#and i'm going to be so fucked if i'm the one that's wrong lol that's not going to be fun
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don't let them hear — choi subong
synopsis: lights off meant something a little different between you and the famous choi subong, also known as thanos.
genre: smut and fluff bc theyre js exes who want eo bad LOL. green flag choi subong... say WHAT 💜
warnings: afab reader, tease, fingering, nothing else honestly
author's note: this is the first time i have ever written on this account + since my social media detox so pls bear w me if this isnt exactly up to your standards ha ha ha... ily anyway not proofread! i wrote this when it was 3am leave me be.
"lights will be turned off in ten seconds."
in a moment, the lights will dim and the only thing shedding light in the room would be the giant pig dangling from the ceiling and choi subong's pale skin that's attached to yours. ever since he told you he would be joining you in bed tonight, you couldn't deny the fact you were thrilled. your drug-addict ex boyfriend shouldn't have excited you this much. let alone the fact you were waiting for him.
"five, four, three, two, one." now, it was fully dark.
you sighed in disappointment. you turned away from the side subong was and decided to sleep on your own. you knew you shouldn't have trusted him at all, yet you were gullible enough to believe he'd keep his promise. and he didn't. cause if he did, he would be beside you with his arms wrapped around your waist pulling you closer to him so that you could warm one another up.
"y/n?," your eyes abruptly opened, "are you still awake?" he actually did it. he actually kept his promise.
he actually came.
you decided to play the stubborn game and not answer. but you knew that he was aware you were definitely up. "don't want me here? okay señorita. i'll leave." his footsteps began to get quieter as he 'left'. you felt guilty and decided to let him explain himself. after all, it hasn't been long since that robot woman announced it was time for bed.
"fuck you." you turned toward him, expecting him to be halfway gone already. yet you met a choi subong sitting down with his arms trapping his knees while replicating footsteps that were leaving. "wow. double fuck you.'
"please, i know you want me here. so move over." he stood up and laid down beside you as his head automatically dug itself into your chest. "i don't give a fuck if you're going to go on some lecture about how i should have been here sooner, so don't waste your time." he pecked your collarbone before adjusting his position. "i'm here with you and that's what matters. okay?"
speechless is an understatement. you couldn't even be mad. you couldn't feel the slightest anger in you because he's right there. you could see his purple hair laying on your neck.
wait. something's wrong. something's missing.
"wait. choi subong. where's the necklace?" you used two fingers to tilt his head up so you could see his eyes. they're still as pretty as ever. fuck him for having such charming eyes.
"gone. i threw it away when i saw you rave about how you were so much happier when you quit." he stared at you. waiting for you to say something. "what? do you want me to dig my hands into the toilet to retrieve it?"
"did you seriously… get rid of it? for me?" you sat up. tucking a strand of hair behind your ear before holding his hands. you noticed the tattoo he dedicated to you. the little heart with a sun next to it because he said that you were his ray of sunshine.
"of course i did. i meant it when i told you i'd fix myself as long as we crossed paths again, you know. i don't just make promises for the sake of—" shutting him up with your lips was probably your favourite thing to do. you missed this. you missed him. you missed feeling his lips perfectly match yours everytime you leaned in to him.
"then i meant it when i told you i'd let you fuck me whenever, wherever. hopefully you take that damn opportunity now." he analysed your face before realising you were serious. he didn't even need to say anything. he just held your face by your jaw, kissing you rougher than earlier while gently laying you down on your bed.
he took off your pants and placed it just beside the bed, sliding your panties right after it. "fuck. how long have you been this wet, hm?" his middle finger glided itself from your cunt to your clit, using your slick as lubricant to teasingly insert his finger in your hole. "was it when i told you i quit? or when you kissed me? or better yet, since you saw me?"
"fuck, subong–" his free hand covered your mouth, preventing you from letting a noise out.
"can you be quiet for me, baby? wouldn't want to let these jackasses know i'm fucking the prettiest girl here, would you?" you shook your head, agreeing that you should be dead silent.
you didn't even notice that he snuck a second finger, fucking you with his fingers repeatedly until your were squirming and arching your back from the bed. "that's it, baby. do just that." his thumb flicked your clit, causing you to buck your hips on his hand.
you don't know how he understood, but you mumbled against his hand that you were going to cum. his smirk was evident in the dark room which caused you to be pushed to the edge even more. "are you going to cum? hmm? is my baby finally going to cum for the love of her life?"
all you could do was nod. it was cute to him.
when you finally reached your release, he made sure to lick off all of your juice from his fingers. you watched him slowly suck on his ring finger while intensely staring at you. "i love you. don't leave ever again. i better be the only one you do this to."
"only for you, baby. just you and me. choi subong and future choi y/n. okay?
#🍀 cali’s works . . .#💬 bigbang . . .#bigbang smut#choi seunghyun smut#thanos smut#choi subong smut#choi seunghyun#choi subong#squid game#seunghyun x reader#t.o.p x reader#top x reader#thanos x reader#squid game thanos#squid game s2#player 230
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I know I just rambled in the tag, but if you took the time to read all that, might I direct you to this post & my ramblings there as well~
Something about Zoro being one of the most misunderstood and mischaracterized characters in One Piece is funny (not haha funny, funny sad) to me because?? That’s literally how his introduction starts?? With people misunderstanding him and thinking he’s some big, monstrous demon who kills with cause and cannot be trusted or tamed.
Meanwhile the actual Zoro is a driven guy who is often both literally and figuratively directionless in life and found his goals in life through good people (first Kuina and then Luffy). He's tied up in the Marine base not due to those actual crimes he commuted (well not inherently anyway) but because he ‘disrespected’ a Captain's son and stood up for a little girl. He accepts the challenge they present to him and because Zoro himself is a guy that puts his money where his mouth is he assumes the Marines will uphold their end of the deal and let him go (note the actual shock when Koby tells him the truth)
He joins Luffy's crew but also outright says he’s not gonna let his goal take second place to Luffy or anyone else's for that matter, he bears the weight of two people's dreams, his heart isn’t going to be swayed by some pirate.
Speaking of Kuina, her impact and influence on Zoro's life isn’t talked about enough for my liking. She was Zoro's first friend, his first rival, his first goal. He looked up to her so much and his reaction to her passing cracks my heart in half every time because you can seem him just..go numb. Kuina, dead? Kuina, the strongest person he knows, gone? Kuina, who swore to him just yesterday they’d race to the top of the world together, doesn’t exist anymore. His blank face only cracking within the privacy of his sensei before he begs. He begs on his knees, tears streaming down his face please please please let me take Kuina's sword with me. Let me take our dream to a high neither of us could imagine. I won’t let her name die here.
On top of gaining the Wado Ichimonji that day Zoro also gained…fear. Not of death, well at the very least not his own, he gained his fear of not being enough. Kuina kicked his ass every way a person could and still died, what could someone like him do? So he trains…and trains…and trains some more. Overly, obsessively, constantly telling himself he’s not enough, he’s weak, he can’t protect anyone like this and everyone's death would be on him.
As for Zoro being cold and stoic that’s just…not completely true? He’s not stone, he can be excited or sad or angry just as much as most characters he just sucks at showing it canonically (Kuina thinks he hates her before their final fight after all). Sure he’s not as forthcoming about it as some of the other Strawhats but Zoro's more of an action guy anyway, he'll show his love with his protection and unwavering faith.
In conclusion, Zoro is a ridiculously stubborn, incredibly loyal, mildly emotionally constipated, do what you say/say what you mean kinda guy.
(Also that whole ‘Zoro would kill the whole crew if Luffy asked him to’ thing? Top ten stupidest things I’ve ever heard from the fandom and that’s saying a lot. He’s loyal not brainless and heartless guys if Luffy asked him to do that, he would never but I digress, Zoro would square the fuck up with him so fast. DPMO.)
