#and im struggling to keep going with it with those mistakes blatantly right there in my face | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

spacejew · 5 years ago

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oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

#personal #capn whitey #tw death #i guess

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survivor-tierradelfuego · 4 years ago

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Ep. 4: “Oh the classic dilemma of Survivor.” - Leanne

Ryan

I'm going to be honest, I'm not really gonna miss Tyler. I feel less bad about kicking him out now that I know he's played before. He was kinda cocky and reclusive- that's not the vibe we need in our tribe.

Najwah

I'm actually upset and really annoyed that no one else is willing to move their times so I can play too? And no one even acknowledged my message lol I started this game under the impression that people from all over the world would participate but instead I'm in a group with a bunch of Americans and I have to adjust my times EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. It is a lot. I feel like quitting. I mean what's the point? I've been struggling with depression for such a long time, it's been amplified by this Lockdown and being part of something, this whole make believe game brought me some kind of joy. Some light. However, being blatantly over looked and left out because its convenient for everyone else kinda sucks. I'm overlooked and left out of everything in real life too. I don't think this game is good for my mental health actually. I feel worthless and like shit and the person I thought had my back the most, Leanne, seems to be the most annoyed with me. She isnt even replying to me in our one on one chat. Guess she got everything she wanted out of me hey? I don't know whether any of this extra stress coupled with sleepless nights and zero concentration when doing my work is worth it?

Zack M

here i come again, carrying the tribe on my back like i always do. (dolly parton reference to "here you come again" ... available on spotify for those who don't know) this is the second time in a row that i stepped up for the team while everyone else was silent. like it's cool. i don't mind doing it for them as long as we win. it's not fair for me to be labeled as a threat because i do my best .... and that best happens to be sometimes better. idk. i'm just here to play. i don't feel the same drive from my teammates. yes. that's it. i'm here to play to win. they just want to win. nothing is going to change for me. i'm going to do every challenge. i'm going to come with the big moves. i'm going to hurt some feelings along the way. but i need to stay in the game to be able to do that. i'm truly scared i'm going to be blindsided if we don't win. COUGH COUGH IM SCARED IM GOING TO BE BLINDSIDED IF WE DONT WIN AND I DONT HAVE AN IMMUNITY IDOL FROM THE WISHING TREE COUGH COUGH ..... i could really use a wish right now (wish right now).

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovDd3CLqYos

Leanne

Have ya heard the news? Our tribe finally won a challenge! This is great news, and not just for the obvious, game/numbers related reasons. The night results were announced my Skype didn’t go off all night. All, night. I think there was a block of at least 12 hours straight I wasn’t looking at it. There was that gaming voice in my head that now and then would urge, you know, you really ought to check in with Aimee and see what she’s up to. You know, you had a conversation with James the other day, you better try building that up. But honestly, these last few days have been so peaceful I just didn’t want to. It was too nice being off line LOL. Of course, there still remains the difficulty that I still don’t know where the target is going to land. I had a check in with the “trio”... Ben and Zach. It was “I don’t know” all around. One of them said that the first person who threw out a name would probably be made a target themselves. So no one will talk about that, seemingly, until we lose. Of course, my individual preferences haven’t changed. I’d still like to see either Cody or Sarah go. Leaning toward Sarah at the moment because she seems more feasible. She wasn’t at our last tribal, she hadn’t checked in for a little while, and when we were getting ready to do the challenge last night most of us thought she wouldn’t be around. I was really hoping she wouldn’t show so that I could make a stronger case for that. Precedent shows that lack of presence is the go-to way to get yourself voted out. And I really don’t know who she’s with, if anyone. I haven’t really talked to her. Maybe I’ll float that idea to people today. Instinct tells me that I should get in before the challenge results are announced, because afterward, if we lose, people will be scrambling, and it could land most anywhere. But if I’m too aggressive with this I could be the one throwing names out there and it could backfire. Oh the classic dilemma of Survivor. In other news, Najwah and I have been working together on the idol hunt. She’s been talking to Cody, I’ve been talking to Zach, and so the question we are pondering is whether they’re giving us trustworthy information, both about the search and the game at large. I actually do believe that we’ve been completely upfront with each other and at this point I trust her as completely as anyone can trust in this game. She continues to be my very best ally and I hope we can keep working closely together as this goes on. It’s only hitting me now how hard it is to form impressions of the other tribe based on the info we have. I’ve been reviewing some of the tribal’s, there’s from yesterday and our last one, and the answers are canned enough and United enough that nothing is really said. Everyone in this cast knows we are here to play a social game, and that means not saying stupid things and trying not to make enemies, especially in these early stages. They look strong and unified. They had an easy vote and seem to like each other, which is very much to be expected. I can’t really gleam any subtext from what I saw. Odds are we are just as hard to read for them. We’ll just have to wait and see come merge time, or possibly swap time? At their tribal the question said there was “talk” of that as well. Here’s hoping I’m not the Johnny come lately to that discourse. But even if it is looming, not much to do about it till you get there. I don’t think that’s something you can necessarily pregame for. So there you have it. It’s been a refreshingly peaceful several days and let’s hope it continues. These results could go either way, and if it doesn’t go the way we want, well, then the game switches into the next gear. That would make me very worried for our numbers down the line, but more immediately we are probably all worried about our place at that point. I have no idea what will happen.

