#and i'm aware they are dreams too
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Idk what's gotten into my water but I be having wild dreams lately
#and i'm aware they are dreams too#i don't change anything about them#i don't think i could do that if i tried#but in my dream i say to myself 'oh wait#this dream is really wack'#or 'wait how tf am i here- fhis has to be a dream then. yeah this is a dream'#my most recent was i was dreaming about things and a favorite character of mine popped up#but it was just about when i was drearily coming to my irl senses#you know what i did?#i thought to myself mid dream#'hey this dream is about (character) let's not wake up yet'#AND I REMAINED ASLEEP#And had the dream with the character still in it#it was wild#and i remember these well too#one of them i was barefoot in my pj's on some hot cement and it felt hot#i knew it was impossible for me to be there as it was states away in the middle of the day by my family home#and i checked my phone (startling it was eveb present) and was like 'yeah ain't no way i got here in one day'#Because i was aware that it was Monday and yesterday was Sunday#in real life#and in the dream too#this has never happened to me before it's real strange
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That's the face he makes when he's feeling silly.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#I tried so hard to squeeze in the fact this bar boy was 100% down to take on wwx's surname.#Unfortunately for him...sitting at the table is a man who's biggest dream is to hyphenate his surname with that very same man#though as far as I'm aware taking on your husbands surname is culturally a very different process in this setting#but in modern times I think the surname thing would genuinely be a point of contention for these guys.#wwx of old would hate taking someone else's name. And wwx of 'i want to be an attic wife' future would want nothing less#lwj of 'we are equals and I want to represent that as much as our bond' would argue his point like a law case.#lwj of now has to sit at a table and see someone living his dream and he's too lawful of indiscriminate killing. But he's thinking about it#It's like the relationship between you & your laptop & your cat. lwj is the cat that is *going* to make you pay attention to him.#apologies for soft-skipping an upload yesterday. I had to redo a few comics and it set me back B*(
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Throwing another option of HMC dynamic you might have never thought about: Mari and Princess Valeria's friendship would be an unstoppable force of power unknown to making and to prevent this from happening the universe made them exist in different words.
#NO BUT LIKE THEY WOULD BE SUCH A GOOD CONTRASTING FRIENDS LMAO#Valeria would be “risky and sometimes says things too smart for her age” kind of a child#AND MARI IS LIKE THE SWEETEST CHILD YOU'VE EVER SEEN WHO ALSO CAN MAKE THE MOST HORRIBLE CHAOS WITHOUT BLINKING#Valeria knows like four languages by the age of six and Mari is like great!! I know Welsh!! I speak Welsh with uncle Howell btw he's like r#really really cool#Valeria is genuinely empresses because woah she would never be able to learn something from this language group#they also have to talk about their failure cringe uncles so the balance would be restored#Mari thinks uncle Howell is like way cooler than this super rich businessmen or whatever#Valeria thinks either she has to contradict them or not#they're not really arguing about it though#okay MAYBE a bit#Mari gives names to every and each of her stuffed toys and her fav's name is like Snuffles#Valeria dreams about having A REAL pony and she would call it mister Shinysparkles the Second#when Mari ask her where is The Firt whatever that long name is Valeria doesn't answer#also they weave bracelets and beads together#AND I'm aware there's like about three-two year age gap between that but looking at how Valeria's knowledge and skills progressed in CITA#that's not that big lmao#like they could get along#howl's moving castle#howl's moving castle book#hmc#howell jenkins#howl pendragon#princess valeria#mari parry
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Some. Sort of spectrum. From most likely to least likely.
And by kitten-pile I mean This
I'll put a transcript under cut for easier reading! 🫡
How Likely Are They to Kitten Pile?
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Mirabilis: "are you tired..? do you need a break...? ohh we could take one together..."
If she likes/trusts you even a little, she wants to cuddle about it!!!
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Sharena and Peony: "Okay! 💖 Yay! 💖"
Shari: The only thing stopping her is social conventions -- making her MORE likely to jump at the opportunity!
Peony: Learning social awareness as she goes, and is surprisingly good at it?
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Triandra: "Aren't we a bit old for that...? But... even so..."
Embarrassed, conflicted, but feels strangely nostalgic at the notion...
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Plumeria: "I'm not so petal-soft that I'd resort to such INDECENCY, I mean even if your intentions are Pure USE YOUR HEADS YOU FOOLS!! Girl, the IMPLICATIONS!!!"
Desperately wants to join the kitten-pile, but her Issues and Pride gets in the way.
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Moe: "aw, so cutes!"
Generally touch adverse, extremely picky even with the people it likes/loves -- everything is entirely on its terms.
