#and instead of getting angry and 'punishing' Saru for even considering leaving HOMRA

[emeraldwaves]

Title: Don’t Look Down DJ AU Chapter 12 (Read from beginning Here or Here) Pairing: Sarumi Rating: M Word Count:  6,138 AO3 Summary: When Fushimi Saruhiko is dragged to a club by some of his co-workers, he refuses to dance, earning him the attention of the lively, up-and-coming DJ, Yata Misaki. After a heated argument, the boys go their separate ways, never expecting to meet again. Little do they know their first meeting is only the beginning of their now intertwined lives.

Full Fic Under Cut. Thank you to @its-love-u-asshole for betaing!

"What the HELL is this?!"

Saruhiko jolted back against his seat the moment he heard Misaki's familiar yell echo throughout the hallway of his office. He probably should've expected this, Misaki knew where Saruhiko worked and where he lived, it was only natural he would show up to whichever place Saruhiko was at, depending on the time of day. Saruhiko had come to notice Misaki was impulsive, and reckless, so this behavior wasn't exactly out of the ordinary. Plus it wasn't like he had never done this before, Saruhiko thought, reminded of the many times he'd snuck upstairs to see Saruhiko at his desk.

But instead of answering, or turning around like he normally did, Saruhiko simply stared at his computer screen. He wasn't about to answer Misaki and start a fight in his office.

"What the hell Saruhiko, don't ignore me!" Misaki said, grabbing the back of Saruhiko's chair, attempting to turn him around, though the taller dug his feet in, not letting the chair move. "Stop...being so damn...stubborn...Saruhiko...you ass!" he grunted, tugging on the chair to get it to move.

Lifting his feet, Saruhiko let the chair swing around, Misaki falling backwards as he did. "Who let him in here?" Saruhiko called out, glancing around as Hidaka sank further into his chair, and Akiyama didn't move.

"Saru, you bastard!" Misaki snarled, stumbling forward as he grabbed his shirt, holding his phone up with the track he'd recorded with Nagare on the screen. "Answer me, what the hell is this?!"

"A phone," he stated bluntly, and watched as Misaki knuckles turned white as he clenched at the screen harder than before.

 'Good'

"No," he hissed, the air coming from his lungs in shaky waves. "Idiot. You know what I meant!"

 'Does it hurt? Does it make you angry?'

"Oh I'm the idiot, am I?" Saruhiko snorted and yanked Misaki's wrist from his shirt. "I'm not the one shoving a phone in my face begging to know what it is."

"I mean the song, you shithead!" People were staring now, or they were trying not to, but Saruhiko could see their eyes focusing on the scene in front of them. Misaki wasn't exactly quiet about his anger, or anything for that matter. "The song you sang with Nagare!"

"I KNEW it was you!" Hidaka said, standing up, but quickly returning to his seat when he noticed Saruhiko's eyebrow twitch in anger. "I told you..." A small whisper was heard as Hidaka turned away, Saruhiko immediately ignoring his coworkers.

"So you heard it I take it," he said, plopping back down in the chair.

"Of course I heard it you damn traitor!" Misaki yelled.

"Traitor? I don't recall signing any sort of contract with you," Saruhiko scoffed, folding his arms. "In fact, I seem to recall leaving and doing the exact opposite."

"What...the hell...Saru!?" Misaki growled again. "I...You...You refuse to sing with me, but you have no problem going to sing with Nagare?! You know he's my rival right now?! Me and Mikoto's song is going up against yours!" he growled.

"Is it?" Saruhiko hummed. "I had no idea." His voice was flat, uncaring.

"Fuck you, Saruhiko. Fuck. You. I was practically begging you to stay with us and sing with us. You know how much I enjoyed having you on my other song, why didn't you stay with us?!"

"You know why," Saruhiko muttered, not wanting to repeat himself and have the same argument over and over again.

"So you just...you just went and sang with Nagare, because you didn't like what I was doing?! You said you didn't want to sing anymore! Hell Nagare wouldn't have even asked you to sing if it wasn't for me and my song."

