#and im tired of trying to piece together what canada even is
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allbeendonebefore · 3 years ago
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What are your plans for Canada Day?
as usual i make a bunch of dessert and contemplate colonialism and wtf we can do to be worth celebrating this year. sugar helps with this.
i've been disenchanted with the maplewashing for a few years now and while i'm not against the idea of having a holiday i think we really need to rethink what that means and how that image diverges from reality. It should be a time of honest reflection and vision for the future and not a glorification of the values we set in the 60s and failed to reach or whatever.
like yeah being canadian is a large part of my identity and heritage, i don't have much else to fall back on, and i do like using it as an opportunity to try out different regional dishes and to enjoy the summer But i do think the things canadians like to celebrate about how Great we are and how Isnt it Lovely how Understated our Celebrations are Compared to Americans is such surface level bullshit and I'm tired of it and I'd like it to be reoriented towards acknowledging where we aren't and where we'd like to be rather than what we think we are as we bury the realities.
the city hasn't cancelled the fireworks although a few summers ago i remember getting stranded at the LRT station in a huge throng of people and i dont like that normally and i don't like that even more during a pandemic so I'll most likely stay home and listen to music and try to prepare for getting my covid shot the day after.
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tema-makes-art-sometimes · 3 years ago
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002 for gercanmano please?
002 | send me a ship and I will tell you:
GerCanMano
when I started shipping it.
Maybe a year to two years ago? It’s hard to say I can’t really remember. I don’t know what sparked it, but either way I know it started with my friend Lemon. Either we were doing things with the BFT and I had made a joke about baby BFT with Romano, Germany and Canada and it just developed discussions from there. Or it was me struggling between the three proponent ships and Lemon being like ‘why don’t you just make them a poly’ and like sun coming out from behind the clouds it finally dawned on me by the power of citrus. Either way it was something I kept messing with, and the more I talked about it the more people hopped on board with me. We’re still just a raft in a sea of ships but I made this baby and I’m proud of it.
I will say I have had a lot of people talk to me like I made it, and while I do want to take some credit cause I put a lot of time into them, I have heard it used to be a ship back in the old hetalia days. But I haven’t found any old fanworks of it. And trust me I scoured every fic and art site I could think of. Maybe it was something only seen in RP groups so it never got published fic or art but I crave content for it so if it was originally a thing and there’s content around let me know please I don’t wanna take credit for it fully but I have not found another person who shipped it before they talked to me.
my thoughts:
Literally some of the only serotonin I get in these trying times. I love them so much they make me so happy. An unbelievably strong power house trio who could do damn near about anything together. They have it all.
I could go on for hours about small scenarios or aus with them. Like I’m a multi-shipper but fuck man they’re my OTP. I can and do ship other things with them, but man they make me melt with joy.
I made a playlist for it, I’m still building it but I like ti so far. I wish I could find more three person love songs but for now I have songs for each of the three lads, and the three ships that make up it, so it works! Might change some of them but I like what I have so far!
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC4nWN-9zrnEOeLgihkaqQOpPO6nEnc81
Germany and Romano: A Lovely Night and If I Could Tell Her
Romano and Canada: Best Worst Mistake
Canada and Germany: Guy That I’d Kind of Be Into
Germany General: When He Sees Me and Little Miss Perfect (President Perfect)
Romano General: I Won’t Say I’m in Love (so original I know)
Canada General: Would You Be So Kind? and Piece of Art
What makes me happy about them:
Literally everything. Their characters, the dynamics, the growth they create together. They may not work in every story of mine but when they work they really work. They push each member of the ship to grow as a person. Germany finding support he may not have originally had, Canada finding the confidence and support in a group that won’t forget him, Romano finally feeling safe enough to open up to others in a way he didn’t feel safe doing before. It’s just the good fucking food. You can put it in different settings and it just works, they’re able to play off one another in a really great way and pull them out of their comfort zones in ways that other ships don’t hit me as hard with.
What makes me sad about them:
That I am literally one of the only people who makes content for it. I have scoured the internet I can’t find anything, ANYTHING. And often I cannot get people to follow me on it, I’ve been getting more people on board slowly but surely but STILL-- That or they really try to push the whole ‘i ship it with (ship thats similar but with one of the brothers swapped out for the other)’ on me when I’m talking about it and I’m just like. I asked for GerCanMano I didn’t ask for your opinion. I’ve thought about the other ship conbo’s with their other brothers, I just like this one the best.
Things done in fanfic that annoys me:
When this ship is treated as a lesser to other ships around the three characters. People going like well I think it would be better if it was ‘swaps one of the brothers out for the other’ but that’s not the point. Also this is a general problem I have with Germano/GerCan as well but people making it all about their family’s or brothers reactions and how it effects their brothers instead of their relationship. ESPECIALLY between Romano and Italy.
It’s almost always a cheating on their ‘true love’ or some sort of affair fic and it doesn’t focus on their love and living together and more about them bouncing around to avoid getting caught and I just don’t care enough. I just want to see them in a loving happy relationship, and interacting with one another. Prussia, America’s and ESPECIALLY Italy’s reactions don’t matter to me. When it comes to say GerIta fics, there are a few that address Romano’s feelings toward Italy’s relationship, but not all of them. Hell some of them don’t have a mention or hair of Romano, but when the position is reversed with Germano suddenly even if he’s not in the fic it’s all about how Italy feels about it or how it effects him or hiding it from him.
I dont want to watch Germany go back and forth about which Italy brother he likes while dating both. It’s one just not in character and two its uncomfortable. I read this fic for the gercanmano Im not here to hear that Germany’s cheating on and warring with his feelings toward Italy or Canada sleeping around behind Prussia’s back. It’s boring and I’m tired of reading it. I’m digging into specifics of the three component ships cause there are no fanfics of GerCanMano so I can’t talk about what annoys in their base fics.
I had like one person write GerCanMano into their RusPrus fic, which was cool. but then they were a nazi apologist. So I can’t exactly read it anymore. I have nothing else to compare to but the base three ships of Germano, GerCan and Canmano
Things I look for in fanfic I don’t ask much I just want them to exist without me having to write all of them. I wanna find content other people have made, not that I’m lazy and think peopel should make content for me, just that I get bored of reading my own writing. If I wanna be really picky, letting it be a quickly established relationship and getting to see them in the relationship, learning about each other living together dealing with problems together that doesn’t just have them break up after one fight.
Having them in a functioning relationship before the story is over. Letting that relationship blossom past the start or the first date before the fic is finished. It’s sad when a romance story ends with them getting together cause there’s so much more relationship to have-- ;^; what about cooking together and cuddles on the couch and date nights and small fights and family gatherings--
My happily ever after for them:
It’s hard to write a happily ever after for nations or for anything to be honest cause life keeps going, growing, changing etc. But I’d love them to have a wedding and just a calm, slice of life kind of life together. A nice house, a big garden, a pond in the back where in the winter Germany and Canada can ice skate. A nice big garage where Germany and Romano can work on cars, Maybe near the woods so they can all go hiking,
Nothing fancy. A nice place that smells like warm coffee in the morning, that’s lively with sound of loved ones and shenanigans during the day and quiet whispers of affection at night. They get together but meetings are less boring, they have plans with their family and friends. Spain, France and Prussia loving to tease their little siblings/kids about things and make sure they’re doing okay. Veneziano always trying to help Romano come up with romantic shenanigans to use against his husbands. America just being happy his bro is happy.
Just soft wholesome life stuff. ;;
My kinks:
These are going below for discussions of not safe for work topics. I’m not going light so dive below at your own risk. (sex discussion, kink discussion, general ns//fw content)
I exclusively write top Canada. Like, I just do. I don’t really draw or write him taking it, I don’t know why I just don’t. Doesn’t mean he isn’t put under someone’s thumb in bed, but they’re still riding. There are very very few instances where I have written him taking. Again I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just the concept of soft pastel uwu boy slamming Germany into a wall, maybe it’s the thought of Canada in heels and leather just with the vibe of ‘go ahead tell them. no one will believe you’.
Canada isn’t any kinkier than Germany, but he’s more confident than Germany about it.  He’s got a little bit of jealous neediness in the back of his brain so when it comes to sex he loves when his partner’s attention is on him. He loves to spoil and get spoiled and is the roughest of the three. Just a tiny, tiny bit of masochism/sadism. Very small. It’s very much he’ll do it (with safe words set in place and everything) but he will feel eh about it afterward and make sure that they don’t take away that he hates them or anything. In the inverse hes very very good at fluffing people up and body worship, as well as demeaning talk. Loves role-playing, hence slipping into the mind where he’s got the confidence to throw Germany around the bedroom. He loves especially tying them up and just watching them writhe-
Germany is a switch, fight me on it. If you think that man who has very little canon confidence with romance and no experience is a 100% big daddy top you’re just wrong I’m not sorry. Mind you, he can top and he often does, but being rough and demanding and forceful is not something he’s good at he’s so nervous about injuring his partner, even if they tell him it’s fine.
Germany is into all the rough play, like it’s canon. He loves to tie and be tied up and he likes when power is taken away from him. He likes when people push him under their thumb it’s why Canada gets to be rough with him. But at the same time, Germany is the most wholesome lover out of the three. Because it can be so hard to coax him out of his shell with his kinks, he can often be the inverse. Very gentle, very praising. Absolutely loves to body worship his partners. He’s not really all that good or comfortable with giving people blow jobs, however he loves kisses and touches all over. Mind you getting a blowjob is something he really enjoys, hes just not good at giving. Good thing that both his boyfriends are amazing at it. Favorite thing the two do is Canada having Germany Ride him and then Matteo either riding him on top or giving him head during.
Romano oh, Romano. He’s a bottom. The most bottom-y bottom. An absolute pillow princess and a brat wanting to be tamed. He tops very very rarely, and out of the three has the most experience both giving and receiving and with all different partners. Even if he’s bottoming doesn’t mean he’s always at the whim of his partners though, he loves riding.
Romano is the least kinky out of the three, while the other two enjoy being tied up, Romano isn’t really a fan, he doesn’t mind collars or handcuffs but full shibari like what Canada or Germany would be fine with doesn't really fly for him. As I said before, he’s also the loudest, and gets very whiny when left to hang (not like either of them mind the noise). Romano loves giving and receiving blow jobs/hand jobs. Especially giving. It’s how he gets the good vibes of watching his partner squirm in the good way. He also loves to leave nibbles scratches bites and hickies if he’s allowed to. Catch him giving Germany a bite right above his collar before a meeting. Despite what might be expected, he can roll with degradation in bed really well but he falls apart quick with praise. He likes both but he will tear up when Germany gets overly gushy and feelsy.  Loves double penetration and being spit-roasted.
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loyally-unfaithful · 5 years ago
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—; but “sentimental boy” is my nom de plume
word count: 1916
pairing: connor/gn!reader
genre: slight fluff; hurt no comfort
summary: it has been a year after the android revolution. humans and android alike settled down, an olive branch was offered as a sign of reconciliation. with newfound peace came along newfound love, and many open roads to choose from. this was no different for the rk800—connor. surprisingly or unsurprisingly, he decided to continue working at the dpd, this time as a bonafide detective. but he has also accepted the thrilling uncertainty of life that deviancy has brought; the same strings that brought his lover in his life.the same ones he hated and cursed, the same fates who ripped it all away.
a/n: everytime i convince myself i came out of my dbh hyperfixation i just look at connor and i become lovesick again.
gosh i know i should be finishing my other fic or work on the prologue script for my vn, but,,,,,,, i just had a sudden hankering for connor angst,,,,
written during a sleep deprivation induced moment of epiphany,,,,, (purple prose cuz im extra af uwu)
I’ve never written angst before so i’d love to hear your thoughts on it
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maybe if you asked him one year ago whether he’d consider returning someone’s feelings, romantic feelings, he’d reply to you with a placid smile and a polite « i’m sorry, i wasn’t programmed to reciprocate romantic interest. ». he remembered that he’d sneer at them internally. now thinking about it, long before he questioned his obedience towards her, he already showed signs of deviancy.
you did what you were designed to do.
memories from his past would still torment him erratically, doubts would resurface on particularly dark days. but you were the light that cut through that haze. this wasn’t a “fake deviancy”. it couldn’t have been. not when he is holding your body so close to his, warmth radiating off of each other, two heartbeats—similar, but different—thrumming together. all the softly whispered and adoringly announced « i love you »’s; all the quick and coveted pecks and all the feverish and passionate kisses. no, he was alive, he was sure of it—alive and absolutely enamoured by you. all semblance of doubt ebbed away when you entered his life.
whenever he’s around you, he feels more alive: you make him feel everything, all the little precious things. tenderness and adoration when he shares tranquil mornings with you. he feels more alive when he’s with you, all the little habits and routines too endearing: the sweet post-it notes scattered over your shared flat; scribbled upon it are encouraging words or sweet nothings. conflicting work schedules meant that moments spent together were scarce, but that made them even more valuable and coveted. captivation, was another emotion that he felt around you. your mannerism, your dreams and interests, your physical attributes and quality of voice. logically speaking, you were just another human, insignificant in the grand scheme of things. you’d live and then one day, you’d die. as if you never really existed. but he wasn’t being logical. how could he be? when you were right there in front of him? you made him irrational, and he found that new aspect in life thrilling. confusing at first, but exciting. he was eternally grateful that you let him experience all these beautiful emotions with you. he was grateful that you allowed him in your short journey that you called life.
he was happy, absolutely content, with his shared life with you. you were both in perfect places in your respective lives: you both had a stable job, loving family backing you up, and a fulfilling love life. what seemed to be a mismatched couple at first turned to be 2 pieces of the same puzzle finally finding their place. life for the both of you couldn’t be better.
but along with the many exquisite moment that your romantic endeavours brought you, the android didn’t only taste the sweet delicacies of life; no matter how idyllic a moment may be, there were times when he had to taste the astringent and sour desserts life offered.
anger. that was an emotion that he felt. but that’s not accurate, no… it was frustration and shock and betrayal, all the unsavoury feelings in the world. perhaps it was due to his inexperience, maybe his lack of exposure to these negative sentiments, that caused him to snap the way he did. to hurt you the way he did. but it happened and there was no turning back the clock.
no matter how much he begged and cried for it.
he was proud that you got the job offer in canada, he really was. and he, like any other caring boyfriend would, offered to accompany you there, an offer which you gladly accepted. that was the plan. but plans were difficult to follow. crime waits for no man, working for the law meant that connor must always be available for duty. no excuses, he was an android. but connor wasn’t just a simple android detective, no, he had a much more important role: he was the link, the messenger, between jericho and the police force. he was the crucial communication between the two forces. so when jericho contacted him about threats of anti-android attacks, he had to make an appearance at their base. the meeting coincided with the day you were meant to travel to canada. it was a simple trip really. it only took a few hours by train, stay in canada for 2 days (it was the weekend), and then return back to detroit, probably arriving in the late afternoons to their home.
but you were looking forwards to traveling with your wonderful partner after « [we] spent so much time apart ». the day he told you the urgent change of plans, connor was tired, overwhelmed. you were frustrated and expectant. a fight was bound to have erupted. accusatory statements, along the lines of: « you don’t actually care about me! it’s all about work and work and work! » and « i can’t believe how selfish you’re being right now! » in between shouting and yelling and frustration and anger and contempt–
you both went to bed exhausted but spiteful, still not forgiving each other. in hindsight, he felt so utterly pathetic, so unbelievably childish, for being that cruel, and uncaring. he didn’t want to be like him again. so many glares and insults were thrown at each other, tears threatened to spill, LED flashed and shone a true red, doors were slammed. he felt awful, plain and simple. you both lied in the same bed, under the same cover. so close yet so excruciatingly far apart. back facing the other’s, no one said a word.
you woke up before him. bitter and unhappy. no morning kisses, no whispered « i love you » to wake your other half. you wordlessly got yourself ready, grabbed your bag and quietly snuck out. no post it notes were left. no sweet promises or encouraging words. you could do this work trip without him. you were independent. you didn’t need a tin can to chaperone you everywhere. so you left. plain and simple. gone. since you woke up and left earlier than planned, you boarded an earlier train. how lovely and convenient. the carriages were mostly filled with androids. perhaps they were trying to immigrate to canada like the others. who knows. you paid no mind and absentmindedly scrolled through your phone, obsessively checking your messages to see if connor realised. to see if he apologised. because frankly, at that point you were tired of being mad and just wanted to spend the day in his arms. but prideful and petty as you were, you weren’t willing to apologise and admit your mistakes first.
connor roused from stasis a few moments afterward, less bitter and more regretful. he wished to right his wrongs but the normally warm presence beside him was not there. his system was slowly booting back up when his audio sensor picked up an incessant ringing from the living room. he jolted up and rushed out to pick up the ringing phone call and waited for the other side to speak up.
the room was so utterly quiet, a silence so suffocating engulfed the room, that you could hear a pin drop. the voice on the other side asked whether this was indeed your house and that he was indeed connor anderson. he swallowed dryly and answered with a soft, « yes ». running a quick check in his database, he matches the caller’s voice with a certain nathaniel edwards. first responder. he allowed his HUD to display the news. if androids could get pale, have all their blood drain from their faces, his would have certainly done so. he stood, rigid and motionless, consumed by shock and horror.
the news and the first responder’s words blended into one as he gripped the phone tighter: « this morning, at 7:48 am the train from detroit to toronto was caught in a devastating turn of events: the train soon caught in fire and exploded as it made its way over the border. it has been confirmed that there has been 0 survivors. it is unclear whether this was an unfortunate accident or the result of anti-android terrorism. »
the other person’s voice poured through the speaker but he wasn’t listening. he stared blankly in front of him. no way, he thought, it couldn’t have been… the only sign that the android was registering the other man’s input was the now constant red LED.
