#and if you don't think thats true then maybe you're just privileged

[leahthedreamer]

The line in Barbie “We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back and see how far they’ve come” causing so much discourse is so stupidly funny. 

Like you cannot honestly tell me you don’t understand or I fear you’re being purposely dense and comprehension and literacy is at an all time low.

[punkitt-is-here]

Hey, a little while ago you reblogged a post which says "If you believe a group of trans people has systemic privilege over another group of trans people, you are transphobic." This isn't a callout post or anything so trite, but I think I really respect you as a person, and so I wanted to ask you to think a little more carefully about that statement:

Does a white trans person really not have systemic privilege over a black trans person? Does a neurotypical trans person not have systemic privilege over a neurodivergent trans person? Does a trans man not have systemic privilege over a trans woman? Do you need to be transphobic to believe that?

Agh, I don't really know why I'm sending this. It just feels like the trans community writ large has been regressing pitifully in its understanding of intersecting axes of oppression, and it's really miserable to see that and not know what to do about it.

Sorry to bother you with this, I hope you have a lovely day.

i think i remember your message from a bit back! meant to get to that, but forgot to. i dont got the post on me, but it seems clear to me from what i remember that it was talking exclusively about gender when it was talking about one trans person having systemic privilege over the other. I think many of us already know that a white person is going to have far more systemic privilege than a non-white peer, and that neurotypical people have more systemic privilege over neurodivergent people. this is true whether or not they are trans. I think the post assumed in good faith that we can intuit this and the post doesn't need a million disclaimers for every power imbalance out there.

And I will say, I don't believe a trans man has systemic privilege over a trans woman, thats the whole posts point! Maybe some do, but I'm sure there's an equal number of people in the reverse situation. Disregarding the idea that becoming a man automatically gives you the same privileges as a cis one, there is an extremely wide, near-infinite spectrum of how gender presentation and gender identity intersect, and acting like all trans people of a certain gender have privilege over another IS transphobic. The posts point, from what i recall, is that its shitty to create little microgroups and assume others are your enemy in a privilege pyramid, because we are all trans and therefore we all need to lift each other up.

I'm not really gonna think on it more because I don't have the post but disregarding the systemic privileges that are factored in aside from being trans is fine because I dont think every post needs to cover every alternative point in the entire world because sometimes when you're making a post you just hope people will intuit the obvious. otherwise, nothing concise would ever exist.

[snekdood]

i have compiled some native plant gardening tips for those of whom are new to it based on my own experiences and trials and errors, so here goes:

if you're germinating seeds, dont use coco coir. it sucks. ignore anyone who tells you to use it. it doesnt hold moisture well at all and doesnt decompose well. look for a "seed starter" soil instead, it will have a bunch of beneficial nutrients n such to get the seeds and their roots going. if you're concerned about peat, there are plenty out there that don't have any, coast of maine comes to mind. I used to think I needed to grow them in a sterile env, mostly to prevent mold, but I find that nearly impossible to avoid, so on to my next tip:

you're better off trying to start your native seeds outside. even if you wanna use cell trays, thats fine (bring them in when it freezes though), but preventing mold when germinating inside, especially in your fridge with all your food you sometimes forget is there and gets moldy, i've found to be nearly impossible. granted, mold isnt always a bad thing, it can help eat the seed coating so the roots can grow, but this obviously isnt true for all seeds and especially not small seeds. outside is your best bet, I just find less mold grows out there. might be good to make a mini green house of sorts to keep your seed trays in, obviously thats unnecessary if you're growing them in the ground.

if you're like me and have no real ground space and only have a patio or balcony and have to grow everything in pots, I have a couple tips for you actually, but for now lets focus on winter protecting your plants. most suggest burying them under ground... im assuming like me that isn't really an option for you, so we're gonna come up with another solution. you're probably going to need to invest a good amount of money into this, depending on if you have the material around or not. but to start off:

huddle all your pots together. they can help insulate eachother better and keep eachother warm. i try to put the least cold hardy ones in the center, if you can, put them all together in a larger container like a bucket or something and cover it with lots of mulch. water sparingly and lightly, enough to wet the soil but not enough to drip through the bottom of the pot. you should be sparingly watering anyways in winter, but especially so here since they'll probably be in a container that doesnt drain unless you want to drill in holes on the bottom. try to make sure the pots dont touch the sides of the containers if they're plastic and fill in the gaps with mulch or something, plastic isnt the best material to use for pots regardless, unfortunately its the cheapest and most readily available and comes in varying sizes so I cant get mad at you for using it.

