#and if i complain or ask for help 99% of the time im just berated for it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

milkweedman · 3 years ago

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Worst thing abt cleaning is that rubber gloves and wrist/hand braces really do not mix. Meaning that unless i'm basically just picking stuff up and moving it, either my braces get disgusting/covered in bleach/soap/whatever, or else i wear gloves and no braces, so my wrists and hands hurt really badly the whole time. Literally no way to win

#having a series of days as it were #im cleaning the apartment before my mom gets here on Friday #also trying to finish her late birthday present which is not helping the wrist situation #also having an extremely bad flare up and every 'break' i take is just me curled up in bed over the heating pad in too much pain to move #my sister was supposed to help after work but she's not been well so she hasnt helped at all #which is also what happened last time our mom visited #i spent all week cleaning the apartment with no help to the point of a nervous breakdown #and when my mom got here she lectured me about it not being cleaner and said i should be keeping it clean all the time for my sister #i am disabled and have a part time job that i can barely even manage on a good day #i am not a fucking live in cook and cleaner #except for how both my mom and sister think i apparently am #im not mad at my sister for not helping this time because she was just in the ER a few days ago #and is also pissed at me for taking her there #im just upset that somehow it always turns into this exact scenario where i am scrubbing the tub out #with a dislocated shoulder and trying to do dishes without holding anything while my hip feels like it's on fire #and then at night im still supposed to go to work and make dinner and do the grocery shopping #and if i complain or ask for help 99% of the time im just berated for it #because i don't have a real job and my sister does so i should do all the housework #i was less bitter about it before the period wherein my sister lost her job and i was working full time #and i was still expected to do everything ...#anyway. just need to scream into the void for a while before i can scrub the bathroom floor #just kind of feels like literally all i am is a body #and that body is supposed to be endlessly doing things for others and it isn't allowed to have emotions or need breaks #for the record im not complaining about having to clean the apartment. i live here too and its probably mostly my mess #and if my sister tried to clean all of it herself i would feel like shit #im just. very tired.#vent #chronic illness

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