« sir? sir. i’m sorry to bring this— – no, this isn’t right… you must have the wrong number, he interrupted. there were probably others with your name… maybe they were mistaken... – sir that’s not possible, w— – you must have gotten the wrong house… not… it-it couldn’t have been…» but he knew how improbable it was that they got the wrong number. he was built to be logical, to believe statistics. the statistics told him you were dead. long gone. he hoped and prayed that you stayed back, didn’t get on the earlier train. the statistics told him you did.
he choked out a response, quiet and defeated. you were gone. he’d never get to see you again. « i… i’m sorry… i-i don’t understand… – we tried our best to find them sir, but… the fire was too severe… if we gain any new developm— – you didn’t save them. »
still in a daze, he must have hung up on the poor man and unceremoniously dropped the phone. its clatter the only sound in this deafening silence. the reality of it all comes crashing through and he collapsed, ugly sobs escaping him as the denial faded away to make way for the pure and unfiltered grief. he felt lost. for the first time in a long while since amanda he felt so utterly and completely lost. no more shining beacon during his dark and stormy nights. no more valued affection and coveted kisses. no more notes and no more smile to come home to.
he laughed bitterly, devoid of any humour. it was funny, just how cruel the fates were: made human life so fleeting. lachesisonly gave them such a short eternity. and when he thought you both found your missing halves, bound to another by an invisible string, atropos cuts it. a small snippet that is so easily ripped away from you. he belonged with you, he felt at peace with you. he was able to be what he struggled to be for the majority of his miserable and artificial existence. with you, he was able to be happy.
but now he’ll have to get used to not coming home to a warm embrace. he’ll have to get used to going into stasis alone, in the cold bed. he’ll have to get used to his aching heart being greeted by an empty house. every cold and lonely  nights. it’s ridiculous how human he felt because of you. and he was both thankful and spiteful for it.
sadness and bitter regret ripped through him when he remembered that he didn’t  share goodbyes before he left. he remembered how he couldn’t have apologised to you and tenderly held you. he regretted not being able to tell you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him for the last time. ra9 only knows the things he’d do and the things he’d sacrifice, just to have you in his arms again.
instead he was faced with the bitter reminder that the last thing he’s ever said to you, your last memory of him, was a contemptuous and scornful « i wished i never met you ».
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thedankfaerie · 4 years ago
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i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.
i need someone to hear what i feel
or at least, a free space to say what i feel 
im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.
last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you. 
 and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself. 
i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.
4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.
i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.
i cried.
i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time. 
a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive. 
but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’. 
a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once! 
after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.
and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately. 
with that being said, i gained the weight back.
not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.
cue covid.
i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class. 
but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.
im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.
i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’
because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.
i hate myself for getting back to this point. 
i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.
today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore. 
im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.
but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us. 
someone please help me. 
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pointedly-foolish · 5 years ago
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[ вut "sєntímєntαl вσч" ís mч nσm dє plumє ]
word count: 1916
pairing: connor/gn!reader
genre: slight fluff; hurt no comfort
summary: it has been a year after the android revolution. humans and android alike settled down, an olive branch was offered as a sign of reconciliation. with newfound peace came along newfound love, and many open roads to choose from. this was no different for the rk800—connor. surprisingly or unsurprisingly, he decided to continue working at the dpd, this time as a bonafide detective. but he has also accepted the thrilling uncertainty of life that deviancy has brought; the same strings that brought his lover in his life.the same ones he hated and cursed, the same fates who ripped it all away.
a/n: everytime i convince myself i came out of my dbh hyperfixation i just look at connor and i become lovesick again.
gosh i know i should be finishing my other fic or work on the prologue script for my vn, but,,,,,,, i just had a sudden hankering for connor angst,,,,
written during a sleep deprivation induced moment of epiphany,,,,, (purple prose cuz im extra af uwu)
I’ve never written angst before so i’d love to hear your thoughts on it
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maybe if you asked him one year ago whether he’d consider returning someone’s feelings, romantic feelings, he’d reply to you with a placid smile and a polite « i’m sorry, i wasn’t programmed to reciprocate romantic interest. ». he remembered that he’d sneer at them internally. now thinking about it, long before he questioned his obedience towards her, he already showed signs of deviancy.
you did what you were designed to do.
memories from his past would still torment him erratically, doubts would resurface on particularly dark days. but you were the light that cut through that haze. this wasn’t a “fake deviancy”. it couldn’t have been. not when he is holding your body so close to his, warmth radiating off of each other, two heartbeats—similar, but different—thrumming together. all the softly whispered and adoringly announced « i love you »’s; all the quick and coveted pecks and all the feverish and passionate kisses. no, he was alive, he was sure of it—alive and absolutely enamoured by you. all semblance of doubt ebbed away when you entered his life.
whenever he’s around you, he feels more alive: you make him feel everything, all the little precious things. tenderness and adoration when he shares tranquil mornings with you. he feels more alive when he’s with you, all the little habits and routines too endearing: the sweet post-it notes scattered over your shared flat; scribbled upon it are encouraging words or sweet nothings. conflicting work schedules meant that moments spent together were scarce, but that made them even more valuable and coveted. captivation, was another emotion that he felt around you. your mannerism, your dreams and interests, your physical attributes and quality of voice. logically speaking, you were just another human, insignificant in the grand scheme of things. you’d live and then one day, you’d die. as if you never really existed. but he wasn’t being logical. how could he be? when you were right there in front of him? you made him irrational, and he found that new aspect in life thrilling. confusing at first, but exciting. he was eternally grateful that you let him experience all these beautiful emotions with you. he was grateful that you allowed him in your short journey that you called life.
he was happy, absolutely content, with his shared life with you. you were both in perfect places in your respective lives: you both had a stable job, loving family backing you up, and a fulfilling love life. what seemed to be a mismatched couple at first turned to be 2 pieces of the same puzzle finally finding their place. life for the both of you couldn’t be better.
but along with the many exquisite moment that your romantic endeavours brought you, the android didn’t only taste the sweet delicacies of life; no matter how idyllic a moment may be, there were times when he had to taste the astringent and sour desserts life offered.
anger. that was an emotion that he felt. but that’s not accurate, no… it was frustration and shock and betrayal, all the unsavoury feelings in the world. perhaps it was due to his inexperience, maybe his lack of exposure to these negative sentiments, that caused him to snap the way he did. to hurt you the way he did. but it happened and there was no turning back the clock.
no matter how much he begged and cried for it.
he was proud that you got the job offer in canada, he really was. and he, like any other caring boyfriend would, offered to accompany you there, an offer which you gladly accepted. that was the plan. but plans were difficult to follow. crime waits for no man, working for the law meant that connor must always be available for duty. no excuses, he was an android. but connor wasn’t just a simple android detective, no, he had a much more important role: he was the link, the messenger, between jericho and the police force. he was the crucial communication between the two forces. so when jericho contacted him about threats of anti-android attacks, he had to make an appearance at their base. the meeting coincided with the day you were meant to travel to canada. it was a simple trip really. it only took a few hours by train, stay in canada for 2 days (it was the weekend), and then return back to detroit, probably arriving in the late afternoons to their home.
but you were looking forwards to traveling with your wonderful partner after « [we] spent so much time apart ». the day he told you the urgent change of plans, connor was tired, overwhelmed. you were frustrated and expectant. a fight was bound to have erupted. accusatory statements, along the lines of: « you don’t actually care about me! it’s all about work and work and work! » and « i can’t believe how selfish you’re being right now! » in between shouting and yelling and frustration and anger and contempt–
you both went to bed exhausted but spiteful, still not forgiving each other. in hindsight, he felt so utterly pathetic, so unbelievably childish, for being that cruel, and uncaring. he didn’t want to be like him again. so many glares and insults were thrown at each other, tears threatened to spill, LED flashed and shone a true red, doors were slammed. he felt awful, plain and simple. you both lied in the same bed, under the same cover. so close yet so excruciatingly far apart. back facing the other’s, no one said a word.
you woke up before him. bitter and unhappy. no morning kisses, no whispered « i love you » to wake your other half. you wordlessly got yourself ready, grabbed your bag and quietly snuck out. no post it notes were left. no sweet promises or encouraging words. you could do this work trip without him. you were independent. you didn’t need a tin can to chaperone you everywhere. so you left. plain and simple. gone. since you woke up and left earlier than planned, you boarded an earlier train. how lovely and convenient. the carriages were mostly filled with androids. perhaps they were trying to immigrate to canada like the others. who knows. you paid no mind and absentmindedly scrolled through your phone, obsessively checking your messages to see if connor realised. to see if he apologised. because frankly, at that point you were tired of being mad and just wanted to spend the day in his arms. but prideful and petty as you were, you weren’t willing to apologise and admit your mistakes first.
connor roused from stasis a few moments afterward, less bitter and more regretful. he wished to right his wrongs but the normally warm presence beside him was not there. his system was slowly booting back up when his audio sensor picked up an incessant ringing from the living room. he jolted up and rushed out to pick up the ringing phone call and waited for the other side to speak up.
the room was so utterly quiet, a silence so suffocating engulfed the room, that you could hear a pin drop. the voice on the other side asked whether this was indeed your house and that he was indeed connor anderson. he swallowed dryly and answered with a soft, « yes ». running a quick check in his database, he matches the caller’s voice with a certain nathaniel edwards. first responder. he allowed his HUD to display the news. if androids could get pale, have all their blood drain from their faces, his would have certainly done so. he stood, rigid and motionless, consumed by shock and horror.
the news and the first responder’s words blended into one as he gripped the phone tighter: « this morning, at 7:48 am the train from detroit to toronto was caught in a devastating turn of events: the train soon caught in fire and exploded as it made its way over the border. it has been confirmed that there has been 0 survivors. it is unclear whether this was an unfortunate accident or the result of anti-android terrorism. »
the other person’s voice poured through the speaker but he wasn’t listening. he stared blankly in front of him. no way, he thought, it couldn’t have been… the only sign that the android was registering the other man’s input was the now constant red LED.
« sir? sir. i’m sorry to bring this— – no, this isn’t right… you must have the wrong number, he interrupted. there were probably others with your name… maybe they were mistaken... – sir that’s not possible, w— – you must have gotten the wrong house… not… it-it couldn’t have been…» but he knew how improbable it was that they got the wrong number. he was built to be logical, to believe statistics. the statistics told him you were dead. long gone. he hoped and prayed that you stayed back, didn’t get on the earlier train. the statistics told him you did.
he choked out a response, quiet and defeated. you were gone. he’d never get to see you again. « i… i’m sorry… i-i don’t understand… – we tried our best to find them sir, but… the fire was too severe… if we gain any new developm— – you didn’t save them. »
still in a daze, he must have hung up on the poor man and unceremoniously dropped the phone. its clatter the only sound in this deafening silence. the reality of it all comes crashing through and he collapsed, ugly sobs escaping him as the denial faded away to make way for the pure and unfiltered grief. he felt lost. for the first time in a long while since amanda he felt so utterly and completely lost. no more shining beacon during his dark and stormy nights. no more valued affection and coveted kisses. no more notes and no more smile to come home to.
he laughed bitterly, devoid of any humour. it was funny, just how cruel the fates were: made human life so fleeting. lachesis only gave them such a short eternity. and when he thought you both found your missing halves, bound to another by an invisible string, atropos cuts it. a small snippet that is so easily ripped away from you. he belonged with you, he felt at peace with you. he was able to be what he struggled to be for the majority of his miserable and artificial existence. with you, he was able to be happy.
but now he’ll have to get used to not coming home to a warm embrace. he’ll have to get used to going into stasis alone, in the cold bed. he’ll have to get used to his aching heart being greeted by an empty house. every cold and lonely nights. it’s ridiculous how human he felt because of you. and he was both thankful and spiteful for it.
sadness and bitter regret ripped through him when he remembered that he didn’t share goodbyes before he left. he remembered how he couldn’t have apologised to you and tenderly held you. he regretted not being able to tell you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him for the last time. ra9 only knows the things he’d do and the things he’d sacrifice, just to have you in his arms again.
instead he was faced with the bitter reminder that the last thing he’s ever said to you, your last memory of him, was a contemptuous and scornful « i wished i never met you ».
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emma-frxst · 5 years ago
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Smooth Criminal 6
a/n- heres 6! im tired of putting the summary and etc. every time, yall be knowin. thanks for reading!
Today was the day it went to help the X-Force. You were nervous to say the least. You were a professional spy and, by extent thief, and you made sure to leave no trace at crime scenes. Still, being in a building full of people who wanted your head was scary.
 You walked into the lobby where an agent was waiting for you with a visitors pass. The agent escorted you up to the third floor, where the X-force was working. 
You thanked her and stepped off the elevator. You immediately were greeted by who you knew to be Domino.
“You must be Ms. l/n. Thank you for coming in to help us.” The lady held out her hand. “Of course.” You replied, mentally going over the information you had on her.
Neena Thurman AKA Domino. Team leader. 
Origin: Project Armageddon base, Florida
Abilities: Probability Alteration, Psionics, Hand-to-Hand Combat, Superior Marksmanship, Telekinesis.
“The rest of the team is in the briefing room, we have everything set up there for you to examine.”
You walked in the door and all eyes were on you.
 “Everyone, this is Ms. l/n.” Domino announced. “She’s here to help.”
“Nice to meet you.” Said the man who had to be Cable. 
Nathan Summers AKA Cable
Origin: Salem Center, Westerchester County, New York. 
Abilities: Telekinesis, Telepathy, Force Field, Teleportation
Notes: infected with techno-organic virus from birth, resulting in mechanical right eye and arm. 
“A pleasure, detective.” You replied, shaking his outstretched hand.
Next up, a man in a red suit.
“Hi, nice to be working with ya.”
Wade Wilson AKA Deadpool
Origin: Unrevealed location in Canada
Abilities: Hand-to-Hand Combat, Healing Factor, Immortality, Superior Marksmanship.
“Thank you for consulting me, I can finally use my art history degree in real life context.” Your quip earned a laugh from everyone.
Last but not least, the man of steel himself, Colossus.
 “Again, thank you for coming in on short notice.”
Piotr Rasputin AKA Colossus.
Origin: Ust-Ordynski Collective farming community, Siberia, Russia. 
Abilities: organic steel transformation granting him Superhuman strength and durability, high resistance to bodily harm.