heavily mulch your plants. maybe put some straw on top of the mulch too if you have any. I used to think leaves were enough but there's too much airy space between them, you want to make the insulation as compact as possible. if you're wanting to make a place for bumblebees to hibernate i'd suggest making an entirely different leaf pile or something unrelated to your plants. (obv doesnt apply to ppl growing stuff in the ground bc you have the privilege of being able to sprinkle leaves wherever you want. bastard.)

invest in some burlap fabric and some cheap towels or blankets for even more insulation, the fuzzier the blanket the better imo, but it should be fine whatever you choose, just try not to get too thin of a fabric. the burlap and blanket/towel might not be necessary to use every day but definitely on days where its below freezing. these also will last you every year, assuming you take care of them right. cover the tops of pots but also wrap around the sides of them and maybe put a layer or two of burlap down on the ground under them, esp if they're on cold hard concrete.

if you have any plants with tuberous roots, they are more vulnerable to freezing if they're in a pot and will need extra protection or to be brought inside during a freeze, to not shock it with a temperature shift try putting the pot in the fridge if you can, otherwise again it might be good to try to make a mini green house of sorts, maybe turn one of those plastic window well covers into one? or put it in a garage if you have something like that. they also, maybe obviously but just in case, dont need to be watered as often since they have lots of water stored in themselves.

putting your pots really close to the walls of your house can also help keep them warm. not sure if its enough to prevent them from freezing but combined with everything else? well, it's survived many of my plants over the last couple years (though i didnt know about the tuber thing until recently and it explains so much why certain plants didnt make it >_>)

ok moving on from winter. lets go back to talking about pots, bc seriously if you can get your hands on ANYTHING besides a plastic pot, jump on it. they suck universally. they suck in winter and in summer. their only benefit is providing some humidity but that's not really something I personally need as someone in a temperate climate. also, the lighter the pot the better. dark plastic pots can cook the roots of your plants in the sun in summer so you have to be extra careful. also, the deeper the pot the better for native plants.

because you're growing native plants in pots, they're going to need a lot more extra care. native plants in the ground can pretty much be neglected since nature takes care of it all, but you have to provide the water, soil, fertilizer, etc. so lets talk about that:

you dont need to water every day necessarily, the old trick of watering when the top 1-2 inches is dry is your best method to go by. if you live in the midwest or northeast or anywhere it gets heavy rain, it would be good to give them a deep watering every now and then, I try to follow what the rain does and water at the same frequency as it. it would be good to water daily (maybe only a small amount if the soil is still somehow wet) on really hot days even though you dont have to water every day, like on days above 90 degrees. also the best time to water, especially in summer, is early in the morning, ideally some time before 8, 9 is ok but 8 is better imo bc it gives the roots more time to absorb the water before the sun evaporates it, and around 10 is when that starts happening. if you have to water at night, water early at night and try to avoid watering the leaves if you can as water left over on them overnight can cause mold, mildew or other diseases. if you have to water mid day, at least wait until the sun isnt directly on the plants so they can actually absorb some of the water.

since you have to provide your own water and cant rely on rain, you also have to provide your own fertilizer. I mean you already did before, but I mean liquid fertilizer. rain transfers all kinds of vitamins and minerals to the plants that receive it, but you're likely not getting nearly as much in your tap, and since your pots likely aren't being shat in by various woodland creatures, they're getting even less fertilizer. so you have to provide the fertilizers, both slow and liquid. I thought I could just get by with slow release but the plants seem to do better with liquid too, especially when in bloom. if you use slow release you dont need to use the liquid fertilizer as often, and you also likely dont have to use the liquid as frequently as it says on the bottle, since native plants generally require less nutrients to begin with, but of course this is something you'll probably have to test on your own to see how much your plants want and tolerate. I have a whole feeding schedule I can share if you want. some brands I've been using for liquid fertilizer are foxfarm (they have good soil too), microlife, and maxsea (technically a powder but you mix it with water) and for slow release is foxfarm again, jobe's organics, and lilly miller's. I'm trying to use as organic of materials as I can since I'm growing the plants for native wildlife and pollinators and I dont want to negatively effect them as much as possible. if anyone wants to know what products I use specifically hmu or leave a reply.

