#and if i was gonna read house of leaves id want a physical copy for the full experiewncebc why would you read that as an ebook

[shibalatte]

wanna draw my dumbass stupid dogy fursona with house of leaves in their hands lookin like an idiot

[fishgut]

.

Screaming into the void to no one who neither care or are able to help about how my hallucinations are intrinsically tied to physical/spiritual/emotional etc religious trauma syndrome like im gonna throw up lmao i remember having a lesson at the cult how the teacher's nephew got an exorcism that "cured" his schizophrenia and how much that fucked me up/made shit so much worse for me that I am somehow plagued by Legion or the temple ritual that Ill somehow be brutally murdered for being an apostate. I'm looking at Joan of Arc saying you are me and i understand your passion and pain

There's something so unforgivable about having a mind that cant process shit and living correctly that I can just be plucked out of reality to the point that going on meds is actually a terrifying idea that I taking them would put me into a world that's not the one im currently living - like how much of what I experience is even grounded? What cornerstone of my experience of living would slowly disappear as I realize its been a lifelong construct?

Not that it matters if im alive and healthy!! I want to be healthy andd grounded, but the added stress of stories of a dx stripping adults of their autonomy and housing security is also so. Fucking terrifying. Its not like a lifelong experience being in the shit hasnt taught me to hide episodes in public.

God. Being plucked from reality, cowering in the shower cause youre "on fire" and you can see thr fucking empyrean and the destroying angel listing off all of your sins for 30 min straight, that your on the path to hell if not in hell itself already is not the way to live tho. Idk. Idk. Its been hours and the mf hasn't left, just standing there in my peripheral judging me or pitying me, Idk. Idk if meds & therapy can fix whatever being raised from 0 in a cult does. Episodes are not usually this fucking cruel or im able to pinpoint them quicker as hallucinations idk lmao

Id like to know the people around me aren't actors or that im stuck in a timeloop (a delusion i cant shake) or that my dog is going to eat my face off in my sleep - not just trust that I'm/theyre not. I just want to be a faggot get a sex change and live my life to the fullest. I'm mad a cult I haven't been to in years is so ingrained in the indoctrination of my delusions and episodes that its like I've never left. I read somewhere it takes 18 fucking years to heal from leaving/being excommunicated from a religious community. It's just so fucked up and i hate that theres no one i can really talk to about being in this pit

My mind is just this album 24/7

https://open.spotify.com/album/1CbtBQqibzdxhmpiLD7vzN?si=WlnWarMESSOE89HQO28QGA&utm_source=copy-link

[glowingspence]

Little hands

Rossi and Hotch take in one last kid - Spencer.

Part 3 Chapter 5

Summary: JJ apologizes and Derek takes Spencer to the office after he asked for it for so long

Word count: 2157

Category: Hurt/Comfort / Light Angst

Ao3 Read below the cut:

"So what are we choosing?" Kate asks standing next to JJ in the line for donuts.

"Something with strawberries"

"That sounds fun I am sure they have that." She tries cheering her up. If anyone of the kids is affected by Hotch and Rossi scolding it’s JJ and while Rossi gave in already telling her it's not as bad, that she was right to include Spencer in the tradition Hotch still shows them the cold shoulder. Not entirely but a kid knows. And especially a kid as sensitive as JJ.

"So what's eating your mind?" She asks when she sits down with her at the small table at the mall.

"Nothing"

"You can tell me" They had spent the afternoon together. Walking through the mall,looking at clothes, buying a few crystals and now eating donuts together but JJ didn't seem to once be able to get pulled out of her guilt. "You know when I was a kid - I was about your age I would snuck out of the house and I would walk this long dark path through a forest and when I would reach the end there would be a field with horses and my parents never wanted me to go there because the man who would own thos houses had a criminal history and I didn't understand that. I would always go there and one day my parents found out and they were furious and I would still go there and years later I found out that he was falsely framed and always the nice man I fought he was but my parents couldn't know that and looking back, I would have done the same thing as a parent."

"Papa is angry"

“But don’t you think he has a valid reason to be?“

“That makes it worse.“

“Did you apologise?“ Kate asks looking at JJ who plays with the napkin in her hand, clearly not seeming like she has an appetite.

“Multiple times.“

“To both of them?“ JJ shrugs and then takes her drink taking a sip. “Is there maybe a chance you forgot apologising to Aaron?“

“Spencer?“ Derek calls through the house. He is grateful to be able to live in such a great place but the size doesn’t make it easier to find your little brother that tends to not respond when he is being called.

“Downstairs“ Emily calls from her room and Derek is lucky and finds him curled up at the end of the house on a small armchair.

“Here you are.“ Derek rubs his hands together for a moment before speaking up again to catchhid attention.

“I am busy right now. Don’t you see?“

“I have a surprise for you“

“I don’t like surprises.“ Spencer states in a monotonous voice turning the page of his book.

“I will bet you like this one.“ Derek steps closer and waits for Spencer to give him his attention. “I bet you won’t turn my surprise down.“

“What is it?“ Spencer quizzes looking away from his book.