“Anything to help.” You replied.
 You looked at all the things they had been working on for this case. Bulletin boards with maps and pinpointed places- Which you robbed, forensic reports and findings, and finally what you were here for, the stolen items.
“We had each gallery and museum send us pictures of the stolen items and information about each, but some of this is like trying to read Greek to us, and that’s where we need you to come in.” Piotr explained. 
“Okay, I’ll get to work.”
-Later-
“I’ve determined that there isn’t any historical significance of the items as a whole. Individually, yes, but all together no. They are all seemingly random pieces of art. The only thing that connects them is that they are super valuable and they have all been stolen by the Impressionist.”
“Thank you for your help Ms. L/n,” Domino said 
“No trouble at all. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a lead.” You said, lying through your teeth.
“I’ll show you out.”
“It was nice to meet you all.” You said to the group, your gaze lingering on Colossus. His steel form rather intimidating up close. 
-Piotr POV-
Piotr’s gaze lingered at the door after you had made your exit. 
“Dude, was that the girl from the gallery?” Wade nearly yelled.
“Da.”
“Daaaaaamn Piotr, get it.”
He only smiled at the ground, trying to cover up the fact that he thought you were simply amazing. Even after one date he liked you. 
Nathan had a smirk on his face, but remained silent per usual.
 “Okay, people. lets start from square one...” Domino said upon re-entering. “We’ve gotta be missing something, there’s no such this as a perfectly executed crime. Let’s catch the impressionist.”
Despite the teams confidence, they had zero leads in the case.
Lucky you. 
-Tags: (tag list of open, send me an ask if you want to be tagged) @chromecutie @ceremonialknives @evelyn120700 @nightriver99 @iamwarrenspeace @this-that-and-every-thing-else @hsk-puma @bungeewabbit @pianomad @lesbianstarkx @hazilyimagine  @super-darkcloudstudent @thehuntress26 @siren-lamented-vampire @mooleche @rovvboat @starman-thorsus-canos-jock @dandyqueen @nitemaremotionless
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overbakedone · 6 years ago
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1
this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.
instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.
im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.
i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.
i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.
one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.
fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.
alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.
i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i  met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.
am i an unlikable person
the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol 
so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know. 
thanks for listening   i guess 
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chelsanitys · 7 years ago
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anon post
for all 3 of my fans
i live for ur wit and sass
thx n same
Dont fuck with the best! Kate works hard to get the craziest anons to post in her yard, and I've got nothing but respect. There's no fan in the fandom as genuine and earnest as she is. Wishing her and her cats a long and healthy life!
lmao yall need to quit
you've probably answered this already but what do you think will give vm the best shot at the OG?
a good short dance + a good free dance + gui missing the catch-foot on his twizzle again
Are you taking the bar exam this summer?
no i just finished my first yr
I will cry if T&S end up together, They would be a horrible match. Surely I'm not the only one who sees this??
i am ashamed that this is the level of trollin i get. step up ur game!!
"i hope tessa marries semple so i can see all the shippers cry tbh" Poor Alex! Marrying him would probably restore his self confidence and prompt a return to the cfl! Still holding out hope!
honestly alex was the hottest of all her bfs. fedor is balding, has a dad bod n is wearing khakis on the beach now. and semple was always fug. also rl talk i didnt know canada had its own football league until this guy came around. thats so cute for canada
"i hope tessa marries semple so i can see all the shippers cry tbh" I want her with the Bitove guy. His family looks like the type that will post tons about them on sm afterward.
lmao yall know his grandfather started the toronto raptors?? i knew this brodie’s last name sounded familiar. also apparenty he and his fam golf at trump’s resort @ mar-a-lago VOM. tessa is 500% going to end up with a smarmy, filthy rich trust fund kid like him like its not even a question
Hey now. I want shippers to get overthemselves, too, but Tessa marrying Semple, god no. Basically, Tessa, open your eyes and save yourself.
lol i actually wish she was still dating him so all this mindless speculation rn would stop
Bitter and hateful is what I come here for. Anons should just fuck off and go to the Disney website if that's what they want.
vm fans are so damn soft n sensitive about everything lol, i rly wish some of yall would stop taking everything i say so seriously
Please come back, without your snark the fandom is controlled by the most delusional shippers.
i’ll post more when there r actually things 2 talk about. being around here when nothing is happening and ur all screaming into a vacuum about the same things over and over is like being institutionalized in a loony bin
why are you always up so late?
nhf for this east coast bias, it is a perfectly reasonable time in california
Which of the current/rising juniors do you see making tbe most impact next quad?
carreira/ponomarenko are going to win a olympic medal in 2022. even if the shibs, h/d and bock don’t retire, i see them easily rising through the pack - they just have the Look and aren’t without talent. i’m iffy on the rest - mcnamara/carpenter are too creepy and weird, parsons have no height difference and are siblings, both are coached by an unproven staff, everyone else are varying levels of mediocre. hawayek/baker will go to worlds 2018 if they’re lucky and prob never again if no one else retires.
i wouldn't take h/d's music choices as an indicator of what vm will have. they are the c team and vm are the a team in that camp. look at last season... h/d got stuck with marie-france's lame ass idea of the evolution of music and vm got prince.
true..... altho i think personal taste is important too. tessa would die b4 she ever approved an ‘evolution of dance’ sd
I want Tessa to steal Fedor back from Meryl. All that drama would be hilarious. Fedor lost his looks and is butt ugly now so he is exactly Tessa's type, even more so than in 2009.
i nvr thought he was that cute but he literally looks like he goes door to door selling pool cleaner now
I noticed that when Tessa shakes hands or kisses someone on the cheek (like during medal ceremony or interviews) Scott often puts a hand on her lower back even though there had not been any physical contact between the two of them before said handshake or kiss. It just always surprises me and I'm not sure I understand why he'd do this. What's your take on it ?
lmao ik u want me 2 say its bc his subconscious is screaming out in jealousy and he wants to covertly claim her and show the world she still belongs to him but i rly think they r just touchy ppl who like to touch. or hes makin sure she doesnt lose balance and fall off the podium as she’s leanin over
moulin rouge would've been a much cooler choice in 11/12 for their musical fd instead of funny face, but i don't see them doing it for their olympic fd. it's a bit tacky and overdone. i figure they'd want to do something that's a little bit more special and unique then that.
ia it wouldnt have been a bad filler fd for an off year. i just dont see it doing it for their Last Ever and for the olympics. its such a warhorse - what could they possibly say with it thats original? and its such a character piece - they r such overly emo, earnest ppl, i dont think they’d want to do something that different from themselves for their Last Ever. 
huh what, vm don't stand a chance against moonlight sonata?? Pls... that would be a flop, such an overused piece of music everywhere, it's like Für Elise - hearing the first notes of it makes me vomit in my mouth a little
ya bc no one’s ever won a gold medal skating to a warhorse before
it sounds more believable to me than vm and moulin rouge tho
What interpretation? PC will just float around. They can do that in any key and judges will eat it up.
true, gui gui is a demon
No way. The judges will think they're watching Gordeeva/Grinkov again and just hand the gold to them immediately.
remember when pc said they didnt even know who torvill and dean and g/g were lmao
If scott doesn't cut his disgusting gutter frat boy hair I'm renouncing my Canadian citizenship and moving 2 Peru
was legit lookin @ pics from autumn classic n skate canada and i cant believe how short his hair was then, i can not believe i was complainin so much. i am honestly such a whiny bitch lmao this is my punishment
i have mixed feelings because Prince is the best short dance of VM's career so far but then Latch was one of the worst lol. It dragged in a lot of areas, especially the middle, and it never felt complete. I don't hate it by any means but considering we only had 2 free dances left and that was one of them... :| so I'm torn between trusting MF, and then thinking she's one misguided song choice away from ruining VM's swan song.
the thought of mf picking out the music for vm’s last ever fd makes me kind of sad. like yall have no ideas? at all?? ur relying on instagram suggestions and mf’s adult lite fm spotify playlists for inspiration? im surprised n disappointed tbh, like they arent kids anymore, i thought they would take more ownership of their careers. 
but idk we’ll see. whenever i complain a lot, i usually like their material later lol
why do i feel like vm are gonna come out in their sd with despacito... the justin bieber version...
ok who is this person who keeps sending me despacito questions?? you sound like you want it to happen more than anyone else and are trying to will it into existence
It's funny because Tessa is SO cautious about everything she/they say, that she comes off/is rehearsed--I don't understand why she cares so much. They are not politicians or even super famous. Plus most people who watch (excluding Tumblr fans bc they're all extra) watch during high times like Worlds and Olympics. Most people don't watch interviews and press conferences. If they do watch one, it's usually only the fun "game" interviews or the mainstream ones like etalk which they are not tons of
idk what this is in reference to but ok lol. it prob matters to her bc its her life and she cares bc its happening to her? just spitballin here
Oh no what has Max Trankov said I'm scared to know now. If he's a Trump fan I might have to #nopeout lol he’s russian and a male chauvinist pig. he once said he wouldnt do a quad with tati until she had a baby for him...”and then maybe we try”
still gonna stan his trash ass to the end of time tho
Speaking of bad music cuts I could not stand the way HD's music was cut this year. Like I like all the songs they used individually but it just felt so weirdly put together like the songs didn't flow well into the next. The only part I liked was the last part with earned it.
really? i thought earned it was the part that seemed completely out of step with the first 2 pieces of music. the transition was way off and the tempo was so much faster than the other 2
The Facebook q&a is the first time I felt vm are actually compatible enough to be a couple.
should’ve published this steaming hot take when u sent it a month ago bc i have no idea what this is in reference to now
what do you look like?
tired mostly
haha funny how we went from vm are in a relationship to they hate each other.
dont ‘we’ me bitch i have nothing to do with this fandom’s daily emotional yo-yo-ing
Can you explain the Tessa/Kaitlyn Weaver friendship? Are they really friends? Kaitlyn seems like the kind of girl Tessa would make fun of behind her back.
more like kaitlyn weaver is tracy flick and is trying to bring down everyone in her path tbh
I get a bit of a superiority, cold vibe with Tessa, don't you?
no but i dont have self esteem issues
I think people who find Tessa cold and snobby do not get her at all. Yes, she is far from perfect and her feminism is all (...) but to call her cold and unfeeling means you haven't been paying attention at all. Like get off her dick and/or stop following her career.
i dont think shes cold either. standoffish maybe, but i dont feel like thats from superiority or aloofness. some ppl just want to mind their own business and chill?? not everyone’s a chatty cathy like scott
Music stresses me out. The only thing I've gathered from all of the various discussions is they should be exciting but not too exciting because it's an Olympic season. But they shouldn't also be too safe. Like I know you have mentioned various choices that would be good but what would be in your mind the ideal program, both SD and FD. It's their third Olympics, so how do they build on the past while still being fresh but also them. Or do they just not and give the audience what they want?
something original thats not a warhorse but is also audience friendly and is instantly musically palatable to a lot of ppl
so basically mahler
Which songs from moulin rouge should they use?
if they were doing mr (which i doubt), the orchestral score is 500x better than the cheesy ass nonsense from the soundtrack. like come what may with nicole kidman’s tremulous bird vocals and ewan mcgregor literally straining not to pop a vein would almost be too dramatic and Too Much. i think that kind of thing only works for a v specific kitschy, performative kind of team (a la russians) and wouldnt vibe with vm’s super earnest approach at all. but the orchestral score is genuinely moving and effective in a less garish way
but i dont think they’re doing moulin rouge lol
"the movies honestly made it hard 4 me to interpret hermione’s undying loyalty and devotion to harry as anything other than latent sexual attraction tbh lmao" Hahaha, pretty much. Plus, the whole Harry and Ginny thing, even more so in the movies, seemed to come out of nowhere and was cliche as fuck.
is bonnie wright still acting? i’ve seen dead fish more alive than her on screen
LMAO someone posted a clip from VM's show when they were having dinner with WP and they were talking about how WP live together and they ask VM how they deal with one another and LOL I stg I started loling cause their reactions were #priceless. S literally just had a WTF look on his face while he said something hella awkward & T looked like she wanted to slap him. Her follow up that she doesn't think they could ever spend all their time together just cements why they'll never date for me.
lmao that whole scene is so stupid. kaitlyn n andrew r such good friends i swear
Thanks for setting that anon straight. Set some boundaries so that they don't egg on shippers?? WTF. They're fine with doing what they're doing, and if they're dating others, those others are obviously fine with it too. Besides, it's not like they're filming porn or something. If you can't handle it, stop watching them.
idek what these r in reference to anymore but it sounds dumb as hell lmao
Wow I cannot believe that people actually think VM owe fans any explanation for their relationship/partnership. Like we don't know them, we're never going to know them or be friends with them? Why the fuck do they owe fans a detailed explanation of their personal business? I stg these shippers have lost their damn minds. As long as VM continue to put out good programs and do well I couldn't care less what they're doing off ice. Whatever it is it's clearly working for them. You do you VM.
the entitlement of some fans is insane. its STILL happening now with tessa’s ig now too. why dont yall just let her live n let her white-girl post to her hearts content. she is literally doing nothing differently to what every other skater does, idg this absurd criticism
Fr tho both of them have such nice teeth and I've never seen pics of them with braces, like how??!?!
tessa’s r so nice i cant believe she’s never had braces. and they r such a natural white? like u can tell w most skaters that they get it professionally whitened but hers dont have that artificial look at all
Are you in college? Your bio says 23 but it said that last year too.
i actually turned 24 a while ago im just 2 lazy to change it. im in law school currently
I just read an ancient interview with vm where they said Mahler was about getting married or something... WHAT
ya i cant remember if it was them that said or marina that said it tho. i remember a story about a guy who wrote them saying he and his gf were watching mahler at the olympics and once it was over, he was so moved he got down on one knee and proposed to her and marina was like ‘thats what that program is meant to do’ lol
Do you think Zach is a good skater and partner? I keep changing my mind on him.....
he is such a bland, wet noodle - no taste, no flavor, just empty white carbs. its up to madi to add any spark to the team bc she’s the real star, he just stands there and is tall and can lift her
Why the fuck are so many people freaking out because Tessa did not attend a wedding with Scott. 1. They are not dating so there are no reason for Scott to bring her. 2. She has people visiting 3. I bet they don't even hang out off ice 4. I think Scott has a secret girl in Ilderton. 5. TS not dating. I wish people would claim down.
this is so far back in my inbox i have no idea whats happening
I love it that whenever Tessa posts an IG story the fandom goes crazy analyzing and speculating about Scott what there even when he is clearly not Then there there are talks about TS wedding. WTF Soon it will be TS having babies. I am wondering if maybe the fandom (new fans) are mixing reality with those fanfics.
honestly no clue
I know this has been discussed before but I don't get how Scott and Jess even communicated. Jess could barely seem to understand English back then and Scott couldn't speak French. I wonder if them not being able to speak to each other is part of why they lasted so long actually
lol bryce davison actually learned french so he could communicate w/ her. not scott tho lol
I don't think T cares too much about fs friendships the way other skaters do. Of course she's friendly with a lot of them but she's not really close with anyone except her partner, which doesn't really count lol. She has her own friend group outside of skating and that's what she seems to stick to. It's funny you mention Meryl, Brooke, Tanith, and Lauren because they're all still really good friends.
