#and if i can make their life better without making my life worse than theirs don't a have a moral obligation to?

[unityrain24]

you don't have to read this i just have so much pent-up in my head.

(if you do tho the tags are just as important as the post.)

i wish i could make people unfollow me without blocking them? bc like. every single palestine ask i get (whether spam or real) they follow me. even though it's not set up so only followers can send asks. i think they do it because like, then they think i will be more willing to help? bc follower counts are so important on other platforms and to most people, it's probably like an exchange? They do the nicety of adding to my follower count and so i will be more willing to donate money to their cause? but like. i don't want followers just for followers. it makes me uncomfortable. i've got a little over 150 followers right now but probably a third are palestine fundraiser blogs (and a few bots i can't tell are bots or not and promotional spam). it makes me uncomfortable? it makes me feel like the numbers a lie? i want the people following me to be there because they actually care about my blog/me?

obviously i don't want to block these people! they are in a genocide trying to do whatever they can to survive! they are on here trying to ask anyone and everyone so that out of the hundred of people they ask maybe one or two can donate a few dollars! they are trying every tactic they can to make people listen to them! following! posting photos! using eye-catching colours and fonts! writing out their stories! all things that are emotionally and or/physicaly exhausting and draining all in an attempt to just get someone to listen! and honestly it's sort of unfair that they have to follow random people and clog up their dash with random stuff just so people are more willing to help (obviously most of these people didn't have tumblr before and aren't here for the dash, but i imagine a dash full of palestine help would be less overwhelming than a huge mass of random fandoms while you go find people to ask).

[kikyoupdates]

Otherworldly Attraction ⭑˚🔮⭑ 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑎ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑

yandere!jjk x f!reader

yandere, reverse harem, isekai, jujutsu kaisen x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere

You don't know how or why, but you've been isekai'd into the world of Jujutsu Kaisen. Although your first instinct is to stay away from the plot, you've been blessed with an abnormal amount of cursed energy, and for better or worse, you find yourself sucked into the storyline. You decide that you may as well use your newfound powers for the greater good, and if you're lucky, you might succeed in rewriting some of the characters' fates. But it turns out that your presence in this world is an even bigger deal than you first thought, and soon, everyone wants to make you theirs.

previous | story masterlist | next

You awaken to the sight of Itadori gazing down upon you.   

“[Name]!”   

He cries out in a panic, and there’s no denying the look of concern on his face. Truthfully, it takes you a little while to make sense of everything. The last thing you recall is your close encounter with Sukuna, with Gojo showing up not long afterwards, but past that, there’s not a single memory to draw from. It’s all blank.   

“You fainted,” Itadori explains. In that case, it makes sense why you’re so disoriented. Right. Gojo appeared, which means that he must have been just about to fight Sukuna for a few seconds and test Itadori’s ability to suppress him, but before that, he briefly turned his attention to you. And then you passed out without even managing a proper response.   

Man. You kind of suck at first impressions, huh?   

“I’m alive,” you mumble breathlessly. “I actually… survived all of that.”   

By all accounts, it’s a miracle. You’re not supposed to be involved in the plot. You’re not a character in the main storyline. Which of course means that any number of things could have gone horribly, irreversibly wrong. Especially since Sukuna nearly forced you to eat his finger yourself.   

At least now, finally, it’s all over. Itadori has become Sukuna’s vessel, just like he was meant to be. From this moment onwards, he will face no shortage of hardship, but at least you were able to keep the plot on track. At least you haven’t completely messed everything up. Which means that all of this insanity is about to come to an end. Once Itadori leaves for Jujutsu High, you’ll no longer have any part in this.   

Or at least, that’s what you’d like to think. You’ve been put through hell tonight, and you desperately want to believe that a peaceful life awaits you.   

But of course, you’re dead wrong—and soon, you will realize it’s far too late to escape.  

“Ah, you’re awake,” a familiar voice hums. You turn towards the person who just spoke, and there he is. The man, the myth, the legend himself. Gojo Satoru. You didn’t really get the chance to admire him earlier since your body just kind of decided to shut down, but now that you’re lucid again, you can’t help but stare at him incredulously.   

Gojo approaches you with a smile. “Hello, there. Yuji mentioned that you’re his friend. [Name], right? How are you feeling?”   

“I’m alright,” you reply in a daze, and you hope to god you’re not drooling, because it sure as hell feels like you are.  

My god, he’s hot.  

Fortunately, you keep from blurting that remark aloud, and Gojo just keeps smiling at you. Which is honestly a bit unsettling, because even though he’s one of the good guys, he’s definitely got a mischievous side to him, and it almost feels like he’s scheming something.   

“Here, stand up,” Gojo offers, and he grabs you by the hand to help pull you to your feet. You briefly fangirl, of course (Gojo Satoru is holding your hand!), but you can tell that he’s got a few things he wants to say, so you face him with a solemn expression.   

There’s a pause, and then his smile widens.   

“Your friend Yuji is going to be executed,” he states matter-of-factly.   

What a truly horrifying thing to say with such a careless, easygoing expression.   

You’re not surprised, though, because you’re already familiar with how the storyline will proceed. Still, for the purposes of not coming across like a total psycho, you turn towards Itadori with your mouth agape, feigning shock and absolute horror.   

“Wh-What?” you splutter. “I… I don’t understand. Why would you say something like that?”   

Even though you’re certainly not going to win any Oscars, you hope that your shitty acting is convincing enough. And by the looks of things, it is , because Itadori lets out a heavy sigh and slumps his head forward.   

“He tied me to a chair earlier and started saying all kinds of weird stuff. Apparently, he and his allies are trying to collect a whole bunch of those fingers. There’s twenty of them in total. That guy whose finger I ate… his name is Sukuna, or something. And he’s apparently super-duper strong. I’m not sure how I’m able to control him, but it looks like I’ve become his vessel. He’s so dangerous that they normally would have killed me by now, but instead, the higher-ups agreed to let me live until I find all the remaining fingers and eat those too. And once I’ve done that, then they’ll kill me. Along with Sukuna. To make sure he’s gone for good.”   

You’re not sure what the appropriate response is. This is all stuff you already know, but putting yourself in the shoes of someone who isn’t from another world, who doesn’t have knowledge of how everything will proceed… essentially, your friend’s just told you he’s guaranteed to die, at some point or another.   

That shit’s pretty fucked up.   

You clench your fists. “Itadori’s a good person. Why are you threatening to—”   

“Sorry, sorry,” Gojo waves off. “I wasn’t actually looking for any input. The situation’s pretty non-negotiable, to be honest. Yuji’s execution has only been postponed because I argued in his favor. You don’t seem like you’re aware of how dangerous Sukuna actually is , so believe me when I say that I’m amazed they accepted my proposition in the first place.”   

Trust me. I know exactly how dangerous he is.   

Once again, you keep your thoughts to yourself, and instead, you turn to gaze out the window. It’s early morning, by the looks of things. You’ve been out cold for quite some time. But at least you can go home now, right…?   

“I’m sure this is a lot to take in,” Gojo continues, “but it’s really the only option we have. To be honest, it’s a miracle that Yuji survived in the first place. He was able to eat Sukuna’s finger without any side effects. An ordinary human would have died immediately. But for some reason, Megumi tells me that you encouraged Yuji to eat the finger. And you seemed to have full faith that he’d survive. Do you mind explaining that?”   

…ah, shit.   

“I-I was scared,” you swallow uncomfortably, taking a step back. “Fushiguro mentioned before that only those with cursed energy can kill curses. And since Itadori didn’t have any cursed energy, I thought that… maybe he could gain some. By eating that finger. We were backed into a corner and I thought we were all going to die. Itadori’s already really strong to begin with, so I felt like he could save us.”   

“Hmm.”   

Thankfully, Gojo doesn’t press the issue any further. Perhaps it’s a reasonable enough explanation, especially since he believes that you’re a total noob in the world of jujutsu sorcerers and the like. Surely he doesn’t suspect that you know more than you’re willing to admit.   

Yeah… surely not.   

“Okay,” he grins. “I guess that explains it. Oh! But I had another question, actually. Megumi also told me that when Sukuna first awakened, for some reason, he said he recognized you. He said that he’d seen you before. That’s kind of weird, isn’t it?”   

You freeze up on the spot, and at that moment, it finally hits you.   

There’s no chance in hell they’re going to let you walk away from this.   

“I don’t know what he meant by that,” you insist. “It was my first time ever speaking to that scary guy.”   

Technically not a lie, because when you encountered him inside his Innate Domain, you didn’t actually say a single word. You were too busy crapping your pants from fright.  

You’re not sure exactly how much is safe to reveal, but you suppose a half-truth would be good enough. Because if you admit that Sukuna was trying to make you eat his finger and possibly turn you into his vessel…   

Well, evidently, the higher-ups aren’t shy about executing people they deem dangerous.   

“Itadori showed me the finger once before,” you admit. “Back when he first found it at school. It was all wrapped up in the seal back then, so I had no clue what it was, but he tossed it to me, and I held onto it for a few moments. Do you think that’s what Sukuna was referring to?”   