“We will drive down to Aaron’s work now.“

“Really?“

“Yes come on. Shoes on, jacket on, off we go.“ Spencer doesn’t even question if David knows about the plan and just rushes behind Derek and is excitedly flapping his hands while Derek tries buckling him up. “One moment sitting still so I can see if everything sits right okay?“

“Can’t sit still right now.“ Derek presses Spencer with a hand on his chest against the seat and checks if the seatbelt is buckled up correctly. “Oh you are strong.“

“One day you will too.“ With that Derek closes the door and walks around the car reading Emily‘s message,

“Aaron is gonna be pissed.“

“RIP to you“

He ignores it and gets into the driver seat checking Spencer’s backpack if he has everything that he needs.

"How long will we drive?"

"Half an hour"

"Can we listen to music?"

"Sure" Derek connects his phone to the radio and starts playing his playlist much to Spencer's disapproval as they pull out of the driveway. "What?"

"It's not music"

"You sound like Dad already"

"I am not that old"

"Not what I meant" Spencer leans down pulling Sima out of his backpack, clinching the stuffed animal to his stomach, rocking back and forth slightly. "Tell me when you feel uncomfortable"

"I don't" The younger brother stays quiet for a long moment and then starts giggling out of the blue and doesn't seem to be able to stop.

"What?" Derek can't stop the smile creeping on his face either.

"What? What? I am going to the FBI" He exclaims, pronouncing especially the “the”.

"You need to find a hobby if that makes you that happy"

"You need to find a hobby if that makes you that happy. I have a hobby"

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah. I read and I draw"

"You draw"

"You draw?Yes"

"You any good at it?"

"You any good at it? I don't know"

"I am sure you are. You can show me when we come home."

"I am sure you are. You can show me when we come home. I am sure you are. You can show me when we come home."

"You sure you are okay kid?"

"You sure you are okay kid? You sure you are okay,kid? Good. Good. Have a lot of happy feeling."

"Keep stimming" Morgan tries suddenly getting anxious that this is too much for Spencer.

"Keep stimming. Keep stimming."

"Do your hand thing" Instead of flapping his hands what Derek hinted at he starts hitting his head.

"Hey! We don't do that." Derek reminds him a little bit louder than necessary but it got the kid to freeze in his actions. "What do we do instead? We do this" He takes one hand of his steering wheel for a moment and rubs it with pressure over his own chest. "Copy what I am doing"

"Copy what I am doing?" He does but then goes back to flapping his hands.

"That's okay too just don't hit yourself"

"Can I come in?" Rossi is standing in front of Emily's door.

"Yes"

"What are you doing?" He asks when he enters the room and sees her sitting on her bed, her Ipad leaning on her pulled up legs as she takes one of her headphones out.

"Watching a show."

"What is it about?"

"What do you want?"

"Can we talk about what is going on with you?"

"No." She doesn't look up to him. "I changed my mind, can you please?"

"Kiddo I am not here because you are in trouble"

"I want to be alone now"

"I thought we figured out what was wrong and talked about it?"

"Seriously Dave just go"

"No"

"What is your problem?"

"My problem is that my daughter won't speak to me."

"Not my problem. Go now please."

Patiently Derek stands next to his car waiting for Spencer to get out of it. "What's wrong?"

The kid just shrugs and keeps playing with Sima. "You can take her, we can take your whole backpack."

Slowly Derek gets down on one knee next to the car and opens his arms, "Come here" Hesitantly Spencer gets out and leans against his chest. "What is it?"

Instead of talking he hides his face against Derek's neck. "You need a moment, is that it?" Spencer nods and Derek grabs his own jacket, placing it over Spencer's shoulders before picking him up again, pulling it now higher to cover parts of his face, giving him a chance to hide away from the world.

Derek had watched Spencer doing this countless of times with blankets and clothes or even grabbing Dave's hand and placing it on his face while cuddling with him because if there was one of millions of things that prior families got wrong about Spencer it's that he does not dislike physical contact, he dislikes unannounced physical contact.

If they tell him beforehand, if they ask him if they can hug him, if they ask if he wants to be hold he will almost always agree and after he learned that no one is touching him without a warning he got very quick with initiating it himself especially when he gets overwhelmed.

He throws Spencer's backpack over his shoulder, and places his free hand on the bag of Spencer's head as he walks towards the building and he can feel him gripping his shirts and slightly hit his head against Derek's shoulder when they enter the building.

"How can I help you, Sir?"

"My name is Derek Rossi Hotchner. I am a visitor for Aaron Hotchner with the BAU."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"He is expecting me. I am his son. It should be noted in his file."

"Oh yeah I just read it. I need your ID and then you are good to go. Who is the little one in your arms?"

"Spencer Reid,I hope he is noted already too?"

"No I am sorry" Derek hands her his ID. "How old is he?"

"Seven"

"What damage will he do right?" She hands him two visitor badges. "I assume you already know this but you two need to get through security over there and then you are good to go."

"Thank you Ma'am" Nervously Derek walks over to the security.

