#and if i quite possibly also have undiagnosed adhd that's also neither here nor there.

[purecommemasolitude]

actually if i fail this exam in two days it will be an epic and subtle sodapop curtis reference and not an academic failure at all. the [redacted] markers simply do not understand my outsiders swag

[pb-dot]

Ooooh don't mind if I do! My current project is The City After The End, book 01 in the Thereafter series. This is a serial novel I'm releasing via a Buttondown Newsletter (Link Here) and the pitch goes as follows:

Where do you put "saved the world as a tween" on your resume?

In a magical cave-world, ordinary pre-teen Michael Sørstrand saved the peace-loving molekin from the tyranny of the Lightlord. It's been rough going for him after that. Even now, 20 years later, Michael still struggles with making it in the real world, and lives a life of isolation as a night watchman at a museum when the magic that took him away all those years ago comes back again. This time, though, he isn't taken to the serene caves of the molekin, but somewhere far stranger and far more dangerous.

The world of the molekin is no more, something that defies description has destroyed it, and countless worlds more, flinging the detritus of destroyed magic and adventure out in the void between worlds. The scant few survivors of this calamity have banded together and on the largest, most stable piece they could find, and bit by bit built a city from salvage and half-remembered magic. The city is named Thereafter.

Thereafter is neither a grand city nor a particularly functional one, but as the only place that can maintain an atmosphere, everyone who can flock to it for safety. With the ceaseless streams of the dispossessed, the ruling Council, in practice a hastily assembled pack of Wizards, wisemen and other magically inclined, see many challenges they are just not equipped to handle.

It is this same council that has summoned Michael and three other former heroes of the realms of magic. Thousands of years have passed in the magical realms, and their exploits have long since turned to legends, and the Council hopes the mere presence of these legendary heroes will be enough to unify the disparate masses and buy enough time for the council to find solutions for enough problems to stabilize the situation.

The problem? Every single one of the heroes are fucked up in their own way. Professional athlete Felipe is cocky and irreverent on a level that borders on the pathological, Fitness Influencer Alicia is restless and intense in a way that suggests undiagnosed ADHD or deep anger issues (or possibly both) and research assistent grad Lex is strange, arrogant and worryingly horny. It's together with this oddball team of has-beens and outcasts that Michael must re-learn how to be a hero, and perhaps ask the important question of what it means to be a hero in such an agressively imperfect world.

My favorite thing about Thereafter changes a bit day to day, honestly. I release the chapters as I go as to force myself to write at a reasonable pace, and that approach is exciting, if not maddening at times. I want to just pour my brain out about it. Anyway, my current favorite is probably the way these characters play off each other. They are kind of forced together because they're all press ganged into this hero job, and while the years of hiding the loneliness of their truly singular experiences have made them loners in their own ways, they just can't help their hardened exteriors cracking when they're met with people who can truly empatize. Writing people coming to this conclusion from four different angles is a thing I really look forward to doing, and if I get to write a bunch of jerks becoming not so much found family as a messy, but loving polycule, I'll be quite happy about it. I also look forward to getting into How The Sausage Gets Made about being a hero, and debates and dilemmas about status quo and change in that light. I also like getting my stuff out there (again subscription link here, next chapter releases 15.05)

it’s been AGES since i’ve done one of these so: writeblr! what are we working on?

reblog this with your elevator pitch (and aesthetics/moodboards if you feel like it), link your WIP intros or relevant excerpts you’d like boosted, and i’ll do my damnedest to reblog everybody who responds in the next few days.