honestly i think skating stressed (stresses?) her out so much back then that she really hated being in that world for too long. i dont blame her for wanting to disconnect and not having to hang out with skaters who just talk about other skaters and skating 24/7
I don't mean this in a mean way. Watching Avatar.  If you paint Meryl's face blue she could be in the movie 
it kills me when ppl say she looks like a disney princess? ya the ant queen from a bugs life maybe
I think Tessa sometimes forget that Scott is a huge part of why they are successful and she wouldn't have all of these deals w amazing brands if they weren't so strong+didn't win everything. it's easy to put her on the pedestal bc she's gorg and can dance, but he should get/deserves just as much credit-- i mean he is the one lifting her and she could not do any of this by herself. sometimes i get the vibe that she thinks she's too good for him. maybe he's not as fancy, but he has a heart of gold
i’ve literally never gotten that she thinks she’s too good for him...? they go out of their way to pay each other compliments all the time and dont even jokingly diss on each other. its actually kind of weird that after knowing each other so long their relationship isnt just one long roast section where they talk shit about each other bc thats what my relationship w/ all my lifelong friends r like....but then again im a flinty bitch and they’re super earnest and emo like all the time. like i bet they both cry during sex
i find it kinda gross, disturbing and a bit pathetic that so many people feel the need to write erotic fan fiction about Tessa and Scott--like they are real people not characters, and it's kinda creepy that people spend so much time writing and reading them. Also, i would pay a million dollars to have someone show TS what people write about them--they would literally die and so would i--some fans are kinda extreme crazy
u know how on graham norton when he’s always showing celebs really erotic fanfic and fanart of themselves and they’re just dying of embarrassment?? i would literally pay everything in my bank account (so like....twenty dollars) for someone to do that to vm
omg it's gonna be so awk when tessa and scott have to see klawes...poor klawes, she just could not hold a candle to tessa. still don't know why klawes still follows tessa's insta--like i would unfollow and would not wanna see some of the pics t posts of TS giving each other lovey looks/touchy regardless of whether ts are together or not. also, it's never like t and klawes would actually be friends bc they're polar opposites
v disappointed that the olympic summit did not deliver on this #drama
tessa and kl were real friends tho, i think its sweet. and its nice they still keep in touch even tho scott is a dog
Are you a fan of tessa's style? She wears so much expensive yet ugly shit in my opinion.
lmao no. i think some of her casual wear is cute, but she wears some of the most hideous high fashion shit ever when she’s going out. like that blue carpet jumpsuit? yall know wht im talking about. those hideous trousers??? also she wears an unbelievable amount of boring black dresses
also gf needs to do smth with her hair. tired of her high bun and slick pony. she looks way cuter w/ her hair down imo
Do you think Tessa pays for all the Adidas stuff she wears?
no she def gets it for free. i was a walk-on my freshman yr of college for half a second and even i got a bunch of free shit from nike
How do u as an ed sheeran unstanner feel about ts doing these songs their obviously using him for the sd next season and i wouldnt be suprised if they use him for the fd as well
reading this made my cholesterol go up
really hope they're exhausting all the ed sheeran options now so they won't actually use it for comps lol
ngl i do kind of dig that embarrassing white boy rapping galway girl song but that cld prob just be my girl saorise ronan hypnotizing me like she always does
Minus the horrific man bun, do you think Scott's hot? Also, do you think Tessa finds him attractive?
no and probably yes now that hes so fug
Do you think Scott's attractive?? Also, do you think Tessa being told she's beautiful constantly on sm has made her get a big head--she often comes across as a bit cold and stuck up prancing around in her $1000 + outfits? Love her and she's gorgeous but...
some of yall need to stop projecting your shit onto tessa for real 
Power plays of the figure skating journalists. Inside Skating does a very literal interview and article with P/C which blows up and then they go to Jackie Wong so he can basically write up a damage control press release. Kind of fascinating to see both journalists doing their thing with the same content. Hard to believe Inside Skating didn't think their article would create a storm. Interesting.
speaking of jackie, skaters r really going to him for their exclusives now huh? dying that ashley gave him her big la la land fluff piece instead of tsl. pays 2 be nice and kiss ass
Doesn't look like KH/JLB will have much of a chance to advance cuzis so crowded with the current seniors not retiring and juniors moving up. KH/JLB needs to work on their twizzles, thier lines, skating skills, chemistry looks promising. Some of those junior and senior teams should consider representingif they want a chance at aCanada doesn't have any promising teams once VM-WP retire. I feel like CB, SS, HD ain't retiring till they win Wch or OG which may never with PC around.
hawayek/baker could prob skate for gb because jean-luc has citizenship and carreira/ponomarenko could prob skate for canada bc she’s from montreal but i doubt the us fed is letting either of them go. they’ve invested way too much at this point. i don’t think c/p need to move tho, i think they’re talented to rise organically through the ranks. i think they’re more likely to be us #1 instead of not tbh
I don't understand the whole David and Tessa affair; like some people say it happened after he was separated and others talk like it was a full blown affair. The only thing I do know is that her being called a "homewrecker" or anything else of that nature makes me want to punch something because it's disgusting, and it's society go-to response. Be cruel to the woman and basically give the man a free pass. But maybe he received shit, too? I just never heard about it.
i think he was basically separated but not divorced when it happened
Do you think if TS and Cappelini and Lanotte switched partners they would be a good team?
lol no. anna’s not a great skater and luca looks like he’s shorter than tessa
Wait is that Tessa's ex Semple in that photo you posted of her pre and post nose job? Cause if so damn does she lowball herself. Like she could have such better looking guys I do not understand. Girl is very pretty she needs someone to help her pick better guys.
~we accept the love we think we deserve~~
I think T is cringeworthy as a speaker bc she's sooo gd rehearsed. Not a things she says comes across like she didn't practice it in the bathroom mirror 75 times that morning. She would be pretty good if she could lose even half the pretension in her delivery and tossed out the eye rolly words she keeps littering the sentences with like privilege and journey.
they honestly both suck. she’s worse than he is, but they’re both super stiff. and they always do this forced banter bit at the start which just seems so awkward lol
That one anon pointing that some have denied the nose surgery - this is exactly what annoys me about those shipper blogs, not that they are shippers (you can want them two to be together- that by itself doesn't bother me), but their ways and how they always have to insist on vm's perfect image - they all get so upset and aggressive when you point some issue out, like why would you deny Tessa has done a nose job... so out of touch! vm are interesting exactly cause they're real people with flaws
i can not believe ppl r denying her nose job. like yo its right there. it does lend credence to my theory that all shipprs r just hallucinating n seeing things that arent there tho
If Tessa and Scott did hook up while officially with SOs I have a feeling they wouldn't consider it cheating.
ok lmao??? im sure something extremely profound i said provoked this
how rich do u think scott and tessa are???
prob millionaires by the time 2018 comes around if they get their sponsorships
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i might do part 2 later if i can be bothered... but nothing really makes sense out of context lol, its like watching charlie kaufman do slam poetry
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cake-of-awesome · 7 years ago
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a few years ago i had joined a roleplay community. it wasnt very big, pretty close knit. like after a few days you pretty much knew the people who would visit the chatroom regularly, those who were regular submitter to the artists galleries and the likes.
whenever someone new joined the community the atmosphere was always pretty excited? since its a new face in a very small group of people and everyones curious what theyre like as a person and excited to roleplay with someone new as a change of pace
it was during this time i met a lot of great and talented individuals and had a lot of fun roleplaying and goofing off during my downtime. everyone had great characters and despite the depressing premise (where everyone was dead p much) the community was pretty jolly and light hearted. although maybe im just thinking that way because im seeing everything through rose colored glasses idkthere were bad times though too. and one time in particular still just.. fucks me up. it was with one member from the community and recently i ran into them again and i just dont know what to do. cause everytime i talk to them i think about the last time we had a real conversation together and it. just. sucks.back in the day the community was split pretty evenly between people who lived in the united states and canada and people who lived in australia and the phillipines. so basically opposite ends of the world.i ended up adding a bunch of them on skype so we could talk whenever and continue talking forever, including this certain member
now to be fair we were friends. i wouldnt really consider us friends now just because i havent talked to them in ages but. at the time we were. we’d talk for hours about our characters and the inspiration that we put into them. i had a lot of fun talking to them and they really made me think about what makes a good character in general
the character i had in the community was basically a self insert. he was originally a poor attempt at some kind of bad boy flirty type that gave way into my own frustrations with depression, apathy, and mangled relationships. but of course at the time i had no word for depression, mostly out of denial, i thought if i said that my character had depression people might actually point the fingers back at me and ask if i was also depressed. which was a road i didnt not want to go on.
this member was not afraid to talk about it though. they were very upfront about having depression and talking about how much it sucked. what led up to it. what they do to deal with it now. i both admired them for being so open and candid about it.... but i was also afraid for them.
a year earlier i had lost a friend to suicide. i had never met them and to be honest i dont think he really cared about me at all. but being in the same situation where someone was talking about how often they wanted to die... it just kept remind me of slo. and how, as an internet friend, there wasnt a whole lot i could do but listen. and eventually i just had to stop.
one night they ended up calling me through skype. i thought it was weird bc up until then we never called. and i dont think i ever told them that i had a slight fear of the phone. i answered it though because, there wasnt much of a reason not to? i was home alone and i was just doing homework so i answered it.turned out the guy had swallowed a bunch of pills and was just looking for someone to talk to while he waited out his death sentence. when i found out i just broke down. i immediately thought of slo, even though his death involved a car crash and this guy was just drugged up on some unknown cocktail of pills.
i tried to talk them out of it. but theres nothing to talk a person out of when they already did the thing. i begged them to see the brighter side but even i couldnt see what that bright side was. i tried to explain what i did when i felt that way. rubbing my hands on car keys or taking in the texture of the carpet. i remember him alluding to cutting. eventually they passed out from the pills and stopped responding. skype disconnected the call, and i, in a panicked state called 911 and talked to an operator who told me there was nothing they could do when they didnt know where the guy lived, what his real name was or any piece of information. they werent miracle workers. although they could pray.
i dont think i went to bed until early the next morning.  my body was too seized up and my mind was just stuck thinking about slo and the unknown state of my friend. im pretty sure one of my roommates came in after hanging out with friends and tried to comfort me at some point too but they went to bed a little later due to being too tired.
in the end they wound up being okay. their girlfriend found them that morning and helped them to get better. i guess whatever cocktail of pills they got just wasnt lethal enough to do much other than give them a really bad stomach ache. which was good. and im really glad for, and part of me also relieved to find out they’re still alive after all these years
but at the same time i just... dont know how i feel about them anymore. after that night i slowly stopped talking to them. kinda avoided the chatrooms for a bit and i think i even removed them off skype when i was cleaning up my contacts. when they were removed from the community for being inactive i was secretly relieved. which then prompted me to hate myself immediately afterwards. i mean! what kind of friend am i? to be secretly glad a friend who i know is severely depressed being removed due to inactivity? im not a friend im a fake.
but at the same time, they terrified me that night. and ever since then whenever i talked to them i was always worried about them somehow calling or telling me that theyre in the middle of killing themselves and theres nothing i can do about it. it sucks. and im powerless and i cant do anything. its a terrible feeling to have and forcing anyone to be in that position is a selfish powerplay. and so... i just stopped talking to them. i’d let time and silence erode the friendship we had until we were total strangers again. let the space between us comfort me while i tried to ignore my own guilt for turning away someone who’s hurting badly
but now theyre back again and, i dont know what to do. i mean i know what to do. i should talk to them and talk about that night and how it fucked me over so badly and how they need serious help. i know i should do this. this is my second chance here but at the same time. i dont want to think abotu that night again. im trying so hard not to think about death. and here comes the person who everytime i think about them i think about killing myself and that powerlessness and slo and everything bad and it makes me sick
but things would get better if i just opened up and talk... wouldnt it?
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somedaypast-thesunset · 6 years ago
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so i really think i am done now. 
like im weirdly overwhelmingly speechless but yet have so many thoughts and feelings but none of them of extreme anxiety.
he tells me he went to drop in group therapy today and that hes going to go to rehab after he takes care of me for a month and maybe he’ll be better for spring.
i’m like .........................................
oh. o.ka..y. i just spent weeks - literally weeks - being dragged along by him with phone calls and questions and requests and he saw me invest my energy and time and that i was becoming like excited for this prospect. yesterday i was being told i would make him homecooked meals and take care of his dog. like i was fed everything and boom “maybe, i don’t know, we’ll see”.
and i didnt know how to react because on one hand im like okay cool good job trying something new i hope this gives u something ur looking for and helps the situation. on the other im like wow you literally have zero care about me and even if youre sick and thats the excuse behind this back and forth - you dont care about me. is it the sickness that makes you not care or you yourself? and am i sticking around to find out on the hopes that rehab makes this better? like your complete constant inability to give any respect to another person. its not like im thinking he has to go through with the original plans or else but its like not one time did he mention hey thanks for working on this i appreciate that youre doing this with me and you put time into it and i really want to be on my top game and i know this kind of puts a bump in the road but im hoping that itll be worthwhile at the end of it because we’re on the right track but i am not.
it was just im doing this and this. cool. 
u know he cant consider other ppl right he has to only consider himself and how to make himself better while completely neglecting the massive damage he is currently doing around him but its okay because hes going to rehab and if i believe in this opportunity i wont be bothered by a bump in the road. 
yes i absolutely think my life story should be tramping across canada i guess by myself now to be with a guy fresh out of rehab. so fuck me right. and im just like.. sooooooooooo.... many emotions. im angry and bitter and sad and heartbroken and i dont know what to be. i dont know whats the “right” path for ME to take. because fuck anyone else fuck it all - whats the right path for me. do i want to be angry? do i want to cry? 
except i already knew how this went because i did it before the summer about this fucking trip so its like u must think im literally retarded. if i complained at all in anyway i was an asshole for not supporting his want to go to rehab. i didnt want him to get better. and there was no way to explain that he was just completely neglecting the damage he caused and was causing at this very moment regardless of his positive decision because nothing about making the ecision to go to rehab is that positive. its only positive because youre “getting better” otherwise youre going because you suck right now. thats not a positive decision. it is AFTER fucking rehab. but im not even on this level with him you know. im not saying any of this. i just know that if i say even one single thing about it, im an asshole even though its presented to me by an asshole. 
so i told him that i wanted to go and be sad and i talked to him later. he asked me why i was sad and really pressed on the issue and i told him it dint matter and i would prefer to just go but again he pressed and i felt anxious like either i flat out accepted what happened right now and just live my life in whatever new way i was required to in his shadow or tell him that i felt uncomfortable and sad and that he was just going to come for a month and go away again and that didnt make me feel good. 
and thus - well he was doing this positive thing and he wanted to feel better and not feel like he wanted to die everyday and you know i had this opportunity where i was too and i had problems i wasnt working on and it doesnt make him feel goo to have to deal with the stress of me being upset about his decision. 
and i was just so frustrated. like after two fucking years you still do not get it at all. like omg i could quit smoking everything tomorrow and still feel like absolute garbage and want to di ei could have a great job an still feel like garbage and want to ie because my BIGGEST MOST OVERWHELMING FEELING I HAVE NEVER NOT SHAKEN IN MY DAILY FUCKING BEING is loneliness. and its not like im forcing him to mae me not lonely. but when you offer this stupid dream world where im not going to be lonely, when you put on a mask to parade around and “care for me” after surgery but disappear promptly after its like do you not understand its literally more painful for me in my life to live with loneliness than anything this cyst does to me. anything. i could live with it for a year and it would be less worse than the all consuming depression of loneliness. and by feeling so lonely ive struggled with finding a purpose. and like i have friend(s). i have one very good friend ive had for two years that i really really connect with and really really respect and weve fought but its totally okay and when i feel really alone i honestly think of her maybe first and foremost because i genuinely feel loved by this person. i really really think they would do the most for me and in return i try to do the very most for them. and weve supported major life crisis with each other. we’ve really emapthized and like wanted nothing but the best for each other and like cried with each other and this person is truly an example of why it might be worth giving people more chances.
but i experience such an isolating loneliness and my personal battle because life has decided i will and have experienced this  is that i need to embrace being alone because of all the people who have hurt me. i am not prepared in any form to vouch for someone being okay. ive made so many excuses for shitty people and shitty behavior that deeply reflects and scarred my soul so fucking bad. im soooo tired of making excuses for shitty people. im really tired. 
i try to bring up that he had fed me all this crap and he bounced between saying “i knew it wasnt true” that he was “pretending to be normal” and that he was still buying the land and he didnt understand why this was such a problem for me because “nothing changed” and finally that he was “sorry” and kept asking me what i wanted or what i wanted him to say and its so disgusting to put the victim in a position where they have to teach you what it is you did wrong when its so fucking obvious that you lied.
