#and i've had kat's post open for a few days too ;_;

[andwordsarefutiledevicess]

but saying it out loud is hard

summary: art tries to sleep, patrick is blissfully unaware. mark rebellato academy circa 2006 (prior to us open). loosely inspired by futile devices by sufjan stevens.

a/n: a quick something about art and patrick at rebellato. this is less patrick x art and more just....musings on homoerotic friendships. its been a while since i've posted, but feel free to send requests! i'll be active the next few weeks :)

the rattle of the air conditioning blended with the rhymic sounds of patrick’s deep breaths. the sheen of sweat across art’s skin chilled, sending a shudder down his gangly legs. for the past hour art had been wrestling his sheets while the window unit, nearest to his bed, blew his curls back into his eyes no matter how many times he raked a hand through them. it’s was three a.m. and, in the unceasing may florida heat which even the night could not escape, in the bed too small for his post-growth-spurt body, art was ready to give up on his hopes for a good nights’ rest. 

a muffled snore from patrick’s end of the room only served to taunt art. it was like patrick was saying “my bed is far away from that shitty ac, and i’ll be perfectly rested to whoop your ass during practice tomorrow” with each open-mouth, blissed-out breath in. art had never slept well at rebellato, not in the nearly six years he’d been there. his mind couldn’t seem to turn off when the lights did. he missed the feeling of his dog at the foot of his bed and, secretly, being able to hug his worn-out stuffed animals. but he’d learned to tough it out, and wait until he couldn’t keep his eyelids up before his restless mind gave into sleep. 

art was proud that he hadn’t slipped back into his old bad habits. when the cicadas chirped through this nights of those first few years at rebellato academy, art would push his and patrick’s beds together. sometimes he’d give up and just squeeze himself into pat’s bed and they’d sleep like sardines. sometimes patrick was the one to make the decision. art didn’t have brothers, and believed patrick, who had two, when he’d told art that this is what brothers did. they’d wake up with their cheeks smashed together and he couldn’t tell when one boy started and the other ended. now art felt too old for it. or something like that. 

it must have been the days of poor sleep that caused art to lapse back into this bad habit, or at least that was what he would tell himself the next morning. his drowsiness stripped him of the executive function necessary to stop his legs as they swung out of his own bed, and the soft beds of his feet hit the hardwood floors. 

patrick’s mattress dipped with the weight of art’s body as he crawled into the opposite bed. 

“are you asleep, pat?” his voice sounded strange to hear out loud after hours of quiet. 

a grumble, and then “yes.” art rolled his eyes in the dark. 

“if you’re asleep then why did you respond” art retorted, less a whisper and more just a quiet tone. he rested his head down, facing patrick, as he tried to settle his body without knocking knees in the twin bed. 

patrick’s eyes finally opened, heavy-lidded with interrupted sleep. “what’s up” he rasped, stretching his shoulders and tangling his brown waves on the pillowcase. 

“can’t sleep” art said, trying to sound dishonestly casual. patrick rubbed his eyes, reminding art of the 12-year-old pat he first met. patrick resigned, lifting his blanket as an invitation for art to share the bed like they used to. art muttered a “thanks” before scootching closer. 

pat had already closed his eyes. a second body in patrick’s bed, let alone that of his best friend, didn’t seem to bother him. art wished it was that easy. like everything pat did, he slept with the practiced nonchalance art never mastered. 

in the rare instance art had the gumption to reach out and take the things he wanted, he couldn’t rest with his success in the way that pat always had. it took emma shapiro telling kat zimmerman that she didn’t think art would ever kiss her, and kat zimmerman telling patrick, and patrick telling art he needed to “lay one on her” for art to finally kiss emma during the last week of seventh grade. he was convinced she hated it and hated him, and he never messaged her on AIM like she’d told him to. pat had already had is first kiss the year before with jessica martinez during a game of spin the bottle. patrick spun the bottle, grinned as it landed on jessica, managed to sneak in a bit of tongue, and grinned at art when jessica promptly ran away afterwards. the bottle never landed on art and he never felt up to spinning it. 

with a soft thud, the weight of patrick’s arm landed across art’s body as he moved in his sleep. with each of art’s inhales, the rise of his chest would move patrick’s arm with it. bare skin dragging along bare skin as their bodies rode the same slow wave of movement, and art finally slept. 

[compassionatereminders]

Hi Kat. I just need a safe space to vent, please.

Over the last few days I lost a couple of people who I thought were good online friends. I'm having difficulty comprehending the scope of how it all happened.

We were all roleplay partners together.

They're accusing me of vague posting about them when I did not, and then they outright blocked me without even letting me talk to them first. They also claimed I was pressuring them to reply to our roleplay threads when I never did. I approached them one time in our months of writing together, which was few days ago, and communicated with them openly, asking if they still wanted to write together after feeling doubt. I opened up to them because I thought we had a good rapport and they often expressed how important communication was to them, as it is to me. The conversation went well, or so I thought, and they even told me that things were okay and we ended on a good note.

Next day, I get a message out of the blue saying they don't appreciate that I "pressured" them and apparently I vague posted about them (they're referring to a PSA I made a few days prior about issues throughout the whole community and expectations I have on my blog) and then blocked me before I could respond.

As if this wasn't surprising enough, come to find out I've been blocked by a number of other people that they've associated with, so I believe they've gone a spread rumors about me. So, let me get this right. They get to falsely accuse me of vaguing about them, lie to my face about us being cool, then turn around and spread rumors about me to people I don't even know and who don't even know my side of the story, and I get blocked entirely for it?

On top of that - for months they have been asking for donations because they are homeless, and I - as their friend - have been sending them money. I sent a substantial amount just a week ago, which they happily took and were grateful for. And now this? I don't regret helping someone in need, but it's like a punch to the face to give money to a friend, only for them to turn around and slam the door in your face at the drop of a hat, and then to spread lies about you behind your back to total strangers to boot.

I'm just... I'm deeply hurt and angry and feel totally helpless. I'm also worried about how this will affect my standing in the community, but at the same time I can't bring myself to care too much for people who have so little care for my side of things. It's like being bullied, but I'm way too old for this shit. Why is tumblr culture like this? They couldn't even be bothered to extend the same courtesy to me that I gave to them. So much for friendship.

Anyway. Whether or not this gets posted, thank you for opening your inbox and letting me vent.

I totally get that you are hurt and angry, but I think it's important to note that this is not actually about you and your actual actions towards them. This is their personal issues escalating to a point where it is hurting other people, and it's unfortunate and unfair, but it is not a reflection of anything YOU did wrong. This is all them and their issues.

[chaotic-on-main]

thank you so much kat (@humanitys-strongest-bamf), terra (@dont-f-with-moogles), and flo! i'm really late with this but it's new years day so might as well do a little reflection then start anew!

get ready to read a lot because like most of my fics, i don't know when to shut up!

Unspoken Words (Chapter 1: November): this is going to be special to me for the rest of my life, i think. the last time i wrote fanfiction was when i was 13ish, and creative writing was never something i wanted to pursue. but then levi came along and i had all these ideas and daydreams that i HAD to get on paper. UW is really rough the first few chapters because i was just getting back into it all, but i don't think i'll want to go back to rewrite it (at least for now) because you can literally tell how much i've improved in the span of 9 months. because of that, i will always thank UW. did anyone say slowburn childhood friends to lovers with a mute!Reader and levi ackerman? no? too bad.

Sunrise: As with most writings, this was purely self indulgent. one of my most favorite aesthetics is driving in the middle of the night deep into summer where the crickets and frogs are singing and the air is warm as it blows through my hair with someone i love, whether it be platonic or romantic. that's exactly what this is. it's pure comfort with levi ackerman.

Can I Go Where You Go?: this came from a request. the moment i got it, i had an idea and ran with it. i don't write a lot of canonverse AOT because i'm always afraid i'm going to mess something up or i just spend hours researching how to be perfect with the scenes that are already canon. it's silly, i know. but that's why i'm especially proud of this one because i went out of my comfort zone and i ended up really liking it. anyways, i always like writing a 'they're annoyed at each other but actually really like each other' trope especially with levi and that's what you'll find here.

Who Could Leave Me?: this was extremely unexpected from me, tbh. i don't write angst usually, at least not pure angst. that's all you'll find here. i was trying to explore my abandonment issues and this came out of it. i actually felt better writing it, so that's why i like this one a lot. also i think it was decently written but that's just me lol. this will hurt you, i promise. (content warnings are included in the post)

For You, I Would: oh my gosh this has to be my favorite armin thing i've ever written. i posted this on his birthday to celebrate him. i know it's cliche to write armin liking the ocean and aquariums but like, this one is so cute. i just imagine him being so blushy and crushing hard on his coworker/school mate that he barely knows because he's too shy a;sldkjf. i would write a whole ass fic for them if i had the time!

Best Friends Can Share Beds, Right?: this was one of my first requests for my summer event and also my very first megumi fic. i will admit, i'm not super confident with my writing skills outside of the AOT but i felt really good about this one. one bed tropes are hard for me to write as well, but i found a way that worked for me. hopefully JJK will calm the fuck down so i can write more from it without crying.

open tags to anyone who would like to share!

a year in review!