#fire emblem#feh#STILL. DRAFTING. IT FEELS LIKE. concetualizing. ect.#but this vision was So Strong. and is honestly Such a way to parse each out.#like... mira craves warmth and comfort... i think she esp likes cuddling w peony bc it feels like a mother's touch#esp the discrepancy in body types i'm going w here. i really wanna draw them together actually...#meanwhile LONG. LONG STANDING HC. about sharena being v physically affectionate even touch starved#and having to learn boundaries the hard way. i also think a huge difference between her and peony actually#is that peony always had someone to cuddle with (mira!!). so peony never had to 'outgrow' it the way shari had to#which may have led to peony being a little more adjusted actually??? i also am v much playing w the idea#that peony is like min maxed. she's surprisingly socially aware/emotionally intelligent#BUT. she still has huge blind spots due to her seclusion and mostly only interacting w kid mortals (in the dream realm)#and i esp think she fails to see the complexity in situations. ect ect#triandra. boy do i have lore about triandra. but you can take a guess. i'll leave that up to you.#AND PLUMERIA. OH MY GOD PLUMERIA. i can just TELL she's going to be an EXTREMELY FUN chara to write#she basically writes herself. looking deeper beyond the obvious sex repulsion/intimacy issues#she's a stubborn jaded 'too cool for this' older sister. who is WAY more protective than she will Ever Admit.#LIKE... I AM THINKING ESP HOW SHE TREATED MIRA IN THAT TT SIDE STORY.#the way she was looking out for her. tri is absolutely plum's most trusted confidant and therefore#the person she's most vulnerable with. but even then. she's still protective of mira and i bet even peony if she had trouble#(granting. they're on the same side). AUGH AND ALSO THE WAY PLUM IS STUCK IN HER WAYS TOO....#I DON'T HAVE COHERENT THOUGHTS. but the way plumeria Is just resonates so deeply w me...#mirabilis#sharena#fe peony#fe triandra#fe plumeria#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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I haven't really done much art for tumblr (at all) lately, cus life, but! Here's a lil something I've been working on (it's a Xmas gift) 💙
(also peep that lil January calendar painting 👀 i did mini squares for each month for myself, because I need to have a physical one always, and they each have their own colour 🥺)
#sometimes i forget i'm a painter lol#this is just the base so i'll still add some cool stuff (colours and some gold leaf details hehe)#usually my thing is more flat/less busy painting (with more mixed media) but i've been digging this vibe lately#my art account is completely wiped cus i private everything earlier this year (same with personal)#but i wanna start posting again. not just old stuff but actually *make* something new everyday#like a little challenge i suppose#since i'm not currently working in my field and have being going through a bit of a rough adjustment period about ✨things✨#(plus the whole depresh spiraling)#i barely have been making any art at all that isn't just sketches/silly stuff#i miss painting. i miss making murals and working on an actual project etc#now that *some * things have been settled AND i finally have my own space i feel a lot more keen on working on it#i know i hardly ever talk about that part of my private life cus i do wanna keep it somewhat separate from here#but i guess i'm in a good mood and kinda ready to admit some stuff#??? that didn't make sense#i'm feeling hopeful for next year and have a semblance of a plan. That's what I meant there you go#i can already feel myself cringe cus everytime i share these type of things something ALWAYS bites my ankles#and that's why i hardly ever share anything at all with anyone ever until it actually is done or underway#which is! not good! i'm aware! but. ya know#ANYWAYS. rant over. look at the pretty colours and ignore my rambles#hmmmm my band crush guy (platonic) (guess who) (🕊️🥁) said my name and loved my super insightful question and i'll probably dream about it#(and the other really liked it too. MY BABE. it was kinda silly so very unexpected)#(okay i think this is buried deep enough to not make myself look like a 12 with a stupid crush) (hehehehehe)#darya does art#<- sure in the art tag it goes#blue#(it was a coincidence! i've never done anything exclusively blue before actually!) (in this capacity i mean)#traditional art#abstract painting
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RJC + Hairstyles || requested by: anonymous ;)
#robert james-collier#rob james-collier#robert james collier#rob james collier#mine#requests#okay listen i plan to do a part 2 of different character hairstyles too#because my brain doesn't like mixing interviews with roles 😂#the interviews that feature the floppy hair of his youth make for poor gifs so think i'll do more of that hair in pt 2 with roles#that emo hair is...A Look™#i'm aware some of these are really the same hairstyle just different lengths but i'm counting it#still want HQ footage of the cut from the most recent act on this#ain't gonna happen but i can dream
