#and i'm kind of worried it will be too late when we uncover them

[qrevo]

So. Cat came out, I feel like Kazui ALSO wants to come out, and I need to talk about it.

(Spoilers for Cat) (Also TW: suicide mention)

First off, the style of the MV was great! Kazui going full crazy at the end was so cool. The song was a banger (as always). Now that we know he was a cop, some of his actions inside the prison make sense, like protecting the attacked prisoners, and trying to punch Es in the first trial.

My main guess now, going by enerything we have (MVs, VDs, Timelines) is that Kazui is a closeted gay man (or maybe aro/ace), and never had any real love or attraction towards his wife, only platonically at most. On the VD he says "I can't live unless I lie. That's how I was born...", and seeing as Japan has some big problems with homophobia, this really strikes off as him trying to hide this side of himself so that he can live a peaceful, "normal" life.

In that one timeline with Yuno and Mahiru, they asked about his preferences, and then after he answered Yuno said that was total bullshit. What other reason would he have to lie about his relationship preferences?

Also, "Cat", or "Neko", is a slang used by gay people in Japan to refer to bottoms or submissive gays.

The white dove represents his marriage, since he transformed his marriage ring into the dove (right before doing an "I Love You" reference). That scene of him eating the bird can be interpreted as him finally telling the truth to his wife, who he really is, and suggesting a break or a divorce, ruining/destroying their marriage.

By what he said in the VD, Kazui didn't cheat, or at least it didn't reach that point. He also said that we didn't find out his true crime/sin, since our base assumption was cheating. He also said that she died when he stopped lying. Of course, these could be more of his lies, but assuming they aren't. The only thing that I can think of, that would make her so desperate to jump off the balcony, is that his love never existed in the first place.

So what happened, in summary, was: He married his partner in the police, Hinako, to try having a normal life and conform to society. The marriage was a lie to him, but it was real for his wife. He tried to repress that side of him, hoping it would go away, but those feelings he repressed only got stronger, until he realized he couldn't keep lying forever, and decided to ask for a divorce, coming out to his wife, before he reched the point of cheating. His wife got upset, as seeing that their relationship was a lie, that he never truly loved her like she loved him, and jumped off the balcony.

But there are still a lot of questions that weren't answered.

If he didn't cheat, WHO IS BAR GIRL?? Is she important? If she is, why didn't she appear in the new MV? Is she even REAL, or is she a fabricated memory, or an idea, or a metaphor??

Is that guy in the wedding really the bartender from half? If he is, that means he is important, somehow. Was he his childhood friend? Does Kazui have a crush on him? If so, in bar girl scene, was Kazui actually flirting with the bartender before she arrived? Is he the same man he was arguing with in that scene from half?

For now I'm planning to forgive him, but is that really the best choice? It appears that, when we forgave him in T1, nothing really happened, because we actually forgave his persona, the lies about himself, instead of his actual true self. If he wants us to expose his lies, maybe an unforgiving veredict would be what he wants?

But also, if he is unforgiven, he won't be able to help defend other prisoners from attacks. We need to be careful when voting, as Milgram is starting to look like a strategy game where the goal is keeping all of them alive.

Anyways, going to listen to Cat for like. 3 days straight. Or 3 days gay, if that fits the theme better.

[nereidprinc3ss]

pretty little things

in which you can't keep hiding your stuffed animals from your boyfriend. spencer would like a formal introduction.

fluff! warnings/tags: gn!reader I think, newish established relationship, they're so cute, reader is still kinda shy around him, I'm really obsessed with this dynamic actually, implied intimacy if you decide to interpret it that way, kissing/maybe mildly suggestive a/n: this is dedicated to my friends @parfaitblogs and @gublersg1rl bc in another universe we are actually just three jellycat plushies on someone's bed which is where the inspo for this little thing came from. and thank u willow for naming your fox. ok bye love u hope u enjoy !! :D

The first time you’d shown Spencer your room, and the handful of times he’s been in it since, you very intentionally hid your stuffed animals underneath the bed. After all, you’re an adult. You have a grown up job. And you don’t need him thinking you’re some kind of freak this early into the relationship. You like him too much. 

Today, however—you didn’t have any warning. He comes over unannounced, which is all well and good, until you bring him to your bedroom so he can sit on the bed while you change from work clothes into something comfier for movie night. As soon as you open the bedroom door, you see them, lined up neatly by your pillow, and you know it’s too late. 

“Uh…”

Spencer runs into your back and takes it as an excuse to settle his hands on your hips as he peers over your shoulder. 

“What?”

You slip out of his easy hold and skitter to your bed, practically throwing yourself on the mattress and sitting unnaturally as the little beaded eyes of your friends dig into your back. Even your brightest smile doesn’t distract Spencer. He’s like a bloodhound for the truth. At least, that’s the sense you’re beginning to get. 

“What are you doing?” He tries again, eyes narrowed and closing the door carefully behind him. 

“Nothing!”

The urgency with which you say it has his eyebrows raising. Obviously delighted by the embarrassing secret he’s sure to uncover, he approaches. You lean back further even as he towers over you until you’re almost on your back and he’s folded over you, menacingly (and dizzyingly) close. This sort of position is still new-ish and has your heart pounding, even if it’s entirely playful and ostensibly innocent. 

“Nothing? Are you sure?”

You nod, still shying away from him into the pile of pillows. Without looking he reaches under you and pulls out your pink bunny. You squeak and hide your face. 

“What is this?” He laughs, and you yank it away, sitting up so he’s forced to give you some breathing room. The bunny is cradled protectively in your arms, though you try to hold it a bit more casually when you notice. 

“I said it’s nothing.”

“What about the other two behind you? The fox and the… what is that? A deer?”

“No—”

“I didn’t even know they made deer stuffed animals—”

“Spencer, stop!”

He does, at the desperate tone of voice and the way you’re still hiding from him. 

“No, no! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you. Don’t be embarrassed. I’m sorry.”

As usual he’s over apologetic, now sitting knee to knee with you on the mattress and leaning down to try and catch your eye. You huff and grant him some eye contact just so he doesn’t go over the edge with worry. 

“But it’s embarrassing.”

“No, it’s really not,” he laughs. “It’s cute. I can’t believe you’ve been—what, hiding them from me? This whole time? That’s like not telling me you have kids.”

“It is not like that.”

“Hm. I don’t know, I think you should probably introduce me.”

You give him a look, letting your head fall to your shoulder. “Spencer.”

“I’m serious. I’m going to be apart of their lives now. You can’t keep shoving them under the bed every time I stay the night.”

This nerd is going to be the death of you. 

Eventually, you groan reluctantly. 

“Fine. Okay, um—this one is… well—her name is Bunny. It’s not… very creative, but it’s—that’s just her name, okay?”

Spencer doesn’t react to your unjustified defensiveness—only grabs your bunny’s round little pink paw and shakes. “Enchanted.”

“Shut up.” Your face is so hot as you bury your smile and set Bunny aside, making sure she’s comfortable against the pillow before bringing out your deer. Spencer doesn’t have the shit-eating grin you were partially expecting when you glance up at him from beneath your lashes—he’s smiling, but it’s so soft. A little twisted, like he’s holding back the full extent of it for your sake. But you wouldn’t mind it at full power. It’s like he’s hiding the sun in a saucepan and the lid’s not on quite right. And he’s looking right at you. Like you’re the source of all his joy. 

A moment passes. You clear your throat and look back down. “Um—this is Bambi. ’Cause—you know.”

“I do,” Spencer agrees genially, nodding as if this were a normal conversation. “Kind of a dark thing to name your deer, though.”

“You’re judging,” you accuse balefully. He chuckles and his hand finds your knee, rubbing apologetically. 

“I’m not, I’m not! I take it back. I retract it. Continue, please.”

For a moment you only pout, but it doesn’t deter him—he simply looks at you expectantly, and now those syrupy eyes come with the added bonus of his hand on your leg. Fine. He wins. But not without a deep, tortured sigh from you while you’re grabbing your fox that makes the corner of his mouth twitch up. 

“This one is…”

The name dies on your tongue, too ridiculous to be said out loud. 

“Tell me,” Spencer pleads in that gentle voice and with those big eyes that you’d consider burning him at the stake for because that look on his face has to be witchcraft. 

“Okay but you can’t laugh,” you insist in one quick breath, giving him a serious look that he can only partially reciprocate. 

“No laughing.”

“It’s… Mr. Cuddles.”Spencer bites the inside of his cheek to keep his promise. You melt inside both from embarrassment and from the way it only further defines an already superbly sculpted bone structure. “Do not.”

Spencer scoffs at your warning. “Don’t what? I’m behaving.”

“Don’t make fun of Mr. Cuddles!”

“Does it look like I’m making fun of him?”

“Her.”

“What?”

“Her. Mr. Cuddles is a girl.”

“I see… can you explain that to me?”

“If a human person said I am a girl and I would like you to call me Mister, would you question that? Would you ask them to explain it to you?”

“I guess not.”

“Exactly. Don’t be rude.”The way Spencer is looking at you now, eyes so clear and still so full of affection, like you’ve got some sort of heavenly spotlight trained on you, lips parted as if to say something but still silent, has you forgetting your momentary confidence. You shrink. “What?”

“I just… you’re amazing.” You throw Mr. Cuddles at his chest and fall into your pile of pillows with a groan. Spencer only continues rubbing your leg. It’s very nice, actually. He’s gentle. And patient. “You don’t believe me?”

“I don’t believe you came to this conclusion just because I introduced you to my stuffed animals.”

“Not solely because of that. There are a lot of contributing factors. I mean, the stuffed animal thing helped.”

“It’s embarrassing,” you insist for the umpteenth time. 

“It’s adorable.”

Spencer pushes pillows aside and lies next to you so you’re eye to eye. It’s nice how his presence isn’t exhausting the way people sometimes are. He’s easy to exist with. He makes you enjoy existing a little more than usual. Even now. 

You raise your eyebrows and speak, cheek squished against fabric. “I’m a serious adult.”

“I know you are,” he assures with a solemn nod. 

Your eyes narrow ever so slightly. 

“Okay… well… don’t go forgetting that. I’m fun but I can also be not fun.”

“I’d love to see that.”

“No you wouldn’t. You would hate it. You’d be so scared.”

Spencer gives up on holding back a smile and moves his hand to tuck hair behind your ear. 

“You’re right. I’m already terrified. The anticipation… it’s killing me, you know?”

You’re giggling as you roll over on top of him and he roots his hand in your hair, pulling you in for a long, smiley kiss like he knew it was coming. Only when he blindly throws your stuffed friends from the bed do you pull away—just by an inch or so. 

“No respect,” you scold playfully. He kisses you again, tangling your legs and hands wandering. 

“Can I apologize later?”

You’re good with that. 

[galaxyshine24-7]

Deuce trying to protect the idea that the NRC is an ideal place for a family- Look, my mother raised me alone in the NRC and I'm fine

Yui- So good that when he was under 18 he already joined a gang and his life expectancy is less than 40 years, as he can be killed in different ways

Exactly, many of the boys not just Deuce try to convince Yuu that NRC isn't that bad. However, they always get shot down with Yuu's logical thinking.

I felt inspired to write a dabble about it. I hope you enjoy.

A Brighter Future

It is a cold day in NRC as snow softly falls along the street. The light from the Silver Bullet creates a warm glow inviting those to come inside and enjoy a hot drink.

Yuu tends the bar as always making a cup of hot chocolate for themselves and their customers who decided to remain rather late after an important meeting. It is an end-of-the-year occasion where the leaders invite any members they deem worthy to tag along.

It has been a chaotic year with many events and secrets being revealed. The one reveal on everyone's minds is the future desires of their usually secretive bartender. It was a big shock to uncover one of their deepest desires, but it also left a worried thought in all the boys heads.

Yuu wants to leave NRC one day to start a family. No one really leaves NRC, but the more the bartender insists the more the boys have to take it seriously. So now comes the challenge to find ways to keep Yuu from leaving.

"You know Yuu," Deuce leans against the counter rubbing the back of his neck. "I grew up here with my mom and it's pretty safe." Deuce tries to bring up the subject gently having practiced ways to convince the bartender that they can feel safe here.

"Deuce your mother did a wonderful job raising you, but you joined a gang at a young age. Not to mention it's encouraged for young people like you to join gangs basically signing your life away, and it's almost impossible to get out of them in one piece." Yuu puts whipped cream on the drinks sprinkling them with chocolate powder before handing one to Deuce.

"Well uh-" Deuce is speechless as he takes the drink.

"Oh come on it's not that serious." Ace chimes in leaning against the counter sucking on a candy can.

"Ace I literally found you in a dumpster beaten up." Ace winces at the memory and so does Riddle who has been listening to the conversation off to the side.

"I get what you guys are trying to do, but I will not be convinced." Yuu starts to hand out the rest of the drinks.

"But to just up and leave." Epel pouts taking a sip of his drink.

"It's not like you'll never hear from me again I'll call, you guys didn't think I'll be a bartender for the rest of my life did you?" Yuu places the rest of the drinks on a tray to hand out to the others. The first years watch Yuu walk away to hand out the drinks around the bar.

"Deuce what was that?! You said you practiced?" Ace exclaims.

"I did, I just didn't expect that response, they are... kind of right." Deuce slumps his shoulders. "My mom wasn't the happiest with me joining the gang."

"Yuu's thinking isn't wrong, this life isn't desirable to most." Jack crosses his arms.

"So do you want them to leave?" Ace snaps.

"No," Jack's tail puffs up as he looks away.

"Ortho can you run statics some sort of statics?" Ace looks at the robot child.

"I have, but no matter how much I manipulate them NRC is not desirable option for people to live." Ortho sighs.

"So then we have nothing?" Ace rest his head on the counter.

"We can still convince them." Deuce tries to remain positive, but the first years have seen how stubborn the bartender can be.

"So I guess it's back to the drawing board as you humans say." Sebek shakes his head sipping his hot chocolate.

Silly first years the leaders and their vice captains have already come up with many plots to keep the bartender right here where they need to be. The young ones just need to leave it too the older folk to set things right.

[jovialmoonprincess]

AU: Journey to Redemption (Part 6)

In Silence, We Crumble

Coriolanus Snow x Fem!reader 

First Part. / The Winter Ball / Champagne Problems / Frost and Thorns / The Storm Within / In Silence, We Crumble

Summary: Y/N, a young idealist in Panem, dreams of making a difference in a post-war society. As the winner of the prestigious Plinth Prize is about to be announced, a mysterious woman unveils a grim fate for Coriolanus Snow, Y/N's nemesis. Offered a chance to alter destiny, Y/N must navigate her conflicting emotions and intervene in pivotal moments to prevent Snow's descent into darkness. The story unfolds against the backdrop of complex relationships, past connections, and the challenges of a changing world, as Y/N grapples with the responsibility of shaping an unexpected destiny and challenging the very fabric of fate.

Warning(s): ANGST IM WARNING YOU ANGST

A/N: I'm on Wattpad now too, click here to read and vote there: WATTPAD

______________________________

Y/N was in the Snows' penthouse living room, acting as if she hadn't shared the best kiss of her life with her friend's cousin a week ago. It was already late when Tigris answered the door and faced a worried Mrs. Plinth. Coriolanus would arrive half an hour later, questioning the situation. His gaze quickly passed over Y/N, and a nod of the head was the most interaction between them that night.

The woman pleaded for Coryo to help rescue Sejanus, even though the boy hated the idea. There was a phone call, and the boy and Mrs. Plinth left hastily. Y/N followed Tigris to her room.

"It's late; I can't let you go alone," Tigris said anxiously, probably because Coryo had just left for the arena again.

"Okay, I'll stay here with you," Y/N replied. It wasn't the first time she had slept at her friend's house, so it didn't take much to convince her mother. Whether she liked it or not, it would be good to have company that night. Y/N had stopped worrying about Coryo's death before the Games. She was more concerned about those around him and what he might do. Every day, she hoped some situation would help the boy reflect on the future.