Ryan

I am not very happy by the fact that I will have no control in the fate of our tribe.I'm happy we voted Tyler out unanimously, he was someone we all, especially Pedro and I, agreed on very early. it's gonna be tough now moving forward, but I know who I don't want to vote out

Pedro A

So Today we have the challenge....Im scared if we go to tribal idk who will go

Alan B

Yes! I'm so glad we won - the next vote for our tribe is gonna be a tough one, i really hope making the only mistakes during this challenge doesnt come back to bite me! we won right how bad could it be...

Pedro A

WEEEE WONNNN....stream CLC, RED VELVET AND BLACKPINK...you know why?....cause we have the night offffff.....

Amy A

Another night off 🎉🎉🎉. I’m so ecstatic because there’s no name coming up for vote 2 yet so it could literally be anyone even though I think my alliances with people will carry me through. My alliance with Ryan and Pedro is still strong and I have secret alliances w Maddison, John, and Grae even though Grae’s is more shaky. Im going to go sleep with no worry in my mind at all. Maybe except for a tribe swap. Maola ROCKS and seeing us divided will break me 😭😭

Kalle N

I recently found out that John has been telling almost everyone that he trusts them 100% and not just me so I'm working on making a big move to get him out next time we go to tribal (even though I love him and he has been one of my closest allies this entire game). He's just too charming and close with everyone

Maddison

Hi confessional. Really hoping I didn’t just brand myself a threat during that challenge but I’m glad I could redeem myself from the telephone game. I’ve had new people want to work with me within the thirty minutes following, and I can’t tell yet how legitimate their inquiries are. But hey, that’s Survivor.

Zack M

jesus christ. there is so much going on right now. we lost again. whomp whomp. but again, i like losing. it let's me know where everyone's head is at. i'll face the consequences later. i want to flush the idol out but no one seems to be with me. i think either aimee or leanne has it. i want to say aimee to leanne and najwah and leanne to aimee because i know they will tell each other, one of them will use it, and then cody sarah ben james and i vote najwah. bye idol. bye to one of their numbers. 2 against 5, there's nothing they can do. BUT NO. so then najwah reaches out to me and calls me the tribe leader. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. clap clap. she sees right though me BUT she is letting me stay? it really is such a bad game move for her. i feel so bad. so najwah started the "hunt alliance" with me cody and leanne. leanne threw out sarah's name so we are going to pretend to go with that. but now the target is leanne in hopes that we just flush the idol out by vote. i think this is dumb and is going to fuck us over but like maybe people are legit. i really have no idea. and now there's a group with everyone besides sarah. i feel so bad. sarah, you're not going anywhere so don't you even worry! i think my plan is the safest but like no one listens to the TRIBE LEADER.

Cody A

Full disclosure y’all, Im just going to preface this confession with the simple fact that I am UNWELL! I just ask that y’all bare with this confession!! It could be as bad as Nick Cannons (very brief) rap career.. on Sunday one of my close friends took her own life.. and It has been difficult to separate this game from real life. In the real game of survivor I’d be stuck in Fiji with no information from the outside world.. so i am trying to navigate this game and real life at the same time. That being said: this vote could be very simple or VERRRRRY complicated. The plan is for our group of 6 “JESS” to tell aimee, Leanne, and naj, that everyone is voting Sarah.

THATS NOT HAPPENING!!! SARAH (NOT LACINA) IS MY NUMBER 1 & I WILL PROTECT HER AT ALL COSTS!!! Initially it seemed Zack was adamant about voting Naj our and not Leanne???? but I think I did a really great job of convincing him she is a huge threat! (Gotta save my girl Naj!) The real plan is for JESS to put all of our votes on Leanne, who still has yet to have a conversation with me. I feel like I am in a great position but I do not want to get comfortable!

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oz7uKVXHzI&feature=youtu.be

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wH8nJmP6vhE&feature=youtu.be

Leanne

So we lost, again... just great. First there was nothing. Then the trio chat with Ben and Zach got together to exchange obligatory commiserations and giant shrugs. Then Najwah got in touch. Neither of us heard anything. She actually said because of this she just assumed it was her; I’ll get more into this in a bit. As of now she’s the one I trust The most, so I asked her how close she was to Sarah. Turns out, not very. She wanted to start a group chat with Zach and Cody, for the dual purpose of getting that plan together and for comparing info about the idol hunt. So we do that. After a few more rounds of circling the question of what do you think I said to the group that Sarah doesn’t seem to be available a lot or connecting with people. We agreed, and Zach suggested we get the rest of the tribe together, sans Sarah, in another chat to lock it in. This is after Zach and I said Ben would be in, and Cody said James would be in, and I don’t remember how but somehow Aimee was accounted for. The only other person left was James. My thinking, which both Zach and Cody seemed to share, was that it was better to risk James being close to Sarah than to get him upset by leaving him out.

Throughout the whole thing, Najwah seemed to have an abnormally high degree of caution and concern. She really wants to feel people out first before she does anything, which I don’t think is possible all the time. What if James is talking to Sarah? What if Sarah has an idol? What if the other four have an alliance? Not sure if it’s just me but she seemed to be doing a lot of what if’s, all valid ones but just a lot. She raised some other concern to me in a private chat and I answered her something along the lines of, it’s good to look before you leap but nothing is a sure thing and we have to take a few risks and be ok with not being certain. Well anyway, the larger group chat gets made. But as I’m making the conversation, the talk in the idol hunt chat, that is, the foursome that was just planning the Sarah vote, switches to what people are finding in the idol search. Now, this is a good thing. We did want to compare notes on that so we at least know where not to go. But not at that moment. Because when I started the larger group chat with James, Ben and Aimee, they of course wanted to know what the plan was. This left me all alone to ask them how they felt about Sarah as a target. I really could’ve used backup from Najwah, Zach and Cody in that moment, but instead they were talking about coins and advantages. Again, that’s a good thing, but in that moment, to the other three it almost looked like I unilaterally decided that. It looks like I got everybody together completely on my own and said, hey everybody, here’s what I decided we’re going to do.