#I think there's a lot of misunderstanding of Zoro's character within the One Piece Fandom (partly because let's be honest media literacy is#apparently not a common skill and tumblr do be the website where we piss on the poor lol)#I think there's this dumb fanon version of Zoro where people take memes about him a bit too seriously and start to view/characterize him as#this brainless uncaring stoic/emotionless cold dude who can't think for himself and is like a fucking zombie for Luffy#which I'm just like ?????????? bitch where?????? I know media literacy is hard 🙄but seriously are we even looking at the same source#material???? and the same character?????#I also think some people misunderstand how Zoro expresses his emotions tbh#He's someone who acts more than he speaks so he expresses a lot through action but that doesn't mean he can't or doesn't verbally express#his emotions or his wants and dreams in fact Zoro very clearly verbally expresses his feelings and dreams/goals quite a bit people just#choose to ignore or not acknowledge it because it doesn't fit into their funny fannon version of him#In a lot of ways Zoro just presents himself as a very traditional Japanese man when it comes it his emotions he's not super outward with#how he feels but it's very clear that he feels his emotions very deeply and cares very deeply for ALL of his friends#Zoro is very much a protector and there are many moments where we see him do a say things that make it VERY clear that he also has a clear#personal moral compass#he is a caring and compassionate character who while he /is/ rough and blunt at times is also soft (i'd like to site that one scene that#makes me cry when I think of it in Alabasta where Zoro washes Choppers back in the bath because that is such a soft and caring moment and a#very vulnerable thing to do I just ;-;) but while one of the most important things to Zoro is to protect his friends (which we see him do#over and over again without any instruction from Luffy - and I agree with op that it probably has A LOT to do with Kuina and the fact that#/he/ couldn't do anything to help or protect her and she despite her being the strongest person he knew she still died) Zoro still clearly#wants to and /does/ continue to pursue his dream#idk man I could write a whole essay about Zoro's character and how so many people don't seem to understand him or mischaracterize him which#is really sad because that happens to in in the actual series as well people make a lot of incorrect assumptions about Zoro#I think the in universe misconceptions/wrong assumptions about Zoro are very intentional on Oda's part tho#He wants the assumed view of Zoro as a cold hearted killer and a 'monster of a man' to be constantly contradicted by who Zoro actually is#and how he acts#I also find it so interesting how unbothered Zoro is by this perception of him by others because Zoro is a very self assured character#he knows who he is and while he has some pride it's not so fragile that he can't push it aside to see that he can be better#also op I can go on for a bit about how influential Kuina was to shaping Zoro into the person he is now and I agree that not enough people#talk about that or give their relationship enough credit#I have a whole side tangent about the way Zoro treats/acts towards women (ya know the thing that pisses off Sanji constantly) has A LOT to
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First Impressions: Part two
Jessie Fleming x Reader
Summary: Okay, so maybe Jessie isn't as shallow or one-dimensional as you thought. You decided to give her a chance, but first impressions and long-standing reputations can be hard to simply forget about. Can you let your insecurities go and can she prove that she's serious about you?
Warnings: Smut. Edging. Cunnilingus. Fingering. Language.
A/N: Part two! The rehabilitation of Player Jessie lol. It's a bit long, but there is smut, I swear.
“Hey Beautiful. How’s your day going?”
You glanced up from your phone and bit back a smile. You idly glanced around the library, clearing your throat before resettling on your phone and typing out a reply.
“Texting me when you’re on the road? You must be bored.”
“Day’s going well. Just at the library right now.”
“What? Without me?! I feel betrayed jk”
“I’m not bored. Just missing my study buddy turned…girlfriend?”
Your posture straightened and your eyes narrowed as you read her message.
“Is that your way of asking me to be your girlfriend?”
"Yeah?"
"Lol why the question mark! You're either asking me out or you're not."
"I am."
"Wow."
"What?! What was wrong with that? Lol. I thought it was smooth."
"Your inexperience is showing, Fleming."
“Well that’s a first.”
You rolled your eyes. When you glanced back down you saw she was typing.
“You said you didn’t want casual. And we've had some great dates. And I don't want to seem too over-confident, but I think I've coaxed you along from tolerating me to perhaps even enjoying my company. Periodically lol. So, I’m just following through.”
You bit your lip and your cheeks ached from holding back a full blown smile. Your head buzzed as you reread her message.
If there was a theme in your dynamic, it was that you had to give a hard time. Even in this situation.
"Enjoying your company? Let's not get carried away, now. I mean, just because we text all day, have hot make-out sessions, say sweet, romantic things to each other and it took us an hour and a half to say 'goodnight' yesterday, doesn't mean anything. So presumptuous of you."
"Ugh. You're right. I've misread the signs. My bad."
"But seriously - you haven't answered. And I'm actually getting nervous. Come on, Y/L/N. You'll either be my girlfriend or you won't 😛"
You smirked. You appreciated how easily you two bantered and this was no exception.
A few weeks had passed since that night in the hallway. Things escalated quickly, honestly. Suddenly there was this emotional intimacy that was rapidly evolving between you two and it just felt so natural. And Jessie, despite everything you would've originally expected, had been sweet, authentic, and steady.
The opportunity to step away and stop yourself from catching feelings was long over. Dangerous territory? You were in the thick of it. If you were going to turn back, now was the time.
"Yes. I'll be your girlfriend."
"That just 1000% made my day. My week. Month. More!"
You rubbed your face in elated disbelief and typed out a reply.
"Well. If you keep it up, my feelings for you might progress from tolerating, to enjoying to...who knows."
"Shit. I honest to God want to turn around and come back. And I never want to miss camps."
"I seriously miss you."
Giddy. You felt fucking giddy and you couldn't believe it.
"I miss you too. Which is fucking crazy since I saw you less than 24 hours ago."
"Tell me about it lol."
"I'll be here when you get back."
“Better be lol. And until then. Don’t let some other nerdy athlete charm you.”
You audibly laughed, cutting it short as it sounded through the quiet space.
“Yeah. And you keep your little fan club at bay while you’re away, okay?”
“Easy. I’ll text you after we're done for the day, okay? Happy studying!”
You couldn’t believe what was going on. It was so unexpected that you still had to remind yourself of the events that took place to get here. It was the only way to reconcile the fact that you were sitting here texting with Jessie Fleming. Flirting with Jessie Fleming. Dating Jessie Fleming. Someone who was Bad News; the type to break your heart and leave you longing.
Yet, someone who you - maybe - had all wrong.
Someone you, in fact, very much, were swooning over.
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You were reading the slide on screen and listening to the professor when suddenly Jessie nudged you with her elbow.
She had her eyes trained forward but shifted her laptop, angling it towards you. A smirk began to tug at the corner of her mouth and she gave you a brief, cursory glance. You looked down at her screen to see she'd selected some text in her notes.
"You look amazing. Stop distracting me."
You nearly blew a raspberry, managing to suppress it into a vague scoff. You rolled your eyes as you faced forward once more, but felt a blush burning on your cheeks. You glanced back at her to see her smiling widely at you now. She returned her attention to her laptop and typed out a new sentence.
"You know you're beautiful. You don't need to be shy about it."
You shook your head affectionately and typed out a reply before turning your screen slightly towards her. Your posture stiffened as she placed a hand on the edge of your seat to lean in to read.
"You're out of control. And who's distracting who here, huh? lol"
She retracted her hand to start typing and you missed it immediately. When she was done typing you leaned over, placing a hand directly on her thigh as you read the message.
"You are distracting me. You = distracting and gorgeous."
You silently snickered with another shake of your head.
"Omfg. You're ridiculous."
She glanced down at your hand purposefully.
"Especially now."
You gave her a look somewhere between chiding and teasing. She shot you another smirk and typed further.
"Don't get me wrong. I like it."
"Care to go on a little adventure with me after class?"
You weren't going to say 'no'. She knew it. You knew it. And sure enough, after class she led you by the hand to another building across campus until you were in an abandoned stairwell. You assumed you were going to continue on elsewhere, but learned otherwise when she gently pushed you against the wall with a charming smile and a slow kiss.
You giggled into the kiss as you wrapped your arms around the back of her shoulders.
"You take me to the nicest places," you teased.
"Both our roommates are in, so privacy is a tough commodity to come by," she replied with a chuckle as she began to kiss her way down your neck. It took every effort not to gasp. "You look gorgeous all the time, but I especially love when you wear your hair up. I couldn't stop staring at your neck - all I could think about was kissing it."
Goosebumps erupted across your skin as her warm breath caressed you, her lips explored and you could feel just the slightest, teasing touch of her tongue on your neck.
While the emotional barriers you'd tried to put up had proven entirely fruitless and ineffective, you'd done a much better job of withholding physical boundaries.
Given your concerns going into this relationship, you'd told yourself that you wanted to very strongly establish an emotional foundation with Jessie before being physically intimate. So even though you would've probably already slept with someone by this point, and Jessie most certainly would've too, you'd never allowed the two of you to go further than a heavy and hot make-out session.
You wanted her to work for it. To earn it. And to your surprise, she didn't seem deterred in the least. She'd been respectful and patient. Well, mostly patient. You knew she was raring to go, but any time you pumped the brakes she backed off.
Your hands were running through her hair and you two were - consciously or not - rocking your hips against one another's as she kissed and lightly sucked on your neck and her hands began to inch under your top. Your core was throbbing with need already.
"What if someone comes by?" You managed to say, eyes falling shut at the sensations she was sending through your body.
"No one ever comes here. Don't worry," she responded easily.
Your eyes fluttered opened, a frown slowly forming across your forehead. The lightness and excitement that had been coursing through your veins a moment before was immediately replaced with a heavy pit in your stomach.
You pulled back, slowly dropping your hands away from her head to her waist and pushing gently. She extended her neck, working to keep her lips in contact with your neck before eventually relenting with a confused look and allowing herself to be pushed back.
"I should probably go," you said, tone admittedly a bit flat as you failed to hold eye contact with her while you smoothed out your clothes.
"Wh-huh?" She asked, blatantly puzzled by your change in demeanor. "What's wrong?"