"You know, when I took care of Coryo, I never imagined he would turn out like this," Tigris said while painting her toenails.

"Authoritarian? Conceited? Arrogant?" Y/N thought.

"Like what?" Y/N asked, saving the insults for when she saw Coryo in person.

"He sometimes looks a lot like his father. And that's not a compliment."

"Maybe we all have something from our parents, right?"

"I wish he were a bit more like his mother."

"What was she like?" Y/N asked.

"She was beautiful, intelligent, kind, sweet... She looked like a princess," Tigris said, smiling nostalgically. "Maybe Lucy Gray could help bring out that part of him, huh?"

"Did I miss something?" Y/N was confused.

"Oh, the whole Capitol is talking about them, as if they were a couple's goal."

"Couple's goal?" Y/N couldn't help but give a sincere laugh. "As if she didn't have bigger things to worry about."

"Coryo said they kissed a few days ago."

THE KISS. THE VISION'S KISS. She saw the two kissing through a cell. If she knew it was going to happen, why did it make her so uncomfortable? Moreover, another vision had been confirmed. Wasn't she doing anything useful to change his fate?

"And what did he say about it?"

"He said it was good, it must have been his first kiss. If not the first, the one that makes the heart beat faster, you know?" Good? That bastard...

"I know," Y/N said without thinking.

"DO YOU KNOW? Have you ever kissed someone like that?" Tigris was excited.

"Oh no, I read a lot of romances..."

"I see... Y/N, you have a lot of secrets, and I will uncover them." Y/N threw a pillow at her friend, who quickly caught it.

The girls quickly fell asleep after gossiping about life in the Capitol. Tigris was very worried; she didn't want to sleep at all, but Y/N managed to convince her after a lot of effort. The two chatted quietly until eventually, one of them stopped responding. But a noise during the night would wake Y/N up.

She looked at the clock beside the bed; it was 02:15 AM. She looked at Tigris sleeping peacefully on the left side of the bed, which, by the way, was quite large. Y/N got up quietly not to disturb her friend. She arrived in the kitchen and didn't notice anything different. She decided to heat up the tea that Tigris had made earlier for Sejanus's mother.

She poured it slowly into the cup when she noticed a silhouette in the living room. She put her hand over her lips to avoid screaming too loud.

"Coryo! You scared me." she said quietly to a battered Coryo in front of her. He was wearing a coat that covered the clothes he had left with. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing. Sejanus is fine. I saved the day; I'm going to sleep," he replied as he moved away slowly.

"Oh no, I'm going to make tea, and you're going to tell me what happened." Coryo had a zero-friendly expression. But Y/N guided the boy to the living room sofa, as if she didn't care about his anger.

In a minute, she reappeared with a teacup and some cookies that Mrs. Plinth had brought. She sat next to him on the couch.

"Eat, they're very good. They taste like Christmas." The boy seemed too beaten down to resist.

"I killed a tribute."

Y/N didn't know what to say; her mind couldn't formulate any sentences.

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't have a choice."

"I know, and it wasn't your fault. The Capitol, Dr. Gaul, they are the real culprits for all this. You're just a pawn on their chessboard." She wanted to ask about Sejanus, but she didn't want to start another fight over it.

"What was it like entering the arena?"

"Sejanus is an idiot. With that damn tradition of breadcrumbs. Pathetic. If anyone needs proof of the backwardness of the districts, this is a good one. Primitive people with primitive customs. How much bread has been wasted on that nonsense? Oh, no, he died of hunger! Bring bread! This 'friendship' with Sejanus is going to cause me a lot of problems." Coryo spoke lowly, mocking the pain Sejanus felt for Marcus. And it was at that moment that Y/N saw in Coriolanus what Tigris had mentioned earlier. The air of superiority, the resentment. Y/N felt a lump in her throat and involuntarily moved away from the boy. Something he didn't fail to notice.

Y/N remained silent, she had nothing to say. In fact, her desire was to go back to her room and cry until she fell asleep.

The atmosphere in the room became tense, impregnated by Coriolanus's revelation about the tribute he had eliminated and his cynicism about the districts. Y/N, although initially speechless, felt a mixture of anger and hurt growing inside her. The silence was broken when she finally spoke, her voice loaded with restrained emotion.

"Do you really think all the districts are like that? Primitive and backward? That people deserve to die for a tradition, like leaving breadcrumbs on the ground?" Y/N gave Coriolanus a penetrating look, her own district origin pulsating in her expression.

Coryo stared at her for a moment, as if assessing her reaction. "I'm just telling the truth. There is no progress in the districts, just outdated customs that lead nowhere."

His response ignited a flame of indignation in Y/N. "And what makes you think you're better? That your vision of progress is the only correct one? Do you think all districts are made up of pathetic and hungry people?"

Coriolanus retorted with a disdainful look. "Of course, they're not all the same, but it's undeniable that there is a general delay. I'm just being realistic."

His answer was like an open wound to Y/N, who felt the words echoing in her mind. She knew she couldn't change the Capitol's perception, but hearing it from someone she considered close was like a punch in the stomach.

"So, do you also think I'm pathetic?" she asked, her voice trembling but firm.

Coriolanus hesitated for a moment, looking into Y/N's eyes. "It's not the same. You're different."

"Different? How? Because I also have a district origin" Y/N felt a mix of sadness and frustration.

"It's not that..." Coryo began, but Y/N interrupted him.

"You know I'm not different. In the eyes of the Capitol, I'm also an insignificant girl from any district. Don't be hypocritical."

He sighed, seeming to rethink his words. "Look, that's not what I meant."

"But that's what you said." Y/N's disappointment was palpable.

"You don't understand. It's different with you."

“No, it’s not,” Y/N insisted, distancing herself further from him. "You're just in denial because you still see me as a girl from the capital. Because I don't feel hungry anymore? Because my father built an empire during the war? Or because you just like me, and you lie to yourself."

The room fell silent for a moment, only the echo of the words spoken hanging in the air. Coriolanus seemed lost in thought, while Y/N felt the need to get away from his presence.

"I just..."

"I didn't want you to get hurt by all this," Coriolanus finally said, his tone softer.

"Do you think words don't hurt?" Y/N let out an ironic laugh. "Sorry, but you know nothing about what it's like to be from a district. What it's like to live in the shadow of the Capitol. Don't try to tell me it's different with me because it's not. Our childhoods were similar, but the war in the districts was by far worse."

Coriolanus looked at the ground, realizing the depth of Y/N's words. A persistent tension lingered between them, as if the broken trust had created an irreparable abyss.

"I didn't want..." Coriolanus began, but Y/N interrupted.

"I think it's better if I leave before I say something I regret."

Y/N stood up, casting a last glance at Coryo before leaving. 

"I hope Lucy Gray doesn't find out about your honest opinions on the districts. If you want to maintain a relationship with her."

The door closed behind her, leaving the boy alone in the room, engulfed in confusing emotions and growing pain. The night that began with gossip and laughter had now faded into confrontation and sadness.

_______________________

Just wanted to drop a quick note to say a massive thank you for all the love, likes and comments on my story. <3

A LOT OF ANGST TO YOU GUYS. CRY ME A RIVER.

Taglist: @shari-berri @h-l-vlovesvintage @tea-bobba @daenerysqueenofhearts @commanderfreethatdust @glxzillx @write-from-the-heart @ireallydontcareanymorebrooo

TAGLIST AND REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!!!

[digitalgate02]

[main post about the Rider AU] [the tag tho]

Rider AU's main cast [2/8] - Ken

Yeah, I'M LATE?! Had this getting dust in my folder... Well, here we go. I'll not make promises about the rest getting finished that quickly (I'm working on more stuff at the same time)

Ken in this AU has a small ponytail (because I always wanted to see Ken in a ponytail, but I'm pretty fine with the canon short-haired Ken thanks to it having some Terui Ryu's vibes) but his personality is still the same as canon: he’s kind and polite BUT because he want to, and if you mess with his beloved ones he might become totally sarcastic, salty and hostile towards you.

Daisuke befriended him in the first year of college, but Daisuke quit quickly in order to pursue the ramen business thing. Ken didn’t have many friends at college back in time so he just wanted to keep tagging along with Daisuke. While he’s studying psychology, he hid a secret from everyone which was… He’s a famous gaming Digituber called ‘The Kaiser’.

No one connected the dots about the courteous Ken with the famous gamer who would simply get SUPER COMPETITIVE and FERAL in online competitions and esports events nicknamed Kaiser. The only person who might know this secret is his girlfriend who’s an excellent technician-bar-hacker who manages his accounts (so Ken can have time to be his real-self too) – Miyako. But Later, Miyako and Ken are acquainted with a young boy named Iori, who’s pretty good at taking the hints and then decide to help them out with his own abilities (no he’s not like a hacker, but he got the skill to help cover traces and find clues to stuff)

Ken also met Rui casually and not related to Daisuke at all – at the cafe shop Infinity, where Rui works at. The day they first met, Ken witnessed a digimon running away from some people in the lab getup trying to catch a hornworm digimon called “Wormmon”. The digimon ran into Ken’s way and begged to help him to escape. And Ken, who was a good boy who wouldn’t refuse to help someone in need, took the digimon inside the first shop near them. Which was Infinity Cafe Shop, after all.

At first Rui felt confused about why would someone just take a digimon inside a shop out of the blue, but since it was one of those days with low customers and he was… Alone at the moment, he decided to keep his mouth shut.

Wormmon explained to both of those two young adults that those people with scary costumes were trying to capture him and insert something terrible on him. Ken and Rui raise eyebrows and look at each other, as if they were asking each other what to do. They are asked by Wormmon to protect him and both boys just agree with it. Since then Ken and Wormmon drop by to talk with Rui.

And then, on a random day, Ken meets Daisuke again at the same cafe shop and learns that Rui is Daisuke’s childhood friend. Wormmon is still kept as a secret from Daisuke and everyone else, but hey. They don’t need to worry too much about it now, right?

Meanwhile, as the celeb Kaiser, Ken gets in touch with a person named WriterOfHope91 (privately btw) who claims to be from the same college as Ken. He tells Miyako about it and then they start planning what to do. Turns out the person was Takeru, who’s from another course from the same college and had been friends-and-neighbors with Miyako and Iori. While Ken didn’t want his secret to be leaked, he tells Takeru to keep his mouth shut about this. Takeru agrees, and says he didn’t want to do anything bad. The reason he contacted Ken was because his friend Hikari witnessed him getting inside a shop with a digimon in hands. And it was when Ken told Miyako and Iori about Wormmon for the first time.

BUT THE PROBLEMS DON’T END HERE!! The Kaiser is associated with an agency, the 7DM Entertainment —- Which suspiciously has a woman called Layla as its CEO.

Just like Rui, Ken does not know Daisuke is a Kamen Rider recently. But he does know Kamen Rider Lightnimon to some extent via the digimon, and he wants to uncover all the mysteries surrounding the mysterious hero and the cases around Tokyo, as some kind of detective.

(Which would make him want to pursue a career in investigations later)

[terrahlee-cup]

So SOMEONE got me excited about an AU. I wonder who could possibly have done that. @mousermayhem

"Get. Out." The words had him scrambling to his feet despite the way his vision was swimming. They'd been kind enough to drop him by a door at least, so he didn't have to go far to obey the order. A glance back revealed just what he'd expected: cold eyes without a hint of sympathy or remorse. So, he made his way through the tunnels, his only company the trail of blood he left behind.

He had nowhere to go. This was probably how he died. Looking at the deep gouges in his thigh wasn't exactly stopping precious blood from slowly pooling on the floor. Thinking back to what had started all of this, maybe there was… something he could try. If his own counterpart was so willing to help people he had statues in the city then maybe...

It was a hellish trek, every last bit of his mind focused on just. Getting. There. At least his sense of direction hadn't failed him yet. Panting, claws digging into a building's wall, but he could see it. His last chance. If they decided to kill him, leave him to his fate, he wouldn't be able to make it anywhere else even if he had another place to try. He'd never been particularly lucky, but maybe just this once. Maybe just this one time.

Dragging his feet over the last bit of distance, he ground his teeth against the fire that lanced through him at every step. He was almost there. He could feel bones grinding every time he shifted his weight. He could rest soon. The adrenaline was gone.

His hand missed the pager several times as he slowly lost the fight against gravity. Legs shaking from the effort of holding himself up, panic rising until, -click-. He made it. He… made it. Mission completed, he let himself slump to the ground. His part was done. He'd never really believed in an afterlife, but maybe it would be nice. Somewhere… warm.

…

…

…

Donnie jumped, the buzzing sound unwelcome so late at night. Not even Mikey seemed pleased by the noise, squinting at the small screen by the door like it had personally insulted him. It was eventually Leo who sighed and went to check who was at the building's entrance. The extended silence that followed finally drew Donnie and Mikey to their brother's side, the image that greeted them handily explaining his shock. "Uh, do I need glasses or is that Dark Raph just… sitting outside?"

"No, you're seeing it right, unless we all need our eyes checked."

"Donnie, go warn Cody and Serling, we need to see why he's here." With a nod Donnie turned to find the teen and his caretaker, leaving Leo and Mikey to watch the screen.

"He's not doing too much Leo… dya think he's asleep?" Leo shook his head.

"I don't know, Mikey. I'm worried they're just trying to lure us outside… I wouldn't put something like this past them."

"But we just fought them earlier, seems kinda quick." Leo just shrugged. Donnie returned a few moments later, so they headed down to the main entrance. When Mikey opened the door all three turtles were prepared for an attack. Instead, silence greeted them. Nothing happened. Looking to the side revealed Raph's counterpart slumped against the wall with- Donnie gasped, quickly kneeling beside the unconscious turtle to check for a pulse. The growing pool of blood on the concrete was much more obvious up close than it had been over the camera.

"He's alive, but he's not doing well. We need to get him inside. If this is meant to be some kind of trap… they've gone way too far." Getting the turtle inside and up the the penthouse ended up a quiet affair. Even Mikey stayed focused when he knew just how serious the situation was. Thankfully robots did most of the medical work. Unfortunately, that left the turtles themselves to stare at the list of injuries the bots' scans uncovered.

"This wasn't a trap, Leo. They aren't… I don't think they'd be this cruel for something they planned together." Donnie stared at the list in horror. Multiple fractures, a dislocated hip, deep gouges in his thigh and tail— it seemed more like the story of a captive trying to escape than their dark counterparts trying to trick them.

"What I don't understand is what would make them do something like this. It doesn't make sense." They had several questions and no answers, at least until the other turtle woke up. 

"I'm uh, going to get him some blankets. I'll be back." With that said Mikey slipped out of the room. Donnie watched him leave before turning back to the oldest,

"One of us is going to have to give some blood, by the way." Leo sighed.

They were playing games the next afternoon when Donnie finally got the ping that Dark Raph was waking up. Mikey was gone before he even had a chance to say anything, and the older siblings shared an amused look before getting up to follow him.

Mikey was waiting just inside the medbay, only going into the room proper when Donnie and Leo caught up. Most of the larger turtle was hidden under the frankly impressive number of blankets the youngest had brought in the night before, but the tip of his tail that was visible was flicking. Donnie took a spot in front of the computer, while Leo and Mikey hovered nearby to wait.

It took a few minutes, but eventually bleary, pale yellow eyes opened. There were several slow blinks before eyes widened and the turtle shot up, hissing when he strained his injuries. Instantly Mikey was at his side guiding him to lay back down, whereas Leo and Donnie's hands had gone to their weapons. "Woah, careful! You're okay dude. Take it easy!" When Mikey wasn't attacked, the other turtle actually listening to the instructions, the older two slowly relaxed.

