#and idk how to possibly convey to these people that women have human will

[watermelinoe]

forced birthers think penetration is inherently dehumanizing. they think that because you let a man's penis inside you that you've surrendered yourself. you must passively carry his child because your body is no longer your own. penetration is domination and that's why they will never see women as fully human, because we only exist to eventually be taken by a man. none of the arguments about when life begins matter because the woman's life was never really hers to begin with.

[chateautae]

maybe i do | kth. IV

➵ summary :  maybe you love each other, maybe you don’t. when a deal between your fathers leaves you forcefully wedding kim taehyung, arguably seoul’s most powerful CEO, you’re prepared for a loveless marriage of eternal regret and unhappiness. but maybe, it doesn’t turn out that way after all.

↳  part of the high-class series!

➵ pairing : taehyung x reader

➵ genre :  arranged marriage!au, ceo!tae, s2l!au, eventual smut, fluff, angst

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 16k 

➵ warnings : swearing, light angst, loads of teasing, you kick tae once LMAO, sexual tension :o, kissing, heavy making out, straddling, marking, dry humping, light possessiveness, some jealousy, slight exhibitionism (?), mention of a name kink, descriptions of acrophobia (intense fear of heights)

➵ a/n: i’ve returned with another loaded chapter i somehow made angsty, a lil smutty and yet soft? idk what i’m doing anymore i stg taehyung and this trifecta will not leave me alone. as always, feedback is appreciated my loves!

chapter four : “feels like a river’s rushing through my mind”

prev. ↞ || ↠ next  ||  masterlist

“Jimin, we had to leave early because a lot happened last night, okay?” Taehyung tried to reason with his friend over the phone, rubbing his temple tiredly as he leaned back against the kitchen counter.

“What the hell else happened?” Jimin asked on the other end. “You two put on quite the show before you left.”

And there it was, a reminder of that searing kiss you pressed to Taehyung’s lips that still racked his brain, quite frankly all of last night’s events between you two invading his thoughts.  

“A lot. Look, I’m sorry we left early. It was a great gala but we just didn’t have a good night.” Taehyung sighed recalling the fiasco. 

“It’s alright, tell me later.” Jimin softened, suddenly remembering a contributing factor to the terrible night. “But is Y/N okay? Hisung probably scared her.”

“I think she’s okay.” Taehyung stated, wishy-washy about his own answer. “I’m worried... though.” Taehyung took a poignant pause, reflecting on his own feelings as he worked through them, speaking again. “Is it normal, Jimin? To want.. to protect her?”

Taehyung’s friend contemplated the question. “I mean, depends on why you want to. What’s bothering you?”

“... I don’t know. I’m just worried about.. if she’s alright. I know people said things to her and I don’t want her hurt. ” Taehyung asserted, your well-being suddenly beginning to occupy the forefront of his mind. “I think.. I don’t like seeing her hurt, and it makes me want to protect her?”

“Well, I think that’s normal for any human being.” Jimin suggested. “But she’s your wife too, Tae, you’re bound to care about her.”

Taehyung was quick to counter Jimin, but more so seeking his opinion. “Yeah, but it’s just.. do I care because she’s my wife? Or because it’s her?”

“What do you mean?” 

Taehyung sighed, searching for the best way to word his spinning thoughts. “I think I don’t know whether I care because I feel obligated to, or it’s something... else.” 

Jimin paused on the other end of the line, considering his friend’s confession.  

“Taehyung, even if it’s about her, that’s not a bad thing, you know?” Jimin stressed. “It’s not bad to feel something more than an obligation.”

Taehyung considered the statement carefully, understanding Jimin’s point. “I guess...” He acquiesced into the phone, attempting to digest the weight of the words until you suddenly appeared drudging into the kitchen, rubbing at your eyes tiredly.

“I’ll call you back, Jimin.”

Taehyung ended the call after Jimin’s farewell, casting his phone aside as he watched you sluggishly plop down onto a chair by the island.

“Hey, good morning.” Taehyung greeted. 

Your eyes were nearly half-lidded, not even returning his greeting as you instead propped your elbows onto the counter, holding your head in your hands.

“Did you not sleep well?” Taehyung inquired, concerned by your lethargic state.

“I don’t even know. I think I eventually did but I tried sleeping mad, and that’s never good.” You answered honestly, groaning at the sleep still lulling the back of your eyes.

“It’s because of those women, isn’t it?” Taehyung accused bitterly. “Can you please tell me what they said? It’s bothering me too.” He admitted with an irritated tone, bringing his teacup to his lips as he kept recalling your hair from yesterday; most likely wet due to something they did.

And it still pissed him off, even if he didn’t exactly know why.

“I’ll tell you when I’m dead.” You deadpanned, collecting yourself and biting into a kiwi from a bowl of fruits.

You couldn’t help but remember the context of what they conveyed, nodding towards knowing Taehyung for more intimate reasons, and you oddly felt jealousy at the thought. Though you ultimately decided to leave it be, patiently wait for Taehyung himself to open up about his past with women.

Because after all, it wasn’t your business.

“God, why’d the night just have to suck so much?” You complained.

“I have no clue. I swear galas aren’t like that at all. They’re actually usually boring.”

“Well, clearly not this one.” You beamed superficially, assuming a perpetually grumpy mood as you began to pick at food.

Taehyung had done much thinking about the event when you’d both returned to your humble abode, you having shredded everything off your body to immediately sleep while Taehyung dressed down and sat in his office chair to brood.

There was something bugging him. 

“Honestly, I think it all came down to one problem.” Taehyung claimed, leaning forward onto the island to level himself with you, hands clasped against the counter. 

“What problem?” You questioned.

“I think it has to do with the legitimacy of our marriage.” Taehyung suggested. “Hisung only approached me because he thinks our marriage isn’t real, and said others can tell too. That’s not good at all.” Taehyung cautioned, becoming troubled by the realization himself.

You nodded in agreeance, recalling the events from last night. “Actually, I think you’re right. Those girls mentioned our marriage seeming fake too, and how people can apparently tell.” You informed, thinking it was alarming yourself three people had already told you the marriage seemed superficial.

“Really? Did they say anything else? Why they think that?” Taehyung asked eagerly.

You became apprehensive about spilling the details of what was said to you, not wanting to throw another pity party. So you masked some of the vile words and relayed an augmented summary instead. “It was just about the marriage lacking substance. There seems to be no love, so it seems fake.”

Taehyung digested that, rubbing against his lips inquisitively as he reviewed the information. “So the issue is we don’t seem in love?”

“Probably. You can usually tell when two people are in love, and that’s clearly not us.” You’re not sure why your heart felt a little sting at that claim, again painfully remembering you were robbed of ideally falling in love with someone, but now more so at the fact Taehyung and yourself could possibly never achieve that sense of love. 

Taehyung also felt a twinge at your comment, thinking it was a touchy subject, though wasn’t against the idea if it ever auspiciously occurred in the future. 

Could it ever really happen between you two, though?

“You’re right, but is anything we’re doing wrong? We act like a couple, don’t we?” Taehyung added, uncertain of the reason behind people’s suspicions considering how much of a show you two put on in public.

“I mean, maybe it’s not that.” You suggested. “I think it has to do with our statuses.”

“What do you mean?” Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows.

“I’m some runaway heiress, Taehyung, and you’re one of the most powerful CEOs in Seoul. It could easily seem like something’s behind our marriage with that knowledge.” You reasoned, feeling some of the daunting words those women said to you resurfacing, pairing with your mother’s awful insults. “I have an incredibly scandalous reputation compared to you, it can seem fishy. ”

Taehyung painted his face with slight disapproval, not liking what you said. “You’re not just some runaway heiress...” 

“Look, scratch the reason.” You moved on before you could overthink his sentiment. “We just have to appear more couple-like, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So why don’t we try it? We should probably start going on dates, maybe.. I don’t know, you start driving me to work or something, build our public image as a couple.”

Taehyung became intrigued by your idea, accepting the proposal. “You’re right. Maybe we should even spend our lunches together?” He offered his own suggestion. “I visit you and you visit me, say.. once a week? People would always see us at each other’s workplaces so it could deal with the status thing.”

“Yeah, I think that works.” You agreed. “If we lay enough pieces of evidence, people won’t speculate so much.” You figured, feeling good about the proposal yourself.

“We’ll need to plant more evidence than just dates and driving, though.” Taehyung pushed himself off the counter and advised, gesturing towards your device suddenly. “What do you have me saved as in your contacts?” 

You didn’t understand where he was going though followed his instruction, unlocking your phone and displaying Taehyung’s contact on the screen, turning the device towards him.

CEO Kim Taehyung. 

“Why’d you give me such a formal contact name?” Taehyung nearly looked offended, folding his arms as he scrutinized you. 

“Hey, you’re a year older than me. I thought I’d have some respect.” You pouted as you answered, knowing you were right in your action. 

“I don’t do the whole age and honorifics thing.” Taehyung dismissed. “You should have me named as something less boring, more cute.” He proposed as he leaned back against the counter again, watching you in all your morning glory as you pouted grumpily at him. 

You looked soft this way, and even if you were flashing him a testy look, he couldn’t help but find you cute for the umpteenth time. 

You narrowed your eyes at him as you typed in a new contact name, snickering to yourself when you turned your phone back to him. 

Taehyung zeroed in on the screen.

Bread Crust Boy

“That’s cute, right?”

“Yah, you’re so...” Taehyung huffed out before he leaned over and quickly snatched your phone from you, typing in something himself.

“Hey!” You almost propped off your chair and protested before Taehyung finished, flashing the screen to you. 

Taehyung ♡

“There.” He smiled to himself accomplishedly, offering your phone back.

The emoji made you a little shy, never having thought about putting a heart next to his name. “Why the heart?” You grumbled under a rosy blush. 

“It’s cute. I’ll change yours too.” You retrieved your phone and watched Taehyung pull his own out, typing with one hand. 

You realized peering at him do so that even a relatively large phone appeared small in Taehyung’s hand, impressed by his ability to work his phone so deftly.

It made you momentarily think about what his hands could do in other scenarios. 

Taehyung then hummed to himself satisfied and it brought you down to earth, seeing him grin at his screen before he turned his phone to you. 

Y/N ♡

“Now when people see our contacts it’s more realistic.” Taehyung explained, shutting off his phone as you caught sight of the plain wallpaper of his device. 

“On that note, we should probably change our wallpapers. Make them pictures of us.” You suggested with a strawberry in your mouth, thinking this was one of the primary ways of flaunting a relationship.

“But we don’t have any pictures.”

“Sure we do.” You answered distractedly as you swallowed, accessing the camera on your phone suddenly. “Come here.” You gestured for him to come to you, holding out your arm as you remained in your seat.

Taehyung became a little apprehensive, stepping over to you with crossed arms not understanding what you’re doing. He made to your side and you draped an arm around him, pulling him down to your height and he complied by bending, becoming eye-level with you. His expression dropped once he caught sight of your camera app open. 

“Seriously, we’re gonna take a selca?”

You smiled sweetly for the camera as you answered absentmindedly. “Yes we are, say cheese!” You cheered annoyingly, snapping the photo before he could even protest.

You reviewed the photo only to find Taehyung wasn’t even smiling, rather looking at the camera blankly and with crossed arms like he was fed up.

“Taehyung..” You whined. “Can’t you smile? Why is your face always so scary?”

“It’s a habit.” He defended, eyes narrowed.

“Well smile for me. We have to look like a couple, remember?” You tried to encourage, pulling him close to you again and extending your phone for another photo.

You were all about adjusting your position and smiling again until Taehyung spoke up all of a sudden, nearly making you choke.

“You like my smile, don’t you?” His voice was smug as ever, you snapping the photo just as your eyes went wide. You instantly took a trip down memory lane, recalling how you so boldly listed the things you liked about him last night, genuine things and he’d heard it all.

“Wh-what? I just said that for the guys, totally not true.” You sputtered, feigning innocence as you grimaced at the terrible photo you took; your expression surprised with Taehyung smirking devilishly.

“Hmm, sure.” Taehyung played along, though suddenly got all mischievous. “I recall something about my hands and voice too, no?” He began teasing, dropping his voice an octave lower as he ghosted the shell of your ear, arms unfolding so he could wrap his large, warm palms around your waist and pull you snug to his chest.

You shivered at the actions, feeling extremely attacked by nearly all of your favourite aspects of him coming on at once, and you deflected it all speedily.

“H-hey, we have a photo to take. Make it cute, cuddler boy.” You quipped back at him, knowing a clear blush was heating your cheeks while positioning the phone for another photo. 

“Ugh, fine.” Taehyung groaned, ultimately assuming a friendlier smile as he still hugged around your torso, cheek to cheek as you two grinned for the camera.

You snapped the photo and admired it; both of you dressed all homey adding to the domestic feel of the selca while quite intimately close together.

It looked cute though a little too simple, didn’t convey the message you two wanted practically flashing in front of everyone like a neon sign. “This looks too plain, let’s do something cuter.” You suggested into the air, though beamed when another idea dawned on you. “Oh my god, let’s take a Live Photo!”

“What?” Taehyung questioned as he glanced at you. 

“A Live Photo, genius. We’ll smile for the picture at first then do something cute, so when people hold down on it it’ll look all couply!” You were practically jumping out of your seat, explaining like an excited child showing off their favourite toy, and Taehyung found it incredibly adorable.

“Okay, that sounds good.” Taehyung and yourself then settled next to each other again, his arms encasing your waist tighter as you held the phone out.

“Remember, make it cute.” You remarked, feeling his temple against yours as you initiated the Live Photo. 

You both smiled at first, your usual grins until you ended up scrunching your nose, eyes turning into pretty crescents and Taehyung flashed a boxy grin, free hand coming up for a V sign. 

You thought that was the end, concluding the photo already cute enough until Taehyung suddenly turned his head and pressed a kiss to the apple of your cheek, your expression baffled.

The Live Photo caught Taehyung’s kiss though cut off right before your reaction, Taehyung’s soft lips now on your mind. Your own lips turned into an inquisitive pout, doe-eyes looking at him. “What was that for?”

“You said make it cute.” Taehyung casually shrugged, grasping his cup of tea from across the counter and taking a sip, eyeing you as he did so.

You could only sit innocently and break eye contact, timid about the fact that Taehyung just decided to kiss you. The little sound of his mouth leaving it also made something swell in your chest, finding the act too cute for its own good and you seriously needed to do something about your stupid blushing habit.

Why the fuck did he always get you like this?

Taehyung was unbothered as he watched you, your shy self returning to your phone reluctantly and he seriously couldn’t stop from snickering at your reaction.

“I’ll..uh, send it to you.” You offered practically hiding your face into your phone, working away on the device. “Live Photo’s don’t work on home screens, by the way. Unless you don’t care about your home screen.” 

“We should change our home screens. Maybe one of our wedding photos?” Taehyung suggested, his hand hooked onto the back of your chair as he stood next to you.

“That sounds good. We should probably try keeping a wedding photo in each of our offices, the house too. Looks super domestic.” You proposed as you sent the photos to Taehyung’s contact.

“Our photographer sent some to me a few days ago, let’s look.” Taehyung placed his cup down and referred to his phone, bending down beside you and leaning an elbow against the counter to draw closer to you. His one arm was still around your chair and enclosed you, making your chest flutter a little.

You both scrolled through numerous photos, mutually dismissing most of them since they either appeared staged, someone looked too unhappy or they simply turned out unfavourable. You both were nearly giving up until Taehyung landed on a photo taken of you two at the altar, perfectly timed at the moment after you both shared your first kiss. You both were looking almost dreamily into each other’s eyes, in such a genuine manner it reminded you of why your expression appeared so in the first place. 

Taehyung had made his little promise before he kissed you, and quite tenderly at that, dawning the realization Taehyung was actually a kind person, someone considerate enough to ensure your kiss was somehow magical despite the circumstances of your coerced marriage. It’s what made you look at him in earnest, your eyes shimmering brightly at him with a soft smile.

Taehyung found himself smiling at the photo as well, recalling that very moment. He’d thought your lips were so delicate, and sincerely hated seeing you fight so hard to do this for him, with him. So the sudden, emphatic need to make your world a better place, that he at least owed you the care of a real husband dawned on him at that time, smile warm as he looked into your Bambi-like eyes.  

Suffice to say, you both liked the photo, and it was you who spoke up to point it out. “I think this is the best one.”

“Yeah, me too.” Taehyung agreed with a grin as he looked at you, though you were only focused on the photo.

“We should get this printed, plaster it everywhere to be convincing enough.” You brought Taehyung back to reality, addressing the whole purpose of this conversation in the first place. 

Taehyung mentally recollected and lifted himself off the counter. “Yeah, I’ll um.. send it to you for your home screen, get it printed for our offices and the house.”

You nodded as you returned to eating your breakfast, all completely normal and Taehyung couldn’t understand how you could be, thinking a lot just happened in the last 10 minutes that wasn’t exactly average between you both, and yet you were unaffected. 

“How about we go on a date next weekend? I’ll take you somewhere.” Taehyung perked up from his own thoughts. 