"Sir I need to look into your backpack and you please walk through the metal detector, and your- whatever too"

"Is it okay if he stays on my arm? He is not doing well with this" Derek voices his concern. "The metal detector will detect metal either way"

"Don't lecture me about my job"

"Derek!" He hears a familiar voice and when he turns around he sees Gideon approaching them. "What are you doing here?"

"Visiting Aaron" Gideon pulls out his badge and leads them through the security. "Thank you"

"No problem, who have you got there?" He asks with a smile when they are standing in the elevator and Derek slightly pulls the jacket down revealing Spencer's face or everything that isn't converted by his hands as he starts whining and pressing against his older brother again to shield old the lights.

"May I introduce? Spencer"

"Nice to meet you,Spencer" Anxious Spencer looks in the opposite direction. "You were also shy in the beginning," Gideon tells Morgan. "The FBI building was not at all your favorite place you wouldn't wander around you would stay in your dad's office and in your dad's office only"

Shyly Spencer turns his head around looking at Gideon and when they leave the elevator he points at him. "That's Jason Gideon. He is a close friend of Aaron and David. David and him have founded the BAU together." Derek explains.

Carefully Morgan pulls the jacket off his shoulders but doesn't take it off completely so he can pull it over him again if he gets overwhelmed. He sometimes thinks his parents think way too complicated when it comes to soothing Spencer.

"I heard you like reading" Insecure Spencer nods and leans his head down on Derek's shoulder, seeming like he was ready looking around but still faced the older man. "What's your favorite?"

"Have you ever heard of David Rossi? The kid reads it as his night time story" Derek jokes and can already see in the man's eyes the lecture his dad now expects.

Derek takes it slow with walking to the bullpen letting Spencer look around and the other agents on Aaron's team look up, eyeing them but no one approaches them, giving Derek the chance to get up to his office first.

"What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" Worried Aaron gets up from his seat.

"You forgot something"

"What did I forget?"

"Taking Spencer here."

"I was busy-"

"Yeah you are already busy when you are on cases for weeks, it won't hurt you to at least take a few hours and do this right?"

"Derek I do not appreciate this tone"

"You won't listen to us when we say it otherwise." Gideon steps inside placing a hand on Derek's back. "It's true, don't defend him."

"I wasn't going to."

"Papa!" Another voice fills the office and JJ runs inside reaching for him to pick her up.

"Is everyone here?"

"Hey Derek" Kate greets him and steps inside too seeing Spencer and Derek. "Oh how adorable"

"Why- oh angel" He only realizes now that JJ is crying. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I am sorry for sneaking away the other day"

"It's okay, you already got your punishment."

"But you are still mad"

"Not at you, It's okay." He tries soothing her. "It's okay, pumpkin. You are okay, I am not mad."

Spencer meanwhile let's Derek cover him again and Kate walks over giving Derek a gentle squeeze at the arm.

"You are all good, it's okay" Hotch repeats to the sobbing girl in his arms. "I am not mad at you I promise."

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 22

IN THIS EPISODE OF SURPRISINGLY TENDER TENDERNESS:

It had her soul by a hook, a barbed arrow digging into her flesh, gouging her bloody the more she tried to escape it.

JUST KIDDING

okay i’m just gonna HOP RIGHT IN if u dont mind me cause we in it now and i DON’T have time to catch you all up go read the fic!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT ASK ME SHIT

A direct line suited her better. From up here, with only the rain between her and the sky, the path ahead was so clear. The tether was a straight line.

a gaydar so refined it comes with its own overlay. sweet.

the planet below her resisted, no matter how she insisted

even when she persisted? 

She pushed, and the force released like a broken dam, propelling her body away from the unyielding world beneath it—she leapt, high into the air, and it was like flying. With huge bursts of Aura, she cushioned her falls and leapt again, from rooftop to rooftop, making a straight line across the city.

can u imagine yr in umbraroot having a grand old time minding yr own business and then u see Very Famous Tenured Professor of Beacon Academy, Glynda Goodwitch, pinging herself across the sky? nobody would believe u. do u think it’d b on the news.

The rain fell hard. It was pitch dark. Glynda had the phantom of a scent: like the last breath of a campfire before it died, like a kinder version of the acrid stench of Grimm, Cinder’s trail was clear as day to her. She was getting close; she could sense it, like blood on the wind.

ISNT THIS NOSTALGIC,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, wow. its like glynda’s abt to ruin vale’s infrastructure all over again,

If Cinder was in a fight, this rain would muzzle her. Glynda remembered it vividly: how frustration tainted Cinder’s face in Forever Fall, how her fire sputtered and died. Even Cinder would lose her edge here, in this cold downpour. If she was in trouble—if she—

remember when glynda realised this for the first time and was like ‘hoho’ only now its made a thousand times worse because u have a crush emotions r hell and yr in the soup now!!!!!!!!!!! YR IN THE SOUP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She almost ran right past Cinder—might have missed her entirely, if not for the painful yank at her own soul.

did cinder just hit the ground like a wet grape

“Don’t touch me!” Cinder’s voice was raw. She snarled the words out like a cornered animal and lashed out with one arm, hitting Glynda’s hand away. The other arm was limp, still tucked to her chest.

