#and idk I’ve liked some of Kubricks other stuff!
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quilterdyke · 3 months ago
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I’m scared to admit this but……..the shinning was not good
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punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago
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Edie & Liam
aleeunayzhun: anyone else think the ‘monster’ addition was totally unnecessary and has taken away from what was a mildly intriguing ARG concept beforehand?
aleeunayzhun: 🙄 back on the trail for a new rabbithole to fall down
level26: Yeah, axed it for me
aleeunayzhun: the paranormal route can be alright if it’s done right but usually it ain’t and then it’s a cop-out, PM definitely didn’t think where they were going with this
aleeunayzhun: the ones that rely on the real world but twist it are always scarier to me, no one ever has the balls to stick with it, to not throw in some bullshit ghost jumpscares to get the idiots with
level26: creepypasta is where it ends up with barely no exceptions
aleeunayzhun: mhmm
aleeunayzhun: and no one has shanked their mate over anything on there in time
level26: got a few I’ll volunteer if the next 🐇 is more of this or promo again
aleeunayzhun: If one more shitty band thinks throwing out some binary or morse code makes them any less shit, I’ll join you
level26: dednah tfel neve t'nia ylbaborp yeht
aleeunayzhun: imij erew yeht hsiw yeht
level26: 👅💔🍆💔🎸💔
aleeunayzhun: 💔 they reckon hot groupies hang about on reddit
level26: trolls are their groupies, they can only be fuelled by edgy r/hate 🤘
aleeunayzhun: awh, r/hate is only a degree away from r/love after-all
level26: just like that, a plotline that’d be less crap than [whatever this ARG we’re slagging off is called]
aleeunayzhun: not gonna start my annoying beg promo in here quite yet but how hard was that, really
level26: us both being spam bots is still a better twist than the monster did it
aleeunayzhun: Привет, дорогая, хочешь увидеть мои сексуальные фотки? Hажмите ссылку СЕЙЧАС! [‘Hello dear, do you want to see my sexy pictures? Click the link NOW!’ And a link to god knows what lmao]
level26: NO soundcloud rapper link?! 💀 what an r/cockblock
aleeunayzhun: how’d you guess 😏
level26: my paranormal powers kicked in, clicking that link must’ve leveled me up
aleeunayzhun: advert for communism? 🤔🤫
level26: find me and my sick beats on r/motherrussia
aleeunayzhun: MK Ultra is definitely taken by about 1000 other shit DJs
aleeunayzhun: and is the poorly executed plot of several other ARGs I’ve also given up on
level26: KM Extra is my personal fave shit DJ, really doing something
aleeunayzhun: the fact I genuinely know who that is 😷😷
level26: I noclipped into his set at [somewhere she would have heard of even if she’s not been] talk about an eldritch location
aleeunayzhun: you must’ve felt like the only player in a crowd of NPCs 🧟‍♀️🧠💀🧟‍♂
level26: close enough to the review I would’ve left
aleeunayzhun: I’ll leave it
aleeunayzhun: I know the coordinates
level26: I’ll 👀 out for it
level26: you on moscow standard time or one of the other 10?