When he kept panting, eyes squinted from pain, Donnie got up to give their brother's counterpart some extra pain medication. Now that the situation seemed to be sinking in, Dark Raph calmed down significantly. "You… helped."

"Of course we did! We couldn't just leave you out there like that." At that the other turtle huffed, completely melting into the nest of blankets. Mikey grinned, "Comfy right? This place has so many of them and they're so soft." Dark Raph hummed and gave a small nod in reply.

"He's probably going to pass out again with those meds kicking in, Mikey. Give him some space, okay?" Mikey made a show of pouting about it, but did back away so that Donnie could coax the turtle into drinking something before he fell back asleep. After readjusting the blankets Donnie turned to look back at the computer. "He's doing a bit better at least… he might stay awake next time? I can't make any promises, though."

"Hey, we know he isn't going to attack us now too! He didn't fight with me at all."

"That might just be the drugs, Mikey."

[nyxicnymph]

God!Kaveh fic (ending because I haven't written the beginning)

Rating: teen Warnings: implied character semi-death/resurrection Summary: Kaveh and the girls (Dehya, Candace, and Jeht [Now with a Hydro vision]) are in the desert on an expedition with some of the desert children, when a sandstorm hits. Kaveh has a sudden, strong urge to protect everyone, and something inside of him shifts.

.

.

They're in the desert when it starts. A sandstorm. It hasn't hit yet, but it's building, and it's coming their direction.

Dehya, Kaveh, and Candace, the three of them, quickly put themselves between the children and the biting winds, and Jeht joins them.

Kaveh worries about her more self sacrificial tendencies, but since he is currently doing the same, he has no room to judge. Instead, he opens his hands to the women on either side of him, and they all link, forming a semblance of a wall.

Dehya says it first. "This won't be enough."

Of course it won't, Kaveh thinks, something gnawing at his heart. We're only four adults trying to protect at least a dozen kids.

Candace interrupts his thoughts. "What if we try to hide in the sand?"

"No, we could end up either exposed, or buried beyond help," Jeht says. "All around, this is a bad place to be. No rocks, no cliffs, nothing to brace against or hide by."

That feeling grows in Kaveh's chest, and his fingers twitch to design a structure, to build a shelter. The urge is overwhelming. He can already visualize it, the walls, the angles, how it wouldn't have windows down low but it would up high.

Candace tugs at his sleeve with urgency. "Kaveh. You're..."

He looks down at his arm to see the now-familiar sight of glowing green lines under his shirt, creeping out to the palms of his hands, the tips of his fingers.

"I-" he hesitates, then breaks from the chain, pushing the women back towards the children. "I can do something about this. Trust me!"

Candace turns around, scrutinizing him. "Are you sure?"

Kaveh feels like maybe Candace knows more about what's happening than he does, but he nods regardless. "I'm sure."

"Kaveh!" Dehya shouts. "What are you doing?"

Candace holds her back. "Dehya, just. Focus on the kids right now! Okay?"

While Candace keeps Dehya and Jeht focused on the kids, Kaveh closes his eyes and focuses on the feeling in his chest.

He breathes in. Breathes out. Raises a foot. And slams it down.

A foundation bursts from the ground underneath the group. A clap of his hands raises structural posts, that branch into walls.

The walls rise, and windows form. The roof flows upwards, sealing over everyone. Dizziness slowly creeps up on Kaveh, and he opens his eyes to see Dehya in the open doorway, being held back by Candace and Jeht.

"Kaveh!" Dehya yells, frantic. "Kaveh, the storm!"

Candace meets his eyes with her own, green reflecting off of her and Dehya's accessories and eyes. She nods, and heaves Dehya back. Kaveh snaps, a door forms, and he falls into the sands, eyes closing as the storm overtakes him.

At least I've done something right…

When the sandstorm clears, Candace finally allows Dehya to run outside and search for Kaveh. Jeht stays with the children, but her expression says she's worried, too.

Dehya sprints to where she had last seen Kaveh, suspended above the ground, eyes, the tips of his hair, and lines on his body all glowing green, and frantically begins to dig.

"What a fucking soft hearted idiot," she curses in worry. "Doing all that and forgetting to shelter himself. Dumbass. Idiot! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupidly kind and generous and- ah!"

Her digging has uncovered a hand, gently glowing lines of dendro green pulsing across the palm and fingers.

"Candace, lend me a hand?"

Candace kneels beside Dehya, and together they excavate Kaveh from where he lays in the sand. Dehya thinks Candace is strangely calm for the urgency of the situation, but bites her tongue. Candace has been paying more attention to Kaveh as of late, maybe she knows something Dehya doesn't. It wouldn't be the first time, and it won't be the last.

Finally, Kaveh is freed from the sand, but he still doesn't wake. Dehya checks his pulse, and a tremor runs through her when she feels how weak it is. Then she notices how dim his vision is, and even the strange green lines aren't as bright as they were.

"Candace... I think..."

Candace wordlessly tugs Dehya up and back towards the shelter that Kaveh had made.

"Candace! We can't just leave him!"

"Dehya, if what I think is happening is what is happening. Then you need not panic. If I am wrong, I'll bear the consequences. But," she says, glancing at where Kaveh lays in the sand, "I know my stuff. Come inside, it's safer for us."

Dehya follows her inside, watching nervously as Candace calmly shuts the door on their friend. Jeht joins them.

"What's wrong? Why is he still out there?"

Candace hums. "Ten minutes. If nothing happens by then, I'll explain."

Jeht and Dehya exchange a glance, worried. But they nod, and focus on distracting the kids.

A few minutes pass, and then Dehya feels a strange tug. She pauses, and looks over at Jeht, who's looking over at her recently gained Hydro Vision with confusion. The tug happens again, and the Visions in the room pulse.

Dehya whips her head around and looks at Candace, who simply smiles slightly. "I was right."

"About what?!"

Candace says nothing, but beckons the other two women upstairs. They follow her, and find her sitting on the ground beneath a window. Jeht goes to look out, but Candace stops her.

"It's not safe to look right now. Come here, I'll explain."

Their Visions are all glowing brightly by this point, the tug of energy now more of a pull. Dehya crosses her arms as she sits.

"What's going on?"

"To put it simply, Celestia has chosen Kaveh to join the ranks of the gods. He must have passed the Celestial Trials already, and is currently being.... 'Reborn' isn't quite the right word, but it will do."

Dehya thinks back. "Hang on, I remember from some books I've read that there's two sets of trials."

Candace nods. "It seems he had been going through the first Test for a while." Candace takes a glance at the window, gauging the light. "As a direct descendant of Deshret, I know how to tell the difference between gods, humans, and those somewhere in between. I knew Kaveh had been chosen when we met up to start the field trip with the children, but I wasn't sure how far into the Trial he was."

Jeht asks, "So the sandstorm was like a catalyst of sorts?"

Candace nods. "It seems so."

Green light flashed from outside, causing Dehya and Jeht to flinch. Candace stands up, helps them to their feet, and they regroup with the children, calming them as best as they can.

The light fades, and Candace approaches the door, slowly turning the knob. The door opens and reveals that the desert around the shelter has been turned into an oasis. Kaveh is sitting in the center of it, head against his hands.

Dehya rushes to him and grabs him for a hug.

"Hey, ow! My ribs!

Dehya holds him there, before releasing him, letting him not-quite-fall to the ground. "Still not terribly durable, eh?"

Kaveh frowns, rubbing his side, and then his eyes meet Candace's.

"How do you feel?" She asks, properly helping him up. She looks at the renewed lines on his arm, nodding.

He sighs. "Mentally, I could use a nap. Physically? I... I don't know."

"It will take time. I'm sure you can ask Lord Kusanali for guidance." She hums for a moment. "I would advise keeping this a secret from most people, if possible."

"Noted. You knew the entire time, didn't you, Candace?" He asks, fussing with the grayed Vision on his hip.

Candace winks with her amber eye. "Perhaps. You may wish to see if you can reignite that, it will help deflect questions."

Kaveh looks at the Vision properly, and his eyes widen. "Oh gods."

Laughter breaks out in the oasis.

~end~

[jaffakoo]

just some thoughts of namkook as the wizards in lotr. jungkook, chief of the order of the istari and namjoon, wisest of the istari, wielder of light & fire. nj's never opposed jk's higher position, and it never got in the way of their (hidden) relationship. until the one ring.

namjoon has heard the 1 ring has been uncovered from its hiding place and is seeking to be returned back to its master. as is custom, nj has to alert the council of this terrifying matter - alert ungjkook. they had last met only a few months ago, they didn't have a long time to be together.

and so namjoon hurries to jungkook, heart beating painfully against his chest. jungkook will know what to do, he's been so perfect as chief of the order, so strong and knowledgeable - so pure and kind. jungkook meets him at the tower, his white robes billowing beside him as he runs down barefoot.

jungkook places a soft, tender hand on namjoon's wide shoulders as they make their way inside. they've always kept their relationship a secret from the order, not sure what would happen. "is it true what i've heard?" he asks, face full of worry. namjoon nods solemnly. "we must speak, alone."

jungkook takes them to his office, all the way up the tower, away from prying eyes. only then does namjoon pull jungkook into his arms, hands around his waist, huffing out a distressed sigh as he kisses jungkook's nape. "i don't know what to do. we have to destory it, but how?"

jungkook is quiet, his hands shaking a little as he hugs namjoon back. he plays with the back of namjoon's nape, fingers and nails gently scraping against his neck. "hyung, what exactly do you know?" jungkook's eyes are so wide, so beautiful. namjoon tells him everything.

jungkook listens quietly, carefully. nodding, his eyebrows creased in concentration as he watches namjoon pace around the room. when namjoon's done he turns back to jungkook, waiting for his wise council.

"hyung..." jungkook starts. "middle earth will soon be at war. sauron is gathering all forces of evil and darkness to him. mordor is going to be unleashed."

"how do you know this?" namjoon asks. he knows jungkook is wise, but to have such valuable information of the enemy is...

"i've seen it, hyung." jungkook says, uncovering a small white cloth on his table to reveal a palantír, a seeing stone.

namjoon's throat is dry. "t-those are dangerous, jungkook. they're not all accounted for, you have no idea who could be watching! who you're talking to!" with a strangled breath he throws the cloth back on the seeing stone, turning to jungkook. there's something in his eyes, a dangerous sparkle.

namjoon can't believe what he's hearing. he shakes his head, staring at jk in front of him, his white robes tinged with black. "jungkook." his voice wobbles. "we can stop sauron, we can stop him destroying middle earth. we have to stick together."

jungkook shakes his head. "it's too late, namjoon. against the powers of mordor, there is no victory." namjoon feels a shiver run up his spine. jungkook looks so different, hauntingly so. did namjoon come here too late? how long has jungkook been haunted by mordor, being posioned with false words? if namjoon got here quicker could he have stopped this?

"jungkook, please."

"we must join with him, namjoon." only now does jungkook step forwards, grabbing hold of namjoon's hand. his skin is cold, icy. it makes namjoon jolt backwards, jungkook's hands - his body - was always so warm. "we have to join him, it's the only thing we can do."

it's with a heartshattering breath that namjoon realises, jungkook is too far gone to be saved. namjoon can't save him. he's already passed, already tangled in sauron's strings. namjoon shakes his head, tears stinging at his eyes. "that's madness jungkook - can't you see that? he's posioned you."

jungkook blinks, furious. "i'm doing this to save us!" he shouts, pushing at namjoon's chest. "the chances of winning against mordor are slim, too slim. we have to survive hyung. you & me - we're always in this together?"

namjoon takes a step back, shakes his head. he hates seeing jungkook this way.

"but what about the rest of middle earth, jungkook?" he asks softly, trying to hold back his tears. "we can't let them fall into darkness, all those innocent people. you know it's not the right thing to do, jungkook. you know it."

jungkook shakes his head, pushing namjoon to the doors.

"get out."

"jungkook--"

"get out!" he shouts this time, eyes red. "before i do something. i won't regret it, you've already chosen your side."

perhaps it's naive of him, but namjoon is certain there's still a part of jungkook that's pure, untainted. even if namjoon has to charge to mordor - he'll do whatever he can to bring jungkook back to him.

they don't say goodbye. jungkook only watches, chest heaving, tears down his cheeks as namjoon leaves.

maybe in another life, things wouldn't have ended this way.

[willowser]

it's well after midnight when denji slumps into your car.

"oh my god," he exhales, reclining the passenger seat so far back that it slams with a worrying thud. "you would not believe the shit that power got us into today."

it's been a week since you've seen him and he still — doesn't care, instead devolving into some vague story about his coworker and an axe and something about destruction of public property. you can't really calm down enough to pay attention to the few details he gives you, minute as they are.

"hey," he yawns, daring to put a foot up on your dash as the car rolls to a stop at a red light. "can we get food? i'm starving."

"denji," finally you turn to look at him, knuckles tight around the wheel. "you can't keep doing this."

"huh?" his eyebrows raise, taking in the scowl on your face. and then he waves his hand, like that's all it'll take to fix everything. like it's that easy. "i'll pay this time, swear—"

"no," you grit your teeth, "i mean this. i can't keep giving you rides everywhere."

"why not?"

"because we're not together anymore."

much as others might claim, you know he's not stupid, and he's too open with his feelings to hide the upset that flashes through his eyes. dark, nearly black, under the traffic light. he rolls them up to stare at the ceiling of your car, quiet as reality catches up to him.

"why not?"

the light flashes green, but you don't move. there's no one behind you, anyway, and despite knowing all too well the way to aki's apartment — you suddenly don't know where to turn. there's no road that takes you away from this same conversation that you've had time and time again.

"we love each other, right?"

you sigh, feeling your anger melt into the truth, souring the inside of your stomach as you rest your forehead against the wheel. "denji, it's not..."

that easy, you want to tell him. have told him. his face is an open book: eyes hopeful, just like the little smile on his face because he knows he's right. but there are things he's not telling you, no matter how hard you try.

power is the reason the truth of the devil hunting came out and it spawned a huge discussion that he'd simply shrugged off, adjusting the locks on the door he keeps you behind. it's dangerous, and you think that's maybe why he kept it from you for so long, but — there's more. he's teeming with secrets that you can't uncover.

you've never felt so far and yet so close to someone, as you do to him in the passenger seat right now.

"you didn't even give me a say in the whole thing."

despite the burning in your eyes, you snort and finally cross the intersection. "because you would have said no."

"yeah," he grins, striped in the light of a stray streetlamp. "exactly."

you don't know how else to explain it to him — but you know he's not stupid. it's why he carries such an air of nonchalance, like maybe you'll forget if neither of you mention it — and there are a lot of times that you wish that were true. that you could go back to the days before, when all that mattered was how close he kept to you in his sleep, how happy his simple kindnesses made you.

but how can you love him if you don't really know him?

what if one day he just doesn't come back? you would be left with — nothing. not an answer or a comfort, discovering him in pieces in the newspaper.

he's quiet until you pull into the parking lot of the complex, and his eyes are closed when you look at him. you think he's asleep until he sighs, angling his head towards you, offering you that same casual smile. even in the dim shadow, you can see the pinkness to his cheeks.

"sorry it's so late," he murmurs, "you should probably just stay the night."

"no denji," you rest your chin against the wheel, closing your eyes as he sits the seat back in its place. it brings him closer to you, but only physically. only in the same way as always. "i shouldn't. you have to stop calling me. you have to let me go."

the car floods with the cab light and you scrunch your face up before squinting at him, watching him look out into the night as the door chimes in the background. he laughs once and then hums, letting his head hang. grip tightening on the door handle. he never turns back.

"i don't know how."