“Sure.” You agreed, distracted as you set the Live Photo as your lock screen. 

“Is there anywhere you want to go?” Taehyung watched your distracted self, clicking away at the device and he oddly wished you’d look at him. 

“I’d love anywhere. Do you have a favourite place?” You inquired unexpectedly, catching Taehyung off-guard. 

“Me? My favourite place?” 

“Mhm.” You nodded.

“My... favourite place?” Taehyung reiterated to himself, never having been inquired of such a thing before and didn’t know how to answer. “I don’t.. think anyone’s ever asked me that.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows to yourself, eyes still glued to centering your lockscreen properly. “Really? Well, now I have. I’ll go anywhere you like. You’re in charge, Mr. Kim.” You gave Taehyung the wheel. 

Taehyung sincerely tried not to feel affected by you addressing him as Mr. Kim, though felt himself tensing at the term more than he should’ve anyway, mind wandering places. 

What would you sound like if you said that in another scenario?

Taehyung ticked his head to the side reprimanding himself, audibly taking a breath and clearing his scandalous thoughts. He then returned to his other intoxicating thoughts; where he’d realized he was seldom asked questions about himself, and you seemed to be the only person who ever did. 

“Alright, then. I’ll think of a date for us.” Taehyung affirmed. “We should enact all this right off the bat, by the way. I’ll drive you to work from now on starting Monday, and I’ll come by at your lunch hour.”

“Sounds good. Though are you sure about dropping me off every morning?” You looked up at him beside you, knowing it was your own suggestion though only threw it out there for the sake of the conversation, considering later Taehyung had a more demanding career than you. “Don’t you start earlier than me?”

“I’m the CEO of my company, I can start whenever I want.” Taehyung shrugged, unbothered.

“Alright, Monday it is.” You smiled at him with a thumbs up, eyes flashing to your phone screen once again when a notification popped up.

Something occurred to you at the same time, though, speaking up when it tickled your brain. “Do you do pet names, by the way? I think we’ll seem 100x more convincing if we call each other by them.” You threw the suggestion out there, trying to remain calm though became anxiety-ridden gauging his reaction. He didn’t answer right away, rather remained standing in silence and you assumed this may have been too intimate. 

You grimaced at your mistake, retracting the idea. “Um, if you’re uncomfortable with that we don’t-”

“Jagiya.” 

“What?” 

“I do pet names. I always planned to call my wife Jagiya.” Taehyung confessed, tone casual next to you and you suddenly became aware he was still holding the back of your chair, his proximity apparent as ever. 

“I like Jagiya, it’s pretty.“ You admitted.

“What about you?” He asked.

You became shy about exposing yourself, deciding instead to make this amusing. “Guess.” 

“Hmm, babe?” 

“Taehyung, everyone likes babe and baby. Those are a no-brainer.” 

“I was just making sure.” Taehyung countered. “What about honey?” 

“No, too 70′s.” 

“Darling?” 

“You wanna go 50′s, now?” 

“Umm.. Princess?” And that’s when your cheeks immediately heated, freezing on spot and feeling your heart leap even if it was just for a second, hoping Taehyung wasn’t paying attention to you. 

Though his next words proved you wrong. 

“Wait, you like princess?” Your chest fluttered at his reiteration of the term, this one pet name having always been your weakness. 

“No, I don’t.” You grumbled, hiding your hot face in your hands so he wouldn’t be able to see you, though Taehyung was always about teasing. 

You felt him bend down next to you, speaking smugly into your ear with a purposefully lowered tone. “Don’t lie to me, princess.” 

“Shut up, Taehyung.” You huffed. “I know you like it when I address you formally.” You retorted back, now daring to stare him square in the face with narrowed eyes, and watched as he slightly sputtered. “What? I never said that.” 

“Please, I can tell you have a name kink, especially with your titles. It’s obvious.” You teased him, stating it so matter-of-factly it had Taehyung quipping back in seconds. 

“No I don’t, there’s no proof.” He tried to deny convincingly, standing up and folding his arms as he looked away from you. 

“Oh really, Mr. Kim?” Your tone suddenly became sultry as you reached out for his forearm, and you couldn’t help but become alighted by the feel of his veins underneath his skin. 

Taehyung visibly tensed, his eyes almost alarmed as he glanced at you touching his arm, rebutting as a distraction. “Yes, Mrs. Kim. I don’t feel anything.” 

“Are you sure, Chairman Kim? I think you’re lying.” You then slid your hand up to his bicep, smoothing him over as you continued to tease smugly. It only made Taehyung’s jaw lock harder, physically reacting to your every addressment and it had you nearly cackling. 

Though Taehyung knew how to fight back. He suddenly became bold and positioned his hands on either side of your seat, leaning over and drawing his face so near your own your breath hitched dangerously. “I think you’re the one lying, Princess.” His tone scarily dropped an octave. ”I know you like it when I call you that.”

The coldest shiver ran down your spine, sucking in a breath. He stared deviously into your eyes with his deep voice hanging in the air, breath fanning your face, and you turned away from his scrutiny before it could affect you deeply. 

“What? I never said that.” You held your head up high as you diverted your eyes and copied him, causing Taehyung to bite back a smile at your little act.

He found himself enjoying this more than he should’ve, both of you nearly on the same wavelength of energy and it was genuinely amusing. 

Taehyung couldn’t suppress the feeling of eagerness that now overtook him considering your newer, more engaging arrangements. Maybe in near anticipation of being able to spend real time with you, even take you out on a date and explore a new level of intimacy paired your already thrilling chemistry in mind.

It made Taehyung smile at first, though ultimately fade upon further thought. 

He suddenly remembered how unaffected you seemed earlier by the idea of your new couple-like tactics, and felt discouraged even more recalling this marriage has only ever been something fake to you in the first place. It caused him to squash any thought of that something else he’d mention to Jimin earlier, translating to him ultimately burying his exhilaration deep down to avoid developing anything at all.

Little to Taehyung’s knowledge, though, was that you were bubbling with eager excitement all the same underneath, only deflated by thinking this didn’t mean as much to Taehyung as it did to you.

Monday had arrived, and it was time to entirely transform the way you interact with Taehyung. It had all began with his promise of dripping you off at work, climbing into his Mercedes and discussing details about your lunch date for later that day. 

It would be relatively normal, though with some flashing each other kind smiles and make-believe loving gazes in case a camera decided to follow you two. 

Your day progressed as usual at work, casual co-workers continuing to ask you for the details of your married life with Taehyung, and only providing the polished ones Taehyung and yourself had agreed upon. You never dressed anything up too fancily without his consent, knowing one misplaced piece of evidence in your story could debunk the entire marriage. 

It was bordering your lunch hour now, awaiting a text from Taehyung as you collected the things you needed. You were shuffling around in your purse to confirm your wallet when your phone screen brightened. 

Taehyung ♡  : i’m here 

You picked up your device. 

You : i’m coming :)

You fixed your purse onto your shoulder as you met Taehyung in front of your building, leaning against his Mercedes adorning an Alexander McQueen suit, hands tucked in his pockets. The expensive outfit hugged his body snug, displaying the perfectly carved proportions of his masculine curves, internally gawking at the sight. 

His hair was set handsomely to reveal some forehead, the dark locks falling above his eyebrows flawlessly. His strong brows were lightly quirked with boredom, the action harmless in nature though the image was lethal. He truly appeared as the epitome of a Greek God, the manner in which he rolled his tongue on the inside of his cheek as he waited beyond sexy.

And you seriously wondered how you even breathed properly in his presence. 

He caught sight of you and his face lightened up, addressing you right away. “Hey, wife.” 

“Really, that’s how you’re gonna greet me?” You chastised him as you settled in front.

“Calling you wife makes sense cause we’re in our honeymoon phase.” Taehyung rebutted you. “Just get in, Princess.” He emphasized snarkily as he pulled your car door open, expecting you like a gentleman. 

You rolled your eyes, almost brushing past him normally until you decided to lay a hand on him, seductively dragging it across his chest as you walked by, voice submissive as hell. “Anything you want, Mr. Kim.” 

Taehyung felt something shoot through him, something dangerous and he wet his lips with his tongue, scoffing at your audacity. He shut your door shortly after you climbed in and began his drive to your lunch venue. 

He’d decided on an Italian café, choosing a table on the third floor in order to view the scenery of the city. The lunch progressed as normally as it could between you two, asking questions here and there that were too general for a married couple, though funnily befitting for you both. 

“So you’re CEO and Chairman of the board of directors, right?” You inquired, having done enough research on him and finding the two roles sitting comfortably under his notorious name. 

“Mhm.” Taehyung nodded, taking a sip of water. “My father stepped down as CEO when I was 21. He held both positions and didn’t trust anyone taking over except me.” 

“Wow, you’ve only been running the company for only 4 years and it’s reached this status? That’s... impressive.” You sounded it out yourself, genuinely taken by Taehyung’s success in such a short amount of years. 

“You know how much the company’s success has grown ever since I took over?” 

“I mean, it’s under any article that talks about you. You’ve done a lot for a 25-year-old.” You complimented him, biting into an egg, 

“Thanks.” 

“Why’d your father make you marry so young, by the way?” You questioned out of sheer curiosity, having found both your ages quite young to be bound to matrimony. 

“My father thinks I’m too invested in the company for my age. He wanted me to marry now to..” Taehyung stopped himself, not exactly wanting to spill the details behind his life since it bared a flaw of his, quickly changing the sentence. “..uphold our name. My father married young as well, it’s common in the Kim family.” Taehyung saved his answer; it wasn’t exactly a lie anyway, just not the right truth.  

“Ohh.” You nodded understandingly. 

“What about you? Aren’t you young as well?” Taehyung redirected the question to you. 

“Yeah, but it was mainly for my family too, especially my father. I owe him a lot, the least I could do was listen to him for once by marrying you.” You felt a pang of hurt plague you, remembering your mother’s words of how much you ruined your family. “I’ve also been on my own for a long time, so I don’t feel so young anymore.” 

“Fair point, I can relate.” Taehyung agreed, finding a correlation in both your lifestyles having forced your sudden maturation, amicable about having that in common with you. 

It wasn’t hard to relate Taehyung the more you talked to him, surprisingly finding yourself enjoying your time with him. You were more similar than you expected, and it dawned a new sort of appreciation for him. It was like this entire marriage would seem easier than you thought, especially with a great partner like Taehyung.

That was.. until it came time to pay for the meal. 

“And there’s your bill, I’ll come by in a short while.” The waiter smiled at you both before making their exit, scurrying off to another table. 

You weren’t really paying attention to Taehyung, and maybe that’s what made you believe grasping the bill would be easy. That’s exactly why you unsuspectingly jut out for the bill, suddenly feeling Taehyung’s hand also clamp down on the small black book. 

You both instantly shot a look to each other, eyebrows furrowed in incredulousness. 

“What are you doing?” Taehyung scolded. 

“I’m trying to pay the bill? What are you doing?” 

“I’m trying to pay the bill. You don’t have to pay.” Taehyung tried pulling the bill in his direction, though you kept your hand firmly placed. 

“And you who said that, President Moon? Move your hand.” You attempted to grasp the bill harder but Taehyung’s long fingers and somehow Godly grip became iron at this point. 

“I said it, now move your hand.” Taehyung stressed, eyes trying to discourage you though you remained as stubborn as ever. 

It then became a constant battle of pulling the bill in either’s direction, continuing for an almost laughable amount of time before the waiter returned, both of you composing yourselves at their presence. 

“Are we ready to go?” 

“Yes.” You and Taehyung both answered, snapping a scrutinizing look to each other. 

“Alright, then. Is there a card in the book?” 

“Mine.” Again Taehyung and you answered at the same time, both of you becoming irritated with each other and sending death glares enough for the waiter to feel displaced. 

“So.. whose card will it be?” 

“Mine, here you-” Taehyung almost responded completely until you sharply kicked him in the shin underneath the table, Taehyung biting down on his lip to contain his reaction and hand faltering from offering his card. 

“There you go, thank you so much.” You beamed at the waiter as you passed your card, bowing respectfully before leaving you both alone. 

Taehyung was still reeling from you kicking him, speaking to you in a hushed hiss. “What the fuck was that for? You’re wearing heels!” He bent down to rub at his possible wound, wincing at the sting. 

“Pay for me like that again and it’ll be harder next time. You’re already taking me on a date this weekend.” You hmph’d at him as you crossed your arms, feeling slightly sorry for kicking him so hard though you tried to justify it by remembering he deserved it. 

“For fuck’s sake, what am I gonna do with you?” Taehyung asked rhetorically, scoffing as he found himself between scolding you but also cracking up at the situation. 

Nobody has ever dared kick him, let alone tell him off. 

Nobody but you.

“My shin still hurts, you know.” 

“Taehyung, I didn’t even hit you that hard. Stop complaining.” 

“Well, clearly it was. I guarantee there’s a bruise.” 

“Then we’ll treat it, yeah?” You and Taehyung bickered down the hallway as he offered to walk you back to your office, claiming he should be able to see where his wife works for ‘informational purposes’. 

Whatever it was, you let him tag along. 

“Maybe if you didn’t hit me so hard.” Taehyung was really just trying to pull on your leg at this point, maybe even trying to elicit your sincere apology just so he could see you cutely beg him for forgiveness. 

He wouldn’t admit that aloud, though. 

“Look, my office is right there.” You pointed to the door just at the end of the hallway. “You’ve successfully walked me back, you can go now.” You softened a bit, grateful he’d taken his time to actually accompany you back to your office. 

“Nope. I should see your office too, don’t you think?” Taehyung wasn’t even sure why he was so adamant on not leaving yet, just found himself interested in exploring your life. 

“Fine, I’ll show you.” You sighed, walking in front of him to open your door. 

Taehyung was welcomed by a small, though cute office. You had wall-to-ceiling windows against one side of the room though was cut off by the unfortunate width of the smaller room. The view was large enough though to look out at the hint of Seoul’s skyline, not as high as his own though it was substantial. 

The office actually seemed to reflect you in many ways; the warm, pastel colours, a gigantic smart board clearly for designing, little personal touches that screamed you. Not to mention the scattered equipment and supplies needed for the workings of an architect sprawled across your desk, reminding him of the way your things were frantically moved into your studio back home. 

He smiled, liking the way you’ve managed to transform the rather quaint office into something welcoming, cute, almost relaxing. “It’s really.. warm in here.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I get cold easily so I turn the heat-.” 

“No, no. Not like that.” He clarified. “The room, it feels warm as in.. comforting. It’s nice.” Taehyung couldn’t help but draw comparisons between the room’s feel and you, flashing back to when you so easily calmed him down at Jimin’s gala a few days ago. 

The way your delicate hands soothed him, even kept him from hitting Hisung; it all continued to occupy his thoughts in a way he couldn’t quite word. 

The only thing he could accurately describe was gratitude. Gratitude that you were so warm in that situation, so comforting and could so pacifyingly aid him in a time of need. It was fucking poetic. 

“Oh, thanks.” You smiled at his compliment, almost shying away as you watched him admire your office. It felt scary to have a big-shot CEO visit your office knowing his is 100x better, the compliment definitely refreshing. 

You didn’t even realize you were admiring Taehyung admiring your office until someone knocked on you ajar door, turning around to see it was your co-worker Alex with some papers in hand. 

“Hey, Y/N, sorry to interrupt but could I borrow you for a second?” He gestured to the hallway outside, and you immediately followed the request knowing it was work-related. “Oh, of course.” 

Alex then stepped out, not having noticed Taehyung was in your office. It would’ve been okay, but Taehyung already didn’t like hearing your name uttered by some strange man, whirling around at just the lower register of a male voice. 

He furrowed his eyebrows as he watched you leave, you mouthing to him you’ll be back in a just second. You were just outside the room anyway, so you knew it wouldn’t be long. 

Though Taehyung didn’t know that, and he again found himself eavesdropping knowing it was a bad habit of his. 

“Did you get the proposal Mary sent to you?” Alex asked. 

“I.. uh, did she send it Friday?” 

“Yup, to everyone. She wanted us to review it this weekend before the briefing today.” Alex informed, though he found you drawing a blank. “Don’t tell me you forgot.” 

“Ah, fuck.” You swore as you remembered Friday, having left early and most likely missed the entire memo about the proposal. Not to mention the grand shit show that occurred that day and had kept you in such a sour mood you never considered work. “Honestly I did. I was so busy that day.” 

“You’re so lucky we’re friends, Y/N. Here,” Alex offered you a set of notes, your eyes scanning over them quickly. “It’s a summarized version. I knew you’d miss it since you left early on Friday, so it’s enough you’ll survive Mary’s nagging.” 

“No way, did you seriously do this for me?” You were baffled, flipping through the document to see it seriously detailed the right amount of information, and wasn’t just fluff. 

“Of course, why wouldn’t I? Can’t have her chewing your head off about it.” You and Alex laughed, recalling Mary was quite the eccentric character, and often grew angry over the smallest of details. 

“Seriously, Alex. You saved my life. Thank you so much.” You beamed, genuine gratitude in your voice. 