I trust you're able to figure out your soil situation on your own, but here's some tips just in case: try to avoid brands like miracle grow since I'm pretty sure it has inorganic materials in it, generally I'd aim for the most organic thing you can find, assuming you're growing native plants for the same reason I am, for nature. also, take those messages about well-draining soil seriously, you can use perlite but also some soils are just lighter than others, I find foxfarms is pretty light and drains well.

during winter, leave the plants as they are, dont cut them down. lots of bugs and animals have made nests or homes or have cocoons n such in there. you can cut it down in the spring when frost is nor longer a concern, but dont throw it in the trash either bc the bugs might still be sleeping in them but will be less vulnerable now that winter is gone.

ok that's all I can think of for now, I'll add on to this if I think of anything else, but hopefully this is helpful for someone out there :]

[georgespaniel]

this is me speaking frankly about my thoughts on all of this because i've been really struggling over the past 2 days because of the matty shit and it hurts. i will admit i feel conflicted over this which i hate and if you feel similar or want to tell me to shut the fuck up feel free but i think talking about it and getting out my system will help. this is rambly, incoherent, kinda personal and quite long so feel free to ignore but i just want it out there.

i think i am very parasocial with matty and that makes me want to excuse him far more than i should, and i'm willing to admit that is a flaw. i want to be in denial and tell myself that this is all just a big bit and he's not really like that but how the fuck am i supposed to know that? i keep telling myself that he is better than this and he doesn't actually believe any of this but realistically i know nothing about this man other than what he shows us, and what he showed on that podcast was really shitty. i can't keep excusing his shitty behaviour, before i just thought of him as a loveable asshole but he's turning more and more into just a straight up asshole.

i feel like people on both sides of this debate are being way too loud because it's a lot more nuanced than either 'he has committed every -ism under the sun and is a terrible bigot' or 'he's done nothing wrong lol you're just a fake fan that's his humour' and i hate that no one can just have a conversation about this. i've seen and spoken to a few people on anon about it and it's been much nicer so i appreciate this tumblr community for being so nice even though this blog has only existed for like a week lmao.

i have loved matty since 2015 and my love was really reignited back in November and it's made these past few months so good for me, i saw them live and made 15 year old me's dream come true and i think i was kinda waiting for it to all go to shit so i feel like i shouldn't be surprised but i still am.

it hurts that a man who has been so vocal about supporting women and condemning bigotry and toxic masculinity can't stop himself from participating in such unnecessary low blow humour for some cool points. like i don't really give a shit if it's satire and all a big bit, the words are still harmful and they still fucking hurt.

like it's so frustrating because in my head i want to believe he is better than this!!! he has been so vocal in the past and that goddamn brit award speech he made just doesn't seem like the same person who was in that interview. but once again how am i supposed to know that. maybe he's an absolute prick behind closed doors.

i don't feel like what was done was egregious but he was clearly happily complicit in it and thats what makes me so uncomfortable. it's such shitty punch down humour that is completely unnecessary, like yeah its a joke or whatever but its such a shit joke that is only funny because its something they know will never happen to them. even if the hosts are minorities themselves it doesn't give them the right to make such shitty racist remarks and especially for privileged white boy matty to be joining in with them.

i think its poe's law that goes something like 'if your attempt at satire is indistinguishable from the person you are mocking you are no better than them'. like even if he isn't a bigot he sure is fucking sounding like one and it pisses me off. and i have seen people who definitely are bigots laughing at this shit and feeling validated by it. if people who genuinely believe that shit are laughing and agreeing with you then you need to take a step back and reevaluate what you are saying.

he has no ability to understand when to shut his mouth and understand that his opinion isn't fucking needed. oh great yet another rich privileged white man's opinions, exactly what the world fucking needs.

i feel like he could maybe redeem himself is he showed even an ounce of self reflection and realisation that he has genuinely hurt people, if he actually apologised or fucking did anything to acknowledge the shitty stuff he has done, but he never does!!!! he never does because he can get away with it because people keep letting him get away with it.

and yet despite all that a small part of me still wants to love him and its been tearing me apart. i considered myself to have very strong morals and this goes against so many of them. i'm not sure if it's the parasocial attachment or the comfort he has brought me over the years but i really don't want to lose that, but that sacrifices my own morals to do that (am i being too sensitive, am i too morally black and white, is what i am feeling valid, am i a bad person for thinking this???)

i hate the fact that every time i try to listen to their music or i see the videos that used to make me feel so happy i just feel sick. i want to feel comforted and happy like i used to but now i just think about him and feel upset, i don't want him to be that person i so desperately don't but i don't know anymore and i don't know what to do.

i hate the fact that i can't form my own opinions and i am so influenced by what other people say, i am so desperate for someone to valdiate me but two people have told me it's okay and i still feel sick. i want someone to tell me how to feel about this but when they do i can't accept it. i love him and i hate him so much and those feelings can't get on with each other. it just really really fucking sucks.