BE GENTLE WITH KITTY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, lure her ass out w/ some shrimp on a string,

She shook like a frightened fawn under Glynda’s touch, ratchet tense and wholly spent of strength.

i cannot even describe how many of these scenes i am seeing so vividly in my head and my GOD do i wish i were better at sequential art cause i want to draw them ALL........................ I WANNA DRAW OUT THIS WHOLE THING!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

god i cant like. TALK ABT THIS SCENE WITHOUT COPY-PASTING THE ENTIRE THING BUT AAAAAAAAAA god. GOD. i just. phew. PHEW. its REAL TENDER. GLYNDA PICKING CINDER UP LIKE A LIL GRAPE AND wait diesel is this the thing you drew art of. diesel. diesel look at me is this that art--

Her fingers bunched in Glynda’s shirt. They were drenched and cold and Glynda hurt so much inside for her—whatever had happened to Cinder this night had destroyed her, that much was clear.

/sips drink see if i were an asshole id say hoohoo the karma but as i am not i say only this: babey 😔

If they recognized her name, they were determined to act normally when arranging the room she asked for.

“hey didn’t we just see her ping across the city a couple of hours ago--” “greg don’t even ask”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Cinder mumbled. “Leave me.”

“I won’t.”

ough,,,, directly in the kokoro i see

The shower was a collaborative effort; Glynda inspected for injuries while Cinder sat in the tub, warm water pelting down on them both.

other slowburns when they share a shower: hoohoo,,,,,,,, the tension,,,,,,,,, the s k i n offal hunt: what if you got in the shower with yr ex-enemy,,,,,,,,,, to inspect her wounds,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and you were both girls 😳

Glynda gently roused her own, pressing a tender flow of it through her palms, offering it to Cinder.

Cinder’s Aura was hollow and hungry. Her soul lapped up everything it was offered. Cinder leaned back slightly, like that would help the boost go through faster; or maybe like all she wanted was a kind touch. She didn’t look back. Slowly, the various cuts and scrapes that littered her body erased themselves.

i am loving this mirroring which you probably already guessed but im like wriggling in my chair abt it all,,,,,,,,,,,,,, THIS GAY SHIT. FUCK YEA. FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEA

She turned off the shower and stepped out, gathering up the biggest towels she had found, bundling Cinder up in one and fluffing her hair again. This time the white towel came away clean. Cinder peered out owlishly, her face a far healthier color despite the purple bruising that remained around her eyes, telling plainly of her weariness.

OKAY straight up that description is so cute i physically clapped a hand to my mouth and went ‘AWUGH’ because BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B A B Y

There was a gulf between them in the hotel bed.

It wasn’t at all like their nights at Cinder’s house. This was closed off. Distant. A thousand questions and answers hung unspoken in the air, heavy like the rain clouds themselves. The two of them were warm and dry, but not much else. There was little comfort to speak of.

see the real slowburn experience is having progress and losing that shit again. we take one step forwards and two back. u get the HIGH and then u get the real low but rn i hope cinders round face smiles once again. nobody who looks that baby like should ever b so sad and thats a fact 😔

Cinder, in her sleep, started crying again. It came and went in disconnected pieces, until she finally cried herself awake, startling out of her dreams.

i sent this crying cat in response to the update announcement but i never knew how real it was until now

again there’s a whole ass section where i cant pick one bit cause its ALL good but GOD this fucking. whole silent conversation theyre having. OUGH. THE SOULMATES.

When Cinder didn’t answer the question, Glynda held one arm out, lifting the blankets between them. “Cinder.”

Glynda didn’t know which surprised her more: that she had offered, or that Cinder accepted.

OH???????????

She settled quietly, face pressed into Glynda’s collarbone, her breath flitting warm over scar-marked skin. Glynda’s arm, curled around her back, weighed her down. Cinder did not hold on to her in return. She was folded up around herself, fitting into the space Glynda had made for her, taking to warmth and shelter like an abandoned child.

OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;w; 

also whuh-oh:

The fear was eating her alive, and bit by bit, her skin seemed to unravel, every layer of her body sloughing off into just meat, rent through by that light—it felt like teeth, like destruction, like being twisted apart in some giant’s hands like an insect having its wings pulled out. It held fury like she had never felt. She quailed before it, and it bared its teeth, black tar and grave-rot spilling from between yellowed fangs.

Glynda tried to close her eyes, to look away, to run away, but it seized her like a bear trap sinking its jagged teeth into the wrong prey, snapping a much more fragile deer bone with ease. It sieved her being out from between her ribs, drinking only the cacophony of her soul, lapping up every part of her inheritance—all the while she was fighting, struggling helplessly in its grasp, her mind mere shatterings of bright-red pain, with only slivers of meat and fragments of bone remaining of her body—torn apart by lances of sunlight, burning like fire, a dawn that came with the sound of a scream.

firstly: 👈😎👈

secondly: do i gotta say how i love how visceral this fic is? i say it like in every liveblog. BUT IM SAYING IT AGAIN FOR GOOD MEASURE. IM SAYING IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was coming. It would destroy her. With ease, with relish, it would tear her still beating heart from her chest and discard it, offal from the slaughter—and then it would dig deeper still, to draw out of her that very engine that kept her moving.

is this the closest we’ve gotten to an almost title namedrop?