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Oh fuck me fuckme fuck me
#I'm going to start killing people#I need SLEEPY TYLENOL NOWWWWWWW#Mfer laying in bed for 8 hours full awake 🫠 eyes shut. Brain. ACTIVE#IM TRYING SO HARD TO SLEEP JUST BE UNCONSCIOUS#Too late now#Fuck me I have to be aware enough to not kill everybody in this vehicle#Mfing murder nightmare too what the fuck#Set the scene: YouTuber wedding#The man in charge of filming is an asshole to the minimum wage people working there#Like real mean. And one meek guy tries to tell the groom but the groom is kinda a dismissive asshole about it bc he's already paid the guy#So it's too late now. Meek guy keeps getting disrespected and storms out to the parking lot to just leave#Woman who has been witnessing this apparently is gonna kill on meek guys behalf. He does not want this#Woman gets into a fucked up death machine car and drives it into the groom#But not like. Runs him over. There's a fucking saw blade on the front that starts cutting through the bottom of his torso#He was screaming a lot. I'm not sure if he survived or not. But the atmosphere was not fun#Very muddy desaturated colors. Very wet and musty feeling. It was like almost a parking garage#I don't think I'll ever have a dream as scary as the um time-looping cannibal beach dream#But this was just the delightful cherry of not being able to sleep at fucking. ALL .#Literally cried I'm so distressed about not being able to control anything about myself rn#Hhhhh :(((#3rd night in a row I've slept like shit
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I should go on a week-long hike in scotland
#i've always wanted to do a hiking and camping trip#i know realistically i'm not nearly outdoorsy enough to do that but i feel like i should at least once in my life#i've only been camping a couple times but i know how to pitch a tent (lol) and i've always yearned to cook something over a lil camp grill#i've been too comfortable on my recent travels#when i was in new zealand i stayed mostly in hostels but at least i was lugging around my giant backpack and a tent#i really want to do a hike like that.... that's what the person i wanna be would do#honestly maybe i could do something like that next year. get the appropriate gear until then and pick out a route#i am fully aware that i would 100% suffer on a trip like that but it's so cool i wanna look at stuff and walk all day#dream vacation lmao#rayrambles
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a bit from a fic im working on ^^ takes place during the divorce arc in new friends old enemies
Steam wafts up from the stew— a joint effort. Dream caught, Punz cooked. The aroma makes his mouth water, but Dream eats in slow, measured bites. Deliberately pacing himself. The rabbit is tender and well seasoned, if a bit gamey. The broth's flavor heavy on his tongue.
Next to him, Punz doesn't say a word.
He knows eating, eating for pleasure instead of just base survival especially, is a tense experience for Dream. The stew is rich in flavor and labor intensive to cook. Not the most efficient food, but before the- before, with Sapnap and George and a house surrounded by a lake, Dream had enjoyed this food the most. Then, Dream had time to spare. Days to waste lazing in a kitchen or hunting through a field. Time is the one thing he doesn't have now.
Well. One of the things.
This whole affair is an exercise, smaller than some of the others, but with that- easier to do. Readjust to eating food again. Real food again. Dream can't afford to keep being thrown off by the bloated feeling in his stomach. Being more comfortable craving. It's a hindrance. He needs to get over this.
In the silence, he can hear himself chew. Dream wishes Punz would say something, honestly, but Dream knows he doesn't want to add any more pressure. He doesn't, but he does. Punz's eyes bore into him as he watches the spoon pass Dream's lips with an eagle's eye. Calorie counting for him.
He's watching him eat the food. Making sure he's finished it.
This stew is a waste. He eats the stew. He avoids the potatoes. Teeth tear a bit of the meat apart. And for a second, he tastes iron.
He eats the stew.
Foolish always talkswhen they eat together, filling up the empty spaces with something warmer than whatever meal they're sharing. Foolish isn't here right now, by design. Dream orchestrated that distance.
Dream can feel the food in his teeth, on his tongue and in his throat, in his stomach. Dream can feel Punz watching all of it.
He sets the spoon down. He walks away from an almost full bowl.
Punz's eyes track him as Dream moves from the table. He stays silent.
