#and it SUCKS cause i do think back in 2020 and the like he wanted to look out for people and help them

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

[yuttikkele]

oh my gosh?? there's mcyt drama that I am just now finding out about??? am I out of the building (/snapcube fandub ref)????

[chrissidepiece]

Bsf!matt bestfreinds

Smut… I did it (idk know if I like it but yeah)

Matt Y/n

Me and Matt fell asleep in each others arms last night he was warm

Warm

Warm

I was always cold and he was warm it felt soothing he fell asleep first then I drifted off to sleep but I couldn’t stop thinking about what will our future be like

I feel Matt groaning he’s trying to me make me lay back down with him June 13 2024

Nmmh y/n lay down it’s too early to be up, what are you doing anyway?

I’m just writing.

Matt sat up his arm around my waist looking into my eyes can I get a kiss he said whilst rubbing his eyes

I have morning breath

I didn’t want to kiss him if my breathe was stinky but matt said otherwise, y/n I don’t give a fuck if your breathe stinks kiss me,

Oddly that turned me on… i liked when he would be more harsh with his words I looked at him and said are you sure?

Y/n. He said looking at my lips with a straight face then he sighed and looked at my eyes

kiss me before I kiss you.

I grabbed his face and gave him a peck on the cheek. He looked at me not surprised he then put one hand on my cheek and the other remained on my waist keeping me close to him

He pulled my face closer I swear we were inches away I could feel his breathe trickle down my neck giving me goosebumps he looked at me my lips then my eyes again he pulled me closer and we kissed.. it wasn’t like last nights it’s almost as if he needed my lips on his and he kissed me roughly

We pulled away after some long seconds a I was out of breath i panted looking into his eyes..

Fuck

I said under my breathe he looked at me with a smirk as if he defeated me and he had won a prize he looked at me

Y/n don’t leave me I love you

I won’t I promise.

He looked at me again his eyes softened he put his hands on my waist and gave me a nose kiss and a quick peck on my neck before bringing me back down grabbing my journal and pen and giving it back to me

our hands brushed against one another I looked away and looked at him flustered

I cleared my throat and looked at his eyes and how his face was so perfect I wanted to kiss him again but I didn’t so I asked if he wanted to see inside my journal

Are you sure I mean. That’s personal I don’t have to look through it

Matt. I said with a stern- ish voice read it and write on your favorite pages

Okay

I got close to him he flinched cause of how cold my body and skin was I layed down and fell asleep

Matt’s pov

She dozed off in my arm I carefully set her down next to me I kissed her nose I opened the first page of her journal

May 1 2020

I got this journal cause of matt I like him and I wonder how long this crush will last I hope it wears off since he’s my best friend I don’t want to lose him he walking in my room

I was shocked that after 3 months she had a crush on me, my pretty girl maybe that’s why she acted so flustered when I flirted with her

I flipped The page wanting to know what she has written next

July 17 2020

I don’t think this crush is going away any time soon but. I think he likes Jess.. yes she’s our teacher but they might as well be the same age. I bet he likes older girls why did I think I had a chance I’m done writing about dumb stupid Matt I’m gonna go cry

Awh. I should’ve never talked about the teacher that way I only liked her because of the fact that y/n looked liked her

It’s been I want to say 1 hour and I’ve been reading her journal entry’s I’m at the one she wrote today I wonder what she was thinking about

June 13 2024

Me and Matt fell asleep in each others arms last night he was warm I was always cold and he was warm it felt soothing he fell asleep first then I drifted off to sleep but I couldn’t stop thinking about what will our future be like I feel Matt groaning he’s trying to me make me lay down

She’s so adorable I love her if I lose her I will never forgive myself.

I put her journal back and rubbed her shoulders softly and kissed her neck softly sucking on her neck harder leaving marks on her neck and shoulders

Y/n’s pov

I woke up to Matt giving me love bites I moaned softly he looked at me smiling at my soft moan from his affection he sucked the part of my neck and shoulder again i moaned again but slightly louder

Mhm Matt.

What do you want pretty girl? Use your words

I want I said in a low voice tripping on my words

This was humiliating considering Matt’s only seen me fully naked 4 times and they all were on accident except for last night so that makes it 5

I got closer to his ear and whispered in his ear softly and lightly I want you Matt, no Matt I need you inside me

He looked at me with glee good girl, are you gonna be a good girl and listen to everything I say?

Yes Matt.

Good girl now strip he watched me drop all my clothes seeing everything drop to the floor

One by one

Now I was only in my laced black panties he looked at me hungrily come here my princess I sat between his legs on my knees staring at him

Spread your legs

As he said this I opened my legs for him to see my glistening cunt I winced at the cold air hitting me

He moved his slender fingers towards my clit he rubbed and felt how wet I was his licked my slik off his fingers he played with my Pantie band

I bit my lip waiting for him to touch me

He dragged my panties down

lift up for me

I did as I was told now I was exposed I was scared but I trusted matt.

Lay down he ordered me

I layed down my legs spread he put my legs on his shoulders he looked at me with lowly lidded eyes he kissed my cunt and he stuck one of his fingers inside of me

I moaned softly as he kept going I stared at him waiting for another finger

You ready for another one baby?

Mhm I say as I moan lightly

He stuck 2 fingers in pumping in and out he found my spot curling his fingers touching my spot I moaned louder ffg fuck mh so good I say in heavy breath and Moans

He put his face to my cunt he sucked on my bud making my legs pull his face closer because I tried to close my legs as the pleasure got more intense

M- Matt I was panting This was the time of my life

fuck MaTt I’m almost t- oh! Y- yes I love you the knot in my stomach got tighter can I please cum I need to please Matt

I said asking for permission to cum cause I needed to be a good girl my eyes were rolling to the back of my head all that could be heard was me panting and Matt praising me

Yes you’ve been a good girl you can cum

Then the knot snapped he kept pumping me riding off my high and then he pulled away from my cunt my eyes were low but I looked down at his lips they had my fluid all over them he licked his lips and sucked on his fingers making a pop sound

I was panting trying to catch my breathe

Sweetheart are you sure your ready for me? I looked at him and nodded my head vigorously he took his shirt off and his boxers he was hard and it hit his stomach lightly

I gulped looking at it it was bigger than I expected

Get on your back

I layed on my back ready for him first he stormed himself then He rubbed the tip against my folds teasing me I licked my lips

Matt please I said needing him in me

He stuck a qauter of his whole self in I panted biting my lip trying not to moan too loudly as his brothers were in the house

He stuck it all the way in staring at me waiting for me to adjust to his size I nodded giving him an okay to move

He moved slowly at first it was a Mix of pain and pleasure then the pleasure washed over and I was going ballistic he looked at me groaning and soon enough he was ramming into me

Who does this pretty little pussy belong to?

Mhgh y- you matt fuck you feel so good in me

Good girl he picked up the speed even though I didn’t know could go any faster all that could be heard was skin slapping and our whimpers and moans colliding

One thing I know for sure is that his brothers heard us

he started whimpering I knew that he was getting closer to the end

I bit my lip trying to suppress my load moans Matt looked at me straight in my eyes

let me hear you

B- mmh your brothers

I don’t give a rats ass cause your mine they can give me shit all they want to but I’m with you right now

Him saying that meant like it has two meanings and fuck that turned me on even more m- matt

Yes sweetheart he said groaning and holding my legs he kissed me passionately then pulled away

He said grunting as he slammed into me my legs started shaking I- I’m close

Me too baby just hold on after a few more pounds he whimpered louder y/n w- where do you want me?

FUCK MAtt so good c- cum inside me

I moaned one last time as Chris cummed inside me he slowly slipped out and pulled his phone out and took a picture of his semen slowly dripping out my cunt

I closed my leg tightly i panted and sat up crawling and went into Matt’s arm he took a picture of me as I looked fucked out of my mind I couldn’t think all I knew is that I was in Matt’s arms

He gave me a kiss on my nose and put me down carefully I’m gonna get a rag and clean you up okay?

Mhm I said laying down he wiped my body off and picked me up he sat me on the toilet and ran a warm bath he set me in the bath smiling at me

Matt I love you so much

I love you more

My phone dinged he walked over to the bed and picked it up opening my phone since he knew my password and it was a text from nick

GIRL YOU DID IT?

I mean a win is a win but babes it 8 in the morning

I can’t believe you finally did it! So proud

I still can’t believe u just got freaky with my brother

Yknow what nvm

Text me back when u can

Matt looked at me confused so you texted my brother to help you get with me?

I covered my face from being ermbrassed

Steptember 2 2024

It’s been 4 months til me and Matt have been together and since I’m in the videos every one and then they see how I’m closer to Matt’s they ship us together I’ve seen edits of me clinging onto Matt and most of the fans ship us together

Matt walked in the room as I was finishing up writing in my journal Matt sat down next to me and kissed my nose in a way that was our way to tell eachother we loved them yes Matt? He looked at me

Soo we’ve been together for quite some time do you want to hard launch?

Are you sure I said because I knew how some of the fans would react

Yes I’m tired of having to wait off camrea to kiss you and love on you

Okay matt I leaned closer towards him and kissed his lips

I looked at my camera roll and found pictures of me and Matt together being a cute couple I posted a “small amount” of pictures of me and Matt

Hard launch luv u Matty!

30k likes

Matthewsturniolo love laying in your lap

^ yourusername than cmere and lay on my lap baby

^Nicolassturniolo finally I don’t have to do more work by editing you two out

^Christophersturniolo Finally they revealed their biggest secert

Sturniololife I KNEW IT THEYRRE SO CUTE TG

Lovingy/n wait I wonder how long they’ve been together?

Nickispooh why isn’t anybody talking abt the 2nd pic okay clingy matt I see you

^ yourusername he very clingy my clingy little Matt

Matthewsturniolo I am not

Yourusername Suree you aren’t.

Chriswife y/n is double caked up

Y/nsear MY DREAMS CAME TRUE

In the vlog we were trying baby food and Matt. Fed me my food everytime not letting me feed myself cause I’m his so called princess and princess get special treatment he wiped my chin and sucked off the excess baby food from his pinky finger

You’re so cute sweetheart

I smiled at him calling me that nick name ironically it made me feel sweet inside

and then nick and Chris rolled their eyes at us and called us love birds and fake gagged

the video was uploaded and the fans went crazy I’m glad we stopped being a secert I love Matt

GUYSS THIS TOOK FOREVER AND IM GONNA WORK IN SOME TEXTS WITH CHRIS AND A ONE SHOT SO BE READYY also here’s masterlist

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

You’re the Only Girl for Me - Chapter 5

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

All OC Characters belong to me

Taglist:  @christinabae @southerngirl41 @reci24 @jeyusos-girl @jeyusosgirl @melaninsugababy @baconeggndcheez @bemybabiibish @jstarr86 @nbanenefrmdao @purplehairgawdess @arination99 @alyyaanna @m3llowww @gomussy @jeysbae @babysyhsy @bebesobrielo  @empressdede @venusesworld @harmshake @mustafumilf @theninthwonder

NOVEMBER 23RD 2020

Incoming text from Josh Fatu: good morning, can’t wait to see u tonite ❤️

Airielle stared at the text message with a smile on her face. Even though she was happy she was also extremely nervous, this would be her first date in 3 years since…Airielle quickly shook her head trying to get rid of those thoughts. She jumped when Yasmine burst through the door carrying shopping bags. Airielle rolled her eyes as Yasmine passed her a Victoria’s Secret bag. 