and so i thought about it briefly after hanging up and once again - dont get surgery. i was so uncomfortable now. i was like downtrodden and disrespected and nothing of what he said gave me confidence in fucking anything so i had a choice of pretending like it was all totally okay and watching him leave at the end or being upset about it and getting the bare minimum care from someone who kept filling my head with ideas that were never going to actually happen. so now im like vulnerable and have to experience this person no matter what and like i dont even want to talk to him now. im so shocked. lke the full weight of what he just did has not even set in fully but i know that its so fucking heavy it just changed my soul and like the minions are working overtime to figure out how to put this shit back together because i cannot even believe the level of how he trie to sell me on this shit and have zero fucking compassion towards the idea that  he once again had to take a new path alone and “couldnt consider me anymore” but “nothing had changed”. dont be upset.
hes going to rehab. 
and like im sorry i dont really believe in the recovery of this person other than the symbolic “i went to rehab” because he smokes weed. he refuses - flat out fucking refuses to see what actual fucing hurt he caused people and hes the only person who can work on these things and in no fucking way what so ever do i believe weed has any part of what hes doing. i really dont. if i can be proven wrong in the end ill take it back in respect but fuck him anyways because if a heroin addict shot me in the leg he still shot me in the fucking leg. forgive but im not forgetting. 
like the shit he has made me do and go through is abysmal and hes never ever going to admit to anyone that he did these things to me so at no point is anyone going to turn to him and say uhm u did fucking what. so wheres my bonus in all of this when / if it all comes back in the spring and hes ready to go because omg guys he went to rehab and now hes enlightened and sober and better than all of us and still the giant piece of shit to me hes always been. and now more so because i still smoke weed and god u know im a real drug addict. 
i told him i was uncomfortable with getting surgery knowing i would essentially be stuck with him for this time and right now i was just really uncomfortable and upset. he said that was fine but he was offering to “fulfill his obligation” of caring for me and he still loved me and if i only wanted him to come make meals and change my banages an leave then he would.
and its like man no. at this moment right now. right fucking now i am full realization that this is super abusive even if youre sick. even if youre sick. because i know this. i did this. and i did this very similarly u know like this woman loved me. she loved me and she cared for me but lke there was alot of things i id wrong like i was lazy and ungrateful and spoiled and a bitch but she cared for me and especially - ESPECIALLY if i was “sick” she really “cared for me” and that cleared her record. everytime i was sick - well u know she did this and this for u. but like she was killing me EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY and all of this - al of this my whole life with this crazy woman was because she was sick. she was sick and this happened. and he was sick and this happened but like no matter the sickness this fucing HAPPENED. you damaged another persons soul like omg do u think u can get away with punching one of ur kids and going to mental ward one time and never ever have it brought up again no u damaged that kid and ur whole fucking family forever cuz ur sick. 
so ur saying before you go to rehab you will come back and care for the person that you have to “have no concern over” thereafter and that person can have literally no fucking emotion like youre a fucking home care nurse they never met before. like omg. are you for real. am i dead? why am i crazy because i think this is uncomfortable, stressful and awkward for the legitimately physically ill person. 
he says i can decide what i want, its my body but hes still offering to care for me and he doesnt want to play games because he was fine to take care of me and get surgery before he brought this up and i had already done this before and its like man why are you gaslighting me making me thinking my feelings about this are a manipulation tactic against you when its a legitimate fucking concern for my own well being and why is it insinuatingly so offensive that i switch to concern primarily for myelf when someone says theyre also doing the same thing. thats what makes you the most sick. and no one will ever reall see this. and its like when i realized i would never get anything back from my sick father and 10 years of caring for him and its just like damn. no one - no one will ever fully know what you did and thats how you actually won in all of this. even if i go out there and i say well he did this and this you already diminished my reputation of being like a logical level headed person in relationships and now i look fucing insane especially the embarassment of sticking around. 
like i cant even explain all the ways it oesnt feel right to get this surgery. ive had nightmares of dieing and its a nothing surgery. like maybe the anasthetics kill me or something. i have a surprise heart attack from my years of smoking. and if that doesnt happen then im here with him and like i dont even want ot look up what the surgery is because im 50% still in hope that like ill jump right up and be cool and like have no problem taking care of myself and i overestimated how much care iw ould need and its all good. best case scenario. then 50% im like okay if the cyst is as bad as it was and theyre cutting out a whole chunk of flesh and stitching it my likely best case scenario is moderate swelling and pain, moderate body movement and anxiety over a fucking wound thats so deep and like ive never had such a deep wound before and in this area i cant even bend with a cyst and its stitched what if i bent and it ripped like fair enough i could ask many of these questions of my personal anxieties with a doctor. and maybe what really happens is a bit of both and i struggle with feeding and bathing myself and my biggest concern is the set of stairs to the apartment and living in disgusting filthy room. 
so now im dealing with maybe a home care nurse level of care. im made some food. my bandage is changed and im left to fend for everything else even though there could be some limited mobility and stairs and just like.. not really being able to do anything strenuous and i imagine not alot of sitting and like this all sucks and now im watching the person i looked forward to the most feed me the bare minmum and leave. or he stays and is of more help and i fall into the same bullshit again. maybe he feeds me over and over these romantic bullshit lines like once i get out of rehab wel do this and this and blah blah blah because hes still fucking sick and theres no controlling what he will actually do so what he demonstrated is that hes unstable an i have no been freshly duped by him and i dont feel mentally strong enough to take the rollercoaster with him in any way shape or form. 
as he was repeating some shit about needing to respect him getting care for himself, my phone died and i took a deep breath and put it dow and was kind of thankful that the fates of technology decided this for me because i was really really super done. i know hes serious about going and i know hes serious about having no concern for me because hes already done all of these things so everythhing that happens is tainted to yeah hes right - “i knew all along” that he was a lieing piece of shit and i was wasting my time. 
and it bothers me that like on paper im like real shit luck in life, been through so much, have very little in posessions, no family and this person was like oh hey we’ll go do this and this and frolic through the land and its like do you even comprehend the weight of what you just did to this person. and to turn around and say make a way for yourself like im piggybacking off of you? omg. 
theres like a top 5 worst people ive ever personally known. my mother almost always tops the list for pure longevity. i have an ex friend who turned so vicious it like fucked us both up in the long run and im bitter about it. my most recent friend would maybe me number 5, maybe in running with my alcoholic friend because besides being nice theyre terrible people. but in this list, possibly #2 has to be him. he is worse than my ex because my ex’s “sickness” was being dumb as fuck and hes like.. hes just dumb. hes not terrible hes just really dumb and like not a good person to be around and even though i got him arrested im not ure he would be top 5. he was just so dumb that im not like traumatize by him im just like man thats on me. thats rly rly on me. but this guy --- im not so fucking retared im just running back to a piece of shit to be shit on with zero fucking bonus to my life. this person has to actively participate in making me want to come back by actions and words. im not stuck with him at all. no money ties. i dont live with him. why woud i go back unless he was gving me something i wanted? 
but he was never going to give me anything i truly wanted. and its my fault for sticking around. he told me all of this so i shouldve known even though “we’re going to have a sugar shack, we’re going to have a dog” - and just this mention of the word “we” was soooooooooooo fucking nice to me you have no idea. this really like.. stuck in my head and made me feel a tiny comfort like wow theres a we. i’m not just an i. i’m finally a we.
does he care? no he doesnt fucking care. hes sick. hes going to rehab. 
the bestthing he could do is leave me alone. thats truly the very best option. my trust is broken. like nothing he says to me from this point on is believable or true or leads to anything substantial. i should put no weight at all on anything he says which makes any conversation with him totally useless. because even if our convo is political i dont believe thats what he believes anymore. maybe tomorrow he believes something else. 
and if you love me. if you actually fucking love me you dont “love me to death”. thats not it. true love of me is an actual understanding of who i am and what ive been through, to really deeply respect where ive come from just lke i have to respect everyones living family my story should be equally respected and taken seriously and not toyed with. thats showing me a true love and if you cannot do this you need to step away and honestly man. its not like a step away for awhile and we’ll see like people are like wow ur so black and white but why am i fucking with a future you when both present and past blew it? there is no evidence to even back up future you and by the time future you outweighs all of this karmically, who the fuck cares that we ever knew each other its like some kid i sat beside in a classroom. like cool bro ur still alive wow nice. i never want to deal with him or anyting about him again. he made me carry so much of his weight he refuses to see it and i didnt need any of this in my life and i didnt ask for him to do any of this in my life. but i shouldve walked away sooooo long ago. i can reprimand myself fo this. but i also know im on my process and this is part of it. this is three years out. im not even homeless or fucked up im just like super sad about all of it. 
he had this speech about how i had to get the surgery before because we had to be ready for spring. so he had intertwined this surgery with this proposed future and i had to do it to be prepared and show him im serious and now im like bro if i get one in 3 months who cares ill just go to the hospital again. this is an option. they never said i would die if i idnt get it. its just a like.. quality of life surgery. and my quality of life is shit anyways this surgery and these cysts mean nothing to me and having to go through all of this man.. at one point he had literally said “if you dont get surgery because of me then thats how itll have to be” 
so you stepped on other people, you hurt other people and if they dont do a thing to better themselves because they have to deal with you “then so be it”? im going to ~rehab~.
i havent turned my phone back on for a few hours i guess and i really dont want to. he wont have done anything differnt, ill have gotten no messages but i dont know. i just.. i want to forget all of this. him, the surgery. just continue to hobbit for the month or something and “figure something out”. 
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Castlewood South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57223
"Castlewood South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57223
Castlewood South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57223
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Castlewood South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57223
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Castlewood South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57223
Castlewood South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57223
How does the car insurance differ between this vehicles?
I'm about to be 18 and am in the market for a used car. I currently drive an '05 Chevy Colorado and am paying maybe a little less than $80 per month. I'm looking at the BMW 3 series ('06-'08), Acura TL ('07-'08), Honda Accord Coupe ('08-'10), and the Acura TSX ('08-'09). Just wondering how much this would bump my insurance rate up and which would be the most practical as far as insurance goes. I have no wrecks or tickets on my record.""
Teen car insurance??
Im a 16 year old male looking for insurance. My gpa is 3.2 and play 2 sports. I was wondering how much it would run me to have insurance in California for a 67 mustang coupe?? And in comparison to a 2002 audi a4?
How much will my car insurance go up?
I just got my license a few months ago and i am on my families AAA plan for insurance. Right now my insurance is 1000 dollars per year. My aunt just bought a brand new porsche convertible and i am able to have her old 98 saab 900se 5sp turbo convertible. My parents dont want me to get it because they fear the insurance will skyrocket how much can i expect it to go up
How much does a HSG test cost?
My gyno wants me to get an HSG test done. I have PCOS and am trying to get pregnant. I live in Georgia and have Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance. I wanted to know how much it would cost and if i truely need to have this test done to get the perscription I need to become pregnant.
How will the Affordable Care Act impact part-time and full-time employees?
So I get that employees working 30+ hours, and where there are 50+ employees, have to be offered health insurance, lest the company get a fine, but I'm not sure how that will work ...show more""
Vintage car insurance rates?
I'm 17 and looking to buying a vintage Alfa Romeo or something. Would insurance be sky high? Are rates higher for older cars that are classified as vintage?
""Insurance renewal, same company, new quote?""
Hi, my car insurance has just come up for renewal and my insurers sent me a renewal quote, 704. Now if I get a fresh quote from their website (all the same terms, car is unmodified, 3 points on my licence, etc), the quote is 520! If i take the 520 offer, are they going to complain? They want proof of my no claims, and I'll send them their own renewal document!!!""
Who has the lowest price on car insurance? Please tell me how much you pay and your coverage limits?
Who has the lowest price on car insurance? Please tell me how much you pay and your coverage limits?
Do i need to have insurance if i don't use a car?
Please tell me - do i need to have insurance when i don't use a car? I'm buying car next week but after that i'm going abroad for a month and nobody will use this car. I would like to know if i can keep car in garage for this time without insurance and buy when i go back? Maybe its comuplsory to have insurance for all time when i'm cars owner?
How to check online what my car insurance for curtain car will be?
I dont own any car right now. Lets say i want to buy Honda civic for $4000 year 2000. I am 27 and have 4 years driving experience in US, no points. 1. how to check what my insurance will be? 2. how to search the cheapest car insurance on the mkt for beginners like me? Thank you.""
""I totaled my car, do i need gap insurance for them to pay off the vehicle?
i have totaled my car and i have full coverage. will my insurance company pay off my vehicle?
Tell me how it is right that insurance companies charge young adult males more than female for car insurance?
The answer I seem to get is it can be statistically proven that males are more aggressive,speed and get into more accidents. That may be the case, but I am sure you can prove that a particular ethnicitiy gets into more accidents too, or that people with a particular eye color get into more accidents or that people with an IQ below 100 get into more accidents. So why don't they charge them more for car insurance too? You can say insurance companies have the right to charge more if an event is more likely to happen, like Earthquake insurance is more expensive in California than it is in Michigan. The difference there is that when you charge Californians more there, you are basing it on an uncontrollable act of nature that is almost certain to happen, but when you charge that male more for car insurance you are making judgements about a person's character, making assumptions about his future behavior and financially punishing him for it before he has even done anything. Tell me where I am wrong""
Why is my insurance qoutes so high!?
hey all, I am a 17 year old male, live in cumbria. i realise this is a c rated insurance post code, i understand that. what i do not understand is why when i put in qoutes for the exact same car, exact same details all bar the name, my insurance skyrockets. i get qoutes of 3200 on a corsa 1.0 and the like (small, 1.2 or less cars) whereas friends, even 1 of which lives 5 doors away from me, get qoutes of about 2400. why is this? i understand the post code part, but the thing is all my friends being qouted live in the same area, in the same town, same estate in fact, our first four letters of our postcodes are the same, i thought this was what determined the post code factor. im currently a student, ive put down i have held my license for 4 months, i am the registered owner and keeper of the car, i am the policy holder, even added a parent with 30+ years experience on (which by the way only saved me 100) and i got 3200. my friend on the same street got 2400. why is this? also, can anyone recommend a cheap insurance company, as a young driver? eg. under 19 really, because i know car insurance has almost doubled in like 3 years. no wonder people are illegaly driving with this daylight robbery scam called insurance. thanks""
I got a ticket and need to know what my insurance will cost?
I got a reckless driving ticket I'm 16 no other tickets or wreck I have Erie insurance What will my insurance cost bcus my mom canceled it and I have to pay it now
How much should I expect to pay monthly for motorcycle insurance?
20 year old male, about 600cc bike Probably through USAA if that makes a difference""
Wrx vs. Impreza insurance?
I know the wrx has really high insurance rates.. How about the regular impreza? (new models)
Car insurance under a company policy?
I've never owned a car in the UK and may be joining a company where I will need one. This company offers a car allowance and I'll probably use the car for business. Would I be covered under the company car insurance policy or would I still need to get a policy myself? I'm trying to avoid the massive bill given that I have no UK driving history :-)
22y/o tourists getting car insurance in the US?
My mate and I are hoping to tour across the U.S. to celebrate graduation. Starting in one place and driving to another, so we'll have to buy the car (he's staying over there), and we want to get insured on it. However, we're 22 y/o Brits and I've heard that can be difficult. Google just feeds me lots of car rental insurance stuff; how would it work in the US if we wanted to buy the car there? Do you guys have any advice?""
Combine medicare with private insurance?
I have Anthem Blue Cross and expect to keep it after age 65. I believe Medicare has 4 parts, A thru D. Which parts should I get through existing private insurance and which parts thru Medicare? If I delay getting Medicare, later the costs will go up . How much up and which parts?""
How much do insurance prices drop after 1 year for young drivers?
I'm a 17 year old male and paying 125 a month on insurance, as you can imagine its a big hit to my bank account. Im on my mothers policy but will my prices drop in the next year and if so by how much?""
""What is the average cost of car insurance for a 25 y/o female, no accidents, no tickets, 2008 car.?""