Now, from my perspective Sarah was completely my idea, but that’s only my side of the story and I don’t know what other people were saying, and I have no wish to appear to be a dictator. Fortunately for me no one seemed to talk to Sarah at all. The consensus was her contact was brief and spotty and she was away too often to have built any meaningful connections anywhere. So it looks like it will work out and be easy again. Well, at least that’s what it looks like to me. We’ll see. The other good news is that we do have an idol task force. I found out the jacket is a 10% advantage in a challenge; good to know. Also the jewelry box was taken. No word on who took it, but that costs 20 coins. A theory I saw discussed was that someone shared coins or else Amy bequeathed at least five of them upon her exit. I don’t see that as being likely.

There’s got to be at least one more source of coins besides the two known to the group. Seems like we’ve been looking and coming up empty an awful lot. Not sure how candid the group members are being but at least we have an open line of communication about this. I was very annoyed because I felt abandoned by them to deal with the other three but that wasn’t done on purpose, and having this search party is a very good thing. At the very least we can help each other avoid disadvantages. Also, after we talked about Sarah, Aimee messaged me privately, saying she was leaning that way too, and we talked for a little bit. She seems to be talking in these little bursts to most everyone but at least it’s a relationship with potential to be built up further. So to me it looks like we’ve got an agreement and it’s Sarah and it was fairly easy. Of course, they could flip on me, and there’s an off a lot of time before tribal tomorrow, but like I just told Najwah, nothing is certain and we won’t always have every bit of the facts when we make a decision. All I can do is talk to folks, make a plan, and see what happens.

Aimee

Najwah just messaged me saying “So what do you guys want to do?” Except she just sent that message to me. Individually. “Guys,” plural, with an “s.” 👀👀👀👀

Zack M

im going to feel like an asshole tomorrow if i'm not blindsided and the plan goes the way we want it to. i've had a beautiful conversation with najwah tonight and i hope she doesn't think it was all for the game tomorrow when we vote her number 1 (leanne) out. najwah if you're reading this, i'm so sorry. this is a cruel game. i've loved every minute of getting to know you and our conversations! you're an awesome person and i hope you don't hold anything i may do to you against me. i would absolutely love to stay friends with her outside of this game. i just needed to put this in writing before i possibly hurt feelings tomorrow. again, she did call me the leader of the tribe. i would get rid of me if i was them so like anything is possible.

Pedro A

today im going to talk with alan, kalle and olivia

Sarah

Well, the general consensus is to vote me out tonight at tribal because I haven’t been as available this week which is TRUE since I haven’t had service much on my vacation. Leanne threw my name out and everyone “agreed” I was an easy vote. I am trusting my alliance of 5 in Jess (Zack, Ben, Cody, James) and we are voting Leanne. I do have an idol BUT I definitely do not want to play it tonight. Right now, I trust my alliance but if things get suspicious or Cody tells me that Zack or Ben have flipped I will play my idol tonight. To be continued....

Ryan

That stupid idol hunt and the disadvantage is gonna get me kicked out I just know it. F#*k me.

Olivia A

The first vote went smoothly! Except for the fact that Tyler voted for me. My only worry is that he might’ve discussed/decided that vote with someone else. I’m not too worried though because I still feel really solid with the people I’m aligned with.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJd1QSw04ak&feature=youtu.be

John B

Thanks to Maddison we won another challenge and honestly bless because I really don’t know who would have gone next. I found out Ryan got a disadvantage for the tribe while idol hunting and I know, Olivia knows, and I’m probably gonna mention it to Grae and Kalle that Olivia told me. Right now I think if we had to go to tribal it might be Alan or Ryan but I honestly have no clue. Alan has the idol which is a good reason to boot them, and if I can get rid of Ryan that will break up the outsiders alliance. The challenge had me scream laughing because I think Kalle and I share a brain. Literally all of our clues were vines and we shared them at the exact same time. I would love to get an alliance going with Kalle Madison Grae and Olivia, I’m just worried Maddison and Grae will get weirded out to have an alliance outside of the core four without Pedro. If it happens I will have Kalle start it up so I don’t look sus. I am v curious to see what the other tribe does for the next vote seeing as the last one was unanimous. Honestly they kind of scare me.

James Hayden

It's two hours before tribal and neither Leanne or Naj have messaged the group to confirm that Sarah's going home. Either they are over confident in their plan and feel no need to confirm or they are planning something else. I'm praying to the Survivor ORG gods it's the first one!!

Cody A

I have bonded with Naj so much these last couple of days. I feel like a horrible person for leaving her out of the Leanne vote, but perhaps I’m the one being left out of a different plan 🤷🏼‍♂️ This game is exhausting 😂

Ben Kessler

Here's my worry: Survivor is not a numbers game, it is a people game. And the people on my tribe are crazy, but I like crazy. I work with crazy. Leanne, Naj, and Aimee are hopefully on the outs. Leanne will hopefully be eliminated tonight. I fear an expansion at 15 and if this happens I will need to throw my tribe under the bus in order to fit in...slowly, subtly, and methodically. The other tribe is not battle tested and neither are we, so my new objective is to ensure that I am under the radar while speaking enough to have my voice in any group. Leanne is most likely of those 3 have an idol, but I would not be surprised if somebody in my alliance had the idol as well. Either way, as long as I survive I am happy. Najwah The last time I wrote a confession, I was having a really horrible day. I was ready to quit but I think after some rest and a good venting session, my head is back in the game.

