#and in case i won't find a new job this month they can extend my contract

[yohankang]

i officially resigned today :')

[honeyhotteoks]

this night together - chapter one (j.yh + s.mg)

chapter one: a safe place to land

summary: you're finally getting your dream job, working with some of the best dancers in the business, but a job change means a break in your healthcare coverage and suppressants these days are expensive. going into heat at the studio pretty much seems like the worst case scenario, but you find yourself in the care of two alphas who won't let you go through it alone. note: reader and the boys are not idols in this fic, but instead are part of the bb trippin dance crew. the idol group mentioned in the fic's name is 'new world' which was one of the early options for ateez's name, and i just thought that was cute. overall though, i know very little about dancing and choreography. i did my best to research what that field might be like, but please know there are likely inaccuracies. also.... i have no idea how healthcare coverage with jobs work in korea and my research wasn't too helpful. we're going with what i know which is often a ninety day waiting period before you get health coverage at a new job, which means reader here cannot afford her medication out of pocket. go with it, for me ♡

warnings: just.... so much smut including: heat, nesting, knotting, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), rough sex, big dick yunho, implied breeding kink (it's omegaverse so ya know), gratuitous praise to make reader feel better, lots of pet names, lots of heat symptoms like cramps, slick, and insatiable horniness.

pairings: alpha!yunho x alpha!mingi x omega!reader

genre: smut, abo/omegaverse, angst, fluff, romance, polyamory

word count: 13.6K

next chapter | AO3

The first sign is the headache, a low, dull throb at the back of your skull. It’s not a full-blown migraine yet, but it might become one and that’s your first indication that your heat is close. You’ve done your suppressant rationing and your bargaining and your plotting and planning, but in the end it’s going to come down to luck if you can make it through the recording. 

You had asked the company about their heat leave policy in the most casual way that you could, still new enough to KQ that it seemed natural for an omega to be asking. You don’t know why you were surprised, but as always the policy is disappointing. Full health coverage only after ninety days of employment, and until then not only are your suppressants not covered any heat leave is fully unpaid. 

You had studied your cycle calendar in detail and tried to map out the dates, but no matter how you drew it or cut up the last of your suppressants to try and extend the effects, your heat was going to fall on or around your first real performance. And it’s not like you’re an idol, it’s not like the camera will be focused on you, but the idea of letting your new crew down two months into being here  is too fucked a thought to entertain. 

Your throat feels dry after the first run through of the routine, unnaturally so, a tight cough building in the back of your throat as you try to hold it together. The minute the music fades you’re falling out of formation before anyone else and covering your mouth with your elbow, coughing dryly into your sleeve. 

“You good?” San asks from his place next to you. 

“Mhm,” You nod tightly, but the cough is lodged in your throat, “I just need to,”

A bottle of water is pushed into your hand and you nod in thanks, unscrewing the cap fast and knocking it back, letting the cold water soothe your throat. 

“Are you sick, y/n?” San crosses his arms to appraise you better, ducking his head and getting a good look at you. 

“No, no,” You take a deep breath now that you can and shake your head, “just dry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to slow us down.” 

“Let’s take five,” Yunho announces from the front. 

You take another sip of water and the group starts to break apart. The cool bottle keeps you grounded and as far from anxiety as you can possibly get with the knowledge of this hanging over you. 

“You good?” Yujin, one of the few other female BB Trippin dancers, asks, her chest heaving as she jogs up to you. 

“Yeah, yeah,” You assure her, “I just need a minute,” 

She squeezes your shoulder before moving past you, and you lean back against the wall nearby before taking a deep breath. Your eyes go unfocused towards the mirror as you collect yourself, drinking more water and hoping that no one’s upset with the delay. You’re still new here, but so far you’ve been accepted into the fold well, only a few of the dancers more aloof, so focused on the work you haven’t had a chance to try and make friends. You hope they aren’t upset at your sudden need for a break right on the first run through on the big day. You feel hot eyes on you, and you focus, catching Minseok in the mirror. He’s always pleasant and polite, but never overly friendly, and when you catch his gaze momentarily you see that his jaw is tight and his throat jumps like a spasm as he swallows and averts his eyes from yours. 

Your brow knits in confusion, but Yunho appearing next to you breaks the brief moment of concentration and you turn towards him. 

His eyes are soft, but his face is still serious and wired into work, “You sure you’re good?” 

“Definitely,” You protest, “really,” 

He chews the inside of his lip for a moment before adjusting the cap on his head and holding out a little bottle of pills, “Your head?” 

“How did you know?” You thought you were good at concealing it. 

“You keep wincing when I put the high lights on,” He nods up towards the fluorescents, “migraine?” 

“A little one,” You assure him, you know he’s got to be worried about you dropping out of formation right before recording, “but I got this,” 

As the lead choreographer and director of today’s stage performance, he’s been on edge this week. He’s so incredibly focused on the finer details down to every precise placement, finger extension, facial expression. You’ve been a dancer for a long time, and you’ve worked behind idol groups before, but not like this. The atmosphere here is different, and working with New World doesn’t feel like backup dancing at all. And for Yunho, it’s become clear to you over the past couple of months that while he isn’t the boss, he is the leader here and he takes that responsibility incredibly personally. 

But despite all that pressure and responsibility, he surprises you when he smiles at your admission, “I get them sometimes. Do you get auras?” 

You shake your head.

“I do,” He offers you the bottle again, “it sucks, but you know, the light sensitivity is always the worst thing,” 

You take the bottle and tip the migraine medication out into your palm, “Yeah,” 

“Are you sure you don’t need to tap out?” He offers, voice a little softer so that it’s a conversation just between you, “I know you don’t want to, but I can’t have you falling on stage,” 

“No, honestly, I wouldn’t put the team in that position,” You look up, trying your best to convey with your eyes that you can make it, even though the low throb in your skull says otherwise. 

“Okay,” He nods once, “I just had to ask. Are you ready?” 

“Ready,” 

“Alright,” He takes a step away and moves back towards the main part of the room. This time he doesn’t adjust the lights, he keeps the room low lit and calm and he claps as he turns back to the room at large, “Let’s run it again. We have an hour before the van gets here, and then from there it’s go time. We ready?” 

A chorus of yes echoes back, and you lend your voice to the mix, shaking off the pounding in your brain. You can do this. You can. Wooyoung punches your arm softly as he walks by you to get to his starting position, flashing you a smile and an encouraging nod. With a deep exhale you let it go, and you get to work. 

By the time you finish the third run through, your muscles are screaming, but you’ve managed to hold the rest tightly in. The migration medication seems to be helping, and though you can sense Yunho continuing to glance at you in the mirror he seems pleased that you’re keeping up. You just need to make it through this day, and then you can let it all fall apart.

With a glance at your watch, the hour now up, you realize just how much more time there is to get through. It’s only six in the morning, the earliest you’ve had to get up and be ready for this job yet. You’ve been told that if you’re ever a supporting dancer for a comeback stage it will be even earlier, two or three to accommodate pre-recording time. For this though, you’re not filming a comeback stage. You’ll get to the studios alongside New World at around seven-thirty, spend at least an hour or two getting ready in the green room, and then from there it will be a waiting game, and you don’t really know how a show like this will go. Music shows are a well oiled machine of time management, but this type of larger long program for their survival show stage is something you just aren’t used to. 

You just have to, without question, make it back home, but that might be eight hours from now or twelve, and that level of uncertainty makes your stomach churn. 

On the bus you take stock. Sore muscles, dry throat, ever so slight cramping in your back, bubbling migraine, fatigue. You’re not yet feeling the waves of hot flashing blush or deep, burgeoning cramps, but it’s not too far off. It feels like at the very least the quarter suppressant you choked down this morning might be doing just enough to mask the scent of your pre-heat, and that’s the best you can do. At least for now, no one’s noticed how close you are to the edge. No one, except possibly Wooyoung. 

“Here,” He says from his seat next to you, offering you a lozenge from a bag, “for your throat,” 

You stare for a second at the offering before your brain fires and you accept one with quiet thanks. Omegas often keep cooling lozenges around for their heat and pre-heat, something to take the edge off the soreness and dryness and it doesn’t surprise you that the only one attuned to your slight discomfort is another omega.

“You can keep the bag,” He places it on your lap, “if you need it,” 

“I’m good,” You pass it back, not wanting to admit how close you really are, “like I said, just dry,” 

“Okay,” He nods, and then he lets the subject lie, “are you ready for today?” 

“Yeah,” You swallow tightly, “nervous, but yeah,” 

“Mm,” He grins, relaxing back into his seat, “it’s fun, I promise,” 

“Yeah?” 

“When you see it all come together on the monitors,” He nods, “it just makes it all worth it,” 

“All the work, you mean?” You can’t help but glance up the length of the bus, to where Yunho sits alongside San and Mingi, all talking quietly and seriously amongst themselves. 

“Yeah,” He nods, “you’ve been working a lot of nights too, catching up,” 

“I just don’t want me being new to be the reason it’s not perfect,” You reply with ease. 

“That’s good,” Wooyoung says, “and I promise if you weren’t nailing it, you’d know by now.” 

“Would I?” 

“You wouldn’t be sitting here,” Wooyoung nods towards the front, “Mingi would have cut you ages ago,” 

“Mingi?” He’s been nothing but nice, flirty, and funny. He’d been helping you out at night to get better, you thought so that Yunho and San didn’t have an inkling that you’re behind. 

“His opinion is the one that matters,” Wooyoung laughs, whispering to you so the rest of the bus can’t hear, “have you not picked up on that yet?” 

You shake your head slowly. 

“y/n,” Wooyoung smiles as he realizes just how clueless you are, “Yunho would recommend we all stop drinking water if Mingi said it was a good idea. Mingi trusts his gut, and Yunho trusts Mingi,” 

“Oh,” You breathe. 

“Yep,”

“What about Jaemin?” You ask softly. You’ve only met the actual crew leader a few times here and there, but most of the time he’s not at the studio itself. 

“He keeps the work coming and the doors open,” Wooyoung says, “but they keep us moving.” 

You let his words sink in, the reality that for weeks you’ve been working side by side with Mingi and confessing all your fears of inadequacy, that he was the person who had to approve of you all along and you never knew it. You sigh, “Are you just trying to hype me up, or are you being serious?” 

“I don’t lie.” He says, full stop, no room for misinterpretation. 

The menthol lozenge burns a little on your tongue, but soothes the cut feeling in the back of your throat when you swallow and you find that finally for the first time all night you’re able to really exhale. With a soft nod you turn to him, “Okay,” 

“Okay?” 

“Let’s fucking do this,” 

He grins, “After this stage you’re officially one of us, you know,” 

Your eyes narrow, “You said that after my first week,” 

He rolls his eyes, “Okay, maybe I lie a little,” 

For the afternoon, with the lightness of Wooyoung by your side, you forget about your headache. The day happens fast, even with all the sitting and waiting in green rooms. There’s so much to remember, from camera positions to where the light is coming from, to how to adapt to the stage floor being just a little smaller than what you were working with back at KQ. The members seem suddenly focused in a way you’ve never experienced, you know what this means to them. To all of you. By the time it’s filming, you’ve had at least six lozenges and taken two more painkillers for your migraine to keep it at bay, and you're starting to feel exhausted. You film it twice, from two angles. Wide for choreography and tighter close ups on the members for cinematic facial expressions and intricacies of movement. 

When it’s all over and you pile back into the van, your legs feel heavy and disconnected. If you can just make it back to the studio, you can change and call an Uber and get inside before it knocks you sideways. 

Someone suggests drinks, someone else suggests a celebratory meal. 

You want nothing more than for the van to speed up. 

You grip your hand tight and breathe through the tight sensations in your body and no one ever notices a thing, not even Wooyoung who seems caught in the euphoria of the performance, your quietness blissfully overlooked for the moment. 

At the studio, it takes time for the locker room to clear out after the show, everyone else riding on the high of the performance too and slow to pack up for the night. It had gone so well, despite the way you had to push through the pain.  As the pain worsens, you’re not sure how you’re going to get home, but you know you need to figure it out soon. You can maybe call one of your roommates, but on a Friday night it feels unlikely that they’ll be available or sober enough to get you. 

A cramp ripples through you, and you grip down on the wooden bench, your leg bouncing to try and distract you from the waves of sensation washing over you. It’s been years since your last heat, and you can already tell this is going to be hard and heady. Sweat is collecting on your brow, waves of uncomfortable warmth passing through your body, and you can feel the way your breath is tightening. You really don’t have long, a matter of hours maybe, but it’s obvious to anyone who looks at you what’s going on. 

You fish your phone out of your bag and scan through your contacts, blinking hard to try and clear your blurring vision. The phone keeps ringing, first one of your roommates, then another, and when you hit their voicemail boxes for the second time, your phone slips from your fingers in frustration. Tears prick the back of your eyes, your hands shaking. You really thought you had more time. 

A noise across the locker room startles you, the heavy metal clang of a locker closing and you realize someone’s still in here with you. You’re trembling, a mix of abject panic and pain, your omega surfacing inside you in a way that you can’t control. Footsteps come closer, and though you’re still shielded by a row of lockers and can’t see him, you can smell him. Rich, cocoa and cinnamon. 

Mingi walks past your section of lockers, and you hope he won’t notice, but you’re never, ever that lucky. 

“Hey,” He says when he catches sight of you, “you did good tonight,” 

You keep your eyes away from his, curling down further to tug at the laces of your shoes and hope that he doesn’t notice the way you’re clenching your jaw to keep from crying, “Thanks,” 

“Yeah,” He says, and you hear his steps shift and then pause. 

Your eyes press closed as you hide behind the curtain of your hair. 

“y/n,” Mingi asks, “are you okay?”

“Mhm,” You pull your laces tight, your insides cramping painfully as your body registers the presence of an alpha. 

“Are you sure?” He asks. 

Biting down on the inside of your cheek you steady your voice, “Yeah, I’m good, just tired.” 

Mingi doesn’t answer, doesn’t move, and there’s really only so long you can pretend to tie your shoes. You tug your other laces taut and then do your best, leaning back up into a normal sitting position despite the pained pressure inside you. You grip down on the bench again and breathe slowly through your nose. 

“Are you hurt?” Mingi asks, concern evident in his voice, “Did you pull something?” 

You shake your head, you can’t trust your words. 

“Something’s wrong,” Mingi takes a step forward and you jolt back, sliding off the edge of the bench with a tight sound, your back connecting hard with the lockers behind you. His eyes widen at your sudden movement and you hold a hand out to keep him right where is. 

“Stop,” You plead, body shaking, “don’t,” 

“You are hurt,” He can feel your fear, and his eyes are panicked as he scans your body, “what happened?” 

“It’s not,” You sigh, shaking your head, another hot flash making your cheeks light up with blush and cutting your words. 

When he takes another step forwards you watch his face change, the way his breathing settles low into his chest as he regards you and comprehension starts to relax his face. Your eyes press closed as another cramp ripples through your abdomen, and suddenly you feel the first rush of slick. 