[bobateastay]

Hi again!! Well, if I were to choose 4, it would probably be Seonghwa, Yeosang, San and Wooyoung ♥ And I know I keep saying this, but still, thank you so much, you're very kind <3 :)

[rest of request edited for clarity]: could i please request an ateez reaction to their s/o s*lf-h*rming?

park sh., kang ys., choi s., jung wy. x gender neutral!reader

tw: discussions of blood, injury and self harm - please do not read if such topics will trigger you

total word count: 2.7k

a/n: for anybody struggling with self harm themselves or anybody who knows somebody who struggles with self harm, this link leads to a page with resources and information on short-term and long-term help and ways to help loved ones who may need support. international helplines can be found in my pinned post. i hope you're doing well anon and that this is what you were looking for, even if they're just mini fics <3

taglist: @pikacuuuuuuu @lovely-ateez @sunsethw4 @xirenex @seonghwanotes

Seonghwa♡*:･。.

It wasn’t like you’d ever tried to hide anything from him. He’d never seen anything out of the ordinary because your relationship had never called for it, which meant that he’d never asked any questions that required you to lie to him. It just conveniently stayed hidden, which was generally how you preferred it. But because you’d never had to speak to him about it before, it caught you off guard when you were getting ready to go out one night and he grabbed the hem of your shirt.

“Baby, stop,” he said, voice firm. Your eyes widened at his sudden change of demeanour, humming in confusion when he placed two gentle hands on your waist to turn you around.

“What is it?” you asked quietly, heart thudding in your chest as you watched his worried expression, taking in the way his brow was furrowing. You followed his gaze down to where a red patch was staining your trousers by your hip. “Shit, wait-”

You pulled yourself out of his grip, a soft sigh escaping your nose. You’d be late to meeting your friends now because not only did you have to change your trousers and patch yourself up, but you’d have to explain to Seonghwa why you were suddenly bleeding through your trousers.

“Did you hurt yourself? What happened?” Seonghwa asked, following you as you made your way to the bathroom to find the first aid kit that you always kept well-stocked. You could feel your face burning from the anxiety building in your chest. You could never tell how people were going to react and this was Seonghwa, the person you’d never want to upset in a million years. You sat on the edge of the bathtub as you rummaged through the first aid kit, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. “Angel, don’t ignore me. Please.”

You inhaled sharply when Seonghwa kneeled down in front of you, his hands resting on your knees.

“Don’t react badly,” was all you said before you unbuttoned your trousers, tugging them down carefully so as not to irritate the cuts you were uncovering. You tried not to acknowledge the way Seonghwa drew in a sharp breath, the worry on his face intensifying until there were tears welling in his eyes.

“Angel-”

He stopped when you made eye contact with him, his lips pressing together into a thin line as he steadied his breaths. You wanted to apologise but you knew there was nothing to apologise for, so instead you took your chances and ran your fingers through his hair, feeling guilty when he offered you a small smile.

“Here, I’ll help you,” he finally said. His voice was steadier than you’d expected but it still hurt to hear how pained he sounded. The room was far too quiet to be comfortable as he cleaned up the area that had started bleeding and layered plasters over it, his hands just as careful as they always were when touching you. “Be careful with these, okay? Tight clothes might irritate them.”

“Seonghwa, I’m-”

“Don’t apologise. We have to talk about it later but I'm guessing you still want to go out?” he asked. When you nodded he took one of your hands in his and kissed your knuckles. “Okay.”

There was another long moment of silence.

“Okay. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me,” he murmured, lips brushing against the back of your hand.

“That’s not what happened,” you reassured him, once again stroking his hair out of his face.

“I love you,” he whispered. He stood up and cupped your cheeks in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, another between your brows and another on the tip of your nose. “Come on, we’ll be late if we take much longer.”

Yeosang♡*:･。.

Your boyfriend hadn’t seen you wear a swimsuit before. You’d met him in the summer at the beach just under a year ago and he’d told you a few months after the two of you first spoke that the real reason he’d approached you in the first place was because you’d been dressed in knee-length shorts and a hoodie even in the sweltering summer heat. He’d thought it was hilarious, apparently, and you couldn’t exactly complain if it was what had landed you a boyfriend like Yeosang.

But this year, you’d decided it might be time to try a swimsuit. Not much had changed since last summer but you felt a little more confident this time. You wanted to feel the sun on your skin and not through suffocating fabric, scars and scabs be damned.

Yeosang had helped you pick out the swimsuits (after lots of insistence and lighthearted bickering) so he’d argued that it was only fair if he got to see you try them on before wearing them to the beach. You’d tried to argue against it at first but when he continued to insist, you’d figured that it would be better to have any inevitable conversations surrounding your wounds at home instead of at a public beach around the rest of your friends.

“Can I see it now?” he called from where he was sitting on the hotel bed, impatient for you to pick a swimsuit so that the two of you could finally go swimming. You took a deep breath, adjusting the swimsuit once more before stepping out of the bathroom and into the room.

“So? Is it as good as it looked in the store?” you asked, trying to avoid the thing you knew he’d ask about sooner or later. He looked you up and down carefully, his expression so straight that it was impossible to read. You could see his eyes examining the cuts and scars littered on your skin, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Sangie?”

He pressed his lips together, crossing his arms as he focused on the cuts. You couldn’t tell if he was angry or just gauging the severity of the situation but you did know that you were going to have some sort of breakdown if he didn’t say something soon, tears welling in your eyes as you waited for some sort of reaction.

“You need to put cream on those,” he finally said, voice still unreadable as he looked up to meet your eyes. You couldn’t tell if he was joking but his expression was serious, his brows raising a little when he kept speaking. “Moisturiser or ointment or something, not sunscreen though. You can’t have something like that in the sun without putting something on it.”

“You’re not-”

“No, I’m not mad. I packed something for acne scars, wait,” he said, getting up from his spot on the bed and leaving you standing in the middle of the room while he rummaged through his backpack. You were still confused, sniffing back the tears that had been blurring your vision, when he crouched down in front of you, putting some of the cream on his fingertips.

“I can do it,” you mumbled, your voice still watery. Yeosang looked up at you for a moment before he focused back on the matter at hand, carefully coating the scabs in cream. Now that he was seeing them closer, you could see that he wasn’t as unaffected as he seemed, his bottom lip shaking as he finished what he was doing. When he was done, he paused for a moment, covering his eyes with his hands as he let out a long sigh.

“You have to be careful with this stuff,” he mumbled, not moving his hand from in front of his face. You weren’t sure of what to say so you kept quiet, crouching down to his level and pulling him into a hug. He leaned into your hold. “Please be careful. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

“I’ll be careful,” you replied. He nodded, sniffling softly before lifting his head and kissing your cheeks.

“The swimsuit looks good by the way,” he mumbled, kissing your forehead as well. “Let’s see the other ones too.”

San♡*:･。.

You tried your best not to let San see all of your first aid equipment. You would never lie to him if he found it or asked about it but it was easier to avoid that happening. San was a sweetheart and try as he might to keep his emotions under wraps as often as possible, you knew that every now and then there were things that tipped him over and genuinely hurt him. He was empathetic and generous, so there would be no easy way to talk to him about it if (or when) he did figure it out. You’d always known that, but it still didn’t prepare you for the way he reacted.

“Honey?” San’s voice called from your bathroom.

“Yes angelface?” you called back, sitting up from where you’d been laying on your sofa.

“What’s all this first aid stuff?” he called back. After a bit of shuffling, he appeared in the living room holding a few packs of gauze and disinfectant wipes. There was a confused pout on his lips and you felt your heart practically stop in your chest at the sight of it. “Don’t you have all this stuff in your room anyway?”

“In my room?” you asked, your hands shaking a little as you picked at a loose thread on the sofa.

“Yeah, like-” he paused, looking down at the pack of gauze he was holding. “-you have the same pack in your room, right? It’s always in your bedside drawer.”

“Right,” you mumbled. When you didn’t say anything else, San set the gauze and wipes down on the coffee table before making his way to the sofa, sitting down beside you with the same worried pout on his lips. He took one of your hands in both of yours, thumbs rubbing circles into the back of your hand. “It’s to clean up.”

“Clean up what?”

His voice now wasn’t as steady as it had been before, his eyes trained on your knuckles as he waited for your answer.

“Sannie,” you whispered, a lump forming in your throat when his grip on your hand tightened.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he mumbled even though it was clear from his tone of voice that not talking about it would only worry him more. “But please be honest.”

“It’s just cuts, they’re not really deep at all,” you tried to reassure him but it only served to further his distress, quiet sniffles leaving him as he climbed into your lap and hugged you tightly. “Please don’t cry Sannie.”

“You’re my baby and you’re hurting, how could I not cry?” he mumbled against your skin, tucking his face away into the crook of your neck. His fingers moved up and down the back of your neck in a soothing motion even as his body shook every now and then. You shut your eyes, squeezing him close in an attempt to comfort him.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, a small smile playing on your lips when he let out a frustrated whine. When he pulled back his cheeks were wet but he made quick work of wiping them, focusing his attention on you. He took your face into his hands and squeezed your cheeks a little, his brows drawing together as he tried to keep a straight face.

“You know I love you, right?” he asked. When you nodded, he leaned forward and pressed a wet kiss to your forehead, smiling through his sniffles when you made a small sound of disgust. “Okay. It’s my job to keep you safe so if you ever need anything come to me, please.”

“Alright sunshine,” you answered, reaching up to wipe away a stray tear that had made its way down his cheek. “I love you too.”

Wooyoung♡*:･。.

Wooyoung was always touchy with you which meant that you were always careful with him when you were hurting anywhere, bandaging extra carefully and positioning your body against his in bed so that you weren’t in reach of his elbows or grabby hands. By no fault of his own he still made you wince every now and then or suck in a sharp breath if he hugged too tight or landed on top of you when you were on the sofa but it was never something you couldn’t handle.

You were waiting for Wooyoung on your bed while he finished up in the bathroom, a small smile playing on your lips as you looked through the pictures you’d taken of Wooyoung earlier that day. You were so focused on your phone that you didn’t notice Wooyoung barrelling towards you in time to stop him, allowing him to throw himself on top of you with a grin on his lips.

“Wooyoung!” you yelled in shock and then in slight pain, your face pulling into a grimace at the pain throbbing in your thighs as he let his full weight rest on you. “Wooyoungie, shit, let go of me.”

He did as you asked with a soft giggle, clearly proud of himself until he moved to kiss you and noticed the pained expression on your face.

“What happened? Did I hurt you somewhere?” he asked, sitting up and looking you up and down as though he might find some visible wound on you. He moved off of you, noticing how you bent your leg so that it wasn’t laying flat against the bed anymore. “Did I- was it your leg? I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.”

You nodded, sucking in your bottom lip and letting your head rest back against the pillows in an attempt to ignore the stinging on your skin.

“Baby,” Wooyoung whined, a pout forming on his lips. “Do you need ice? Do you want me to- are you bleeding?”

His voice raised in pitch as he spoke and when you looked at him his eyes were wide open, flicking between your face and the red spot on your pyjama pants. You cursed under your breath, letting your head fall against the pillows again.

“Can you get me ice?” you asked, sitting up finally and staring down at your stained pants. Wooyoung nodded and left to get the ice, stopping to kiss your cheek before he left the room. When he came back and saw you stripped of your pants it took one look at the bleeding spot on your leg before he turned his head away, blindly handing you the ice before sitting beside you on the bed, head turned away from you. “Don’t be mad, please.”

Your voice was barely above a whisper, your chest tight with anxiety. Wooyoung wasn’t the kind of person to get mad over things like this, was he? You tried and failed to swallow the lump forming in your throat, tears blurring your vision even when you trained your eyes on the ice pressed to your thigh.

“Wooyoungie baby,” you mumbled, reaching your hand out for his. He laced his fingers with yours but kept quiet, the silence feeling far too loud, especially for someone as talkative as Wooyoung. You sniffed back your tears, turning to look at him. “Wooyoung?”

He turned his face to look at you and you saw that he was crying, his bottom lip trembling. You felt tears well in your own eyes again at the sight, the ice slipping from your hand as you moved to hug him, trying your best to keep your leg out of his sight. He melted into your touch, holding onto you so tightly that his knuckles turned white from how he was holding onto the fabric of your shirt.

“I didn’t know, I didn’t mean to hurt you more,” he whispered, nosing at your neck before pressing a soft kiss there.

“I know you didn’t mean to,” you murmured, running a hand through his hair.

“I didn’t know,” he said again, followed by another kiss. “Please don’t- ah, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

You kissed the side of his head and hugged him tighter, shutting your eyes when you felt his hand begin to rub circles into your back.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured.

“No, don’t be sorry,” he replied. “I love you. I love you tons and tons. I won't ever hurt you again.”

“I know, I know," you mumured, kissing the top of his head. "I love you too baby.”

[writing-blog-iguess]

Nightmares (10)

Summery: With the threat taken care of last year, and graduation over and done with. Y/N Henderson spends her summer working at Scoops Ahoy! with Robin and Steve. She thought she would have a normal summer, but when Dustin comes to her work and tells Steve what he’s uncovered. She has a feeling that the Upside Down isn’t down with them yet.

Warning: swearing.

A/N: Okay, so it's a little late then when I said I would post it. But here it is! That last chapter! Honestly, I didn't really think I would finish this series but here we are and I'm so happy with it. Thanks for reading!

Taglist: @daddystevee @cathy8taffy

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Masterlist

---------

After Johnathan had bandaged El’s leg, everyone stood in a circle. You sat beside where Steve stood, and leaned on his legs as everyone talked. Finding some comfort. You ignored the look Dustin was giving you and paid attention to the conversation.

“-this monster in Hawkins,” Mike was the first to fill in everyone, “it wants to stop El. Tol kill her and pave a way into our world.” You couldn’t help but shudder at the thought of that happening. Steve gently patted the top of your head for comfort.

“And it almost did. That was just one tiny piece of it,” Nancy said, referring to the thing that was inside El’s leg.

“How big is this thing?” Hopper asked, holding El close, as she ate and drank something.

“It’s big…well thirty feet at least,” Jonathan added when Hopper gave him a look. Lucas agreed, telling Hopper that it destroyed his cabin.

“Okay, so, just to be clear,” Steve piped in, “this big fleshy spider thing that hurt El, it’s some kind of gigantic…weapon?” Nancy nodded and Steve continued, “but instead of, like, screws and metal, the Mind Flayer made its weapon with melted people.”

When Nancy confirmed that Steve’s statement was correct, you stood up. And when they started talking about closing the gate to killing the Mind Flayer, you left without a word. It was too much and you just needed time to process everything.

Dustin called your name, but you ignored him and hoped that no one was going to follow you.

“Where’s she going?” Robin asked, watching you.

“I think it’s too much for her,” Steve answered. “I don’t blame her.”

“I don’t either,” Will said, “when we were in the Upside Down, she told me the Demogorgon almost tried to kill her.” Everyone looked at Will in surprise.

“What?” Dustin and Steve exclaimed together. Before they could question Will further, Murray walked in.

While Murray showed them a rough blueprint of the hub, Steve slipped away to find Y/N. He found you in one of the open stores. He figured you picked it because it was far away from everyone, so you couldn’t hear them talk.

“Hey,” he greeted as he jumped on the counter and sat beside you. You gave him a little wave, and pulled your knees to your chest. Resting your cheek on them, you turned to look at Steve. “How are you holding up?”

You shrugged, not really having an answer for him. “I don’t know, tired I guess.” Steve nodded and silence fell over the two of you.

“Will told us you almost died,” Steve said after a few minutes. You closed your eyes and buried your face in your knees. “How come you didn’t tell us?”

You were quiet for a moment before you answered, “I don’t know. After Dustin told me everything that happened out here, I didn’t want to scare him. Or burden anyone with my worries.”

“You aren’t a burden,” he reassured you, “and I promised I would always listen to you if things got too much for you.”

“No, you promised you’d listen if I had nightmares,” you corrected. “And I haven’t had any for awhile and it was so long, I didn’t want to bring up bad memories. So, I kept quiet about it.” You grew silent, and lifted your head to look at Steve. “Besides, you didn’t tell me Johnathan punched you.”