Leanne, Cody, Zack and I have solidified our alliance. I hope. I thought people would want to vote me out because I haven't been participating and I wouldn't be offended or surprised if they do. Tribal tonight is going to be interesting. Someone has an idol. Or SOMETHING. The jewelery box is missing. I love Cody but I don't know why I suspect he has something to do with it. I have a feeling in my gut. Don't know whether he is double crossing us. Also, Zack said he'd stay on the mountain and then he told us he bought a jacket in the market place. Is my alliance actually working to get me out and blindside me? Lmao I wouldn't be surprised AT ALL. we are all survivor superfans. We all know how the game works. Convincing everyone to vote Sarah was WAY too easy last night. Sarah also seems wayyyyy too comfortable. She doesn't bother talking to people much or she's playing a really excellent low key game. Either way, I commend her and whatever she's up to. I don't know what I think of Ben and James yet They're way too chilled and seem to go with the flow but I know they have their own flow. And they are working together on something. I hope tonight's vote is as easy as people think, even though my gut is screaming that we are in for some huge surprise.

Sarah

Maddison

Fell out of a tree idol hunting this morning. Big win out here in Tierra del Fuego for Maddison!

james hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npTEWU0Hv5s

Zack M

we are about to go into another tribal to vote someone out and i'm so irritated right now. the plan is to vote out leanne because she may have an idol but she hasn't done anything all day long. najwah is literally messaging EVERYONE but is too scared to throw out a name. she wants to make big moves but can't and needs someone to do it for her. this scares me more than leanne because i'm close with her. ben and i have a trio chat with her. we could easily swoop in and say omg i'm so sorry after and make things ok if there is a tribe swap. leaving najwah gives cody the upper hand. i need the control. speaking of cody. cody and sarah have already early voted. i'm sorry but this just should not be allowed. this game is taking up a lot of time but welcome to survivor. we're all tired and don't want to be doing this on a saturday but here i am. i swear my team keeps losing because none of them are giving 100% like i am. tyler should have been on this tribe and i should have been on the other.

the only person i feel safe with right now is ben. james is a close second.

fingers crossed i don't get blindsided.

Grae G

Hello ok!! So I’m currently on good ground w everyone in the game but I want to solidify bonds w kalle Olivia and Maddison. I feel these people really trust me so I want to make sure they trust me. It’s become clear to me that every person in the game feels closest to John. He’s telling everyone different info and I’ve caught him in several lies- I’m not sure what I want to do about it yet. But as soon as I see an opportunity I’m gunning for him. But if I can’t swing it then maybe Ryan as an easy next vote bc he admitted to me he got us the disadvantage lol.

#episodes

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bigbrothermonopoly · 5 years ago

Text

EPISODE 1:

HOH: CHRIS

EVICTED: REHDER 15-0

KORI:

My first Diary Room, I'm really loving the cast right now. Haven't talked to Dem, Chris, Andrew, Rheder, Silence, Madison or Kristine yet since they have yet to be on. Hoping this was more of a some people were kindof busy or just couldn't stay up for Cast Reveal and NOT a Oh we're all gonna be a bunch of inactive bitches. Emma talked about being UTR with our relationship and actually work together this ORG for the first time after 2 times failing to do so. Dunno if that's gonna work out, but hey third time's the charm maybe. Eve and Jess are icons as per usual I'm excited to finally be playing a game with them. Eve is suggesting a possible Jackbox Alliance, we'll see if that's like an actual thing I feel like that's the easy thing though and I don't know if that's what I actually want. I definitely plan to ride with that for a little while though. Gwen is sweetheart, she seems like a Discord noob, hoping that's not like a face personality to make her seem more endearing. I'm hoping to get good with Tawni and Mackenzie, meanwhile Brien, Austin, and Nicky I'm pretty medium with so far. I'm HOPING I can like develop good relationships with all of them. But like the female side of this cast is stacked, and the men kindof leave a lot to be desired so far. Hopefully when the other half wakes up I'll get a feel for them some more.

KORI:

So, it's been not even 5 hours, I'm now in 2 alliances, one which is like not even remotely serious because Nicky just put everyone in the VC in an alliance... which is wild. Chris and Kristine came on, Chris is... interesting, for some reason I don't get good vibes from him. Something about his tone or the way he talks. He isn't really saying anything wrong, but at least on VC I don't get good vibes at all. Kristine seems like a sweetie, she's from MI too so I feel like we COULD have tons to talk about. Who knows though. Maybe she's a fake betch, only time will tell. (But hopefully she's a real one.) Still waiting on those others to get online at some point though, I need to feel EVERYONE out and so far there's still too many people that I have like no fucking clue on.

NICKY:

i honestly don’t know anyone and i’m paranoid to not be on call cuz they probably talking shit about me

JESS:

Question of the day: Why are there so many straight white males here?!

AUSTIN:

I’m super excited to be in this season of board game big brother! I’m trying to have conversations with every houseguest and make a good first impression but it’s hard to keep 17 conversations going at the same time. Also the first head of household competition has begun! I don’t want to win the first HOH because I don’t want a target on my back this early.

