#and im so tired today too like i went to bed at like 3pm just cause i could sit upright auughh

[rapidhighway]

i have nothing but free time rn but i will sooner just collapse into some kind of trembling sobbing mess before i start doing my assignments unfortunately

[taromilksnake]

11:39 pm stomach ache from cheese and milk

just brought sherry and mikey home

i want to be an artist and not a teacher, but i don’t have the guts or idea of where to start

“awkward is where art lives” came to my today during one of my restroom breaks

was woken up too early by meowu at 10am today, worked on my ILP til 3pm (while stressed about making melissa have to check it over the weekend), only for her to do so in like…10min. feel like an idiot but at least it’s done

declined a hangout with lito and teresa, ate a cheesy spicy ramen with milk (anxious stomachache tagging in lactose intolerance stomachache), dressed up real cute and promptly went back to bed (lol)

woke up from stress simulations of the classroom, dark out beyond the curtains, sounds to the neighbor’s dog barking and arguments outside

put my earrings back in, folded some origami boats with feet, and went to pick up sherry and mikey from the airport

btw my outfit is a plain black tshirt, casual dress pants (dark grey), tulip earrings, periwinkle nailpolish. understated artist, i think is what i’m going for. i felt much better about my haircut, and honestly felt (and feel) really hot. the hairstyle is worth revisiting, it think. i was trying to channel the theatre major from skip and loafer (i wish i could be as brave).

in a strange mood in general…i’m not happy, but i’m not like super depressed or anxious. just tired and (ok, a little anxious) about the future, i guess

good news is i appreciate meowus clingy cuddling again (as much as i usually do, anyway) and believe in her love for me again (as much as i can, anyway)

…it’s almost a relief to say out loud, but just like realizing i have esteem issues, i think i believe i’m a fundamentally unloveable person. i was about to write broken, but it’s not that i think im “wrong,” but i am never “good enough.” not as a teacher, and in some ways not as a person (see: my inability to love the kids or meowu). maybe this is what people mean when they say “low empathy”? i think dean asking about me the way he did made something click, that the way he has been treating me is always kinda knowing, like the way you’d interact with a depressed person. not in a demeaning way, but like he sees a (more complete) version of myself that i don’t, or at least don’t believe. the prospect of having regrets, of not doing all the things i want to do because i wasted my time doing what i think i should scares me

…it’ll all work out, i’m sure

[dreamermoonshine]

It's Gonna Be Alright❤

Now United Dream The Next Level Episode 18 - Now United Dream Encounter Brazil Part 1

A/N: This Now United song it made of guitars, percussion and bass guitar which I played the bass we did some radio sessions in Radio Disney Brazil.

Before the radio session live with Radio Disney Brazil I got a quick video phone call to Victoria to see any advice for any Radio sesh just like me.

Y/N: Vic, I don't get it with this Radio sesh can you give some advice about it?

Victoria(on the videocall): I know, it's very easy but I did with some with the boys after X Factor, before Sanremo and Eurovision we did some sessions and interviews we did some before and after the our gigs for the over past year with the boys as for you being doing the radio sessions I'm sure you gonna to be just fine.

Y/N: Aww, that's so sweet of you my blue eyes danish/italian babe

Victoria(on a videocall): Aww thanks sweetheart kisses 💋

Y/N: I love you too Vic (I kiss her on the phone) anyways I send you the link into your phone or you had to tune in to Radio Disney Brazil Instagram later and I have a surpise for you!!!

Victoria: I can't wait what time?

Y/N(on a videocall): It be start at 3pm BST and brazilan time is 11am make sure you tune in ok babe

Victoria: Yah im really look for to it.

Any open the door to get Y/N is ready for soundcheck.

Any: Y/N are you ready to go

Y/N: i be down in a bit, anyways I had to go now we have sound check we had to prepare for live are u busy for a bit?

Victoria(on a videocall): you know about live on Radio Disney I won't be watching because we are recording our new song for the 5th album but you had to listen when you come back to the dorm from Brazil and I promise I will listen to your track.

Y/N: Bummer, I hope you had an enjoy recording so.. Yah I'm looking forward to hear it ok, I had to go babe say Hi to the Cats and Chili for me and I be wait a text from Hannah and let me know that she text you ok, Ti amo Victoria 😘

Victoria(on a videocall): I love you too Y/N, good luck with your radio session you guys are going to rock on stage.

Y/N: ahh thanks mi amore 😘 see you later and don't forget the link

Victoria (on a videocall): I won't forget that ok Ciao

Y/N: Ciao, ciao

And we both kiss each other phones and we hang off our phone and I had to be ready for the radio session for Radio Disney.

Before to do a Radio session the NJAS and Dream are in the middle of the rehersal ready for the Radio Disney's Radio session.

Noah: do wanna record it

Y/N: Yah man let's do it

Then I sing this song

"No need to worry no, no, no, long as your with me yeah, yeah, yeah, I got feeling it's going be alright" then I sang it twice, Noah was very curious about my bass.

Noah: dude, your bass was epic were did you get that?

Y/N: Hannah's old bass guitar, this would be a play on the live session and I can't wait to play.

Noah: Yah.

Meanwhlie after the recording at the Måneskin Studio Victoria is miss out the live video on the Instagram live so I sent a recording track that I record of the chorus of the song and Victoria was blushing because my voice and perform on a bass guitar to impressed my girl, so she text me and she said

Victoria(text message): Ciao Mi amore, I just wanna say to you that performance from the radio session today was amazing you really impressed me my Irish/Filipino member of Now United, anyways good news that Hannah is offically finsh the UK/Ireland tour for the first half so her and the group are going back to London for recording for the next single and secondly, I'm so proud of you that you improve your bass skills was fantastic I will listening to Its going be alright into my mind thinking about you all the time, Ti Amo Y/N. 💘

After the live session we went back at the hotel im so tired and I just wanna go bed before

Y/N(text message): Aww puppy, I hope you like it I be thinking about you and Hannah all the time I really happy about the song and it perfect for us is well anyways I had to go to dinner then, I will try to text Hannah if she finsh the show in Leeds if is not I will text her in the morning and tell her that ring me in the morning anyways I hope you like it and Love you too. Boa noite from São Paulo.

I'm happy that she really like this song to impressed and express how she feels about how much that I miss her and we connect into our song that we loved and we share our feelings and our hopes.💘

and I'm happy and pleased of this song.💘

Taglist

@selenophiliaxx @angelboy1 , @mywritingonlyfans, @wannabemarlenabutiscoraline, @its-me-im-coraline, @its-afucking-mess, @vicsdeangelis, @victoriadeangeliswifey, @anygstuff, @ilballodellavitaa, @ilbxllodellavita, @maneskinslave @teatro-dira @teatrodellavita @damianodavidwife @unitericons @unitershy, @anygabriellystuff @noahurrea-fan @marlena-immortale @musicsavedme98 @oro-e-diamanti, @ethanesimp @ethaneskin @maneskinrollercoaster @makeavvish @bidet-and-legolas @ginny-lily @cantaraiilmionome @nientedaridere @ethanasia @teenyweenynightghost @vicsdeangelis @iochoventanni @ventvnni @97skitten @sunflowerpumpkinpie @user0126

if I miss out of the tagging just I will edit it later😊

[glassartpeasants]