@bloompompom is wholesome and had a great idea of posting recaps of our favorite fics that we've written for the year! i'm also turning this into a tag thing because i wanna see what moots have on theirs! :3

"get me a damned matcha"

first longfic that i've published in such a long time, and the first one i actually finished! i'm very attached to levi and reader in this :3

discipline

obsessed with manager levi? love levi being a mean dom? that + me being particularly horny for levi week resulted in this filth

don't leave me

some all hurt no comfort from your angst queen :) prepare for break-ups, canonverse-typical violence, and death 😭

you're safe

some hurt/comfort where reader is a survivor of domestic violence and levi comforts her about it. one of my first pieces on this website

your safe space

i struggle with mood swings a lot and end up in shame spirals once i'm unable to fend them off, so here's another self-indulgent piece about levi helping you through it

your worth

i struggle a lot with comparing myself to others and find myself in a shame spiral once i find someone doing something that i pride myself in doing better than me (blame the burnt out gifted kid syndrome), so of COURSE i had to write a self-indulgent oneshot of levi comforting me about it

thanks to everyone for dealing with my feral ass as i thirst and pine for this 2d man and being delulu with me in being love with pixels (✿◡‿◡)

no pressure #'s (but would love to see your work :3): @chaotic-on-main @dreamtuna @lucysarah-c @sixpennydame @leviismybby @wyvernslovecake @ghostlykeyes @roseofdarknessblog @theragethatisdesire @youre-ackermine + any other writers that want to share!

[sp4c3-0ddity]

took a while but i finally got to that thing that @cgf-kat tagged me in!! <3

What is your total posted word count on AO3? (Go to your Works, then click Statistics.)

I have...741,803 words posted on ao3 (although i don’t think this includes drafts?? if not then add maybe 10,000 to 15,000 or so words?? and maybe another 10,000 for fics that are confined to tumblr for the time being??)

How often do you write?

i try my best to write daily, mostly in the evenings, and lately i’ve been successful. sometimes (either if i’m in a low motivation slump) i’ll write more sporadically

Do you have a routine for writing?

HMM i usually have to get to a point in my day where i feel like i won’t be interrupted frequently...which is why i usually delay my writing till after evening prayer or after the rest of my family goes to bed, because then it’s quiet and peaceful and i’m not going to have my parents asking me to do something at random. otherwise i don’t think i have a proper routine?? tbh i rarely even go back and read the last thing i wrote, except sometimes when i last stopped in the middle of a scene

What’s your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

Tropes:  mutual pining, action/adventure (is that a trope or a genre??), friends to lovers, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort (with more comfort than hurt), slow burn (which tbh i can’t really write except as pseudo-slow burn where there are scattered scenes over a wide span of time), nonlinear plot/narrative (which is now funny to me because i recently learned my mother hates flashbacks in stories lol guess this means she’ll never read anything original i write ;_;)

Pairing:  plance, undoubtedly which is probably why i forgot to answer this and had to go back and edit the post after publishing it lol

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

oh gosh i’m actually torn between a few different fics?? so i’m going to categorize them:

Tidal Lockdown wins for most recent favorite and even if i could’ve done better with prose i’m really happy with the pacing and plot (and it was born of my desperate need to write action at the time married to the Concept of Lance affectionately calling Pidge a nerd while ignorant of her past with bullying). and of course i need to thank @rueitae for inspiring the plot lol

Growth is one i can go back to and still be interested in rereading (is that weird to say about my own fic??) and it’s also an oddly good pick-me-up if i get sad about the prospect of non-canon plance which is silly but here we are

Falling’s Not the Problem is like...it has a lot of cliches but it was probably my first Serious Attempt at post-canon plance and i’m still proud of it, despite its faults

Your fic with the most kudos?

Strangeness and Charm, which i’m not sure counts since it’s a collection of many short fics, so let’s go with A Slip of the Thumb

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

HMM i think i do poorly with prose and the internal thought processes of the characters, but i also think i’m improving?? also...i’m awful at sustaining my interest in my own stories. often if i don’t finish something in a few days i’ll drop it, either because i got captivated by a Shiny New Idea or because i got bored with the “old” one

sometimes i also read my writing and cringe at how often i use certain turns of phrase, and how simplistic my vocabulary can be

Now something you do like?

i think i’m good at writing dialogue!! which is funny because i’m awful at talking irl can my ability to write decent dialogue please translate to a glib tongue and good conversation skills please?? every time i’ve been eloquent irl was an accident, i swear

also i’m very conscious of pacing a plot and certain reveals?? i adore slow reveals and hate narration/exposition/excessive description so i try my best to balance that sort of thing and prefer to spoon-feed things, plants seeds of foreshadowing, stuff like that...at least in theory

***

okay this took me longer than it should’ve but...now i tag @alwaysinsonder, @vivalachocolate, @amillionsmiles, @nadiarizavi, @mistyhollowpro, honestly @ any writers that see this and get interested (tag me back <33)

[firstdegreefangirl]

Katieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Top ten productions in the last 5 years that you've seen?

KAT, STOP BEING MEAN TO ME. Honestly, I'm up to 60-odd productions, and narrowing this down was SO HARD. I peaked in 2018. Except that my NYC trip was in 2017, just a few months past five years ago, so Broadway Backwards and the OBC of Dear Evan Hansen don't count.

That said, here's where we landed. Organized chronologically, to avoid having to pick one single favorite among the standouts. Yes, I am open to follow up questions, and let the record show that "favorite shows I've seen" and "favorite shows" aren't necessarily the same, though that venn diagram is pretty close to a circle.

Under a cut because the list is LONG and DETAILED.

Sweeney Todd – 8 April 2018 This was a local production, with Tally Sessions and Chris McCarrell from New York to play leading roles, and this theatre just always does really really great work. My dad and I made a whole little day of it, and they did a Q&A after, and it was SO GOOD (you’ll see this same theatre come up again later).

If/Then – 29 April 2018 Another local production, but not where I live. I drove up to see it with one of my friends. Black box theater (where the stage and the audience are level, so everything is super close up and intimate) is my favorite kind of theatre, and it was INCREDIBLE to sit front row, half a foot away from the action It’s been like four years and I still haven’t stopped thinking about how much I loved the set too.

Newsies– 8 July 2018, 19 July 2018 Listen, I just really like local theatre, OK?! My area did two productions of Newsies the same summer, but this one was technically first. All local talent, and SO MUCH OF IT. The guy who played Jack Kelly honestly had NO RIGHT to go as hard as he did. I remember genuinely wondering if he was going to take down part of the scaffolding with how hard he was rattling it during Santa Fe. So good I had to go back and see it a second time.

Last Days of Summer – 14 September 2018 Remember that local theatre from Sweeney Todd? WELL THEY DID IT AGAIN. A world premiere baseball/WWII musical, starring Corey Cott (one of my personal favorite people). The show was FANTASTIC, and they let the audience stay for the cast party, so I actually got to meet/hug him. Also, I was freshly 21, so this was the first time I drank, accidentally. That’s a helluva story, but off topic for this post.

Dear Evan Hansen – 25 September 2018 Opening night of the first national tour stop in Denver. Need I say more? OK, I can say more. Uhhhh … check the tag ‘Katie and Rach: Destination Denver’ for the video I made about the roadtrip to see this show, and the highlights post from the show itself (from back in the days when Rachel and I liveblogged our friendship like hooligans).

The Play That Goes Wrong – 7 April 2019 I mean, you know how I feel about the entire Goes Wrong franchise, and this was what started it all. I saw it on a bad day, but then sat there and laughed for two and a half hours. It was SO fantastic, and I’ve been chasing it down again ever since. This summer, maybe …

Who’s Your Baghdaddy – 27 September 2019 I saw this one on a last-minute whim with my mom – of all people – because it was the end of September and the show I had tickets for got postponed (yeah, yeah, we’re all very proud of JerJor for being in Supergirl again, but the timing could have been better). It was the only thing I could find on my day off work, so we bought a couple of tickets as I swore up and down that I had no idea what the show was about, so if it was horribly offensive, it wasn’t my fault. And then instead it was hilarious and awesome and absurd in the best way.

Bandstand – 19 December 2019 A post-WWII musical about a group of vets starting a band to win a competition. The tour cast was INCREDIBLE, and the show never doesn’t give me chills and sobs. Bonus funny story: the community college that hosted the tour stop did a Q&A about the show and the history surrounding it before curtain call, and the professor running that totally spoiled the whole ending. At least I already knew how it went?

An Evening With Jeremy Jordan – 26 August 2021 OK, this is the one that was supposed to be September 2019. Three more delays (JerJor was in Little Shop of Horrors, COVID, COVID) and two venue changes (same local theatre, but it turns out they have more stages than I thought, and we ended up in a tiny event space upstairs from the upstairs. On the list for favorite venue, in terms of being beautiful and intimate and just perfect for the show they put on) later, it was my first indoor show post-pandemic, and it BLEW ME AWAY. Laughed, cried, lived, loved, all of it. A perfect, triumphant return.

Pretty Woman – 10 March 2022 Duh.

[txemrn]

The Picture Show

Book: TNA

Rating: fluffy; smidge of sensuality, smidge of angst

Word count: exactly 2000

A/N: Oof! I wanted to participate in wacky drabbles #102 this week, but long story short, the week got away from me, and I am painfully late in posting! That's okay, though! It's going up anyway, and I'm sure they won't mind me using their prompt (prompt will be in bold)! Huge thanks to @kat-tia801 for brainstorming this fic with me, and thank you to @chemist-ana for pre-reading (and convincing me it wasn't dumb lol). As always, these characters belong to our friends at Pixelberry (also, Caroline is the name I've given Sam's first wife; even though we know her real name now, old habits die hard... wow, pun not intended!).

***

A crisp, cool breeze manifests a gentle oasis for the gathered movie-goer crowd on the humid city street. Waiting in line to purchase tickets for their impromptu date night, Brynn casually ties a knot in the front of her knit band tee, exposing a thin strip of her Tuscany-sun-kissed skin. Finger-combing her almond waves, she tosses her careless strands into a perfectly teased bun to enjoy the reprieve from the stifling August heat.