REDHER:

**DIARY ROOM THINGAMAJIG**: I feel that I could definitely make my move. My experience with survivor definitely suits good here. Kori, Eve, and Andrew were quick to contact me and negotiate. I feel like I could definitely use my age as an advantage ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Only one I’m not liking rn is eve she just comes on too hard but nothing really too bad yet.

JESS:

So... hmmm.. this game is.. interesting? so far? I've already been attacked by the hosts and the majority of this cast. Don't @ me but... pineapple does NOT belong on pizza! In all seriousness... this is a WEIRD group of people. Some new faces, old faces, and a bunch of unknowns. My game plan in all honesty as of right now is to let Eve think she can control me. She is one of the few people I know in this game so I kind of have no choice but to work with her while I put in the ground work with others. I want her to think I'm one of her "minions" so she thinks I'm useful and I'll do whatever she wants for now... Big personalities are sinking ships in Big Brother so gotta come up with that plan B for when Eve (probably) falls. BUT i'm kind of just trying to take this a bit slow and trying to talk to everyone right now so no brain power required. PS: I refuse to touch that HOH with a 10 foot poll. Let's do a mini little trust list? 1. Jess 100. Everyone else I don't trust any of these hoes.

KRISTINE:

So happy that Chris got HOH we came into this game together hoping one of us would win HOH and that’s exactly what happened. I’m 100% confident that I’m not going to be nominated!!! We worked together and I gave him as much information as I could. We both did. It worked perfectly. And he made himself the bigger target anyways.

MACKENZIE:

I’m a LIIIIITLE mad i came close to winning and didn’t but it’s okay bc i Kinda didn’t want too idk hxjsjzjz does chris exist though? i swear i haven’t seen him online HHHH

CHRIS:

How did I win the HOH. Not only do I have power but I also have no idea what I am doing. I am a dog trying to mix chemicals or trying to use a computer while being blindfolded and having one arm tied to my leg. I am more than happy and excited to be the first HOH but I know that brings a gigantic target on my back when I have to nominate two people. I want to make a huge move and take out any big bodies there are earlyBut I have learned that that isn’t a good scenario to start with. Hopefully I’ll have a better idea of who I want to vote for tomorrow when I talk to my closest allies which is just me and myself so looks like I’m talking to myself everyone. Well I want to go figure this out now hope y’all have a good time

KORI:

Chris is apparently VERY lucky somehow snagging the first HoH despite seeming to not really talk with anyone. So I'm honestly kindof annoyed would've preferred a Mackenzie or Eve win but not much I can really do but shut my trap and suck up in a way that doesn't seem blatantly fake. He's currently talking to me about wanting to target big and talkative people. "Fuck the VL as it were." So RIP Eve probably. I won $20 in that little task which is fun. I'm HOPING telling the Jackbox Crew wasn't a mistake, I hope the $20 isn't going to be a major reason for anyone to want me to go, especially since it's like, such a minor amount of money I feel like especially when you look towards the long term. I want to trust that group for right now though. Overall this HoH situation kinda sucks since we're probably going to lose a personality, and even more likely it'll turn out to be someone I like. Guuuhhh.

NICKY:

omg it’s joshua bassett birthday!!! periodt!! me remaining unbothered in jail because my mentions are off heheheheh

AUSTIN:

So.... nominations are tonight. I’m feeling pretty good because I’ve been chatting with Chris and we seem to be getting along. We are going to try to get a group of seven people together so we have numbers for the following weeks, but anything can happen, after all this is big brother!

BRIEN:

youtube

WILLIAM:

So obviously I'm pissed that I am nominated.... Like wtf did I ever do you, but in a way it is my fault... I have been sick the last few days and have just been laying in bed. Also I love how out of everyone in the game Chris was the one person I did not talk to before the HoH.

NICKY:

literally these people are so fucking annoying- i’ll just hop online for like 5 seconds and say nothing and all of sudden half of the cast is my dms like hey hi good morning

EMMA:

youtube

GWEN:

Fuck Cheatham This is my first official DR. I am at my mom’s house and I left my computer at home, so this will probably be shorter than usual. Yay for phones. Looks like Rehder will be the evictee tonight. Unfortunately, he did not reach out to me until like a day after the veto comp. Can I put emojis here? If I could it would be rolling eyes emoji. The uuuuuuhhliance is...it exists. Will stay loyal until I can’t I guess. The Mandela Monocles is where it is at. I feel bad that Silence got roped in my Rehder and Will for another alliance...he didn’t ask for it. I hope it doesn’t come back and bite him. Me and Kori are Left Phalanges. We will win. K thanks byyyeee

TAWNI:

I’m sick. I have no energy. I probably should have done this earlier but I wasn’t planning on being sick. I honestly don’t even know who is nominated. Neither one has messaged me soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

REHDER:

I’m doing not too good. William and Silence are confirmed and they are branching out, everyone else I’ve talked too is going with the house and I’m currently trying to convince them that the house is with me but idk. Probably exiting after tonight. It was a good run but I guess I’m only good at survivors. Anyways, I hope I get to stay in

NICKY:

i’m concerned about a couple things 1. everyone telling me i’m safe 2. everyone acting like they are in an alliance with everyone and everyone knows the plan so even if i’m safe- it feels like everyone in some big alliance and that doesn’t work well with me

WILLIAM:

I've got 2 things to say!!! IM SO PUMPED THAT I HAVE WON VETO!!! WOOOOOO. I do trust alot of people in the house but I feel much better being able to save myself and be here another week.... Also I dont know what Rehder's strategy is but it ain't working 😂😂 Hes texting me all these people who's votes he has and doesnt and another list of those who I have to text for him! What!!!!! Also I dont know if he knows but half of his list he gave plan on voting him out tonight ☠

