#and issues hes been having were Mountain sneeking them in for him. A silent way to care without upsetting him
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sageofthestarz ยท 7 months ago
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Some sad kinda fucked Ifrit thoughts because I woke up and they came
Cw; Substance Abuse, Sex as a coping mechanism, and just kinda general sads.
Nothing graphic said but still putting those ^
Ifrit
Big, Strong, oh so stupid Ifrit.
That's what was thought of him. A muscle head who fucked hard, partied hard, and got fucked up without a care.
An easy fuck and go without connections, without having to stick around after sorta thing
That isn't who he was though.
This was all learned behavior because it's what got him the attention he craved, any sense of being useful, cared about even if it was only because his body was useful
He loved and hated every single second of every single hookup, high, and any other thing that got him out of his head
If he wasn't happy he wasn't useful, if he didn't stay the persona they all knew he wouldn't be liked, if she showed just how broken inside he truly was he'd lose everything and everyone he had, no matter how superficial he needed the attention
It didn't matter if it was a vicious cycle of regrets, and horrible sleepless night, bad highs and.. thoughts he shouldn't have. Couldn't have
It was all he had now
His pack was broken.
His pack hated him after he left.
He never bothered to try and reconnect, why would he.
Aether, Mountain, and Dew stayed with the band, Zephyr never spoke to him, Mist was long gone to be with the lake.
He couldn't bother any of them with this.
With him.
He left the pack, he left the band, that was his choice. He left the only people who cared about him and for what? To go and be whatever he was now?
Yes.
Even when he knew he could possibly rekindle something he didn't. Shoved those feelings down and shoved more substance down his throat.
He didn't deserve it.
Didn't deserve to have that happiness.
That comfort.
Ifrit used to be the most caring, lovable golden retriever there was.
Always following someone's trail, loving on them, and doing every favor he could
His pack loved him
He loved his pack
Now a days he's nothing more then an old dog owned by a family long since grown.
One that's waiting for the first excuse to be put down despite all the love it has left to give.
He thinks it's what he deserves.
A life of misery, and pain without comfort.
He watches his old pack in longing, the only happiness coming from seeing how happy and healthy they are
He'd do anything for them even now
He's so happy to see them thrive and love each other
Even if it also breaks his heart.
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