Clenching his fists, Saruhiko stood up, glaring down at Misaki. "Right, because it's all about you. Your song, my voice on your song. Me doing whatever the hell it is you want me to do! I never said I wasn't going to sing again. So I sang with Nagare, did you really think you'd be the only person I’d sing for?"

This was exactly what Saruhiko had wanted, Misaki hurt, angry, and abandoned by Saruhiko. Misaki had been the one to drag him into this world of music, performance, and singing, and Misaki had been the one to leave him behind. Saruhiko had never wanted this, never wanted to be a part of this world, and yet, he'd fallen for Misaki's damn persuasive enthusiasm.

"You're such a liar," Misaki growled. "I can't believe I ever thought I missed working with you. You're an asshole and a traitor!" he yelled.

"Then I guess you realized who the real me is," Saruhiko said. "You really are an idiot if it took you this long to figure it out."

"Yeah," Misaki said, his golden eyes trembling with hurt. "Guess I am an idiot." He shoved his phone into his pocket, and stormed out of the office, and Saruhiko noticed his coworkers staring as he turned his back to them, watching Misaki slowly disappear down the steps.

He'd done it to hurt him, and Misaki was so damn transparent so Saruhiko knew it had worked. Misaki felt betrayed and called Saruhiko a traitor, and he now understood the exact same emotions Saruhiko had felt when Misaki had been so willing to give up his own sound in exchange for the possibility of making a crappy song with Suoh Mikoto. Certainly, Saruhiko had sure taught Misaki.

He'd seen the way Misaki's eyes and hands trembled, the way he looked as though he'd already cried a few tears over this. Misaki was a fool, and an idiot, just as Saruhiko had always suspected.

Saruhiko knew he'd probably never see Misaki again, not that it mattered. He wasn't going to sing for him or anyone else ever again. He'd made his point, and Misaki could continue going about his life being a sellout for Homra and Mikoto.

He'd done it to hurt Misaki, and he had. It had worked just the way Saruhiko had planned. It should've been a success. So why the hell did it feel like Saruhiko's chest was about to burst from all the pain slowly building up inside his heart?

~~

Done. Misaki was absolutely done, no questions asked. Actually, he regretted going to see the asshole. He wasn't sure what he had expected to happen, but he hadn't expected Saruhiko to be so damn cold. Did he really not care about anything? Any of the experiences they shared, or the fact they had been intimate with each other? Apparently nothing mattered to Saruhiko, nothing but himself.

It had been a week since then and Misaki was done with feeling frustrated, even if he couldn't seem to stop thinking about how shitty this whole situation was.

Clenching his fists, Misaki slammed them down on the keyboard in front him, the keys shaking with a strange sound, the notes clashing. He hated how much Saruhiko affected him, affected his music. He'd been staring at the piano blankly for almost an hour, trying to decide what to work on.

He should've been happy. There was no reason for Saruhiko to be affecting him as much as he was. Misaki and Mikoto's single had come out a few days ago, and already it was all people could talk about. The song had been been praised, and was staying on the charts. Misaki and Mikoto had already done an interview yesterday. A tour was practically guaranteed with how well the single was doing, and Mikoto's new album was projected to do equally as well, if not better. Plus, Misaki's involvement helped raise his own popularity, and people were already buzzing about what his full album would sound like. It was terrifying and thrilling, and Misaki couldn't believe it was actually happening to him.

He didn't have much time. If his and Mikoto's single continued to do well, he'd have to have a few tracks ready for the upcoming tour, and so far, Misaki had come up very short. He and Totsuka had recorded one song, but overall Misaki had nothing.

There had been a tiny, hopeful part of him which had hoped going to see Saruhiko would make the idiot change his mind. Misaki would've forgiven him if he'd apologized, said that Nagare wasn't as talented as him. Okay, he didn't need to say the last part, but Misaki would've appreciated being Saruhiko's number one.

