#and if the choice has enough conflict i can feel its weight more

[beevean]

https://youtu.be/Ruw9fsh3PNY?si=NshIPOku6uJ0git7

A more fitting ending to Lenector

On one hand, I know that thematically, N!Hector going on a violent rampage would be negative character development: it would be him overtaken by the same anger that lead him to kill his abusive parents and isolate himself off the human world, and not only it would make his arc just as much as a waste of time as it is in canon, it would be too tragic, and he deserves the peace that was gifted to N!Isaac without effort.

................ but fuck if seeing his hammer smash into lenore's and carmilla's skull wouldn't be immensely cathartic <3 hey if taka and sumi, who had a more believable tragic backstory, got impaled and pissed on without the story sparing an ounce of pity for who are supposed to be survivors of slavery and abuse...

In all seriousness, you know what the Lenector finale should have been?

tl;dr leave. Just leave. He starts his arc cooped up in his own home afraid of the world, he finishes it ready to face the world. People always say "oh he should have been like CoD Hector" as a shortway to say "he should have kicked more ass", and I understand where they come from, but I mean it as "he should have realized he deserves unconditional love and freedom, not just the scraps that a vampire can dust off her table".

This is also partly why I compared N!Hector trapping Lenore in a cage out of (very misplaced and ultimately disastrous) love and protection with Hector leaving Isaac alive in a more ambiguous gesture that might mean that he's more concerned with his own freedom than spilling any more blood. Hector went from "We respectfully obeyed, to cling to" to fighting tooth and nail to get away from the only place where he was allowed to exist: it's both cathartic to see him rebel against his dehumanizing environment, and tragic because he's throwing Isaac under the bus in a selfish way. N!Hector's arc, similarly, should have been about him learning how to stop to cling onto others and find a direction in his life, instead of going "sure why not" at everything that gets proposed to him, up and including human culling (and no, "writing a book about his mistakes" can't be a direction in his life). Yet another reason I find the only development he has, learning how to love "properly" by letting his abuser kill herself because she wanted to stop feeling bad about herself, underwhelming and disrespectful.

Much like him cutting off his finger to break the Council's control of his Night Creatures and opening his escape channel only served to allow N!Isaac to fight by himself because he needed to have that epic moment, N!Hector's supposed character development is never about him, and that is because he has stopped being a character.

[beplerblurbs]

hello ! may i rq some head-cannons for ricky and gunwook with a flirty reader ?

reactions to a flirty y/n

pairings: VERY SHY BOYS !! ricky x gn!reader, gunwook x gn!reader, keita x gn!reader, gyuvin x gn!reader

genre: fluff!!!!! suggestive in keitas, slightest suggestiveness in rickys

warnings: you drink in keitas, implying sexual activities in keitas??

w/c: 2k

authors note: hiiiii anon thanks for the first request i'll try hard to give what u asked for! i like doing these reactions in sets of four so i'll add keita and gyuvin :P its a little rushed so forgive me

ricky

it was korean thanksgiving and everyone had gone home. yet you and ricky being the only international trainees of your dorm, decided just to spend it together.

theres already been some tension during group practice, but nothing had been established. today you wanted to test the limits since it was just you two for a long weekend.

“okay everythings ready. we can start topping!” ricky cheered. you guys decided to do a pizza making competition, better tasting pizza wins, loser has to do something of the winners choice.

you guys start rolling out the dough and flattening it. both of you saucing your flat doughs at an equal pace. the similar pace had caused a conflict with the cheese though, you both grabbed it at the same time. your hand over his, but no one moving.

“you’re moving so quick, its not a timed competition,” ricky tried to be strong, but on the inside he was melting at your touch.

“mmm you should slow down too, your hand is really warm.” your sultry voice halted rickys brain function, it was enough for you to move his hand and take some extra cheese for your pizza.

he regained his composure and tried catching up to you because you were taking more toppings.

throughout, you kept knocking ur hip into ricky’s to distract him. he was playing along too, not without showing his blushing red ears.

“stop~ you’re so annoying y/n,” ricky grumbled, he was trying to put on his final details on his pizza but you kept tickling his sides softly. you were already done your pizza waiting for him to finish to put both in the oven together.

“okay…” you pout and turn to the counter sink, starting to wash some dishes. you knew he was joking but wanted to tease him a bit by acting upset.

“okay okay! i’m sorry, don’t be mad!” you felt ricky’s arms wrap around your waist, and the weight of his head on your shoulder, “get your saucy hands off me! freak,” you laugh and turn around, thankfully you had an apron on to stay clean. you both loved playful moments like these.

“i didn’t know you were so clingy,” you smile and poke his shoulder, “am i?” he genuinely asks, hoping your tone would indicate if his personality was a good thing or bad thing, “yeah but its cute so it’s okay… hurry! our pizzas need to be cooked!”

even though rickys ears are streaming from redness, he turns to quickly finish his pizza and you help each other put the pizzas in the preheated oven to cook.

once they’re done, you bring them out onto cutting boards, to cut and serve from the board since you guys were too lazy to plate it. your secret ingredient was brushing on some sweet and sour sauce on top of the pizza (a/n: its a really good dipping sauce u should try it).

ricky cuts up the pizzas and you both take a bite of your own pizza and then each others. by the time you’re half done your slice from ricky, he’s already finished two slices, relishing in your yummy cooking.

hes a talkative person but now that he knows he’s lost he can’t admit to anything. so you help him out, testing the upper limits of your guys’ relationship.

you come close to his body and lean over to whisper in his ear, “i really like you, ricky,” you can feel him tremble, gripping the counter, “but my pizza is way better.” you pull away, smirking knowing you’ve successfully broken him.

“god, you’re gonna kill me y/n.”

gunwook

"no, i swear he did it like this!"

"that doesn't make any sense though," you sigh, gunwook seems timid.

you were an established idol with 2 years of experience already. gunwook though? he was newly debuted and his manager said it would help solidify his reputation as an idol dancer.

right now, you guys were arguing between which move was correct to the original choreography video, your interpretation or his. its not exactly clear due to the low quality of the video, but the choreographer said he would come soon to help out anyways.

both you and gunwook were being stubborn about what you saw.

“i need a water break,” you walk to the back of the studio to get your waterbottle, gunwook does too.

you sit down on the bench nearby, gesturing gunwook to sit with you. he seemed afraid to go against a senior but didn’t want to stray from the choreo of an even more astonished kpop choreographer.

“look, i get it, you don’t wanna seem rude to me or our sunbae. so i’ll let you have the chance to fully explain why you think you’re right,” you close off your waterbottle and let him have the floor to talk.

he goes into detail about why his version makes the most sense and how well it relates to the story the choreographer is trying to portray. he gets up to show the dance move in slow motion

gunwook was both well-mannered and detailed, leaving no room for rebuttal. “wow, its like you’ve been on a debate team.”

“i have! we always won province championshi— thats not the point anyways y/n, do you see where im coming from?” he looks over his shoulder.

gunwook did have a fair point, he was also became more cute in your eyes. his passion for dance, his nerdy tendencies and his kindness kindled a warm flame in your heart. his attractiveness helped even more.

you stood up and walked up to gunwook, “okay, i’ll do it your way.” you leaned in closer to, his boba eyes widened as your face was mere inches away from his, his eys tracing down to your lips, “you’re lucky you’re cute y’know?” you know you’ve weakened him and let him go with a small smile.

“okay, let’s continue with practice,” your nonchalant manner caught gunwook off caught but he caught up to your pace when you played the music.

you adjusted to gunwooks moveafter practicing for about 30 minutes, and in the middle of cleaning the moves the choreographer came in.

you both bowed and dove straight into questions about the choreography.

“sir, gunwook and i were debating on this one 4-count, can you tell us which one in correct?” his simple nod led you to play the music and both you and gunwook show your two versions.

“wow, as per usual, y/n is correct. they’re very keen on the details and always on top of things.” the reassurance settled the debate between you two.

“ahh and gunwook convinced me i was wrong now we have to practice with my version.” you sigh and walked closer to gunwook, your presence seemed to be his weakspot, “maybe i shouldn’t let him off the hook very easily.”

the bright blush that gunwook’s cheeks grew was unavoidable. he couldn’t debate this one, he just accepted he was wrong. he found you really captivating and as a sunbae he had nothing but respect and attraction for you.

after practice, gunwook stopped you before you left with a snack from the vending machine in the building. “thank you for practice today y/n, i hope we can get closer m-maybe?” his nervousness at the end made him even more cute. he was whipped for you and no one could stop him.

“of course.” you smiled, taking the snack.

keita

keita was in the zone lyric writing for some upcoming collabs. he was an underground rapper and was seeking some inspiration, rather than being inside a cramped studio all day, he went to a pub.

it was moderately busy for a thursday night but keita was able to focus well. that was, until a bartender put a beer and some fries in front of him.

keita had already finished his drink but he never ordered another one. “oh sorry, i didn’t order this,” he tilted his head and pushed back the fries back to the bartender.

“sir, the pretty person there bought you this.” keita turns around to, well, you, a stunning person.

your attractive looks and sultry gaze as you stirred your own drink made keita blush and suddenly his hands felt clammy. he turns around to hide in embarrassment.

you frankly, find him endearing for it. you grab your drink and sit next to him at the bar. “hi handsome, got a name?”

keita tries to laugh off his nervousness, he didn’t want to ruin his chances by being weird, “keita, and yours is?” he tilts his head, “y/n.”

you end up asking about his notebook with lyrics and why he came out tonight and he answers with honesty.

“oh, for inspiration huh,” you say curiously, “maybe you’ll rap about me,” you giggle leaning in close, “you should memorize my face for better writing.”

you were coming on strong and keita couldnt handle his nerves, he wanted to show he could be strong too. he chugs his beer for some liquid encouragement, “don’t worry beautiful of course i will.”

your smile became bigger, not for the reason keita thought though. you took your thumb and wiped away the beer foam on his upper lip. he froze.

“sorry, you had a little something there cutie,” you lick off the remains off your finger.

keita grew even more red, not because of his asian glow but out of your bold flirting, he was loving the attention.

“you okay? nothing to be embarrassed about,” you say sipping your drink, “no you’re just so hot…” keita couldn’t believe how bold he was being now.

“maybe we can get out of here and see where this goes? how does that sound keita?” the way you said his name came out so seductive he couldn’t say no.

you took his hand and led him out the door, leaving the drinks and fries unfinished.

gyuvin

being a barista in a cafe near the han river was gruelling work because of how busy it gets during weekends and afterhours.

the nice part was always the empty hours, usually morning weekdays, this is usually when retired folks or people living near the river on their morning runs. this is where you can take things a bit more slow.

while cleaning a counter you saw a tall young guy with brown fluffy hair come in, particularly with a cute dog. “awww whats their name?” you tippy toe to get a better look at the dog from over the counter, “eumppappa!” the dog owner said excitedly.

getting a better look at the boy you realised he was really cute and you wanted to shoot your shot. but with the cameras on and your manager having a surveillance obsession, you couldn’t be too obvious.

the boy tapped his chin before making a decision, “uhm~ i’ll do a ice caramel latte.” you punched it into the register and grabbed a cup, “name?” and he told you.

“gyuvin… such a cute name,” your mumbling was loud enough to where you saw the tips of gyuvins ears get red.

he waited for his drink, sitting and scrolling on his phone. oblivious to his opportunities to talk to you while the cafe was empty. so you decided to take matters into your own hands.

“order for gyuvin!” you said loudly, he grabs a tissue before taking his coffee but you stop him, “oh i got a tissue for you,”

“oh thanks but its okay,”

“just take the extra then,” you take his hand and put the tissue in it.

he could see the black ink that spelled out your phone number. he looked puzzled,

“ma’am, someones number is on it.”

“yes its mine”

“oh what? why?”

“it’s obvious, isn’t it?”

“no, why would someone give a stranger their num—“

“its because you’re cute and i wanna talk to you! just take it!” he was frustrating and embarrassing you at this point. gyuvin couldn’t be this oblivious, right?

“ohhh… you could’ve just told me. i think you’re cute too,”

nope, you were wrong, he was that oblivious.

“thank you but if my manager catches us, i’m screwed, go… go!” gyuvin wasnt catching the hint at first but then scrambled out with his dog.

later that night, he texted you and apologized for causing you trouble and you couldn’t help but laugh at his cute texting style and his apology

[corruptedcaps]

The Necklace

Staring at the glimmering necklace in my hand, a wave of conflicting thoughts sweeps over me. It's Claire's old necklace, the one she used to become an evil bitch. She lost it weeks ago and has since been nothing but nice to everyone but how did it turn up in my locker? The magic it holds is undeniable, promising beauty and popularity beyond my wildest dreams. But the whispers in my mind, the warnings I've read about its evil power, are equally strong.

I've always been the dorky, book-loving girl in the background. The one who's invisible to everyone except when they want help with their homework. Plain old Izzy. And now, this necklace, this cursed artifact, offers me the chance to change everything. To finally be noticed, to have the admiration I've secretly craved.

Yet, a gnawing feeling deep within me reminds me how the necklace twisted Claire, turned her into someone cruel and heartless. Is the allure of popularity worth sacrificing my kindness, my integrity? Can I really trust that the necklace won't change who I am at my core?

I imagine a future where I wear the necklace, where people look at me in awe, where I'm the center of attention. The thought sends a thrill down my spine, but it's immediately followed by the image of the necklace's dark aura, slowly seeping into my very being, altering me in ways I can't even comprehend.

As I hold the necklace, my heart races with the weight of my decision. The choice before me feels monumental, a crossroads that could forever define who I become. Do I dare risk my soul for a taste of the life I've always envied? Or do I stay true to myself, even if it means remaining in the shadows?

Taking a deep breath, I make up my mind. With the necklace dangling from my hand, I convince myself that I can withstand its dark influence. I've always prided myself on my strength of will, my determination to stay true to my values. Surely, I can resist the allure of its darkness.

As I fasten the clasp and the necklace rests against my skin, a strange warmth envelops me. I glance into the mirror and see my reflection, watching in awe as my appearance begins to change. My features become more refined, my skin seems to glow, and my eyes sparkle with an otherworldly radiance.

My hair lightens, my skin clears any imperfections, my eyesight improves enough to take off my glasses. The necklace is weaving its magic, transforming me into someone I never thought I could be. I'm beautiful. People will notice me now. The excitement courses through me, filling me with an intoxicating mix of emotions.

But even as I admire the changes, a whisper of power creeps into my thoughts. I can feel a subtle shift in my thoughts. It's like a door creaking open to a realm I've never ventured into before. Images flash in my mind—scenes of power, dominance, and control. Dark thoughts creep in, almost as if they're whispered by a sinister presence.

I see myself walking through the school hallways, a confident smirk on my lips and a hand on my hip. My steps are purposeful, and my gaze is unwavering as I pass by groups of students. But it's not the old me anymore. It's a version of myself that takes pleasure in wielding authority, relishing in the fear and admiration that radiate from those around me.

I imagine myself confronting Claire with a newfound confidence. No longer am I the timid girl she once tormented; now, I'm the one asserting dominance. Cruel words drip from my lips, cutting deep and leaving wounds that never fully heal. The thrill of having the upper hand, of finally exacting revenge, sends shivers of excitement down my spine and begins to make my pussy wet.

In this dark vision, I witness myself manipulating situations, exploiting others' weaknesses, and watching them bend to my will. It's a power I've never experienced before, and it both fascinates and terrifies me. The allure of being feared and respected is undeniable, even if it comes at the cost of my own compassion.