“Just something sexy to wear.” Airielle laughed and thanked her. “You nervous? It’s been a while since you been on a date.” Yasmine paused “Even though I still think those other two should count but whatever.” She shrugged. 

“Yeah im freaking the fuck out honestly.” Yasmine reached over and grabbed Airielle’s hands, giving them a squeeze. 

“Just remember, you are not defined by what happened to you. You are the light that refused to surrender.” Airielle smiled softly and looked away from Yasmine. “I know I give you shit about getting back in the dating scene,” Yasmine grabbed Airielle’s cheeks to make her look back at her. “But I just want you to know how proud of you I am. Just have fun and be free.” Airielle pulled Yasmine to her in a tight hug. 

“Yo bro.” Josh looked over at the door when Jon came strolling through. 

“I know this ya house, but I could’ve been naked.” Jon shrugged and plopped his body down on the bed. 

“You ready for tonight? I can’t believe she actually agreed to go out with you.” Josh sucked his teeth and glared over at his twin. 

“What the hell that's supposed to mean?” 

“You ugly as fuck uce” Jon laughed then held his hand up, trying to shield his face and body from Josh’s hits. “Aight, Aight Damn.” 

“If I'm ugly, you ugly. We twins jackass.” 

“I hope you got my girl some roses.” Trin said as she came into the room and sat on the bed next to Jon. Josh nodded and scrubbed his hand over his face. If there was an emotion beyond nervousness, that's what he was. Trinity noticed and placed her hand on his shoulder. 

“This gon be my first- first date since high school man, The last time I was this nervous was with the boy’s mom.” Jon and Trinity winced at the fact he wouldn’t say his ex-wife’s name. “And I was fifteen, i’m thirty-fucking five, why am I so nervous?” 

“Cause you like her uce. And technically yall already went on y’alls first date.” Trinity nodded her head in agreement. “Just be yourself man, she gon fall in love with you.” 

Airielle looked at the clock and cursed. Josh was supposed to be at her place in 30 minutes and she still didn’t decide which dress to wear. She let out a sigh of relief when Yasmine came into her room holding her IPad, on facetime with their other cousin Ashley. 

“As the family fashion expert. We need your help.” Yasmine flipped the camera and showed Ashley all of the dress, shoes and jewelry options they had. 

“Bitch are those my earrings!” Yasmine rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. 

“Focus Ashley-” 

“I’ve been looking for them everywhere hoe!” Airielle giggled and took the IPAD from Yasmine, turning the camera to herself. 

“I need your opinion Ash, I’m stuck.” Ashley rolled her eyes and nodded. 

“Fine,” She muttered. “Show me again.”  

AIRIELLEJONES

liked by trinity_fatu, kaylabraxtonwwe, yasmine_jones and 190,000 others

AIRIELLEJONES: It's okay, I know you're obsessed 🌹

view all comments

trinity_fatu: and isssss!!

uceyjucey: 🤫

yasmine_jones: oop 👀

Yasmine had just finished curling the last piece of Airielle’s hair when there was a knock at the front door. Airielle felt like she had to throw up. She was about to run into the bathroom when Yasmine stopped her and pushed her towards the door. 

“No running. Go enjoy yourself.” Airielle nodded and took a deep breath before opening the door. 

“Damn,” Josh said lowly, licking his lips as he shamelessly raked his eyes over her body. “I mean,” he cleared his throat. “You look beautiful.” He felt his cheeks heat up as he passed her the bouquet of white, red and pink roses. 

Airielle took them. “These are so pretty.” She said as she lifted them to her nose to smell them. 

“I mean, beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman.” They both stared at each other before bursting out into laughter. 

“That was so corny,” She said as she shut her apartment door and started walking towards the elevator. He chuckled as he followed her. 

“Yeah aint gon’ lie. That wasn’t my best work.” 

Josh had just pulled up in front of the restaurant and Airielle was about to get out of the car when Josh stopped her. 

“Whoa, whatchu’ doin?” Airielle froze with one of her hands on the handle of the car door. She turned her head and frowned at him. “Opening the door?” She said as more of question and Josh chuckled. 

“Nah, don’t touch that.” He said getting out and rushing over so he could open the door for her. “I got you.” He said as he held out his hand for her to grab. She rolled her eyes with a smile and grabbed his hand, letting him help her out of the car. She smiled wider when he didn’t let go of her hand as they started walking towards the restaurant. He only let go of her hand to hand the valet his keys and a twenty dollar tip. 

“Wow, this place is nice.” She said as the host led them to their table. She smiled at Josh as he pulled out her chair for her. 

“Yeah, Jon recommended it. Said he takes Trin here all the time.”  They sat there in silence. Glancing at each other over their menus, sending secret smiles to each other. 

“So i’ve been told.”Airielle started off, breaking the silence between them. “We technically already had our first date.” Josh nodded with a chuckle. 

“I mean, technically yeah. So what this’ll be our.” He stopped to count on his fingers making her scoff. “Third date.” 

“You did not just count to three on your fingers.” He shrugged with a laugh as the waiter came over to take their orders. Once he walked away Airielle turned her attention back to Josh. “Ok, so tell me something about you that I don’t know.” 

“Damn,” Josh said as he blew out a breath of air. “I can play the piano.” 

“Oh wow foreal?” She asked, eyebrows raised in shock and he nodded. 

“Yeah, me and my brothers. My momma kept us busy so we weren’t tearing up her house. It was so much shit she put us in man, uh- karate, soccer, baseball. Man, any sport that you could think of my mom had me and my brothers there. No your turn.” 

She placed her chin on her palm and smiled at him. “I used to dance and cheer competitively. My parents' garage is literally full of medals and trophies.” 

She narrowed her eyes at him when he started to smirk. “That’s kinda hot.” 

“I was a kid Josh.” She chuckled and threw a piece of her dinner roll at him when he shrugged. 

The rest of their date went amazing. They never ran out of stuff to talk about. They didn’t even realize they were the last two people in the restaurant until the waiter came over to tell them. 

On the ride back to her apartment, they stopped to grab some ice cream. Neither one of them wanted the night to end. After he parked in her complex’s garage they walked slowly to her apartment, holding hands. 

“This was like the best date I've ever been on.” She said, turning towards him as they stopped in front of her door. Her statement made him feel good. 

“Yeah? Me too.” He said with a wide smile. Airielle was about to turn to walk into her apartment when Josh stopped her by grabbing her hand. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked and Airielle nodded immediately. She honestly thought she would have to make the first move. He grinned before pulling her closer to him and wrapping his arms around her waist. He hesitated before leaning head forward and capturing her lips in a soft, tender kiss. They stood there, lost in eachother only breaking apart at the sound of a loud squeal and a loud clanging sound, like something had dropped coming from inside Airielle’s apartment. 

“Sorry.” They both chuckled at Yasmine’s muffled voice. He gave her another kiss before telling her that he would text her when he got home. After he walked away, Yasmine ripped open the door and yanked Airielle inside. 

“Bitch tell me everything.” 

Happy Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it.)

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

[simphellscape]

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12TH, 2020- 5:24PM // SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13TH, 2020 - 2:38AM // next | tw: alcohol, horny bird pt. 2

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13TH, 2020 - 2:38AM

“Cheater!” Kei exclaims, scattering several UNO cards across the floor, “You’re -hic- cheating.”

He pouts dramatically, throwing himself against the living room carpet. This childish display has you cackling. Perhaps he’s a bit too drunk, but it doesn’t matter because so are you.

“Can we play a different game, please?” he pleads, slurring.

“It’s not my fault that I’m a god, Kei!”

“If I wasn’t drunk, you’d be a goner.”

“You said five minutes ago that you aren’t even drunk!”

“I’m not!”

“Liar!”

“Different game!” he bellows, still throwing a tantrum.

You reach over and flick the back of his head. Even though you’re hammered, you still manage to land it squarely in the center. His head flies off the floor to face you, honey eyes narrowed.

“You’re dead, (Y/L/N).”

One of his feathers darts toward you, aiming directly for your exposed ribs. You know this game far too well, and while you could easily avoid his attack, you secretly enjoy this kind of attention. In a way, it’s like he’s touching you. That’s what you tell yourself, anyway.

You leap to your feet and begin sprinting in the direction of your bedroom, but the feather is simply too fast. Before you can even make it through the door, it’s teasing the sensitive area, causing you to convulse with defeat. You, unfortunately, are being tickled within an inch of your life.

“K-Kei!” you shout, breathless and laughing, “Stop it!”

“No, you flicked me!”

You crash into the wall and slide to the floor, feather never leaving your side.

“I’m gonna pee!”

“You shoulda thought of that before you flicked me, then!”

“I -- fuck -- I’m sorry!”

“What? Can’t hear you. Speak up!”

“I’M SORRY!”

“That’s what I thought,” he says, a fake threatening tone to his voice.

With that, the feather zips back into the fold of his wings, bumping into a lamp on the way. You stay slumped against the wall, attempting to catch your breath. Meanwhile, Kei has raised himself to a relaxed sitting position on the living room floor.

“Now, a different game, please,” he smiles.

“Fine, crybaby.”

“Watch it, or I’ll tickle you again!”

“Nooo!” you whine, returning to your spot on the living room carpet with a graceless thump.

“I have an idea!” Kei gasps.

“Shoot.”

“How about, um, Truth or Dare, but, like, with alcohol! Like you take a shot if you don’t wanna do your truth… or your dare… or whatever.”

“I didn’t realize we were sixteen years old.”

He calls a feather to hover dangerously close to your ribcage once again.

“Jesus, alright! Just put that shit away.”

He smirks with satisfaction as the torture device returns to its crimson plume.

“I’ll go first!”

“Hold on, let me get the vodka,” you grumble, hoisting yourself up.

As you hobble to the kitchen, Kei begins the game anyway.

“Truth or dare?”

“Let’s do truth,” you decide after a moment, returning with the bottle of vodka.

“You’re no fun,” he pouts, considering his options, “Hmm…. oh! Okay, so, you’ve got good aim.”

“Yeah. Truth or dare?”

“I WASN’T DONE YET!”

“I’m teasing, Kei! Someone’s touchy.”

“Leave me alone,” he growls, “I wanted to know what your quirk really is. Because I don’t think that’s all.”

“Yeah, that’s not all. All of my senses -- you know, sight, hearing, whatever -- are better than a normal person’s. Not all of them are the same amount of better though! My sight is the best, and then touch, then -hic- hearing, smell, and taste. It kinda sucked at first, but I worked really hard to make it worth something, ya know? I even got an ultimate move out of it!”

Kei’s mouth is hanging open in real, but overexaggerated shock.

“Really? Show me!”

“It’s not really something I can show you…”

“Oh. Well, can you, like, tell me about it then?”

At this, Kei scooches closer towards you, eyes widening even further.