aleeunayzhun: I’m the Russian spy, I hack you, comrade
level26: ❤️ tôi cũng cam kết với chính nghĩa cộng sản ❤️ [with some link to the Communist Party of Vietnam because we’re saying we’re as committed to communism]
aleeunayzhun: [links to the Communist Party of Ireland to be like obvs we have both worked out we’re actually from here
level26: cracked the code, like, full props to KM Extra
aleeunayzhun: Only in Dubo would that shit fly
level26: they’d eat his head off outside the pale, yeah, galway’d be having none of it
aleeunayzhun: what they got but a bunch of rocks though
level26: easy pick for the murder weapon
aleeunayzhun: you’d never get far enough in the guinness factory to drown someone in a vat 💔
level26: could do if you got a job as manager and closed for essential maintenance
aleeunayzhun: 💡
aleeunayzhun: won’t do no harm to the taste
level26: iron boost if he’s bleeding heavily when he goes in
aleeunayzhun: delicious and nutritious
level26: ARG coming soon from guinness
aleeunayzhun: bastards better give credit
level26: they can have it, we’re not short of ideas
aleeunayzhun: and you ain’t heard nothing yet
aleeunayzhun: not making it that easy for the wannabe PMs with none of their own
aleeunayzhun: 🔐the real ones
level26: fair play, given enough freebies out in this thread
aleeunayzhun: 🤐
aleeunayzhun: [later on though definitely some way to contact her privately but in a way that you’ve got to work it out of course]
level26: [at least then we can switch to y’all’s names ��cause I can’t think of a username for the life of me lol]
Edie: [You can add it later and change it, it’s fine lol]
Liam: 🔓
Edie: 1 🔑 for 1 💎
Edie: Suitably impressed
Liam: if I knew anywhere that loaded a 💎 into the gun I’d be off but what’s impressive about a swollen and green ear
Edie: Impressive, no; but good footage for the game? Absolutely
Liam: I’d do it here to have time to mess about with all the lighting and angles
Edie: you’re 🎥
Edie: not enough have actual artistic merit so fair play
Liam: but thinking about it, recording the conveyor belt of a trainee stabbing holes in screaming babies ears all day could have some merit to it, maybe I should get myself up
Edie: you can buy anything and everything from bezos
Edie: live your dreams
Liam: putting my dreams on tape would be worse than the monster reveal
Liam: cheapest jumpscares and effects
Edie: not to mention outing yourself to the whole thread, not just me
Liam: how many teachers would crawl out the woodwork if there was a mass reveal
Edie: to offer you the school’s stellar mental health services
Edie: the one nurse phoning it in
Liam: find my dad lurking on the thread too, that’d be a trip
Edie: unexpectedly wholesome
Edie: I’ll start hiding caches where my dad hides his stashes
Edie: unintentional rhyme
Liam: bars 🎼
Edie: @ KM Extra
Liam: Fachtna to his ma who thinks he’s a saint
Edie: Oof
Edie: ARG concept no. ? the horror of the Irish language
Liam: my ma would be 😱 if I went and hugged her for not doing me that wrong
Edie: not the audience we aim to 😱 really
Liam: too easy
Edie: almost as easy as your name to spell and say
Edie: you even from here 👽
Liam: wouldn’t take enough working out to set you as a test, records are basically lying about
Edie: nothing relating to school is a challenge
Liam: just getting that nurse to give a shit
Edie: if she reckons she’s 👀 it all…
Liam: front row of our intended audience
Edie: splash zone
Liam: she’s never off her phone, spy like you won’t have no problem hacking it
Edie: her nudes = actual monstrosity
Liam: dunno what Mr Doyle sees in her
Edie: yeah, he’s such a looker himself, like
Liam: his wife used to be pretty fit
Edie: don’t matter when she explains how and why people cheat
Edie: psychobabble gets ‘em off every time
Liam: if they taught psychology nobody’d be off each other or learning anything then
Edie: sounds like any other standard schoolday
Liam: that's what they’re getting up to in your class, is it
Edie: as cliche as the monster, yeah
Liam: 🔥🏫
Edie: hear hear
Edie: got to make the endless fire drills worth it one day
Liam: can’t miss me standing in line or not
Edie: then I won’t
Liam: next false alarm I pull
Edie: + 💎
Liam: + 👀
Liam: dont have to hate every cliche
Edie: not the good ones
Edie: all about how you use or misuse them
Liam: can you overuse eye contact
Edie: I can
Liam: I can make a kubrick stare work however many takes you wanna do
Edie: you don’t think I’m a one-take 🌟
Liam: I’ve not shot you
Edie: 🤯🔫
Liam: I’m not a one-take 📷📹
Edie: is that a brag for not suffering from premature ejaculation?
