#and i'm so extra that I add a gif to my post too (instagram story) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

andreafmn · 3 years ago

Text

I'm Not Afraid - Chapter 9

Word Count: 3.9K

Story Description: (Y/N) Argent arrived at Beacon Hills to put to rest her father’s sister, Kate Argent. For the first time, her family has decided to settle down and sustain a life in this interesting small town. After 17 years, (Y/N) has the opportunity to establish interpersonal relationships but will she be ready to face the complications that come with relating to her cousin’s, Allison, friends; especially, the infamous Derek Hale. She will face the adventure of being associated with the Derek and McCall pack as well as being faced with the discovery of certain aspects of her life she never imagined.

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Teen Wolf, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and MTV Network. The only thing I own is Argent Reader insert, her immediate family, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ storyline.

Chapter: 9/?

A/N: I wish I was a lot more consistent with my posting, but the sadsies sometimes take over and writing becomes extra hard. Also, working on a book so although I may write for some time I'm dividing it with that project as well. But I still hope ya'll enjoy this chapter 🥺 and also I apologize for any feels that may arise.

If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories. Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

And, if it’s not a big ask, please check out my other socials 😊

TikTok • Instagram • Business | MASTERLIST

If you’d like to be tagged in this or any other story: click here

<- Previous | Next ->

Chapter 9

All I could do was stare wide-eyed at the man in front of me. My hands were shaking, my chest heaved, and my throat tightened. No one had ever told me they liked me, let alone that they were falling for me.

Heat started building inside me, bubbling to the surface in an uncontrollable way. I couldn’t stay there for much longer. The walls in my living room were closing in on me and suddenly the air felt heavy and unbreathable. I couldn’t tell if I was truly breathing or not, but my lungs ached for more oxygen as I took short and sharp breaths. Dizzily, I got up from the floor, clutching at anything that could steady me as I traveled the spinning room. All I needed was to reach the door that would lead me to the backyard – I needed air.

Derek’s voice echoed in my head, asking if I was alright, but I couldn’t answer. The knot in my throat tightened if I tried to speak. I knew he was worried. With his supernatural hearing I was sure he could witness the rapid speed at which my heart was beating, and probably the whooshing sounds I felt in my head.

Finally, my hands touched the cool metal of the backdoor, sliding it open as quickly as I could.

I understood what I was feeling. Not too long ago, Scott had brought me down from this feeling. I tried focusing on breathing, but the inhales only worked to add to the sting in my lungs. I fumbled in my pockets searching for the small device that could aid in my breathing, but noticing that they were empty, I outstretched my hands toward the blurry figure in front of me.

“(Y/N), what do you need?” Derek asked frantically.

My brain worked hard to group the letter together as well as provide enough oxygen to blurt out the words, as hard as it was. “In-in-inha-ler,” I choked out. “B-bed-bedroom.”

He disappeared for a few seconds, and in the blink of an eye was standing in front of me once more. Derek helped me sit on a chair as he guided the L-shaped plastic container to my lips. My shaky hands met his and tried pumping the medicine into myself, but my hands were too weak to do so. He ended up pumping the vial twice as I took in the deepest breath I could.

“Focus on my voice, (Y/N) .” I hadn’t noticed when another voice joined in. Looking up through glazed eyes, I saw Isaac’s figure talking me down. “Try to match my breathing, okay?”

I focused on the blond’s chest, matching my inhales and exhales to the movement of it. Some minutes later, I started stabilizing. Gripping my chest, I was able to steady my breathing and have my eyes focus on the picture before me. Isaac drew soothing circles on my back as he continued guiding my breathing. Focused on my friend, I hadn’t noticed that Derek had gone and fetched a glass of water.

“Feeling better?” Isaac questioned as I gulped down the cold water and nodded. “Good.”

“What are you doing here, Isaac?” Derek spoke in words of annoyance. His brow had remained furrowed since the arrival of his beta, angered that he had appeared.

“I came over to visit my friend,” he scoffed. “Am I not allowed to do that now?”