“Sukuna should have been contained within the seal, even as flimsy and worn-out as it was, so I don’t see how that would work.”  

Gojo leans over, bringing his face level with your own, and you gulp, unnerved by the lack of distance. He’s ridiculously attractive, of course, but he can also be pretty intimidating too. Without even trying.   

It doesn’t take long for a smile to return to his face, though.   

“Oh, well!” he shrugs. “I guess we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we get there! I’m gonna have my hands full figuring all of this out, huh?”   

“Haha… ha.”  

Seriously, fuck my life.   

“Leave [Name] alone,” Itadori frowns. “I get why you guys are after me because of the finger, but she’s not involved. She was just worried about Sasaki and Iguchi, like I was. I’m the one who became Sukuna’s vessel, so let me deal with it. She doesn’t need to worry about any of this stuff. She should be going home and getting some rest.”   

Gojo’s smile finally drops. “Not involved, you say? Well, from your perspective, it might seem that way, but let me be honest. A lot isn’t adding up here. Unlike you, [Name] was already able to see curses, and she possesses an overwhelming amount of cursed energy. As things stand, she’s far from being an ordinary person. Not to mention that Sukuna himself expressed interest in her. I understand that you’re worried about your friend and you want to keep her safe… but I can’t in good faith just walk away and pretend like I never ran into her. It’s my responsibility as a jujutsu sorcerer. Besides. If I leave her all on her own, something tells me she’ll be found by someone else sooner or later. And more likely than not, they won’t have good intentions.”   

You lower your gaze to the ground, because you already know where he’s going with this. In fact, you probably should have realized it from the moment that small curse ran away from you. From the moment you inexplicably met Sukuna inside his Innate Domain. From the moment he called out to you and beckoned you towards him.   

Or rather… from the moment you first awoke in this world.   

You shouldn’t be here. By all accounts, it doesn’t make any sense. But the fact remains that you are , and naturally, weird shit is bound to happen. Things are bound to change. The life you’ve been thrust into is going to be nothing like the one you lived before, and it’s about time you came to terms with that.   

“Yuji and [Name],” Gojo says, a grin spreading across his lips, “both of you… are coming to Jujutsu High with me.”

Not long after your discussion with Gojo, you visit Sasaki and Iguchi in the hospital, along with Itadori. The scene that follows is pretty much exactly like in the anime. Sasaki is almost entirely unharmed, whereas Iguchi is presumably going to be alright in the long-term, but he’s still unconscious for the time being.   

It’s a strange feeling, to be honest. Seeing the two of them and knowing it’ll be the very last time. You always assumed Itadori was the one who was destined to leave. You figured that he would only be your friend for a short while, and then, you would have no choice but to say your goodbyes. You told yourself that after he left, you would stick with Sasaki and Iguchi and keep them company in his place.   

But now, it looks like you have to leave, too.   

“Someone will be stopping by tomorrow to help Iguchi,” Itadori says. He pauses to offer a weak smile. “I’m sorry. This all happened because I picked up that cursed object in the first place. What you saw inside the school… they weren’t monsters. They were curses. Iguchi will be alright, though. I promise.”   

Sasaki stares at him, visibly confused, and then she turns towards you. “[Name]...? So you were at school last night, too? Both of you came to help us?”   

“I’m sorry,” you also apologize, instinctively bowing your head. Naturally, this all would have happened even without your involvement, but still. You feel compelled to apologize. Not just for what she’s been through, but the fact that you won’t be able to stay behind as her friend.   

“I’m sorry, but we can’t stick around much longer,” Itadori tells her. He smiles once more, looking even more pained than he did a few moments ago. “There’s somewhere we need to go. Sorry. We’ll see you later, okay?”   

Even without the words being stated outright, Sasaki must already know. She must realize that this isn’t just a regular hospital visit. It's a goodbye.   

“Alright,” she nods, and she’s considerate enough not to ask any questions. She just sits there, next to Iguchi’s beside, with a wistful expression. “Bye, guys. Wherever you’re going… good luck.”   

You and Itadori walk out of the building, both with heavy hearts. Itadori is probably the nicest, bravest, most compassionate person in the world, but even he can’t just shrug off the thought of being executed. You know that death scares him, but it’s less about the process of dying, and whether or not he’ll be able to have a ‘good’ death. Whether he’ll be able to say that he lived a life free of regrets. A life where he did everything in his power to save others.   

Just because he’s strong doesn’t mean he’s not scared, though. Just because he’s going to accept his fate without putting up a fight doesn’t mean it isn’t hitting him hard. He’s only a highschooler. A boy who’s lived a happy, carefree life until now. It’s impossible not to be nervous, not to feel apprehensive, not to yearn for something else.   

But no matter how frustrated Itadori feels, it doesn’t matter.   

He will never give up.   

You know what awaits him is nothing short of hell. That’s why you were so desperate to avoid this. It’s such a horrifying world to land yourself in. It certainly isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It isn’t going to be a blissful experience, where you’ll be able to interact with your favorite characters free of any worries. It’d be nice if that were the case, but it just isn’t .   

Unlike Itadori, you aren’t a protagonist. You aren’t naturally courageous, or ready to throw your life away if someone else is in danger. You wish you could say you are, but not everyone is meant to be a hero. And in the real world, the average person won’t think twice before prioritizing their own safety.  

But it looks like you’re going to have to change. Even if you aren’t like that to begin with, you’re going to have to become that kind of person. You’re going to have to face your fears and hold your ground, bite your tears back when you feel like running away. Like it or not, in this world, you are a unique, special existence, and that may very well be for a reason. Perhaps… perhaps you might be able to save the people that Itadori wasn’t able to. Perhaps you’ve been put in this world to ease his burden. To stand by his side and support him in his darkest hours.  

You’re terrified of what’s to come. No doubt about it. And you can’t really say that you were a particularly remarkable person in your previous life.   

But maybe this time, you can be.   

“I’m going to do it,” Itadori says as you walk side-by-side. He glances over at you and furrows his brows. “If curses and people like that Sukuna guy are really so dangerous, then I’ll do it. I’ll eat all those fingers and do whatever it takes. My grandpa wanted me to help people. So that when it’s my time to go, at least I’ll be surrounded by the people I care about. That was his dying wish.”  

He reaches out and gently squeezes your hand, a smile returning to his face. Whether the gesture was meant to reassure you or himself, you honestly don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. As long as you’re together, it’ll be alright. Even the scariest moments will be bearable.  

You won’t let his story end in tragedy, and hopefully, neither will yours.

“Mom, dad, I need to leave. I’m transferring to a new school, which means I’ll be moving to a different city. Today.”   

Normally, when parents hear something like this without any prior notice, their immediate instinct is to be concerned. This is the part where they’re supposed to start chiding you for saying something so ridiculous, which will be followed by a firm refusal.   

But that doesn’t happen.   

“We know,” your mother nods, with a strange, somewhat eerie look in her eyes. “You’re going to become a jujutsu sorcerer, aren’t you? So that you can protect all kinds of people.”   

“...”   

Okay, what in the ever-loving fuck ?  

“Um,” you respond, blinking repeatedly in disbelief. “How did you—?”   

“Don’t worry about us,” your father piles on. “This is very important, isn’t it? Go do what you need to do. We understand.”   

Alright, well, you knew from the start that they weren’t your real parents, because they clearly hadn’t been isekai’d like you, but to hear them casually going on about things they shouldn’t know—since you never told them a damn thing about curses or sorcerers—is unbelievably freaky. This interaction is further proof that you’re not really a part of this world, and they’re just meant to be some weird stand-ins. They’re not even actual people themselves. More like omniscient NPCs.  

“This is creepy as fuck,” you sigh, shaking your head in defeat.  

“Hurry up, darling,” your mother encourages with a smile. “Gojo is waiting outside to pick you up, along with Itadori and Fushiguro.”   

“Oh my god, stop it! You’re seriously freaking me out!”   

You can’t possibly get out of the house any faster, your luggage clunking behind you every time the wheels spin out or roll over a rock. True to your creepy NPC mom’s word, three people are waiting outside, one of whom is Itadori, and he excitedly waves to you.   

“[Name], hey!” he beams. “Good morning. Excited to make the trip to Tokyo?”   

“Definitely. I’m never coming back to this house ever again,” you shudder.  

“Huh, why? Did you have a fight with your parents or something?”   

You let out a heavy sigh, refusing to elaborate. Anyways, it doesn’t really matter. It looks like you were always destined to get involved, whether you intended to or not. People don’t just get isekai’d in their favorite anime to not play a role in the story. In all the fanfiction you’ve read, that’s pretty much an unwritten rule.  

“All ready to go?” Gojo smiles.   

You nod slowly. Truth to be told, you have many, many doubts. You’re scared that you’re not strong enough to make a difference, even if the story is pulling you in. You’re scared that you might end up meeting an early death, even with all this knowledge on your side. And you’re scared that if you really do disappear… Itadori will have yet another person to grieve.  