Glynda stared through the darkness, seeing nothing, but knowing without a doubt that her gaze pointed north like a compass.

HRM............................................. I N 👈 T E R 😎 E S T I 👈 N G

THATS CHAPTER 22 BABEY. it was VERY good. i mean rip cinder’s whole ass but i do love her. i love this evil baby. i also love glynda picking her up with all the effort of picking up a bag of crisps,

[arabellaflynn]

One of the more amusing family stories I sometimes tell is about a relative of mine, a few generations back, who moved in with another man after his wife died. Ooh, everybody goes. Salacious family gossip! Except the little town they moved to was actually Lily Dale Assembly, in upstate New York, which so far as I know is still one of the oldest continually running Spiritualist communes in the United States. Harry and Edward moved up there so that Edward, ex-model and former elder in the Presbyterian church, could start on what I think was his third career as a spirit medium. He channeled the spirit of an Edwardian actress named Lillie Langtry, also known as "the Jersey Rose". At this point, the whole 'shacked up with his boyfriend' thing has become the least interesting part of the story, and people begin to look at me funny. My parents fucked things up in many respects, several of them so egregious that I haven't spoken to them in years, but I want to give credit where credit is due. They never sat us down to have a talk about how some boys like boys and some girls like girls, and they were all people just like anyone else. It was stupidly obvious. My mother talked about "Harry and Edward" in the same tone she used for "Aunt Helen and Uncle Bob". Except friendlier, as Uncle Bob was known to be a lecher who eyeballed the teenage cousins, and we mysteriously saw a lot less of him after I was about twelve. I was probably in college -- so, old enough for my own friends to start coming out -- before I thought about it long enough to realize how unusual this was. There are a lot of families where I never would have heard about Harry, because they would have disavowed any knowledge of his existence as soon as they found out about his "friend". Tracing LGBT+ relatives can be tricky. They tend to lack a lot of paperwork that straight couples would have. Not just legit marriage certificates -- which don't always exist -- but a lot of other records that are predicated on the assumption that there is a marriage certificate, somewhere. Fifty years ago, John Doe and Roberta Roe could move halfway across the country together and apply for an apartment as "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe", and nobody would ever check. The only way to get that information, pre-internet, was to find out where the marriage would have been officiated, write to the appropriate county clerk (with a processing fee enclosed), and wait 4-6 weeks to see if you got an illegible photocopy or a 'no such file exists' form letter back. No landlord was going to do that. They'd look at you, make a snap judgement on whether you were likely to grow forty tons of weed in their rental property, and ask if you had first, last, and deposit. After you have a lease as "John and Roberta Doe", you can start getting utility bills, phone lines, library cards, checking accounts, even state IDs, depending on where (and when) you were. My own parents are a good example of how this works. My mother used her maiden name right up until she was lying in a hospital bed with a newborn (me), and the nuns filing the paperwork were confused by the concept of putting a different surname down for mother and child. My mother, who was understandably short on patience, finally relented and told them to use Dad's name for everybody. (In her words, "I was afraid they were gonna lose you.") They weren't legally married until I was three, and they only did it because we had moved from Little Canada to a state that even today spits in the face of social progress, and Dad's new health insurance wouldn't otherwise have covered anybody else. Mind you, my college FAFSA papers said they'd been filing taxes as married since 1978. My mother was never one to let a little thing like federal tax law prevent her from doing as she damn well pleased. In Harry and Edward's case, we do have some documentation: Harry wrote memoirs. My mother had a copy, and I've read it. They're mostly about the spirit medium stuff, but there's a fair bit about life as well, and they were hilariously domestic. You would have to engage in mental gymnastics of a phenomenal order to read the two of them as anything but a couple. I seem to recall Harry's daughter either writing to or visiting them in Lily Dale; according to the family, she was mainly just happy her father had settled down with someone who could cook, so he'd stop living on scrambled eggs and spaghetti. I've had no luck so far finding a copy of my own. Partly because it was privately published by someone who evidently went out of business 30+ years ago, but mostly because I didn't have any full names for anybody. The family has only ever referred to Harry as "Uncle Doc Harry". He wasn't a doctor of anything, but he did have an MSW, and for that time and that branch of the family, that was a pretty high-falutin' education. I'm still not sure if he was my great-uncle or my great-great-uncle. My grandfather was from a gigantic Irish Catholic farm family, where there were so many kids with such a range of ages that the eldest grandkids used to babysit their youngest aunts and uncles. It was without a great deal of hope that I prodded the Lily Dale Assembly at about 2 am one night, via their Facebook page. Yes, they have a Facebook page. Of course they have a Facebook page. Another thing you have to consider when nosing around after your queer kin is how to frame it. Somewhere conservative, I probably would have inquired after Harry, mentioning at some point that he used to share a house with someone named Edward. The Assembly, though? The Spiritualists are justifiably proud of their history of being early adopters of things like women's suffrage, feminism, and universal civil rights. They attract a lot of weirdos because they treat the weirdos like valid human beings. I was asking after people who would still be in the living memory of older residents, and a town like Lily Dale would have remembered them as the boring middle-aged married couple. So I just asked about my relatives, plural, Harry and Edward, and mentioned the ghost actress, figuring it would have been pretty unique even for a place like that. I expected to get a teenage intern, who had no idea what I was talking about, but could at least give me some way to get in contact with the town registrar or whatever a Spiritualist commune has. No. Oh, no. Whoever was answering their messages knew exactly who I was talking about, because they used to live across the street. Not only told me where the two of them went, but described the house they bought when they moved out of town in the early '90s. What the actual fuck. Thus armed with useful things like surnames, I went off to Google some more. I still haven't had any luck finding the book; when I first read it, online shopping was already a thing, and I found it eerie as hell to be physically holding a book that had no listing on Amazon. It has an AISN now, as someone evidently sold a signed copy on Amazon once, but no ISBN, and therefore no WorldCat entry. If it exists in any library I can get to, I'm not sure I have any way to ask for it. I can't find their obituaries, either -- my guess is they ran in the newspaper of the small town they lived in after Lily Dale, but the online archives have a big gap between 1989, when their microfiche scans end, and the 2000s, when someone bothered building them a website. If they have headstones, nobody's taken pictures of them for FindAGrave.com. I threw their names at Spokeo and WhitePages and the like, to see if whoever survived longest had moved elsewhere to be with other family, and made an interesting discovery. Directories like that scrape data from other places. Mailing lists, public records, that sort of thing. Most people have at least one "AKA" listing, where they did or didn't use their middle initial for something, or went by Kathy instead of Katherine. Harry seems to have really been Harry, never Harold, which fits with the family naming habits. I did dig up a middle name, and it does tally with the one on the picture of the book cover on Amazon out-of-stock listing, so at least I know I'm tracking the right guy. So far as I can tell from his AKAs, Edward never went by Ed or Eddie -- but he did, at some point in his life, go by Harry's surname. It's exactly the sort of middle finger to convention I would expect from any relative of mine, really. Fuck you, mainstream society, we're married. One of the places it's noted is on a profile for one of the ancestry services that says it was created and maintained by his brother, so at least some of his family seems to have treated them the same way Harry's did. It actually makes me wonder if they had some sort of commitment ceremony at some point. (Beyond signing a joint mortgage on at least one house, I mean. Those are way harder to get out of than a marriage.) There wouldn't be any records filed with the State of New York -- although there's always the chance they were smart enough to file legal papers giving power of attorney and leaving their estate to the other one -- but if it happened in Lily Dale, the Assembly might have noted it. from Blogger https://ift.tt/2zVc9Bw via IFTTT -------------------- Enjoy my writing? Consider becoming a Patron, subscribing via Kindle, or just toss a little something in my tip jar. Thanks!