Steve winced at the memory. “Did Dustin tell you?”

You shook your head and smiled slightly. “Robin. Apparently, the whole school knew.” Steve groaned, making you laugh.

“It wasn’t my finest moment I have to admit.”

“That’s okay. Everything turned out okay in the end.”

Steve gave you a smile and you felt your heart skip a beat. Ever since your talk with Robin in the bathroom, you’ve stopped ignoring your feelings for Steve and finally accepted them. That didn’t mean you were going to tell him anytime soon. After all, you did have a Mind Slayer to kill.

“Come on guys!” someone called, and you looked over to see them waving you over.

“Guess it’s time to save the world again,” Steve said, sliding off the counter. You followed suit and made your way over to them.

When you neared everyone, you saw Dustin hug his friends, and it hit you that your little brother and everyone were still friends. And that saving the world shouldn’t have to fall on their shoulders. But no matter what you would say, they would argue. So, you did the only thing you knew how, protect them as much as you can as you finish this once and for all.

“Hey, heads up,” Hopper called, throwing a radio to Dustin. He caught it with ease and waited for him to continue. “You can navigate, just from someplace safe.”

“Do you know what they're talking about?” Steve whispered to you, as Dustin continued talking about needing a stronger signal.

“Surprisingly I do,” you whispered back, “what I want to know is why they’re talking about it.” But you didn’t get your answer right away. Hopper threw a set of keys to Steve and soon Dustin and Erica started ushering you, Steve and Robin out the door.

“Oh, man! Now this…this is what I’m talkin’ about!” Steve exclaimed as he saw the Cadillac that was by the door.

“Toddfather?” Robin questioned, reading off the license plate.

“Oh, screw Todd! Steve’s her daddy now.” You made a face at the statement.

“Did you refer to yourself in third person?”

“Did he just call himself daddy?”

You gave Robin and Erica a shrug and climbed in the back, sitting between Dustin and Erica as Robin and Steve took the front. “All right, where are we going?”

“Weathertop,” Dustin answered, squirming around, you nudged him to stop.

“Weather-what?” Steve asked, turning around.

“Just go, I’ll give you directions,” you answered before Dustin could, and that’s what Steve did. “Okay, so why are we going to Weathertop?”

“That’s where Cerebro is,” Dustin sighed.

“No, no I got that. But why are we going there?” you corrected.

“Oh, right you weren’t there when we made the plan,” Dustin remembered. “Hopper’s going down there to close the gate. And we said we were going to direct them through the ventilation system.”

“No, I wouldn’t have let you,” you said, giving him a look. Dustin huffed out, shaking his head.

“Yeah, you and Hopper had the same idea,” he said, “that’s why we’re going to Weathertop. We use Cerebro and the range between our radio’s would be stronger.”

You spent most of the ride filling Robin and Erica in on what’s been happening since you disappeared. And to say they had a lot of questions was an understatement.

“Do you have to talk about this now?” Dustin asked, annoyed with the stories. You sent him a glare.

“It’s a long ride, and I promised them answers,” you said. You didn’t, you just needed to talk to fill in the silence.

“How far is this place?” Steve asked, glancing behind his shoulder.

“We’re almost there,” Dustin said. Steve glanced at you and you nodded in agreement.

“Suzie must be pretty special, huh?” Robin questioned, “I mean, if you built this thing and lugged it all the way to the middle of nowhere just to talk to her?”

“I mean, nobody’s scientifically perfect,” Dustin answered, nudging you and you looked over to see him gesturing at Steve. You rolled your eyes, and looked forward. Dustin smiled and looked at Robin. “But Suzie’s about as close to being perfect as any human could possibly be.”

“She sounds made-up to me. She sounds made-up to you?” Erica voiced, asking everyone in the car. You couldn’t help but laugh and Dustin elbowed you in the side, harshly.

He turned to Steve and hit his shoulder. “Why are you hesitating, Steve?”

“I’m- I’m not! I’m not!” he stuttered out. “I think she sounds real. You know, totally, absolutely real.”

“Left! Turn left here,” you jumped in quickly when you noticed where you were.

“There’s no road here,” Steve pointed out.

“I know, just turn left.” And he did, hitting a fence in the process. The ride was bumpy but you expected as much.

“Henderson, where are we going?!” Steve called, unsure who he was talking to. You or your brother.

“Up!” you and Dustin both yelled.

“We’re not going to make it!” Robin yelled when Steve reached the incline of the hill.

“Yes, we are. Come on, baby. Come on, baby!” he called. Halfway up the incline, the wheels sank into the mud. Steve kept pressing the gas, but the car didn’t move.

“Guess the Toddfather has its limitations,” Robin said. Steve glared and turned off the car as everyone climbed out of the car.

You walked the rest of the up the hill, obvious to what’s happening at the mall. But it didn’t stop your mind from thinking about them. You just hoped they were safe.

When you reached the top, everyone crouched down around Cerebro. Dustin called over the radio, and no one was answering. “Griswold Family, do you copy?” he tried again and again. When Dustin let go of the button, you heard a growl.

You covered your mouth with your hands, choking back a sob. It was there and there was nothing you could do.

“Do you copy?!” Dustin tried one last time, but there was only a growl. Coming to a quick decision, you stood up and ran towards the car.

“Where are you going?” you hear Erica yell from behind you.

“To get them the hell outta there!” Steve answered before you could. You looked behind and saw that he was following you. “Stay here, contact the others!”

Climbing into the passenger side, Steve started the car and was just about to go when Robin told you to wait. Looking back, she quickly hopped in the back and told Steve to go.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked you as he backed the car up.

“I wanted to help,” you said with a shrug, “that and I’m sure I’d make great bait.” Steve shook his head, and raced down towards the mall.

You made it there in record time, and noticed Nancy was standing there shooting at something. Looking over to where she was shooting, you patted Steve’s arm and pointed to the car that was racing to Nancy.

Picking up speed, Steve drove until he hit the other car. Both of the cars spun out of control, and you held on to your seat until it stopped.

Panting a little, you looked around and saw that it was Billy in the other car. You frowned, feeling sorry for him.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked.

“Ask me tomorrow,” Robin voiced, whereas you just shrugged. Just then, you heard a growl coming from the roof of the mall. You stood and clenched the window shield as you watched the Mind Flayer climb over the peaks of the roof.

You faintly hear someone swear, but you were too busy staring at the monster to pay attention.

Even as another car drove beside you and honked, your attention was still on it. Steve had to pull you gently out of the car and into Nancy’s. Blinking back to your surroundings you found yourself cramped between Steve and Robin in the back.

As Jonathan drove, you looked out the window to see the monster following you. You bit your lip and hoped that the car was fast enough to escape it. Steve grabbed your hand and squeezed, telling you that you’re not alone.

It wasn’t until you heard an unfamiliar voice through the radio that you snapped out of it. “Dusty-bun, you copy?” You turned away from the window in surprise.

“I copy Suzie-poo. It sounds much better now, thanks,” your brother said.

“She’s real?” you asked, in disbelief.

“You’re Dustin’s sister and you didn’t believe him?” Steve asked, you only shrugged. “Just wait until he hears about this.”

“Don’t you dare!” you exclaimed, causing him to laugh. Everyone fell silent as you listened to Dustin and Suzie’s conversation. And when you heard him singing, you couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my god.”

Will and Lucas turned to look at you, and you could only shrug. You were just as confused as everyone else.

“You are not going to let him live this down, are you?” Steve asked. Your smile was enough of an answer.

When you heard the monster stop stomping for a second, you turned and watched it leave for the mall.

“It’s turning around.”

“What?”

“It’s turning around!”

“Maybe we wore it out,” Lucas suggested.

“I don’t think so,” Jonathan said, and turned around sharply. The sharp turn caused yelling as everyone was knocked around in their seats. Guess that’s what you get for not wearing seatbelts¸ you thought dryly.

As soon as you were on the road again, Jonathan raced after it. You chewed on your lip as you looked out the window, hoping everyone who was at the mall were safe. Something told you they weren’t.

Steve grabbed your hand and squeezed, you squeezed back but your attention was still far away.

Once you made it to the mall, you leapt out of the car and raced into the mall, running up the stairs. You stood frozen as you watched. Watched as Billy set El on the ground and whispered to something, watched as the Mind Flayer slowly made its way towards her. Watched as it opened its month with the intent of devouring her.

It wasn’t until someone threw something into the mouth of the Mind Flayer, and you saw bright lights that you shook out of your stare. Picking up the fireworks grenade, you started throwing at it, hoping to gain its attention. Which worked.

You watched as Billy and the Flayer jerked around in pain, but you didn’t stop. Not until everyone was out of grenades.

“Dustin!” you faintly hear Steve yell, “we’re out of time!”

“Close it now! Close it!” Dustin yelled back.

“I’m out!” you yelled, though you were unsure if anyone heard you. Which was fine, you didn’t need anyone to hear the fear in your voice.

You looked around to see if you could find something to throw at it, but there was nothing. So instead, you leaned over the railing and watched with panicked eyes, as Billy stood in front of the Flayer.

The Flayer turned towards Billy and let out a roar. You weren’t sure what was going to happen, but you watched anyway.

“No!” you yelled as the tongue of the Flayer shot out of its mouth and towards El. Billy caught it, and with as much force as he could muster, pushed it back. You covered your mouth with your hands, gasping as you watched the Flayer extend smaller arms and stabbed him.

You’re not sure when it happened, but at one point Steve wrapped his arms around you and turned you away from the scene. You tried to choke back the sob, but you could still hear Billy’s yelling, hear the Flayer’s screeching. Even heard Dustin yelling faintly in the background.

When you hear Max’s voice rang throughout the mall, you tried to push yourself off of Steve. He didn’t let you. He tightened his arms around you and whispered in desperation, “don’t look. Please don’t look.” You stilled, and burrowed your face into his shirt.

You could only imagine what was happening down on the main floor.

When the Flayer started snarling like it was dying, you knew that they had closed the gate. Steve had pulled you away from the railing and you heard the Flayer hit it before collapsing on the ground.

Steve’s arms dropped to his sides as you stepped out of his embrace. Rushing forwards, you leaned on the railing and looked down at the scene below. You saw the Flayer on the ground with flames around it, Billy’s bloodied body laying on the ground.

Tears escaped as you realized what had happened, and your heart went out to Max.

A few seconds passed, and soon Steve wrapped his arms around you again and guided you out of the mall. You’re not sure who or when it was decided, but as you walked out of the building, it caught on fire.

Quickly enough, paramedics and firefighters and police pulled into the parking lot. “Come on, we gotta get you checked out,” Steve said, pulling you towards a parked ambulance with two paramedics waiting.

“But the others,” you whispered.

“They’ll get looked after too,” one of the paramedics said with a slight smile. “I promise, but you need to get looked at too.”

Biting your lip, you nodded and sat at the back to the ambulance as the paramedics cleaned your wounds.

You sat there as they worked, your hand never leaving Steve’s. When they had finished with you, they quickly looked over Steve and told the two of you that you were free to go.

You almost snorted. Where would you go?

Steve thanked them, and pulled you to your feet and moved out of everyone’s way. “Are you okay?” he asked once you two were alone.

You looked around to see the aftermath of what had happened. You spotted Nancy and Jonathan sitting in a different ambulance, saw Lucas somewhere, you saw Will running towards his mom. And El looked around hoping to find Hopper.

When you noticed he wasn’t there, you knew he didn’t make it. “(Y/N),” Steve called softly. You looked up with tears in your eyes, biting the inside of your cheek to stop from coming.

When Steve pulled you into a hug, it broke the dam and you clung to Steve tight. He held you tight and rubbed your back as you cried.

“Let’s go get Dustin and go home.”

~

You tightened your grip on the steering wheel as you drove past the sign. It’s been a little over a month that you’ve been home, and you still feel unsettled.

Even though it’s been three months since the mall, and two since leaving Hawkins for school. You still get a little anxious around Hawkins.

After picking up Dustin and Erica and going home, Steve had stayed the night with you and Dustin. Though the three of you didn’t sleep much that night. So, you opted to watch movies quietly until the early morning when you finally fell asleep. Your mom didn’t seem to mind, she was just glad you and Dustin were fine.

You spend the remainder of the summer recovering and spending time with Steve. You weren’t quite sure what you and Steve were, but there wasn’t a day that had gone by that you two weren’t together.

Then the accepted letters came. You still wince every time you think about the fight you had with Steve when you told him.

“So, you’re leaving?” Steve asked as he held a letter that was addressed to you. He looked down and frowned, wanting to rip the letter apart. “After everything you’ve gone through and what we have, you’re just up and leave.”

“It’s not like I’m leaving forever,” you mumbled, wringing your hands together. “Sometimes it’s not enough so I figured I needed to get out of Hawkins. And I’m hoping leaving for the semester would help a little.”

“So talking and whatnot isn’t enough? I’m not enough?” You opened your mouth to answer but he cuts you off before you can. “No, I get it. Have fun.” With that, he set the letter down and left.

You had run after him, calling for him to stay but he ignored you. And you watched him drive away. After that, Steve had avoided your phone calls, and you in general.

When it was time to leave for school, everyone was there to say goodbye. Everyone but Steve. Dustin had reassured you that he’ll look out for Steve and keep you updated on what’s happening. And he kept his word.

Sighing, you pulled into the driveway of the Byers house. You killed the engine and stared at the house, frowning. On one of your phone calls with Jonathan, he told you that they were moving out of Hawkins soon. You had asked when the day would be, and promised to come say goodbye.

He said you didn’t have to, but you insisted.

Too far into your thoughts, you didn’t notice El walk towards you. Not until she tapped on your window. You let out a little shriek and turn to El standing there with a little smile. Taking a deep breath to calm your heart, you opened the door and stepped out.

“Hey El,” you greeted. She smiled and wrapped her arms around you, and you returned the hug. “Sorry I haven’t been around lately.”

“That’s okay, your calls and letters help,” she answered, looking up at you. You smiled a little and hugged her tighter. “You’ll still call right? When we get to the new house?”

“Of course! I’ll ask Mrs. Byers for your new address and number and we can continue,” you answered, and you see her shoulders relax. And you know that it helps a little.

The two of you let go of each other and make the walk towards the house. Most of the boxes are packed into the truck, so all that’s left is saying goodbyes.

“Nice of you to show up after we finish all the hard work,” Jonathan teased. You flashed him a smile and shrugged.

“Wasn’t quite sure if I could make it,” you said, “you know, with all the homework I have and all.”

“I’m sure,” he said and gave you a hug. “Glad to see you.”

“Me too.”

With everything packed and ready to go, everyone said their watery goodbyes. You stood with your brother and his friends and watched as El and the Byers drove off.

Chewing on your lip, you slowly made your way to the car. Wondering whether it’d be worth seeking Steve out or not. Sighing, you opened the car door just as Dustin called for you.

Looking up, you saw Dustin biking towards you. “If you’re going to see Steve, which you should, he’s probably at Family Video,” he said, once he reached you. You mumbled out a thanks and watched him catch up to his friends.

You climbed in, and started the car. You took one last look and pulled away, determined to set things right with Steve.

You pulled into a parking space just as Robin and Steve walked out of the store.

Robin spotted you once you shut off the engine, and you gave her a slight wave. You watched as she said something to Steve, to which he turned to your direction. You sunk lower into the seat, wishing you had driven home instead.

When Steve finally spotted you, he gave a wide smile and made his way towards you. You raise an eyebrow in confusion at his reaction. With the way the two of you had left things, you didn’t think he’d want to see you.

Steve rapped his knuckles on the window making you jump a little. With a groan at your jumpiness, you took your keys out of the ignition and grabbed your purse before getting out of the car.

