#and implying that YOO HAN or yeon woo being a mono in and of itself drove yeon woo to attempt suicide ???

[jojotichakorn]

@octopisunsets said: Her nephew literally tried to do the Bad Thing to himself because he was so worried he would hurt Yuhan. Of COURSE her first instinct would be to remove him from the very person that drove him to attempt the Bad Thing.

major trigger warning for discussions of suicide in this post !!

so , let’s talk about the aunt , shall we ?

first of all , yoo han didn't " drive yeon woo to his suicide attempt " . how can you even say that ? what drove yeon woo to it was the idea that he is a monster , that what he is is bad - the idea that the world ( his aunt included ) forced onto him repeatedly .

i'm going to give you a clear metaphor . a good chunk of queer people have an especially hard time dealing with both internal and external homophobia at this specific point . considering how homophobic society is , it is already very hard to be queer on your own , but when you have a partner , things really set in motion . who you are is no longer a theoretical thing homophobic people around you can ignore ( especially if you aren't visibly queer and/or are in the closet ) - because at this point you become visibly queer and you step out of the closet , you have a partner . and then imagine , you are already in this complicated situation , and then you come to your aunt ( the only family you have left and the woman you live with ) and she says she doesn't approve . it's very akin to the whole " you shouldn't do this , because the world is so homophobic and it would be so hard on you " and " i wouldn't want you to live the kind of heavy life those people live " . do those ideas come out of love ? perhaps . but it doesn't matter , because they come from blatant homophobia as well . and in immortal words of my best friend : love is useless if it hurts the other .

second of all , his aunt was against them from the start and she still is at the end of the series . even though she allows them to be together ( and thank gods for that ) , she does not approve .

when she first finds out about yoo han , the scene that happens between her and yeon woo is terrifying . 

both my parents are fucking shitheads , so i am all too familiar with the layout , which can sometimes be scarier than kicking and screaming . the silence , the angry disappointed look , it’s all there . 

she gives yeon woo time to bask in his own shame . she makes sure he comes to the conclusion of what he’s done wrong on his own . the impact is always stronger that way . and then the verdict .

it always comes . right away . it’s harsh , it’s unforgiving . sometimes , it isn’t even true . sometimes it’s just emotional blackmail that they hope will lead their child to the conclusion they want from them without too much fuss . the delivery is also often completely emotionless , to give the verdict an air of a fact rather than a decision that can be argued .

and then we see the aunt show her true face .

the face that’s selfish - first and foremost , it’s always selfish . they always have something that they want for their child ( or rather - for themselves in connection to the child ) , and it matters more than what their child themself wants . 

and don’t tell me yeon woo is selfish here as well , because in this clear parent/child power imbalance , the child can not be selfish . ultimately , the aunt makes all decisions , she is in charge of his life ( also known as the reason why children are oppressed and we have the convention on the rights of a child - i don’t actually know if yeon woo is a minor here or not , so children’s rights might not specifically apply to him , but the point still stands - the parent makes the decisions ) . this is not a balanced conversation . this is not a dialogue of what each of them wants - it is a monologue of what the aunt wants with yeon woo’s attempts to protest and have his opinion valued even a little bit .

she has lost her sister , and there is a possibility she will lose him too . her first thought isn’t what yeon woo wants - that he wants to try , that he knows the possibilities and dangers all too well himself . her first thought is her own wants and needs .

and she realizes it too . when yeon woo breaks down , she backtracks . 

but she doesn’t stop , does she ? 

she continues reminding him that he is acting exactly like his mother ( you know , the one that went MISSING , the one they LOST ) at every turn . you know what this reminds me of ? when i first came out to my mother back when i was identifying as a guy , she made every single conversation we had about how i am the most feminine girl in the world and i could never be anything , but a girl . 

it’s the relentless reminders , it’s this idea that they make sure to put into your head . they do it because they hope that one day you will hear it so many times , you will start believing it yourself . 

but may i remind you , this sister the aunt talks of is yeon woo’s mother ? it isn’t as if he hasn’t experienced the same thing she has - he lost his mom , who he loved more than anyone else in the world ! and she uses this fact to make him do what she wants . i also remind you that yeon woo’s mother - you know , an actual mono - was proud of who she was . she told yeon woo stories of how she met his dad , and how he will one day also meet someone who will be this incredible person that brings color and love into his life .

and don’t you dare tell me that the aunt , who is a regular ass fucking person , knows more about the hardships of being a mono than yeon woo’s mom ( who - i repeat - was an actual mono ) . the aunt doesn’t know shite about the experience , she is terrified of it and what it can do , and she is very much perpetuating the idea of it being monstrous , she always has . 

and then yeon woo breaks down , because he starts believing it . fully now . he is a monster . and after his aunt finds him , what is her first instinct ? that’s right - to send him to what is basically the equivalent of a conversion camp . ( no , seriously , the whole concept and the framing of yoo han as specifically saving yeon woo from there - it’s pretty straightforward ) .

and then a change happens . the aunt realizes that oop - actually , if she continues forbidding yeon woo and yoo han’s relationship , she will lose yeon woo anyway . and that , of course , won’t do , since that’s what she was so scared of in the first place . so she reluctantly allows them to be together . why do i say reluctantly ? well , because of this final scene with the aunt :

( pro tip : this is actually not what support looks like - just saying ! )

also , just to mention some quick statistics , being supported for who you are at home helps out children a lot . all children , but especially my dear lgbtq+ children . for example , my fellow trans folks have a suicide rate of 40% . according to different studies , it drops to anywhere between 20% to 15% in case of family acceptance . 

to say that yeon woo’s suicide attempt was due to him finding his probe and finally fully embracing being a mono is the same as to say that my suicide attempt three years ago was due to me being trans and finally accepting it . neither are true . it was because we both had shitty , unsupportive home environments . 

so actually , now that i have explored this whole thing more carefully , i retract my statement . the aunt isn’t just icky , she fucking sucks !

oh and by the way , don’t try to show me moments where the aunt was “ nice “ or whatever - that will only prove that you don’t know shit about the topic . it’s the one day in a week rule that so often confuses people , who end up in abusive relationships . “ oh , they are perfect almost every day , but then there is a time once a week ... “ - no amount of candy given every monday can make up for a bruise planted every sunday . 

- yours truly , unwilling expert on shitty parents ( no , seriously , i wish i didn’t know and couldn’t see any of this shit , but alas , my life took an ugly turn in the family department ) .