#and idek what im doing wrong i just reply the way i always do which is find something related to the topic at hand and mention it
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hey sorry for saying the wrong thing i wasn't socialized properly at the shelter. tbh i didn't even know there was a wrong dialogue option but apparantly there was and now you're all silently ignoring me and i'm here wondering what i should've said instead
#idk i always feel like im saying the wrong response in irl conversations lately#and idek what im doing wrong i just reply the way i always do which is find something related to the topic at hand and mention it#but it always fades into awkward silence after that and i realize that was probably not what they were looking for#like there was some other common thread i was supposed to follow instead of this one#and normally i feel like ppl are more chill abt going along with it or rerouting the conversation back or whatever#but now it's just awkward silence that makes me wanna scream#idk how to do casual conversation like the point of conversation for me is to find something that i can Talk about#like a fun lil fact or my favorite things. just something that lets you dig deeper and actually have a convo abt something you care abt#but lately whenever i do that it feels like im being shut down. and im not rlly sure what changed. is it just the ppl here? the environment?#all i know is that im dying to have an actual sincere in depth conversation and everyone here seems allergic to it.#idk maybe i should just shift gears and see if i can find other ppl like me here or just focus on friends outside my program#just. idk how to talk or relate to normal ppl. and maybe they'd take offense to that but idk how else to describe it#i need to talk to ppl who are Weird and Freaky and Fucked Up#and ik everyone's going through their own shit and everything but i don't think these ppl are on the same level of fucked up as me#idk this was a pretty random vent but I've been having trouble socializing with ppl lately#i think i should just stick to surface level stuff instead of trying to dig deeper#bc first idk if there even is something deeper to dig into. and second i don't rlly trust these ppl to be myself around them#it's just weird bc they seem close like they'll banter with each other and stuff but idk if there's any deep convos actually going on#just. idk. i always feel more fucked up and disabled when im around them. idk how ppl can just Do Stuff#mine#vent#random
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Plus some of your links aren’t clickable on your Tumblr for me. Like the (know your place link) is not opening on mobile. The post that shows all your master lists doesn’t say anything about how the reader will be thick. So once again, you didn’t have to reply to me like that
let me just address both of your asks in the same post to make things more efficient
firstly . despite what you may think, what you just said in the first ask proves my point on how this is problematic. “i didn’t go check on your blog because i didn’t care to”. really??? again you really should word things better bc wym because you don’t CARE to? you sure cared enough if you pressed that little heart icon on the bottom right corner of the post. and it certainly seems like you cared enough to take it upon yourself and come here to say all of this when technically you didn’t have to. you must have been drawn to my writing to some extent <3
secondly. you said “a lot of black reader fics ive read that don’t strictly state they’re thick always make the reader to have big butts, big thighs, big boobs, dark skin or thick legs. nothing wrong with those im saying that unless it’s stated so, to not describe the readers body”. HAHSHSHAJJAAJJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAKAKAKKAKSKSS laughing SO hard bc once again you are still proving my point earlier when i said clearly you didn’t read any of the warnings on TOP of the post ?? idek which fic you’re referring to but im going to assume it’s my aki fic since that’s the one you interacted with. it CLEARLY states in the beginning that the reader was going to be thick coded which MEANS that im going to use descriptors such as the ones you stated (idek if i actually stated them) but the bottom line is that the reader is thick in my head when i wrote that fic and this brings me back to my main point: anyone is welcome to read my fics but when i state things like oh the reader is black and/or thick coded you do NOT have to imagine them like that bc they’re “ x reader” fics, where you can insert whatever image you want . but i digress. what other authors do regarding not explicitly ‘warning’ the audience of the reader’s body type but still adding specifics anyway has nothing to do with me. especially when i said that ill make sure it’s stated in the beginning of each fic. and the way you worded that does make it seem like the saturation of thick coded readers bothers you, at least a little bit. but thats just how it sounded to me
and another thing, im not angry 😂😂😂 im actually a little amused. a tiny bit annoyed but amused nonetheless
thirdly. im terribly sorry that the links aren’t working for you and idk how to fix that… maybe refresh the app or redownload it???? my links seem to be working on my end ( on the app, on my laptop, and when on mobile when you aren’t on the app ). and it’s really unfortunate it doesn’t work for you bc there’s essential information there. really interesting that only THAT link doesn’t work isn’t it ? well here’s what’s under the know your place link, since you can’t see it. this link is embedded in my navigation post so technically it IS there.