“You’re making this too easy for me.” The familiar, smoky whisper sends a pleasure-filled jolt down Brynn’s spine as his breathy chuckles tickle her ear. His fingertips pad across her midriff, tucking his sizable hand into the front of her jeans. His other hand cups around her head as he presses his plump pout to the sensitive spots of her neck. “So, what’ll it be tonight: Melissa McCarthy telling jokes for two hours or scary paranormal demons?”

“The difference being?” Brynn jokes, pulling Sam’s hand out of her pants, lacing her fingers with his.

“Touché,” he chuckles, hiding a wide grin. Their lips meet together for a simple kiss just as the ticket booth attendant motions for them to approach. After collecting their tickets for the latest horror flick, the young couple approach the concession counter. “Wanna share a popcorn?”

Brynn’s eyes light up as she eagerly nods her head. “And gummy worms, please!”

“You are just as bad as the boys--”

“What does that mean?” Brynn jovially pinches Sam, aiming for his chest.

“Let’s just say that gummy worms were never on the weekly grocery list until you came around,” he smirks, raising an eyebrow while guarding his nipples.

“See? I improved your life in more ways than one,” Brynn quips.

Sam lets out a hearty laugh, pulling Brynn’s body closer to his. “Mmmm--” he kisses one side of her neck, “--so many--” he kisses the other side of her neck, his hand grazing the curve of her ass, “--different--” he suddenly squeezes hard, making Brynn yelp, “--ways--” he captures her lips in a hungry kiss.

A clearing of a throat abruptly interrupts the moment. “‘Scuse me, but did you want butter on your popcorn, sir?” Sam’s cheeks burn red as Brynn chuckles through a nod. “That’ll be twenty-eight eighty-one.”

Sam quickly double-takes as he pulls out his wallet. “I’m sorry,” he grins politely, “did you say almost thirty dollars? For popcorn and gummy worms?”

“And your wife wanted a large Coke Zero.”

Brynn smiles brightly as she dramatically slurps on a straw. “Yes, husband, your wife wanted a large Coke Zero,” she sardonically mimics the concession worker, batting her eyes innocently.

Sam lowers his voice. “For thirty dollars?”

“Actually for twenty-eight eighty-one,” the teenage attendant corrects.

“You’ll have to excuse him,” Brynn pats Sam’s chest, winking at him endearingly before turning her attention to the cashier. “He hasn’t been to the movies since de Blasio took office.”

The attendant gives a confused look. “Who?”

Brynn stifles a laugh. “Exactly.” She looks warmly up at Sam as he boops her on the nose, grinning smugly at her. She puts her hand in his hand that is holding his wallet. “I’ve got this, old man.”

“Absolutely not.” Sam pulls his hand away from hers. “What kind of gentleman do you take me for?”

“Sam, it’s not a big deal,” she reaches for his wallet. “You are always paying. Let me do this tonight. My treat.” He quickly snatches his wallet, lifting it above her head while shaking his head. “Samuel!” she titters, stretching to grab his wallet. “Why are you being so difficult? Put that away.”

“Brynn, c’mon, there are people waiting--”

“Exactly. Let me pay.” She pushes her petite body in front of Sam’s as she reaches for her own wallet. “Here, sir,” she motions to the cashier as she begins to pull out two twenty-dollar bills.

“No. Brynn!” Sam loops his arm in front of Brynn’s body, shielding her from pulling her money out. “Stop that!” He turns to the concession attendant. “Here, take my card--”

Brynn swats at Sam's hand, accidentally knocking his wallet out of his grasp, the contents of the billfold dumping out onto the counter. Brynn cups her mouth, laughing at an irritated Sam who is taking a large deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. She quickly hands her money to the attendant before turning her attention to Sam. “C’mon, let’s get this cleaned up--”

And suddenly, there it was, splayed out for both Sam and Brynn to see together: a picture of Sam’s late wife. In the nude.

Sam quickly snatches the picture up as well as his cards and cash, hoping Brynn didn't notice. When he looks back up, Brynn is already giving their tickets to the attendant to be admitted into the theater.

She noticed.

“Brynn--”

“I--I think I’m gonna need some more napkins,” she nervously interrupts, an out-of-breath pant to her voice.

“Ma’am? There are napkins inside," helpfully offered a worker.

“Oh,” Brynn appears defeated, refusing to look at Sam. “I’ll go grab our seats then,” she offers, power-walking away from her boyfriend.

“Brynn? Brynn?” His voice carries over the bustling hallway, but she doesn’t slow down. Once in the theater, Brynn anxiously stumbles in the low-lighting, picking out seats. Catching up to her, Sam’s hands kindly grip her shoulders. “Brynn. Please. Talk to me.”

She cordially smiles at him. “Talk about what?” She sits down, nervously pawing to open her bag of gummy worms.

Sam steals the bag of candy from Brynn. “Are you seriously going to pretend that didn’t just happen?”

“Pretend that what didn’t just happen--”

Putting his hands on his hips, he raises his voice. “You seeing my wife’s tits.” With the sudden cascade of snickers and gasps from fellow patrons turning to stare, Brynn grabs Sam’s arm, yanking him down into his seat.

Sam leans over, whispering into Brynn’s ear. “Please, let’s just talk about this--”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Sam,” her eyes stare intently at the large white screen.

“You’re mad.”

“I’m not mad.” Brynn begins wringing her hands as her foot nervously bounces. “I just,” she sighs before becoming quiet, her voice audibly shaking, “I--I didn’t know. I mean--damnit, Sam, you keep a photo of her in your wallet?”

“Of my wife?" He enunciates, making Brynn feel foolish. "Is that wrong of me?”

“No,” Brynn’s lower lip begins to tremble, “yes? I--I don’t know, Sam. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think right now. I figured you'd have a picture of her. Just with, uh, I mean. She would be, um--"

"Clothed?" Sam smirks.

Brynn gradually looks into Sam's eyes, but finds herself abruptly avoiding his gaze as questions flood her mind. Why would he be keeping a nude photo of his late wife? How often does he look at it? Is that even her business to know? To care?

The house lights turn down as the roar of advertisements brightly flood the screen. Brynn rests her chin in her hand, fighting tears. Even though the excitement of the music and vivid colors enthralls the audience, Brynn is a million miles away. She feels completely confused as to how to feel about this situation. Was she even allowed to be upset about this? Why couldn’t things just be simple for once in their relationship?

“Brynn?” Sam beckons for her from the clouds, bringing her back to reality. He lifts up the armrest between them. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulls her into his chest, peppering her hair with kisses.

As the movie ends, Sam and Brynn remain silent, making their exit to the streets of New York. After a few blocks, Sam stops, sensing Brynn’s heightened emotions. He can tell she’s still bothered by what happened before the movie.

He sighs heavily. “Let’s talk about it.”

Brynn lets go of his hand, scoffing, spinning around to see if anyone was watching. After a few moments of silence, she can feel the heat budding in her cheeks. She crosses her arms, and while staring at Sam, she lets out an inaudible ‘okay’.

With sincerity in his voice, Sam locks eyes with Brynn. "I honestly haven't looked at that picture in months. I completely forgot that I even had it. But--” he hesitates for a second, choosing his words wisely, “--throwing it away seems like the wrong thing to do."

"Caroline* and I didn't have sex until our wedding night." Brynn's eyebrows furrow before her eyes widen in shock. Sam continues. "She wanted to wait until marriage, especially given," he takes a deep breath, "my past--which you know about." Brynn nods. "But then the night before our wedding,” a smile blossoms across his face in remembrance, “she gifted me this wallet. With this picture. She said it was her promise to me--her all to me. I know you see a nude picture. But,” he sighs nervously as his eyes glaze with tears, “it’s always been so much more than that.”

Brynn considers his words, a warm smile growing on her face. She finally holds out her hand, for Sam to take. “Let’s go home.”

The next night, Brynn did bedtime alone with the boys. The penthouse had been fairly quiet throughout the day, even after Sam came home late from work. There is still an awkwardness in the air, and even though Brynn and Sam weren’t angry with each other, they also didn’t know what to say.

Closing the twin’s bedroom door, Brynn quietly tiptoes to the home office in her robe, knowing Sam is lost in his paperwork. She cautiously knocks on the door. After a few moments, the door whips open, Sam grabbing Brynn and jerking her inside.

“Since when do we knock on doors, babe?” Sam sits back into his leather tufted chair, pulling Brynn onto his lap, endearingly rubbing circles on her lower back.

“I--I wasn’t sure if you were busy, or--or if you--”

Sam holds his hand over her mouth, a smile growing across his face. “You know better.” He grabs her hand, kissing the back of it. “Now, what’s going on?”

Brynn coyly looks up at Sam, clearly nervous to ask her next question. “Can I see your wallet?”

Sam’s face falls, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Why?”

“I want to see it.”

Sam can’t bring his attention to Brynn. He never removed that photo of his first wife, nor did he know how Brynn was currently feeling about the nude picture. All he does know is he better pull out his wallet. And start praying for mercy.

Brynn stands up, circling around Sam’s office chair. Sam reaches in his back pocket, pulling out the wallet. Brynn wraps her arms around his shoulders, brushing her nose against his ear. “Open it,” she commands with a sensual, husky tone.

Sam dutifully opens his wallet to the plastic picture holder. His cheeks begin to swelter with pink growing down his neck. He can feel a queasiness growing in his gut as he lays it out for Brynn to see.

“Aren’t you going to look?”

“Brynn?” He throws off her arms, becoming irritated. “What kind of game--?”

And that’s when he sees it: a picture of his stunning girlfriend, carefully photographed in the nude with her hands posing perfectly across her assets.

Sam’s eyes quickly dart around the room, finding Brynn locking the door and uncinching her robe. Letting the fabric pool on the floor, she straddles her naked body across his lap, his hands unable to resist.