“I just, um, focus more, and it makes my senses almost perfect. Like they’re great on their own, but with more focus it gets to the point where, like, I can tell what people are gonna do before they’re finished doing it. It’s like -- ‘oh, I can hear their pinky toe moving in their shoe, they’re probably gonna take a step’. It gives me a migraine when I’m done though.”

Kei nods and begins the long, arduous process of standing up.

“Okay, so I’m gonna get up and then I’m gonna do something totally unexpected. You gotta say what I’m gonna do.”

“I just told you it makes my head hurt, birdbrain!”

“But I wanna seeeeee!”

“You can see it later! I don’t think I can do it right now, anyway. I’m drunk.”

He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms across his chest.

You learned from your last time drinking together that when Kei drinks, he often wants to play some sort of game. And when he’s drunk and playing a game, one of two things can happen. One, he gets extremely competitive. This is what happened last time, when he flipped your game of LIFE off of your coffee table. Or, two, he becomes a big, mopey baby, which is what’s happening right now. You know it’s all in jest, and while it’s slightly annoying, it’s mostly endearing. You can’t wait to remind him about this tomorrow. If you’re even able to remember, that is.

“Truth or dare?”

“I’m gonna pick dare, because I’m not a loser,” he mocks.

“Oh, now I’m gonna pick something terrible.”

You scan the room, drunkenly scrambling to find something hellish for him to do as revenge. You just did a deep clean of the whole apartment, so there’s nothing really gross around here that you can think of. You’re fresh out of mushrooms, otherwise you’d make him eat one. You know he would have hated that. You could make him wear one of your bras on his head, but that would require him to see it. Too embarrassing for you. Suddenly, a lightbulb pops in your head.

“Let me touch your wings.”

There are two reasons for this diabolical idea. Kei talks all the time about how he loathes when fans touch his feathers without his consent. But also, selfishly, you just really want to know what they feel like. You’ve felt individual feathers before, and they’re incredibly soft. Feeling multiple all at once sounds heavenly.

“No. Absolutely not!”

“Now you’re no fun!”

“They’re sensitive!”

“I’ll be gentle.”

“No, that’s wooorse!”

“How the fuck is that worse?”

In addition to the flush of Kei’s intoxicated cheeks, a new pinkess spreads across them.

“Either let me touch your wings for a few seconds or take a shot,” you urge him.

He locks hazy eyes with you, and you can see the gears turning in his head. Simultaneously, the gears are turning in your own. You can’t really gather how it would be worse for you to be gentle with them. Holding back on the pressure couldn’t possibly hurt him. In fact, that seems like it would be more pleasurable for him.

Your brain stops in its tracks.

Pleasurable.

Before you can stop yourself, you share your revelation.

“You don’t want me to touch them because you’ll like it too much!”

“No, I--”

“Don’t lie, Kei!”

“I don’t--”

“No, you do know!”

“FINE, TOUCH THEM!” he concedes, throwing his arms in the air.

You grin widely, feeling victorious, as he turns to the side. You use this opportunity to scooch closer to him, preparing to caress the plumes.

You could go about this one of two ways, you figure. You could make this as easy as possible for him. A quick stroke across a small section. Or, you could make this extremely difficult for him, running your fingers between the expanse of the whole wing. Something about the intimacy of the interaction, the inhibiting effect of the alcohol, and your burning desire to touch his wings, to touch him, make you pick the latter.

You wiggle beside his extended leg, facing the wing directly. Before you touch him, something possesses you to lean towards him and whisper in his ear.

“Remember, this game was your idea.”

All in the same motion, you draw your head back and carefully dive your fingers into his wings. As you run them along the surface, you suck in a breath. You expected them to be soft, but you’re taken aback. It has exceeded your expectations by a lot. Your fingertips tingle at the way each feather teases them. The fine barbs feel smooth underneath your touch. A strange sensation zips its way up your arm like it’s a live wire. You move at a sloth’s pace, wanting to savor this feeling for as long as possible, mesmerized. You’re only halfway across when Kei’s hand closes around your wrist, forcefully yanking it away.

His previously hazy eyes are now dark, met firmly with the wall directly across from him. His breathing is labored, shoulders heaving with each inhale and exhale. The previously pink flush in his cheeks is now beet red. Warmth spreads in your midsection, intoxicated by both the restraint he has you in and the downright primal look on his face.

“That’s enough,” he asserts, sternly.

You flounder, looking deep within you for some sort of snarky reply. There’s nothing left in your head; it seems that this interaction has wiped them all away. You feel redness creep up your neck and into your face. Your heart is beating out of your chest. You’re sure that Kei can hear it loud and clear. You swallow hard, and attempt to find your voice.

“Come on, that was nothing,” you offer, weakly.

Your gaze flickers from his eyes to his lips. They’re parted slightly to allow for his panting breaths. The image of him closing the distance between you, crashing them against yours, flashes across your brain. Working against them in expert fashion. Just like you’ve wanted for so long. You can practically feel the pressure of them, sucking on your bottom lip and lightly nipping. To satiate the need you suddenly feel, you take your bottom lip between your teeth, returning your gaze to the predator before you.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Keigo’s palm burns around your wrist. It’s taking everything in him to refrain from pinning you down on the floor and reenacting the images flashing in his head. Your heartbeat is drumlike, rapid, and even more inebriating than the copious amounts of liquor he’s had tonight. Your erratic breaths cause your chest to brush lightly against his forearm, the additional contact driving him further into insanity. After years of training, he knows that this is the ultimate test of his will. He’s losing.

A part of him consistently suggests that loving you isn’t a venture that’s destined to fail. The rest of him usually overshadows that, spouting endless excuses for his actions. Well, rather, inaction. Right now, he’s forgotten every reason he’d previously given himself. No matter how badly he wants to, how desperately he needs to, he can’t bring himself to look at you. If your expression is anywhere near what he’s imagining it to be, he won’t be able to stop himself. In his soul, he knows that if he acts right now, he will be completely unable to show anything resembling mercy. The already looming threat of going completely feral will swallow him whole, and he will fuck you into oblivion.

It’s appealing, the thought of releasing hold on his inhibitions. The only thing stopping him now is the thing that stops him from doing a lot of things these days.

He must, above anything and everything else, keep people safe. And you just happen to be at the very top of the list of people in the world.

This is as instinctual as breathing for him. A knee jerk reaction to outside stimuli. His outside might be extremely stimulated right now, but the core of his very existence will not allow this to continue. Not like this. If he’s ever presented with the opportunity to sleep with you, it has to be centered around you. It has to be considerate. It has to be gentle. The current state of things doesn’t equate to that at all. Of course he cares about you, about your safety. He also cares about being a decent human being, a decent pro-hero, even in the face of quickly reducing into an animal.

Finally, in the raging battle of Keigo versus avian instinct, Keigo emerges victorious.

In one swift motion, he releases his grip on your wrist and raises himself off the ground. Semi-rational thought slowly starts to flow back into his head. He knows that whatever the hell all that was effectively ruined the banter for the night. The way he reacted to your touch scared himself, and he can’t even begin to imagine how terrified you must feel. Moments like these reacquainted him with the fact that his quirk, combined with all of the meddling the Commission did to him, essentially made him a monster. He goes to great lengths to hide that from the rest of the world, but now he’s revealed the most ugly part of himself to the only person in the entire place that matters. You, his entire life, now know that even the most human of hawks are predators, too.

He stumbles to your balcony. In his altered mind, he believes that leaving would be the ultimate courtesy to you right now. It doesn’t matter that he’s plastered. It doesn’t matter that you’re already following him, begging him to stay. No one, especially you, deserves to spend another moment with such an unholy creature as Keigo Takami.

Without so much as a backward glance, he surges off of the balcony and into the night sky. His aim is to fly across the city, across the country, across the world. But, his double vision doesn’t grant him much aid in the darkness. Before he can make it even fifty feet from your apartment building, he clips the one across from you with his massive wing. In any normal circumstance, he would be able to recover from this without much issue. But he’s shitfaced. So, instead, he careens into the street below at remarkable speeds. With a yelp, he lands on the gravel and slides, scraping his entire left side. For a moment, his deafening, panic induced thoughts are quiet. It happens to be just long enough to hear you from your apartment four stories above.

“KEI!”

A pro-hero such as him should be able to take an injury like this like it’s nothing. In fact, he’s done it countless times before. Something about the drunkenness and the complete descent into self-loathing keeps him glued to the pavement. He knows you’re coming. He knows he’s going to have to face you. He knows that you’re probably worried out of your goddamn mind. He knows it’s all his fault.

For the first time in recent memory, Keigo feels entirely lost. Though he’s tried so hard, he knows now that you’ve found him out. In his perfect world, he hoped that you took his lack of affection and general emotional standoffishness as a sort of defense mechanism. In essence, that’s what it was, but he never wanted you to find out any of the myriad of things he was defending himself from -- defending you from. Now, there’s no way in hell you could view it as anything else. He wants you. Badly. And now, you know.

He hoists himself up into a sitting position with difficulty, both hands finding their way to his hair. The panic is starting to give way to crushing defeat. He’s already running through ideas on how to cope with the loss of your presence in his life. After the imminent rejection he’s about to face, he’ll have to cut off contact with you for his own sanity, at least for a little while. Maybe he can contact Kana and see if there’s any way she can assign another pro-hero to your case. Just as he’s running through candidates to recommend, he hears your sandals crunching against the gravel.

“Hey!” you call out.

Keigo inhales deeply and raises his head.

“Oh, thank fuck,” you breathe as you approach him.

You stumble slightly as you finally reach him, hands reaching out. You crouch beside him and begin to inspect his form, picking pieces of the ground off of it.

“(Y/N)...” Keigo sighs.

You shift your focus from cleaning him up to his face. As soon as you see the look of despair on it, your own face drops.

“What? Kei, what’s wrong?”

Is it possible that you aren’t as thrown off by this interaction as he is? Did this even phase you at all?

“Um.. you were there five minutes ago too, right? You witnessed the shit that I just pulled?” he asks, softly.

“Yeah, you jumped out of a fucking window! Of course I witnessed that, you idiot!”

Of course you didn’t care about the fact that he almost acted on his innermost desires in the most animalistic way possible. As always, you just wanted him to be okay. He should have suspected as much.

But, after tonight, he’s not sure if he’s physically able to keep the act up much longer.

“I meant before that.”

Redness creeps across your cheeks as you nod in recognition.

“Yeah, uh, I did witness that,” you whisper.

“And,” Keigo gulps, “did that… uh… scare you? At all?”

You laugh nervously. A flighty and musical sound. Keigo’s heart drums faster.

“No. I wasn’t scared. I was…” you trail off.

You suddenly groan and throw your hands over your face.

“God, Kei, don’t make me say this,” you cry.

His mind races. What could possibly be worse than making you scared by that? He can’t immediately think of anything, but whatever it is must be awful. He definitely won’t be seeing you ever again after this, but he needs to know. He has to prevent this from happening ever again. Not that it ever will, because he doubts that he’ll ever let his guard down like this from now on.

“You’re gonna have to. I’m not following,” he mutters.

You whine, and retract your hands. Your eyes are glued to his chest, as if that’s as close as you can get them to his eyes at the moment.

“I -- it kind of… turned me on.”