“Fuck,” Mingi says, “what are you doing here?” 

“Working,” You groan, opening your eyes again. 

“You should be on heat leave,” He shakes his head, “you should be home,”

“I know,” You nod, your throat growing tight and tears bubbling back up, “I-I asked, but it would have been unpaid, and with the performance… I couldn’t afford to not be here. I thought I had a little more time,” 

“Okay,” He steps a little closer and you shake your head, pressing your body back further against the lockers as if that will do anything, “it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you.” 

“I know that,” You laugh humorlessly, “but right now your scent is making this harder,” 

“Oh,” He swallows hard, “I didn’t mean to,” 

“Mingi,” You meet his gaze and his eyes soften, “I need help,” You wish you didn’t have to ask. You wish you had just stayed home, not rationed your suppressants, and just handled this on your own. 

He nods, straightening up and swallowing hard, “Okay, let’s go,” 

“Go?” You watch as he picks up your bag and slings it over his shoulder with his own. 

“Can you walk?” He holds a hand out to you, an offering and nothing more if you want it. 

“Yeah,” You stammer, pushing yourself off the lockers, but one step already has you shaky and you grip his hand and let him hold your weight to keep you standing. 

“Alright,” He shakes his head, “I’m sorry, just hold your breath or something,” 

His arm wraps around your back, pulling you up and supporting your weight with a sure hand on your forearm and with his help, you take a step. His scent is dizzying, equal parts calming and arousing, and tears roll down your cheeks as you try to keep quiet and hold it together. Slick pools between your thighs and you’re sure he can smell it, but he’s doing a good job of saying nothing about it to you. 

“W-where are we going?” You manage as he pushes the door to the locker room open and steers you out into the dimly lit hallway of the dance studio. 

“We need to get Yunho,” He says with ease, like it’s obvious and poses absolutely no problem. 

At the thought of him, your body clenches and you bite down to keep a tight, pained sound inside. “No, Mingi, he can’t,” 

“We’re past that point,” Mingi is all but dragging you now, “I need his help, I can’t get you home by myself.” 

Yunho’s the only one with a car between them, not the mention a driver’s license. Mingi typically hitches a ride with him or using the subway, and at this stage in your heat, it’s not safe to take public transportation or put you in a taxi. There are too many variables, too many people you don’t know, and you need someone you trust to get you to a safe location to ride this out. The idea of Yunho tears your body in two, caught between the feeling of wanting him and never wanting him to know about this, but you know he’s safe, that safe place. 

There’s a light still on in the office at the end of the hall where you know Yunho is going through footage from the day and making notes while things are still fresh in his mind. When you’re close enough to the door but still safely in the hall, Mingi calls out, “Yunho!”

“Yeah?” He shouts back, and you can hear the distraction in his voice, a clear picture of him writing something down as he calls over his shoulder. 

“I need your help,” Mingi adjusts his grip on you, holding you close as your body trembles in his arms, “like right now,” 

“Uh,” Yunho trails off, “yeah, okay, yeah, I’m coming.” You hear Yunho jump up from the chair in the office, his quick footsteps, and another wave of fear flutters through you. 

“Mingi,” You grip down on his hand. 

“Right, fuck,” He remembers himself, tucking you closer to his chest, “slowly,” 

“What?” Yunho’s voice comes from the office but you can see his shadow on the floor in the hall as he gets closer to the door. 

“Yunho!” Mingi’s voice is deep, clear and firm and you let your head rock back on his shoulder, “Slowly, seriously,” 

He’s not distracted anymore, he’s incredibly alert. Yunho steps into the hallway slowly, just as directed when he hears the tenor of his best friend’s voice, and it takes him seconds to size up what’s going on. 

“y/n,” He takes a half step forward and stops himself, arm outstretched, “oh no,” 

His soft tone soothes you instantly but it doesn't help the emotional live wire you feel like you’re walking, and a little sob bubbles out of you, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” 

“You’re in heat,” He says, shaking his head, “it’s not safe for you to be here, why are you here?” 

Your omega shrinks and more tears spill over, the wave uncontrollable now, “I’m sorry, please,” 

Yunho’s eyes flick to Mingi’s before he comes closer, reaching out for you, “I’m not upset,” 

Relief washes through you, “You’re not?” 

“No,” He assures you, his voice dropping to a warm and even tone, “I’m just worried about you, I want you safe. Come here,” 

You comply instantly, stepping out of Mingi’s hold and straight into Yunho’s arms, letting him tuck you close into his chest before he adjusts his stance and brings your face up to the crook of his neck. His scent washes over you like a salve, nothing but warm rain and fresh cut cedar. 

“Shh,” He soothes you, running a hand down your back, “there we go, take a deep breath,” 

For a minute, it feels like your cramps have passed, your head clearing. He grounds you and brings you back into your body with his touch and you breathe low and slow, your hands gripping his shirt. 

“Okay,” Yunho murmurs, “what’s your heat plan? We can take you and get you there safe,” 

You shake your head into his neck, nuzzling closer to his skin, “I don’t really have one,” 

“What do you mean?” He asks, clearly not understanding. 

“You can take me home,” You tell him, eyes drifting closed, “I usually can take care of things myself,”

“That’s insane,” Mingi says from behind you both, and you feel Yunho’s hands tighten on your back. 

“Who’s there with you?” Yunho asks, “Don’t you have roommates?” 

You nod, resting on his shoulder, “Mhm,” 

“y/n,” He prompts you, “what are their designations?” 

“Mm,” You’re feeling so warm wrapped in his scent, “Ari and Hyejin are betas, Hyunwoo is an alpha but he’s probably out tonight,” 

“Tonight,” Yunho shakes his head, “you go through heats like this with an alpha home?” 

“Not like this,” You mumble into his chest and he shifts you in his arms. 

“What did you say?” 

“Not a heat like this,” You manage, “I’m normally on pretty heavy suppressants,” 

“She can’t go home like this,” Mingi says, “this is still just pre-heat,”

“I think so,” Yunho’s voice sounds far away, and you sink into the steady sound of his heart and the feeling of his hand smoothing a comforting line up and down your back. When he finally speaks again, his voice is so tender you almost don’t recognize it, “Can we bring you home? Let me help, you can’t go through a heat this hard by yourself,” 

“Yunho,” You shudder against him, “we can’t,” 

The thought of his cock inside you flashes through your brain, and you imagine the feeling of his swollen knot locking in, your body full and sated and the cramps dissipating. Your core throbs at the idea and you feel another rush of slick rush through you. 

“You’re in pain,” He murmurs, dropping his head a little lower, “you need an alpha. Let me take care of you, let me take you home,” 

You should say no, you should take your chances in your apartment with your box of toys and a bottle of lube, but you keep breathing in his steady scent and all you can do is say yes. Yunho’s been kind to you since the beginning, taking care of you for weeks even if he didn’t really know it, and he can take care of you now too if you just let him. 

“We’ll take care of you,” Mingi cuts in, offering his help softly, “and make sure you’re safe until it’s over,” 

“Are you sure?” You pull back from Yunho’s neck, leaning heavily on his chest still. 

He cups your cheek in his broad hand, bringing your eyes up to his, and nods, “Positive, and if you don’t,” he swallows hard tries to find the right words, “if you don’t want to have sex we can figure something out, but you need a place that’s private, and you need to be with more experienced alphas who know how to keep their hands to themselves.”

They’re not wrong. You just have to trust them. You just have to let go. 

Your body makes the decision for you, the way your aching and throbbing is soothed just being between them, and you let your mind follow. 

“Okay,” You sigh, leaning into his hand, “yes,” 

“Alright,” He sighs, “don’t worry about a thing, okay? We’ll get you home.” Yunho’s thumb rubs a soothing pattern into the soft gland at your wrist and it relaxes you further. He looks over you for a moment, “Mingi, I need you to take her for a minute, I’ll get the car.” 

When Yunho steps away, just to try and pass you back to Mingi, the lack of contact strikes panic through you and you shake your head, “No, no, don’t go,” 

“It’s not for long,” He assures you, his hands sliding down your arms as he separates from you slowly, “I’ll be back in 5 minutes,” 

A panicked whine leaves your throat and your mind spins, “Don’t leave me!” 

“Hey,” He soothes you but you don’t respond, all you know is he’s leaving and you’ll be without him and the thought makes your body clench. “y/n, hey, y/n,” He tries again but you’re shaking your head. “Omega.” His voice roots you to the spot. 

Mingi’s hands close over you gingerly from behind, and Yunho nods as your panicked noises stop, “Okay, see?” He says, “Listen to me, omega, I’m not going far. You won’t be alone, Mingi’s right here. I’ll be back in five minutes, and then I won’t leave you again, okay?” 

“Okay,” You lean back into Mingi, and let his touch keep you warm. 

Yunho nods and then keeps his eyes on you as he moves back to the office, darting out of your eye line for a moment. You can hear him grabbing his things; the zip of his bag, the jingle of his keys, and the lights flick off before he jogs back out. 

“Here,” He says, holding out his jacket, “put this on,” 

Mingi takes it from his hands, and eases it onto you. When you pull the jacket up, his scent washes over you again and you sigh. 

“Better?” Yunho asks. 

“Mhm,” You murmur, and tucked into the warmth of Mingi’s chest with their combined scents easing you, you can breathe. You keep your eyes closed, but you hear when Yunho walks out the front door and your body clenches a little, but you take a deep breath in.

“Mingi,” You finally say, looking up at him, “thank you for not leaving me,” 

“Hey,” He shakes his head, “I was never going to leave you there,”

You nod, twisting in his arms so you can tuck your face into his chest and let his arms wrap fully around you, “I’m sorry,” you sigh, “I’m not usually such a touchy person,” 

He chuckles, smoothing your hair with his hand, “It’s okay, I like it,” 

“And Yunho?” 

“Oh,” Mingi laughs, “he’s a cuddler, don’t worry.” 

Your stomach cramps and you groan into his chest, “God,” you grip him, “I forgot how much this hurts,” 

“How long has it been?” Mingi shifts his grip so that more of your weight is supported, “You know, since your last real heat?” 

“Years,” You tell him honestly, “they’ve been so much easier on suppressants,” 

“Mm,” Mingi nods above you, “when this hits it’s going to be intense,” 

“Have you helped a partner through heat before?” 

“I have,” Mingi says, “but Yunho hasn’t,” 

“Oh,” You have no idea why Yunho offered himself up immediately like he had done it a thousand times before if he’s never shared a heat with someone. The sure, practiced tenor of his voice when he called you omega rings in your ears. 

“Don’t worry,” Mingi assures you, “I know what I’m doing, and Yunho’s got a handle on himself. He won’t touch you if you don’t want him to,” 

“I’m really, really not worried about that,” You sigh. 

“Good,” Mingi’s phone starts to vibrate in his pocket, and he adjusts his arms around you so he can find it, “We’ll take care of you - Hey? Are you out front?” 

You can’t hear Yunho’s side of the conversation but you just wait, held against him. 

“Okay, I got her,” Mingi says, and you smile. 

You forgot the way that heat takes over every physical sensation, every little thing heightened until you feel like you’re on a razor’s edge. In a matter of hours you’re going to be a writhing mess, in so much pain you might be delirious - you might ask anything of them, beg for anything.  You have to reconcile with your shame now, and let them help. After weeks of dancing around Yunho, what you really want is to ask him out for coffee, not this. Mingi is no stranger to being flirtatious, those sparks between you already evident, but it always felt like a little inside joke between friends, not a step towards anything more.  

“Alright, just a little further,” Mingi urges you as he slips his arm under yours. 

It takes time to get to the car, but when you get there, Mingi slides into the backseat with you instead of taking the front with Yunho like he normally would. Enclosed in the warmth of the car, you relax into Mingi’s arms and find Yunho’s eyes studying you in the rearview mirror. Their scents settle you a bit, more than any other alpha’s ever has. 

“I’m okay,” You assure them, “it’s coming and going,” 

“We don’t live too far,” Yunho smiles, “so just try to relax and we’ll be inside soon, okay?” 

“Yeah,” 

Mingi eases you against him, feeling your exhaustion, until you’re nestled in his lap with his fingers softly carding through your hair. Yunho’s eyes flick back to you again and again as he drives, but for the first time since the locker room, you’re not in too much pain. 

“Yunho,” Mingi murmurs and his friend hums a noise of acknowledgement, “we need to pick up a few things for her,” 

“What do you mean?” 

“She needs to eat before this really starts,” Mingi says quietly, “I think we have water bottles at home and ice packs?” 

“Yeah we do, I went to the store a couple days ago,” Yunho glances back at you again. 

“Okay,” Mingi’s fingers keep up their soothing brushes on your scalp, “and we need condoms, in case.” 

“Oh,” Yunho blinks and opens his mouth to say something but you get there more quickly. 

“We don’t need them,” You twitch as a cramp ripples through you, “I’m on birth control,” 

“If it would make you feel more comfortable though,” Mingi offers. 

“No,” You groan a little and shift on the uncomfortable back seat, “really, I’m good.” 

The car is quiet for a minute, the reality sinking in that they won’t just be keeping you safe tucked away in a room in their apartment, but they will be helping you. Yunho clears his throat, “Then we’re good, let’s get you home and in bed, and then we can order food? Do we have time?” 

“Mhm,” You assure him, “I’m okay now that i’m with you both,” 

“Exactly,” Mingi soothes you as your fists tighten, eyes closing as you breathe through another small cramp, “your alphas will take good care of you,” 

You release a shuddering breath, the word sinking into your chest and keeping you whole. 

“Almost there,” He murmurs, “just breathe, omega,” 

Getting you upstairs to their apartment proves a little challenging, moving through the lobby of the apartment building and ferrying you into an elevator. They stay close to you, keeping you firmly tucked between them as they walk you in, and you do your very best to seem in control and not draw any unnecessary attention. 

The minute their apartment door closes though, your legs give out and Mingi scoops you up, “You did so well,” he assures you, and it’s evident now that he is the one with the experience here, knowing exactly what the primal part of your brain needs to hear. 

“I’ll order food,” Yunho says, giving you a small smile. 

“Get her some meat,” Mingi directs him, “broth too, and lots of rice,” 

“You are good at this,” You sigh. 

“We got you,” Mingi grins, acting like this is second nature, “now… I can put you to bed, or would you like a cool shower before you lay down? I know that helps,” 

“Mm, yes please,” You nod. 

“Alright,” Mingi nods and looks up, “get the food going, and then meet me in my room with some water and the ice packs.” 

“Right,” Yunho looks at you, “are you okay with just Mingi?” 

“Yeah,” You smile, “I’m feeling okay,” 

“Good,” Yunho smiles back and pulls out his phone to order the food, “then I’ll meet you there.” 