“No problem, I could tell you were busy when you left so early. Someone had to be your knight and shining armour.” Alex quipped, nudging you and you chuckled a little. 

“Oh please, I’m so sorry I made you do all this extra work.” 

“Don’t sweat it, it’s what friends are for.” Alex then suddenly reached a hand out and gripped your upper arm, nearly gazing into your eyes and his tone was coated with such sincerity you could feel it in the air. “I’ll always be there when you need help, Y/N. I mean it, in anyway I can.” 

You digested his words. “Thanks, Alex. I’ll make sure I summarize Mary’s proposal for you on our next project!” 

“We’ll see about that. I never want you to be doing more work than you should.” Alex chastised, hinting towards your slight workaholic tendencies and you felt like you were caught red-handed. 

“Ah, we’ll see. I’m gonna get going, I’ll see you around!” You chimed, stepping towards your office as Alex called back, walking away. “For sure!” 

You waltzed back in after shutting the door behind you, still replaying Alex’s sentiment of actually doing this amount of work for you as you placed the documents on your desk, lingering for a second until you completely forgot there was someone else in the room. 

You didn’t even remember him being here until you felt that same looming aura nearly demanding it be known, and you almost responded to it, before his deep, weighty voice sounded from across the room. 

“So, who’s Alex?” 

You turned around in lightspeed, remembering Taehyung was here. He’d assumed a leaned position against the wall with folded arms, his stare intimidating as he studied you standing in front of your desk. 

“Huh?”

“Who’s Alex?” Taehyung reiterated with a curt tone, though didn’t seem entirely angry. 

“He’s just a co-worker, Taehyung.”

“A co-worker who can’t see your married?” He scoffed, suddenly finding himself vexed. 

“Taehyung, it’s nothing like that.” You tried assuring, though Taehyung didn’t budge. 

“He did that extra work for you, doesn’t seem like nothing to me.” He countered, annoyance leaking into his tone as he kept his hard gaze set on you. 

“Oh c’mon, Taehyung. He was just being nice. Don’t tell me you’re getting jealous.” 

“Jealous? Couldn’t be me.” Taehyung denied. “I just don’t understand why you’re not wearing your wedding ring.” He suddenly pointed out with a scarily leveled tone, and at this point it became alarming. He was being too calm for the context of his words, making you apprehensive. 

You wanted to physically smack your forehead at his observation though, forgetting you’d left it behind by accident. “Fuck, Tae, I swear it was a mistake. I just forgot it on my vanity after I took a shower this morning.” 

Taehyung slightly softened at you using his nickname, and seeing you didn’t purposely leave it off. Though he was still annoyed by the situation more than he liked, grumbling to you. “You should always be wearing your ring. People should know you’re married.”

“Taehyung, I would never purposely leave the ring off. Besides, people can get the hint just by the way I act.” You knew you gave the correct signals to veer needy men away, becoming confused why Taehyung was so adamant about the wedding ring. 

“I always want to see it on you regardless. I could tell just now by the way he was talking to you it was more than being a co-worker, the ring would’ve made a difference.” Taehyung was less harsh now, though still held a resentful manner of speech whenever he mentioned Alex. 

“It wouldn’t have, he’s acted like that even before I wore the ring.” 

“So he acts however he wants regardless of whether you’re married or not?” Taehyung became even more annoyed. “Who’s this guy? Where’s his office?” Taehyung was just about leaving the room before your voice called him back. 

“Taehyung! Oh my God, there’s nothing going on. He knows who you are.” 

“He knows who I am but still had the audacity to touch you? What a brave fucking man we have here.” Taehyung joked to negate this burning feeling simmering inside him, scoffing to himself. You attempt to lighten the mood with a harmless chuckle. “Taehyung, you’re acting like he kissed me better than you or something. Don’t get so mad.”

“Oh, so he’s kissed you?” Taehyung didn’t know why that one sentence pissed him off so much, but his tone naturally grew more snippy than he planned and it gave him away.

“No, Taehyung, I was joking.” You stressed, arms crossed as you looked at him from across the room. “It’s not like you’d kiss me for more than a show, anyway.”

“Who the hell said I wouldn’t kiss you for more than that?” 

“Me.” You deadpanned. “It’s all just for show. You wouldn’t kiss me to claim me, and you wouldn’t even kiss me if someone dared you to.”  

“I can kiss you for a lot more than just a show, especially when it involves a guy who can’t remember you’re married.” 

“Oh, please. I dare you, Bread Crust Boy.” You became bold, rolling your eyes as you exchanged looking at him for sifting through your papers unbothered, not expecting anything from Taehyung, “I’d like to see you try. You know, maybe Alex is a better kisser, maybe I should find it out.” You continued on a rant, frustrated he was getting so worked up over nothing. 

“Or maybe I should go looking in my department for other guys to lock lips with only to see you still wouldn’t-” You were then cut off by Taehyung suddenly inches before you, grabbing your face and colliding his lips against yours in a single breath. 

You barely had time to react, eyes widening at first though registering the feel of Taehyung’s lips against yours, ultimately relaxing into his kiss. Your hands came up to hold his that held you, mouthing at him just as much as he mouthed you. 

His lips were so soft, oh so soft and full, it was difficult to not take the plushy flesh between your teeth. You felt sparks fly within your stomach as it felt like he was kissing you with intent, to prove a point, evident in the way his large palms completely engulfed your cheeks and were pulling you onto his lips.  

Taehyung continued to open his mouth to swallow more of yours, not even realizing the sheer power of his kiss had somehow walked you both back against a wall. 

Your back suddenly contacted the cold paint and your breath hitched, feeling his mouth swallow any exclamation you’d make, the feeling of his body crowding you against the wall utterly divine. His tongue swiped the bottom of your lip patiently as you gushed in a place you shouldn’t, almost requesting access and when you opened your mouth, Taehyung was more than happy to slither his tongue inside. 

You tasted him then, the sweet sensation so good you let out a light moan, fingertips digging into the back of his rough hands. 

Taehyung’s body jolted when he hears you moan for the first time.

Your grip on his veiny hands become harder the more he worked his lips against yours, constantly mouthing at you like you were fresh water and you only reciprocated the same desire back. 

The kiss was intoxicating, becoming utterly otherworldly until Taehyung suddenly tore his mouth from you, leaving you flustered and oddly, disappointed.

You were both only left breathing hard, eyes staring into each other’s in shock as you huffed and puffed together. Taehyung then licked his lips and broke eye contact with you, clearly trying to register what in the world just happened. He collected himself in a split second, returning a more serious look as he cleared his throat. 

“Like I said.. I can kiss you for more than just a show.” He made his point,  retracting his hands from your face as he began walking towards your door. No rush or haste, rather calm, too calm as he stepped away from you. 

You were still trying to quell your racing heart as you watched him grasp the door handle, pulling it open by just a crack before speaking, his broad back to you. 

“Always wear my ring. And if I see that co-worker touch you again, I’ll make sure the way I kiss you is definitely to claim you, and nobody has to dare me.”

And with that, he left with a hard slam of your door. 

Two weeks. 

Two weeks have progressed, and you still haven’t been able to erase that fucking kiss from your mind. You knew it was the result of your own teasing, though were completely unaware Taehyung was the type of man who did not like his ability being questioned, and if you ever did so you’d be in more trouble than you bargained for. 

But you’d gone and done it anyway, your punishment being your inability to forget his mouth against yours for 14 whole days. 

And it was utterly dangerous. 

Not only did it occupy your mind as a singular thought, but also invited multiple ones of what more he could do, what more he was capable of with those deft hands and muscles of his, often sending you over the precipice. You found your mind wandering more than it ever has, now regarding everything about him in a new light that was leaving you tearing your hair out. 

His lap wasn’t just a lap anymore, it was now a seat you were sometimes itching to sit in just to know what it feels like. His arms weren’t just limbs, rather strong muscles you wish would hold you, wrap around you. His lips weren’t just a part of his face, rather ravenous, plushy pillows you wanted not just against your own mouth, but on your neck, your collarbone, your skin, anywhere else on your body that had you igniting at just the salacious thought. 

And it was agonizing, had you physically needy and trying your damn hardest to now ignore anything remotely hot or attractive about him. 

But alas, that was the most difficult thing to do on planet Earth, because all of Taehyung was hot and attractive. 

Ignoring him was not easy at all, because avoiding how incredibly tempting Kim Taehyung is, especially when he lives in the same damn house and sleeps in the same bed as you, also not to mention, is your husband?

Call Tom Cruise, because it was mission fucking impossible. 

It was even more difficult now considering your new farce as a couple, needing to be closer, more intimate with him as you two continued on with your lunch dates and car rides. 

And each riveting time you were subjected to seeing him manspread as he kept a firm hand on his steering wheel, seat himself across from you at restaurants in his impeccable, sexy winter fashion and hair always, always set to perfection.

It especially didn’t help seeing him all the fucking time, viewing him in all his glory, in his natural element as you picked up on the smallest of things about him. You noticed he held this sense of innate mindfulness for you, recognizing the way he’d walk on the side of the street with the traffic, placed your one mug you frequented for your coffee on the counter every morning, left more of your favourite fruit, kiwi behind in the fruit bowl during breakfast.   

Absolutely none of that rather sweet stuff slipped your attention, but then came the stuff that made you quite shamelessly rub your thighs together whenever you saw him. You noticed he had enough muscle that indicated he lifted weights, sometimes pondering what he looks like when he works out.  

You didn’t even want to begin on whenever he worked at home, living completely normally, innocently and yet he was spitting image of Adonis every fucking day.

He would often adorn glasses and dress down enough to be void of his suit jacket, shirt sleeves folded up with a few buttons on his chest undone, and that silky hair of his sexily mussed as he’d run his slender fingers through them in concentration. 

And oh, what you would fucking give to have your hands in that hair, card through the dark strands, maybe tug at the tresses as his face is nestled right between your—

“Ouch!” The shower’s hot water suddenly burned your skin, the steam clouding up the marble walls as you lowered the temperature, water running down your body as you got ready for your date with Taehyung tonight. 

Another punch to your mental gut was that this was Taehyung’s shower.

You both had at least agreed on using different showers in order to keep some privacy between you two, knowing it would’ve been too intimate to share a bathroom in general terms. This led to you using the bathroom of the room next door while Taehyung used the bathroom of originally, what was his own room. You’d already had an argument over who would use which bathroom since Taehyung insisted the largest bathroom in the house (his), should belong to you. Though you ultimately kept shutting him down to the point in which he acquiesced, and you settled on the second largest bathroom in the house because he still insisted on at least that. 

Today Taehyung was working in his study, and claimed that one of his housekeepers reported there was a more apparent draft of winter’s cold air leaking into your bathroom, the window’s seal possibly weakened. Knowing you get cold easily, Taehyung became precautionary and convinced you to use his bathroom instead to get ready for today. 

You didn’t know how he felt about that, and concluded he felt no particular way since after you two shared your quite steamy kiss, he’s been completely normal. Even when it came down to acting more like a couple, he was relatively average and like himself, nuanced and composed. It would make your heart sink a little, thinking after all a dumb kiss wouldn’t mean much to him considering Taehyung has been with other, probably hotter women before you. 

That aside, here you were, using his high-end shower to no avail at actually understanding how to use it. He’d supplied the instruction of simply turning the handle for temperature and such, and cautioned not to press any of the other settings next to it. 

You’re not exactly sure why, but you had a hunch it had to do with the extra jets on the sides of his shower, concluding you should obey him since you’d probably get yourself in a mess otherwise.

You’re seriously unsure why it was always so hard using someone else’s shower, though everyone eventually felt victim to the struggle one way or another. 

And sadly, a part of that everyone was you today. 

You were shampooing your hair, humming mindlessly to yourself when your mind wandered for the 57th time since Taehyung kissed you, when you suddenly felt a sting in the corner of your eyes, blinking a few times until it quickly spread throughout your entire eye painfully. You attempted running your eye under water to quell the sting though began feeling it in your other eye too, causing both to temporarily lose sight while you blinked incessantly in discomfort; and that’s when you realized you’re the biggest idiot on Earth. 

You’d gotten fucking shampoo in your eyes. 

You began panicking considering you’re a hypochondriac who was always sensitive about your eyes, and so your hands speedily came up to try rubbing the stinging solution out of them.

Though had completely forgotten there was even more shampoo in your hands from washing your hair, only making the situation worse. 

Great fucking going, Y/N!

It utterly stung to open your eyes anymore, and began writhing in the shower haphazardly, whining at how utterly stupid you are and trying to soothe some of the pain under the running water. It almost worked until you suddenly hit your lower back against the handle of the shower, feeling some sort of nozzle shift and ultimately spell the doom of your next 10 minutes. 

Out of no where, hard jet streams of pressurized water came bursting out at nearly all directions of the shower, and considering your shorter self, while Taehyung was much taller, you were completely engulfed in the bouts water. 

The streams were harsh and felt like knives against your skin, coming out so strongly you were only left exclaiming and trying to cover them with your hands completely frantic and panicking. Nothing worked with water spraying in all directions, unable to view the adjustment of the settings at all and it seemed only someone’s help could save you at this point, screaming the first thing that came to your mind. 

“Taehyung! Taehyung!” You called out urgently, water continuing to practically beat you with it forcefully spraying all around you, and that’s when you knew you were never going to shower in Taehyung’s bathroom ever again. 

“Oh my fucking God, TAEHYUNG!” You screamed louder, more severity in your voice while aimlessly trying reaching for the shower handle though couldn’t find it for the life of you. 

“I need help, Taehyung!” There was a shrill in your tone with so much necessity, it wasn’t long before Taehyung came bursting through the door seconds after, slamming it open and filled with emergency like someone was dying. 

“What?! Y/N, what’s wrong?! Are you okay!?” 

“Taehyung! The jet streams turned on and I can’t see, I CAN’T SEE!” You were shouting as though you were in a horror film, unable to see Taehyung though knowing the shower door was separating you both. 

“What happened? I told you not to touch any of the other settings!” 

“I’m sorry, I turned it on by accident, just please turn it off, Taehyung, it fucking hurts, please!” You were begging, voice grave and Taehyung could tell this was real fear he was hearing from you. 

“Okay, I’m coming! But you have to let me open the shower door.” Taehyung abandoned all care and stepped towards his shower, worried like hell hearing you continuously exclaim in either pain or complaint. 

“I will! Just for the love of God turn this fucking shower off!” You stressed, trying to rub your eyes again though it was only causing the solution to spread further in your eyes, the jet streams blocking your vision. 

Taehyung took a breath to calm himself down before sliding the shower door open, ultimately unable to see your body though averted his eyes from you nonetheless. He disregarded the fact that he was getting his own clothes wet, the jet streams spraying on him as he reached over for the handle of the shower and finally turned it off. 

He quickly subtracted himself from the shower, grabbing his bathrobe from the back of his door. He automatically looked away from the direction of the shower when he turned around, only stepping close to hold the robe out along his wingspan. 

You still couldn’t open your eyes though, the shampoo continuing to burn until you registered the water was finally turned off. 

“Taehyung, don’t look at me or I swear to God I’ll kill you!” You managed to get out, suddenly realizing there was nothing to hide your naked body before him.

“I’m not even looking, Y/N. Don’t worry, just come to me.” Taehyung instructed, knowing your wet, naked body was just before his eyes, and trying his damn hardest to not lose his mind over it. It was utterly distracting with the knowledge your bare skin was dripping with water, clouding his thoughts about what more he could see, though kept himself strictly in check. He continued to avert his line of sight, held the robe high enough so he couldn’t see below your shoulders. 

“Taehyung, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to come to you?” You held your arms over your body to conceal yourself with shut eyes, scandalized by how candid this all was. 

“Why can’t you see? I already turned the water off.”

“I got shampoo in my eyes, okay! It’s still burning for fuck’s sake!” You whined, shaking your leg incessantly to try and manage the pain. 

“What? You got shampoo in your eyes? How much of a genius are you?” 

“Just help me, okay! It really hurts.” You nearly wailed, and Taehyung sighed heavily thinking about what the absolute hell he was going to do with you.

“Okay, okay. Look, just step out the shower, I’m holding out my robe and I’m going to wrap you in it.” Taehyung directed with a calming tone, drawing himself closer to the shower door for you.

“But I can’t see!” 

“It doesn’t matter! I’m standing right in front of you with a robe, just come out, Y/N.” He cautioned, you pouting about being unable to see until you ultimately gave in, the sting in your eyes still burning as you took a tentative step out, arms covering the intimate parts of your body. 

“Don’t look at me, please.” You pleaded with embarrassment, foot meeting the bathroom floor. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not looking. Just come a little closer and I’ll put my robe around you.” Taehyung tried to quell your worries, peering only at your face. 

You then stepped further out, becoming cold until you suddenly felt Taehyung wrapping his warm, fluffy bathrobe around your smaller body, engulfing you in his arms. You sniffled as you nuzzled into his hard chest, the feeling of him warmly hugging around you all too comforting, if it weren’t for the remaining sting in your eyes from the shampoo. 