Liam: do you need that reassurance
Edie: I don’t know
Liam: I’ll think about other unsexy shit if your eyes start getting to me too much
Edie: Ha, yeah right
Edie: just don’t think about the 🔥
Liam: 🚒 buzzkill
Edie: 🚓 cockblock
Liam: 🚑 scene stealers
Edie: 🛸 out of here
Liam: before you can get stuck there as a 👻
Edie: Purgatory is preferable to that place forever
Liam: stay alive and it’s simple to get out of 🏫
Edie: I’ll leave my bag behind
Edie: 1st rule and only, really
Liam: don’t really need a pile of textbooks
Edie: I doubt that’s what you carry
Edie: I know I don’t
Liam: I can get more of what I do and I bet you could too
Edie: Bars
Liam: 😏
Edie: You’ve promo’d him a lot if you ain’t him
Edie: KM, like
Edie: bit sus
Liam: you said you know who he is, you know I ain’t
Liam: maybe I love him or some gay shit
Edie: none of his tracks sound like love songs
Liam: guess he don’t love me back
Edie: Oh honey
Edie: lock him in when you set the fire
Liam: he can keep spitting out those fuck yous til the end
Edie: dedication ✊
Liam: and +++ for morale
Edie: what a lad
Liam: love triangle is a cliche too far, take a deep breath or something
Edie: bit possessive
Liam: directors are dicks
Edie: and the heartbroken
Liam: yeah, couldn’t be kind to you if I wanted
Edie: I’ll survive
Edie: you’ve given me the heads up, I’ll give you the 👀
Liam: respect killing me with your 👀 and taking him for yourself
Edie: who could blame me
Liam: my ma as I’m dead, like
Edie: true
Edie: i’ll avoid her at the tescos
Liam: 🛒 dash
Edie: got a selection of my own
Edie: [picture because the random crap you would have in the barns lmao]
Liam: [a picture of one he stole at some point that’s on fire or been blown up or whatever]
Edie: 👏
Edie: what else can we 💥
Liam: got any barns you don’t use
Liam: or 🚜 stuff
Edie: loads
Edie: if you’re lucky, I’ll leave another 🔑
Liam: got another ear to put a 💎 in, luck’s gonna run out beyond it
Edie: sounds like some gay shit, you should
Liam: 👌
Liam: [pics when we’ve done this because of course we have, casually raiding either your mother or sister’s jewellery stashes here like]
Edie: Oh
Edie: actually looks kinda sick
Edie: you’re welcome then
Liam: I’ll send the footage when I’ve edited it
Edie: I look forward to it
Edie: I can’t give you any clues
Liam: what makes you think I need em
Edie: [idk how to differentiate but clearly the clue to where you live needs to be much harder to find and then decode lmao]
Liam: [awkward when he blatantly already knows where you live]
Edie: [do not even need to do the work, whoops]
Liam: [convincingly pretend you are though please]
Edie: [thank god he’s not a murderer even if he is a stalker, just giving out this info willynilly]
Liam: [not your stalker, it’s FINE]
Edie: [oh dear oh dear]
Edie: I’ll know when you work it out
Liam: yeah, I’ll show up 📷📹🌾
Liam: or send a 📦💣 if you wanna take things slow
Edie: you decide
Edie: I’ll shake all the packages extra hard
Liam: cancel the real 🐇 I thought about
Edie: animal cruelty is lamer than bed wetting
Liam: never even tipped a 🐄
Edie: they’ll appreciate it
Edie: anyway, if you did, punishment is letting them kick you in the face so you lose in the end
Liam: head injury’s a win if I get caught for the 🔥🏫 or being seen staring in your window
Edie: 😍🤤 just serial killer things
Liam: pretend I didn’t say KM’s gonna be my 1st victim
Edie: I’ll never feel special otherwise
Liam: you don’t feel special knowing I cracked your code
Edie: if anything, it makes you look smart and me not smart enough
Liam: you’re smart enough that I wanted to
Edie: I’m not going to ruin it with a cliche jumpscare now
Liam: me either, you’re smart enough too to see me coming
Edie: and you’re tall, so I hear
Liam: dunno where from, my dad’s not
Edie: he’s definitely your dad?