BRIEN:

youtube

KORI:

Well as it currently stands Rehder SHOULD be going home. Which is a shame in some ways he seemed like a nice kid... messy, but still nice. I've tried pulling back a bit since Kristine mentioned that someone views me as a social threat. Not sure that's totally accurate, but if someone is viewing me that way I need to carefully and meticulously figure out who that person is, and kick their ass to the curb. As it currently stands I think the 2 3 people I'm struggling with the most as far as conversation is Dem, Tawni, and Chris. Eve seems to think Chris is under their mist, which I mean go off, like its gonna be funny when Chris wins HoH 6 weeks from now and is ready for that #Chaos he wanted for this week. My #2 right now is probably Gwen. While I do love Eve and value their partnership, I can't help but feel like I'm replaceable for the whole Jackbox Crew. I'm still not looking to make a move any of the next couple of weeks, we'll have to see how the game progresses to know where exactly I'll go. It's also still just the first week, so my opinion on everything may very well change, the game is just starting and I'm raring to pop anyone who crosses me.

EVE:

youtube

ANDREW:

watching the cast videos now im going to give you my thoughts 1. i wanted to barf watching nickys 2. gwen is a bad bitch i hope she wins 3. omg i feel so dumb cuz i was talking to austin like we was 13 cuz i thought he was honestly .... and hes not.. hopefully i can recover. but idc. hes a little boring but sweet. 4. i hope mackenzie is nice to me. 5. fuck yeah jess lets chug a beer together 6. WILLIAM....Bowling With Buddies....Im going to nominate him if I win. 7. Kristine is the second prettiest here, next to me. Hope she wins too :heart: Shes adorbs :heart: 8. silence is cool i want to work with him 9. SHUT THE FUCK UP BRIEN actually nvm i kinda like him i wanna work with him I've talked to Chris a decent amount prior to him winning hoh so im feeling kind of good that i wont be nominated but i dont want to get comfortable because bitches are wild around here. My HoH performance.....FUcking embarrasing. Especially since people were asking me if i wanted to win and i was like yeah why not Austin proposed an alliance with me yesterday and i was just kinda like yeah i mean i’m open to anything that has safety involved and then today he told me he also talked to chris prior to hoh about creating an alliance with me and him called the gents, which is a fuckin hideous name i had no idea that he was going to ask ppl to join in on shit i thought it was kinda just gonna be a low-key u got my back i got urs but i mean chris is in a position of power so it’s definitely not the worst thing for my game, i just hope austin isn’t making himself look like a fool in the process of trying to make these connections because he is also saying my name to chris and i just don’t want to be openly associated with anybody yet if chris isn’t on the same page yknow But right now i’m just going to ride the waves i don’t really want to challenge anyone or anything just yet

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"insurance quote francais

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""A starter motorbike for a 17 year old, needs to be cheap second hand and be able to ride on the motorway.?""

Hi, i need a bike which is cheap to run, cheap to insure and first and foremost cheap to buy. I don't mind old second hand bikes unless advised against them because I believe you could learn a great deal repairing an old bike than having a new bike that nothing goes wrong with. It needs to grow with my abilities, i.e in a couple of years when i go to university I may want to motorway travel, therefore a 50 cc moped is just not going to do. Don't know whether this is correct, but I once read bikes are safer than mopeds/scooters because they have the acceleratory power to pull away from danger if necessary. Needs to be cheap to insure, I looked at a 300cc MZ Saxon and fully comp insurance was around 317. This is manageable, 2000 for a car is not. Please suggest to me some bike which fit these criteria, thanks!""

If i have liablility insurance on my car now and i am trying to get a new quote...?

it is asking for my old deductable but i don't have my insurance info with me. does having liability coverage mean i don't have a deductable? i don't want to put in a wrong answer and not get an accurate quote.

How much does car insurance typically cost for a teenager?

My grandpa bought me a car for my 16th birthday. Now, I'm finally going to get license to drive it after it sitting in the garage for nearly 2 years. I was wondering how much the insurance is going to cost me. The car is a 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo 4x4 Automatic 4.0 Liter. I don't know what insurance company my grandpa goes through, but I do know that my Jeep is one of 3 cars on the policy. One is an 80s model F-150, and the other is an SUV that is only a few years old. He said that all I'd have to pay is the extra money to add me to the insurance on the jeep. He's currently the only one listed on it. I have exemplary grades.""

What is the difference between being forced to buy health insurance vs. being forced to buy car insurance?

In my state we are forced to have car insurance or we will be fined. I know that having the government intervene more in our health insurance seems like more of a step in a socialism direction but were we already going that direction anyway with car insurance AND we did already have medicare and medicaid. This reform does not seem like anything more than insurance reform and medicare/medicaid reform. It is not as radical as it could be: http://healthreform.kff.org/SubsidyCalculator.aspx The government subsidies are not even that good. People making around 30-50k still have to pay $200-300 a month for healthcare and now they are actually being FORCED to do it no matter what. The government will only help with $500 per year of that total bill. I am a conservative...BUT why is this so bad? Dont we really need healthcare reform because the way it is going it looks like in 10 more years nobody will be able to afford insurance period if things were left the way they were (it has gone up 100% in the last 10 years). Change can be good sometimes. Everyone needs to calm down.

""New Driver Insurance question , Help me out if u can.?""