“Do your eyes still hurt? Can you open them?” 

You looked up at him with closed eyes, trying to pull them ajar though it only made you continuously wince, Taehyung speaking up. 

“Okay, don’t open your eyes. I’m going to wash them out.” Taehyung secured the robe around you, wrapping it tighter around your body as he tied it, the expanse of his broader shoulders causing the robe to slightly slide down you smaller ones. 

He then lead you towards his large, high-end bathtub, sitting you against the edge as he knelt down on one knee in front of you. “I’m gonna lean your head back against the edge of the tub, and use some water to rinse your eyes out, okay?” Taehyung warned as he reached over for his handheld spray, leaning you against the tub as you complied. 

“Okay.” 

The back of your neck then met the edge, Taehyung holding your cheek to maintain your position as he pressed against the spray’s button, allowing the water to softly contact your eyes and wash out the shampoo solution. 

“Is it too cold?”

“No, it’s fine.” 

“Alright, try opening your eyes slowly so we can get water in them.” 

You nodded and did exactly so, fluttering your eyes open occasionally as the cold water began soothing the sting in your eyes. You let Taehyung treat you just like this, carefully spraying until you could eventually open them properly. 

You cautioned him you were okay and Taehyung stopped, placing the spray  back as he gently grabbed your sides and lifted you up on the edge of tub, still propped on one knee as your heights evened out. 

He looked at your slightly reddened, bloodshot eyes, jutting out his hand to move a piece of your wet hair from your face. He seemed to be looking at you for the sole purpose of looking again, and it was a poignant moment before you said anything. 

“I’m sorry.” You solemnly apologized, your eyesight falling to the ground catching his white button-up nearly drenched from the torso up, his hair damp.

Taehyung chuckled, hands faltering to grip your arms instead as he regarded you. “What for? Because you can’t shower properly?” His little laugh was music to your eyes, glad you were able to make him to do so. 

“Hey, it’s not my fault you have such a complicated shower.” You just about hid your face into Taehyung’s robe, cheeks heating up in complete embarrassment. 

“I told you not to touch anything.” 

“I got shampoo in my eyes!” You protested. “I started freaking out and pressed something by accident.” You pouted at your own stupidity, crossing your arms. 

“You’re like a baby, you know that?” Taehyung teased, cocking an eyebrow as he registered the robe was almost hilariously too big for you, sweater paws coming out as you folded your arms and he found it adorable.

“Shut up, you like taking care of this baby.” You hmph’d as you looked away from him, completely embarrassed by him having to save you from some stupid shower mishap. 

Taehyung chuckled again, clearly amused by the way your cheeks so easily gave you away. “You’re not wrong there.” He laughed, though came to the unfortunate realization of something. 

“We don’t have to go on today’s date if you don’t feel like it.” Taehyung felt a twinge of disappointment saying that, though wanted to consider you may not want to go anymore seeing your red eyes. 

“No, no.” You instantly denied him, having been excited about the date for an entire week and you weren’t going to pass up that opportunity. “It’s okay, Taehyung. I want to go.” 

Taehyung’s faced lightened up, rubbing the pads of his thumbs against your arms. “Alright, then. You can get ready and we’ll go anytime.” 

“Yeah, of course.” You then looked at his white shirt soaked, sticking to his body and revealing skin you seriously did not have the capacity to say sane enough about. 

You absentmindedly reached out to touch the ends of his wet hair, apologizing. “I-I’m sorry you’re all wet cause of me.” You stated guiltily, lips falling into just about a pout and Taehyung could never get over the affect it had on him. 

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll just change my shirt.” He brushed you off, getting up from his kneeled position as you protested, “Wait.”  

He halted, you standing up as his eyes fell back to you. You’d grabbed a small towel by the edge of the bathtub, swinging it over his head and tippy-toeing to lightly dry his wet hair. 

He looked at you with near puppy eyes, confused until it turned into a grateful grin. “Thanks.” He said, smiling a welcome back and letting him dry his own hair. “Remember to wear something warm today, by the way.” He reminded you,  turning around and making towards the door after you responded with an okay. 

He then exited, leaving you wrapped up in his gigantic robe and constantly thinking about how damn much he was becoming a part of your life. 

Taehyung was holding your hand in front of the entrance, smiling widely next to you as he tried gauging your reaction. Your lips were tucked away behind a white scarf, adorning a grey, plaid coat and black knee-high boots as you looked on in wonderment, taken by where Taehyung chose for your first date. 

“This is it.” Taehyung gestured, you trying to register just how gorgeous it was. 

It was a winter-themed amusement park, absolutely stunning in having set up the usual rides though with a winter wonderland theme; the polar express as an interactive attraction, Christmas lights anywhere you looked and even a Ferris wheel that looked nearly like a gigantic reef. 

“This... is your favourite place?” You gawked, sight flashing to every bright and festive embellishment that added to the park’s charm, Taehyung falling victim to admiring the way the lights reflected in your big, doe-eyes. 

“Mhm. Let’s go.” Taehyung led you with a smile on his face he didn’t remember having. 

It took no time for you to automatically love what he chose for you both, adoring the place as you two sauntered around care-free, your arm hooked around his as he detailed the attractions and the park for you.

It didn’t take much for either of you to be dragged onto rides as well, both of you mutually wanting to visit every amusing thing the park had to offer and bubbling with excitement anytime you waited in line. Your conversations were light-hearted as usual, teasing here and there while talking about the most useless, though somehow entertaining things. 

You both eventually found shelter inside a sweet shop, nabbing a table near the window in order to see the lights and rides shining outside. Taehyung was just opposite of you, both of sipping away at milkshakes. 

“This place is... beautiful. I can see why it’s your favourite.” You commented, eyes catching sight of an attraction whizzing by as you brought your straw to your lips. 

“Yeah, it’s nice.” Taehyung piggy-backed, following your line of sight and also watching. There was a moment of silence as both your visions wandered off, your light voice breaking it. 

“Tell me.” You said, confusing Taehyung. 

“Tell you what?” 

“Why it’s your favourite. Tell me... anything about you, if you want to.” You voiced softly, almost hesitantly as your gaze locked with Taehyung, admiring him in his brown, plaid winter coat with a white turtleneck underneath, hair set to fall delicately over his forehead though curl above his eyes. He looked far too handsome for your heart not to flutter, the slight colour in his face as a result of the cold only making him glow more handsomely, finding him nothing short of a work of art. 

“I came across it 2 years ago trying to sign a deal.” He placed his milkshake down. “I thought it would be a smart considering amusement parks are moving towards more technological enhancements for rides and attractions. I ended up signing a larger park, though, not this one.” Taehyung casually relayed as he crossed one of his legs, seated suavely as he looked out at the park. 

“What the hell? I didn’t mean the business side of it, genius, I wanna know why you like it.” 

“I just told you? I found it.” 

“No, you tea drinker. There’s clearly something you like about it enough to bring me here.” You deadpanned, leaning over the table to talk to him more convincingly. “You can tell me, what do you like about it?” 

Taehyung began spinning with his inner turmoil again, unsure how someone is so invested in knowing anything about him. Ever since his young age he was raised and trained to really only care about the betterment of a business, consider the most optimal ways to achieve success as a Kim so he could ultimately bring pride to their name. He rarely explored anything outside that concept, and even less was ever questioned about it. 

That’s what usually tied his tongue as well, whenever it came to revealing anything about himself. He was always so rooted in keeping it all hidden, uncertain if he’d ever spill such details about himself to anyone. 

Though with you, there was something different. There was always something different about you, and so he found himself leaning against the table to speak earnestly to you. 

“I.. like winter.” Taehyung started, not really making eye contact. “I’ve always liked snow. I think it’s cause I was born in December.” 

“December 30th, right?” 

“Yeah, so it’s natural I like the holidays as well. I guess that’s why I like this place so much, it’s everything good about winter in one place.” Taehyung shrugged, relaying more than he ever really has to anyone. “I like amusement parks, too. So there’s that.” Taehyung added with a light smile, taking a sip of his milkshake. 

“That’s nice. I love winter, too.” You agreed with him. “I think snow is pretty, but I also like when you stay inside with people. It’s always so warm that way.”

“Really? With your anemic ass that always cold?” 

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes, though there was a smile tugging at your lips. “That’s precisely why I like it. You get to be close and warm with people.” 

“Fair point. I’ve always liked that too.. warmth.” Taehyung doesn’t know why there was something lingering behind that sentence, especially when he should’ve been talking about warmth as an objective concept. However, he couldn’t help but compare you to warmth, remembering his observation from the first time he met you. 

You were just really warm. 

“What else is there to know about the mysterious Mr. Kim?” You twinkled your fingers for effect, gauging his answer. “How would he describe himself?” 

“As the best CEO in Seoul.” Taehyung leaned back in his chair and draped his arms over the back, attempting to appear cool with a smirk but you weren’t buying it. 

“Oh my God, could you not associate yourself with your job for like, two seconds? I meant you, Taehyung, as in Kim Taehyung, not CEO Kim.” You stressed, feigning disappointment in him as you watched the gears shift in his head. 

He was oddly shocked at his first, eventually pursing his lips in thought, carefully considering what to say before he answered. 

“I guess I’m a little.. reclusive.” Taehyung admitted. “I’m a people person, but I also like being on my own, where I can recharge. People usually misunderstand me, think I’m emotionless with an intimidating stare, but I just don’t know how to express myself all the time. I can’t always put it into words, so nobody exactly.. understands, or tries to.” Taehyung revealed candidly, almost thinking it was too much until you digested the information attentively, positively. 

“I get that. Especially in the business world where everyone judges really easily.” You spoke from experience, remembering this was one of the many reasons you hated the lifestyle so much, especially when you were of familial status. 

“Yeah, not the nicest .” Taehyung agreed. 

“Is that why you like art and photography?” You suddenly asked, Taehyung snapping his vision to you impressed. “Pardon?” 

“I mean, I like designing because it lets me express myself. I was thinking maybe it’s the same for you.” 

Taehyung sincerely thought in a moment like this he’s never met someone like you. He felt utter appreciation in seconds, gratitude that someone actually understood him for once in his life. Someone had just genuinely seen him, not the CEO, Chairman Kim others saw, but Kim Taehyung. 

He was beyond happy. 

“Yeah, actually. Art has always been.. a fascination of mine. Photography is more personal, I feel like I capture my feelings in time.” Taehyung gestured as he created a frame with his hands, capturing the bustling scene outside the window. “I feel a lot of things when I take photos, so they’re like a manifestation of how I see the world through my eyes, my own lens.” 

Taehyung was being so sentimental you actually thought he could see the stars in your eyes, adoring the way a genuine smile constantly tugged at his lips as he talked, and it made you grateful he had something that brought him such joy. 

“That’s beautiful, Taehyung. Really beautiful.” You complimented. 

Taehyung chuckled a little shy, addressing you. “What about Mrs. Kim?” 

“What about her?” 

“Tell me about her life, how she ended up here.” Taehyung took a sip of his milkshake again, setting it down as his attention fixated on you.  

“You know most of it.” You began. “I’ve come to hate business ever since my father’s start-up. He became successful, but then I hated the idea of depending him, like my success would somehow always be linked to his name, so I abandoned my role in his company and now everybody hates me.” You beamed sarcastically, taking a small sip from your milkshake as your eyes focused on nothing in particular. 

“That’s a lie, how could someone hate you?” 

You scoffed, “You clearly haven’t met my mother.” 

Taehyung then flashed back to your disastrous conversation with her, remembering the words said to you along with the wound on your check, grimacing at how much it still pissed him off. 

“If I can ask, has your relationship always been that way? With your mother?” Taehyung asked out of curiosity. 

“Pretty much. She hates me for not being the heiress I should be. Compared to my brother Yoongi, I’m pretty much a disappointment. I ran away for selfish reasons, and I’m... a burden.” It began to hurt to talk, trying to smile to lighten up the sting buzzing in your chest, though you stopped before anything became too grave. “I’m just kind of.. worthless, I guess.”

“I don’t think so.” Taehyung defended. “I think it takes guts to do what you did, it makes you courageous, if anything, not worthless.” 

His words made you look at him, his eyes filled with something assuring, comforting and it automatically soothed you more than it should’ve. 

“Thanks.” A small smile found your face, beginning a new topic to get away from this miserable one. “What was your life like, before we got married?” You asked, this one questioned having itched at you ever since the gala. “Have you ever been in love?” 

Taehyung didn’t react to your question really, only drew his index finger to his lips in thought, lightly shaking his head when came to an assured conclusion. “No, never been in love.” 

“Really? You’ve never dated?” 

“I have, just nothing serious.” He answered simply, your mind chasing for him to reveal more about his past with women until you reprimanded your nosey thoughts.  

“What about you?” 

“Me?” You pointed at yourself. 

“No, the waiter.” Taehyung deadpanned. “Of course I mean you.”

You flashed him a narrow-eyed look before sighing, sipping your milkshake dispiritedly. “You’ve already met him.” 

“I have?” Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows, leaning onto the table again. 

“Mhm, think hard.” You waited for him to get it, knowing he’s intelligent enough. 

Taehyung then connected the dots like he usually did, tone inquisitive. “Kiseok?” 

You nodded. “Our dads are friends from SNU so I’ve known him all my life. I fell in love somewhere...” Your words faded, heart breaking at just the memory of your tiresome, tragic relationship with him. “But I don’t think he did. He would say so, but it was always a lie. I was just some fun for him to have, I guess.” Your eyes faltered and rather watched yourself fiddle with your own fingers, trying to manage the pain that came with admitting something you tried to avoid for a long time. 

Taehyung could see the hurt on your face, knowing this was something difficult for you to share and he hated ever asking the question. His heart softened, filled with a twinge of pain seeing you try to smile again. He also filled with anger at the fact that he didn’t clock Kiseok like he should’ve, though he digressed for your sake. 

“You’re more than that, you know?” Taehyung’s dulcet voice pulled you out of your haunting thoughts, weary eyes looking at him as he continued. “You don’t deserve that, Y/N.” Taehyung said, gentle eyes set on you. “You don’t deserve the terrible things that have happened to you.” 

You’re not sure why Taehyung’s statement resonated with you so much, nearly sending you to the brink of tears with the amount of earnest in his words. You could only feel sheer gratitude for someone having finally said that to you, especially after how much you’ve endured on your own. 

You’d spent too long silently fighting your battles, constantly forcing yourself to push through whatever hell you experienced without rest, and most certainly without help. It was hard, extremely hard to have been alone all this time, so hearing Taehyung tell you that, his look as warm as ever, and you were completely moved. 

Taehyung’s lips then curved into a little reassuring smile, looking into your eyes with compassion as you locked with his gaze. A moment passed before he suddenly rose from his seat, stepping towards you and extending his hand. “C’mon, let’s take you to my favourite place.” He cocked his head towards the exit, expression tender as he held his large palm out for you. 

You smiled up at him, taking his hand delicately as you left your seat, chest filled with incessant butterflies you had no way of getting rid of, and didn’t know if you exactly wanted to. 

“For fuck’s sake, when did it get so cold?!” You hissed, jogging in your place in line with Taehyung to keep yourself warm. 

“Don’t worry, we’re next in line.”

It still didn’t take away from the fact that you were freezing your ass off,  muttering frustrated as you tried warming up your hands. “Doesn’t make it any less cold, genius.” You retorted, stepping faster in your place for more warmth. “You wouldn’t know since you’re a furnace. 

“Jheez, just come here, you icicle.” Taehyung grumbled as he suddenly pulled you towards him, wrapping his arms around you from behind and tugging your back to his chest, chin resting on top of your head. 

“T-Taehyung, what are you doing?” Your eyes practically blew out, hands instinctively falling around him holding your waist.  

“Keeping you warm.” Taehyung stated simply, until he suddenly dipped his face into the crook of your neck, speaking lowly by your ear. “Princess can’t be cold, now can she?” 

Your heart was beyond fluttering at this point, nearly hiding your face in your hands at the feeling of Taehyung’s strong arms wrapped snug around you, acting mischievous in front of everyone watching. 

You were only focused on the feeling of Taehyung hugging you from behind when you suddenly caught an extremely good-looking pair of women ogling at him, stealing your attention. 

Scratch that, now that you looked, nearly everyone around you gawking at Taehyung and yourself very evidently, clearly admiring his Godly looks or high-status reputation and it instantly left you either jealous, insecure or both. It didn’t help that every woman who saw him and gave you a dirty look was someone incredibly hot, causing you to flash back to the women who spoke so casually about spending the night with Taehyung, and little to your knowledge just how many nights, with how many women. 

It made you possessive, jealous that everyone was most likely considering how much better he could’ve looked with someone else, someone hotter, someone prettier. Insecurity was surely there, though now you severely felt the stubborn emotion of wanting to prove a point to everyone, and even more so to Taehyung. 

Just like when you kissed him at the gala, you couldn’t help but think that maybe sometimes Taehyung could also contemplate he wants a better wife; a sexier one, a smarter one, a prettier one, and it’s what caused you to grab his tie arbitrarily and kiss him so boldly that night. Even if he’s always been relatively nice to you, maybe you really were a disappointment in areas that turn him off. 