Late Nights

Frankie x GN!Reader

Warnings: Angst, 

A/N: I managed to pop this one out first cause idk. But here you guy bro @writingfromthetomb sorry if it’s short im rusty. It sucks but oop. Isaac’s and Will’s I’ll try to pop out this week

~~~

As much as you loved Frankie, being in a relationship with the undead man was a terrible challenge. Work always consumed his schedule. It felt like he never had anytime for you. He would always be consumed in his work to even notice your presence. Always talking about how you were annoying him and to leave him be so he could work. 

It hurt. You would always make him dinner, which he promptly took a plate before hiding in his room to try and learn more about his target. Not a thank you to be heard. No words exchanged between you two. He said that bounty hunting was a full time job. He was very good at it, which caused him to get more money as he went on. It slowly caused him to be money hungry over the years. He’s a workaholic to the highest degree. It hurts when you try to show him affection, but he pushes you away and calls you clingy.

Wanting a small bit of affection was not clingy. You just wanted to spend time with him. Maybe if you ignored him, he would come to you? Now even yo knew that was impossible. Your heart would never allow that. You love him too much so it’s always a struggle. So here you are, at two in the morning, laying in the bed with your boyfriend by your side. The night is the only time where you would actually be able to feel the comfort of his arms.

It was a time you never took for granted. You were forever grateful for every second that you felt the comfort of his arms. His head would be in between your head and shoulder while his arms were wrapped against your waist. You would intangle your fingers with his and smile stretched across your tired face. You dreaded the morning, knowing that this time with him never lasts long.

“At least I get this time with you. It may not be long but I’ll take it.” You turn your face a bit before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“If only you could accept the love i have to give you.” Your hand moved towards his hair. Your fingers sliding through his soft locks as you slowly massaged his scalp. A soft sigh left Frankie’s lips as his arms tighten around your form and digs his head deeper into your neck. The small action caused your lip to tremble as a few tears slip from your eyes and roll down your cheeks. You close your eyes only for you to be met with the sun shining in your eyes and Frankies side of the bed cold and empty.

“God damnit. HE doesn’t even wait for me to wake up? Why am I even surprised anymore?” Frustration bubbled inside you as your legs move tot he side of the bed, lifting your self up to feel the feeling of the carpet between your toes.

You get changed and head into the living room/kitchen before noticing a note on the kitchen fridge.

Got a big job today, won’t be back till 8pm promise.

-Frankie

Last time he said he promised he broke it when he said he’d be home at 2pm only to arrive at one in the morning. Rightfully so you were furious. You were worried sick about him and all he said was a half assed sorry. It caused a major fight that surely one of the neighbors heard. It wasn’t pretty. It made your spend the night at your friends for a few days. You had gotten a call from Will on the 3rd day, saying that Frankie was more of an asshole than usual and to come back. You gave Will your number since you were friends with him.

It it weren’t for Will, you probably would have broken up with Frankie that day.

It felt like everything was coming back to start all over again. Tears of frustration rolled down your cheeks. Grabbing a couch cushion you throw it to your face before screaming into it.

“Fucking Frankie. I swear if you don’t keep your promise this time it’s over.”

And so the countdown started.

~~~

3pm

...

4pm

...

6pm

...

7:45pm

...

8pm

...

~~~

You sat on the couch watching the door with your phone in your hand, watching the clock count down. SpongeBob playing on the tv while your knuckles turn white before going back to it’s normal color after calming yourself down. He’s probably only a few minutes late right?