Brynn grabs the wallet, pulling out the nude photos of herself and Sam’s first wife. “This may have been her promise to you, and you can keep it for as long as you want,” Brynn pulls out her photo, handing it to Sam. "But, this. This is my promise to you, Sam Dalton." She leans over, stealing his breath with a fervent kiss. “I love you.”

Cupping her cheek, Sam’s eyes gather tears as he looks admirably at his new forever. “I love you, too.”

***

Tags: @ao719 @charlotteg234 @chemist-ana @choiceskatie @forallthatitsworth @jessiembruno @kat-tia801 @khoicesbyk @lovelyladyk88 @lucy-268 @neotericthemis @nestledonthaveone @phoenixrising308 @sfb123 @shannonwrote @shewillreadyou @taniasethi @thefrenchiemama

[katedrakeohd]

Once Upon a Merry Birthday

[Masterlist]

A 12 days of Fictmas story

Pairing: Drake Walker x (MC) Kate Walker

Books: TRR - TRH

Warnings: Swearing, Adult Themes, mentions Post Pardem Depression/Anxiety

Word count: 7000 +

Writer tags: : @texaskitten30 @emichelle @leelee10898   @zaffrenotes @alj4890 @burnsoslow @kat-tia801 @darley1101 @msjr0119 @annekebbphotography @god-save-the-keen @plumeriavibes

@ofpixelsandscribbles @camillemontespan  @ao719 @cocomaxley @cordoniansgonewild @twinkleallnight @the-soot-sprite @cordoniantrash @axwalker @innerpostmentality @lucy-268 @janezillow

Reader tags:: @mom2000aggie @sfb123 @bbrandy2002 @debramcg1106 @desireepow-1986 @speedyoperarascalparty @hopefulmoonobject @fluffyfirewhiskey @jovialyouthmusic  

Twas the week before Christmas, and throughout the manor at Duchy Valtoria, decorating was in full swing. Everyone was in high festive spirits, since the weather had brought a fresh blanket of white sparkly snow to the ground, and a crisp chill to the air. Well almost everyone was feeling festive. The Duchess was the exception. Over the course of the preceding months she had been too preoccupied with the care of her baby girl, Brooklyn, to even think about holidays.  Apart from the occasional official statement to the press regarding how the new Mother and the Princess Royal Heir were doing, they had pretty much kept away from the public eye. 

Kate felt so proud of her husband Drake for stepping up and shouldering the extra responsibility while she needed to take a step back. He had insisted it wasn't any trouble, since he’d had Hana, King Liam, and occasionally Bertrand to offer him advice or guidance. But Kate couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt when she would find him sound asleep at his desk after a long day of Zoom meetings and diplomacy. She knew he was forcing himself outside of his common man comfort zone for her sake, and for the good of the Duchy. He'd even changed his work wardrobe to include dress shirts instead of his usual denim, at least from the waist up anyway.

Even after all of that, Drake was determined to do something special for Kate's Birthday. Being born a week before Christmas shouldn't mean your day couldn't be just as grand.  

After putting Brooklyn down for a nap, they’re in their bedroom packing for a short trip away. Kate doesn't know what to pack, since Drake was being secretive as to their destination. She was already feeling the beginnings of anxiety over leaving Brooklyn behind. Sitting in the middle of the bed in her comfy oversized sweater and sweatpants, she has the speaker of the baby monitor resting in her lap. She’s only half engaged in paying attention to Drake, her ears keenly listening for the slightest sound from the nursery.

Drake packs a pair of bluejeans into his suitcase, hiding the dress slacks and socks he had already packed. Kate hadn't even noticed him picking out formal wear and putting it into a garment bag. Her own suitcase only contained an old t-shirt that she wore with a pair of shorts as sleepwear. Drake cringed at the thought of seeing her wear that again. Her wardrobe over the past seven months had consisted mostly of his baggy old sweats and t-shirts, or just an old t-shirt and boxer shorts under a robe. Although she showered periodically, and changed into clean things, her sloppy look was proof she wasn't making herself a priority. Drake missed the beautiful, all put together, woman who he’d fallen in love with.  She was in need of a break from just being Mom, and Drake knew just how to do it. Kate deserved to feel special again, and not just feel needed by someone. 

Drake packed his last few things and zipped up his suitcase. When he notices that Kate is still distracted he pulls his case off the bed and sets it down on the floor with a loud thud. She jumps with fright and he finally gets her attention. 

Sitting down on the bed, he pulls her over to him and she cuddles into his arms as they lay down together on the bed. Placing a kiss on the top of her head he sighs, "Look, I get it. You don't want to go anywhere. But I miss you, Kate."

"I'm right here, silly." she says, as she lays her head on his chest and he squeezes her tighter. 

"We need a date night. Just the two of us. I know you've been an amazing mother to our little Beanie, and it shows in how big she's growing and how happy she is." He moved his hand down her back, smoothing out the bulky material of her clothes to appreciate the shape of her body underneath. When he lifts up the edge of her shirt, she stiffens when his warm hand touches the bare skin of her lower back. "I know you're physically still here, but I miss my wife."

Kate squeezes her eyes shut against her unexpected tears as she whispers, "She's missed you too."

Drake leans back when he hears the sob in her voice, wiping away the tears on her cheeks with his thumbs. "You don't need to hide under these bulky clothes, you're still beautiful to me Kate."

She chuckles, "Even if I've given up shaving, plucking and moisturizing?"

Drake raises his eyebrows, and then leans in to kiss her on the forehead. "Don't worry, we can work on minor things like that. I want you to feel good about yourself. Besides, Hana told me you've been doing pilates and yoga together again. So there's nothing for you to feel self conscious about."

"I don't fit into my clothes the way I used to."

Drake shrugs, "So we'll buy you some new clothes. And if we need to alter something from your closet, don't worry, Hana can arrange it."

Kate sighs with gratitude, "You're so wonderful to me Drake, I don't deserve you."

"Oh hush, you deserve all of me and the world Kate, never forget that. Now let's get you packed up for a romantic getaway."

"But Brooklyn.."

Drake gives Kate one more squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before rolling away from her and getting up from the bed. 

"Don't worry about Brooklyn, she's in good hands with Hana. Plus we're only a phone call away if you want to check in."

Kate glances over at the speaker for the baby monitor, it's still quiet, and then she sits up on the edge of the bed. "So are you going to tell me more about this romantic getaway you have planned?"

Drake shakes his head, "I can't give away everything, or it will spoil the surprise."

Kate looks over at her suitcase, "Well at least help me figure out what to pack. Sweaters, jeans, warm socks? I need a hint."

Drake nods, "Those will do for a start. Oh and a comfortable pair of warm boots and a coat. We're going to be out in the snow."

Kate gets up from the bed, "So I guess we're not jetting off to some tropical paradise then."

Pulling her into a hug, Drake smiles and then leans in to give her a tender kiss. "Maybe next year."

.

Drake opened the back door of the SUV for Kate. She gives the manor one more uneasy glance and then climbs in. They had both given Brooklyn hugs and kisses before leaving, and a list of instructions to Hana, but still Kate felt guilty. As Drake opens the other rear door and climbs into the SUV, he finds Kate looking worriedly at her phone as she's texting someone. With a sigh he swipes her phone out of her hands and tucks it into the pocket inside his jacket.

"Wha..Hey!" She protests, "Give that back."

Drake swats away her hands when she tries to go into his jacket for it. "Nope."

"But you said I could check in."

Drake feels the vibration of Kate's phone against his chest. "Don't you trust Hana with Brooklyn?"

Kate gnaws at her bottom lip, "Yeah, but.."

"But nothing. Just take a deep breath and let it go already."

Kate huffs in a quick breath and then lets it out, "Happy? Can I please have my phone back now?"

Drake chuckles as Preston climbs into the front seat and starts the engine, "Only if you promise to turn it off and put it away for the car ride."

Kate folds her arms across her chest and scowls angrily at him. "Ok, fine. But only if you tell me where we're going."

Drake fishes her phone out of his pocket, "Do you remember last year when Max and I did the Father Christmas Parade?"

Kate's expression brightens a little as she relaxes her arms. "Yeah."

Drake sends a quick text to Hana, and then passes the phone over. "Well Max kept going on and on about how pretty the village was decorated for Christmas. And it occurred to me that you were missing out on seeing everything. So I figured we could do the touristy thing and spend the night at an Inn and…"

Kate leans over and covers his mouth with her fingers giggling, "Sssh, you had me at 'pretty village' . 

Drake takes her hand and kisses it, "Good, because I want you to have the best Birthday ever."

...

As they travel further away from the manor Kate focuses on the beautiful wintry scenery, and Drake's comforting hand in hers and soon her anxiety fades. It was starting to snow so Preston turned on the wipers. Drake gives Kate's hand a squeeze and then leans forward to tap Preston on the shoulder.

"How do the roads look?"

"So far they're just damp, but we should be fine. We have all wheel drive and snow tires."

Drake sits back again with a nod. "Good to know." 

Kate tucks her hand under Drake's arm and leans into his shoulder, he turns to kiss her on the forehead. Kate smiles as she catches the comforting smell of his cologne, "I thought you would have used this opportunity to drive us in your truck. I love sitting next to you in the front seat."

Drake shrugs, "I thought about it. But then I remembered that I needed to get my tires changed, and besides if I was driving…" Drake pauses to tilt her chin up and give her a tender kiss on the lips. "I wouldn't be able to do that, whenever I wanted to."

Kate sighs with happiness, as he wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her tighter against him. "I see your point. It's highly frowned upon to cuddle and drive. Or to do other things."

Drake catches Preston's eye in the rearview mirror when he looks back at them, he leans in to whisper in Kate's ear. "Seeing my point, along with doing other things, will have to wait until we don't have an audience."

Kate giggles as his lips move to her neck to plant gentle kisses. "How close are we to this Inn you were talking about?"

Preston shakes his head as he focuses on the road ahead, trying to ignore the sounds from the backseat.