Keigo feels as if someone dumped a gallon of cold water over his head. In fact, if someone managed to do that right now, he would probably be less shocked. He can feel his mouth drying out from the amount of time he’s spent with it hanging open.

“See! I knew I shouldn’t have said anything,” you groan, shifting to raise yourself up.

Without thinking, he wraps his hand around your wrist again, pulling you towards him. You fall to your knees, face inches away from his own. He searches you one final time for any sign of regret, but all he finds is a desperate, pleading expression. He somehow finds it in him to speak.

“Can I?”

You nod softly and he does what he’s been wanting to do for months.

The first thing he notices when his lips finally meet yours is the taste of strawberry vodka. The second thing, hitting him immediately after, is an explosion in his chest. It’s a million sensations at once -- flowers blooming, fireworks popping, the sun rising. Keigo has done a lot of things in his short life, but not one of them has even come close to the pleasure of kissing you.

What was a tentative, slow pace quickly evolves into something needy, something frantic. His hands shift from the soft grip around your wrist to tangle themselves in your hair, pushing you closer to him. Even though you’re practically on top of him now, you’re not close enough, and he doesn’t think you ever will be. His tongue swipes against your lips, begging for entrance. You happily oblige, and he delves deep into you. As your teeth crash together, Keigo begins struggling for breath. He doesn’t want it, maybe he doesn’t even need it. Now, he feels as though you’re the only thing he needs to survive. Just as he accepts that as fact, you break away to rest your forehead on his. You’re panting, giggling softly between breaths. As he collects his thoughts, his mouth moves before any of the rest of him can.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” he whispers.

“You should have done it sooner,” you retort, still out of breath.

He’s beginning to regain control of his body now, so he pulls away from you just far enough to plant a soft kiss against your nose. Even though he would love to continue to feel the most unique and gratifying thing he’s ever felt, he recognizes that now is not the time nor the place. But, if he has anything to say about it, there will be plenty more opportunities, scattered across the rest of time. He pauses as that thought, at how a simple kiss has fixed the position he’d been saving for you since the moment he laid eyes on you. You, his first friend, his last love. He finds your hand and squeezes it.

“It’s getting pretty late. You should probably get to bed,” he suggests.

“You could stay with me, if you wanted. I wouldn’t want you to get arrested for drunk flying,” you chuckle.

The smile that sprouts on Keigo’s face is strong enough to break his cheekbones. It’s a miracle that they stay intact.

“You’re absolutely right. Always looking out for me, aren’t you?”

He lifts himself up and pulls you with him. As the two of you walk back to your apartment, your pinky fingers are linked together. It’s a small, almost lazy connection, but neither of you seem to be able to entertain the thought of letting go.

(a/n): fuckin finally amirite

[takerfoxx]

On the night of the election, I had an honest-to-God dream where I woke up and found out that Harris had shockingly come in from behind and won the election. I remember how relieved I was that the nightmare had been averted. That we did choose to not elect a senile fascist back into office. That most of my country weren't willing choosing evil over progress.

Then I woke up, literally and figuratively.

Obviously, this has been a heavy blow. Honestly, as someone who was raised as a conservative Christian, who was a huge fan of Linkin Park, Kanye West, JK Rowling, Joss Whedon, Neil Gaiman, and the Undertaker for years, and who felt like I could trust my friends and family to have my back, it's been like these last few years have been a relentless train of disappointment and disillusionment in everything and everyone I once believed in and looked up to, and who I would go to for escape when things were bad. I know you should never meet your heroes, but damn, could they just have been like salty jerks who were caught being mean to the waiter instead of fascists, abusers, bigots, and so on? Could the entire world view that I had been raised in and fervently believed for over half my life not have turned out to be so awful? And yeah, I'm including the friends and family part in that as well.

Obviously, since the election, there's been a lot of finger pointing. Did Harris run a bad campaign? Did she abandon the working class? Was it the Gaza issue? Was it the fault of moral abstainers or third-party voters?

And honestly, I get it. Given the sheer horror of what we're facing, I get being frustrated with people who don't help and/or vote against their own interests only to go all Shocked Pikachu face when the worst possible scenario occurs. But I've been doing some thinking, and I personally believe that even if all those groups came out in support of Harris, whether it be because they do support her or even just as a way to block Trump, she still would have lost. This is the first time in a long time that a Democratic nominee lost the popular vote, after all. I think Biden would have lost too, and he only won in 2020 because of the very unique circumstances caused by the pandemic.

I think we need to face the facts. America's been sliding into fascism for decades.

Reagan. The extremism that erupted after 9/11. Birtherism. Gamergate. The Manosphere. The far right has been busy, whether it be stacking the deck politically or pinpointing the fears and insecurities of every generation and tuning their messaging to draw people in. They tell them what they want to hear, that it's not their fault that they aren't getting what the American dream promised them, and it's all the fault of (insert minority group here). It's been targeted. It's been methodical. And it's been working.

Trump won. He's going to get away with everything. The far right won. This sucks. I wish I had some inspiring words about never giving up the fight, but I'm not that guy. And honestly, I'm starting to feel that spiteful part of me come out, the one that sort of hopes that everything does get much worse so that every braindead moron who voted against their best interests gets exactly what they got coming to them.

But I also know how dangerous that line of thinking of. So please, Do NOT listen to me. There are plenty of people still rallying the troops, still encouraging people to fight, people who are in far more danger than I am. I'll be fine. I'm just a tired and disappointed middle-aged white guy living in a boring California suburb. I'm safe. But there's a lot of people that aren't. And those are the voice that you need to be listening to.

As for me, I'm not giving up, I'm going to keep voting, going to keep supporting the causes I believe in, and going to keep helping how I can. But I'm also going to go away for a while. Not long, probably just a few weeks or so. But I'm going to disengage from social media for a bit to keep from doomscrolling and just focus on writing, because that's all I really know how to do. And when I do come back, I'll have a lot more stuff for you guys.

In the meantime, please be good to yourselves. Be good to those who are scared and hurting. The world needs you in it, now more than ever.

[hockeyandhrsepwr]

Black and White

Life lessons track 3

July 2023

yourusername

Yourusername cause I see us in black and white, crystal clear in a starlit night

view all comments

Ynfan bestie I swear if the next song drop is that your married….

Ynsbiggestfan us who y/n?? US WHO?!

User56 mystery of the year, who is y/n singing these fucking love songs about

Fan96 driving us all fucking insane trying to figure it out

Bellababe guys don’t worry, she’s talking about us

Yourusername that’s right 😘 love you b

Charlesleclerc

CharlesLeclerc Summer snaps in Black and White

view all comments

Fan17 hmm….

Fan183 girl what?!

Ynfan1 just interesting timing, that’s all

Fab283 y’all are tripping

Setember 2020

Curled up on a hotel bed, a soft smile graces your lips as you look at the man next to you.

"Where do you see yourself in a few years?"

Uh, what’s are you, a guidance counsellor? You giggle as you roll your eyes.

He rolls his as well. "Seriously babe. "

Rolling onto your back, you stare at the ceiling while you think. A slideshow of moments passing through your mind.

"I see us, living together at home, happy. Travelling lots. You’re a champion, I’ve another album out at least.

At some point, I see is in black and white,

you in a suit, me in a dress, swearing in front of all our friends that I’ll love you for the rest of my life. "

He smiles, "yeah? You want that?"

"Charlie, there’s nothing I want more than to call you mine forever. Regardless of everything else, I want to be 65, telling everyone that I always knew it’d be you. "

"I want that too my love. I want the world to witness when we finally say I do, I want to see you grow our children, and continue to be by each others side for the rest of our lives. I’ve never felt anything like this. We’ve been best friends for years, the day you agreed to be more was the happiest day of my life so far."

"so far eh?" You quirk a brow

"the day you agree to marry me, and the day that actually happens will definitely top it, but for now, yeah. "

you go all giggly & soft inside. He’s said when, not if. Which means he’s thought about proposing eventually and you know you’ve thought about the same.

"hopefully we can top it then." You roll over & kiss him. "The next few months are going to be rough"

"I know babe, but it’s us. We’ve come this far and we’re strong as ever. Is it going to suck? Yes, but our love will be more than enough to keep us going through this stretch. "

You can only hope he’s right….…

[skitskatdacat63]

The thing about mentioning that you are disappointed because wanderer got changed to blue and anemo is so incredibly real and understandable. I literally had the same experience, so down bad and all and I was eager to get wanderer but now that I have him it just doesn't hit that hard idk. They should have kept the black and red it suited him so much. I can understand that a part of his lore and character is to heal and move on and change but why do all anemo characters have to be so blueish and stuff? Why couldn't the purple, red, black etc. stay? He looked so good with it and he still does but why can't Hoyoverse step out of that zone for once and color things different. Why can't there be a character who is anemo but can still dress more dark YK? 😭 Or even make the elements different. Like red electro or blue flames. Where is the creativity c'mon now :(

Exactlyyyyyyyyy!!! Like why hype up a character for so long, showing little glimpses, getting people excited, only to change his design :( It makes me annoyed to think about because there was soooo much speculation back in the day abt what element he'd be and so much "omg his design is so sick!! I want him so bad" only for him to be...blue. But yeah I totally agree, I usually don't mind their color coding but it sucks in this case specifically bcs his original colors were so beautiful and unique. Though speaking with color, ah at least we have Miko in red/white/pink, I'm very pleased with that! I think if they're gonna pick an element for him that's different than everyone guessed, idk why they have to make it so obvious. Like is it not more interesting for him to be so unassuming? Also I love his old name and titles sob sob, I can't get into "Wanderer" or "Hat Guy" at all.

I guess for me specifically, Unreconciled Stars holds such a special place in my heart as the first ever event. Tthe amount of mystery and hype around Scaramouche was so fascinating to me, cause he was the first of his kind, a character being teased who we wouldn't see again nor get for literal years. I remember rewatching this scene over and over again, trying to get the most I could out of a limited character y'know, it felt very special. He felt so intimindating and cool, the first Harbinger we got to see outside of the only two we knew. And back then, I was like WHEN HE COMES OUT, I'M WHALING!!!! But I wasn't really playing it around the time he appeared in Sumeru, so I was so aggrieved seeing he was finally released, but completely different! I missed the train y'know lmao, I just don't care for his current state at all, bcs as I said, I can't help but be stuck in my 2020 perception of him. It's just very nostalgic for me. Which is why I still call him Scaramouche lol. I know a lot of people like his chara development a lot and think it's interesting, but yeah, I wasn't around for it when it was the big thing so I can't get into it, because for me, it feels like getting swindled. I really love the Fatui and their designs, like one of my fav aspects of the game, so for him to not be that anymore makes me disinterested.

Also here is the only screenshot I have of him from back then LOL, if it was now, I would've taken a million

[vole-mon-amour]

"The fuck you doing, he's beyond any sort of help!"

You know, Johnny, if Rogue didn't leave you, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation. I can't say she wasn't loyal or that I blame her because of all the pain and betrayal you caused her, but maybe, just maybe, if you had people that were ready to die there for/with you, that were fighting for you so you wouldn't stay there all alone, you would've been alive in 2077 & you've lived a life, just like your friends have—without you.

