#and in the rest of distant lands they were just kinda like. special Adventure Time episodes

[chlothequeen]

It’s crazy to me that Adventure Time had such a perfect ending, and yet 5 years later it seems like CN/HBO Max have been in consistent talks for spin-offs for it, and those spin-offs have actually been pretty consistently good

[fandomscombine]

The Only Distraction to Quidditch

BG: Never before has Oliver Wood been distracted during a quidditch match.

I spent a longer time daydreaming of this scenario than actually writing this.

Being in quarantine could be quite lonely so here’s me trying to fill in the gap and emotional need by writing a cute fluffy Oliver Wood x reader fic! Hope you enjoy it! Stay safe, stay indoors and of course stay healthy!

Wow also this ended up with a lot of Weasley Twins wingmen power moments so enjoy! So basically this fic are for the underrated gems of Oliver Wood and Fred & George Weasley!

~Also tell me if you guys wanna fic written around their summer! kinda like a prologue/ background piece. Or even a part 2!~

Word Count: 1662

12 April 2020,1am

>>MASTERLIST<<

You are a very shy and quiet student in Hogwarts. Sure, you get along well with all the other students, but you haven’t really found a clique for yourself. Yeah you could try harder, but you just don’t want to change yourself just to fit in. You simply can’t wrap around your mind how people can make small talk and leave it as that, jumping from one person to another without connecting more deeply. You’re definitely an introvert living in an extroverted world. Don’t get it wrong, you still love going on spontaneous adventures and having fun but not many people still that side of you, you tend to be reserved but when you’re by yourself, with a close group of people or in an environment where you don’t feel judged, your uniqueness shines through and your heart in on your sleeves.

Saturdays are normally spent in the Ravenclaw common room curled up on one of the couches with a book. This time however you are on your way to the quidditch pitch for the fist ever match of the year, Gryffindor versus Slytherin. This is also the first ever match that your best friend, and lately turn crush (damn you summer holidays!), Oliver Wood.

You plan to make a quick detour to the Gryffindor tent, you’re almost to the door when suddenly-

You yelp, feeling strong arms wrapping you in place.

‘Got ya!’ whispered someone in your right ear.

Turning around, coming face to the face with the beautiful boy you’ve come to be fond of, in the more than a friend kinda way.

‘Ollie!’ meeting his eyes, the eyes you’ve seen all summer, every day without fail and surprisingly you didn’t grow tired of.

‘Heyya y/n. What brings a pretty Ravenclaw like you here?’ He hugs you closer ‘Could it be a special someone…. Like me?’ raising one of his brows.

You can feel your check heat up and you shake you head in hopes to cool them down before that get any redder. ‘You wish Wood.’ You countered.

‘Wood?’ Putting a hand to his chest. ‘Ouch love that hurts.’

‘I’m here for the new quidditch captain actually…Have you seen him?’ you say, putting on an innocent curious face.

‘Ohhh you are a real tosser y/n!’ playfully hitting your shoulder.

’10 minutes til game starts’ announces Lee Jordan through the speaker.

‘I guess that’s my cue to go find a seat’ you gestured to Oliver.

Oliver’s smile falters a little.

‘But for reals tho, I came to wish you good luck captain’ you look at him sincerely, putting your hand on his shoulder. ‘I know you’ll do great.’

‘Thanks.’ And just like that his smile is back. ‘I’ll look for you in the stands okay?’

‘Okay, I’ll be there cheering you on.’

-------------------------------------------------------

‘Gryffindor to Slytherin, 80-20’ Lee shouts.

It’s already been 30 minutes into the match and Gryffindor is in the lead, Oliver Wood being this his first game ever as captain should be happy right? Yes and no not really as there is one girl stuck in his mind. She promised that she would be in the stands, but every time Oliver manages to divert his attention to the Ravenclaw stands, he just couldn’t find her.

‘where are you y/n?’ he mumbles to himself. It’s fifth time scanning the seats but again he couldn’t find her.

What Oliver didn’t notice was that a bludger was headed his way.

‘Oi Oliver look out!’ warned Fred.

Oliver turned but the bludger was getting closers faster than he wanted. Thankfully George swooped in and batted it out of the way.

‘You alright mate? You seem distant.’ George noted.

‘Yea umm no actually, have you seen y/n? I don’t see her in the Ravenclaw stand.’

‘Told ya brother, it’s girl trouble.’ Fred said teasingly.

‘She’s in the Gryffindor Stand’ said George. ‘Now that’s out of the way, hope we got your full attention now.’

‘100%’ nodded Oliver. ‘Let’s just hope Harry gets the damn snitch soon.’

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘Harry Potter has caught the snitch! Gryffindor wins!’ exclaimed Lee.

Everything was happening at once. One moment, Oliver just landed with the rest of the Gryffindor team and cheering among themselves for their win then the next thing he knows he’s face is so close to yours; he could feel your breath.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You ran down to the quidditch pitch to congratulate the team. There was a crowd around Oliver so you decided to hang around for a while with the rest of the team. You were talking to Harry when you feel a tap on your shoulder. The Weasley twins, you were close to them being as they lived close to you back home.

George smiled ‘You know you almost cost us the game, right Freddie?’

‘Absolutely Georgie’ his twin answered.

