he does take care of us kids yk. financially. and i know he somehow in his own little ways like........... loves us. so i feel guilty constantly for not trying more but like. what. idk

[that-little-zebunny]

One word old fashioned DD prompt: Song - nano❤ (Also, your header is so pretty!)

Our Heart's Song

Pairing: Loki x Reader

WC: 756

Warning: Angst, mentioned of being hurt and panic attack.

Summary: you almost died on a mission and it sparks the new beginning for you and you lover Loki.

Note: another entry for our HBC's old fashioned drunk drabble but for the lovely @the-th-horniest-book-club this time. 🥰 Thank you for sending this prompt Lovely Nano. I love music specially the ones with deep message in them so this one is kinda special for me. And yay I'm glad you liked the header 💖 Enjoy and I hooe you'll love this too.

You're busy punching the poor dummy infront of you. Trying your best to get back on your best shape after being stuck on a hospital bed for weeks. You're badly injured on your last mission and had to undergo surgeries after surgeries to heal and thankfully being under the Avengers roof you got the best hands to fix you.

It was still fresh in your mind. How the mission went south after an enemy agent activated a time bomb on their facility while you're busy taking hostages to safety. You're about to take the last person out when the building exploded.

You're thrown from the pressure and took a lot of shrapnels on your back. It was awful and you lost some good agents and you felt like it was your fault. You're their commanding officer. You should have known that such a facility has a kill switch hidden somewhere.

You throw a strong last punch on the innocent dummy when you feel a sting on your side you gasp from the pain. You touch the aching part. Still not good. You won't be able to go on a mission until all the pain is gone. You mind are going downhill again and you know you had to stop it but you don't know how. You're just standing there looking at the dummy.

Your breathing is starting to get labored and your mind is getting cloudy and you heard it… a familiar opening of a song playing on the compound's gym audio.

And as if your brain is being caressed by a calming hand you're slowly returning on your steady breathing. You moved to look around and everyone in the gym has stopped from what they're doing and are looking at the door.

Singing along with the song in your head you also looked at where the others were looking and you gasped.

Standing there in all his Asgardian beauty is your boyfriend Loki. Yes, Loki the God. He was away on his own mission the last time you checked. Your eyes started to water as you roamed your eyes on his face.

He's slowly walking toward you as your song plays in the background. You can see his lips moving and as he got closer you realized he's also singing along.

He stood in front of you caressing your face until the song ended.

"My Love…" he said, his face in pain. "I heard what befell you on your last mission. I am so sorry for not being here with you through it all." He said sneaking his arms to pull you in a tight embrace.

"I-I'm ok-ay…" you answered him but your words didn't sound convincing even in your ears. What more in the ears of the God of Lies?

"I went back as soon as I heard. I almost lost my mind knowing how close I am from losing you. I cannot imagine my life without you anymore and I don't want to live knowing that its a possibility." You're now bawling your eyes out listening to him and how his voice breaks.

"I'm here... I lived and I'm not going anywhere." You said rubbing his back.

"I know and I...I dont want to have those thoughts knowing that I almost lost you without making you mine." You looked up at him with a confused look on your face. He slowly let go of you and what he did next took your breath away. The God of mischief and lies...is kneeling infront of you.

"L-Loki…" you said. Hands on your wildly beating heart.

"How nice it'd be if we could try everything

I'm serious, let's make a list and just begin…" he sang a part of your favorite song as he pulled out a small box from his back pocket opening it to show you a beautiful made ring with an emerald gem in the middle. "Y/N... kneeling in front of you offering you myself, will you bless me by starting our new beginning facing life's challenges together? Will you be my wife?" He asked making you cry out a sob as you nod.

Loki smiled as his shaking hand took the ring to slide it in your ring finger. Life can be scary and painful but facing it with loki made it all worth it…

"And I'm ready. God I'm ready, oh I'm ready. Restless and hungry, I'm ready, For whatever comes next." you sang the final part of your song as you pull Loki into a gentle kiss.

[futurebicon]

No Control Part 2

Part 2. I'm actually managing to write these faster than I thought I would be able to. Part 3 will probably take a little bit longer considering I had more time during the weekend. But I hope part 3 will be out as soon as I can write it.

Warning- hospital, mentions of car accident, semi and brief panic attack (?), no medical knowledge

Remus didn't know what to do as he sat in the cold metal chair of the hospital waiting room.

Leo was frozen. Staring blankly at the wall in front of him. His pupils were wide and his skin was a ghostly pale. His chest was rising and falling quicker than it probably should be.

He was 19 years old. He had never lost someone before and now he was in danger of loosing one of the loves of his life. No wonder his mind was trying to protect him.

Shock

Finn was pacing the room and would of punched the wall about half a dozen times if Dumo hadn't stopped him.

Anger

Remus didn't know what was going on. He kept looking towards the doors thinking Sirius would walk through them with his bright smile and kiss him with his soft lips. "Ready to go, mon loup? Doctors said I'm fine so you can stop your worrying. Lets go home and cuddle and maybe later I can prove to you just how fine I am."

Denial

+++

The team trickle in quickly.

James and Lily first. James wanted a play by play of what happened as Lily ran over to Remus with tears on her face. She pulled him into her side and let him cry.

Regulus was next. Pale and frantic. He went over to Leo after squeezing Remus's shoulder in a desperate attempt to comfort. He sat beside his best friend and didn't say anything, just let him process what was happening while hoping his presence help enough.