Especially in the sexy one. 

You knew you could be sexy, but it just took the right amount of trust and knowing a guy to really become engaged with him in that way, and Taehyung has always been a bit of a stranger to you. 

These are the thoughts that occupied your mind as you two found your seat in one of the Ferris Wheel cars, sitting across from Taehyung as the ride began to move. More of the amusement park came into view, and Taehyung became taken by the lights brightening the dark night. You would’ve said the same, watching as the attractions below became smaller, smaller and smaller until one thing you’d forgotten before getting on this ride suddenly occurred to you. 

Your extreme fear of heights. 

You were trying to remain calm until the car had reached the highest point of the Ferris Wheel and abruptly halted, sending the car to scarily move. You thought it only stopped in place to permit more people onto the ride, though an announcement sounding just after your wishful thinking confirmed it would be much longer than you expected. 

“Some technical difficulties has stopped the ride, we’ll proceed normally in 10 minutes.” 

And this was when you went into overdrive. The ground suddenly became too far away, the dark of the night making everything only half visible to you and the height entirely dreadful. Panic began to flood your chest, leg bouncing incessantly as you gripped the edge of your seat hard, trying to swallow your fear down your throat. 

You thought Taehyung wasn’t paying attention to you, though he spoke up suddenly noticing your change in behaviour. “Hey, are you okay?” 

“N-no.” You decided to admit honestly for your own good as you swallowed hard. “I-I don’t really like heights.” You hated that you always manifested tears in your eyes whenever panic overtook you, trying to dry them so as to not alarm Taehyung, though he became concerned all the same. 

“You sure you just don’t like them? You seem terrified.” 

“Okay, I lied. I’m really fucking scared of heights.” You declared near tears, trying to hold them back as you looked at the ground beneath you and could only think about what would happen if you fell. 

“Really? So if I just..” Taehyung then teasingly reached for the width of the car, about to move it as a joke until you cried out in a frantic shrill, utterly horrified. 

“Taehyung, stop!” You nearly shrieked. “I’m serious, please don’t move it, please” Your tears betrayed you and one dared to fall, shaking in fear, wanting to curl up into a ball just to escape the suffocating feeling of panic in your chest. 

“Oh shit, you’re actually acrophobic.” Taehyung realized he’d made a mistake, grimacing at his now stupid joke. 

“You think!”

“Okay, okay. Come here, come to me.” Taehyung then leaned over and held out his arms, the car small enough so that he was substantially reaching for you. 

You were apprehensive, though slowly hooked onto his forearms securely, standing up with deer-like legs as you stepped tentatively into his arms, Taehyung pulling you next to him in a single breath. You plopped down beside Taehyung and rapidly wrapped your arms around his torso, nuzzling yourself close to him in fear when your weight on his side of the car made it move. 

You clutched onto him for dear life, on the verge of crying at how high you two were. “Why is it so high, why are we so high?” You asked rhetorically in a fearful mantra, voice breaking as you bordered on more tears. 

You were tensing in utter terror until you felt Taehyung’s comforting arms find purchase around you, hugging you to him. He held you near, rubbing at your arm pacifyingly as he leaned you into him. “It’s alright, Y/N. I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t mean to do that.” He apologized in earnest, registering you had a serious phobia and could tell just by the way you were fearfully shaking in his hold. 

You didn’t respond, him only feeling you continue to shake as you clung to him hard, figure telling of intense fear. “Hey, try talking to me.” Taehyung offered, knowing you two would unfortunately be stuck here for a while. “Is there something on your mind? Talk to me.” 

You tried to focus on his words and less on your fear, remembering there in fact was something on your mind, bringing it up as a distraction. 

“There is, actually, but.. I don’t know if I should say it.”

“You can tell me anything.” Taehyung encouraged. 

You thought the question over before you considered suppressing it. “D-do you think our relationship needs to be more sexy?” You grimaced at yourself for asking, feeling Taehyung tense underneath you and thought you’ve really done it now, preparing for some sort of rejection.  

Until Taehyung responded. 

“What do you mean?” His tone was oddly too leveled. 

 “I just.. um, thought maybe people don’t believe our relationship cause we’re not.. sexy enough.” 

“Why.. do you think that?” Taehyung sounded it out himself, growing alert by the context of the conversation, while you were adamant on proving a point. 

“Well, maybe people like my co-worker get too comfortable cause they don’t see the sexy side of our relationship.” 

“And how would we fix that?” Taehyung knew his question opened the door for something more, more discovery, more exploration and he thought he may have taken it too far. Though when you lifted yourself from off his side, looking into his eyes in earnest, he thought he may not have made a mistake after all. 

Taehyung swallowed, looking into your expectants, doe eyes as you looked at him innocently; until you flashed a glance at his welcoming thighs deliciously manspreading. You tried to remain calm about it, taking a deep breath and going all in, tentatively bring your hands to his chest and hook one of your legs over him. 

You bravely straddled Taehyung’s lap in a single moment, settling above his crotch as you peered at him with an unreadable expression. 

You didn’t know you could be so bold yourself, but kept replaying you may be depriving Taehyung of something you’ve been wanting all this time, too, and so you took your leap of faith.

Taehyung froze, eyes wide as his hands naturally fell around your hips sitting on him, and he couldn’t help but grow weak at the innocent look in your eyes though your body doing the contrary. He only watched as your sight lingered on his soft lips, his own hands canvasing up to grip your sides with an emotion he could only label as want, eyes filled with anticipation.

“We can fix it... like this.” You spoke, hand sliding up to grab Taehyung’s jaw. You didn’t think, mind blank as you leaned forward and pressed your mouth against Taehyung’s in a single second. Taehyung didn’t even have time to feel surprised, in shock for an instant before he began relishing in the familiar sensation of your lips, warm palms smoothing over your sides. 

You slid closer to his body, feeling your chest push against his own as you deepened the kiss, already slow and searing in nature though now with a hint of lust, a hint of desire that leaked into the way you began grinding your body against his, needing more. Taehyung gladly accepted that, opening his mouth to let his tongue tentatively take action, adoring the taste of you in all its glory. 

He tongue swiped your bottom lip, loving the wet feeling and you opened right up for his taking, all-consuming and head-spinning. 

You snuck your hands up into his hair, tugging at the tresses lightly and Taehyung groaned satisfyingly into your mouth, revving your engine carnally. You became more impatient for friction, something to quell the continuous bouts of arousal shooting through your body, and so you began moving yourself over his welcoming crotch. You felt him twitch underneath you, beginning to rock himself along with your smaller body, pushing his hips up into you that yearned for more, yearned for more of him. 

Your mouths began moving more harshly the more time passed, full on making out as you moved more urgently against him, the hint of his length grazing you sensitized area lighting you on fire. He caught your bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled away from you, tugging on the flesh as he breathed for much needed air, moaning as your foreheads found each other. 

“Y/N.. do you want me to touch you?” He breathed hard, trying to compose himself before you chimed in, clasping the nape of his neck as you whispered into his ear.

“Touch me, Taehyung.” You breathed hotly. “I’m yours, aren’t I?” You catered to his tendency to be possessive, loving it yourself as you felt your veins buzz with electricity. 

Taehyung instantly felt ignited, his cock jolting at just the feeling of you straddling him and he dragged his tongue along the inside of his cheek, smirking. 

“Anything you want, Princess.” 

The heat of Taehyung’s stare then turned dark, smoothing his large palms over your thighs until he met the meat of your ass underneath your jacket, hands cupping around as he pushed you down right above his growing length. He wasted no time in colliding his lips with yours again, continuously moving you over himself in a grinding motion that had you reciprocating, moaning with him as arousal began dripping you both.

This time his tongue openly licked into your mouth and you let him in completely, darting your tongue out to tangle with his passionately. The kiss was growing sloppy, both of you getting high off practically dry humping each other, your hands mercilessly feeling up his taut chest as he moved a large palm behind your back, arching you into him. 

Taehyung then suddenly came off your lips and began kissing the side of your mouth, trailing down to your jaw while you reeled at the feeling of his searing lips against your skin. He laid hot kisses all the way down until he reached the junction of your neck, finding a sweet spot and began sucking at it with need, working his mouth against your soft skin to imprint you with his desire. 

His teeth occasionally grazed your skin, Taehyung licking over the bites for an apparent mark and the sound of your moan each time. He didn’t care who saw his dark hickeys, in fact, he wanted everyone to see. Especially men who can’t fucking understand you’re married. Taehyung didn’t know he could be so possessive, so adamant of something being his unless it came to you. 

For some odd, unknown reason, he found himself wanting you to him, wanted to be the only one who gets to have you; maybe it’s because he’s never felt this way before, or has never felt so emphatically about it. But it constantly ate at his brain, thinking of the men that got to kiss you just like this, got to have you sit on their lap just like this. 

And he fucking hated it. 

Hated that the one time you gave your heart to a man he treated you so horribly, hated that the same man was the reason you were so apprehensive when it even came to sex or anything alike, remembering the night your marriage was supposed to be consummated. 

But what he mostly hated was knowing you’re right in front of him while he craves you, right before his eyes and his wife in every sense of the word, though felt as though he could never truly have you, never truly within his grasp as your stranger of a husband, a physical boundary between you two he should never cross, and it was just sickening. 

Though now the line was crossed, and all Taehyung could feel in this moment was his sheer desire, his incessant, passionate desire for you and it was growing exponentially. That kiss from last week sent his mind spiraling, thinking he was absolutely stupid for having so boldly kissed you though kept remembering the way you teased his ability. The way you questioned his wanting to kiss you for more than just the farce you two were putting on, thinking you were so entirely wrong about it. 

He wanted to kiss you all the fucking time. 

So Taehyung channeled it into his work now, having been completely surprised by your bold act though giving in because it was you. He knew this was his indication things could be taken further with you, to another level he’d imagined on occasion and that was all now seemingly possible.

It’s what made Taehyung leave such dark marks, feeling you up all over your body and finally able to touch where he knows is simply beautiful. He knew your body was gorgeous, quite frankly all of you was. He’d seen it when you slept with him every night in just a cami and shorts, he’d seen it in the red dress that hugged your every curve and wanted to tear it off your body, and he’d seen it with your little shower mishap just earlier today. 

And it made his mind wander, wander dangerous places he didn’t think accessible. 

But here he was, you grinding against his clothed, semi-hard dick while he sucked hickeys onto your pretty neck in a fairly public place, and it alighted something he’d kept suppressed the entire time he’s known you. 

Taehyung was getting completely lost, almost animalistic in his kissing until you let out the prettiest moan he’s ever heard, his name at the end of it and he couldn’t help but grow fucking harder. 

“Taehyung.” You breathed out, his name seeming so natural to roll of your tongue, hugging his head into your neck and you couldn’t help but gush at the fact that his face was stuffed into you. You moaned again at the prospect, knowing you had Kim Taehyung’s lips sucking hickeys onto you and you were wetter than you should’ve been. 

“Taehyung.” 

“Fuck, don’t do that. It does shit to me, princess.” Taehyung breathed out frustrated, knowing you’d hit the nail right on the head when you’d teased him about having a name kink, because he most certainly did. 

You moaned again until you needed a break, winded when you suddenly grabbed his face off your neck and made him look into your eyes, his lips swollen pink from the kissing and it only made him appear more delectable. You couldn’t even think of anything to say, only gazed at him as he gazed at you, feeling mutually confused about what’s happening though loving it all the same. 

Taehyung couldn’t get over the way your eyes shone as they reflected the lights below, semi-wanting to have brought you here just to see the way your eyes would light up in the dark. He also couldn’t grasp how you seemed like the most innocent thing on Earth but could so boldly straddle and make out with him in this moment, losing his mind at the prospect there was still so much to you he had yet to discover. 

You began gliding your thumbs across Taehyung’s skin, finding him simply the most gorgeous human you’ve ever seen, the moonlight always finding a way to emphasize that fact.

You couldn’t think of anything to say right now, the sentimental moment lingering in a way you never really wanted to end. You didn’t want to ruin it with questions or statements that meant too much either, simply smiling at him as a settlement, eyes glistening in a way that conveyed how you felt instead. 

How despite your fear of heights there was a sense of security you felt in his arms, how he managed to always quell your troubles, the way he looked at you as though there’s something more behind his eyes, more than just the mystery he showed everyone else. 

So all you could do was bring his lips to yours for a sweet, delicate kiss. A kiss so slow it was searing, a kiss so tender it made him smile against your lips in a way that had your heart leaping hurdles. It was progressing again, both of groaning into the kiss until another announcement sounded initiating the continuation of the ride. 

You disconnected from him as the Ferris Wheel car began to move, quirking your eyebrow smugly as you swung your leg off to unstraddle him, plopping down beside him. 

“We should make things sexier like that.” You casually said, folding your arms and suddenly the height of the Ferris Wheel didn’t feel so scary, looking off at the attractions below you two. “You know, as more evidence.”

Taehyung was only left flabbergasted, having thought he should’ve cherished the moment more because one second you were in his lap, and now suddenly it was empty. He scoffed to himself as he looked down and realized you’d gotten him hard, abandoning him just on the cusp of finishing him off. 

Taehyung bit his lip as he peered down at you and caught sight of his purple marks on your delicate neck, completely turned on by the arousing contrast in ways that left him wanting more, responding to your earlier remark. 

“Yeah, we fucking should.” 

prev. ↞ || ↠ next ||  masterlist

a/n : funny tidbit if you want to know but the shower thing actually did happen to me LMAO, i’d gotten a new showerhead and when i was trying to figure out the settings i ended up turning on the strongest jet stream that hit my face so hard i got shampoo in my eyes, i literally had to fight the water to eventually turn it off and it hurt like a BITCH. i had no hero like tae but it was literally straight out of a cartoon, it was so fucking hilarious i just HAD to write it, and yes you’re allowed to think i’m a dumb bitch 😭

tags : @thedarkwinterrose​ @ayujaded​ @couldbeyourlast​ @ladyarmanto​ @anpanman-sonyeondan​ @apollukee​ @blueevelvt​ @taesluttt​ @scalubera​ @laurynne5​ @dreamsindreamss​ @thequeen-kat​ @awsome-small-k​ @wrecklesssly​ @kweenhu​ @jalexad​ @staerify​ @bangforever​ @dyriddle​ @aianloveseven​ @waves-and-woods​ @hoefortaeshands​ @veronawrites​ @nightapple4jk​ @wataemelonz​ @aomi-nabi​ @katbonv​ @hantaev​ @jinpuddin​ @usamizuki​ @wooya1224​ @bambuzlee​ @jenotation​ @tangledsparkles​ @pcyxljh​ @forbts-only​ @dumplingley​ @ccmemoirs​ @kleritata​ @thelilbutifulthings​ @maygem2780​ @lachimolala95​ @betysotelo18​ @prettycoolting​ @opaljm​ @jeonlovers​ @honeyboocal​ @preciouschimine​ @enchantaeduniverse​​ @hakko-bby​ @mrs-jeonjk​ @marvel-ing-at-it-all​ @rvdls96 @vaekth​ @taehyungkittyuwu​ @multistanbitxh​ @vantaesy​ @invincibletaetae​ @hispoutylips​ @cafe-gemini​ @ot7central​ @def-seols @iwanttohitmyself​ @rlynotme​ @heyitsgracex​ @mama-m0chi​ @haileysoup​ @crystalizedmagic​ @yoonchrisgullwrites​ @allie-mcginn​ @vintageroses10​ @ephemeralkookie​ @rocketxme @honey-littlegirl​ @croctusjuice​

[mithliya]

Hi mena

I wanted to say something about the discourse about lesbians and bi women.

I am critical of both sides. From what I have observed the problem lesbians have with bi women is rooted in the internalized misogyny or homophobia that some bi women (like any other women) have. And that is a very valid reason to be wary of dating bi women. However, while I find the experiences and reason valid I don't appreciate the homophobic (or biphobic if that's what it is idk genuinely) sentiment that sometimes jumps out of people, like in this post-

https://at.tumblr.com/lavendergrrls/698940412613853184/2269lm3efq1o

(Btw I am not lavendergrrls just a person who follows her)

At the same time, I do not appreciate when bi women who have had negative experiences because of lesbians in their lives say lesbophobic things about how lesbians are big,mean bullies and predators who have no humanity. Yk that very well.

I am asking lesbians to understand that many bi women just like any other women are not inherently lesbophobic and when they display weird behaviors it's because of the fetishization of ssa women and misogyny that men force on them. Just the way a "sex worker" (even the "pro sex work" ones) is a victim of patriarchy and not inherently hurting all women as a class. So please it's a request to be careful of the language and phrasing you use when you see a bi women being a victim of the patriarchal and homophobic mindset. If I am wrong in this logic please correct me mena.

And I am requesting bi women to understand that lesbians don't even need any negative experience with bisexuals to not want to date you. It's not wrong to desire a relationship with someone who's exclusively SSA although I agree there are few homosexuals who don't date bi people due to prejudice. And there's no need to use lesbophobic stereotypes to insult lesbians. And it is possible to not generalize lesbians while criticizing an individual simultaneously.