Edie: I may as well accuse your ma because I’m already avoiding her for the whole killing you thing
Liam: don't act like it which probably means he is
Edie: ha, real talk
Edie: I think you might be taller than mine
Edie: he’s 6’2
Liam: ha, I am
Edie: you’re the tallest person in school, possibly town
Edie: definite 👽
Liam: taking their time parking the ufo and picking me up, typical dad
Edie: did they forget ET or leave him here on purpose
Edie: he was fucking annoying
Liam: if I looked that much like a ballsack I’d understand
Edie: 😂
Edie: least you’d get to get fucked up with baby Drew Barrymore
Liam: baileys on cereal does taste sick, always down for that
Edie: yum
Edie: what do your fingers look like
Liam: [a video of his hands from lots of angles like hello]
Edie: hot
Edie: you can call me Elliot
Liam: or just call you instead of home
Edie: 😎 so smooth
Liam: what’s my ma gonna say, get back, talking to you is smarter
Edie: I’ve got time to set up the voice distorter so you’re not disappointed by the lack of crEEEEeeeEPpPPpyyyyYy vibes
Liam: and I’ll have loads of time to hear how you sound without it when I stake your house out
Edie: I’ll be sure to be loud
Edie: and not chat total inane shit with my family
Liam: you got your own room
Edie: technically not
Edie: but there are other rooms and places to crash in, when I wanna be alone
Liam: there’s my excuse to zoom in creeEEPpILY close 👀 when you’re not
Edie: very awkward and even ruder if you confused me for my sister
Edie: no one’s done that for ages
Liam: how were they ever doing it
Edie: we’re both the white ones, they just didn’t know which was which
Liam: can’t be a hard code to crack, not gonna be confusing you for anyone
Edie: good
Edie: it was pretty annoying
Edie: and I’m already your second victim as it is
Liam: partner in crime, or groupie to mine if you’re not getting actively involved, but still standing at the end
Edie: hope you’re writing some of these down
Edie: ‘cos I’m not gonna be your groupie
Edie: got my own scores to settle, own havoc to wreak
Liam: don’t need to write down I don’t want you to die, I’ll remember
Edie: it rhymed though
Edie: I’ll steal your lines then
Liam: write as many songs about me as you want, be your groupie til I get 🛸✌️
Edie: [send your music links because you ain’t]
Edie: give me a sec to do yours but pretend any of these are about you
Liam: this is you
Liam: serious
Edie: yeah
Edie: if I was gonna lie I’d have done that a few steps ago
Liam: I’m gonna lie they’re all about me
Edie: that’s what serious meant
Liam: it meant I’m impressed and you’re downplaying how smart you are
Edie: you can be my hypeman and overplay it
Liam: [does by uploading this edited ear piercing escapade with whatever song of hers we like and fits the vibe playing in it, giving her credit because we’re not a heathen and also putting on his stories that he’s listening to these tracks and hyping them how you can]
Edie: [so 😍 over this but trying to be chill somehow and somewhat even though we’re extra af anyway]
Edie: maybe I do wanna be your groupie
Edie: what do you want from me
Edie: like, I owe you and I want to give you something too, ‘cos
Edie: talking to you IS interesting
Edie: and not just because I could be talking to my ma or someone else really boring instead just ‘cos you are
Liam: [for real though her views would definitely go up cos the vibe is he knows loads of people through his sister but also through his weird vids and the raves and stuff he goes to now too so]
Liam: all I want’s to keep talking to you, for as long as you’re into it
Liam: people don’t unless we’re off our faces, like
Edie: my notifications are popping off rn
Edie: I know what you mean though, everyone’s too scared to say or do anything when they don’t have something to blame it on, like being stupid or weird or whatever the fuck actually matters
Edie: more than being bored and alone
Liam: dunno what they’re more scared of, what they wanna ask or how I’m gonna answer, least I know what the topic’ll be
Liam: every convo I have is a loop
Edie: all anyone ever cares about and knows is the headlines
Edie: as if there aren’t countless hours minutes seconds before and after the big events they all 👀 and 👂
Liam: work out sweet for you as a headliner
Edie: Getting them to talk about what I’m doing instead of whatever my parents and the rest of the fucking fam did or do is the goal
Liam: with me hyping you up, no bother, keep knocking out hits and I’ll promo em with no trace of binary or morse code
Edie: and you make films
Edie: I wasn’t sure if you were pissing about at first
Edie: every other person in that thread is an aspiring filmmaker so
Liam: did put me off for a while
Edie: Yours aren’t going to be bad Blair Witch ripoffs though
Edie: I can say that much without seeing
Edie: even the stuff you’ve sent today is dope
Liam: do you wanna see
Edie: yes
Liam: [link her cos I doubt all the weird shit is just there chilling on your insta or whatever]
Edie: [just casually watching all of this nbd]
Liam: siht ekil kool annog weiver ruoy
Liam: или, может быть, это
Edie: hoặc tôi có thể làm như thế này [‘or I could do it like this’]
Edie: si ffuts ruoy kniht i looc woh edih annaw tnod i tub
Liam: ba mhó an spraoi é a cheilt agus a lorg go pearsanta [hide and seek would be more fun in person]
Edie: If you’ve worked out where I live like you say
Edie: be fair and count to 100
Liam: you reckon you made it that easy do you
Liam: be cool if you added some 00s to that and gave me a fair chance
Edie: no, you could still be anyone
Liam: someone to be scared of, yeah I probably am
Edie: Do you want me to be scared of you
Liam: nah
Edie: Good because I’m not and I never promised I was a 🌟 so
Liam: 🤩 with or without promises
Edie: How have I never spoke to you before
Edie: so weird
Liam: I wouldn’t have known what to say to a girl like you
Edie: You seem like you’re coping fine to me
Liam: from behind a keyboard I can cope with anything
Edie: You’re not afraid of me either
Liam: not yet
Edie: What do you think I’m like?