Mingi sets you up in the bathroom with ease, making sure you have towels and everything you need. Your heat is coming, building inside your body with every cramp and rush of warm blush, but their combined scents keep things calm enough for you to take care of yourself a bit. He asks you to keep the door unlocked in case you need help, and leaves you to your moment of peace. You let the cool water settle your body, taking solace in this dip of your pre-heat before things get worse. 

When you’re done, wrapped up in fluffy towels and feeling decidedly less sticky from the combination of sweat and slick, you make your way out into the hall. There are three bedrooms, an empty one you assume is Yunho’s, one that’s been converted into an office, and then one larger room at the end of the hall that you know must be Mingi’s. 

He appears in the doorway before you make it too much further and smiles, “Feeling better?” 

“Yes, thank you so much,” 

“Mhm,” He reaches for you, “come on in, we got everything ready for you,” 

His bedroom smells overwhelmingly like cinnamon when you first cross through the door and you feel a tense flutter in your core. His room is tidy, clean and organized well, which feels surprising for Mingi given how chaotic and busy he can seem at times. The bed is made, but the covers are pulled back for you and you see a folded shirt and thin sleep pants at the edge of the bed. Yunho is sitting in a chair in the corner by the foot of the bed and waiting, the dresser adjacent to his side equipped with almost everything you’ll need. Water bottles, pain killers, and ice packs, an unfilled bowl with a few washcloths stacked inside. 

“How do you know all this?” You catch Mingi’s eye. 

“My girlfriend in college went through terrible heats,” He explains easily, directing you towards the bed, “I remember what used to make her feel a little better,” 

“Ah,” That explains so much of him, and his easy reaction to finding you in the locker room. 

“Do you need help getting dressed at all?” He asks. 

“No, I just really want to lie down,” Your limbs are starting to feel heavy and achy. 

“We’ll leave you be then,” Yunho offers, “and when the food gets here we’ll bring some in,”

“Mhm,” You sigh, sinking down onto the bed, “thank you both again, so much,” 

When you’re finally alone in Mingi’s room, you start to take stock of your body and how it feels, getting a sense of how far you are from the real thick of your heat. Judging by the intensity of your cramps and the fact that you’re starting to produce slick, you know you’re not too far off, maybe a few hours at most. The onset of your heat is normally much slower than this, a long few days of light pre-heat into a couple of days of uncomfortable cramps and extremely high arousal. On suppressants it feels easy, off them everything is unpredictable. 

You pull on the clothes they left you, but they smell like stale lavender, artificial like laundry detergent and it’s not helping. You find the hamper in the corner and toss off the top, digging through Mingi’s clothes until you find a hoodie and you bury your face in it before taking a deep inhale and letting the warm smell of him pass through you. It might be crossing a line, but you don’t really care, you need them.

A pulsing wave passes through you and you collapse back into the bed, tugging on the hoodie and curling yourself up in the covers. The bed smells like him too, and you gather a pillow to your chest and take a deep inhale. Your neediness is starting to build up again with every passing minute, flushing heat through your chest and where you were cold a moment ago you’re suddenly overheated. You kick off the covers, but keep them close, and pile the pillows around you too so you can better inhale his scent. 

Slick rushes forwards again and you bite your inner cheek to stifle a moan and keep things in check. You push off the sleep pants they had given you, and fish through your gym bag until you find a clean pair of underwear and some wipes. You clean yourself up a bit, and change your underwear for the third time today, before deciding that there’s no point in putting the pants back on. Mingi’s hoodie falls low over your shorter frame, dragging along your thighs. 

You bury yourself back in his bed, and do your best to get a little rest before what’s to come. 

When you wake, it’s to Mingi pushing back his hoodie so he can see your face a little better, “Hey,” he murmurs, “how are you feeling?” 

“Tired,” You sigh, “and sore,” 

“Okay,” He smiles and tugs lightly on the strings of his hoodie, “is this helping?” 

“Mm,” You nod into his palm, but nervous knots start to curl up in your belly, “where’s Yunho?” 

“I’m here,” Yunho’s voice comes from the opposite side of the bed, and you twist in the sheets to find him, a cramp pulsing through you as you do and you groan, gripping onto the bed sheets beneath you. 

“Easy,” Mingi scolds you softly, “you need all the rest you can get,” 

Yunho finds your eyes and smiles, “What’s wrong?” He asks gently, noticing your nervous fidgeting. 

“I don’t know, I thought you left,” You manage. 

“I’m an idiot,” Mingi sighs behind you and his hand that rests on your hip shifts away, “stay with her a second,” 

“Mhm,” Yunho’s eyes don’t leave you, and he reaches out to rest his hand on yours, “we’ve got dinner, and then once you eat you can rest, we won’t go anywhere.” 

You watch his face as he studies your features, his breathing slow and steady, when you hear Mingi come back into the room behind you. “Here we go,” He says, and you feel a large, soft blanket draping over you. The smell of wet earth and rain in the air fills your senses again and you drag the blanket up and around you with a sigh. 

“You’re nesting,” Yunho observes, his mouth dropping open, “of course,” 

“She couldn’t smell you in here,” Mingi explains with ease, “she needs you to relax,” 

You nod, your cheek pressed against the blanket, “You smell like a thunderstorm,” 

Yunho sits slowly on the bed by your side, brushing your hair back behind your ear and smoothing his thumb along your cheekbone, “Is that right?” he smiles. 

“I love thunderstorms,” Your eyes drift closed. 

Mingi chuckles, “I think she’s found herself a heat partner,” 

“Only if she wants one,” Yunho presses, “and only after she eats,” 

Your eyes reopen, and you push yourself up to your knees, dropping the hood of Mingi’s sweatshirt and running your hands over your warm cheeks. “We need to talk now,” You blink hard and take a deep breath, “before I get too far into this,” 

“Let’s eat then,” Mingi gestures for you to sit back more comfortably and you watch as he and Yunho both produce boxes of take out from bags on the dresser, “what are you thinking?” 

“Well,” You shift up the bed to lean against the headboard, dragging Yunho’s blanket with you, “I haven’t gone through this in a while. I’m not sure how it’s going to be, but you said you wanted to help. What did you mean by it?” 

Yunho looks like he’s not sure exactly what to say or where to start and Mingi cuts in smoothly, “I’m willing to help with all of it. If you want me gone, I’m gone. If you want help to come to take the edge off, I can do that, and if you want me to actually knot you,” he gestures for you to fill in the blanks. 

“Right,” 

“But,” Mingi cuts in and your eyes shift back to him, “You seem to want Yunho,” 

His eyes flick down to the way you’re rubbing his blanket between your thumb and forefinger and you drop it instantly, not even realizing what you were doing. Mingi smiles softly and adds, “I think you prefer his scent,” 

“No!” You exclaim, wincing at the way your body tenses up, “No, it’s not that, at all.” 

“Earlier,” Mingi takes a seat on the edge of the bed, “you said my scent was making it harder, that’s not what I want to do for you.” 

“Mingi,” You shake your head, “I meant because it’s good, both of you. So, no I don’t have a preference.” 

“Oh,” Mingi smiles, and then turns to Yunho, “how are you feeling?” 

He clears his throat softly and nods, “The same as you, I’m all in.” 

“Okay,” You exhale slowly, “then so am I,” 

Mingi passes you a take out container and a pair of chopsticks, “Eat this, okay?” 

“Mhm,” You’re caught between exhaustion and adrenaline, but you stay focused on the task at hand. You all eat quietly, the atmosphere a little awkward now that you’ve all agreed. 

As you finish the container of food, Yunho smoothly passes you another and he says, “So, you feel comfortable with us?” 

“I do,” You nod, shifting a little at a slight pain in your back, “I like you both, and if I can trust you in the studio, I can trust you with this.” 

“And if you ask us to knot you?” Mingi prompts. 

“Right,” You swallow, resting the container of food on your lap, “I guess there are some things we should say now,” 

They look at you, waiting expectantly. 

“People say things during heat,” You start, imagining all the things you might beg them for for the next few days to come. “It’s not like I’ll be out of my mind or anything, you know that,” You nod to Mingi. 

“Mhm,” 

“But it’s still hard to control,” You explain, and Yunho listens intently, “I don’t know what it’ll be like for me. It’s been a long time, but you have my permission to do whatever we need to. If I ask you to knot me, knot me.” 

“Okay,” Mingi nods, “it’s good that we’re clear.” 

You feel another flush up your chest and you breathe slowly, “But no matter what,” you hold their gazes, “if I ask you to claim me, don’t. Don’t do it, even if I tell you I’m sure.” 

“Absolutely not,” Mingi’s brow furrows, and he looks shocked that you’d even have to say it, “there’s no way.” 

“I know you know,” You swallow and reach for a water bottle on the nightstand, “but Yunho, you’ve never done this before.” 

“That might be true,” He shakes his head, “but I know you wouldn’t mean that, it would just be the heat talking,” 

“Exactly,” You nod, “I might sound like I want that or like I need that, but I don’t.” 

“Understood,” Yunho nods, “I wouldn’t, I swear,” 

You sink back into your pillows and tuck back into your box of food, “I just want you to be prepared,” you explain, “and before I start crying and begging you to give me a pup, I wanted to say it,” 

Mingi laughs into his food, choking a little, “Sorry, no, not funny,” 

You smile, the mood a little lighter now, “It’s kind of funny.” 

Yunho smiles, shifting further onto the bed as he all but inhales his noodles, “You seem a better, I thought it was going to just get worse,” 

“Oh, it will,” You shrug, “but the food is nice, and you’re both here with me. When Mingi found me I was scared and alone, which always makes it worse,” 

Mingi’s hand rubs a comforting line up your shin, “You’re very safe now,” 

“I know,” You nod. 

“Eat some more,” Yunho notices that you’ve taken too long of a pause, and he gestures for you to keep going, “and then what would be nice? Some sleep?” 

“Maybe,” You dip back into your rice, “would you stay?” 

“I’ll stay,” Yunho murmurs. 

“Me too,” Mingi adds. 

They keep on you to eat, making sure you’ve had your fill. Afterwards, you rest between them watching some television, keeping your mind off things as best you can while you’re still feeling somewhat okay. They’re careful of you though, every shift of your body and soft hiss through your teeth drawing their attention. Mingi is still cool and evenly calm, but surprisingly Yunho is too, and you wonder what they talked about while you were in the shower. Did they discuss what to do at all? What the night and the next few days would be like? 

You’re so exhausted, slipping further down into the bed, nestled in pillows and wrapped in Yunho’s blanket. They naturally gravitate closer, their hands finding their way to your skin, and you’re not sure if it’s just their alpha nature or if it’s them, but you’ve never been more grateful for it. 

The cramps start to become unbearable again soon after they start to hold you. You’re not sure if their presence is making things move more quickly, let alone being with two alphas, but within the hour the pain sets in. 

You curl into Mingi’s chest as tight pain cuts through you, “Fuck,” you pant against him, “it hurts,” 

“I know,” Mingi soothes you, scooting down the bed until he’s eye to eye with you, “but you’re not alone,” 

A sharper, biting pain rips through you and a flood of heat washes over you. You grip down hard on Yunho’s hand, curling into yourself with a taut moan, “It… it hurts,” 

“Shh,” Yunho kisses your hair, running his hand up and down the expanse of your abdomen, “I know it hurts, jagiya,” 

You whine at the name, desperate to hear him call you anything and everything. Your omega thrums inside you - every touch telling you just how much closer your heat is than you realize. “Please,” You plead, but you don’t know exactly what you’re pleading for, “I can’t breathe,” 

“Yes, you can,” Mingi tries to sooth you, his hand on your cheek, “look at me, y/n, come on omega,” 

Tears well in your eyes, heat flooding through your veins and a pulsating need fluttering through you. If they don’t touch you, you might wither into nothing. Your hips tuck back into Yunho’s and you groan, “I can’t,” 

“She’s burning up,” Yunho murmurs from your side. 

“Let’s take this off then,” Mingi tugs on the sleeves of his hoodie slowly, coaxing your arm through. He can see your rising panic at the idea you won't be wrapped in their scents, but he shakes his head slowly, “easy, love, let your alphas help,” 

As the heavy sweatshirt is pulled away, you drop back on the bedding between them. The thin t-shirt they gave you is all but soaked through with sweat, sticking to your curves. Your head is aching, waves of feverish heat washing over you again and again, and you whimper, your legs twitching as you try to find a somewhat comfortable position. 

“Hey, hey,” Yunho’s thumb settles over the swollen gland in your neck, and he strokes it soft and slow, “just breathe,” 

It settles you, just a bit, and you let your eyes drift shut. With a sigh you reach for Mingi just to feel a bit of his skin on yours, “I’m not even properly in heat yet and I feel like I could crawl out of my skin,” 

“Hot?” Mingi brushes the damp hair back from your forehead. 

“It’s like my skin is tingling,” You murmur, “like a nerve,”

“Okay,” He nods. He shifts off the bed and your eyes flutter open. Mingi soothes you with a gentle hand, before moving towards the dresser, “Yunho, get those clothes off her,” 

Yunho’s eyes lock on yours, “Can I?” 

You nod, your head feeling full and pained. 

Yunho’s hand slips under the edge of your damp shirt, coasting up your stomach as he pushes the fabric up and the drag of his hot hand sends a pulse through your body. You moan, head dropping back into the bedding, and you feel another gush of slick. 

“It’s okay,” Yunho soothes as you he drops your shirt to the side of the bed, “there’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” 

You huff, a light laugh as you shake your head, “Easy for you to say, you’re not falling apart whenever I touch you,” 

“Yet,” He smiles. 

“Who are you kidding?” Mingi returns to your bedside with a bowl of cool ice water and a damp washcloth. He throws a smile at his friend before ringing out the washcloth over the bowl, “The minute you saw us in the hall you were all alpha protection mode, scenting her and everything,” 

“Shut up,” 

You grin, but Mingi sweeps a cold line up your body with the cloth and you shudder, “Fuck, that’s nice,” 

“Good,” Mingi murmurs, passing another wet washcloth to Yunho. When Mingi presses a firm line up your chest, and sweeping a little too close to your neck your body arches and your nipples harden into painful peaks. 

You blush hard and drop a hand over your face, “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” 

“Why?” Yunho asks gently, wiping your brow with the cool cloth. 

“We work together,” You sigh, “closely together… I probably should have made you take me home or something but,”

“Do knotting dildos even really help?” Mingi asks bluntly. 

“I mean,” You shrug, “they get the job done,”  

“Hmm,” Mingi shakes his head, “not with a heat like this,” 

“Maybe,” You sigh. 

“y/n,” Yunho asks, “have you had a heat partner before? Have you been knotted?” 

“A long time ago,” You nod, “it wasn’t a great experience, but you know, it is what it is.” 

Yunho passes the cloth down your chest and you shudder, but he keeps the conversation going, “Why in the world are you off your suppressants then?” 

Your eyes flick down, and you swallow hard, “I can’t afford them right now,” 

“Wait,” Mingi shakes his head, “what?” 