Remus must have zoned out because when he blinked again the entire team had filled the small waiting room.

"What happened?" James asked again.

"Uh-" Remus explained how they got the call with stuttered and hitched breaths.

+++

"Sirius Black?" The doctor walked into the waiting room.

"Is he okay?" Remus jumped up.

She smiled kindly. "Have a seat."

That can't be good.

"Sirius is in surgery right now to fix severe internal bleeding in his head and to remove his spleen which was ruptured in the crash."

"Oh god." James breathed.

"Now I know it sounds extremely bad but he can survive without a spleen. The only long lasting effects will be a weakened immune system." She calmed their nerves only slightly.

"He does have severe head trauma, the extent of which we won't know until he wakes up. He broke four ribs, one of which punctured his lung. Along with that he also broken both his tibula and his fibula on his left leg. And has severe whiplash. It might not seem like it but he is suspected to make a full recovery. I'll be back if anything happens and when he's out of surgery." She left the room, passing a man in a matching white coat on the way out.

"Logan?" Leo choked.

The doctor nodded and sat down. "His injuries are extensive but he will be able to make a full recovery."

They all let out a sigh of relief.

"He has severe internal bleeding in his chest, abdomen, and head. He also has severe whiplash. His kidney's were mildly damage and he has bruising on his heart. I know it sounds terrifying but all it means is he needs to take it slow and not move around too much." He told them. "You'll be able to see him once we get him stable."

"He- he's not stable?" Finn stammered.

"His vitals are taking a while to get under control." He hesitated. "But it's nothing too concerning considering the trauma his body went through."

They two didn't say anything and the doctor left the room to silence.

+++

Logan was awake when they came in.

"Hi, loves." He rasped out.

Finn sobbed and had to stop himself from flinging himself into his injured boyfriend.

"Shh. I'm okay. I'm okay." His words were slow but held comfort as he cupped his face with a bandaged hand. "I'm okay."

"Lo" Leos voice was gasped and choked. He made no attempt to hide the fear.

"Hey Peanut." Logan smiled. "Come here"

Leo took a step towards him and stopped. "I dont- um- what if I-"

"You're not gonna hurt me. I'm okay."

"But I could." He scanned the room like he was trapped.

"Hey" Finn stood up and walked over to the teenager who hadn't fully come out of his shock yet and seeing his love like this made his mind want to hide away again.

"Here." He gently led him over to the hospital bed. "He's okay."

"Hi, my baby." Logan smiled and grabbed Leo's hand.

"You're okay?"

"I'm okay." Logan nodded.

"Promise?" His voice was broken and his eyes never stopped their sweep of the room.

"I promise."

"Okay." He breathed out and finally calmed down enough to sit beside Logan's bed.

+++

"Hey, Loops" Logan nodded at the pale man as the team walked in. "Any updates?"

"He's still in surgery." His voice was rough with tears and misuse. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore and in pain but I'm alive." He shrugged.

"Thankfully." Dumo walked over.

"Hey, Dumo." Logan hugged him as well as he could.

"Scared me for a while there, kiddo."

"Sorry about that."

"So what happened exactly?" Kasey asked.

"We were gonna go get something to eat and Sirius turned at a greenlight. Someone ran the light and hit Sirius's side. We spun out and then rolled, fuck I don't even know, a lot of times. I think I blacked out on the six or seventh roll. Maybe the second. It felt like forever. I don't know when, or if, Sirius blacked out." Logan explained.

"Kept saying your name though." He looked up at Remus.

Remus's hazel eyes filled with tears and he let out a sob into his elbow.

"Sorry."

"No, no it's okay." Remus sniffled back the tears. "Just, uh, just worried. You know?"

"He'll be alright." Logan told him before smiling. "We just have to come up with some new nickname for him now that he doesn't have a spleen or an immune system."

"Spleenless."

"Captain of the sick ship."

"Sniffles"

"Captain Spleen."

"No mo munie."

They all threw around names.

"He's gonna be more upset about the fact that he won't be able to hide when he's sick than he'll be about the missing organ." James laughed.

"Probably." Remus nodded.

Their laughs were cut off by a knock on the door. "Remus Lupin?" Sirius's doctor, Dr. Gemma, walked in.

"Yeah. What's going on? Is he alright?"

"He's out of surgery and awake." She told them with a kind smile.

"So he's okay?"

"He is showing signs of very, very slight amnesia. Just not remembering the accident at all which is completely understandable and no cause for concern."

"Can I see him?"

"Of course." She nodded.

Remus followed after her with whispers to update them on how he is.

+++

"I do have to warn you about the possible side effects he could start to show or is already showing." Dr. Gemma said as they walked down the long hallways.

"Like what?"

"As I said he does have slight amnesia. He seems to either be having hearing problems or is having a hard time understanding speech. Possibly both. He might also be having difficulty thinking. There is other symptoms that he hasn't shown yet but might in the future, headaches, seizure, nausea, vomiting, fever, and more. If any of these happen or anything concerning, page us immediately."

They finally turned down the hallway that seemed to be his.

"I'll let you two be, and again, page us immediatly if anything happens or if you need anything. Okay?" They stopped outside his door.

"Okay, thank you."

"No need for thanks." She smiled. "Now go see him. You were the first thing he asked about when he woke up."