~~~

9pm: Everyone can be a little late

10pm: Traffic did seem bad today

11pm:....

~~~

You finally fell asleep at the late hours of 12am. Staying up late waiting for him to return all those times are finally catching up to you.

The sound of the door unlocking woke you up. Your eyes flutter open as you see your boyfriend coming in. You turn on your phone to see the time and as soon as the cock turned on screen you body was filled with rage and you only saw red

3am

“Are you fucking kidding me Frankie?! WTF?! It’s 3am! Not 8pm@ WHere gave you been?!”

“Lost track of time. Im back at least aren’t I?” His lack of reaction only fueled your rage.

“I was worried sick about you! You broke your promise again! Listen Frankie, I don’t know if i can take this anymore! Im always worried about you! You come home at ungodly hours of the night and then act like nothing had happened! Can you not understand how I feel?”

“Jesus christ! I always come home don’t I? You need to stop being so clingy!”

“Cling? Clingy?! CLINGY?! It’s clingy to worry about my boyfriend?! It’s clingy to just want to spend time with you?! The only time i spend with you is when we’re sleeping! That the only time i feel like you actually love me!” Tears blur your vision as Frankie’s face became blurry.

“Go to the bed. Im sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“Fine.” Frankie stomps to his room before slamming the door closed. It was when you let out a sigh, that you knew it was time to let go.

[shytiff]

Small Dec Wins

i cant believe its December already tf?!?!?!

1 - poli KIA today. saw a mother who cant feel the movement of their baby. the senior midwife tried to find the baby’s heart beat but not finding it. she said she hopes she were wrong. fell asleep at 3pm-ish, woke up super hungry. ate. i swear i feel like my weight when i measured it this morning was ~52, but after eating its close to 54 lol. eating banana and chocolate nextar is yummm. dalbang today is hella funny as always and suuper endearing. fell asleep after dalbang, didnt study hufttt

2 - today im at igd but joined azkia at vk for a bit to see partus. its not that im scared (maybe not consciously) but when the mom was being stitched i felt lightheaded, nausea, cold extremities, and i even had to squat multiple times because i couldnt stand. But i felt better after the partus so maybe seeing it was the cause. I did not feel scared at all honestly ._. and i’ve seen multiple partus before. i dont know why. i can literally feel my symphatetic tone giving out lmaoo. tried matcha latte with Cy matcha powder. it tasted more milky and grassy. mom thought it tasted like nori. i prever cocodeli alll the way (although Cy is cheaper). i think it also has a bit of caffeine that made me feel awake like a normal person should be. 

3 - today is vk but there’s no patient so thank god i saw sumn yesterday. did some cicil ukmppd in the morning accompanied by matcha latte. tried to order dufan tickets and i couldnt find my damn ktp...... fell asleep after worrying about said ktp

4 - matcha latte in the car, swab at lmk, went to dufan by tj with willy, had quite some funn with atikah nila willy amel pupuy. first time trying kereta misteri, quite fun. it rained after ashar so we didnt ride anything after that. turns out my ktp was at barel’s fotocopy lmaoo thankyou ara for picking it. went to solaria ancol afterwards, picked up by mom. i didnt tell her in the morning that i was going to dufan lmao. plenary @ zoom 19 pm. rapat nemo. fell asleep.

5 - went to lmk by tj to surprise clara. went back home and fell asleep. didnt rly do anything afterwards because this ragged body gets tired easily and i dont eat much recently. i can feel the difference before and after eating and there’s actual energy after eating. its not that im hungry though, but i feel less energized. felt annoyed terrible and just wanna lay in bed (this is unrelated with the less food in my system). even though i met up with friends

6 - after LOTS of sleeping i feel somehow better but not to a ‘normal’ amount. watched kimbab family videos. did power vinyasa by doogether with fianti. took a shower and ate indomie and i felt quite normal, except i slept again wtf. i thought i would have the second half of the day but nah. did self tryouts with fianti, 150 FDI questions. I got 96/150 right. huft. such a great reality check

7 - poli lansia with dokter isip, matcha latte in the afternoon rly helps me not sleeping the day away, packed up for depok

8 - poli umum with dr gita (helped doing phys exam), packed the rest of my stuff, ate some risol and matcha lattteee in the car, took swab results, picked up hazmats etc, zoom discussion with FT PKM Kalideres (dr gita) on the way, and i finally arrived at tamel. dinner is granola with vsoy. Taste like a slightly wet granola bar, nutty fiber-y vibe

9 - walked in ui with ara, managed to jog from the trees near st ui until kuburan bikun wow. i reached that point where my leg and heart were going in a steady unburdened pace and my willpower to keep going on was tested. tried the signature steak in Double U Steak by Chef Widi, while ara tried ribeye. the ribeye was more tender than the signature. but the seasoning in the signature is quite delish, salty and oily without being too much (like futago ya). read poppyland fast pass from ara’s phone omg season 1 is finally complete! went to coftof (omgggg i miss this place), it looks different now. ordered matcha latte and it tasted weirdly like a soy milk although ara doesnt feel that way. the matcha tasted weird. wont repurchase. read chainsaw man, its so entertaining, funny and deep at the same time. denji mess around and be too naive sometimes but hes lowkey hot lmaooo. aki is lovvvvve.

10 - first day at rsud budhi asih. had moesli combined with granola + vsoy for brekkie. went back to tamel at 3 pm. it rained when i got back. bought warteg lugina worth 32k. walked to sbux for tumbler day its been a while since i had their matcha latte. it tasted quite good, but not as good as i remembered (?) maybe bcs i asked for non fat milk. sbux closes at 8 pm for now hikss

11 - left tamel at about 7:10 and arrived on budhi asih at 08:54 yalll the traffic. Icu. Bought eatlah double and ate the salted egg part. Nap. ICU discussion with dr Dedi @8pm. I presented from my phone to save data hehe,,

12 - woke up at 8, eatlah brown butter for brekkie, symcard, saladstop's caesar salad for lunch (quite 'eneg' because i didnt eat the cheese evenly so the chicken and cheese were eaten last after the vegs are out. The vegetable's not that variative, and the non vegs make the salad taste delicious (albeit maybe not THAT healthy). Evening jog @UI and i realized i can get wifi sitting near the lake n library. Stared at the night sky from my room, i swear the sky seems super clear. Saw tiny fireworks in the distance

13 - ate muesli and saladstop’s banana walnut cake, symcard, bought moon chicken and saladpoint. lunch was egg salad and the wings. the original tasted so good like??? maybe i havent had msg for a while. also tried big bang, not too spicy which is nice. cicil ukmppd. put my laundry at buih barel lmaoo. try out with fianti. got 70/100

14 - breakfast was salad and leftover chicken. today was bangsal with angga armand. the geriatric patient has a loud murmur yall (and scoliosis, so much that the heart looks distorted). went to margo city to see sales, but when i think about it id rather just thrift stuff lmao. bought lugina. slept through kuliah guru besar. writing this in yellow truck coffee, that had 2 customers on the 1st floor including me. tried banana milk. yall after trying to drink less sugar the beverage tasted super sweet. my headache just goes away. sugar is magic but unhealthy whyyyyy.

15 - igd siang with indah. This body sure is frail. Did cbd with dr afifah AND rescheduled pleno. Rip mobile data i have to use for hotspot.

16 - ok today. Inserted goedel and did bagging. I bagged the patient the wrong way at first (too much). Thankfully the nurses were kind and taught us a lot :) watched some bts content. I feel like after reading househusband my tiktok page is now immensely funnier. Dalbang is also hilarious as always. Put on ginseng sheet mask (smells quite strong)

17 - bangsal. snacked on fried chicken. matcha latte starbucks (turns out its quite full here) and liqo about keeping our tongues in check

18 - arrived at icu. And then opened line. Turns out hadin's swab is positive, so agung kak iman and me have to isolate and swab. So i went back. Ordered kanayam chicken and fish and tempe. Nasi liwet tasted goood damn. Sleptt in the afternoon. Pleno at 4 pm (entered the room 4:30). Had no motivation to do anything. Azkia is getting married! Spent 20 mins formulating words to congratulate her lmaoo

19 - osce simulation, kak nanu was so kind and encouraging. Did try out solid. Lunch is fish bite pasta with melted cheese (cause i had to reach the minimum amount for promo). It got cold so its not that good (pairing it with self made mentai sauce, mixing the mayo and chili, is way much better). Jogged in ui (and searched for wifi). Approached by someone selling haraus coffee (25k), saying that some earnings will be for charity. Its basically sweet. Can barely taste the coffee.

20 - had kanayam for lunch (brekkie is almost always muesli lately). The nasi liwet tasted much better the first time. Walked to yellow truck coffee in the pouring rain. Got banana milk. Saw webinar ksk (electrolyte correction and dr nadhira talkshow). What i got from it is that, dr nadhira is a different person from the first place. Shes visionary, knows what she want and not afraid to reach it. The mindset is different. Even if i try as hard as her, her propensity to growth is different. Cicil ukmppd. Try out with fianti (got 72/100). Talked for an hour about love and marriage and engagements (there are so much of it lately)

21 - leftover kanayam for brekkie, also ate roti salman in cikini st. swab today (met kris, nessa and others). muesli for lunch. i thought my body felt a bit warm, so i decided to find sumn to eat. tried kedai abu bakar’s spaghetti brulee. its okay. maybe because its not too cheesy or meaty, mainly bechamel sauce. the one pupuy made is much tastier. finished the whole 10x20 portion in 2 eating sesh. cicil ukmppd @ bed in the evening (somehow felt refreshed enough to be able to concentrate in bed)