“You know you shouldn’t be near her so close to the full moon,” Derek reminded the boy. But it didn’t take an expert to know that his irritation was due to something else. “Your actions are unpredictable during this time, and you could hurt her.”

“Well, I didn’t trigger someone’s panic attack, and I feel quite in control. Can’t say the same about you.” Isaac pointed at the alpha’s hand. His claws had grown inside his fists and had penetrated the skin of his palm, droplets of blood trickling to the lawn. “If anyone is unpredictable right now, it’s not me.”

“How dare you speak to me that way?! You…”

“Guys, stop!” (Y/N) finally yelled out, the loudness rasping her throat. “Derek, just go.”

“But…”

“Go. Please,” I reiterated softly. Standing, I placed a hand on his warm chest, trying to subside the pain I was causing him with my response. “I’ll call you later… I promise.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Just go.” With another menacing glance toward Isaac – and a sad stare toward me — he disappeared into the woods, leaving me and Isaac alone. For a second time, I felt the need to steady my breathing, scared that another attack would sprout. I sat on the steps of the wooden deck in a last attempt to steady the tremulous feeling rushing through me. “How did you get in?”

“You left the front door open,” Isaac answered matter-of-factly. “As I was walking up the door, I heard you gasping for air, so I rushed in. And thankfully it was open. You would’ve had to replace your front door before your parents came back.”

“You could always just use the side gate,” I chuckled. “But I’m just glad you were here.”

“So, wanna tell me what that was all about?” He sat next to me on the floor, staring up with a playful grin on his face.

“Not particularly,” I whined. But I knew I needed someone to talk to about this, and Isaac would probably be one of the only people to understand.

“Come on. I promise I won’t judge.”

I took a deep breath, slid down the chair to the floor, and unloaded. I told him everything – about the dream, my family, becoming a hunter, Allison’s jealousy. My mouth spoke rapidly, words spilling before I could process them. The events jumped out of the timeline, details being remembered as I spoke and quickly blurted. It felt as if my mouth was simply a printer of a jumble of words.

“Then, Derek told me he was falling for me, and I had a panic attack because I couldn’t handle the thought of someone actually having those kinds of feeling for me. And now you’re all caught up.”

“So Derek actually has emotions?” Isaac laughed. “I have to tell everyone.”

“Isaac, this is serious. He probably thinks I hate him or that I’m actually afraid of him, or something. Derek was openly vulnerable about his emotions, and I couldn’t handle it. And then I told him to leave! OH MY GOSH!” The realization had finally dawned on me. Derek had just confessed his feelings for me, and I probably reacted in the worse way possible. “What did I do, Isaac? He probably hates me now.”

“Highly doubt he thinks you hate him, (Y/N),” he soothed. “Look, I may not know much about Derek, but if everything you’ve said is true – and the things I may have witnessed are real – then there’s nothing you could do that will make him hate you. He might just be as confused as you are right now. Just take tonight to rest and try to talk to him later. Do you have feelings for him?”

“I wouldn’t know, honestly. Feelings, relationships, friendships, socializing… everything is just so new to me and it’s all happening so fast,” I exhaled exasperated. “One day I was the odd one out in this town and the next I’m a hunter surrounded by supernatural creatures in charge of protecting humans. I can’t handle it all – I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Isaac scooched closer and wrapped me in a hug. The warmth beaming from his body surrounded me. It was comforting, a welcome embrace after such an exhausting encounter. He felt like a safe haven for my emotional downpour – but he wasn’t the person I wanted to be with at that moment.

My brain could only conjure the image of Derek. The image of him engulfing me in his arms; the smell of his cologne attacking my sense; the soft patter of his heartbeat in my ear with my head on his chest; his hand stroking my hair. I wanted nothing more than to be back in the presence of Derek. But nothing that included feelings came naturally to me. All I knew was how to push people away, how to keep everyone at an arm’s length. For the first time in my life, I felt that everything was just out of my control.