Yet, as the images unfold, a twinge of guilt tugs at my conscience. I remember the friends who stood by me, the moments of kindness that defined who I used to be. The darkness that this necklace carries becomes more palpable, a heavy fog that clouds my judgment and distorts my sense of morality. As I grapple with these thoughts, I realize that the necklace's power isn't just changing my appearance—it's testing the very core of who I am.

As my inner struggle intensifies, a strange sensation ripples through me, starting from the necklace and radiating outward. It's as if the necklace itself is responding to my wavering thoughts, amplifying its influence over me. My heart races as I feel an undeniable surge of energy coursing through my veins.

I glance into the mirror, and my breath catches in my throat as I witness even more of its transformative power unfolding before my eyes. My hair, already lightened, shimmers with newfound luster. It's as if each strand has been kissed by starlight, catching the light in a mesmerizing dance of colors. It’s thicker and blonder than any girl I know.

My lips, once soft and unassuming, are now plumper, more inviting, a shade of deep crimson that demands attention. They part slightly as if inviting someone to come closer, to be captivated by the allure that now emanates from me. I can’t help thinking to myself that they would look perfect wrapped around a big cock.

My nails, delicate before, now gleam and standout. They're longer, perfectly manicured, and adorned with a shade of pink that is sure to standout. My mind wanders as I look at them imagining how good it would feel to click my fingers and have loyal betas fall in line behind me.

As I take in the full image, I can hardly believe my eyes. My breasts, once modest, now boasts a fuller and more captivating shape. They inflate bigger than even Claire used to have, snapping my B cup bra causing it to fall out of my shirt to the ground. They are large and perky and somehow defy the laws of gravity. I’ll never need a bra again I think to myself with a satisfied smirk.

Even my clothes seem to shift in response to the transformation. The fabric hugs my curves in all the right places, accentuating my figure in ways I never thought possible. There's an undeniable air of elegance and allure about the ensemble.

In this moment of dazzling beauty, I'm faced with an even greater inner conflict. The temptation to fully embrace this newfound power tugs at me, but the warnings of the necklace's malevolence are stronger than ever. As I stand on the precipice of a new identity, I'm forced to confront the reality that the necklace's allure may come at a cost that I'm not prepared to pay.

As I stand before the mirror, my transformed self radiating an otherworldly allure, a wicked grin slowly spreads across my lips. The rush of power surges through me, and I revel in it, savoring every delicious moment. The doubts that once plagued my mind are now nothing more than distant echoes, drowned out by the intoxicating allure of the necklace's malevolent magic.

Gone are the days when I would be the unnoticed, the overlooked. No longer will I be the victim, the one pushed around and tormented. Now, I am the embodiment of beauty and power, the queen of this pathetic school. The world shall bow before me, and I shall command it with an iron will.

My eyes meet their reflection in the mirror, and they blaze with a newfound fire. No longer timid or uncertain, they now hold the gaze of a goddess, a ruler of destinies. I run my fingers through my shimmering hair, reveling in its silken texture, each strand a testament to my transformation from the shadows to the spotlight.

With a confident sway of my hips, I saunter across the room, the fabric of my clothes caressing my curves as I move. Every step I take exudes an air of superiority, of arrogance, as if I am destined to rule and dominate. I relish in the attention that this new persona commands, the way eyes follow my every movement, captivated by the force of my presence.

I raise my hand and admire my nails, now long and sharp, symbolizing my newfound power. They are a symbol of my ascendancy, of my transition from the sidelines to the throne. The darkness that once whispered the temptation of power now sings a triumphant melody in my ears, reassuring me that I am the embodiment of its desires. Letting me know that I sought me out.

I am no longer the girl who hides in the shadows, who cowers in the face of adversity. I am the embodiment of beauty and power, and I will take what is rightfully mine. The world will remember my name, and they will bow before my magnificence. They will learn to serve the wicked Isabella.

[tiredmoonslut]

The fish wives are fine! Either that ending did not happen or it was all a planned thing for everyone to get stuck in THEIR nets. Whatever. Those are the only 2 options.

Still in all seriousness it was a planned thing between Moiraine and Siuan IMO for too many reasons. The delusion is real

Oh I have no doubt they'll be alright, nonny! Rafe Judkins is smart enough to know that if he was going to canonize Siuanraine, we wouldn't accept its mishandling. We're gonna be fine.

Personally though I do think that conflict was real, not planned. Of course, I do love the idea of them orchestrating a fake falling out! But it just doesn't peg me as something that wins them anything.

I think Siuan is so used to her and Moiraine being in agreement about how to handle the Dragon prophecies that she truly didn't expect for Moiraine to go rogue. The way I see it, Siuan sees two things: for one, Mo has been stilled. That is agony no matter how you slice it, and she's deadset on taking as much of the Dragon burden off of Moiraine's shoulders as she can so Mo has more of a chance to heal (remember, there's been a whopping two Aes Sedai who ever managed not to kill themselves after being stilled in the Tower's known history).

Secondly, she sees that the time of the Last Battle draws near, and Moiraine has been withholding information for the past six months and also very pointedly not tried to prepare Rand at all. Siuan is the Amyrlin Seat. She's made of strategy, and that is a bad one, whether it was her lover's choice or not. I think Siuan was certain that if she made a point of taking the burden off Moiraine's shoulders, she'd be met with acquiescence---perhaps even appreciation.

Watching the episode, I took Siuan's reaction to Rand having been released to be one of complete shock. I'm sure she expected stubbornness, but not outright double-crossing. That's why she made a point of chasing after them alone, with no guard. She felt betrayed.

Then she runs in to see Moiraine channeling. I'm sure she was floored, and this is why I think the theory that she suspected Moiraine of joining the Dark to hold weight. I mean, how bizarre from her perspective. Six months of correspondence, and Rand hasn't been trained even a little, and this alleged stilling was kept from her completely until Lan tattle-taled. That's outrageous, especially since it doesn't seem like Moiraine has ever been that dishonest with her before. And now it was apparently a complete lie? It shouldn't be possible. Unless of course Moiraine made an oath that supersedes her previous ones...

Which is why she forced her to close the Waygate. Twas a test. Once Moiraine obeys, you can see just how much Siuan regretted doing it. Her eyes well up immediately, like all she wants to do is apologize. Had Lanfear not walked in that very second, I'm sure she would have.

So, we'll just have to see how Siuan feels once she hears about the events of Falme, that Ishamael is dead, and that Alanna and Verin were Mo's accomplices. Hopefully she reacts well, or at least well enough to still want to talk it out with Moiraine when she gets the chance---and I think she will. This has been the burden that's ruined their lives for 20 years. She's not just gonna let that go.

So yeah, we'll be okay. We're just gonna need some medicine, perhaps an emergency operation. 😭

[kimagure-oni]

i'll never fall in love with you

This is a review for a one-shot by Mikanuji, and heavy spoilers are involved. A fan translation exists, but the official translation can be found on Amazon.

"Bullies deserve whatever punishment they get."

This line at the start is given its own panel. Many bullies do not grow to regret their actions, at least not consciously. Even when they grow older and change enough that they'd never repeat such behavior, humans have a knack for protecting ourselves from uncomfortable truths. Your brain will just supply an endless number of excuses to justify your past actions, at least to yourself. It's almost the bully's choice whether or not to be forgiven, as they have to regret their actions to qualify.

Sugiya's tempest of regret raises the stakes of the story significantly. If she didn't care, or was able to justify her past actions, her and Kamisaki would have nothing to say to each other. Instead, Kamisaki exploits her regret for the sake of her revenge.

They learn together that revenge can't undo the damage.

"It's only fun if you hate it."

Their relationship becomes sexual the same day they reconnect, and consent's not part of the equation - not that Sugiya seems to particularly mind.

This one surprised me, because my first introduction to Mikanuji was a too-short serialization with the premise "what if two gamers fell in love…", an idea she'd carry through to the long-running Fuzoroi no Renri. Fuzoroi no Renri isn't without the juice, of course, but this is a knockout blow. I wasn't exactly expecting sexual violence from this author, lol.

"That's my toy for you. You really do whatever I say."

Sugiya does eventually call things off; something that I could stand to see more of in blackmail stories. Even though she doesn't hate the things Kamisaki does to her (her words): she calls things off because it's getting her hopes up.

The extreme emotions that connect them refuse to fade. Sugiya can't stand not being involved with her, and Kamisaki presses her on this. Sugiya reveals her feelings along with her guilt for having them (still believing Kamisaki is a victim who has nothing but loathing for her). Kamisaki confirms that they're mutual in an unconventional way - she takes the other girl's hand, and places it on her rapidly beating heart.

"I think you know what it really is you want to do and what you want us to be."

On the final page, both girls are blushing, eyes locked.

We are blessed with a note from the author in the compilation: "I'm pretty sure this was the first long-form story I ever drew. You can really tell how my love for eroticism and my desire to tell an emotional story were in conflict."

We certainly can. I've found that one-shots are capable of punching far above their weight, and this one certainly threw me for a loop. It also raised an author I was already fond of several degrees in my esteem.

[lambdafeet]

Umineko and the Christian Faith

I've seen a lot of people on Reddit, twitter and even here claim that the religious and especially christian elements all throughout Umineko (and other works of Ryukishi) were done to further its aesthetic of classic gothic horror. While it is undoubtedly true that they enhance the setting and the feel of the work immensely, its erroneous to believe they serve no thematic purpose. I'm aware that furthering the aesthetic of a work by proxy helps its themes but I'm talking about it being much more direct than that.

I won't be talking about Higurashi's Christian elements since that deserve a post of its own, maybe even a series of posts. But I might occasionally mention them.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

"He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it."

Umineko talks heavily about the power of fictions, of stories and of words. With enough convincing any fiction can become reality within the mind of its reader and with enough faith the illusory and the invisible can become tangible. Just with a few words man can become a creator of his own. But man is not God and he can not become God as his fictions are known to be invented and his stories corrupted over generations, his songs sang without belief. His books contain holes which may appear to not exist on the aside but can be opened by simply examining it. The story of the Golden Witch is such a tale, one which by the merit of being a man-made fiction requires errors, and one that requires a solution by the merit of being a mystery novel.

Umineko is not a work written to help you gain faith in the Golden Witch, while some chapters may intend to do that the whole simply wants you to understand the Witch. Whether you have faith in her is a matter of personal choice as presented at the end of Twilight.

When presented with the question of your faith in the witch, the work does not expect you to give a single answer. It neither wants its reader to have blind faith in the author (Beatrice) or to question every word out of her mouth. It simply expects you to respect her, listen to her carefully and make your own choice after finding its "holes". To keep holding your faith in the Witch, or to simply believe it all to have been fiction. But, do not mistake both of these choices as equally important, or even preferred.

"There is no right or wrong answer, but there is an answer I want you to choose."

Because of its status as a tale, Umineko lacks "the miraculous signs from the Heavens" and can be solved by the end of Alliance with logic. Any reader who examined the story and respected it can solve it by themselves so the act of breaking the illusion is fairly easy. But there is a reason Alliance is not the ending of it. The work does not exist to simply be refuted as "a man made tale" and ignored after being solved. And that's why the preferred choice is for you to keep your faith in Beatrice, in her story.

To keep your faith in Beatrice, after learning the "truth" of Rokkenjima is an insane task one which most of us do not uphold even if we wish to. The crushing weights of "truth" make it almost impossible to keep faith in something that blatantly conflicts with reality. To uphold your faith in a story, even after seeing holes drilled open in every part of its body.

But that's where its beauty of faith, to be shown something and being able to say its something else. If the works written by God existed, those works without errors and without holes would everyone not already believe it? To believe in a perfect story is not faith but simple logic. To believe one cradled in falsehoods and mistakes is faith. To proclaim to the world that the Golden Witch exists. Not out of pity but out of pure faith.

This is what Umineko excels at, making you believe in its fiction. It does it through its humanity.

Works paraded around as the "irrefutable" word of God, such as scripture gain their power through the same process. By the fact that they contain errors, that they contain humanity. They make you believe in something that conflicts with reality but in such a manner that it is impossible to deny. No one can proudly say that its impossible for the Witch to exist, and the ones that do are either fools or are as stubborn as a brick. Just as its impossible to refute the Witch by the falsehoods in the work, it is impossible to refute God by picking parts from scripture and claiming they conflict with reality, as through faith illusions can become reality and reality can become illusions.

But to not question the scripture is simply ignorant, as it much like the witch wishes to be understood above all, faith in it is secondary even if it is eternally important. If the reader chooses to simply refuse to believe it.

Through this Umineko manages to be a guide in reading religious texts all through the world be it the Bible or the Quran. And a perfect explanation of what it means to have faith in the illusory and the metaphysical.

I hope you enjoyed reading it!!!! I think I'll do a couple more of these since there is more stuff to talk about and this one barely scratches the surface.

[infinitefluffderg]

Finished Goodbye Volcano High and I had Some Thoughts I wanted to get out. I'll try to keep it spoiler-free past the first hour of the game for those who are interested in giving it a spin.

First of all, it's a good game, though in typing that, I'm not sure how much of a "game" I can label it as. The most gameplay is the rhythm sections, otherwise it's largely visual novel. I had a great time with it in its 6 hour running time and didn't feel like my time was wasted. I got this general feeling that there was something - a little something more that could have been done to really make it amazing, though I can't quite pin down what.

Speaking of first hour, I feel that's where GVH is at its strongest (conveniently enough the running time of the demo!). In that time you get the first few cosmetic choices that will be seen throughout the game: Fang's unfinished song and their first logo design. You also get to feel out this game's conversation system which fits the mood quite well. I'll talk about this system a little later. The background plot of the meteor/asteroid is also established and given significant weight while also introducing the A Plot of Fang trying to achieve their dream of becoming a reputable musician with their best friends. Atmospheric elements are spot on, style is perfect, and the first couple episodes go by with significant purpose.

The issue lay in the fact that this is a 6 hour game and while it leads strong, you start noticing the stumbling not too far in. It's subtle, nothing glaring. Though the more you notice it, the harder it is to ignore. Ironically enough, just like the B Plot of the meteor/asteroid.

Where I feel GVH goes wrong is when you realize that time is apparently passing - this game is occurring over 8 months - and there is so much dead time we don't see. This may be merciful since we don't need to go through EVERY day and see what happens. It's just not that clear. And even worse, character conflicts occur and it feels like the sort of thing where they want to talk about something important but soon get interrupted. Alright, so they'll talk about it when there's a free minute later on right? Not really. Apparently there isn't time for them to come up again. It makes sense in-game as events blend into one another like a flowing river. When you back up and think about it, there's a whole lot of time that we're not seeing. It gets hinted at later that this is due to Fang's laser-focused priorities, still, maybe this could have been established a bit better? Not to mention the whole thing with their parents. Really, there's a lot of weirdness with time here and I can't ignore it.

Similarly with that fuzziness, I'm not too sure what choices I'm making that resonate the best with different characters. There's a little icon that appears that hints that you said or did something that resonated (positively or negatively) with SOMEONE, but who? And for what? Did I improve our relationship? What does it mean? Does it matter? I mean, yes it matters, there are certain scenes you don't get to see if your relationship with someone isn't at a certain level. Their focus to make the game feel organic means that there's an innate level of unsure emotions. All of those choices are paired with a conversation system with similar stumblings.