Remus smiled at that and pushed the door open. He tried hard not to react to all the wires surrounding him but it was hard not too. All he could do to try was hurry over to his lovers side.

"Hi, baby." He smiled through tears as his hazel eyes saw grey. "Hi" He gripped his hand tightly.

"Re" Sirius said slowly.

"Yeah. yeah. It's me, baby. I'm right here. You're okay. You're okay." He kissed his forehead to hide the tears.

"Don't- cry- mon loup." It took him a while to say.

"Sorry. You just scared me for a little while." Remus smiled at him. "Are you feeling okay?"

Sirius gave him a confused look.

"What? What's wrong? Are you okay? What do you need?" Remus rambled in concern.

"Shh" Sirius set a hand on Remus's. "Okay" He talked about himself. "Just, too many."

"Too many what, love?"

"Words. Can't know. Don't think." He was begining to get frustrated.

"It's okay." Remus said slower. "I know. It's okay."

Sirius nodded and relaxed against the pillows.

"Said Logan- with- hurt?" the words were chopped and Remus could see the frustration in his eyes.

"Logan was in the car." Remus nodded. "But he's okay. The team is with him."

"Team?" Sirius furrowed his eyebrows and blinked in confusion.

"Your hockey team." Remus tried to keep the panic out of his voice. "James, Dumo, Logan, Leo, Finn, Kasey, Walker, Kuny, Olli-"

"I remember." Sirius cut him off. "Just forgot."

"That's okay. The doctors said that would happen."

"See them?" Sirius asked hopefully.

"See the doctors?"

"No. Team."

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm sure the team will be here soo-"

As if they heard them, a group of hockey players knocked on the door and walked into the hospital room

I really don't like this part compared to part one.

Thank you @lumosinlove for letting us take your happy, lovely characters and make them be in pain

[ribcage-rodents]

Post three

Kidflash

A few moments of silence passed before Kidflash chose to break the tension, he leaned towards Wonder Girl balancing on one arm.

“So beautiful, what's the weather like- or uh I mean I bet it’s always hot on Thymisaca, oh wait, it used to always be hot until you left!”

Kidflash smiled weakly slowly shuffling back to his post as Wonder Girl remained unimpressed.

Thug

A phone chimed dimly one of the thugs paused, placing his cards face down on the table he pulled out his phone. He nodded to the other goons.

“Boss says it’s go-time.”

The thugs left the table, one staying behind to gather up the deck, stopping to gather up a bag or two each as they exited the old rotting building. The young heroes shared a look although they stayed frozen in place.

Speedy

Speedy mumbled several curse words directed to his teammates before following the guards.

Garth

“Wait! We need to contact our mentors first,”

Garth stepped forward, glowering at Speedy.

Speedy

“Oh my god what is up with you and rules!?”

Speedy whipped around to yell in Garth’s face.

Wonder Girl

“No I agree with Garth, this mission is too important to play hero, we need to call the Justice League.”

Wonder Girl placed both hands on her hip once she joined the other two heroes in the middle of the room.

Kidflash

Kidflash popped up from behind the crates.

“Yeah, I can call unc-Flash and you guys can make sure they dont leave or something,”

Kidflash scratched his neck uncomfortably.

Speedy

Speedy groaned loudly,

“No, it's fine I’ll do it,”

The other heroes headed towards the door, once Speedy was alone he took out their emergency phone, he didn’t turn it on as held it up to his ear.

“Hey GA the thugs are heading out, we’re gonna follow them…”

Speedy looked over his shoulder to make sure that the others weren’t eavesdropping, he shoved the phone back into his pocket.

“Idiots, I don’t need GA monitoring me like some little kid.”

He then followed after his teammates.

“Alright, JL gave us the go-ahead, what’s the plan?”

Speedy asked now crouched in the shadow of the rotted building.

Wonder Girl

“They’re loading up a jet, I think if we-”

Wonder Girl started leaning towards Speedy, her face twisted into an irritated scowl as he cut her off.

Speedy

“Nevermind I got this, honestly this mission is too easy,”

He chuckled lightly as he stood up stringing and shooting an arrow before the others could intervene. Speedy turned to his team a smug look plastered on his face.

Wonder Girl

Wonder Girl also stood up snarling at Speedy,

“Before you gloat might wanna check your aim,”

Speedy

Speedy revolted back moving out of her space,

“Hey I have perfect aim.”

Kidflash

“Well you didn’t hit the mark man, uh.. might’ve had to do with the shiny boomerang,”

Kidflash spoke from the ground, his eyes trained on the cargo plane as the guards loaded up the last couple of bags.

All three other heroes looked at him with differentiating levels of bewilderment.

Garth

“What do you mean ‘shiny boomerang’, I don’t think I know that landie lingo.”

Garth’s normally gruff threatening voice sounded a fraction less judgemental.

Behind him Wonder Girl peered with cautious curiosity and Speedy made a face at ‘Landie Lingo’.

Kidflash

Kidflash shifted uncomfortably under the sudden intense attention despite trying to win the group over earlier.

“Uh.., so super-speedy-vision, Speedy’s arrow was knocked down by something really shiny that flew through the air, I’m not sure what actually happened to it,”

Speedy

Speedy groaned in frustration curling his hands into fists.

“What’re we supposed to do now!?”

Garth

“Shut up!”