….

An hour later Drake gently shakes Kate's shoulder to wake her. The warm interior of the car had lulled her to sleep and she had her head on his lap.

"Wakey wakey, Birthday Katie."

Kate moans sleepily and hugs him  across the knees, "Five more minutes."

The rush of cold air on her face when Preston opens his door to get out jolts her awake and Drake laughs. "We're here, and I think you could use some fresh air to revive you."

Kate sits up and stretches, wiping the drool from the corner of her mouth, "Oh sorry, must have dozed off."

Drake looks past Kate to the building they're parked in front of, "That's ok, you're forgiven. There wasn't much to see during the drive anyway, just snow and trees and mountains. We've finally made it to civilization."

Kate steps out of the car and looks up at the towering stone facade of their hotel, "Wow, this place is beautiful."

While she takes her phone out of her pocket to take pictures, Preston signals for Drake's attention and then pulls him aside.

"The weather reports are forecasting nasty weather tomorrow afternoon, what time in the morning do you want to be picked up?"

Drake shakes his head with a frown,"Didn't you get the itinerary that I sent to your email? Along with the list of things I need you to do?"

"Yes, but under the circumstances I thought you might want to change your plans. For safety's sake."

"I booked us for two days, and I don't plan on leaving early."

"But there's a storm coming." Preston insists.

"And your point is?"

"You're likely to get snowed in, and it'll take most of the second day before the roads are cleared. Meaning it'll take longer for me to come get you."

"Yes, it will." Drake replies, patting Preston on the arm. "Just do as I've asked, and then help yourself to a nice dinner at the hotel. Charge it to my room, and then go home."

Kate glances over at them with a look of concern, "What're you two talking about?"

Preston smirks at Drake, "You've got this all planned don't you? You saw the weather report."

"I did. Now please stop fucking around and get our luggage." Drake mumbles and then walks over to Kate.

He wraps his arm around her shoulders with a smile, steering her toward the hotel. "Welcome to Ravenhurst Castle, Kate. Our romantic getaway awaits."

Looking up at the steep slate roof, stone masonry, and tower climbing the corner of the building, Kate could see why they called it a castle. "You didn't have to go through this much trouble for me, Drake. I would have been just as happy staying at a simple Bed and Breakfast."

Drake stops on the stone walkway to pull her into his arms, "You're special to me, Kate. I couldn't let you spend the night just anywhere."

"But.."

Drake grabs her hand and then leads her up to the front door, "Just roll with it."

Preston follows them through the hotel lobby carrying their luggage. The three of them turn heads as they make their way to the front desk. Even dressed casually in jeans and sweaters, the presence of someone carrying your stuff was a dead giveaway that you were important. Preston drops their bags by the counter and takes up a protective position to watch the room. His fierce stare makes all the onlookers hurry off and mind their own business.

The hotel clerk behind the counter is bubbling with excitement and greets them with a wide smile, "Oh my goodness, welcome to The Ravenhurst! It's an incredible honour to have the Duke and Duchess stay with us. I'll have our best -..."

Drake shakes his head and holds up his hand to interrupt, "We already have a reservation."

"You..you do?" The clerk grabs her computer mouse and starts scrolling away as she searches the hotel registry on her computer screen.

"So you're not here to promote the Father Christmas Festival?"

Drake leans his elbows on the counter and lowers his voice,"Not this time. I was hoping to keep our visit as an unofficial one. We're under a different name. Try a reservation under Jones."

The clerk gives him a knowing smile, whispering. "Why of course Mr. Jones. I see your booking right here on my screen." Her expression changes to a frown when she notices something, "Unfortunately your room isn't quite ready. If you're looking for immediate accommodations though I could upgrade you to a suite."

"That will be fine, we just don't want to be fussed over, no paparazzi, just a quiet visit. Could you manage that for us please?"

Kate leaves Drake at the counter and wanders over to take pictures of the giant lobby Christmas tree. Preston breathes a sigh of annoyance at having his attention divided, he moves to another place in the lobby where he can still keep an eye on both of them.  Kate sees the bodyguard move out of the corner of her eye and decides to tease him a little. "Hey Preston, come on over and take a selfie with me over by the tree."

He checks to see that Drake is still in conversation with the clerk, and then after taking a quick visual sweep of the room for possible threats he nods, "Only because the position of the tree provides an optimal vantage point from which to survey the room."

Preston stands next to the tree, unsmiling and on alert. Kate tries to stand close enough to him so that he fits into the frame of her phone camera, but can't get a good angle because he's so tall. "You don't smile much do you?"

Preston keeps his eyes trained on the room and mumbles. "I'm on duty, Your Grace."

Kate makes a funny face at her phone screen, trying to crack Preston's facade and get him to smile. "I've seen you talk to Drake and be more relaxed. Are you scared of little ole me?"

Preston doesn't answer at first, hazarding a glance her way and then looking away when their eyes meet on  her phone screen. "It's not you I'm afraid of."

Across the room Drake steps away from the check-in counter and then walks over with a smirk on his face. 

"Is she misbehaving, Preston?" 

Preston gives a slight nod and then steps aside to give Drake room to slip his arm around Kate, "Our room isn't quite ready. But I may have arranged for some special hotel extras during our stay."

Kate snuggles into his warmth, feeling that familiar flutter that ripples through her every time she gets lost in his eyes, or he lights her up with his smile. "Oh? What sort of special extras?"

"Ravenhurst has a spa and salon onsite, two restaurants, and their own winery."

"Ooh, fancy. But didn't you promise me a tour of a pretty little town decorated for Christmas?"

Drake grins, "I did, and it would be a nice way to kill some time while they get our room ready. Besides, after being cooped up in the car for so long I could use a walk to stretch my legs."

Kate looks over at Preston, "Is Mr.Tall Broad shouldered and Serious coming with us?"

Drake notices Preston clenching his jaw trying not to react to her question, "No, he has other things to do. Then he's going home."

"But, Your Grace.." Preston argues.

After taking a quick look around to make sure they weren't causing a scene in the lobby, Drake answers quietly, "But nothing, just see to it that our luggage is safely taken up to our room when it's ready. Grab a meal on us, and then you're free to go. Don't worry about us, Preston, we'll be fine."

…

Drake and Kate leave Preston behind at the hotel to walk arm in arm to the village. Glancing back over her shoulder at the hotel, Kate asks, “Do you really think Preston can turn off Guard Duty mode long enough for us to have a private stroll?”

“I’m betting he’ll give us a five minute head start at least before he starts tracking us in the SUV.”

Kate giggles as the snowflakes tickle her cheeks and eyelashes, “Thanks for doing this for me. I really did need to get out of the house for a bit.”

Drake pulls his winter hat down further over his ears, his warm breath floating away in the chilly air, “You’re welcome. We both needed this. There’s nothing like taking a walk through a winter wonderland to lift your spirits.”

The tiny village of Raven’s Rest loves to decorate for Christmas. Every railing, light pole, and window was either trimmed with greenery and twinkling lights or wore a sparkling red bow or festive ornaments. With the fresh snow on the roofs and joyful music spilling out from every other opened shop door, it felt and looked like Christmas spirit came to life. The scents of cinnamon, nutmeg and chocolate wafted from a bakery café as Drake and Kate passed under its 

striped red and white awning. Drake pulled in a deep breath and smiled as he pointed at the frosted gingerbread house displayed in the window.

 “This looks like a perfect place to stop for a hot chocolate and a treat. What do you say Kate?”

Kate felt her stomach growl, “I say lead the way Mr. Jones.”

After ordering hot chocolates topped with whipped cream and candy cane sprinkles, and a plate of decorated cookies to share, they’re seated at a table for two by the window. Drake picks up a gingerbread star and bites off a corner. He looks at the decadent drink sitting in front of him and wonders if there was a possible way to not get it all over his face when he attempted to taste it. 

Kate can see the confusion on his face as he chews his cookie, she giggles as she stirs the whipped cream on the top of her cup with a candy cane. “You look scared. Don’t worry it won’t bite. And no there isn't any way to avoid the whipped topping to get at the drink underneath. A little cream on your face is all part of the fun.”

She demonstrates by lifting her cup and delicately sipping at the candied rim, a smear of cream clings to her upper lip when she sets it back down. “See? Think of it just like your Santa beard from last year.”

Drake mumbles as he scrubs at the light stubble on his cheek, “Don't remind me.”

 His beard had been much further along the year before, and he had used white stage makeup to whiten his whiskers. Unfortunately the makeup had  made his skin itch. This year he was grateful that Maxwell was volunteering to be Santa for the parade.

Drake nearly chokes on his cookie as he watches Kate lick the cream off her lip. He coughs into his fist and then picks up his drink to wash down the crumbs. He gets cream on his nose and lips, and then wipes it off with a napkin, “It's much more fun to watch you drink it.”

Kate noisily slurps the whipped cream on the top of her hot chocolate, while Drake grabs a sugar cookie and uses it to scoop the froth off of his. “Ooh Drake, that's a good idea.”

The café is nearly empty of patrons and Kate is grateful not to have onlookers taking their picture, especially with the way Drake was devouring his cookie and getting cream all over his mouth and chin. She giggles and hands him another napkin, "You, uh have a little something on your face there honey."

Drake grunts, "Thanks." 

He's annoyed at how sticky his face feels as he wipes off the cream, "Drinks don't need all this extra crap on them. That's why I prefer my coffee basic and black. And my hot chocolate tasting like chocolate."

"Oh bah humbug Mr. Scrooge, I figured a guy so into s'mores and marshmallows would enjoy something like this."

Drake wipes the cookie crumbs off of his jacket, "Hey don't get me wrong, I love a decorated cookie or dessert. But I prefer my drinks a little less childish and messy."