You shook your head subtly and began to walk away. You were deeply tempted to not reply at all or to just deflect, but instead you replied with, "Look. I'm not going to be just some other girl you fuck in a stairwell between classes, okay?"
You had your back to her and were pushing the door open so you missed whatever physical reaction she had, but her perturbed, "Are you serious right now?" rang loud in your ears.
You continued to walk outside, her footsteps close behind you and you turned around folding your arms against yourself.
"Yeah. I am," you told her almost wearily. You could see the frustration on her face and she laughed in disbelief.
"What," you challenged. "Are you going to tell me you haven't brought other girls here? Made out with them there? Fucked them even?"
Despite her irritation, she averted her gaze, scoffing lightly and eventually offering an exaggerated shrug.
"And if I did?"
You shook your head, turning away slightly with a huff. She gave an empty laugh.
"Would you rather I lie? 'No, baby, you're the only one ever!'" She finished mockingly.
"What the fuck, Jess," you retorted, voice rising slightly as you narrowed your eyes at her. "You don't need to be an asshole about it." Your face felt hot with anger, but suddenly it shifted and you knew if you weren't careful you were going to start crying. "I just don't want to be treated the same as all the others." You scowled, pushing back further emotion, "If what you say is true and things are different with me."
She exhaled heavily, dropping her gaze and stretching out her fingers and opening her palms as a way to calm herself. She took a breath and lifted her head to meet your eyes once more, still speaking tersely, but calmer than you'd been.
"That's why I'm frustrated," she said. "You are very different and I feel very different about you. For you. And I do treat you differently! Do you think I was texting those girls all day? Telling them I miss them. Planning dates. Telling them all my hopes and fears; asking them about theirs? Bringing them to hang out with my friends? And I sure as shit didn't ask them to be my girlfriend."
A wave of guilt rushed over you. Okay, maybe you were still making a sweeping generalization, but you still felt the way you did.
"I'm sorry," you relented slightly, but went on. "I see what you're saying. And I'm trying. But I still can't help it sometimes. I-I don't know. I know you're not who I originally thought you were. But I guess a part of me is still scared. I," you paused, words getting caught in your throat, "I really like you, Jess. And - moments like this make me terrified that I'm just going to get left behind like one of your other girls."
Jessie sighed quietly, dropping her gaze once more as she kicked distractedly at the sidewalk. When she looked back up her eyes were sad, but you could still see the warmth behind them.
"I don't know what to do," she said helplessly. "I can't change the past. I want you to feel confident in us. In me. But I can't undo anything from before. I'm trying to be clear and direct about how important you are to me. I really like you too, and I just wish I knew how to get you to trust me."
You exhaled, your own frustration at your feelings seeping in. "It's not that I don't trust you. I mean, I guess that's hard to believe, but that's really not what's going on," you insisted. "And I understand that you can't change anything from the past. And you shouldn't have to. That's just something I need to get over. It's really just...I don't want to be the same as the other girls."
She watched you quietly as she contemplated. She took a couple of steps towards you, closing the gap and tentatively taking your hands in hers.
"I promise you you're not. And I understand that my reputation has made trust a bit more difficult. But, I really, really need you to know that this - and you - are special to me." She nodded as she continued. "You're right - I probably shouldn't have brought you to the same spot I brought other girls. Especially given," she looked away briefly, "what I'd do with them there. I can see now that was not the wisest. I really wasn't thinking that way - I just wanted to be alone with you and knew we could be there."
You sighed softly and removed your hands from hers to wrap them around her back, pulling her into a hug. She squeezed you tightly and kissed the side of your head.
"Thank you. I know you didn't mean anything negative. I just...I got in my head. But, yeah, if you can try to be more mindful of things like that, I'll work on not reacting so impulsively."
"Deal," she chuckled. She pulled back enough for you to see the way she cocked an eyebrow at you playfully. You weren't sure where she was going with this, but you were grateful for the sudden levity and the forgiveness it implied. "And for the record, it's not just all sunshine and rainbows on my end either, you know." She smirked at you and continued.
"Despite my bravado, there's a certain level of insecurity that comes with having the history I do and now meeting this incredible woman and wanting something serious and long-term with her. A no-strings-attached lifestyle is easy breezy - you don't get invested and you don't get hurt. But with you? I don't want to disappoint you. And you can definitely hurt me. I'm not used to that."
You searched her face as she finished speaking and warmth radiated throughout your chest. You kissed her and another wave of affection rushed through you as she squeezed you securely against her.
"I didn't mean to disrespect you at all. I'm really sorry," she said quietly as your kiss ended and she tucked her head against yours.
You pulled back to look at her. Her dark eyes were soft and shimmering and you laid a single kiss on her lips.
"Come with me," you said as you took her by the hand and led her back to the stairwell. You bit back a laugh at the curious smirk on her face as she allowed you to maneuver her against the wall. You smiled as her eyes slowly fell shut as you leaned in to kiss her.
"Guess this means you aren't too mad at me?" She muttered jokingly into the kiss. A crooked grin crossed your lips as you gently grasped her chin and had her meet your gaze.
"You're forgiven," you said with teasing benevolence before arching an eyebrow. "But don't push your luck." She chuckled and shook her head with a smile.
"I wouldn't dream of it."
You grinned as you engaged her a deep, slow kiss, this time your hands sneaking under her shirt and splaying out across her abs. A spark of satisfaction flared and you had to hold back a fuller smile as you felt her breath hitch and the faintest moan escaped her throat.
"I like you so much," you whispered as you began to trail kisses down her neck, noting the way her fingers dug into your waist.
"I like you a lot too," she said with a breathy laugh. You fought back a grin as you pressed your thigh between hers and ground up into her.
"Oh shit," she said, still breathless, another laugh in awe. You got the impression the tables weren't typically turned on her like this. You continued, your hand now toying with the button on her pants. She let out another soft moan. "Fuck, you're getting me so hot."
You smiled smugly as you nipped at her neck.
"Good," you said simply as you pulled back entirely, breaking off all contact and loving how her hands stretched out to follow you and only falling away as you stepped out of reach.
You saw the tiniest, cutest frown form across her forehead as her eyes fluttered open in confusion.
"Call me later?" You asked sweetly with a flirtatious shrug, already turning on your heel and heading for the door.
"Wait, what?" She called after you, her confusion evident in her voice.
You stepped through the door, but turned back to give her an innocent smile. She stared after you like a lost puppy. "We're even now. Call me later, baby."
She belatedly opened her mouth to speak, but you simply blew her a kiss and let the door fall shut.
And call you she did. In fact, when you woke up the next morning you had a text from her in the middle of the night.
"I can't even sleep because I'm still thinking about the stairwell. Nobody's ever made me feel like this. I feel like I'm drunk on you lol. I know that's stupid. But. I can't stop thinking about you."
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You slung your bag over your shoulder and scrolled through your phone as you began to exit your class. You walked head down into the masses of students until someone brushed against your arm and fell into step with you.
"How was class?"
You frowned, puzzled momentarily until your brain caught up and a smile crossed your face at who it was.
"Well hello," you greeted as you gently pushed your shoulder into her, jostling her.
"Hey baby," she greeted with a winning smile as she held out a coffee for you.
"Now this is service," you teased as you took it.
"Only the best for my girl," she said with a wink.
"Is your class cancelled or something?" You asked, knowing her next class was in an entirely different building across campus.
"No, but my last one got out early. Thought I'd surprise you with a coffee," she said, obviously very pleased with herself.
"You're the sweetest," you said as you leaned over mid-step to kiss her cheek. She smiled.
"Don't tell anyone."
You rolled your eyes fondly. "Yeah, everyone thinks you're such a jerk."
"You did," she quipped.
"I didn't think you were a jerk," you responded haughtily. "Just a thoughtless womanizer," you chuckled.
"Oh, well thank you for clarifying," she replied dryly with an eye roll of her own as she laced her fingers with yours. "Well now that you know I'm not a total deviant, want to come out for drinks tonight? Mia's back so we're all getting together."
"Sure," you responded lightly as you gave her hand a squeeze.
"Okay, great," she said before leaning over and kissing your cheek before stepping away, walking backwards towards another hall. "See you tonight." She gave you another wink. "Don't miss me too much until then."
That evening you were in a crowded dorm room, solo cup in hand, the bass of some song underlining conversations throughout the space. Mia stood across from you.
"Glad I got a chance to chat with you more. I knew I had to get to know you better because you have got our girl swooning," she teased with a smirk.
"Oh my gosh, not at all," you dismissed though you averted your gaze and felt a blush coming on. Mia laughed heartily and cocked an eyebrow.
"No, no. I've never seen Jess like this before. She used to make fun of other girls for being all lovesick, but now she's even worse than them. Though don't tell her that," she laughed, "she thinks she's being all nonchalant and cool about it."
Your head buzzed with excitement over Mia's words. The extra validation cemented your growing confidence in how significant this connection really was to Jessie. You couldn't help but direct your gaze away from Mia in search of the girl in question. You caught her eye across the room and flashed a smile with a quick wink. You watched as she excused herself from her conversation and began to weave through the crowd.