[hussyknee]

I'll never get over how much privilege the damn chicken shit shit shows and the fucking perspectives they give like. "It's just a chicken sandwich. If you can't live without it, you're not a true ally. It doesn't even taste that good!!! So you're just hurting people for a some basic chicken sandwitch!!!" I'm so glad you think everything has the ability to make decisions on what to eat like that, that there couldnt possible be any reason, that maybe thats all there is around some people. I'm disabled, I can not cook most of the time, and i can't pay for my own food most of the time and even when I can options are extremely limited because I'm dead broke and disabled. There is a demon chicken place near me and the salads are higher quality than the ones at McDonald's if they even carry salads anymore. So sorry for eating a dirty chicken sandwich when there are times I can't even buy an item I want when I AM paying because the abled person with me decided to be controlling. So sorry I buy the Demon chicken because it's what's on the way home that isn't the over priced local place with a thousand mile line. So sorry not everyone can fucking cook at home.

*hugs* I hate how many times that post came up on my dash. This is exactly the case with food franchise joints– it's a matter of access, especially for poor and disabled people. I'll never understand people who're like "yeah yeah no ethical consumption under capitalism EXCEPT for <cherry picked example of mass consumption>".

Ngl, "demon chicken" made me laugh. 😂

We don't have Chick-fil-A in my country, and fast food is an expensive treat for us, but I know that they're aimed at a lower earning, overworked class demographic in the West. I have a really difficult relationship with making food choices and feeding myself, especially when I'm in a flare or stressed out or really depressed and will live off literally anything that will deliver cheap enough or on my way home, which are not a lot of choices given that I live in Bumfuck, Suburbia.

But also like....why are these people singling Chick-fil-A and not Nestlé or Coca Cola or child slavery chocolate or Chiquita or or or. My country's main exports are tea, coffee, textiles and spices. Do y'all know how those workers are treated? Which multinationals send refuse back to dump in our country, so that our soil and water are poisoned and our people die from disease? Why is funding homophobic lobbies in the West worse than literally killing BIPOC (with death squads in Nestlé's case)? That's what I think about every single time I see those posts. That my people's deaths are unavoidable, but if everyone doesn't make an exception for this one brand or issue, then we're all --phobes and --ists who don't care. And what's special about that issue? It also impacts white people in the West. The minute white middle class folks are affected it becomes an international emergency.

And yeah, the BIPOC also affected can ride in on those coat tails, but they're not gonna benefit from white allyship. They'll be trotted out to buttress their talking points when it's convenient and then promptly forgotten about and left just as disenfranchised once the white middle class element get theirs. "But it affects me and I'm not white!" and yet they're the only reason you're able to choose guilting and shaming as your advocacy tactic. If guilting and shaming worked for Black, brown and working class people's issues we wouldn't have half our problems. The reason we don't choose that approach is because it has never in the history of activism worked. The reason it's specifically a white middle class tactic is that they're so used to the world bending down for them that they can't fathom that it won't once they're part of a marginalised group. That, and it does work– on people as or more vulnerable than they are. Shaming and guilting and ostracizing is about the illusion of power, not emancipation. Emancipation involves solidarity building, mutual aid, education and harm reduction. The current state of leftism in the West can be blamed directly on the fact that middle class whites found themselves sharing socio-economic oppressions with BIPOC (always overrepresented in the working class) and immediately pushed themselves to the forefront of every issue. And then Western BIPOC absorbed all that hyperindividualist neoliberalism and respectability politics.

Eat your fill of whatever food you can procure, friend. The demons aren't in the chicken. They're in the system that overworks and underpays people, guts disabled and social welfare, plan your cities so that all you can reach are chain stores, and prices out the rest of the competition. They're in the legislative system where it's legal to create and fund lobbies to take away human rights.

[dootnootles]

Burnout

So tired. I don't wanna work anymore. I've found it's cus of burnout. So infuriating. I wanna stay in the school I'm in, I like it there, yet everyone thinks I should go to a special needs or online school. That's not how it works though...

Maybe it's because I was so open about my status as a retard? I mean, five mental illnesses is a lot to juggle, I don't even wanna get into trauma and confusion.

Maybe I'm going insane trying to do the same things over and over.