Liam: smart, creative, nice to talk to and look at
Edie: then you’ve got nothing to be afraid of
Liam: I’ve got nothing, that’s bang on
Edie: I’m not trying to take anything from you
Edie: but I could throw those compliments back to you x 10000
Liam: you don’t like possessive, I ain’t gonna tell you what to do
Edie: I didn’t say that
Edie: you could claim better than a soundcloud DJ though
Liam: been waiting to hear that compliment specifically
Edie: 😏
Edie: You look like you’d be a fuckboy
Edie: that’s what I thought
Edie: you’re that good-looking
Liam: if I was the game’d be making you think I wasn’t, which is kinda where we are
Edie: True
Edie: so I’m that dumb or you’re that good, what are we going for?
Liam: you’re smart enough to play dumb, I don’t think I can aim for god tier puppet mastery of anyone’s emotions
Edie: I can see the appeal of that
Edie: closing you eyes to thing you don’t wanna see, to see the things you do
Edie: but mine are wide open
Liam: I ain’t mad, there’d be no appeal to yours being closed, unless you drop bars in your sleep too
Edie: you’re gonna find which window is mine and find out, yeah
Liam: wake you up before you name drop KM as it’s MY thing
Edie: that’s your man, I can respect it
Liam: exclusivity is a + for you then, I’m taking notes
Edie: I don’t really know
Edie: everyone’s lame
Liam: I’ve been there, yeah
Edie: I can’t fake enthusiasm for the sake of it
Liam: it’s a shite idea, doable or not
Edie: I don’t intend to
Edie: 🤞
Liam: can’t think why you’d have to
Edie: I won’t make you promise
Liam: what’ll you make me do
Edie: I want you to show
Edie: and be real and not just go ghost after this
Edie: but I don’t know if you will and I know you might
Liam: be a short afterlife, we don’t get american summers
Edie: we both got the capabilities, but I can promise not to stalk you if you like
Edie: if you want to stick to usernames and anonymity
Liam: not working out where you are to prove I can and a face in the window haunting wouldn’t even impress any dads lurking on the thread
Edie: Alright but I’d be more inclined to keep a secret if you asked opposed to all the dads
Liam: I wouldn’t wanna keep anything we do secret
Edie: Yeah?
Liam: if this is a scam I’m falling for everyone’ll see why and if it’s not I’m gonna document everything
Edie: I won’t ask for your credit card details even once
Edie: This is… different
Edie: isn’t it
Liam: you can have my ma’s, you’re avoiding her and the big tescos
Liam: I don’t know what this is, I wasn’t expecting you at the end of any of those links
Edie: It IS the least she could do
Edie: If I had a guess, you weren’t it
Edie: Even though you mentioned Dubo, it isn’t that small of a town
Liam: ha, how livid you’d be if I was another american coming here for the culture
Edie: not close enough to st patrick’s that I was worried
Liam: how did you feel
Edie: I thought no way it was you at first
Edie: and then I couldn’t believe it was you
Edie: and then that I should’ve known you sooner
Edie: what about you?
Liam: I still can’t believe it’s you, I would’ve tried to chat to you sooner if I knew this is how it’d go
Edie: I’m glad we are now
Edie: and I’ve not fucked it up
Liam: if the small world’s not fucked it up, you won’t
Edie: like you said, be shit if you were in America
Liam: be crap if you were anyone else from school, like you said
Edie: If it was anyone else from school
Edie: this convo would be well over by now
Liam: it’s the longest I’ve had for years
Edie: It’s all so surface level, right
Edie: fuck that
Edie: I wanna know more about you, I don’t care if I shouldn’t just say that
Liam: what do you wanna know
Edie: Hmm
Edie: Do I only get the one question?