#root writes#c!dream#dreblr#c!droolish#Yeah that's right#new friends old enemies#food issues#trying to get across that it's specifically the act of being watched while eating that is triggering to cdream#and along with how he has to be so aware of the act of eating that's like#setting him off a bit#Worried that I'm either making it too obvious or not obvious enough hmm#also I rlly want to dive into how cpunz is low-key an enabler#and by low-key 😬
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thinking about the sasrh boys and the terror boys interacting is something that can be so personal
#sas rogue heroes#the terror#abbie talks#i feel like tozer and stirling would annoy the hell out of each other#but there'd be grudging respect there too#lewes and jopson = instant besties (maybe sadler as well)#paddy and crozier would have a lot of drinks and chats#plus you know paddy would see right through hickey in about five seconds and then thrash him#fraser and irving would bond over both being scottish and incredibly repressed#hodgson hanging out with the free french#dudley clarke and james fitzjames having crossdressing parties#plus you just know everyone would love tommy#yes i'm aware the two groups are 100 years apart but a girl can dream
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going to a Best of Floyd live performance soon, it'll be my first one - had a dream about it in advance, first half was weird dream stuff and then at the end they started playing Echoes and i. woke up crying. a few mins before my radio went off, as my brain learned to do. this is fine
#i'm normal about their music. have been for 10 years#i never cry in my sleep so i was really like ??????? while waking up. but also it's that time of the month and im tired#i was aware i was dreaming too so. very strange in a nice way#echoes is not even my favorite from them (still high up in my list though) (also blorbo from days long gone iykyk)#cool story pyro
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Last night i dreamt that the whole chat history between me and my most beloved ex-coworker had been deleted. Truly one of the most horrifying nightmares i've had in a while
#first thing i checked when i logged in this morning was our chat#i was so sad in my dream lmao#also the way his name is so far down i have to scroll to find him is truly upsetting#ahhhhh#today was the first tuesday without him#(tuesday is urology newsletter day and i always worked for him that day which meant lots of fun exchanges#today was my first time being responsible for the whole newsletter too. scary)#(also it's not like i couldn't just reply to him on whatsapp and maybe get a reply back so we can stay in touch#i just genuinely suck at staying in touch outside of work. like please just let me send messages‚ brain‚ I'm begging you#)#tomorrow is office day again and i gotta say I'm really not looking forward to it#(also i really don't want to take the train lol. i know that it's stupid but i still think of that sound and jolt of the impact yesterday#i'm aware the probability of this happening twice on the same route within such a short time is very low#but it's still unpleasant to imagine- maybe I'll just stay in the back of the train from now on lol#or at least until I've forgotten about it)#okay oversharing time is over and i shall go to bed now#void screams#(but seriously do they delete these accounts at some point or do people who left the company stay there as ghosts#with a permanent out of office note~ i hope they do.)
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how do i tell time that, literally all i need to make my current career dream come true, is for time to stand still and people to freeze for about 4 years, so i can complete an whole study in japanese languistics without any distractions and become a worthy translator who could actually translate literature???
#the fact that i'm even allowing myself to dream about this is mental#god forbid i get too insecure abt this again and i've got to tell my career coach we gotta start over again lol#also: by now i'm painfully aware that some things which are holding me back are related to autism and my adoption#this fuckin life has got me in a chokehold#personal
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I'll say it: "Oh all AI artists do is write a stupid description and immediately get an image with no effort, there's no art in that" is the new "Digital painting doesn't count as art because it takes no effort"
#Look I'm aware there're moral reasons to criticize AI art such as how corporations will use it#and the fact lots of models (not all however) use stolen content#But all you have to do is visit a forum dedicated to AI art to quickly realize it actually takes some effort to make quality images#And honestly from what I've seen those guys are often very respectful of traditional artists if not traditional artists themselves#Not a single bit of 'haha those idiots are working hard when they could simply use AI!' that Tumblr likes to strawman them as#Lots of 'So I did the base with AI and then painted over it manually in Photoshop' and 'I trained this model myself with my own drawings'#And I'm not saying there aren't some guys that are being assholes over it on Twitter#But when you go to an actual community dedicated to it. Honestly these guys are rather nice#I've seen some truly astounding projects#like there was this guy that was using people's scars to create maps of forests and mointains to sort of explore the theme of healing#And this one that took videos of his city and overlayed them with some solarpunk kind of thing#And this one that was doing a collection of dreams that was half AI amd half traditional painting#Anyway the point is you guys are being way too mean to a group of people that genuinely want to use the technology to create cool art#And while I'm aware there are issues related to its use#it's actually really fucked up you're attacking the individual artists instead of corporations???#It's as if you were attacking the chocolate guy over the systemic problems related to the chocolate industry!#And also tumblrs always like 'Oh AI is disgusting I hate AI art so I'll just hate in it without dealing with the issue'#While AI art forums often have posts with people discussing how go use it ethically when applied to commercial use!!#Honestly these guys are doing way more about tackling the issue than tumblr and you should feel bad!!!