But he wasn't, Saruhiko had made that very clear.

"Yata-san?" A knock on the studio door interrupted Misaki's groaning, and he quickly pulled his fingers back from the keyboard. He'd been spending more time in the studio at Homra, as opposed to his personal on at home, in hopes that being in a different environment would help him forget about dumbass Saruhiko better.

"Ah Totsuka-san, hi," he smiled, trying to look innocent after completely smashing the keyboard in.

"Izumo has been looking for you," he grinned. "He has some good news for us," Totsuka sang, twirling in the doorway.

Misaki immediately slammed his hand down on the keyboard, and pushed the chair up. "A tour?!" he asked quickly.

Totsuka smirked, biting down on his lip and nodding. "But you didn't hear it from me! And you know...Yata-san..." he chuckled, gesturing to Misaki's hands on the piano. "If you break one of those, Izumo will make you suffer a punishment...worse than death!" Totsuka leaned forward and menacingly waggled his fingertips.

Paling, Misaki jumped back, moving away from the keyboard. "I-I know! I just got excited!" he muttered, and yanked his beanie on, brushing by Totsuka.

"I figured, I figured, and don't worry, I won't say anything, but consider this your warning," Totsuka snorted, leading the way back to the main meeting room.

Following him upstairs, Misaki felt his heart pounding in his chest, and it took all his will to not bounce up and down on the stairs. They were going to go on tour, that had to be the good news!

In the meeting room, Mikoto sat with his feet rested on the table, rocking his chair back and forth, Kusanagi stood at the front of the room. "Nice of you both to join us," he smirked. "I'm sure Totsuka couldn't keep his mouth shut, so I bet you probably are already aware of what this meeting is about."

"Shouldn't've told 'im..." Mikoto muttered, kicking his boot back to place his feet on the ground.

"You're right..." Kusanagi sighed. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Totsuka giggled loudly, and took a seat directly next to Mikoto. "Aw c'mon King! It was exciting, how could I resist?" He leaned forward and placed his head on Mikoto's shoulder.

Mikoto sighed and nudged him. "No one expects you to resist anymore," he grunted, shaking his head.

"What's that supposed to mean!?" Totsuka pouted, but Kusanagi shook his head, ignoring both of them.

"Anyway," he began. "As you all have heard, the new single is doing well, we've been holding the top of the charts for this past week. We have been neck and neck with Hisui Nagare's new song," Kusanagi explained, and Yata couldn't help but let out a soft scoff. Any song they did would have to be better than any song Saruhiko was involved in. "Sometimes we're ahead, sometimes he's ahead, but either way, we're about set to be signed for a tour."

"YES!" Misaki yelled loudly, pumping his fist into the air. Though he quickly lowered it, looking a bit embarrassed about his outburst. "R-Right. I mean...yeah, awesome," he cleared his throat trying desperately to look cool.

Kusanagi laughed. "It's okay Yata-san, it's fine to be excited. Mikoto and Totsuka will be the headliner, but you will be a secondary headliner, rather than just an opener. Does this make sense?"

Misaki nodded rigorously, happy to even be anything. Admittedly, he would've settled for being the opener, but a secondary headliner was even better! "Yes! That's awesome!" he cheered eagerly.

"Wonderful. I'll be setting up the dates and locations in the next few days. The tour probably won't actually start for a few months, so this will give you both time to finalize your albums. Misaki, do you think you can have an EP ready by then? All you'd need is four to five additional tracks to the two solo ones you already have."

Misaki nodded, just about to jump up and run back to start on the new tracks now. "Of course I can," he smiled, giving him a thumbs up.

"Perfect. We can check back in once everything is all set, and we'll get started on promotional material, all of which will be run by all of you for approval," Kusanagi explained.

Misaki was trying his very hardest to listen, but it was a bit difficult. His mind was reeling with all the possibilities for songs he could write. New songs, songs he would sell and people would actually buy them. This was actually happening for him, he was going to be a real DJ and go on tour with Mikoto. It was hard to believe, and he wanted to pinch himself and see if he was dreaming.