Please help give me an idea of the cost for car insurance. Comprehensive vs. Collision? I'll be buying a 2007 or 2008 mid-range sedan (VW Jetta, Toyota Corrolla, etc.). I've never gotten in an accident or gotten a ticket. And of course, I'm a female :) Any help is appreciated! Thanks.""
Does insuring a family member/friend on your car make insurance cheaper?
Does insuring a family member/friend on your car make insurance cheaper?
Car insurance!?
how long before the policy expires does your insurance company send you the delightful letter detailing how much your insurance will cost for the following year!! im looking around for cheap quotes, and i want to know what my insurance with my present company will be, but typically i cant get the quote to proceed off the first stage on the internet! so im going to wait for the letter :)""
What is the yearly insurance rates for a street bike/rice rocket?
What is the yearly insurance rates for a street bike/rice rocket?
""If you are a 22 year old male, please reply telling me how much your full coverage car insurance is. Details!?""
If you are a 22 year old male, please reply telling me how much your full coverage car insurance is. Details!?""
Castlewood South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57223
Castlewood South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57223
""I was caught driving with no insurance and in court they required me to have car insurance for 1 year,?""
ive been paying for car insurance for the past 6 monthsm, but I recently sold my car, and was wondering if I stil have to pay insurance when I have no car. what should i do?""
Does anyone know about ecar insurance?
I found it is cheap, but Is it good? http://www.ecarinsurance.co.uk""
Who are the top ten largest life insurance companies in the US today?
Who are the top ten largest life insurance companies in the US today?
Motorbike insurance?
motorbike insurance
Average cost Motorcycle Insurance?
Hello, Does anyone know the average cost for motorcycle insurance in Arizona?""
How much to insure a 20 year old female learner on mothers insurance for one month in ireland?
i am 20 and want to learn to drive in my mums car (citron saxo 2001) how much roughly would it be to add me to the insurance for one month if ive never had lessons and have only had a provisional licence for 2 months? i live in ireland thanks
""I'm under GEICO in NJ. If every member of the family is insured, how much cheaper w/ safe driving course?
Three members in the family. How much cheaper will insurance get if we all take the Safe-Driving Course?
1965 Insurance Estimate/quote?
Listen it has crossed my mind, since i live in an area with many, many 1965,66 mustangs (that are half restored, with okay engines) for sale for like 1200$ right, pretty beat up, but motor is fine. and i am 16, and i see these mustangs fly by, unnoticed and un-bought, and i thought i might want one for myself, for personal use. so what would be a average yearly (monthly also if you can) insurance cost, for personal use, say 5000-12000 miles a year, don't give me crap about mpg, or safety, or you won't find one for that price (looking at local paper, 8 listings, lowest one 750$ runs!, highest 1500$ runs!) okay THESE ARE ALL COUPES!!! NOT FATBACKS, (But try and list if you can, sepretly of course) PS: DON'T ANSWER THIS IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, PREFERABLE MUSTANG INTHUSIST, OR OWNER PLEASE!!! i am 16, no bad driving record, curently male, white, kentucky citizen, well another question, how much do you think a passenger and drivers side door for a 1965/66 coupe would go for, and what about a seat (passenger/driver) saw one that was close to restored missing a few things. thought i might ask as well. please help!""
Car insurance in New Zealand?
Im thinking of moving to New Zealand. I would want a car at some point and don't know how much car insurence would cost. Im 19 been driving for a year and a half. No accidents, convictions etc?""
Do South Carolina auto insurance laws require me to carry my own liability insurance when driving a rental car?
I don't currently own a car and so haven't had a need to carry my own liability auto insurance in quite awhile. Is it legal for me to drive a rental car or even a car owned by my sister who does have insurance in South Carolina? Will I have to purchase my own liability insurance to legally drive anyone else's car in South Carolina?
What is the toll free phone number for Travelers Insurance?
I am looking for a toll free phone number with Travelers Insurance that is dedicated to new customer quotes not existing customer service.
Average insurance rate for a taxi?
in bakersfield ca
Does my car insurance help me get another car if my car is totalled?
I was in a car accident last week, which wasn't my fault. The auto body shop said my car is totalled because of the damages, it can't get fixed. The other person's insurance is going to pay it off because of the loss, I have full coverage and my question is, can my insurance get my another car or do I have to get it myself? I got it in April, gave a down payment, and have only made one payment. I need a car badly for work!!""
How can I find out previous years car insurance providers?
How can I find out who has provided my car insurance for the previous 5 years. I tend to change them regularly, is there anywhere which keeps a record?""
Whats the best health insurance for a pregnant mother?
best health insurance thats practically freee......
Which auto insurance company offers non-owner's insurance?
Which auto insurance company offers non-owner's insurance?
My girlfriend battles with sever depression. anyone know of free health insurance?
long history together. she has admitted to feeling very depressed and loosing the drive to do things she typically loves to do... however, she has no health insurance and she doesn't know who to turn to. any solutions? Southern California residents. in orange county/la area.""
When does my insurance expire?
I have a Family HealthPlus insurance that I just renewed thus is valid until next year, I also just got a new job, and my employment insurance is in effect as of July 1. What happens next? is my HealthPlus automatically cancelled or can I use both of my insurances simultaneously? The reason why I am asking is that, I have a referral to extract my wisdom tooth from my old insurance, and would like to use it to do just that. My employer does not allow me to take sick/personal days off in the first 90 days of my employment, so I can't really do that between now and July 1, to schedule an extraction. Thanks a bunch!""
How much will my insurance rise?
I recently got a speeding ticket for going 9 over in a school zone as well as one for talking on a cell phone in a school zone. I was curious as to how much my insurance will rise. I am 18 and recieved the ticket in Texas. This is my first offense(s). How many points for insurance is a cell phone ticket? Thanks so much!
I need health insurance?
i am a student in college from the ages of 18-26 looking for a affordable health insurance..
How does car insurance work in Canada...?
Your rate start at +43%, NOT 0, correct? People under the age of 25 are more expensive because (because they're group has a higher statistic of accidents and yadda yadda...) they are a new driver and they are starting at +43%, correct? But are NEW drivers OVER the age of 25 still starting at +43%? Or the day you turn 25, you go from +43% to 0%... because that doesn't seem likely, but that is how the majority of people explain new driver's insurance. Also what is the average yearly deduction rate? I would assume around 2% on average? ***The +43% is based on ICBC's website (They said that is what ever driver starts at) ***It is +43% of whatever insurance you chose for your age, etc, and then 43% ADDED on, correct? Sorry for the ignorance of this question, but I don't live with my parents and am finally looking into car insurance. Besides, there are no bad questions, right? LOL. Have a good one and thank you!""
What Auto insurance company's police number start with NIC? (NIC000435X)?
What Auto insurance company's police number start with NIC? (NIC000435X)?
Car insurance in massachusetts?
im gonna buy a $700(ive checked it out its a good deal, shutup) 1996 honda civic dx(its a first car, i hate hondas but im not rich like half of the assholes that are gonna make fun of me for getting a honda) anyway i live in massachusetts and i know insurance will be a variable but does anyone know how much itll be when i start driving? thanks""
""New to buy used car, can drive to home after buying with no insurance?""
i dont really know how to do, i am new to drive, Is it ok to drive the used car back home first but i dont have insurance, IF NO, what should i do????""
How can I save money on my car insurance?
I'm a young driver who's only just passed. Is it OK to put my Dad as the main driver when in reality I will be driving the car most of the time? I heard it's cheaper that way. Also I know Pass Plus can decrease it. Does putting it in a garage and having good security decrease it? What other things can I do to save - the cheapest quote so far I found is 1,600!""
Castlewood South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57223
Castlewood South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57223
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/pull-up-recent-mercury-insurance-quote-maya-spencer/"
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Is mutual insurance good?
"Is mutual insurance good?
One of the insurance brokers is asking for mutual insurance, I really dont know its good or not, If I ask him, he will say, its good to me. So asking you people. . Thanks
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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I have a Jeep Cherokee, which is my daily driver, but I'm lookin into making it alot bigger, putting a 6 lift kit on and putting 35 tires. I dont know whether or not I need to notify my insurance company about this. I dont expect them to insure the lift or anything, but can I be dropped by them if I do not tell them? I'm not actually going to be taking the truck offroad (stupid I know, but its just for looks).""
What is the cost of car insurance in ontario canada?
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Good car insurance rate?
Is $400/annually for 1 way car insurance a good deal? I an with triple a, and drive a 94 Honda accord 1 way policy. Ive been with them for a couple years now bcuz they got towing in my policy. Just wondering is this a good price? as my policy renewal deadline is near.?""
Are you going to purchase health insurance as required by law ?
Now that the public option is off the table ? http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091209/ap_on_bi_ge/us_health_care_overhaul Where's the guarantee that it will become affordable ?
How much would my tickets be?
I was driving 60 in a 45 and didn't have a copy of my insurance in the car (it was expired). I do have legal insurance but it's at home. So I got two pieces of paper. One for insurance and one for speeding. What can the costs be? I'm 19 and this is the first time I have gotten a ticket/citation (And I get two together, how lucky?). All I need to know is that how much are they worth?""
Can you drive any car with the COOP's fully comp insurance?
if i have fully comp with the COOP does this mean i can drive other cars who drivers are fully comp too. I have had a look all it could find was this, http://www.co-operativeinsurance.co.uk/cfscombi/pdf/Car_Insurance_Policy_Document_Part_A.pdf PAGE 14, 1 (iii)""
What is the cheapest online car insurance where no deposit is paid? Morethan is no good. (UK)?
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Policy for 17 year old driving on traders insurance!?
Can a 17 year old drive an Audi a1 1.4 sport on traders insurance?
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Does anyone understand how rental cars work? Insurance/fuel fees... Think I got taken to school on this.?
I just had to bring my car to the shop for a repair. They ended up needing to keep it. Now a rental was covered under the warranty. So at least the rental was covered. But the guy had me signing off on insurance and what not. I guess the insurance on my car would cover the rental if I had an accident. But they would take from my cars deductible. So I basically signed off on a Collision Damage Waiver and also personal accident insurance. I did decline supplemental liability insurance though. Should the warranty be covering these fees or was this an extra that I got talked into? Because if the warranty covers the rental they aren't making anything. My understanding is it could be better because I am covered under their insurance if I have an accident and it wouldn't come off my own cars deductible? Kind of new to this and probably wouldn't have been worth trying to argue it after the fact that I signed off on stuff.So if I use this car for like 3 days I'm in it for like $60 in insurance. Also does anyone know how this buying the tank of gas works? I understood it as if I use so much then I pay there price of $5.60 a gallon. But I got told it was best to just buy the whole tank at $3.30 per gallon(best option seeing as gas is so much these days) And then to return it as close to empty as possible to get my moneys worth. If anyone can help me out so I know for next time if I can decline stuff or did I take the right steps and take there insurance so mine wouldn't be charged? After the fact I see I could have declined these.
What would the minimal insurance be on a 2000 dodge dakota sport club cab 4x4?
For under insurance with a g1 driver ?
What cars would be cheap to buy and on insurance for a 16 y/o driver?
my years i like are 1995-2004 and i dont want to spend more than 2000-3000 and more than 100-150 on insurance
Whats the cheapest insurance i can get for a 2006 or 2008 suzuki gsxr 600?
Whats the cheapest insurance i can get for a 2006 or 2008 suzuki gsxr 600?
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Would a jetta 2.0 Turbo, have a higher insurance rate than a Jetta 2.5?""
Who has the cheapest car insurance in Florida?
Not the best...I know you get what you pay for. I can't even afford any, but I need to stay legal. Thanks!""
Who is offering the cheapest car insurance?
I am 21 with 3 years NCB, need to renew my insurance shortly. I know that alot of companies are not on the comparison websites, so does anybody know anywhere that is cheaper than the comparisions?""
NY DMV - Are you supposed to buy car insurance first or register the car?
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What is the cheapest possible auto insurance?
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Does California vehicle insurance cover broken windshields?
A turkey vulture smashed my windshield yesterday. I have full coverage insurance and they told me I would have to pay my $500 deductible. In other states I've had windshields covered for free. *ONLY the windshield was damaged*. No other parts
How to find people who need life insurance?
I am a Housewife and working as Insurance agent. Can u pls help me to find the people who need life insurance and investment plans? Thanks in advance.
""Need cheap car insurance, already looked into geico and progressive?""
what's a good, AFFORDABLE company i can go to for auto insurance? i'm a 19 yr old female, living in dallas, tx marital status: separated""
What is the cheapest auto insurance for a new driver?
I'm 23, female, and a new driver. I don't care about the quality of the insurance, I just need CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP. A potential job depends on a car I'm about to get, and I need cheap insurance ASAP.""
Would you accept a job working as an Insurance Call Center Agent?
The job entails helping senior citizens all over the country obtain affordable insurance solutions that cover their final expenses and medical bills. The work hours are Monday  ...show more
Do i need to have insurance for a motorcycle to switch owner?
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Is mutual insurance good?
One of the insurance brokers is asking for mutual insurance, I really dont know its good or not, If I ask him, he will say, its good to me. So asking you people. . Thanks
What is the average deductable on car insurance?
What is the average deductable on car insurance?
Insurance rates for 17 yr olds?
Since insurance rates are ridiculously high for new drivers like me, I was thinking that if my parents could possibly buy a car for me to drive but put it under their name, and have it insured under their name so its cheaper since they're much older and have a lower insurance rate than I would. But I heard someone said that somehow insurance companies find this out and somehow find a way around this so the tactic i just suggested won't work. Anybody have any experience with this?""
No Proof of Car Insurance?
I got a ticket for no proof of insurance, I forgot to pay it, now I must see the judge, I didn't have insurance, yes very very dumb, I know, my question is..will I just be fined or is there jail time involved. I imagine there will be just a heavy penality in fines""
Private health insurance plan needed?
I was layed off and need to enroll into a health insurance plan. My Cobra is going to be 700 just for me alone. I really need to have insurance but that's sooo expensive any hints or help is very much appreciated.
Motor Cycle Insurance for a Male under 25?
I am turning 16 in a few days and was browsing for motor cycle prices and insurance rates. A very slim possibility of buying one in the future. I live in California in the Sacramento area I am a male and turning 16. My parents tell me motor cycle insurance rates for males under 25 are crazy high, 600$ months or so and there would be no way they could afford that. Is this true? Can someone give me advice or confirm this?""
Best medical insurance in maryland?
what is the bestand cheapest medical insurance in maryland
What is the CHEAPEST CAR INSURANCE?
What is the CHEAPEST CAR INSURANCE?
""What is the best health care plan for student while attending medical school, like nursing?""
I'm a student nursing and ASAP need some health insurance, including Emergency Room coverage. Does anyone know any type of Health Insurance for medical student like that, ...show more""
Wtever happened to insurance rates going down when you turn 25.?
My record has 1 ticket in the last 5 years and I'm still taking it in the pooper.
Any ideas on how to get cheaper car insurance?
Any ideas on how to get cheaper car insurance?
Car insurance?????????????????????...
i just got a quote from adrimal car insurance... and im going on through someone elses insurance..... i have been driving for a month and there quote was 658 a year.... around 54 a month.... the car is a saxo 1.6 8v is this quote good? thanks x
When will my car insurance go down?
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How much is a female teen's car insurance in Virginia?
I'm trying to get one for my daughter and I was wondering if anyone can give me any heads ups.
Is it too risky to be a homemaker even if spouse has good life insurance?.?
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I have health insurance for another month, then my divorce will be final and I lose the insurance through my husband's company (with Blue Cross Blue Shield). With a pre-existing condition, it appears that I will not be able to afford health-care after losing his. Please do not suggest welfare, I can scrape by on my own if I can find affordable health insurance. Does anybody have an idea of what options I may have?""
What are some affordable/cheap community colleges in the USA for international students?
Hi, i want to study associate in business management so in which state i can find community colleges with low fees or which are the affordable and cheapest community college in USA for study? Thanks""
Car Crash and Insurance Please Help?