22 - went early to icu to put dops form. lugina for early lunch. i feel like my metabolism is faster? or my body is not so much in calorie deficit mode anymore and it got greedier lmao i used to just ignore hunger but not now, for health. starbiiies tumbler day. ordered black tea latte with non fat milk and vanilla syrup (because raspberry syrup is no more). did cbd geri ppt. 

23 - finally knew the swab result bcs kak iman asked kak farras. thankfully negative. igd with jordi. quite a few chances to do iv line, but i failed 2 times. managed to do iv injection to insert 2 drugs. saw the worst cpr ive ever seen in my life. its too slow, with maximal interruption. fish bite for lunch. wasted the rest of my day

24 - originally intended to run but i cant bring myself out of bed. packed up my stuff. picked up by mom. got the paper result of swab, got ksk from kelvyn @ capitol. can finally drink self-made matcha latte again, but it tasted horrible. i know cy matcha doesnt have that much going on, but even this is low even for them. previously i was starting to get used to the grassy smell.

25 - my lil bro remarked “maybe shes depressed because she doesnt have her chair”. fuck yall. this “depression” that im in is caused by this very place and the people. and im supposed to still muster the strength to study for ukmppd AND get my face together for solid book photoshoot. that shit is too much. this is why the money that goes to cafe, and the bike ride there is worth it for my sanity. after showering, things felt a bit better. had absolutely no will to study today. ate muesli with a bit of matcha latte.

26 - muesli for breakfast. matcha latte is lyfff ive probably said this before but it ~somehow~ makes me feel normal and not in a slump. like im a regular person. with normal moods. and not wanting to sleep all the time. i try to do ukmppd exercises but the pace is so fucking slow, bcs im distracted by get rich haha,,,. the latest potn update (64) is omgggg the mixed feelings? love? hate? anger? everything and nothing? the ~tension and passion~? im obsessed. watched a ton of bts content today and yesterday lmao.

27 - nasi kebuli for brekkie. went to flavola, im the first customer lmao. tried kopi susu coklat, tasted quite close enough to janjiw’s kopi soklat. had the same ~improved mood and concentration~ effect. tried to read ksk. bought milky banana 1L from puyo to give dajen (its his bday yesterday) (i feel prompted (?) to gift people when theyve given a present to me) (because my love lang is not gift giving at all so i barely think abt gifts lmao). talked with sum 33 ipa guys @ dajens house. yay appropriate amount of social battery charging. tryout with fianti, padi this time. got 67/100. 

28 - ate muesli with matcha latte after breakfast. cicil ukmppd. Listened to yoongi's vlive until i fell asleep lol. 2 burger and salad for dinner. omggg hansol revealed his gf. 

29 - spent half of my day tidying up the mess that is my room. figured out what to wear for solid book photoshoot with fianti, ara. matcha latte terosss. phd for dinner. 

30 - breakfast is muesli with cimory choco hazelnut. mom made matcha chocolate brownies. tryna study. slow pace terosss. read some padi materials. dalbang.

31 - bought vsoy low sugar and multigrain. moved my body a bit to youtube videos. showered. felt better. it also rained (which i love). the pleasant mood only lasted til the evening. did nothing from 7pm even though im not sleepy. cant tell when did i start to sleep

and just like that, 2020 kkeut. its sad to say i dont rly remember much remarkable things this year. other than the trip and memories with minor rotation friends. i just remember wasting my life away in my house. i guess that’s the danger of living a monotone life. sometimes you gotta invest some time to have fun, to have motivation to live on and do things. not doing this makes it difficult to live day by day. and friends. meeting friends, seeing new stuff. that helps me live. 

[mabsj]

30/12/19

Hellooowww Tumblrr Diary... Late update I guess because my schedule is abit tight today.. (29/12).. I schedule myself spending time with families, they wanted to have their lunch at bedok Sri Bistari.. Should try and if you want to eat Roti John, Nasi Ayam Penyet, thats a place I can recommend.. If someone who loves to eat Pengat Durian, they are selling too.. But have to be quick because its limited only.. Well Diary, today was a tiring day.. Spend time with my family for lunch at bedok, then I went for my fitness to gain back not muscles, but strength.. ahahaha.. But if muscles would be fine.. hahahah.. Anywayssss... Supposedly I'm meeting my best buddy (Hisyam).. Well....Turns out I cancel it because He's somewhat late so I want to finish my fitness early.. So I texted him to cancel and we find another day Insyaa'Allah.. So after having lunch, spend time with my family, send them back home, change my attire bla bla bla, get to my car, drive off to ECP(East Coast Park).. Yeeeaaapp.. I decided to change the menu.. I mean...venue.. So I make some quick jog, and my cousin called.. This cousin of mind, He's a littllllee bit fetish.. Not fetish in that.. But fetish in riding up.. Yeah.. He pass his bike license and buy a 1st hand bike.. He loves bikes.. But for me,, I loves cars.. Not luxuries I supposed.. So I continue my jog and some push ups, pull up and I jogg back to where I park my car because Im meeting him there.. So he arrive and we walk to this so called like a foot bench.. Cant describe it but if you were a photogenic type of person who loves to take a picture with nice view scenery of the sunset, thats the place.. So he sat down having out nonsense conversations and he ask me if I would ever accompany him if he were want to ride up with me.. My answer is, I WOULD LOVE TO.. Like who doesnt want to travel right ?? Drive up, see the scenery, visiting neighbour country.. But he told me, Im much more faster driver than him.. But woah.. I have to stop that.. He know I've been to Thailand by driving up.. Border of Narathiwat.. So he ask me, whats the feeling like.. I said, wonderful.. Lots of Challenging.. He wants to try but he was scared.. Because his bike is R15 V3.. 2B bike.. But I said, my nephew ride X1R to thailand and he is also 2B bike.. Much smaller tank than yours.. But he manage..If a smaller bike can manage, why not you.. I said to him.. Your pitstop is mucb more than car.. I drove up, my only pitstop is top up some petrol.. Which is from full till empty lights on, it took me 450km.. Smaller bikes can reach up est 150km-250km depending on what type of 2B bikes.. Cars is more tiring even if we drive fast, even if we got aircon, roof, but once you fall asleep, thats it.. that car will turn into a bed of yourself..

So he ask me why dont I change my car to drive like bigger CC cars example like BMW, MERC, AUDI, VOLKSWAGEN, JAGUAR, ESTIMA, VELLFIRE, ALPHARD.. And I told him, thats is what every single person dream of to have.. But mine is different.. I dont dream of having that car.. I dont like is.. My favourate car is sports car.. Not exotic supercar like skyline gtr.. nope.. Thats not me.. I prefer sports car like Subaru Impreza, Mitsubishi Lancer GT, Colt plus Turbo.. Those legally modified cars.. Eventhough they aren't that luxury, but the interior you can make it luxury.. My mindset of buying a car is not about luxury or feeling luxury.. Its about traveling with ease, comfort.. Its how you change to make it comfortable.. Yes I drove a red Subaru.. Its loud.. I named that car Sabre.. Because its loud and fast except not blow off valve sound.. And I save that my money and bought that car and pay full cash.. But I have to let it go due to lots of mechanical failure.. So I change to Mitsubishi Colt Plus Turbo.. Not so sporty and big.. Just a small zippy white car looks like a hatchback.. But the engines ladies and gentlement.. I was shock by with its pick up power and withstand power.. Its incredible.. Much faster than my Sabre(Subaru).. With Mivec Turbo, Smooth engine, Loud blow off valve sound, Turbo installed and thats a beauty.. I fall in love to that car and I trade in my Sabre to that.. And I named is, Beetle.. It looks like a beetle to me due to the body size and the face of the car..

Yeap.. Thats the beauty.. My longest journey with this lady is to Narathiwat Thailand.. I know Singapore cars heading to Thailand can only cross border at Kayu Hitam(Perlis).. So no choice.. I head there visiting my late uncle family there as we unable to visit him when he passed away.. So there was me(driver), passengers is my mum, cik rasid(Uncle), Cik noi(Aunty) and Ramdhan(Cousin).. 5pax in this car travelling to Narathiwat.. We depart at night around 9pm Singapore at my Aunty house.. So we go through via Tuas-Second Link and stop at gelang patah for them to buy food, snacks, cigg whatsoever.. we departed at 10pm.. I was the main and only driver.. I make calculations before the trip on how many times I need to pump, how many pitstop, and total KM journey, est total hours and est time arrival.. Initially it goes as plan as what I plan on hardcopy.. 1hr break on every pitstop.. Total hours including pit stop is 18hrs estimated including pit stop.. total journey, going there took me 1256km.. not counted as going back to singapore.. thats times 2..