"Hey, you good?" She asked quietly as she approached, laying a hand on your arm as she kissed your temple. You gave her a quiet smile, holding her gaze.
"Yeah, I'm good."
You didn't think you held her eye contact that long, but your attention and Jessie's was drawn towards Mia as she laughed. She shook her head in amusement.
"Okay, later lovebirds," she deadpanned as she held up her drink in a 'cheers' and walked away.
"I trust Mia was treating you well?" Jessie asked as her eyes followed Mia momentarily while chuckling.
"Of course," you replied with a cheeky grin. "She took great care of me."
"Hopefully not too great," she teased. Your jaw dropped, scandalized though you laughed.
"You're not serious. You. Jessie Fleming. Get jealous?" You asked, eyes bright with amusement as you felt a fluttering in your stomach.
Jessie made a face and laughed, though you could easily see the way her cheeks grew flush. She eventually shrugged.
"Hey, what can I say? I know my teammates are awesome and you're an incredible girl, you can have your pick."
You rolled your eyes. "You're being silly," you said as you gave her an affectionate smile. She held up her hands with charming smirk.
"Just saying. I'm not taking what we have for granted. You don't have to pick me."
You 'tsked' her, arms folded. "Well. I do," you replied, shoulder back and head held high. "So you can relax."
Jessie leaned in, placing a hand on your waist as she kissed your cheek. Her breath tickled your skin. "Well, consider me beyond pleased."
You held her gaze again. Suddenly, there were too many people around. You were overwhelmed with a need to be close to her. Alone with her.
"How's your night going?" You asked, spurring a curious frown from her.
"Fine? Good?" She answered with a soft laugh. "Yours?"
You shrugged lightly. "Nice." You cocked your head as you glanced away purposefully. "Could be better."
"Oh?" She asked. "How so?
You reached out and smoothed out the shoulder of her shirt before playing with the collar.
"It's just starting to feel a little crowded in here," you said with flippant lament. You sighed quietly, but in exaggeration as she processed your words. She cracked a smile.
"Yeah? Is that so?" She asked, chin tilting up slightly as she studied you. She glanced towards the door. "I mean, we could always go."
"Oh I wouldn't want to force you to leave," you relayed sweetly and she gave you a wicked grin.
"Yeah, you're really forcing my hand here," she said flatly. You looked her up and down with a smirk of your own.
"I can find some other things for your hand to do."
Her eyes grew wide for a moment and her mouth fell open at your brazen comment. She eventually closed her mouth, now giving you a less than subtle once over.
"It's not nice to tease," she warned.
"Who's teasing?" You asked innocently while locking eyes with her.
She puffed her cheeks out in an exhale, gaze flitting across the room with an appreciative shake of her head that left you holding back a smug smile. She reached out to lace her fingers with yours, her thumb teasing the palm of your hand.
"Well, are you going to let me take you home or what?" She whispered. You raised both eyebrows at her and clicked your tongue.
"I believe you'll be coming home with me," you retorted playfully. "If anyone's going to be burdened with the walk of shame, it's going to be you." You shrugged. "This time anyway."
She laughed, loud enough that it even attracted the attention of couple of people in adjacent conversations. She sniffed with a residual chuckle and nodded. "Sure. I'll shoulder that responsibility."
On the walk to your building she asked if you should stop at her room to grab, any, you know, supplies. You didn't break your pace at all and simply responded with, "No. I want you now."
She grinned like a Cheshire cat, placing a hand on the small of your back and increased her strides, pulling you along too. "Well then let's not waste any more time."
You'd texted your roommate on the way back and was grateful to see she'd vacated the premises by the time you stepped inside. You'd given her space many times, so it was her turn to return the favour.
You'd barely closed the door when a lighthearted yelp escaped your throat as Jessie spun you around and lifted you off the ground, pressing your back against the door. Her lips immediately latched onto your neck as your arms and legs wrapped around her.
"Fuck, you have no idea how much I've wanted you," she breathed into your neck as she nipped and sucked at the skin there harder than she'd ever done before and it immediately had your core pulsing.
Something between a gasp and a moan left your mouth as you ran one hand through her hair, pressing her mouth further against your neck and she moaned into you while digging her fingers harder into the underside of your thighs.
Both of you were too hungry to take your time, so it wasn't long before she carried you to the bed, lips still locked as she laid you down.
Your hands were under her shirt and she chuckled as she sat up and took it off, tossing it carelessly to the floor.
"Now you," she said with a lustful grin as her hands wandered below your shirt and pushed it upwards. You arched your back off the bed and she reached around to help support you while she peeled your shirt off with her other hand. She was still discarding the garment when she leaned down to begin laying teasing kisses down your chest to your bra. Her hand was on the clasp of your bra and you chuckled as she unclasped it with ease, drawing the straps down off of your shoulders with her teeth.
"Fuck, you're gorgeous," she said in awe as she sat back again to take in your half-naked image in the dim of the room.
A small cry left your lips as she dipped her head back down and drew one of your nipples into her mouth, her teeth grazing as she released it before latching on again and swirling her tongue around the hardened nipple. You set both hands on the back of her head, fingers partially digging into her scalp in appreciation as she attentively explored you.
She switched nipples and her hand caressed up the outside of your thigh and grabbed your ass through your jeans, kneading firmly and hungrily as she moaned into your breast.
You grasped her other hand and guided it between your bodies, your own hand undoing the button of your jeans.
“You’re sure?” She asked, pausing despite your invitation. You rolled your hips up into her waiting hand and continued to guide her.
She took over, unzipping and pushing her hand down towards your core. Her fingers pressed firmly across your folds through the fabric of your underwear. Your jaw fell as her fingers indirectly grazed your clit.
She moaned. "I can already feel how wet you are," she said in wonder and her tone assured you she was more than pleased by this.
She pushed your panties aside, her fingers caressing through your slick folds for the first time and you immediately groaned in pleasure and rolled your hips up into her eager hand.
"You feel so fucking amazing already," she said, head lolling to the side momentarily before she began kissing her way down your torso. You tried not to whine as she removed her hand long enough to remove your jeans.
"You're going to get sick of me telling you how gorgeous you are," she said as she nipped at your underwear, tugging them down teasingly with her teeth. She hooked her fingers into the band but you stopped her temporarily.
"I want your clothes off, too," you told her in a way that left no room for debate. She snickered before pushing herself up off of you and shimmying off her clothes.
"Anything for you," she joked as she returned her attention to you, her lips laying fleeting kisses along the crease between your thighs and core. You heard her chuckle as your legs grew restless, rubbing against the sheets. She reached up and rubbed teasing circles around your nub through your panties.
"Please," you said simply.
"Please what?" She asked innocently and you could hear the smile in her voice before her tongue made contact with your skin, eliciting a gasp out of you.
You writhed beneath her. Even though this was brand new territory for you two, you felt safe expressing yourself.
"I need you," you answered, trusting that it would be well received and not feeling embarrassed or self-conscious in your saying so.
You heard a satisfied grunt from her and you drew your legs back eager to help her remove your panties. You bit your lower lip at the tender kiss she planted on your hip bone.
She began to kiss her way down your mound and although you really just wanted her to fuck you, to feel her fingers inside of you, you figured you'd waited this long, might as well let her set the pace.
Her lips brushed along your folds as she settled herself between your legs and that was enough to send a pulse through your core, but you absolutely throbbed as her fingers dug into the tops of your thighs and she pulled herself closer with an eager moan.
You were honestly contemplating begging her to not tease you any longer when her tongue began to trail up and down between your folds, your back bucking off the bed at the sudden sensations coursing through you.
You heard a muffled laugh from between your legs but before you could protest she began lapping up juices that were surely dripping from your core. Despite your intentions your back arched once more and you gripped the sheets tightly in her hands.
"Don't worry, baby," she said, "I'll take good care of you."
You fleetingly considered scolding her for her bravado, but she flicked her tongue upwards and over your clit before latching onto it with her mouth and sucking in a rhythm that urged your hips to roll up into her face further.
You could feel her smiling into you and she was entirely undeterred by your bucking and moving, confidently and easily keeping her mouth centered on you wherever your body took you.
She sucked, licked, and nipped at you in such a skilled way you'd never experienced before. You'd thought you'd had good sex before; evidently you were wrong.
To top it off, the way she moaned and chased you up the bed with a blatant hunger made you feel wanted and desired in a way you'd never felt before either. The way she devoured you, muffled moans sending pleasurable vibrations through your core, head rocking into you and lapping at you as though you were the most delicious thing she'd had made you feel like she'd never wanted anything more.
And when she reached out and laced her fingers of one hand with yours? Your heart melted.
It was blissful in so many ways.
You hadn't even realized she'd removed her other hand from your thigh when you felt her tease your entrance with a finger. A shuddering moan fell from your lips as she gently dipped a digit inside. You threw your head back into the mattress, back arching all over again as she began slipping a second finger inside, stretching you out deliciously as she continued to flick her tongue across your clit.