and fourthly, i only responded in the tone that i did because i felt like you were attacking me for the way I write on my own blog, and naturally i have to defend myself don’t i? your tone didn’t come off very nice either , esp in these last two asks you sent me . im usually a very nice and understanding person, so therefore i understand what you’re saying (objectively speaking) but my points still stand . if you feel like you still don’t wanna read my fics then i hope you find other authors who will cater to your desires :)
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hello !!! i want to write this intro in a cool way so everyone will think i’m cool & stuff, but actually i’m just the usual loser aka freya who's super uncreative, loves to make my muses suffer and nearly changed nothing about my old muses (except for the name). anyway, i’m super excited to be here and i already love you all, okay ? pls don’t be afraid to shoot me a message if you want to plot because i’m just a loser *plays big bang’s loser* who’s afraid 99% of the time and gets overwhelmed by the simplest things. you can also hit the LIKE button if you want to plot and i will jump into your IMs instead ( even in free running style when i get your love in return ) ! i also apologise in advance if i’m a little slow with messaging and doing replies & stuff, at times i just get a little overwhelmed and idek what’s wrong with me. and wow this is getting long that’s why i will stop here now. under the cut you will also find some information about ahri , it’s messy and i’m sorry. !! death, murder, miscarriage tw !!
-this little bean is a little too passionate police officer and just likes to get herself into trouble
-regarding her background, ahri is the second child out of three children. she has an older sibling (if anyone wants a dumb sibling message me) and a younger sibling
-her family is neither poor nor rich, her mother works in a small restaurant and her father is an independent journalist. her parents never really payed much attention to her and gave all their attention to her older and younger sibling. often she would wear her older sibling’s old clothes ( but well at least they were comfortable ? )
- though she knew that her parents preferred her siblings, she never really acted up? she was just accepting it and tried to get their attention with good grades , but well even that didn’t work but she was glad that at least she had more freedom because her parents were like constantly focusing on her siblings.
-so in the second year of high school her life took a dramatic turn. ahri got pregnant and of course her parents weren’t very happy about it and ahri as well. they didn’t have money to raise another kid and ahri wasn’t ready to raise a child. nevertheless, she decided to keep it.
-it was a very difficult time for them and , her father was a rather unknown journalist back then which meant they struggled with money. that’s why her dad was constantly looking for new stories to push his career and actually one day he found a interesting story which also could actually ruin someone’s life. this story was about a scandal happening at a big and well-known company in korea and if he published that story they would be ruined. that’s why her father tried to blackmail them (his family didn’t know) and demanded a huge amount of money. however, the head of the company refused to give him the money and tried to get rid off this problem with a different approach. ( we all know what i’m talking about)
-so one day ahri, her father and her younger sibling took a ride home. this day ahri had finally convinced her family to keep the child and the day was just going well. but of course after some peace something had to happen (blame me).
-while they were getting back, they noticed a car following them and her father immediately knew what it was about. still, he couldn’t escape and a huge car “accident” (we all know it wasn’t an accident) happened. her younger sibling died before he got to the hospital and her father and ahri were badly injured. although ahri survived her unborn baby didn’t.
-since then everything seemed to go downhill. her parents couldn’t deal with the loss of their child and ahri was just angry. angry about the loss of her unborn child and her younger sibling, that her father ruined everything due to his greed and that the company got away without any damage, just because they had the money and connections.
-her grades started to drop because she was was obsessed for revenge and of course her social life suffered as well and one day she just snapped.
-she had this very twisted idea that she needed some revenge, she wanted to take something from that person (the ceo) , she just wanted to hurt him. but she couldn’t do anything, that’s why she wanted to become a police officer, to investigate on this case again and at least have the opportunity to do something
-so she moved away and although she still loves her family, she’s on bad terms with her father because she blames him for everything.
now to her personality:
-ahri is a very dedicated person, basically that someone who would rather skip sleep for three days instead of not doing well? she might seem a little detached at times, but actually she’s one soft-hearted and awkward dork who is just overwhelmed by life? she’s a huge cry baby but acts as if she isn’t and seriously takes everything to heart (but well she’s trying to be cool). she might be a little blunt but (she doesn’t realise it) and just pours her heart into everything. she’s like the biggest pushover when it comes to her friends and will always blame herself and feels like she doesn’t deserve them. she also likes picking up trash in the middle of the night, because she’s really into the protecting environment kind of thing. at times she can be a goody two shoes, because she really hates injustice and just tries to make the world a better world and sometimes she takes this justice thing a little too serious. actually she’s just a huge dork, who actually irons her socks, is very old-fashioned and still has a flip phone and reads newpaper because she hates changes in her life. but if you hurt her she’ll most likely never forgive you.
some plot ideas would be the father of their unborn child (GIMME THE ANGST) ( it’s up to the player what he thought about it and to make it even more dramatic he could’ve been the son of the ceo), a friend who knew her before the accident, someone who witnessed the “accident”, her best friend she could always lean on during this phase of her life, someone who reminds her of her younger sibling or perhaps a friend of her sibling, just give me anything and i will love you! please hurt her but i also have a connection page so you can check this out for ideas as well !