The first choice Fang makes in this game is predated by not just moving your cursor to the choice, but also holding down another two buttons. This is used to signify that this is a HARD CHOICE that Fang is PUSHING themselves to take. Thus whenever you have an option that Fang is more reluctant to take - like overpowering their immediate feeling to take a more diplomatic stance - you have to PUSH it. And this is cool! Another section early on has Fang trying to summon up the nerve to defy their teacher's rule. This involves button mashing to symbolize Fang's fermenting anger, and the conscious choice they're making to stand stubbornly against them. You also have intrusive thoughts or doubts, which appear initially in Fang's choices but will either get static'd over when left alone, or when they're partially selected and then deselected - removing that option entirely. It lends itself to a nice organic conversational style. Sometimes I wish there was an option for silence though since there have been a couple times where the choice I made is immediately followed up by "Fang is about to put their whole ass foot into their mouth because you assumed this was going somewhere else". These complaints are largely due to the reality that there is chunks of missable content that can result to making the wrong or just different choices. Plus the game autosaves along with being a full six hour game with no way to easily go back to other parts - to see what you might have missed out on. It doesn't incentivize me to start over and try other choices. Game's a bit too long for that... and yet... not long enough. It's weird.

Fang's singing voice is ethereal, haunting, beautiful, a little sad and melancholy too, and is a perfect fit for a game with a similar tone. A game that is a tragedy, but also about making the most of your time, and spending time with those who mean a lot to you. It's bittersweet and hopeful. And though you may have a feeling about how it'll end, it still ends triumphantly, loud, beautiful but temporary. I feel like a few more choices - maybe more time in the oven - might be enough to really make this game shine. What we got is still good, and I'm happy to have gone on the journey with it.

[junsei-draws-rotasu]

MONKIE KID S1E7: Impossible Delivery (Live rewatch blog)

No comments, can't recognise the title again

Finally! I training episode!

Waoh, ok.... It's a good thing MK got powers or else he would've died from being thrown at that height

"I'm the number one focus guy!" MK, even as a neurotypical, I can see you have something needed to be diagnosed

Your not a focus guy either Wukong

Yeah! Go at him MK!

Ha! MK got him at the Buddha comment

MK's got a point there. Sometimes the same method won't work on a different person SWK

Is LMK animated in China or America? Because sometimes I wonder if this was in China, was the words in English or Chinese

Because Pigsy, SWK enchanted MK's forgetfulness. And this episode needs some sort of conflict

Music is sooooo good!

Yeeeaaah, no

Loving the resume here. And I can see the question mark on the name part

Poor guy

And, MK hold up a traffic

That little boy's voice reminds me of the gingerbread from Shrek saying "The muffin man!" Wait! I found my Leo(lmao nah)

Surprisingly, I don't know what's going to happen in this episode, and I'm already half-way through

Read this, as I'm about to turn this hilarious scene into angst!

MK has this feeling sometimes that he isn’t good enough. Good enough to have this life. He didn’t know when did this feeling started, maybe when he realized that he was abandoned by his birth parents? Or maybe it started when he got the staff. The sudden weight of the “Successor of the Great Sage Equal to Heaven and Earth” title thrown onto him might be it. Or maybe the guilt when he messed things up, like the first time he used clones or… or…!

It's half-assed done, but you can see what I'm going for! Besides, it's not like I'm the first one to give this boy some self-worth issues lol

Man, MK getting paranoid/delusional/obsessive like his clones.

!!! I didn't expect those children to be demons! I mean, it is a bit odd that the child's voice sounds that way but there are people whose voices are like that!

Oh, MK is going to deliver noddles to SWK

Very inconsistent to the fact the origin episode of LMK , they had to take a boat to go to flower fruit mountain

Easy choice, which route is much more fun?

*MK picks the scary path* Knew it *sips lemon tea*

You can't be a master of focus instantly, MK.

I'll be honest, SWK advice on 'Focus' sucks. It's a good thing that flawed characters

Man, I thought this forest was just scary faces, but apparently, it says no to me and decided to use thorny vines to prove me wrong

Ok, the voices are too much, its either MK hallucinating or SWK is doing this

Ok, what???? Did I misunderstand SWK's advice on focus? If so, I'm sorry :(

"I also summoned monster trees because I'm stressed, should I see a doctor?" YES! YOU SHOULD! Also, I'm right on the hallucination part!

I didn't know there's little hut in FFM for the monkeys

Yeah no, pretty sure he just wants noodles, MK

Oooow, but for the customer and delivery boy, cuz wrong order! Those are the worst!

AND finished!

Wow, can't beilive I didn't remember anything in this episode

[silverjetsystm]

❝ oh god. i remember this place. ❞ Stepping back into it felt like yesterday, the sandbox always closer to him than home ever could be. Didn't matter how long he'd been back now. How long since the desert. Going back to it felt like waking up to a truer reality than the one he lived every day in the city, doing what he did. The more he looks around, the more he's sucked in— quickly losing the thread of how he got here, how THEY Got here. The magical shenanigans of it all. Not his paygrade, not his schtick but he'd been with Marc in the suit... and there, just there, up ahead. That crumbling building they'd cleared on their own after getting separated from the rest of the company. Radio said to bunker down. Hard task in enemy territory, taking fire from all sides. Finding shelter had been imperative. The blasts coming out of that place seemed manageable enough, so Frank had charged... busting door with weight, firing into the dark, trusting his six to Spector without a thought. It calls to him now and he alll but forgets Marc is still there.

Dreamcore/Weirdcore | Accepting!

“The sand has rules. Fucked up rules, but rules nonetheless.” — Kameron Hurley

Grains of sand carry the scent of war. Metal and corpse. Sulfur and smoke. All deserts have become Mitzrayim in his inner world. Smashed hourglasses beneath his boots. Reality and time are different for him.

Not a village. Not urban warfare. Not a single block representing the span of a career, one for -- Cobwebbed confusion, shadow flicker expressions. Normally, he can give an estimate. Number of conflicts, of combatants, of civilians impacted beneath his feet.

Specifics narrow the narrow places. One building, falling in on itself.

When Spector wore the flag on his shoulder. Castle and Spector stranded. A choice between the enemy's shelter or exposure is no choice at all. Castle up ahead, like he should be, like he had been in whites when Marc and his friends were in the asylum years ago. Castle represents Castle on the outside. Representations fit their surroundings. Or should. Moon Knight, at Frank's six yet yards away, can't put his finger on why his back is off. Odd choice. Clear-cut survival compared to the various deeds and omissions they had done in the sandbox.

Cloth face turns his face towards the beak, the crescent moon above. "Khonshu?" Cloak flaps like a white flag, revealing the symbol on white body armor rather than desert camouflage. The god doesn't answer. Or if he does, whispers do not reach his fist's ears over the wind.

Yellow lights from a rattling generator trace Frank's black clothing, bucket-free short hair. Had it been day? Threat of dehydration, cooking in MCCUUs? Dark with dust and sandstorm, blinding them? Or was it calm, calm and still like a dream? Cocktail of emotions flooding adrenaline into him, at the Captain's six, taking out anyone who looked in his direction, until they were the only ones who breathed. They had glimpsed what each other could do before this. Wild dog and force of nature. Maybe that's the big mystery.

Shhhh sighs the breeze, detuned channel static. Shhhh.

Like --

❝ oh god. i remember this place. ❞ Remember. Representations don't--

"Cap'n!" Old rank with old bent affection bursts from teeth, Moon Knight sprinting across sand, cloak and moonlight one. Sniper had shitty aim, like before. Dart flies its deadly way home. Muffled cough. Shape of darkness swaying before the tell-tale and final thud.

He reaches Frank before he 'knocks,' hand on his shoulder. "Frank. Wait." Dream or not, Frank's own 'trick/curse' or not, Marc couldn't let him sleepwalk in.

Movement. Smell of food and low chatter. Darts gleam in his hands. Bullets would feel real, could have real consequences. He isn't going to yearn for a gun. Not now.

"We're not here," he snaps in Frank's ear.

Where was Steven? Jake? Inside the building? Another dream? Outside? One of Moon Knight's old enemies with ebony eyes? No time to trace the roadmap back, debate if there was anyone who shouldn't be on the other side of the trigger. 'Weird' is Moon Knight's shtick. Put it all aside. Kill.

"Treat it like real. We'll figure it out after."

[marica-ya]

This is the time of the night where I get to my parents house and they start reading stuff online about artichokes being good for gallbladder stones. I actually love spending time with my parents, I feel very at ease, unlike spending time with people my age or younger than me at work. Not that is wrong to discuss anything, every phase has its time, but I feel more comforted around people que tienen un sentido del tiempo más largo. Que aceptan las faltas y las ven como parte del camino, que conocen mejor en qué no vale perder el tiempo, que es tan corto y tan largo también. I don't want to talk about the ethics of relationships or about patriarchy or class struggles with people who know the theory but have never had to make choices, or have never taken actions to support their speeches. Young adults are much like that, it's normal. The average 24 year old is just going out in the real world and confronting problems that test their real values. I for one cannot say I've had perfect courage. However much my actions have been praised by outsiders, it's on me to be honest about my effort.

Our relationship was difficult to navigate cause we didn't have anyone around us that could help. Not for lack of trying to get help or guidance, but because truly we couldn't find any help. My family is learning fast how to spot when I'm in an OCD loop, and that's taken years, on top of the decades that have taken for my parents to fine tune their instincts. Being incredibly heady isn't the same as being wise. Being wise is much preferable or honorable to me than being smart. I am incredibly heady. I make such good arguments it's almost impossible to tell I'm actually just justifying anxious delirium because I'm convinced of it myself. I wonder often how much of the conflict was born or raised from this.

Saw this story by Gabi who I always love reading and I feel the same here in Ecuador. I think it's much less so maybe than in countries where the economy allows for young adults to leave home before they're 25 years old, but here is not so simple. Not that it deters people, obviously, I know friends who prefered to squat than live at home with their parent/s. I definitely would have left really early had our country had any real opportunities for disabled people, or if I had been healthy enough to work, but I'm glad I didn't leave my parents house for good until very recently, but I wouldn't feel that way if I hadn't been able to move, to make a home for myself with someone I adore, and then be able to come back and seek shelter here. There is no need in my body to remember how difficult it was to live here for so long and how sour and difficult my relationship with my dad was.

My relationship with my partner indeed taught me how bad things can go without a community to hold you; to hold you close, hold you accountable, share the weight of holding someone else...

My task is not to let the good blind me again, but in my heart I recognize the effort it took from ben to hold me when I was alone. I feel uneasy and sick thinking how many vulnerable people hold on to relationships that are destabilizing in so many ways because they bring some stability that was sorely lacking. My heart softens thinking about the love shown to me. Then I feel sick again thinking about the lies and the guilt and the things that I was accused of, and also thinking about the things I did or the way I compulsed. Sometimes asking to understand makes no sense. It is better to feel and accept, or maybe not.

I don't really want to hang with people who I feel are in a much different place than I am. That's how I feel.

[hiriajuu-suffering]

Loathing

I was really hoping this moment in time, this particular crossroads, would be a flashpoint I could decompress myself. Instead, the point in time just became emblematic of all the abject failures current to my life right now.

I got somewhat halfway through grad school before my mind couldn't bear the lack of novelty anymore. Now, I'm struggling to finish any classwork that's put in front of me because what intellectual growth was coming of it? I feel like everything I do lately is an expression of word vomit, shouting into the void for no one to ever pick up the tiniest sound, let alone listen. The biggest thing that was supposed to keep me going through a post-baccalaureate was the establishment of a sense of meaning, but moments of the world crumbling around me are still holding more weight than a greater path I can carve for myself. It's tough to believe I was ready for this: not because I wasn't mature enough, but my sense of conviction couldn't be manifested into something less aimless because my life experiences uniquely dulled it. To where not even medication checks my neurodivergences in a way allowing me to garner the will I need to push forward. I'm probably the only one left who knows I'm capable of it, but the whole point has been to show it and I've just been...unable.

Nearly everything I've been doing socially is seeing an opportunity that results in a blank. The last one was certainly a manifestation of all those elements: a misandrist, a shallow mind, a flake, but somehow I'm not compelling enough to get the simplest and most casual situations formed because I'm not the main draw. I'm uniquely non-beneficial from the outside looking in because why the fuck would I ever be wanted independently? Why do I only draw in people that are significantly and immensely less mature to the point of literally not being functional, let alone respectful, human beings? I don't crave simplicity in the sense of comfort: I crave simplicity in just people being reliable and faithful to their own words. I'm into both of you means ghost after literally only two days. Youth is wasted on the young, and when you only match with the young, all you do as elder undesirable is get gaslit. Equity shouldn't be means to disrupt happiness, so questioning engendered standards is always validated by experience, somehow. Only way to prove me wrong is functional affirmations of my subjective position to where I'm afforded some level of opportunity, but that doesn't happen. I have to capitalize on every little instance so hard I've had the same primary for 8 years with no progress for half that time at minimum. Why? Because I'm not worth being valued. Normative masculinity ought to be discarded by the 4th wave framework, so all we see is the ruination of social structure and a bunch of incels rising to create conflict out of the tension which manifests for no other reason than the ego of the standard itself. As it stands, the preference is to advance intersectional standards at the expense of men and necessarily amplifying sexual racism, not neutralizing it because we somehow forgot this century normative attraction is a function of gender relations because of course men don't matter when it comes to that argument.

The one thing I correct the speaker on is I didn't CHOOSE to be a cisgendered male if we buy the LGBTQ+ framework of sexuality not being a choice. I've felt moral guilt over not being pansexual or demisexual because I was fundamentally born with preferences less open than the most moral choice. It wasn't my choice to be the exact gender, race, and religion the movement hates most with all its being (though it likes to tout intersectionality as a core framing). Am I claiming any of my rights are being harmed? Absolutely not. But one can have the right to do something and will have such a small rate of potency on the action, the right might as well not exist: the same logic we operate under when we talk about institutional racism and systemic discrimination.

I've tried my damnedest to meet the impossible standard as a South Asian American Muslim cisgendered male the 4th wave wants me to be, but if you look at those intersections, and this something I learned nearly a decade ago in undergrad, postmodern feminism at this moment in time would prefer I don't exist at all. My existence is too inconvenient to their narrative: a socially conscious person with these intersections should NEVER have a voice. That's why my self-reflections in oratory were considered only ever manifestations of the ego. That's why educating got conflated with grooming when an internally racist white woman was onlooking any scenario I was in prior to turning twenty. That's why I was the only person on my college team who couldn't voice a legitimate perspective on feminism, the only straight, non-Christian background, darker-skinned man on the squad. The one person through all that time who strongly linked herself to the 4th wave accepted me for who I was, and while she couldn't always grasp the way approached these issues, she at least had support of my humanity, which is why I say she was the best coach I ever had: she's the only one of the dozen or so that ever did. That's also a significant contributing factor of why I was ousted from my first teaching position, if not less so but still present from my second teaching position. The 4th wave has uniquely harmed my life, not because my natural disposition was to ever take away opportunity from women, but because my opportunity had to come at the expense to advance its agenda.

We haven't made much, if any, headway on the gender pay gap on this current model, and women continue to be increasingly more educated than men. As a man, I don't feel the moral privilege to speak because men have been speaking for too long. The less attractive, the less socially/culturally/racially desirable, the less I'm afforded the ability for my humanity to be recognized and the more feminism pedastalizes whiteness from its perspective on masculinity. Hence, when I attempt to finish a degree where I have to critically think about author theses and narrative, I feel guilt for expressing my opinion at all: especially when Americanization forces me to think, as a Muslim, I have no right to offer perspective on Jewish generational trauma even though my family survived through an ethnic cleansing; as a man, I have no right to offer perspective on how disequitable standards in gender affects my ability self-actualize despite I've been doing work for years on my hoped-to-be-spouse on solving her internalized misogyny; as person of South Asian descent, I have no right to offer perspective on how normative beauty standards make us the least attractive humans in existence and how that creates anger and resentment among our kind, we're just expected to man up about it or we're incels; and, perhaps most disheartening, as a person with some privilege, I have no right to empathize on struggles with those of less affluence, as if familial wealth always translates to receiving any of said benefit, let alone makes for an environment removed from its own challenges when so much is just a given that I got none of but it's impossible to know that much at a passing glance.