As for political lesbians- idk if you're bisexual or straight or what. But how do you explain homosexuality in nature if sexuality really is a choice according to you?

Btw mena this isn't like a personal message to you, I just want to convey this message through you. So ofc I am definitely not accusing you of any of the above actions. In fact I appreciate how you have handled the yourselves in the past. If you don't want to publish this I respect that.

hey so im gonna respond to what u said specifically in terms of what i disagree with if that’s ok! i can tell you’re coming from a good place & all and im sure u have good intentions, that said, i still disagree with some of it.

this is the post u sent. i don’t think it’s biphobic, nor homophobic. i agree with the elaboration that by virtue of being both OSA & SSA, your experience of your SSA (&OSA) will inherently be different from people who only experience one form of attraction. do i think that means sth bad about bi women or that bi ppl love less or something else that’s negative about bi ppl? no, and i don’t think that was implied in the post so idk why anyone would be offended. then again idk what op exactly meant by it, maybe she meant something more malicious but ive never seen her say anything even slightly hateful to bi women, and i don’t think suggesting their SSA is experienced differently from homosexuals by virtue of also being OSA is wrong.

I am asking lesbians to understand that many bi women just like any other women are not inherently lesbophobic

i disagree with this, i think when we come from homophobic societies ofc we are going to be homophobic and this is gonna be especially more likely for OSA people, OSA women included. homosexuals are forced to confront our internalised homophobia bc it ultimately harms us, bi ppl too to a degree but they aren’t forced to deconstruct homophobic beliefs about being able to choose or exclusive same sex attraction etc in the same way that gay ppl are. we say that white ppl are inherently racist & men are inherently misogynistic not bc there’s some biological component to racism or misogyny but bc when ur part of an oppressor class or a class privileged over an oppressed class then u are more likely to take in and not examine prejudices against them which exist in society.

and when they display weird behaviors it's because of the fetishization of ssa women and misogyny that men force on them. Just the way a "sex worker" (even the "pro sex work" ones) is a victim of patriarchy and not inherently hurting all women as a class. So please it's a request to be careful of the language and phrasing you use when you see a bi women being a victim of the patriarchal and homophobic mindset. If I am wrong in this logic please correct me mena.

idk i feel like this is not equivalent. sex workers are directly being harmed by misogyny and by johns and pimps. they are being victimised repeatedly but they aren’t somehow harming women by being in sex work. they’re trying to survive and i don’t think the OSA women like that one woman who lured a lesbian into her house which ended w the lesbian being raped & murdered by the OSA woman’s boyfriend is necessarily doing it out of survival.

OSA women often will benefit from harming lesbians in various ways, sex workers don’t benefit from it they’re in fact the ones being directly harmed. maybe this applies to those rich women on onlyfans but not the avg sex worker who’s often a street prostitute or a stripper or in other fields of sex work that are traumatising & often even dangerous.

otherwise tho i agree with u and i do think there should be care in addressing bi ppl as well bc they’re still a minority group & face oppression on the basis of SSA, the same way i think ppl should be considerate when talking about idk moc for example bc they still face racism & are a minority (this doesn’t mean i think said groups shouldn’t be questioned or criticised or anything of the sort. just that there’s a line between valid criticism and prejudice)

[vidalinav]

Rant Obvi... This time about age gaps

Now that I’m writing a fic where the bat boys are the age they were during The War and thus wayyy younger and more mentally similar to the Archeron sisters, I wonder why SJM made the age gap so obvious... and also so large. 

Like for me personally every time Feyre doesn’t actively show that she’s involved in court politics or not in a meeting with the IC or having sex after she has a disagreement and that being highlighted as a regular occurrence for Feysand, and when she’s disadvantaged in any way with her decision being last as opposed to first or them looking to Rhysand for confirmation to listen to her whether it had a rational/reasoning or not, WITH the added baby plot, both her not knowing about the risk and then ALSO getting pregnant at 23 when in previous books she’d said she’d wanted to wait and Rhys himself was scared she’d resent him because she was so young, I notice the age gap. I can’t ignore the age gap. The age gap whether meaning to or not makes a problem and the text enforces that problem because it’s never taken care of, never disputed with evidence. We see Feyre being more disadvantaged in this book then we ever see her being given some sort of power. In theory she has power, but no evidence that has she has true equality. 

In ACOSF, when Nesta was making friends with people mostly her age, them bonding over similar experiences, similar mind frames, hobbies, even doing maybe more childish things like making friendship bracelets, having sleepovers, this is juxtaposed with her relationship with Cassian who is supposed to be “the real man” in her narrative and also the instructor/trainer and also the keeper because he is the one who’s supposed to watch her during this intervention which she doesn’t have a choice really about, (because having bad options is not a choice, as proven many times even past the actual intervention). She has no money, and she has no place to go, which he is then plotted to be her emotional stability in a time where she is not emotionally stable, and every time she disagrees with him and they have an argument, he lacks control of his emotions even being the older person and then doesn’t apologize in the text and the text doesn’t make him accountable, but Nesta is accountable. Nesta feels guilty. Nesta feels ashamed, whether her feelings are caused directly by him or not. And then Nesta consistently puts him on a pedestal that he doesn’t deserve, and none of this contradicted because Cassian neither acts her age, nor is not advantaged by the situation, nor has the growth needed to show that perhaps he is learning to be better.

Then we have possibly Gwynriel/Elriel scenarios, but both of them have the same issue. Because we have a rather toxic male figure, who is stereotypically troubled, who is going to fall in love with one of these girls, when he has had an unhealthy obsession over his best friends that he’s never gotten over. Both of these girls are seemingly in a bad place. Both of these girls don’t have a lot of control. Elain doesn’t have control over anything, which she is trying to negate. And Gwyn is afraid of the world, which you know of course growth. And even though either relationships could potentially be about collective healing, because we already know Azriel has a very skewed perspective and relishes in torture, also never voices his troubles, but glues himself to an idea of a woman that can never be fufilled... it doesn’t point in a very good direction. 

So then I ask why make them so old? Why not plan for them to be young? The War lasted 7 years. Make them 100 as opposed to 536, and cast it off as fae grow idk slower. OR make their mind frames and their attitudes not so blatantly older than their love interests. Or make a scenario where the women are not obviously disadvantaged. I hate to be that person and I never thought I would be that would say that SJM whether she knows it or not is writing some OVERTLY problematic things. And it’s not something that can just pushed off as character flaws or world building or misinformation, because it’s happened more than once and it’s not actively negated. It’s not these characters are bad, it’s these characters are written like that because SJM is not paying attention. I think she needs to examine some of her values, or at least what she conveys aware of it from the start or not. It takes more than giving women power (and then taking it away) and making them warriors to show that women have complex narratives. 

Why the lack of healthcare in this world for women? (i.e. Feyre and Emerie). Why the constant assault on women, to a point where they have a library full of SA survivors? Why is it that the only LGBT character must hide who she is I’m assuming in direct result to the actions of a male character? Why the emphasis that only these female characters need a healing arc, but god forbid the male characters have any growth or do anything but supply the D? Why no women rulers in Prythrian up until Feyre, when there’s so many human queens assumedly having power? What story is SJM trying to write? What is so empowering about this? I have heard that so many times. Show me the empowerment. Show me how she writes progressively. Show me where the healing is.

Tell me why I am still reading this series. Like for real? 

[eddedneddy]

all of them vezzie 💙

hello vezzie, i am late as usual </3

0: Height

5'9

1: Age

25

2: Shoe size

7.5/8 i guess

3: Do you smoke?

i used to, now i only smoke cigars occasionally. i hate the taste and i look like a tool when i do it. i don't know why i do it.

4: Do you drink?

yea sometimes

5: Do you take drugs?

nop

6: Age you get mistaken for

i dont wanna know. i usually try to say how old i am as soon as possible so people dont try and guess and say some shit like 57

7: Have tattoos?

no, but only because im a coward.

8: Want any tattoos?

i was actually thinking of getting "despite everything, it's still you" tattooed. on my foot, so i can keep it hidden all the time. because im a coward.

9: Got any piercings?

my ear piercings close </3

10: Want any piercings?

eeeeeh. maybe one day? idk.

11: Best friend?

best friend!!

12: Relationship status

singlè

13: Biggest turn ons

agreeing with me that WANT by 3OH!3 is one of the best albums of all time. Even just lying about it to make me happy.

14: Biggest turn offs

Telling me i'm lame because i cry when COLORADOSUNRISE comes on in WANT by 3OH!3

15: Favorite movie

tie between napoleon dynamite and ed edd n eddy big picture show

16: "I'll love you if..."

you can cook. call me lame. dont care.

17: Someone you miss

edatlin on youtube in his tutorial era

18: Most traumatic experience

I accidentally stepped on my old cat's tail pretty hard once. The look on her cat face was so strong it conveyed the emotions of fear, hurt and betrayal better than any human face ever could. I would have sawn my foot off in front of her to prove i was sorry, but she hid from me for the rest of the day.

19: A fact about my personality

i'm still trying to understand whether i suffer from some kind of impostor syndrome or if i really just suck that bad

20: What I hate most about myself

I cyclically go from overly excited about stuff, to the point of being annoying, to extremely disillusioned and pessimistic. it's gotten better over time and i'm still trying to work on handling it, but it's pretty tiring

21: What I love most about myself

I just dyed my hair blonde and look pretty cool

22: What I want to be when I get older

retired

23: My relationship with my sibiling(s)

i have a younger brother and we only communicate by throwing fake punches at each other. he's one of my fav people

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

mutual tacit disappointment

25: My idea of a perfect date

Going out for dinner somewhere not fancy but overdressed nonetheless, spending the rest of the night on a bench making fun of everyone else and being tools but like, /lh and /pos.

26: My biggest pet peeves

Badly sharpened pencils. If the tip doesn't draw blood at the lightest touch it's TRASH

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

I know I'm going to get bullied for this one so I'm going to skip it

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

Frontman of incredibly overrated californian band "Red Hot Chili Peppers"

29: A reason I've lied to a friend

idk most frequent lie i tell my friends is "i'm on my way" when i'm really still in bed

30: What I hate the most about work/school

having to wake up before 10 for it

31: what my last text message says

it's a series of way too long voice messages i don't feel like listening to right now

32: What words upset me the most

merriam-webster word of the day tier things like "lollygag" said unironically

33: What words make me feel best about myself

not a single word, but someone once asked me "why do you feel like you're disposable?" and the implication of it not being the case felt pretty nice

34: What I find attractive in women

Evil. Thinks I am stupid and wants to kill me. Blonde.

35: What I find attractive in men

Funny, chill, owns a ps2.

36: Where I would like to live

Near the sea in a warm place. there has to be a sand beach though, rocky beaches suck and don't count.

37: One of my insecurities:

i tend to stutter when i am nervous. every time it happens i have to fight the urge to just end the conversation and walk away

38:My childhood career choice

Screenwriter. I also remember wanting to be a traffic cop at some point. i dont know why

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

Nutella <3333

40: Who I wish I could be

Mike Patton............

41: Where I wish I could be

In the middle of the dammnn ocean rn. On a huge ship full of food and stuff that helps people not die when they're in the middle of the ocean. Just vibing. Looking at the sky then the waves then the sky then the waves again. Head empty.

42: The last thing I ate

Potato and vegetable omelette (one of the very few ways I can eat vegetables)

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately:

YOU!!!

44: A random fact about anything:

In some kinds of anglerfish, the male mates with the female by biting into her belly and basically burying his snout inside her skin until they fuse together. He gradually loses all organs needed to hunt and swim - like eyes and fins - until he essentially becomes a parasitic lump of flesh on the female's body. She provides him with nutrients, he provides her with sperm to procreate.

---

pop - share an unpopular opinion you may have

the harry potter series gets actually pretty boring after like the third book/movie. i dont know if this is an unpopular opinion.

punk - last movie/tv show you watched

El superbeasto! (thanks again for the great rec vezzie <3)

classical - describe yourself in three words

Accomodating, absent-minded, fidgety

country - what are you passionate about?

music and animation mostly! Also, languages. I like adverbs a lot. I like to abuse them.

indie - what fictional character do you relate the most to & why?

donny from the big lebowski. i'm usually the friend who zones out while everyone else is talking, randomly comes to and asks what the conversation is about, gets told to shut up, zones out again and dies

edm - have you ever been to a concert? if so, what concert was your favorite one?

hard to choose, but if i had to i'd say dead cross! it was great to see mike patton in hardcore mode.

rap - what's your favorite meme?

today, ben shapiro memes. tomorrow, who knows.

jazz - what is your birthstone & star sign?

emerald & taurus. at least i think taurus' birthstone is emerald? it depends on the source. idk.

hip hop - whats your favorite food?

sushi. im a basic bitch. but i really really love raw fish and meat in general.

latin - do you believe in the paranormal?

hell yeaaaaa gimme all your ghost stories!!

r&b - describe your best friend

smart, resourceful, inspiring, huge potential, criminally low self-esteem

gospel - are you a morning person or a night person?

i love early mornings as a concept, but having pretty bad insomnia i usually have to stay up until ungodly hours and try to get as much sleep as i can whenever i can in the morning. Night Time, My Time

opera - how do you know you have a crush?

when i start feeling the need to listen to really sappy music and take 2 hour long aimless walks with my hands in my pockets stomping my feet unneccesarily hard on the ground like im 13

k-pop - what is something you never understood?

i actually still have issues reading analog clocks. i never really learned but i mean. who cares. they didnt invent the digital ones for nothing.

reggae - give me a song recommendation

Jinkx Monsoon - Cartoons and Vodka

thank you vez <3

[hctirdle]

gaysails replied to your post “I wish we’d seen more than like 3 minutes of...” writers have explicitly said flint is homosexual. it's not interpetation

What the writers said would only matter to me if I was writing an academic paper on the contemporary real world implications of the character's sexuality, or sexuality in American entertainment in the 21st century, or something like that, which I'm not. Fiction writers have one shot at making their intentions clear, everything they say after their work has already been consumed and interpreted is at best interesting trivia to me. Death of the author and all that. Never met a horror fan in my life who preferred Stephen King's clearly stated authorial intent to Kubrick's "incorrect" interpretation of The Shining, for example, so having a different interpretation from what the writers claim is the "official" version is not only possible but pretty common.

I'm sorry if this comes off as a rant btw, I'm really not trying to argue with you and you really don't have to read my nonsense. I understand and respect that the creators saying Flint is gay is meaningful to some people for their own reasons. I’m not really interested in getting into conversations about representation because Western culture is not my own, I don’t watch American tv through that lens.

Within the historical context they talk about researching, it's completely irrelevant what we call him, there was no legal or moral distinction between gay, bi, and "basically straight but got caught experimenting" at the time. From a characterization perspective, none of the explanations I've seen make much sense to me. There's the "Miranda hit on him first and he didn't want to seem gay" angle, which assumes that he risked his precious career and the social standing that he worked his ass off to attain to prove his nonexistent interest in women to a woman already rumored to be an adulterer. Adultery was exactly as damning as homosexuality at the time, so the whole idea that Flint was afraid of Miranda telling people that he wasn't willing to assist her in cheating on her husband is bogus. This wasn't exactly an "all the boys are going to the brothel, best pretend I'm interested too" scenario. Nor was it a "since living as a gay man is not even an existing concept in this time period, I guess I could try to have a relationship with this nice woman" scenario, since Miranda was already married and anything they ended up doing would have to remain strictly private.

On the topic of brothels, it makes even less sense to me to claim that Flint was trying to prove his interest in women to himself because, again, Miranda was the single most dangerous woman for him to experiment with. Not that it's realistic for someone with Flint's background to have a sexual awakening in his thirties to begin with. To achieve that level of denial, you need the sort of privacy that was really not afforded to working class people before the 20th century. He'd have witnessed plenty of sexual and romantic relationships of all kinds as a kid, so the "he didn't even think it was possible to have a relationship with a guy" angle is also suspect. Idk where this weird meme comes from that early modern era Europeans were clueless or naive about sex and sexuality, but it was really not the case. For most of human history, having your own living space was a luxury 99% of people couldn't afford, so you'd end up regularly hearing/seeing your family and friends get off, as uncomfortable as that sounds to us now. Even if Flint just shared a room with his grandfather as a little kid, being in the navy would have been educational enough.

Of course they could have just ignored all that in order to make him relatable to a 21st century audience, because that's how historical fiction works. It's always a give and take between historical accuracy, trying to convey contemporary ideas and sentiments, and trying to hold the viewer's attention.

At any rate, I'm not deeply invested in convincing anyone how the story "really" went, so sure, Flint's officially gay (although I'm skeptical about anyone being able to state anything "explicitly" when it comes to something as controversial as "if a guy sleeps with men and women but has a preference for one over the other, is he gay or bi"). It's just a personal preference for the above stated reasons. If the writers leave me room to interpret things - and they left plenty in this case - then I prefer to make sense of the story and characters for myself, even if my headcanons deviate from the authorial intent.