I left Takemura once, not knowing you can save him, but I'm saving him now. He's a corporate to the bone and his beliefs annoy me sometimes, but I am just not leaving him there to die. Nor am I leaving you in Mikoshi when the time comes. It's V's life for yours & you're walking away out of there, not V.

While I'm on that: 2020 Johnny, 2023 Johnny, and 2077 Johnny are three different versions of Johnny. 2020 Johnny?

"It's Arasaka, they grabbed her because of me"

Oh yeah, I can't say I'd be thrilled about him, with that enormous ego and the mind so clouded, he couldn't see the reality. I understand why Kerry acted the way he did. He loved him, he was still the only one who hadn't gave up, but my goodness, was it hard to deal with his attitude. Though if we're talking about depression, Johnny was so deep. He needed help so so much (but wasn't exactly ready to take it I think?).

I could discuss this game for hours.

One thing I know for sure, Alt's death did a number on him, and then his own death and the realization of it. And being stuck in V's head and finally shown love, kindness, and understanding? He's got some serious character development out of that.

Takemura: "You should have not come back! You will die here with me."

Me:

Dude, I literally haven't shot even once. Synopsis burnout, my beloved, and we're easily out (though Takemura abandons V because V is having a seizure and can't move).

Hanako: "Takemura mentioned he placed a tracker on you. But even if he had not, when Arasaka needs to finds someone, it does. Trust me." Johnny: "Porcelain bitch."

First of all, what a shitty move, Takemura.

Secondly, I so agree with Johnny. Fuck Hanako and her entire Arasaka department. Oooh, we can't save you. Liar. And if she didn't lie and their technology and money are truly not enough to save V, but somehow Myers' department could? Why would I need Hanako, anyway?

Honestly, Hanako's "You will help me"? Yeah, I'll rather take Johnny's hand and go in alone, slaughter all the security, and get myself to Mikoshi. No way I'm doing the Devil ending unless I wanna see if there's any difference when you have a maxed out relationship with Johnny.

And while I will replay the ending with Rogue because I don't remember it in great details and I want to see her once more, it's not my true ending. She lives on, even though she thinks Johnny convinced V to give him her body & is mad as hell at him.

No Devil, no Sun, no Tower, no Star endings for me. They all suck in their own way. Temperance? Yeah. My beloved. Whatever keeps Johnny alive and gives him a body, I'm all for it.

[cartoon-buffoon]

Random HC time with Toon Buffoon: The Cartoon Cat edition (technically The Cartoon Dog edition but they are tangent to each other)

Now awhile back Mr. Henderson made a list of canon monsters because he makes so many horrors he himself forgets some.

Now as you can see the list is a bit—just a wee smidge—dated over 3 years ago, almost 4 years ago to be exact as the date of the 11th of November 2020 shows. Now since it's listed separately I'm gonna assume The Cartoon Dog is a seperate entity from The Cartoon Cat yet the question mark is odd and implies it may or may not be canon?

(real quick: I'm gonna abbreviate Cartoon Cat as CC and Cartoon Dog as CD from here on out)

But assuming it IS canon I think the existence of CD kinda ruins CC's shtick. CC is an enigma that has only taken the form it currently has in order to latch onto the mortal plane in order to do whatever the hell it wants because it's a cosmic horror hiding behind the mask of a cartoon cat. That's about all we know about it—to my knowledge—yet still IMO the scary part about this is ya know, the entire lack of knowledge. We don't know what it is or where it came from, the only thing we do know about it is it's really fucking powerful and despite being so powerful it chooses to dwell in abandoned buildings and make people disappear who are unfortunate enough to stumble across it. The fear of the unknown is one of the scariest things to me and having CD be of the same species would kinda ruin this mystique because if there's two of them it messes up this "boogeyman" aesthetic CC has going for it.

Now just to preface—ya know—Mr. Henderson can come up with whatever lore he wants for his creatures and my opinion means fuck all because it's his world. He's the creator not me, I am but a peasant yelling on a bale of hay and if he says it's the same species as CC there's nothing I can do and that would be the hard cemented canon. That being said I just wanna share my personal head canon and idea of what CD could be while not ruining the thing CC has going for it. Now while I've seen a lot of cool ideas of what CD could be and his relation to CC with some people coming up with elaborate back stories for the two, or some just choosing to use the idea that CD is just CC disguised as a dog because why not really? CC can do whatever. I like to believe CD is a seperate entity and it's like one of those poison dart frogs using camouflage although a bit different. CD is similar to CC in the sense that it's a leech and latches onto this world, the only difference being it's a byproduct of CC. CD would be a leech that sucks on an already existing leech, it basically mimics CC's form (although ya know changes it's body so it stands out) yet it still looks close enough to the real thing that gives it leeway against other cryptids and monsters. Assuming CC is as strong as one could imagine it is, CD's mimicry would give it the benefit of looking like this powerful cryptid in order to avoid conflicts with other cryptids.

Now this isn't to discount it's power because I imagine if you saw it ya know, you're dead. No amount of running, screaming, praying or anything really would help. Your insides are gonna become your outsides, that's a fact and make peace with it because it's still a force to be reckoned with and no way in hell will you live to tell people what you saw, yet it still isn't as strong as CC at the end of the day. This idea is essentially a fucked up creature leeching off the fame and terror another fucked up creature causes yet doesn't step on the toes and maintains the original creature's status as a mystery.

Anyways stupid ramble over, I'm sorry and farewell.

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

You reblogged the post with the uhh. the playlist thing (<- sucks at explaining anything and everything) and I feel like you're one of the few people we can trust with making Gonta playlists. We should give you awards for even just enduring the other ones I HAVE VIVID MEMORIES OF ME IN 2020 LOOKING FOR GOOD GONTA PLAYLISTS AND JUST STARING AT THE CEILING PONDERING

FOR REAL THOUGH OKAY I wasn't here back in 2020 but even as late as 2022 looking for Gonta playlists can still be a bit of a nightmare. I always point out Boys Will Be Bugs because thats honestly the most egregious one (tldr soft cavetown song with bug imagery does not actually fit gonta because it's about growing up around toxic masculinity which Gonta doesn't really deal with) But there are some others...

I get the temptation to put bug themed songs on there but some just dont fit him at all!! and they never go past surface level! I understand not everyone can be as insane about gonta as we are but,, cries,,, I just want to think about him seriously

Here's my gonta playlist, I hope it doesnt disappoint:

I'm gonna ramble about some of my song choices under the cut but first I want to also share my friend @ultimateplaylistmaker's Amazing Gonta playlist. They put a lot of work into it and honestly a good amount of my playlist comes from their song choices!!

Warning that the ramble is LONG. Mostly from formatting cause I'm including relevant lyrics

Here's a held back version of my rambling about my playlist:

•There's three Cavetown songs on here: This Is Home ("Get a load of this monster / he doesn't know how to communicate / his mind is in a different place could everybody please give him a little bit of space"), Hug All Ur Friends "Life's too short to worry about things that we got wrong / so hug all your friends, and let them know / you're not letting go, no, I won't let go", and Talk to Me "You don't have to be a hero to save the world / it doesn't make you a narcissist to love yourself / It feels like nothing is easy, it'll never be / that's alright, let it out, talk to me"

•Oujougiwano Imiwo Shire by TOOBOE makes my heart ache for ch4:

I want to rely on you, but I also want to be loved I keep lying, let’s bet on the future It’s lonely, but this is a fictional life My heart is filled with you It’s sad, but this is everything about me What’s waiting on the other side of the loaded film? You, surely you With a beautiful face, waiting for revenge

•We Will Commit Wolf Murder Makes me feel a little insane too:

I tried to understand his logic But there's just no pattern there No sympathetic voices anywhere There's blood in my hair Now I'm considered ugly From every angle You're the only beauty I don't want to strangle Can't you hear me crying out for guidance? Yes, we hear but we don't care There's no sympathetic victims anywhere There's blood in my hair

And this part too:

Someone's terrorized my psyche To get even Lately, you're the only human I believe in I suffer from this death To find a kingdom raised Terror corpses in the vapor Martyr's wrapped in butcher paper

•I've tried very hard to add some nice lighthearted songs on Gonta's playlist, as I made half of it immediately after playing ch4 so I was in A State. So for that consider The Milk Carton (about his backstory), Butterfly (This song is one I see a lot on shallow gonta playlists but its correct when its ME doing it) and Spring and a Storm.

•I've talked about them a lot already on this blog so I wont get into it again but I really have to stress how much I love Williard! and Rule #4 Fish in a Birdcage for Gonta on this playlist.

[she-karev]

Girl’s Night In (April Kepner x Alex Karev’s Sister Friendship Imagine)

Previous Part Here

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Four of Five

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Summary: Amber and April get drunk and have the time of their lives.

Words: 1670

Chapters Links: 1,2,3,4,5

March 25th, 2020

Amber throws back the 15th shot of tequila and relishes the burn down her throat across from April who cheers for her. Amber’s newly dyed dark brown hair is up in pigtails while April’s red hair is up in a very messy bun.

They are both in their pajamas sitting on the floor of the living room while Paranormal Activity plays on the tv that they don’t even watch. Instead, they spend the night drinking and throwing popcorn up in the air so they can catch it with their mouths.

“Okay my turn!” April pours herself a shot before downing it and tries to do it bare but relents and sucks on a lime wedge causing Amber to cackle.

“Wimp!”

“Shut up you’re a jerk!”

Amber laughs, “Jerk? Nice insult Hannah Montana, you got anymore harsh digs?”

April gasps, “I know that movie! It’s the one w-w-with that really pretty girl with the big boobs and nice legs. She was a real fox.” She claps her hands, “Megan Fox! Megan Fox is a fox.”

Amber laughs out loud with April, “I used to have dreams of kissing her and making her gay for me. I mean look at me.” April looks up and down at Amber, “Would you be gay for me? I mean your straight and a bible thumper so would you be all up on this after a lot of drinks?”

April throws back another shot, “Absolutely! I mean you’re a total smoke house.” April cackles, “Smoke show, you’re a smoke show. My point is you are so hot it makes me hate you.”

Amber throws back a shot, “I get that a lot, it’s probably why so many of my bicurious one-night stands in college didn’t call me back. Or did I not call them back?”

“I don’t know. Would you want to sleep with me if I was a bicurious college girl? You can be honest.”

Amber thinks for a moment, “I mean you’re pretty and fun after a few shots I would take you back to my dorm and put your sock on the door.”

“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.” April sighs, “It has been so long since I’ve had this much fun like sooo long. I mean I know I did this with the interns a few years ago but that was when I was going through a crisis, it didn’t count. I never really let loose and just drank tequila until I die not since I had Harriet. I mean I love her I do but she’s not someone I can drink and have fun with.”

“You can but I’d call child services if you did.” Amber eats popcorn, “I’ve decided I am going celibate! I think I’m gonna join the nunnery.”

April spits out her water that she’s sipping and laughs like she’s gonna pee her pants after hearing Amber’s proclamation. Amber simply sips her whiskey while April keeps laughing before the red head calms down and speaks to Amber with a wide smile.

“You would make the worst nun in the history of worst nuns!” Amber scoffs outrageously, “Name one commandment in the bible.”