Garth whispered harshly, holding a hand up to stop Speedy from challenging him again.

“Look,”

He pointed at the reflective metal melting onto the plane.

Kidflash

Kidflash darted forward pricking the boomerang from the plane, he turned around smiling brightly at his teammates.

In a fluid movement Robin lept from the roof of the rotted building rolling across the pavement and shooting up to deliver a hard punch to the underside of Kidflash’s jaw. He reeled back rubbing his reddening chin, Robin swung his leg at his head then pushed him down sitting on his stomach he whipped out some rope from underneath the thick shadow of his cape tying him up like a calf. Robin threw another batarang at the plane. As Wonder Girl chased after the projectile Speedy tried to tackle Robin, hitting the ground harshly as the other boy dodged him.

Speedy

“Hey Aqua-loser mind helpin’ out!”

Speedy called out to Garth, who stood motionless in the building's shadow, as he shot an arrow at Robin who threw another batarang to block it.

Robin pulled out a batarang and a little red dot securing the dot as he ran after the plane lifting off, Wonder Girl stood up from where she had been trying to untie Kidflash. Stooping down she picked up an old brick from the rotted building. She chucked it, the brick slamming into the side of his head. It knocked him to the ground allowing Speedy to tackle him, flipping him over and repeatedly punching him. Robin tucked his leg to his chest kicking Speedy hard in the stomach, he groaned rolling on the ground. Robin slid away trying to run but only succeeding in stumbling recklessly down the runway one gloved hand coming up and under his hood to press against where the brick and made contact. He shot a grappling line after the plane although as he was yanked into the sky Speedy wrapped himself around his waist. Wonder Girl grabbed Garth's arm and Kidflash’s hand dragging them after the other two heroes, Kidflash held tightly to her as he used his now free hand to grab Speedy’s ankle, the pull of the grappling hook stalled by the teens weight dangling high above the churning dark ocean. Speedy huled himsef up using Robin’s shoulder as leverage taking one of his arrow’s out of it’s holder he set to work trying to saw through the rope, Robin elbowed him in the stomach.

Speedy

“Ow! Watch it short, dark, and demon-y”

Speedy yelped kneeing him in the thigh with the leg not holding the weight of the rest of his team. Speedy continued to slash the rope.

Robin

“Stop it! If you cut the line then we’re all gonna go down,”

He warned, his voice high but demanding.

Speedy

“Oh no! Will the cold water shrink your cloak?!”

Speedy mocked him as the line thinned.

Garth

Garth looked up at Speedy from where he was hanging in Wonder Girl’s grip.

“No, the ocean is restless tonight, if we fall we could die,”

Speedy

“Yeah well I’m not afraid of a little water,”

Speedy said sawing quicker.

Wonder Girl

Wonder Girl stared into the swirling dark water below a frown working itself onto her face.

“Speedy stop we need to come up with a better plan.”

The line snapped. The group plummeted downwards, Kidflash struggling with renewed motivation to untie his legs as Robin threw one last bugged batarang hitting the underside of the plane’s wing.

Scene 10

Dark water sloshed over them messily as they struggled to breath, Garth sunk beneath the water disoriented from the impact of hitting the sea. Luckily the group had landed close to shore, Wonder Girl reemerged first, flailing she grabbed Speedy, who had a looser grip on his consciousness, together they slowly started to swim in the direction of the blurry shoreline. Kidflash yelped as he frantically swung his arms and bound legs in an attempt to stay above the surface. Robin popped up last his hood plastered over his face, he followed Speedy and Wonder Girl towards the shore but stopped shortly, looking back at the sinking speedster Robin huffed switching directions to help save the other hero. He looped an arm under his and dragged Kidflash over to the shore. The teens collapsed on the beach coughing up water clinging to each other.

Wonder Girl

Wonder Girl disentangled from Speedy propping herself up she squinted at the foggy sea.

“Garth!”

Speedy

“He lives in the ocean dude he's fine,”

Speedy snarked from where he laid in the sand.

Wonder Girl

Wonder Girl whipped around glaring angrily at him.

“He’s still a part of our team, we need to look out for him!”

Garth

“I’m fine, the water is too choppy to sleep in… or sail.”

Garth emerged from the water a grimace fixed on his face. Garth stopped sitting in the shallows.

Kidflash

Robin groaned quietly leaning away from Kidflash.

“Ew! Dude get off me!”

He yelped wiggling away from the other boy frantically, he paused looking at the cloaked figure.

“Unless you’re a girl?”

He asked, hopefully raising both eyebrows at Robin, who was now propped up with both arms.

“I mean you’re kinda sitting like a girl would..”

He trailed off staring at the way Robin’s legs were curled to the side.

Robin

Robin stood up swaying slightly as he disappeared into the thick vegetation.

The other heroes spent a few more moments lying in the sand, the only noise being Speedy’s mumbled insults directed at Kid Flash's ability to talk to girls.

“I’m not a monster. I wouldn’t leave someone to die.”

Scene 11

The on-call leaguers shift about in a daze gabbing food or hot drinks before shuffling back to their rooms. Occasionally giving eachother tired looks or taking part in quiet conversations. Wonder Woman is perched on the console holding a small pre-packaged salad. Leaning over to talk with Batman she tucked back a long, black, curl behind her ear. The corner of Batman’s mouth twitched his shoulders relaxing a fraction, the moment was short-lived as his face turned into a grimace and his back tensed.