"Alright," Kusanagi chuckled. "Time for you to get to work!" He saluted them, and moved away, heading back towards, his own office, while Mikoto and Totsuka stood up as well.

Misaki however, leapt up and ran to block Mikoto from leaving. Bowing quickly, Misaki let out a large breath of air. "T-Thank you Mikoto-san for this opportunity. I...I can't tell you how much it means to me, getting to work with you like this!" His hands trembled at his side, sure he was used to working with Mikoto before, but something about this made him nervous, thrilled and excited.

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Mikoto grunted. "You're talented. It'll be a good tour. Work hard," he said. "Though...I don't think I gotta remind you of that, seems like you'll do it anyway." He rubbed the back of his neck, sighing.

"Y-Yes, sir!" Misaki stood up, nodding quickly. Mikoto waved, and walked out of the room, followed by a pleased Totsuka, who waved as they stepped onto the elevator, disappearing from view.

Scrunching his face up, Misaki curled his spine over and shot out, as though he were a bomb exploding with excitement. He was going on his first tour! And who cared if Saruhiko didn't believe in him, Mikoto did, and that was all that mattered.

~~

"Absolutely not." Saruhiko muttered, shaking his head as he spoke into the phone.

"Are you sure? It would pay very well," Nagare's smooth tone trickled into Saruhiko's ear, like a snake tempting it's prey. "So well in fact, you probably wouldn't have to worry about that silly little job of yours anymore," Nagare explained.

The words only made Saruhiko angrier. Why the hell did all musicians he knew feel the need to pressure him into situations he didn't feel comfortable with. He had regretted answering the call at all, but something about Nagare actually contacting him made him cave. But now, he felt like a moron.

"I said no," Saruhiko repeated bluntly. "It's not about the money."

"Mmm, I didn't think so. No, I knew for you, it wasn't about the money," Nagare hummed. "You know, I've heard rumors of Suoh Mikoto going on tour with up and coming DJ Yata Misaki."

"And?" Saruhiko clicked his tongue, not appreciating the direction this conversation was going in.

"If I have you with me, I'm sure my concert series will be far more successful than theirs," he chuckled.

"I don't care," Saruhiko said. "You can do your concert alone. I'm not interested in touring around the country to sing one song at every show."

"I'd be happy to put you on more tracks," Nagare continued. "And you realize it would be a free trip, you could see the world."

"I don't care," Saruhiko repeated. "I made a promise with myself that once I was done recording with you, I wouldn't have anything else to do with the music world."

"Well, isn't that too bad," Nagare said softly. "However, I think you'll be changing your mind."

"Doubtful," Saruhiko said, and pushed his phone off, slamming it down on the desk.

He had made his decision. He was done with the music world. He'd never wanted to be a part of it in the first place, and Misaki and Nagare dragging him in was exactly the opposite of what he wanted to do.

It had been a long damn week, and Saruhiko was looking forward to going home and working on some programming, maybe getting a little sleep if he could as well. Lately it had been difficult to sleep, and he hated admitting that part of it was because he had grown used to sleeping next to Misaki, and the empty bed was a lot bigger than he remembered.

Munakata had been out all week, which had been nice, the man often did this, looking for new clients, attending technology faires, etc. But especially with Misaki's outburst, Saruhiko was happy he hadn't had to worry about any sort of lecture from the man.

"Fushimi-kun! Glad to see you're still here." Perhaps he had spoken too soon, as he watched Munakata walk down the hall heading towards his office. It was late, and all the other employees had gone home. Even Akiyama had left, even though he often stayed later with Saruhiko, partially because he was working, but partially because he enjoyed keeping Saruhiko company, whether Saruhiko liked it or not.

"Sir, with all due respect, why are you here? It's Friday evening..." he muttered.

"Ah, well I just got back from my trip," he explained, "And I left a few work things I needed to catch up on this weekend in my office, so I simply stopped by to grab it," he chuckled, pressing his glasses up on his face.