“The brand I’m on is the only one that works for me,” You explain, “they’re not priced like the generics, and I don’t have coverage yet. I’ve been rationing them out, but,” 

“You should have talked to me about it,” Yunho shakes his head, brows knit together in concern, “we could have done something for you,” 

“Yunho,” You meet his eyes, “I appreciate that, but I’m still kind of new here. I’m just trying to prove I belong here, and I didn’t want a reason to need a special exception.”

He looks like he wants to say something, but settles on nodding, “I can understand that.” 

“I’m,” You tense up as your cramps intensify, “I’m glad to know I can talk to you, I’ll do it in the future, I just couldn’t come to you about this.” 

“Alright,” He nods, his voice shifting to soothe again as your eyes clamp tightly shut. 

“Are they worse?” Mingi asks. 

You can’t answer, not yet, your muscles are locked up in crippling pain and you feel like you’re drowning in a sudden wave of hot air. You gasp as you feel your body produce more slick, your thighs surely sticky now, and you’re suddenly hyper aware of their hands and where they rest on your body. 

“I think,” Your hips jerk as Mingi slides the washcloth just an inch up your side, “oh God, I think,” 

“Okay,” Yunho pets your hair gently, “okay, just breathe,” 

Your fingers tighten in the sheets beneath you and an overwhelming ache between your thighs reminds you just how empty your body is. You press your thighs together, feeling a throb in your core, and you can’t stop the whimper that bubbles from your lips. 

“Let’s get these off too,” Mingi murmurs, his hands settling on your hip and tugging at your underwear to slowly peel them off.  

Things are spinning around you, tense and painful suddenly and no amount of cool washcloths or gentle touches are going to help you now. Your vision feels blurry, and you curl into yourself, tucking your body into Yunho’s chest with a pained hiss. 

“Oh, come here,” Yunho tucks you close, “I’ve got you,”

“Alpha,” You feel like crying suddenly, your stomach tense, “alpha, please,” 

“What, jagiya?” Yunho murmurs against your hair. 

You can’t explain what you need, all you know is that you can’t feel him close enough and you push the edges of his shirt up to try and find more of him, “Please,” you whine as you try to feel more of his skin on yours. 

“Whoa, whoa,” He tries to catch your hands but it just makes you more tense. 

“K-knot me,” Your stomach cramps, your cunt feeling swollen and sensitive, “please,” 

“y/n,” Yunho tries again to pull your hands away but you drive forwards, pressing your cheek against his bare chest where his shirt is ridden all the way up and you sigh into his skin, pressing frantic kisses along his body. 

“Please,” You beg again, “I’ll be so good for you, so good,” 

“I know you will,” He manages, but he can’t deter you, and you feel the moment his body responds to yours. His hands tighten pleasantly on your hips, and you hear the change in his breath. He releases your hands and swallows hard, “Alright, alright,” 

“No,” Mingi interrupts, “not yet,” 

“Why?” You sob. 

“You’re not ready yet,” He soothes, shifting closer behind you and placing a warm kiss on your bare back, “and Yunho and I are not going to hurt you tonight,” 

“I don’t care,” Your hands slide down Yunho’s chest, searching for his waistband. 

“Mingi’s right,” Yunho groans, attempting to disconnect your hands from him. 

“Omega,” Mingi’s voice is firm, and your hands fall away, “be still.” You’re sure you’re shaking like a leaf, and he sighs, “You need a little sleep,” 

“I can’t sleep like this,” You shake your head, “everything hurts so much,” 

“We’ll help with that,” Mingi pulls you away from Yunho’s chest, ignoring your tense whine at being pulled away from him, and slides a hand down your thigh to press your legs open, “we’ll help you sleep,” 

Yunho rests his hand on your inner thigh, bending your knee to open you up for Mingi’s hand, “Let your alphas make you feel good,” 

You’re shaking in their grip, Yunho’s hand feeling like a lead weight, and Mingi settles down low by your side so that you’re almost nose to nose, holding your gaze as his fingers gently sink into your wet folds. 

“P-please,” The sound in your throat is tight, “I need you to fuck me,” 

“Mhm,” Mingi nods, unfazed by your sudden shift in demeanor as your heat finally starts to build, “we will, but not yet,” 

You stifle a groan and turn your head away from him, tears gathering in your eyes as Mingi’s middle finger flattens out over your clit and starts to rock. All it does is stoke heat inside you and your vision blurs, the empty pocket inside you aching like never before. “Alpha,” You sob, “it’s not enough,” 

You expect Mingi to respond, but instead it’s Yunho, cupping your cheek and drawing your face towards his, “Shh,” he shakes his head, a gentle expression on his face, “we have you, sweetheart,” 

Something in his face calms you for a moment, the feeling of his warm gaze filling you and you want nothing more than to know he likes you. Approves of you. Your breath is slight, just a whisper in your throat. 

Seeing your response he slides forwards, pressing his mouth to yours in a warm, tender kiss. His hand slips down and he brushes over your gland again to keep you at ease, “Be patient for us,” he kisses you again, “and you know we’ll knot you nice and full,” 

With a desperate pant you catch his mouth again, moaning against his mouth when Mingi finally, finally sinks a finger deep inside your aching core. 

“You’re still so tight, omega,” Mingi murmurs. He pushes a second finger inside and starts to pump them in and out, and it’s not enough, nowhere near enough, but little blooms of pleasure spark up your spine and you fall back from Yunho into the bedding once more. 

“More,” You widen your legs and cant your hips, “please, Mingi, please,” 

He presses his lips to your forehead, nuzzling you softly until his mouth is close to your ear, “You’re so beautiful, omega. Did you know that?” 

A wash of pleasure crashes through you and his fingers speed up, pushing into you more firmly, his thumb catching against your clit to heighten every thrust. You moan against him, gripping hard on his shirt and jutting your hips into his hand. 

“And so good for us,” Yunho kisses your shoulder, traveling down until lips close around one of your stiff nipples. 

“Ah,” You arch into his mouth, “ah, god,” 

“Close already, omega?” Mingi teases, shaking his head despite the smile across his lips, “Are you that sensitive?” 

“D-don’t tease me,” Hot pleasure sparks up your body and your head twists back, your body tight and stiff. 

“Then come,” Mingi bites down on your earlobe gently and you whine. 

“Do as your told,” Yunho urges you, sucking hard on your nipple and pressing your leg open wider, “our sweet little omega,” 

You come so hard your brain whites out, your ears ringing and your body trembling. After an entire week of build up to your heat, and hours of feeling like your body was being stretched out long like a rubber band, snapping apart in their hands hits you so much harder than you ever could have imagined. 

Your brain reconnects when you feel Yunho’s soft blanket tucked around your naked body, and you’re too exhausted to open your eyes, but you feel them cuddle close before you drop off into sleep drowning in cedar and cinnamon. 

You have no idea what time it is when you wake again, your brain is too foggy and pained to even check the time. All you know is desperate need, all consuming emptiness and aching. When you reach out in front of you, the bed is empty and you stifle a sob. You’re alone, they’ve left you alone. You’re alone and you’re in heat, and you thought they wanted you, but all you can feel is shame. The primal part of your brain tells you that you’re not good enough, that if you had been a better omega for them they would have stayed. You’d be good and knotted by now. 

Curling into the sheets you try to push yourself up, but find the effort even harder than before. You’re soaked in sweat, trembling uncontrollably, and the throbbing pulse of your cunt is so heady that you find yourself seeking any friction at all, squeezing your thighs tight and grinding against the balled up comforter. 

You feel a body roll behind you, shifting closer, and when you hear his groggy, sleepy groan, you almost cry in relief. “A-alpha?” You can’t move too much, too it’s too painful, but you reach back for him. 

“Hey,” Yunho’s voice is a little hoarse, and it takes him a minute to realize what’s going on, but in the early morning faded light he watches the way you’re struggling. “Oh,” he breathes, “it’s really started,” 

You nod desperately, “I need help, alpha, please,” 

“Okay,” His voice drops, and he slides across the bed to slot himself perfectly behind you, “I’m going to take care of you now,” 

“Y-Yunho,” You squeeze yourself further back into him, “I’m so empty,” 

His face is above yours now, studying your expression to try and determine if this is really it, and you don’t know where Mingi is to guide the situation but at the feeling of Yunho’s body behind yours, your will to care is fading away into nothing. He’s not touching you fast enough, and with a whimper, you twist your head in the sheets, bearing your neck and submitting. 

“Oh,” Yunho’s hands tighten on you, “oh,” 

“Please,” You press again, “it hurts, alpha,” 

His cock stiffens behind you, and you almost cry in relief, rolling your hips back against him. “Fuck,” His face drops against your hair, “oh my god,” 

“Inside me,” You beg, reaching back and tugging at his shirt, “now, please,” 

He moves so much more quickly this time, pushing down his sweats and reaching between your thighs to check you, finding you soaked with slick and aching for him. You moan when you feel the press of his cockhead against your entrance, and in one fluid motion he slides home, fully seating himself inside you. 

You’re shaking in his arms, the feeling of being this full making you almost delirious with joy. Yunho doesn’t move though. He has you pulled as close as possible so that your back is flush with his chest, arms wrapped around you and keeping you perfectly still. His forehead rests against the top of your head and you can hear his shaky breath. You need him to move, to fuck you, to fill you with pups and never leave you, but he doesn’t. 

Slowly, his hips draw back just a little before sinking forward again, thrusting inside your tight channel experimentally like he’s trying to get a feel for you. Despite how your body prepared you for this, making you wet and relaxed to be able to accommodate an alpha’s knot, the feeling of his cock stretching you open is almost enough to make you come right then and there. 

He thrusts again, slowly, and you whimper against him. You need more, and fast.

Yunho groans as he holds himself deeply inside you again, caressing your body with his free hand, “You are the best thing I’ve felt in my entire life,” 

Your brain spins, pleasure flooding you and distantly you can hear yourself asking him to knot you. You’re not prepared for what he’ll feel like fucking you in earnest. 

“Is that what my girl needs?” Yunho pants, and hand locking down over your hip to help pull your body back against his hard thrusts. 

“God, please!” Your eyes close, falling apart into the sensations of him inside you. 

He groans against you, “Tell me what you need, omega,” 

The low tenor of his voice is nothing but alpha now, his instincts guiding him just as much as yours. You’re never going to last, not if he’s going to talk to you like this. With a taut moan you beg him, “Fill me up, alpha please, knot me please,” 

His hand slides up your chest, up your neck until you’re shaking with need, and closes his fingers on your jaw until he draws your face up so he can watch your eyes. His hips shift their pace, no longer driving into you with frantic need but instead firm, deep thrusts of his cock. His eyes are blown wide with desire, his mouth falling open as he watches you falling apart on his cock, “You’re all fucking mine,” 

You nod, hot tears gathering in your eyes from the overwhelming sensation and you cry out desperately for more. 

“All mine,” He repeats and surges forwards to lock his lips on yours, “you belong to me,”

“Yes!” You choke, “I’m yours, only yours,” 

“Good girl,” He angles his hips, and on the next thrust you’re spinning fast into the crest of your orgasm. With his face pressed against you, his lips at your ear, his next words snap you open. “I’ll give you perfect pups,” He pants, his knot swelling, “I’ll breed you so full,” 

There’s nothing now but the feeling of him, all encompassing as your orgasm crashes down over you, muscles spasming around his hard length. You’re a babbling mess, but so is he, so close to coming that the first sensation as your eyes reopen is his knot pressing hard at your opening. 

He’s so large already, larger than any partner or knotting dildo you’ve ever used, and you scramble a little in his hold, “Y-Yunho, I can’t,” 

“Shh,” He holds you against him, “you can, I know you can,” 

Pushing your hips down with his broad hands, he angles himself upwards until you feel the pressure of his knot pushing past your entrance and finally slipping inside you fully. It burns, your body aching to accommodate him, but with the way he’s holding you and the throb of his cock inside you, none of that matters. 

He grinds his hips desperately into you, his knot swelling further inside you, and when he comes, releasing hot with a shuddering groan, you finally feel sated. Your body melts into him, pleasantly foggy and at ease, his knot no longer uncomfortable but essential. 

You’re finally, finally full. 

It takes time for Yunho to come back to his senses, his hands still locked on your skin and breathing shaky as he tries to regulate it. You realize now that you have a little clarity that it was his first time. Deep, instinctual need had guided him, but the longer he stays quiet, the longer you wonder if you did well for him. 

After another minute or two you find his hand and lace your fingers together, “Yunho?” 

“Yes?” He murmurs from behind you, his forehead still against your hair. 

“Can you hold me please?” You murmur, squeezing his hand. 

“Come here,” He sighs, shifting slightly to spoon you properly. As he does, the knot locked inside you shifts and you make a startled hum at the sensation. He smooths your hair back and tries to get a good look at you, “Does that hurt?” 

“No,” You shake your head, adjusting so that you’re resting on his bicep, “I just feel full,” 

“Mm,” He kisses your temple, nuzzling your skin with his nose as he breathes in your scent, “you’re perfect,” 

Warmth blooms in your chest, “So are you,” 

“I want you like that again and again,” His hand slips out of yours so that he can coast it over your body, feeling your warm skin under his hands. 

“You can have me like that again and again,” You smile, “I’ll be in heat for days.” 

“Days of this,” He sighs, his hand dipping down over your hip and settling over your stomach. He inches his fingers down, passing over your sensitive nub and feeling the place where your bodies connect, locked together. 

“Does it feel good for you too?” You murmur, a little breathy as his hand slips back over your clit. 

“I’ve never felt anything like this,” He presses closer to you, “it’s incredible,” 

You chuckle, kissing his arm and relaxing further into his touch. You’re about to agree, to say more, to confess that in truth it’s your only experience in heat that so far hasn’t been terrible, but the door to the bedroom opens and Yunho tenses. 

Mingi opens the door slowly, and Yunho pulls you close, his hand closing over your stomach and his other arm wrapping around your shoulders. It’s just Mingi, but Yunho’s brain must still be fogged with the intrinsic need to protect you and in the presence of another alpha, he can’t see that it’s just his friend. 

“Mingi,” You shake your head, feeling how tense Yunho is behind you, “give him a minute,” 

“You’re okay?” He checks, staying rooted to the spot at the door, knowing that Yunho could hurt you if he stops thinking straight and tries to defend you against the imagined threat of another alpha. 

“I’m perfect,” You assure him, “I promise,” 

“Is he?” Mingi looks anxious. 

“He’s fine,” You nod, smoothing your hand across his arm to try and relieve some of his tension, “but we need some more time.” 

Mingi nods, “Come find me when you’re done,”

“We will,” 

Mingi’s eyes flick to Yunho, “Be careful with her,” 

“I got it,” Yunho’s voice sounds strained. 

Mingi nods once, and then disappears, leaving the door open, and you suspect it's so he can hear things a little better should you need him. Yunho’s muscles unlock slowly, his thumb unconsciously rubbing a steady line over your abdomen, and he exhales heavily into your hair.   