Batman

Wonder Woman had moved to place a hand on his shoulder, the beginning of a question, leaving her mouth as he shot up from his chair. The flash who was busy empting the kitchen looked up three fries sticking out of his mouth.

“Flash you’re on monitor duty.”

He called, jabbing his finger at the Flash who looked immediately terrified, but nonetheless grabbed as much surgery junk food as he could carry and dashed towards the console.

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman caught up to him gripping his shoulder hard and pulling him back.

“What is happening?”

She pinned him to the spot with a piercing stare.

Batman

Batman let out an agitated groan as he gave in slumping slightly.

“I was reading through Robin’s latest mission report, he was working on tracking down Two-Face’s suppliers. Turns out the suppliers are the same men that Little League is supposed to be watching.”

Wonder Women

Wonder Woman stared at him raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Why is this an issue?”

Her voice was exasperated, as it often was when talking with Batman, placing both hands on her hips.

Batman

Batman sighed.

“Neither know that they’re taking down the same group, this could cause a collision.”

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman raised her other eyebrow sending an annoyed look at Batman's explanation.

“You’re worried about our sidekicks outnumbering Robin?”

Batman

“No, Robin can take care of himself, I’m worried that he’ll ignore his own needs when the others fail. He’s always had too big of a heart for his own good.”

He finished his statement turning away towards the transporters.

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman was annoyed but she followed him anyway.

“Ah yes the compassion for others, every great hero’s biggest flaw.”

Batman

Batman only grunted in response.

“I can’t pick up any feedback from the tracker in his belt or in his arm.”

He purposely ignored Wonder Woman’s judgemental scoff at the arm tracker comment, instead he continued into the transporter his last decipherable words the beginning of instructions.

“I’ll look into tracking him down, stay here, don’t alert the others yet. I’ll contact you when I have more information.”

Scene 12

Kidflash rolled over in the sand groaning as his stomach grumbled loudly, Wonder Girl reached over to place a hand on his pale, sweaty cheek. Speedy grumbled, tossing a rock at Garth’s forehead.

Wonder Girl

“That’s it I’m going to go find him some food.”

Wonder Girl declared standing up and striding into the jungle. She paused briefly as Speedy’s voice followed her.

Speedy

“Don’t let Shadow Man get you!”

Wonder Girl

Wonder Girl squeezed her eyes shut taking a deep breath before continuing into the forest on high alert, her hands flexed as she spotted a small bird picking at the ground. Steading herself Wonder Girl launched forward easily grabbing the bird, with a practiced hand she prepared to kill it.

Robin

“Wait!”

The same high-pitched, muffled voice sounded from the surround trees yet the cloaked figure made no noise as he jumped down from the tree line.

He tensed as Wonder Girl whipped around to face him, holding up his hands in a placetating gesture he spoke again.

“There's fruit in the trees we can give this to Kidflash, there's no need to do.. That.”

Wonder Girl

Wonder Girl looked at him calculatingly.

“Why do you care what I give to Kidflash?”

Robin

The white lenses of his mask twitched quick and small, unnoticed by an untrained eye. He was silent for a long time.

“There's no reason to kill a bird if we can pick fruit.”

Wonder Girl

Her stare remained cool but curiosity was obviously creeping in.

“Why wouldn’t you kill the bird?”

Something flashed in her gaze that set Robin on edge.

Robin

“Unprovoked violence is senseless and corrupt.”

This time Robin answered quickly, and although he was just a smudge of dark against the treeline Wonder Girl still felt him sizing her up.

A silence settled over them, thick and weary but in the moment the two could trust one another not to attack.

Robin

“We’re gonna need a lot more food if we wanna keep Kidflash alive. The fruit is in the higher rings of the trees,”

He looked over his shoulder at her,

“You’re an amazon you should be pretty good at climbing right?”

Robin then pulled himself up into the trees.

Wonder Girl

A look of horror overcame her face.

[maknaesdancersrappers]

july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver. 

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left. 

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever. 

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Hey guys, 

This is the local dog rescue charity that we were carers for, for several years. May do it again in future, but after Debbie (who was rescued by Precious Paws), it feels like we need a break. 

We have had three foster fails, but two puppers came through our home, learned to feel safe and loved, and went on to a perfectly matched new family.

There is always a demand for carers, so if you think you can, have a look at their Carer Info. Or look into the FB page, to keep your eyes open.

The best way to find new carers for animals is having a network of people sharing the Urgent statuses, which flags the attention of new groups of people. No dog will ever be LEFT on death row. They look for carers until the last second, but will absofuckinglutely take the dog anyway and put them in a boarding kennel short-term whilst a carer is located.

No doggo left behind.

It can be a bit confronting, though, so I understand if you cannot. The majority of the dogs have been surrendered to the pound, for various reasons, and the rescues in the region put their hands up for the ones slated for being put down each week. This list constantly refills, so there is always a need.

Some other dogs, like Debbie, are rescued directly from the disgusting human slime of the world who have caused them pain, injury, or attempted to kill them.

Carers open their homes to as many as they can, but there will always be more needed. A dog can be with you for a few months, to a few years, depending on their needs. 

Little Willow was so scared of everything when we got her, it took 5 months to get her to trust men near her due to where she came from. But after nearly a year, she was ready for adoption and went to a new mother; happy, healthy, and confident. She was fast, smart and a very delightful little doggo. I do miss her, sometimes, but her new mother sent us photos of Willow on her first and second adoption anniversaries. 