Hi i just passed my test and want to know what Insurance company to go with . Im 25 years old . Just got my self Saxo VTR cheap on Ebay , The issue i have is , I only want insurance for 2 months on the car as im getting better car in 2months Time as the VTR is just temp car for me to start with. Anyone know good Insurance company ? Also Note this is ENGLISH Question. So no Yanks please x x x Thanks""

Cheapest auto insurance rate in NJ ??? I have a perfect driving record....?

I just moved from Boston and don't know what companies are the cheapest ??? Any suggestions ??

CHEAPEST AUTO INSURANCE COMPANY IN SOUTHERN NEW JERSEY?

i have a 2009 camry paid off

Provisional to Full license insurance?

I am 17 years old on provisional license and about to take out insurance for my car. I received a quote from Quinn Direct for about 1050, but I wanted to know what will happen when I pass my test and have full license? Will I have to pay more?""

What is the minamum insurance required for a motorcycle in Arizona?

I just bought a bike and am looking at insurance, but don't know what all is required by the state.""

How to apply for a government health insurance?

my friend is on a student visa and she is to stay here for 8 months. She wants to apply for a health insurance just in case anything happens to her stay here in California. What are the steps to apply? is there a certain website where she can look for it? Does it include the medical, dental and visual insurance too? thanks""

Where can I find salvage motorcycles directly from the insurance company?

I'm interested in purchasing cheap parts bikes directly from the insurance companies after a wreck. I am mostly interested in Harleys and I don't have any interest in these gimmicky websites where you pay a fee and there are not a lot of bikes. I've looked at ebay but these are usually bikes being sold from the person who bought it from the insurance company (ie premium). There are some public auto auctions, but these are usually only limited to dealers. But maybe that is my only choice?""

Cheapest 3rd Party car insurance?

Hi guys, I really need cheap insurance 3rd Party with full UK driving licence. I'm turning 17 tomorrow and all the prices w/ a full UK driving licences are hitting 3,500, my car's only worth 500. The prices are fine with a provisional, but as soon as I hit a full UK driving licence, they GO UP massively and it's not right. Any ideas? Thanks""

""How does this work, car insurance?""

I'm thinking of getting a new car soon and have checked out how much insurance it will cost with my current insurer.If i sell my current car before my insurance runs out, will i get a refund on what is left or will i just pay the excess on whatever is left for the new one? There is 70.35 difference a year for the new car compared to what i'm paying just now for my current car.I've never done this before, so i dont know what i'm doing really.""

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Best Car Insurance For young Couple ?

Me and my fiance are starting to get estimates for major bills we'll know will be high (rent,car insurance, etc) What's the best car insurance for a young couple (20 year & 19 year old) for just basic coverage Im in the process of getting just a plain normal 4 door car like ford Taurus (1998-2000).. He has a ford 86' truck without 4wheel drive Neither of us have tickets, nor pricy sport cars But I've almost 20 and only been drving for 2 years (due yo bein homeschool, it was hard to get into drivers ed_) He's 19 and been driving less than year (cause hes school schule didnt allow for extra class like drivers ed)""

Multiple Car Insurance On One Vehicle?

Is is possible to have two insurance policies on one vehicle? The reason being is, current insurance (lets call it A) is way too expensive. To leave the A insurance I would be charged 500$, seems like a lot. New policy (lets call it B) would be much cheaper then A. If I have A for theft and fire + B (full coverage) it would still be cheaper then A full coverage! Is that legal????""

How much does insurance for a motorcycle cost?

I currently don't own a motorcycle but am curious the cost of insuring it. I live in Vermont so I would only be riding it from June to September. I would probably be riding a 2002 Yamaha YZF R6.

Is there an oversight body for Insurance Companies?

My insurance company made a ( medical) payment decision that I don't think is fair. I'd like to know if there is any board that regulates them. Polite, constructive answers only please.""

""I am looking out for a healthcare provider which is also an insurance company located in California, U.S.?""

I am looking out for a healthcare provider which is also an insurance company located in California, U.S.?""

Lying about age to get car insurance?

Hello i was just wondering what would happen if i lied about my age only to get car insurance because my mom is having a hard time splitting an account with me and her on it but different payments. I only wanna pay mine, and she wants to pay hers.""

If I show proof of insurance?

I was driving my car on the clock. I use my vehicle as a work vehicle. Anyways I was sent to the store to purchase sodas. when I tapped a vehicle on the rear bumper. We pulled over and exchanged information. And later found out that my own insurance was expired. Am I covered. By work or can I purchase insurance after the fact. And still be okay?

Do you need motorcycle insurance in iowa?

im 16 and im moving to iowa from florida and in florida you dont need insurance. so i was just wondering if you need insurance in iowa

How do I get health and dental insurance?

I am getting married soon. I will be 18 and he will be 21. I have blue cross blue shield through my dad's work and the magnolia health plan(kinda like medicaid) bc I was adopted. ...show more

Second Owner of a Car = Insurance? (FL)?

This is for the state of Florida. Yes, I could have looked it up, but there are too many answers to get a straight one. Scenario: Say a parent owns a car. They pay insurance. There's an 18-year-old who still has their permit but wants to get a license. They should become a second owner of their parent's car. However, there's word going around that there would be a second insurance? 1) How will the second insurance work? 2) Do you LEGALLY HAVE to have insurance? I'm not sure what else to ask, but, if someone could shed some light on how this has to be done, just let me know. Thanks.""