I loathe this moment in time. Not because the world is uniquely worse than it has been recently, but because my social conditions do everything in their power to see that I fail because my advancement isn't seen as a good. And I'm only human, I get weary, too. But my kind are expected to be capitalistic work hogs instead of a vantage of poignant intellectual vocation, one that shifts the status quo in any way. A person takes one look at me and hopes I don't change the world because at no point in history did normative whiteness ever want my identity to make real differences in humanity. Even if it is positive.

[luwritesomething]

if you're still taking requests, protective dodge mason I beg of you..... I went thru all your writings and I love them so much and I love my boy

Protective Dodge Mason Headcanons.

Warnings: cursing, as always.

Edited?: No, sorry ;/

Reader pronouns: not stated.

Summary: Dodge headcanons about his protectiveness.

Author's note: Thank you for requesting and sorry for taking so long! I'm very glad you like my writing and THANKS FOR THIS REQUEST BECAUSE protective Dodge Mason has been stucked in my mind ever since he got that individual challenge where he thought Dayna was in danger and he went batshit crazy. I decided to do ths as headcanons because your request wasn't that specific so... Also, I decided to make it as Dodge and Reader already have an established relationship :) . Anyways, here goes nothing. This isn't too long but I hope you like it, excuse any grammar or vocab mistakes since I wrote this in a rush!

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okay so we all agree dodge mason is a protective mf, great

dodge had a very specific plan, alright? getting a romantic partner and kinda falling in love wasn't in it

but how could he not fall in love with the person with the prettiest smile and sweetest soul?

accepting that he wanted to be with you was kinda hard for him. because that meant he was dragging you into his revenge plan.

but you're dating so hurray!! he made it.

your biggest argument was probably when you told him that you did want to play panic (if it was for the money or the thrill that's up to you)

1. it was in conflict with his plan (the one he hadn't told you about just yet because he's still testing the trusting waters) and 2. it put you in danger, actual danger.

listen, dodge doesn't scream

but when he's concerned about your safety it shows that he's mad.

you just couldn't understand what worried him so much

and he wasn't able to say that you were one of the very few people that made him feel like he was truly there.

losing you would be the third tragedy of his life, and he couldn't risk it --- he wouldn't take it

and seeing you hurt was a living nightmare

i feel like im blabbering, sorry

dodge just carries too much weight on his shoulders, and once he starts dating you, more weight is added.

i mean, you aren't a burden, but he worries --- a whole lot, to be honest. dodge is always making sure you're feeling okay, listening to you when you're not, reassuring that he cares about you if you needed

if you get hurt, he sees it like its his fault --- you have full autonomy on your decisions and actions, but dodge is a caregiver and he feels like he should be there to protect you

but then again he has this complicated relationship with his feelings (i mean, how many times have you seen him talking about them openly?) and he's unable to say all those things when you first argue about that

so the argument remains still for some days and things are tense between you two.

it's you who forced the subject back into your conversations, and it is you who promises him that you'll be careful enough to not get hurt, that he has to trust you.

relunctantly, dodge ends up agreeing and easin up to the idea --- it's not like he can or will forbide you for participating, it's your choice.

so he starts worrying x1000 when panic begins.

when escaping the cops in the second challenge, you hurt your knee and scratched it when you fell to the ground, pushed by all the people trying to escape. and although dodge is the one who had almost fallen from a very high height, he's so pissed (not at you) that you've gotten hurt. even if it's the smallest thing as a scratch.

say that it was ray who accidentally pushed you to the ground --- it takes everything for him not to fight ray right then and there. seeing how little he likes ray it just gives him more reasons to want to punch him in the face (and dodge is not really a violent person).

your safety during panic will probably be the reason to all of your arguments, given he's not jealous at all.

he also hates the whole 'i'm trying to get you jealous' so don't try it, please. dodge doesn't deserve that. if you try to get him jealous, he WILL, and it will hurt him. he learns to trust you wholeheartedly, that's why he knows you won't do dumb shit, but if you're the one who is trying to make moves to other people just for fun... bad thing.

anyways so he ends up, probably, telling you that you're not his responsability but you kinda are. not exactly like that, but he opens up.

it takes a lot of reassuring from your part to make him see that he can't carry so many responsabilities and that he basically needs to chill.

communication, people !! i bet communicating for him it's hard, given how quiet and reserved he is, but he grows very into it.

also on another protectiveness note,,,

romantic partner or friend, dodge is that one person that will text you to tell him that you've gotten home safe.

he's also willing to walk anyone home if they feel uneasy going alone, even if he doesn't know them too well.

he'll pick up if you call him because you need someone to talk to while walking home late at night, and if you think someone is following you he'll run to wherever you are. he's not taking any bullshit.

dodge can hold your cup while you go to the bathroom --- and you can be damn sure no one will put anything on your drink if he's watching it.

going back to romantic partner, if you need reassurence during a challenge or a social situation where he's present, you can bet he's going to surround your waist with his arm to keep you grounded. reassuring touches are his specialty (and also his need).

[supernova-151]

violetta season two: final thoughts

hiiiiiii. so. season two is over huh. damn. what the hell!!!! this feels like the end of an era. i started s2 in march and finished just the other day which...i think doesn't reflect well enough just how much i think this is technically the best season of the show. the plotlines are powerful, the characters go through real growth and are interesting, and it's actually unpredictable! there are plot twists, people! so. lets go through it like we did the first time: storylines, characters, ships, songs. you ready? i sure am(n't)

storylines

alright, so, let's get this out of the way: this season's villains are easily among the most multifaceted characters of the series. there is no "big baddie", in my opinion everything feels very real. the conflicts are human and the choices the characters make (not all the characters but we'll get there) feel grounded and sensical to their development. so much so that when you take these season's new villains (diego, esmeralda) and compare them to the regular s1 ones (ludmila, jade) you definitely feel that...you're watching a show that is growing up with its audience, you know? like you KNOW how much i love my girls but there's a tone shift there that is hard not to notice. despite all the new cast introductions and just how much we are working with, the season never feels particularly stuffy, and for one reason or another i found myself enjoying most of the plotlines. my glaring, impossible to ignore issue was with the jeremias storyline. it completely ruined that middle of the season and i didn't feel the desire to continue watching as much because of it. fortunately i stuck through it once and i can do it again, still...mid-season 2 is not exactly my favourite. despite this, first and last 15-20 episodes? i love them sm. the first ones bc the campiness of s1 gradually shifts into something else (and im not here saying s2 isn't campy but, you get me) and it has some absolutely stellar episodes in my opinion (the sleepover? fran's birthday???? though i think that's further than first 20 but we'll let it slide). and the last ones just bc i love the conclusions this season has for the characters: gregorio and diego, violetta and struggling to find her love for music again, ludmila and the weight of her actions starting to weigh down on her...it's (you guessed it!) a lot for my little heart!!!

(just bc i want to mention it, the racism plotlines were really not it though. the Chinese restaurant was in no way, shape or form influential to the plot so completely unnecessary stereotypes. and well, we all know why the esmeralda/german wedding was edited so. awful awful awful, but still, we should acknowledge it exists as much as it sucks. yikes.)

characters

last time i didnt properly introduce this, but i think with such a big ensemble we should divide the characters into three categories: hall of fame (my besties, my best friends, the yassiests), hall of shame (disappear off the face of the earth immediately or face my wrath rn), and in memoriam (one time thing, but we love you anyway). characters i don't mention are just the ones i have nothing to say about.

onto the hall of fame!

vilu stays a likeable and real main character once more. like im sorry i do not get the s1-2 vilu hate she is literally the main character???? like do you want the plot to just stay stale forever??? of course she's gonna make questionable choices! what are we even talking about. but my baby goes through SO MUCH this season, from angie to german to diego one right after the other like it was getting capital b Bad for my capital b Bestie there and im so so glad she found herself again in the end. her growth is so admirable, so much so that then s3 happens and everyone's like ???? but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

i have previously mentioned how i thought fran didn't get to shine properly in s1 due to a certain annoying whiny pissbaby nobody misses, but HELLO????? s2 opens the door for a much funnier, smarter and, let's face it, better character. i LOVE fran, she's one of my favourite characters! she gets her boytoy this season and it's what she deserves!!! and i love the fact that she canonically gets recognition from people around her for her voice because. HELLO. HER VOICE. ma'am i am completely head over heels for you. my Italian sister i ALWAYS said that

cami stays in this section. no need to explain why. i am so mad she gets so screwed over in the love department, but she is so so funny and the traffic light book was so 😭😭😭 when i stop and think about it realistically, i am probably personality-wise the most like cami, so i love to see that unhinged chaos...makes me feel represented yknow. well. i mean.

if we're talking chaos. let's open up this discussion. is ludmila ok? do we as a society need to create a trust fund to get this girl to therapy? probably. does she remain the most entertaining, off-the-rails, pathetic little bitch of the series? like why are you even asking me that. i said it in my s1 post, ill say it here: you can't like violetta as a show and not like ludmila. unfortunately she gets shot directly into your DNA and you cannot possibly escape from her. no matter how much you try. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY. i need this girl's confidence. i need her mentality in life cause this girl is always so sure she is the smartest in the room and it cannot be further from the truth and im sorry it is SO SO funny help. s3 is a rollercoaster for her so i am glad she's getting some rest rn. she'll need it.

speaking of characters you can't not like, naty remains my skrunkly ever. my babygirl. my little baby. i love her in ways the human mind will never understand. i want her to destroy me. she's in her emancipation era and i am cheering from the sidelines. she is MY hero. she is MY queen. she gave me the finest jealousy plotline she could. she gave me that damn drums scene and...lord have mercy on my soul. the best. THE best

leon, you, my man, are a powerful bitch. you are THAT bitch and you know it. iconic, spectacular, not ever been done before. he is the bi representation we always deserved. he is currently raising all of your standards and doing it flawlessly. nothing else to say. stay totally mental for us

and diego complements that perfectly. he is the insufferable bitch to leon’s irritability and he is unstoppable and he is a menace to society and i hate him and he is a lot but like. he is OUR trash raccoon yknow. like he is the worst but we collectively decided to leave food out the door so he doesn’t have to keep ravaging our bins. you get what i mean.

marco is here everyone clap!!!! pathetic meow meow!! this boy is wonderful he is corny as all hell but he is so sweet. and i love him dearly. i love this for us as a society we needed a marco i think.

angie…now i’m going to say something controversial yet brave cause you KNOW i love angie so so much…but i think she should’ve stayed in france THERE I SAID IT. i’ll come back to this when i get to it in s3 but i really don’t like how after a while her plot is only exclusively jeremias/german related. with the decision to leave her life behind (and with that the toxic mindset that was keeping her trapped) the fact that she comes back in s3 and goes down THAT route again...is just very sad to me. i think she should've maybe come back for a few episodes in s3, slay the house down and put german in his place as she always does, and then keep living her best life in France.

jade has done NOTHING WRONG EVER. NOTHING WRONG EVER!!!!!! SAY IT WITH ME NOTHING. WRONG. EVER. good, let's move on.

gregorio gets the most memorable arc in the shape of a mid-life crisis that culminates in somehow becoming the best dad in the series. and we love to see it! my absolute beloved and once again, rodrigo pereira gives his most and i can only watch in awe. i don't trust people who don't like gregorio it has to be said.

parodi i am so sorry. i am so so sorry. you have no idea how sorry i am. i guess it happens to the best of us.

antonio is as always the only sane man in a world of crazy people. iirc at a certain point someone tells him (maybe dufre but im not sure) that he should open a whole new studio with new teachers and he's like. ABSOLUTELY NOT THIS IS MY CIRCUS!!! antonio my absolute beloved i am treasuring all the time I've got left with you because i love you so so much

and to no one's surprise, my favourite stays and will stay my queen, my legend, my moment, miss lena vidal. everyone clap for lena. she gets her 3-4 fun little episodes, brings the house down with her vocals, reads EVERYONE to filth and just leaves again. the MVP. THE MVP!!!!!

and now, the hall of shame. but like it's always the same three men so.

german has no excuse to do the shit he does this season. and you'd think after the jeremias fiasco he like, chills down and learns from his mistakes?? absolutely not, he makes scenes in front of HER DAUGHTER'S CLASSMATES bc she won a contest and is travelling to another country. he wants to hire a BODYGUARD???? WTF???? unforgivable piece of garbage who needs to get as far from his daughter as humanly possible. your little piano moment won't work with me old man! you are a menace to society!!! get help!!!!!

i think we all agree with the fact that we should lock matias in a jail cell and lose the key. gaslighter gatekeeper manipulator mansplainer. AND HE GETS A HOT GIRLFRIEND????? UNDESERVEDDDDDD.

it's not marotti's worst season but i am a marotti hater so he should be included here. what are you gonna do, sue me? make me sign an NDA?

unfortunately pablo has to be moved to this section for this season. he is insufferable and rude and uncaring towards the people who need him the most and does absolutely nothing to fix or recognise his mistakes??? he gets a little better in the end but he is so nonsensical and suchhh a hypocrite. wdym angie can't leave because of family emergencies but jeremias can come and go as he pleases???? ASS!

dufre irritates me so im putting him here too

in memoriam of my sweet princesses:

lara, you were just a cool little mechanic. got swept up in probably the messiest couple drama of buenos aires and we respect you so much for leaving we really do, you deserve the world. esmeralda, MY GOD WHAT A SMART AND LAYERED CHARACTER. i am unapologetically in love with you. you were not campy enough to survive the season i fear. still waiting for your epic revenge plan against the lafontaines, i would love to see it. i so so wish we had an update on you- i wish you and your messy iPad kid the best. and jackie...you did not deserve s2 pablo i am so sorry. in the end, you probably only wanted the best for your uncle. were you still unnecessarily mean at times? yeah but i mean, you looked hot during it so. ok but for real i don't like how they just get rid of her character because they clearly had no idea what to do with her anymore, and she gets to be the "crazy girlfriend" when she had every right to be doubtful of pablo's relationship with angie!!!! jackie i see you i understand you and i love you. we'll meet again some sunny day but PLEASE stop doing that weird jump dance move it haunts my nightmares i swear. ana, every day i remember you're not a fever dream i have to stop and think about it. you, YOU are the undisputed chaos god.

ships

let's as always start with canon (as in happened during the season), and then non-canon (it was real TO ME).

leonetta remain as always THE canon ship for me. as much as i can not enjoy or care for side ships and endgames, leonetta always always set the standard and my god......the lengths these two will go to for each other is impressive yall. impressive. they're everything. and once again, im enjoying them before s3 comes and destroys them again.

also dieletta is there! it's a ship i enjoy exactly with what it is: it has its sweet moments but...diego was the antagonist of the season. that was the whole point. they have an interesting run and they ARE cute but the way they break it off it's pretty much impossible for me to imagine them ever working together in a romantic environment again. am i explaining myself correctly? probably not. whatever, you get it.

on the note of enjoying a ship for what it is, leonara had a good run too. i felt even more with my rewatch that lara knows that leon's heart is never truly in it, though, and that makes me feel so sad for her. she truly deserves better - not in the sense that leon wasn't a good boyfriend for her, simply because she doesn't deserve to be plunged in the middle of the messiest exes to lovers plotline ever.

marcesca i enjoy even only because fran gets someone GOOD who loves her and her only. but they're cute too so i actually enjoy them a lot. HE LEARNED ITALIAN FOR HER. HE FLEW TO MADRID FOR HER. omg their HUGSSSSS. you two will always have a special place in my heart.