I feel unique in my situation, thats probably not true. Loads of people have probably felt how I feel right now. A part of me thinks only I should feel this way, and another wishes to meet these people and to finally talk to someone who understands.

I don't know if I sound crazy to everyone around me, but now I'm making everyone worry. I want people to. Because I hate living, because I'm constantly dealing with suicidal ideation, and I want help, I need help, I don't want to keep feeling this way. But then I worry that they'll hate that I said that, that I shouldn't have said that in the first place.

I don't know what to do. I've made a promise not to kill myself. I don't want people to worry, I just want something to change. I want my life to either get better or to end. I'm not even sure I'd I can keep that promise. What am I doing wrong? I just want someone to tell me.

My grades keep plummeting because I'm tired and depressed both emotionally and clinically, suicidal thoughts become more and more prevelant and I'm starting to completely feel apathy and hatred towards so many things.

I just want someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong, what is wrong, so i can fix it. Maybe I'm just built that way. I wanna die, but I can't.

I don't know how to get better, I don't know what to say correctly, I don't know what's out to the me, I don't know why I behave like this, I don't know why I'm like this. I'm 16, I don't know the answers. I didn't know when I was a stupid kid just running around and enjoying life, I didn't know when I was 12 to 14, being beaten and almost killed by my brother whilst facing neglect from my parents, and i don't know now when my dad is gone and trying to support us and my mental health is in shards and ugly shambles and I have a hatred for my brother, my mother and my sister for everything, I'm not even sure if I'm projecting, if all this anger is wrong or right, and no one has the time to help me, even when that's their job.

Everything is terrible. And yet I know that's a lie. Of course I do. I always know. I know why you're calling, I know why you're upset, I know how you want me to behave, I know what you're going to say next, I know that you're going to keep silent, I know that you're scared. Everything is fine. And yet I know that's also a lie.

Maybe nothing and everything is fine all at once. I think it is, the world is such a big place, existence itself is larger. I'm a small speck of dust in a desert, a number on a list of over 8 billion and I mean nothing. Thats a lie too. But to say I mean something is also a lie. We all mean nothing and something all at once. Depending on the perspective.

Maybe I am just growing crazy, maybe I should stop fighting and go check myself into a psych ward for the rest of my life. Maybe I should go no contact, find enough money to take all this pain away.

I hate the future, I hate the past, I hate the present, and yet I love it all at the same time.

I'm confused, unsure, trying. Maybe not my best, but if I cant do better without breaking apart was that really even my best?

Everything I write gets me somewhere and nowhere at once. I just wanna die. No. I just want to feel better. But life is such a complicated pain that I feel death is my only option. Suicide is an escape, but what other option is there?

I'm selfish for wanting this aren't I? I have a loving family, I'm in a privileged position, I have amazing friends and loads of people like me, I can make a difference and i have made a difference, I'm loved, and I love. There are people in better positions who don't feel like me. Maybe I am privileged. Maybe I'm a victim of my own diseases. Maybe I'll never be happy.

That's another lie. So many lies. But i keep going in circles. I'm starting to hate circles. I'll be happy, I'll be sad, I'll be angry and horrified and scared, yet Joyous and appreciative and proud. That's life, full of experiences. But i can't find a balance. Too many things to think about all at once, too little time, too much work, too little motivation. Just get rid of it.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter four - mri’s & other modern commodities

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.8k

synopsis: bucky faces his first day of treatment, and discovers some new things along the way: some scary, some awesome, some maybe slightly embarassing.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: not my gif

When he woke up, he scanned his room, making sure everything was the same as how he left it the night before. Making sure no one came in while he was asleep and poisoned his brain. Making sure he was waking up in his living quarters in Wakanda and not a damp cell in some secret Hydra base. It was just something he did now.

Some may call it paranoia, others may call it adaptation. Either way, once he stepped outside and made sure he was alone, he allowed himself to take a breath.

Today was the day, the first day of official treatment. He had no idea what to expect; he was just hoping to high heavens that it would end up working. Freedom. That's all he wanted. Liberation from the chains Hydra had had around him since he fell from the train all those years ago.

He was apprehensive for sure, but he tried his best to keep himself optimistic. Bucky was sure that Shuri was smarter than any Hydra scientist he once came in contact with. So, if they can tear apart his mind, perhaps she can put it back together. Right?

Her in addition to (Y/N). That psychologist woman. He had spoken to her the day before at the lake. She was funny, and she seemed decently easy to talk to. That's a good sign, he guessed. She told him that she hadn't minded relocating to assist in his treatment, but he honestly couldn't make out her true feelings. She was rather hard to read. Perhaps it was a psychologist thing; he tried not to look too far into it.