Kate shrugs, "I guess I see your point. But never tell Hana she can't put marshmallows in your hot chocolate, it would break her heart."

He nods, glancing at Kate's phone on the table. "If you want to check in with her, I won't stop you. I'm curious myself how our little Beanie is doing."

Kate wipes her hands on a napkin and then picks up her phone, "You don't mind? I'm dying to send her pictures of the hotel Christmas tree and tell her where we are."

Drake smiles and then lifts his hot chocolate to his lips. He doesn't dare tell Kate that he and Hana had been planning this birthday trip for weeks. 

While Kate happily texts away to Hana, Drake watches the snow falling outside the window. The grey sky was darkening as the flakes got heavier. They soon needed to head back to the hotel. The pedestrian traffic was much lighter than when they entered the café, and the street lamps were coming on. He can see the dark shape of an SUV creeping along the street in the distance. No doubt it was Preston.

Drake is in mid-sip when his phone rings in his pocket, making him jump and spill the hot chocolate all over himself and the table. "Gah! Son of a - …"

Kate gasps in surprise and jumps out of her seat. "Oh my goodness, Drake."

She grabs the remaining napkins from the table and dabs at the front of his jacket as he puts down his cup and pushes his chair back. He swats her hands away when she tries to wipe his lap, "It's ok, it's ok! Let me do that."

Kate chews on her lip as she watches an employee approach with a roll of paper towels.

 "I'm so sorry. We'll clean this up. Could you bring us a bag so we can take our cookies to go?"

Drake sighs as he unzips his jacket and takes out his phone when the ringing stops, "Preston, you Prick."

The car pulls up outside and parks, waiting, the wipers swiping away the snow. Drake sends Preston a quick message, I told you to go home.

Preston answers back, Need a lift?

.

Drake and Kate pile into the backseat of the SUV, brushing the snow off of themselves. In the clean, warm interior of the vehicle the scent of the spilled hot chocolate on Drake's clothes is very noticeable, adding to his discomfort at having wet pants. 

Drake takes off his jacket and then folds it up and puts it down on the floor. He inspects his sweater and shirt for chocolate stains. 

"Thanks for picking us up, Preston. If we'd tried to walk back to the hotel we would have been soaked and frozen before we got there," Kate says, smiling at the security guard." 

"I'm already soaked," Drake mutters, looking down at the dark wet stain on his lap.

Kate pats him on the arm, "I meant from the snow, Dear."

Preston checks their surroundings and then does a u-turn in the road to take them back to the hotel.

"How did he find us anyway?"

Drake answers, "Most likely tracked my phone with the GPS."

Kate looks at him with surprise, "He can track our phones? Is that even legal?"

Drake nods, "After Anton kidnapped us from our own wedding, it was discussed among the council that the security team needed extra help in case it ever happened again. Liam approved it."

"I guess that makes sense. But then all we would have needed to do to escape would leave our phones behind." 

Preston speaks up, "It's not a foolproof plan, Your Grace, but it still gives us a place to start if one of you suddenly went missing."

It doesn't take long to return to the hotel, but thanks to the heavy clouds it was already getting dark. When Preston parks the SUV Drake asks, "So did you deliver all of our bagage to our room and do a security check to make sure it was safe?"

"Of course, Sir."

"Did you get yourself a room, Preston? It's too late for you to head home now."

Drake looks at Kate with a frown, "Don't encourage him to babysit us."

"It's his job to keep us safe, Drake, so let him do it."

…

After collecting their room keys the three of them head up to their rooms. Preston has conveniently booked the room next to Drake and Kate. 

"Consider yourself off duty for the rest of the evening, Preston. Relax and enjoy yourself." Kate says, smiling.

"If that's at all possible." Drake mutters as he unlocks the door to their room. 

As soon as Drake enters the room he starts stripping off his clothes. Kate can't help but laugh. "Woah there cowboy, at least warm me up with some foreplay before we jump right into it."

Drake grumbles as he kicks off his boots and then unzips his jeans, "Ha ha, so not funny. At least you don't smell and feel like a walking candy bar."

Kate leans against the corner of the antique four poster bed as she watches Drake fuss around half naked, digging around in his luggage for his bath supplies. "I dunno, I kind of like the smell of chocolate on you. Gives me a reason to seek out all the parts of you that taste the sweetest."

Drake can't help but grin, as he leans in to kiss her cheek. Kate frowns when she realizes how sticky his face is. "Still like it?"

Kate makes a face and then wipes at her cheek. "Ok, I get it. Go get a shower and a shave."

As he wanders across the room naked, Drake points at the Welcome Basket on the table by the window. 

"I asked the hotel if they could throw in some complimentary spa treatments as a Birthday gift. Why don't you check some of them out and then we could go to the restaurant for dinner. Go get yourself all pampered and feeling gorgeous for our date night."

Before Kate can protest that she had nothing fancy to wear to dinner, Drake disappears into the bathroom. With a shrug she picks up the spa brochure and then sits down on the bed while she nibbles on the cookies from the bakery. 

"Oooh, they have a special brown sugar body scrub treatment. That would feel so nice, and I would smell delicious afterward." Kate mumbles around her mouthful of cookie. "And I could get my hair and nails done, perfect." 

After looking through the envelope of coupons for the free treatments she wanted, Kate walks over to the bathroom door and knocks. "Thanks so much for the spa coupons, I'm going to take advantage of some of these and then see you later."

Drake rinses his razor in the sink and then pauses his shaving to answer, "Good for you. Text me when you're all finished and I'll meet you here to get ready. I'm going to explore the hotel a little bit myself."

Kate kisses her fingertips and then presses them to the door, "Love you, Drake."

Drake smiles, "I love you too."

.

After finishing his shave and shower, Drake finds the phone number on the brochure and calls down to the Spa.

When his call is answered there's a women's voice on the line, "Bella Salon and Spa, how may I help you?"

Drake runs his hand back through his wet hair, "Hi, do you have a customer there booked in under the name Jones or Walker?"

"I'm sorry, sir, in order to respect the privacy of our clients we cannot disclose that information."

"Oh, Ok. I understand. My wife is there and I want to book a haircut without her seeing me. I want to surprise her later during our dinner date."

"Our salon closes within the hour, but if you're in need of a clipper cut I can squeeze you in right away. What name should I put next to your reservation?"

Drake thinks for a moment, "Davis, Preston Davis."

…

Kate sits in the makeup chair at the Salon in one of their plush robes. She felt like she had just received the royal treatment after the body scrub and facial. Next they were doing the finishing touches to her makeup application and hair styling, followed by a manicure and pedicure. On the other side of the partition wall she can hear the sound of a pair of clippers buzzing on and off and occasionally a man's voice in conversation with the stylist. 

She couldn't be sure because of the way the sounds echoed off of the hard surfaces in the salon, but it sounded like Drake. She felt like a bride on her wedding day trying to hide away from the groom until she was ready. It made her tingle with excitement inside over meeting him for dinner. In her mind she was mulling over what blouse and pair of jeans to wear, wishing she had packed something more feminine. But knowing that Drake would probably be dressed casually as well helped. 

…

Drake sat at the bar in his black dress shirt, jacket and slacks. He had to resist the urge to smooth his hand over his freshly trimmed hair, hoping that Kate would like it. Any minute now she'd be returning to their room to dress for dinner. He picked at the bowl of mixed nuts and pretzels on the bar, and singled out all the peanuts to munch on as he waited. 

An attractive female bartender smiles as she notices him sitting all by himself and walks over, "Good evening sir, could I interest you in a drink? Or are you more interested in grazing from the snack bowl."

"I'll take a whiskey on the rocks, for now." Drake answers, trying to maintain his composure as her hungry gaze makes him feel like he's the snack.

"For now? Are you anticipating ordering more later?" 

He smiles as she prepares his drink, "I'm expecting someone."

She nods as she slides the glass of whiskey back across the bar to him, "Well, when your date arrives let me know. I'll get her something special. My name is Amanda by the way."

Drake picks up his glass and gives the whiskey an appreciative sniff and then a sip, he nods toward Amanda lifting his glass in a salute, "Drake."

His phone buzzes in his pocket as he sets the glass down again.

…

Kate lets herself back into her room after her time at the spa. The soft coziness of the robe wrapped around her felt so nice, and she hated to take it off to put on her casual denim again.

She's surprised to find herself alone in the room and sends Drake a quick text. Spa appt all done, feeling fantastic. Where are you?

D: I'm down at the bar enjoying a whiskey. Can't wait to see you.

K: What should I wear? I didn't pack anything fancy.

D: There's a present for you under the bed.

K: Drake.

D: Just read the letter attached and humor me. Happy Birthday Kate.

…

Kate puts her phone down on the table and purses her lips with a frown, she was afraid of what might be in the box. After hiding under baggy clothes and bluejeans for months she was worried that whatever was in the box wouldn't fit.

Kneeling down on the floor she peeks under the bed. There's a large green rectangular box and a smaller white one that looked like a shoe box. She drags out the green box first and sets it on the bed. There's an envelope taped to the top. She should feel happy about Drake buying her a present but she just felt nervous instead. Sucking in a deep breath and then letting it out to help calm her nerves, Kate opens the envelope. There's a handwritten letter inside, and she can't help but feel a rush of emotion at the care it took for him to write it all by hand. 

____

Dear Kate,

I'll never forget the night we met. We were all there for him, and then along came you. At the time you were just the waitress that was willing to show us a good time. I thought you were cute and all, but never figured I would stand a chance. You made an impression on a future King that night, and an impression on me.

 I'm not sure when everything changed in my favor, maybe it was that night at Applewood or maybe it was when I jumped in front of that bullet, realizing I would rather die than live in a life without you. We've been through a lot to get where we are now, and despite the ups and downs you married me instead. You've shown me a life and love I never thought I'd have and for that I'll be eternally grateful. 