fuck it, i'll say it: late brodmila s2 rights!!! those last few episodes with their over-the-top antics, from the "let's pretend we don't know each other" act to the trials (?????) to them just finally accepting how they're so different but similar at the same time??? AND THAT HUG AT THE END???? im not ready to talk about it actually its a lot. i found myself liking cami/seba in this rewatch, too, but the way they conclude that storyline absolutely sucks and though i do not enjoy s3 brodmila in my head i pretend everything is alright at the moment. once again, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

naxi are once again really cute! good for them happy for them! i won't go too much into it just cause i don't wanna start anything, but i don't really like their back and forth at the end of the season and how maxi goes from trusting to not trusting her one ep to the other. still. good for them happy for them.

fedemila are also really cute! i think i realised my problem with them is just that i don't like nor care for fede as a character very much 😭 he does a lot and is SO nice and supportive and we thank him for his service but idk. i tried really hard this time around but i still am completely neutral about him. sorry to this man. thank you for giving us the binary star metaphors though, that was absolutely epic of you. ludmila was READY right there in the fish tank i still find that so funny

and hey. let me mourn caxi for a second. i am the self proclaimed number one caxi enjoyer and i like to live in my little bubble of whatifs. they were something don't you think so. roaring twenties tossing pennies in the pool. and if my wishes came true.........it would've been caxi endgame OR AT LEAST A BETTER STORYLINE. DO IT PROPERLY OR DONT DO IT AT ALL!!!!!

german and matias ships deserve absolutely no rights and thus i won't speak about them. on the same note, pablo/jackie too. im sorry, she deserved better.

onto the non-canon and hey, i know what you're here for.

nothing else to say. NEXT!

s2 is referred as THE franletta season and damn it you are all so right for that. the babygirls. the besties. they love each other so, so much. the Italy storyline was A LOT. fran couldn't bear thinking of her life without vilu AND VILU DID EVERYTHING TO KEEP FRAN WITH HER AND FRAN CAME TO HER FIRST WHEN SHE KNEW SHE WAS STAYING!!!!! they're wonderful. they're magical. they're perfect and they're holding hands rn

oh, have to mention: fran/ana? i am intrigued. i would like to see it. the vision has opened itself to me and i am visioning it. we shall see.

cadmila gave me a lot this season and i have to thank them anyway cause they're always on my mind for one reason or another but shh. let's all pretend they hate each other and didn't make out on stage during 2x80 si es por amor (which we very conveniently didn't get to see. hmm.)

shoutout to the biest couple ever dieleon. OHO, BISEXUALITY WON INDEED. it's about the touches, the nods, the tension, the stares, and no one told you to get that close to each other yknow. but that's your thing you do you kings.

jadangie have little to no interaction this season but hey, if us jadangie truthers had to go off of canon interactions only we would be nowhere right now. however, shoutout to the greats of this season! jadesmeralda (who i love love love and think of constantly) and angie/jackie (hard to keep in mind that they're not canonically exes). and also, because i thoroughly enjoy jade stealing the toxic men in her life's women, jarodi. it was good for me as a jade enjoyer this season.

songs

i must've said it a million times by now but it begs repeating: season 2 is, UNDOUBTEDLY, the best season music-wise. i LOVE these songs to bits. not even close. but let me illustrate this in a tier list because my feelings are many and my braincells are few. (please not that even the ones i put at the bottom i still love lol yes the season is that good)

in conclusion: season two is one hell of a season. i knew i was gonna have my fun with it and aside from a couple of issues i definitely did. and i hope you had your fun too following along! just to put things in perspective, i have around 580 posts tagged for s1 and nearly 1k for s2 💀 and oh my friends, my friends...imagine how s3 will be for me. im looking forward to it in the way that im going to be completely insane over it, and i mean it. COMPLETELY.

but for now, this is iris violetta s2: electric boogaloo, signing off 🫡

[ivy-loves-chocolate]

Note: this was a commission I got from a supporter on ko-fi. I hope that you’ll read it with the same enjoyment I had while writing it. If you want to commission or support me check the pinned post or the hyperlink, you’ll find all the details there. If you have questions, my DM is open 🤗. Also, your comments are always welcomed.

Promt: Wesker forgets about the reader’s birthday.

Pairing: Wesker x F!Reader

Word count: 2K

Type: fluff.

Wesker placed the samples with care on the table, starting his day as usual. He’s been spending his last few years, stuck in the lab researching all over again in order to achieve the wanted results. Since Uroborus is a high importance plan, he’s very meticulous about his schedule, respecting every minute precisely. Not a minute early, not a minute late. The only thing that he tries to put outside his schedule is you because he doesn’t like limiting the time he spends with his sweetheart. He cares so much about you that over the years he sees you as his equal, so he plans to inject you with the progenitor virus, a weaker strand because he can’t risk killing you. Because of this, he wants to do it on a special day, but the many opportunities that arrived didn’t fit in his schedule. The greatest gift he ever received was the power he got after breaking the confines of humanity, so he wants you to experience the same joy. Wesker kept thinking about it but he would get distracted by his work, so his present would always be in the planning stage. He doesn’t want to do it suddenly, he wants to introduce the idea slowly to you because he respects your boundaries.

Once you earned his respect, Wesker can be a very carrying partner, human even. He knows every little detail about his sweetheart, from her birthday to what she last ate. It can seem creepy when you put it like this, but this is nothing more than a lover who deeply cares about his partner and seeks to make her happy. Wesker is not the greatest at showing it though because of his work life. He has little to no time to show his affection. He still shows you that he is there for you, but not as much as he wants, making him more frustrated. Sometimes when he comes home from work he is so tired he barely sees you, let alone talk with you. He either collapses on the couch or bed and falls asleep as you talk with him because he is just too exhausted to carry the conversation. This doesn’t sit right with him because he gives all of his attention and energy to his work and doesn’t have any left for the only person that matters to him, making him wonder if it’s all worth it.

The relationship didn’t have a great start, since you expected Albert to be with you at least 8 hours a day but you’re lucky if you catch him once a week. He’s not the type to express himself and constantly expects others to read his mind, so you two would end up fighting. You have mistaken the lack of presence as rudeness and indifference, basing your reasoning on all the rumors you heard until you realized they were all stupid. Wesker proved to be the contrary, talking so nicely to you and not belittling you at all even if you piss him off. The amount of respect this man offered you even from the beginning is astonishing. He was so transparent with you and with all he does and he had so much patience until you understood. He was just a working man with probably burnout syndrome, so you took the responsibility to take care of him.

His phone buzzed since he started his work. Calls, messages, idiots without brains, as he calls them, needed help doing their job. When he had enough he picked up his phone and started to scroll down through notifications. Some of these people make him curse like a sailor, especially the one who texted him the most. As useful as Excella is in helping with his projects, as annoying she can be. Hundreds of messages and calls, some related to work some not. A particular question caught his attention.

“Do you think y/n would like this?” A picture of a purse was attached. Excella can’t stand you for obvious reasons, but out of respect for Albert, she tries to be friends with you. Still, why would Excella buy something for you out of the blue?

“Is something special today?” He thought.

The horrifying grimace when the realization hit cannot be described. Today is indeed a special day, your birthday. To be honest, he doesn’t care about birthdays. He despises them because they are a reminder of our mortality, but he knows how much you care about such occasions. Every year you got him something even if he insisted not to buy anything for him. Seeing you care and how much you enjoy receiving gifts he changed his mindset. Usually, he would give you something common, just as others would, but then he began to put more effort until there wasn’t anything material in this world to give. That’s how the progenitor virus gift arises in his head. However, he’s been so caught up with his research on Uroborus that he completely forgot to make the preparations. You don’t feel the days pass when you’re stuck in a lab all the time. He puts the phone aside, grabs his coat, and rushes out of the building ignoring the people that are trying to talk with him. If not the virus, he will have to find something common.

He’s not a fan of last minutes gifts but he has no choice. The guilt crushed him further as he remember he hasn’t talked with you all day. The ride to the jewels store felt like ages, even if it was relatively close. Luck was on his side since he found the store open.

None of the jewelry in front of him caught his attention because it wasn’t something he hopes of giving you. He already buried you in gold. You have the finest, unique, and expensive jewels in the world. He wouldn’t have been injected you in a lab of course. He wanted a special place for your rebirth. All of his ideas were put on paper, but probably got lost in the pile of reports. All he wanted was to see you smile on the most important day of your life, perhaps looking at him with the same eyes as his. He wanted to make you feel as you were the center of his universe, his queen, but he failed miserably. Maybe if he had gotten any outstanding results today he wouldn’t be so upset, but it was just another ordinary day. The lady tried talking with him but he was lost in his thoughts. Knowing it’s late and that you’re waiting for him, he bought a pearl necklace and left in hurry. On his way home he tried thinking of what to say, what excuse would be the best but he concluded that all of them were outdated.

Before opening the door, he hid the small package in the inner pocket of his coat. That lady was in hurry to close the store and didn't want to wrap the necklace if gift wrap. Wesker will remember that.

“I’m home!” He shouted once he entered. He may screw up, but he is not a man who runs away from conflict or a man who doesn’t own his mistakes.

“I thought you’d spend the night in your lab.” She said while giving him a peck on his cheek. “You need a vacation dear, you’ll be worn out before your time”

You were so carrying with him, so kind, but he couldn’t enjoy it. He didn’t deserve your kindness.

“There is something I need to tell you.”

“About?” You were starting to get worried. He left in hurry this morning and you didn’t hear anything from him all day. Excella told you briefly about him, but she talked more about the purse she bought for you which was more for her taste, not yours. Judging by his face you realized he had something on his mind, but you would never think it was because he forgot about your birthday. You expected him to talk about an outbreak rather than your forgotten birthday. To your surprise, he started apologizing.

“I was so caught up in my work I-“ he considers apologies a waste of time since we could do better things with our mortality and limited time, but for a reason, humans care about these.

“It’s alright my love.” You caress his face as a reassuring sign. “I understand.” You’re not upset at him. He genuinely cares about you and you can’t judge him, not after all the good things he has done for you. And besides, you know he doesn’t fully mean it, but you appreciate that he still does it for the sake of your feelings.

You began to caress his cheeks, to place small kisses all over his face. You see him rarely so you make sure to show him how much you love him as well. You hug him and he instantly hugged you back. After a while, you broke the hug and lead him to the couch so you can talk about each other’s day. He’s thankful you both moved on.

Eventually, you two got more comfortable. You let all your weight fall over his body as his strong arms were wrapped around your torso. His big hands were caressing your back while you found your peace in that small, almost suffocating, clasp. You almost fell asleep when a gentle squeeze woke you.

“I almost forgot.” He said, almost whispering, before handing you your gift. “It’s not what I had planned, but I hope you’ll find it enjoyable.”

Hazily, you took the small box Albert handled to you. It was a normal, jewelry box with the logo of the store on it. Inside there was a beautiful, shiny pearl necklace. Your delicate fingers touched the pearls with care, feeling their gritty texture and small bumps here and there. It weighs heavy in your hands. You fell in love instantly with the accessory. Seeing how happy you are, Albert offered to put it at your neck. Its elegance enhanced your natural beauty. It looks like it was made solely for you, like an extension of your body.

“I bet it was a lot.” You said with a somehow sorrow in your voice. You don’t want Albert to spend heavy money on you, because it’s his presence that you enjoy and value the most.

“Don’t worry about it, I like spending money on you.” And it was true, he loves dressing you in the most expensive clothing to flatter your body. You’re a goddess to him. Not to mention it strokes his ego to know that he’s able to provide such beautiful things to you. “At least this is what I can do.”

“And it’s perfect this way.” You can see him relax a little.

“I’ll make it up to you, I just need some time.” Time, mortality, death. Once again he was reminded of his plan that was supposed to fix humanity's greatest flaw, and his expression suddenly changed. That didn’t get past Y/N’s attention.

“Albert sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, some problems I need to solve.”

“Are they urgent?”

“Yes, very.”

“I’m sure they can wait until tomorrow.”

He scanned your body carefully. You weren’t getting any younger. Time left its mark on you. Not in an unpleasant way, but still noticeable.

“There something I need to tell you.” He said while sitting on the edge of the bed, watching you how you admire your new necklace. In the lights of the vanity mirror the pearls shine brighter, being more appealing than before making it impossible to take your eyes off them.

“What is it?” You said while gazing at your own reflection.

He choose his words carefully, but no matter how he put them, it could scare you. It’s not the time or the place. He doesn’t want to ruin your happiness. His actual surprise might not sit well with you, but it’s not your choice after all. If he considers it the best option for you he will do it regardless of your opinion. Still, this day came out better than he expected.

“Maybe tomorrow.”

Tags: @xx-sectumsempra-xx @residentzero2028 @heisentitties (dm if you wanna be in the tag list)

[nabrizoya]

honestly would LOVE to hear your thoughts on the nikolai duology because i really only see blanket praise or blanket hate for it whereas I see a lot of wasted potential. Bardugo's actual writing was beautiful as ever for the most part, but the choice of the plot/beats feels baffling to me. I love Nina, but her parts felt so separate from the rest of the book until the very end, and even that felt off. I liked the first 2/3 of KoS enough, dealing with the monster, political tensions, 1/2

and even the cult of the starless saint was at least interesting because dealing with people trying to rewrite the narrative of their greatest enemy (who hurt these young leaders in deeply PERSONAL ways) was really compelling (making him literally come back was. a choice) but I feel like somewhere in the last third, KoS went in a wholly differeent direction, and RoW has this vibe of feeling like she definitely wrote it after reading the show scripts or even seeing some footage. idk. 2/2

I will try to be brief (1/12)

Hey anon! Thank you so much for asking this even though it took 38756588247834 years to answer this I’m so sorry !! The Nikolai duology was good—wonderful too maybe because of the myriad of themes and topics it discussed and explored, all in addition to how beloved these characters are. For me, it’s the end of KoS as it is for you, and the entirety of RoW in particular that irk me the most.

I have very little issue with KoS, and I agree with everything you’ve said. The political tensions, the sort of urgency in trying to secure a country at the cost of personal reservations, preparing for a war that seems unforgivably near the door, etc. was all thrilling. After all, it is the first installment in the duology, and it’s supposed to set the course for the upcoming books.

KoS managed to introduce the stakes and the circumstances, lay the rails for what the characters will face and what it might mean to a vast set of entities connected to the events. And it’s hardly out of sense to expect Rule of Wolves to pick up where the previous book left off and carry forward the themes and plot points introduced in the first book.

Except, RoW failed spectacularly in that aspect.

Rule of Wolves: the second book, and the supposed finale to the Grishaverse and the Nikolai duology; it fails to continue the other number of threads that KoS set up for it, effectively compromising the characters, their characterizations, the themes and other political tensions and stakes. The due importance that should be given to the heavy set of topics that get brought up in the povs are not through, nor are the small details that Leigh added to the conversations evolve into something worth talking about, which are the actual points that could have been given some more page time to explore than just making them facts or points of nostalgia for the characters.

If you take a step back and analyze the whole timeline, events, characterization, objectives of the arcs and the plot points etc. etc., all the way from Crooked Kingdom to Rule of Wolves, there’s so much that is left out and tied in, quite haphazardly, which leads me to believe that Leigh wanted to attempt writing a duology that is more plot-driven than it is character driven. And we know that Leigh writes character driven stories brilliantly, and SoC, CK and TLoT are testament to the same. Heck, even TGT has more consistency than whatever TND has.

So, objectively? Plot possibilities? Characterization? Potential? Personal goals? Addressing the very serious themes it brought up, in little or major light, but give no proper elaboration about them?