He waited outside his door until two Wakandans came to escort him to Shuri. Bucky noticed they were armed. Guards. He wasn't surprised nor did he blame them. However, that didn't make it any easier to trust. He hadn't had that luxuy in a very long time. The former assassin fought against the voice in the back of his head telling him to analyze their every move in order to ensure that he wasn't in any danger. That any minute they weren't going to strap him down and rip his brain apart the way it had been so many times before. So many times. He gave the slightest wince at the thought. His brain suddenly felt prickly, painful memories creeping up on him.

Not now, don't think about it.

Sometimes, if he fixated on the thoughts for too long, he would drive himself to this panicked state of fear and constriction. He wasn't sure exactly what this thing was. All he knew was that these things - these episodes - were extremely unpleasant, and utterly unnecessary at the moment.

He shook his head (somehow hoping that this would rid him of the prickly memories like a dog shaking off water), strands of long brown hair swaying quickly in front of his eyes, and fixed his gaze to the floor.

Floor. Floor. Floor. Floor. Just the floor. The floor. The floor. The floor-

"Sergeant Barnes!" Shuri welcomed him happily.

Oh. He was in the lab now. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Let's do this.

"Good morning," he smiled, "and just Bucky's okay."

"Of course, of course. This is my lab! Best place in Wakanda in my humble opinion. Today's only the first day of treatment, so nothing too intensive. But, we will be working all the same!"

He glanced around the lab. The guards were at the doorway and they didn't look like they were leaving anytime soon. Again, he wasn't surprised. Moreover, sitting at a table a few feet from Shuri, was a familiar face. This familiar face soon met his gaze.

"Hi, Bucky" (Y/N) greeted, offering a polite smile. "See! I remembered this time."

Bucky grinned. "Are you still (Y/N), or is it Dr. (Y/L/N) since we're in the lab now?"

"I'm always (Y/N)."

"I don't know, if I went to school for as long as you did, I'd make everyone call me Doctor," Shuri added.

(Y/N) laughed. "Well, if you want to call me Doctor you're more than welcome, Shuri."

"That's the spirit, Doc," she declared before turning to Bucky. "Now, follow me and we'll get a quick MRI done."

"A what?" He quickly caught up to Shuri who already started walking away.

"An MRI. It stands for magnetic resonance imaging. Basically, scanners use strong magnetic fields, magnetic field gradients, and radio waves to generate images of the organs in the body."*

Yes, very basic.

(Y/N) leaned over to Bucky, explaining softly, "It's used to form pictures of the anatomy and the physiological processes of the body."**

"Oh."

"You just lay down and it scans you. Y'don't even feel anything."

"Thats... not too bad, I guess."

"It's a bit of a tight fit though, so I hope you're aren't claustrophobic."

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, after cryo, I doubt tight spaces will be too much of a bother for me."

"Right," said (Y/N), "but it's still decently in your personal space. Just so you know - so there's no surprises."

He nodded. They didn't say anything until Shuri stopped short in front of them. She stood a couple feet from a shiny metal table which was lined up in front of an equally shiny and metallic semi-cricle arch. It was long enough to fit - well, would you look at that - a body.

"Oh. I guess there is a surprise," (Y/N) blurted, turning to Shuri, confused. "That isn't like any MRI machine I've ever seen."

"That's because you're in Wakanda," Shuri flashed a proud smile. "Tech's a bit... advanced here."

(Y/N) turned to Bucky. He thought he saw something resembling self consciousness flow across her features, but he wasn't sure.

"Sorry, I guess I was wrong. But, honestly this is way better than a typical MRI set up. It's much more open... and wide. Regularly, it would be like a super narrow tube with hardly any space inside. This way, you'll even be able to see us and the rest of the room."

That's good. More space. More freedom. And he'll be able to see her- them, see them.

Shuri clapped. "Alright! Shall we get started then?"

He had no idea how any of this worked; he was way out of his element here. He just barely learned what a damn MRI was, and had to hide his shock when he found out. Medicine has changed dramatically since 1945. Although it is helpful, he is completely clueless. Great.

"Do I jus-just lay on the table?" He asked, unsure.

"Yep! Just lie there and be absolutely still, and I'll do the rest," Shuri replied, reassuringly as she walked around to a control panel next to the machine, preparing to start.