Edie: Because I’ll think more carefully if so
Liam: nah, there’s no limit on it
Edie: Cool
Edie: so how was your day, and what were you doing just before you went on the forum?
Liam: [send her a video of some rave or whatever you were at because it’s summer bitches]
Liam: + 3-4 hours sleeping
Edie: Lucky
Edie: where’d you sleep and where’s the weirdest place you’ve got + 3-4 hours sleep before?
Liam: [send her some of the blooper-esque stuff you cut out to make it look more fun than it is, cos we know you’re usually bored]
Liam: home, I can’t 💤 in random xD places but I could call your dad short and maybe have him in a fight
Edie: that’s hot
Edie: he could’ve been there and you coulda tested that theory
Edie: but I wanna be there when you do
Liam: you’d have a shite view from the stage with lights blinding you, can’t let on how talented you are while we’re there
Edie: 😶
Edie: he’s not old so it’s not on a par with animal abuse lameness
Liam: and if I get carried away you can stop me
Edie: can I
Edie: + skill points
Liam: 🎶 works on monsters
Edie: have to find a way to get you home before the 💤 hits
Edie: so cute 🥺
Liam: mine or yours
Edie: 😳
Edie: I’ll protect you while you sleep, see if you can at mine
Liam: I can’t if you’re 👀
Edie: that might be a problem
Liam: how long can you not blink for
Edie: [send a vid of an attempt]
Liam: can I keep this
Edie: ‘course
Edie: use it if you can
Liam: when you write a song about me it’ll need a vid
Edie: I’ve started
Edie: I think by the time you find me, it’ll be done
Liam: people who don’t know you are gonna think I edited your eyes that colour
Edie: hashtag they’re real 😏
Liam: the girl who said she had an operation as a kid’s the real you
Edie: 😂
Edie: they were going rouge and I’ve repressed those memories
Liam: what were you doing before you logged on
Edie: not at a rave, sadly
Edie: I was masterminding a sabotage though, trying to anyway
Liam: don’t leave it there giving me no details
Edie: it isn’t even bad ARG plot worthy
Edie: but my sister has her gross boyfriend over and I need to ruin their fun, obviously, because they are unbearable
Edie: easiest way to do that is make them babysit the twins because there’s nothing fun about 9 year olds
Edie: so I convinced ma to go out on a date, but I still need to get my brother out the way and he’s a massive nerd who never goes anywhere so I’m stumped
Liam: we could have fun with it, gotta be a route to go down that’s not just ripping off the shining again
Liam: a nerd how, he’s on mastermind and his subject is _
Edie: 🪓 is just a prop, honest
Edie: bones, not in a cool way
Edie: History, all that old shit
Liam: [obviously find some kind of obscure af exhibit or book signing or something that he’d potentially be interested in and send her the deets because sleuthing is what you do boy]
Edie: OMG but genuinely
Edie: you are too good at this, I’ll have to keep you around
Liam: stashed with the 🪓
Edie: if you fit
Edie: He’ll actually go to this, for sure
Edie: 🐓🚫
Liam: keep what you figure’s useful and chop off the rest 🧩🧟
Edie: 😋
Edie: what an offer
Edie: and I do need to keep busy so I can’t be asked to step in
Edie: not that I’d say yes
Liam: busy like with a 🧭
Edie: go on
Liam: [god knows what scavenger hunt he’s sending you on gal that he apparently just has ready at the drop of a hat but here we are]
Edie: [live your best nerd lives]
Liam: [really hope these clues aren’t something he was gonna torment your sister with, because no thank you]
Edie: [lmao i hope it wouldn’t translate so easy ‘cos imagine]
Liam: [it definitely wouldn’t but a hardcore blag happening here regardless, I like to think you were actually coming up with this for her while you were pretending to work out her address that you already know]
Edie: [that’s a solid shout ‘cos yeah that is a thing lol]
Edie: [definitely sending you the demo of this song at the end as a prize because we’re beyond 😍 now]
Liam: [likewise even though he’s trying to downplay how 😍 he is to himself rn because it’s so weird that she’s Rio’s sister and that he actually also likes her in her own right so we’re fully !?]
