#and im historically prone to falling off routines pretty quickly especially skincare
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fully convinced at this point that if theres anything in my life im bad at/ have been bad at its solely due to lack of confidence
#theres so many things that ive tried again in college and was 'suddenly' good at because im not like#beating myself up over the fact that im a beginner?#or trying to make myself small or quiet#or even just thinking that maybe i can't do it#this even works for fucking executive functioning#over the summer i got a new skincare routine#and im historically prone to falling off routines pretty quickly especially skincare#but i just said you know my parents paid a lot of money for this stuff and i have an apartment now i can do this im going to do it#of course it helps that im in a generally good mental space this year compared to past years#and that i have access to a private bathroom thats a big one#but i couldve so easily just let it go#i almost have a couple times#but i just look myself in the mirror and ask myself if im really too tired to do hygiene or if im catastrophizing again#9 times out of 10 its the latter#and when it is i just say ok so you can do this then do it#and then i do it#i feel like a neurotypical dude is this what its like to not have to constantly fight your brain?#idk i mean ive known my entire life even before i had a word for it that my biggest problem is anxiety#its pretty much the root of all evil in my life#but damn i didnt realize how much of a superpower it was to have any confidence at all#cloudy rambles
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