Bucky took his place on the thin metal table, and he thought he was seeing things. Was it was levitating? Honestly, from what he's seen so far he wouldn't even be surprised. He stared up at the ceiling, getting lost in thought. A string of various questions and uncertainties fluttered through his battered mind.

Would the metal arm interfere with the magnet- oh. Right. No arm. Just a scan, no need to worry. (Y/N) said it would be fine. Can I even trust her Then again, can I even trust anyone yet? She's the best I got right now. Damn it, I wish I wasn't so wary of everyone.

"Hey," a gentle voice pulled him out.

He looked over to the left of him, the side with no arm. (Y/N).

"I can practically hear your brain whirring around right now - which is justified - but do you need anything?"

'Do you need anything?' He hadn't heard that phrase in a while.

He adjusted his body on the table. "I'm alright, just... a bit out of my element here."

She nodded, knowingly. "Honestly, me too. This lab looks like somethin' out of a sci-fi movie for me, so I can't imagine what it must feel like to you."

She was looking down at him. He felt vulnerable, exposed. It seemed like she noticed.

"Here, I have an idea."

With that, she turned and grabbed something from a nearby table. Rotating around to face him again, she displayed what she had taken: a pair of headphones... but without a wire? What the hell?

"Are they broken?" he asked, feeling perpetually confused.

"No, they're wirelessly connected to my phone. It's called bluetooth."

The look on his face was almost laughable.

"Bluetooth? What kind of name is Bluetooth?"

"The kind of name that I didn't invent nor should I be blamed for," she chuckled. "Do you want to listen to music while you're in there? It might help to keep you down on Earth with us."

Music. The thought was almost surreal. He hadn't been privileged with such a pleasure in longer than he'd care to admit. It actually seemed... nice.

"Y-yeah," he said, pondering. "That'd actually be nice."

"Awesome."

She leaned over him to put the headphones on his ears, causing him a very conflicting series of emotions.

First of all, close. She was very close to his face. His face, his eyes, his nose, his lips. It almost seemed a tad bit intimate. And then he realized he hadn't been this close to a woman in forever. A real woman, not some fellow assassin he had to take out. He hoped the shy embarrassment he felt didn't show on his cheeks.

Second of all, she was wrapping something around his head, his brain. He tried not to, but he couldn't stop the muscle memory of what he'd been conditioned to feel. Hydra's machine would wrap around his head and rip his psyche apart. His mind expected pain, the worst pain, the dehumanizing, out of body, mind splitting pain. He hoped the way he flinched ever so slightly didn't offend (Y/N).

She didn't seem offended, and her voice was soft. "You're good. Just music and a scan. Then you're done."

He looked up at her face, reassuring and calm. He took a deep breath.

"Good?" she asked.

He nodded. "Think so."

"If it's too much at any point just let us know, and we'll pull you right out. It's your comfort level, your choice."

His choice. Choice. Control. The prospect gave him comfort.

She gave him one last look before stepping away and signaling Shuri to start the machine. The seemingly levitating table began a smooth descent into the machine when the music started playing. It almost startled him, but he then he was pleasantly surprised by what he heard.

There were loud drums, guitar riffs with attitude, and voices that had so much emotion they were almost screaming. It was like no music he had ever heard before, and he loved it. In fact, he was so into it that he didn't even notice when the MRI had finished. That is, until he felt a feather light hand on his shoulder. His eyes opened, and (Y/N) had the biggest grin on her face. While taking the headphones off of him, she looked very pleased with herself.

She looked at Shuri but declared to no one in particular, "Bucky likes Rock and Roll!"

- - -

* = from wikipedia

** = from wikipedia

[softshuji]

well, i think this his experience, at least. shin never had a partner we needed to befriend just because they were with him, so... and i don't think it will! maybe he's just pissed with everything that is happening and snapped at you because you're the closest person to him. don't think too much about it, okay?

he wil!! i don't know if you are religious, but maybe we could pray for his safe return on a shrine? i know one, shin used to go there to pray on christmas day! as much as i'm against violence, people i love are in danger because of this person. i hope they pay for what they did.

oh *laughs* at least you're better than me!! takeomi can always stop smoking, but i can't take ken's zephyr from him, or else we won't have any other way to move besides walk!

emma ❤️

it would be amazing wkjew i think authors should've secret accounts so they could see us freaking out and our theories sksnejw yes!!! it's cute seeing them knowing who they are and it feels like idk their characters are friends too!!

shin never had a partner oooffff wow felt that poor him. he's a good guy, very sweet. Ah you're probably right, I just hope he doesn't revoke my cake and shopping privileges and still lets me sit in the meeting rooms and be pretty and stuff.