‘As if!’ you chuckled, thinking they were joking ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Well you see Ms.L/n’ started George.

‘You seemed to accomplish the impossible task of distracting the one and only Mr. Quidditch during a game!’ continued Fred.

‘Yea right.’ Not believing the jokesters.

‘oh believe it y/n.’ The twin said together. You hate it when they do that. ‘Oliver Wood is head over heels for you.’

‘But as much as he may be confident anywhere else, our boy isn’t when making the first move, especially when he thinks he’s jeopardizing your friendship if he confesses.’ Added Fred.

Putting a reassuring hand on your shoulder, George continues ‘That is why, you have to make the first move y/n. For you guys and for everyone else.’

‘what? For everyone else?’ You exclaimed. Then realized you missed that bigger point. ‘And no I don’t like Oliver that way!’ you tried denying but it was too late.

‘C’mon y/n.’ sighed Fred ‘Everyone knows you guys like each other, all expect you two. So just put us out of this in denial misery and just get together!’

‘We would rather power through all the lovey dovely crap than the denial stage’ George said truthfully.

George looked past your shoulder. ‘Well good luck y/n!’ and hurriedly grabbed Fred away.

‘Wait what? Where are you going—’ You turned and yup now you knew why they left all of a sudden.

He is here right in front of you. After all the information that came into light you heart is beating faster than it ever was.

‘Hey Ollie! Congratulations!’

‘Thanks y/n. It’s because you were here’ he smiled.

‘You almost scared me to death when that bludger was coming towards you earlier you know….’ You admitted.

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, I thought you were gonna get knocked out!’

‘Well I’m one tough cookie.’ Oliver boasted. ‘It’ll take more than a bludger to knock me out!’

Wanting to test the twin’s remark, you asked ‘you seemed distracted Ollie, I have to say I never seen you loose focus in a game before!’

Oliver chuckled ‘well I guess it’s because it’s my first game as captain...’

See! That that Weasleys, it was nerves not me!

Then Oliver shook his head ‘actually it’s more than that--’ Moving closer. ‘I was looking for you during the game, I was trying to find you in the Ravenclaw stand but I couldn’t—’

‘That’s cause I was in the Gryffindor stand, you dummy!’ you interjected.

‘Yeah that twin told me that. But why? Why were you in the Gryffindor stand?’

Now it was your turn to step closer. ‘It was to show everyone that I’m there to fully support the Gryffindor team.’

‘Just the Gryffindor Team?’

‘Well the Gryffindor Team and their newly appointed, super handsome captain.’ You smirked

It was as if your words had given him the courage he needed. Which they did.

Oliver closed the gap between you two and took your hands in his.

Nervously running his thumbs across your hands, he confessed ‘It means a lot to me that you came here today, I know you usually are up in the Ravenclaw common room with your head in a book.’ He smiled. ‘But you came, you came y/n.’

Looking into your eyes, his own eyes watering a bit. ‘I searched for you in the stands whenever I could, you are my strength y/n and I wanted to impress you. Heck I almost got knocked out looking for you, to see how you’re there supporting me!’ he huffed. ‘But I wouldn’t change a thing.’

He took a deep breath. He is laying all his cards down. ‘Y/n L/n I like you, like I really really like you, more than a friend. Heck you know what? I might even love you. Yes Yes. Y/n L/n I have fallen in love with you. You are my world.’

Your heart swells in joy and love when you heard those words. ‘Ollie I---’

‘I know this is a lot and you might not feel the way. But I just hard to get it out, I know this changes a lot and probably was a stupid idea---’

He is blabbering now, and you know that Oliver blabbers when he’s nervous.

So you shut him up, not with your usual moaning but when a kiss.

You kissed him hard, you put all that you were meaning to say into that kiss.

It took a second for the shock to fade then he kissed back.

You pulled apart, smiling. Laughing at his shocked face, the -I can’t believe this happened, is this real- face still evident.

‘I feel the same way idiot, I was gonna say that before you cut me off’ you stated.

You kissed him again. ‘I love you. Oliver Wood.’

‘I love you too Y/n L/n’ tucking your hair behind your ear and leaning his forehead against yours.

This moment right here, was yours and his. It felt as if you were the only two beings in the world.

Until of course you got interrupted with a distant shout. ‘FINALLY!’ Ahh the Weasley Twins.

Well credits to them, they were right, and they were effective wingmen.

[popculturebuffet]

Animaniacs: King Yakko Review (Comission by BlahDiddy)

Hello my beautiful technicolor rainbow! It’s time for Animaniacs, and while there is no balonga in my slacks there is one last christmas review for my friend to finish up, and after two visits to Acme Lab for the spinoff we’re finishing up with a look at Animaniacs proper.  Suprisingly for a show that stands so easily on it’s own it’s existance is entirely thanks to another show: Tiny Toon Adventures, which had largely the same staff, including ep and co-creator stephen speilberg and Todd Ruegger, who was brought aboard from A Pup Named Scooby Doo. Since TIny Toon was a colossal hit with tons of awards and merch, including some very good video games I wish Warner would find a way to re-release, I mean.. come on if disney can rerelease the disney afternoon games (If...not..for..switch), and LIon King and Aladdin games (If somehow FOR switch), then Warner, which has it’s own game stuido no less, can put together a collection of the good Tiny Toons games when the new show comes out soon. 