After a while, you expect his knot to have gone down, but he’s just as locked inside you as ever. The overwhelming alpha quality though has started to fade, and you rest lazily in his arms as he plays with your fingers and waits it out. 

“Does it normally take this long?” He asks finally. 

“Not usually,” You shake your head, “but it’s your first time knotting someone properly, so it might just take a little bit.” 

“I’m sorry,” He murmurs. 

“Why?” You tug him a little closer to your back, “This is exactly what I need,” 

“Everything felt right?” He pushes himself up onto one elbow so that he can look down at you a little better, propping his head in his hand. 

“Mhm,” You assure him, “Better than right,” 

He smiles, his eyes flicking over you appreciatively. 

“What about for you?” You bring him back to center, rubbing a circle into his palm with the pad of your thumb. 

“It wasn’t what I expected,” He says honestly, and your mouth drops open. “No, no,” He cups your cheek, “I meant that it was just… much more intense than I expected. I said a lot of things to you, and I don’t know, I guess I thought that type of thing was just played up in porn,” 

“Oh,” You grin, delighted a little by the way his ears run red. 

“Yeah,” He smiles, blush creeping into his cheeks now, “I just couldn’t stop myself,” 

“Mm,” You nod, “I get it, completely. This is why I wanted to talk before I was in heat,” 

“Was it too much?” He checks in. 

“No,” You assure him, “It was just what I needed to hear, and it doesn’t mean anything outside of my heat, it’s just instinct.” 

He nods and sighs, dropping back to the bed and cuddling you close again, “Good,” he murmurs, “then don’t worry about how clingy I’m about to get,” 

“You? Clingy?” You giggle against his chest, “I don’t believe it,” 

“I’m a softie,” He shrugs, “I don’t know what to tell you,” 

“But you always seem so serious at the studio,” You murmur, “and I’ve seen you go out with a lot of women,” 

“Ah,” He laughs, “well the studio is work, and I’m responsible for a lot there. And as far as the dates,” he corrects, “I am trying to appease my mother because she desperately wants me to find a wife, which I’m not really focused on right now, but she’s pretty obstinate.” 

“Such a mystery, Jeong Yunho,” You prod him lightly. 

“Not really,” He kisses your hair, sighing into you, “I’m just a guy,” 

You hum and let your eyes drift closed as he holds you. 

He yawns and sighs again, “So, forgive me if I cuddle you to death while you’re here, like I said, softie,” 

“I’m not complaining,” You sink into his touch. 

He groans a little, his knot finally softening but he stops you when you shift your hips, “Go slow, I don’t want to hurt you,” 

“It’s okay,” You assure him, feeling the way his knot fades down into being barely there. His cock starts to soften, and you slowly ease your way forwards while he shifts his hips back, disconnecting you both with a soft wet sound. 

His release floods out of you, leaving you messy and sticky, but Yunho kisses your shoulder and shifts away, “Hold tight, I’ll get a towel,” 

He seems incredibly unembarrassed about the messy state of heat sex, which you’re eternally grateful for, and within a few minutes you’re cleaned up and dressed again in yet another pair of clean underwear and one of the largest shirts of Mingi’s that you’ve ever seen. 

“How are you feeling?” Yunho asks as you finish cleaning your face up in the mirror of Mingi’s bathroom.

“A little sore,” You tell him honestly, “and cramping a little again, but it’s not too bad yet.” 

“You want to come see Mingi then? Get out of this room for a minute?” He brushes his fingers down your back as he watches you in the mirror. 

“Perfect,” 

In the living room, Mingi is waiting. He’s pouring over with nervous energy, his leg bouncing and his fingers fidgeting with his phone, refreshing his social media feed over and over again. The television is on, but he’s clearly not watching, and instead you see him perk up at the first sounds of you emerging from the bedroom. 

“Hey,” He twists around on the couch, looking a little relieved when he sees you completely fine and cleaned up wearing one of his t-shirts. 

“Hey,” You smile, moving towards the couch, “can I sit?” 

“Of course,” He gestures towards the couch, but that’s not exactly what you meant. The sight of him waiting for you, and the palpable taste of his anxiety in the air makes you feel needed, and you push his arms open to settle in his lap. 

“Oh,” He adjusts his legs to give you a better seat and winds his arm around your back, “is everything okay?” 

“Mhm,” You take his hand, rubbing your thumb gently over the gland in his wrist to soothe him, “you can relax, I’m perfectly fine,” 

Yunho takes a seat on the opposite end of the couch, chewing the inside of his cheek as he watches you and Mingi together. With a nudge to his friend’s thigh he gets Mingi’s attention and shakes his head, “I’m sorry I snapped at you,” 

“It’s cool,” Mingi shrugs, “I know the feeling.” 

“Where did you go, anyways?” You ask, leaning into his chest. The familiarity between the three of you should feel strange, before last night you really were only coworkers to each other. You might have even become friends, but now you’ve pushed so far past that you don’t know what you are except to accept that their hands on your skin feels right. 

“I shouldn’t have left, I could feel you were getting restless,” he explains, “I went to make you some broth and get cold water, just putting a few things together, but by the time I got back you were both in it,” 

“Ah,” You blush looking down at your hands, “sorry,” 

“Don’t be sorry,” Mingi’s broad, warm hand rests on your bare thigh and gives you a subtle squeeze, “I’m glad Yunho could help. I just didn’t think it would be smart to interrupt you,” 

“Good thinking,” Yunho adds, running a hand over his face and sighing, “you were right,” 

“I told you,” Mingi nods, “it can be intense,” 

Yunho passes a hand over your shin before pushing himself back up to stand and he stretches long and tall before groaning, “Alright, I’m starving.” 

You clap a hand over your mouth, chuckling into your palm, “Classic,” 

“Can I make you something?” He asks, “Either of you?” 

Mingi shakes his head, “I’m good,” 

“Me too,” You agree, “I should be hungry, but I’m really not,” 

Mingi’s nose crinkles, “You should still eat,” 

“Maybe in a bit,” You try to appease him. 

“In a bit you’ll be jumping our bones again,” Mingi counters. 

“I know,” You sigh, “but really, I’m okay. I feel pretty good,” 

“This is really just because it’s day one right?” Yunho asks, a little less joking than before. 

“Yeah,” You nod, “day one and two are never as bad, and you definitely have more lucidity as long as you’re managing the spikes well. Day three, four, and sometimes five if it lasts that long, are usually a lot harder.” 

“How much is a lot?” Yunho asks, stepping close and running his hand over your hair, “You were already in a lot of pain,” 

“I’ll be less coherent, and the fever can be worse. I probably won’t have down time like this,” You explain, “the pain isn’t necessarily worse, it’s just more consistent,” 

He frowns, “Then you’re eating now,” 

You sigh heavily and shake your head, “Honestly, you don’t need to, I can make myself something in a bit or,” 

Mingi cuts you off and makes a dismissive noise with his tongue against his teeth, “y/n, relax. This is what we meant when we said we’d help you through your heat. It’s more than just orgasms and knots,” 

You swallow back your words, holding his gaze. 

“Alphas are meant to provide,” He reminds you, “so let us,” 

A flutter of warmth bubbles through you, and you can only nod, no use arguing now when your mind is spinning and telling you to accept. Yunho drops a quick kiss on the top of your head, before disappearing into the kitchen. You’ve never had an alpha provide, never once. In your limited experience before going on suppressants, you were used to being knotted incredibly quickly and then left alone, or having a partner that never really knew how to fully satisfy, leaving you to feverishly deal with your needs while they slept. You’ve never experienced a heat where you felt wanted before. 

You ease into Mingi’s chest, resting a head on his shoulder and letting your muscles relax for as long as you can. They make you food, massage your sore hips, and keep you distracted with stories and memories from before your time at the studio. They hold you close, and they ease your pain, they provide.

[hotforharrison]

My ex-husband visited last night to have some time together as friends, and we spent a couple hours watching a show about sunken ships on Disney+ and had dinner together.

It was nice.

I admitted to him how much I missed him and that I genuinely appreciated him seeing me, even if it was on different terms than we used to have.

He cuddled me on the sofa for a while, and he let me cry all the tears seeing him again brought out of me.

We talked about very hard things for me to talk about, while I cried more than I thought I would, and we're going to go to the courthouse to file the paperwork to legally start the divorce this coming week.

He had some overtime this last paycheck, so it won't be a problem to pay for the (stupidly expensive) court costs.

We've been separated for almost two months now. He's moved out, and nothing else will change because of some paperwork, but it's somehow different dissolving our bond legally.

When I was finishing up cleaning his former room to turn it into my own space, completely devoid of his things, I found the ring he wore when we got married, the temporary one I got for less than $20 at Walmart in 2010. I didn't know he kept it for all these years.

It fucking broke me for some reason, and I cried for so long at the discovery.

Even if it wasn't stupidly hot, I can't be in the master bedroom. It feels so wrong. There's no more "us," and the decor is different, but it still feels like "our" room. We shared it for over a decade.

Maybe that feeling will fade with time.

Right now, I can't bring myself to remove his stuff from the vanity or the shower, even though I know he's not coming back.

I'm not in denial. It's just hard to accept it, that this chapter of my life is ending, and I'm so fucking terrified. I've never been more hurt or scared in my life.

I've been spending most of my time in his former room that has the window AC unit, which I'm working on make into something that's as mine as possible with very, very minimal spending -- just using as much stuff that I already have as possible.

I might have to hit up a Goodwill or two to see if I can find some wall decor on the cheap. It's looking like I'm coming up short in that department, and it's so important to me to make the single room I'm spending extended periods of time in as homey and mine as possible.

I'm not painting it, at least not any time soon, because I'll be (hopefully) starting to work soon. The room will stay deep space blue for the time being.

It's not the worst color ever, just not very me.

But I'm not the same me I was before I met him all those years ago.

He's always going to be a part of me.

You don't spend 17 years with someone without that person becoming a permanent piece of you.

Maybe the blue is kind of like that -- that piece of him that stays with me while I'm starting down my own path without him by my side.

Anyway, in addition to trying to carve out my own space in his former room, which is a work in progress, I've been working on getting the kitchen cabinet trim ready to be painted before I paint the walls and the cabinets themselves.

There are four layers of paint on those cabinets. It's taking multiple applications of paint stripper to get it off so I can properly paint the trim, which is my first task.

I want to get the trim done and the new liners put in so I can put what I'm keeping into the cabinets again instead of being a huge mess in my former room. The mess is bothering me, just knowing it's there.

My goal is to get the kitchen completely done before July 18 -- the date of my next meeting with the vocational rehabilitation case manager so I can get a job. He called it the "planning" meeting, since I was accepted into the program.

I'm supposed to send him a résumé, and I'm like "...I haven't worked since early 2008, and my work experience was stocking shelves at Walmart."

My college education in IT is irrelevant because technology has changed so much since 2006 when I graduated.

I'll send him one, though.

Maybe there's some form or something I can plug my information into without putting in a ton of effort for the absolutely pointless résumé.

[missinghalf]

This is a space where I write about the disaster my life has become.

I'm not going to mention details about myself here, so you won't find my age, gender, or orientation anywhere. I don't intend to follow anyone from this blog at all, so I don't think it will be a problem.

TL;DR: In the last few months I was hit by a car, my partner of 8 years left me unexpectedly, I lost my job, and I lost my apartment. This has been deeply traumatic and I still don't really know what to do with myself about it.

I'm living with my parents in the same house that my partner and I spent the pandemic living together in. It's also my childhood home. It's been very painful.

My injury has had lasting ramifications. My shoulder was destroyed and had to be put back together with a bunch of screws and plates. I can use the arm, but I can't use it well, and it'll likely need to be replaced a few decades from now. I consider myself pretty lucky.

My ex and I had been having some difficulties, but none that indicated to me that they'd leave. We had extended conversations where they were very clear that they had no intention of doing so, but this wasn't the case as it turns out. We talk rarely, mostly for logistical reasons, as some of my stuff is still at the apartment and we share custody of a cat.

We had been sharing an apartment and had chosen to move prior to the breakup due to rent increases. We ended up choosing to live together after the breakup anyways as it was more affordable, but my ex-partner wanted to break contact for a month and I just never ended up moving in to the new place. Now that I have close to no income, I can't afford to pay rent anyways.

I have debilitating mental illnesses which, for obvious reazons, have gotten much worse. I don't have access to the medication I need due to shortages, so the problems persist. I've spent a lot of time wishing that car had just killed me. It'd have made things a lot easier and I could've gone the rest of my life not knowing my partner didn't love me. Sadly I remain alive and deep in unreciprocated love.

Now, the big question I'm sure you're asking yourself: "Why are you telling me all of this?"

Because I've been talking to a journal for months and it's driving me insane. I don't know why it's helpful to send my thoughts out into the void like this, but it is. So here we are.

"I think I know you"

You probably don't. Plenty of my, and my ex's, friends are on here so it's possible. You can ask, but I may not reply. If you're my ex, I promise I'm not adding the comma splices on purpose to piss you off. I just suck at noticing them.

Buckle in and read on if that's what you want to do. I have no goals for this blog and I'll be sharing pretty minimal details. Bear in mind that my point of view is a biased one.

[sparkler-sleet]

a reminder for me to look back at in three months: september 27

9:20AM

We got told on Thursday that my only living grandmother might have cancer. Called it a particularly serious case. Said she'll be referred by the end of this week. I haven't really been doing anything else since; I've perhaps overstayed my welcome at her house, but she doesn't want to be alone and I don't want her to be out of reach. Right now she feels too delicate a subject to leave and come back to, in case coming back isn't really in the question. Anyway, after the doctor left last Thursday, she asked me rather feebly if I would think about chumming her along; my father's ten percent man and ninety percent temper, and he isn't really sure what he'd say if his mother was told she was dying. I told her that of course I'll come with you. We can leave Dad in the car, I'll take you for a coffee afterwards. A little girly morning. She laughed, but I guess little girly mornings wouldn't really appeal to me if the subject of mortality was involved at the same time.

So I've been staying with her recently. Two weeks now. Usually I live with my mother and I'm beginning to really miss her. Of course, we talk, our phones are rarely disconnected. But phone calls aren't the same as blocking her bedroom doorway at night so she can't go to bed and leave me sitting on my own. My mother is my best friend, which is embarrassing now, but I'm sure will become very valuable in the future when I don't have that luxury.

We heard nothing back from the doctor yet, which is wreaking havoc on our mental healths, our day-to-days and our patience; my father and I aren't great friends right now and probably won't be until we find out that she will be okay. But perhaps the delay in contact is a blessing, for on Monday, I was invited to a job interview this Friday. Work is scarce where I live, particularly in the field of my career, and I've been unemployed since July. It's the first time in my life that I've been neither employed nor studying, and that too destroyed what was left of my basic sanity. Spring cleans have become calendar-worthy and my library has doubled in size since summer began. And, not too long before I was about to lose hope in any of my job applications, up popped a job in what looks to be the best school in town. The staff are nice, the kids are well-mannered, overtime is available and all of my specialities in teaching are what they're looking for. So it wasn't entirely unexpected when I received this email.