Hi, Yesterday I got in my first wreck I am 16 and the fault of the accident was put on me even though the woman in front of me slammed on her brakes so fast that I didn't have enough time to slow down. Anyway, the car I hit was a tank of a truck, I didn't put a scratch on it but her trailer hitch rammed into the front of my car, smashing the hood and other things. The woman said she will not fill out the insurance thing since I did no damage to her car so that brings me to my first question. If she doesn't tell her insurance company, which she probably won't, do I have to tell mine? My parents and I really don't want my rates to go up and my dad will be so furious if they do. My second question is how much do you think it will cost to fix my car? It is a 2003 Mazda Protege... Please help I really need to know and if you give a good answer I will give you 10pts in a heartbeat :) Thanks""
What are california's car insurance laws?
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What is a good health insurance for small business owners?
i currently have blue cross of california but they raised the premium. it is the worst insurance in the world and a ppo to boot, so i can barely pick my doctors. thank you in advance.""
What is the cheapest car insurance?
What is the cheapest car insurance?
What's the best car insurance to go through?
I'm getting a car soon would like to know the best and the cheapest kind of insurance to get.
How do I get the rest of the money for my car that insurance wont pay for?
So I purchased a 2012 Dodge Avenger from Carmax and made the mistake of not getting Gap insurance. Two weeks later a girl ran a red light and totalled my brand new car. Her insurance is only going to pay 16,800 when i paid 19,400 with tax title and license. I dont think i should have to pay money out of pocket for someone elses mistake. What can I do?""
What's the best type of health insurance for a pregnant woman?
Is it PPO, HMO, etc...""
How can I make sure my car insurance will be low?
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Cheap car insurance in Arizona for an 18 year old with a volkswagon beetle?
i really want a volkswagon beetle, and then one im looking at right now is a 2006 with 70,000 miles (i know, its alot but thats not what im asking you to answer on) and its a convertible. i've never had my own car, and right now im using a family member's. i dont have ANY credit, idk if that helps or not... i already know my car payments are going to be high, so i want cheap insurance, that will still cover me. i see commercials for The General and Freeway Insurance, along with Safeauto. are they good companies? i kind of checked out The General, and it wasnt as cheap as i thought it was going to be... help?!""
Is mutual insurance good?
One of the insurance brokers is asking for mutual insurance, I really dont know its good or not, If I ask him, he will say, its good to me. So asking you people. . Thanks
What kind of car has cheap insurance?
What kind of car has cheap insurance?
What is a good and affordable selection of health/dental insurance?
What is a good and affordable selection of health/dental insurance?
""How much would insurance be for a 17 year old with a 06 Altima,?
I live in Texas. I have no driving history. How can I bring down that cost?
Is proof of insurance need to transfer title?
My parents are transferring the title over to me, however I do not have insurance at the time. The registration renewal isn't due yet. I don't know if that plays any part. We live in california.""
Reducing car insurance for young drivers?
I have an idea of how to reduce my insurance for young drivers like myself, and it goes like this, I buy a motorcycle for about 10 to nothing(it could be broken I don't care), with this motorcycle I insure it for about 100, because insuring a motorcycle is a lot cheaper than insuring a car, then for a year I have no claims with this motorcycle, would this then reduce the cost of my insurance premium for a car?""
To HOLD a California Drivers License is it required to have insurance?
Argument with a coworker
How much would my property insurance go up after a large claim and non-renewal?
I own a 5 unit apartment buidling and after 20 years of no claims, I filed one large $80,000 claim last year for a burst pipe and water damage. The insurance company won't renew my property insurance this year. How much do I expect my insurance cost to go up if I find another insurance company that will insure me? I was paying $3,000 per year. Would I expect the premium to double or more?""
Good renters insurance/ car insurance?
i'm looking into getting a car before i move to tampa, fl in the winter. i'm on the waiting list for an apartment but i'm going to need renters insurance as well. it's my first time living on my own so i'm not exactly gonna be over flowing with cash. i'm looking for a cheep company that can cover my car insurance and renters insurance, is cheep, and will cover my 83lb dog (a non-vicious breed).""
Can I purchase auto insurance without car registration?
Hello guys and gals, I need your helps here, I live in California and I currently own two cars (A and B), car A which I am planning to sell has not been driven in a year (2011-2012), also I did not buy the car insurance for car A since I don't drive it anymore, in this year (2012) after I paid for the car registration renewal fee for car A, I received a letter from California DMW, stated that they were unable to send me a registration card unless I can provide them with evidences of auto insurance for car A, and unfortunately, I lost all the previous registration cards of car A during moves, so in this case, will I be able to purchase auto insurance for car A without showing registration card to the insurance agent but only with Drive's License, VIN number, etc.? Or alternatively, can I use the insurance of car B to complete registration renewal for car A? Thank you in advance.""
Does not having license on you affect insurance?
My brother was returning home one evening last week and thought that the speed limit increased before it did, so he was pulled over for speeding. He was let off for that, but given a ticket because he didn't have his license on his person. He has one, but he left his wallet at home. Now he is worried this will affect his insurance. Does anyone know? Does he have a rap sheet or anything now? This is his first ticket. I have no experience with this now.""
How much is the cost one day car insurance?
How much is the cost one day car insurance?
Alternatives to Auto Insurance?
I remember reading something a few years ago about rather then having regular auto insurance, you could have money in a bank account dedicated to be your insurance. Have any of you heard of this and if possible can you provide some sources?""
Why is the Affordable Health Care Act called that?
When it does nothing to lower the cost of health care or health insurance? Does anyone know?
Car insurance question ...?
Who is your car insurance company? How old are you? How much is your monthly installment? What kind of car do you drive? I am trying to determine weather my insurance is right for my age. I have Allstate, I'm 21 and I pay $143 a month for full coverage on a 2005 Honda Civic.""
Does your home insurance go up when you have a boat?
I want to buy a 21 foot boat and keep it in my back yard when not in use. What costs am I looking at? The boat and trailer need new registration but is that just a one time payment and I'm good to go? thanks
What is the cheapest auto insurance price in Michigan?
What is the cheapest auto insurance price in Michigan?
Car wreck with no insurance in tennessee?
I was recently involved in a car wreck where I wasn't insured whatsoever. This wreck was considered road rage on both parts. I didn't initiate the road rage. I had a dip spit bottle thrown at my car. It went in and all over me. I followed the other vehicle til he bowed up and stop in front of me where I then rear ended him. He was driving a '99 cadillac escalade and it didn't damaged anything but his bumper. He had insurance thus he didn't get a ticket I don't believe but I did and it says I didn't have insurance the time of the accident and a court date that follows up. My questions are what will exactly happen in court?? I have never been in a wreck. I now have insurance. I'm young. What will the court cost be? How will I pay him? Is there anything that I should know other than to show up?
I have a question about car insurance?
Okay I get my license on Monday but i don't have insurance yet due to my grades but does that mean i cant not drive a car that has insurance like my parents cars??? Thanks I really need an answer
How much would motorcycle insurance be?
I am a 16 year old caucasian male. Want to know how much insurance would be in TORRANCE, CALIFORNIA for my first bike, a 2001 Honda CBR600F4i.""
Which auto insurance providers do not use credit rating as a factor in determining rates?
I'm 28. No accidents, no tickets. I work from home. Go to school online. Car is garaged kept, old and driven only a few times a week, within 3 miles of home. I'm in no way a danger or menace to society. Through mistakes (ages 18-24) I have bad credit. Current insurance, paid 6 mos in advance is coming up for renewal, and has risen due to bad credit. I do not think I fit the criteria of high risk in terms of claims or bad driving.""
Know where to get affordable health insurance for student and family?
I am a full time student, married with three kids. My husband is self employed and I am wanting to work part time so I can study. Does anyone know where to get affordable health insurance? My college doesn't offer health insurance and neither one of us will be able to get it through an employer.""
How can the health care be made affordable to every citizen of United States?
Health care has become very expensive due to needless tests and lawyers and frivolous lawsuits.
Can I get car insurance from a country in the EU (but not in the UK) when living and driving in the UK?
I am looking for cheaper car insurance, I was wondering whether it would be cheaper to get insurance from an EU country, such as France, then drive in the UK. I am a young driver and have recently passed my test. Also is this legal?""
How do i get affordable health insurance in new york?
I make 40k a year but i live in nyc so i cant afford a standard plan. Just need for myself 37 yr old male Thanks
Affordable places for auto insurance?
I am looking into leasing a new car. I live in Grand Rapids, MI. What are some good companies that typically have affordable rates?""
Is mutual insurance good?
One of the insurance brokers is asking for mutual insurance, I really dont know its good or not, If I ask him, he will say, its good to me. So asking you people. . Thanks
What model Acura Integra is the best for customization and performance?
What model Acura Integra is the best for customization and performance And based on your answer what would insurance be (16 yrs old) and how much is the car itself.
How much is the car insurance payment for a used 2002 honda civic lx?
i wanna know how much car insurance payment will it cost me per month at triple A insurance at bakersfield california.
Which state does someone have to live in for cheap car insurance?
Which state does someone have to live in for cheap car insurance?
Cheap health insurance in Pennsylvania?
Which companies have good coverage in Philadelphia, and have affordable plans (~60-70 bucks). I'm looking at moderate deductible plans with copays for doctor office visits. Also, ...show more""
What kind of insurance?
What kind of (liability) insurance would i get for a restaurant i'm thinking about opening? I don't know how to find out so if someone could suggest some to me :) Thanks!
What's the average price of new driver's insurance?
For the longest time I didn't want to drive anywhere. I live in a big city, I can bus or bike where I need to be. But I've been forced into getting a drivers license, and will need to get a car soon. What's the average cost of insuring a typical used car with a 28 year old male new driver?""
Which auto insurance company covers him this time?
My husband got sued in 2006 for a car accident he caused. His insurance at that time settled in court. He has since switched insurance company. Now he's being sued again by the same people. So, which insurance company covers him now? His old insurance company or his new one?""
What are the best Car Insurance Websites online?
There are tons of car insurance websites, how do I know which will give me the lowest insurance?""
Anyone know who offers cycle insurance?
After cheap cycle insurance for my mountain bike against theft and willfull damage ect, info. appreciated. {UK}""
Cheap car with cheap insurance?
Im 18 and Ive just passed my driving test and im looking for a good car for around 2500. The cars with cheap insurance are more expensive and the cheap cars have a relatively high insurance cost. The budget for the insurance is not set but I don't want to pay a ridiculous price. Any suggestions on a perfect car which is in my budget but with a low insurance cost? P.S. I understand because im young the insurance will be expensive but if anyone has any advice on how to get cheaper insurance please let me know.
Which insurance company is the cheapest for a new UK rider?
Which insurance company is the cheapest for a new UK rider?
Car insurance for 17 year old?
So I'm 17 and looking for a car, I'm a football referee and could do with my own transport to get to games ect plus I'd love a car :P so can anybody suggest cars with cheap insurance for a 17 year old male, also is there any factors that would bring my insurance down ?? Thank you""
Insurance for a teen help!!?
My first car is going to be the 2011 Camaro 1LS. My dad knows insurance is high but he trusts me. How does the insurance company know if I'm a good driver and when will the insurance lower for me? I'm curious my dad knows but I don't wanna ask.:p best answer 10 points.
Accept $140K insurance buyout from Ford or keep insurance policy?
Hi, I'm wondering whether anyone can help me decide whether it is a better idea to accept a $140K insurance buyout from Ford or keep health insurance. Assume the person in question is 50 years old and in good health. This is a timely question for many auto workers. Any links to more in-depth analysis would be great.""
Spouse insurance coverage and insurance?
If I am divorced and the court is not making me to keep spouse insurance. Can I keep spouse insurance? What does the insurance company says about it? Have not called insurance company yet. Need to know my (her) rights before calling insurance company..
Life insurance and payout?
I want to get life insurance in the amount of 250000 for my daughter. If I pass away I am concerned how the money will be spent. How can I make sure the money goes to a college education and perhaps buying a home for her. I have no family so I cant ask anybody to take care of this if I pass away. Thanks. I live in California.
Can i put my car under my dads car insurance?
Okay so im 17 and getting a 1.1 litre care soon, my dad has no cars listed under his insurance but is a named driver on my mums car. Can i put my car under his insurance and sign the car as his in the log book and be a 2nd driver? how much extra will that cost a month ? hes been driving 27 year , thank you.""
How much will it cost a month to finance a 20K car?
I am making around 2K a month .... I want to finance a mercedes CL600 used like year 2000-2003 .... They go for about 15K-20K now .... What I am wondering is how much it will cost a month plus insurance .... I am 19 years old by the way
How much would Liability cost on my car?
Im 16 and i just got my license. Me and my dad are gonna go look at a car tomorrow. its a 1999 mitsubishi eclipse GS with 130,000 miles. take in to consideration all of the basic things of a teenager nothing special just an average kid how much would liability in wisconsin cost? all my friends say they pay around 65 a month but than i went to some insurance website and it said some crazy thing like 850 a month... how much for an average 16 year old kid am i gonna pay monthly for liability?""
Car insurance price?
Does car insurance price depend on the safety of the car? Like a car that has 5 star crash test rating, does that mean the premium will be lower than a car has 3 star rating? Thanks.""
Should I get earthquake insurance?
I live in California. The quote I got was $150K dwelling, $5K personal property. The deductible is $22,500 and the annual premium is $370. Is this worth it?""
I need cheap car insurance.....?
im 18 and need to know of any way i cna get low car insurance.... any tricks may help the siap im not sure i qualfy. im low income is there any government program or something? anything would help please let me kno about how much i would need to pay. Im 18 male in north jersey. car is coupe wit 4 doors and light weight
Second driver insurance car?
Hi I'm 17 and I'm about to do the driving license and I will be added to a car as a second driver and the first driver has about 20 years of experience of driving and discounts I would like to ask how much there would be to pay for the insurance is it going to be double the price or more ? any answers are welcome and I would like to know what would be the price range I will need to pay.
My insurance is over 1000?
i'm 16 and my insurance is so much now that i'm getting my full license, and my parents can't help me pay for it.""
Help! I need health insurance by thursday?
I finally went to the doctor for my period( lasting for nearly a month now) Currently self-pay but wanted to know if I can get affordable insurance by my next Doctor visit. I need to get lab work done, which everyone tells me its a lot of money. And I have to visit a Gyno for an ultrasound which when I called I received a price I cant possibly afford right now.What I do know is that I can't afford to miss the appoint ments. I am concerned about my health. So if anyone have any suggestions or answers please let know.""
Is mutual insurance good?