Point is it was a mass sucess and Warner Bros likes money, so they had Speilberg try to get Rutger to come up with another show for the two of them to do, something with name value. Rutger found his inpsiration when seeing the iconic warner water tower and taking some platypus characters, came up with our heroes and the rest is history.. well okay he retooled them from plataups’ to early looney tunes and other toons style characters minus the racisim of say bosko the tall ink kid but still, the rest after that is history. And the rest of this review is after the cut

The show was, and KINDA still is, a variety show: taking a page from looney tunes, as well as tex avery’s other work, the crew decided rather than just focus on the warners, to instead create a whole cast with various ensembles to work with so we got Pinky and the Brain, The Goodfeathers, Rita and Runt,  the Hip HIppos, Katie Kaboom, Chicken Boo, and my personal faviorite Slappy Squirrel.. and the bane of my existance, Buttons and Mindy.. or rather Mindy’s Mom. The kid did nothing wrong.  So naturally the first thing Animaniacs related I cover.. is an episode entirely breaking from format for one 20 something minute Warners cartoon. I do intend to do more animanics stuff in the future, so i’ll hopefully get a chance to talk about everyone, I just feel unlike with say house of mouse most people reading this probably know who they all are, and I can save any deep dives for if I cover the characters specifically. Spoilers: there’s probably never going to be a buttons and mindy deep dive unless someone tourtues me by paying for it. 

So with that out of the way, we can dive into the episode.. which I won’t be covering in my usual recap it point by point because the writers have freely admitted that’s not what Animaniacs is about. While some of i’ts SEGMENTS are more story based like Pinky and the Brain, Goodfeathers and Rita and Runt, most are just based on simple set ups to reams and reams of gags. And I love it. I grew up with this stuff not just Tiny Tunes and Animaniacs but the classic Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry and Droopy shorts. 

Their well timed, well executed feats of comedy and most have aged pretty well.. emphasis on MOST. I’m keenly aware why there are several gaps in the shorts for both Tom and Jerry and The Looney Tunes on HBO Max, including all of the Pepe LePew and Speedy Gonzalez shorts. Also all of Droopy is missing. 

My grumblin aside though, it is VERY NICE to have all the classic Warner and Tom and Jerry shorts at my fingertips and it was one of the biggest selling points of Max for me. Last year I gained an intrest in the old disney theatrical shorts, hence my various birthday specials, so I BADLY wanted to revisit the theatrical shorts I grew up with. And honestly.. Max is the best way to do that: their in crisp hd, in neat season collections (Though the Looney Tunes one is better sorted, tom and jerry’s seasons are just.. random smatterings of shorts across various eras), and most importantly EVERY SHORT they felt comfortable with putting up there is on there. Every. Single. One.  I make a big deal about this because Disney.. has only maybe 30-40 of their hundreds of shorts on there. Now lucky for me the vast majority are still on youtube and I get why some really arne’t suitable.. we probably don’t need the donald duck short where he prepares to shoot a penguin in the face or the Goofy short where his own reflection, the goofy equilvent of tyler durden I guess?, keeps saying “Hey Fat” to him. And yes BOTH of these actually happened. But.. there’s MANY shorts with no clear excuse why their absent like the triplets first apperance, gus’ only apperance, and one a friend told me about.. that time mickey built a robot to box a gorillia. Again not making this up, just wondering why you can’t restore the rest of these for plus. They’ve ADDED shorts ocasionally, but it still dosen’t make a whole lot of sense to just.. not have them all up there. and to not put them in some sorta collection for easier consumption but hey it’s Disney. They either full ass things or half ass it. There is no middle ground.  Point is Warner.. actually cares about their heritage in shorts and honors it and thus has everything avaliable in the best quality, so tha’ts nice.

My point after that detour is I really love this kind of humor, and now as an adult I can see the effort the timing, pacing and character chemistry these shorts had takes. And Rugger and co.. they got it. They got it down perfect. And this episode is a great show of that and just how they barely updated this format for the 90′s. But as I said it’s more about the jokes and basic setup, our heroes are slotted into x scenario and just left to run wild. It’s been the basic seutp for looney tunes, tom and jerry and all the gag based greats, and it works perfectly here. Sure there’s some setting and continuity with the warner lot, scratch n sniff, ralph, plotz and in the reboot Rita, but it’s mostly just our heroes go up against “X asshole” and it just works. 

And that’s.. entirley what this episode is. The short is an homage to the graucho marx film Duck Soup, which given the warners were based on the marx brothers that isn’t a huge suprise, a film like brian’s song I have not seen, but genuinely want to. The basic setup is the same: An underqualified womanizer, though since htis is Yakko it dosen’t get past hitting on his chancelor, played by hello nurse, constantly, which is still.. ewwwww... but clearly not the same thing, becomes king of a small nation and ends up at war with another country. There were spies and other stuff in the original short but that was left out to streamline things.  But this homage stands on it’s own fine: The basic plot is this: Yakko, due to being a distant relative and the last one alive, becomes king of the small happy and very musical, as the wonderful opening number shows, country of Anvilania, which makes anvils and why yes there is one MASSIVE anvil gag as a result at the end. Yakko says he’ll try his best and geninely tries to with the shenanigans you’d expect, including Dot not gettnig Polka Dot’s are a thing and instead taknig any mention of it as a sign to polka, Yakko again hitting on his colleague and wanting ot get a new anthem because the current one by “Perry Coma’ puts people to sleep. Honeslty that gag didn’t do it for me: Partly because I genuinely know next to nothing about Como and he’s far past my generation.. and because despite this, SCTV did a MUCH better Perry Como gag over a decade before this episode that while still left me baffled as to why anyone cared about mocking him, was 80 times funnier and felt far less like you needed to know who he was to be funny. 