Itadori wants to have a proper death, and honestly? You want the same thing. You want to be able to look back at all you’ve accomplished and say that you genuinely, truly did everything you could.   

So, that’s what you’ll do.   

“I’m ready,” you nod, gripping the handle of your suitcase a bit tighter. “But before we go… I just have one request.”   

Gojo tilts his head to the side, confused, and he watches as you pull your phone out of your pocket, only to stare at him with a stern expression.   

“Take a selfie with me, please.”

More chapters are available on Quotev and Ao3!

⊱.⋅follow + post notifications on for story update announcements or join the author's discord!⋅.⊰

🔮 main masterlist! ♡ oneshot masterlist

[bakudekublogblog]

chapter five of promises kept is up!! hope you enjoy it, i promise it's less angsty than the last chapter hehe

Four nights. Katsuki repeats it to himself like a mantra. He just has to make it through four nights, and then it’ll be Friday, and Izuku will come home. That’s hardly any time at all, really. It’s not even a big deal. Katsuki can survive that long without Izuku. He’s Bakugou Katsuki, for fuck’s sake. He’s fought villains with gaping holes in his chest, finished All For One with a broken arm, underwent heart surgery on an open battlefield, and still got back up to keep fighting. He can handle four nights on his own. Sleeping by himself should be fuckin’ easy compared to the shit he’s been through.  

It’s by far the most difficult thing Katsuki has ever had to do in his life.

It’s absolutely fucking miserable. Sleeping is impossible. He tosses and turns most of the night, his thoughts spiraling, his body fidgety and anxious. His brain won’t stop throwing terrible scenarios at him. What if Izuku doesn’t make it back on Friday? There could be a training accident, a bad run in on patrol, an emergency mission that requires all hands on deck for the weekend. Principal Nezu had promised Katsuki that their weekends were theirs to do as they pleased, but what if they changed their mind? The longer he tosses and turns, the worse the scenarios become. He has a list of all the active villains in Fukuoaka memorized and fuck, some of them are really dangerous. What if the skin-stealer gets to Izuku? Or that particularly nasty villain with the blood boiling quirk? What if that melting quirk villain goes on another rampage, crosses paths with Izuku’s train and derails it, and Izuku is killed before Katsuki can ever see him again? Oh god, it’s like an icy spear in his heart; Katsuki can’t help but roll over and check the on-going facetime call, just to check to make sure Izuku is still breathing. And even if Katsuki manages to get his mind to settle, there’s still his body to contend with. He keeps catching his hand reaching out, seeking an Izuku who isn’t there and jolting himself awake in his panic. And it fucking kills him every time.

They leave facetime running as they drift to sleep every night, so Katsuki knows Izuku isn’t faring much better. When Izuku does manage to drift off, it’s shallow and fidgety and plagued with nightmares. Sometimes Katsuki will hear him begin to whimper and sniffle in his sleep over the line and it fucking feels like Katsuki has just swallowed glass. Katsuki can’t just let him suffer; he always rolls over and wakes him, which usually leads to Izuku apologizing and crying, which also fucking sucks. Katsuki feels like a goddamn prisoner, forced to watch the man he loves suffer through a tiny screen and unable to provide any real relief. Forced to murmur to Izuku instead of cradling him, forced to watch Izuku hug himself and tremble instead of being there for him like he fucking promised. Katsuki is gritting his teeth so much he swears that his enamel has worn down a layer. God, it’s so goddamn infuriating how literally everything would be better if Katsuki could just fucking be there. 

READ MORE

[zerothesonic]

i think harumi was a better villain than all of us have given her credit for. 

she’s just like lloyd. grew up without parents, natural born leader, they’re even both blonde. the only difference is, he is the greatest hero. she was the greatest villain. strap yourselves in guys, this is gonna be a long one.

so my first point, natural born leader. lloyd takes charge. he’s strategic, he knows everyone’s strengths and weaknesses, he’s reliable, he’s trustworthy. he’ll save as many people as he can, or if possible everyone, no matter what it takes. you know you’re safe when he’s in charge. harumi though? she can do exactly what lloyd does, but she does it better. she knows how to lead a large group, get their respect, earn their trust. which is important because remember she was the princess, so if even a single person from the SoG snitched she would be dead. meaning that she had really gained their respect for them to listen to her and protect her identity. but she also leads from the shadows. she knows when to back off, for example in the presence of someone more powerful like garmadon or the overlord. sure, fine, let the all-powerful guy take control. but guess what? behind the scenes, she’s the one with the biker gang. she’s the one giving orders. truth be told the all-powerful guy is just that. an all-powerful guy. he’s just there to keep the ninja afraid and away while she gets things done. she may not have elemental powers, but she has brainpower, willpower, and power over others.

my second point, she grew up without parents. “lloyd had it worse he’s suffered so much as the green ninja”, you say. lloyd grew up without parents and had this title of “almighty green ninja” hanging over him all his life. but he had a family who supported him no matter what (also they were probably the most powerful family in all of ninjago but that’s besides the point). harumi though? she had no one. she may not have had a prophecy, but she never had a family either. and who’s fault was that? sure, lloyd was just a kid. but what he did for candy killed her parents. she was alone. he wasn’t. why did she have to pay the price for his mistakes? think about it. if a kid wanting candy killed all you had left in this world you’d want him dead too. you have nothing left in this world. HE took away EVERYTHING from you and yet he’s everyone’s hero?? the murderer? and no one will ever take your side because he saved their families. he saved theirs, but he killed yours. and they’re never coming back. 

my third point, she can do what lloyd does but she does it better. lloyd believes that everyone has good in them, no matter how deep down it’s been buried. harumi doesn’t give a shit about that. the so called “good guy” is the same guy who killed her family. “good” doesn’t mean anything, it’s nothing just a title the self-righteous give to themselves. so she does what lloyd does, she talks to others, convinces them that they need her. basically manipulation. but she does it so well you don’t even see it coming until you’re buried a thousand feet underground. she does this many times, but one of the best examples is lloyd. as princess rumi she’s so sweet and nice and thinks of lloyd as her hero, so much that lloyd believes it too. then she turns on them all and becomes the quiet one. and that’s how she gets to lloyd. she wants back to bring back his father, but she wants to bring back the evil part of him. the one that never saw lloyd as a son and never will. and even before that happens, she makes sure lloyd already feels as though he isn’t garmadon’s son anymore. she calls her gang the sons of garmadon, though lloyd is the true son of garmadon. she’s making him feel replaced. and she barely calls him by his name, most of the time she calls him “green ninja”. she’s reminding him that when garmadon comes back, lloyd will be nothing more than the green ninja garmadon needs to defeat (or kill). and you can clearly see her manipulation working, and it works so well that it takes two seasons to resolve what she started.

and finally we reach the last point, the moment i’ve been waiting for. face it, she is the greatest villain. her reasons for hating the green ninja are totally valid. her leadership is unlike that of any other ninjago character ever seen. her manipulation skills are absolutely insane. but… she realises something. she realises that lloyd genuinely wants to help people. he sees the best in you no matter how little there is left. he doesn’t act like the “almighty green ninja”, he’s humble, he just wants to be like any other guy. and she realises he, too, is human, and humans all make mistakes, even the most powerful people in the world.

and looking back, lloyd may have killed her parents, but since starting her life as the quiet one how many parents of others has she killed…?

[dravid-writes]

I open the door, and a little imp runs between my legs and into the room behind me! I snatch them by the tail and carry them out before they can touch anything they shouldn't. "No no no, you know the rules, my office is off-limits. It's dangerous."

Zekken crosses their arms as they hang upside-down. "Come on, it doesn't look dangerous, and you go in there plenty."

"Dangerous for little imps. Angels only." I shut the door and lock it before setting Zekken down. "Besides, it's just work stuff in there. Nothing you'd be interested in."

"I dunno seraph, I'm pretty interested in the blue flame in that orb."

"THAT is the most dangerous thing in that room. Even I don't touch that without a good reason."

"What is it?"

"That's not for imps to worry about."

Zekken scowls at me. Always too curious for their own good.

"I'm just trying to keep you safe, Zekken. Trust me, there are some things you're better off not knowing."

They hold my gaze a moment longer, then sigh. "Fine, okay. I trust you."

"Thank you." I slide the key into my pocket and turn to walk away."

"Oh and seraph?"

I turn around. "Yeah-"

"Surprise hug!" 30 pounds of imp suddenly slam into me, but I manage to catch them and return the hug.

"Oof! You little rascal, you almost knocked me down that time!"

"I'll pull it off one of these days," Zekken laughs.

"Yeah, yeah." I hold them there awhile, until they loosen their hug, and I set them back on the ground. "Love you, Zekken."

"Love you too, seraph."