The lost potential readily compromised the characterizations of many characters, and it all amounted to their arcs being very underwhelming.

I’m dividing this into four parts and here’s the basic outline.

Writing and Plotting

The Plot, Possibilities and Potential.

Characters, Characterization, Character Potential.

Remedy (what I think would've worked better to tie this all up)

This can get very looong, so be forewarned.

I. Writing & Plotting

Now, Leigh Bardugo’s writing is exceptional, no doubt. The sentences are short and flowy, and convey the tone, psyche, environment and the setting and its effects on the pov character marvellously. It's also immersive. It’s the same in Rule of Wolves, except, a little or a lot weaker.

The two main parts of this is that one, that Leigh slightly overdid showing a lot more than telling, and two, that the RoW (and perhaps KoS too), was more plot driven than character driven, the latter of which is actually Leigh’s strength.

In Rule of Wolves, Leigh’s writing seemed very choppy and snappish. The descriptions were lacking, or maybe that’s just me wishing for more internal conflict and dilemma, and going back and forth in one's own head for a bit. It felt like she showed more than she told.

Example being how Zoya ‘snaps’, ‘drawls’, ‘scoffs’, or ‘scowls’ less, and even if that’s supposed to be show Zoya beginning to be a little less unpleasant than she usually is, the tone in those chapters was not strong enough to distinguish how and why the character was acting a certain way. Nor pinpoint an explanation on what brought that change about. (And there were many instances like this with many other characters), which resulted in the characters themselves feeling so off to me.

Leigh’s characters are important to the story. They carry tremendous weight and actively contribute to the plot. Except, by focusing a lot more on the plot, some parts of these characters’ relevance was not up to the mark. It is greatly due to how weak the plotting and pacing of the book was, tbh, more than just her writing.

Consider: Mayu Kir Kaat. She is integral to the story, but she is thrust into responsibilities, and that doesn’t give us much time to see her as a person, and then as a person with a duty, like we see with most other characters. Whatever parts of her we did see were very circumstantial and timed, which is probably the reason why not many we’re unable to appreciate Mayu as much as we should. (Maybe fandom racism also plays a part, so, well,,,).

Like, we know from Six of Crows and with The Language of Thorns, how great care went into describing the characters’ state of mind, which further heavily influenced their choices and decisions. This time though, I think she wanted it to be more plot driven, hence the whole crowded feeling of the book and general worry about oh my god too much is happening, how will all this be solved and all that.

And this, I think, greatly hampered Leigh's writing, leading to unsettling and rather unsatisfying character arcs. Not to mention that there was quite little space given for the characters to develop or let them grow in a satisfying way which touches on most of the elements and themes that get brought up with regard to their powers and potential,,, and when it was indeed brought up, it was all in vain since they were never followed through.

That's one of the biggest problems for me in RoW: Plot points brought up in KoS were not brought forward in RoW.

II. The Plot, Possibilities and Potential.

Phew. Truly buckle up because this train has too many coaches. And to discuss them all, let’s keep the starting point as Crooked Kingdom.

a) Parem

Now, by the end of Crooked Kingdom, we know some important things about the parem.

It's dangerous asf for the Grisha who have to sacrifice their will and capabilities for a short time superpower high that they didn’t even ask for

Which means they are more often than not forced to consume the drug

Shu Han is the creator of the Parem and are also creating a new kind of soldiers called Khergud (who additionally require Ruthenium, but we’ll talk abt that later)

Fjerda snatched the formula after kidnapping Bo Yul-Bayur, keeping him away in the Ice Court and in their possession, and used the Parem to further their own heedlessly heinous agenda

I think it’s easy to understand how KoS started off on the right track, considering that Kuwei Yul Bo is mentioned, the antidote and jurda is brought up and so come the political tensions alongside it (what with the impending war, the demon, the lack of funds in the coffers and security and peace for the country alongside safety for the Grisha).

The point is, parem is a character of its own. CK was its inception, and its fate was decreed along with its lifespan and its doom. Ideally, by the end of RoW, parem should have been vanquished while addressing its nature as a deadly drug, the addiction and aftermath, and the key person who will guide the plot: Kuwei Yul Bo.

Parem is a political tool that pitted countries against each other, making one another their allies or enemies. (Though parem is not the only one factor). Ravka doesn’t yet know about Kerch’s neutrality. The Shu made their move to assassinate in the end, just as Fjerda cleared the air about their goals.

Point is, parem is weapon, a new kind of warfare that keeps getting alluded to in KoS. The first book gave a glimpse of how the Shu and Fjerda are using parem, thereby exploiting, prejudicing etc. the Grisha in their countries. Khergud whose humanity is washed away with parem + ruthenium, and the Fjerdan Grisha (are targeted) drugged and exploited while be subjected to torture, training and imminent death, parametres of these outcomes being severely gendered.

Ravka too wanted to weaponize it and create a usable strain that would still give the Grisha their powers but at a minimal cost, until Nikolai’s conversation with Grigori convinces him out of it and to use only the antidote for the Grisha.

And when are the contents of this conversation brought up again?

Never.

Another aspect of parem (that the conversation also covers) is this: that what was once merzost, parem is its strange cousin. Parem parallels breaking the bounds of Grisha norms unnaturally, while merzost takes it a step further to break the bounds of nature itself, which comes with a heavy price. They're both the same with little differences. Amplifiers are in tune with this discussion, hence the conversation between Zoya and Nikolai about how, and whether or not the abomination in him, the parem, and the amplifiers are tied together. This gets brought up again in the conversation with Grigori.

Parem parallels the superpowers, something that Zoya too manages to achieve once the corruption of the amplifier business is resolved, which makes her realize how in tune with nature the Grisha must be, and how limited the Grisha powers until then had been. And why the amplifiers were a corrupted piece of magic.

Zoya was supposed to be the conduit in that sense that she reversed the Grisha norms and understood the importance and nature of small science. This is alongisde parem getting abolished or resolved in the least, be given a redressal.

Yet instead in RoW, we barely see any of Zoya’s powers, nor even her experimentation and hunger for power which would give her protection. We don't see how she begins to realize that while power was indeed protection, it was also a responsibility. Not clearly, anyway.

So like, not only is this entire discussion thrown away in Rule of Wolves, but no matters are resolved either. Parem did not reach its end like it was supposed to. Merzost with regard to parem would have been an excellent thing to address, with or without the Darkling being present, because the blight is there. But that doesn’t happen.

What happens instead? We get one chapter of Grisha getting the antidote during the face off at the start of the book, the women in Fjerda are not brought up again and instead we jump to Shu Han. Kuwei is also conveniently forgotten because hey, the Zemeni are here so it’s all sorted!

RoW could have (should have actually) sought to address both the political and medical (?) aftermath and implications. Maybe it did succeed in showing the political side of it, with regard to Mayu, Ehri, Makhi and Tamar’s storylines. But that’s only in Shu Han, whose state of affairs we had NO idea of until RoW. No idea, so much that it was completely out of the blue.

And what we did know (get to know about in KoS) is Fjerda and the affairs there remained… unsolved.

(...sorry).

b) Grisha Powers

Re: From the conversation between Nikolai and Grigori, and Juris and Zoya, about how parem and the amplifiers are parallel to each other in terms of being abominations, a corruption of Grisha powers. Now the theory of it is not entirely explained, but we do know that the parem and whatever Zoya learnt from Juris was meant to move along in the same direction.

But we don't see another mention of it, except maybe we could dig a little deeper and realize that it all adds up because Zoya is the Grisha Queen of Ravka, Summoner, Soldier, Saint, all of it rushed and unnecessarily magical in a war so dire and realistic in RoW.

Welp.

c) Spy business

Just… genuinely what even was Nina up to in RoW? A spy, sure, but only to garner information on the pretender?

Why couldn’t there have been two responsibilities for her to uncover: the lies or truths about the pretender while the Apparat causes hindrances, and Nina trying to seek out more documents of the locations and labs where the Grisha women are being tormented and the other Grisha being weaponized? It could have been a leverage to discredit Fjerda in front of everybody in the Os Kervo scene. Imagine if Nina whipped out the documents of Grisha labs and brought the truth of the exploitation and killing and kidnapping etc. in front of the convention of all nations. All of it together would have upped the political tensions by quite the notch.

Even then, there’s a possibility that it wouldn’t matter either because the Grisha aren’t exactly valuable to all the nations. But killing and exploiting is still wrong so maybe it might have worked? Or see, even if it wouldn’t have, the slow and sluggish realization of Mila’s identity by Brum, and alongside writing it as a tragedy where Nina’s efforts seem to have gone to waste, or where Nina is telling Zoya about not accounting for Prince Rasmus’ word and she informs her about the documents she has snatched? Something could have been done here?

The point is, KoS focused on Fjerda and its unraveling, and it wasn’t continued with and through in Rule of Wolves. Instead it sought to find the problem in a whole new country, Shu Han, and fixed it within the same book leaving the other country as it is.

d) Ruthenium and the Blight

Ruthenium, the metal that is an alloy of regular metal and Grisha made steel, could have been utilized more significantly in the books.

I mention it in association with the blight because while on one hand it is true that the blight is an area full of nothingness, ruthenium as a metal could have been utilized to show the effects of rushed industrialization that is leading to the ground losing its essence. This is supposed to be advanced warfare after all. Besides, Makhi loses someone very dear to her. Perhaps ruthenium is more dangerous in Shu Han because the Shu use it to create the khergud, so the constant manufacturing of it has been leading to the metal leeching the lands of their fertility, along with the blight.

And so also to broker peace, Ravka could have provided aid in some ways. :

1) The Darkling sacrificed himself, as a result of which the blight vanishes. While the blight took away her niece, the possibility of a blight persisting despite the ending of RoW could be attributed to ruthenium.

2) Ravka could provide the reversing effect to the alloy of ruthenium and metal using Grisha and otkazt’sya engineering and ingenuity to replenish the lands.

All in addition to whatever will be Shu Han’s policies to bring lushness to their lands.

e) Women and War:

Holy fucking Shit, where do I start with this?

Whatever we saw in Fjerda was haunting, and we see it from Nina’s chapters. There’s literally no resolution for it, nor is it ever brought up again, at all. In Zoya’s chapters, we see through her eyes the brunt that Grisha faced with the war, and in a country that has refused to recognize Grisha as the citizens and considers them expendable.

Add to it her own narrative of how the women are never mentioned, let alone the ones that she has lost or has known to suffer, at the hands of the war, at the Darkling's torture and powers. The description of these women suffering, often being forgotten and thrown aside as mere casualties… where or when was it ever going to be brought up again?

Like, switching between such horrifying things happening in Fjerda to whatever was happening with Zoya and Nikolai and Isaak is such a contrast, horrifyingly demeaning and insulting, even more so when it failed to align with the importance of parem and offer a solution to both these problems.

Now switch to Rule of Wolves, where the Tavgahard women immolate themselves on Queen Makhi’s orders. Not only is that such a cheap and insensitive thing to do, it gets treated a simple fucking plot point in the book, and it barely gets addressed afterwards. Women in Asia have a vastly complex and complicated history with fire, and this is a serious criticism that culturally affects readers in personal ways. And what gets done about it? Fine, Zoya feels baaaad, sorry oops why would the women do that?!?!?

Where is the adequate sensitivity to the topic? Where is the continuation of the pain Zoya feels for many people, despite them being the enemy? How does she honour them? Where is all that dilemma and pain? Why does she not think of them or just get a line or two to talk about them?

Where is the due importance for this suffering given? Structurally and culturally?

f) Soldier, Summoner, Saint / Yaromir the Great

We never really get any explanation for why Zoya deserves to be the Queen, and why she is the best. But we do get to see why Nikolai isn’t the one supposed to be on the throne, and it’s not just because of his parentage but also because of his failings and doubts and the need for acceptance with the secrets he carried.

Here's the thing though; it’s not just about her showing mercy. It’s very subtle, and in good sense, should actually have been given a little bit more importance that be loosely brought up at random times.

Keeping aside the fact that Zoya is representative of Ravka—a woman, a Grisha, a Suli girl who changed the course of war and who knew what it was like living in poverty, being as an underprivileged person of the society in addition to the trauma from then and the state of living at her aunt’s place—which is meant to be covertly apparent, the other reason tracks back to Yaromir the First, who with the help of Sankt Feliks of the Apple Boughs—the one who raised the thornwood—lead Ravka at that time into the age of peace.

The Darkling testified that in his POVs, that while Feliks and Yaromir worked in tandem for Ravka, Aleksander worked for safeguarding the Grisha. In one sense, Zoya is supposed to reflect that moment in history in the present moment, except she is Queen and Sankta, and Grisha, all three at once.

It is brought up in one of the Darkling’s POVs and once in the conversation with Yuri in KoS. Other than that, we never actually get any more hints of this explanation in the text, which is the reason why the entire ending felt so so rushed, and like a fever dream, that even if it was a plot twist, it was kinda very baseless when it should have been more ohhhhh sort of a thing.

g) The Starless Cult and Saint Worship

This cult had immense potential to blossom into many things, some of which were indeed touched upon in KoS when Zoya says that she saw a bit of herself in Yuri, and brings up time and again how easily she’d been led and had not been aware enough of what’s right and wrong, just as she supposes Yuri is too. And to some extent, there is truth there, because in the Lives of Saints, we do see why Yrui comes about to hail the Darkling and how it parallels Zoya’s, of being helpless and ten being saved by a different power/ their own power, respectively.

That’s where it forks, that Zoya is older and realizes the path that Yuri has chosen and understands that it won't happen until he realizes it himself because the Darkling’s crimes are so obvious.

Even then, there’s still more potential: This cult could have been the mirror that would make Zoya reflect on the questionable methods of the Darkling, and the ways in which she might be mirroring them, despite or not it is the necessity because of the war. How she is training soldiers too, just as the Darkling did, and while the need to take children away from their homes just as soon as they were discovered Grisha was abolished, it was war, and they needed soldiers.

So like, there’s quite a big narrative going on here, how mere children are pushed into one path of becoming a soldier and the whole system that was that the Darkling followed to train the Grisha and all of that. All of this in addition to the juxtaposition to the Grisha being seen as elite despite them being hunted, and the people who are not Grisha frowning upon them. This is also the work of the Darkling, which actually paves the way to see how there can be a world where the Grisha are not feared or seen as abnormal, despite or not they are given a Saint-like narrative.

This cult could also have been the segue to discussing Yuri and his brainwashing, and the sort of cult-ish behaviour of believing in something firm when you couldn’t believe in yourself, or not seeing the magnitude of the crimes of their supposed Saint, alongside always staying focused on becoming a soldier only and never actually thinking beyond what is told.

Some of these are very subtle and some are brought up, but never given too much of an explanation.

Genya brings up another good point in the funeral chapter, about how Fjerda seemingly taking into the whole Saints thing could mean that if the Darkling moved there, he could very well sprawl his influence there to bring in supporters. Which leads to another discussion that gets brought up towards the end of the book: about Nina telling about the Ravkan Saints to Hanne and therefore to the Fjerdans,,, which doesn’t exactly sit right with me. It’s still a very nascent topic, and I think SoC3 will explore this path of faith and personal beliefs etc. but leaving it just there, while talking so much about Saints in both the countries,,, don’t exactly know how to put it into thoughts here.

But regardless, the cult of the Starless had different potential to talk of (blind) worshipping of an ideal without critically examining why the person must be put on the pedestal in the first place (and if it is simply power, then there is actually a narrative right there, which RoW gets right, about the people valuing the power still, as a result of which the monarchy still persists at the end of RoW. Even then, there’s more discussion awaiting there).