That being said it’s one of only three running gags, and jokes period that didn’t land for me. The other ones being the hello nurse bits, because it’s aged really badly to have Yakko harass one of his employees and his age is hte only thing that keeps it from scuttling the episode as he’s just 13 or 14. Maybe 15. 

So SO glad I now have that on hand whenever i need it. The other being the “Your highness” joke as it just.. dosen’t make much sense and isn’t very funny. But that’s it: a refrence i specfically don’t get and I doubt most of you will, and if you do fine we all have our frames of refrences, a joke that’s dated very poorly, and one that just.. didn’t land. And even then the Perry Coma thing’s third use to knock out the opposing army DID work for me as did the VERY clever joke of “Sire” “Maybe later”, so even the weaker bits still had some legs.  But getting back to what little plot there is the king of the rival country, upon hearing this, assumes he can easily intimidate a child into giving him the throne and goes to a royal reception. Instead, as you’d expect, the Warners mistake him for a party clown, show him no respect and fail to take his delcration of war seriously, and while in a REALLY great gag, and the reason i’m not doing a strict summary is 90% of the review would be me saying something to that effect, Yakkos’ call to action for his troops ends up having them all run off in fear, the Warners take out the army as noted above and then in one of the most GLORIOUS climaxes in the series history...

 In which the Warners give the bad guy “all the anvils” as he requested. I sadly coulnd’t find a clip of it but seek it out if you got hulu, my words can’t do it justice as they hit him with anvil after anvil in increasingly clever and insane ways till the guy finally gives up and it .. is glorious.  Other highlights not already mentioned include: The opening song, the bad guy dictator from the other nation not being able to hear because of his helmet and his attendee having to lift it, leading to Yakko taking off his helmet just to end the “what’ running gag, Yakko’s bit explaning his distant relation and more.  So yeah not a ton to say on this one. It’s a very good, very funny episode but also very typical of a warner cartoon in structure, just stretched over 22 or so minutes. As I said with few exceptions the jokes work, the anmation is crisp as always, and the climax is one of the series best. A crisp, quick watch and a nice quick review after a week of with some really tough ones behind me and ahead of me and a month of rather large ones a few weeks out. So yeah if you like animaniacs, even ifyou’ve seen this one worth a watch, if you have any more animaniacs you’d like me to take a look at feel free to comment or comission and until the next rainbow..

[nedcanquen]

A Bond Forged With Steel (Hetalia Rare Pair Exchange 2017) - Part 1

Hi @realmzenith! Here is Part 1 of your Secret Santa Gift! (I am currently typing Part 2 like crazy but I will post it by Jan 17th!) I’m sorry it has taken me so long, I started and restarted this fic three times! I hope you like your gift (multi-chapter fic!).

For the rest of my readers - have a GerMerica break from the usual programming :P for the Hetalia Rare Pair Secret Santa Exchange. Thanks for organizing @aphsecretsanta! (And I will post Part 2 very soon!)

Pairing: Germany/America

Rating: Teen

Tags: Fantasy AU

Image from Pexels

For as long as he can remember, Ludwig has known exactly what he was going to do with his life – he was going to follow his family's craft and be a Beilschmidt Blacksmith. Beilschmidt blades and works were famous across the lands of the Kingdom of Hetalia, ruled over by the now mostly retired warrior-king Roma. Roma however, had set an example for most of his citizens by going on many quests as a much younger man. Now everyone wanted to be some kind of a hero.

For the most part, the Kingdom's inhabitants got along – humans, elves, dwarves, dragons, and many many others. They knew how to keep to themselves or trade when needed. But once in a while, someone always decided to make trouble, and when that happened – the dragon with serious anger management issues, the overly condescending elf magician who started enchanting and enslaving the humans next door, the serial killer beserkers – well, Roma used to take care of them. Now that Roma was older and dedicated his time to art and music, the many others he had inspired kept the peace for him. Hefty bounties were awarded to successful peacekeepers and in such a place, well, the blacksmith family that was known to produce the best weapons were kept very comfortable indeed.

Ludwig first met the Albion family when he was a boy – just old enough to be allowed to help out at the main forge, but too young to officially start work as an apprentice. Of course, blacksmithing was not only the art of the forge, his brothers and grandfather made sure that he learned about the other aspects of their business – how to do sums and manage the accounting, how to gauge customers and manage them when they came in. There were some customers that the Beilschmidts would not take on, no matter how good their coin was.