I head for the kitchen with a smile on my face. This job's a hassle sometimes, but it's worth it. Zekken's been one of my easier charges; usually their maturity and pride make it hard to adapt to life as an imp, but Zekken managed it in record time. Their progress has been incredible too! Pretty mischievous, but harmlessly so, and it's a good outlet. They'll be able to reincarnate in no time. My thoughts drift back to that flame in my office...

And I realize the key is missing from my pocket.

"Zekken. Set that down, and step away from it."

Zekken clutches the glass orb closer to their chest. They hide their panic much worse than I do, making a face I haven't seen since the day they were reborn. "What is this?"

"It's DANGEROUS, Zekken. Please, for your own safety, I need to put that back in the office."

"You said it wasn't for me to worry about, but this... this is... It's mine! What is it?!"

"It's an evil spirit, and it's manipulating you. I don't know what feelings it's stirring up in you, but it's trying to trick you into setting it free-"

"JEREMY TAYLOR!"

"... How much did you read?"

"Why do you want to know!? So that you know how much you can LIE to me about!?"

"Zekken, I'm doing this for your own good!"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't smash this open and take back what's mine."

"Don't, you'll die!"

"Why should I believe that!? After you lied to me, kept this from me, told me it was none of my business! How much have you been lying to me about?"

"I kept this from you because you don't want to know-"

"You don't get to decide that!"

"Look, we'll talk about this later, I promise. Just give me-"

"No. We're talking now."

"You're being ridiculous. I need to put that back where it's safe." I walk across the hall toward-

"STAY BACK!!" Zekken stumbles backward, breathing quickly. My body casts a shadow over theirs; I look down at them while they crane their neck up to look at me. I recall all the times I effortlessly picked them up by the tail...

I step back and sit down. "I'm sorry. It's always easier when they don't know, but now that you've found out... It's probably better that you know the whole truth than only part of it."

Zekken's breathing slows a bit. "What... is this?"

"That's your soul."

They stare at the blue flame, at last understanding their intuition about it. The tension gradually leaves their body as they finally calm down.

When their gaze returns to me, I continue. "Your name was Jeremy Taylor... and you were a human before you died."

EPILOGUE

While sitting in my office writing my weekly report, I hear little footsteps behind me, then feel them start climbing my leg. I lower my wing down for them to grab hold, letting them climb up to read over my shoulder.

"... Washing my own plate one time is worth writing down?"

"Of course; taking responsibility for your actions is important for growing a virtuous soul. It's especially noteworthy since our arrangement usually has me cleaning up after you."

"Huh. Speaking of growing," Zekken jumps onto the desk to sit beside their soul, "it really has gotten bigger, hasn't it?"

"If only you'd seen it after you were first reborn; it was barely an ember, but look at it now! I bet you'll be ready to reincarnate in just a few more months."

"... Hey, um... When I reincarnate... I won't remember you, will I?"

I pause in my writing. "Well... No. But your life here won't vanish; it will remain a part of your soul, guiding you in ways you won't even notice. And when you return here as an angel, you'll be able to remember everything."

"Are you sure I'll get to be an angel next time?"

"Maybe not if you keep planting whoopee cushions everywhere!" I give them the gentlest of shoves, rocking them backward as we laugh together. "But really, I'm sure you will. Every imp I've cared for has made it to heaven on their second trip, and you? You're humble, responsible... and forgiving. You're the nicest little imp I've ever had."

Zekken smiles, then jumps into my lap to give me a hug. "Love you, seraph."

"Love you too, Zekken."

[2af-afterdark]

Do the Kings change after they fall in love with us?

How are they when they’re in love .How would they pine after MC and court them?

Okay, so!!! I sometimes write the kings as already in love and other times as not. It is honestly kind of arbitrary based on what I think works better for the character. So, this time, let me explain the steps so you can kind of understand why I jump around writing them in slightly different ways when I answer people.

Satan

Before love: Satan is the devil that saved MC from an unfortunate fate. As such, he has always expected MC to hold him above others and be willing to do whatever it takes to repay him. Sure, they are currently breaking Solomon's old contracts, but that is what they're doing to get their friend back. Their body and submission is how they repay him for saving their life. He's cruel and mean, giving into his sadistic urges because humans bruise oh so nicely compared to his devil playmates. There is no care there; MC is an object as far as he is concerned.

Pining: Honestly, he's probably never quite had a crush before. Wrath is a different side of passion than love, so he probably always conflate the two. That's why he wouldn't know the difference between a developing crush and his usual wrath. He probably just thinks he's more angry at MC than usual, so they can expect him to be worse than usual when it comes to the sadism. It isn't until he sees MC all bruised up and exhausted, when his heart skips a beat, that he realizes this time is different.

Courting: Satan's sadism doesn't change just because he caught feelings. In fact, he may get worse in some ways. Only MC can satisfy him now, so he calls on them more often than he used to. Considering they are still human, that is a lot to put them through. On the other, MC is going to find out very quickly that Satan is actually a switch and he doesn't mind in the least in MC finds out what it's like to be in charge. That vulnerability is his way of flirting. He really doesn't act "lovey" in the traditional way, so it's the best MC is going to get.

Relationship: Satan is good at compartmentalizing his life. He is the king of Gehenna and he acts like it. MC does not get special treatment, no matter how much Satan likes them. When he's finally able to relax though, he will grab MC immediately and bring them out with him. They will sit with him, maybe even in his lap if he's feeling extra spicy, and the entire bar will know without a doubt that MC is more than just a plaything to him. He will also start stealing their blood and making special things out of it. This blood isn't for combat. It's for showing his favoritism.

Mammon

Before love: It's just a human. There are plenty of those in the world and all of them and all of their possessions belong to him. He didn't know one of his humans was so useful as to undo the mess Solomon left them in (no shade, he loves Solomon, but this is objectively a messy situation). Have fun, MC. If they ever need a break from doing their job, his bed is always open and the offer never expires.

Pining: Mammon falls all at once rather than gradually. He realizes it when he thinks "Damn, MC looks nice in my bed". He wants to curl around them like a blanket and pull them close and never let them go... oh shit, he's down bad. He has to stop himself from kissing their cheek.

Courting: He's a little old school in his flirting. He is not hiding that he fell for MC. He is getting them flowers and gifts that are far too extravagant for most people. Whatever MC wants, it is theirs, and always with him stating his affections. He's a romantic.

Relationship: Mammon is a one romantic partner type if devil and his entire kingdom will know that MC is privy to everything Tartaros has to offer. Treat them like a prince(ss) or else. He insists that MC gets some of his time just for them whenever they want just like he insists he gets to hold and kiss them at his leisure (it will never be enough). And let's just say the bedroom life is very healthy. Honestly, aside from the possessiveness he sometimes shows off, he is a very healthy and loving partner.

Beelzebub

Before love: A human? Damn. He supposes he could take some time out of his day to 'get to know them'. They're a long way from home but he doesn't mind making them feel welcome. Maybe he can show them around. MC will love hell. And they'll love how he makes them blush even more, he's sure.

Pining: Beelzebub is probably that sexuality where he doesn't distinguish between friendship and romance (I forgot what it is called, I'm sorry). He also doesn't actually have many friends though. Most of his relationships to people are superficial or out of pure convinence aside from a very select few. It isn't until he starts thinking about wanting to see them everyday that he realizes he has a new friend/crush.

Courting: He'll just tell MC he wants them. He's pretty direct and has nothing to hide.

Relationship: He needs his daily dose of MC or he gets gloomy. He considers whatever it is they have to be open so he and MC can sleep around and see who they want, but he always comes back to their bed each night regardless. Sometimes he may even come back early just to sit in the same room as them and spend time together doing nothing in particular.

Leviathan

Before love: Does he even exist? MC has yet to see him. They've met some of the nobles and they pass along messages from some king, but ????? MC finally ran into him by complete accident. They found a fucking coffin just hanging out in the middle of the room when it wasn’t there before and it freaked them out when the thing opened and a man stepped out. Leviathan took one look at MC and immediately went back in. OH FUCK NO!!! GET OUT HERE SO WE CAN TALK! STOP MAKING ME GO THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE!!! As they start yanking at the coffin lid. Eventually, they will just start talking at the coffin and waiting for Leviathan to open it to answer them before he goes back in.

Pining: Eventually, he stops escaping into his coffin when MC visits. He'll meet with them as long as they don't stare at him for too long. He feels warm whenever they stare at him, but it isn't the same kind of uncomfortable warmth he feels when he's in a crowd. Something must be wrong with him.

Courting: Sweet, sweet Leviathan isn't doing the courting. He's too nervous and blushy to try and court MC properly. In a strange way, that is his courting style. The stammering, the inability to look MC is the eyes, his nobles getting incredibly jealous out of nowhere because the human has their king's attention. He wouldn't even ask MC out because he would be too caught up in being jealous of his future self who may get a yes and of his past self who hasn't yet had his heart stomped on after MC says no. Mc isn't blind though. They will eventually make the first move and ask if Leviathan is interested in them.