"Right..." Saruhiko muttered. For anyone else, it would've been out of the ordinary to see their boss so late on a Friday, but this was actually unsurprising. If there was one thing Saruhiko and Munakata had in common, it was the level of how much they cared about work.

"Like I said, I am happy you were here. I was hoping I'd still catch you," he nodded.

Saruhiko clicked his tongue and folded his arms. "Still have more to say?"

"Indeed. I heard Yata Misaki stopped by the office earlier this week."

Of course Munakata didn't say from whom he had heard this information from. Saruhiko was convinced Munakata had to have some sort of cameras installed in the ceilings or their desks. Saruhiko glanced around the room instinctively, as though eyes were watching him.

"Yeah. He was mad about a song I had recorded with another DJ. It didn't matter though, I can record with whoever I please," Saruhiko explained.

"That you can," Munakata nodded.

"Yup."

Adjusting his glasses once more, Munakata cleared his throat. "So I take it neither of you apologized?" Munakata said, and Saruhiko simply clicked his tongue, scoffing. Sighing, Munakata stared directly at Saruhiko's blue eyes. "You know, Fushimi-kun, have you given any more thought to what we spoke about the other day?"

"I don't know how many times I have to tell people I'm not interested in doing music," he grumbled, glancing away from Munakata's intense violet hues.

"Mmm I see. It's too bad, like I said, you were quite alive on that stage, and actually it seems Yata Misaki brought a light to your life I'd never seen before. I did hope you two would work things out, but it seems I am but a dreamer."

Work things out? Work things out how exactly? Saruhiko wanted to ask, but didn't want to show any interest. Sure, he'd missed the good times he'd had with Misaki, but those were gone. The idiot was way too focused on Mikoto, and Saruhiko didn't feel like listening to it.

"Yeah, well, he's got new people to focus on," Saruhiko snapped. "He doesn't need me."

"Are you sure? Have you spoken to him? Perhaps you both need to have a good talk, and apologize to each other. Tell him how you feel," Munakata said, peering through the edge of his glasses.

That must've been some sort of a sick joke, as though Saruhiko was actually going to tell Misaki how he felt. He should've figured it out by now. And Munakata wanted him to apologize. Apologize...how the hell was he supposed to go about doing that? Misaki had been enraged, and Saruhiko really had been sick of the way Misaki constantly pushed him around, and tried to force him into awkward music situations he hated, so really Saruhuko hadn't been wrong. If anyone needed to apologize it was Misaki.

"I know what you're thinking," Munakata sighed, and placed a hand on Saruhiko's shoulder. "But the truth is, I think you both have things you need to say to each other."

Saruhiko's gaze flicked to Munakata's hand, and the older man removed it. "Anyway, Saruhiko, I hope you have a lovely weekend, and I will see you on Monday," he said, bowing to him before walking towards his office.

Saruhiko hated when Munakata got all cryptic like that. Recently, with Misaki involved it had been especially bad.

But Saruhiko truthfully didn't know what he would say to Misaki. He sucked at speaking about his feelings, and he'd been an ass...a purposeful ass. He'd only sang with Nagare, knowing it would hurt Misaki, and it had worked. Even if he wanted to apologize, it was way too far gone by now, and it wasn't like Misaki was going to magically stop worshiping Mikoto.

He was done, with music, and Misaki. There was no fixing what had become of them now.

~~

Misaki was late, and he desperately tried to gather all his belongings, almost dropping his laptop when he went to shove it in his backpack.

"Shit!" he cried out, yanking his headphones off of the ground. His stupid room was too damn messy to find anything in it.

"Yata-san?" Kamamoto said, knocking on the side frame. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm late!" he cried out, rubbing his head as he dug through his clothes to find his hat. He tossed sweaters about, groaning when the black beanie didn't appear.

"Do you really need your hat?" Kamamoto asked, tilting his head.