“What do you want to do, then?” Isaac mumbled after a few minutes of quiet. He was rocking us softly back and forth, his chin resting on my head. “You can sleep on it, settle your emotions and talk to Derek tomorrow, or we can go there right now. Although I think he might be very angry at me right now for being here, and I’m not sure if he’ll grow angrier if I stay.”

“I could also call him later.”

“Don’t you think this is a conversation you should have face to face?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. It would probably resolve things with Allison,” I scoffed. “Regardless, being with him is still illegal, and my family would probably be more inclined to kill him. Honestly, I don’t want to end up like Scott and Allison.”

“Then why accept becoming a hunter at all? Why don’t you just say you don’t want to be a part of this?”

“It’s my family’s legacy, Isaac,” I sighed. It was true that most of my problems could be obviated had I declined a position as a hunter, but that would mean turning my back to my own family – Uncle Chris, Allison, my mom, my dad. “Whether I had met you guys, the people of Beacon Hills, or not, my life was directed to becoming an Argent hunter. Having someone on the inside can only be beneficial for you guys, though. Keep you all safe from my own people.”

“That’s very noble of you,” he laughed. “But what do you want for yourself, (Y/N)? All I’ve heard is what you’re doing for other people, and it’s all very honorable, but not once have you said what you want. And if there’s anything I’ve learned from my life, when it comes to feelings you get to be selfish – you need to be.”

“How do I know if I’m making the right decision?”

“Well,” he started. I could tell he was unsure of how to navigate this conversation. His friend was going on a downward spiral about his alpha – it just felt weird. “Don’t process. Just answer the first person that comes into your head. Can you do that?”

“I can try,” I confessed.

“How would you feel if Derek wasn’t in your life?”

I do as Isaac asks, and I don’t think. The first thing that blurts out of my mouth is, “I would be devastated. As much as I’ve pushed him away, now that he’s stepped into my life, I don’t remember how it was without him in it.”

“Okay,” he continued. “Do you feel safe when you’re with him?”

“Since the beginning.”

“Are you willing to accept all aspects of his life – the good and the bad?”

“I couldn’t see him doing anything bad enough that it’d push me away.”

“And, finally,” he breathed out. “If push comes to shove, would you be able to renounce being a hunter in order to be with him?”

It took me a second longer to answer this question. I knew what Isaac was asking – would I be able to choose love over family. And my answer was, “Yes.”

“Go to him,” he blurted.

“What?”

“He’s gonna be waiting by the door for you. I know it,” he chuckled softly. “You owe it to yourself to figure out everything that’s gonna happen between you two.”

Isaac’s arms finally let up on my body and pulled me up to my feet, wiping away the streaks of tears that had cascaded down my cheeks. He drove me in the direction of the garage before disappearing into the house, probably to ransack the kitchen. My body stood still as Brody sat on my side; I hadn’t noticed he’d made his way downstairs. Whether he was calming me down or begging for a walk, I wouldn't know. All I had to do was open the white door and get on my bike, but my body stayed frozen.

“Just go, (Y/N)!” Isaac hollered from the kitchen, somehow knowing I was taking my time to twist the handle. “We’ve still got school tomorrow.”

“FINE!” I called back. “Can you feed Brody and take him out for a walk?”

“Yeah! Just GO already!”

My hands turned the doorknob, the motion sensor light sprouting to life as soon as the door swiveled. With a breath of courage, my hands grabbed my keys. And before I knew it, I was speeding down the streets of Beacon Hills toward Derek’s home. Houses quickly turned into industrial buildings, the city noise drowning out as I reached where he lived.

The roaring of my bike would have alerted him that I was there, but he didn’t come out. I killed the engine and balanced it on the stand. I took my time from taking off my helmet to walking to his door, using those seconds to stabilize my breath and my heartbeat.

It took half a knock for the metal door to slide open, revealing a disheveled Derek behind it. He was wearing a grey tank top, sweat droplets forming on his forehead and a dark ring on the collar of his shirt. His breath was heavy and his skin was red – he had been letting off some steam.

“ (Y/N),” he breathed out. I wasn’t sure if it was a sigh of relief. “I didn’t know you were coming by.”