Relationship: Their relationship is not the most public of things, but it isn't exactly hidden either. Leviathan doesn't want to have people looking at him and wondering about all their private stuff, but he's also incredibly happy about all the people who are envious of his relationship for once. He does not, and I repeat DOES NOT, have the gumption to let on the MC - the human - is the lead in their relationship, but all of nobles figured it out very quickly. Their king is too cute

[vegantinatalist]

how can you be vegan but support abortion? It's the taking of an innocent life for the sake of convenience and pleasure. doesn't that go against everything veganism stands for? fyi I'm a vegan anti abortion feminist haha

i used to think the same until basically i just learned enough about the absolutely massive scope of suffering in the world and realized abortion is unfortunately necessary for both humans and animals. As an animal rescuer, abortions are often necessary to perform on nonhumans too.

an important key was antinatalism/efilism and understanding concepts like those presented in Better Never To Have Been (book on antinatalism). one important one is applying the concept of life worth creating vs life worth continuing. Deeming an unborns life to be not worth continuing (from the perspective of the unborns best interest) is not inherently the same as not valuing their life or not caring about their lack of consent. it can be argued that birthing them will cause them far more suffering and instances of ignored consent than euthanizing them.

in short, there are fates worse than death in this world, and while making a decision without their consent is unethical, any decision in this situation already doesnt and cant have their consent, so its your duty to make a judgement call that will to the best of your knowledge result in the least amount of suffering.

now addressing “doesnt that mean i can kill anyone if i just believe its best for them?”

no. this does not = “breeding animals to kill for profit and pleasure is just, as long as you consider that animal to be better off dead”. firstly because of the breeding part and secondly because the killing is biased to be for your benefit and not theirs. euthanizing a sick animal is not like killing them for meat. someone who is aborting is not necessarily getting anything out of it and may even be missing out on family praise, certain rights, and money from the government.

now lets say you start killing animals because you think theyre better off dead and you arent getting anything out of it. (firstly i would find it hard to believe that you arent prioritizing yourself getting a sense of control or sadism but i digress.) i would consider this an inappropriate “life worth continuing” judgement. this grown animal is minding its own business and thriving and has a will and right to live. we see what happens when animals rights are not respected. it would be speciesist, because you would not do the same to humans out of respect and fear of their rights.

performing abortions though, on both human and nonhuman unborn, is not inherently speciesist.

i do however believe abortion methods should be improved upon to reduce both the pregnant womans and the unborns suffering in the process. abortions on both humans and nonhumans are sometimes quite grizzly and downright unprofessional in my opinion.

highly recommend learning more about the fates of those who could not abort/be aborted. Push AND The Kid by Sapphire are fiction books but heavily based on the authors many experiences as a teacher, big recommend, as long as you read both and dont stop where the movie did.

(dont come for me for not presenting other prochoice arguments, i just have a feeling i know where this persons at and wanted to talk to it specifically)

[cataclysmicevie]

I just wanted to thank you, for your fics, but mostly for ‘no paths are bound’ and ‘the soul remains’. I adored heaven’s official blessing with all my heart but- the way that the story between HX, SW, and SQX sat… badly, in my heart, in many ways. i understood that the story was saying but it honestly kind of evoked this strange hopelessness in me after reading it all.

but- the story and arcs you’ve given those three ( + pei ming) in these two fics meant the honest world to me. SW and SQX are honestly amongst my favorite characters- ever, in so many ways, but you expanded on them and made them so much- deeper and more nuanced than I could’ve imagined. The way you had SW truly- own what he did and why- but refuse to regret it bc it was to save someone so dear to him- SQX’s complicated feelings with it, holding SW responsible for his failings- but also holding HX to his, and themselves to theirs, and loving all three, the two men who were so flawed but loved them so deeply- and loving themselves, despite their own failings and working to better themselves. all of them trying to grow and be better. paying respect to HX’s grief, but calling him out for the ways that he was SW’s mirror- and in some ways worse after, but then still giving all three so much grace and understanding- and then giving all three ( + pei ming, love u buddy) a path and story that truly felt HEALING and deep, that resonated so, so deeply.

i don’t know. it just… i don’t feel hopeless when i think about those characters anymore, and that means a lot to me. thank you.

(also your portrayals of just.. EVERYONE are so deep, and nuanced, and absolutely gorgeous. i have no words. I will always love the original canon- but your writings in a lot of ways, have just- stolen my heart even more, and held it captive. and i’m so glad that i found them)

i hope you’re having a wonderful (insert time period of day/night here). I hope the world is being kind to you.

Thank you so much! I love that you love what I did with those characters because, well....I always feel like people get annoyed for the stretches my stories often go without focusing on hualian, haha.

But for me, I have always loved examining different kinds of relationships in my writing, and very rarely is the central focus always going to be the romantic ones. Because, for me, romance has never been the most important part of my life. For me, that has always been family members and friends that I've had since I was a kid. So, focusing on that in my writing has always felt a lot more genuine and sincere for me--because while I love the all consuming romantic love that you often see with ships like Hualian, I've never actually experienced that myself. Often, when I'm portraying that, the writing feels aspirational--like, "if I'm ever lucky enough to love someone this hard, I hope this is what it feels like." But when I'm writing the relationships and the motivations that can be found in the Blackwater arc--it all comes from a far more sincere place. There's a general treatment of Shi Wudu's character by the general audience that, while I understand it, I've always found to be the least interesting approach. Yes, what he did to He Xuan was selfish and ultimately cruel--but his intentions weren't. And when you read the text for what it actually is, the situation is a lot more complex than I think a lot of people want it to be. Shi Wudu is selfish, cunning, and he often places what he imagines is best for Shi Qingxuan over what Shi Qingxuan actually wants--but that's a very human thing to do.

That was the thought process behind one of the lines I repeated pretty often in No Paths Are Bound, "there is no such thing as monsters, only humans who make monstrous choices."

Shi Wudu to me, while he was arrogant, selfish, and controlling, was also a deeply human character. I am closer to my sister than anyone else in the world, and if I was in the exact same situation--I can't say that it wouldn't eat me alive--but yes, I probably would sacrifice someone else if it meant saving her. I don't think that makes me an evil person. A flawed one, yes, but part of being human is loving each other so much, that fear of losing one another can reveal cracks in the morals we wish we could stick to.

And by that logic, I can also understand He Xuan's choices. Because like him, I love my family fiercely--but I also know that I'm a person with a tendency to need things to be fair. I can't move on easily from an injustice, not if I feel like the person who wronged me or the people I loved is just getting away with it. If an eye for an eye wasn't in human nature, we wouldn't see it repeated so often.

That creates this beautiful situation--and I think MXTX is so wonderful and ultimately vexing for making such a gripping story a side plot--where everyone is understandable, even as they do horrible things that ultimately hurt one another. And I've never found the most interesting and / or satisfying take on the Blackwater Arc to be one where there's a singular villain (usually Shi Wudu), and everything would be fixed if you just got him out of the way. The truth of the Blackwater Arc is that it examines the complicated lines between family and friendship, loyalty and deception, and how vengeful justice can be just as monstrous as the crime it avenges. I also like the pairing of He Xuan and Shi Wudu for that reason--not necessarily because I think it's a healthy ship, it's absolutely not--but because the two characters are such direct foils of one another, and because if you're going to make that relationship work, it forces you to tell a story about taking accountability as well as a deep capacity for forgiveness. And I think those are the most interesting stories to tell.

[megatraven]

"So while it IS true that they're alone... it's not because they're alone. :) And that might very well be worse :)))) "

I feel so bad for Alex here, the woman they loved is permanently gone to essentially Hell with her husband and daughter.

Gods and Demigods are hunted or at least shunned by monsters now?

Josh wants nothing to do with the gods so that's one friend gone. I can't remember May's feelings but yeah their only family member is essentially the guy that tried to kill you and the woman you loved.

The woman they loved and still love! They literally risk their life to warn her about Hercules. They literally say that they had to make sure she wouldn't kill them on sight before they were willing to talk to her long enough to warn her. They thought she might kill them, too.

That makes me so fucking insane!!!!!!!!!!

They still love her, after all of it! She might kill them, and they love her! They care about her and her family! They just want her to be happy. Their love for her saved her life, and it ruined theirs, and they... still love her. Do you understand how devastating that is? I am in ruins over this every day of my life <3

As for being hunted by, that's just speculation on my part! When monsters already hated gods and demigods so much, and with some monsters being so violent (certain monstrous gang members, minotaur, etc.), I don't think it's too far-fetched to assume some demigods get killed in the aftermath of the fall of Olympus. Some titans were violent, too, probably. I would also believe it if demigods and the like tried to rally together to fight against monsters and titans, which would result in more conflict and more injuries/deaths. I doubt all the demigods and the like would just want to sit idly by after what happened, anyway.

That, and there's the fact that MC, Astraeus, Selene, and Helios would do routine sweeps of HERA and Olympus to make sure no one was still using either place. While MC was always looking for Alex... they were fully aware that others could seek out the remaining power in those places.