(P.S. bonus points if you tell me your favourite thing about it)

[adultingautistic]

27/09 sorta urgent. (1/3) I highly suspect that I'm autistic and have ad(h)d. My problem is - while I have sorta talked with my parents about it - that one and a half of my stims (that I sometimes allow myself to do in the presents of my parents), is bad for my mom: she has a work colleague that has mental health issues who does this leg bouncing up and down and rocking forth and back (like forwards/backwards?) - this colleague is extreme (from what I've heard) and my mom can't handle me doing

(2/3) this. I don't do it that extreme (well, the leg thing sometimes) and I usually like rocking/swaying from side to side way more (on some chairs, the way I sit, that doesn't work and so I switch it up). I really, really understand that my mom doesn't like to see it (I have met her colleague and heard some stories), but I have no clue what to do.

(3/3) On one side I don't wanna "hurt" mom, but I also want to stim in the space I feel safe (other than alone in my room). Other stims I do, I don't wanna do with people in the room. Since we all have to learn to come to terms with my self-discovery(ies) and yeah. This got kinda long, sorry.

I’m not quite sure I understand your mom’s issue here.  She has a work colleague who is displaying neurogivergent behaviors at work, and so she’s uncomfortable with you being neurodivergent at home?  That...doesn’t make any sense.

Your mom is dealing with something internally, and it’s making her very sensitive to other people stimming, for whatever reason.  Neither you nor her coworker are doing anything wrong, and the fact that she has a coworker who stims is entirely unrelated to you, and your stimming.  

I can think of two possible reasons why she might have such extreme sensitivity to the stimming of others.

One, it could be stemming from her own neurodiversity.  If you have autism and ADHD, then the chances are higher that your mother does as well.  If this is the case, she may be getting Bad Sensory Input from others doing certain kinds of stims- and so her coworker doing it all day sends her into near overload levels, so then when she comes home and you do it as well, she’s at her limit.  Or if she has ADHD, stimming may be extremely distracting for her brain, making it hard for her to think and focus.  Or it could even be that subconsciously, she needs to stim, but is not allowing herself to, and seeing others doing it causes her more stress.

The second reason is that she might be incredibly ableist, and having to see a neurodiverse person both at her work and in her home may trigger her ableist feelings, and she may be saying whatever she thinks she needs to say in order to stop you from stimming.

Either way, none of that is your fault or your responsibility.  You mother having a coworker who stims is not a reason for you to be denied the right to stim in your own home.

If your mother is undiagnosed neurodiverse herself, then your stimming could be what we call “competing needs”.  This happens when two neurodiverse people have needs that are in conflict with one another.  For example, if one autistic person needs very bright lights to be comfortable, but another gets sensory overload from bright lights, then these two people need to work out a solution that is more complex than just “one of you must suffer.”  In that example, perhaps the main lights in the room can be on dimly, but the person who needs bright lights has a reading lamp near them.  

Without knowing what’s going on for your mother though, it is hard to have a discussion with her to figure out what it is she truly needs.  I don’t know how able she is to discuss the issue, though if you haven’t tried it’s worth it to make the attempt at least once.  It may help to have a frank discussion with her about stimming, and explain to her how important it is for the mental health of autistic people, and that both you and her coworker need to do it for your mental health.  It may be that she hasn’t drawn the connection that her coworker is only stimming (the fact that she called it ‘mental health issues’ instead of neurodiversity is a big sign there), and that you are only stimming, and it’s not a bad thing at all, but a healthy coping mechanism.  

If she is able to have some sort of constructive discussion with you, then you can say you’d like to work with her, to find a solution where you can both feel comfortable in your own home.

If she is not able to have a constructive conversation and shuts you down, then you’re left with two choices- either don’t stim in front of her, or stim in front of her and don’t care.  I hope it doesn’t come to that, but either way, neither of those would be a wrong decision.  It’s your home and you need to do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable there, whether that’s choosing to stim when she’s not around, or choosing to stim regardless of whether she’s around.

I’m sorry your mother is having such difficult internal issues that are affecting you.  You are a really good person for caring so much about her feelings, and that makes you kind.  But don’t forget to care about your own needs, as well.  Striking the balance between your needs and the needs of others is one of the hardest (and most important) parts of being an adult, and you’re already starting on the right path : )