So we depart from gelang patah at 10pm.. My first pit stop is Yong Peng bus terminal pit stop where every busses stop there.. We arrive there 1hr 15mins as what I clocked in inside my stopwatch.. But sadly many of the halal food is closed.. so we head to next RnR.. And gladly its open.. so we had some food to eat.. 1hr.. I finish my food, I go to the massage chair for massage.. insert in Rm10 and all mine.. but halfway I let my mom continue because the massage chair beside me spoiled.. hahahaha.. And we departed at 11.15pm.. I decided to have additional pit stop for me to had my cold bath to wake me up and drink some coffee, have some cigg.. not sure whats the pitstop name.. Because i've been driving for 2hrs and 30mins non stop and I feel sleepy.. Time was like around 2am plus.. I had my bath and drink strong coffee because normal coffee still makes me sleepy.. And smoke some sticks.. So time still shows 2am plus.. And I continue the trip.. The rest all are asleep.. Only me are awake.. In order for them to sleep peacefully, I plug in my earpods.. ahahaha.. So I played hip hop songs with full blast.. We reach KL RnR pitstop at around 3.45am.. shock huh.. I was driving 140km/h with 5pax inside.. hahahaha.. So they all had their meals whatever.. 4.30am, we continue the journey.. Same as usual, everybody was asleep.. I continue driving.. Drive about 2hr30mins, we arrive at Penang.. Slightly above penang.. ahahaha.. Time shown is 6am.. so me, my mum, my aunty went for our subuh prayers.. I felt fresh after my prayers.. so I grab myself some coffee and some fruits so we head on to our last RnR pit stop.. the Northbound i forgot the name is.. Its 45mins drive.. And there we had our morning freaking cold bath, and had our breakfast.. They thought its 1hr still.. But I told them, make it 2hrs.. Because we are early and ahead of our Schedule.. They are shock.. ahahaha.. I was shocked too.. Had my 2nd petrol pump and we buzz of to Changlun.. Still at malaysia but thats were I do my 3rd party insurance for thailand, white card and details of the pax inside my car and details of my car.. We reach Kayu Hitam at 9am.. And its fast.. Then we reach at Sadao border, thats where it my turn to get off from the car to get my export vehicle permit done.. total we spend there almost 2hrs including chop our passport.. Once done, we continue our journey in Thailand.. Welcome to Thailand..

The journey is not as comfortable as malaysia or singapore.. Its really rough.. Dont even think your car will be clean.. Its dirty with sand and muds.. We head on to Narathiwat Via Pattani.. Thats the highway for them though.. And the journey took us 3hrs by right.. BUT !!!! It drag till 4hrs.. BECAUSE !!! The waze GPS shows speed limit is 90km/h.. But actually they are driving 40-50km/h.. Skip the journey we reach narathiwat school at 4pm(Local Time).. Thailamd timing is 3pm(1hr behind).. We had my cousin to fetch us infront of the school and guide us inside.. Finally we reach..

We arrive at 4.15pm to our Late Uncle family house.. She cooked for us actually.. She knows I love tom yum and she cook it spicy for me.. hahahaha.. But sadly didnt get to.. Because, upon arriving, we greet and see them hug and cry, and me unloading all the stuff from my boot, and we chit chat, laugh, and on ome point, I lie down and poooofffff.... I was fast asleep.. My mum told me I was soundly asleep from 5pm(Local) till next day 10am(local).. ahahahaha..

Alright Diary..Will continue tomorrow as I need my sleep because Im working.. Good nighty..

[mousepatrol]

8.8.17

so the reason im not posting this on the correct day is because our power is out right now. I completely forgot, but our powers supposed to be out from 8pm to 3pm which is completely stupid because the sun goes down right at 8 so that’s when I would need to start using it. I mean, they could have done it at around midnight when all reasonable people are asleep, or at least ten, when people are usually done eating and theyre just hanging out. You know? Also Im using word for this so that’s why things are being autocorrected

so, my day. Trash galore, folks.

I turned off my alarm last night because I didn’t think it was doing me any good and I was getting worried that I was just making myself sleep deprived for when school starts, so I went to bed around 3 or maybe even 4 (cant even fucking remember why at this point, I didn’t have shit to do) and then I woke up at 1145. Could have been worse but also could have been a lot better. So I wasn’t that tired bc I hadn’t been woken up 120000 times and I managed to actually be awake for a while. I fucked around on the computer for an hour and then made some pasta because apparently I cant eat anything else anymore. My appetite is shit

I ate like… only half of my food before I had to get ready to leave bc my mom was having a showing of the house and that means I have to leave. So I decided I was just going to go to the gym oh but I forgot something happened while I was going downstairs to cook

I made a short textpost about this already but I ran into my mom (who was in my brothers bathroom and I therefore thought she wasn’t home) and she told me that my dad had cancelled the flight he had for when I go back to school. So basically he was going to come out with me and help me move in even though I told him I wouldn’t really need that much help this time, since I already have all of my stuff and my new place is furnished. But when I had just gotten home, he insisted, and so he booked a flight with me. Also my parents told me that my car should be low on gas when I put it in storage so it was and it turns out that’s completely wrong so he was going to help me with my car also. It needs to go to the shop too just for like oil and stuff

Um so yeah apparently hes the biggest baby ever and my mom still wanted me to apologize to him and I think I did a good job of telling her that no, I should not apologize for my tiny bad thing (telling my dad several times to be quiet in increasingly sarcastic ways, bc I was watching jeopardy and he would not stop talking and I cant hear it when hes talking bc bad ears) when he wont even apologize for calling me a piece of shit and running away upstairs and banging things around and making me scared. That’s not acceptable and even though I recognize that I could have handled it better, I think that my response of annoyance (after days upon days of him doing this same thing while I try to tell him to not) was reasonable and honestly the things I said caused no harm. I wasn’t making fun of him. I was ONLY making jokes that had to do with the clues and turning them into ways of telling him to be quiet because I cant hear. I did tell him more nicely to be quiet in the beginning though. I really did. But he just wont stop with this shit and I don’t have infinite patience, even though it’s a lot better than I used to be

Um so yeah. Ok I wrote that for the last paragraph, interesting. But I mean im not mad about him not going, its not like I wanted him there anyway and I knew it would make me very uncomfortable and he would have to get a hotel bc theres nowhere for him to sleep, but its still a bit jarring and frankly just awful that he did that instead of either telling me okay and being quiet or I don’t know, saying im gonna leave the room while you watch it then bc I cant be quiet. Either of those would have been fine but instead of thinking internally about the things he was doing, he projected stuff onto me and just called me a piece of shit. I don’t really know how you can do that as a parent. I cant help but critique him, but at least im not just insulting him. You know? Is that reasonable? Ugh. But anyway, turns out theres a 711 right next to the storage place so if my car is out of gas I can either use the tiny bit that’s left to get it over to 711 or just like get gas from there and bring it to my car. Either way it is possible. I also just need someone to pick me up from the airport but my mom said she would figure that out. So, really, im fine. It’s the circumstance that is just very upsetting, you know. Its just not something that needed to happen and now im mad/scared of him for the rest of the time im here and im just over it as hell

Ok… so I ate lunch and then got ready for the gym bc that’s where I was going. So I went and then I actually went to target first bc I was out of soap, so I got better smelling soap than the one I had last and some more conditioner bc I was also out and I got a pair of comfy shorts that are a little too small for my ass but ill make due because I need more than one pair of shorts. And those other shorts really don’t fit me, I cannot wear them out lol. Then I went to the gym bc it was arm day and that went pretty well and I did it pretty quick so it was tiring for sure. And I came back and had a nice shower and sang against me! Songs really loud because I got tickets to see them in October that Im really psyched about and I just want to listen to them more. Oh man I love laura jane grace she is just so wonderful omg I am so glad to have her in the community its wonderful

So after all of that I went downstairs to get the rest of my pasta that I had put in the fridge, and it was like 6pm and I realized I probably didn’t want to be downstairs tonight so I also got some crackers and cheese and fruits snacks and extra water because I wasn’t sure if I was going to get to eat again (I probably only ate 500 calories today im upset L). So then I went upstairs to eat and I watched the great british bake off which is really nice and I quite like it a lot. Its calming and fun. After that I did a reply because dex replied to two of my threads today so I got one out for him since I want to get that thread going, aaaand about thirty minutes after that the power went off at eight. I had seriously forgotten about that so I don’t know, I kind of just accepted my fate

Im not really sure what exactly happened there, because I felt like I was fine before (was legit browsing dildos online lmfao like I was just bored yknow) but when the power was out I got kind of upset and just… took my plush cow and sat on my bed as the sun went down and just. Stared. Catherine, bless her fucking heart, texted me after like 30 minutes out of the blue so I luckily I had her to talk to for at least a little while. I was feeling shitty before yeah now that I think about it, after my shower I was upset and felt like I was gonna cry but I didn’t and I just sent james some snaps and he said he was gonna text me but he didn’t and that’s ok I think he went to bed because he didn’t open my other snaps. Its ok. He doesn’t need to contact me every minute for me to know that he cares. I love him so much and I sent him a quick text just to tell him that because I always do that when I feel bad just because eventually he replies and it always makes me feel good.