Insurance For Aprilia RS50: Im 16?

im 16 and im going to get an aprilia RS50 and i was woundering how much the insurance would be?? also? how much would the insurance be on a 50cc moped?

Why does Allstate keep increasing my insurance rate?

I am 26 years old, in California. I have had Allstate for almost 2 years now, and every 6 months my rate increases. It went up $200+, and I have not had any tickets/accidents/claims, and I have not moved. When I asked them about this, they just said they are adjusting their rates due to zip code. Seems like bologna to me. Has anyone else had this problem? Which insurer do you recommend?""

I got a ticket in my friends car..will it affect her insurance?

okay so yesterday i got a ticket in my friends car..and the cop said i might have to go traffic school or i might just get lucky and just have to mail something back when my ticket comes into the mail hopefully that's wat happens but anyway im just wondering does my getting a ticket in her car mean her insurance goes up? or anything happen to her sinces its her car?? i havent even told her i got the ticket yet lol i was hoping that i could just hide it but my friend said her insurance will go up because of me :(

Car insurance question?

My step dad bought me a car in june '08.He was going through a divorce with my mom and he told me that he would pay my car insurance for the first 6 months. after i got the car he didnt really talk to me much anymore and i didnt see him at all. after 6 months passed in around december i didnt get anything in the mail to my house (he lived at another hosue not wth me anymore) about ym insurance so i assumed he was still paying for it. i had never gotten pulled over or in an accident since i got the car. in february of this yr someone smashed into my cars front hood and the bumper is smashed as well as the girll and headlights, they hit me and then ran so i got no information. when i got into the accident i called the insurance place witch i had no idea which i had i got the info from the papers in my glove compartment and they told me since i got the car in june no insurance had been ever paid. my car was not registered. no basically for 8 months i was driving around an uninsured car. i still havent done nething about it bc im scared idk what is gonna happen. i havent fixed my crash car or drove it . how much money am i gonna ghave to pay to get insurance again. he basically lied to me and he refuses to talk to me about it.""

Window tint affect insurance? Insurance is through a transport company?

I am insured via a transport company so im on the insurance of the business. Will window tinting affect my insurance if its legal tints? Does it normally affect insurance?

Is it legal for a car insurance company to do this?

I was in a no-fault wreck on Christmas Eve(slid into two cars on ice). The damages were about $3500 to my car. A buff job for the first car, and a chrome polish on the bumper of the old truck. They are not worried about making an insurance claim. There are not enough damages. First off, my car is fully insured with Progressive on my mother-in-laws insurance. The car is in mine and my spouse's name. I am not on the insurance because it was not allowing my mother-in-law to add me. It kept giving her an error. She was however able to add my spouse. I received a call on Saturday from a claims specialist. They told me that because I am not on the insurance, they may not cover the repairs. They are looking into whether or not she in fact did try to add me. If they can't find that she did try to add me, they said they will not cover it. Shouldn't they pay for it no matter what. Seeing how the car has comp. and collision? This is the first time I've had to deal with a claim on the insurance, so I really don't know anything about the process. I'm going in blindfolded. Everyone I've talked to has said that it doesn't matter who is driving it, if the car is insured, it's the insurance companies responsibility to cover the costs. It would be no different than you letting your neighbor borrow your car. Am I wrong??? If you have any comments or advice, please help me out. I need something to go off to work with them! Or more like against them. Thank you!""

Can i put my car under my dad's insurance even thou its registered to me?

My car is financed but the insurance rates are thou the roof! im paying over 475 a month for full coverage, can i have my dad add it to his policy as a second car and still have it registered under my name? Will the finance company find out? will this be possible?""

Does State Farm Insurance go up after ONE speeding ticket?

I'm almost 18 years old, and I'm on my dads insurance policy. They've been customers with state farm for almost 15 years. I got a speeding ticket a few months ago, but ...show more""

Has anyone got car insurance with the Cooperative?

what are they like?, good service etc? would you recommend""

""Does term life insurance fall under Obamacare and if not, what IS available to provide for my family?""

I have a potentially fatal disease and want to buy term insurance to leave something for my family. I'm hoping this pre-existing condition will not cause me to be denied, but if it would, is there another type I can buy under Obamacare? Thank you.""

Whats car insurance??????

im 17 and dont know much about it but they said i needed car insurance before i can buy a used car. how do i get car insurance and what happens once i have it..how much does it cost?

Reason for sudden increase in price on car insurance?

When I bought my car I started paying 1,400 a year on insurance, and the other day I got a letter through the post from my insurance company saying that I need to renew my car insurance since it was close expiring. They said that if I want to continue with the same company I need to now pay 2,000 a year for the same car. I can't seem to understand why there's such a vast increase from my last quote. I haven't had to make a claim and I can't think of anything that may have happened that could result in the price increase. Do insurance companies do this or could there have been something I may have done which has put the price up? Thanks in advance.""

What is the best way to advertise my new practice as a licensed mental health counselor?

i've worked with very disturbed adolescents in a state public hospital for 30 years, and i just got licensed as a mental health counselor. I have an MA in child and adolescent psychology. I have applied to be on insurance panels, but I won't hear from them for about 3 months, .What is an appropriate way to advertise my practice?""

How much health insurance coverage do I get as a military spouse?

I am a newly married Air Force wife. I am currently enrolled for TriCare North Standard coverage for health insurance. Does anybody out there have TriCare North Standard coverage and ...show more

How much does insurance cost for TLC/taxi in New York ?

I want to register my Honda accord 2008 to be a taxi. How much would my insurance cost ? Thank you

insurance quote francais

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