And this is all great, and I'm praying and wishing and crossing fingers for this job, because not only do I really need it but I really want it-I miss helping out and making children smile when they fall and scrape their knee-but I know deep down that if my Nana's hospital appointment cropped up at eleven o'clock on Friday, I'd have been there and my interview would have had to be moved.

The time away from work has given me a lot of thinking space, and I, admittedly, now feel like an entirely different person to the one who could barely see straight for anxiety in her old workplace. That person's first and only priority was work, and she run herself into the ground so badly that she couldn't even sit and form a sentence in an interview regarding extending her contract. This person, if she gets the job, will not do that. Work will be her first and only priority while she is at work, and then she will come home and her brain and her hobbies will be her first and her only priorities. Because I love helping vulnerable children, but that isn't all I am. I want to be an author, I'm amidst the first full draft of my first proper, serious novel. I have a new-found love for baking and also drawing which I never used to like and I am also trying my utmost to make some friends, which is a task I have never taken on throughout my whole life. Friends who will be proud if I get the job but will be equally as proud if I survive a rejection again.

So things are a little wish-washy. After months and months of nothing at all, no feelings or emotions or things to do, so suddenly everything has amped up. I have mountains of excitement for this interview, but I still sink so deeply into the ocean at night when it's dark and I think I might lose my grandmother. But oddly enough, nothing feels overwhelming just yet. I'm not freaking out over anything, these are just things that are happening and nothing that I can do will change either situation. I will try my best at the interview and I will hold my nana's hand while she receives her results, and the true action for me to take will be reacting and surviving both outcomes.

[bl6ckr0s3]

Financial Struggles continues....

So Joshua just quit his job at the Johnny Cash Museum. I sort of wish he didn't even accept the job, but they don't have a stable schedule. Their schedule is all over the place, and the manager strictly pointed out that he doesn't care about church. I can understand why people come in and out of that place now because maybe they don't cater as much to the employee's needs otherwise maybe they might be lucky enough to land some long term employees. Joshua knows and wants to do better attending our worship services at our church, so that's the reason he quit so fast there.

He found an add on Craigslist for a custodial job for this one company. Supposedly it's going to be a Mon-Fri day shift which is perfect for him. Now he needs to be there tomorrow by 10am to turn in his application and process his employment because they will start him on Monday. The company is here in town, but it looks like he's going to be cleaning up trash at a UPS corporation. Well, I surely hope he will keep this job for a good while. They are paying slightly more than the museum jobs so more money, the better right now since I been needing his financial support to help me for a long time now. He's not been able to keep his jobs for long because of his pickiness and struggles of dealing with other people or super picky management.

Jesus, if it's not one thing it's after another. I seem to continue to find a long list of things to add to a negative review I will be giving on the Drake Inn. It's supposed to be raining today and tomorrow and possible Saturday. It was raining really really hard earlier and the fucking water literally just leaked underneath our front door and our floor was partially wet. I felt it when I went to grab some stuff from my gym bag sitting on top of the dresser near the front door after I got out of the shower. I felt water on the floor and we were like wtf??? We had to grab a towel and just keep it underneath the front doorway for now while it's going to be raining on and off tonite. Like I mentioned before, I won't be giving a negative review on this place or awhile until I know for sure that we won't ever have to return back to this place. I mean it's really bad. I'll show you a sample of my negative review that I will leave for them when the time comes when we find a more permanent better place to live in here in Nashville. Since Joshua is supposed to be starting his new job next Monday, we need to make sure we come up with enough money to get a room at the weekly hotel right by my job so that I can just walk over there or walk back and not have to worry about needing my car to get back and forth. It's very convenient since it's close to my job if we were to rent a room from the Extended Stay hotel across the street at the end of the block.

Joshua's mother has been helping us financially with money while we been out here to make sure we had enough for our stay until we are able to financially get back on our feet. It's been hard especially thinking about a lot of the stuff that I had to leave behind at that fucking apartment in North Hollywood. I never thought I was gonna end up throwing so much stuff away especially leaving behind my computer cases and motherboards and shit. I spent so much money on that stuff and now it's gone. Well, it wasn't working so I guess it's not much of a loss now because those things had only been sitting in my room these last few years. I never had time, money, or energy to get it back up and running.

Here is a review I have typed up for the Drake Inn Motel that I have not posted online yet. It may be months before I decide to post it, but it's just so bad that it needs to be posted. It's nothing against the staff because they had been wonderful to us with their service. It's the condition of the fucking place that's really went downhill. Here's what I have so far:

"I'm not giving a 5 star review since the room needs a lot of work or a 1 star because of the good staff here. Me and my boyfriend came to this motel because the original hotel we booked our room for was never reserved for us as promised. We paid for a week of stay a month's in advance because we were planning to move down here to Nashville, TN from Los Angeles, CA. We even made a phone call and spoke to the supervisor at the place to make sure that we were going to be ok if we arrived later than the check in time because of the severe weather conditions on the way.

We were traveling 2,000 miles all the way there and we ended up not being helped by a man who was working at the desk during the night hours. He said there was a room available for somebody else, but it wasn't for us because he didn't receive any paperwork of our information. Was that our fault? No, of course not, but the supervisor was not there to help us because majority of the businesses close on Sundays because of their honoring Sunday as a holy day for church. We traveled all that way and not have a room reserved all that time because the guy had overbook the hotel rooms of course so we were pretty much screwed. We drove to a motel nearby so we ended up here at the Drake Inn. My boyfriend wanted to stay here originally because it was known as a filming location for "The Thing Called Love". We didn't realize all the negative reviews this place has gotten until we been staying here for awhile. Their rates are a good deal, but you know what they say, you pay for what you get.

Like I mentioned before the staff was very kind and welcoming and was understanding of our situation with HomeTown Studios. We were thankful for the good rate we were charged since a lot of other hotels were a bit more expensive. We are trying to get back on our feet because we no longer was able to afford to live and survive in California, so we didn't have a choice, but to stay here until we were able to get to a better place. I understand the staff is not responsible for the maintenance of the hotel, but we really don't understand why the owner can't take better care of a historical place? If I owned this place, I would make sure it was well taken care of especially for it being a historical place. It's really sad. A lot of the complaints I have read on the reviews were true about the rooms. We have killed every cockroach that has crossed our path in the room we stayed, probably at least 8-10 within the 3 weeks we now been staying here for. The room is extremely outdated, one of the light covers in the room were missing, somebody took a plastic bag and covered over a spot on the high part of the wall where the smoke detector use to be located, the bed comforter and sheets are old with stains and burnt holes from cigarrettes, there are stains on the floor and on the mattresses that was never cleaned, there is a big hole on the bathroom door, the bathroom door doesn't shut all the way because the door hinges look like they are not aligned, the bathroom ceiling looks like somebody repainted over it and it is a huge glop of whatever they put on and wasn't done right, the toilet water keeps running like the toilet needs to be replaced or there's a bad part that doesn't retain water in the toilet where you can actually flush it normally, and the towels are thin and worn out like they are also very old. In our current financial situation, this is what we had to settle for until we go to a better place since we need to save up for our own place since our move down here. This part of the town is somewhat ghetto, but it could've been worse. My original job facility came from South Central of Los Angeles, so I definitely have seen a lot worse. This location is not far from downtown. The last thing we wouldn't have expected is when there is a big storm raining down, the water had leaked on the floor right near the front door entrance.

We had to grab a towel from the bathroom and leave it on the floor to soak up the rain water, but thankfully the water didn't get to our stuff that was laying by the dresser in the room not far from the door. We are thankful the microwave and fridge at least works. For our budget, this is what we got, but I had never stayed at a hotel that was this bad in condition in my life. This place deserves to be better cared for."

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I am tired of struggling with money. I know me and Josh had only been in Tennessee for 3 weeks. It's going to take some time to get settled down. I truly hope we can get our own place in less than 6 months. We haven't attended church service in the past 2 weeks because of all the Holy Supper schedules going on with the churches. We weren't able to attend the preparation because of my work schedule. I wouldn't be able to travel to Memphis and then be able to make it back to work on time in Nashville. They are very limited in the church services here in these states which is the only thing that sucks. They don't have a locale for Nashville, only an extension at somebody's house. Their real WS are held in Huntsville, AL. We don't want to have anything to do with Alabama which is the reason we registered our locale in Memphis, TN instead. That town is 3 hours away from Nashville. The houses and cost of living there is very very cheap. I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up getting a house down there, especially if Joshua ever gets a job at Graceland down there. I dunno what's gonna happen yet, but I can feel that our lives will slowly come into place because I had been seeing some things work out in our favor since the moment I got the job transfer approved back last fall. Knowing that we were already struggling financially in California and Josh had been dying to come live in Tennessee, now we got our wish. We just need financial help to get through these weeks until we are able to afford our own permanent home. God help us.

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Dancing lessons.

Barry Berkman x reader

Hi there! So I was watching Friends yesterday and I came across the one where Joey speaks french, and then I was thinking about how in season 2 Barry already has his Headshots, and I wanted to write something about a false ability he could have put on his resume.

So this will be an 8 part series, and I will try to update it at least twice a week but can't promise anything.

Summary: Barry is finally cast in a feature, the problem? He said he could dance and now he can either disappoint Sally or found a way to learn some steps.

Warnings: Swearing, cheating maybe.

Part 1 ● Part 2 ● Part 3 ● Part 4 ● Part 5 ● Part 6 ● Part 7 ● Part 8 ● Epilogue

Part 1

A sharpie written ad in the door said: "Joe's friend callbacks" that could give him an idea of how unimportant this character was, because so far he didn't even had a name, nevertheless he was happy that they had call him back for a reason other than "You look good on the poster"

Although he was suspicious the "minor" changes Natalie and Sally had convinced him to do to his resume was the reason, he could not blame them, at first the page was empty and depressing, and now he appear to be a very compelling person, maybe someone he would like to be. Someone who could speak french and Italian, and had formal training in at least three styles of dancing, tango, salsa and tap.

Worst case scenario, they had said, there is someone better than you first and is just another bad audition. And so far it hasn't been a problem, people usually overlook that because they didn't need that on their movies.

But now it was different, there was at least three men in front of him and four behind all of them more or less his height and complexion, waiting to re read the lines for the upcoming movie, a place to dare dreaming. As far as he understood it was a drama about a men seeking meaning in life, and Barry was trying to be the best friend's best friend, he would have five scenes in the whole movie and was merely an excuse to make exposition questions and be gone for the rest of the movie.

Not a bad place to start, Sally said, and he might actually make connections and even find an agent. So he was there for some reason dressed with black loose pants and a loose blue shirt, just like the rest of them. Finally after another half hour or so the casting assistant exited the door and call for him.

"Hi, I'm Barry Block, reading for Joe's friend" He said looking at the people behind the table and he notice another woman there dressed as a ballerina, he was not entirely sure why.

"Fine, in this scene you are just finishing dancing with your partner, then Joe" The director point at a man who was already cast as the lead best friend "Yeah, Joe will call you to ask you something and then the scene starts"

Barry did as he was told, and when he was in the middle of telling Joe to go help the lead build the boat of his dreams or something like that the director interrupted him.

"Just one sec, Barry was it?" He said and Barry was already feeling the whole you are not what we are looking for speech coming. "It says here that you dance?"

"Um hum" He muttered every second more disconcerted.

"Tango? Janice you do tango right?" He asked the ballerina.

"No Andre, I only have a career in dance but I don't do tango" She said rolling her eyes "Of course I do" she and when the director look at her in exasperation.

"Then is settled, unless any of the other guys can dance we will go with Mr. Block here"

"Excuse me what?" Barry said a little lightheaded.

"Oh this scene, we originally wanted to have a big ballet dancing sequence that inspire Daniel, the lead to follow his dreams, but we scratched off because of the budget but since you can dance you and Janice can do a small version of it." Talk with Sophie on the way out we start on monday.

"Sure, thanks" he said with a calm voice and walked out to find the cast assistant.

"Mr. Block?" She said now a little more nice than when he entered in the morning. "You'll have to sing some documents and we will be ready"

"Sure, yeah fine, one question tho, what exactly does he mean Andre with me dancing with Janice?" He asked trying to sound casual

"Oh well since they are just adding the sequence I will say that they will tell you exactly what they want in a couple weeks and then you will have to rehearse with Janice and film it by the end of the next month" She said like it was no big deal.

"Two weeks?" He asked again and she could see that he was nervous.

"More or less, but I figure since you are an actual dancer that would be fine right?" He nod not very sure of her statement and she start looking in her purse and finally give him a card. "Look I won't tell you how to do your job, but if by any chance you are not convinced of what to do, you should go here, she may help you"

***

He shut the door of the apartment with enough strength to make one of the frames in the wall shake, of course he was furious. But it wasn't your fault and you wouldn't put up with his temperament. After 5 years of marriage Alan was finally beginning to understand that it was better to walk away and let things cool down before any of you could say something too painful.

And what could you say? You told him before you get married that you didn't want children and he married you anyway. He was not able to change your mind, that was no reason to scream and fight like that. You shake the thoughts from your head and pick up you bag, ready to walk down to the studio.

Your friend Sophie had made you a call earlier asking for your help with another lost case, and usually those pay well so you could surprise Alan with a nice dinner and maybe you would let him convince you to open up at the idea, at least for long enough to live peacefully.

You could tell who your new student was the minute you entered the studio, your assistant was talking with the other couples for the romantic dance lessons and he was in a corner looking at the door like he was planning an escape.

You take the attending list and seek for his name, Barry Block, you hope is not a sing of how hard will it be to make him move, but his large frame was telling you it will.

"Mr. Block?" You called him apart once you were dress in more comfortable clothes, he walked towards you and you could see he was at least 1 feet taller than you. "You work with Sophie right?"

"I do, I ... she said you could help me amm..."

"To make your dancing believable, yes, don't worry you are not the first nor the last actor that lies on an audition, but for future reference put something more achievable like learn Russian" You said part serious part kidding "Learning tango is complicated and demanding, is not just sexy dresses and fancy music, but since this is the land of dreams I can teach you a couple things"

"That would be great, and again I'm so embarrassed that this happened, but I need the job"

"Well that's another sad part of the story this class ain't cheap, and there's only so little I can do for you in three weeks"

"That's not a problem" He said immediately and took a little envelope from his pocket and gave it to you "This is for the first two lessons"

"Excellent, then we can start" You look at his clothes, jeans and a hoodie and very uncomfortable sneakers "You may need to change, and also stretch a little, we don't want accidents" you pointed to the dressing room and let him borrow a more lose pant and proper dancing shoes.