Ok so I cried like two times between eight and nine thirty when I was just sitting there, laying on my bed and texting Catherine about when school starts. I just felt really down because I remember having to turn the lights off around ten and it doesn’t really get a lot darker than it does in the summer at eight (I mean ten during schooltime when I was younger) and I just remember not having any light and no one to talk to or text and I couldn’t read and my parents would lock my computer out at ten so I couldn’t talk to anyone and I just remember being very very lonely and feeling like no one cared about me and not being able to talk to the people that I felt like truly did care about me. So I remember doing a lot of crying in bed in the evenings when I was like 12-16 and its just really sad, you know? i would cry myself to sleep a lot and all I could do was lay there and listen to music because ive always been really bad at sleeping so it would never come at ten even if I really wanted to sleep then. It just didn’t happen. So sitting there in my bed tonight just made me feel like this little kid trapped in this room and I cant go downstairs because im scared of people being bad to me and I cant go out and in my room I have to sit in the dark and its just all very bad. I forgot about all of that. Im an adult now and I can have the lights on when I want but I guess its upsetting for me to not be in control of that

Come to think of it, its also very upsetting when people tell me to go to bed. I talked to this one girl in my rp a lot (she doesn’t talk to me that much now, she talks to another person, I don’t know why and I do feel lonelier now but I guess she wasn’t that nice to talk to anyway so im alright) and if I was up when she woke up (8hhr time difference) she would spam me messages telling me to go to bed and I already knew my schedule but she wouldn’t shut up. I don’t know, that’s just something

Also I hate hearing people say my name. it makes me flinch every time and I think someones going to scream at me. I think that’s half the reason I wanted to change my name when I was going through gender stuff. I just didn’t want to hear that name anymore. Which is sad. Because I do love it, and maybe its not so bad when im not in this house bc its just my parents voices saying my name that really bothers me

So after 930 I went downstairs and got a candle and brought it up and I did a bit of drawing but it got annoying after about half an hour. At some point my dad came to my door and said something that I didn’t understand, so I didn’t say anything and he went away. Then I read catcher in the rye for about an hour (only got through like 35 pages) and now im writing this entry on whats left of my computer battery. Im charging my phone off of this just so it has power, since it was dying, and it looks like I have at least part of an episode of skam saved onto here so I guess im just going to watch that until I fall asleep because I always fall asleep to youtube videos. Im going to have to download some movie or something onto here so that I have that to fall asleep to in case if something like this happens again. Ok I know this was long but theres a lot of good stuff in there so hopefully this will help in therapy or something later. Things are really rough mentally right now and I just want to go home, you know. Ive wanted to go home for absolutely years, though. Idk where home is. bye

[smuttyfairy]

Admin Smuttyfairy @ BTS WINGS TOUR CONCERT IN NEWARK DAY 2

Hello peoples! Here is my very much somewhat long ass post on the concert I attended! I apologize for such a late post of this but I’ve just been so wiped out and tired since then. 

This is written over the span of the past few days since the concert so the entire thing is a little rough and much of a blur. Beware of some nonsense and small grammar errors here and there.

I will also have a list of tips for anyone who needs it (towards the bottom)!

Okay so while I have this fresh on my mind, I’ll go ahead and explain and kind of story-tell the day and everything.

So, starting Thursday night we heard that the Friday concert people were already camping out. So we kind of freaked a little and decided to go extreme but not too crazy extreme. Get what I mean?

So, we woke up at 5AM, literally rolled out of our pajamas and called and UBER to take us to prudential center. To make things worse, we all went to bed around 12-1AM (me being last to sleep of course), and at some point in the night wake up to pee at 3:30AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. SO I WAS BASICALLY RUNNING ON 2 & HALF HOURS RIP ME GUYS.

To makes matters just a tad bit worse we didn’t really eat a full meal before we left and before attending the actual concert. B r o. I was dying the whole day.

ANYWAY BACK TO 5-6AM STAKE OUT. Powerhouse was giving wristbands to GA for entrance into the center at 11AM. We get to the place and we oh roughly estimate there’s about 150-200 fans already out?? So we felt pretty good about our place in terms of getting into the concert venue itself. LORD THE COLD. I thought I was going to lose my mind. My toes were frozen, at one point I couldn’t feel my feet and man just being in the cold hurts. BUT WE SURVIVED. WE DID IT. THE WHOLE 5-6 HOUR WAIT. I say 5-6 hour wait because at 11AM they started distributing the wristbands in a careful order so it took waaaaay longer than I thought it should have. We ended up leaving the venue to go back to our hotel to get ready for the actual concert maybe around 12-1:30??? And we had to get back by 3PM since Admin Wangfairy and our other friend had soundcheck.

So we split up, Admin Kookfairy and another friend of ours, we attempt to find merch but of course it’s all sold out (cries af) except for towels and the 2nd version BTS lightsticks. I also wanted to try out the BTS photobook but the line was sooosoosoossosooooooo long and we had to get in line for our GA access at 5-530PM (honestly can’t remember) Bc they wanted us in our numbered ordered and of course that was difficult af.

Anyway, 5:30PM or so rolls on and the four of us booked (but not really Bc security didn’t want us to run) it as soon as we got scanned in and everything. Admin Wangfairy was in P1 and our other friend and myself were in P2.

The wait was long but doable. I met a few nice people there and even sat and took a rest for my feet and legs for a bit since I was practically low on energy and everything. I was actually ready to just pass tf out when I sat down tho hahaha. RIP. I was really tired y'all.

Anyway, our friend and I were in the middle, pretty somewhat decently close to the stage but not close up to be noticed or touched. MVs were playing and the fans would sing along and scream and sing fanchants while the stadium slowly filled up.

By 7:30 the music was blasted much louder than before and then finally after the last MV played, the intro VCR played. BRO THAT WAS A LIT INTRO VCR THO.

Anyway, after the VCR the boys come up and ohhhhh my godddd. I’ve been to a few other KPOP concerts before but I’ve never firsthand experienced being in a GA PIT standing. B R O. ITS AS WILD AS EVERYONE SAYS. Like if you’re not by the barricade/rails near the stage then your kinda fucked, especially if you’re in the mush of the inner crowd. As soon as BTS dropped into the scene I was being pushed all over, forward and side to side oh my godddd. My position itself shifted multiple times. I even lost my friend and got worried Bc she’s such a smol.

Another thing, I’m flipping short y'all and some people were tol or had their phones up. Like I couldn’t see the main stage BTS performed on :/ it was disappointing for me :( and like I already hadn’t eaten anything nor drunk enough water throughout the day like I’m supposed to and I had to deal with people shoving and pushing in the crowd with sweat and our bodies touching. It was very gross and grimey and damn I was a sweating mess.

OK SO. Of course the first song that is performed is Not Today and ohhh my god when the curtain dropped and the music played and the dramatic and rude ass sexual gotmefeelingsometypeofwaybutimstillhypeaf look was showed on the screens shiittttt I couldn’t even believe I was seeing BTS in the golden af flesh. LEGIT THEY ARE ALL MORE BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON COMPARED TO WHAT YOU SEE THROUGH PICTURES AND FANCAMS (It was the same for EXO & GOT7 too yall). OK BACK TO NOT TODAY. I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES. THEY WERE SO TAN, SO GLIMMERING AND SHINING AND REAL??? And ohhhh my god. Y'all know I’m a huge hoe for Jungkook but god dAmn Taehyung with the headband and just the way he LoOkEd overall IT HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY (Im starting go relive my tae feels can y'all tell).

I can’t remember the exact order of the songs they performed because it really went by so fast even though the entire concert was 2 and a half hours. I recorded a few performances and I took a couple (maybe many) pics of Jungkook towards the end when he was standing still (I’ll upload these when I get home). Nonetheless, I definitely enjoyed and partied it up with the crowd when I was recording. I really took in the performances and tried to get a good glimpse of the boys but they were on the main stage so it was difficult to see especially when people were in front of me and had their army bombs and cameras up in the air (I was on my toes too).

When Jungkook’s solo stage came on I seriously stopped breathing Bc *sniff* THATS BABE YALL. His voice and beauty and moves and just everything is so unreal he has so much stamina and he’s so built, his thighs are as thick we all see them in pics and just oh. My. God. Jeon Jungkook is a golden beauty and I swear I’ve never been so in love with an idol like this. AND BOOOOIIIII he was sweating SO MUCH. HE SWEAT TF OUT OF HIS SHIRT YOU COULD SEE HIS CHEST THROUGH THE SWEAT ON HIS SHIRT. Y'all know I was screaming my head off.

The next solo stage was Jiminnieboo and omfggg. Listen yall, it was sin af. The lights were red and I swear his top was so low you could see a pec if he bent over a bit. You think suffering through the screen of watching his fancams and the short film of Lie was bad? LORDDDDD. JUST LISTENING TO IT AND WATCHING IT ON THE BIG SCREEN LIVE AND SEEING FROM THE TIPS OF MY TOES ABOVE THE TALL ASS STAGE WAS EVEN WORSE. Never have I ever wanted to suffer so much more by watching this performance. And watching him just dance is so hot like omfg it was great, I love not breathing air and holy shit when he put the blindfold on, I lost my shit and wanted to fling myself in a pit of fire as I’m sure everyone else in the stadium did too. I’m sure at this point I was so focused on just trying to suffer I ended up gawking and staring up at the screen with drool running down the corner of my mouth.