Her fingers felt just as good inside of you as you'd imagined and before you knew it she was curling her fingers up against your g-spot. You let out a low moan and your hips began rocking against her with greater fervour. She gave your hand a squeeze and you just held on for dear life, clutching her hand as if it was the only anchor holding you here. You reached down with your free hand and gripped her hair, pulling another pleased noise from her.
The pressure building between your core reached a tipping point. You don't even know how many strokes she'd taken - not many at all - when your cries and whimpers got caught in your throat, mouth drawn into a silent 'o' as your hips began to jerk against her as the tension deep inside of you burst. Your sounds eventually caught up with you as several seconds later you finally mustered a cry as you were already well soaking her face.
She stayed with you the whole time, continuing to help you ride out your orgasm and slowing her motions as you gradually came down.
As you fell back into the bed, your limbs and entire body felt so heavy. It's not like you two had been at it for all that long, but you felt so spent. Even as she began to tenderly kiss her way up your body, you couldn't muster up the energy to caress or hold her. You couldn't even open your eyes.
"You are so incredibly beautiful," she whispered into your ear as she settled herself against you and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close.
You still couldn't make a noise or embrace her, you simply let her pull you against her.
"You're incredible. And that was so amazing. I-," she paused. "You're so sexy. All of that is going to be engrained in my mind for a long, long time."
You let your head fall to the side and against hers. She chuckled and kissed your forehead and you became aware of how she was gently thumbing your shoulder as she held you.
"Fuck," you eventually said. You heard her hold back a laugh and you finally opened your eyes to look at her. Her eyes were bright and shimmering as she looked down at you. A lazy, crooked smile crossed your lips as you reached up and pushed her face away playfully. "You are way too pleased with yourself right now," you laughed.
"I'm not!" She protested though she laughed. "I'm just- I'm really happy," she eventually said.
"Yeah?" You chuckled as you pulled her closer and she gladly obliged. You tucked your head under her chin. "Well that makes two of us," you laughed and she kissed the top of your head. You sighed contentedly. "Well now I know what all the fuss is about."
Your eyes opened as you felt her stiffen slightly. She shifted, clearing her throat quietly.
"Hey," was all she said, probably meant to be teasing or warning, but sounding sad instead.
You pulled back to look at her. It was true, the bright, warm smile she'd worn was now faint as she looked back at you. You kissed her softly.
"I'm sorry. I thought it was a funny joke. Not appropriate," you said.
"I just want it to be about us," she said quietly as her gaze fell as she drew small, distracted designs on your collarbone with her finger.
"I know," you agreed in the same tone as you placed a hand on hers and caressed the back of it with your thumb. She kissed your cheek. "Me too. I just - you're good. Extraordinarily good. And, well, the fact fleeting crosses my mind that, you know, how do you get so good? Well, practice makes perfect. So..."
Jessie huffed inaudibly, but you felt the air tickle your skin.
"I know we talked about this," you rushed on. "And I'm not upset. Honestly." You chuckled, hoping to lighten things. "I mean, I'm reaping the benefits here." She cracked a faint smirk, but not exactly what you hoped to see. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
"It's okay," she relented as she kissed your cheek once more with a soft sigh. "Just as long as you know you're the only one I want."
You nodded, but she must not have been convinced because she carried on.
"Because, if it was anyone else, I would've been down the stairs and out of the building by now. And," she punctuated, "-not that I should say anything- but, I typically don't get undressed. I'm not looking for intimacy or anything like that. But, I want that with you."
You held a hand up to her cheek and ran your thumb softly against her cheekbone.
"And? Do you have that with me?"
She nodded, leaning her head into your palm.
"Yeah. And it's," she trailed off, her gaze falling briefly as she smirked at herself. She looked up at you again. "It's really great."
You held her gaze and inhaled. Your head was swimming with all sorts of thoughts and feelings. A particular set of words sat on the tip of your tongue. She must've noticed.
"What?" She asked with a tender smile. You considered dismissing it, but instead you just gave a gentle shake of your head.
"I'm falling very hard for you, Jessie Fleming."
Her eyes lit up and you watched as she searched yours. In this moment, this woman who was all charm and confidence looked exceedingly vulnerable.
"That's not funny to joke about," she eventually said with a forced smirk and a single, faint laugh.
"Who says I'm joking?" You asked with a soft laugh.
Realization settled in her and she shifted so she was slightly more on top of you.
"Don't joke," she repeated. You held her gaze, laughing quietly again.
"I'm not."
She rolled you fully onto your back again so she was on top of you. Her knee nudged your legs apart and it any other reality you would've been embarrassed at how your core immediately throbbed.
She looked down at you, eyes different than any way you'd seen them before. Darker somehow. But it didn't scare you. It made you want her more.
"You're everything I wanted," she said. "And I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since that first day in class." She subtly began to rock against you and your hands began to wander along her back.
"Everybody told me what this was supposed to feel like, but it just never clicked for me before. At all. But," she took a short, stuttered breath as she continued to grind against you and her hand began to travel down your torso. "You have me. You're on my mind all the time. Any time I'm away from you, I'm just reliving past conversations and moment or dreaming up new ones."
She shook her head in mild disbelief. "I've never felt this way," she said as her hand settled between your legs. You were certain there was no way she couldn't feel the heat radiating off of you. And somehow, with every declaration from her you grew wetter and wetter.
"Me neither," you told her. She smiled and ran two fingers through your folds to then tease your entrance - immediately confirming how wet you were - her eyes lit up and her smile turned into a grin.
"You are so gorgeous. And so fucking amazing," she told you in reverie.
Your exhale was unsteady as your center throbbed in want. "Jess," you said; panted even. "I need you."
A sharp gasp escaped you as she slowly sunk two fingers inside of you. Your fingers dug into her skin at how amazing it felt to be filled up by her again. When you opened your eyes once more she was still watching you intently.
"You feel so fucking good," she said, a smirk tugging at her lips. "Mm," she glanced down, slowly drawing her fingers out until they rest at your entrance before pushing in again more swiftly. "So fucking tight."
"Jesus Christ," you said as your hands came to her arms and you clutched them while your head rolled back into the pillow.
"I want you cumming all over my fingers," she told you with quiet assuredness. "Not just tonight. Any and every fucking night you'll let me," she said as she tucked her head down and began to kiss your neck, drawing a shuddering whimper out of you.
"Oh Jess," you moaned as your hips ground into her waiting hand. A shiver ran through you as she breathed against your neck and nipped at you.
"My name sounds so good coming out of your mouth," she praised.
If you had any kind of witty quip, it was immediately extinguished as she began to pump fully and steadily in and out of your hot, wet tunnel. A heady moan worked its way up your throat as she curled her fingers inside of you like earlier, each stroke sending a pulse through you.
You wrapped your legs around her and she began to thrust into you, using her hips to push her fingers deeper and harder into you.
"You look so good underneath me. You're so beautiful," she said as she continued to fuck you and it wasn't long until you could feel your wetness dripping down you and onto the sheets.
You were never overly vocal in bed, especially given the dorm situation and neighbours. But the way her thumb teased your clit and the way her fingers filled you with each stroke, your voice resounded off of the walls of your dorm.
Soon you could feel your core tightening much as it did earlier. You clenched around her fingers as she panted above you. You didn't need to tell her you were close; she fucked you steadily, carrying you over the threshold. Your whole body stiffened, fingers digging sharply into her skin as she groaned in response as you began to convulse around her fingers.
"God, you are so gorgeous cumming in my arms like this," she declared as she continued to pump in and out of you, slowing only when you began to grow slack in her embrace.
"Holy fuck," you eventually panted. She was laying slow, tender kisses along your shoulder as she waited you out.
"Your roommate's not coming back tonight, is she?" She asked.
"No," you said and she cracked a salacious grin.
"Good."
-------
The next morning you awoke. You inadvertently groaned as you shifted. Your body was exhausted. The memories of last night flooded your mind and you glanced over only to see the space next to you unoccupied.
You sat up immediately and your eyes scanned the room for any evidence of Jessie. Her shoes were gone, her clothes. You sat up further as your heart began to thump loudly in your chest and confusion settled over you.
You shook your head with a frown. No. This didn't make sense. Not after everything.
You reached over to grab your phone. As you did, you spied a sticky note on your bedside table.
"I'm a morning person. What can I say! I'm getting us coffee and croissants. I'll be back soon. - J"
The lump in your throat immediately subsided and you released a breath you hadn't known you were holding. You opened your phone to see a text from her as well.
"Just in case you missed the note. I'm getting coffee and croissants. Be back soon, Beautiful."
You laid back on the bed, pulling the sheets up with you and letting out another sigh as your body relaxed once more.
Okay. This made much more sense. It wasn't all a lie.
A short while later you heard the door handle turn and the door was tentatively pushed open a crack. You found yourself smiling immediately as she tip-toed in, her straightening and smiling fully when she saw you were awake.