And little Gemini’s face, when her new family sent a photo from her first meeting with her human brother, was SO BIG!

It is hard to say goodbye, because they are with you for a long time, and you have to work hard with them, so they are an integral part of your life. But it helps to know that their future family is out there, not yet aware that there’s a dog shaped hole waiting to be filled.

As my parental unit says, “In reality, if they were not with us, they’d be dead. Someone without any heart dropped these animals off to be killed, and because of all these rescues, all these dogs and cats get another chance at life.”

Harvey, who we have now, was 9mths (Willow too) when they came to us. BABIES who just were too energetic or too big, so they had to be sent away. It takes a while to rebuild that trust in them.

Not to mention the absolute FUCKS who take their little old dogs, who have known and loved them their WHOLE LIVES to the pound and walk out with a new puppy (or kitten). FUCKS.  Those little doggos are never forgotten, PPARs and the other rescues make sure they have somewhere to go as well! I know of a 16yo bulldog called rosie, who was snappy when she first came and very depressed, who blossomed with her carers into a happy old girl. She was adopted recently!!!

It is important to be aware that these animals are often traumatised and have behaviours that some can consider ‘naughty’. You have to be understanding. Like traumatised kids, the worst thing you can do is yell or hit or whatever, even if they piss on your favourite rug or chew a beloved pair of shoes.

They may snap and snarl. Might shy away from men, or women, or teenagers. Might cower away, or show subservience constantly. Might hide for a few weeks. Might wet themselves or run to hide if something makes a loud noise or there is a specific trigger. They might rip up the couch twice, or hump your pillows. Try to escape the yard (need strong fences). A trigger? One of our kids was terrified of men, the noise of a powertool, and anyone having the hood of their car open. Would sit, shaking, panting in fear if these things were present. Still a bit much for her, but she knows to go to a human, who will keep her safe. Or sit with her sister doggo, who will protect her.

Willow was scared of men, shouting, and would be immediately wet-herself-afraid and show her belly in subservience. My giant bearded mountain of a sibling would lay on the floor with her, and talk gently, let her come over to sniff him. Eventually, she would lay next to him, and finally he could pat her, and it progressed from there. This took months of consistency and care.

I know of another carer couple who had this tiny little dog who was SO SCARED of everything she spent absolute months hiding under their bed or sofa. Too scared to be touched. They fed her and never made a fuss if she had a little accident indoors. And one day, she popped her head out while the male carer was pretending to be occupied... and licked his arm. That was it, went straight back under the bed. But it was a huge step. She can now be held and cuddled, and loves her little life. But it took the time, understanding and patience of these carers to get her there. It’s important to note that carers dont normally have the whole backstory for each dog, but after a while, you tend to get good at figuring it out based on behaviours. Harvey’s behaviours were extremely frantic for attention, he didn’t know how to sit or be still, he was desperate for attention; his behaviours increased when on a lead (which had to be used for the first few weeks and outside time, as this was a New Household Member time).  It was clear that given his age, when we got him, and his behaviours that he’d been an xmas gift puppy that had gotten WAAAAAAY bigger than anticipated. When he was small he’d been the fuss of what we suspect was at least 2 children. After getting too big, he was put on a leash in the yard, and had no real interaction.

Harvey would go BALLISTIC if given even a glance from a human. He NEEDED attention, and it took months of careful work with him to teach sit, stay, look, settle, back back, etc. He’s still a bit ridiculous, sometimes, but he can sleep on a bed with a human and only half drown them in spit (ugh) lmao. 

So consider if you could be a carer.  Or, if that isn’t realistic for you right now... donate.

-------- 

Donate, if you can.

If you’re in Brisbane, you might see them doing sausage sizzles at Bunnings on the weekends to raise needed funds! 

-------

COVID-19 hit all the rescue charities hard. Their normal fundraising was crippled by the lockdowns, but animals are always in need of new homes and protection.

If you can help out your local shelters, they’d appreciate it!

There’s food and supplies that need to be paid for; PPAWs specifically help out pensioners who take on an animal, by providing the food and toys, collar, bedding, etc. There’s desexing, microchipping and all vaccinations to be paid for. Some animals have extreme medical issues that need to be fixed (such as a dog surrendered with a broken hip, or dogs like Debbie, who were starved almost to death. Who need intensive and long-term things; with Debbie, my family put money forwards for her insulin and eye surgeries, etc. bc we could budget for it. Not everyone can, though.

There’s also little emergencies here and there that they jump in for, to assist.  [E.g early on when the caninculin levels were being sorted, Debbie had a random fit, so I rushed her in and they discovered her BSL had hit 1 - very dangerous. PPAWs got on the phone and said, “Any tests, any medication, any fluids, anything that needs to happen for that little girl, you DO IT” and they stabilised her. PPAWs also helped fund the full-day glucose testing and blood panel the next day and an overnight with the vet, that was pretty expensive. To be clear, it is expected that her starvation and new diabetes was likely to experience highs and lows, so we had bought a glucometer, and had squeezy-top bottles of honey all over the house as an emergency-response kit. When Debbie went funny, we filled her mouth full of honey and transported; which was the protocol, as was taking her medication chart (she’d been waaaay high for BSL that morning so this dip was SCARY). It took another incident before the vet decided to use an interstitial fluid monitor, and the results backed up our concerns that Debbie was having completely random highs/lows and spikes with no real pattern. She had the vet recommended food and no treats outside of the ones she was allowed, and at times suggested by the vet. Except on her last day when the vet said she could absolutely have a wholw happy meal, and little Debbie was DELIGHTED. I have the funniest photo of her with it all in her mouth looking excited but not sure where to go from there, but it still makes me cry to look at it because we lost her just three weeks ago. (We did rip it into little mouthfuls for her, though. Just to clarify.) She was placed on a higher dose, after that, and was completely stable from there. It was the testing that initially identified a flaw, though, and we are forever grateful that PPAWs stepped in on that day.