ANYWAYS there was always tension between monsters and demigods/the divine. Some might be more friendly than others (like Cerberus and his brothers; they're on the side of the gods), but for the most part, gods and monsters had a shitty relationship. So while I wouldn't necessarily say they're "shunned" by monsters, they've never really had a good enough relationship between them to find much help there anyway. Better to go into hiding than risk walking into a bar full of monsters that hate your guts when there's nothing left in place to protect you other than the neutral ground being enforced by the very woman who killed the gods :)

As for Josh, it's true he wants nothing to do with the gods, BUT he accepts that it's Just Part Of His Life Now. Humans are now aware of monsters and gods being real, thanks to the titans. Meaning they don't have to hide anymore. And his sister is dating a titan. And he wants her in his life more than he wants to keep out of godly business. So it's less a "wants nothing to do with the gods" in this case and more of a "he's on mc's side above all others and alex cannot be in contact with him without risking themself because he would almost definitely tell mc that he saw them" situation.

and MAY!!! is very similar to josh. in that mc is her best friend and she said that she would be on mc's side over the gods. so yep! everyone that alex could maybe talk to/depend on either has a closer relationship with mc than with them, or hates their guts for lending their help to the fall of the gods!!! yippee!!!!!!!

but again, herc isn't alex's only remaining family member either, they have more family than just him. it's just that none of them trust alex at all and we don't know the specifics of who's left. i can imagine perseus is still around somewhere. maybe nyela (<now THAT would hurt. if alex were being rebuffed by her, too. like i would get it. but that would fucking suck LMAO...... although...... and this is purely headcanon..... maybe that's the link that helped them find out about hercules' plan............ just a thought 👀) or any number of the other demigods we've seen in the stories. who knows!

i'm sure there are plenty of demigods still around, in hiding, waiting for the gods to come back. trying to stay alive so they can assist when the time comes.

but in the meantime, yes. alex is, essentially, alone. even after mc tries to offer them a place with her. they love her and they hate her and they fear her. it is such an incredibly heartbreaking thing. just another reason why i love them <3 they can fit SO much heartbreak and pain inside <3333

[sybaritick]

I think it's good to occasionally remember that you are entitled to nothing, you come into this world entirely helpless, and that you are alive at all is due to considerable effort on other people's part. For several reasons:

"My parent(s) and/or grandparent(s) and/or guardian(s) spent considerable time and money to keep me alive" and "I do not owe a debt to them for this. It was their decision to do so" can both be true at the same time. For a long time I felt I owed a (financial) debt to my parents for the time and expense of raising me. I don't. You were a little kid-- there is no contract or unspoken agreement that binds you because you could not have meaningfully agreed to it.

There is almost nothing anyone truly accomplishes alone. Someone grows the rice that feeds you; someone sews the jeans you wear; someone builds the apartment you live in. How did you obtain these things? Through trade, exploitation, as gifts from someone else who obtained them by trade or exploitation? It's a combination of these things. I pay rent with money I earn working (trade); that the money I earn working can pay for my lifestyle is due to being born in the US, which is just luck (gift); the US is able to maintain this through its position in the world (exploitation, trade).

No one is entitled to your time, effort, and money, but you aren't entitled to anyone else's either. It's good to help other people, both your friends and your neighbors and strangers struggling on the other side of the world. And it's good to accept help if you need it. But remember that if you are giving more than you can handle without suffering, you may be creating an obligation in your head that doesn't really exist. And remember that help that others are giving to you is never obligated (even if you are friends), but also that people generally want to help their friends, and you shouldn't feel guilty for it as literally everyone benefits from help at some points in their lives.

And similarly, relationships being reciprocal is natural and not evil. People are friends because they benefit from knowing each other. Lots of people don't like this. But the benefit is often just that you enjoy their presence and conversation and they enjoy yours. If over time a friendship or relationship is making your life worse overall, stop putting your effort into it. But in all other cases, your life is better with them and theirs is better with you. It's a trade that enriches both people involved.

Anyway, I'm not saying you should become obsessed with these things. Spending every moment doing the calculus of what you've collected and what you've paid will make you insane. Much of it is extremely hard to quantify. But it's worth occasionally considering. It often makes me feel grateful for how lucky I've been by chance, and it helps me remember I don't need to put effort into relationships that have done little but make me feel stressed and unhappy for years.

[magnoliamyrrh]

. ive got such a long list of reasons to be bitter and fed up and angry. i have so much pain within me. sometimes i feel like pain, deep, deep, sorrowful pain, mourning, grief, anger, a desperate need to stop feeling suffocated is what i know best. and u know as much as i think all thats justified and as much as i think my anger is important for my sanity , and as much as tbh i like by this point to an extent that my over it little tolerance for bullshit angry kinda agressive vibe is a part of my personality - that my bitterness is earned and aged like fine win. but idk, i have tired to rein it in these last months progressively bc it was consuming me and my nervous system literally couldnt handle it

but. something i still havent figured out how to deal w is my very, very, very bad case of survivors guilt. maybe its gotten a bit better but that makes me feel guilty too. it always does. i try not to let it haunt me but It Always done it haunts me that its somehow not supposed to consume and haunt me

. after everything my own pain and trauma is not what fucks me up the most. its always that its not over for so many others. for so many others its not over, its never over, theyre going through it rn, many worse than anything i ever went through. many that wont make it out alive

.

my best friend says its not my responsibility especially with my crippled health and the little of my fragile sanity to try to do something about it. that spending years trying to do something about sex trafficking or whatever else would break me, eat me up inside, that people who aint traumatized end up killing themselves or alchoholics, shells from what they've seen, so what would it do to me? he says. ive earned my rest, ive earned looking away, ive earned my peace

...

but what does that matter? what it would do to me? he says he doesnt understand why i spend so much time writing and speaking on this shit. at first it was to understand myself. now it is the horror that it is so much more horrible and bad and keeps going, its not me. its others. i always have felt more impacted by seeing others in pain than myself. i never can stand seeing my pain on someone else.

he says he doesnt understand why i look. he says he doesnt understand why i think. he says he doesnt understand why i study. doesnt understand why i want to do something about it when its so horrible

........

but ive been.... lucky. not so but lucky. lucky enouth to live. to get out. to get my "freedom."

but what does "my" individual freedom mean? when others dont have it? what does it matter?....... what does it matter?

it feels like my trauma isnt over through them. its not. im just one person, but for so many its not over. it wont be over. they may never see over until their graves.... time is a flat circle and all

...

and i think, how many? how many? and i think too.... in the history of the balkans, of my people, my women and little girls... how many? for how long?

how many today? everywhere?

how am i supposed to rest easy. how am i supposed to live my life ignoring it

why shouldn't i burn myself out. i already am. why shouldnt i take on the trauma of getting back into it for the sake of others

.

what does my freedom mean without theirs?

.

their screams echo through my head. they were my own once. i have stopped screaming

they have not

[real-godzekiel]

Hey! Any headcanons about Opal and her family when she was a baby?

hi im just waking up so please ignore any mistakes.

opal was probably born with the expectable amount of health problems. at much i like to think her mom would have tried to keep her baby safe in the womb, probably didn't try hard enough to prevent this. I'm not that good with headcanons regarding illnesses and disorders and syndromes and that (i don't even know that well about my own body) but i think that because she was being born from an alcoholic malnourished mother, opal had some physical differences from other kids growing up that's not associated with her homelife. and she probably have FASD

i like to think that her parents tried. i mean i sure fucking hope they tried when opal was little. seeing as how opal cares about grandpa's health to hide his ciggies and how mom's entire thing is that she relies on a idea of having a child to take care of and be taken care by i think they paid quite the attention to opal when she was a baby. I can vividly picture wine mom (which I will after this refer to as "Hope" for convenience) holding Opal and just staring at that baby when she is sober. I don't think Hope talks a lot when she is sober so she's just silent. Hope takes care of baby's physical and emotional needs (again, she tries) and grandpa, when he was more lucid, would let Opal watch whatever kiddie stuff was on the television. I think that's how Opal started daydreaming. Most of my daydreams when I was a toddler was from the TV. What a lovely way to escape, the TV (it's not lovely). not to mention that it's likely that grandpa was never the best person, as he definitely had a part in Opal's mom and dad turning out this way. i'm guessing that he might have a softer spot for grandkids for a while before his health got worse and worse. And Mirror Dad when his appearance was still relatively normal? I don't know. People tend to think he's the nicest but I always thought Opal was just less afraid of him and more annoyed by him than anything because he wasn't really that much a part of Opal's life when she was young. But this is just me projecting now. but still i would think that when Opal was very little Mirror Man had mental and physical health that was okay enough for him to be out most of time. trying to earn money and find job. This definitely doesn't go well most of the time because as distorted as every other family member's self-image is, at least theirs are stable. His lack of presence in home definitely made baby-Opal unconsciously start seeing him as a stranger, especially with Hope and Mirror Man's interactions being awkward to say the least. Let's not even talk about Opal's mom and dad's relationship with grandpa. its awful awful awful. its. yeah. Now that Mirror Dad is back in the house for eternal damnation in futile labyrinthic self-examination in hopes of restoring self-image Opal is starting to know him better now. She still doesn't like him very much.