“You can thank Isaac for that,” I chuckled. I stayed quiet for a couple of minutes, uncertainty clouding my mind in an instant. Derek didn’t speak either. The sound of his breathing was the only assurance that the moment was happening. “Can I come in?”

“Y-yeah, of course.” He moved out of the way, using the small towel he wore on his shoulder to wipe away the sweat. “Sit down for a sec while I change, okay?”

“Sure,” I smiled. Derek disappeared into a room as I made my way to the couch in the center of the space. The place was unusually quiet, for a place that inhabited teenagers that is.

I took in the unusual surroundings. The industrial loft wasn’t exactly magazine worthy, but I guessed being the alpha of a pack of teenagers whilst fighting other supernatural entities didn’t allow for too much time on interior decorating. The strangest thing was the huge bed in front of the couch. It seemed to be his, far too big for anyone else living here. Had he given up a room for the other kids?

“I’m glad you’re here.” His voice startled me, making me jump slightly on my seat. His hair was wet, and he smelled of fresh cologne. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No, thanks. Where’s everyone else?”

“Don’t know. I don’t really keep tabs on them other than for training,” Derek shrugged. He brought over two water bottles regardless of my answer and sat on the other end of the couch. I could tell he was still pondering what this conversation would entail. “I’m glad you’re here, (Y/N). How everything went down wasn’t exactly how I envisioned that to go.”

“I owe you an apology, Derek.”

“No. No, you don…”

“I do, Derek. You were being vulnerable, and I couldn’t handle it,” I started. “The truth is, I think I am also falling for you, and that… that terrifies me. I’ve never been in a situation where so many feelings are involved and navigating them in such a short amount of time had me spiraling.”

“ (Y/N), I…”

“Please, let me finish.” The sentence came out more like a question than a plea. “I fear if I don’t say everything as it’s mapped out in my head, it’ll get misconstrued at some point.”

“Alright,” he accepted.

“Thanks,” I exhaled. I hadn’t noticed that the air wasn’t filling my lungs completely, and they ached for more oxygen. My body sprung up, standing to help me breathe. Even so, I continued. “As I told you, my family and me have moved around my entire life, and establishing real relationships is something I’ve avoided out of self-preservation. Now, for the first time in my life, I am starting to learn to plant roots. Yet, one thing I know for sure is that even though these feelings are alien to me, I want to feel them with you. I want to learn about all of this with you by my side. But…”

“But?” Derek interrupted. He stood and was towering over me, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Sorry, go on.”

“But in one year’s time.”

“I must say, you lost me there. “

“I’m seventeen, Derek.” My tone was as-a-matter-of-factly. My aunt may have been swinging for the little leagues, but I wouldn’t let Derek play that same game. “Not only will I be eighteen, but I also think I could find a way to have enough standing in the family to change us from within. It would make the relationship so much easier. I don’t want to end up like Scott and Allison, hiding and looking over our shoulders at all times. And I also wouldn’t like you to go to jail.”

“Okay, that makes sense,” he chuckled. “And what would that look like?”

“I imagine the same thing we’ve been doing up to this point. Only, we’re sure you won’t be going to jail,” I half-joked.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he smirked cockily.

“But seriously, Derek.” My gaze caught his, the hand I laid on his chest warming instantly. “The less ammo my family has on you, the better. I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you because of me.”

“I can take care of myself, (Y/N),” he whispered. “I don’t need you to protect me.”

“But I might be able to minimize the threat toward you. At least from my family,” I sighed. “Seriously, Derek. I know my dad wouldn’t mind, but I’m sure the rest of the Argent gang would jump at the chance to get you out of the way. For good.”

He remained quiet for a couple of seconds, digesting the words that had poured from my mouth. Then a toothy grin appeared on his face as his arms circled my waist. “A year, then?”

“I know it might seem like a long time, but I know it’s worth it. But I can’t ask you to wait for me.”