You finishes your lesson with the other couples and after and hour he, you and Macy your assistant were the only ones there.

"Ok for starters, that's not stretching" you told him once you saw he couldn't reach his toes. "Come sit here" You told him and sit in the middle of the floor with your legs completely extended and asked him to do the same.

"I'm not very use to this, I'm in shape as much as I can but this is different" He said awkwardly trying to reach his toes the way you did yours.

"If you don't mind me asking Mr. Block, why do you need the job?" You said standing up and helping him bend his back. "I don't think they will pay you more than I'm taking from you"

"Is not about the money" he said simply and took the hand you offered him to stand. "I need to prove myself I can be an actor, a real one, also my girlfriend is recording a show and I..." he star touching his hair distracted.

"You don't want to be left behind? Yeah I know what is like" You said to him. "Well in that case I would do my best, but for real you have to stop being so rigid" you said taking him by the hips and he flinch with surprise to then let go a chuckle

"I'm sorry" He said and you nodded and put your hands on his hips again "First we are going to have to work on that posture, lower just a bit your hips and bend your knees" You said pushing him down a bit.

"Like this" he said flexing down so much that he was almost at your height.

"Not at all, I'll show you, Macy come here" You call the girl who was already hiding her laugh behind a magazine, she put on some music on his phone into the speakers and walked towards you.

You took her by the waist and started just making simple walks at the rhythm of the music, showing him how he had to bend his knees but not making it all that evident, then when the next song star going faster you started making more quick moves and shen it turn slow you drag your leg inside slowly, and embraced Macy pulling her closer to you.

"Ok, I can definently not do that" he said once you were done, and you felt flattered to se some amusement in his face.

"I know, but we will figure something out" you smile at him and turn off the music to again trying to make him bend his knees properly.

[chaoticrayne85]

First time

So we decided to do this new thing for us. We had been living in my mother-in-law's house for the past couple of years bc it was empty and someone needed to be living there among other reasons. Well back a couple of months ago through a few different circumstances we all decided it was best if she moved back in with us until we could find us a new place. Long story short my husband is in construction and we had been talking about getting a camper so it's easier for us to move with the job. Well we bought one and had planned to do a few renovations before moving into it. That didn't happen. One of us...me...can't stand living with other family members except my husband including both mine and his parents because well I have been on my own as an adult since I was 20 yrs old for the most part as in had my own place trying to stand on my own feet. I just have problems living under someone else's roof and feel like everything I do is being scrutinized. I also have issues with someone coming in a changing everything I have setup in a place I'm residing in without asking or them putting my stuuf out on the porch when I'm not home. Yes I blew up and yes I showed my true colors. I got called disrespectful because I blew up. Long story short we are now living in the camper. Very few renovations have been done. We moved all our furniture to my old trailer which is nothing but storage now thanks to my ex husband. And almost all of the rest of our stuff is split between my trailer and our camper. We made this change in 2 days. Now we all know how hard any move is on us spoonies. We pay dearly for it. I was already in a small flare from the stress I'd been under then added the exhaustion of moving to it the end result hasn't been very pretty. I spent most of the week in bed. I spent Thursday in severe pain worse than I'd ever been in before but I was able to get relief with a toradol that knocked me out so I slept all day. Then on Sunday the level my pain reached was unimaginable! I tried everything in my toolbox (advil, flexeril, hot shower, laying flat, stretches, walking, balling up in a little ball, even toradol) nothing touched the pain! I finally got so exhausted that my body gave up fighting and shut down for the next 12-14 hrs I slept like a baby. A very painful baby but a baby none the less. I had cried in pain so much I cried myself to sleep. My husband had tried to get me to go to the ER for 2 days and I refused because I didn't want to be treated like a drug seeker. I normally won't take opioid pain meds very often because I prefer to function but Sunday I would have at least tried one to see if it helped. I woke up Monday some time and felt pretty good except being a little sore. I have had a migraine off and on since moving in here. I learned something I really like about living in a camper though... It's much easier to make a camper dark and migraine friendly than it is to make a whole house migraine friendly. Lol Moving to a camper full time is a big decision for anyone but for us as spoonies the decision is something that needs to be considered on a different scale. Moving anywhere is a huge ordeal for us but if you are considering making the move to a full time rver ask yourself 3 questions:

1. Can I give myself the time I need to slowly move the important things at my pace to give my body time to rest everyday and the time that I need to go through my 1100+squ foot house and all its contents so I can downsize?

2. If you need special equipment like a wheelchair or handrails is a camper going to be able to accommodate those items if so what type of camper would work for your needs and would it need any modification?

3. Will my body handle sleeping on a camper mattress, and bedframe or will your mattress be best for you.

I don't have any special equipment that doesn't really fit in here but have decided to add a handrail outside and get some portable steps that aren't quite as far down as the first step on our camper. Some days my feet just don't get that high and I have days I'm very off balance like today so need a handrail as a just in case. We also took the queen size mattress out, knocked down the built in nightstands, and extended the bedframe to accommodate our king size mattress. It's a little harder than it was on the box springs so we will be adding a comfy mattress pad soon. Make sure your rv/camper works for your needs.

Now that we're in ours and my body has caught up some from the move we're gonna enjoy the ride. Just see where this road takes this spoonie next!

[lareinenoir]

Bucky Barnes x My Black! OC pt III LAST CHAPTER

Warning: about 5k, use of the word n word, angst

@littlekidsteve

A/N; idk why it took me so long to post smh. But here is the last chapter. Enjoy!

"Barnes!" Shouted one of his buddies. "Gotta letter for you."

"Thanks." He said taking it from his hand, then sat back on the bunk with the envelope in his hand.

Bucky,

I was so close to getting in. I would have been on the first ride out of Brooklyn to fight. But the government isn't that desprate. "We don't need some stupid kid."

Don't pity me. They'll need me someday. Beggers can't be choosers, right?

Anyway, I did as you asked. I'm looking out for her. She's living her life and getting ready for a job interview. Her exams went very well and she had one of the highest scores. Margaret-Jane had a seizerure a couple weeks ago and I would have sent this sooner but no one wants to read news thats all bad.

She's happy and doing very well now. I managed to keep it a secret that you've been asking about her. Though I almost broke when she had asked about you. If you're wondering if Margaret-Jane still cares, then you have nothing to worry about. She does

She feels guilty for telling you not to think about her. She misses you and I see it when I talk to her about you.

My advice, when you come back don't waste time. Just ask her again and I guarantee you that she'll say yes. Margaret-Jane will need you now more than ever, Buck.

Your friend,

Steve

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"Hey." Steve waved as Margaret-Jane sits on the porch.

"Salut!" (Hi!) She waves back holding on her purse hugging him.

"How are you?" Steve asks "Both-"

"We are fine." Margaret-Jane replied with a hand on her little bump. "Kathleen gave me some pills and I take them everyday. No worries."

With his hands in his pocket he kicks the little rock on the ground. Margaret-Jane had been out of the hospital for a couple days and was told not to stress to much. Her grandmother already suspected but respected her granddaughter enough not to mention it.

"You sent your letter, oui?" She asked

"I did." Steve nods. "Don't worry, I didn't tell him. He won't know."

"Thank you. It is appreciated very much. I wouldn't even know how to tell him." She giggled flattening out her dress. "How does one even begin to explain that? I love him but what if he is not ready?"

"Bucky isn't like that. You know that." Steve said as they continued to walk down the street.

"Right. I knew that, I think it's just my nerves. Forgive me. Look I have an interview in thirty minutes. Perhaps we could finish this talk at another time."

"Of course." Steve nodded as she wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. "What's this for?"

"For being a good friend through all of this." She said. "You and Hector have been such good people to me since ma grand-mère and I moved here."

"No problem." He says as she places a kiss on his cheek making the little Steve Rogers blush. "Go on. You don't wanna be late." The shy blonde haired boy watched her walk away, shoving his hands back in his pockets.

¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪

Sitting down in front of the head mistress, Margaret-Jane tried not to shake as much. She was nervous and her stare over her glasses wasn't helping.

"You have all the right paper work and this would be your first time working at a school?" Asks the headmistress

"Yes and no, Mrs. Powell." She tells her. "I've worked in a school before but just for experience back in France. I could have them give you a call if you'd-"

"No need Ms. Robinson." She shakes her head then stands. "I like your resume, but here you are noticeable. And it's up to you to work up to your potential. You'll find that you are the only colored teacher here and the parents can be quite...judgemental." said the headmistress as Margaret-Jane stands walking to the door. "Parlor Prep is a school for gifted children. Children who could change the world. And parents would want a teacher they can trust. You will have to work harder than any other teacher here because-"

"I am a woman of color." She said trying to smile through it as they walked the halls.

"Correct. You'll be leading your own class and of course you are responsible for everything. If one kid so much as fails a test, you are fired."

"Mrs. Powell, you are saying I'm hired?" Asks Margaret-Jane trying to sound casual but inside she was jumping.

"Yes, you are." The headmistress answers. "I'm sure you and your husband will be-"

"Pardon?" Margaret-Jane questions. "Husband?"

"Ms. Robinson, the application said you had to be married or engaged. In the past we've had men come and visit their significant other here at Parlor Prep and then the next week a different man. At one point it was one of the students father and when the mother found out things got out of hand." The headmistress informs her. "Since then, the teachers that come in have to be married or engaged to avoid a confortation like that."

"I see." Margaret-Jane nods lowley. She wasn't married and felt her heart sank. This was the school she wanted to work at. It paid a lot of money. It would get her and her grandmother out of that house and into a better one.

"Jane!" Shouted a voice making her turn around. "Jane!"

"Hector?" She asks frowning as to why he was shouting and running in the hall. "What on earth-"

"You forgot this. Your grandmother wanted me to bring it to you in case you have another seizure." Says Hector handing her the tiny pill bottle. "We need the both of you safe right?" He laughs

The headmistress, peeks over her glasses and extends her hand. "You must be Ms. Robinson's husband." Hector shakes her hand and laughs.

"Well you see-"

"Yes." Margaret-Jane says taking his hand into hers, locking them together securely. "He is. Hector this is headmistress, Powell. I was just about to tell her that you and I are finally engaged after so long. Engaged or Married to get the job." Giggled Margaret-Jane then looks to the headmistress. "It took him two years but be finally proposed." She gives Hector a stare

"Right." He catches on. "She was so beautiful when I first saw her. Still is. Now we are about to have our first kid-"

Margaret-Jane elbowed him and smiled through her teeth, "Darling, I didn't think that was important to tell headmistress Powell."

"Well that is important. Ms. Robinson, I hope this isn't going to a problem? The students come before anything outside this building."

"Right. I understand. My priority is here, promise."

"Good." She nods. "I'll see you here tomorrow. Your folder with your classroom number will be on it and so will the attendance sheet. At the end of the month you'll receive a two three-thousand dollar check. Don't disappoint me, Ms. Robinson."

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NINE MONTHS LATER

Bucky was working hard to make sergeant and when he finally did, he finally could walk around in glory.

The other men would roll their eyes but they still had respect. He was their sergeant now and he led them through morning drill and PT. He was glad because the pay was good bed get a giant rock to go on his lovers hand.

He meant it. Marrying her. She may not know it's coming or the world but he wanted too. Marrying Major was what he thought about everyday. When he was getting shot at from all direction. When he was wide awake in the trench firing his gun. When he did get that little bit of shut eye he dreamt of her.

Bucky was ready. Some of the men would give up but not him. He had something to fight for and Bucky didn't want to come home in a body bag. He didn't want to hurt Major all over again.

Bucky wanted to be their for her every step of the way and prove himself to her. What better way to do it with a ring that showed how much he loves her. How much we was willing to invest into her.

"James Barnes." Said his supirior. "You are on leave for a couple weeks."

"Well it's about damn time." He chuckles. "A few days makes a difference."

"You take care Barnes." Said one of his buddies patting him on the back. "And get that ring, ya hear?"

"You got it." He winked "When do I leave?"

"Fist thing tomorrow morning. Don't be late."

"Yes, sir."

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"You feeling any better, Jane?" Asks Hector seeing she was looking through some papers.

"Define better?" She answers grumpily. "I don't think I can do this any longer, I'm supposed to be glowing."

"Three more weeks Jane and it will all be worth it." Said Tommy laughing kissing his boyfriend on the cheek.

Hector and Jane did end up getting married. It worked out well for both of them. Hector didn't have to come out to his dad and when he did meet Margaret-Jane he was thrilled. He already planned the wedding but Margaret-Jane didn't want one.

"I'll wear white for Bucky and only him." She told Hector and he understood.

They got married at a courthouse and Hector and Tommy continued to sleep around in secret. Tommy would come over every week to the house, Hectors father bought and to everyone else he was just a friend.

Margaret-Jane got the job and was really good at it. Her grandmother used the money to open a bakery in the nicer part of town and no one would ever know about what was going on.

Not even Steve. Even though she wanted to tell him, she thought it was best to keep the people who knew small. Her grandmother didn't know and that was the way it had to be.

Steve understood and took the news of her engagement quite well. He understood women without a husband who was about to have a child wouldn't make it far. Those women were always looked down at and degraded.

A child out of wedlock or worse...a bastard.

"I love him and I'll never stop loving him Steve." She told him. "But this isn't just about my love for him anymore. I have a baby to think about and what's best for him or her. I know Hector will be a good father to my baby while he's gone. When Bucky comes back, he'll always be apart of its life if he wants too."

Steve kept that in mind. Margaret-Jane wasn't the betraying type even though it felt like that to him.

"Look, I have to get to work and I promised my grandmother Hector, you would visit." She said "She wanted to tryout a new macaroon flavor."

"Yeah sure." He nods helping her stand from off the couch.

Tommy gave her hug. "Tommy, do I look fat?"

"No way." He shakes his head kissing hers. "You look absolutely ravishing. Like a glowing angel. The midwife should be here later on today."

"Aw. You are sweet " She blushed "I'll see you both tonight."

Hector walked her to the door and drives Margaret-Jane to work.

Margaret-Jane started her class on time and greeted the students one by one. All dropped off by their mothers and all twelve of them entered into her class. She did loose quite a few, the mothers weren't to keen on there child having a black teacher.

A lot of the other teachers said teaching kindergarten was hard, but for her, it was easy. Margaret-Jane fell in love with their curious minds.

"Miss. Robinson?"

"Not now, Luke. I have to take attendance." She tells him

"Miss. Robinson, I have a question. A very important question." He interrupted again making her turn to him biting her lip.

"Ok, what is it, Luke?"

"My mommy and daddy said you used to date a white man." Luke said, as her body tensed up and she swallowed. "He said that a nigga shouldn't date outside of their race. Then mommy said that, everyone will know for sure if that baby belongs to a white man if he is mulatto."

Margaret-Jane didn't even think about that. Her baby was both black and white-

"Luke, do you think it's wrong for a black female and white male or vice versa to be in love?"

"Well..." He pokes his chin and shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe."