Not sure if any of this makes sense, but I’ll leave it at this here for now.

edit: 05/07/2021 | I think what I was trying to say here is that we do not have any kind of narrative evidence to seeing how and why it seems right that the Fjerdans will worship Ravkan Saints; is it merely because they are all Grisha? Or is it because of the segue explore this path of faith and personal beliefs and all of that, of the talk of the monastery and the Grisha there being of all identities, that a monastery is in Shu Han, that it has Djel's sacred Ash tree so far away from Fjerda... much to think about.

III. Characters, Characterization, Character Potential.

Mostly going to be about Nina and Zoya, but I’ll bunch up the rest of them at the end.

a) Nina

*head in hands*

I severely mourned how poorly Zoya was written in RoW, but then I realized that more than Zoya, it’s Nina whose potential was severely undermined and wasted. On one hand, I’m glad she uses her powers and quick thinking,observation and her own tactics to analyze the population and opt for the best way to make them see the truth she wants to show them (eg: making Leoni and Adrik and Zoya saints and also showing that the Grisha are the children of Djel via people’s belief to Joran and Rasmus’s mother).

But then, it’s like you said; her parts were so offbeat and outpaced and completely disjointed, when in fact, Nina is the thread that ties all the characters, their plotlines and potential, together. Nina is connected to Zoya and Hanne, two equally important characters and main characters of the duology. Whatever scope Nina has, they are greatly in parallel to Zoya and Hanne. And it’s all literally there, in the text! What a waste.

Though keeping aside these parallels, Nina’s own journey from Ketterdam to Ravka to Fjerda, while is spoken about, doesn’t touch some other parts that I see potential in. Or this is just meta.

Nina has grief not just from Matthias’ death but also from the loss of her powers as Heartrender. So much of the Second Army was built on being a soldier, and perhaps the Darkling was not outright disdainful of racial differences in his army, yet he still stripped every part of the children away until they weren’t children anymore in his view. They’re all soldiers… (albeit his soldiers, preparing them to do his bidding because hey, give and take right?). Nina was a soldier, and she is a soldier still under Zoya’s role as a General, but an ‘other’ of a soldier. That’s her only identity, and the loss of her powers means that she’s a different kind of soldier.

I imagine that this entire time, some small part of Nina longed for normalcy, or whatever settled as normal for a life like hers. In the sense that she wants to go back, but what is back and where exactly did she want to go back to? What was the before and after and where did things go wrong or change? There’s tragedy in the realization that whatever you were before what you became is not a place you can return to, and that’s a different kind of loss that she has to bear, and all by herself. She has powers over the dead now, a strange power she learns to grow to, but all the places she has been, all the lives she has led and people she had been, everything might seem like they’ve all been locked away in some strange place leaving her barren and indisposable.

She’s off to Fjerda as someone she isn’t, figuratively and literally. In KoS, Nina brings up many times how odd she feels as Mila and in some capacity longs to be Nina Zenik again. This ties in with the previous point of returning to somewhere, but where?, but is also a segue towards body dysmorphia, the thing that Nina and Hanne’s storylines parallel and connect too with in a small way. It’s a great line to follow to discuss what her discomfort with her body means to herself while it means something entirely different to Hanne, who is also not entirely comfortable being who they are. (This discomfort further which leads to gender dysphoria, while for Nina, it will be about learning to accept her powers. I’ll add on to this in a bit,).

I'm mourning the lost potential of that experience being a parallel to Hanne’s own feelings, of a discussion between people being uncomfortable with their bodies, something that can mean multitudes to each person and on their own accord.

In parallel to Zoya, I like to draw it from the fact about Nina wanting to go back to who she was, while Zoya actively tries to lock her past away and drown it somewhere or throw it to the storm, never to hear of it again. She has no identity other than being a soldier, and that’s enough for Zoya, because who she was before she was a soldier is not pleasant. But moving from being just another expendable shell of soldier under the Darkling’s rule, Zoya becomes the one third of the Triumvirate, and then the King’s general, all of which bring self-awareness of Zoya’s capabilities and challenges that are bound to excite her. But all of these also compel Zoya to be many other people to others as she slowly grows to realize that power is not just protection but also a responsibility, and it will inadvertently mean confronting her past of her lost identity, realizing the how of the Darkling, and how harmful it was. As Genya puts it perfectly in Rule of Wolves, that they were all taken away when they were young kids, not even barely children, and then thrust into responsibilities that didn’t allow them to be anything else other than what the Darkling told them to be.

Back to Nina; a few other great parts about Nina’s arc could have been about her connection to languages, as language being a mode of strengthening identity, in addition to growing to her powers. In RoW, there’s this line that goes ‘how sweet it was to speak her language [Ravkan] again’, and the feeling of homesickness. Like, Nina is trying to connect to Ravka through what she knows best—language, and then stories. In that, Nina realizes a part of her identity, which could also act as a segue to Zoya reclaiming her own heritage and ethnicity. Not only that but Zoya and Nina’s stories are literally so intertwined that it’s hard not to see how their choices and line of thought affect one another’s arcs, in the grief they have and how they choose to treat it, and also show why Zoya is particularly protective of Nina (and keeps wishing that she doesn’t become the monster Zoya had become, in the sense that Nina is more mature in handling her grief than Zoya was and the entire mercy plotline ties Nina, Zoya and even Genya together. More meta, haH).

And that’s why the ending doesn’t make sense. Even though the part about her not being comfortable as Mila is not brought up many times in the continuing chapters (and that’s why perhaps naming Nina’s discomfort as body dysmorphia may be wrong), there’s still the part of Nina readily accepting to be who she was a Mila and remain in Fjerda that seems iffy to me. Especially when Nina and Hanne literally a few chapters ago think about running away (it may be just another alternative they might be fantasizing about, but I think it still means that they both want to be their true selves without hiding any parts of it away). So her staying as Mila… well, it doesn’t exactly add up.

I’d also add the part of Nina’s story mirroring Leoni’s, and how she is from Novyi Zem and being a part of the Second Army meant that she had little to no connection with her past, her culture etc. But maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part that Leigh went for that arc.

edit: 05/07/2021 | I don't agree with my point anymore about Nina not having the kind of ending I assumed she might have, considering that it is very well possible for Nina to treat her identity as Mila as a fresh start, as a Grisha with a command over the the dead and begin a new normal that is suited for her. You can read more here.

b) Zoya

For one, white passing Zoya is not canon to me. I simply pretend I do not see it.

See, her race was handled very badly. Making her half-Suli was supposed to show the struggles and the trauma that the ridiculing of her identity by other people has caused to her. Except, not enough time nor text is given to thoroughly discuss it. Not to forget how problematic of a narrative in itself it is to make Zoya white passing.

It would have made more sense to make her dark skinned and predominantly Suli-looking than whatever yt bs she was put through. Her not being white-passing would have led to conversations about tokenization, or people caring little about her and not giving her any respect because she is Suli. Or being called beautiful to the face and praised just for it or a harmless tumble in their point of view.

So like, instead of making the ‘mistake’ of seeking for acceptance, seeking appreciation and love, from her mother at first and then the Darkling, Zoya instead makes herself someone to be feared, if respect was not what she deserved. The iciness is a part of her and has always been, but all of it soon became a shield, an armour that she vowed to harden her heart with. Just the sheer impact of this narrative and her reluctance, and seeing Nikolai love her for beyond who she thinks she is… if all of this was canon, I’m pretty sure I’d have built a shrine for this duology.

Let’s now talk about her grief, and...

…

Okay it’s not for me to point fingers at how Leigh chose to write about grief because there’s no one way or one proper approach to go through that pain, and if that’s how she chose to write about grief for Zoya, fine! But I really wish we’d have gotten a little more into her head to see how the trauma has affected her thoughts and how she struggles against why and what exactly it is that Juris wants her to do. That enough time and text was dedicated to Zoya’s feelings and the mayhem it caused her, as a result of which the dragon’s eye took its cue and made things more unbearable to her because she was the only one to bear them all.

Like, I feel like Zoya was overwhelmed throughout the book and in between she had some skyhigh responsibilities to discharge and it’s all so inconsistent and poorly woven,,, it completely dissolved her character from KoS and made it 10000000x more miserable for me to read her POVs. And honestly, what even were her assignments that the Kirkus review mentioned? Never an inch of text in RoW is given to decipher her complications of her mind, the muddled sense of hopelessness and fear that grips her time and again. Why overwhelm her so much that you fail to do her mental state and capacity any justice?

I’m not going to be harsh about how much David’s death bothered me-- no actually fuck that; what’s the point? Fine, he died. All because you wanted to make his death a plot device to make Zoya reconcile with loss and deal with it? Where was Genya’s grief? Literally no point of having a death in the book at all, and it didn’t even achieve anything. (I’m still trying to wrap my head around why David’s death was important and maybe if I find some straws, I’ll consider…)

There were so many other ways around it; could have brought back Lada and killed her off, or have the Darkling piss her off so badly or just. Something. Instead of whatever happened with David. I think this is too harsh and insensitive of me to say about Leigh, but still… there’s a myriad of other ways to have gone about it. Helping Zoya deal with her grief with Nikolai at her side, to understand that the rage that was fueled from her loneliness, like it had been in the past, could now be a weight that Nikolai was willing to carry with her… Helping someone with their grief, staying and choosing is also a love language you know?

So in that regard, I won’t regret saying how flat the garden scene was to me. Zoya’s lines, though tinged with grief, were so out of what I would expect KoS Zoya to say. Maybe it’s also because of how bitter I was reading about David's death, despite that part being spoiled for me.

The cost shouldn’t have been David’s death, especially not when his death too wasn’t properly handled at all, and Genya’s grief was never spared a second thought beyond bringing Titanium.

+

Now let’s talk about how Out of Character Zoya was throughout the book. Her punchy attitude was missing, and even if she was warming up to her friends, we see little of the iciness she continues to retain. Another part of this is about exploring her relationships, particularly with Nikolai and her growing feelings for him. I wish we’d have seen them grapple with more of their confusion and propriety, if only for the yearning™. Besides, no matter how cute their scenes were, they were mostly (like maybe some. 70%) awful to read them, simply because it felt so odd to see Zoya be so open with Nikolai, all of a sudden.

A part of this definitely has to be the fact that we don’t know just how much time has passed between the end of KoS and the start of RoW, and we never, never see any description of they regarded their feelings for each other and how they understood it themselves. I don’t actually know how exactly I can put this into words in a manner that will make sense, but the only scenes where I appreciated Zoyalai were in the Ketterdam chapters, ONLY. The rest was… bleh lmao. Their scenes were so cute and brilliant, and if only we’d seen more of the internal conflict and had given some more time for them to practically approach their feelings but still end up in the puddle of it. If only.

Their scenes apart were the good ones, because that’s where we finally see Nikolai feeling the loss, no matter how temporary (on the verge of being permanent since it’s the war), of not having Zoya with him, of not being there with Zoya because who else would it be if it wasn’t her? Zoyalai had good scenes but they barely lived up to the mark lol. Their feelings are never thoroughly explored, nor their mental capacities.

While we’re talking about Zoyalai, let’s also talk about how lame it was for Zoya to say that Nikolai was the golden spirited hero all along, from the very start, when canonically we know Zoya had little to do with him in the earlier books, that she may have only been physically attracted to him and never saw him as more than just some guy with a responsibility to manage, and had sooooooo much distrust about him. And that it was only in the next few years of working with him and alongside did she grow to recognize his efforts and relish in the hope that he was building for Ravka, inadvertently making Zoya hopeful too.

Nope. Instead, we’ll just throw in some destiny bs that he was the one all along rather than show that the beauty of their relationship did not stem what they perceived of each other, but was instead built on strong respect and admiration for one another and their capabilities. 100% destroyed their relationship for me.

+

Some good parts about Zoya’s arc in RoW was how she acknowledged her past mistakes, and the nuance that was touched upon in seeing sense in becoming a soldier from the start, that offered her a chance to be anything other than a bride. That some part of her was grateful for the Darkling for teaching her how to fight, while still keeping Genya’s words in mind about how they were mere kids, children who had only one path to traverse because the Darkling (who wanted their acceptance and loyalty) nor the Kings of the country let the Grisha be anything else other than pawns of the war. That she recognizes her mistakes as a teen and how self centred she was, that her being snotty had at times cost some peoples’ lives too. And she doesn’t take the blame all up on herself, because it’s not hers alone to bear. Super good.

Also, the way Zoya comes to view power as responsibility instead of merely as protection was something cool to read about. It’s not clear in the books, but Zoya actively tried to not be the Darkling while still continuing to build an army for the war out of necessity, and actually sharing some parts of the dream that the Darkling had for the Grisha. I can’t articulate this so perfectly, but the point is, Zoya trying to avoid becoming a tyrant like the Darkling was an active process that she was constantly trying to change, and where Zoya could not recognize her own feelings and inherent thoughts about warfare that in some ways did mirror the Darkling’s, by the end of book, Zoya is much more self-aware and conscious of herself and her power than she was at the start of the book. And this was well done.

+

Now, what is up with YA and making people turn into giants or animals lol wtf. Why couldn’t we have seen Zoya use her dragon powers in a way that symbolizes the conditions of her dragon amplifier and the power of the knowledge she obtained from Juris? She is a Saint, and we’ve seen that their powers allowed them to cause ‘miracles’ and such, as we see at the start of KoS and at the end.

Why couldn’t we have seen Zoya dabble with her newfound powers and completely lose her shit in anger during the wae, only to rein back in mercy, just as someone from Fjerda begs for forgiveness since they see her then as a Saint? Adrik and Leoni used their powers in Fjerda, so having Zoya bring about a conundrum of all orders and do something about it would also have been cool, wouldn’t it? In the funeral scene we see her turn water into ice, thereby making a path for Genya. Why couldn’t we have had more exploration of the importance of the dragon’s eye and the general nausea of being overly empathetic every. damn. time? Why didn’t we get to see her powers? Why couldn’t we have seen her fail in them and realize that the reason she was not perfect was because she was trying to be strong on her own and was not relying on others and joint effort?

Her turning into a dragon was genuinely the most baffling part bc here’s a war that’s so serious and dire with metals and bombs, and then here’s this magic that will solve all of it entirely. Like I’m not saying it was bad, (I am actually saying just that) but I also don’t know what I am saying, except that the ending felt like a fever dream.

…?

Not sure if I’ve managed to convey it properly, but well. Zoya felt out of character throughout RoW, and that the only place I saw KoS Zoya was in the final Os Kervo scene where Zoya finally agrees to be the queen.

c) Nikolai

Nikolai’s arc was very satisfying and brilliant to read about in RoW. In KoS, he seemed very much like a passive character, one of the reasons why his stunt with the Shu in RoW was appreciable, no matter how ill-timed of a plot turn it was. His journey throughout this book was also introspective to see why others deemed him unfit as the King, and even if they were his enemies who thought that in want to dispose him from the throne, Nikolai realizes that him being on the throne is not of much value and that this book was entirely about him seeing his privilege and making decisions to counter and correct the mistakes he’s made. That was nice. Oh, also his father not being an antagonist was a pleasant surprise.

I don’t have many complaints about him, except perhaps wanting some more internal conflict and elaboration about his feelings for Zoya. Them being apart was where it was satisfying, and then in the Ketterdam chapters. His arc could have been better in KoS, but that’s to blame the plot for the characterization.

d) Hanne

Now, from the very start, their arc was super good and it only got better and better until… the ending. Except it’s so odd that Hanne, a poc, has to now live as white person, while feeling comfortable in their transmasc identity. Icky, no? That you need to eliminate one part of your identity in order to feel safe and comfortable about another? Add to this the whole white-passing Zoya thing,,, doesn't exactly send off the right message.

