#and if im so judgemental and cruel in my assessment of others doesnt that make me right about my own self critiques?
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#maybe im just cruel but sometimes#someone will do or say something#and its something so natural thoughtless unselfconscious#... and all i will think i my head is that is such an ugly thing you are doing#do not make that expression on your face and those sounds with your voice#i feel mean for it#but there are certain things that annoy me or make me want to crawl out of my skin#maybe is the familiarity? or to show a side like that?#maybe its that they have a side like that to show?#i dont know but i really am judgemental#and i wonder if im the only one like this#do anyone else wear a mask like this#constantly pretending to care more for others than you do because that complicates things less and leads to less conflict?#was that what j was doing to me?#sometimes i think about how much i actually am like j#i wonder if j would look at me and feel disgusted with me the way i do sometimes of others#people will often say that no one thinks badly of you the way you do#but if thats true and im my own worst critic i also feel shame because im probably everyones worst critic#i judge everyone so harshly#and if im so judgemental and cruel in my assessment of others doesnt that make me right about my own self critiques?#is everyone actually that nice#or are we all keeping the mean inside?#because it often feels like everyone is really that nice except for me#so i have to put on a mask over mask over mask while everyone else is out here with only makeup on
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