Margaret-Jane went up to the chalkboard and wrote the word in big letters, '

IGNORANT

• Lacking in knowledge

"Can anyone say this word for me?" Asks Margaret-Jane

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Bucky was back in Brooklyn in no time. He went straight to Steve's and asked him to come buy a ring with him.

"So...you are really doing it?" Asks Steve "Don't you think you should wait?"

"I've waited long enough. I wanna make it official, Steve. So...do you think she'll like it?"

"No doubt but her grandmother knows nothing of you-"

"Then I'll go to her today and ask for her blessing. I'm sure she'll say yes again." Bucky pays his best friend on the shoulder and walks out the store, shortly after paying for the ring.

"Tell me how everything goes. I'll see you at Starks presentation?" Asks Steve still not sure if they were going

"Yeah. I'll come and get you." He nods making his way down the street to Margaret-Jane neighborhood.

He adjusted his uniform and tried to look his best. Bucky knocked and stepped off the porch waiting for the door to open.

"Hello?" She asks opening the door. "And who might you be?"

"Hello Miss..."

"Mrs. Allard." She says with a smile as Bucky reaches out to shake her hand. A bit hesitant she shook it and asked, "Sergeant Barnes, is there something I can do for you?"

"Yes." He nods "I actually wanted to ask you'd something but I do have a lot of explaining to do and I wanted to come and ask you first..." He started to rant and all she did was smile and nod her head.

"Sergeant Barnes, if you're looking for Margaret-Jane then I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place. She's not here, but at work."

A bit shocked that she knew he was looking for Margaret-Jane, he was even more surprised when Mrs.Allard told him how she knew they were dating. "I'm not as old and clueless as my dear grand daughter thinks me to be. I know things. Besides, the neighbors told me that a few times you come over and sneak into her bedroom."

"Mrs. Allard I promise you nothing happened." Bucky says but was very confused as to why she was laughing as if it was a joke.

Mrs. Allard invited Bucky inside where he asked for her blessing and she agreed. She made him promise to take good care of Margaret-Jane and he did so.

He walked up to the school and everyone saw the uniform thanking him for his service. Bucky, of course, waved and acknowledged their thanks. Going to the headmistress office, he asked for, "Margaret-Jane Robinson?"

"She's teaching a class as if right now. Perhaps you could come back later." Said the headmistress

Bucky figured she wasn't going to let him in so he lied,"Actually I'm here to just check on my nephew. I haven't seen him in a while is it OK if I just peek. I won't disturb your class."

The headmistress thought for a moment and then nodded him off in the direction. "Just look at the classroom numbers, underneath it should be the teacher names."

He thanks her and walls to the classroom his heart thumping with anticipation against his chest. When he peeked through the window he heard her french voice.

"Luke, what did we learn today about ignorance?"

"That love has no color." He answers

"Not just that but ignorance is what the cowards and small minded people carry around because most of the time they are very bitter and sad."

Bucky's face dropped when she turbed. Hand on her hips to support her belly poking out from her dress. Bucky shook his head in utter shock and remembered to breath. His beloved Margaret-Jane was pregnant.

"Who?" He whispers

"Pretty isn't she?" Asks a voice and he turned to see one of the teachers outside the classroom. "Pretty for someone her color. I'm almost jealous."

"Yeah." Bucky nodded smiling.

"Her husband is pretty too. Don't know how she got so lucky. Shes gonna be on maternity leave soon. She's due in a couple weeks." Said the redhead

"Husband?" Bucky questions "What do you mean?"

"Hector. He's a poet and they've been married for a while. They say if you are in the first years of marriage, you're still a newlywed." She giggled "anyway, did you need something?"

Bucky had already started walking. He didn't look back but Margaret-Jane did. Out the corner of her eye she thought she spotted him but it was all in her head right.

Bucky stayed for Starks presentation and went back to the military. He didn't think about Margaret-Jane anymore because whoever she was with, she was happy. She was happy enough to marry him and have a kid with him.

There was a little regret. A little voice saying to ask to make sure. What if...what if that baby was...no. It couldn't be.

"You OK Barnes?" Asks someone in his platoon. "You seem...out of it. What happened with that girl you talked about marrying?"

"She moved on." He answers

"My gramps used to say, the saddest part about life is saying goodbye to the person you want to spend a lifetime with."

And it was true. He was sad. And in the back of his mind, a distant memory really, was that little barn turned into a house. His three boys and Margaret-Jane sitting on the porch waiting for him to come home.

The End

[mercurious-minds-blog]

The 4 Need-To-Know Basics of Tiny Home Living

I won't start you off with a lot of fluff, here are 4 things you should know before getting started on your tiny home journey. Click the link if you'd like to learn more about an online tiny home building workshop you can take from home at your own pace!

1. How do tiny houses promote a sustainable lifestyle?

Tiny home living promotes a simpler, less consuming lifestyle by forcing you to break away from excess consumption. While the average home uses 10,399 kilowatts and emits 16,000 lbs of carbon dioxide per year, tiny homes use only a fraction of that at an average of only 914 kilowatts and 1,144 lbs of carbon emissions per year. In fact, commercial and residential greenhouse gas emissions account for about 11% of all carbon emissions in the US, and with climate change a major issue, every little bit of savings counts. But the benefits of tiny homes don’t stop there. The average home consumes three-quarters of an acre of forest to build whereas tiny homes use about 7 times less. Less deforestization means more trees to help combat climate change.

2. What is the cost of tiny house living?

The cost of a tiny home can be less than $10,000 if you build it yourself or upwards of $80,000 if you have someone build it for you, but the average price per tiny home is around $23,000. Maybe you’d like to build one yourself but don’t know how, there are companies like Tiny Home Builders who offer online and hands-on workshops to help guide you and build your confidence in building your own. There are other hidden monthly costs to consider with tiny home living some people don’t realize. Since there is a limited amount of space to work with, most tiny homes don’t have room for a washer/dryer unit so taking clothes to the laundromat is the remaining option for most, which can add up. A solution for that, though is a portable wash/dryer unit designed originally for boat houses and RV’s. Another spacial issue could be food storage. With limited space, you buy less food in bulk and end up buying food more frequently, but the upside to this is that less food goes to waste. You could also build a detached storage shed if it’s a possibility for you. If you don’t own land, a rental space would be required which could cost a few hundred dollars each month. On a more positive note, financing and insurance for your tiny home is pretty easily obtainable. A quick google search brought up the company Lightstream for financing options and Insure My Tiny Home doesn’t get any more self-explanatory.

3. How does a tiny house get utilities?

Most tiny houses get their utilities the same way RV’s and conventional homes do through services provided by utility and power companies. However, occasionally people wish to locate their homes where these services are not provided. In these cases, their house needs to be off-grid, meaning the individual is responsible for providing their own services. Sometimes a house uses a combination of both grid and off-grid services. For instance, if grid power and water services are available, but sewer is not. Standard Hook-ups Standard hook-ups or utilities are usually available at RV parks or existing homes. For instance, if you plan to park your tiny house in someone’s back yard, you should be able to use what the primary house is already using. If available, standard hook-ups are the easiest route to take because it’s what most of us are already used to. Flushing toilets and endless reliable power and water whenever needed has become a given for most. But that’s not to say they are perfect. The environmental impact and reliance on others have driven some to look for alternatives. However, if you are looking for the path of least resistance, you’ll want to find a location for your house that offers standard hook-ups. Water For water, you need nothing more than a spigot and a hose. I know what you are thinking: "That water tastes horrible!" Well the problem is the hose, not the water. If you use a RV white hose you will find that your water tastes exactly the same as tap water at your kitchen sink. Many people choose to have a filter in their tiny house as well. Also you can check out how generate your own free water with Zero Mass Water

Power Most tiny houses get their power the same way that RV’s do, through an extension cord. This extension cord is sized differently depending on the power requirements and hookups of your house. If your house is smaller and only requires 20 amp service, you will be able to plug your house directly into an existing outlet. If it requires 30 amp or 50 amp service, you’ll likely need to contact an electrician to add a suitable plug near your house. If you are parking in an RV park, most parks have spaces with all three power hookups; 20 amp, 30 amp, and 50 amp. Sewage If the property that you are keeping your house on is hooked up to city sewage or has a septic tank, you can splice into the existing sewer line. Just make sure the connection between the house and the sewer line can be removed like with an RV. This semi-permanent connection is often desired not only by the owners but by many legislatures that need you to verify that the house is truly "mobile." Internet and Cable It doesn’t get much easier than this: Standard cable provided by a service provider. If you are at a private campground or RV park, most have a cable hookup as well. Off-Grid Hook-ups These hook-ups are what you would use if your house was located where no utilities are provided, for instance in a remote location or undeveloped land. Keep in mind that "going green, costs green." These options may be money saving, but most have a pretty high up front price tag to consider. Water Most people feel that they will just use rainwater for all of their water needs. However, tiny houses are typically not large enough to collect enough rain water for daily use. Which means that you are either going to need to supplement your supply by bringing water in, or add an accessory structure to increase the collection area's square footage. Don’t forget you are also going to have to supply room for tanks, too. If you don’t plan to move your house for an extended period, another option is to drill a well. There is a high up-front cost to drill a well, but then it can provide free water for a long time. Again, another free water option is Zero Mass Water. Power Solar or wind power are the most common ways of powering your tiny house off-the-grid. This is DC power stored in battery banks, then converted to AC as needed by using an inverter. It may sound complicated but believe it or not, there aren’t that many components and installation is pretty easy. Estimation on the other hand can be tough as you have to be careful to account for all of your consumption. This is important because how much power you consume determines the size of your system. If you overestimate, you end up paying a lot more for a system bigger than you need. If you underestimate, you run out of power too soon. So, the first step is calculating what your consumption will be and comparing it to what you can collect in your area. For instance, in the case of solar, you need a smaller system in areas that get more sunlight. This calculation can be difficult since there are several factors involved, however, there are online calculators that have made this job a lot easier. Once you know the size of the system you need, everything else falls into place. There are many online retailers that are eager to help you select the appropriate parts to complete your system within your budget. Sewage When it comes to off-grid waste water or sewage, you need to consider the source. Shower or sink water, referred to as greywater, can be handled differently than toilet waste, referred to as black water. Greywater Greywater is relatively clean, and assuming appropriate biodegradable soaps are used, it can often be disposed of into the ground. This is normally accomplished through the use of a French drain, which is essentially a hole in the ground filled with rocks and pebbles. This acts to temporarily store the water while also exposing it to a larger surface area of the ground for it to leach into. Blackwater Blackwater is trickier to deal with and so most who go off-grid avoid it altogether. By using a composting or incinerator toilet, the waste from your toilet is converted to either soil or ash. This resulting material is both safer and more pleasant to deal with. Popular options for composting and incinerating toilets include Natures Head, Seperatt, and Incinolet. If you don’t plan to move your house for a long time, another option is to install a septic system for all waste water. A septic system is similar to a French drain, in that it allows your waste water to be absorbed into the ground. The difference is that a septic system is much bigger and has larger chambers to hold solid waste and give it time to break down and decompose. Internet and Cable There are several different ways to get internet in your tiny house. In remote locations wireless and/or satellite internet access is available. These options don’t necessarily have the best speeds or run in the best price range, but it is out there. Here is a great article that compares the two biggest internet satellite providers.

4. Where can you park and live in your tiny home?

If your tiny home is built on a foundation, it is subject to all the local building codes. These codes are in place to make sure there is a minimum quality and safety standards that these homes are being built to. If you are building on a trailer, there isn’t typically a governing body who needs or wants to inspect your home. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow the rules. The building codes are there to keep you safe. Before building your houses, be sure to do your research. Many private RV parks are making special accommodations for tiny houses and grouping them together, essentially making small tiny home communities within them. Hopefully the information contained here gives you the foundation you need to start on your tiny home journey. Below is a list of tiny home communities in the U.S. LuxTiny Communityhttp://www.luxtiny.com/ Lakeside, Arizona Ponderosa RV Resorthttp://www.ponderosarvresort.com/ Lakeside, Arizona Kings River Hitchin' Posthttps://www.kingsriverhitchinpost.com/ Huntsville, Arizona Lemon Cove Villagehttp://lemoncovevillagervpark.com/ Lemon Cove, California Delta Bayhttps://deltabay.org/ Isleton, California Palm Canyon Mobile Clubhttps://www.palmcanyonmobileclub.com/ Palm Springs, California Escalante Villagehttps://www.escalantevillage.com/ Durango, Colorado Peak View Park https://www.peak-view-park.com/ Woodland Park, Colorado Orlando Lake Front http://www.orlandolakefrontth.com Orlando, Florida Gracious RV park https://www.graciouspark.com/ Lake Okeechobee, Florida Circle Pond Tiny Communityhttp://circlepondtinycommunity.com/ Tampa Bay, Florida Green Bridge Farmhttps://www.facebook.com/agrihoodplowboy Guyton, Georgia Little River Escapehttps://littleriverescape.com/ Cloudland, Georgia The Shire Village at Mountaintownhttps://www.tinyinthemountains.com/ Ellijay, Georgia Copper Moonhttps://www.tryittiny.com/properties/969 Indianapolis, Indiana Cottage Estates http://traversebayrv.com/ Williamsburg, Michigan The Sanctuary Minnesotahttp://www.thesanctuaryminnesota.com/ Ogilvie, Minnesota Cross Timbers Communityhttps://crosstimberscommunity.com/ Kissee Mills, Montana Burro Mountain Homesteadhttp://www.burromountainhomestead.com/ Silver City, New Mexico Acony Bell TH Village https://www.aconybellnc.com/ Mills River, North Carolina Coral Sands Pointhttp://coralsandspoint.rockhighdevelopment.com/ Lexington, North Carolina High Covehttps://highcove.com/small-tiny-houses/ Bakersville, North Carolina Wheat Hill Mobile Home Communityhttp://www.wheathill.net/ East Palestine, Ohio Simply Home Communityhttp://www.simplyhomecommunity.org/ Portland, Oregon Tiny Tranquility https://tinytranquility.com/ Waldport, Oregon Ceder Springs Tiny Villagehttp://www.moderntinyliving.com/villages.html New Paris, Ohio Creek Walk Communityhttp://creekwalkcommunity.com/ Greenville, South Carolina Lake Walk Communityhttp://www.lakewalkcommunity.com/ Greer, South Carolina Richmond Orchardhttps://www.richmondorchard.com/ Knoxville, Tennessee Spurhttp://www.spurfreedom.org/ Spur, Texas Silver Sky Ranchhttps://www.silverskyranchtulia.com/ Tulia, Texas Vintage Gracehttp://www.vintagegracetexas.com/ Yantis, Texas Headwaters Garden and Learning Centerhttps://www.headwatersvermont.org/ Cabot, Vermont Canoe Bay Escape Villagehttps://www.escapevillages.com/ Rice Lake, Wisconsin Read the full article