“ (Y/N)…”

“I’m being realistic, Derek. I can’t ask that of you.” My eyes faltered, falling on my feet to hide the tears that burned the back of my eyes. “I know I can and want to wait for you – I’ve gone my whole life, one year is nothing. But I couldn’t do that to you. Just when next year comes, and you still feel the same for me, then we dive into this completely.”

I knew that I could never predict our outcome, only time could tell whether or not what I felt for Derek would be strong enough to withstand the trials of time. Although, I desired for him to choose me the whole way. But circumstance had decided to test our patience. And as much as it would tear me apart to see him with someone else, I had no way of controlling what he did or felt.

His hand landing on my chin brought me out of my wandering thoughts. His whole face had softened, his eyes holding that warmth that I had only seen directed toward me. And then he said, “I would wait for you until the end of time, (Y/N),” Derek smiled. His thumb wiped away the small tear that had fallen at some point, sending a tantalizing shiver through my body. “I haven’t had the best luck with relationships in my life, but I’ve never felt like this before. You’re something else, (Y/N) Argent.”

“You have no idea how relieving it is to hear you say that,” I breathed out. We closed some of the distance between us by touching our foreheads together, closing our eyes to revel in the contact. The proximity was alluring and the thought of pressing our lips together inundated my mind. But we had just agreed to hold all forms of intimacy off for a year, and my resolve wasn’t that bad. “What’re you thinking right now?”

“How much I want to kiss you but can’t,” he chuckled. “I have to keep reminding myself that my determination is strong enough to withhold.”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one,” I teased. “You know, I think this will be a lot harder than we’re anticipating.”

“We have to be stronger than this. Cause we won’t make it the year.”

“Maybe – now hear me out – maybe, we just get it out of our system,” I grinned. “Just one kiss to solidify our compromise.”

“I don’t think if we start, I’ll be able to stop, (Y/N),” he chuckled. I could see how his eyes were growing darker, the innocent and blissful moment we had just shared turning into a memory.

“You’ll just have to try.” I cocked an eyebrow at him, my bottom lip instinctively caught between my teeth.

We were seeing who would break first. Not once breaking eye contact, our faces started inching closer. So close I could feel his breath on my face and his lips were close enough I could already feel them on mine. His eyes flickered down once, a grin stretching on his face. A simple gust of wind could knock us closer if we let it.

“Derek, we’re here!” A female voice screamed out as the front door clanked loudly. We jumped away from each other, a minuscule air of anger filling the space that had grown between us. Erica and Boyd walked in, playful grins on their faces and questioning hints in their eyes. “What is Argent doing here?”

“None of your business, Erica.” Derek was back to his alpha personality, the emotionless façade that I had been able to break through since the first day I met him. “And she was just leaving.”

“I was?” I questioned until I looked at his face – he was begging me to leave before we started something we would not be able to stop. “I was. I’ll see you all tomorrow night for the rave, I’m assuming.”

“Of course,” Erica smiled deviously. “See you there.”

“Bye, (Y/N),” Boyd mumbled. “Good night.”

“Night, Boyd,” I smiled.

Exiting the building, I felt Derek’s presence behind me. He was careful of his movements, the prominent feeling of Boyd’s and Erica’s lingering eyes enough for him to keep his hands to himself. We walked in silence over to my bike, a giddy feeling revolving around us.

“I guess we’ll never know if we have enough self-resolve,” he teased. “And I won’t test it with those two staring through the windows.”

“If only you didn’t live with teenagers, we could have tested our levels of resistance.”

“We’ll just have to leave it for another day.” He was grinning, an eyebrow cocked and a devilish smile on his face. “Get home safe, (Y/N).”

“Thanks, sour wolf,” I ragged. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you, (Y/N).”

All our cards had been laid out and we had started a domino fall we had no control over. Whatever happened after this point on would be out of our hands. I just hoped that a year from now I felt the way I was feeling at this moment.

Next ->

Tag List: @hellowinterlane @lokisgoddesofpower @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @malar-region @sunshine-flower@lilstanxd @sunsetcurvej @malar-region @heyitsaloy @blackbluerose666 @bellabadacadabra @winter-soldier-101 @zheezs14

189 notes · View notes