thats a good idea! i'll do that, I want to pray for his safe return and I hope for everyone elses sake that he's ok because if he's not... all hell will break loose and I'll make sure of it.

hehe that's true. I mean... maybe I'll convince takeomi to stop smoking once we get married. It'll be healthier for him and cigarettes are expensive anyways! as for ken's zephyr.. i think you'll just have to accept it :(

hal <3

(omg I've thought about that before can you imagine wakui findinf this monstrosity of hal's tr universe lol. also,,, you might wanna keep an eye out, considering what you said about getting an izana in the universe teehee)

[tchaikovskaya]

RE the Obama post: I see what you're saying but... he's not president of the world/MENA, he was president of the US? Under social contract theory don't individual governments have mostly a responsibility to their own country? So I think it would make sense that's what he cares about (and make sense for that to be how he's evaluated). And if U.S. interests conflict with best interest of people in other countries, Obama looks after his people and foreign governments look after their citizenry. No?

i mean yes from a political science/realist paradigm of international conflict theory perspective that is in fact his job, but the question is whether you accept or reject that whole concept.... especially when the man (and political party) in question posits himself as the Defender of Freedom For All regardless of religion/race/class/nationality/gender/orientation/etc and then turns around and indiscriminately drones civilians who are guilty of the crime of existing in the wrong fucking country

the point of the original post (which wasn’t eloquently worded or anything bc it was more of a thinking-out-loud type of post that i never expected to get more than like 15 notes) was that you cannot pretend that you are against racism, against homophobia, against misogyny, against classism, etc etc etc if the only inequality and/or injustice you care about is within your own society, and that society’s power is built on the exploitation and oppression of those very same marginalized groups, but on a global scale instead of a national scale. 

(for the record this is why fascists are invariably very nationalistic, and why leftists see nationalism as one of their largest stumbling blocks, because nationalism as a concept binds people together according to their culture/citizenship and makes those people most harmed by these oppressive forces sympathize with their oppressors instead of the oppressed people in other countries, because it makes them think of the world in terms of whatever is good for America [insert any other country] as a political state being good for them as Americans [insert any other nationality]. but thats not necessarily true because such a small group of very powerful elites ever really see much of that benefit. if anything, the most good that comes from american dominance on the international stage, in terms of the average person’s benefit, is the level of security [from the aggression of other nations, at least, bc y’know police brutality and poverty are very much threats to security] in our day-to-day lives we are able to enjoy. but that security comes at the expense of real, observable suffering across the world)

i feel like thats still not very clear/kinda rambly/im not even reading what im writing bc nobodys paying me for this shit so i Just Dont Care Enough about it to put a tremendous amount of effort to write this argument tbh, so maybe an illustrative example will help!

during the general election season a few months ago, i saw some story floating around facebook about how hillary clinton met with this young girl from yemen who had lived through tremendous political and social upheaval, and had escaped her life as a child bride. clinton wanted to know if they could get her to the united states, pay for her education here, etc. that’s a feel-good story, right? a larger-than-life political figure going out of her way to try to improve the life of a girl who has endured tremendous hardship in a country most westerners don’t even stop to think about, if they even know it exists at all? well, not really. why not?  because hillary clinton, as barack obama’s secretary of state, was instrumental in the conflict in yemen that created such horrendous circumstances for this young girl, through the US government’s alliance with the government of Saudi Arabia. yes, lets get her to the united states or some other western country so that she can receive a quality education without living every day of her life in fear. how noble a suggestion! but that completely ignores WHY her home country is in such a terrible state, WHY she is unsafe there, WHY she was deprived of the right to grow up and have a healthy childhood because she was born within the wrong borders by no fault of her own. 

ask yourself why this girl’s life would have mattered more to the american government if her parents were american. ask yourself if that’s fair. ask yourself why it’s okay for thousands of other girls to be left in those very same circumstances, except they were never lucky enough to claw their way out, because they never had the good fortune of catching a powerful politician’s attention on an individual level and making that politician aware of the direct, immediate suffering their actions caused. 

if your answer is “it’s okay because the US government has something to gain from it, and not everybody can win” then i can understand the rationale behind that (intellectually, at least), but don’t you EVER make yourself out to be some sort of “great defender of disadvantaged peoples,” because if your empathy ends at your country’s borders, you either have a pretty fundamental misunderstanding of the “privilege politics” you’re so invested in, or an extremely fucking twisted understanding of justice