Arthur Albion took his name from the forests he had grown up in – the Albion woods lay far in the north, usually covered in fog and rain. It was home to many fae and was strong in magic. There were times when Arthur Albion clearly betrayed his mixed fae-human heritage, with his bright-green eyes, and barely suppressed magical energy. He was a regular customer to their forge, and they especially liked him because he did not always want swords. Most of Arthur's requests were customized and very specialized, with very specific metallic component requirements – his requests were a challenge and worth good coin. Ludwig also wasn't very clear on this, but he had heard one of his brothers say that the human side of Arthur was distant kin to the Beilschmidts.

So on this day, when Ludwig had met Alfred and Matthew Albion for the first time, he remembers the energy and positive humming from Gilbert, singing to himself as he checks their stocks and supplies. “The tankard I last made for Arthur! He used it to bind a spell that helped capture Morgossa the Malevolent –  who comes up with these stupid names?! Anyway, fancy that? A sleeping tankard to get rid of a necomancer. Wonder what it'll be next?!”

Ludwig was especially close to Gilbert so he smiled and followed his brother around in the supply room. “Maybe a bracelet that binds?”

Gilbert shrugged. “Eh...that's been done.”

“Brother, that doesn't mean that it cannot be made again or used again.”

They hear the door opening and their grandfather's familiar gravelly voice greeting Arthur, sounding slightly surprised. When Ludwig and Gilbert arrive in the main hall, they see why – Arthur is holding two children, brothers from the look of them, and around Ludwig's own age. One is clutching to Arthur's hand, the one with curlier hair, while the other is straining to be released from Arthur's hand.

“WOW This IS SO GREAT!”

“Alfred, be still!” Arthur snaps but Alfred ignores him.

“Look Arthur come on! We're standing where the Blue Sword was made! The Azzuri! That was the sword that basically made this kingdom! Oh WOW – is this actually the Snakehaired Princess herself? You know the story right Mattie? King Roma reflected her curse back at her with the sword and she turned to stone! And then he gave Germania Beilschmidt the statue as a 'thank you!'”

There is a lot of coughing in the room suddenly – Gilbert trying his best not to obviously laugh, and his grandfather, well. He is calm and stony, maybe his jaw clenched but that was all. Ludwig admired that, in many ways, he wanted to be like his grandfather – controlled, never letting his emotions best him. His grandfather had once adventured and fought at the King’s side, now he was content to stay at the forge.

“That is enough Alfred!” Arthur sighs. “Now settle down, I need to discuss business with the Beilschmidts.”

It became clear that Alfred was not going to settle down, so finally in a fit of desperation, Arthur stared almost pleadingly at his grandfather.

Gilbert laughed some more before placing a hand on Ludwig's shoulder. “Lud, why don't you show Alfred and Matthew around?”

Ludwig wasn't sure about that, he was shy around strangers and preferred having one of his brothers or something clear as a subject to talk about. Then Gilbert whispered to him “Don't worry, that kid will do all the talking, just ask him which sword or story is his favorite.”

Well, he did have a point.

“Besides, if you can't play with a kid your own age now, how will you talk product specs and price when him later?”

Now that Ludwig understood this was also part of his training, he leaped into the new task with vigor. “I will give you both a tour!” He declared as professionally as he could. He knows the official visit areas – the showroom where they show off gifts and samples of their work, the little museum they have set up to explain their family history and where they source their metals. He's seen his brothers do it countless of times. He can do it! “Come with me!”

Surprisingly, they follow quickly, without a word of protest.

-

“...and this is Wangguo Steel – very rare, we ship it from the far East and have a special agreement with the Dragon Emperor. This is what the Sword of Infinity was forged from – we keep this ore in our museum to-”

“I'm gonna need a sword of...I dunno yet but it's going to have a cool name!” Alfred declares, face pressed against the harmless magical forcefield to stare at the shimmering ore. “Matthew's going to need one too! Isn't that right brother? We'll be going on adventures too!” He looks at Ludwig. “What do you think your first adventure will be? Taming a Skaya Eagle? Saving a town from the appetites of the Pontianak vampires? Defeating a Dragon at chess?!”

“No!” Ludwig looks at Alfred in shock. “My first adventure will be making my first real sword for  questors! Not children who want to get themselves killed. Aren't you supposed to start small and work your way up? Take care of a naughty gremlin or two first?”

Alfred's face falls. “But they’re not really harmful harmful! I mean there’s actual harmful that people need help from, and pests that they could take care of if they weren’t actually lazy.”

Ludwig considers this logic for a moment. “But people are busy. Wouldn’t you be a hero too if you freed up a senior hero to actually go fight a necromancer, rather than waste their time on gremlins?”

Something lights up in Alfred’s face but Matthew looks upwards with a long-suffering sigh. Before the boys leave, they promise that they will write, and make Ludwig promise that he will write back.

Three months later, Ludwig reads that Alfred has been clearing the Albion home (and basically every area his seven-year-old legs could run himself to) of Gremlins.

NINE YEARS LATER

Ludwig bears up with the travelling like any other hardship he endures, but he still misses home.

“You won’t always have all the tools and comforts of home available when we’re contracted to do our jobs!” Gilbert lectures as he and Ludwig walk beside the horses pulling their travelling forge. Gilbert has always been a hard taskmaster, but it has only intensified over the years. This journey is a test of sorts - if Ludwig can produce all manner of tools, weapons, armor, and whatever objects or tasks he’s challenged to with this traveling forge he’s built himself...well...he’s ready to join the rest of the family. He’ll be a full blacksmith.