Together with Nina, the ending seems uncharacteristic for both of them. Them coming to accept their powers and knowing to use their powers on their own accord was brilliant, though the entire husband business felt very,,, eh to me, even if it did make sense. The ending about their name and their new identity was too vague.

e) Genya, Leoni and Adrik, Kuwei, Mayu,

Genya is the one who faced the most disservice along with David. While there were exceptional parts to both of their plotlines, it's still sad that even if David's death was necessary, we don't get to see the entirety of her grief and the possible anger, and that her kindness is simply used as the justification for lack of portrayal of grief.

It really did take me by surprise, mostly because I wasn't a fan of the original Shadow and Bone book, but seeing David's conscience and self-awareness, along with Genya's (and Zoya thinking of how she wouldn't let any harm come to them, which shows a bit of her development towards her character development), was plenty refreshing. David and Genya were genuinely the highlights of the book and to kill David off was just. doesn't sit right with me.

Leoni and Adrik deserved more page time. They’re saints and immensely capable (no wonder they’re now the Triumvirate), but a few more pages for them to shine would not only have been nice, but also a necessity.

And now, Kuwei...

....

I mean,,, parem should have been the plot, alongside the entire weaponry and the discussion of making a city killer. But uh… that didn’t happen.

There's not much I have to say about Mayu, Tamar and Ehri, except that their plot was superb, only very badly timed.

There's more to talk about them in the remedy tho.

IV. Remedy

Here’s the deal. Before KoS release, there should have been a Nina novella.

Nina is a very important character. All of her potential, alongside many other parts of her personality--from dealing with grief, to accustoming to her powers, to growing stronger--there could be so much to do with her as a protagonist, alongside another character: Mayu.

A whole book dedicated to Nina in Fjerda with Hanne? Brilliant. Show Stopping. Mind blowing. It gives SO much page time to explore not just Nina and Mayu, Hanne, but also Zoya, Leoni and Inej. All together.

How?

Nina’s plotline carries the entire medical effects of the use of parem, just as Mayu’s will carry the pain she feels about her brother being a part of the khergud program. The novella will give ample time to flesh them out as characters and protagonists, each dealing with plot problems and problems of their own--like the loss of ones powers and newfound responsibilities, and the shared loss of a beloved person in parallel, even if neither Nina or Mayu interact on page.

Fjerda and Shu Han could be tied together with one chapter as a POV from Zoya (or maybe two), who, along with the Triumvirate and Nikolai, are completely at loss with the political scenario in the country, and are debating over what should be the course of action. Zoya receives news from the scouts, and missives from Nina, and Tamar takes care of the information she garners from the rest of the network, including Shu Han.

Like, the entire surprise of finding a Zoya POV, from a character whom until CK we’ve known as cold hearted and stern and not giving a fuck about anything or anyone, be humanized in that one chapter, thereby building up the anticipation for her arc,,, the very potential,,, *chef's kiss*.

And by the end of book, we could have an POV--or maybe a cameo if not a POV--of Inej meeting Nina on one of her travels of slave hunting. Inej could help take care that the women that Nina has rescued (as Nina does in KoS) reach the Ravkan shorelines safely. But, for a price.

The entire parallels between Leoni and Hanne and Nina could be set up, while also building up the narrative for the Saints’ plotline with Adrik's, Leoni's and Nina’s powers (like it was at the end of KoS). KoS and RoW would thereby continue it by tackling the weaponization and the antidote, Sainthood and the rest of the politics of it all.

Coming to Shu Han: one key aspect that I’d love to have explored would be the importance of art, during or despite the war. Of how war or pain chips away culture, while detailing on the ill effects of it from the commoners' perspectives, from the soldiers etc. Art is integral to Shu Han and could be portrayed by Mayu’s pain finding balm in poetry, of seeing glimpses of Ehri poring over poetry also mayri ftw, of politics that Makhi is weaving against Ravka, etc.

Or also add some more length to Zoya’s POV and explore a bit of Tamar and Tolya and Kuwei’s interactions and perspective added to it, of missing a home that they seemed to not know, or know; of discussing culture and differences on the basis of where they’re from (maybe the twins are from the borders, while Kuwei grew up near the capital or somewhere distant from the borders etc.), all while directly pointing at Zoya’s heritage and how it ebbs at her conscience, no matter how much she wants to bury it.

POTENTIAL !!!

Like,,, Nina novella would have been too powerful. It would have been perfect. I think I’d excuse bringing back the Darkling too if this was the case. (Or maybe not).

But welp.

Hey, thanks for reading! Not sure if you could make it this far, but if you have, you honestly deserve a medal for sitting through this all. I can’t imagine how tiring it must be to read through this, considering it seemed to take it more than month to compile this there’s also me procrastinating on it too so i’,mbhbdhshfsdn

Drop an ask if you want to talk more about this!

Sincerely, thank you!!!

[yesimwriting]

The Problem With Light

a/n i literally did not mean to write this, i was working on requests and then my mind was like ‘remember that lowkey love triangle kaz brekker x reader x darkling thing you always say you're going to write’ so yeah,, here we are :)),, two longer fics are coming!! 

- 

Summary: Kaz changes his plans after meeting the Sun Summoner and Kirigan teeters on a line the reader isn’t sure she wants. 

-- 

Chapter One: The Conflicts of Prayer 

--

Narrator. 

--

Kaz knows a lot about patience. He knows how to bear the weight that the passage of time thrusts onto one's shoulder. He knows how to cultivate the seeds that he sews. If he wasn’t like this he’d stand no chance at one day avenging the ghost that refuses to leave him. 

But Jesper is almost an hour late. Kaz has been standing in a dimly hit branch of a relatively important hallway in the Little Palace. Jesper was supposed to come while in disguise to bring Kaz his new disguise and his newly repaired cane. Kaz’s hand flexes again, wishing he could feel the detailed head of one of his few comforts beneath the broken-in leather of his gloves. A bitter part of him claims that if Jesper isn’t injured once he arrives, he’ll be injured once Kaz gets his hand on his cane. 

He shifts his weight, the pain in his leg starting to take its toll. The slight relaxation disappears once he hears footsteps. Kaz turns, ignoring the ache the motion brings him. His entire body hardens, preparing for a fight. He doesn’t look like he belongs here yet and there’s nowhere to run. The person crossing his path will need to be taken care of--knocked out or something more permanent. 

The person only pauses to look at him when Kaz angles himself forward in a fighting stance. He watches the person, a girl, shifts back slightly, eyes wide and defensive. She’s a mess--hair disheveled, nose slightly bleeding, and dirty kefta. Her appearance isn’t why Kaz finds himself frozen, not because of the girl’s appearance but because she’s her. Y/n l/n. The Sun Summoner. 

“Sorry! I--” She almost winces, but then her eyebrows furrow together. “You’re not supposed to be here.” Kaz’s jaw locks. He could take her physically, but for all he knows she could raise her arms and blind him permanently with her light. “That’s okay,” she breathes, something in her looking a little relieved, “I’m not supposed to be here either.” Kaz watches her oddly, wondering if her trustingness is a trap in itself. “I won’t tell if you don’t.” 

It’s a joke. That much is clear by the gentle uptilt of her lips. It’s as if she doesn’t know she’s bleeding and looks like she just ran out of a fight. Her expression doesn’t harshen at his silence. Kaz finds himself disliking that. It’s not enough that she can summon the sun, she also has to seem like it.

He needs to say something. Jesper was supposed to be watching her and now he’s not here and she is. The plan is unraveling and if he talks she’ll stay here or reveal where she’s going to next. That’s the kind of thing he needs to salvage this. 

His lips part, but he’s not sure what to say. “You’re not supposed to be here?” 

She shakes her head once. “No--I’m supposed to be in personal training, but I kind of got my ass kicked in group training and my pride needs a break.” The admission leaves her sheepishly. “It’s probably for the best, becoming a Sun Summoner overnight has given me a bit of an ego.” She sighs, the sound strangely light. “Then again, I kind of need an ego for what’s wanted from me and if one bad fight is all it takes to kill it then it’s not strong enough, considering--” Kaz tenses as she cuts herself off. “Sorry, I’m rambling, we both have places to be.” Hope presses into him stiffly. She’s going to say it. “Where--where are you supposed to be?” She shifts back slightly. “Not that I have to know, but you’re not from here, and--” 

Kaz steps forward, pushing through the stiffness in his leg. Y/n’s gaze drops. Kaz’s discomfort worsens, someone like her doesn’t need to know his weaknesses. “Are you here for me to pray for you?” She scratches her arm, “I-I can, but I tell everyone I pray for I don’t consider myself a Saint.” 

The honesty of the comment twisted something in Kaz’s thoughts. “Yes,” he lies, partially distracted by the beginnings of a scheme. He can feel Inej’s future anger as he lies again, “I’m here for prayer.” 

“I spent so long rambling,” she says in a tone that implies apology. 

He nods once, wondering how someone could  be that apologetic and survive. The weight of such power must strangle someone like her. That could be a good thing. Someone like her must be spiraling with all this change and sudden strength. Maybe this could be simpler than an abduction plan, a few choice words and he could convince the girl to come with him. He could get her to believe there was something she needed to do in Ketterdam. If she went there willingly, things could be much more efficient. 

Inej won’t like this, and for this to work he’ll have to think of the right way to present the plan to her. He weighs his options and the details as y/n whispers words with her eyes closed and hands folded together. The words he can make out are kind. He expected that, but what he didn’t expect was the earnestness of them. 

She means each part of her prayers. Kaz regrets noticing that. 

“I can’t promise my prayers do anything,” she finishes, voice returning to its normal volume, “but I hope you get what you need.” 

What he wants is within his grasp now that he knows what to do. “I’m sure good things are near.” It’s the most honest he’s been since her arrival. 

Y/n nods once, “I should go before my reprieve costs me more than it's worth.” 

He watches her disappear down the hallway. Her movements are light, calm and unweighted. 

“Boss,” Jesper’s appearance is brash, “I’ve spent this entire time looking for her. She was in training like she was supposed to, took an awul blow, delivered an even meaner one, and then disappeared.”

Kaz tries to imagine the same hands that were just so neatly folded in prayer as fists. “You just missed her.” He doesn’t wait for Jesper’s reaction, he just takes his newly repaired cane back. “And we’re changing the plan.” 

--

Y/n.

--

I tried going to Baghra. I told someone who believed my prayers meant something that I was going back to training. But then I remembered her words from last time and the shame I felt when I could not create light. I haven’t summoned light once without Kirigan’s touch. 

I’m the Sun Summoner--I am the person that summons the sun by themselves. Kirigan and I aren’t the Sun Summoner together. I’m pathetic. And instead of trying to get better, I’m wandering the library because all anyone can talk about is the way Zoya punched me in the face. 

Baghra picked me apart when I looked shiny. I can’t imagine the kinds of comments she’d make if she saw me with a bloody nose and dead leaves in my hair. I’ll go tomorrow, once Genya fixes both my matted hair and cracked self esteem. 

For now, I have the one thing that’s always comforted me. My books. I wander the library, trying not to think of anything. Of Baghra, of Zoya, of the strange man in the hall. 

He seemed weighted by something. I always wish I could do more for those that ask for my prayer, but the longing is sharper now. I don’t know him, so it’s ridiculous to want to help him so badly, but my uselessness itches beneath my skin in a way I’m not used to. I don’t know why I feel more protective about this stranger than others. I’ve had people fall to my feet weeping, begging for me to save them. That hurt me, but the desire to help this one stranger burns in a way I’ve never felt before.  

“I don’t know why they don’t look for you here every time you disappear.” His voice is as soft and subtle as a shadow. “They’d save so much time.” 

I fight the urge to defensively grasp the first book I can reach. “You’re making it sound like I have a habit of vanishing in order to make a point.” My defense is weak. We both know that this isn’t the first time I ran away from something here. “Sometimes absence is just that.” 

“When you’ve waited for someone as long as I have, all absence is significant.” The words are not harsh but they should be. I don’t know how I could respond to that. 

He steps forward easily, as he always does. I keep myself still despite the way that warmth settles against my chest uncomfortably. I manage to hold onto my stillness even when he raises a hand, one gentle finger brushing above my top lip. I tense at his lingering touch. 

Kirigan turns his hand slowly, exposing the red on his fingertips. “How di--” 

“Training,” I interrupt quickly, “I promise I got a decent hit in as well.” 

When he nods, his expression is clearly weighted but I cannot interpret it. He almost always looks like that. I shouldn’t find anything about the man that stole me from everything I’ve ever known (even though he had good reason to do so) alluring, but I want to understand him. It’d feel like knowing a secret the rest of the world is desperate for. 

For a moment we just stand there, Kirigan closer than he’s ever been. Sometimes when he’s quiet I think he knows my secrets. All of mine. Even my curiosity about him. “I don’t doubt that.” 

At least he tries to be nice to me sometimes. It’s more than anyone else here can say. Except maybe Genya. “You don’t have to say that.” He knows it’s true. “Keep in mind you found me in the library, hiding from Baghra.” 

He hesitates. “No one likes training.”

“I think I’d find it tolerable if…” Can I say this to him? Admit the extent of my helplessness? He looks at me patiently, waiting for me to give something to him. “I’m the Sun Summoner--that’s supposed to be me. That’s supposed to be mine, and I can’t do it by myself.” 

The patheticness of my struggle hits me in full force. I drop my head as he weighs my words. “It’s in you,” he says it so surely I don’t think I could argue. 

I smile politely. “Thank you.” 

Kirigan reaches downwards, towards my wrist. He latches onto me so quickly I’m too surprised to back away. “Light,” he prompts like it really is that easy. 

I know I can do it with him, so I don’t see the point in showing it. “It doesn’t count if I get help.” 

“Y/n.” Sometimes I think his voice is softer when he speaks my name. 

I raise my hands, overlaying them, letting the hand that he touches make up the base of my cup. Reaching into myself, I search for the power beneath my skin. With him, that power seems to sit directly beneath the surface, desperate and greedy. I don’t call to it, instead I simply let it flow. The light bleeds from me, a sphere of blinding light bursts into my hands. It’s bright, burning, and desperate to escape my control. 

My mind clamps around the power tightly, restraining it without choking it out until the light in my hands is exactly as small as I want it to be. I hold it there, letting its warmth melt away all of the bad. I let it grow, the light illuminating a path I can barely see--a path in which I do not disappoint those that need to have faith in something and for some unknown reason decided to place it in me. I hold onto that feeling, and then I let the light disappear. 

I smile at my hands. The only good that’s come from this is the way the light makes me feel. “Y/n.” I look up at Kirigan, who’s showing me both of his palms. “That was you.” 

A feeling better than the light coils up my stomach and into my heart. I grin. I did it without him. I can do it without him. “That--how did you know that would work?” 

“I knew that you could do it, you just needed to see it.” 

Warmth fills me, light and easy. A little too light. I have to work at not reaching for him, not because I need to, but because I want to. “Thank you.” This time I mean it.

“Your gratitude is premature,” he warns, but nothing about it is harsh, “I’m here to send you back to training.” 

At least the thought of facing Baghra no longer devastates me. “There’s always a catch.” I smile, hoping he understands what he’s done for me. “But I think this time it may be worth it.” 

He almost smiles. “Tell me if you still feel that way after spending time with Baghra.” 

A fair warning. It’s more than I expect from him. “Will do.” 

Kirigan’s expression threatens to soften, but he turns away from me with a soft nod before I can try to decipher the look. I let him leave before disappearing down another hall, forcing myself to look for Baghra. I think of my interaction with both Kirigan and the stranger, at least Baghra won’t be the weirdest part of my day