Steve stepped back as the door swung open, and almost pulled you into a hug. But he stopped before he could, you wished he did but there was a conversation that needed to be had.

“Hi,” he greeted. You offered him a small smile, and closed the door behind you. You shifted on your feet, unsure what to say or do. “Want to go for a walk?” Steve asked, giving you an out if you needed it.

You thought for a minute and nodded. “Yeah, yeah sure. Sounds nice.”

You waved to Robin, and promised to catch up before following Steve. For the first few minutes in awkward silence. A few more sets, the both of you said in unison, “I’m sorry.”

You shared a look with Steve, and started giggling, and with that the tense broke. “I’m sorry Steve. I shouldn’t have left things the way they were. I should have run after you or something.”

Steve shrugged and turned to look forward. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have acted the way that I did. I guess there was a part of me that thought I wasn’t enough, and would find someone who was. It wasn’t until after you left, and some yelling from your brother and everyone that it wasn’t what you meant.”

There was a moment of silence, and in that time, you grabbed a hold of his hand. Steve glanced at you and you squeezed his hand as an answer. “I forgive you by the way. In case you didn’t get any of my letters.”

“I got them,” Steve said, nodding. “I would have written back, but I was…” he trailed off.

“A chicken?” you supplied. Steve gave you a curious look, you couldn’t help but laugh. “Dustin called you a chicken. Called you a lot of things actually. But I won’t tell you.”

“Your brother sure is something else,” Steve grumbled. You leaned your head on his shoulder and smiled.

“Yeah, he is,” you agreed. A comfortable silence fell, and you couldn’t help but notice that this was the first time you were happy since you left for school. You only hoped this feeling would last.

“Y/N?” Steve said softly. You hummed, waiting for him to continue. “Would you be my girlfriend?”

You stilled and pulled him to a stop. “What?”

Steve rubbed his neck sheepishly. “I’ve had a long time to think about it, and we never did talk about what we are. So, I’m asking you to be my girlfriend.”

“Are you sure you can handle a long-distance relationship?”

“You’re not that far away. I can come see you on the weekends when I’m not working,” he answered. “It’s like you said, you’re not leaving forever. And I really want to try.”

You stared with wide eyes, looking to see if it was a lie. It wasn’t.

“Kiss me?” you asked quietly. Steve flushed but did as asked. And the kiss was everything you thought of and more.

[n1kolaiz]

"Man fears death and yet, at the same time, man is drawn to death. Death is endlessly consumed by men in cities and in literature. It is a singular event in one's life that none may reverse. That is what I desire."

Character Analysis: Dazai Osamu

Age: 22 || Ability: No Longer Human

I've done a lot of research concerning Dazai's character because of how complex he'd initially appeared to me. It is still a question as to what his personality type is; some say he's an ENTP while others argue that he's an INTJ, and his enneagram would most likely be 7w8 (The Realist), but that isn't the thing I'm going to focus on.

According to general databases and fan analyses, his temperament is dominantly melancholic. A person's temperament is basically how they react to and live in this world. For those of you not interested in such details, don't worry, I'll get to my point.

The melancholic behaviour is characterised by individualism, self-reliance, and reservation. People of the melancholic temperament are described as having been overcome with sorrow and depressive thoughts, which is beyond the feeling of "just being sad."

Nonetheless, they are generally calm beings, with a tendency to hide how they truly feel by keeping their composure, even in events that demand severe reaction otherwise. Other aspects of melancholic temperaments is that they are absorbed in the cruelty and tragedy of this world, and tend to get lost in their thoughts.

Sound familiar?

Dazai is seen to be as the comic relief of the adaptation, and he'd never fail to bring about a sense of lightheartedness to relieve the serious moments; we all know that for sure. Remember the time both him and Kunikida found Nobuko Sasaki in that godforsaken hospital, and how Kunikida asked him about his opinion on the current state of affairs?

But, despite having developed a calm and serene personality, Dazai's dark side was more apparent during the Dark Era. There was a type of intimidating and arrogant flair evident in his behaviour, or even on his face. It was the type of demeanour that came off cold and terrifying to the rather unlucky people he dealt with. In a moment's notice, they could literally die by his hands. And I believe most of them usually did. It was during this time, he was more brutal and vicious. He lacked remorse. Plus, Dazai's suicidal ideations were more dense during this Era, and his suicidal tendencies did not do anything to alleviate the depth of how dark his character was posed to be.

Side note: Unfortunately, people misunderstand this 'depressed' part of Dazai; they minimise his character so much to the point that people use only a single word to describe him: suicidal. He is, in fact, so much more than that. I'll elaborate more on that in a while.

"Hey, Odasaku, do you know why I joined the Mafia? I joined the Mafia because of an expectation I had. I thought if I was close to death and violence—close to people giving in to their urges and desires, then I would be able to see the inner nature of humankind up close. I thought if I did that… I would be able to find something—a reason to live."

Dazai's approach to life is that of an aimless soul, weary of the world's oppressions and exhausted from the concept of living itself. Nevertheless, what he said above about having an expectation made me realise something: he had a goal, which he wasn't that enthusiastic about achieving—seeking for a reason to carry on with life. So he joined the Mafia.

And there, he met Oda Sakunosuke.

Despite how resilient Dazai carried himself to be (especially during the Dark Era), this specific excerpt stands in direct opposition of how he effortlessly embodied all things daunting:

"With every step I take, I feel as though the earth has opened up into a bottomless pit as I fall endlessly. As Dazai pointed to his forehead and approached the muzzle, the look on his face – like that of a child about to burst into tears – had already been branded upon my eyes."

- quoted by Oda Sakunosuke, excerpt from Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era Light Novel.

When I read this, it sent my mind into a spiral of despair and confusion. It was so vague, yet it made so much sense. Dazai was desperate to escape from this life, but part of him seemed to live in conflict with his desire for death. I won't elaborate more on this, because this specific excerpt has personal meaning to me, as I'd expect it to have for others as well; so I wouldn't want to ruin anyone else's perception on it.

Back to my point: Odasaku was one of the only characters who managed to interpret the complexity of Dazai's mindset and was able to compartmentalise the specific details of his persona that made Dazai the way he was. Oda knew that Dazai wasn't just suicidal.

"For most things in life, it's harder to succeed than fail. Wouldn't you agree? That's why I should attempt suicide rather than commit it! Committing suicide is difficult, but it should be relatively easier to fail at attempting suicide!"

Others boasted about how he was just a suicidal maniac, and that was only because of how good Dazai was at concealing his own feelings whilst flamboyantly priding himself in new, risky techniques, which he sometimes elaborated on. But Oda, on the other hand, saw through his jokes, and empathised with his friend, never wanting to ever barge into his vulnerability without Dazai's permission, but still trying to be there for him.

"Listen. You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be ale to find a reson to live. You won't find it. You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity."

Notice how Odasaku recognised Dazai's despair, before Dazai even dared to acknowledge his very own emotions? That was why, at Oda's death, he took the initiative to uncover Dazai's bandaged eye to show him that there was no use in concealing his feelings anymore.

Odasaku's last words to Dazai was to "be on the side that saves people," for he was aware that even though Dazai didn't believe there was a clear distinction between good and evil, he thought that perhaps Dazai would find meaning in his life, even if it was just a little bit of purpose.

In Dead Apple, we briefly relive this moment, but I'll write more on that some other time.

And when Dazai joined the ADA, he loses that dark side to him. No, wait, let me rephrase that: he loses a part of that dark side to him. He eliminated the raw sense of bitterness against the world from his face, and instead, he is seen to be a little more passive, and a little more adaptive. No doubt, he still does explicitly state his desire to die, but his wishes are very specific, if you know what I mean.

And a few years later, his journey with Atsushi began.

Atsushi and Dazai's relationship is just one of a kind. I think it isn't a matter of whether Atsushi needed Dazai, or whether Dazai needed Atsushi. It's the fact that they both needed each other. It's the way they both worked hand in hand, and how they sustained each other in ways they were lacking.

The two were polar opposites, but they had a tender kind of warmth embedded in their protectiveness for each other. Atsushi was just as lost as Dazai, but somehow, they worked together just fine. It was like their duality was meant to be. It was the type of symbiotic relationship, where their care for each other was implied, but very deep.

Does this also sound familiar... perhaps, in relation to Dazai's friendship with Odasaku?

Side note: Oda and Atsushi have the same enneagrams, which is Type 2, 'The Helper.'

There is a sort of balance that is brought about by two opposites. Odasaku taught Dazai many things, and I believe Oda learned a lot about a man's life from the way Dazai lived out his life with the innate desire to die. Atsushi sought for the right to live, while Dazai searched for a reason to live; in addition, Dazai validated Atsushi's feelings, and Atsushi was able to acknowlegde the amount of pain Dazai was going through.

Despite how Dazai's perspectives and beliefs stood in contrast with those of Oda's and Atsushi's, a type of inseparable bond connected the man who no longer felt like he was human, to the people who was the most human.

No Longer Human in the Japanese romaji is 'Ningen Shikkaku.' Ningen means "human," and Shikkaku means "disqualified." The late author, Dazai Osamu, wrote the book No Longer Human. He had gone through the rough throes of trauma and wrote this book as a semi-autobiography, whose plot was centred around a man who faked happiness, for he was tainted by the truth that everyone around him was fake themselves. He turned his life into a joke in order to protect himself from the delusions of this world.

This brings us back to the melancholic temperament, where a person was too deeply immersed in the sad truths of reality and the world itself.

And that's what Dazai's character and ability is based on: being disqualified as a human being, because he wasn't well-versed with what being human was actually like. The fabrications of being human sprung up all around him, but he wasn't willing to be fooled by how ingenuine the world truly was.

“I am convinced that human life is filled with many pure, happy, serene examples of insincerity, truly splendid of their kind—of people deceiving one another without (strangely enough) any wounds being inflicted, of people who seem unaware even that they are deceiving one another.”

- excerpt from Dazai Osamu's No Longer Human.

People who don't feel human emotions or don't react to circumstances the way humans do have a variety of ways of explaining how they feel inhuman. They are highly intelligent, which separates them from the average class of humankind, since they've analysed and untangled the truths of life in order to attain understanding, which they value above all else. But, this understanding of the world and its painful truths results in a deep kind of sorrow, which only a few people can seem to empathise with in order to help them out with that burden.

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.”

-excerpt from Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment.

Don't you think that this deep sorrow that lies in the heart of the intelligent, makes them the most human of all? They're too human, to the point where they don't feel human. Perhaps, it is a type of defence mechanism, where the mind numbs the heart from feeling normal human emotion, because logically breaking down such concepts is easier than feeling them. But it comes at a price. The heart is willing to recklessly comprehend and fathom any sort of emotion, including pain in its true form, but the mind bears more pain in understanding such concepts because it seeks to decipher every single agonising detail of how complex human emotions are. The mind thinks, the heart feels. There is a clear distinguishing factor between the two. Whether feeling hurts more than thinking, or thinking hurts more than feeling, or whether both these processes work hand-in-hand to make up the reality of life itself, is up for an individual to decide.

Only a few people can seem to empathise with intelligent people who are deeply sad at heart, in order to help them out. As for Dazai, it was Atsushi and Oda. They never took away the pain, but they made him grow from it; it worked vice versa, too.

Of course, there are less tedious and more appealing aspects to the concept of Dazai's intelligence. Dazai was seen as a threat to his enemies because of how manipulation and his keen skill of deduction made up how sharp his mind was. Besides, no one could commit '138 murders, 312 cases of extortion, and 625 cases of fraud, along with various and sundry other crimes,' without having a certain level of intelligence, right?

Dazai had the moral alignment of 'chaotic neutral.' He was more focused on using his intellect to achieve the desired end results of a predicament, and he wasn't afraid to use the wrong means. A famous example was when he deflated the airbags of Ango Sakaguchi's car in order to gain the assured protection of Kyouka Izumi.

Justice is a weapon. It can be used to cause harm, but it cannot protect or save others.

Another example was when he blew up Chuuya Nakahara's car.

Just kidding. That was just a simple pastime (；・∀ ・)

His moral alignment points to what Oda said about him: the part where he mentioned that Dazai didn't really see any difference between good and evil. As long as his ends were achieved, especially if it were in the benefit of his fellow colleagues, he wasn't afraid to exploit, threaten, or endanger others' wellbeing. Because, at the end of the day, the end result triumphed the morally bad methods utilised to achieve it, correct? He always had a reason for his motives and actions, even if those actions were evil and inexcusable.

(eg. action: the psychological abuse he bestowed upon Akutagawa Ryunosuke.

motive: to enable him to hone his own ability favourably and to curb his arrogance)

But the consequences of one's actions will always catch up with a person, no matter what heights they've achieved.

Okay, we're reaching the end of my rambling very soon, I promise.

“If I had to go, I’d like to go out just as beautifully.”

“I’d prefer you don’t go.”

This part of the post is highly inspired by iwachuwu!!

An important factor of Dazai's development is highlighted BSD Wan's episode 10:

I'd like to appreciate that this scene focuses on how much Dazai actually means to Atsushi. When Atsushi responds with "I'd prefer you don't go," he said it lightheartedly for he thought Dazai was joking. But he wasn't. And once Atsushi absorbed the fact that Dazai meant what he said, he was overwhelmed with anguish at the thought of ever losing Dazai. Dazai, on the other hand, had a sense of longing on his expression. There was that look of pure desperation on his face. He was so desperate, yet he knew he couldn't act on his desperation due to a promise he'd made to someone dear to him. But keep in mind, Dazai is unpredictable, so we can never be sure of what's going on in that headspace of his.

Nevertheless, this time, Atsushi recognised Dazai's suffering, as no one usually cared to do, and Dazai didn't put in any effort to hide how he truly felt, as he habitually did. And this mutual emotional connection happened countless times during all the times Oda spent with Dazai as well.

To summarise,

Dazai's character had been carefully wired and patterned out in a way only a few would put in the effort to understand. Dazai was more than just suicidal; he was a being wandering from place to place with no specific aim. He was too smart for his own good. Dazai understood too well of how the world worked and deemed it void of any sort of hope.

Side note: Yes, the truth does come at a price, but it all comes down to how a person understands the truth. As for Dazai (both character and the author he was based off upon), well, it was quite tragic. But that's the way it is for some people, I suppose. But everyone has a different path to travel on, remember that.

His transition from working with the Port Mafia to the Armed Detective Agency was proof of how well-executed his character development was. It was two different personas morphed into what he is today: a womaniser with questionable morals a person who is still standing even after the rough refining process endowed upon him by the realities of this life.

However, he had people along the way come and teach him a thing or two, which perhaps made his life a little more interesting. Perhaps these people were passing clouds that hid the void out of sight for just a moment, and Dazai was always seen to be grasping on to these moments, and letting them go whenever it was time to let go.

His outlook on life makes his intellect look all the more intriguing. It shows that not only does his intelligence contribute to his own wit and shrewdness, but also the practical sense of realism that explains how tired he is of the concept of living because of the truths there are to bear.

However he's enduring the pain right now is by far the most bravest thing a person could commit themselves to doing. It takes courage, and it takes strength, but only a few would ever take the time to recognise such efforts.

Dazai has one of the most beautiful character developments, but I do hope that the development doesn't reach its end anytime soon.

fanart credits: @S7dOZPN3jWBB6cW on twitter

“Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness.

Everything passes.

That is the one and only thing that I have thought resembled a truth in the society of human beings where I have dwelled up to now as in a burning hell.

Everything passes.”

excerpt from Dazai Osamu's No Longer Human.

[jay-and-dean]

Yet another thing to celebrate

Dean x reader

Summary (I used the requester’s words) :  Reader’s birthday is on Christmas Eve, which generally sucks because everyone is either skint or celebrating Christmas.

Warnings : Fluffy fluff with a little fluff whipped cream on top. Very implied smut.