“Why is Francis suddenly so adamant to have a blacksmith on-site?” Ludwig should have asked this sooner but he was so focused on building the forge, and making sure his materials were all accounted for and packed. Purchasing the services of an on-site blacksmith would already be astronomical in cost, yet Francis, Duke of Bonnefoy and one of the King’s many grandsons, had purchased a contract with the Beilschmidts in particular. Gilbert was the main blacksmith, as Francis’ friend as well, but Ludwig had to go along to complete his apprenticeship. Gilbert was to be his final reviewer of everything he made though, and Gilbert had an exacting eye for quality.

“A new project, a new charge to irritate Arthur Albion. But I kinda agree, and it wasn’t just Francis who purchased our services.”

“Who else?”

Gilbert laughs. “You haven’t heard from your penpals in a while have you? Arthur’s charges.”

Ludwig shakes his head. “I think we all had more important things to do. Trades to master.” The past few years would be the most intense for any apprentice. “I last heard that the boys did not manifest magical abilities, so they are training to become warriors.”

“As expected.” Gilbert shrugs.

When they finally arrive at Duke Francis’ estate, Ludwig feels a little bad that he has to mar the perfect green grass with the forge’s wheels, but this is where he is told to put it, so that he does. Eventually, he will explore the grounds for himself to better understand where the forge can be kept so that it is both conveniently placed and not marring the prettiness of the place. He’s making sure nothing has been damaged by the long journey (even though he had checked the forge consistently, three times a day, since they had begun) when Francis’ arrival is announced.

“You finally made it Gilbert!” Francis laughs. There was a part of Ludwig that had often admired his brother’s friend’s sense of art, aesthetics, and daring.

“Finally? You travel on foot carrying a forge with you, you spoiled brat! Now where’s the student?!”

Student? Another student? Ludwig’s curiosity burns enough to turn him from the forge.

“Right here. Alfred! You remember Gilbert of course, he is the best swordsman I know, he will teach you.”

Alfred? Ludwig jogs up to where the group is speaking and stares. It IS Alfred Albion. Alfred notices him too, and for a moment, their eyes lock. Has so much time passed? How is Alfred as tall as him now? What has...

“OKAY LISTEN UP!” Gilbert yells and that’s enough to make Alfred pay attention to him instead. “I’m gonna have two students at the same time so Ludwig, Alfred, listen carefully. Alfred, you’ve paid for me to be your swordsmaster for six months - that’s enough for me to get you grounded on BASICS! But once you have that strong foundation in basics…”

Ludwig didn’t hear the rest of the lecture but HOW? How did Alfred afford this?!

“And Ludwig! While I’m training Alfred, you have to watch - watch how he moves, watch what he needs, this is part of your training and your test - I’ll be quizzing you on how you customize body armour, tools, and weapons for Alfred, specific to his needs, how you’d make him the best warrior he can be. You’ll outfit Alfred and if I’m satisfied, your apprenticeship is over, if not, you’ll melt them down and if I’m pleased with Alfred, I’ll build his suit. And YOU…”

Alfred snaps back at attention.

“You’re going to have to earn it. My brother can make you the best armor and weapons in the known world, but only if you’re worthy of it. I have no qualms melting down our products rather than letting them be soiled by unworthiness. Both of you, is that clear?”

“Clear!” Ludwig yells out of habit. Francis however, has to nudge Alfred before he nervously stands at attention and yells the same.

[ecotone99]

Humor [HM] Fantasy [FN] Cadorna Keep Chapter 2 - A Dnd GameLit

Chapter 2 - Tracy Gets a New Spell

The sky was dark blue and the sun hot and cheerful. White fluffy clouds grazed deeply upon the horizon, looking so much like the snowy mountain caps upon which the giants were reported to dwell. The breeze was light, pleasant, and constant.

The party, though, well contrasted against the happy day around them. The ship’s crew busily avoided them as they worked the lines and wheel, keeping their vessel, Sir Boaty McBoatface, on path and on time.

Seriously? The vague voice of one of the Gamers asked.

A vague and authoritative murmur dismissed the question in the distance. The party refocused on each other and the task at hand.

“There was nothing left of them when we came back to pick them up. Balls!” Bern moaned, looking off a bit into the distance. There better be a hoard of treasure when we get there, he contemplated, dark thoughts stretching out like daggers back to when they got owned.

Carric the bard smiled, though, and strummed his lute.

“It could be bad. It could be horrible! But we’ve done bad and horrible. Remember when we were first level nothings and we saved the world?”

“Yeah!” Yenrab the barbarian piped in. “We saved our world! Ya know, this is gonna be a breeze compared to that. At least it isn’t a god or the king of the fairies or anything like that this time, right?”

Wex coughed, the mask of his god Mask glinting hard in the sunlight of the dark blue sky.

“As far as we know, bro, it’s both,” Wex noted. The group fell silent. About them bustled the boat folk, eager to drop off this party of five onto the monster-infested island keep before them and then be off.”

“Hey!” Yenrab said, rising with his own grin to replace the one that Carric had lost. “I have an idea. Back in the tribe when times were hard and morale was low we’d, well, you know, we’d sing songs.”