I think Opal would find her time being 1 to 3 years old being the happiest period of her life when she was still in this particular household. She spent most of her days during that time listening to her drunk mom rambling or reading stories while holding her, but safe in that she does not understand anything she is saying yet. when her mom is (in an attempt of) preparing food, she is in her grandpa's arms seeing images on a screen that is not static. Birth from 1 year old is ok but it hurt. Physically. Her body was too small and weak that she cannot make a noise and that means not enough energy to have awareness so life can be at least entertaining. When she slowly healed through time at the point of 1-3 years of age, she can yell and babble and make noises usually without that much a reaction from her mom. That's because these noises did not form words yet. The burden of language, man. I think that's it for now I'll add more if I have any. Kind of funny I love varying interpretations so much until it's my own. I think I struggle to find the right balance when writing these.

[ifearifearifear]

The FNAF Multiverse (9/10)

Here we are, nearly at the end of my little silly textbook draft. Don't worry though, I'm not finished with this AU. (Not by a longshot)

Chapter 9: The Spaces In-Between

And here we are. A part that I’ve been eagerly awaiting.

Explaining what lies between universes. This is where things start rounding out into something you can really sink your teeth into.

First off, the space between universes is… Interesting. Yeah, that’s what we’ll call it.

It’s filled with fractured pieces of forgotten universes. Broken, misshapen settings, haphazardly mis-mashed together into a distorted landscape, full of tears and chasms that only plummet deeper into the multiverse. Characters who have forgotten who they are - Characters who are confused, lost, and scared - Characters who have been alone in the broken, uncanny wastelands for so long that they’ve gone mad - Characters who have begun to remember things they shouldn’t be able to, who have begun to remember their previous revisions, the loop they’ve been on for lifetimes - Characters who’ve realized their entire life was planned out as a narrative, all to entertain onlookers like a trained beast in a circus - Characters who are angry, so so angry that while other universes continue to exist, theirs was abandoned and forgotten, and they were left to rot in the wastes between worlds.

Characters with a predetermined fate know nothing of the hell that those forgotten experience. To be doomed by the narrative is to have a place in it. And for these wandering souls, the narrative, the story, the life that they once had… It’s long gone. And now, there is no narrative to guide them. They’re left wandering. Even characters doomed to death serve a purpose. Even characters who face fates worse than death have the security of a story to fall back on, even if they don’t know it. But for those without a story to support them, there is nothing. Nothing but to wander, often in solitude, for eternity.

Surprisingly, navigating the spaces in-between is rather easy, as long as you’re careful. The hard part is finding an exit. Or rather, an entrance. The space in-between is quite vast, and despite how many universes exist, it’s still very much a hotdog down a hallway situation. [Note to self: Find a better way to phrase that before you post this.] [Update: I couldn't.] The sheer scale of the multiverse makes it difficult to find universes through just wandering.

With the sole exception of the center of the universe. There, you can't go five feet without tripping into a universe, simply because of how cramped it is there. But as it pertains to anything beyond X±.1 Y±.1, there will be a lot of wandering involved.

An interesting addition, there are two universes which, in this AU, could have built-in interuniversal travel. The first of them being FNAF World. Specifically, the Flipside. This is the point where I’m going to establish a specific coordinate for a world. The fourth level of the flipside exists at X0 Y0 Z-1. It exists directly under canon at the lowest point of the multiverse, and if anything falls through from canon, it ends up there.

And the second of these potential easy integrations is - drumroll please…

The Fazbear Frights anthology. I’m sorry.

The initially cut and later released Fazbear Frights story, The Scoop, sticks out severely for being intensely meta. And because of that, it is, in this AU, an example of a larger story spanning over multiple universes. And that could potentially be the case with several other stories from the anthology series, but I’m electing not to touch the matter any further, because the canonicity of these books is still a topic of vicious debate, and I’m not about any of that.

Also, I'm not even going to touch In The Flesh. I know there is an argument to be made there about it taking place in another independent universe, but I really can't take that story seriously.

But anywhom, with that out of the way, the next chapter is mostly going to be a note from me, rather than a direct explanation of the principles of this AU.

- Chapter Navigation -

- 1 * 2 * 3 * 4 * 5 * 6 * 7 * 8 * 9 * 10 -

[countlessrealities]

Hey Morty and Summer how do you feel about Chance, anyway

Unprompted asks || Always accepting !

The Smith siblings exchange a look at the question, as if to check if the other wants to go first. They have thought for that spot way too many times not to be expecting some competition whenever the chance is presented.

In this particular case, however, the matter is quickly and quietly sorted as Summer shrugs, as a way of saying that Morty can start. After all, her brother is the one who has the closest connection with chance, so it's fair for him to go ahead.

If Morty is a little surprised by Summer's quick and easy surrender, he doesn't show it. He just looks excited, even if it's to tell if it's because he gets to speak first for once or because he's looking forward to share his thoughts on Chance.

"I-I think he's great! H-He's so cool and nice and badass an-and he's always patient with me. He teaches me things, n-never get upset if I ask him to explain something again or-or if I get distracted while we're doing stuff together," the boy starts to rant, words tumbling out of his mouth a little too quickly.

Still, even if it might not seem, he's being careful and watching his tongue. The temptation to say that Chance is better company and a better mentor than Rick is bugging him from the back of his mind, but he ignores it. If he were to voice that thought, he would regret it. Not just because the scientist would most likely do something petty in retaliation, but also because it's not true.

Chance's company is more pleasant, and that's undeniable, but the bond he and Rick have just can't be topped. For better or for worse.

"W-We get along really an-and I thinks that he actually likes talking to me?" And isn't that a first. Usually people engage him in conversation only if they have no other choice. "I-I mean, I talked to him when he was Clarissa's too, b-but...I don't know. T-Talking to Chance is easier? I-I think it's because he's more...you know. A-At peace with himself and his past. C-Clarissa struggled a lot more an-and it made me wish I could do something more to help..."

His voice trails off for a moment, as his expression sobers up a little. He remembers very clearly each and every conversation he and Clarissa have shared, and he can recall just as clearly how much they cost her. However, this isn't about the gloomy past. He wants to talk about how amazing Chance is, because he deserves it, after everything he has gone through and overcome.

"H-He helped me with...he helped me figuring out some stuff an-and I really appreciate it b-because even when he was, uh, pushing me out of my comfort zone, h-he was nice about it, you know? An-And he talked it out with me, i-if I started to panic a little."

He still feels a little stupid to have made such a big deal about his romantic orientation, especially considering what his life is made of and the people in them, but he is also sure that it would have taken him much longer to make peace with it without the man supporting him.

"I-I guess it's nice to be understood? An-And wanted without second aims. B-By someone who's much smarter and better than me." After so many years or being, at most, everyone's second choice, being pick first feels good. "I-I learnt a lot of stuff from him. An-And got to show him what I-I can already do. U-Usually no one...really bothers with it, so..."

Not to mention that Clarissa / Chance have been sort of open to share a very personal trauma of theirs not to make him feel alone.

"B-But, uh, what I meant to say is...C-Chance is a wonderful person. H-He's suffered a lot, b-but he still has...a lot to give, you know? An-And he doesn't shy away from that, b-because he wants to be the one w-who decides what defines him. I-I...He's a model for me. I-I hope that, one day, I'll be at least half as brave as he is."

A small, almost shy smile curls his lips as he finishes and he fidgets in his spot, like he's expecting to be criticised or mocked for what he has said. He doesn't think that Chance himself would, of course, but he knows the rest of his family too well.

Thankfully, Summer seems to have paid little attention to his speech because, aside from the occasional eyeroll, she hasn't tried to voice her opinion on what he has said. She's obviously too focused on figuring out what she should say. That means that he'll be spared...for a few hours, at least.

"Chance is, like, fun to be around? I guess. He's more Morty's friend, he doesn't hang out with me as often." Just as Rick. She's starting to wonder what about her idiot brother gets him the attention of the coolest people of the multiverse. "But we did some stuff together. Went to the movies, gamed against each other, he carried my bags at the mall...Stuff like that."

She can see that Chance wants to be in her life, just as Clarissa has tried to be, but things are...different now. It has nothing to do with gender, it's a matter of changed priorities and behaviours.

"I'm not saying that I liked him more as Clarissa than I do now, because I know that they're, like, the same person. And I'm super happy that he found himself and that he's feeling okay with who he is. Like, about time. Morty is right, he deserves to have a good life. It's just..."

Her voice trails off again, as she tries to find the way to put her thoughts into words without sounding utterly pathetic. The last thing she wants is to come off as a whiny attention-seeking brat. Still, she is a little resentful about Chance favouring Morty, even if not as much as Rick does.