Now between us we've created a new life in our little girl. Becoming a parent changes a person. You're no longer responsible for just your own life but for someone else's too. Some days this scares me to death, and then I see you holding Brooklyn in your arms and know that we're going to be alright. 

I'm excited to discover my new life as a father, and to get to know the mother you are becoming. So tonight on your Birthday I want to meet you all over again for the first time. So what do you say Kate? Have you ever wanted to meet that mysterious stranger in a bar that only has eyes for you?

Love, Drake.

___

Kate plucked a tissue out of the box on the bedside table. She was glad that she had chosen the waterproof mascara, because now her eyes burned with tears. Drake was right, becoming a mom had changed her. At times she was scared too, but knowing that Drake was always going to be by her side to help raise Brooklyn made her heart feel more full. After dabbing at her eyes she delicately blew her nose, not wanting to smudge her makeup, and then lifted the cover on the box. Peeling back the tissue paper she gasps and then reaches for her phone. 

….

Drake finished off his whiskey and then checked the time on his phone. He didn't want to call her in case she was busy getting dressed, but he was starting to worry that she wasn't going to show. Amanda raises her eyebrows and holds up the whiskey bottle to quietly ask if he wanted a refill. He shakes his head and then sticks his hand in the snack bowl again to grab a pretzel. Before he can eat it his phone rings. It's Kate.

"Hello?" He answers. 

"I can't wear this."

"Sure you can."

"Because of the way the top is designed I can't wear a bra."

Drake shrugs, "So don't wear one."

"Hah! This mother of a 7 month old child needs a little more support thank you very much."

"Didn't you wear a dress similar to this to Max's birthday party last year?"

"Well, yes…"

"Just try it on. I promise you'll look beautiful in it."

"You're biased because you think I look good in anything."

"Yes, I do. I also think you look good in nothing at all. Now are you coming down to dinner?"

Kate is quiet on the other end for a few seconds, "Ok, fine. But I need pretty shoes to wear with a dress like this."

Drake smiles, "I'm guessing you haven't opened the other box yet. When you're ready, text Preston and ask him to escort you down to Edgar's Restaurant. I'll be waiting for you over by the bar."

Continue on here >>

[lunarkat87]

It's been so long since I posted to this blog. I guess I stopped when I lost touch with my best friend who was like a sister. I've been wishing I could talk to her for guidance for so long, but I had to let her go for myself. She was attempting to push a guy on me when I wasn't ready, and purely so I would have a reason to move back to our hometown. Didn't she remember how bad that place was for me? I was homeless for nearly 4 years, bouncing between places, never secure, just surviving. Every time we talked I could feel my energy depleting, but she was my best friend, so why would I leave her? She was getting married, so naturally she was focused a lot on that, and I was meant to be her maid of honor. And as the MOH, it was my job to stand up for the bride, and to get the bridal party in order. So when I saw how much they kept hurting her, and how she was more sad about her experience as a bride than happy, I stepped up to the plate. Me, the girl terrified of her own shadow on some days. But I did it, and she called me her only friend, and her other bridesmaids did not like it, so they ran to her.... and she called me a bully. It was in that moment that my heart was broken, that she could think I had bullied people into something. She was ultimately my soul mate, we were meant to be in each others lives... and suddenly I was reduced to this one word. And all the pain, all the hurt I had over the years preceding this came pouring out, how she guilt tripped me, how I needed her and she wasn't there, how just because it wasnt what she wanted to do she didn't stick to plans with me. How she blew me off time and again, and how she stopped seeing me and I always had to travel to see her. And it was done. And what broke my heart more was the relief that I felt after I sent her an email. I loved her, so why would I be relieved? But as I write this today, I wish I could talk to her. Because she was and has always only ever been, the person that understood me. Who understood my heart, my mind, my emotions. Who helped me heal from my ex-fiancé that cheated on me. On the days I felt like giving up, and not being able to see through the blinding pain she was there to support me. She sent me quotes, she texted me every day, she made sure I was okay. And she always knew deep down I wasn't, and she was okay with that. She didn't expect or need me to be. And I wish I could have her now, because as I write this that fragile heart that I had finally fixed, has broken and shattered all over again.

You see, I met a guy. It had been 2 years, and I was ready to open myself to the idea of love again, especially because I realized I did not love my ex anymore, nor had I for a long time. I had tried dating in between those years, but it never felt right, or like I was ready. But after spending time on my own and feeling empowered, I downloaded a dating app. But it wasn't long before I began to dislike it, I don't like judging based off of pictures, and only a few words. I was feeling discouraged, maybe I wasn't ready... but then the app pinged for someone they thought I might like. I saw him and thought, wow he is handsome, he has a smile that I could melt from, and.... was that a racoon on his head?? I had to know, and so I hoped he would respond. And there began my downfall, because he did.

We spent an entire week texting, and I found myself eager and smiling at my phone. I was actually excited, and couldn't wait to meet him in person. We even came up with nicknames... he was Cinna-Ron because he asked me if I thought he was as sweet as a cinnamon roll... and he was, but even more so. My heart pounded as I waited to meet at the boba shop where he would pick me up for our date. And when he finally arrived, he was even more amazing in person. And he brought me burgundy colored carnations, it was that moment I knew I'd love those flowers forever. He opened my door for me and was a true gentleman, and when he leaned in to kiss me, I felt the world slow and my heart stop. All I could think was "wow~" we spent the whole night together, talking and kissing and flirting and I was convinced I had never felt more alive. And so began my hope.... that evil, snaring, soul crushing light..... the hope that things would keep going well, and that he felt the same way. To my excitement he did, and it was like I had known him forever. I was so unbelievably happy, and excited, and absolutely terrified. Because deep down I knew he was going to break my heart.... and so I ignored all of my alarms, my instincts. "Run away, he is going to hurt you" "don't let him in, keep him at a distance" "this will only lead to pain" and I could feel my heart shake from fear... like it knew it wouldn't survive another fracture... but I stood my ground, I was going to fight myself and trust for once, because he was nothing like anyone I had ever met before. He made me feel safe, he was why I took so long to come back, because I wanted to give him a real unicumbered chance at loving me, instead of pushing him away. I was happy being alone, I was content with myself and who I was, but I wanted to share it.... so I let him in.

Not long after I began to have health issues, an excruciating pain developed in my abdomen that I never found a real answer for. I hurt my wrist at work, and was in a minor fender bender that hurt my upper back. I was in my last year of Nursing school, and so the stress began to overwhelm me and I started overeating again. Before I knew it I was 30 pounds heavier.... but worst of all the darkness started creeping back in.... here was my depression again.... and crippling anxiety.... it began to be too dark to see any light.... I failed 2 exams in my last semester.... but I still had hope and light because he was there. Reminding me I was smart and I could do it.... and when I opened up about my mental health, I told him I would understand if he didnt want to stay because he didnt sign up for that... and he told me he wasn't going anywhere.... and so I had some hope to hold onto.... because I knew the real Kat was in there still, but the world was piling it on and I was suffocating, and he was patient enough for me to get back to me again. A week later he changed his mind.... he decided he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings" for me as I had for him. A polite way of saying he doesn't love me, and knew he never would. And just like that, hope was gone....

Did I imagine it? The last 8 months? Was I really the only one who fell in love? Did I misread all of his actions as just really strong like and not love? The only reason I was open about my feelings towards him was because I genuinely believed he felt the same, his actions spoke louder than his words, or lack thereof. And I said I would wait for when he was ready to say it back, because I wasn't going anywhere and he made me believe he felt the same.... little did I realize he had one foot out the door from the start of our relationship. He thought the feelings would grow but they never did.... so when he smiled at me and held me close did he feel nothing? Was there not a fire roaring in his chest for me? Did not every fear and care melt away? Did the sound of my voice not send a thrill through his heart? Did he not look at me and feel pure happiness? What happened? What went wrong? What changed? It was me. It had to be me. Why else would he decide this now? He couldnt see the girl he first met anymore, I was a whole new person to him and he did not like what he saw or how he felt with me. And so he decided it wasn't "fair" to me if he kept me because he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings."

Ultimately I don't believe I ever really had a chance with him, because he kept me at a distance emotionally. I realize now he never truly opened himself to me, and when he saw how serious, how real a relationship with me could be. He chose to run instead of opening his heart to being hurt. So you know what, maybe I do deserve better than that. I deserved the person he made me believe be was, he started out all in but I didnt realize he had that foot out the door, especially after I told him those three words. He has an idea of what he thinks love is like and how it's supposed to last, but doesn't realize that love is different each time you find it. He always told me he loves love, so why didnt he want the love in front of him? I think he still holds his heart for the one girl he ever really loved. So he'll never find what he is looking for because each new person he brings into his world, he never really gives a chance to, they'll never fit that mold. How can he expect to love someone, if he doesn't allow himself to? And yet, here I am... still wondering why I was not enough.... it's never enough.... and so I've closed my heart to love permanently. Because I can't stand this pain.... I feel so tricked... and so betrayed... the only quote befitting this is by Bob Marley "The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her." How do I trust love if it ever comes again? Because what I mistook for love from him, was apparently nothing.... how do I trust actions now? How do I trust myself? And how did I mean absolutely nothing to him? Why am I the only one hurting? How was I so blind? I was foolish to believe someone like him actually loved me... it never crossed my mind that he didn't... he never made me feel otherwise.... I hate this. But what can I do? He'll never regret this decision, that isn't like him. Why would he regret leaving someone he doesn't love? He'll never miss me, for the same reasons. I can't make him love me if he doesn't. I'll be a fleeting thought for him, but for me he'll always be that maybe. I'll always find myself wanting to talk to him, wishing I could be with him. And if he ever does find love, I'll likely envy that girl. Because she must be something truly special to awaken his love... so I'll go back to finding myself. I'll try to finish school amidst this chaos in the world, become a nurse, buy a house with a backyard for my dogs. And be content knowing that I don't want love, I don't want this pain. I reached for too much happiness and light, and so the universe has ripped all of that away from me, reminding me that I don't get that kind of contentment. School hangs in the balance, still unsure if they will be able to continue due to Covid-19. The man I thought loved me is gone, and my love with him. That bright shiny future I thought was waiting this year is gone. So now I'm lost to wander alone. But this time I choose to be, because this pain isn't worth my sanity, or my life. I'm tired of surviving, I want to live.... Goodbye my sweetest of cinnamon rolls... I know you'll never see this... but I hope you know the love I felt was real...