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

all my life ive never thought for one second that i could be anything but straight until recently when i started to question whether i was ace or into guys at all?? idk ive always been romantically attracted to guys and VERY rarely sexually attracted to them but with girls ive always been sexually attracted to them just never romantically attracted? im so CONFUSED i dont know how im going to figure it out ): i hope this made sense a mutual said ur blog helped her a lot so im checking it out

Things can get really confusing when you’re not straight because living in a heteronormative world you’ve been conditioned to think you cannot be anything but straight. It’s sometimes hard to unlearn that so take a breath and know that it’ll be alright. You’re doing good by asking for help.

What you’re describing from your experiences it really doesn’t sound like a typical straight experience to me. You could definitly call yourself “bi” if you want to because all that bi(sexual) means is that you acknowledge your potential to be attracted to more than one gender. It’s not necessary to feel the same kind of attraction for all genders. Though it’s a bit more uncommon to feel romantically attracted only to one gender and sexually attracted only to another gender, it’s not unheard of. Bi people are allowed to have preferences so maybe your romantic and sexual preferences don’t align.

Of course you could specify your sexuality with the split attraction model as well if you like. Maybe something like heteroromantic/homosexual (assuming you’re a woman who’s romantically attracted to men / sexually attracted to women). 

There’s the possibility that you haven’t met a guy who was (sexually) your type yet and/or you might not have met a woman that you would fall for romantically yet. Especially when you’re also maybe ace-spec and/or aro-spec that can make it a bit harder to navigate this. But you definitly do not have to define your sexuality by what ~could be~. Pick a label (or multiple labels) that feels good right now. If your sexuality or the way you perceive it changes and you can update your vocabulary.

But most importantly: try not to get tangled up in labels and definitions too much. Human sexuality and attraction is often more complex than language can convey. So try to explore yourself freely and don’t restrict yourself by trying to conform to a certain label. Labels are supposed to help you communicate a part of yourself but they shouldn’t make you feel confined.

I’d recommend getting in touch with the LGBTQIA+ community, both online and offline (if possible). As a questioning person you already belong into our community and you are welcome to participate in our safe spaces.

Maddie

[spn-meanttobe]

Spn Meant To Be Masterlist - 2016

Here is the roundup from the last spn_meanttobe challenge! The entries were wonderful and stay tuned for details regrading a brand new challenge coming this way soon!

RPS

Title: Butterfly in a Glass case Author: all_the_damned Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 5K+ Warnings: dollification, spanking, rimming, indentured servitude, prostitution, BDSM, dubious consent/non-con, hurt/comfort, mental atrophy, body modification, control collars Prompt: "Captured": Lifelong best friends James Laird and Lola Caraway are reunited when Lola moves to LA after college. Lola is starting her new life, new job, and a new romance with a successful lawyer--a relationship which forces James to question the nature of his feelings for Lola.James has always been a master at pleasuring women, so it was an easy transition to play a Master on-screen in a series of BDSM videos which have brought him fame and the promise of a lucrative career. The films have also brought him the attention of hardcore producer Eva Satana, who wants James to be a ruthless Dominant -for real- in her brutal and extreme BDSM scenes.James soon finds himself caught in a contract he cannot break and compelled by threats to the woman who's stood by him through everything.Summary: When you’re a doll, there’s not much to do other than dream. Jared can barely remember a time when he wasn’t a doll. On the best and worst days, he gets to be with Jensen. Link to fic: Ao3 (Must be logged in to read) Title: Can a Girl Ever Have Too Many Cowboys? Artist: beelikej Pairing: Danneel/Jeff/Jensen/Jared Rating: PG-13 Medium: Photoshop Warnings: Polymory Prompt: 33. The Trouble With Texas CowboysNo sooner does pint-sized spitfire Jill Cleary set foot on Fiddle Creek Ranch than she finds herself in the middle of a hundred-year-old feud. Quaid Brennan and Tyrell Gallagher are both tall, handsome, and rich...and both are courting Jill to within an inch of her life. She's doing her best to give these feuding ranchers equal time-too bad it's dark-eyed Sawyer O'Donnell who makes her blood boil and her hormones hum.Link to art: LiveJournal Title: Home of the present Author: crimsonepitaph Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: R Word Count: 32K Warnings: language, mentions of depression Prompt: A man in need of a comeback…A woman in need of love. Off the court, tennis star Jason Cartwright's playboy image is taking a public beating. On the court, he's down forty-love. A comeback is in order, but the makeover he needs is in the hands of the woman he loved and left fifteen years ago. While single-mom, Izzy Connors, sees people for who they really are through the lens of her camera, even without it, she knows Jason isn't the star he appears to be. All she sees is his wasted talent and playboy lifestyle. Will the click of her camera shatter his world as well as his heart? Summary: Jared Padalecki is a failing tennis legend striving for a comeback. Jensen Ackles is the unwitting photographer co-opted in the makeover project, a biography meant to change the game. Single dad, definitely not a fan of Padalecki's, and a cynical human being in general, Jensen takes the job out of necessity, and gears for a year long charade. But what happens when Jensen discovers more than he signed up for - not just about Padalecki, but about himself?Link to fic: on Ao3 Title: Jensen's Choice Author: zara_zee Artist: amberdreams Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 44K Warnings: Kidnapping, violence, torture, minor character deaths, dubious consent*, rough sex, light kink (bondage, spanking, edging/orgasm delay,cock cage, slight D/s), crime, discussions of child abuse, smoking, drug use, addict in recovery, bad language and homophobic insults.*For the purposes of a dark romance, I’ll say dubious consent, however it should be noted that in the beginning, Jared has all the power and Jensen’s consent is definitely coerced. In the real world, I would classify that as rape. On the whole many unhealthy attitudes to consent are conveyed here.Prompt: An ex-pool hustler must fight her attraction to a sinful, sexy biker when she's kidnapped by the Dragons MC and sold to the club's Vice-President. Summary: Seven years ago talented pool hustler Jensen Ackles fled LA for his home state of Texas—with a price on his head and HellSpawn MC on his tail. Now, Jensen’s past has finally caught up with him. His debt has been bought out by the Vice-President of HellSpawn, Jared Padalecki, who expects Jensen to satisfy his dark sexual appetites. But even worse than life as the VP’s beck-and-call boy is the very real possibility that Jensen just might be falling for the sinfully sexy biker. Link to fic: on LiveJournal Link to art: on LiveJournal Title: Pranking the Padalecki Author: whiskygalore Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 9K Warnings: younger Jensen, older Jared, spanking, bad language, schmoop with a happy ending Prompt: The Brat Next Door Tessa Randall has loved playing practical jokes on her brother's best friend, Trace Samuels, for as long as she can remember. But when she pushes him too far one day, she finds herself getting her long-overdue comeuppance over his lap. When Trace follows this treatment with a kiss, Tessa's confused emotions take an unexpected twist. Has she been menacing the boy next door her whole life, just to get closer to him? Has it been her motive all along to simply get his attention? And if so, where does she go now that she unquestionably has it? Summary: Jensen Ackles has loved pranking his brother’s best friend, Jared Padalecki, for almost as long as he can remember. But when he pushes Jared too far one day and finds himself on the wrong end of a spanking, Jensen lets slip a secret that might change things forever.Link to fic: on Ao3 Title: Up Against Your Will Author: amypond45 Pairing: Jared/Jensen, past Jared/Genevieve, past Jensen/others Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 17K Warnings: reference to past rape/abuse (not graphic or specific) Prompt: Blind Wolf: Julia has never been on a date in her life. She's a curvy girl with no money, no education, and no way out of the town she works in as a library assistant... until Damien shows up. He's just like the prince charming Julia always imagined would sweep her off of her feet. There are just a few things standing in the way of true happiness: he's blind, he's dating someone, and he's WAY out of her league. Oh, and he's a werewolf. Damien lost his eyes two years ago in a wolf battle. Ever since then, the straggler pack of disabled wolves he leads has been searching for a place to call home. One house seems like the perfect choice, but Damien realizes too late that the person who lives there is the girl he met at the library. The human girl. Damien is torn between loyalty to his pack and raw lusting desire for the girl who haunts his dreams day and night. She's a human. How could she be his true mate? Summary: Jensen wasn’t planning to rent out the apartment in his basement. But when a tall, handsome stranger offers him a deal he can’t refuse, Jensen puts aside his natural shyness and lets Jared move into his home. Now Jensen’s having intense dreams, hearing strange sounds in the night, and one day he sees a wolf in his backyard. Can Jensen regain his carefully ordered life (and his sanity) before it completely unravels? Or will he give in to his passion for the beautiful blind man with all the wildness in his heart? Link to fic: on Ao3 Title: Dead men do tell tales Author: siriala Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 18K Warnings: mildly creepy and supernatural stuff surrounding death (which is not made into a major issue in this fic), shady but friendly Chad, voyeurism, judgmental and mean people Prompt: Her Ladyship's CompanionIn the Scottish countryside of Selkirk, Lady Isabella Stirling resides at Bowhill Park, serving penance for a sin that nearly ruined her family. For five years she has been condemned to a loveless marriage and confined to the estate where she does little more than tend her rose garden. With her husband absent for months at a time and few visitors, Bella lives a lonely existence, denying the passions that burn within her very soul.Then her cousin comes for a visit and makes an outrageous suggestion: what Bella needs is a lover. A hired lover. Despite her need, Bella says no. But soon Mr. Gideon Rosedale arrives-and he is at her service for two weeks. Indulging in what she intends to be a harmless flirtation, Bella is overcome by Gideon's intoxicating presence. And when she at last permits him to satisfy her desires, she discovers she's done the unthinkable-she's fallen in love.Summary: Jared has been alone most of his life. Good thing dead people can't be picky when he talks to them. Link to fic: on Ao3 Title: The Roommate Author: ashtraythief Artist: beelikej Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 for fic, PG-13 for art Word Count: 12.6K Warnings: ummm… there’s porn? And description of unhygienic storage of clothes? Unhealthy amounts of cereal consumption? Idk, this is just really schmoopy and floofy. Prompt: One Night With Her RoommateEver since her former roommates deserted her, Meg has had to share an apartment with a lazy, obnoxious ass. He won’t pick up after himself, and he refuses to get a good job. Plus, he doesn’t always wear enough clothes—which is really a problem, because he’s hot. Maybe he’s occasionally funny. And every now and then he can be sweet. But mostly he’s just annoying. It doesn’t matter how much he’s starting to flirt with her—Meg is going to resist. She’s way too smart to fall for a guy who never takes anything seriously. But then everything changes in only one night.Summary: When Jared moves in with Jensen, Jensen’s life is turned upside down. Jared is a terrible roommate; messy, loud and entirely obnoxious. Unfortunately, he’s also pretty hot and even kinda nice when his socks aren’t clogging up the sink. Not that Jensen would ever do anything about that, because Jared is straight and a giant slob. Or so Jensen thinks. Link to fic: on Ao3 Link to art: on LiveJournal Title: My Wicked Pirate Artist: kinkajou Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: G Warnings: none Prompt: Azure-eyed Alanis was by far the most exquisite treasure ever claimed by the black pirate known as the Viper, but his motives went deeper than his silken promise to ravish the feisty Yorkshire heiress. Commanding the waters of the Caribbean was his means to an end: reclaiming his birthright—and his blood debt against those who had betrayed him.Then he gave her nights of wicked pleasure...Comfortably betrothed to a nobleman, Alanis never imagined the heady emotions involved in the true games of seduction—games this blackguard seemed to thoroughly enjoy playing with her. Swept up into an adventure that soon revealed a gentleman and kindred spirit beneath the ruthless veneer of a privateer, Alanis began to soften towards her enigmatic captor, as her pride and her heart fell under his erotic spell.Link to art: on Ao3 Title: After All This Time Author: safiyabat Artist: vilabelle Pairing: Jared/Jensen, Gen/Danneel, Jared/Stephen, J2DG Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 7K Warnings: Internalized homophobia, het sex, Chad Prompt: Kinky Neighbors: The Mitchells and the Harts have been next door neighbors and friends for the past year. They have loads in common; double incomes, professional careers, no kids...and a kinky streak. Now they're about to become very good friends...with kinky benefits. The sex between them all is hot, naughty, and unbearably exciting. It isn't merely swapping partners and moving to another room; it's true foursome sex, same room, same bed, all four involved. For Drew and Cat Mitchell and Logan and Alexis Hart, it's about barreling through boundaries none of them have ever crossed before, doing kinky things they've only fantasized about. But when they begin to exchange not just sex but emotional connection, the problems start; a little jealousy, feeling left out, wanting more from the wrong partner. Can two couples really share everything without losing it all? Summary: Jensen's a pretty happy guy. He's happily married to his hometown sweetheart, Danneel, and he's got a thriving law practice in Austin. He lives next door to his lifelong best friend, Jared, who is married to his and Danneel's girlfriend, Gen. When Danneel and Gen suggest bringing Jared into the bedroom, though, things get weird. Jensen thought Jared had gotten over his schoolboy crush on Jensen, but it turns out that Jared isn't the only one with lingering feelings.Link to fic: on LiveJournal Link to art: on LiveJournal Title: The Lost Author: phoenix1966 Artist: amberdreams Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 93K Warnings: swearing, murder (off-screen), violence, m/m, top!Jensen, bottom!Jared, bottom!Misha (offscreen) Prompt: Al King is a rock singer and selfish stud extraordinaire. His brother and manager, Paul King, gets Al whatever he wants and boy does he want a lot. Dallas is a former hooker gone beauty queen/actress. Everyone wants a piece of her and she plays hardball like the best of them. What happens when the plane they are on crashes in the middle of the Amazon jungle? Summary: Big screen star Jensen Ackles was on his way to Brazil to continue filming his latest project. He was glad to lose himself in the role and bury the pain of his broken heart by slipping on a stranger’s skin. Because of his manager’s twisted attempt to help, he found himself on a private jet with a high-class rent boy. Before he could figure out what to do with that, a bolt of lightning sent them tumbling into the rainforest. Link to fic: on Ao3 Link to art: on LiveJournal Title: The Other Wesson Author: firesign10 Artist: milly_gal Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 8K Warnings: none Prompt: Beth Bradley has a problem. Everyone is expecting her successful music executive boyfriend, Charlie, to be her date for her best friend’s wedding. There’s one hitch: Charlie doesn’t exist. Unless she can think of something fast, she’s headed for the most humiliating weekend of her life. Alex Tanner has a problem. The former Navy SEAL's search for a double agent lands him at the Kensington Hotel, and he needs a cover to finish the job. When the sexy maid of honor blackmails him into pretending to be her lover, he thinks he's been handed the solution. Except Beth has a way of stumbling into trouble, and when the man Alex is hunting starts targeting Beth, Alex has to decide between solving the mystery or protecting the woman who has stolen his heart. Summary: Jensen Ackles has a problem. Everyone is expecting his successful accountant boyfriend, Sam Wesson, to be his date for his best friend’s wedding. And Jensen is the wedding planner! There’s one hitch: Sam doesn’t exist. Unless he can think of something fast, Jensen is headed for the biggest humiliation of his life. Jared Padalecki has a problem. The government agent's search for a possible sex trafficking ring lands him at the Isla Grande Resort on the Gulf of Mexico, and he needs a cover to finish the job. When he meets the sexy wedding planner while planting a bug in his room, Jensen blackmails him into pretending to be his boyfriend. Jared doesn't mind--he thinks he's been handed the ideal cover. Except Jensen stumbles into trouble, and Jared has to decide if this resort romance is just play-acting—or the real thing! Link to fic: on Ao3 (art embedded in fic) Title: These Violent Delights Author: dimpled_sammy Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 82K Warnings: Violence, gangsters, minor character death Prompt: Romancing the Mob Boss. Trina Hathaway is a waitress in a Las Vegas strip joint who spends a romantic evening with a good looking hunk she met at the club. Hoping to see him again, but not disappointed when she doesn’t, she goes on with her life. But a week later, when she interviews for a job at the renowned PaLargio Hotel and Casino on the Vegas Strip, and discovers that the owner of the hotel is the man she had slept with, a man who very much wishes to rekindle what they had captured that passionate night, her entire life spirals into a new and dramatic world where family ties and ever-increasing violence ropes them in. Summary: Jared Padalecki has only ever wanted to get out of Sin City. Trapped by extenuating circumstances, he works as a waiter in a Las Vegas strip joint, doing what he can to get by, including spending a romantic evening with a handsome stranger who wanders into the club one night. Hoping to see the stranger again, but not disappointed when he doesn’t, Jared moves on with his life. A month later, Jared interviews for a job as a financial consultant at one of the largest and newly made over Hotels on the Vegas strip. Jared gets the job, only to discover that his new boss is the same man he slept with: Jensen Ackles, the enigmatic and ice cold business man. Jensen Ackles, the city's biggest mob boss. Torn between his longing to get out of the city and his yearning to be closer to Jensen, Jared finds himself being sucked into a new and dangerous world where loyalty is everything, passion exists on a knife-edge, and the ever-increasing violence makes it impossible to escape. Link to fic: on Ao3 Title: Heartstrings Author: madebyme_x Artist: quickreaver Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 7.5K Warnings: Language and references to drug and alcohol abuse Prompt: Heartstrings. As Julia prepares to settle in for another typical 12-hour shift in the ER, she's ready to handle anything...That's before Slade Hale rolls into her life...on a stretcher surrounded by 15 doctors and nurses. To her he's just another patient, and a cocky asshole Rock Star with an ego. Or at least that's what she thinks. When she's assigned to be his personal nurse, Julia suddenly feels out of her comfort zone. Slade is the most beautiful man she's ever seen in person and even in his vulnerable condition he seethes of raw sex appeal. When he starts to wake up, that's when the real trouble begins...Julia desperately attempts to fight his charm and wit, to stay professional, to keep the upper hand. Summary: Washed-up rock star Jared is rushed to hospital, and it's up to uptight nurse Jensen to fix more than broken bones. But what is it that they say? Opposites attract, or something like that... Link to fic: on LiveJournal Link to art: on LiveJournal