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08/1/2017
WOW
ITS BEEN ANOTHER YEAR
AND EVERY TIME I KNOW SO MUCH SHIT HAS HAPPENED
BUT THIS TIME. I CANT’.
2016 WAS....IDEK HOW TO DESCRIBE ALL THE SHIT THAT HAPPENED.
Rn I’m listening to this song called Starving by Haliee Steinfield and it’s literally my go to song at the moment. As to why I’ll get to that but let’s try and break it down first.
On a sad note, my grandpa passed away in october last year. (RIP xxxx) And idk it still hasnt hit me yet. My eyes watered at the funeral, but I didnt full out cry. Is that weird? But this finally got me to see my Aunty Cayma and Uncle John after how many years of seperation. They’re like second parents to me and I’d missed them so much. It was nice.
secondly, we saw alfie again last month after everything went down. can you believe? a year later and we finally see him again. what’s funny it wasn’t even that weird, he was the same but maybe a little more depressed or st idk. at this point im not even mad....well 95% not lol. we had a nice little catch up dinner and went our seperate ways. maybe we’ll see each other again maybe we won’t...oh well.
I went to Amsterdam with my friends and had an amazing time. Imagine being high everyday for a week? idk how i did it either but i did and it was...crazy. I also broke my phone screen for the first time which started a whole lot of mess for me lmao.
And finally the biggie in my life rn...I met a guy. And fell for him hard af.
And what’s worse, was the day I met him I lost my virginity... to him. (18/8/2016)
I didn’t mind losing it to him...but the location was horrible and i will probably forever regret that aspect of it. But now I’m in this mess with him. After losing it to him we would meet up quite often to bang again, so we became fuck buddies basically. But idk...maybe it’s cuz i lost it to him or maybe it’s just he was different to any guy I’ve met but i’ve never liked a boy this much this quick and gone this crazy over them.
(also for ages ive been worrying if i was pregnant because he always wants to use the pull out method and im not smart enough to say no.)
Idk it kind of hung in the air for ages whether we just had sex or it was sex AND we mutually liked each other. Until one day I admitted it, and he said it back :) but everytime it seems to be going great for us, some shit happens.
The worst of all was last month. DEC 16 was absolutely awful...ok not all awful but it was a fuckin journey.
IMAGINE LOSING UR CARDS, BRAND NEW IPHONE REGAINING YOUR CARDS BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND THEN SMASING UR LAPTOP SCREEN? That happened to me.
And the whole month i thought i’d at least see the guy i like...he stops replying or answering my calls. At first i thought i’d done st wrong and he’d blocked me. The whole month i was crazy just thinking about him and why he did this to me. I went through to many stages and was even crazy enough to attempt to use his work friends as a way to contact him. I made a playlist of songs that remind me of them and would listen to them and just wallow in pity. (Hence why Starving is playing rn) Then finally after all that he messages me ‘happy new year natasha’ and there’s hope again.
THEN HE FUCKS ME UP AGAIN BY TAKIN AGES TO REPLY TO ME
AND THEN HE LEAVES MY MESSAGE ON SEEN AFTER THAT
AND I WAS DONE PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE WITH HIM.
YESTERDAY. I HAD ACCEPTED IT. HE DIDNT LIKE ME AS MUCH AS I LIKED HIM, MAYBE HE WAS OVER ME. And so i took my luggage and went to notts today ready to move on.
until an hour ago.
he fucking called me.
and now im a mess again.
honestly, idk what to do...maybe this a sign this isnt the end for us. but i know a few things:
sadly, i fell for him. i can’t get out of it now.
also im not gonna be as dumb as i was before.
i guess thats all i have to say. let’s see when i can be bothered to write in this again.
ciao. (he says that on the phone to me all the time ‘ciao bella’ and it;s the cutest thing.) ok i’ll stfu now.
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