"Good morning," she greeted as she approached with said coffee and baked goods in hand.
"You're lucky, Fleming," you teased as you rolled onto your side as she set everything down. "I was about to lose it until I saw your note."
Jessie gave you a teasing look as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She spoke, unbothered, "Waking up next to a beautiful woman who I think is amazing? Yeah, I am lucky."
You chuckled as she kissed your forehead. "Well, I didn't get that luxury. Just a cold and lonely bed," you teased.
"I get antsy once I'm up. I didn't want to wake you," she explained. You pulled her in for a kiss.
"Fine. I forgive you."
Jessie smiled, returning your kiss. "Thank you. And, mmm, morning breath."
"Oh my God," you gasped, mortified as you swatted at her, only causing her to laugh. She leaned back in, pushing you down onto the bed with a kiss.
"Hey, I don't mind. I want you, morning breath and all," she chuckled.
"You better," you grumbled good-naturedly as she continued to kiss you. Her hand began to wander and you knew very well what she'd find.
"Mm, and it seems like you want me, too," she grinned. You chuckled, but rolled your hips into her hand.
"Coffee's not the only way to wake me up."
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Coming back to Ghoulcy after a long break. Upon rewatching the show again, I honestly feel more strongly than ever that there's gonna be some canon Ghoulcy in the show at some point...
But I wanna clarify what I mean by that...
If that happens, obviously that's gonna create a bit of a love triangle between Lucy, Max and The Ghoul. And honestly, the triangle's probably gonna end up being pretty one-sided. Like I can't say whether I think Lucy will develop feelings for Cooper. But I definitely think its setting it up for Cooper to start having feelings for Lucy. And I think Lucy and Cooper might bang, just because Lucy is one horny lady with not a squeamish bone in her body lol.
Of course, that would definitely complicate things between her and Max even more than they already are. (You know, her dad being the one who blew up Max's home, the fact she offered to have him live in the vault with her but probably won't want to return after what she's learned, Max now being a knight, etc.) And who knows whether they will find each other and end up being together in the end, but...
Whatever the case, I don't think there's going to be a happily ever after for anybody. Not for Lucy and Max and definitely not for Lucy and Cooper. But it's certainly an opportunity for a lot of interesting drama and frankly, as someone who's been playing the Fallout games for 10+ years, I'd honestly be kinda disappointed if there wasn't some kind of human/ghoul relations going on. I mean, it's no more weird or ridiculous than any other absurd piece of lore in the Fallout universe. It's absolutely on brand 100%.
And if you think they won't do it just because they're worried about what people think... I would argue, they incinerated puppies in the beginning of the second episode... I don't think the show gives a shit about how anybody feels lol. The people making it are obviously passionate about the games and being true to the universe they're expanding upon. They've already fully embraced the dark and quirky elements and tone of the games. And they seem pretty cool with the Ghoulcy shippers too haha. So no, I don't think it's delulu to think there might be at least a little somethin' somethin' happening between Lucy and Cooper. Even if it's Cooper just pining hopelessly over her. Obviously, I could be very wrong. But I don't think I am. We'll see what happens, though. I'm sure I will still love the show even if it doesn't, but damn it would be fucking rad if it did lol.
#ghoulcy#cooper howard#lucy maclean#the ghoul#fallout#fallout show#vaultghoul#lucy x the ghoul#ghouly-boi#my posts
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Hi, so, I'm not a LoL fans (played Dota 2 instead) and while I watched Arcane, I wouldn't call myself a fan of it.
However, I need Leblanc's hair care routine because WHAT THE SHIT?? That's the smoothest and straightest bob I've seen in my entire life. I want it. I want her hair.
(Also her old design is like... objectively mid. Not bad, just mid. Not even because of her clothes, it's her fucking "blue hair and pronouns" hairstyle)
But, overall, her and Mel are lowkey making me interested in LoL. What I'm trying to say is, is there anything else you could tell me about Leblanc other than "she is scary" and "she is everywhere"? Some kind of fun out-of-context trivia perhaps? Really, anything, she caught my attention, lmao.
The "L" in LeBlanc means just that. She just LOVES gathering Ls and pretends it is all within parameters and her plans are totally not derailed by whatever setback she has produced once again. A year ago or so an artist (u/kimjdav) put it all into one thing:
LeBlanc and the Black Rose have, going from top to bottom in this image:
accidentially set off a chain of events that led to the ressurection of Azir and Shurima, the largest geopolitical rival to Noxus
created Briar (gone rogue)
tried to weaponize Annie (gone rogue)
tried to weaponize Rell (gone rogue WITH A VENGEANCE)
tried to have Swain killed (failed - he proceeded to take power in Noxus with the agenda of wiping out the Black Rose)
Gave an experimental super-weapon to a gifted young soldier (Riven) who then, guess what, WENT ROGUE
Mel (Not depicted, Relationship Status: complicated)
LeBlanc alone is responsible for 90% of all of the internal threats to Noxus that can be linked to powerful individuals.
She is one ancient (~1400 years) girl-failure who just stumbles from one rake she just stepped on to the next and who's only answer to this is to double down and raise the stakes by introducing yet another highly dangerous and volatile element to her plans because THIS TIME IT WILL DEFINETLY WORK!
She is so desperate and just everything goes wrong and she just keeps making it all even worse because that is just how much Mordekaiser potentially returning scares her.
#league of legends#leblanc#never thought I'd become the lore-answer-giver for 40k blogs about lol usually it was the other way around lmao
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Reading the Iliad, Book 10 thoughts
This is my first time ever reading it and I know next to nothing abt greek mythology so if I interpret anything wrong by all means pls correct me
Im reading the Robert Fagles translation
This book is short but does not lack in the entertainment department
Agamemnon can't sleep bc how can he with the war going the way it is?
So he goes out to find Nestor but as he's doing that he runs into his brother Menelaus who also cannot sleep and is doing the same thing Agamemnon is abt to do
Menelaus pitches the idea that they should send someone to spy on the Trojans. However, he's almost sure that no one is going to want to do this job bc its super dangerous
Agamemnon agrees bc the very thought of Hector is making him sweat hard asf
So they split up to gather a council. Agamemnon says he'll get Nestor and tells Menelaus to grab Ajax (Greater), Idomeneus, Meriones, and Nestor's son.
I don't think they say the name of Nestor's son in book 10 or maybe they said it in an earlier book bc I don't know who tf Nestor's son is lol
But Menelaus asks "Um where tf am I supposed to meet you after I'm done??" I really like how NO ONE clears anything up unless asked too
They decide to meet back at Agamemnon's tent
Agamemnon ends up scaring the shit out of Nestor when he enters his tent.
Nestor's like 80 you can't be scaring him like that😭
Nestor suggests they grab Dio, Ody, Ajax (Lesser), and Phyleus for this meeting too
Then Nestor starts shit-talking Menelaus out of nowhere???? LMAO😭😭
"Ur brother's so fucking lazy lol, we still need to get Ajax and Idomeneus but they're on the other side of camp." -Nestor
Why is he acting like Menelaus hasn't been pulling his weight this WHOLE time? Hello?
Then Agamemnon says "You're right as always buuut Meneluas is doing that very thing as we speak so..."
Menelaus catching strays this book ig
Odysseus gets super pissy at Nestor for waking him up so I'm going to assume he's one of those ppl who are just in a bad mood after being woken up. He doesn't seem to be a morning person at all
Nestor shouts at Diomedes to "WAKE UP." A complete 180 from how he woke up Odysseus btw
"Why are u yelling at me?" - Diomedes
After everyone is rounded up in Agamemnon's tent Nestor presents their plan in a way that really told me a lot abt his character
He's like "Hmmmm I wonder who would be willing to spy on the Trojans for us? It has its risks ofc but think of the glory he'd receive upon his return, all the gifts? All the men will ask him to their feasts" (it's a feast not the fucking prom💀)
I really like the way Nestor says it. I can just imagine having been a young man himself at one point he knows how to play into the egos of the men around him
Diomedes is the first to jump at this opportunity
But Dio says he needs a partner and everyone stands up to volunteer
But he picks Ody
Jump to the Trojan camp: Guess who had the same plan as Menelaus? Hector, they have like, the exact same plan.
Dolon who is just some ugly guy decides he'll be the Trojan spy
Both teams of spies run into each other
And Dolon starts running for his life
Diomedes and Odysseus end up catching this guy and he automatically starts crying
Ody asks him a whole bunch of questions abt their camp
Dolon is the world's worst spy bc he tells them everything and by the end he asks "You guys are going to spare my life now, right?"
And Diomedes just goes "Nah.♥️" and CUT THIS MANS HEAD CLEAN OFF
They loot his body and give the armor to Athena
Anyways they get to the Thracians who are currently asleep and Ody and Dio see that the Thracians have some nice ass horses
Diomedes kills 13 of them while they sleep, one was a king.