Wordcount : 3.6k

Note : This is my fic for @girl-next-door-writes Secret Santa (I reaaally hope you like it lovely, merry Christmas and happy birthday) hosted by @negans-lucille-tblr​ on @spnsecretsantaficexchange​.

I also made my participation to the amazing @acklesterritory​‘s celebration challenge, in the fic, my prompt was “I saw that, you just checked me out”, it’s bold in the fic.

The song refered to is She’s always a woman, by Billie Joel.

The text dividers are from the great @firefly-graphics​

Jay’s Masterlist

          Christmas…

           Before you even open your eyes, you sigh, grabbing the soft pillow in your fist and nuzzling on its softness in a sleepy grunt.

You don’t hate this day, but it often makes you a little sad despite your will to enjoy it fully. It is your birthday. December 24, the busiest day in the country, damn, in the whole West. And even if you are not the kind to want the full attention on you, to be spoiled or anything, you just wish sometimes that, for once, you could have a proper birthday.

           When you were a teen, you more than once even dared dreaming of a party you could throw, but Christmas is about family and basically about everyone. Not you.

           You dream of a little birthday party with friends, some drinks, music, maybe dancing a little... But it would be impossible unless you do it way before or way after, and it wouldn't really be the same...

           This year is different though.

           This winter, even if the celebration of your birth was totally forgotten, you don’t need anything more than what you have now. And what you have is Dean Winchester. Nothing is more important than that, nothing can make you happier.

           In fact, nothing can really make you feel any other way than blessed after this summer. After Dean kissed you on that hunt, after you two had sex in the Impala on your way home ; after later he asked you to stay in his bed for the night that other evening you both ended up naked. And finally, after he asked you to stay in his room for good a few weeks later, and started calling you his girlfriend.

           You smile thinking of waking up next to him and move your feet to find his behind you. But when you don’t, you turn and rub your eyes before opening them.

           Empty. Your shared bed is empty.

“Dean ?” is the first word you say, but the room stays cruelly silent.

Of course… It’s Christmas. He must be busy, like everyone is always on that day… The sting on your heart comes back... You have woken up with the man you love every single morning for the last few months, but not today.

           That is how lame your birthday can be.

           After staying in bed almost one hour, trying to shake that blues off by thinking of how blessed you are, you finally are about to get up and face that stolen day, but the door opens slowly.

           You close your eyes, not really knowing why, maybe just to avoid having to find an explanation for not getting up before if you were awake. The bed moves under Dean’s weight as he crawls on it slowly but you don’t move, even when he clumsily crushes your arm a little while hovering you.

“Happy birthday Baby” he whispers with his coffee breath close to your face. “Have you decided to skip today ? It’s almost noon.”

“Mh…” you hum, lifting your arms to reach his neck, desperate to feel his skin. “Thank you.”

You hesitate a second, wanting to ask him why he got up without you today, why he didn’t wake you with kisses and sweet words like he often does, but you don’t say anything, grateful enough that he got tired of you not being with him and came to get you.

           He lets a part of his weight fall on you, making you huff and laugh softly. His scruff scratches your shoulder, the rough fabric of his jeans is uncomfortable and his belt is digging to your hip but you wouldn't change a thing.

           Your hand goes to his neck and massages it softly, he hums, and you feel his body softly relax. You always know just how to calm him, how to make him fall back asleep after a nightmare, how to make his muscles calm after the roughest hunts. But after less than a minute, he grunts, sitting up.

"No, no" he shakes his head. "You're not making me skip that day with you ! Get up Baby."

He grabs your shoulders and playfully shake them, not realizing that even his kidding strength is huge.

"Geeet uuuup" he chuckles when your whole body is shaken and your laugh sounds funny because of it.

           The warm water runs along your hair and down your spine, and a soft steam fills the bathroom. For sure, that was a great late breakfast, with pancakes Dean had made for you, and his little stolen kisses.

           He is really making this day better.

           Maybe you can forget about your birthday now, and just enjoy Christmas like a normal person. You are loved, and you are happy, you don't need anything else.

           Washing your hair, you smile thinking of the tree the boys have bought, so big that they struggled to carry it up the stairs. You chuckle at thinking of Dean grumbling about the thorns covering Baby's seats. They even bought bags mysterious decorations and fairy lights they never let you see. The library now smells like Christmas tree.

           We're celebrating this year, Dean said. And in the years you have known the Winchesters, you indeed never saw them put so much effort in a holiday.

           A lot of things keep surprising you.

           Sam once told you that his brother had changed a lot since he was with you, making you worry more than anything else. You never wanted Dean to change, you love Dean just the way he is... Then you understood what Sammy was saying...

           You understood in the little things. Like Dean's new love for late mornings in bed, like him drinking a little less, being a little less reckless during hunts, humming in the shower, letting go more in bed, allowing himself to give up the constant control he has on himself... And in his will to celebrate Christmas. Dean is not different, he is just happier.

           Your eyes get a little wet with joy at the thought while your rub your body with the delicious smelling foam.

           Forget your birthday, if Dean's happiness demands this day to be the Christmas he didn't have as a kid, the Christmas he is finally allowing himself to want, then you are honored to help him make it perfect.

           You step out of the shower and your eyes meet the big mirror. In the middle of it, written with a big finger on the thick steam : "I love you Y/n".

           Your choice is made : This will be Christmas. This will be anything to make that man as lucky as you are.

"How can I help ?" you say, entering the kitchen where Dean is apparently trying to make cookies, wearing this apron he only puts on for great occasions.

"I'm making cookies men like in Shrek" he says pointing to the not-so-bad gingerbread biscuits he already cooked with his finger covered in dough.

           You come behind him and wrap your arms around his middle, forehead on his back, just feeling his breathing for a second. Dean doesn't stop what he is doing because he is used to you tenderly and randomly holding him, his clean fingers only come to gently caress your arm for a second before he shapes another cookie, chuckling when he adds a tiny penis to the little guy.

"I love you too" you murmur, nose grazing his back to bath in his smell.

He hums.

"We will eat dinner pretty early, I hope you're hungry" he says, looking at his watch. "I want to enjoy some time with my girl after."

You smile, getting on your tiptoes to kiss the uncovered skin of his neck above the collar of his flannel. He wants a lazy evening, making love like you do, or maybe try a kinky thing ; what is sure is you will gladly give him what he wants.

           Time goes by sweetly as you watch this deadly warrior check the turkey while his equally legendary warrior brother prepares another round of eggnog for the three of you. They move around like busy bees in the room and it's a perfect show.

           You sit on the counter, talking about silly things, sometimes doing something to help, when your boyfriend lets you. You keep sipping from the sugary drink, and watching the beauty of Dean just be before your eyes. Unaware of how perfect he is in his every moves, he just works with his strong arms and skilled hands.

           Your eyes linger a little along his thick thighs, and you bend your head to the side to enjoy the exquisite sight of the sensual curve of his butt.

"I saw that, you just checked me out" he says in a smile without even turning around.

"And ?" you let out in a chuckle. "What are you going to do about that ?"

At your surprise, he starts to rock his hips from right to left slowly in clumsy funny moves of his butt, like he wanted to sexy dance for you without stopping what he is doing, earning an eye roll from his brother when his hip hits him on his way.

           Christmas is already perfect.

           The table is beautiful. Different courses in pretty plates you didn't know the guys had filling it like you have only seen in the movies. There is way too much food for three people but you are so happy that your beloved Winchester can eat like they want for Christmas eve.

           Everything is pretty, the giant messy tree has real bright decorations on it and there are even a few presents at its feet, wrapped messily in colorful papers.

           But their most impressive work is the light in the room, changing the place completely. Almost none of the artificial lights of the bunker is on, and a subdued ambiance with fairy lights and candles make it look even more magical than it usually is.

"When did you find the time to do all that ?" you smile with unintended wetness in your enthralled eyes. "It looks... enchanted in here."

"You stayed in bed until noon" Dean says in a light chuckle, pulling a chair for you and putting a kiss on your cheek. "Merry Christmas baby."

"It's perfect, Deanie" you turn your head so his next kiss lands on the corner of your mouth. "Merry Christmas guys."

Sam sits, rubbing his hands at the sight of the turkey, and starts reminding his brother of an old memory of a past Christmas you listen with all your focus. Everything that can make you know more about their life always catches your full attention. You are, after all, their biggest fan.

           The story is about a Christmas when Dean was a teen. He had spent the night between 23th and 24th December with a girl and was really late to come back to the motel. Sam thought maybe he wouldn't be back for diner, he had already taken the cereals out of the closet when Dean showed up carrying the whole cooked Turkey he had stolen from the girl's parents.

           You look at your boyfriend with all the love in the world and bend to give him a kiss on the forearm while he cuts a piece of this not stolen meat for you.

"Her parents were dicks, and I couldn't let you starve, dad would have killed me" Dean chuckles, filling your plate.

           But you know the story must be really different from just that, Dean never brags about how great he was with Sam.

           You let out a little moan, tasting the food and Dean’s face is lit by a wide proud grin.

“It’s good ?” he asks before he even tastes, an excited hope in his eyes.

“Delischious” you answer with your mouth full, a hand before it.

           And indeed, everything is perfect. Dean, as much as Sam can playfully denies it, is a great cook. He has no technique, no cooking education, but what he has is a real love for food and comfort, a great experience on mixing things and tasting that gives him a perfect intuition. And, above all, the strong selfless will of saying "I love you" with food like some people have.

           Sitting on the floor next to the tree, you hold against you the red flannel Dean finally agreed to give you, and the books Sam bought for you. Your head is leaning lovingly on your lover's shoulder while he looks, exited, at the vinyl records he got, humming his favorite songs.

           You crawl between his thighs and rest your back on his chest, your head back, temple grazing his scruff.

"Best Christmas ever" you smile, feeling his lips graze your cheek. "So what is the program of a Winchester Christmas after that ?"

You close your eyelid and take a deep breath of Dean's scent, expecting a sexy proposition.

"We're going somewhere" he smiles, and, when you open your eyes, you see Sam put on his coat.

"Now ?" you frown, a little confused. "Where ?"

Dean gets up, putting you on your feet with his strong arm, and takes his coat and yours from Sam's hands.

"I'm not telling you. Take your jacket and get in the car."

           He is silent on the road despite all your questions.

           You listen to the car's purring and look outside to try to guess where they are taking you. The white snow covers the sides of the road with a very thin and delicate layer, the headlights are hit with little swirling snowflakes, and no clue betrays their surprise.

           Sam is smiling, looking out the window. You know they have been planning something, and you know you will love it. Maybe they will show you a place they used to go when they were kids, maybe take you to a special place where you can see the stars so clearly, like this time last summer.

"Come on Dean" you say, kneeling on Baby's back seat to wrap your arms around him from behind, going down a little to feel his firm chest though his shirt under your palms. "Tell me."

"You can't wait just five minutes" he tries to grunt, but it sounds more like a chuckle.

           You fall silent, not letting go of him, holding him like the precious treasure he is, occasionally smelling his hair, kissing his shoulder and tracing the contours of his ear. You just can't stop touching him, and since that talk you had after sex once, you know how much he loves it.

"Aw" Sam mocks you like he often does. "You two are so cute."

"Fuck yeah we are" Dean groans, turning right to a one way road.

"You know Christmas is already perfect" you smile. "You don't have to surprise me again."

"Yeah, I know" he says, parking in front of a bar. "But, it's not only Christmas today."

           You look around, confused. The guys open the door, letting the freezing cold enter the Impala, and get out in a perfect sync. You follow them, lifting your eyes to the colorful neon lights reflecting in the snowy night. Around on the parking lot, more cars than you would have expected are parked, and you wonder who would spend Christmas eve in a bar like this one.

           But before you can wonder why they would have taken you there, to this bar you never heard off, your boyfriend's hand wraps around your waist and he guides you inside, pushing the heavy doors.

           The first thing that hits you is the perfect warmth of the inside. The temperature is perfect but not only : the music is smooth like honey, it's this kind of blues that is paradoxically happy and comforting, it smells like wood and whiskey ; and above all, here too, there is something about the light that feels like a hug.

           The second thing that hits you is the welcoming familiar face of Garth smiling to you.

"Garth ?" you frown and feel Dean's lips graze your ear. "Happy birthday Baby."

He lets go of you to walk to the people there at the bar, arms open to greet them, letting you stunned.

           You are recognizing all you friends there, still in their Christmas clothes, walking to you to hug you and bring you drinks and for a few seconds, your body just stays still.

           No one is missing, not one person. And, even if you don't have hundreds of friends since you joined the hunter life, you have never seen a room so full of love.

"Let me take your coat" Jody says, seeing you froze to the spot.

"I... You're here for me ? Th-they planned all that ?" you stammer with some watery emotions filling your eyes.

"Dean did" Jody smiles. "We followed."

             You're sipping from that delicious drink the bartender made according to your tastes, unable to take that smile off of your face. Donna, a little tipsy in her pretty outfit, is telling sexy jokes with a full dimpled smile, making Sam chuckle and Charlie high-five her, spilling a little of her drink on you.

           From the corner of your eye, you look at him.

           He is bending on the pool table with a smirk, his beer next to him. From here, you can't hear what he is saying to the other players, but it seems a little cocky. After only a few seconds staring at him, it's like he felt it and he looks up, giving you the cutest wink.

           And you blush. Because even after all you have lived together, even after the kinky experiences, the intimate moments, after seeing him cry, yell, suffer or come... A wink is still enough to turn you to a blushing mess.

           All evening, he has been keeping his distance just a little. Not avoiding you at all but not clinging to you, to let you enjoy your friends, to let you have the full experience of a birthday party like you dreamed of since you were a teen.

           A birthday with loud silly discussions, a lot of drinks, inventing silly tipsy games with your best friends, trading your clothes in the bathroom, catching up as much as dancing with each other... And you never felt loved that much.

           Dean's love is the sun in the middle of your world, but now you can also see the stars, and it is probably the best night of your life so far.

           He managed to do something you never could for years and all your friends agreed with his crazy plan. They all had an early Christmas diner to be able to drive here, offer you too many drinks and be there for you. They all made it about you and you're both incredibly grateful and emotional. And since most of them will come sleep at the bunker -and eat all the leftovers with you tomorrow- you don't have to care about the time.

           Suddenly, a music note catches your ear.

           You know that note by heart. It is the first note of your favorite love song, it is the firsts notes of what Dean hums in your ear sometimes when he holds you after making love to you, pushing your hair on the side to see your sweaty bliss face.

           You turn you head and meet green eyes, closer than you expected.

"Hey" he says, taking your hand.

"Hey" you smile.

He tugs gently at your arm, pulling you away from the bar to wrap his arms around your waist.

           You have missed him. Of course he was here, but after everything he has done for you, you really have missed holding him, smelling his skin and kissing his lips.

           He starts to sway his hips really slightly, humming the love words of the song, and you throw your arms around his neck, looking up at his perfect face.

"She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes..." he whispers the lyrics, fingers grazing the skin of your neck.

And for the hundredth time today, your eyes fill with happy tears while his fingertips go down on your back to hold your waist again.

"Are you having fun ?" he asks low, one hand stroking your lower back tenderly, thumb pushing your shirt up discreetly to feel your skin.

"It's the best night of my life" you give him your most sincere smile. "Dean... You are really incredible, you know that ?"

"Yeah" he nods, hiding his shyness in a kiss on your lips.

"I really was ready to chose Christmas, you know ?" you state, swaying your hips slowly with him, forgetting the rest of the world in your bubble of love.

His plumb lips gently raise on the corner, and he lets go of you to search his pocket.

"I didn't have to choose between hunter life and happy life thanks to you, so I'll make sure you never have to choose between your birthday and Christmas" he murmurs in your ear, before kissing your temple.

His hand reach yours and he opens it to put a little thing on your palm.