Supernatural

Title: Behind Glass Author: museaway Pairing: Dean/Castiel Rating: Teen Word Count: 21.3K Warnings: Temporary Character Death Prompt: Life as he has known it is over for Adan when his mother tells him she has bought a mansion in an exclusive community high in the redwood mountains. There are no other young people living there except one, a girl named Chrystal who has never been outside the community before or known anyone her own age. But Adan can only admire Chrystal from afar, she is beautiful and he is covered in scars. Summary: Castiel has spent his life secluded in the woods. At his father’s warning, he’s never left the property. He has no memory of his mother, and his father doesn’t come above twice a year with supplies now that Castiel is grown. But when he befriends a boy named Sam who trespasses on his land, and Sam's older brother, whose face and arm were maimed in an accident, he begins to doubt everything his father has told him. Link to fic: on Ao3 Title: The Trouble with Benny Author: angelus2hot Pairing: Dean/Benny Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 2K Warnings: none Prompt: Can a girl ever have too many cowboys?No sooner does pint-sized spitfire Jill Cleary set foot on Fiddle Creek Ranch than she finds herself in the middle of a hundred-year-old feud. Quaid Brennan and Tyrell Gallagher are both tall, handsome, and rich...and both are courting Jill to within an inch of her life. She's doing her best to give these feuding ranchers equal time-too bad it's dark-eyed Sawyer O'Donnell who makes her blood boil and her hormones hum.Summary: It took awhile for Sam to realize even though Dean could have almost anyone he wanted, his brother only wanted Benny. But when he did he and Garth devised a plan to get Dean to finally go after what he wanted. Link to fic: on Ao3 Title: Happenstance Author: stonenumberone Pairing: Sam/Dean Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 18K Warnings: Pre-series AU, underage sex, underage drinking, complete lack of listening to the concept of Stranger Danger, swearing and just a little bit of angst and sibling incest. Prompt: Colin Hartman can now add college to his list of failures. On the coast-to-coast trek home from California, Colin stops at a gas station in the Nevada desert, and can’t help noticing the guy in tight jeans looking like he just stepped off a catwalk. When he realizes Catwalk is stranded, Colin offers a ride. Riley only intended to take a short ride in Colin’s Jeep to the Grand Canyon. But one detour leads to another until they finally find themselves tumbling into bed together. However there are shadows in Riley’s eyes that hide a troubled past. And when those shadows threaten to bury the man whom Colin has fallen in love with, he vows to get Riley the help he needs. For once in his life, quitting isn’t an option… Summary: Dean’s never been really good at that whole “accomplishment” thing. Drifting is the one thing he really knows how to do, and a trip after his latest failure—college—with just him, his car, and the wide open road is exactly what he needs. Running into a boy with legs longer than the California coastline was definitely not on the agenda, but hey, it’s not like Dean has anywhere else to be. When the trip becomes more of a series of detours, Dean finds himself more and more drawn to the young Sam, who seems to be carrying more baggage than Dean originally thought. A secret revealed threatens to shatter everything they’ve built together in this short time; will they make it through or crash and burn like every other thing Dean has ever touched? Link to fic: on Ao3 Title: Sunrise Cove Obsession Author: smalltrolven Pairing: Sam/Dean Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 9K Warnings: Beyond Awful!John Winchester Prompt: Naomi Bowes lost her innocence the night she followed her father into the woods. In freeing the girl trapped in the root cellar, Naomi revealed the horrible extent of her father’s crimes and made him infamous. No matter how close she gets to happiness, she can’t outrun the sins of Thomas David Bowes. Now a successful photographer living under the name Naomi Carson, she has found a place that calls to her, a rambling old house in need of repair, thousands of miles away from everything she’s ever known. Naomi wants to embrace the solitude, but the kindly residents of Sunrise Cove keep forcing her to open up—especially the determined Xander Keaton. Naomi can feel her defenses failing, and knows that the connection her new life offers is something she’s always secretly craved. But the sins of her father can become an obsession, and, as she’s learned time and again, her past is never more than a nightmare away. Summary: When the boys are forcibly separated at twelve and eight by a father gone mad their lives take very different turns. When they are then reunited fifteen years later, they don’t recognize each other. Dean’s promise to stay away from Sam even though unwittingly broken brings a danger back that may kill them both. Link to fic: on Ao3 Title: Indelible Author: dare_darcy Pairing: Dean/Sam Rating: M Word Count: 25K Warnings: Light BDSM Prompt: Leni Brewster should have been disappointed when her twin sister had to bail on holding her hand during her first tattoo, but going to her appointment solo means time alone with the sexy-as-hell tattoo artist who falls into the Do Not Touch category. Only Jamie Rodriguez isn't as off-limits as Leni thinks. Privately single for months, Jamie finds himself more than looking forward to having the hot little librarian in his chair. And when she accidentally reveals a naughty secret about herself, he can't get his hands on her fast enough-he has to know what else she's hiding under that buttoned-up exterior. What he discovers sets his blood to boiling, igniting a burning determination to test every single one of the boundaries, both personal and physical, that she's set for herself. Summary: Dean Singer is a tattoo artist, single and unhappily so. Sam Winchester is the sexy librarian who has been feeding his secret book habit. When Sam walks into Dean's shop, will Sam break through Dean's walls and see the man beneath? (Summary to be fixed when I'm not sleep deprived.) Link to fic: on Ao3

[mythicamagic]

I know that all of the relationships with the Diaboys are pretty unhealthy and toxic, but which one of the relationships is the most close to an ideal, healthy one? I hope you understand what I'm trying to mean.

Ohh boi I can see myself coming off as very biased here. This is just my opinion folks, feel free to disagree:

My gut feelings are Shuyui, Subayui and...possibly Yumayui and Rukiyui? 

This is just a general summery and no where near as in depth as it could be but the reasons summed up are:

Shuyui are quite comfortable around each other even when there’s nothing going on, they're just okay being together. They don't get uncomfortable, and when they do properly get together they don't overly talk about their feelings but they don't need to. They remind me greatly of this quote from the Notebook novel:

“We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.”

There’s just a lot of layers to them, and I can see why they’re a popular ship.

Subayui is more difficult, because Subaru gets emotionally volatile when Yui tries to get close to him, unlike Shuu who just emotionally shuts himself off and leaves Yui in the dark. Subaru will get tense and such because he doesn't understand her intention or trust it, often getting mad at her just for the simple reason that he doesn't know how to react, so he falls back on anger, and it escalates. But once the bond is there, he does seem to learn and become relaxed around her, having, to me, a natural kind of chemistry that feels younger than Shuyui, but still cute. When they are a couple, there’s intimacy and a gentleness to them that Subaru is capable of, even if he finds it very difficult to convey his honest emotions from a lifetime of shutting himself away and not trusting anyone. 

Yumayui is also one that starts out rough and volatile but once they're past it, Yui is quite clearly unafraid to call him out on crap when he takes it too far. Once it's dealt with, Yuma is just really oddly down to earth and he talks to her about her dreams. I don't think any other guy actually asks her what she wants to do, and she tells him she wanted to be a Nun. Instead of belittling her, initially Yuma encourages this idea (though later on a bunch of drama goes down) and Yui even reveals she wouldn't mind being a bride. Later on, after everything happens in MB, Yuma talks openly with her about his boss, and the conversation is just very natural. Yui and him work off each other quite well imo though they’re an underrated pair. Yui seems to genuinly enjoy being out in the garden and helping him too.

Idk the image of them two walking like this makes them look like a married couple or something, who do this every day.

Rukiyui have possibly the most difficult start to their relationship, filled with sadistic turns and Ruki’s distrust of women, but again, if we’re treating this as after the development has happened, then Ruki x Yui seem like another pair that are just comfortable around each other. Ruki does need someone to hear him voice his stresses, as much as he doesn’t want to, but Yui fulfils that role. In DF, he takes her back to his home town, and even to the orphanage he hated, showing just how much he trusts her. She seems to bring out his buried ‘human’ side to him.

If you guys have any other thoughts on what other couples could be contenders though, feel free to add on x

[sailor-freak]

Lady Gaga: Chromatica - Album Review

(image source)

Forgive me if I don’t sound as smart in this one as other reviews I’ve done but it’s literally only because idk terms in pop music I know way more about heavy music even if I enjoy it all lmao.

Chromatica I - This honestly felt like the opening to a Disney film or something it was awesome 😂. Obviously these and the other 2 Chromaticas are instrumentals used in sort of concept albums so for that purpose it works well 😂.

Alice - Man this immediately reminded me of ALICE by Traci Hines but obviously less Disney and more of the concept of the story 😂. I really like the rhythm of this song and how high Gaga’s vocals go in the chorus especially from the start it really gives the song a lot of power immediately 😂. Obviously the idea of Alice in Wonderland is an idea of mystery and being lost, which for the start of this album is a really nice thing 😂.

Stupid Love - K I’ll just talk about the song here and EVENTUALLY do a separate post on the music video 😂. I absolutely love this song omg it’s got such an upbeat party vibe to it yet the lyrics still have some depth behind them 😂. The sort of depth of this song comes in at the pre-choruses when she sings “all I ever wanted was love”, it slows down, not dramatically, it doesn’t throw off the tempo of the song, but her voice becomes more raw and the music almost sits down for a bit until it’s brought back up in the chorus 😂. Idk I just love that cos it’s not just a fun pop song it’s got some deeper meaning behind it 😂.

Rain On Me (with Ariana Grande) - It’s literally just occurred to me that I didn’t actually talk about the song in that post cos it was released while I was really ill lmao so I’ll probably amend that at some point 😂. I really love the lyrics of this song, of course the main part of the chorus “I’d rather be dry but at least I’m alive, rain on me” it’s like saying “It’d be nice if I was okay but hey I’m still here”, it’s got such a weight behind it which I love. All throughout the song uses the metaphor of rain and how it’s linked to misery and sadness, but here it’s almost being celebrated that emotion is a part of being a human so let’s just all embrace it together. And in terms of vocals I’m not a fan of Ariana Grande but her vocal contribution is great here lmao, cos her voice contrasts a lot with Gaga’s (especially in the bridge) it gives almost a second tone to the song which is nice. Sorry I really like this song I’ll talk about it more when I amend that post cos I could go on forever 😂.

Free Woman - Fade in vocals make me WEAK just saying. I love the power of these lyrics, it’s such a strong song for women and the power that they can hold (I say they like I’m not one lmao), it’s just about owning EVERYTHING and like YES QUEEN 😂. I also love how the music is used throughout this song, it builds and drops just around the place which gives a different tone to the lyrics she’s singing, and also makes it a really nice listen for relaxing 😂. Idk I just love that 😂.

Fun Tonight - Now this was one that I didn’t actually like a lot. Usually if I don’t like a song it’s in the music rather than the lyrics, lyrics don’t usually bother me but if the music doesn’t slap I’m not crazy 😂. I think it’s something in the melody that doesn’t sit with me, it can feel a bit random to me sometimes? But that’s me being picky 😂. The music doesn’t stand out to me, it doesn’t do the dreaded “chorus-drop” but it just never builds up? I mean, it does, but not enough 😂. Idk with the music and the beat it just doesn’t agree with me 😂.

Chromatica II - Second instrumental, this gives me an almost haunting vibe? Like, not creepy ghost scary, but eerie mysterious scary 😂. Like shit’s about to go down 😂. I like it lol 😂.

911 - Nice transition 😂. Lol anyway I fucking LOVE this song, I don’t know what it is but I just really jammed to it first listen 😂. The vocals have a very robotic sound to them (possibly autotune mixed with voice alterations), like it sounds non-linear, idk some bits don’t sound like they were sang together 😂. Which I like, it adds to the concept of the song 😂. For a casual listen it works really well with the music, but the lyrics again have a nice depth about human emotions and how they can be perceived by others that give it something else 😂. Love this one so much omg 😂.

Plastic Doll - This was another one I didn’t really like eek. This section of the album is very much about personal image and human perception and trying to please others/removing yourself from how others want you to be, which the lyrics of this song really shows. I mean, for a lot of it she refers to herself as a Barbie doll, obviously using the metaphor of how dolls look perfect and are used by people, but the chorus says “hey fuck you don’t do that” which is cool 😂. Also it claps back when she sings “if you’re a real boy”, idk the depth of that it just sounds cool 😂. But again what I don’t like is in the rhythm, it’s like there’s not enough there for me to hold on to. Love the lyrics and the meaning but again if it don’t bop it don’t bop 😂.

Sour Candy (with BLACKPINK) - I won’t go into too much detail on this one considering my post on it is like a novel long 😂. But ngl if this song didn’t have Blackpink featured idk if I’d like it as much as I do 😂. It’s definitely a good song! Easy listen, simple bop with nice lyrics again linking to the human image section of this album, but if it was either just Gaga or an artist other than Blackpink idk if I’d like it as much 😂.

Enigma - Oooo love this one too 😂. Most of the power of the song is in Gaga’s vocals, she really goes for it in the chorus even when the music isn’t quite up there with her but it makes her stand out, which actually adds to the meaning of the song 😂. I don’t actually know what else to say I might make a post on it at some point so I can really get into it cos I feel like lyrically there’s a lot for me to dive into 😂. But it fucking slaps 😂.

Replay - Lol I’m one of those people who always says Replay is a song by Iyaz but this song is so good it could change my mind 😂. For the bop this is the lyrics have SUCH a depth to them, possibly more than the other songs so far cos holy crap there’s such a power and almost pain behind this song. I feel like she really conveys that in her vocals, there’s a lot of emotion in her performance that really add to the power and the feeling this song gives you. Musically it’s a jam but wow the lyrics just stand out so much about pain and trauma, it’s just so powerful to me omg.

Chromatica III - Final instrumental, idk what this sounds like to me but there’s definitely a lot of power in it which gives you a strong emotional response, like you do in film scores 😂. Idk instrumentals aren’t my strong post but... yeah 😂.

Sine From Above (with Elton John) - Man Elton John SLAY 😂. I really feel like I need to look in my old high school science books and look at the qualities of sine waves so I can go into that further but let’s just say for now I know a sine wave has something to do with weather and the earth and shit 😂. I won’t dwell on that too much cos I don’t wanna sound more stupid than I already do, but the feeling of hope is so strong here 😂. I’ve actually forgotten everything I wanted to say cos I’m so caught up on remembering all the scientific facts about fucking sine waves so I may have to do a separate post at some point but it bops and wow I didn’t know Elton John could sound like that I’m so used to him in Save Rock and Roll 😂.

1000 Doves - K I know this one lol 😂. Doves are a symbol of peace, so having 1000 of them is like... really peaceful 😂. Coming at this section of the album it comes in with the “humans stick together and help each other” idea, and the lyrics says stuff about “flying with broken arms” or whatever it is idk it doesn’t sound grammatically correct ANYWAY, it’s got that and asking for help, then it also got parts about helping others and being there for others, like it’s a two-way thing. Idk what I’m going on about but that’s it 😂. The music also helps with the peace thing, it’s calming but there’s still substance behind it and there’s something to it for me, a bop seeker, to hold on to, but it isn’t overwhelming or overpowering, it’s good 😂.

Babylon - I feel so bad that the final song on this album I don’t really like either 😂. Again it’s a music thing, I think for this one it doesn’t flow very well for me so it just doesn’t sit right with me 😂. I might just be being dumb but I’m gonna be honest with you lads I feel like this song needs research 😂. So imma just say it’s here and it’s closing the album 😂.

K overall, this album SLAPPED. It was SO GOOD. Since I’ve mostly listened to older Lady Gaga (mostly from The Fame and Born This Way but some from ARTPOP) I wasn’t expecting a 2020 pop album to be SO GOOD 😂. I can definitely feel the journey and the story Gaga was telling in this album, and it’s clear she put so much emotion and effort into this so like applause to her come on 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏. Idk what else to say haha it’s just really fucking good, you can always tell when an artist has put a lot of emotion into a release and I REALLY feel it here, again well done Gaga fucking love it 😂.