Liam: [nevertheless trying to think of something creepy but cool he could send to her house so she knows he knows where it is and that we think this demo is amazing obviously, maybe it’s lots of other people’s shit musical endeavours like KM that we’ve set on fire and otherwise destroyed in creative ways like you’ve slayed the competition gal since cds and tapes are back baby idk]
Edie: [I wonder if I can find something like that to post hmm to pinterest I go]
Liam: [love the visual of you just sneakily dropping off a massive box of melted plastic without anyone seeing you]
Edie: [you’re clearly good lmao, I was thinking we could do a convo with Billie between this and the next one though]
Liam: [good idea boo, I’m up for that]
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owenteagued · 7 years ago
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You said you have a list of directors that you really don't like so I'm curious to know which directors are on it and for what reasons
Oh, this is gonna be hateful at best… please be warned that my reasons are in no way caused by any sort of critical approach to their work, so they’re entirely founded in personal prejudices and taste… also this might come out misandrist af so bear with me…
kubrick: he’s boring. I don’t necessarily dislike him but damn I’ve never been able to watch any movie of his without having to pause it at least a couple of times. I also don’t like how he directed actors… almost, if not all, of his actors’ performances are cardboard at best and totally blown out of proportion at worst. The fact that you can’t go a month without some old man heralding him as a cinema god just makes me more unsympathetic towards his work.
nolan: his “manstories” are just too much for me. I can’t bring myself to care most of the time and he can’t direct or write women to save his life. I mean just look at Marion Cotillard’s death scene in the dark knight rises! WTF is that shit??? How could he do that to her??? Also the fact that I can’t go a week without some guy performing a public fellatio on his work makes me more uninterested towards him, cuz his fans can’t fucking take any sort of criticism and they don’t leave until you agree with them so most of the time I’m just forced to say “yeah, the cinnamon tarkovsky was really good!” and i hate it. tho I do respect him for dying at dunkirk so white twinks could have representation in movies!
nicolas winding refn: drive (2011) was one of the most boring experiences in my life. I have ptsd from that movie to the point that I, thankfully, don’t remember any of its scenes but at the same time I can’t watch any other movie with ryan gosling if he doesn’t talk in the first 5 mins just out of fear that it all might come back to haunt me. also the fact that he dedicated the neon demon to his wife is one of the most heterophobia inducing things i’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing.
damian chazelle: this dude’s movies are basically just a man going “RAAWR IMMA FUCK THE MUSIC ARGHHG!!!!!” while his girlfriend, cuz they all have a girlfriend for some reason, just goes “i don’t understand anything!! why don’t you hold my hand anymore? :’(” and I just can’t deal with that kind of stuff.
wes anderson: i can’t stand that all his female characters are way too fucking beautiful for the men they’re supposed to pretend to be in love with or whatever. tho meh that’s just hollywood sexism at its finest and we should grow a tough skin for that but then he goes and makes his actors move with that rhythm that’s neither too fast nor too slow and that it was probably snatched from buster keaton’s rotting corpse with the help of some occultist ritual. add to that his damn obsession of always putting things at the center of the frame and you have me being totally uncomfortable throughout it all like if you wanna torture me really bad just tie me down to a chair and force me to watch moonrise kingdom. I’ll probably end up giving you everything i have to my name just to make it stop. (I do like fantastic mr. fox tho)
bertolucci: this one was in fact a pig and I never understood why anyone was ok with a pig directing a film. idk, that part of film history never quite checked out with me. i have not even seen any of its films because i don’t actually care what a creature that’s commonly raised for the slaughter or as a pet has to say about human nature or the world, it just bothers me that good money was wasted on helping a pig achieve its vision.
woody allen: ever since i found out he was a child molester i can’t watch any of his films. the argument of “separate art from the artist” is completely useless in this case, cuz most of his films are basically that… you got an old white man in a position of power that starts a relationship with a way younger and beautiful woman… ugh, I mean, to use the classic homophobic mantra: don’t rub your sexuality on my face. i do like some of his more female centric movies like blue jasmine, tho i can’t get the footnote of “this was done by a child molester” out of my mind as i watch it and it completely ruins it, so why bother…
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