The next solo stage was Yoongs’ and holy jesus Christ when his VCR came on I was so shook af???? LIKE THE VCR IDK MAN??? IT WAS SO ATTRACTIVE JUST SEEING HIS FACE AND SHIT BEING ANGSTY AND HOT AND JUST BEING YOONGI???? LIKE IDK MAN THIS ERA WITH THE BLACK HAIR KINDA FUCKS ME UP???? BUT ANYWAY. Can u believe he rose from the stage leaning all cool and shit against the piano. LIKE B O I YESSSS. And then he drops the first line from his song and suddenly all the screaming you hear comes to a halt? Was that just my mind doing that? :’) His stage was beautiful yall…I can’t believe I heard and watched Min Yoongi perform his solo song :’) Unfortunately it was performed on the main stage so, the struggle was real yall.

After that, MY FAV SONG COMES ON YALL. L O S T. THE BOYS ROSE FROM THE EXTENDED STAGE IN FRONT OF P2. HOLY SHIT THE CROWD WAS WILDT AF AND THERE WAS SO MUCH SHOVING AND PUSHING AT THIS TIME IT WAS FLIPPING ANNOYING AND CRAZY.

But anyway, below is a pic of how close I was :’)

I couldn’t believe I was seeing this stage so close?? And I couldn’t stop looking at Jungkook holy cow he was just so attractive man :’) And the choreo for this song is so beautiful god I can’t even explain just how enticing this performance was for me.

I’m finishing writing this two days later so my memory at this point is a blur RIP ME (I fell asleep when I started writing this and it was hours right after the concert and we spent the whole day in NYC so again couldn’t finish this). I think Namjoon was next. But man…his song Reflection. IT MAKES ME SO EMO. As soon as it dropped I got goosebumps and I just wanted to jump a cliff tbh. Whenever his lyrics “I wish I could love myself” came on, the crowd yelled “We love you” which I wasn’t expecting at all to be that loud but mannnn CHILLS AF.

The next solo stage I believe was Tae’s? I recorded this one even though he performed on the main stage but I captured the video screen! His voice is so great guys, I can’t believe the range he’s capable of :’) he’s not Jungkook or Jimin but who tf says he can’t sing bc he is Kim fucking Taehyung and he is a beautiful ass vocalist :’) how can his voice be as deep as the sea but reach the height of the empire state building?!! TT His stage was so emo, and so beautiful and emotional and jfiewaougfjawe I can’t even. I REALLY love this song too TT ARE YOU CALLING ME A SINNER

The next performance is Hobi’s!! HEY MAMAFIEOFJOFA. CAN I JUST SAY W O W. You know this shit was lit and just breath taking because this boy is such a cute sunshiny fluff ball and he’s over here performing this song about his mom :’) And even though it seems like the song is very pop and happy, there’s like that seemingly sad tone to it?? AM I MAKING ANY SENSE???? But ugh…the background screen would play clips of his past from the old eras, predebut and baby pics…my god it was just emotional to see it all there while he’s performing :’) And his energy and vocality is TT ughghhgg the stage was GREAT MAN THE STAGE WAS GREAT //SOBS// HELLO MAMA TTTTTTTTTTTT

After that is of course mama Jin :’) ughhhh this song guys :’) it emotionally wrecks me. It was just so beautiful and breathtaking to watch Jin perform this and hearing all the fans quiet down but also sing along to the song with him :’) I was so shocked that the fans were singing so loudly man and I just felt so proud and my heart clenched bc I’m pretty sure by the end of his performance Jin was on the brink of tears :’) I just felt so glad that we were able to move him in that way, even if it were just a little.

After Jin’s perf was of course C Y P H E RRRRRR WOOOOOO B RO THAT STAGE WAS L I T. LEMME TELL YOU MAN. THEY ARE RAP GODS RAP KINGS ALL SUPED UP IN THAT VELVETY DRAPE LIKE Y E S STEP ON ME???? The crowd was of course wild and jesus pit was crazy because rap line performed this on the extended stage so my ass was getting pushed all over :’) ESPECIALLY DURING FIRE MY GOD IT WAS SO ANNOYING I CANT STRESS THAT ENOUGH. But still, FIYAAAAAA OH AYE OHHHFEWAOIF. When all of the boys stepped out in those red velvet blazers holy Christ man…THEY LOOK LIKE FUCKCING KINGS??? I mean they are tbh!! After that they performed their older singles and performed 21st century girl and of course that was lit :’) I enjoyed myself here and really just hyped it up and sang along and everything!

After the ment, the next song is Boy Meets Evil. This was performed on the main stage I believe? I remember struggling to see it on stage so it must have been. After that is BST of course and all our asses get wrecked as soon as the instrumental for it drops and the boys come out on stage and get into position and then BAM. PIDDAMNUNMUL *cue moment of self black out bc I cant remember shit so I must have suffered so bad I lost my memory* But seriously though, the fanchants and fans just screaming and singing along to this song was amazing and it just felt really nice :’)

After that they did another ment and said they’d perform one last song? I think it was this one where they said it??? Or was it before BST? O_O okay well, WINGS started playing and the boys danced all over and got really hyped and interreacted with the crowd and everything! They had a dance battle during the dance break part before Hobi’s rap which was a blessing to watch on the extended stage. And then after that they all crouched in front of the camera as Hobi rapped his part and all hyped it up together and man it was a great performance.

I can’t actually remember when or where they said they were going to perform one last song but after chanting BTS a VCR came on and it was a deep one for sure. A montage of their older mvs (the most recent ones from HYYH era I think). I kinda want to watch this again because there’s a quote I saw there that I really liked TT but it was really moving bc one boy = 7 hearts?(something like that) :’)

After that, 2!3! Hoping for better days starts which I think I remember most of the fans sang along to! And then the finally song they performed was Spring Day and of course that was beautiful. I think at this point I was so wiped out the only thing I did was take it all in before the concert ended and just yelled the fanchants and sang along to the song.

Before I knew, the boys said their thanks and goodbyes and then the concert was over and the credits started rolling and the lights were back on and the boys were gone :’)

While this is not the first concert I’ve been to, I’d like to think that this was one of the best ones yet even though I suffered and stressed in pit. Eventually I found my smol friend and we met up with our other two and left the building and off to our hotel.

Anyway, that was my experience! If I had finished it the first day I started working on this it would have probably been a little more detailed so I apologize again for that :’) I hope my experience will hype you guys up for your concert day if you are attending!

- - -TIPS - - -

-Definitely get a lot of rest before the concert date starts. Eat and hydrate very well beforehand just in case you don’t have time or can’t during the day of.

-If you plan on camping out and/or staying out overnight, please make sure to check the weather and be safe and aware of your surroundings if you’re unfamiliar with the area. Also make sure to bring snacks (preferably fruit or granola bars) and water (also, try to keep it clean and don’t be one of those assholes who leave their trash on the ground and scattered all over for the wind to make an even bigger mess). Also if it’s cold af, bringing blankets and hand warmers will help to keep you warm and somehow survive.

-if you’re going alone and you’re worried about meeting people and making friends: don’t be afraid! The people around you are nice (or should be) and they are just as hyped to see BTS perform just as you are! Start a convo and ask where they’re from and who’s their bias of the group and what’s a favorite song they can’t wait to watch be performed!

-if you’re standing in pit: if you get offered a banner I would suggest you either decline it bc you won’t have the hands to hold it OR gladly take it and roll it and keep it in your bag just to store it there because when you’re in pit you will most likely only care about the performance and wanting to try and record it OR may want to just enjoy yourself without the obstruction of any other object but your phone and a bts bomb lightstick in your hands. That’s how it was for everyone in pit at my concert day.

-if you plan on buying merch: bring a bag or decent sized backpack to store your merch in! You want to try and keep from holding too many things in your hands during the concert and this will prevent you from losing things.

-the photo booth: if you plan on using the photo booth, it should be outside the venue somewhere nearby. How it works is by luck and randomness. Depending on the venue I think, you will answer a survey and receive a photocard collage of BTS. A box will be nearby and you will be given the chance to draw from the box for a chance at the photo booth. If you draw an orange ball, you will get to use the photo booth. If you do not get the orange ball, you will have to step out y fortunately :/ (I’m not sure if they let you redo it all over a second time tho). The line for this gets ridiculous.

-if you’re short and you’re standing in pit, I would suggest y'all wear something comfy for the heat (wear deodorant too) and possibly heels or platforms or boots with tall heels so you can see just above the stage and above the heads of the people around you. I was regretting I didn’t bring the tall heels I had Bc I’m sure I would have enjoyed the concert much better. :’)

-if you have signs or fanart you want to show the boys, please be aware of the people behind you and do not obstruct their view. It’s rude and unfair to them so if you’re going to do it, do it for a short time.

-what you do and how you spend your time at the concert is all on you in terms of recording and taking pictures, however I recommend you guys to enjoy the concert as best as you can and try to really embed it into your memory 💕

Good luck and have fun!

[thefatedmeeting]

i tweeted a lot abt the concert yesterday and i translated it to eng so i coudl send it to meg so im gonna just paste it here for the record. warning: im very excited

okay. the tweets start after i got in the hotel from the show so ill translate them all hsdfgj

everyone i cant stay here for a long time cuz the wifi sucks and im really nuts but im so dead i have no words guys idk i cant believe i saw my sons live sdkfjsdf