"Kamamoto, do you see my head right now? I'm presenting two new songs to Kusanagi today, and I don't want to look like a total idiot!" he said.

"Uh...right..." Kamamoto muttered, and Misaki finally found the beanie wedged between his desk and the wall. Holding it up proudly, he slammed it onto his head.

"Okay Kamamoto I gotta go bye," Misaki spoke rapidly before dashing out of the door, tripping as he stormed down the stairs.

He'd been working on these songs for a little under a week now, and he wanted to make sure Kusanagi approved of the direction he was going in. He'd done some test recordings himself, and now he was ready to present them to Kusanagi and Mikoto...

If he made it to the damn meeting on time.

Swinging around the railing of the stairs, Misaki dashed out the door and down the street. He was grateful he didn't live horribly far away from the studio, and he prayed being late wouldn't look too bad on him.

Misaki actually wasn't sure how he felt about these songs. He'd spent a great deal of time moving on from Saruhiko, seeing as the last few songs he'd written with Saruhiko in mind—which was infuriating. He wished he could've done all this without the asshole's singing voice trapped in his head, and so he'd tried to write these thinking of Totsuka. It had gone...decently, he thought. He didn't want to make any judgements until they heard.

He didn't know how this had happened exactly, his strange reliance on Saruhiko. He'd written plenty of music before Saruhiko, but it had been the song with Saruhiko which had sparked his career. Maybe that was why it felt like Saruhiko was his crutch?

But Misaki knew he didn't need Saruhiko anymore. He couldn't have him anymore even if he wanted to, which he most certainly did not. He could do this without him.

Swinging the door open, Misaki ran to the elevator, pushing the up button way more times than necessary.

"C'mon c'mon c'mon," he grumbled, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.

When the elevator doors finally opened, he dashed inside, and rode the painfully slow lift to the top, only to stumble out when he made it to the 9th floor. He pushed open the door to the conference room and let out a sigh of relief when he realized Mikoto wasn't actually there yet.

Kusanagi however, was casually sorting through some papers. "Ah, Yata-san, take a seat before you pass out," he snorted.

"S-Sorry," Yata muttered, collapsing into one of the chairs. "I, uh, ran to get here," he admitted. "I was running late and..." he paused, deciding not to call attention to the fact that the reason he was late because he couldn't find his damn hat.

Kusanagi simply chuckled. "There's no need to worry about it. You have to understand...Mikoto runs on his own time schedule, and since he's our best talent, we sort of just let him. So when we set a meeting for a certain time, you can almost guarantee he's going to be late.

Staring, Misaki blinked. Mikoto just showed up whenever he wanted? Misaki felt a little foolish for rushing to get to the meeting on time.

"You know you're really late when Mikoto is here before you," he said.

"Right..." Misaki sighed. "Damn...what a relief..." he puffed out his cheeks and pulled out his laptop, getting it ready just in time for Mikoto to finally walk in.

"H-Hi Mikoto-san!" Misaki said, bowing his head.

Mikoto snorted and took a seat next to him. "Kid, you don't have to bow every time you see me."

"R-Right!" Misaki said, nodding quickly.

"You got your stuff?" he asked, folding his arms and shutting his eyes, as though he was absolutely exhausted.

"Oh! Y-Yeah!" he said, pulling up some audio files. "These are just tests, and obviously I won't be singing the final products cause uh, I am not good at singing," he explained, looking to both of the older men for some sort of answer. However, both sat staring, waiting for Misaki to push play.

"Right," he nodded, taking that as his cue to start the song.

The three sat, listening to Misaki's awkward vocals. Listening now, the song felt dry and even a little flat, as though it was missing emotion altogether, and it wasn't just his singing. He glanced at the other two listeners, but neither Kusanagi nor Mikoto seemed to have any sort of expressions on their face. They both stared at the laptop, unmoving.