One of the insurance brokers is asking for mutual insurance, I really dont know its good or not, If I ask him, he will say, its good to me. So asking you people. . Thanks
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/auto-insurance-increase-gabriela-madewell"
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skiasurveys · 7 years ago
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if you could have sex with any celebrity right now, who would it be? well he aint a celeb but an youtuber since i dont like celebrities..so maybe markiplier? if you had to have sex with one of your best friends who would it be? all of em ;) ever fallen in love with a friend?  well they all start off as friends did you end up getting together or not? nobody specif i mean my current bf and i were friends for  little while before we officalized it but it wasnt like we were just friends. ive never dated anyone where we were friends for a while then started to date.
if yes, how did you end up together? if no, why not? ^
have you ever been the other woman? No. we all have that one song that gets us pumped, what’s yours? i hate these questions cus i forget every song i know have you ever been to prom? did you have a good time? well we dont have prom in canada, well where i live but we did have a grad dance but i didnt go. But how my grad worked was we all got to dress up in nice dresses/tuxs for the dinner. so thats what i did. don’t you just hate it when someone is a boring texter? yES. usually i try to make a conversation.if they dont add i just stop texting. ever let someone use you knowing they were using you? Yep how many people have you slept with (sexually not actually sleeping)? one. how many of them were you actually in love with? one ever taken someone’s virginity? No. would you ever want to be with a virgin? if no, why not? no actually lol favorite song lyrics? i have lots but im too tired to think of em. do you constantly find yourself internet stalking your ex? no but sometimes i check their fb but like once in a blue moon. i dont care. if yes, how many times a day on average do you find yourself doing this? like i said, once in a blue moon. usually if im thinkin about them or something but last tme i checked was months ago cus i saw he got a new gf and i wanted to see what she looked like. and no not to be a dick either. so like, what’s your zodiac sign? Sagittarius 
what’s your favorite item of clothing you have & why? eh, nothing really. im bored of my clothes atm im in a desperate need to shop.. do you have anything to hide? my emotions are you friends with any of your exes? eh. not really. my one ex who always talked to me stopped texting me, thak fucking god it was so annoying.
given the chance would you take any of your exes back? No. do you have an addiction? to what? my phone do you like being taken or single more & why? taken. its just who i am i guess. i just like knowing i have someone there who i can be myself with and have a romantic relationship with.
being loud & obnoxious is fun huh? nope. do you feel like you’re sorta split personality? half & half? not really. I am just myself with people im comfortable with and then i have my professional self with work.etc lol do you act like your own gender or more like the opposite sex? wtf.. do you have more friends of the same sex or opposite? its kind of half and half.
blunts, bowls or bongs? eh. i smoked weed like 5 times soo.. favorite sexual position? idk. the one where he puts his dick in me
3 traits your dream partner would have? funny, loyal, empathetic  do you really care what people think of you? Yes when you have a fight with your partner what do you do? usually get worried that they might leave me cus im an insecure piece of shit, but we havent had a really bad fight, theres just been times where he is a dick. holiday closest to your birthday? christmas. scenario time.. you have a wedgie in public, you… fill in the blank. go to the wash room and fix who does the grocery shopping in your house? mom
are your parents still together? if no, do you wish they were? they would be if my dad didn’t die. have any siblings you know of but don’t actually know personally? no
greatest fear? losing someone i love again and suffocation something most people fear that you do not fear at all? spiders don’t you hate getting nice & comfy & then having to pee? yea  what do you think of porn & the people who watch it? i mean whatever, watch whatever but i just hate people who think that alot of the things they do in porn is normal.  (like rape play, hardcore bdsm..etc) when your friends mention you in fb statuses & tweets do you get happy? yeah how much does it really take to get you mad? not that much. would you date someone that your parents & friends didn’t approve of? depends do you have any regrets? Yes. are you always the one to apologize even if it’s not your fault? Yes ever lost friends because of a certain guy or girl? nope. ever used a legit sex toy before? nah never bought one before. ever questioned your sexuality? not really ever thought you were pregnant? one time i didnt get my period at all and it was 3 weeks late and i took 3 test and i wasnt pregnant but i was still freaking out and then i lightly spotted for a week..and then i didnt get my period til he next month, that was scary. ever faked being pregnant? who does this favorite song at the moment?  nothing ever had a major surgery performed on you? one do you actually like school lunches? the ones in high school were actuallly good. do you think you’re a boring person? no but i can be do you think you’re more or less a good person? i think  im a good person which of the 7 deadly sins are you guilty of? envy ever made a survey & then taken it yourself? yeah i did once haha do you think it’s possible to dislike all music?  some people just dont like music i guess. i think theyre crazy. what’s one thing you think everyone has in common? we all have to breathe oxygen. do you believe that there’s actually good in EVERYONE? well we all start good but it all depends during the age development.. what’s one thing that bothers you that probably wouldn’t bother most people?  need to  have tv on a even number of sound level do you believe in forever? no how many relationships have you been in? 4 including the one i am in do you ever want to get married? why or why not? I do. Because i want to lol do you believe in divorce? well i mean some people just cant stay married.
is there a song you can’t listen to without thinking of someone? Yeah. do you think a lot of the surveys on here are too alike? sometimes they all ask the same question how are you feeling right now? decent do you like being called babe, baby, hunnie, etc? I do like baby/babe but only from my boyfriend have you ever thought etc was actually ect? no do you have any sort of ongoing health problem? i dont think so
ever lost someone close to you? Yes my dad died ever been hit by a motor vehicle? actually yeah. when i was 8 i was hit by a car on my way to school lol can you play a musical instrument? I cant do you wish you did? I wish i wouldve joined band tbh
are you able to speak fluently in more than one language? No. ever self harmed in any way? Yes. do you prefer longer or shorter surveys? Medium to long. what is one word you just cannot pronounce? specific  if you could look like any celebrity who would you look like? Hmmmmmmm ever wish you were of the opposite sex? No. don’t you just love fun people? i guess. i just hate people who ALWAYS wanna do shit especially when youre tired and they almost force you to go out. is there that one person who you just CAN NOT seem to get over? no one currently so what’s your dream job? animator someone you can’t see yourself being able to live without? My boyfriend best & most favorite video game (pc or console) ever?  hmmm. depends. I really love Kingdom Hearts 2, or even Elder scrolls online but My fav game ever is The Last of Us  would you ever tattoo someone’s name on you? maybe my dads name but not really when people sing happy birthday to you do you feel awkward or happy? It’s so awkward. favorite thing about being in a relationship? having someone be there for you..and cuddles and oh sex favorite thing about being single? the freedom i guess? not having to worry about someone else, or worry about getting texts back lol ad also you can kind of go out and not worry if youre flirting idk. I hate when im talking to another guy and im afraid im leading them on, especially when im not. ever been hurt by someone you thought would never hurt you? Yes. don’t you hate it when people in relationships act single? it annoys me. Like whats the point of hiding shit? so is your hair dyed? Yep. but fading back sex is really good isn’t it? It sure is ever had a friends with benefits? no do you like trains :)? uhmmm do you think you have a pretty good singing voice? Nope. how about dancing, are you a good dancer? I am white. is intelligence a turn on for you? It’s good. i hate stupid guys lol do you like to feel powerful & in charge? No capricorns are the best aren’t they? I don’t believe in astrology. <--- same are you afraid to stand out? just a little.
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claytonkkeller · 8 years ago
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wahts up my dudes back and at it again with the read more for another complain fest
im really thinking about moving to canada? like a lot bc of trump for obs reasons but also but like? i dont want to live in the same place for my whole life like my whole family did. but i honestly have no idea how to go about it, im still living at hime rn bc i only work part time and i cant afford an apartment in my city/town/place of living aka piece of shit brighton colorado. 
so problem a is that idk how to live alone and what to do in like any situation, B is that i dont know how to move into a literal different country, C is idk if i can even handle being alone that far away from my mom when i would need her help, like ive always been a kind of independent kid but i know theres a lot of stuff that i would def need her help with. and final problem is that idk how to leave my job? and im worried that if i move that i wont find a job that pays as much or is a nice place to work like it is for me now?
putting this other shit at the end bc i wanted to get the canada stuff outta the way first lmao.
its really hard to be the supportive friend when it seems like they dont even try tbh like taras getting get kicked out of the place shes living in rn bc she doesnt have a job, so im like here saying heres all these places that are hiring u need to apply to them and try to get a job, so u can get ur drivers license, and then a car and then we can move in together and u wont have to worry about not having a place to live. and then she doesnt apply anywhere and complains that she cant geet a job idk wha tthe heck im suppose to be doing to help anymore but i have no more ideas ive got noting and im really tired of getting things taken out on when i had nothing to do with it
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pointedly-foolish · 6 years ago
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[ вut "sєntímєntαl вσч" ís mч nσm dє plumє ]
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word count: 1916
pairing: connor/gender-neutral!reader
genre: slight fluff; angst with sad ending
a/n: everytime i convince myself i came out of my dbh hyperfixation i just look at connor and i become lovesick again.
gosh i know i should be finishing my other fic or work on the prologue script for my vn, but,,,,,,, i just had a sudden hankering for connor angst,,,,
written during a sleep deprivation induced moment of epiphany,,,,, (purple prose cuz im extra af uwu)
I’ve never written angst before so i’d love to hear your thoughts on it
maybe if you asked him one year ago whether he’d consider returning someone’s feelings, romantic feelings, he’d reply to you with a placid smile and a polite « i’m sorry, i wasn’t programmed to reciprocate romantic interest. ». he remembered that he’d sneer at them internally. now thinking about it, long before he questioned his obedience towards her, he already showed signs of deviancy. you did what you were designed to do. memories from his past would still torment him erratically, doubts would resurface on particularly dark days. but you were the light that cut through that haze. this wasn’t a “fake deviancy”. it couldn’t have been. not when he is holding your body so close to his, warmth radiating off of each other, two heartbeats—similar, but different—thrumming together. all the softly whispered and adoringly announced « i love you »’s; all the quick and coveted pecks and all the feverish and passionate kisses. no, he was alive, he was sure of it—alive and absolutely enamoured by you. all semblance of doubt ebbed away when you entered his life.
whenever he’s around you, he feels more alive: you make him feel everything, all the little precious things. tenderness and adoration when he shares tranquil mornings with you. he feels more alive when he’s with you, all the little habits and routines too endearing: the sweet post-it notes scattered over your shared flat, scribbled upon it are encouraging words or sweet nothings. conflicting work schedules meant that moments spent together were scarce, but that made them even more valuable and coveted. captivation, was another emotion that he felt around you. your mannerism, your dreams and interests, your physical attributes and quality of voice. logically speaking, you were just another human, insignificant in the grand scheme of things. you’d live and then one day, you’d die. as if you never really existed. but he wasn’t being logical. how could he be? when you were right there in front of him? you made him irrational, and he found that new aspect in life thrilling. confusing at first, but exciting. he was eternally grateful that you let him experience all these beautiful emotions with you. he was grateful that you allowed him in your short journey that you called life.
he was happy, absolutely content, with his shared life with you. you were both in perfect places in your respective lives: you both had a stable job, loving family backing you up, and a fulfilling love life. what seemed to be a mismatched couple at first turned to be 2 pieces of the same puzzle finally finding their place. life for the both of you couldn’t be better.
but along with the many exquisite moment that your romantic endeavours brought you, the android didn’t only taste the sweet delicacies of life; no matter how idyllic a moment may be, there were times when he had to taste the astringent and sour desserts life offered.
anger. that was an emotion that he felt. but that’s not accurate, no… it was frustration and shock and betrayal, all the unsavoury feelings in the world. perhaps it was due to his inexperience, maybe his lack of exposure to these negative sentiments, that caused him to snap the way he did. to hurt you the way he did. but it happened and there was no turning back the clock.
no matter how much he begged and cried for it.
he was proud that you got the job offer in canada, he really was. and he, like any other caring boyfriend would, offered to accompany you there, an offer which you gladly accepted. that was the plan. but plans were difficult to follow. crime waits for no man, working for the law meant that connor must always be available for duty. no excuses, he was an android. but connor wasn’t just a simple android detective, no, he had a much more important role: he was the link, the messenger, between jericho and the police force. he was the crucial communication between the two forces. so when jericho contacted him about threats of anti-android attacks, he had to make an appearance at their base. the meeting coincided with the day you were meant to travel to canada. it was a simple trip really. it only took a few hours by train, stay in canada for 2 days (it was the weekend), and then return back to detroit, probably arriving in the late afternoons to their home.
but you were looking forwards to traveling with your wonderful partner after « [we] spent so much time apart ». the day he told you the urgent change of plans, connor was tired, overwhelmed. you were frustrated and expectant. a fight was bound to have erupted. accusatory statements, along the lines of: « you don’t actually care about me! it’s all about work and work and work! » and « i can’t believe how selfish you’re being right now! » in between shouting and yelling and frustration and anger and contempt–
you both went to bed exhausted but spiteful, still not forgiving each other. in hindsight, he felt so utterly pathetic, so unbelievably childish, for being that cruel, and uncaring. he didn’t want to be like him again. so many glares and insults were thrown at each other, tears threatened to spill, LED flashed and shone a true red, doors were slammed. he felt awful, plain and simple. you both lied in the same bed, under the same cover. so close yet so excruciatingly far apart. back facing the other’s, no one said a word.
you woke up before him. bitter and unhappy. no morning kisses, no whispered « i love you » to wake your other half. you wordlessly got yourself ready, grabbed your bag and quietly snuck out. no post it notes were left. no sweet promises or encouraging words. you could do this work trip without him. you were independent. you didn’t need a tin can to chaperone you everywhere. so you left. plain and simple. gone. since you woke up and left earlier than planned, you boarded an earlier train. how lovely and convenient. the carriages were mostly filled with androids. perhaps they were trying to immigrate to canada like the others. who knows. you paid no mind and absentmindedly scrolled through your phone, obsessively checking your messages to see if connor realised. to see if he apologised. because frankly, at that point you were tired of being and just wanted to spend the day in his arms. but prideful and petty as you were, you weren’t willing to apologise and admit your mistakes first.
connor roused from stasis a few moments afterward, less bitter and more regretful. he wished to right his wrongs but the normally warm presence beside him was no longer. his system was slowly booting back up when his audio sensor picked up an incessant ringing from the living room. he jolted up and rushed out to pick up the ringing phone call and waited for the other side to speak up.
the room was so utterly quiet, a silence so suffocating engulfed the room, that you could hear a pin drop. the voice on the other side asked whether this was indeed your house and that he was indeed connor anderson. he swallowed dryly and answered with a soft, « yes ». running a quick check in his database, he matches the caller’s voice with a certain nathaniel edwards. first responder. he allowed his HUD to display the news. if androids could get pale, have all their blood drain from their faces, his would have certainly done so. he stood, rigid and motionless, consumed by shock and horror.
the news and the first responder’s words blended into one as he gripped the phone tighter: « this morning, at 7:48 am the train from detroit to toronto was caught in a devastating turn of events: the train soon caught in fire and exploded as it made its way over the border. it has been confirmed that there has been 0 survivors. it is unclear whether this was an unfortunate accident or the result of anti-android terrorism. »
the other person’s voice poured through the speaker but he wasn’t listening. he stared blankly in front of him. no way, he thought, it couldn’t have been… the only sign that the android was registering the other man’s input was the now constant red LED.
« sir? sir. i’m sorry to bring this— – no, this isn’t right… you must have the wrong number, he interrupted. there were probably others with your name… maybe they were mistaken... – sir that’s not possible, w— – you must have gotten the wrong house… not… it-it couldn’t have been…» but he knew how improbable it was that they got the wrong number. he was built to be logical, to believe statistics. the statistics told him you were dead. long gone. he hoped and prayed that you stayed back, didn’t get on the earlier train. the statistics told him you did.
he choked out a response, quiet and defeated. you were gone. he’d never get to see you again. « i… i’m sorry… i-i don’t understand… – we tried our best to find them sir, but… the fire was too severe… if we gain any new developm— – you didn’t save them. »
still in a daze, he must have hung up on the poor man and unceremoniously dropped the phone. its clatter the only sound in this deafening silence. the reality of it all comes crashing through and he collapsed, ugly sobs escaping him as the denial faded away to make way for the pure and unfiltered grief. he felt lost. for the first time in a long while since amanda he felt so utterly and completely lost. no more shining beacon during his dark and stormy nights. no more valued affection and coveted kisses. no more notes and no more smile to come home to.
he laughed bitterly, devoid of any humour. it was funny, just how cruel the fates were: made human life so fleeting. lachesis only gave them such a short eternity. and when he thought you both found your missing halves, bound to another by an invisible string, atropos cuts it. a small snippet that is so easily ripped away from you. he belonged with you, he felt at peace with you. he was able to be what he struggled to be for the majority of his miserable and artificial existence. with you, he was able to be happy.
but now he’ll have to get used to not coming home to a warm embrace. he’ll have to get used to going into stasis alone, in the cold bed. he’ll have to get used to his aching heart being greeted by an empty house. every cold and lonely nights. it’s ridiculous how human he felt because of you. and he was both thankful and spiteful for it.
sadness and bitter regret ripped through him when he remembered that he didn’t share goodbyes before he left. he remembered how he couldn’t have apologised to you and tenderly held you. he regretted not being able to tell you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him for the last time. ra9 only knows the things he’d do and the things he’d sacrifice, just to have you in his arms again.
instead he was faced with the bitter reminder that the last thing he’s ever said to you, your last memory of him, was a contemptuous and scornful « i wished i never met you ».
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