#and i'd be more than happy to praise him and reward him as well ๐๐๐๐
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#also....#i want a d*d bf bc...#i mean ig it isnt that odd or unique or special lol#but i have this incessant need to be praised bc ig i just have been overlooked and ignored and neglected always#like now im doing my assignment even if i dont wanna... and when i finish it i want praises :(((((#and i'd be more than happy to praise him and reward him as well ๐๐๐๐#but yeah probably it's just bc i have an unmet need#of being acknowledged and havemy efforts being seen and confirmed#but it doesnt help me knowing that#bc i just feel so sad and the part of my brain that is an immature child feels so restless and angry and lonely#even if its unrealistic i need and want a reliable and consistent source of praise and acknowledge#..ment...#i just fel unfullfilled and restless and anxious without it#i also think that not only me but plenty others too#use their blogs in that way. its a human need to search for attention and acknowledgement. intelligent ppl get that.#and esp for ppl w bpd cptsd and other disorders.... its not weird#but yeah having a blog and maybe even receiving some attention from mutuals or others#helpt to allievate that need just a little. and esp when u cant be acknowledged anywhere else in your life#if u cant get your needs met it is actually not weird that u try finding any way it can be soothed a little#anyway idk how i got here.... i was crying bc i am working on my assignmwnt and i hatw it#and i wish i had a d*d bf to receive encouragement from and then when im done get praised and feel a rush of warmth#(and also i would want to do the same for him it isnt only abt me me me.#oh i always feel so selfish for ever wanting anything lol.. even in my daydreams T-T)
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