Clearing his throat, Misaki leaned forward once the song had ended, and pushed play on the other track. As the song rolled through, Misaki focused on the seconds as they slowly ticked down, desperately wanting it to end. Just as the first song had been, Misaki felt this song was possibly even worse. Maybe it was just his vocals?

The ending came, however, and the silence stayed. The tension was thick in the air, and Misaki could tell they didn't like it...and neither of them had said a word.

"Mm," Mikoto grunted finally. "Play that second one again."

Misaki did as he was told, and waited for the taller to say something. Leaning forward, Mikoto paused it on his own after the first few seconds. "So...what happened?" Mikoto asked, and Misaki felt his heart sink. It felt as if his heart was glass and had shattered completely, his breathing painful as broken shards pierced at his lungs.

Glancing down, Misaki clenched at his fists in his lap. What had happened? Saruhiko had ditched him, but Misaki had put it behind him! It wasn't supposed to be affecting him anymore. "I..." he muttered, his voice catching in his throat. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of Kusanagi and Mikoto.

"You're better than this," Mikoto said, glancing out the window.

"I think you know it too, Yata-san," Kusanagi nodded. "You don't have to rush."

"I-I know..." Misaki muttered. "It's not that."

"It's that Fushimi guy," Mikoto said with a long sigh. "He's messing with your head."

"N-No! I already put Saru behind me!" Misaki retorted quickly.

Mikoto shook his head, and gestured towards the screen. "Obviously not," he grunted. "Look I don't know what happened between you and Fushimi, but seems to me you wanna talk to him."

"What?! Of course not!" Misaki blurted out. "I want nothing to do with the guy. I tried to get him to talk to me and he turned me down like the asshole he is!"

"Your music says otherwise," Mikoto sighed, gesturing to the computer screen again. "This was boring, basic. It's almost like you did it on purpose. Plus you sat here looking all dejected while we listened, you knew it was bad," Mikoto grumbled.

Misaki had never heard Mikoto talk so much in one go, and he was shocked quite frankly, his jaw dropping.

"It...wasn't that bad," Kusanagi urged, trying to soften the blow. "But we do know you can produce better music than this."

"You can do better," Mikoto shrugged. "It was dry. Like you cut off your emotion from yourself," he explained.

Pursing his lips, Misaki glanced away from Mikoto. For someone who rarely talked, he certainly had a lot of truthful insights. By cutting Saruhiko out of his songs, Misaki had kind of cut his emotions out. Saruhiko had evoked such intense feelings within him, and brought forth such new unique things in his music. Saruhiko was his muse in a way, and though he didn't necessarily need him to sing every song he wrote, not having the option was surprisingly stifling.

And it wasn't as though he couldn't make music without Saruhiko, he'd done it before, but this was all before he'd realized Saruhiko was completely done with him and music. He'd made it very clear when they had had their conversation, and since then writing music had been a struggle. Perhaps there had been a part of Misaki which had always hoped Saruhiko would come back.

"Maybe you need to think about talking to him again," Mikoto said, standing up to leave the room.

Sighing, Misaki placed his head in hands, but jerked up when he felt Kusanagi's hand on his shoulder.

"Mikoto believes in you, Yata-san, you'll figure this out."

Misaki tried to answer, but all he could do was nod.

~~

"What the hell am I going to do?!" Misaki yelled, throwing his backpack on the floor as he explained the situation to Kamamoto once he’d returned home.

"Apologize?" Kamamoto suggested.

"To that bastard?!" Misaki growled. "I think he made his feelings clear!"

"Or...try and make something different?" Kamamoto suggested instead.

Misaki groaned, leaning his head back against the couch. "There's no way that will work, Mikoto is going to know, I just know he's going to know..." he muttered. "I mean he figured it out right away..." he whispered.

"I mean...you've seemed really tense and unhappy the past couple of weeks."

"I'm just...stressed about the tour and the album!" Misaki retorted, but he knew that wasn't true. If anything, those things should've made him happy, thrilled and excited to work on the thing he loved, and yet, it had just been a struggle.

