#and im so tired of every week or so sgarring w the benefit of the doubt and then wondering if im crazy and then realising its the same

[softness-and-shattering]

You know its really easy to [not do a bigotry]. Here are some tips:

[A list that on its own mostly sounds nuanced and sensical, a couple orange flags but nothing outright terrible.

Except that its vagueing recent discourse and painting nuanced issues and reactions and conversations into a neat little "Im right and theyre wrong and bigoted towards me" package with zero recognition of "and I mightve been bigoted towards them" because thats the black-and-white smoothing over at work, "They just need to recognise when theyre being bigoted, eg when theyre telling me maybe I did an oopsie doopsie because actually its bigoted to suggest I could ever hurt someone. But lets leave this between the lines so people without context will all agree and make me feel good and the people Im calling bigoted will feel small. This is a normal reaction to a complex intracommunity dynamic. Remember nuance folks!]

And then its reblogged "this all seems correct to me, always remember nuance"

And you sit there like, is the reblogger clueless or are they engaging in the erasing of serious discussion and conflict that needs curiosity and thoughtful resolving into "dont be a meanie because thats bigotry, think with your nuance goggles.on!".

And you sit there like. Not wanting to engage. Wondering if you should unfollow or.block the person putting it in front of your eyeballs or are they clueless. Tired of the disingenuinty because this happens in some variation every week. Sometimes you know what its referring to, sometimes.you just see [nkt being bigoted is really simple, hereas a reasonable sounding list] and youre just like, what didnt I see and what actually are the perspectives other than this one.

Its so fucking condescensing to. "If these silly people just realised theyre being bigoted towards me and stopped asking me to examine myself at all, they would realise theyre obviously wrong amd bigoted and I have never done anything wrong in my entire life ans youre especially a bigot if you disagree".

It reminds me of the first time someone told me that by me confronting them about the fact that they were bullying me, it really triggered them so it really wasnt a conversation they could have, I was triggering them! Deny, accuse, reverse victim and offender, DARVO, right? I didnt know how to react then but that was a long time ago.

This is using therapy-progressive-leftist speak to be manipulative, and it isnt less manipulative or shitty behaviour because you belong to a marginalised identity and are using therapy-speak. Its not bigotry every time youre uncomfortable, its not bigotry when people try hold you accountable for hurt or harm you have caused, its not bigotry to criticise you. Your identity and your trauma are not a free pass to be a piece of shit. If you cannot concieve of healthy conflict you need to remove yourself from public spaces until you can behave like a healthy adult, because passive agressively calling everyone who disagrees with you a bigot is not acceptable behaviour. If you cannot handle criticism or reslonsibility, remove yourself from environments where its required until you can handle yourself. Go to therapy, meditate, find some kind of healing practice that works for you. You are not allowed to just be an asshole on main whoever you are. No ones fooled.