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Eleven Questions

I was tagged by the amazing @jeffreydeanneganstrash @neganismyobsession and @sherrybaby14 to play this game. 

Rules.

1. Post the Rules. 2. Answer the questions given to you. 3. Make 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people.

Since I was tagged 3 times, I’m gonna slightly cheat by answering the 33 questions I was asked, then write 11 of my own questions to tag 11 people in (rather than create 33 questions which I would spend all night coming up with lol). 

I’m putting a keep reading bar because this got hella long.

@neganismyobsession‘s Questions:

1. Favorite movie genre?

Lately, it seems to be horror, although I’m always a sucker for a good romance. 

2. If you could bring one thing to show your favorite celebrity, what would it be?

Tbh, if I ever met JDM, I’d love to magically have the resources to print out a copy of ID to give him, or at the very least take the first chapter and ask him to sign it. No shame lol

3. Who is your favorite fanfic writer?

Just one?!?! Oh god...I read fanfiction in so many fandoms that I literally can’t say I have one favorite. However, I’m gonna give a shoutout to my girl @hannibalssweaters whose writing has introduced me to some kinks I didn’t even know I was into, and has had me reading fics about characters/fandoms I’m not even involved with. If you haven’t read her stuff, I strongly encourage it (altho heed the warnings).

4. If you could live anywhere where money was not an issue, where would you live?

Ireland, most likely

5. What brought you to Tumblr originally?

Oh wow...that was back in like 2011, and I only made a tumblr because my undergrad roommates were talking about it and told me that I should, so I did lol

6. What is your favorite past time?

Reading...does that count?

7. If the zombie apocalypse did happen, what is the first thing you would do?

Pack up my cats and attempt to make it back to my hometown, although that’s a 4 hour drive away so idk if I’d make it. But I’d have a much better chance of survival in my small hometown out in the woods than I’d ever have here in a major city. I honestly think I’d be pretty fucked and die really quickly just trying to get out of here.

8. What is one movie you could watch over and over and not get tired of it?

Pride & Prejudice

9. If you could have been born in another time era, what time era would you pick?

Tbh, the reality of any past era is not one I’d be interested in, especially as a woman. But I love reading romance novels set in various historical eras. 