“Thou shalt not kill!”

“Name another one.” Amber tries to remember but she’s left empty causing April to laugh, “You see! You would be the first violent, queer, non-religious nun and I say this with love, but you would never make it past your postulancy.”

Amber narrows her eyes, “My what?”

“Exactly!” April points out while sipping a wine cooler, “I love these wine coolers their so sweet and they make me feel light.”

Amber rolls her eyes before shooting down more tequila straight from the bottle, “What is going on with you and your ex? I mean you two are hot, you have a kid, you already had sex when you were divorced what is taking both of you so fucking long?”

“I’m about to be divorced again.” Amber groans at that, “And we’re in a pandemic so we’d have to get tested and it takes a long time to quarantine. Plus, I love him he’s my first everything, but I don’t know if I’m still in love with him, do you know what I mean?”

Amber’s look turns somber, “I don’t know what love is anymore.”

April whimpers at that pulling out the kale chips in front of Amber, “Have you eaten anything today?”

“No, I’m full…of rage!” April is taken back by the sudden angry outburst but says nothing while Amber sips her whiskey. She turns somber again and turns to April with tears in her eyes, “Two years!”

April rubs Amber’s back as she breaks down, “I gave that boy two years of love and how does he repay me April?!”

“By kicking you out.”

“By kicking me out!” Amber swigs the tequila bottle, “I wish I could take back the last few years of my life and just throw them in the garbage like Andrew threw me out like garbage. The son of a bitch doesn’t deserve me! He can take his apology and shove it where the sun don’t shine.”

April sips her wine cooler, “Good for you, you are every mans dream and so am I dammit! I mean I am a hot, kickass trauma surgeon and my ex-husbands couldn’t handle it that’s why they left me! Because they couldn’t handle April Kepner!”

Amber eats her popcorn, “And a whole lot of other miscommunications that you could have easily avoided if any one of you was a grown up.”

“That too.” April admits with another sip, “Do you think you and Andrew would still be together if it wasn’t for the mania?”

Amber groans but thinks for a few moments before answering, “Probably not.”

April looks at her confused, “What do you mean probably not? I mean the mania is pretty much the main reason your alone and sad so why else would you and DeLuca have broken up?”

“I suck at relationships.” Amber bluntly states, “I should have been a guy.”

“No, a guy wouldn’t know if he sucked at relationships or not.”

Amber snickers, “No the problem is that whenever I get close to a storybook ending some force bigger than me says ‘oh Amber Karev is about to be happy, better get her.’ So…I think it’s pretty clear I am meant to die alone with a swarm of crying exes at my funeral telling everyone what a good lay I was. At least that’s the nice version of my ending.”

April looks at Amber in sympathy, “That is the saddest thing I’ve heard. And I’ve been divorced twice.”

“Mmm so what? Everybody gets divorced at some point in their life. And it could be worse for you. Hell, it could be worse for me. We could be like Owen Hunt right now.”

April is close to falling asleep but fights it to get more information, “What happened to Hunt?”

“Oh, you don’t know?” April shakes her head, “His fiancé Teddy Altman butt dialed him in the OR while she was getting busy with Tom Koracick.”

April is suddenly awake, and her eyes are wide with shock. She takes a moment before needing clarification, “And when you say busy you mean…?”

“Like how I got busy with DeLuca, and you got busy with Jackson.” Amber eats a kale chip.

“And when you said in the OR you mean?”

“He had his hands inside a patient while Schmitt played the message that would put Belladonna to shame.”

April groans at that, “Poor Owen god I can’t imagine that. And you were right that is worse than what we went through with our spectacular breakups.”

“At least his misery is good for making us feel less horrible.”

“…Koracick?” April asks and Amber nods, “Well at least Altman got some crazy hot, toe curling, out of body, back into body.”

Amber narrows her eyes at April’s descriptive detail of Tom Koracick’s skills in bed, “Angel singing hallelujah, bliss before her life blew up.”

“Wait, wait hold up.” Amber asks unable to comprehend, “You and Tom Koracick?”

April sighs and sips her wine cooler in shameful silence that is confirmation for the laughing Amber, “Oh my god! How did that happen?!”

April groans, “It was two years ago, I was going through a crisis of faith and just being a dick in general.” Amber nods remembering, “I was at a house party Koracick was there and then…I woke up the next morning and he was wearing my pink silk robe in my house.”

Amber cackles at the image causing April to glare at her, “Okay aside from sleeping with someone else’s fiancé in front of everyone Koracick is decent. He helped me during a hard time in my life.”

“I bet he did.” Amber retorts with a mischievous smile that causes April to stop with a grin, “But still I’ll take Tom Koracick as a shameful sex spiral over Vikram Roy.”

April groans at that reminder covering her face in shame, “Don’t remind me I am already beating myself up enough for stooping so low as to go home with a doucebag.”

“You’re preaching to the choir honey.” Amber comforts April who appreciates it. They clink their tequila bottle and wine cooler in solidarity, “But seriously you should get yourself checked for rabies because Koracick and Roy are worlds apart but they’re both still horndogs.”

April chuckles, “Oh shut up! You know you’re so pretty.”

Amber is taken back by the slurred compliment from April who is getting more drunk as they speak, “You are, you’re really pretty. You’re like a Disney princess except your mean a-a-and you don’t wear a really poofy dress and you don’t sing girly songs all the time.”

Amber looks at April blankly for a few moments before she bursts out laughing like a hyena and April joins in too. They sit on the floor of the living room laughing and forgetting about their troubles even for a short while.

Next Part Here

[just-call-mefr1es]

i finally got this pride special done akdmekdmsm>_<

u can enjoy this as it is, but just incase anyone’s up for a read, my journey with gender and how it ripped my soul out is under the cut 😋

so, at a kinda young age, i knew that i liked to be feminine, but i knew that i never really wanted to be a girl, if that made sense. id call myself a girl, and sometimes itd feel right, sometimes it wouldnt, but i never payed attention to why. i would wear dresses n be feminine and cutesy stuff but something felt weird whenever a relative said i was such a beautiful girl. i was eight.

then boom, pandemic happened. i personally think the pandemic was a gay awakening for a lot of people, since we all had to stay home and got access to the internet and shit. by then, i figured i was a lesbian, and went with that for a while. girls were pretty, and lil 2020 me wanted to kiss one (i did actually and didnt like it but thsts for another post). i vibed like that for a while; i had a couple of older friends (just by a year nothing much) who were also gay so i thank most of the first things i learned abt lgbt on them.

but, this aijt anout that, this is about gender. so, it was the summer of ‘21, and i was like- ‘hold on a stinkin minute.’ theh had my first ever real gender crisis💗 awh how time flies😽 anygays, i had a meltdown over that, and then came to the conclusion that i was non binary, sicne being a girl was so not me, and i shitting loved how it felt calling myself non binary! adn to add, part of me died a little whenever someone used she/her pronouns for me so i went with they/them; i was so scared of being misgendered back then:(

then, the internet started taking over and i got my grubby lil hands on gaytok (i just watched comps on yt bcus i didnt have tiktok) which was a blessing and a mistake at the same time. watching people like me just be themselves unapologetically was such a moment for me, and i was overjoyed. but unfortunately, some of the not so great caught up.

i saw a shiton of stereotypes abt what each person SHOULD feel, act, dress etc based on their sexuality and gender orientation. i, unfortunately got sucked into the ‘non-binary people have short fluffy hair and hoodies and frogs’ and me, being the dumbass i was, just tagged along with it. at first i thought it was cool, and i still do dont get me wrong! non binary with short fluffy hair who wears hoodies and frogs all day are swagger! my mistake was thinking that all non binary people were like that. and ‘all’ included me.

i thought that if i just had everything that nonbinary people were ‘supposed’ to have, then id finally be happy with my gender and could stop playing this stupid game, and it was like that for a while. 2022 me actually really vibed with that, though! i stocked up on all the oversized hoodies i could scour, stuffed all my hair in a beanie when i cojld and just tried to hide any feminine aspect as fucking much as i could. and it sorta kinda worked! this one time when i was in soccer, this kid asked me what gender i was cause he coukdnt tell and i just💥

that was kinda the end of that tho. 2023 was a school year with ups and downs lmao. i had to leave my kids behind; it was a whole thing. from what i can recall this was rhe year when i started to really get questioning. did i do anything tho? nah. i kept my title as non-binary and moved on, ignoring the confusion that welled up in my gut. by then, it was really hard for me to actually question my gender full-on because it made me super nervous.

some more time later, i finally start sucking it up and taking a good look at what the hell i was feeling. sometimes, i didnt feel like ripping my hair out and chokijg myself slowly whenever someone used she/her pronouns for me, but i still did feel like it sometimes- it confused the hell outta me. i kept thinking on, but made sure i didnt press on it too much because someone finally learned about taking their damn time !! good job me, one thing you can do right that isnt art /sarc

i kept my non binary title for a lil while more as i fugured things out befor my mind said ‘fuck it we ball’ and i just rid the thought entirely. i had a good time existing being unlabled with my gender, but it still felt weird inside. i tried out trans demiboy for a good second, before scrapping that idea as well. i looked into myself a lil more and realized that: hey, being feminine is fun!

all that time from 2020-23 i was deadset and focused on being as far away from being perceived as feminine for a while, from fear of bein misgendered. i had totally missed out how fun doing your hair is, and twirling sround in dresses and just being feminine was. so, i did that. im pretty sure i went back to my non binary title for a bit (this time being smart and taking into account that stereotypes were stupid as fuck) and continued on with being casual wit femininity.

then my head hit the wall- no.. gender? my head hit the gender and on one faithful day it hit me: genderfluid. i might be genderfluid. i thought about it for a while, trying to see how it would feel and oh my holy shit- it fit perfectly. i literally almost cried fr.

no, because i felt like ive been punched in the gut but in a good way- this is it! i finally figured it out!!! i always wanted to have one or the other, and no way i was ginna switch my identity every five seconds; genderfluid was a title that made me feel better. with how i present myself, with how i feel, with how i everything!

and- i shitting loved how free it felt, when i could proudly say im genderfluid. because its literalky me! im fluid with my gender! some days, i dont mind being called a girl- some days i even love it!! but other times its just not for me, and i when i realize that i can just feel like that without feeling like some sort of fraud, i just get all giddy its wonderful>_<

and thats it i guess. my story. huh. im not sure if there should be a moral, but i feel bad if i dont give something to the people, so,, never be afraid to figure out yourself. take your time, and who knows where you’ll end up? who knows, it might be somewhere you might have never thought about.

[matrixxsystem]

Luck Runs Out Part 4

Leo pulled back the curtain to Donnie's lab with April following behind him and was immediately met with Casey's uh, interesting, music playlist. It was no wonder him and Donnie got along so well, they both liked the kind of mechanical dubstep Donnie always played when he was working on something. Casey was sitting at Donnie's work bench with a pair of goggles on as small sparks flew. He was doing something with the tech inside the mask it seemed.. Leo gave April a look like he wasn't sure if he should bug him or try and wait till he was done. 