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i'll read more from now on again
#🌙.rambles#so much to just think about n i'm lost in my own lil world#tmrrw gna have to face reality again bcs of school :c but. yk lately this year i think i've already developed lots#this past week has been especially formative.#i crave n yearn.. intimacy so much. i want to just be free like that. bcs i'm safe in my own self n. too much to say but#i think it's lonely. being out a lot today made me realize that. all these barriers in communication is so.. lonely#i want to read so much more for so many reasons but here with what i've already laid out the first reason i'll say is#i want to understand others better i want to even further expand my own thinking n just learn so much more#n then.. goddamn i want to write too. write so much so i could#it hurts. it hurts so much i feel like i know n think n feel more than i should n the wisdom is breaking me apart i don't know how to put it#into words. maybe that's why i've been afraid to start new things despite my insatiable curiosity n passion.#afraid of how it'll fill me with even more & i'm not sure how i'd manage. i feel as though i understand life differently than most..#most people around me at least. i see myself in musicians. artists. writers.#people who create once they've taken in much as well. people like me but.. it's been rather disturbing when i realize how most of them end#up like. n i wonder. i just wonder so much. n wish n dream that maybe i could end up differently.#i want so desperately to break out of the chains of reality of society of.. all those. idead that are taught to us n internalized ever since#we were born? i don't know how to write it and i don't think words could ever do it justice. but i want to truly be who i am at heart.#and yet being self-aware i suppose is confusing in such a bittersweet way. there's so much more that i do not know and cannot grasp#& then sometimes at the end of the day i just wonder n dream about if ever i would be more connected with reality. with this world.#regardless of how much one may put out to the world.. it'll never be understood or known in the same way as the one it originates from.#it's lonely. sad. but it makes what we can convey and relate with much more meaningful. n i'm so grateful for those things#n there's also just so much that relates to it n. yeah. is part of it like#the unconscious subconscious n conscious mind#for fuck's sake i want to learn so much it's overwhelming. psychoanalysis n neuroscience n#i want to learn more of others too. i want deep conversations. i want to read more books n listen to more music n just consume more n more#to learn more of the people who created them. everything around us is just so full of life n. it's so beautiful n so overwhelmingly painful.#my helplessness in doing more. i'm aware of why. n it just hurts. it hurts so much but i'm#glad at least that lately i've been more free. more myself. more self-aware n aware of the universe in general. n i look forward to#so much more. but.. yeah i still crave to be 'real' n part of this world in a more 'normal' way at times#i. have so much to write. but for now i'll return to reality with the this.. odd feeling in my chest. not enough too little too much. life
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Head in my hands, I'm doomed, this can't be going on for this long good grief. What the hell does my subconscious want to tell me. Hate the pms hormonal storm
#Guess who had a dream involving the redacted situation :))#basically we were out to eat (friend group outing. Sitting in front of each other because of course) and#1. It was them but it was not them. This person did not have their eyes but it was them I interacted w them w that awareness#2. It was the most confusing thing ever because it was like.#We interacted in the way I'm used to. But there was too much noise (I couldn't hear them. Nor others for that matter) so I had to lean#Across the table so naturally you get rather close. And at one point I got somehow frustrated by smt (I wanted to tie up my hair?#But it wouldn't come out as I wanted) so I just stood leaning there for a moment with my hair fallen in front of my face to talk (lol) and#they had? Rested their chin almost atop my head but like. You know when you actually rest your lips somehow against a person forehead?#That kinda thing. And of course I was not moving out of the position because it was very comforting 💀 only did so when I heard smt#from the others (it started the topic of like 'oh it's strange that redacted agreed to join. They usually don't'#The implication being that they agreed to it because there'd be involved people they hadn't seen in a while?)#and then redacted started to complain about that (other people saying that about them) and going about smt but I didn't catch that anymore#So this would all be like. Fine okay whatever. But the confusing thing is that before that (+other smaller related tender moments of sort)#they were telling me (this part I could hear even from across the table lol) about this person they like but apparently aren't pursuing#(Mind you. I was like. Oh they sound interesting. I would love to talk w them. The vibe of the conversation was pretty comfortable)#The dream ended while the group was discussing smt about how to pay and what to do afterwards (visiting some monument/church I think?)#I remember the time being 1.45pm (the time we were planning to get out. When I checked my watch -different from what I own- it was 1.30pm)#And even during that discussion! Redacted tried to tell me smt (I made them the gesture to wait while we were discussing) and when I asked#What it was about. They didn't feel like bringing it up (+looked like a sad puppy?(?)) and at that point I got close and held their cheek#To comfort them?? Like bro what the hell?? Most ambiguous relationship award?#In front of others apparently nonetheless?? And no one mentioned anything about it?#my post
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