03/19/2020 2220

[artificialqueens]

i've been too lonely too long (trixya) - cherry

a/n: hello, this is my first fic, ever. so be gentle pls. i hope that you all will enjoy it! this is also posted on ao3 under the user satinhorror! (also the song “the end of the world” by skeeter davis is mentioned throughout the fic, it’s not necessary but listen to it to understand some references)  

summary: it’s the early 70’s, katya’s on a roadtrip, trixie’s on tour, and the radio are playing sad songs for the sleepless. 

fic: 

when katya thinks about it, this is it. she’s racing through the dessert in a red cabriolet, just her and a duffle bag of necessities. she’s somewhere between huston and phoenix, closing in on tucson. she’s on the road, kinda like jack kerouac, but also kinda not. she’s visited a friend in florida, and is making her way to another one in san francisco; and maybe after that, she’ll make her way back to boston, just maybe. a pair of big square sunglasses shielding her eyes and a houndstooth pattern dress covering, well, not so much skin. lou reed’s shouting through the car radio and the sun’s melting the train tracks, making them twirl like a phone cord. a marlboro cigarette is hanging between slender fingers, her hand resting on the car door, whilst the other’s drumming on the steering wheel in rhythm to venus in furs. a dusty sign gives promises of a world class diner and a decent motel “now with a pool!”.  katya takes a drag from her cigarette, and swerves into the parking lot.

well in the diner she’s met by a hardworking air conditioner, and a jukebox playing johnny cash. she sighs, pulls her sunglasses up behind her blunt bangs and sits down by the counter. she orders a milkshake and a slice of cherry pie and eats slowly whilst getting through another chapter of william burroughs’ naked lunch. with her duffle bag in one hand and another marlboro in her mouth she gets a room for the night and throws up a few crumpled bills to the receptionist. mumbles a “thank you” when she’s given her key. her room is hotter than hell and though the sun may be close to setting the room’s been heating up all day. katya thinks about her options. waste a few hours in what feels like hell, or cool down in the pool? it’s an easy decision and katya quickly changes into her bikini and opens the windows, hoping the evening breeze will chill her room down.

katya enters the pool area, sunglasses once again resting on the bridge of her nose, the sun’s setting throwing an endless amount of shades of pink, orange and red across the sky. along the edge of the pool sits a group of people, not too far from katya’s age, she pays them no mind wanting nothing more than to drown in the blue. she eases into the water and feels it cool her blood and bones, resting her head against the edge. wonders to herself if she could have a cigarette in the pool, then scolds herself for the bad habit. she hears a voice, “ya know, i love your hair”, the vowels dragged out, and she can’t quite place the accent. katya follows the voice to its owner and realises it comes from the only other woman by the pool, sitting with a group of men. but katya doesn’t see the men, only the woman. she’s sat on the edge of the pool, her blonde hair up in a huge bun on her head. clad in a pink gingham bikini, her thighs thick and hips almost spilling out from the bikini bottoms, she’s oh so curvy and katya doesn’t want to be crude but katya also has to rip her stare away from the woman’s breasts. when she does reach her face her jaw drops. her eyes are dark and katya can’t tell the colour from where she is, but she guesses brown, her features are somehow soft and defined at the same time, and her lips. her lips holds a smile that has to have been carved out by what must have been god. katya squeezes out a “thank you”, after realising she’s staring at the woman like a creep. “what’s yous doin’ over there all by yourself”, the woman speaks again, raising a thick eyebrow, “come over mama!” katya softly scoffs at the mama, but walks over to the woman nonetheless. “trixie” - she introduces herself as, and katya likes the way the name makes her tongue moves to pronounce trixie. trixie starts talking, and katya finds out that trixie doesn’t stop talking once she’s started, but katya doesn’t mind.

it turns out trixie’s a semi-known country singer, who’s on tour, but she dreams endlessly about being something bigger. katya tells her she’s trying to be a writer but mainly ends up being a waitress. trixie laughs loudly, like sharp, shattered stars, at katya’s jokes. tells her about tours that never end, introduces katya to the men around them - her band - who turns out to be a lovely bunch, who ultimately decides to leave them alone after listening to them speak for no more than 20 minutes. trixie’s fingertips are are light and soft as feathers when she drags her fingers through katya’s blunt cut, choppy, blonde bob. slowly untangles the wavy mess whilst they tell each other about their childhoods. trixie growing up in rural wisconsin, hours away from any big city. and katya can finally place her accent. she puts her trust in katya. shakily tells her about her stepfather, who really didn’t like her, who beat her until she turned blue. “i had to move to my grandparents ’n so. but i s’pose there was good in that. my grandpa was the one who taught me to play guitar, he taught me how to sing. ya know, without him, i’d be stuck back up north”, trixie breathes deeply. katya can see that she’s shaking and takes trixie’s hands in hers, rubs her thumbs over them. “but you did get out, he must be so proud of you”, katya whispers and trixie looks up at her, smiling though her cheeks are stained with tears.

the sun’s long gone and before the cold of the night has a chance to set into their bones, they move to katya’s room. “i’m sorry”, trixie says, “ i didn’t mean to pour my heart out on ya, but i feel like i know you. must sound like an idiot but, we clicked, didn’t we mama”. katya hides a smile at the mamas that trixie throws around, but she can’t help but like how it sounds coming from her. “no yeah we did, don’t be ashamed trixie, i lost my shame a loong fucking time ago”, trixie laughs at that and katya does too. they sit down on her hotel bed, katya licks her lips and can feel how dry the are, she hopes her crimson lipstick still looks decent. notices how plump and soft trixie’s lips are, she almost reaches out to touch them. trixie asks about her childhood, and katya tells her about her russian parents, who moved from moscow to boston just before the cold war started. how it didn’t matter that they were professors and spoke perfect english, they were always seen as the immigrants, as the russian communists, the enemy. tells trixie how much they try to hide that they’re russian, how they never really spoke russian to katya and her siblings because it was best that they had as little of a visible connection to their home country as possible. katya tells trixie how her babushka almost cries when she’s on the phone with her, because her grandchildren can barely speak their own language. they look at each other, both breathing heavy, it feels like the calm before the storm. trixie reaches over to katya and hugs her. they sit like that, just holding each other for quite some time. katya can feel trixie’s heartbeat against her own chest, and if feels like she’s found a piece of herself.

“could you sing me one of your songs”, katya asks.

“really, ya wanna hear one of my songs?”, trixie looks surprised. “yeah of course, i can’t help but think you write beautiful songs”. they smile at each other, “well kat, i do appreciate that, most fuckers don’t even think i write my own songs. but let me tell ya, i do! but a lot of people don’t even think i have any brains”. trixie winks at katya before leaving the room, she comes back a few minutes later with an old battered up guitar. she sings katya songs about breaking someone’s heart, a town called bluegrass, and then one that makes katya want to ask trixie just who judy is. but she refrains. katya reads trixie some of her poetry, about people that she’s loved. hoping, really fucking hoping trixie won’t get disgusted and leave when she realises they’re not about men. but she stays, praises katya’s way with words, and katya blushes and can’t for some reason meet trixie’s eyes. trixie rolls katya’s hair up in curlers - because she always fails when she does it on herself. she smokes another cigarette. they turn on the radio and sing along to skeeter davis’ “the end of the world”, katya supposes they must be playing sad songs for the sleepless.

“trixie, do you ever get homesick?”, katya asks, they’re sitting next to each other and katya’s drawing never-ending patterns on trixie’s thigh. trixie shakes her head no and smiles. “me neither”, katya smiles back, and continues, “i suppose we both got restless blood in us”. and she can hear how trixie’s accent already has made its way onto katya’s tongue. “i’ll miss ya katya” “i’ll miss you too”

“you never told me, where are ya goin’?”, trixie crooks her head whilst she asks. “san francisco, i should be there the day after tomorrow. i’m staying with a friend there, at least for a month”, katya chips at her nail polish whilst she speaks, it’s a nervous thing, but she can’t understand why she is nervous. “i’m playing there, i mean san francisco, in ‘bout 2 weeks. would ya like to come meet me then?” katya smiles at her, “i’d want nothing more”. they make plans about guest lists and meeting spots and katya writes down the number to the friend she’ll be staying with, sloppily, on paper with the motels sigil. “call me, whenever.” trixie kisses her forehead so lovingly that katya almost melts, and then they fall asleep on each other.

katya wakes up alone, she sits up, confused, scans the room for traces of trixie. there’s a note on the nightstand.

“ katya!

i had to go, tour calls. i couldn’t bring myself to wake you at the ungodly hour i got up!

i’ll try calling you in 2 days & hope you’re in san francisco

love trixie xx “

katya feels something boil in her stomach, guesses it’s happiness. she balances a cigarette in her mouth whilst taking out the hair curlers, and studies her map-book. she should be able to make it halfway today, stay overnight in five points. she looks at herself in the mirror, takes a drag and puts her sunglasses on.

katya’s long back on highway 10 when she - unlike skeeter davis - understands why the birds sing, katya thinks she’s in love.