10. If you could be a famous person, who would you be?

Hmm...maybe Taylor Swift? Just to know what that level of fame would be like, but also because she’s relatable enough with her cats and old lady habits that I wouldn’t feel totally unlike myself lol

11. Apple or Android?

Apple

@jeffreydeanneganstrash‘s Questions:

1. Was there a book or movie that you read/watched that truly disappointed you? If so, which book/movie and why?

Book: The Game of Thrones series. I love the show (although I’m a few seasons behind) and bought the first 4 books, planning on trying to catch up and surpass where the show was, so I could know what happens next. I barely made it halfway through the first book before giving up. I was so disappointed that I just had no interest in it at all, and was forcing myself to read it. It wasn’t worth the dedication needed to read those beast-sized novels, if I wasn’t enjoying them.

2. If you could travel back in time, where would you go?

I kinda stated above how I personally would not wanna go back in time, because I like having more rights now as a woman than we have had in the past haha. I’m also not super into history, so I’m good with leaving the past in the past. 

3. What is your favourite quote or song lyric?

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” ~Marilyn Monroe

4. Who is you least favourite “popular” celebrity and why?

Donald. Fucking Donald. Do I even need to explain why?

5. When there’s something strange in your neighbourhood…who are you gonna call?

Hmm...I usually call my mother or grandmother in any panicky situations, so I guess one of them? Although they live 4 hours away, so idk how helpful they’d be if it was a physical danger lol. 

6. Would you ever play with a ouija board?

Fuck no

7. If you could be a part of any T.V./Movie universe, which would it be?

Most TV shows I watch are ones where human women end up dead way too often lmao. Uhhh...Harry Potter, perhaps?

8. Do you prefer mornings or nights?

Nights, definitely. Even though I have to be at work at 8am, I don’t think I’ll ever totally get used to that early morning shit.

9. Can you name 11 things that are around you?

couch, fluffy blanket, glass of water, laptop, cell phone, coffee table, 2 books on said coffee table, cat scratch post, 2 cats, purse, boots

10. Black or white?

Black

11. What is the soundtrack to your life?

One song that I relate to a lot and jam out to is Alessia Cara’s “Wild Things” lol. Also, just about anything by Taylor Swift or Kelly Clarkson is usually pretty relatable. 

@sherrybaby14‘s Questions:

1. Favorite Holiday?

Thanksgiving (which is coming up!) or my birthday, if that counts

2. Santa is going to bring you one toy this year. What do you ask for?

Heh...I’d probably pick out one of the super expensive sex toys that I’ve seen and lamented being unable to afford.

3. If money were not a concern, what would your dream job be?

Being a published writer

4. What are your favorite type of puzzles?

Ohhh I love puzzles of all kinds. I went through a phase a couple of years ago with large jigsaw puzzles that I then glued and framed. But I also love Sudoku, which I haven’t done in forever. 

5. What was your first kiss like?

Drunk and nothing special

6. If you had to change your first name, what name would you pick?

I’d refuse. I love my first name. It’s unique, and I rarely ever meet anyone else with it. 

7. What is the best dessert you can make?

I make some pretty bangin’ chocolate chip pumpkin cookies from scratch. 

8. What are you thankful for this year?

I feel like I went through quite a few stressful and heartbreaking tests this year, such as being unexpectedly evicted from my apartment due to renovations earlier in the year, and watching one of my cats lose his health over a period of 6 months and having to finally make the decision to put him down in August. Both those situations were ones where I just wanted to let my mental health tank, let the depression take over, and give up. So, I’m really thankful for my support system. For my family who offered support, for my friends offline who were always there to talk, come over and let me vent, or help me in whatever ways they could. I was also incredibly thankful for my tumblr family. The Negan fandom (and some lovelies in the Supernatural fandom) provided so much support to me that I will be forever thankful for. I had so many people message me about both situations, and I even received over $200 in ko-fi donations for my writing, to help out with moving expenses. I don’t have enough words to even express how much all the messages and asks and just the aura of support I received, both on here and offline, meant to me. Because of that support from those around me, I was able to keep myself from falling prey to my depression, was able to find a new apartment that I absolutely love, and was able to make it through the loss of Sebastian (and I now own a new kitten who has helped patch up both my grief and my other cat’s grief, and refill both our hearts with love). So, to everyone who sent me a message, sent donations, and/or just had me in your thoughts...thank you. I couldn’t have kept it together and made it through without y’all. 

(Sorry, that got uber cheesy XD)

9. Do you decorate for Christmas? If so, do you have any theme?

Ha, no. The cats would destroy any decorations, so I don’t even make the effort. 

10. Do you enjoy getting ready (i.e. hair, makeup, clothes)?

Eh, not like I used to when I was younger. I take maybe 15 minutes to throw myself together for work in the morning. It’s only a few select times a year when I’m either going home or to a friend’s house for a holiday (or the one time a year when I go out drinking for my birthday) when I enjoy putting on music and taking my time getting all made up and going all out with makeup and such.