"I guess Clarissa and I just hit off better," she ends up saying, with a little shrug. "Even if Chance doesn't take is too badly when I call him 'step-grandpa'. Clarissa always got either annoyed or uncomfortable."

And, sure, Clarissa hadn't really been in a relationship with her Rick, but other Rick was her Rick too, in a way, so that still counted as Clarissa dating her grandfather.

"And then there's the whole hormone thing." She rolls her eyes. "I already have to deal with Morty jerking off everywhere in the house, Grandpa Rick, both of them, bring home his hook-ups for the night so he can fuck them in the garage...Not to mention how they are constantly all gross with each other. Then there's Dad trying to act 'progressive' and saying, like, the cringest things ever."

She almost shudders at the memory, but she manages to recover her cool quickly, as per usual.

"I really didn't need to add a horny step-grandpa to the list. He's wheezing out as many hormones as my brothers. I don't mean, like, any offence, but yikes."

{ @dynamoprotocol - mentioned }

[blackjackkent]

how about 8, 11, and 20 from the group questions section of the OC Asklist?

(OC Asks: Put Those Guys in Situations!)

I'm not sure which group you/the prompt had in mind, so we're going with a scenario of all my OCs somehow isekaid into the same situation, because I think it'd be funny. XD

8. Your characters have been invited to a fancy dress ball, and their costumes must fit a group theme. What do they wear?

The group immediately sorts out into three categories:

a) So excited, psyched to come up with a theme: Philip, Riley, Daniel, Dom, Caden, Joan

b) Meh, will do whatever the group deems appropriate: Matty, Jaksa, Randa, Hector.

c) Would rather do literally anything else: Jenna, Adi, Elliot, Hayden.

Group A comes up with a very nice theme of everyone in black and deep jewel tones of each person's favorite colors, super coordinated, gorgeously designed, everyone looking their best. The whole group wears it without complaint, except Joan, who (despite having been super into the planning) decides at the last minute to show up instead in a skimpy spangly number slit all the way up to her hip just to fuck with everyone, and she and Jenna almost get into a fistfight in the entrance hall.

11. Your characters are sharing stories around the fire. What story does each character tell? Whose story is the most popular?

All of them have lots of adventures to share from their respective universes. Some of them are... definitely better storytellers than others. Jenna and Hector in particular flat out refuse to participate, each claiming that they're no good at telling stories. Joan makes up an outrageous tall tale. Most of the others are pretty sincere though not flashy, telling some minor adventure while knowing deep down that there are much worse things they could speak about. Dom tells some hilarious misadventure with incredible detail and has everyone howling.

20. Your characters are trapped in a joint dream or simulation that recreates their greatest fears. They can only escape if each one of them faces their fear. What are these fears? How do they overcome them? Who overcomes theirs first, and who takes the longest?

Oh man. I was gonna avoid writing one out for every char cos I have quite a collection at this point and I knew it'd take forever, but this is pretty juicy and I can't resist indulging myself. Let's see.

a) Jenna> A room full of the burning corpses of her friends. Overcome through major support from the others in the group; oddly enough the only person who is really able to get through to her is Matty, the older marine, who does not try to reassure her that everything is all right, but simply reminds her quietly (hating the words as he says them) that she has pushed through worse.

b) Matty> The blue light of the Reaper hive mind. Faced as he faced it in real life, with pistol shots directly into the source until the way is clear. Everyone is mildly surprised given how cerebral he is in other contexts.

c) Philip> The room is CRAWLING with bugs of all sorts, all sizes. This one is almost a relief after Jenna's corpse room, but everyone quickly realizes that just helping him squash them all isn't the answer. Philip, in the end, sits in the center of the room and makes very unhappy noises while letting them crawl harmlessly around on him, while Hector and Adi sit next to him for moral support.

d) Jaksa> Something very similar to the DAO gauntlet - a reunion with Tamlen, only it's the blighted version of him with darkness pouring out of his face. She tries multiple times to lash out at this vision and the room simply resets, only allowing them passage when she does not strike but instead waits; the bleak vision drifts closer, lays its mutilated hand against her cheek for a moment and then vanishes.

e) Riley> An empty, bleak, blank Hightown mansion, devoid of family, devoid of life. All lost, all gone... The others sit at the table with her, eat a meal, help fill the space with voices again where it has been empty for so long.

f and g) Adi and Dom get roughly the same room, one right after another. Adi's is an enormous Chantry building, full of people all watching her and bathed in glowing light from an indistinct figure in a throne at the far end. Dom's is exactly the same, but no one is there, no one is watching, and the throne is empty. In both cases the place seems to ask of them only that they look steadily at the possibility and then walk forward nevertheless.

h) Daniel's room is bleeding darkspawn taint from the walls, which close in slowly on all sides while a distant young boy's voice screams at him - "You can't die, Father! You can't leave me alone!" Leaving aside his greatsword he smashes the blighted wall open with his own fists, opening a path beyond. Hector, insightful as he is, asks, "The boy screaming. Was that your son? Or you to your own father?" Daniel doesn't answer.

i) Elliot faces down an enormous rage demon, and alone of all the group does not seem surprised, just angry and tired. Without even waiting to consider the matter, he steps forward, slams his staff straight through the creature and then sets off an explosion within it, sending bits of ectoplasm slapping into the walls. "That didn't take you long," Jenna says dryly. "I've had a lot of practice; I fight it every night in my dreams," he answers.

j and k) Hayden and Randa's rooms are also similar - massive, high-ceilinged ornate places full of mocking, laughing voices. Jenna offers to beat the shit out of all the onlookers calling Hayden "knife-ear" and Randa "ox", but neither of them agrees. Randa just points out, in her morose, taciturn way, that it is better not to acknowledge them; the door opens for her as she stalks through the hall looking straight ahead. Hayden, vibrating with rage, says they don't matter, and the way to move on is to prove she is better than any of them ever were. Whether the room agrees or not is unclear, but when she stalks to the dais at the front of the hall and burns a Grey Warden symbol into the wall with magic, the door opens for her.

l) Joan, like Elliot, is greeted by the demon that dogs her - the desire demon that latched onto her when she came to Kirkwall, and that she thought she left behind when she left the city. Astonishing everyone, she - usually so cocky - goes completely blank and almost seems to panic. The demon just laughs. "You don't have it as easy as the others," it purrs. "There is no easy way to face me down, because deep down, I'm not what you fear, I'm what you want." It vanishes, the door opens. Everyone is somehow more rattled by this than anything else.

m) Caden's room is like another of Irenicus's dreams - he faces a blank-faced man that morphs into the Slayer, which scares the shit out of Hector. The only way out is to beat it into submission, just as he always has before within his own mind - but when they kill it, the room resets. The true answer is to hold it down as his friends once held him in a moment of transformation, to wait for the anger to bleed from it until it fades away.

n) Hector's room is, again, something of a relief after some of the past ones. He has many, many things he can think of fearing, but is instead presented with a giant red dragon which opens its mouth to shoot a burst of flame into his face. At first he panics, but, roused by the presence of the others around him, he forces himself forward and leaps onto its back instead. The others follow suit and the dragon leaps into the air and carries them free of the prison.

[gagfadget]

Hazbin hotel has my brain rn not because it’s a good show..it is extremely mid but it had so much potential to be good and shows like that are my kryptonite because it drives me to make headcanons and designs that I wouldn’t normally do for a show that’s actually good.

Anyways.

Why isn’t Charlie an angel that was tasked with “rehabilitating” sinners? I know other people also thought of this but like…that would be so much more interesting to explore. You take a character that has been in heaven for god knows how long where everything is made to satisfy its denizens and put them in a world made to punish theirs. Have rules set up for Charlie like “You are stronger than any sinner or hell born while in hell, they can’t kill you and you have powers to protect yourself but you can’t kill them or have sex with them because then you’ll “fall” (become a sinner yourself). You have to still abide by the rules of heaven.” Make Charlie have a quota where she has 2 years to rehabilitate a certain number of sinners and she ends up not meeting that quota so she gets sent back but she’s made friends in hell and being there made her remember her humanity but she can’t because both heaven and hell are so above her and that’s where the tragedy of hazbin can come from but also the conflict. Heaven is meant to serve its denizens and make sure they are happy and everyone is happy now except Charlie. No one has ever wanted to go to hell except Charlie and the angels don’t know how to handle that.

It’s also basically putting Charlie on a worse version of earth where she’s surrounded by temptation. It makes her think about her human life. Maybe when she first gets there she does have a chip on her shoulder and thinks that she’s better in a way while still keeping her polite and grounded. It reflects the way actual Christians are sometimes where they’ll be nice but still think they’re above you. At the end she realizes that hell doesn’t need to be rehabilitated because just how you have good people in hell you also have bad people in heaven and that all sinners and all angels were humans once and that’s what connects all of them together. You can have the denizens of heaven be assholes without having them be Adam levels of asshole. Make them passive aggressive, judgey, subtly rude and controlling. Make heaven actually beautiful so that people would understand why someone would want to go there. I have so much more to say but I have to work lol