"Hey guys. What's up?" Casey called from his seat, causing both April and Leo to look a bit surprised. He turned the music off and lifted the goggles off his head, swiveling in the chair to see them with an awkward smile. "Okay-" Leo started as he took a step forward, "How in the would did you hear us over that?? You were across the room with loud ass music and you were fiddling with your mask thing-"

"I think you forget I grew up in a bunker during the apocalypse Leo-"

"....Fair 'nough- Anyway, we're all going out to get lunch and I'm dragging you with us cause we need more humans to make it look less weird"

"Less weird..? Please tell me you aren't going into town for lunch.. I don't- I mean I just- Y'know-? I'm the last guy you want in your group to make you look normal-" Leo rolled his eyes and threw his arm over Casey's shoulder, "Yes we're going into the city, and you are coming cause we can all use some fresh air. And me and Usagi kinda have this idea.. We want to use the cloaking pins Donnie made and we know my brothers have been kinda weird about using them.. And since you haven't disappeared yet like in those Back from the Future movies we can only assume you're just, here now.. So you have to learn how to be a human in the 2020s" 

"Well, I guess" Casey sighed a little, "I mean Donnie feels pretty bad about sending you alone and then.. You kinda snapped in the government facility and... y'know, killed two people, and wont talk to them about it- And you lost your arm and almost died, like, I helped stich you up after the.. Invasion, and I mean I've seen blood before but that.. It was just a lot for everyone." 

"But I feel bad too-! Like it sucks and I get that, I really do, I'm literally forced to look at my mistakes in the mirror everyday- But those pins don't represent what happened to me and I mean.. If anything, shouldn't the pins represent that I made it out alive, and that we did it? I guess.. I dunno... I just don't want them to feel stuck in the lair like we failed when we didn't. Donnie wanted to go to school and he still hasn't even applied to places around here! Mikey was looking at art schools. It's just.. It's not fair." Casey gave Leos hand a sympathetic pat and pulled away, starting to clean up his space, "I get it, I really do.. It's hard watching the people you care about struggle, or hold themselves back because they don't want to hurt you. Sensei was like that a lot when I was young, I think cause I was really little he kind of, held back when he was around me for some reason, I think he didn't wanna scare me or he thought I was fragile or something? I don't really remember the reason, and I guess it doesn't really matter now.. But the only real things that fixed it between us was time and communication."

"...I don't like how smart you are sometimes haha, but yeah I'm sure part of it is my fault too, maybe that's something we can talk about before we leave, cause I'm sure by now they're onto my plan-" Casey nodded, setting his mask aside, "Yeah, that might be good, I am kind of excited to try some more food from around here, even if that means having to deal with people I guess.. Where are we going again?"

_____

"So.. Where are we going exactly?" Donnie asked, tilting his head at Usagi. "It's a surprise, but you will need your cloaking pins." The air was suddenly a lot more tense when he mentioned the pins, Mikey hesitantly glanced down to the pouch on his hip where his pin was kept. "I uh... Well uh..." Usagi went over at sat on Leos beanbag chair, "It was Leo's idea" He said with a little shrug, "He said he felt bad you guys never use the pins you all worked so hard to get. So we were gonna go have lunch in the city, our treat."

"..He does?" Raph asked, giving his brothers a little glance before sitting in his own beanbag chair, "What... Did he say exactly?" Usagi sat up more and thought for a moment, "Just that, since his little accident and the near invasion where he got hurt again, it feels like you guys tip toe around the pins and he feels bad that you feel like you can't use them, he mentioned that Mikey was looking at studios for various hobbies and Donnie was looking at colleges, even that you Raph might've wanted to get out of the house too but that no ones really done it. And it makes him feel a little sad, since he uses his pin to hang out with me and it doesn't bother him so much." Raph sighed a little, "I-I mean... Yeah we've looked around- Of course it'd be nice to y'know, go do stuff and make friends outside of the hidden city.. But it's dangerous, even if.. I just mean like... Oh- Have you ever seen the Spider-Man movies? Peter Parker is the main character and he has these powers to stop bad things and bad people, so he starts wearing a mask and fighting crime. But because he's always off saving the day he never has time for a normal life, his family, his girlfriend, his school, his job.. He's always ditching without an excuse and messing up his normal life because he's trying to do the right thing and protect everyone.. We can't have both normal lives and ninja lives. We know that.." 

"Did this Peter Parker also have three brothers and a sister and one of their siblings partners able to support him?" 

"Well no.. He was always kind of alone, that's part of what made it so hard. He did have a friend helping him eventually and like being on the computer for him while he was out so the friend could hack stuff and find things for him. But besides that one person no one else knew"

"-Till the second Spider-Man Miles came into the story! Then they fought together for a while!" Mikey chimed in. Raph nodded. "Right. But even then Miles was always avoiding his family and making them worry and Peter didn't have much family left after his uncle was killed-" Mikey pouted a little, "I mean yeah I guess, but in the newest installment Miles finally comes clean to his family after this big battle with the other spider people who disagree with him and they all accept him and he gets the girl and his friends who understand him! It's not about pretending to be normal, it's about finding people who accept you for you! And there's no weirder place than New York, I mean April is a human raised by humans, and she's super chill and is even dating a mutant, there's no way she's the only one" Usagi nodded a little, "All things take time, but just as April understands you, others can too. This is merely a step towards that, you all deserve lives outside of this, and no matter what happens, or where you go, you'll always be family and you'll always be there for each other. You can worry about being Spider-Man when the time comes, but today it's just lunch. And I think a big tough guy like you can handle that without too much overthinking right? If anything, do it for Leo. He's been putting a lot of thought into asking you all to wear the pins more often. He wants to see you all being happy and doing the things you talked about wanting to do before all this happened.."

"I know you're right but.. Raph just has a bad feeling- I don't want to stop anyone or myself from doing stuff, and I don't want them to feel bad either. I just, I can't stop seeing it when I think about the pins." Usagi reached over gently patting his shoulder, "Well, lets face it together then. Okay? I've known you for what, three years now? There's nothing that you, or this family, can't do. What do you see?" Raph let out a small defeated sigh and rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah.. I've heard that before.. But you're right. I can't over think things that haven't even happened yet." He paused for a moment giving another glance to his brothers before talking again, "When you brought Leo home. His arm had been torn apart, there was so much blood and.." He paused again, thinking back to Usagi stepping into the room with Leo in his arms, tear streaks staining Leos face that was masked with blood.. His arm broken to nothing and bleeding out the whole way into the medbay. There was bits of.. someone, stuck in his teeth and he couldn't stop throwing up till Donnie gave him a sedative.. Usagi gave him another sympathetic pat on his shoulder, Breaking Raph out of his thoughts, "It was hard." Usagi spoke quietly, "I understand, really. I know we don't always see eye to eye but Leo is... He's my everything. I have never cared for someone so deeply, he makes me want to be more than I am, and makes me feel so.. Seen. I wanna protect him with everything I have as long as he'll have me, probably as much as you do. And seeing him there in that hallway, bloody and weak.. And all scared and beaten up. It was jarring to see, and I can only imagine how you felt when I brought him back and you had to clean him up. And even now, two years later, it's hard not to get a little panicked when he insists he can go off alone somewhere. But the one thing I've learned about Leo is that he's so much more capable than anyone realizes, and sometimes even when you're unsure you just have to trust him, even when he doesn't have a plan, or doesn't know if he can win, even when he gets caught. You just have to trust him." 

"I do-" Raph said as he stood up, "And.. I don't hate you or nothin' y'know, I could never. You're a good guy, and I know Leo would've been in real trouble without you around to help him out with all the stuff he had goin' on. And we're real lucky he has you. " He paused a little and took his pin out, "Alright, I think we've had enough mushy stuff for the week, let's go have lunch" 

-_-_-_-

Leo, April and Casey walked into the room a moment later, seeing Usagi help fasten Mikey's pin on his hoodie. Casey gently pushed past the two to get a good look at how they all looked. "Oh wow, you guys look so.."

"Different?" Raph asked, tilting his head with a little smile. "I'm really not used to having hair-" Leo said as he put his pin on, "No no, I mean you look.. Like you. Its not bad, its just so weird to see you guys as human." Leo nodded a little, "Yeah I didn't think Donnie's hair would be in locs- It suits him though, less day to day maintenance and all." Donnie rolled his eyes and pointed back to Leo, "And you having those long bleached dead end dreads certainly fits your aesthetic dear brother." Leo rolled his eyes and decided just this once he'd let Donnie's comments slide, they didn't have time to wrestle right now. "You're just jealous I'm the hotter twin~" He said with a little laugh, "Are we all ready then?" 

Everyone nodded and followed Leo and Usagi outside, everyone looked a bit nervous, which was to be expected. No one wanted to get caught, or mess up on any first impressions on their first group outing topside since they all almost died. Usagi took Leo's hand with a little smile, "We aren't going far. Just up the block, figured a pizza place might suit you guys" 

"Pizza?!" Mikey repeated, pushing past April and Donnie to look at Usagi with stars in his eyes, "Ohmigosh you read my mind!!" Usagi chuckled a little as they walked, "Well you have said before how much you all love pizza, and I think a place with options might be good for Casey who doesn't have a lot of experience with the food of our time." Casey nodded a little, "Heheh.. Yeah, we didn't have very much there, and definitely not this kind of variety. I recently got to try something called ramen though- It was amazing!! Michelangelo was always a pretty good cook, even when we didn't have much he always found a way to make it enjoyable, or at the least, easy to get down." Raph tilted his head a little, wondering what kind of food they had in the future. He knew it was hard for stuff to grow, but was it really that bad? "No wonder you're so thin," Raph said with a little chuckle, Donnie raised his hand to pull the attention towards himself, "We should have a night where we all make our favorite foods and share them. I'm kind of interested now to try some of the food Casey was subject to- I mean, grew up with." April and Mikey both nodded, "Yes yes yes! I wanna try the pasta April's mom always makes for holidays! It sounds sooooo gooooood!!" Usagi slowed down for a second turning to Donnie, "Everyone's favorite..?" He asked in a quiet but serious tone. Leo stopped too, looking between the two. "Because, I wouldn't want to be invited to something like that only to make you all uncomfortable. Or well, most of you at least." Donnie hesitated for a moment but then nodded, "It's been about three years, I'm sure well be fine- And I mean, even if we don't eat it I know Leo and Casey will." Casey nodded, "I'm all for it" He said with a little shrug, "I don't know how well you're gonna like my cooking though-" 

"What's the main stuff you guys had to eat?" Mikey asked, ready with his phone to look up what sort of meals they could've made with whatever ingredients they had available. "Well.. When we had the mass greenhouse in the abandoned buildings we had a lot of vegetables, mostly tomato's, potatoes, and carrots I think. So we had a lot of soups, things that were easy to take with us in any container and could be had hot or cold. That kinda stuff. Oh but, we did have these crunchy like, candied flowers that Draxx always brought when he came to visit. But he never let just anyone eat them, it was special, he brought them when someone died, or when someone was born. But on a normal day we had cold soup left overs and Autolyse, which is kinda like bread?"

"I'm sorry, auto what?" April asked, more confused than ever. Donnie raised a finger, "It's flower and water, it's the most basic and bland version of bread, commonly made when people are lacking supplies. But as a side to other foods or when packed with things like protein it can be a pretty good survival food." Casey nodded, "I wouldn't call it my favorite food but if you really wanna know what food was like that's a pretty good start."