And maybe it was because of Saruhiko and his emotions. His music was missing something, and to Misaki whenever he listened back, it always felt like he was missing Saruhiko. But how the hell was he supposed to get that back?

Sighing, Misaki stood up and began to pace about the room. "And what if...what if I did try and go find Saru..." he muttered. "I mean what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm not going to apologize to him when he was a huge asshole to me! This is mostly his fault, for doing that stupid song with Nagare!" Misaki yelled.

"Ah...Sometimes I forget how stubborn you are," Kamamoto chuckled.

"Oh, I'm so glad this is funny to you Kamamoto!" Misaki scoffed, folding his arms as he continued to walk in circles around the room.

"Sorry, Yata-san," Kamamoto said. "I just...I think it was better when you two were friends or...whatever else you were."

Misaki froze, blushing. He knew he'd had a strong connection with Saruhiko, and not just with music. He did miss it, and him. He didn't want to admit it to the asshole, but damn did he miss him. Hell, he would've taken Saruhiko back even if he didn't want to sing anymore. Misaki just wanted him, no matter what. When had he gotten so weird and desperate?

What had they even fought about in the first place? Misaki was having a hard time remembering. Something about Mikoto? Was it really so bad that Misaki had wanted to work with Mikoto? His sound hadn't changed that much?

But Saruhiko had been so upset...jealous even.

Then it hit him.

Saruhiko was jealous. Jealous of Misaki doing a song with Mikoto, just as Saruhiko had done a song with Nagare. Misaki had felt a surge of jealousy pulse through his veins, and even thinking about it now he felt a bit angry. He'd change the song every time it had come on. But Saruhiko had been invited to collaborate with them and said no.

"Look," Misaki sighed finally. "Even if I wanted to make things better...I don't know how. Saru wants nothing to do with Mikoto. I'm not going to stop working with him...hell, I'm going on a tour with the guy, and if Saru can't accept that..." Misaki trailed off. "Plus Saru said he wanted nothing to do with music anymore, and he especially wants nothing to do with me.

Kamamoto snorted, shaking his head. "And when has that ever stopped you before?" he chuckled.

Blinking, Misaki glanced from Kamamoto to his laptop, then he glanced down the hall to his mixing room. "You're right..." he muttered.

There were so many times he'd been overly pushy with Saruhiko, that was how their entire friendship had started in the first place. It was always Misaki's job to push and push, Saruhiko needed that to do anything different in his life. All this time, Misaki had been waiting for Saruhiko to come to him and apologize, but maybe he had been wrong all along. Misaki had always been the one to go to him, so why would this time be any different? Even if Saruhiko did owe him an apology...Misaki was never going to get it if he didn't do something.

Their fight was now leaking into his music, affecting his possible career. He couldn't let it go on like this. He had to get Saruhiko back in his life. He wouldn't force him to sing, but at least...spending time together, as friends or whatever...it would be enough to keep Misaki focused and not messing up songs.

"But he's never going to talk to me," Misaki said aloud, his jumbled thoughts finally growing clearer.

"You haven't even tried!" Kamamoto said.

"I kind of did..." Misaki muttered.

"What, running down to his office and yelling in his face? That's not really an apology..." Kamamoto teased.

Groaning, Misaki waved his hand towards Kamamoto trying to brush him off. "Yeah that's the problem, after that, he's really never going to talk to me!" he exclaimed. "I mean...we both said some awful shit."

"Sounds like you both need to apologize, and you know Fushimi-san isn't one to make the first move."

"I know," Misaki grumbled, "I literally just thought that. But like I said, even if I contact him he won't answer."

"And like I said," Kamamoto continued, "when has that ever stopped you in the past."

"It hasn't...I just feel like I need something to convince him..." he muttered, tapping his chin as he looked around the room.

Glancing down the hall towards his studio, Misaki's face lit up, the largest smile he'd had in weeks. "That's it, Kamamoto!" he cheered. "I have just the thing!"

And before Kamamoto could answer, Misaki disappeared into his studio.