Once it's time to go Athena has to come down and tell Diomedes that it is time to stop and go home. (they take to horses)
Apollo watches this whole mission happen and wakes up the Trojans
Dio and Ody make it back to camp, Nestor asks where those nice ass horses and that's the end of the book
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POV: You're a tavern owner who just turned away a raccoon and an owl
#siggy draws#quynh#nicolo di genova#the old guard#WE'RE SO BACK BABY#for like. a minute. because drawing has been really difficult lol#quynh is the one with the money and language knowledge. nicolo is just there to look vaguely threatening#tavern owner: i'm sorry buuuut... we don't accept just anyone off the street. where are your papers?#quynh: oh bet *pulls out middle finger*#i just adore these two so much. completely forgot to give them weapons and also nicky is missing a beard#OR maybe they didn't come with their weapons because they wanted to look as innocent as possible#and maybe nicky's going through a clean-shaven phase#something's wrong with quynh's face even though i re-drew it and flipped the canvas and everything. idfk.#she's my sassy lady and i love her to death#it's grey as FUCK out and raining today so here we are
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Hmmm... very interesting to me that Taylor Swift is trending rn and yet for some reason no one in that tag is complaining that her trending is taking away from what's going on in Palestine and what's happening in Rafah. And yet for some reason, people couldn't seem to shut up in the Kendrick Lamar tag when he was trending about how the whole beef was just two celebrities beef (it's much deeper than that) and were making up theories abt how the whole thing was taking attention away from Palestine and everyone talking about it should feel ashamed of themselves (every single account I saw in that tag was posting about Palestine too).
And the thing that's really getting me is that Taylor is trending bc of a change to the Eras tour. An objectively unimportant change to make, especially when compared to what's going on in Rafah. But that's not what gets hate, no, it's the predator getting called out in an industry known for exploitation by one of the biggest artists in said industry. The racism isn't even implicit atp...
Edit: ok so just to clarify no this wasn't meant to insinuate that Taylor trending was some setup of Israel (that's just... like objectively wrong lmao), it was to point out that when it comes to a black artist in hip hop (a predominantly non-white genre) people wouldn't let fans of said genre just enjoy the music and shenanigans happening in that genre and that's it's hypocritical to act like people can't care abt two things at once, but they can enjoy their white "feminist icon" pop star (a much whiter genre) without anyone bringing hate into that tag. like i put in the tags, the anti taylor tag is for filtering bc i honestly don't see this post as particularly negative for taylor swift, it's a critique of the fans. and i'm calling out swifties particularly bc the ones who were saying that the beef was manufactured to take eyes off of rafah were swifties, and the ones being racist in the kendrick tag were swifties. i'm not exaggerating like almost every hate post i saw mentioning the beef being manufactured was a swiftie account. it is weird to act like people caring about very serious allegations happening in a genre of music isn't reason enough to make a big deal of the situation and go INTO THE TAG and complain, but it is especially hypocritical and frankly quite infuriating to see the same people who complained about a big deal of a situation being a "distraction" from gaza and then blog abt taylor swift . it's fine if u want to blog abt music u like, honestly idc abt that, if that's all u do then this legit isn't targeted at u, this is targeted at the swifties who came into the kendrick tag to complain and then went back to talking abt swift two seconds later like they weren't doing the same thing they were complaining abt two minutes before. (sry for the long explanation, but i just don't want ppl taking my words out of context and i rlly tried to word this all clearly, but idk man sometimes u think u word something well and then nobody undrestands wtf u were on abt so i wanted to make sure it was clear) also, if you're a zionist or israel supporter, i will be blocking u if u interact with this post. ok ty bye bye
#ok so i am white and i'm a little hesitant to post this bc i've been trying not to overstep throughout this whole beef#so if anyone thinks this post is doing that please just let me know and i'll take it down#i just haven't seen anyone talk about this#and it's bothering me especially bc when kendrick was trending i kept seeing swifties being racist in the tag#so the audacity of them to complain when kendrick was trending and yet go back to praising their “mother”#it rlly rubs me the wrong way#like how much audacity do you have to have... really.#kendrick lamar#drake#taylor swift#anti taylor swift#<- that last one is just for filtering#and bc i just... don't like taylor swift lol#also the racism hasn't been implicit in the kendrick tag for a while#but yknow that was more for The Point to get across lol#and if anyone thinks this is whining for no reason i have a literal google doc that i had to start of posts complaining in the kendrick tag#bc ppl genuinely were not shutting the fuck up in that tag
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Hi, how did you learn to draw Steve's physique?
Ohh what a complicated thing to answer...
When it comes to how I learned to draw anything, it's hard to say anything too specific since it's always a culmination of many years of assorted study and practice... but I can try to do my best to explain some of the biggest things that helped me learn, some tips I keep in mind, and maybe at least some places to start/delve further.
(just a little disclaimer it's not like my drawings here are going to be 100% medically accurate.. they're just to illustrate concepts!)
The main thing about learning various physiques is understanding anatomy. Which feels obvious, but I don't mean proportions; these are important, but perhaps more important is understanding the skeleton and how it moves and learning where muscles connect to bones and where fat grows on the body. When you understand how these function on a more mechanical level, depicting form and movement in a way that feels natural comes in tow.
For instance, understanding things like the pronation and supination of the radius and ulna, as well as the fact that muscles can ONLY contract or relax, will help you understand a bit better which muscles will be flexed and which will not while someone moves. It's inherent to the positioning based on the structural makeup of the body... It's not like you NEED to memorize all the muscles and bones, of course, but understanding and gaining at least a passive familiarity with the concepts really helps.
In tandem with this concept is the way parts of the body flow into eachother. Muscles ALWAYS come in groups because they can only contract. Whatever muscle is there to lift something, there is a muscle on the other side to pull that bone back down. What this results in is a series of straight edges next to curves, which gives us a lot of really lovely "s curves" and dents and folds and so on and so forth just naturally occurring.
I would suggest at least learning the "bony landmarks", which are bones (usually) visible on the surface of the body. things like the iliac crest, the great trochanter, the 7th vertabrae, the acromion process... These can be used to help you understand the parts of the body as angles and relationships, rather than trying to remember lengths and sizes, which vary immensely... (since you asked about steve, he can be our model... also study these on your own don't just take my word for it haha, these are the ones I personally keep in mind)
I've done the same thing with body hair... learning where it grows and in which directions... It helps me make up variations without needing reference, because I have a set of rules I can follow.
The biggest thing that helped me understand all this on a much deeper level was my ecorche course. I sculpted this guy. We started by sculpting the entire skeleton to understand the bones, and then we added muscles on top. Not every single muscle, of course, but the "artistic muscles" AKA the ones which directly affect the surface of the body. Doing this let us see where muscles connect, because we would make a shape, put it on the bone where it actually goes, and then you get to see how other muscles overlap that.
This helped me, perhaps, more than anything else. But I also didn't just start with this course, I had been drawing for years before I even took it. I had been in school for years before I took it. Not that I think it wouldn't be helpful to someone just starting out, but I do think that the more you know going in, the better an in-depth course like this will help you and stick with you. Classes are also expensive, though so I'm not really like... recommending you pay potentially thousands of dollars to take one... But it did help me a lot, personally.
I also, of course, have done many figure, gesture, and master studies...
These just help you quickly gain a stronger understanding of generalized anatomy, and gives you real life examples of and practice with of how people move and balance.
What all this does when combined, is gives me a very solid ability to depict movement and form in a way that feels relatively natural from my subconscious without the need for reference.
The rest of how I've learned to draw his physique is honestly mostly just stylization. I understand the body, and this is how I am depicting it for his level of musculature.
And as I move into depicting him in other ways, either moving in comics or in animation, realistically rendered, or extra stylized, these concepts inform every step of that process for me! When he keeps the same/similar relationships between parts, he gets to still look like himself.
It ALSO really helps when putting clothes on, because the way cloth falls and bunches and lifts is all directly related to the form it is on... So the more you understand that form, the more you can depict clothing and movement in a way that feels natural.
This is all, of course, true when I draw anyone, you asked about Steve so I'm trying to mostly show with him! But because I'm just drawing from raw information of general anatomy rather than trying to study one body type at a time, it allows a lot more "give," I think!
Like, here's most of the cast from TTA so far... actually, they're not as varied as I thought they were nevermind LMAO ignore this part
But, it also makes monster and alien design much easier! It's a lot easier to come up with non-human anatomy when I understand human anatomy, because I can manipulate the knowledge I have...
There is infinite more to study in the world of anatomy... The complexity of the human body goes extremely deep. For our purposes as artists, we need only depict a fraction of it, but more information rarely hurts the process.
I'm sure there's something in here that's wrong on a technical level, I'm mostly going off of memory. But that's kind of my point - I understand enough generally and conceptually that when I am missing something and need to find reference for it, I understand what I'm looking at. It's much easier than trying to learn AND draw at the same time.
I hope even one thing in here helped you! Sorry it's so long.