"So we're really gonna do Donnie's idea?" Leo asked, "Cause I mean, I'm all for it I just.." Raph gently patted Leo's back as a reassuring gesture, "I'm down, how bad could it be? Look Leo, I know you've been trying really hard lately to keep your side of things out of the house in trying not to freak us out and we've been really weird about all this but we're all grown ups here, I think it'd be good to do something fun like this. I mean Usagi's like family now, and I wanna get to know that side of him." Leo blushed a little as he looked back to Usagi, then smiled more and nodded, "Heh, since when did you get mature huh- Fair enough. Think tomorrow would be too soon? The new JJ movie is hitting the internet and Donnie said he could put it up on the projector for us to watch, might be a good activity to warrant having so much food."

"That's a great idea, I don't know how easily it'll be to get pops out of his chair though.."

"Eh, we can burn that bridge when we come to it."

"...Uh, Leo? Don't you mean.. Cross that bridge when we get to it?"

"Hm? Oh- No, no I did not."

"...I-"

"Oh look-" Usagi chimed in, pointing across the street to a fairly decent looking restaurant. "We're here." And now look, when I say decent, I really just mean decent by New York's standards, which in this case really just means there's no bugs in or on the food, there's still people inside who haven't choked or ran out screaming, and all of their lights work. You can't really ask for a better place in this of corner of the town when you're looking for cheap food and a table of 7.to just be ready when you walk in.  LRO Part 1 Part 5

[russilton]

Alright I don’t think anyone wants to read all these answers from me but I’ve never been one to shy from divulging internet data so let’s go.

Thank you for the tag @wigglesforonce

Who is your favourite driver?

Gewis Hamussel. I love Lewis and George equally and I’ve stood by this for 3 years and I won’t stop now. If I’m forced to pick one for a form I’ll pick Lewis because I loved him first and longer, but otherwise I refuse to choose.

Do you have other favourite drivers?

I will die for Mercedes Reserve/Junior Frederik Vesti. He’s just such a great little dude, cheerful, calm, confident, I LIKE this small (tall) man. Doesn’t hurt he’s a fantastic driver.

Doriane Pin is also a new favourite. Go go pocket rocket!

I also have a confessed love for Jack Doohan, he’s very gender. I suffer a fondness for Yuki, Zhou and sometimes Esteban and Oscar. I also am quite fond of the McLaren and Penske FE drivers (a deep hate for mclaren makes this very conflicting. I am aware.)

Who is your least favourite driver?

Oooof, now it’s easier to list drivers I like than drivers I hate cause it’s a long list, but the crown really has to go to Max Verstappen, with a supporting role for Fernando Alonso. Most drivers I don’t like fall into one of two characters - shitty on track, and shitty off track. For example, I don’t really have a good reason to beef with Roman Stanek as far as I know, but he fucked my f2 drivers enough on track he is now my mortal enemy. On the other side, Lando Norris is a perfectly serviceable driver. But he’s also a cunt. So fuck him. Most driver fall into both on some level, or confirmation bias reinforces it, but Max and Fernando embody both and I could probably give a TED talk about why they damage the sport for the future. Also they’re *deeply* racist. So fuck them.

Do you root for drivers of do you root for teams as well?

Drivers. I’ll root for the team in the case that constructors points will mean good things for my drivers, but I hate the idea of being a corporate fan. Businesses aren’t your friends. I’ll often use merc as a catch all, because both its drivers are my favourites, so it’s easier to speak about the team as a whole. But if both boys left and they dropped Fred and Dori, I’d drop merc like a hot rock.

If you like teams, who do you root for?

I WILL admit a fondness for certain Mercedes engineers like Bono, Shov, James, etc. The love and passion shown in the debriefs and BTS videos- but I don’t really count that as supporting the team so much as the players? It’s complicated, I just think Toto Wolff and Merc upper management fucking suck. Call that what you will. I like James Vowles and the roll he’s been taking at Williams is impressive, but I can’t really say I support Williams when I’m neutral on the drivers. I’ll generally warn against supporting bosses because it’ll always bite you… but I’m a hypocrite and James come back to Merc pls.

How long have you been into F1?

This will be my fifth season watching now. My first race was Austria 2020

What got you into F1?

My dad has been a life long f1 fan, from the 70’s to now, so I grew up with it always being around, but it wasn’t until I was back home from uni during the pandemic that I sat down to watch with him, because he was finally willing to explain it to me. I also came across f1 memes on Reddit and it got me hooked. I didn’t join F1blr until 22 though, when I discovered rpf content organically.

I’ve been a hamilton fan from day one, he’s a sort of home town hero, and I remember being in the room and my dad’s cheering when he won the first championship. Runs in the family

Do you enjoy fanfic/RPF?

Be fuckin wild if I didn’t, considering I write it lmao.

How do you view new fans?

I say this as the strongest compliment I can— I have no fuckin idea how you guys survive being here given the shit show of the last couple years- but I’m always excited to welcome new people to the Gewis side of things.

I also end up frequently as the guy going “how can you support x given their shitty history ” only to learn someone is like a couple months in and understandably has no idea about that yet, leading to an accidental crash course on the current grids fuck ups. I’m very sorry to those people, it will happen again.

Are your friends and family into f1 as well?

Here and there, my dad is probably the most passionate of them and its my favourite when we can watch together but my mom will ask what’s going on, and my larger family are fans but in the very… het sense of it. We would struggle to watch together. As for friends, my poor long suffering partner let me drag her into it (go follow @thatsmemate ), and most of my friends are from f1blr, so of course they are.

Some of my old ex stevetony friends I still keep touch with don’t watch, but ask me every now and then what’s been going on in the f1 world, because they are deeply sweet.

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?

Always. Always, always, always. I am generally a nervous guy in new places and conversations, but once settled I’ll chat your ear off.

I do often need other people to reach out to me first, I can’t often tell when someone wants to speak, so I wait for them to speak first, and when chatting I get forgetful and can struggle to remember to reply when busy. Some people find that a turn off, and that’s fair enough.

What I’m saying is if I don’t reach out first or reply slow. Don’t assume I hate you, I just struggle to juggle all my tasks these days. Disability is a bitch.

Wow, over sharing, I said you’d get it

—

Not tagging anyone bc I haven’t been paying attention so I don’t know who’s been tagged and who hasn’t, and I don’t want to embarrass myself. If you want to join in, I’m your tag.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

Hi there! So I'm gonna start off with the fact that a lot of people say that I come off as blunt and ask rude/insensitive questions, so I do apologize if I do that, as it is not my intention! Just trying to learn more about stuff. *Sorry if anything is offensive, not the intention!*

Oh, also, secondly. Love your blog, it's absolutely amazing and it's great reading it.

Ok, so questions!

Question 1 (and this is kind of personal, so feel free to not answer. Actually, feel free to not answer any if you don't want to.): Did you recognize that you had NPD or did someone tell you? If someone else told you, is there anyway that you would've liked them to phrase it better or be more sensitive (or anything else)?

Question 2 (less personal? Maybe?): Are there any organizations that you know of that act like they're for NPD, but are actually really harmful (like Autism Speaks, but for peeps with NPD).

Question 3: OK, so this one needs a bit of ✨️backstory✨️. Again, feel free not to answer.

Question 3 Backstory: So, recently I've been looking up the symptoms of narcissism/NPD and I've realized that my mom displays a lot of these symptoms and could probably get an official diagnosis if she went to get one. I'm trying to bring it up to her, but I'm not exactly sure how to bring that up in conversation.

Ok, question 3: How do I tell her that she has a disorder in the most kindest and respectful way. I'm super forward and blunt and suck at "adding fluff" so I feel like if I just tell her that I think she has NPD that she'll take it badly cause she's super stigmatized about it (not sure if that's a good adjective, but it's the one I'm using. I guess I'm trying to say that she views it negatively)

Again, apologies if anything is offensive or anything like that!

Also, thanks for making this blog! It's awesome and super informational!

heyo! don't worry, honestly a lot of people tell me i come off the same and it's because i'm autistic so i get it 🥲

1. fair warning, my memory is a bit hazy because it was over a year ago and it was also a stressful time in my life.

i figured out about my NPD on my own.

from what i remember, i found out about my HPD first. it's a long story for any day, but long story short, i ended up having a huge breakdown because i was forced to confront a lot of symptoms and feelings i had been experiencing that i deemed inherently shameful my entire life. when i recovered from that a bit, i started interacting more with cluster b spaces and communities.

i already knew i was most likely cluster b even before i found out about my HPD (i wasn't exactly diagnosed with BPD in 2020 but my psychologist at the time was understably concerned about the fact that i said yes to every single question on the assessment he gave me) but i had gone into heavy denial about it and figured it wasn't true for a mixture of reasons.

interacting with spaces and researching PDs in general more made me realize i met a lot of the criteria for NPD (among other things. honestly this time in my life has made me confront that i am extremely disordered in the personality department in general!). sorta went back and forth on wether it was just HPD or just NPD, but turns out it is very much both!

2. i don't know of any organizations that are specifically about NPD at all tbh, especially not one as large scale as something like autism speaks, but what i will say is on a more general level, a lot of organizations that strive to help people with trauma will still use ableist language like narcissistic abuse, calling abusers narcissists/narcissistic or psychopaths/psychopathic, ect or just straight up demonize NPD itself. so while, fortunately, pwNPD don't have something like autism speaks to stand up against (as far as i know! i may be wrong!), we're not exactly very welcomed by trauma survivor organizations in general.

3. see, that one is definitely tricky. i've definitely been the one to break the news to people at times, but they were people around my age who already had an understanding of mental health/psychology and weren't perpetuating stigma.

i might suggest starting out with a more detached approach, trying to break down her biases and internalized stigma by educating her on the topic before bringing up her connection to it? like if the topic somehow comes up or she does something like call someone a narcissist, maybe use it as an opportunity to subtly educate her wether that be in the moment or maybe later on in the case that she's upset.

i do also want to emphasize to only do this if you if you feel it'll be safe to do so. obviously i'm not saying that because your mother exhibits NPD symptoms, i'm saying that because i don't know much about your relationship with your mother and i know not everyone has a relationship with their parents where they can talk to them about certain things safely. i have an incredibly abusive relationship with my mother but i believe i'm in a better position than most where i can talk to her about her mental illness and the possibility of her having BPD without it being guaranteed to immiedately flip into a dangerous situation.

if you feel like you can safely educate her and then safely bring up the possibility so she can get help, i welcome you to do so. it all depends on your specific situation. if she doesn't show any signs of backing down on her stigmatized views, i more than encourage you to prioritize your mental health and safety.

i also want to emphasize as her child, you are not responsible for her mental health and her refusal to accept possibly having a disorder would have nothing to do with you.

in all honesty, i'm not super sure about how to "add fluff" to that sort of conversation either. i'm also usually super blunt and don't exactly remember how i brought up the possibility of people having NPD to them or specifically how i brought up the possibility of my mother having BPD to her. if anyone wants to add on with some advice on that, that'd be cool, but i think i've done as much as i can for now myself </3