And the point of my rambling speech... is that shit happens. Especially with these dogs, cats, horses, and all the other animals they rescue.  Emergencies are often the most expensive to cover for charities.

On the upside! Donations also help with a) transporting animals to carers around the region, and b) on the occasion that an animal’s new furever family is interstate, they can be flown to them!

Lots of stuff.

Think about the mess of words, and consider donating - to PPAWs, or find out the name of your local charity and see if they need help!

[gedanite]

Fuck. My dad broke his knee yesterday. He's 70 and already overweight and chronically ill. He fell off his bike on the side of the highway and even though two cop cars and three other people stopped to see if he was okay and to offer him a ride home or to the hospital, he said no, and rode home on his own, and refused to go to emergency until over three hours later. The doctor said he's never in his life seen a knee break like that. He can't get in for surgery or a cast until Monday. Restrictions are so tight right now that no one will be able to go in with him. But his memory is so bad, he doesnt even know which bone he broke; the doctor told him, but hes forgotten. I'm so fucking worried about him. He doesn't remember what the doctor said to do until surgery. He doesn't remember if he should keep the splint on all the time. He refused to ask for pain medication because he already takes so much for his chronic pain that to go a step up would mean opiates and hes afraid of them.

My sister and I drove out to my parents house right away to help out. We dismantled the spare bedroom and brought it all down to the office on the main floor so he doesn't have to walk at all. They gave him crutches but he can't use them. He's too proud to ask for help when he needs it. He's never going to bounce back from this. He'll survive, but he's going to be even more confined to his chair and bed than he already was. I'm staying with them until things even out, so I can run errands and do chores and help get him out of bed and into the car and to the washroom and comb his hair and I am fucking so close to breaking down.

I'm staying in the room my sister tried to kill herself in eight years ago on a bed that's more convenience than comfort. I can't sleep because if I'm sleeping I won't hear if he tries to get up in the night and falls.

I'm only 25, I don't want my parents to be old

I'm so afraid that if he goes to the hospital he's going to be exposed to covid. When you're old and frail you check in, you dont check out.

He's never going to finish his project car out in the garage. He's never going to be able to climb the ladder into the loft he just finished building. This whole house is just. So full of reminders of the fact that he's breakable.

There is so much awful in the world right now.

And how lucky for me, right? It's only gravity and brittle bones trying to kill my dad, not an entire institution built on racism, not a power hungry pig, not a world designed to fail him.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm failing my community by not joining the protests. I feel like I'm failing him.

So I'll sit up in bed, too afraid to close my door or my eyes, and try to come to terms with the fact that theres no adult who's gonna come sweeping in to fix things, I have to do it myself.

This house makes me feel helpless.

[the-accidentals]

Chapter 1

Laura walked in through the door of her shoddy apartment, the lights flickering on as she slumped down on her stained sofa, she wanted to order takeaway but knew she didn't have the money, life was way to expensive and this week had been a pile of horse shit if any one had been, her car was in the garage after it broke down a couple days ago, the bill was so high she would need to not eat for a month. Before getting off shift today she had seen a family of five burn, only 2 getting out alive, a baby and the father. She tried to not let her job get to her but fighting fires was the easiest part, watching the families as they realise that not everyone made it is the worst, you can feel the guilt in the air. We are trained to move on, you can't take every death personally or it kills you from the inside but whenever i see a family torn apart so abruptly the worry stays on my heart, seeing happy families destroyed was definitely the worst part of her job but laura still loved the job and everyone struggles with it so she just tries to leave the worry at work,but today it followed her home, there was just something about today, the fire had started in the oldests room, probably faulty electrics, she was barely out of primary school, just starting to think she was a grown up, it had already killed the middle kid by the time anyone realised and the mother just breathed in to much smoke, it was come and go for a bit but in the end she didn't even make it to the hospital. A happy family reduced to two, a morning father and a 2 month old girl, how she survived I don't know. All that innocence and such young lives torn away so quickly.