11. Favorite store to shop in?

Probably Target. Or Kohl’s. 

Now, for My Questions: 

1. Do you have any pets? If so, what species, and what are their names?

2. Your favorite place that you’ve traveled to?

3. What are you currently reading?

4. One thing that you’re currently looking forward to?

5. Where do you hopefully see yourself in 5 years?

6. Your favorite flavor of ice cream?

7. What’s the best piece of advice that you’ve ever received?

8. Favorite brand/chain/type of coffee?

9. One thing you never leave home without?

10. Name 3 things (can be physical, emotional, etc.) that you love about yourself. 

11. If you were to recommend one published book/series for me to read, what would it be?

I’m gonna just tag a bunch of people since I answered more than 11 questions: @i-am-negan-trash @hannibalssweaters @strangersangel9 @vizhi0n @mrs-squirrel-chester @kellyn1604 @seraphimkouenki @superprincesspea @megmeg-chan @noodlecupcakes @faith-in-dean @sweetsweetpeach @ryangoslingstanktop @negan--is--god @thegirl-fromthesky @hazel-nuss @backseat-negan @autumnescape @wickednerdery @bamby0304 @embracetheapocalypsewithme @wheresthekillswitch @rapsity @supernaturally-lucky @superwholoki 

[thisbibliomaniac]

Tagged by @cinderclash I did these the other day, so I'm going to copy and paste and then add the new question(s) Coke or Pepsi: pepsi Disney or Dreamworks: Disney Coffee or Tea: TEA Books or Movies: both Windows or Mac: you will never convince me to use apple. DC or Marvel: MARVEL XBOX or Playstation: I’m more of a Nintendo person actually <ditto Dragon Age or Mass Effect: I’ve never played either of these <ditto ditto Night Owl or Early Riser: night  Cards or Chess: cards Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla Vans or Converse: converse Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar: I have no idea what any of this is but Lavellan sounds like a nice name? <<<—– good answer. <ditto ditto ditto  Fluff or Angst: fluff! But angst is good sometimes too. <im just gonna continue to leave your answers  Beach or Forests: forest Dogs or Cats: cats Clear skies or Rain: rain! Cooking or Eating out: cooking Spicy food or Mild food: spicy, but not so spicy there’s no flavor Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: christmas. Would you rather be a little too cold or a little too hot?: too cold. like I always say, there’s only so much you can take off but always something else you can put on<<<<<< If you could have a superpower, what would it be: ever read the bayern books? that.  Animation or Live action: live action< Paragon or Renegade: no idea haha< Baths or Showers: showers<< i wish i liked baths sometimes because id like to use bath bombs, but showers always  Team Cap or Team Iron Man: cap. anything anti un Fantasy or Sci-Fi: both Do you have 3 or 4 favourite quotes: mostly bible verses, but i will find them later YouTube or Netflix: netflix Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: both When do you feel accomplished: when i sing something new for the first time   Star Wars or Star Trek: BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH <—- SAME<<<<< Paperback books or Hardback books: I like both actually<<<<<<< Handwriting or Type: tying Velvet or Satin: satin< Video games or Movies: movies<<<<<< Would you rather be the dragon or own the dragon: own it!<<<, Learning Chinese or Learning Spanish: Spanish< but i’d like to learn chinese too Would you rather be able to speak every language or be able to speak to animals: every language<<<< Be front row for your favourite artists and not meet them, or meet them but have lawn seats : meet them and have lawn seats.< City or Countryside: I love both, but I choose city because I just love falling asleep to city sounds and the feeling of being surrounded by so many diverse people who share the same place as me (basically take me to any big city and I’ll love it).<<<,agreed Would you rather be a mutant, jedi or wizard: jedi<<<this is getting scary Fried pickles or Mozzarella Sticks: fried pickles Vampires or Werewolves: werewolves<<<<<<<<<<<< team jacob Pizza or Pasta: pizza Watching a movie at a cinema with the excitement of its night premiere or wait a few days and watch it later more relaxed: waiting a few days and then watching it later<< What is your favourite band or singer?: Needtobreathe< oh my gosh. I’d also like to add Lea Salonga. What is your favorite fruit?: cherry Fuzzy socks or slippers?: socks< Dusk or Dawn?: dusk Would you rather Travel Through Time or Travel Through Alternate Universes?: through time<<<<<<<<<<<<< What’s the first book you remember reading? Laura and Nellie, from the Little House books. I read that so many times. Deep space, or deep sea? Oh no no no none of the above thank you very much << i’m gonna go with this answer <<concurred <<< I actually asked this question, and I still agree.  What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? I have been told that I'm wise Have everyone like your favorite book/series but deal with the discourse + possible bad movie adaptation, or have practically no one else like it? Practically no one else like it. I wouldn’t want it all cluttered up with gross ships and discourse. Ew. << Yes exactly Do you have a Character Type you fall for and if so, what? I absolutely do have a type. Physically, tall, dark hair, nice smile. Personality is a little more complicated My question: Comedy or drama? I tag @identityconstellations and @traveling-magpie