the choreos and dances and them speaking portuguese and jin and suga and hoseok crying im emo

i was kinda far away, i couldnt see their faces neatly but i could identify their body shape and im so emo

them saying they were happy to come and they wwanted to come more frequently and they were sad to go and jin (THE GUY FROM AWAKE) saying he feels better bec of the fans im :(((((

when suga and namjoon sang their solos i was almost crying tbh kfdjd

and taehyung was wearing that bandana, this man is truly trying to kill me sdfsdf

im gonna be that guy but tae's choreos were super beautiufl and i am very fuckenigh in love

i wanted to talk abt my day and the queue and abt my sons more, but im super tired soo GOOD NITE

there were sooooooooo many people, so many fuckin people, the biggest queue of my life skdjfsdf and a lot of young ppl too damn. but it was so beautiful, the fans and the boys singing together :((( im emo

i woke up super early, i was like so fuckin sleepy sdkfjsdf we boarded the plane etc, the trip was nice, i was super nervous but we arrived well, already in the plane i spotted a lot of fans sdkfjsdf

when the plane landed it kinda shook a little and a girl SHRIEKED a nervous laugh i had to fuckfign laugh out loud it was so funny dfjkgdfhgfdh

okay so we got to the hotel, tehre were armys there too, wow guys there were so many armys in sao paulo you kick a lamppost and 10 would pop out

our hotel room was super simple but it was good, and comfortable. the bed was a+++++++++

me and my sis went out for lunch then we went to the concert venue, i was super nervous but thanks to the medicine i got better sdkfjskjdf man. when we got there the queue was HUGE. the biggest queue of my life

there WERE SO MANY PEOPLE SERIOUSLY and a lot of young ppl, like even babies. there was a baby who was jiimin's fan i was like sdlffj

there were ppl selling merchandise too it was the biggest amt of bts stuff ive evers een in my life in one place holy shit. i loved it tho i wish i couldve bought a t shirt or something as a token but i only bought myself a bandana rip sdkfjsdkfjskfsd anyway, we stood there for like HOURS we arrived at like 3pm until fuckin 7pm my legs are all dead, i woke up w a cramp last night sfgdfg

while the queue moved i talked to armys, everyone was so fuckin excited they started yelling JHOOOOOOOPE AND SCREAMING OUTTA NOWHERE I WAS LIKE WHATS HAPPENIGNG

THERE WERE PPL IN THE QUEUE FOR THE \NEXT DAY\ DUDE. IT WAS RAINING SLIGHTLY LIKE PLEASE REST FRIENDS DONT DO THIS DSFGDG

i found it funny that the merchandise sellers (?) researched bts so hard, they were using fan lingo ksdjflsdkjfs ive never seen this holy shit. it felt like idk those anime cons i used to go on high school, except times 10000000 and with like more excitable ppl

after we entered the venue, ppl started singing, sometimes there was a drone recording stuff, and at some point their staff came over to take pictures

i was trying to find my friends but i was so fuckening lost and they were out of the venue still sdfsdfsdfsdf

at some point it turned into a single person queue (?) and then my friend found me thanks to me jumping and some fan's mom lending me her umbrella so i could spin it sdkfjsdf

anyway <3 me and gabs started talking abt the show, the boys, the fans, life universe and everything else. shes so sweet. i adopted her as my second sister xoxo

the queue was so big it went around the fuckin block, smh. when we got to the venue we started getting hyped sdlfkjsdlkfjsdf we managed to enter nicely, then we got up super nuts and IT WAS SO NICE INSIDE THERE

we got to a nice place in the front except it wasnt our assigned seats so we had to split up later sdkfjsdf but damn, it filled up super quick, i was shocked. i could see the stage quite nicely, i kinda regret not seeing their faces properly but i SAW them and i died and i emotionally hugged all of them so tiengo nada a perder sdfsdf

OKAY SO i filmed so many things. i was like trying to watch the concert, looking at the stage, looking at the screens, yelling, singing and filming skdfjsdf

when they started showing the mvs i was HYPED everyone was already singing and it was hard to not get into that excited vibe

AND THEN AN OPENING VIDEO STARTED AND I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT ITS STARTING

IT OPENED W NOT TODAY AND IM SDLFHALFHALFHALKHALFKAHD AND EVEYRONES STARTED GETTING UP ON THEIR FEET AND IWAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK GUYS I WANNA STAY SEATED BUT I HAD NO CHOICE, EVERYONE WAS STANDING ALL THE TIME SO I HAD TO DO IT TO SEE THINGS SDKFJSDF

THEY STARTED TALKING AND I COULDNT HEAR ANYTHING THERE WERE SO MANY PPL SINGING AND YELLING IT WAS HARD. I SORTA GOT THE "BRAZIL" AND "TAO CURTINDO (ARE YOU LIKING IT)" AND TAE SAYING "AMAMOS VOCES/ WE LOVE YOU"

LATER I FOUND OUT JHOPE SIAD BRAZIL WAS THE ONLY COUNTRY IN THE TOUR THAT SOLD OUT AND I WAS EMMO THEY LOOKED SO HAPPY

AT FIRST they looked tired but later they got excited bec the fans were... like so hyped sdflksdf

THEN CAME AM I WRONG, BAPSAE AND DOPE AND I DIED SDLFKSJDF THE CHOREOS BRO I WAS LIKE HOW CAN THEY DANCE LIKE THAT FOR REAL I CANT BELIEVE IT

it was so nice to hear everyone singing and yelling ogether it felt like we were performing with them too! dude idk i was emo

THEN CAME BEGIN AND JUNGKOOKS CHOREO AND IML IEK WHAT THE FUCK DUDE HOW CAN U DANCE LIKE THIS TEACH ME? BITHC

THEN JIMIN'S DANCE AND I DIED TOO GODDAMN! his dancing style is super smooth and sensual and like, the sense of weight is so light i die

it was so cool to hear ppl yelling their names, holy shit man sdkfjsdf

THJEN I THOUGHT STIGMA WAS COMING UP BUT SUGA CAME UP W FIRST LOVE AND I DEIED WITH THE PIANO HOYL SHIT DUDE THE COMBINATION OF THE VIDEO BEHIND HIM AND HIM RAPPING AND THE TONE OF THE SONG I WAS ALMOST CRYINFG DUDE IDK GABS LATER TOLD ME SUGA HAD CRIED AND I WAS LIKE BITCH ME TOO

THEN CAME UP LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST REPRESENTING ME BEC I WAS  SO LOST IN SAO PAULO HOYL SHTI SDKFJSDF

THEN SAVE ME CAME UP!!! AND HOLY SHIT I WENT HNUTS BECAUSE SAVE ME INTRODUCED ME TO THEM!!!! AND I DIED BEC TRHE TRANSITION FROM SAVE ME TO I NEED U WAS SOO GOOD IN THE END OF SAVE ME'S CHOREO THEY GO DOWN AND I NEED U STARTS W THEM RISING UP I DIED

THEN REFLECTIONNNNNNNNNN CAME UPPPPPP AND I WAS EMO AGAIN THE VIDEO AND NAMJOON OH YM GOD GUYS AND THEN HE SAND "I WISH I COULD LOVE MYSELF" AND EVERYONE ELSE SANG "WE LOVE YOU" BACK TO HIM AND HE GOT ALL CHOKED UP HOLY SHIT DUDE IM EMO TOO I IWHS I COULD EMOTIONALLY SUPPORT THESE KIDS THAT SUFFER WITH THE RUSH OF THE IDOL LIFE BUT IF THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD IM HAPPY AS FUCK

SO BITCH. STIGMA COMES UP AND I ALREADY AM DEAD AND DYING AND SINGING ALONG AND TAE'S HIGH NOTE CAME UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP IM STILL SCHJOPKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

AND THEN COMES MAMA!!!!!!!! HOSEOKS KID PHOTOSSSD FSDFSDF AND THE FANS SINGING ALONG HOLY SHIT GUYS AT THE TIME OF THE BREAK HE STARTED MAKING A CRYING FACE AND A CHOKED UP VOICE AND  IALMOST CRIED WITH HIM

AND THEN JIN CAME BUPPPPP IM ALWAYS EMO WITH AWAKE BEC HE THINKS HES TALENTLESS AND HAS NO HABILITY BUT TDUDE EVERYONE SCREAMED HIS NAEM AND THE HIGH NOTESS I WAS KIKEAAAAAAAAAA BITHCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AFTER THAT I THINK THERE WAS CYPHER 4 AND THATS WHEN I TRULY LOST IT FUCK! THERES NO WAY TO SCREAM AND SING ALONG W CYPHER IDK DUDE IT WAS SO FUN TO GO OFF IT WAS ONE OF THE PERFORMANCES I LIKED THE MOST W THE FANS, AFTER SPRING DAY

THEN CAME UP FIRE AND IDIED W THE CHOREO, NOTHING NEW, AS ALWAYS I DIED THANKS. THEN THEY STOPPED AND I HEARD RAPMON ASKING IF WE WERE ENJOYING IT AND I DIED ALREADY LISTNEING TO IT COULDNT EVEN HEAR THEM, I HAD HEARD THEM TALK A BIT MORE TOO BUT I COULDNT MAKE ANYTHING OUT OF IT CUZ THEY WERE LIKE "SDJFSDF ??" AND EVERYONE SCREAMED AT IT

THEN THE MASHUP CAME UPGPPPPPPP I WAS SCREMAING SO MUCH ESP AFTER NO MORE DREAM. I FORGOT TO MENTION BUT BAPSAES DANCE BREAK KILLED ME TOO. AND THE CONFETTI IN RUNNNNNNNNNNNN I WAS EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THEN 21 CENTURY GIRLS CAME UP AND I COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT TAE IDK HE SEESM TO DANCE THAT SONG RLLY NICELY AND IM WEAK

THEN THEY TALKED W US AGAIN AND I HEARD ONE OF THEM SAY THAT CONCERT WOULD ENTER THEIR STORY AND IT WAS THERE JIN SAID HE FELT BETTER BEC OF THE FANS, REFERRING TO AWAKE. FBITCH

THEN THEY COME UP W BOY MEETS EVIL AND IM SDLÇFKJSDFLKJSDF AND THEN BLOOD SWEEAT AND TEARS I COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT THE CHOREO HOLY SHIT WHAT A SONG!!! I HAD HEARD NAMJOON SAY BEFORE BOY MEETS EVIL THAT IT WAS THEIR LAST SONG BUT I WAS LIKE NAHHH U LYIN

BUT AFTER A LARGE PAUSE THERE WAS WINGS AND 2!3! I DONT REMEMBE RHTE ORDER BUT HOL FUCKING SHIT I ALMOST CRIED IN WINGS, CLAPPING DYIGNH IDK

THEN THEY CAME UP W SPRING DAYYY AND HOLY SHIT THE FANS SINGING AFTER IT ENEDDED I ALMOST CRIED AGAIN THE BOYS WERE ALL EMO AND IM LIKE BITCH ME TOO HUG ME. JIN WAS ACTUALLY CRYING

THEN THEY TALKED ABT BRAZIL I DONT REMEMBER MUCH BUT THEY SAID THEY WANTED TO COME HERE AGAIN, MORE FREQUENTLY, THEY WERE SAD TO GO AND THEY CALLED THE FANS THEIR WINGS. AND I FORGOT THAT BITCHING VIDEO THEY SHOWED UP BEFORE WINGS

SPEAKOING OF THE "BOY WHO GROWS UP" AND OF THE BOYS UNITED AND THE SEVEN HEARTS INSIDE ONE, AND ONE HEART UNITED WITH SEVEN AND IM LIKE "EGFAYUHFAUFHE LET ME SIT DOWN I CANT RISE UP AFTER THAT ONE" JESUS CHRIST DUDE WHAT ATHE FUCK I CANT RECOVER FROM THAT

AFTER THE CONCERT I FOUND GABS OUTSIDE, SHE HELPED ME FIND MY SIS SDKFJSDF THEN WE FOUND BIA AFTER SOME STRUGGLING SHE WAS SOOO OUT OF IT CUZ SHE SAW THEM FROM UP CLOSE . THEN WE WENT BACK TO THE HOTEL MY SWEET SISTER BOUGHT ME A BURGER KING SO I WOULDNT BE HINGRY AND I WAS LIKE EATING RLLY OUT OF IT

I SLEPT NICELY. LIKE, NOT 100% BUT NICELY. WOKE UP W NO VOICE AT ALL AND A BITCHING CRAMP IN MY LEGS SDSFS WE WENT TO A FAMOUS PARK LATER AND ITTWA S SUPER NICE WE BIKED ALONG IT AND MY LEGS DIED BUT I WAS A HAPPY MAN SDLFJSDF

ANYWAY WE WENT ABC KTO THE AIRPORT AND IT WAS COOL. I DIDNT THINK I WOULD LOVE THEM MORE THAN I CURRENTLY DO BUT AFTER THIS CONCERT I CAME UP AT A NEW LEVEL IM SUPER OUT OF IT DUDE. WOKE UP TODAY AND IT STILL FEELS LIKE IM THERE I LEFT PART OF MY SOUL THERE