#asks#somewhereinasgard#anatomy#art tips#anatomy tips#don't like... take my word as gospel OF COURSE#I am sure there's like one thing or more in here that's like. genuinely wrong#but whatever#anyways. I love steve LMFAO#I was thinking about zagan a lot too in this one tbh LMAOOOO cause he's got a similar body type#and when I just did that action animation of him#and people were like how the fuck did you do this so fast#I sort of have been realizing all this knowledge I have about anatomy#and how much easier it makes my life pretty much every single step of the way.#those action poses did not need reference.#I almost never need reference for drawing people#unless its like... realism. but I mean in my comics or animations#when the arm is coming towards the camera I know what's going on in the arm and what the form of it ACTUALLY is so I can properly draw it#there's no guesswork. I know what I'm doing.#which makes it so that when I'm depicting someone like flipping all around or whatever#I just know what the body looks like. how it moves. how it balances. etc.#I would say it comes naturally to me but it doesnt.#it is subconscious at this point#but it is very extremely studied#not a damn bit of this came out of nowhere LOL#ok anyways this was a really fun ask#I got extremely carried away I am so sorry#this is like my biggest artistic passion I LOVE anatomy SO much#I love drawing muscles#I love the technical feelings that happens in my brain when I draw an arm moving and figure out how the muscles are engaged
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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reading a post s7 fic and it's got me thinking... like, y'know, maybe the reason wil and xand struggle with their partners is because no one really comes above buffy. they're part of the slayer's arsenal, her best weapons, her biggest supports. and why buffy has such people troubles in general is because she will always always save wil and xand before anybody else. cause it's them three against the world
#in parentheses with a little asterisk ofc this is excluding dawn but do you understand me#they're trauma bonded u can't separate them :(#it'd probably be better for them honestly but also it's CRUEL#I'm just throwing this out there bc I'm thinking about the three of them again#like I don't think it's accurate but I don't feel like I'm entirely wrong either#will has an easier time putting her partners above buffy but like. idk man. she brought the bitch back from the dead#that was pretty big#and we all know how xander deals with buffy vs his girlfriends#buffy can't make friends to save her life out here and it's probably cause they know the scooby gang is fucking impenetrable#like oh yeah you really think ur coming between them? lol. lmao. rofl even#and okay buffy knows they can handle themselves. but be fr#if one of them was actually struggling do you not think she would drop everything to help them?#I am NEVER going to be able to properly articulate my feelings on three I just. they're so important to me. so important#I am still devastated to find they do not have an official ship name. someone. please#buffy x willow x xander#buffy summers#willow rosenberg#xander harris#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer
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Me, episode 1: Oh, a relatable protag! And a relatable female protag, at that. Sweet! That never happens.
Me, a few episodes in: Wait, the protag really is going to be my character? The one I identify with the most? Seriously? It's not going to be a strange, at least somewhat sinister, seemingly hostile male side character? It's gonna be a female character and the protagonist? That's insane, that literally never happens... what's the catch??
Me, more than halfway through the season: ... huh, I guess Maomao really is it. Okay, then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Me to myself, after episodes 22/23:
#i let my guard down#i should have known#like really i should know better by now lmao#that's probably the best depiction of prosopagnosia i've seen in fiction ngl#also luo//men's suggestion re: using other attributes to tell people apart??#A++ approach what a guy#mine isn't nearly as severe but i totally use footsteps/gait/mannerisms as my primary means of distinguishing people#the very few people i care about i can definitely recognize by facial features#and people i see frequently; though i do have trouble recognizing them if they appear in a context i'm not used to#like. if i were to see one of my sword classmates at my workplace for instance i would have trouble recognizing them#but anyone else? forget it#the most difficult part of working veterinary front desk was returning animals to their owners#bc even though i could have /just/ spoken with the owners like. ten minutes ago#i couldn't tell you which animal belonged to which owner#faces just don't register with me#dogs were easier in that i'd just let them lead me to their owners#but if it was a cat in a carrier i was fucked lmaooo#it's why if there was another receptionist working i'd let them handle any hand offs XDD#i don't remember most of my childhood but i have some very vivid impressions of moments like#my mother asking me to go give a cash tip to the hairdresser who did her hair and me being unable to pick who it was out#of everyone that was working even though i'd been there with them for two plus hours.#or like. taking the school bus home and being unable to recognize my bus monitor and so getting on the wrong bus#and also getting ridiculed about this by my parents lol. ah good times.#on the other hand i can easily recognize a dog i've met once or twice even years later. and remember their name.#i think it all mostly comes down to disinterest for me. i've tried to change this but it's just how i am#so. he's very relatable. painfully so#also the pragmatism and rationality and hyperfixating on things.#i've never hyperfixated on another person tho and i am so grateful for that every single day#i know in my bones it would be an absolute disaster XD#withoutwords
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draw ONE short and fat character from a piece of media as a skinny miss thing and I'm side eyeing. do it to TWO and I know you're just a bitch
#dude sorry i saw art from some artist of a fuckin DISCONCERTING sans like he was all leg and super thin??#and i was like “oh this is wrong and upsetting” and it was so obviously intentional#and i went to their blog to see if maybeeee it was a one time thingggg#and i saw they'd drawn alphys the SAME way like skinny and with a lot of leg#and the art wasn't BAD it was pretty good so i was like ohhhhh okay#no its okay i get what's happening here. i see what you're doing. BITCH#like guys if you can't bring urself to draw sans fat you shouldn't get sans privileges sorry BUT YOU DONT DESERVE HIM#obviously the same for alphys and as she is a lil short chubby woman i'm like ohhhh so ur like a BITCH bitch okay#i know people like to whine about “ohhhh let artists draw things the way they want to wahhh” but consider... shut up <3#i didn't say shit to em and now i'm here in my FAT FUCKIN SPACE FOR MY FAT SLOB ASS hating on them#but fr you lose me w skinny sans and alphys like guys did we play the same fucking games lol#baffling bc they have SO many skinny characters to choose from but they go outta their way to remove the fatness from the fat ones#like hmmm how curious you would do that... its almost like you.... like you don't like it when.... no i shan't say it
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Something I've seen a couple people saying is that they want to make sure that Laudna understands that she's not the only one who has been through trauma. But like. Laudna is not the only one who needs to learn that lesson. Actually, it's not even that Laudna needs to learn that she's not the only one that's been through trauma at all, because they're all very aware of what they've all been through. This became an inevitable confrontation when Laudna decided to let Delilah back in, though, and after rewatching the scene, I actually think the only people who managed this situation correctly were Imogen* and Ashton.
Orym and Laudna are both more focused on their own pasts with the sword and not thinking about each other. Orym should have talked to the group and come to a decision with them about using the sword and Laudna should have talked to him about it instead of trying to steal it.
*my feelings about this are still up in the air don't read into this too much
#our faves aren't exempt from having to learn these lessons and orym has also not learned this lesson i'm sorry but it's true#ashton and chet are the only ones who have even tried to deal with their personal shit in a semi-productive way tbh#i could elaborate on the imogen handling this correctly but i'm not delving into interpreting that ship so i'm not going to lol#that's another post people wouldn't actually like and it's because i definitely don't mean this in the way you think i mean it#i'm not saying laudna was RIGHT#honestly i'm not getting my hopes up about how this going to be dealt with because i've done that before#and it hasn't panned out in a way that i enjoyed#so we'll see how this goes#also tbh orym walking in wielding that sword was a ballsy move to begin with#props to marisha for instigating tough rp over it#literally laudna going 'i was felled by this blade' and orym going 'so was i' LIKE SHE WASN'T PERMANENTLY DEAD THOUGH#for a long fucking time#and chet saying that orym's lost more like laudna didn't lose her entire family and her entire life lmao#if ANYONE in this group might be able to understand orym's loss it's HER#i know people are going to interpret this as me saying there's a right or wrong to this and i'm not saying that#people acting like one of them had more of a right to the sword than the other is bugging me though#although my vote would definitely be throw that thing in the lucidean ocean#(i mean really i'm like USE IT IT'S PROBABLY COOL) but like if i were IN the situation it would be to toss that thing so far away from me#cr spoilers
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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so was anyone going to tell me that tinned anchovy and some spices sizzled in olive oil makes the most delicious sauce you've ever tasted in your life or was I just going to have to have that semi-religious experience by myself
#how is that so GOOD!!! like alright so that's what people try to describe when they talk about umami huh haha#and it's also a little bit sweet somehow and quite honestly *chef's kiss*#for the first batch the other day I made it with the spices in the recipe (caraway and fennel seeds) plus the whole lemon juice + zest#and garlic that always goes in it feels like lol. which was also very good but I'm just not a fan of those spices especially whole#so today I made it with parsely thyme chili and cayenne instead and it fucking ROCKED!#please understand that I have eaten approximately the same meals for like five or more years now with very little change#I have no idea where this sudden urge to experiment with new foods came from but I'm having fun!#only had one 'meh no need to try that one again' experience so far which I think is impressive really#I am choosing things that are cheap and relatively easy to make so it's only so wrong it can go which probably helps a bit
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