Laura stood up shaking her head, it's not good to stay focused on the bad things, noodles and beer and an early night and she can sort everything else out in the morning.She has parents she can beg for money,they won't be happy but they wont let her starve,she just wishes she didn't have to call. For tonight she resigned herself to the sofa with a bottle of cheap beer and some veg noodles, strolling through the internet. Eventually the sun was long gone and the shame came creeping back, she was sitting here running from her responsibilities with beer, noodles and a blanket around her, just trying to hide away on the internet, she was a grown woman, an adult. She closed down reddit and opened her emails, this was an adult thing, she could clear her inbox. Ad,ad,ad,scam,ad,ad, important thing she should of replied too, she was trying to be grown up but that was slightly too grown up, ad, bank statement, don't want to look at that, oh nice easy one, the unit chief is trying to set up a quiz night, he needs to know when i'm free, i can do that. After a couple minutes of checking her calendar, which was embarrassingly empty she had formed an adult but chill response. There! She had been an adult, she had written an email and deleted a few more. She scanned over the rest hoping they could wait a few more days until a quiet moment at work, one caught her eye, an email from a trial company, she did a couple of studies a few years back to get some extra cash and extra cash was just what she needed, she looked into it, it was a medical study looking into a mental health drug, they needed people with diagnosed mental illness so she knew she would fit right in. Drug trials were not her thing but the pay was pretty good, two injections a week, £50 each, it lasted 12 months but you could leave whenever, just under £5,000 for the whole year, she probably wouldn't hang on that long but long enough that she could fix her beat up honda and still eat. Honestly how could she resist? The testing facility was a 15 minute walk away from the fire station as well. Fuck me if was perefect, no nagging from anyone about “being an adult” and “looking after your finances”. Laura finally went to bed that night, slightly tipsy, exhausted but slightly less stressed.

Laura had 2 days until she got paid and she had her first appointment for the trial today, it was a rolling study so there was no set start date. She had promised steve, the mechanic down the road, that he would get paid the bill as soon as she got paid so that he would carry on working with no money upfront, to be honest he totally owned lorna one, she had set him up with an ex of hers about a year back and she had never seen him happier. She walked up to a little privately owned clinic that she had never noticed before, it was smart but felt way to clinical, the lights were so bright it burnt and like all of these places the smell of cleaner was so strong you could taste it, she popped her phone into the pocket of her oversized jacket as she came to the front desk, the lady at the desk looked he up and down, I suppose she didn't really look like she belonged, it didn't look like a cheap sort of place.” hi i'm here for the trial, umm laura burmwell” laura muttered into the ground,she hated reception staff, they always seemed super judgy and this lady was no different, she tapped away at her screen for a few very awkward moments and sighed, pointing me to a section of chairs near the back. Pulling her earphones out she landed in a seat.

“Dont worry she wasn't very nice to me either” a voice chucked next to her, a small grinning woman sat there tapping on her phone, laura smiled back, she was gorgeous, long black hair down to her waist, out shining laura’s dirty blonde mess any day.

“ I’m glad she doesn't just hate me” Lorna joked, internally panicking. Why is such a cute woman actually talking to me? She suddenly felt amazingly underdressed, she was sat next to a stunning women who was clearly ready to go to work in a nice yellow dress and a jacket and she is there look like a gay hobo, hair up in yesterdays bun and a t shirt that has dinosaurs on it, at she is wearing smartish jeans. “I’m laura, are you here for the study?” she smiled.

“Preet, yeah, i'm hoping they can cure the fuckery going on in my head before the end of it” she chuckled but I could see the blush forming over her skin as she processed what she had said, Laura just snorted, tapping her leg on the linoleum floor, trying to think of something to say, her mind in overdrive.

“ nervous?” Preet questioned.

“i just haven't been in a drug trial for years, what if I grow four heads or something?” She joked, Preet actually burst out laughing, tears starting to form in her eyes, which got Laura laughing too, they just sat there trying to hide there laughter from the rest of the very serious looking members of the waiting room, finally after about 5 minutes they both calmed down enough to speak, laughter still glistening in their eyes.

“ but seriously these drugs will of been tested for years before it gets to these sorts of tests, its perfectly safe, they are just proving it and checking out side effects, im sure you wont grow any more heads.” At that moment Preets name was called over the speaker system, Secretly both of them were hoping they had been forgotten about so they could sit here and chat all day but neither of them said it.

“See you later Laura” Preet called as she picked up her stuff and started to follow the now waiting nurse.

Lorna went back to her music, trying to pull a stupid grin off her face.

1941- September 5th

I walked into surgery, on the bench was the patient, a young soldier, barley 19. He was burning up. Nurse Weber was standing there, trying to cool him down while setting up. He had a gun wound that was starting to get infected and the bullet had yet been removed. We set to work, removing infected tissue and finding bits of the shattered bullet but further we got the more futile it became, he kept losing blood and nothing we could do would keep his temperature down, he was pretty much dead in front of us. The nurse looked up, exhaustion in every wrinkle in her face, defeat in her eyes, im sure she had been on duty when he came on, over 10 hours earlier. With an air of defect I started sawing him up, giving him a dose of penicillin and covering the wound with gauze. I doubt he would make the night but we had tried. I removed my bloodied gloves and left. Hoping to be able to rest now. My eyes started over at the dying children and men who fill the halls. when will the war end, when will the suffering stop, have not enough died for the righteous cause? I started towards the boards, I was still on duty for another few days before I could head home. As i passed through the corridors i passed a officer asking about his son, every has someone fighting in this war to end all wars, he came to a halt in front of me desperately asking for his sons conduction, i had treated him when he first got brought in, he was going to make it but he no longer had a left leg, a bomb had hit near trench and had impaled his leg. As he quickly dismissed me, relief clear on his face, you could clearly see the shine on his Swastika pin. “Heil Hitler” I murmured as he marched away into the chaos

This is the first part of a longer story and my first time doing any serious writing, any advice welcome! I know it isn't perfect but I tried so I hope you enjoy it xx