"What do you say we had yet another thing to celebrate on that day ?" his breath tickles  your neck and you look down to your hand, discovering a little golden ring with a tiny blue stone in the middle of your shaking palm.

"Dean ?"

"Marry me Baby ?"

FEEDBACK IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME

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[imaginebabygurl]

Love me... Part 1

Hey loves I know its been a bit since I posted with everything going on in my life but I finally have the energy to write so. Don't forget about me and I hope you enjoy.

You know ever since I uncovered the secrect of the Cullens by my sister Bella I kind of regret it. I wish... I was blinded and left in the unknow like our father Charlie, because God know he would never let Bella do something so irrational and give up Her SOUL FOR WHAT!!! To be with her sparkly vampire boyfriend Edward. Don't get me wrong, he seems like an okay person but I dont want my sister to be dragged down to hell because she's in "Love" him with yet she's only know him for a few months that's way to quick for my liking and on top of it all their already married and its to late for Bella because she's already dead and she's now a ...vampire and I don't know why after all this time she wants to see me. I finished college a year ago for my psw certification, I like the long term-care homes helping people old and young, listening to their life stories and its just pleasant sure the food could be a lil better for them but hey its a give and take... I realized that my mind was flowing down a trail of many thoughts unil-

"Y/N!" Alice shouted through the glass window of my car telling me to let her in.

"Alice!? What the hell you could have gave me a heart attack."

"Come on Y/nnnn" you are just being overly dramatic, besides....

She mubled the last few words under her breath which was odd in character for Alice because she a very energtic person and I mean very.

"Alice what's wrong or should I say what did you do?"

"What I didn't doooo anything, come on let's go everyone's waiting."

Without another second to ask what was going on because now I was getting worried, Alice was already gone. I sight as I rubbed the side of my pulsing temples attemping to mentally prepare myself for whats about to happen.

As I stepped in the door I felt a crash agianst my body and somebody arms wrapped around and I knew it was my my sister Bella she lookes so young and youthful along with my niece and the rest of the Cullens.

They all looked brooding and serious and that's when, I hoped and prayed it wasnt about the recent events that had took place almost a year ago. I hoped they didn't know about me a statement... I already knew then answer to and what was to come next either to be a vampire or face death by the Volturi's.

"Y/n"... Carlisle said to me plainly "They know about you and demanding either you be turned with them as witness or suffer the consequences I'm sorry."

"WHAT NO SHE MY SISSTER!!!" Bella hissed.

"She hasn't done anything wrong and she's has not spoken a word,Y/n doesn't want this she wants a normal life, they can't do that!!!"

"Bella call down, Carlisle will talk to the kings when we get there and should come to an understanding."

"Yeah,I doubt that."

Rosalie had said plainly which I didn't disagree with. It seemed like out of all the Cullen childen she sounded the most sound and saw the bigger picture to this whole ordeal which is why I confide in her alot.

Roaslie stood beside me and gave me a reassuring hug.

"Listen I actally like you, not saying that I don't like you Bella but Y/n actally wants to fight for her human life which I advocate for so I'm going to go Volterra with her and no one is stopping me."

"With that said , I agree I'm tagging along"

Jaccob interjected

"Love no you aren't your staying here with me in forks and thats final" Renesmee said.

"Plus we'll draw too much attention." Renesmee added.

" fine but I don't want another undead Swan. I wanna have at least hear another heart beat beside my girlfriend's."

"Jake shut up."

"You got it."

And with that we booked our flights and for the next couple of hours my body was filled woth dread, and the anticipation was killing waiting for my trail I guess."

I felt like an Abomination that was a threat to their kind which was kind of ironic in the sense but I guess we'll see in the hours to come....

[aestheticallyholland]

NEVER NOT | DECISIONS . . .

❃ PAIRING tom holland x fem!reader

❃ DISCLAIMER i do not own the artists (and the reader) that are going to portray the characters, but i do own some of the their names. the plot of the story is inspired to the book and movie 'to all the boys i've loved before' but with changes. the gifs and photos used in this series are edited by me but i get credits to the originals. also, this series is first posted in wattpad by me. PLEASE DO NOT REPOST IT SOMEWHERE ELSE !

❃ WORD COUNT 1.7k words

WANNA BE ON THE TAGLIST? feel free to comment on this post if you wanna be added to this series' taglist to get notified for updates !

NEVER NOT MASTERPOST | LEI'S LIBRARY

"Wherever you go, whatever you do, I'll always be here to support you." - anonymous

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[ january 05, 2016 . . . ]

Y/N WAS WAITING FOR TOM TO PICK HER UP FROM HER HOUSE. Tom had suddenly texted her to wait for him as he was going to pick her up. Of course, she agreed to him and told him not to be late.

Another week has passed since their real relationship started. They've celebrated Christmas and New Year together in each other's houses during the week. And also with their closest friends which were Erika and Harrison.

They finally opened up about their relationship with each other which made Erika and Harrison open up about theirs's too. Although it was already obvious for Tom and Y/N, they still wanted to hear from them.

When Y/N was lost in her thoughts, Tom's car suddenly arrived which surprised her.

"Tom!" She called out.

Tom happily got out of his car and walked towards Y/N.

"Where the hell are we going? It's like nine in the morning." Y/N complained which made Tom laugh a bit.

"Good morning to you, love." Tom greeted and gave a peck on her cheek.

She rolled her eyes playfully at him before answering back. "Morning, Thomas." She wrapped her arms around him and snuggled.

Tom's arm snaked around her shoulders as they walked towards his car.

"Seriously, where are we going?" Y/N asked Tom as she placed on her seatbelt.

"My house. My mom wanted to bake with you all of a sudden. She also wanted to make lunch for us." Tom said which made her eyes widen.

"How come you didn't tell me it was that? I could've prepared." She said.

"It's okay. I think my mom just prepared already." Tom said and started the engine and drove off.

Y/N sighed in relief and sat comfortably on the seat. She grabbed Tom's free hand and wrapped her fingers to his. Tom plastered a smile on his face while driving going to his house.

It has been a week since he got the news and he still hasn't told Y/N about it. He only told his family and Harrison first during the morning. He just didn't know how to tell Y/N about this.

This is why he planned to tell her today. And hopefully, he would tell her.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Y/N!"

Y/N heard that familiar voice that called her and it was Tom's mom.

"Nikki!" Y/N called back as she gave her a big hug.

Tom closed the door in his car and went beside his girlfriend.

"I missed you already, dear," Nikki said to Y/N which made her giggle and Tom rolled his eyes.

"Mum, you just saw her a few days ago," Tom said and his mom just ignores her son's response.

"You know, it's very hard to deal when all my children are boys," Nikki said that made Y/N laugh, and Tom groan. "But, I've gotten used to it eventually," Nikki added.

They continued to talk as they walked inside Tom's house. Y/N basically helped his mom prepare lunch while the boys just played video games.

From time to time, their mom would scold them and ask them to help in preparing or else they would have to do the chores themselves for a whole month.

Nikki would tell Y/N stories about Tom and his childhood and about photography too which inspired Y/N to want to try to go into the field of photography.

"Lunch is served!" Y/N exclaimed that alerted the boys and they ran towards the dining room.

"No running, boys!" Nikki scolded them and just sighed at her sons. "Until now, they still act like little kids," Nikki whispered to Y/N loud enough for them to hear.

All of them gathered together and ate lunch. Tom sat down beside Y/N. Before that, he and his youngest brother, Paddy, argued on who will sit beside her. But of course, Tom won since he would always say that Y/N is his girlfriend.

"How's your father doing, Y/N?" Tom's father, Dom, asked her across the table as they were eating.

"Same as always. He's just staying home right now since it is still the holidays." Y/N answered.

"Tom," Nikki called out her son who looked at her. "Did you...?" She trailed off since she wasn't sure and Tom already knew what she meant. He shook he said as a 'no' and Y/N noticed their conversation. They continued to talk silently that Y/N couldn't really understand what was going on until Ton spoke up.

"Y/N, there is something I need to tell you," Tom said and Y/N just looked at him, waiting for him to say what he wanted to tell her.

"You know that I act, right?" He asked her and she nodded. He has mentioned before to her that he actually acted since he was a kid.

"Well." He paused for a while and looked at his brothers and father who was encouraging him to tell her.

"I auditioned for this role a few months ago before we met and..." He took out the paper that he received a few weeks ago and gave it to Y/N.

Y/N took it opened to read it. As she read through the lines, her eyes suddenly widen.

"You're..." She paused, trying to sink in what she just read. She looked at him and suddenly wrapped her arms around him.

"You're the new Spider-Man!" She exclaimed while hugging him. Tom didn't expect this kind of reaction but he was glad it was. He hugged her back and kissed her head.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Y/N asked him and pouted.

Damn it. She's so cute. Tom thought in his head before answering her.

"I didn't how to tell you this, honestly. I have to make a decision, Y/N." Tom told her.

He grabbed her hand and suddenly stood up and pulled her with him. He wanted to tell her this privately so he excused himself first and went upstairs with Y/N.

"Does this mean that you're leaving?" Y/N suddenly asked as soon as they went to Tom's room. He looked at her with sad eyes and nodded.

"Come on. Don't be sad, Tom." Y/N said and caressed his cheek. "This has been your dream since you were little," Y/N said.

"But I don't want to leave you, Y/N," Tom said and held her hand that was on his cheek. She just gave him a small smile before saying something.

"I'll be happier when I get to see you on the big screen, Tom," Y/N said which made Tom's chest feel lighter. "I'm so proud of you. You deserve it so much." She pressed her lips to his and Tom responded to it.

"Let's go somewhere," Tom said and held her hand once more.

"But, what about your family?" Y/N asked.

"They'll understand, don't worry," Tom said and led Y/N down.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Is this another mysterious place again?" Y/N asked as Tom was covering her eyes. She could feel her feet being covered by something soft and sandy since Tom told her to take off her shoes.

"You'll love it," Tom said. After a few more walks. Tom asked her if she was ready and she nodded. He took his hands off her eyes and smiled.

"Woah," Y/N said as soon as her eyes were uncovered.

They were on a beach where there were fewer people. The sky was so clear that it reflects in the waters of the ocean. The sound of the waves satisfies her ears. Her feet were covered in sand.

"This is where I go when I feel stressed out or just want to relax alone," Tom said and stood beside her.

"You really discover so many beautiful places," Y/N said and wrapped her arms around him while looking at the waves.

Tom spun her around to face him while her arms are still wrapped around him. She gave him a questionable look first.

"I will never forget this beautiful face," Tom said that made Y/N blush.

"You really know how to make me blush," Y/N said and smiled. "And I will never ever forget this handsome face of yours." She said that and pinched his cheek with her other hand. "I still can't believe my boyfriend is the new Spider-Man."

"Me either. I'm so happy about it." Tom said and smiled widely. "I still can't believe that I have to be away from you for God knows how many years."

"I don't mind waiting for you, Tom," Y/N said. "As long as our love never fades, I'll wait for you."

"Man, I am so lucky," Tom said and sighed then smiled. "I have the best family then I just got the role that I've been dreaming to act." He looked at you. "And I have you."

Y/N felt herself blush again and slapped Tom playfully.

"Ow! What was that for?" He asked her and she giggled.

"For always making me blush." She answered and placed her head on his chest.

"I will go to you every day before I leave," Tom said. "I want to cherish these days with you."

Y/N continued to look at the scenery and smiled.

"Me too, Tom. Me too." Y/N said.

"You know what." Tom let go of her to properly face her. "Go here when you miss me the most. Go to this place when you won't be by yourself." Tom told her. He got something from his pocket and revealed it to her.

It was a bracelet with white marbles on it. In the center, there was a sun symbol that was surrounded by white marbles.

"Wear this to remember me." He added and placed the bracelet on her wrist.

She looked at the bracelet and smiled. She felt tears going to fall from her eyes and looked at him. She leaned herself to him and he hugged her.

"I'll always go here, Tom," Y/N whispered, softly.

They stayed there together with Tom's arms around her. He just wished that this could last forever.

❃ TAGLIST @allthisfortommy @kait4073 @lovebittenbyevans @l0ve-0f-my-life @spiitfiires @robertpattinson-th @jackiehollanderr @butterflies-glitter

[harry-sussex]

It's not just the goodwill of his family that I'm worried Harry is throwing away. It's also the goodwill given to him as that Prince who came out of the Diana tragedy as a fun-loving Prince with a big heart and who's all too willing to support his father and brother in their burden. I don't recognize this current Harry who claims to be happy but only comes off as someone really angry at the world. While he does have reasons to be angry, I never really thought it would come to a point where it would consume him - we can see that with his last few engagements in the UK, the interview and the documentary.

When they announced their manifesto prematurely, public opinion was somehow on their side. The same was true in the immediate aftermath of the Oprah interview. Then Prince Philip died and all the fact-checking came to light. When the news about the book was announced, I naively thought I would see positive comments too but I didn't. Whether in Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, the majority already finds his complaints tiresome especially at a time like this. He's being made fun of (and it's not just him, he's dragging Meghan with him).

As someone who used to be a fan, I want to tell these people that he hasn't always been like this. Which is really sad. I feel for you. Hugs!!

This message is full of excellent points. This is exactly, exactly what I’m trying to say. The truth only matters if people believe it - yes, he is struggling, and he is allowed to struggle despite his position in life (mental health and struggles don’t give a damn about money, power, privilege, and influence), but at some point, people will stop seeing the little boy who walked behind his mother’s coffin and start seeing the grown man crying in his mansion with his money and his status and his titles as a literal prince. The reasons don’t matter, whether or not they’re legitimate doesn’t matter. That’s what they will see, that’s what they will believe, and no amount of his talking or writing or his PR strategy, at this point, will change that. It could have been very different with a better approach from the very beginning, but that’s in the past and every move he makes further and further separates from that little boy because of it. With that, he moves further and further away from the sympathy the public has always granted him. If this is how he’s going to act, then he needs that sympathy. Once he loses it, he’ll never get it back.

I hate the family dynamic but I hate more that he can’t seem to see the consequences of his actions. Sure, people will hate HM, Charles, William, Kate, etc. regardless of what he says. That’s part of this playing out on a public stage. He may hate them for all we know. They may hate him. That’s not the point, really, no matter how much it matters to me. The point is exactly what you said - he needs the public to stay relevant, to keep his causes relevant, and the further he appears to stray from the little boy who was Diana’s beloved baby, the prince he was born to be, the father and brother he vowed to support in their destined path to the throne, the more tired of him the public will become, and the more he and his wife will suffer because of it. He may love his birth family and may live his life every day trying to emulate his late mother who he lost way too soon. If the public stops seeing that, it’ll be much harder for him to do what he wants to do, be who he claimed he wanted to be from the second this mess started. This isn’t about the family - it’s about him.

People are going to grow tired of the crying, of the bitterness and the anger and the jabs and veiled attacks and statements and lawsuits, and they will turn on him and her. They both deserve better than that, but they need to stop perpetuating the notion the public will ultimately feel in order to preserve their platform and their potential to help this world, which is their ultimate goal. They need to meet the media and the public halfway, regardless of how they personally feel about the members of the family, regardless of how they feel about the institution that’s granted everything they have in this life and more. If they’re not going to do that, they very easily could lose everything. It’s a strategy - brain before heart. Harry has never been good at that kind of thing, but it needs to change now. He needs to change his strategy as soon as possible or else things are going to completely fall apart, in my opinion.

He hasn’t always been like this, and I appreciate that you agree. He was charming and spunky and had that spark that attracted so many people to him and I just don’t recognize him. I refuse to believe that it was all an act, from 2014 on, and now we’re uncovering the real Harry behind the mask all these years later. I’ve gotten a lot of messages over the past 24 hours suggesting that to be the case and I just refuse to believe it. It cannot be true. I hope he at least moves back in that direction because I do not recognize this version of the People’s Prince and I hate it.