“What kind of songs?” Tracy asked with sudden interest. “Back in the Freemeet we’d sing songs too. But not just when we were sad. When we were happy too. And when we were angry. Or hungry. Or, like, when the moon was rising into the sky and it was night and -”

Bern Sandros put a hand to his temples, rubbing them as anger clouded his vision.

“Tracy?!” the man asked.

“Yes Bern?”

“That’s enough about songs, mate. It’s not gonna happen,” the cantankerous assassin grunted, his face dark and distant.

Tracy nodded and took two steps back.

Oh no his mind warned.

“Laaaaaaaaa -” Tracy began.

“Tracy!” Bern shouted.

“Laaaaaaaaa -”

“Don’t you dare -”

“Let’s build a snowman! We can give him lots of arms-”

“Gaaah!” Bern loudly grumped as Tracy sang a merry tune. Wex laughed and Bern gave him an angry look. The cleric, though, simply shrugged. Then he weaved some sort of orangish gold field about himself, divine threads radiating to his fingers from the eye holes of his mask. It flared as it finished and then it finished. Wex put his arms behind his head and relaxed, sighing without sound.

Carric also shrugged and began to play accompaniment to Tracy, whose sorcerer’s robes were at this point swinging and sighing back and forth in rhythm, glimmering and shimmering in chaotic swirls and whorls in the rainbow robes of his craft. Yenrab nodded, an enormous grin occupying his face, and then he moved over and sat down next to the grumpy assassin. Bern gave the man a look over, his face rigid as he wondered what sort of conversation was about to be pushed his way.

“So what’s up, Bern?” the big half-orc asked his friend. “We’ve faced bad odds before and, well, think about how many of those, uhm, experience points that the Gamers use we’ll get a hold of. Maybe we can even level up before the next session! It can’t be that you’re scared, ya know, because I’ve seen you swinging through the air from three stories to try and kill the big baddy. You’ve got what Granny always told me was gumption. She used to drain that from the animals she caught before she ate them.”

“She ate them raw, right? Every time you talk about your grandma it is disgusting,” the human said, the shadow of a smile creeping over him.

“You got that right. Ya know, she said it didn’t taste quite right if it didn’t squeal. But I’m just wondering what is on your mind. We’re friends, hey, we can talk.”

“It’s just that we really got bested by the general back there. And it made me think - when can us little guys be the besters instead of the bestees? Are we just rolling around from mission to mission, adventure to adventure, making ends meet? Are we saving up for a better tomorrow? Mate, I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Yenrab sighed. He was younger than them all and yet, often, he had the clearest head. He maybe wasn’t the wisest adventurer, but perhaps he had the best philosophies on life.

“Bern, you know, all we can do now is rise. And we’ve been rising. That party, Some Other Guys, they were the best around. They thought that nobody was gonna keep them down. Think about that. The best, around. Ya know, I bet they fought till the end, staying proud, staring out to the clouds, when the odds in the game finally defied them. And now that’s us. But we aren’t like that. We aren’t like some strange heroic montage that’ll get murdered the moment the Gamers lose interest. We’re going to get somewhere in life. We’ve got skills. We’ve got plans. We’ve got strategy -”

“You’ve got Tracy,” the sorceress interrupted, her song finished. The air sparkled with magical cantrips about her as she attempted to emphasize the moment.

“Carric too!” the bard added, smirking in that odd way that showed he knew he was caught in some lame after-school special type moment and he was just making the best that he could of it.

Wex began snoring, his holy spell of silence finally at an end. It was a rough and guttural sound that snapped him back to wakefulness.

“You guys done singing,” he asked, his words groggy and slow.

“Yeah,” Tracy smiled. “It was wonderful and you missed all of it.”

“Good,” Wex yawned.

“I’m going to get somewhere for sure guys,” Carric Smith informed them as a catch of spray blasted over them, smooth and cool. A drop of lake water dripped down from a pointed ear. “Remember that orphanage in Torus Strade? I bought the place. And that’s where I’m going to retire.”

“Yeah. Life in a small village doesn’t sound so bad,” Bern Sandros grinned, nodding at the idea. “But really, if I can, I just want to help all of my mates out back home. You know, some of them deserve to be out there on the streets, but not all of them. Maybe I’ll make a guild and get them some good paying and honest work.”

“Honest?” Tracy asked, one eyebrow arched in inquisition.

“Mostly honest then,” he chuckled. “Alright, yeah, we coulda shoulda woulda asked for more my friends but, hey, one day it’ll be us that some new adventurers are whinging on about, right?”

“Absolutely. I can’t wait to be grand poombah, chocka full magic and with acolytes running around doing all of my stuff for me,” Wex daydreamed aloud. “But I’m going to take quests in a new direction. Can you imagine all the things you can do with a, as the Gamers say it, first level party under your command? Welcome adventurers to your first quest, I’ll say. You must travel to the market and obtain the lamb of sustenance using naught but your adventuring skills and the coins in your pocket.”

“Haha that is top kek, mate,” Bern threw to him. The elf beamed back.

“I’d make my adventurers give Yenrab a bath,” Carric smirked.

“I will never ever allow myself to smell as I did in Torus Strade,” the half-orc barbarian stated as he failed to suppress a shudder. “I had to roll around in muck for days even after the damnation bound curse was lifted.”

