#and i'm not underweight or emaciated looking so it's not like anyone can tell
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in hindsight developing disordered eating habits was probably a bad decision. groundbreaking discovery i know
#my mom sent me a package from america#and she put in goldfish crackers which are my favorite snack#and i used to get so excited to get those packages#but as soon as i got it i texted my friends asking if they wanted it#i ate a sandwich on whole wheat bread and spent hours feeling nauseous with guilt#over a SANDWICH!!#and i'm not underweight or emaciated looking so it's not like anyone can tell#if anything people just praise me for losing weight#i wish i never had to look at or eat food again in my life#i wish i could just wither into a little speck and disappear forever#i'm so fucking sick of this#i'm sick of people having to know me#i'm on the fast track to destroying all my friendships because i'm either unpleasant or i push people away#i suck so fucking bad!!! i'm the fucking worst!!!#and my mom always told me 'if you talk that way about yourself no one will want to hang out with you'#she was right but also it's TRUE!!!!#i'm AWFUL i'm the WORST i'm ugly and stupid and fat and there is absolutely NOTHING redeemable about me#i wish i could just disappear forever i hate this! i hate this i'm so mad at myself!!!
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