“Well, mates, we’ve got some time before we get there,” Bern Sandros said, standing up to face them. “I for one can use some zeds. Rest up and pick your spells, right Yenrab?”

“Yeah,” Yenrab agreed. “Sounds like a heck of a plan.”For the rest of the voyage they napped, dreaming pleasant dreams of handing off all of the crap jobs to lower level nobodies, and perhaps not having to hear or deal with the grief of the Gamers any longer. All except Tracy, who dreamed of going bald and shining his head with the wax of the babaturt, its prized excretions found only in the lands of the Freemeet.

***

“‘Ips up and arms out ‘venturemen, we’ll be back dis time in da morrow, ya ken?” one of the sailors, hairy like a bear and missing more than a few teeth, spat at them in a friendly attempt at conversation.

“Ew,” responded Tracy, now a man since his male id had taken over. He wiped the saliva off of his face and tasted it.

“I ain’t kenna da gurl t’ing do,” the sailor continued. His accented Common sounded Frostmountian. If so he was a long way from home.

Dice clattered in the air, unheard by any but the party.

“Ah, it took me a bit to get that,” Carric informed the man, a 17 blazing in his head. “See here, let me explain. Tracy is anointed by his god Coraellon. Not one of the native gods but one of the foreign gods. And this god, well, he can give elves and half-elves his mark. If they have that mark they change genders every now again. And, well, I don’t know if maybe Tracy here is extra-marked or something, but he’s got three of him inside that noggin of his and they just kinda take turns driving.”

“Huh,” answered the sailor, shaking his head in wonder. “‘Da gods and dere miracles.”

“He’s got that right,” Yenrab smirked, stretching out as they piled out of the small craft onto the thin strip of beach at the entrance to the keep.

It certainly was something to see, Cadorna Keep. It wasn’t large but it was tactical. Its outer walls had been built right up to the edge of the shoreline on every side but this one, with its walls slanted in to out in order to make scaling and climbing a very difficult task indeed. Certain magical fields kept the dirt from eroding, making the structure a multi-generational facet to a new and needful republic, and thick stone blocks lay within its shallow depths, driven through with rusted iron rings through which to moor visiting craft.

The only place upon which anyone could land soldiers was this thin strip of beach, also buttressed against erosion, at the front gate of the entire structure. Maybe a few dozen soldiers, tops, had the room to assemble and fight effectively upon this sandy and rocky terrain, upon which a few straggly, leave-less and thin wooden plants also lived. It looked like an assaulters’ nightmare. Or a defenders’ paradise.

The party rechecked their gear, looking about to make sure nothing was missing. Then they bid good-bye to the transport crew, who good-lucked them back as they left, shoving off hard from the sandy embankment.

“Well, bros and brahs, this is it. All on our own. In a place that is haunted. And a cleric that, get this, can finally turn! Buzzow!” Wex exclaimed, taking off his mask and doing a a tight little jig.

“Hey man, congratulations!” Bern said, slapping him on the back. “You mentioned that before, mate. How did that happen?”

“Ah, well, as far as I can tell my Gamer was whining about something and the Chief Gamer gave in and boom, I just felt wiser and more powerful.”

“I wish my Gamer was a whiny whiner,” Carric complained. “I’ve heard whispers from above that when I get to high enough level I can cast fireball!”

“Hold up, hold up,” Yenrab interrupted. “Hi, ya know, Yenrab the half-orc barbarian here, what exactly is this stuff? What is turning and what is fireball?”

Tracy held up his hand. Yenrab tried to ignore him. Tracy waved his hand and began to jump up and down. The rest of the party giggled, staying mum.

“Oh for the sakes of the gods. Yes, Tracy?” Yenrab groaned, though a hint of humor danced about his cheeks.

“Turning is when a cleric or priest of someone with god-bestowed power tries to use the god-bestowed power. What one can do with it and how many times they can do it depends on the god. A good god usually devotes a lot of energy to turning the undead, scaring them off or even destroying their essence. The neutral gods like Mask are kinda hit or miss on what they do and how often. And the evil gods, well they tend to try to use their energy to control or to recruit the undead.”

Yenrab looked at Wex for confirmation. Wex nodded, looking quite impressed.

“Alright, that was pretty good Tracy,” the barbarian complimented him. “So, now, what is this other thing. Fireball? A ball of fire?”

“Not exactly. It’s more like, well, let me show you,” the sorcerer said, turning and chanting. All eyes were upon him as he blasted a group of reedy plants, exploding them into every direction simultaneously. Other plants nearby began to creep away from the blaze.

Bern Sandros whistled. Wex clapped. Carric murmured something about having to choose a different spell.

“That’s incredible!” Yenrab beamed. “I’ll admit, I was a little worried about this challenge, but with that in our weapons rack I’m not worried at all! How many times can you do that Tracy?”

“Once per eight hour rest,” the half-elf sorcerer beamed back. “I can’t do it anymore until I’ve slept a long time,” he explained further, still smiling as Yenrab’s face dropped and paled, green turning to light, almost white green.

“Gods alive,” the half-human half-orc moaned. “We’re all doomed.”

Chapter 1 = https://www.reddit.com/r/shortstories/comments/edngy6/humor_hm_fantasy_fn_cadorna_keep_chapter_1_a_dnd/

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